The Broken Wreckord
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THE BROKEN WRECKORD Volume: We Dont Know Issue: We Just Don’t Care The Pingry School, Basking Ridge, New Jersey October 2019 “Student Wellness” Killing Pingry Culture Additional News tone of Pingry, but times are chang- rt time. Students reveled in the Senior Citizens Mistake the BAC for Local Costco By LILY ARROM (V) ing. The infectious philosophy of sheer thought of an extra twenty Ian Dugan ‘19 Removed from the Buttondowns Cine- “student wellness” is sweeping minutes of sleep, only to then stop matic Universe, Fans Outraged With recent changes in adminis- across the nation, and has finally and ponder: “Why does the admin- tration, Pingry’s identity has been reached Pingry’s doorstep. istration suddenly care about us? I Overly-Progressive Production of Rent Pushes Drama on the minds of many lately. To For those who are unaware, the thought that wasn’t their job?” The Department Back to Basics with Our Town the outside world, Pingry is tout- downward spiral into softness all beginning of the end had arrived, Wreckord Writers Begin to Feel Guilty About Mock- ed as a school of excellence and began about a year ago with the and life would never be the same. ing Lack of Air-conditioning, It’s Just Sad Now honor, founded by the pious Dr. SAGE Dining upgrade. The pasta Fall 2019 has now begun, and John Pingry and upheld by the stu- became properly cooked, panini slightly better rested students are BAC Dumbbells Mysteriously Go Missing During Pa- dent-drafted Honor Code. Howev- press technology was enhanced, beginning to notice more and more jama Day Pillow Fight er, deep in the collective heart of and Korean rice bowls became flagrant amenities. One particu- Mr. Levinson Seen Exiting Faculty Bathroom With the community, everyone knows plentiful. This trend of comfort larly unsettling sight is that of the Red Eyes After Dramatic Shut-Down By Jessica Yat- this is merely a front. Instead, it’s continued into the winter, which newly renovated freshman area, no vitzky (V) During the Fall Awards all about the Pingry grind. Sad re- featured so many snow days and longer the dark pit of candy wrap- Science Department Feuds Over Whether or not alities like sleepless nights and un- delays (partly thanks to Governor pers and human suffering it was al- Crocs are Lab-Safe, Closed-Toe Shoes bearably hot classrooms are Pingry Murphy and his beloved “state of ways meant to be. Such coddling is staples near and dear to everyone emergency” button), which were already warping the minds of Form Mr. Fahey Excited to Roll Out the Miller Bugliari ‘52 who walks these labyrinthine halls. exorbitant even by private school III, convincing them that not only All-Campus Mosquito Net And, like a great many things in standards. Some may have seen are they deserving of basic human Storm Area 51 HOCO Party Just as Confusing and life, none of these problems exist this development as a mere sea- rights, but also of luxuries like a Disappointing as the Raid Itself unless people whine about them. sonal blip, but such an assumption plant wall. After all, there is no greater mark Brian Li (VI) Passes Out Laughing at his own Joke: could not have been further from Even some of the most basic Luckily, a Brave CPR Racer, Sankar Gollapudi (IV), of honor in our community than the truth. Spring arrived, and Ms. hardships like the early Autumn Comes to the Rescue that of the fewest hours slept or the Chatterji walked onto the Hauser heat are slowly being combated, most sadistic course choices (all of stage to deliver what is now called what with Mr. Levinson’s constant which should be made very clear to “the morning meeting announce- relaxations of the dress code for the surrounding community). Suf- ment heard ‘round the world”: the the sake of comfort. A new HIRT Table Of Contents fering has always been the corners- infamous reveal of an 8:30 AM sta- study has made a grim predic- tion of what Pingry will become Trick-or-Treating Tips .......................... 2 in the next ten years of Levinson administration, summing it up as TikTok Survival Guide ......................... 3 “year-round shorts, optional finals, and administration transparency; Conversation with Marsico ................. 4 overall anarchy.” So beware, Pin- gry students, as the time-honored tradition of complaining is being Fweshman Commons............................ 5 ripped away from us. Pingry is no longer the hardcore institution it Broken Wreckord iRT .......................... 6 once was, and if Dr. John Pingry could see us now he would surely Finn’s Doggy Diaries ............................ 7 be disappointed. Fall Sports Photography......................... 8 Since when were these young children (III, ew) allowed to be happy? By ASHLEY PROVOOST (IV) Steal Their Looks Pt. 1: Math Department Edition and SAM WEXLER (IV) 2 The Broken Wreckord Trick-or-Treating Tips for the Aging Adolescent Objects in the Hall steal it before you even but it’s a real shame just how By LILY ARROM (V) for you to move on and find a new, significantly spookier ring a single doorbell. But sensitive it makes us to the With a chill in the air and clique. with your Pingry intellect injustices of the real world. Speak Out: a sense of spookiness set- Dress for Success and BAC workouts, you It may be scary, but remem- tling upon the Pingry com- When you go up to a can come out on top. Do ber: there is no Honor Code What are your thoughts munity, it’s clear that Hal- stranger’s doorstep begging some high-school lev- in the cold, hard streets of loween is on its way. With for candy, it’s crucial that el research and plan out suburbia. It’s the wild west on the impeachment the season comes the annu- you appear to have given the most efficient routes, out there, which is certain- al question: to trick-or-treat an effort. This is especially especially in upscale ly no place for such a frilly or not to trick-or-treat? The important as you approach neighborhoods teeming way of life. If an unattended inquiry? hustle and bustle of Pingry young adulthood, because with king-sized bars. Also bowl of candy asks that you life typically makes it too the older you are, the high- consider the benefit of merely “take two,” is there easy to forego festivities for er standards people will joining some of Pingry’s a test proctor present to en- the sake of homework and hold for your outfit. In other fall teams. Cross country force this? An honor pledge after-school practices, but words, you’re going to need could help you improve to sign, corroborating your this year there is no excuse. law-abiding nature? No. Did November 1st has been de- you have nothing more than clared a faculty-in-service a SAGE-provided poptart day, ready to cushion you for breakfast today? Yes. and your sugar-induced You deserve that extra can- hangover. There is no bet- dy and you know it. On the ter time to get back into the topic of self-care, it’s also trick-or-treating circuit, but a great idea to let out that Abandoned Peach Tea: for some this may be a dif- pent-up stress with some fun Im-PEACH-ment? I LOVE giving people the ficult transition. But worry pranks. Stock up on toilet gift of peachy flavor! I wish I could impeach not, dear reader, because paper and Pingry-sourced everyone! you’re about to learn some chicken eggs so you can helpful tips from an indus- give your favorite teachers try expert. a lovely house makeover. Lose the Shame, Get in You athletes out there could the Game also impress your baseball If you think you’re too to fully commit to a decent your endurance for the coach’s mailbox with some cool to go trick-or-treating costume whether you like it night, or perhaps foot- pre-pre-season batting prac- at the ripe old age of 17, or not. This roadblock gives ball is more your speed tice. What are your teachers then it’s time to get over you two options: actually if you prefer to trample going to do, clean up their yourself. Sure, some people have a good costume, or just the competition. The fall mess of a house the next may see trick-or-treating as wear a mask and try to pass play could even be useful morning? Of course not, Wastebins: “uncool”, but frankly there as a fifth grader. The bar can if you really want to get they’ve got a faculty in-ser- Uhh, we think it’s a waste of time is nothing uncool about free be lowered a little bit with into character and win the vice day to get to. You don’t. honestly. We like a man who’s will- candy. Free food is what group costumes though, as hearts of every household ing to get his hands a little dirty. drives the student body coordinating with others is you come upon. Flattery is Pictured: Lily Arrom (V), anyway, so why should a recognizable effort within a fantastic way to get extra Doctor of Tricks and Treats, Halloween be any differ- itself. candy if you’re willing to dons her academic regalia. ent? It’s just like the club Strategize and Dominate act the part. fair, minus the spreadsheets The unsophisticated may Get Naughty and empty promises. Trick- see your age as something to British writer C.S.