20 July 2008 catalystmagazine.net SPIRITUALLY INCORRECT Trial by Internet? An “archetypal spiritual drama”

BY JEFF BELL AND GRETA DEJONG

A coalition of women accuse a charismatic spiritual leader of sexual misconduct. The stories sound convincing. The leader falls. arc Gafni and nuance that makes them search Gafni—author of seven “Rabbi Gafni was doing some- books, including the best-selling could well their souls. thing that had not been done in “Soul Prints,” and a popular lecturer turn out to And even wilder—they know he is modern Israel,” says Dr. Gabriel and workshop leader—was founder be the hero the subject of Internet stories that Cousens, who attended his teach- of Bayit Hadash, an alternative spir- M of a spiritual paint him as a guy who “harasses” ings in Israel. “He was presenting itual movement in Israel. The epic—or, women, a “sexual predator.” the traditional Jewish teachings in a at least, a organization held retreats, classes way that revealed not only the mys- Everything you observe and intuit and massive services, often gather- psychosexual about him says “Really good per- tical experience embedded in the whodunit blockbuster. ing hundreds of enthusiasts for tradition, but also offered a powerful son.” The Internet gossip sites say Gafni’s celebratory Sabbath services, A rabbi and a Biblical scholar “Really bad person.” Then you get experience of ecstasy and commu- with several published books and a which included music, chanting nity. Most importantly, however, he to see hundreds of documents prov- and dancing. His lectures and classes recently approved doctoral disserta- was the first modern Jewish teacher ing the Internet stories run the on Jewish texts, and on the interface tion from Oxford, Gafni presently gamut from distortion to out-and- I met who taught that Judaism was lives in . (He anony- out lies, reflecting all the most shad- “Rabbi Gafni was doing at its core a path to liberation.” mously authored “Spiritually owy sides of the blogosphere. It Born in Massachusetts in 1960, Incorrect,” an occasional column begins to occur to you that some- something that had not educated in a (a Jewish that appeared last year in CATA- thing deep is going on here. religious high school), Gafni began LYST.) He came to the new Zion two On the surface, it’s a common been done in modern teaching in the Orthodox communi- story: A coalition of women accuse Israel,” says Dr. Gabriel ty around . From his a charismatic spiritual leader of sex- early days as an apprentice rabbi ual misconduct. The stories sound Cousens, who attended and youth group leader, Gafni had convincing. It must be true. The his teachings in Israel. a gift for bringing together the spir- leader falls. itual with the secular, working with Examine the evidence in this “He was presenting the people who wouldn’t normally talk case, and you see something quite traditional Jewish teachings to each other, and creating com- different: Years of recovered email munities. He was known as a pas- and instant messages from the in a way that revealed sionately committed teacher. He women involved, some as recent as spent time as a rabbi in Florida, three weeks before complaints not only the mystical tripling the size of a young congre- were filed, flatly contradict their experience embedded in gation. Then he moved with his own stories. The messages show second wife and two children to that every one of the women was the tradition, but also Israel, where he was rabbi in a set- quite enthusiastically involved with offered a powerful tlement on the border of the West Gafni on her own initiative. What Bank. In the ’90s, he emerged as a popular public teacher in Gafni teaching in happier times. happened that caused them to experience of ecstasy band together and file complaints and community.” Jerusalem and then in Tel Aviv, years ago from Tel Aviv, Israel, where of harassment? And what caused writing books, lecturing to packed he led a large, vibrant movement of their complaints to do so much houses, and appearing at confer- between spirituality, ethics, sexuality Jews who lived on the alternative damage? Spiritual politics, “victim ences and spiritual venues in the and what Western moral philoso- edge, beyond the fringes of organ- feminism,” Gafni’s human com- United States and Europe. phers have called “the good life,” ized religion. Perhaps too close to plexities, and the Internet. Gafni hosted a weekly hour-long that edge, where dangerous things were not only widely attended, but national TV show in Israel for several The more you get to know Gafni, had brought thousands of disaffected can happen—and for Gafni, they did. the more you suspect he is being years. In the U.S., he led crowded Talking with people about Gafni, young Jews back into conversation workshops on the alternative Jewish put through an epic spiritual test, with their tradition. a certain pattern emerges: Here’s a what we might call the Test of Slan- and spiritual scene. He taught guy you’ve hung out with, watching der. It’s actually part of the biography Rabbi Gafni meets with the Dalai Lama at his residence in Dharamsala in 2005. TV and knocking back almond of countless other teachers whose crunch, someone who calls up in lives didn’t fit the “normal” social the middle of the day and talks your pattern and who ended up redefining head off, someone who has the a spiritual tradition. Gafni’s story is usual knotty relational history. He’s still in process. Perhaps 25 years a friend of yours, a normal, some- from now it will be told as a saga of what eccentric guy. Then, little by purification, trial by fire and, hope- little you realize that there’s some- fully, ultimate liberation. thing kind of, well, saintly about him. In the meantime, Gafni—this Stories about Gafni’s actions lean larger-than-life presence tucked toward the saintly as well: People into the compact body of a playful say they have seen him go out of his 47-year-old—is living more or less way to bring estranged friends anonymously in Salt Lake City. together. They’ve seen him take an The story we’re about to tell has entire room full of people through a certain all too familiar elements: one journey of laughter and tears. more example of how, in the Internet They’ve felt an atmosphere around age, false accusations can become as him so affectionate and wild that it established as fact, and how a gifted sparks off energy most haven’t felt teacher with an anti-establishment since childhood. They’ve heard him bent and a bohemian lifestyle can speaking about God and human find his private life subjected to what responsibility and what it means to legal scholar Allen Dershowitz called take care of others with a wisdom “sexual McCarthyism.” 22 July 2008 catalystmagazine.net Continued: SPIRITUALLY INCORRECT Gafni’s former teachers and came to him.” There appears to have been a This woman would later file a complaint on the cadre of colleagues, older teachers and even a few advice of a lawyer, saying that Gafni had prom- colleagues denounced him for students who wanted him out of the way. ised to marry her to gain sexual relations—a Gafni’s main vulnerability was his counter-cul- felony in Israel, where they lived. This claim, and promoting “pagan Judaism.” tural and often bohemian lifestyle. Throughout the claim that Gafni somehow manipulated her, his career, Gafni had several love affairs outside of is refuted by both the tone and content of literally around the world, including appearances at marriage. “I tried to push the boundaries of what hundreds of her emails to him. important synagogues and the Harvard was possible. I experimented,” Gafni admits. “I In 2005, Ha’Aretz, the leading Israeli newspa- Negotiation Project. When terrorists blew up sometimes chose a moment of love over other loy- per, ran a glowing article on Gafni’s work, school buses in Israel, he presented a series of alties. Sometimes I was right, sometimes dead stressing his belief that the feminine godhead spots on national television urging people to hold wrong. Where I was wrong, I’ve and the softer, more erotic aspects of spirituali- on to their humanity in tried to ask forgiveness.” ty need to be restored to contemporary the face of horror. He has During the period following his Judaism. The article was widely quoted, causing recorded dialogues with divorce from his third wife, his an incendiary reaction among in the the Dalai Lama, Byron lovers included a few women who Orthodox community. Traditionalists who felt Katie, and had worked with him in his com- threatened by his influence and provocative other spiritual and philo- munity, taught with him, or served personal style objected to his stress on the god- sophical leaders. “Soul on the board of his organization. “I dess in Judaism, and some of Gafni’s former Prints” was a best-seller in was working literally 24/7, teaching teachers and colleagues denounced him for this country, won the and traveling around the clock,” he promoting “pagan Judaism.” The Wikipedia prestigious NAPRA says. “It seemed natural to be entry on Gafni credits him—or accuses, it Nautilus award as the best Gafni among his students in Galilee, Israel involved with people who were depends on how you read it—with leading the spirituality book of 2001 part of my circle. At the time, in my movement to bring eros back into Judaism. and was made into a PBS hubris, disguised even from myself, it felt to me At about that time, and some say as a direct special. that there wasn’t a moment free for anything like result of the Ha’Aretz spread, a rabbi who had And in a conservative society, he supported gay normal dating or personal life.” clashed with Gafni in his youth gave a story about rights and the ordination of women. His teaching He says he kept these relationships private, not him to the proprietor of a website devoted to out- pointed out the presence of a hidden goddess because they seemed inappropriate or “wrong,” ing Jewish clerics alleged to be sexual predators. element in the Jewish religion, and called for the but because, like many people in his position, he The site collects rumors, innuendos and com- re-emergence of the feminine in spirituality. preferred not to have his personal life the subject plaints about rabbis, some of whom are undoubt- A career like this tends to arouse envy—even, of gossip or attack. edly people who indeed abused their position. or perhaps especially, in spiritual communities. One lover wrote after their relationship was But the site is also known for its maliciousness, “People would complain that Gafni took up too over: “It’s easy to love you and it has been beauti- venomous language, and for mixing fact with much space,” says Gershon Winkler, himself an ful to discover you, to feel you, to explore you.” outright fiction. important Jewish teacher and author of many And added, “I’m grateful that we touched each The site’s proprietor is Vicki Polin, who in 1989, books, including “The Magic of the Ordinary.” other on this path.” She then thanked him for under the name Rachel, presented herself on “After he fell, one guy told me that he was actually being in “full intention and clarity” in their rela- national daytime television as the survivor of a relieved, because some of Gafni’s people now tionship and honoring her “sacred autonomy.” Jewish satanic cult which sacrificed babies. She

Take a moment and think about search the aspects of vigilante misanthrope, and engine results. The majority of Internet the power of the blog is her weapon. Polin On the ’net: users look no deeper than the first couple has a singular focus to not only expose, of pages of their search results. Top but to destroy the life and reputation of searches have a false weight of authority whatever person that falls into her sights, that can easily lead a reader to uncon- regardless of facts. Any Google search on Lies Live sciously lend credibility where none her name serves up a fairly even return of should exist. Polin’s attacks on rabbinical leaders, and The strange union of self-proclaimed pages written by victims of Polin’s tactics. advocate for The Awareness Center, Vicki Luke Ford has made a living as one of Polin, and porn industry gossip blogger the world’s foremost porn industry gossip Forever Luke Ford and their mutual effort to assail columnists and, over the years, has owned BY JEFF BELL the reputation of Rabbi Gafni, and to con- and operated several different sites full of tinue those attacks despite the lack of any- lewd pictures, stories and first person thing new to write about, is bizarre at best familiarity with the adult film industry. Ford he nexus of the Gafni story the Internet, and a few “move ahead at and nefarious at worst. also has an alter ego in which he calls T would appear to be women any cost” bloggers, the story would have A vocal member of the Memory Recov- himself “Luke Ford: your moral leader,” and falsely claiming victim status, faded away. ery Movement, which ruined thousands of represents himself as a beacon of decency bent on exacting some form of What has both haunted and hunted lives in the 1980s, Vicki Polin has wrapped and Jewish activism. retribution which, in their view, matched Gafni is the relative ease at which rumors a skein of respectability around herself Somehow, Ford and Polin have become the suffering at having not obtained exclu- and lies have been mixed with more accu- that, when viewed through the prism of compatriots and often work together in sivity to Gafni and his affections. That is rate information to paint a picture of Gafni her attacks on Gafni, seems patently false boosting their ratings. The cross-indexing the center and the catalyst of Gafni’s cur- as evil and predatory. Blogs index on the and hypocritical. between these two and their blogs has, rent nightmare. But it is, by no means, the search engines far faster than then tradi- Polin maintains that she is the child of most especially in the area of posts about whole of the problem. tional websites do. Repeat a phrase or a Satanic Jews who raped her on a regular Gafni and other Jewish leaders, helped Without the women who filed com- name, over and over again, link it to other basis and made her eat her own babies. push them further and further upward until, plaints against Marc Gafni, there would blogs, stories and other articles, and it She now claims to be a victim’s advocate; for the last two years, they’ve had owner- certainly be no story, at least not a story jumps to the top of the search results in a but her advocacy seems to have taken all ship of the first page of most engines of this depth and magnitude. But without short amount of time. When a woman retells the story events is supported by two polygraph tests “His best friends basically left him administered by Dr. Gordon Barland, one of the of a sexual encounter and claims world’s leading experts in the field. for dead,” says Gershon Winkler. harassment, the man—if he does The stories on the website make no attempt to distinguish fact from rumor, distorted memory, over the previous year had sent him dozens of not have physical proof to the or skewed interpretation of events. Polin and abusive emails, had gotten together with another Ford painted a teenage romance between 19- woman to discuss Gafni. They discovered that contrary—will likely be in deep trou- year-old Gafni and his 14-year-old girlfriend as Gafni had been intimately involved with both of ble. The woman doesn’t even have to “child molestation,” and among them. We can’t know what exactly other things, accused him of chang- motivated them from there. We do seek legal redress —the complaint ing his name to avoid his past. (In know what they did: They went to the alone can sometimes be enough to fact, Gafni had followed the com- Tel Aviv police and filed a complaint. mon custom of hebraicizing his get a professor or executive reprimand- name when he moved to Israel, and Sexual harassment laws have given ed or even fired. To complicate always referred to his family name in women much-needed legal protection his books and other publications.) and gone a long way to support civil matters for the man, in Israel, sexual All of this forms the complex back- treatment of women everywhere. But ground for what happened next. when a woman tells the story of a sex- harassment is a criminal offense. ual encounter and claims harassment, On an evening in May 2006, Gafni the man—guilty or innocent—will claims to have sacrificed—that is, murdered—at landed in Tel Aviv after a 10-hour likely be in deep trouble if he does not least one baby herself. She considers it her mis- flight returning from a teaching trip have physical proof to the contrary. sion in life to report those whom she calls “Jewish to the United States. He expected to The woman doesn’t even have to seek abusers.” Ironically, the site so evokes the energy be met at the plane by his girlfriend. legal redress—the complaint alone can of anti-Semitic hate sites that several such hate As his plane touched down, he sometimes be enough to get a profes- sites link to hers. dialed the number of his program sor or executive reprimanded or even In Gafni’s case, the stories described two rela- director to discuss logistics of a fired. To complicate matters for the tionships, one when Gafni was 19, the other a workshop scheduled for the next man, in Israel, unlike anywhere else, one-time encounter when he was 24. Gafni day. Instead he heard an unidentified feminine sexual harassment is a criminal offense. insists neither involved more then petting, and voice screeching, “You are finished! Go to [a cer- The women told the police that Gafni had, in that both were mutually engaged. Couched in the tain lawyer’s office in Tel Aviv] at midnight, or go one case, used his authority as an employer, and hate-speech style that has become so familiar in to jail.” Gafni thought he had the wrong number. in the other, promised marriage to persuade her the blogosphere, the stories called Gafni a He called again. The same message. He began to to have sex with him. They convinced other “known predator” who had “molested young tremble as he realized that something terrible women, whom they discovered had been women” and included purportedly first-person was going on. Over the next several hours, he involved with Gafni over the years, to sign their interviews with both of these women by Luke began to piece things together. A former personal affadavit. In fact, none of the women had been Ford, a former pornographer and a gossip colum- assistant, who had been threatening the organi- nist for the porn industry. Gafni’s version of these zation with legal action over back pay, and who Continued on next page when their targets’ names were searched. expression. The growing influence of blogs of one’s own opinions, criticisms, thoughts the world for anyone to digest. What emerges on the Internet is a false and bloggers over the last handful of years and life stories to the Internet a “vanity Telling the truth, no matter how parti- image, based on rumor, presented as fact; speaks volumes about dissatisfaction with page,” an “online journal.” san your opinion, is an awesome respon- all in opposition of the axiom “innocent the media and generic culture. There also My early posts were mostly lengthy, sibility, if you choose to view it that way. until proven guilty.” seems to be a need, sometimes nearing often ranting missives about politics with As the community of bloggers and online What makes Gafni’s story so interesting addiction, for mass distribution of self- a lot of time, effort and kilobytes dumped journalists continues to grow, so, too, do to me is not so much that, with hundreds expression held by these exhibitionists of into the 1996 Presidential race. It wasn’t the numbers of the nefarious, the deluded of pages of evidence that exonerate him the written word. The acceptance as long before I received calls, during politi- and the predatory. For every handful of from these false allegations, he can clear “meaningful” granted to them by their own cal primary season, from two different personal, political, entertainment or tech- his name in a fair-minded setting, but, on ever-expanding membership roster fuels Republican campaigns asking who I was, nology blogs online, whatever their moti- the Internet, it will take him years of the rapid growth of this amateur medium. who I worked for and what my website vation may be, there are always some was about. They didn’t like my analysis who use their writing for some form of What makes Gafni’s story so interesting to me is not so much and they wanted me to stop. gain at the expense of others. That would These two different campaign represen- appear to be the case regarding Gafni. that, with hundreds of pages of evidence that exonerate him tatives could not wrap their heads around Reputation has always been a fragile from these false allegations, he can clear his name in a fair- the idea that I was just a guy, sitting in thing, but the future of reputation is uncer- his Denver basement, self-publishing his tain. Blogs have emerged as a quick, minded setting, but, on the Internet, it will take him years of opinions and analysis on the field of cheap and anonymous means of mass Republican candidates fighting for the GOP communication that can be used to further exhaustive effort and money to balance his innocence against nomination. While the number of readers I an agenda, talk about politics, share pic- the two year head start of those who claim he’s guilty. had at the time would be laughable by tures of your family picnic or a weapon to today’s standards, in 1996 it was enough destroy someone else’s life. Things on the exhaustive effort and money to balance his I wrote my first blog post in 1996; long to garner the attention of two presidential Internet never go away. Once you’ve been innocence against the two-year head start before, in time measured by Internet stan- nomination campaigns. dragged through the mud, no matter how of those who claim he’s guilty. dards, the word “weblog” or “blog” was There is power in the written word and innocent you may be, somewhere, on the Despite the potential to harm, blogging universally known and accepted into the that power is intensified when any person, Internet, you’re guilty forever. is the quintessential and idyllic evolution of mainstream lexicon. At the time, some from any background, can release those Jeff Bell is the author of JMBell.org, one of the American and international freedom of were calling the very public self-publishing words, unfettered and unregulated, into highest rated political blogs in Utah. 24 July 2008 catalystmagazine.net Continued: SPIRITUALLY INCORRECT United States to think through what he should Sally Kempton, a former journalist, do. In the pain and sorrow of those first few days, leading spiritual teacher and second he decided that as the creator of the organization which had turned on him, he should take on wave feminist was asked what good himself responsibility for the dysfunctions that might come from this story. She had led to the situation. He wrote a public letter claiming all spiritual responsibility for what had responded, “Marc has gone through happened. Accepting the advice of a friend and mentor, he took personal responsibility for the a deep purification. He will be an “sickness” behind what had happened and volun- even deeper, better teacher in the teered to seek treatment. This seemed, at the time of trauma and confusion, to be the only way second half of his life than he was in to defuse the growing frenzy. Without the missing the first. The question is, can the emails, he had no proof of his innocence, and at that time he had no idea the disappeared com- people involved move from victim- puter files would be restored. hood to power and responsibility? Gafni refused any interviews and for the next two years maintained public silence, allowing the If they can, then Marc, the women, stories that were circulating to stand as “truth.” In the meantime, he began an intensive formal and all the shadowy players behind process of self-examination and inner work. the scenes, will offer us great hope It was about this time that Gafni came to Salt Lake City at the invitation of a friend and teach- for healing in our world.” ing colleague, mediator and Zen teacher Diane John deJong Hamilton and her husband, former Utah chief accused of rape. Another (again, falsely) claimed Marc Gafni today, living in Salt Lake City justice Michael Zimmerman. Gafni was living that he had made promises to marry five women. quietly in a small home in Sugar House. Soon Within a few days, Gafni’s teaching work and the after we met, he told us about a pivotal event that organization to which he had dedicated his life had shown him both the depths of his fall, and “And I was here on the back roads of had been discredited and destroyed. the painful but spiritually profound path to turn- A group of Salt Lake attorneys helped Gafni ing the pain into compassion. Utah to discover something about the recover the deleted data from his computer and He had gone several times to Sabbath dinners divine feminine so that I might speak then carefully review his correspondence with the at the house of a local family, mainly for the sake women. “There is not a credible basis for legal of experiencing community. One night, the host of her in new ways. I danced in real action against [Gafni],” writes attorney Fredrick took him aside. “One of our guests read the Thaler of Ray, Quinney Nebeker, a Salt Lake law Internet and says she can’t sit at the table with ecstasy for hours on end.” firm, in a letter posted on Gafni’s website. “The you. I know it’s not true, but she thinks you are a complaints have no merit,” writes Charlotte child molester,” he told Gafni. “I have to ask you either employees or students of Gafni at the time Miller, who also served as Gafni’s legal council. to leave and not come back. I’m sorry. There is the relationships began. However, like the many commentators who nothing I can do.” By the time Gafni arrived in Israel that night, assumed that the accusations against the Duke Gafni realized that he—who just six months the women had convinced his co-teacher, as well lacrosse team were true, people moved to dis- before would have been an honored guest at such as key members of his staff, that they needed pro- tance themselves from him immediately. a gathering—was in essence a pariah. “I was tection, and cited others as possible victims. According to feminist writers such as Dafna stunned at first to realize that people were look- Members of the community were prevented from Pattai, Cathy Young, Laura Kipnis and Bell Hooks, ing at me through the lens of a hate site, and speaking to Gafni by the women, who claimed the key reason for this distancing is fear. In a cul- couldn’t see who I am,” he said. “That night, I was that he was a danger to the community. ture where truth is less important than percep- up all night, meditating about it, awash in ago- Gafni says no one asked for his side of the story tion, people are afraid to be associated with nized tears. Suddenly, in the midst of my grief, or checked any facts with him. “It was like a weird someone accused of sexual misconduct, even this profound feeling of joy came over me. In dream. I had never sexually harassed anyone. I when they know the accusations are untrue. Hebrew wisdom, we speak of how the divine fem- had proof. I went to my computer for the emails Associates fear liability, or being perceived as not inine, the Shekhinah, has been exiled by God, I’d exchanged with these women—there were protecting the ostensible victims—two conse- and lives as hidden sparks inside human souls. I tons of them.” quences of defending the accused in a culture realized that I was participating in the pain of the To his shock, a key batch of relevant emails and that assumes that women or groups of women exiled Shekhinah, the sorrow of the divine femi- other correspondence between himself and one always tell the truth about sexual harassment. nine thrown out of the kingdom. I, like her, was of the complainants—his former assistant—were This belief persists despite data to the con- wrongly exiled and sat in dust and ashes. We were gone. They had been erased from his computer. trary, including the recent collapse of the case together. As I realized this, my heart became so Worse than a weird dream, it was now a night- against the Duke lacrosse players, not to men- ecstatic that I began to dance. mare. He had no way of refuting the complaints. tion the historic experience of black men “Then I remembered the hidden teaching By this time, the story had been leaked to the lynched because a white woman interpreted a about the old Hassidic masters. These famous Jewish press. Though many people in his commu- casual glance as sexual harassment. rabbis would sometimes discard their robes and nity felt that Gafni was being railroaded, hysteria Feminist writers such as Laura Kipnis and wander as beggars through the villages of prevailed. Without consulting Rabbi Gafni, with- Cristina Hoff Summers have written extensively Western Europe, knocking on the doors of out cross-questioning the complainants or to expose this kind of “victim feminism”: a stance wealthy devotees. Invariably, they would be checking into their motives, a chain reaction was which assumes that in situations of this sort, the thrown out by people who, if they had seen them set in motion which resulted in the dissolution of woman is always a helpless victim of male desire. in full regalia, would have honored them. Gafni’s movement. Several newspapers published “His best friends basically left him for dead,” “It all fit together for me then. sensational articles chronicling Gafni’s “down- says Gershon Winkler. “I had spent my life seeking after the goddess, fall.” One reported (falsely) that he had been Gafni felt he had no choice but to return to the trying to return the feminine to her place…and live wide open even as we are hurt create and host a documentary by love, then the divine wakes up to movie that uses the frame of his Former SLC Mayor Rocky Anderson is founder and pres- its own true nature. To be firm in story to look into contemporary your knowing of love, even when sexual and spiritual politics, and ident of High Road for Human Rights and a nationally you are desperate, and to be strong how rumor, innuendo and hysteria in your heart of forgiveness even can destroy a life. And to show how known anti-war activist. He is no stranger to character when you are betrayed, this is what a life can be rebuilt in love without it means to be holy.” bitterness. Most of all, he seems defamation, online and off. Anderson has read the Along with his inner work, Gafni committed to helping foster a documents on Gafni’s situation and has this to say: began collecting documentary evi- social justice movement that works dence to prove the falsity of the to end genocide, human trafficking claims against him. He took poly- and sexual slavery in the world. sign of the escape from personal he had relationships were deleted from graph tests with internationally rec- Gafni seems determined not to A responsibility is the astounding inci- his computer, complaints were made by ognized polygraph expert Gordon attack his accusers, unless they vility displayed when people can the women that make it appear they Barland which fully supported his leave him with no choice, but hide behind their anonymity or disregard were helpless, obtuse, easily fooled vic- assertion that the relationships with rather to facilitate healing. the truth with reckless abandon. The tims of a man who took advantage of these women had been mutual, and “It is the challenge of the spiritual ability to mislead, whether about one’s them. The emails were recovered from had not resulted from any decep- practitioner,” says Diane Musho identity or about the facts, seems to Gafni’s computer hard-drive. Reading tion or inappropriate deployment of Hamilton, “and especially that of a neutralize a sense of moral responsibility them, it appears clear that those rela- power on Gafni’s part. teacher, to become intimate with for many people. tionships actually had been the product He underwent an extensive psy- the processes of life and death, of of mutual consent and honest, loving chological evaluation with three destruction and of transformation. disclosure. “Gee, I had a sexual relation- independent evaluators. Their con- In this way, everything that arises, ship with Marc, but things didn’t turn clusions and his own were summa- whether it appears as good or bad, “Any feminist should out how I had hoped, so I’ll blame him rized by by Paul J. Goodberg, M.A.: right or wrong, fair or unjust, is for my part in it and hurt him however I “I am convinced that Rabbi Gafni regarded as the path. To walk it be appalled at the can,” is the subtext of the complaint. never abusively hurt or exploited requires great fearlessness, an Any feminist should be appalled at the anyone. He is completely reputable.” abundance of compassion, a will- pretension of such Ray, Quinney Nebeker turned his ingness to accept blame, and the pretension of such utter powerlessness computer over to PeakSpan, LLC, a offering of forgiveness.” utter powerlessness and lack of responsibility. Salt Lake data recovery firm, which Sally Kempton, a former journal- That isn’t the end of it, however. The recovered valuable information and ist, leading spiritual teacher and and lack of responsibility.” story became known to a woman who proved data had been intentionally second wave feminist was asked claims to have recovered the most removed. what good might come from this bizarre memories of baby-sacrificing “Of course, I regret with all my story. She responded, “Marc has For those people, the truth be satanic rituals, and to a man who is a heart that anyone experienced hurt gone through a deep evolution. He damned. And the reputations of others gossip columnist in the pornography through their relationship with me. will be an even deeper, better be damned. The Internet has opened the industry, who smeared the claims all And, remember what Bono sings? teacher in the second half of his life door to the most boorish, nasty, infantile over the Internet. And they did it in the ‘We hurt each other and we do it than he was in the first. The ques- instincts of people, most of whom would most salacious, outrageous manner. again.’ The key is what we do with tion is, can the people involved never have the nerve to say what they They’re not required to prove their our hurt,” Gafni says. “But what I move from victimhood to power do if they were required to back up what attacks. They just destroy a man’s repu- most deeply regret is that I allowed and responsibility? If they can, then they say with any facts. tation and much of his life, then move on myself to jeopardize the work we Marc, the women, and all the shad- Rabbi Marc Gafni has been a victim of to the next person. were doing by engaging in these owy players behind the scenes, will a spiraling abandonment of responsibili- —Rocky Anderson relationships. I believed that what offer us great hope for healing in ty. After emails from women with whom we were doing was sharing love, our world.” and that therefore there was noth- The third act of this drama has ing ethically, and certainly not legal- yet to be written. Can this spiritual that in some extreme sense the a house, be rejected and thrown ly, wrong. I still believe that. But I teacher come back from the dead? Shekhinah was testing my love, and out, and left to lie in the mud with also recognize that a spiritual The answer is most likely “yes,” due she had hurt me because in some the dogs. teacher has to hold strong bound- to Gafni’s unflagging persistence. sense I hadn’t seen something Gafni says this teaching, which aries around his personal life. Even Did the obloquy and ignominy of about her. These relationships had might have seemed wildly extreme mutual relationships with powerful the last two years break his spirit? hurt women I loved. Even while she and weird to him previously, actual- and autonomous women are a No, though it has left some scars. was hurting me, she was embracing ly described the profound spiritual problem for a public teacher. Yet, throughout the whole of this me. And I was here on the back opportunity that he had begun to Moreover, in retrospect, our rela- nightmare, in circumstances that roads of Utah to discover something see in this moment of his life. So tionship did not serve the highest could easily, and forgivably, break about the divine feminine so that I along with examining his part in growth of these women; it endan- the spirit of nearly any other per- might speak of her in new ways. I what he called the “contribution gered our movement and let down son, Gafni has managed to hold danced in real ecstasy for hours on system” that had created this situa- my supporters, friends and part- onto his chronic optimism and gen- end.” tion, and the qualities in himself ners. In that sense—although I was uine love for humanity. ◆ Gafni later shared the incident that needed to change, Gafni also unconscious of it at the time—they Jeff Bell is a writer, part-time indie filmmaker, with his friend, Brother David began a powerful inner journey into were unethical relationships and I Stendl-Rast, who was reminded of the subtleties of the masculine-fem- musician, wonk and political consultant. He is the regret that deeply.” former Democratic National Committee communi- an anecdote about Saint Francis: A inine relationship. But even by Israel’s strict stan- cations director for Utah and former president of disciple once asked, “What would “Sexuality creates wounds— dard, in no way did he break the law. the Children’s Justice Corps. Greta deJong is edi- be for you the most perfect joy?” sometimes mortal ones,” he writes Gafni has contracts for several tor and publisher of CATALYST. For more about Francis replied that for him, per- in an unpublished essay called “The new books and is beginning to Marc Gafni, visit WWW.MARCGAFNI.COM fect joy would be to seek shelter in Wounds of Love.” “But if we learn to teach again. He has been invited to