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This Is What You Want?" She Breathes Out

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This Is What You Want? Fanfiction by CaraNo Beta'd by HollettLA and pre-read by Kitty Vuitton Disclaimer: I don’t own Twilight Summary: Bella barely remembers her godparents, but after losing her mom and dad, she's shipped off to rainy Washington to live with the Cullens for her final semester in high school. On the outside, the Cullens are perfect. Behind closed doors is another matter. Warning: This story deals with drug use, abuse—very adult themes. Category: Angst/Hurt/Comfort ~Prologue~ EPOV "This is what you want?" she breathes out. I swallow, preparing myself for another grand performance. Her eyes well up. And when she repeats her question, I know that I have to answer. I clench my jaw. "Yes." Don't. Fucking. Crack. I can practically see her heart breaking. It's gutting. The crease on her forehead, the one showing despair, turns me into a coward and I avert my eyes. "You want me to…to…" She can't even say the word. A sob catches in her throat, and this is it. The proverbial nail in the coffin. After this, there will be nothing left. Pushing down my self-hatred and nausea, I flash her a smirk. "I'll pay for it, of course," I say, shrugging. "But…" I chuckle. "Did you really think I'd want a baby with you, Bella?" I laugh in her face. She has no idea that I'm dying on the inside. "Be real, for fuck's sake. I'm Edward Cullen and you're…well, you." I dip down a little and smirk again. "You're nothing, Bella. Fucking worthless. It was all a game to me-" Unable to get another word out—unless I want to throw up—I bring out my wallet and empty it on cash. It will be enough for the…the abortion. Fuck. My insides churn painfully. "Edward," she whispers, and I clench my teeth together as I force myself to face her. Tears stream down her cheeks. I swallow bile. "What?" I exhale harshly. Her last words are soft, shallow, but they couldn't cut deeper. "I hate you." With that said, she turns to leave. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. It's suddenly impossible to breathe. My eyes blur. I watch her retreating form until she's out of sight. Don't worry, baby. I hate me, too. Chapter song – The War Inside by Switchfoot EPOV This is probably the first Friday in my entire existence where I don't arrive at school with a fucking smirk on my face. The quiet purr of my Aston doesn't bring me satisfaction today. The girls who always meet me as soon as I slam the door shut just annoy me. Admittedly, they've always annoyed me, but I usually just keep walking. Sometimes I flash them my lopsided grin, which for some reason makes them cream their fucking panties, and then I leave them hanging, wanting. Not this morning, though. I leave them behind with a scowl. "Dude, you comin' with us to La Push tonight, yeah?" That's how Emmett greets me by the lockers. "Peter and I went to Port A last night, so we're good on vodka and weed." "Can't," I mutter, taking out my chemistry book. "I fucking told you, Em." I give him a pointed look and wait. He's a bit slow, so it takes him a while before realization hits him. "Ah, that's right!" he booms out. "You're getting a sister today!" He finds this funny for some reason. And it's not a fucking sister. Two of Mom's college friends died in a car crash or whatever, and they left a daughter behind. Bella. I used to play with her when I was little, according to Mom. I can't say that I remember much of it. I was five, for fuck's sake. Though, I do remember one time when…eh, never mind. Anyway, Mom and Dad are her godparents, so she's coming to live with us. Today, in fact. Mom's down there—in Phoenix—to help her. She's been there since the funeral two weeks ago. Thankfully, I didn't have to show. Dad didn't show, either, but he's often away on work. Thank God. Medical seminars, conferences, you name it. Bella's arrival is my reason for not enjoying this Friday. To be honest, I'm afraid shit's gonna change at home. For the worse. "So, you're just gonna be home tonight?" he asks as we head to class. "Yep." As much as it sucks, I gotta stay home. Mom wants us to have a family dinner to make Bella feel welcome. Some shit like that. "Any plans for tomorrow, though?" It's been months since I got laid, and I don't fuck around with high school skanks. That's what we have Port Angeles Community College for. Gotta love the more experienced ladies. "I'm sure we can find something." He smirks. ~CYE~ "Hey, Cullen," Jessica coos, taking her seat next to me. I shoot Em and Pete glares, cursing as they laugh. They, of all people, know how impossible it is to get rid of Stanley. And now I have to suffer through the entire lunch period with her next to me? Fuck that. "Piss off, Stanley," I mutter. "You're too fucking ugly for this table." The look of hurt is gone too soon. "Oh, come on, Cullen. Don't be so mean." I shrug, dragging a French fry through ketchup. "Just stating a fact." She doesn't leave the table, much to my chagrin, but she does shut up. "So…that chick's arriving today, huh?" Pete waggles his eyebrows. "She hot?" I flip him off. "How the fuck should I know? I haven't seen her since we were five." After that, we moved from Phoenix to Forks. Mom has visited the Swans a few times, but I never went. "But what are you gonna do if she is hot?" I smirk. "You want me to tell you about positions, man?" I chuckle. "Always knew you wanted my dick." That would be fucking golden—if she was hot. This time, he flips me off. "Fuck you. Seriously, though…is she gonna be your sister or something?" Yeah, I roll my eyes at that. "How fucking stupid are you, Peter? She's not gonna be my goddamn sister." Graduation is only a few months away. After that, I'm so outta here. "My folks are just her guardian until she's eighteen." "She's a senior, too, right?" Emmett asks. I nod once. "She starts here on Monday." He's about to say something else, but my phone buzzes on the table. Shit. Come straight home after school. I need to talk to you – Dad. Shit. Shit. Shit. "What's up, man? You look all rigid and shit," Pete laughs. "Seen a ghost?" You have no idea. "Shut up," I snap angrily, kicking my chair back as I stand to leave. Without another word, I walk out of the cafeteria, heading straight for the bathrooms. I knew he'd be home today, of course. For two weeks, it's been calm. Two weeks of Mom being in Phoenix. Two weeks of Dad being in San Francisco for work. Now they're—he's—back. Shit. When I reach the bathroom, I see two freshmen in there. "Get the fuck out." One of them trips as they scurry out, making his shoulder brush against my bicep. "Watch where you're going, you little piece of shit." "S-sorry," he stutters. Loser. "Dammit," I breathe out, feeling the anxiety creep in. Walking over to the sinks, I grip one with both hands. My chest feels tighter. Cold sweat. Constricted throat. I swallow convulsively. I squeeze my eyes shut. Is it gonna get worse with Bella in the house? I don't even know the chick and I already fucking hate a part of her. She's a threat. No doubt about it. There's a goddamn reason why I never bring friends over to my house. Ever. Now she's actually going to live with us. Not only is she gonna live with us, but she's also going to Forks High. "Do you remember Bella, honey?" Mom asks, making small talk at dinner, I guess. "From when we lived in Arizona?" I shrug, eyes downcast as I pick at my food. "Not really." Or maybe I do. I think she's the girl I played with when I was little. Whatever. "What about her?" When she doesn't answer, I look up. She shifts in her seat, and Dad gives her a subtle nod. Then his cold eyes meet mine, and I look down again. "Well, the thing is, honey… Her parents died in a car accident." My breaths are choppy and shallow as I splash water on my face. Suck it up, Cullen. Hands shaking. "Grow the hell up," I breathe out to myself. Looking into the mirror, I scowl when I see how fucking pale I am. ~CYE~ There's no stalling after school. I don't stay behind to talk with my friends, I don't go under the speed limit, I don't return the books to the library that I needed to. I kill the engine and switch off my phone before stepping out of the car. Dad hates it when my phone rings. It's a distraction. "Here we go," I sigh, opening the door.
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