One Way: Miles to Go Jamie Lynn Golladay Eastern Illinois University
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Eastern Illinois University The Keep Masters Theses Student Theses & Publications 2019 One Way: Miles to Go Jamie Lynn Golladay Eastern Illinois University Recommended Citation Golladay, Jamie Lynn, "One Way: Miles to Go" (2019). Masters Theses. 4444. https://thekeep.eiu.edu/theses/4444 This Dissertation/Thesis is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Theses & Publications at The Keep. It has been accepted for inclusion in Masters Theses by an authorized administrator of The Keep. For more information, please contact [email protected]. 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One Way: Miles To Go (TITLE) BY Jamie Lynn Golladay THESIS SUBMITTED IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF Master of Arts IN THE GRADUATE SCHOOL, EASTERN ILLINOIS UNIVERSITY CHARLESTON, ILLINOIS 2019 YEAR I HEREBY RECOMMEND THAT THIS THESIS BE ACCEPTED AS FULFILLING THIS PART OF THE GRADUATE DEGREE CITED ABOVE Lf/3ob? ..... - -!JI• THESIS COMMITIEECHAIR /JI!( DEPART�ENT/SCHOOL CHAIR DATE OR CHAIR'S DESIGNEE lf/?D//� THESIS COMMITIEE MEMBER DATE THESIS COMMITIEE MEMBER DATE ef/%>/1°f I THESIS COMMITIEE MEMBER DATE THESIS COMMITIEE MEMBER DATE 1 One Way: Miles to Go Jamie Lynn Golladay Eastern Illinois University Spring 2019 Thesis Director: Daiva Markelis Reader: Bess Winter · Reader: Olga Abella 2 Abstract This creative thesis is a memoir dedicated to a close examination of a childhood taking place in a meth ridden midwestem town, under the supervision of meth addicted parents. Using both prose and poetry to explore small excerpts ofmemory in a sequential vignette form, thismemoir followsthe author through early adolescents to middle school, tackling issues such as addiction in the home, prostitution, homelessness, and incarceration as well as more domestic points of interest like sibling bonds, childhood roleplay, and parent/child relationships. At its core, this narrative looks at the home andthe family from the perspective of a growing young girl who is faced with learning about the world's darker aspects from an early age, who navigates and balances sisterhood, parenthood, school, and a home lifesteeped in the criminal world in constantly changing venues. 3 Acknowledgments Daiva Markelis For years of mentorship, a dedicated belief in the power and need forthis project, and fierce,unending support. Bess Winter For quickly becoming a dedicated and invaluable mentor with endless advice, valuable feedback, and belief in both the value and future potential of this project. Olga Abella For years of mentorship, the gift of prized experiences, a reinforced value in what poetry can do that prose cannot and what they can do together, and for supporting the present and future ofthis project. 4 Table of Contents Critical Introduction 5 In the Meth Capital 13 Losing Home 26 The RV 35 Homeless 39 Dead End 50 Family 60 Fisher King 69 Simple Life 76 Clear Creek 82 And Death 87 Low Income 92 Family Again 99 Home Again 106 5 Critical Introduction From the ages of seven to fourteen-the timeline of this memoir-I was exposed to the following: My mother's prostitution, seeing my parents commit crimes ranging fromburglary to the production of meth amphetamines, seeing them spend time in prison, homelessness, and to physical assaults. This memoir is composed of twelve chapters that are each comprised of a montage of vignettes, chronological scenes from my experiences as an abused child. The vignettes range from a few lines to several pages of prose. I include poems interspersed between the chapters (sometimes within the chapters), making this a multi- genre endeavor. This multi-genre hybridity allows me to do several things. The episodic nature of the vignettes here allows me to be both narratively linear while also clearly juxtaposing completely separate memories with one another in the text so that each chapter forms a whole composed of several moving parts, all of which are speaking to one another. This form is inspired by modernistpoets rather than prose writers. I was inspired to write in this fractured yet unified form afterreading Langston Hughes' "Montage of a Dream Deferred" and T.S. Eliot's "The Waste Land." The hybridity ofthis text, in that it is composed ofboth poetry and prose, is inspired by William Faulkner's narrative drifts. The easy flow between points-of-view and between stream of conscious and traditional narration in books like Light in August and The Sound and the Fury 6 and the way that these differing sections perform very different but necessary tasks has taught me to always question my form and consider what the story wants to be. The use of poetry allows me to do two important things. First, because I write from the first person present as my younger self in all of the prose sections, the poems allow me to step somewhat outside of my childhood narration. As it is clear that the speaker somewhat changes when the formcha nges, I can use poetry not only to express a memory and to move plot but also to provide a certain amount of commentary from a more present-based self who is reflecting on the past. Second, it allows me room to meld memory with metaphor to more clearly put my childhood confusion and emotion on the page, confusionand emotion that, as a child, I wouldn't have had the ability to express in the same way that poetry can; therefore,these are concepts that my child narrator wouldn't be equipped to so fullyconvey to the reader. The overarching theme used to connect the sections of the memoir is the idea of home. I dealt with homelessness formuch of my childhood. During the times I did spend at "home," I experienced an intense fearof the dark. My bourgeoning understanding of sex and sexuality was influenced by seeing my mother prostituting herself for meth. I begin the memoir by writing about my father building the house we lived in only to lose it due to addiction. I go on to detail the wide range of places that we stayed during our extended homelessness, and end at the point where both of my parents are in recovery and we are living as a family in our own home again. The chapter, "Homeless," is set up in clear juxtaposition to the earlier chapters about living in my parents' own home. I use this space to dissect the foreignhomes of those that I stayed with as 7 a child, comparing them to one another and comparing how I felt about those differing locations and the discomfortthat their else-ness created in a child without a place to call its own.