Quaker Thought and Today
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November 1994 Quaker Thought FRIENDS and Life OURNAL Today . someone pays attention to the part of me that struggles to know God, my search intensifies. The questing spirit grows bold enough to claim its path. If someone believes with me in the amazement of grace, prays with me, and reminds me of God's tenderness, I live more thoroughly and bravely in sacred time. Among Friends Editor-Manager Vinton Deming Steady Modification Assistant Editor Timothy Drake Art Director ow could we even consider it? After all, who would get Andrew to soccer on Barbara Benton Saturday and Sunday, and should he really play two games anyway if his Development Consultant H knee has not completely healed? And how about after-school plans for Sim, Henry Freeman and getting him to the birthday party at the roller-rink? Would anyone remember to Marketing and Advertising Manager Nagendran Gulendran lock the front door and tum off the lights? Would the boys get along together? What Production Assistant if someone forgets to tum offthe stove and there's a fire? Kenneth Sutton We nearly gave up the plan several times as we considered all the implications. Secretary All the effort that would be needed, and no guarantee that it would be possible. But it Edward Sargent gets to the point when you have to follow your best instincts, take care of yourselves, Bookkeeper James Neveil and trust that things will work out for the best. Circulation Assistant We knew this in our gut when friends Brian and Florence invited Michele and me Nyree Gleaves to join them for a couples enricbment weekend. Yes, we both said, yes, yes," YES! Volunteers We'll do it. We expected, of course, those last-minute, not-so-subtle moves to derail Jane Burgess, Emily Conlon, Marguerite Clark, Gwen Neveil, Robert Sutton the plan: "Do you really have to go!? [picture, if you will, the hurt expression and Board of Managers hug around the neck] ... I really wanted youto see my game, you never come to my Irwin Abrams, Jennie Allen, Frank Bjomsgaard, Sue games. ... What happens ifl get hurt while you're away? . Ifl don't make it to Carnell, Marguerite Clark, Barbara Coffin, Emily Benji's birthday party I'll be the only one who isn't there and it will be your fault Conlon, Phoebe Cottingham (Asst. Treasurer), Richard Eldridge (Clerk), Deborah Fisch, Marty [this one almost worked]." But we hung tough. We made good plans for the boys, Grundy, Kitty Harrison, Robert Kunkel, Carol created a schedule they felt good about, packed our bags, and left- somewhat MacCormack, Mary Mangelsdorf, Richard Moses (Treasurer), Jack Mongar, Lee NetT, Caroline exhausted, but steadfast. Balderston Parry, Julie Ries, Margery Rubin (Asst. The couples weekend proved to be a great success, the sort of retreat beleaguered Clerk), Mary Ellen Singsen, Carolyn Sprogell, parents dream of: relaxed time as we shared a summer home together at Cape May, Robert Stauffer, Robert Sutton, Carolyn Terrell, Wilmer Tjossem, N.J., good adult conversations, leisurely walks on the beach, time to enjoy each other Alice Wiser (Secretary). and to work on our own relationships-all at our own pace. It was something like the Honorary Managers freedom I used to feel in those college days right after fmal exams were over. Eleanor Stabler Clarke, Mildred Binns Young There were moments during the weekend, of course, that reminded us we could FRIENDS JOURNAL (ISSN 0016-I 322) was established in 1955 as the successor to The go away, yet not too far away. The first was a phone call from Andrew: "Hey, Dad, Friend (1827-1 955) and Friends Jntelligencer what did you say you were doing this weekend?" (I tried to explain for the dozenth ( 1844-1955). It is associated with the Religious time, but I don't think he really got it.) Then, with promptings from a muffled voice Society of Friends. next to him, he said, "Oh, yeah, John says you should see the haircut I got, it's kind • FRIENDS JouRNAL is published monthly by Friends Publishing Corporation, 1501 Cherry St., of . .. different." Later there was the call from daughter Evy, who was on duty at the Philadelphia, PA 19102-1497. Telephone (2 15) house and was just calling to say that she got there OK: "Hi, Dad, not to worry, 241-7277. Accepted as second-class postage at everything's fine. Hope you're having a good time. Oh, did Andrew tell you about Philadelphia, Pa., and additional mailing offices. his haircut!? It's really OK, don't be too upset." I hung up the phone and said to • Subscriptions: one year $21, two years $40. Add $6 per year for postage to countries outside the U.S., Michele, "Don't be too upset, Andrew got a new haircut." Other parents in the room Canada, and Mexico. Individual copies $2 each. were nodding and smiling. • Information on and assistance with advertising is A new direction carne to us early in the weekend. As a couple, Michele and I available on request. Appearance of any advertisement does not imply endorsement by decided we're going to stop being so SERIOUS all the time in our relationships with FRI ENDS JOURNAL. our children and with each other. Lighten up. Stop feeling the impending gloom and • Postmaster: send address changes to doom of the world and our need to flx everything. Tough decisions don't have to be FRI ENDS JOURNAL, 150 I Cherry St., Philadelphia, PA 19102-1497 made so laboriously. More silliness and spontaneous play, if you please. Never mind • Copyright © 1994 by Friends Publishing if an occasional soccer game is missed, a birthday gift is wrapped imperfectly, doors Corporation. Reprints of articles available at are left unlocked for a while, a wrestling match erupts on the stairs, a favorite frying nominal cost. Permission should be received before pan gets scorched beyond recognition ... and whatever else may greet us in the reprinting excerpts longer than 200 words. Available on microfilm from University Microfilms course of our days together, or apart. We have each other, and that's a lot. International. This is so obvious, I thought, yet so hard to understand sometimes-and a lot of PRINTED ON RECYCLED PAPER work. Lately I saw these words by Mark Twain: "A round man cannot be expected to flt in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape." Moving? Let us update your subscription and address. lt;.J,_ ')~ Write or call: FRIENDs JOURNAL, 1501 Cheny St., Next month in FRIENDS JoURNAL Philadelphia, PA 19102-1497 On Pruning Christmas Trees (215) 241-7277; Fax (215) 568-1377 Special Forum: On Not Speaking Truth to Power Quakers Under the Nazi Regime 2 November 1994 FRIENDs JoURNAL November 1994 FRIENDS Volume 40, No. 11 JOURNAL Features Departments 8 Light Enough 2 Among Friends Mariellen 0. Gilpin They could find their way without a flashlight, she discovered on 4 Forum that moonless night. 5 Viewpoint 9 Clarence Pickett and 28 Young Friends the Alger Hiss Case Lany Miller 29 Life in the Meeting The Quaker connections were to weave a mysterious thread as events unfolded. 30 Books 16 Deep Listening 35 Reports Mary Rose O'Reilley 40 News of Friends First one ofthem listens, then the other-and they speak ofall manner ofthings. A spiritual friendship is the result. 41 Bulletin Board 19 Service: A Sacrament for Quakers? 42 Calendar William Charland A common theme brought most ofth em to Quakerism. What 43 Milestones new instruments might be found? 45 Classified 21 When Meetings Take Risks Judith Brown Poetry Seattle Friends find a unique way to involve themselves in the community. 14 Moveable Rings 22 Released to Do Good Works John Calvi Chrysanthemum A meeting's support may come in manyforms: gas money, a Russell Endo new pair ofboots, or relieffrom milking chores. 15 Flapping the Sheets 25 The Doctor and the Child Fredrick Zydek Grace Yaukey The journey to Kuling by steamer and sedan chairs would not be easy, Human compassion made all the difference. SeHie in for winter wHh Cover quote from our November "Deep Listening" by books section, Mary Rose 0 'Reilley pages 30-34. FRIENDS JouRNAL November 1994 Forum Inane or insane? bystander to a conversation Jesus is having marriage are ill-advised to marry. To me, at with his disciples. Consequently, all the least, and to those Friends who advised me One late night while riding a bus in interpretations one might make about the during the clearness process preceding my Afghanistan, we came to such an abrupt halt story in Mark, so thoughtfully put by Jeff, wedding, marriage implies a great deal that most of us slid off our narrow seats onto seem to be contradicted by the story in John. more. the floor. Ahead of us was a deep chasm I'd be interested in knowing how Jeff and I can only say that my marriage has been where the road had washed away. Had the other Friends would interpret and reconcile and continues to be a source of spiritual driver not been alert, or the brakes not these differences. growth for me. Sexual intimacy is important, properly adjusted, we would have ridden John Andrew Gallery but not indispensable, to a marriage, and a into disaster. Philadelphia, Pa. marriage does not subsist on sexual Just so, the U.S. is rapidly approaching a intimacy alone. The intimacy of marriage disastrous situation, where violence is no extends far beyond sexual union and longer isolated from a large portion of the Population challenges me constantly to allow myself to people, and where the only suggested In his letter (FJ June) Friend William be known as I am, to reexamine my solutions are punishment after the fact.