Handout for David Freeman’s “Advanced Dialogue Class” Draft: May 20, 2014 [email protected] (310) 394-0361 Don’t miss the next “Beyond Structure” Screenwriting and Development Master Class Los Angeles – June 14-15 $100 off if you fly in! www.beyondstructure.com Some notes regarding the “Advanced Dialogue Teleconference” In advance of the teleconference, please watch each clip, and then read the script sample that goes with it. Then move on to the next clip, etc. We won’t be pausing during the teleconference to watch the clips. It’s not easy finding scripts for individual television episodes. The samples were gathered where I could find them. Some are in good shape, some are not. For some I have dialogue transcripts only. However, the script selections are good enough, and that’s what counts. P. 1 Before class, please see the clips, either before or after reading each script sample in this handout pack. One good way to do it is to go back and forth –– first see a clip, and then read that same script sample in this handout pack. We live in a time when the art of writing dialogue has evolved to a very high level. There are many styles of dialogue. One isn’t better than the other –– it’s a matter of what’s appropriate for any given script. Some shows and films have “talky” dialogue: • When Harry Met Sally • ThirtySomething • Gilmore Girls The vast majority of films and TV shows have “medium talky” dialogue –– not talking, not spare with dialogue. And then some films have very spare dialogue : • Unforgiven • Pan’s Labyrinth • Wall-E If one can master talky dialogue, it’s easy to “step down” to medium or spare dialogue. However, the opposite is not necessarily true. Therefore, the samples I’ve included in this handout pack tend to be more on the talky side. They are packed with dialogue techniques that helped define them as great writing. I doubt we’ll make it through all the clips and script samples during the teleconference. I put a few more online (and in this pack) so I can pick and choose during the teleconference. Do look at all the clips in advance and read the samples. They can only help your writing. Long ago, when I first got into the film industry, I because a “reader” –– reading and evaluating scripts for different studios and film companies. Back then, I thought that reading bad scripts –– and there were and are many –– would be educational in that I’d learn what not to do. P. 2 That isn’t the case. You only improve by reading and deconstructing great scripts. It also lets you know how good the best writers are and gives you art to measure against your own. That can be both challenging and inspiring. Most writers need to be both challenged and inspired. “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.” Meaning, the techniques I teach are the exact ones I use. I’ve always been disturbed by the fact that so may screenwriting teachers can’t write. If they know so much, why don’t they write scripts? Perhaps it’s impolite to ask this question, which I call “the elephant in the room.” The fiction world is quite different. There, all the writing teachers can write and it would be unthinkable for anything else to be the case. Writing is how I make my living, and it keeps me very busy. That’s why “Beyond Structure” is offered so rarely these days. (You can download my entire CV from the “About David” page on the “Beyond Structure” website.) This photo was taken on May 14, 2014. It was my 10th trip to China. I was in Shenzhen, speaking to 250 people from the Chinese financial industry and government about the Chinese epic, “The Art of War.” I’ll be writing; Oliver Stone is the Executive Producer. P. 3 If you go to the website www.beyondstructure.com and click on the “About David” panel, you’ll see the work I’ve done and am doing in the U.S. and around the world. What makes all of this global work possible is just one thing: the screenwriting and script development techniques of “Beyond Structure.” Once you know 90 ways to make a character empathetic… –– or 25 ways to make a scene unforgettable… –– or the 39 principal character arcs… –– or the 8 main ways a character can try and resist growing through their character arc… –– then pulling of wonderful artistry becomes much, much easier. And artistry = success. I work part time for News Corp (which owns 20th Century Fox and TV networks around the world) in India. Under the name “Star TV,” they operate several channels and dominate Indian television. I’m helping them develop over a dozen shows, with an audience of over 400 million people. It’s exciting work. Only one show has made it to air so far. It immediately shattered all viewership records for the channel. It far surpassed all viewership records for its demographic that were set by Star TV and any other network. And it’s #1 in its time slot against all other channels on Star TV and on all other networks. The secret was the techniques in “Beyond Structure.” I used them, and the entire network (200 people) have been trained in them, including those who worked and work on the series. Even though I’m no expert in Indian culture, I wasn’t shocked by the series’ success. The 200+ “Emotioneering” ™ techniques of “Beyond Structure” engage audiences’ subconscious and pull them deeply into a character, scene, and plot. They are the secret triggers of emotional immersion. And now, on to the script samples. Feel free to script the introductory comments and explanations of the various television series. They’re included as optional reading in case you’d like information about the series. P. 4 Notes on the “West Wing” sample, from Wikipedia: Joshua "Josh" Lyman is a fictional character played by Bradley Whitford on the television drama The West Wing. For the majority of the series, he was Deputy White House Chief of Staff in the Josiah Bartlet administration. Although he focused on domestic legislative affairs, the episode "Memorial Day" reveals that Josh holds the foreign diplomatic rank equivalent to that of a three-star general. Josh is portrayed as having one of the sharpest minds on the President's staff; he is a witty, somewhat cocky, boyishly charming know-it-all. He is described by Will Bailey as "After Leo the finest political mind in the party" ("Opposition Research"). THE WEST WING “A Proportional Response” By Aaron Sorkin Season 1, Episode 3 Copied from the book, “The West Wing Script Book,” by Aaron Sorkin Josh Lyman (Bradley Whitford) Claudia Jean (C.J) Cregg (Allison Janney) (the Press Secretary) Donna Moss (Janel Maloney) (Josh’s assistant) P. 5 P. 6 P. 7 P. 8 P. 9 THE SOCIAL NETWORK By Aaron Sorkin FROM THE BLACK WE HEAR— MARK (V.O.) Did you know there are more people with genius IQ’s living in China than there are people of any kind living in the United States? ERICA (V.O.) That can’t possibly be true. MARK (V.O.) It is. ERICA (V.O.) What would account for that? MARK (V.O.) Well, first, an awful lot of people live in China. But here’s my question: FADE IN: INT. CAMPUS BAR - NIGHT MARK ZUCKERBERG is a sweet looking 19 year old whose lack of any physically intimidating attributes masks a very complicated and dangerous anger. He has trouble making eye contact and sometimes it’s hard to tell if he’s talking to you or to himself. ERICA, also 19, is Mark’s date. She has a girl-next-door face that makes her easy to fall for. At this point in the conversation she already knows that she’d rather not be there and her politeness is about to be tested. The scene is stark and simple. MARK How do you distinguish yourself in a population of people who all got 1600 on their SAT’s? P. 10 ERICA I didn’t know they take SAT’s in China. MARK They don’t. I wasn’t talking about China anymore, I was talking about me. ERICA You got 1600? MARK Yes. I could sing in an a Capella group, but I can’t sing. ERICA Does that mean you actually got nothing wrong? MARK I can row crew or invent a 25 dollar PC. ERICA Or you can get into a final club. MARK Or I can get into a final club. ERICA You know, from a woman’s perspective, sometimes not singing in an a Capella group is a good thing? MARK This is serious. ERICA On the other hand I do like guys who row crew. MARK (beat) Well I can’t do that. ERICA I was kid— MARK Yes, it means I got nothing wrong on the test. P. 11 ERICA Have you ever tried? MARK I’m trying right now. ERICA To row crew? MARK To get into a final club. To row crew? No. Are you, like--whatever—- delusional? ERICA Maybe, but sometimes you say two things at once and I’m not sure which one I’m supposed to be aiming at. MARK But you’ve seen guys who row crew, right? ERICA No. MARK Okay, well they’re bigger than me. They’re world class athletes. And a second ago you said you like guys who row crew so I assumed you had met one.