— Middletown, Connecticut, since 1868 —

FRIDAY, APRIL 25, 2014 VOLUME CLIV, ISSUE 19 WESLEYANARGUS.COM Baseball Shuts Out Coast Guard By Toby Rosen hander needed only seven pitches Staff Writer to strike out the first two batters he faced and pitched a scoreless top half In a game that began with of the first inning. sun and ended in rain, the baseball In the bottom half of the frame, team’s pitching shined throughout, Ellis Schaefer ’17 got Wesleyan start- as four Cardinal hurlers combined ed with a one-out double. Donnie to throw a three-hit shutout in a Cimino ’15, whose father threw 3-0 win against the Coast Guard the team batting practice before the Academy (13-19) on Tuesday, April game, followed with a double of his 22 at Dresser Diamond. own and ripped a frozen rope into Wesleyan (21-6, 8-1 NESCAC) the left center field gap for an RBI to has now won 13 of its last 14 games. give the Cardinals a 1-0 lead. The Cardinals rank first in the “I hadn’t hit a double up north NESCAC in batting average (.321), yet,” Cimino said. “I’ve been work- third in fielding percentage (.965), ing on it and got a pitch I could hit. and own a 1.27 team ERA in their It was a low fastball. I hit low pitches last 14 games. well and it was right there. Just con- Peter Rantz ’16 (2-1, 3.04 ERA) nected good on it.” got the start for the Cards and had it ADAM KELLER/EDITOR-IN-CHIEF working from the get-go. The right- BASEBALL, page 11 Invisible Men is a collective that aims to provide a supportive space and opportunities for men of color. The group’s annual showcase took place on Wednesday, April 16 in Beckham Hall. Take Back the Night Invisible Men Showcase Institutes Changes Men of Color Organization Reaches into Collective Past By Tess Morgan “When we thought of the idea, By Adam Keller said the group has evolved dramatically and a Master Class series that in- News Editor we [considered] the fact that it can Editor-in-Chief during his time here. vites successful alumni who identify be really difficult for people to get “For my first two years here… as men of color to discuss their ca- This year’s Take Back the Night up and share their stories, and we Students, faculty, and prefrosh what the group focused on was the reer paths and provide networking took place on Thursday, April 24 want to honor [not speaking] as a alike filled Beckham Hall to capacity show,” Alexander said. “What we opportunities to current students. and introduced a number of chang- choice that people make,” Gurak on April 16 for the annual Invisible found was that a lot of [prospective] The depth and variety of this es; the event was facilitated by co- said. “[Before this,] we were missing Men (IM) Showcase: two hours of students would come see the Invisible year’s showcase programming of- presidents of Students for Consent out on a substantial part of the pop- powerful performances, films, and Men show, say, ‘Oh, there’s so many fered evidence of this broader or- and Communication (SFCC) Nina ulation that wanted to share their speeches from the University’s men- men of color, they’re active, they’re ganizational growth. This year’s IM Gurak ’16 and Caillin Puente ’15. stories who maybe weren’t comfort- of-color student group. A staple of involved, they’re vocal, they’re expres- board members chose “Sankofa,” In addition to discussion circles, able in a large group setting. By hav- WesFest programming, the Invisible sive,’ but then they would come in the a Ghanaian term that translates to during which students were invited ing anonymous submissions, we’re Men Showcase has grown in scale and fall and they wouldn’t see our faces…. “reach back and get it,” as the show- to share personal stories of sexual as- allowing people to share at their production value over the past four In my time here, we’ve gone from a case’s theme. Previous years’ themes sault, this year’s event included two comfort level.” years, as IM has evolved from a group group of five or six students focused have included “Insecurities,” new mediums through which stu- Sexual Assault Response Team mainly centered around the showcase on organizing the show to a group of “Progression,” and “Momentum;” dents could convey their experienc- (SART) intern Rachel Verner ’15 to a broader support group and net- 30 consistent students…and now we’re “Sankofa” was selected to represent es. The event kicked off with a series commented on the importance of working platform for students who visible year-round.” the act of reaching into a collective of performance and artistic pieces the event on campus and the utility identify as men of color. Recently created IM programs in- past and applying its lessons to the and also offered a new, anonymous of an anonymous submission op- Jalen Alexander ’14, one of IM’s clude the formal event Get Fresh, Men future. submission option for students who tion. current chairs along with Rilwan of Color Talks that bring faculty and did not feel comfortable getting up “Take Back The Night offers Babajide ’16 and Nkosi Archibald ’16, staff members to talk with students, INVISIBLE, page 6 and telling their stories. survivors an opportunity to talk Gurak explained the reasoning behind the changes in the program. TBTN, page 4 “Until We Get It Right” Seeks To Softball Shines Understand Mental Illness By Isabel Fattal Through their stories, the play ex- happened here specifically. A lot Staff Writer amines the common threads of their of my friends and family over the shared experience, but it also portrays past few years have been diagnosed Time simultaneously rolls on and the slow steps of progress that provide with depression. For some of them stands still in “Until We Get it Right,” a glimpse of hope for the future. The we’ve seen it coming; some were a senior thesis staged reading written Argus sat down with writer and direc- completely out of the blue. For and directed by Natalie Sacks ’14. tor Sacks and actors Louisa Ballhaus me, it was a realization that [de- Transitioning back and forth between ’16, Dylan Penn ’15, Gwendolyn pression] could be anywhere and three key time periods in the history Rosen ’15, and Greene to talk about that people are fallible. Looking at of attitudes toward depression—1891, the inspiration for this project, the col- it from an outsider’s perspective, I 1965, and 2014—the play paints a laborative nature of senior thesis read- wanted to try to figure out how I poignant image of the timeless nature ings, and the difficulty of representing could understand this experience, of this struggle. Anna, Maggie, and depression onstage. how friends and family can find a Jamie inhabit entirely different eras, way in to what is a very personal but their common battle with depres- The Argus: What inspired you to take experience. sion transcends time and place to re- on the difficult topic of depression for veal nearly identical undertones of fear your senior thesis? A: You touch upon the timeless and isolation. Natalie Sacks: When I was trying to nature of these experiences by tran- With three actors playing mul- think about what I wanted to write my sitioning through three different tiple roles, as well as Justin Greene ’16 thesis about, I tried to think of some- time periods. Was there a reason playing a doctor in each time period, thing that summed up my whole expe- for the particular time periods that the play explores both the internal rience these past four years, something you chose? SADICHHCHA ADHIKARI/STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER journeys of these characters and their big that has happened during this time. Su Pardo ’16 and the softball team finished off a win over Amherst complex relationships with loved ones. It ended up not being anything that’s THESIS, page 8 to end conference play on a high note. See page 11 for more.

The Discussion Continues Do The Michael Roth Going Under Forum addresses sexual assault 3 Roth’s new book discusses teaching 6 Drowning in commercialism 9 2 THE WESLEYAN ARGUS FRIDAY, APRIL 25, 2014

The Wesleyan WESPEAKS Argus established in 1868 An Open Letter to the Members of Letter

Editors-in-Chief Miranda Katz Adam Keller Women (and Allies) for Greek Life and to the Production Manager Michelle Woodcock Single-Sex Greek Housing Community Executive Editors Abbey Francis By Yael Horowitz campus, and some people have positive tinue to hold them down. By Matthew Gross Olivia Horton experiences in fraternities. But neither of This group, and the general prioriti- Christina Norris When I saw this Facebook group I these statements should be used to silence zation of preserving fraternities over work- The brothers of Beta Theta News Editors Millie Dent felt a deep, visceral reaction. It hurt me. survivors’ experiences and needs, and using ing on ways to end sexual assault the does Pi agree that something needs Tess Morgan Just by belonging to this group, whether these to fight survivors means that you are very little to change the status quo. With to be done to combat sexual as- Asst. News Editors Courtney Laermer intentionally or not, each member con- not really listening. It is frustrating, hurt- this issue especially, if you are not actively sault at Wesleyan more effectively. Sofi Goode tributes to a wall of people who seem to ful and counterproductive hear people’s engaged in challenging the culture that al- Sexual assault is sickening, per- Features Editors Gabe Rosenberg stand against fighting sexual assault. experiences of sexual assault being used to lows sexual assault to pervade this campus, verted, shameful, and causes seri- Rebecca Seidel This group was established as a di- invalidate other ones. If one person feels then you are a part of it. This is not a time ous pain for survivors. Beta Theta Asst. Features Editor Rebecca Brill rect response to the movement of students unsafe in a space, the comfort of another for apathy or individualism. While I am not Pi wants to work with SART and Food Editor Jess Zalph combatting sexual assault. The title itself person does not negate that reality, and it asking you to agree with our exact approach, other student groups to educate Asst. Food Editors Emma Davis prioritizes saving Greek life over fight- is all of our responsibilities as members of I am asking for us to come together and col- students about sexual violence and Erica DeMichiel ing sexual assault. If the title of the group a community and as human beings to lis- lectively engage in a very serious issue. Re- bystander intervention. Wesleyan is Opinion Editors Josh Cohen had been something expressing concern ten to the voice that that needs our help. examine your priorities, and please choose an amazingly diverse and beautiful Jenn Cummings for substantive ways to combat sexual as- The “unique and significant, positive role combatting sexual assault. If you find your place with good people, and it sad- Jess Zalph sault, then I would believe that you were fraternit ies have on our campus” should priorities are first about saving single-gender dens me that the campus climate is Asst. Opinion Editor Jenny Davis engaging with this issue. Yet in the group never outweigh a single case of sexual as- Greek life and only secondarily combating so focused on what is wrong with Arts Editors Dan Fuchs description, sexual assault isn’t mentioned sault, or a single experience of feeling un- sexual assault, then you are directly hurting Wesleyan right now. All of the Gwendolyn Rosen until the third paragraph. If “the name comfortable. I ask you all to transcend self- those who are fighting this fight. good people here should be work- Asst. Arts Editor William Donnelly speak[s] for itself,” then nothing about this preservation and allow yourselves to feel Now more than ever, we need to be a ing together to prevent sexual as- Sports Editors Josh Cohen sault; we are stronger united than Brett Keating group makes me feel like we are working empathy for those who are marginalized in community that supports each other, that Asst. Sports Editors Felipe DaCosta together to combat sexual assault. To say this conversation. is critical of our shortcomings, and that ac- divided. Resolution B, if imple- Gili Lipman that preserving fraternities on this campus We need to consider the circum- tively aspires to improve. I ask you to chal- mented in proposed form by the Photo Editors Trisha Arora is an “equally important goal” as fighting stances of the people engaged in this dia- lenge yourselves, to reflect on your priori- Wesleyan Board of Trustees and Kathy Lee sexual assault creates an environment in logue: we are speaking as students who do ties and to see that there are ways we need Administration, could effectively Corey Sobotka which the weight of survivor’s experiences not have institutional support, nor control to change in this community and support remove much of Greek life from Asst. Photo Editor Noah Mertz are diminished. Do you truly believe that the major social spaces on campus – it is each other. I ask you to prioritize eliminat- Wesleyan. I believe Greek organiza- Head Layout Josh Neitzel this goal is equal to fighting sexual assault? students who are already at a disadvantage. ing the suffering and trauma of your fellow tions benefit the community. I have Layout Mariel Brunman I recognize that many of you say that There are people in our community who students that results from sexual assault. I witnessed members of the commu- Akila Raoul you feel comfortable in fraternities, that are begging you to open your hearts and ask you to remain engaged in this issue nity benefit from the support of Naomi Kosman-Wiener fraternity brothers are your good friends, listen to them. In our world, there are peo- in a positive and productive way, to sup- Greek organizations. Resolution B Business Manager Andrew Hove that they protect you. I hear you. But us- ple who are automatically given a stronger port those who need it, and to listen to the will diminish the Wesleyan student Advertising Manager Katya Sapozhnina ing your experiences to negate those of voice because of the privileges they have. voices that have been silenced. experience and disparage freedom Web Editor Cumhur Korkut people who are unsafe in these spaces is in- It is the responsibility of the privileged to of association rights and private Social Media Editor Kirby Sokolow credibly disrespectful, hurtful, and flawed. step back and allow space for marginalized Respectfully, property rights. It creates an “us Distribution Managers Aaron Veerasuntharam Sexual assault happens everywhere on this and pained voices to be heard – not to con- Yael Horowitz ’17 against them” mentality that is Chris Higel-McGovern counter-productive. Fraternities Ampersand Editor Sarah Esocoff can provide safe fun and help Head Copy Editor Dana Leib mobilize large groups for social Copy Editors Kate Bodner Battling Sexual Assault At Its Core change. If you would like to hold Sam Leiva a student forum on a topic you are Emma Sherman By Billy Queen students on a weekend night. However, ing sexual assault, this ability is vital. The passionate about, I encourage you there are countless charitable events that first major step to battling sexual assault to email me (mbgross@wesleyan. Thank you to our generous donors: In order for change to occur, there go on within the brotherhoods that pro- is education, especially in males, and fra- edu) and use our space. We want to Alice and Colby Andrus must be a unified front to drive it. Strong vide help to those in need. In fact, a large ternities can help lead this charge. Having connect with the community and Brooke Byers bonds, an understanding of the issue and part of fraternities is doing our best to such a bonded group of men working work with the community to con- Lawrence Ling those it affects, and an ability to work make the world a better place, and spe- together could radically change the way tinuously build a better Wesleyan. Alex Wilkinson cohesively are all primary components cifically in our case, the Wesleyan campus men think about sexual assault on this We are not your enemy. Wesleyan necessary to properly enforce change. in general. The missions of the fraterni- campus. This could be a powerful tool in University should be a place where What circumstances exist to inspire these ties, which are exemplified through the changing the way men talk, think, and act students reserve judgment predi- The Wesleyan Argus (USPS aforementioned elements? Oftentimes it charitable programs, commitment to regarding women, which would in turn cated on gossip, gender, sexual 674-680) is published by the under- takes only a common issue that needs to intellectual growth, and friendships that change the culture around campus. orientation, race, background, and graduates of Wesleyan University. fraternity affiliation. We can work The University does not publish The be resolved in order to bring people to- are formed revolve around building men It would be different if the fraterni- Argus or influence its content, nor is gether in this way, but where the issue is who are equipped with the generosity, ties weren’t willing to help fight this epi- together and fight sexual assault. it responsible for any of the opinions too contentious to truly create an undi- passion, and drive to act as leaders on demic, but after attending last Sunday’s The assumption that young edu- expressed in The Argus. vided front, there is a supplement that is their campus. The fraternities on campus WSA meeting on April 13 about sexual cated men living together causes The Argus is published twice too often overlooked: friendship. have illustrated these values, and they are assault, it was evident that they are com- sexual assault is hurtful to mem- weekly during the school year except At Wesleyan, the friendships and willing to fight sexual assault and the cul- mitted to fighting this issue. Leaders and bers of our organization with girl- in exam periods or recesses. First class bonds that fraternities inspire both ture around it on our campus. The most members of all three of the all-male frater- friends, female friends, sisters, and postage paid in Middletown, CT amongst their members and with other important a spect of fraternities, the one nities on campus were present, and their mothers whom we love and respect. 06459. societies on campus can be crucial in the that has the most potential to be a massive message was clear. They are willing to play We agree that as a community we The Argus welcomes Wespeaks ongoing fight against sexual assault. asset in fighting sexual assault, is the deep a part in this fight, work with campus to need to educate all students on that pertain to campus issues, news stories, and editorial policy. Wespeaks For the last few months, Wesleyan emotional connection between the men eradicate sexual assault, and help change what behaviors constitute sexual should be no longer than 750 words. has been focused on the issue of sexual in their respective brotherhoods. the culture surrounding it. assault and work towards creating The deadline for submission is 4 assault. The discussion and issue is per- The bonds made at fraternities are When we have this tool in front a climate that deems such behavior p.m. (Monday, for Tuesday publica- vasive, finding its way from freshman strong, consistent, and undeniable. They of us, we should make the most of it. unacceptable. I would like to see tion, and Thursday, for Friday pub- dorms to fraternities to senior houses, institute life long friendship and a sense Stripping campus of fraternities isn’t go- a proposal that doesn’t divide this lication). All Wespeaks should be among other places. It is everywhere. As of family. The day before finals started ing to solve the issue of sexual assault, campus and focuses on the core is- submitted through the Argus website Wesleyan students, we have succeeded in my sophomore year, I broke my leg. Of but in fact reduce our ability to fight it sue at hand. A proposal that incor- and should include the author’s name admitting that sexual assault is undoubt- course everyone in the fraternity had fi- at its core. We will be taking away a pow- porates: orientation week seminars and telephone number. edly a problem on our campus. And un- nals to study for, but three of my brothers erful group of advocates that are willing on bystander intervention, greater The Argus reserves the right to consequences for assailants, better edit all submissions for length as well fortunately, it is not going to simply go stopped what they were doing and spent to work together toward the cause of as withhold Wespeaks that are exces- away with a quick fix. the night with me in the hospital. I know preventing sexual assault. By removing measures in place to discourage as- sively vulgar or nonsensical. The Ar- Sexual violence is prevalent in the two of them had a final the following fraternities, males lose a common space saults, support for survivors, and gus will not edit Wespeaks for spell- movies we watch, songs we hear and morning. The rest of the week was excru- to come together, talk openly about the reform to the reporting process. ing or grammar. Due to the volume books we read. Through this, crimes of ciating, but every morning I would wake issue, and figure out ways to fight it. Greek involvement as allies in the of mail received, neither publication sexual assault have become too accepted; up and a different person would be in my Instead, they would be left to their own fight against sexual violence will be nor return of submissions are guar- ignorance of these acts have become em- room helping me put socks on my feet devices around campus, disintegrating in more effective in actually combat- anteed. bedded in much of the culture and mind- and pants on my legs. My friends were to a much less unified front against sexual ing sexual assault than Resolution Editorial offices are located at 45 set of our generation. It is up to us to act willing to dress me, help me shower, and assault. It is imperative that we stop the B. I hope most Wesleyan students Broad Street, Middletown. Email: ar- out against it and extract its presence from drive me to class regardless of the hectic current culture regarding sexual assault. are open minded enough to respect [email protected] our peers and children to come. However, week they were having. These guys in my After all, whether you are a member of each others’ differences and work this battle is not going away over night, house are my family, willing to do what- a fraternity or not, we are first and fore- together to stop something we all but rather it will be a struggle day after ever possible to make that week easier for most Wesleyan students, and we are all agree is wrong. Clarification: In the 4/22 article titled day. me, and that connection is true at all of on the same side. It is time to drop the “WSA Passes Resolution B to Reform Contrary to popular belief on cam- the male fraternities on campus. We share division between fraternities and the rest Matthew Gross Greek Life,” Nicole Updegrove ’14 pus, fraternities are not just an over glori- friendship and love that is truly special. of campus, and instead work together to Proud Wesleyan Student stated that 11 WSA members were fied social space; they are much more than People who share this kind of bond fight the real issue: sexual assault and the Mu Epsilon Chapter President absent from the vote. Updegrove has that. It is easy to find oneself conforming are able to work together in a cohesive culture aro und it. since clarified that 10 members were to this opinion as the three residences on unit and mobilize true action to make Gross is a member of the class of absent. High Street are most frequently visited by change. With our current culture regard- Queen is a member of the class of 2016. 2015. FRIDAY, APRIL 25, 2014 THE WESLEYAN ARGUS 3 news Roth to Accept Award Sexual Assault Forum Confronts from A Better Chance University Policy, Resources

By Matt Shelley-Reade student body,” Farias said. “What’s Whaley, who moderated the Foundation Staff Writer always a concern for me is...the fuzzy discussion on Greek life, commented middle: the 80 percent that is inter- on his impressions of the forum’s dia- working with the University due to On Monday, April 21, over ested enough to show up, but they’re logue. the success scholars have had. one hundred students, adminis- not really sure how to ask questions, “[T]here have been many con- “We hope we continue to trators, and faculty members gath- or their voices get lost because people versations about these issues in recent send many students there and that ered in Tischler Lecture Hall for a on the wings dominate conversation. weeks,” Whaley wrote in an email they’re an active part of the campus,” forum on sexual assault. The fo- So smaller spaces allow for that 80 to The Argus. “One of the things I Timmons said. “We’ve had a number rum, organized by Jack Spira ’16, percent to have a voice because they appreciated about the forum [was] of alums who have come out [of the featured a diverse group of speak- feel more comfortable [and] they can that students with varying opinions University] who are quite success- ers, including Vice President for ask questions.” were able to express their views, and ful, we have students there who are Student Affairs Michael Whaley, The discussion-oriented for- it seemed that everyone else was lis- showing themselves to be leaders in University Sexual Assault Resource mat was meant to allow for a direct tening and trying to understand the the environment there, so I think that Coordinator and Therapist Alysha conversation between students and speaker’s perspective. These are cer- we certainly hope for an expanded… Warren, Rabbi David Leipziger administrators immediately involved tainly not easy conversations (for all continuation. It’s been a great rela- Teva, Vice President for Equity in various aspects of sexual assault sorts of reasons), but there are a lot of tionship.” and Inclusion and Title IX Officer awareness. Warren noted the impor- people who care deeply about the is- ABC allows the University to Antonio Farias, We Speak, We tance of having this direct connec- sues with which we’re wrestling. The matriculate qualified applicants Stand President Willa Beckman tion. forum included some new faces and C/O PAW.PRINCETON.EDU whom it normally would not be able ’15, and Sexual Assault Response “Sexual violence impacts ev- voices—this was great in my view Roth will receive the 2014 to admit due to the restrictions of the Team (SART) intern Rachel eryone in our community, and it because I think more of our commu- Benjamin E. Mays award from A financial aid budget. Verner ’15. requires a collective effort to iden- nity needs to be involved in working Better Chance Foundation. “At Wesleyan, as you know, we At the onset, attendees were tify a solution,” Warren wrote in an on these issues.” don’t have an unlimited financial aid separated into smaller discussion email to The Argus. “I also think it’s Alpha Epsilon Pi (AEPi) Social By Millie Dent budget so targeting our financial aid groups that focused on Greek life incredibly important that the people Justice Chair Jared Fineberg ’17, who News Editor dollars where they do the most good on campus, bystander interven- working on sexual violence adminis- attended the forum, commented on often means working with partners tion, university judicial proce- tratively talk directly with students, the effectiveness and importance of On Friday, June 20, President who help us identify great applicants dures, and sexual assault resourc- and that they know who we are. I conversation regarding sexual assault Michael Roth will accept the 2014 who will benefit dramatically from es. hope that if someone needs support on campus. Benjamin E. Mays award from A the financial aid we offer,” Roth said. Spira spoke on the process or has ideas about outreach and edu- “As a member of Greek life on Better Chance Foundation (ABC). The application process for for selecting the format and the cation that they will feel more com- this campus, I recognize that the The Foundation’s mission is to help an ABC Foundation scholar is the topics of the forum. fortable reaching out to me to talk large role fraternities play in our young people of color become edu- same as for any other prospective “We decided to separate after meeting me at the forum.” school’s social scene comes with the cated and experienced in responsibil- University student, but Thornton it out into three groups,” Spira Although the forum was being responsibility to both listen and take ity and leadership. said that the relationship with ABC is said. “Obviously we talked about planned as early as Spring Recess, action in response to the concerns “We carry out our mission an outstanding characteristic. Greek life as one of the topics. the event itself came on the heels held by the Wesleyan community,” through our signature College “I don’t think that what we look But we also wanted to bring up of the Wesleyan Student Assembly Fineberg wrote in a message to The Preparatory Schools Program, which for in ABC is any different from any two other topics that are impor- (WSA)’s passage of Resolution Argus. “Monday’s forum was a great annually recruits, refers and supports applicant. But certainly their affili- tant to people: survivor support 6.35, also known as Resolution B, opportunity to engage in productive about 500 A Better Chance Scholars ation with ABC is a distinguishing and the reporting [and] judicial titled “Recommended Housing dialogue on preventing sexual assault at more than 300 of the nation’s characteristic,” Thornton said. “But process. Ultimately, this format Policy Changes Concerning Greek rather than debating the merits of a leading boarding, day and public in terms of what we look for in aca- was chosen because it allowed for Organizations.” This resolution, particular WSA resolution. The fo- schools,” the ABC website reads. demic credentials, the answer would everyone to be in ... small enough with a vote of 14-12 with one ab- rum’s non-confrontational setting President Sandra Timmons of be the same for a student who is not groups that everyone would feel stention, called for fraternities on was an example of the best way to ABC Foundation described the award connected with a community-based comfortable enough talking. It al- campus to become coeducational. advance the conversation on campus President Roth will be accepting on organization.” lowed everyone to feel more like “From what I could tell, the about this issue.” behalf of the University. Roth spoke to the value of edu- ... a community.” conversation was remarkably not Although the forum continued “The Benjamin E. Mays award is cation and how he believes it should Farias, who moderated the antagonistic,” Spira said. “That was the campus conversation on sexual named after the historic educator… not be restricted to merely the people section on University judicial one of the primary goals of the fo- assault awareness, Farias stressed that who was for many years at Morehouse who can afford to pay for University. procedures in regards to sexual as- rum. Some of the past conversa- the issue is far from settled. College, and we give it really to an “I do think...education is ab- sault, commented on the impor- tions that have happened have been “There are no final thoughts,” educator who really exemplifies what solutely key for social mobility and tance of involving more students marked by a lot of ‘us’ versus ‘them’ Farias said. “…The beauty and the the vision of a better chance is in restrictions on education ossify the in the discussion. dichotomies. We wanted to avoid challenge of Title IX and anything terms of providing access to future privileges of the rich so that they can “If you were going to that if we could…. Ultimately, at the having to doing with combating sex- leaders and challenging young people continue to lord it over everyone else [Tischler Hall], which has sta- heart of this issue aren’t political de- ual assault on campus is that it is a at the highest level,” Timmons said. and these tendencies have existed in dium seating and potentially 120, cisions, and they’re not administra- constant conversation that’s based on The University has had the America as much as they ever existed 150 people in it, it’s hard for you tive changes…. At the heart of stop- actionable items. We can have these second-highest number of scholar- in our history now,” Roth said. to make a point unless you’re re- ping assault and making us feel safe, great conversations but they [also] ships from ABC. Roth elaborated on Roth believes that ABC ally adamant about it, which is and supporting survivors—that’s a have to have actionable and tangen- the school’s relationship with ABC Foundation helps to combat this is- really [only] five percent of the cultural shift.” tial outcomes.” Foundation and his commitment sue through its success in finding to the organization since he began young scholars with potential. working at the University. “The sense that wealthy people “For years, Wesleyan has been somehow are entitled, that the de- committed to working with commu- scendants of the wealthy people are nity-based organizations, who find entitled to their advantages is such great students who can’t afford to pay an important ideology now among the tuition, but who can knock the the elite and education,” Roth said. ball out of the park in areas of the “[The ABC Foundation] is the an- curriculum that they’re interested in,” tidote to that because you find re- Roth said. “And so, what we’ve tried ally smart people who don’t have to do since [I’ve been at Wesleyan], is wealth…they will show what they accentuate our work with communi- can do when they have the tools of ty-based organizations and add to the education to work with after they partners we have.” graduate.” Associate Dean of Admission Thornton spoke about the im- Clifford Thornton described the pact ABC Foundation has had on the University’s desire to maintain a rela- University and its reputation as being tionship with ABC Foundation. especially diverse and welcoming. “Certainly, if we could grow that “[Wesleyan being a] national list, we would be delighted because leader in this area of diversity, par- the students bring unique talent to ticularly ethnic racial diversity, would the school,” Thornton said. “And the not be possible if not for Wesleyan other thing is that ABC has changed jumping on board early with some of over the years in that it is a more di- these organizations,” Thornton said. verse population than was the case in “ABC…allowed Wesleyan to not the past. The ABC population was only develop a reputation as a place primarily black and Latino students. that was welcoming to students from We now see a small, but noticeable under-represented groups but also growth in students that are of Asian to [allowed] Wesleyan to develop…I descent, which was not the case in the think Wesleyan [becoming known as] past, and that’s a good thing.” Diversity University would not have NOAH MERTZ/ASSISTANT PHOTO EDITOR Timmons reiterated ABC been possible without organizations Students gathered in Exley on Monday, April 21 to discuss Greek life on campus, bystander interven- Foundation’s similar goal to continue such as ABC.” tion, university judicial procedures, and sexual assault resources. 4 • NEWS THE WESLEYAN ARGUS FRIDAY, APRIL 25, 2014 Forum Presents Plan for TBTN: Yearly Event Sustainable Landscape Design Undergoes Changes

By Jenny Davis and runs concurrently with planning; the in the forum, Cohen has enjoyed the Continued from front page tend. Assistant Opinion Editor forum’s members will finish the year by increased exposure to the principles of This year, Take Back the Night oc- continuing that hands-on work. sustainability and intelligent planting. about their experiences without fear of curred in the midst of a campus-wide de- On Tuesday, April 22, community Sara Feldman ’17 is a member of the “Every time [you work on a proj- judgment or victim blaming, providing bate about the role of fraternities in sexual members gathered in Zilkha Gallery to forest garden team, which created a plan ect] you learn more here and there,” another avenue by which to heal,” Verner assault on campus. Gurak commented on learn about the work of ENVS 420: for a self-sustainable, largely edible, and she said. “It just reinforces it. I’m ex- wrote in an email to The Argus. “SFCC Take Back the Night’s separation from Building Resilient Landscape Systems: generally healthy space. cited to plant all of it. There’s a lot of has gone above and beyond to create a the debate. The Intersection of Deep Ecology and “My favorite part was getting to different kinds of ground cover—wild safe space for all, creating an anonymous “The recent outburst of activism Sustainable Landscape Design. Led by choose plants I know will produce food,” ginger, yarrow. I’m really excited to submissions form for those who want to and the desire to be educated on the is- Manon Lefevre ’14 and William Wiebe she said. “It’s great to make it into an in- work on the [WestCo] Courtyard site, be heard but not identified, and encour- sue is really moving, but I think that there ’14, the student forum has partnered teractive space. I love plants. I really like because I’ve never worked on a WILD aging students to speak out in support of should be a dialogue about whether the with the group Working for Intelligent the idea of using our space to be produc- Wes site before—just the farm. It’s survivors through song, poetry, and even conversation is more helpful or harm- Landscape Design at Wesleyan (WILD tive as well as beautiful. Anyone on cam- good to be involved in both projects.” a photo project.” ful,” Gurak said. “In terms of what this Wes) to produce plans for planting the pus can take food from it, so it brings Angela Goldberg ’15 has also This year, the leaders of SFCC event is, it’s been happening at Wesleyan West College (WestCo) Courtyard. people together.” enjoyed working with the logistics of worked with the Women of Color for over seven years, and it’s about sup- Lefevre, a WILD Wes member since Although the forest garden team has planting. Collective and members of Rho Epsilon porting survivors and allowing people to the group’s founding, has been involved designed a place for the community to “My favorite part has been com- Pi to organize the event. In the past, these communicate their stories. Some people in the project for four years. harvest crops such as blueberries, peaches, ing up with the actual design, figuring groups have not been affiliated with the who share have never told anyone their “This is our fifth student forum,” and herbs, the forest mimic group was out what should go where,” she said. event. stories before this, and I think [their abil- Lefevre said. “We try to do one every se- faced with combating invasive species, Lefevre expressed her gratitude “More groups are involved than ity to do that] is even more important in mester. It’s the best platform to work on erosion, and salt runoff that have all to the Green Fund, as well as to the there have ever been before, which I this political climate [on campus].” design and research, because you have a plagued the area. College of the Environment, both of think might seem overwhelming, but I Roth expressed his hope that the committed group of students. It legiti- “We’re trying to re-create a natural which sponsor the course each time it hope will actually be a really good thing,” event will attract more attention due to mizes the project when it’s made more habitat in the forest of Connecticut,” said is taught. She did, though, emphasize Puente said. “This is a side that people recent campus conversations about sexual academic.” Carlos Sanchez ’14, a member of the for- the need for the University to take who are just getting involved haven’t assault. On the walls of the gallery hung est mimic group, when he and his team- more seriously its commitment to in- heard before, so [having this many] “Take Back the Night [gives survi- three enormous maps, each with a dif- mates presented their work in front of the telligent landscape design. groups involved is important to spread vors the opportunity] to show solidarity ferent section of the WestCo Courtyard small crowd. “We’re using native plants.” “I hope [these sustainable awareness.” with one another and support one an- colored in to demonstrate the group’s The final group, devoted to the practices] will be institutionalized,” Gurak expanded on the importance other” Roth said. “…I think this year it’s plan for that specific section: the forest meadow, was focused on developing a Lefevre said. “The University doesn’t of having as many groups involved in the likely to have more of an impact because garden, the forest mimic, or the meadow. social space; the members of this group recognize landscape design as a serious event as possible. more people are aware of the issue and Near the entrance of the gallery read the chose plants that vary in color, size, and project.” “We’re always looking to partner have had more discussions. Take Back group’s mission statement: “Pressing en- blooming season to create, in the words In five to ten years, Lefevre is with more groups in the future,” Gurak the Night is the time when people can vironmental problems compel us to ques- of the stated goals hanging on the wall, “a hopeful that the physical space will said. “If this event really speaks to them, express their solidarity with survivors and tion intensive lawn care, inspiring us to beautiful, aesthetically pleasing area.” continue to grow and develop, and and they’re interested in getting involved, their insistence that we make our com- instead imagine innovative landscape de- The forum has been especially use- along with sustainable practices that or they feel like their voices aren’t being munity a safer, more equitable place.” signs that use wildflowers, native plants, ful to member Laura Cohen ’14, who will extend to the rest of campus. heard, we would love to see more people SFCC is hoping to extend the and edible fruit trees to knit our commu- works at Long Lane Farm as well as on the “I’m excited to see how the phys- get involved. We’re always looking to in- night’s emphasis on survivor support nity together around a practical expres- WestCo space; she explained that the two ical space keeps on changing,” Lefevre corporate more voices into the dialogue.” throughout the rest of the semester. sion of our commitment to sustainabil- projects complemented each other nicely. said. “It’s hard for most students to President Michael Roth described Puente described the steps SFCC plans ity while simultaneously beautifying our “I’ve loved learning how to create gauge what it used to look like. There his moral dilemma when deciding on taking in the coming weeks. campus.” polycultures and how to plant designs, were no events; it was not an exciting whether or not to attend the event. “We’re...going to try to give people The group also displayed a timeline because we’re working on a similar proj- space. I hope the group continues to “I wouldn’t want my presence or an outlet after the event is done,” Puente of WILD Wes’ progress, beginning in ect at Long Lane,” Cohen said. “[At Long work with Physical Plant. I hope it be- other administrators’ presence to make it said. “If they want to try to help someone spring 2011 with its first forum, in which Lane] we’ve been planting an experimen- comes something that the University harder,” Roth said. “…I don’t want to be they know, one of their friends, or them- students created a design and implemen- tal permaculture forest garden, with just a cares about on an institutional level. an impediment [to students telling their selves, we’re going to try to make room tation plan, and leading up to summer few trees and hoping for more. It’s a really It’s one small project on a big campus stories], but I do want to show my sup- for people to get support after [the event] 2013, during which four WILD Wes in- hands-off, food-producing space.” where there are unsustainable prac- port and solidarity with the students who also. We’re making a new group to sup- terns worked on planting the space near Although she had taken a course tices in general. I hope there’s a real are there.” port survivors specifically that hasn’t ex- WestCo. The work of planting is ongoing in permaculture design before enrolling shift.” Ultimately, Roth decided not to at- isted on campus before this.” FRIDAY, APRIL 25, 2014 THE WESLEYAN ARGUS 5 features PROFESSOR’S BOOKSHELF: TERTTU UIBOPUU

Making paintings or sculpture won’t great education. It was very serious made her feel more comfortable do- allow you to interact with the world and technically really high level and ing that. It doesn’t come through in the same way photography can. it’s an amazing photo program, but the pictures; those stories are not It took me a long time to find I think Yale brought me back to the really important for the pictures, my own voice, but I have figured out beginning, to why I first started pho- because at the end we are making that I do like photographing people. tography, and it loosened things up something else. We are making a new I am interested in people’s lives, but for me. It wasn’t always about making reality. I don’t want to take on the responsi- your preconceived ideas into reality, I like people who tend to be bility of showing the truth of them, but it was more about discovering kind of exhibitionists: they want to so it’s not so much about telling something new through your work, show themselves, they want to ex- their story but making something to- and I think my work did a 180. hibit themselves somehow, but the gether—making the picture as a col- It really changed drastically from result is always when the photo shoot laboration. It takes the pressure away Columbia to Yale. I feel like some- goes wrong. They have a certain set [from] going to meet someone and times I’m more lost than ever with of expectations, and I have certain showing their essence. my work and I don’t know what di- expectations, but what happens is al- rection I want to go, and sometimes ways something different and some- A: How was it growing up in Estonia I’ve sort of found the central drive; I thing better, and we sort of arrive and then coming here? know when I want to take a picture. somewhere together. It’s kind of like TU: I wouldn’t make the move now, I felt like, when I was at Columbia, I we both speak a foreign language to but I think when you’re young you was thinking how can I make a proj- each other, and we pretend we un- are kind of reckless and more in- ect, how can I make something that derstand but we actually don’t really clined to taking risks because you makes sense? But now it’s more the understand. And I guess in the end have no concept of what the conse- opposite: how can I make something it really is capturing small gestures, quences are. You just take the plunge. that really doesn’t make sense? small moments that look significant It was a big shock because I grew up in some way. in a medieval city and I landed in the A: What projects are you currently I met this guy in Kentucky, and northwest suburbs of Chicago where working on? he was like, “I want to be a porn star. it was a flat, boring, and a monoto- TU: I’ve been working on a book for Will you photograph me naked?” I nous environment everywhere, so some time, something that I want was like, “Sure!” I was very clear that I definitely felt like an alien. But I to get published at some point. It’s this was only for art purposes and this think America is the best place to in- a book of work from the past three was all it was going to be. The pic- tegrate because you will be accepted years and then current work. It’s por- tures I could have chosen from that at some point. I think if I went to traits and self-portraits, but I do feel photo shoot could have been more France I would never be French. I like I need to make a little bit more racy or explicit, but I like those more would never be British if I went to work before it gets finished. quiet moments that happen when the England. But I think there is a way to I am going to Estonia this sum- subject is not aware or when I’ve al- fit yourself into the U.S. It’s kind of a mer, so I am going to be away for ready ended the photo shoot. I’ll say, unique place to be. a month, and I want to make more “Okay, we are done shooting,” and KIRSTEN RISCHERT-GARCIA/STAFF WRITER I was very lucky I got a GED. I work there continuing with a portrait then something happens: they sort of By Kirsten Rischert-Garcia of what’s hidden. I’ve also been read- didn’t finish high school, and I went series. But I do take pictures for fun. let loose or they let go. So actually my Staff Writer ing about photography: essays about to community college and was part I will just photograph on the street best photos happen after the photo photography, introductions to books, of this really supportive photography even though I know it’s not work shoot is over. Visiting Assistant Professor of interviews with photographers, and community where I took classes with that will end up in my projects, but I do like what you can do with Art Terttu Uibopuu has an MFA in the photography blog American 80-year-olds. It was all people who sometimes I will play around to keep one person. I like that you don’t have Photography from Yale University Suburb X. were hobbyists. They weren’t trying my photo muscles toned, especially if to have fireworks and parades and ev- School of Art and numerous awards, to make a career out of photography, I don’t have the perfect situation or erything; it can just be one person in shows, and fellowships under her A: What inspired you to become a but it was a very exciting place to be, the perfect spot where I want to pho- a room, and what can you do with belt. This is her first semester teach- photographer? because even though people were tograph. I feel like you can get kind that? It is creating an experiment, ing at Wesleyan University, and she TU: In high school I would do a taking photos of their babies or farms of rusty if you don’t physically keep and sometimes it doesn’t work. I have commutes from New York City ev- lot of painting and sculpture, and I or cornfields there was this passion doing it, so it’s just nice to push the so many pictures that suck, that are ery Tuesday and Thursday to teach would sort of explore different medi- and energy. There was this sense of button. terrible. Either I have seen those pic- Digital Photography I. She will be ums, but once I took an after-school community, and ever since then, I’ve The project that I am working tures before or the subject is so aware returning next spring to teach two photography class I was fascinated always really valued community, like on is called “…and the fruit.” It’s that I don’t show them. But you have classes and advise thesis students. with how real it looked. I felt like of artists or creative minds together. from Milton’s “Paradise Lost,” and to realize that not everything you The Argus sat down with Uibopuu photography was the medium that Even in my classroom, I really love it has to do with this idea of the fall make is gold. to chat about photography, moving was the most surprising. When I when we gather around things and of Eden. It’s all portraits of young People always ask why would I from Estonia, and her current proj- made a sculpture, it always turned look at things together and critique. people. I am interested in youth and hang a picture of a stranger on my ects. out how I wanted it to turn out, but I think that’s a very invaluable thing. the state of youth today. The char- wall, but it’s like, why would you pictures would turn out different. After that, I transferred to acters or the people I cast always watch a movie about someone, why The Argus: What’s on your book- I started when I was 16 in Columbia College, which is a four- tend to be hybrids; they are neither would you read a poem? Because at shelf? Estonia, and I got a photography year school, and got my BFA in pho- here nor there, they are not gay or the end, when we read books, it’s not Terttu Uibopuu: I tend to read a award from Philip Morris, the ciga- tography. I admired all the people straight, they are not man or woman. about that person; it’s about recog- lot of things at the same time, so rette company, and then I bought my who went to Yale, but I never thought For a while, I was photographing nizing something new. You think, I’ve been reading “Anna Karenina” plane ticket to Chicago. I think it was I would apply. It was never on my ra- this 19-year-old who was coming out “Oh, wow, I know what that feels by Tolstoy because I never read it in also a way of putting myself in a situ- dar, [but] Paul D’Amato, a photogra- as a girl, and I really liked how she like,” or, “Oh wow, this is something school, and I wanted to go back to ation that I thought wasn’t socially phy teacher of mine, was telling me hadn’t quite made the transition yet. I have never experienced,” and you the classics. I’ve also been reading a acceptable, but because I had a cam- I was stupid not to apply to Yale, at It wasn’t about documenting her or wouldn’t have if you had never read lot of Freud. It’s texts that I wouldn’t era it was okay. I could go up to and least to try. I got in, and it was kind telling her story, but we would make it. It’s sort of the same idea. It’s play- imagine myself reading because I talk to people because I would want of a no-brainer for me. Columbia un- pictures together, and it was really ing around with those two extremes, don’t agree with all of it, but I just to take their picture, but I would also dergrad was great because I learned special. I got to photograph her on the super familiar and the unfamiliar. think it’s fascinating when it discuss- be genuinely curious about them. how to make a photo project with a the street, and she said it was the first es the ego and what’s hidden, because Cameras sort of gave me permission, beginning, middle, and end and an time she had ever been outside as a This interview has been edited for in my work actually I deal with a lot and I thought that was amazing. artist statement and titles. It was a woman and having a camera there length. Recycle This Argus! 6 • features THE WESLEYAN ARGUS FRIDAY, APRIL 25, 2014 Roth’s New Book Makes Invisible: Students Case for Liberal Education Present Showcase join the cool folks in the Hamptons Continued from front page We did phone interviews with mem- or Malibu,” Roth writes. bers of the vanguard class to get more Liberal education, most often “Especially with all of the in- details about who was where, who apparent in the growth of its stu- creased waves of student activism played what part in the takeover.” dents, relies firmly on strong teach- happening on campus, we wanted The filmmakers emphasized the ers, who lay the foundation for to reach back into the Wesleyan astonishingly quick turnaround from intellectual development. Roth fo- past, because we have a very rich concern around the project’s ambi- cuses on William James, a late-19th- political past,” said Shane Bernard tious production schedule to wide- century philosopher and champion ’14, a member of IM and a per- spread communal support. of liberal education, and his pursuit former in this year’s showcase. “People aren’t gonna just follow to free students from the blindness “We want to show the underclass- behind something blindly,” White of their own subjective experience. men what the students can achieve said. “Once they saw the glass of clear Understanding others’ minds, ac- once they get together in unity.” water, they took a sip.” cording to James, would be the ul- A unity of purpose and ef- Another high-profile aspect of timate triumph of liberal education. fort was certainly on display at the the showcase was the cypher col- “Although James notes that showcase, which featured spoken- laboration with the Rap Assembly there is no recipe for achieving this word poems by Rhys Langston at Wesleyan (RAW), which featured openness, teachers are in a privileged ’16 and Hazem Fahmy ’17, musi- live performances from Izzy Coleman position to help us recognize the cal performances by Abhimanyu ’15, Derrick Holman ’16, and Patrick ways in which we all fail to see, pay Janamanchi ’17 and Donovan Stout ’17, as well as a longer rap vid- attention to, and connect with the Brady ’16, and a scintillating eo modeled off the annual BET Hip experiences of others,” Roth writes. dance performance by the group Hop Awards Cypher. Additionally, “Teachers can help students become Suya 2.0, along with film presen- RAW invited Elvee, a local rapper more aware of the different levels of tations and reflections through- from Middletown, to perform a song meaning that might be found within out. Aaron Veerasuntharam ’14, a with his hype man. the same situation when examined member of Invisible Men in atten- “Elvee was definitely straight from different perspectives.” dance, said the show was a success hip-hop,” Coleman said. “I feel like Roth points to understanding on all fronts. a lot of people had strong reactions, others’ points of view as the hallmark “I found the whole show real- whether it was one way or another, of not only a liberal education, but ly moving and well executed given but primarily because they had never also the American way of life. that there were so many moving seen something like that before at “Learning to become citizens parts,” Veerasuntharam said. “I Wesleyan, in Beckham of all places. eager to understand those around us was actually moved to tears dur- But yeah, it was dope, it was real. It as we understand ourselves is…a cor- ing one of the reflections, as were was refreshing.” nerstone of American democracy,” many of the people around me.” The standout event of the night he writes. “Although this is not the Perhaps the most collab- was the final set of Sankofa reflections only kind of understanding that can orative effort of this year’s show- by Alexander, Bernard, and Hill. be produced in the classroom, it is case was a film based on the Fisk Sprinkled throughout the night’s a crucial one in a culture that rec- Takeover of 1969, a hugely im- programs were speeches by IM mem- ognizes the value of engaged diver- portant event in Wesleyan activist bers that touched on the theme of

C/O LEGALHISTORYBLOG.BLOGSPOT.COM sity—that recognizes that we all get history. Facing what they felt was Sankofa and what it personally meant a vote in the evolving constitution of institutionalized marginalization to them. The final speeches were par- By Jenny Davis on educating blacks in practical our universe.” and discrimination, members of ticularly moving to audience mem- Assistant Opinion Editor trades rather than intellectual pur- In researching for his book, Roth Wesleyan’s first admitted class of bers, as they addressed the challenges suits in order to help elevate them to said he was struck by the connections African American students took of living outside of normative gender President Michael Roth’s sixth the same economic status as whites— he found among early proponents of over Fisk Hall and presented to and sexuality binaries as students of book, “Beyond the University: Why the only way, in Washington’s mind, liberal education. Beyond Emerson the administration a set of de- color at Wesleyan. Liberal Education Matters,” will be to bring about equality of any kind. and James, Roth found allies in peo- mands. Successful demands that “We want to actively create a released on Tuesday, May 6. The DuBois, another black scholar, ple such as Frederick Douglass and were met included the creation of space where the people in our com- book, published by Yale University held the opposite view. DuBois had Jane Addams, who he was surprised Malcolm X House and the Center munity could feel safe sharing their Press, concludes with the follow- been educated at Fisk University to find wrote on similar issues. for African American Studies; The experiences, and we wanted to high- ing: “Liberal education matters far and Harvard, and he dismissed “It seemed to me it wasn’t the takeover shaped Wesleyan’s identi- light the diversity within our group,” beyond the university because it in- Washington’s skill-based plan in fa- usual suspects of education theory ty as a progressive, activist school, Bernard said. “We’re not a mono- creases our capacity to understand vor of a broad liberal education for or education history, but these were and is the University’s strongest lithic group; we come from various the world, contribute to it, and re- blacks. DuBois advocated for schol- major figures in America thinking,” connection to the triumphs of the backgrounds and identities, and the shape ourselves. When it works, it arship according to ability, because Roth said. Civil Rights Movement. more people who affirm those identi- never ends.” only a “Talented Tenth” of blacks When he turns to a discussion The film combined archival ties amongst the collective, the stron- That statement broadly under- would end up with the opportunity of criticisms that liberal education footage of civil rights leaders with ger we become. Maybe someone else scores the message of the preceding to become intellectual leaders in the faces—namely, its widespread accep- staged reenactments of the event has the same conflicts I had, and by four chapters. world; a classic education, he argued, tance as necessary for employment, itself. Directed by Noah Korman affirming my identity, I’ll help other The first part of the book (“From should help them reach their full po- its rising costs, and its contested ’15 and produced by Bernard people feel more courageous to af- Taking in the World to Transforming tential. utility—Roth remarks again on anti- and Armani White ’15, the film firm their identities, too. We’re trying the Self”) focuses largely on the leg- “The elite should participate in intellectualism. was an “institutional Sankofa,” to actively become a space that’s not acy of Thomas Jefferson and Ralph the ongoing transmission and cre- “I think that the critics of lib- as described by Maurice Hill ’14. just accepting of all racial identities, Waldo Emerson. In doing research ation of knowledge, enabling them eral education often, not always, but Korman reflected on the inception but all gender and sexual orientation for the book, Roth was surprised to to remind others that there is more in often are trying to limit access to op- of the film’s concept. identities, too.” find parallels between those men’s life than the almighty Dollar,” Roth portunity, so as to defend their own “We were just listing things Hill said that the overwhelming- experiences and his own career, espe- writes of DuBois’s rationale. advantages, and second, promote that we could be doing. ‘What if ly positive response to the speeches cially in terms of criticism from anti- As money became the object of conformity and promote conven- we made a movie about this, what was completely unexpected. intellectuals who oppose widespread DuBois’s scorn, new value was placed tional behavior on the part of citi- if we made a movie about this? “We decided to do our perfor- access to liberal education. on the making of the person—the zens because they don’t get to think What if we made a movie about mance about a week before the show. “When I started reading shaping and development of intellect for themselves,” Roth said. the Fisk takeover?’” Korman said. It was pretty spur-of-the-moment,” Jefferson and Franklin and seeing and character that today define lib- The danger of relying too much “Everyone in the room was like, Hill said. “It was not only for some- some of the things they were dealing eral learning. on deconstruction and not enough ‘Are you really being real about one else, but it was for us, our stories with [that were] so similar to…what “If we make money the object on deep understanding, according to this?’ Because we had just been that we really wanted to express…. I have to deal with as a president, I of man-training, we shall develop Roth, will resurface in the world after yelling things at that point. ‘Are We’ve gotten a lot of ‘thank yous.’ thought that was really interesting,” money-makers but not necessarily graduation. you doing this?’ ‘We’re doing this.’ Whenever someone tells me that the Roth said in an interview with The men; if we make technical skill the “[Students] wind up contrib- It was a light bulb moment.” show was amazing, I don’t know what Argus. “[T]he critics of liberal edu- object of education, we may possess uting to a cultural climate that has Shot and edited in a time to say besides, ‘Thank you.’ It was cation…seem to say, ‘Well, now it’s artisans but not, in nature, men,” little tolerance for finding or mak- frame of three weeks, the film in- just honesty, it was sharing a part of irrelevant.’ And, ‘Maybe it was useful Roth quotes DuBois as having said. ing meaning, whose intellectuals and volved the participation of dozens ourselves.” before, but now this kind of educa- “Men we shall have only as we make cultural commentators delight in be- of members of Wesleyan’s student Coleman mentioned that the fi- tion is irrelevant.’ And that’s what manhood the object of the work of ing able to show that somebody else of color community, as well as nal speeches reflected a large part of people said in the 1810s, and what the schools—intelligence, broad is not to be believed,” he writes. the support of faculty members. what IM is striving to build toward they said in the 1850s, and what they sympathy, knowledge of the world Despite his apprehension about Because of the subject matter, as it continues to expand its program- said in 1900.” that was and is, and of the relation overly critical thinking, Roth is ada- Bernard said the research process ming and support opportunities. The second part of the book, of men to it.” mant that liberal education is still leading up to the film’s produc- “Last year we wrote a constitu- “Pragmatism: From Autonomy to The push away from vocational crucial and will continue to be cru- tion was particularly intense and tion,” Coleman said. “We revisited Recognition,” continues to explore training and towards liberal educa- cial for years to come. “Beyond the in-depth. our goals. We wanted to expand to the relevance of liberal education, tion manifested itself in a new equa- University” looks into the past to “When we first started tell- include more “masculinities,” as it particularly to oppressed groups such tion of success, one that Roth recog- make a case for the future. ing the professors that we wanted were…. Even if you have a male body, as African Americans. Roth discusses nizes in modern terms as eschewing “I’m a historian, and it’s a book to do it, they were kind of wary there’s a certain way to ‘be male’ that’s Booker T. Washington and W. E. B. material prestige in favor of purer in some ways about intellectual his- about historical reenactments,” privileged; if you don’t leverage your DuBois as he moves toward the mod- pursuits. tory,” Roth said. “I get to grapple Bernard said. “That only pro- maleness in a certain way, it becomes ern construction of liberal education. “DuBois didn’t want his with these important thinkers, I pelled us to work harder. We came an issue. We want to explore that, We begin with Washington, Talented Tenth to pursue the equiva- hope in the service of a contempo- back early during spring break and destabilize that, and just open it up. who helped found the Tuskegee lent of what today might be intern- rary argument that people will find spent time in the archives in Olin There’s so many ways to inhabit this Institute in 1881. Tuskegee focused ships at Goldman Sachs or aspire to relevant.” digging up information about it. body as a man of color.” FRIDAY, APRIL 25, 2014 THE WESLEYAN ARGUS 7 arts Who Wore it Wes: Allison Conley THE IDIOT BOX ’17 Rocks Southern Charm “Silicon Valley” three to five words. AC: Probably put-together, kind of A: Where are your favorite places to academic, and urban. shop? AC: I really like American Apparel, A: What do you like most about style just because they have everything that at Wes? I could want to wear. And there’s also AC: People are always wearing things a store in my hometown called Need in really different ways, like playing Supply, and they have a pretty good with silhouettes or wearing just ba- online store as well…I used to shop sic things in really unique ways that there more when I could go there I never would have thought to do, more often. which is really cool. Or people like to play with layering a lot…a lot of A: Who would design your dream my friends, when I talk to them about wardrobe? their colleges, they say a lot of people AC: Probably Rag & Bone and, like, go to class in sweatpants every day, Need [Supply], definitely. They have and like, I feel like that’s more the some expensive stuff that I don’t usu- exception than the rule at Wesleyan. ally get, but I’d be down. And Stella GAVRIELLA WOLF/STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER Like, people definitely put thought McCartney. As the weather turns warm- and effort into what they wear. er, Allison Conley ’17 is quick A: What has been your favorite occa- to break out the long-sleeved A: What do you dislike about style at sion to dress up for at Wesleyan? T-shirt. Wes? AC: I don’t really love dressing up for AC: I feel like sometimes people try formals and stuff like that, or special By Gavriella Wolf to look intentionally grungy, or in- [occasions], like Halloween. I just like Staff Writer tentionally sloppy, and I like more dressing for class every day, wearing Allison Conley ’17 is a freshman put-together sorts of things. I mean, normal things, but seeing cool new from Richmond, Virginia, who gives everyone has their own style, but I feel ways to. So I’m not really a big occa- a special touch to everyday outfits. like an intentional grunge look is sort sion dresser. She spoke with The Argus about how of prevalent, and it’s not my favorite Wesleyan’s student body has affected thing. A: What is your go-to item of clothing for this spring weather? C/O STORE.HBO.COM her style, which can be prim and prop- “Silicon Valley,” the newest show from “King of the Hill” creator er at times. She gets her fashion fix on A: How does going to school on a AC: I wear this a lot [gestures to the Mike Judge, brings witty satire to the tech industry. campus by online shopping from ma- small campus in a small town affect thin, long-sleeved T-shirt she is wear- jor outlets such as Urban Outfitters your style? ing], just a simple, lightweight T-shirt. AC: I feel like it definitely affects what Because it doesn’t actually get that By Dan Fuchs and American Apparel and turns to Arts Editor Internet sources of inspiration like I think is normal. Like, if you only see warm here, or maybe I’m just used to Etsy and Pinterest, but Conley cer- people your own age who are gener- Richmond weather, where it gets, like, ally more stylish or ascribe to a certain swelteringly hot. But [here] I always I’m just going to come out and say it: “nerds” (and that term has become tainly appreciates the Wesleyan bub- incredibly muddled over the past decade) don’t get enough credit in pop culture. ble of style as well. kind of style, then you think that’s the get just a little bit chilly, just like, long normal style. So I went home over sleeves, with shorts and sandals. I wear When they’re not the outright butt of the joke, they’re stereotypes. Very few shows break and was wearing what I nor- my Converse a lot when it’s warmer; strike the right balance of humor and pathos for the socially awkward. There’s The Argus: To what extent do you nothing wrong with making fun of nerdiness; as a bit of a nerd myself, there’s a consider yourself interested in fash- mally wear, and I didn’t realize how they’re really practical. different it was from what I wore in hell of a lot to make fun of. ion? Yet writers and directors often seem to forget that these nerds, like every Allison Conley: I definitely consider high school. A: Is there a current trend on campus you love? other character on a show, are just that: characters. Just like any characters, they myself interested in fashion. I used need to be well-rounded. They need to have serious emotional or dramatic needs. to be a lot more. I used to be really A: How would you describe your style AC: I see all these people wearing in high school? overalls, and I really like that… yeah, Being a nerd can be a part of that need, but it can’t be the sole defining quality. We into, like, reading blogs, fashion news need to latch on to these characters, to see the world through their eyes, as we’re sources, and stuff like that, but the AC: Well, my high school was an all- high-waisted pants, I like those, like girls, Episcopal school in the South, so high-waisted jeans, and shorts, and laughing with or at them. past couple of years I haven’t really Enter HBO’s “Silicon Valley,” the newest show from “Office Space” direc- done stuff like that...I’ve been more it was much more preppy, lots more stuff like that. pastels, more Lilly Pulitzer stuff, and tor and “King of the Hill” creator Mike Judge. The show centers around Richard interested in people around me, and Hendricks (Thomas Middleditch), a young programmer working for what es- more [interested in] what my friends I didn’t really wear Lilly and stuff like A: Is there a current trend you hate? that, but I was definitely more into, AC: I don’t know if this is Wesleyan- sentially amounts to Google (the show calls the company Hooli) who leaves the are wearing, what I’m wearing than company to establish his own start-up. That’s the bare-bones plot of the show, the, like, global fashion industry stuff. like, cardigans and riding boots and specific, but those dresses or shirts that floral dresses, and just that general aes- have the cutouts here [at the shoul- and to say more would give away a large amount of what’s making the show interesting. “Silicon Valley” is a show that strives to take down the vapidity, the A: Describe your personal style in thetic…and that’s definitely not what ders], where it’s like the tank top with most people wear here. the extension. I don’t really get it. ruthlessness, and the often mind-baffling pretension that comes with making it in the tech bubble. “Silicon Valley” is a show that could have been irritatingly “relevant.” It could have name-dropped tech giants left and right. There could have been an episode on “2048.” But there isn’t. That the show is set in the hub of the tech industry is clearly important to what Judge is trying to do, but it could just as easily be about farming as it could be about Farmville. Like any good comedy, the setting is significant, but it comes down to the characters. And these characters are, unsurprisingly, nerds. Even stereotypes. They strug- gle with social interaction, they have very specific and passionate interests, and yes, they’re uncomfortable with sex. But ultimately, they’re characters that are being explored more as people than as set-pieces. And frankly, they’re funny as hell and rarely at their own expense. Kumail Nanjiani of “Portlandia” fame shines in delivering a character that I’d love to see explored further; he’s equally as sarcastic as he is sympathetic. Martin Starr, who viewers may recognize from “Party Down” and “Freaks and Geeks,” is a weird, distant Satanist (I’d like to see the character explored, but maybe not that part). Middleditch portrays Hendricks with an air of quiet anxiety, as he struggles to find confidence but also with how to open a bank account as a corporation rather than an individual. These are all wholly unique, fleshed-out characters, even in only the three episodes that have aired. For a show about nerds, it’s odd that the closest comparison I can think of is “Entourage.” “Silicon Valley” does, in part, suffer from one of “Entourage’s” big- gest problems in its excessive aimlessness; the show’s worst moments consist of a bunch of dudes talking awkwardly about nothing, not in a entertaining “Seinfeld” way, but with an overt, often annoyingly undeserved, sense of machismo. Some of these moments work better than others; Nanjiani’s delivery of the phrase “snack dick” (and I really don’t want to give any more of the joke away) literally made me spit Twinkie all over my computer. But an argument about tech company names, which essentially boils down to the fact that successful companies all have names you could call out during sex, feels a bit unnecessary. In the best-case scenario, “Silicon Valley” blazes a vibrant comic trail. These are characters with oodles of potential. Mike Judge, Thomas Middleditch, and company have something unique on their hands. It’s all about where they take it from here. Hopefully, “Silicon Valley” won’t become “Entourage” for nerds. Because “Entourage” sucks. 8 • arts THE WESLEYAN ARGUS FRIDAY, APRIL 25, 2014 Michaelson Continues to Ecofeminists Jam Shine with Lights Out at Mama Earth By Hazem Fahmy of really serious issues, I also think it’s im- By Sharifa Lookman her roots with personal and poetic Staff Writer portant for us to recognize that women’s Staff Writer lyrics. She speaks of relationships lives aren’t a tragedy and there’s a lot to with an honesty and candor that is As issues of serious concern to be celebrated and a lot to be gained from If you’ve ever been to a coffee similar to past songs such as “Starting a number of Wesleyan students, en- joining together and enjoying what we shop that uses a chalkboard menu Now” and “The Way I Am.” vironmentalism and feminism are no can offer. Mama Earth is intended as a and reusable cups, you’ve no doubt Overall, I thoroughly recom- strangers to massive, campus-wide fun and explorative atmosphere. heard the charming and original vo- mend this album. I’ve had many per- celebratory and informative events. Lily Myers: We really want it to be a cals of Ingrid Michaelson. In fact, sonal dance parties to “Girls Chase However, this weekend the Mama space of celebration. We talk a lot about if one were to personify caffeinated Boys,” and Michaelson’s other upbeat Earth Ecofeminist Festival seems set the idea of positive feminism. It’s work- conventions in a hipster coffee shop, tracks are starting to grow on me. I to raise the bar for how students ap- ing and fighting for equal rights, but it’s I think that Michaelson would be immediately loved the songs that proach, discuss, and celebrate these doing so in a way that lifts everybody up chai: something sweet and spicy yet were reminiscent of her old stuff: the topics. rather than taking anybody down. always therapeutic. In her newest sparsely accompanied pieces with her Set to rock Wesleyan this album, Lights Out, somebody had looped harmonies. However, it is this Saturday, Mama Earth will begin at A: So Mama Earth does not just focus the wild idea of throwing a shot of simplicity that I find missing from 1 p.m. in the WestCo Courtyard and on environmental issues, it also deals espresso in the mix to take us out of much of the album. Michaelson’s old will feature both native and external with feminism? our warm and fuzzy lyrical reverie of C/OMTV.COM songs were like a poem played over campus favorites such as Jackie Soro KW: Yeah, the idea being [that] eco- the old Michaelson and into some- Ingrid Michaelson’s newest al- a simple melody with honest lyrics. ’14, Lindsay Rose, Molly Balsam ’14 feminism posits that the treatment of thing more upbeat and mainstream. bum, Lights Out, is an adventur- They were songs that undoubtedly and the Kroox, Novelty Daughter, the Earth and the treatment of women In other words, Michaelson has be- resonated with you not just through ous set of pop tracks. Swipe Right, and Hallelujah the exist in a mutually reinforcing relation- come the coffee hybrid: a dirty chai. the lyrics, but rather a mood and inti- Hills. Numerous other groups such ship, and the idea is to work to challenge This album combines famil- a unique and somewhat eerie tone. It macy that was translated through her as SHOFCO and E.O.N. will be a relationship that degrades both women iar Michaelson sounds with a fast introduces a side of Michaelson that style and singing alone. participating, not to mention the and the environment and encourage a tempo and rock vibe. In songs such is neither pop nor folk, but almost In this album Michaelson de- various activities that will be featured, more beneficial and reciprocal interac- as “Warpath” and “Time Machine,” alternative. motes this intimacy in favor of ex- such as the Real Food Station, a make tion. she abandons her acoustic tenden- Though some of her new tracks ploration into the musical accom- your own granola table, and a collab- cies and sensitive vocals for a sound lack their usual lyrical quirk, the al- paniment. The lyrics are slightly orative mural that will be painted on A: Would you say that they are treated that is more akin to pop. The depth bum’s single, “Girls Chase Boys,” stripped of substance, and the melo- a wall built by two Middletown art- the same in the sense that they are both and honesty to the lyrics of her clas- shows experimentation in subject dies are fuller and derivative of pop. ists. treated as mere resources? sic songs “Die Alone” and “Corner of matter. The lyrics interchange the This record represents her evolution The festival is coordinated by LM: As conquerable spaces. It’s hard to Your Heart” are missing in these songs words “boys” and “girls” and thus as an artist; she experiments with juniors Kate Weiner and Lily Myers. distill, but yeah. in favor of more standard themes. In reject any gender binary to embrace her sound and different sides of her Weiner, an anthropology and envi- “Time Machine,” she addresses the equality regardless of sexual orienta- emotional self in an attempt to un- ronmental studies double major, has A: A lot of people have very distorted ever-present theme of making mis- tion. If you watch the music video, cover her identity. It is an explora- been working on sustainability issues views of both environmentalism and takes and wanting to go back in time the camera furthers this meaning by tion that I think she has not yet re- at Wesleyan for the greater part of her feminism, so what attitude would you to change them. “Afterlife” channels sexualizing men and women equally. I solved. The first song on the album is time here. Myers, on the other hand, want those not well-versed in them to any post-apocalyptic track that advo- think that this speaks to Michaelson’s called “Home,” and throughout the is a sociology and Latin American have when coming to the event? cates living tonight as though there attempt not only to connect with the album she travels to different places studies double major who has been KW: I don’t want to say there’s one type is no tomorrow. Here, her sound can public on a social and political level, and genres in an effort to find it: her active with feminist issues on cam- of environmentalism or feminism you be likened to Sara Bareilles, with a but also to push her fans and inspire home, her identity. pus for the last three years, most need to follow. For me when I think commonality in their unique voices them to grow with her. Right now she is a dirty chai, one notably through writing and slam about my relationship with environmen- and pop-like accompaniment. These In an effort to reach a broader step away from her old self—but take poetry. Myers and Weiner sat down talism, I like to imagine that one of the tracks are fun, catchy, and ideal for audience, Michaelson also collabo- away that syrupy sweetness and some with The Argus to discuss the Mama healthier ways to foster communities is karaoke car rides, but they offer a rated with different artists, from of that spice, and she could transform Earth Ecofeminist Festival, which is to see yourself as part of a bigger ecosys- different side of Michaelson. It is a the newly emerging band A Great into a new confection, be it straight meant to foster a space for creative tem and not as a sole driving force and louder and more adventurous side, Big World to fellow folksinger (and coffee or an entirely new genre. expression and discussion. to recognize that, as much as you impact and what she may lack in creativity, hubby!) Greg Laswell. Here, unlike Michaelson will keep hold of her things, so do other natural phenomenon she makes up for in energy. on the formerly mentioned tracks, die-hard fans with songs that recall The Argus: How would you sum- and events impact you. It’s important to Michaelson introduces more Michaelson doesn’t feel the need to her signature style, but she will also marize the mission of Mama Earth? recognize and appreciate that and be re- electronic instruments in these ener- compensate for any simplicity in the gain new friends thanks to her diverse In other words, what do you hope to spectful of it. getic tracks, such as the electric guitar orchestration; the richness produced new set of tracks. The album con- do with the festival? LM: I also think it’s important that it and keyboard. The result is a less or- by the two sets of vocals is enough. cludes with a track titled “Everyone Kate Weiner: It’s an opportunity to isn’t a space of judgment. That is feed- ganic and more manufactured sound. If you’re a sucker for duets like I Is Gonna Love Me Now,” and I think display a lot of creative talent on cam- back I hear a lot when you’re fighting for She still manages to maintain some of am, you will particularly enjoy these that this was the album’s mission: to pus and create a convivial and collab- your feminism or your environmental- her quirkiness by using nontradition- tracks. accrue new perspectives and make orative atmosphere, which I feel is ism or for whatever [other] people don’t al instruments and song forms. This There are still many moments some new friends. If there is anything very important, especially when we necessarily share, that [they] feel judged. is evident in “Handsome Hands,” in the album that are true to the old Michaelson has taught us, in albums talk about feminist issues on campus. It’s not that. It’s an open space that’s for example, because she experiments Michaelson. In “Ready to Lose” and both old and new, it’s that sometimes Many of them are contextualized as meant to be inclusive and where we can with orchestral instruments to create “Wonderful Unknown,” she revisits you need just a little bit of love. tragedies, and [while] there are a lot all share and learn from each other. Thesis: Theater Tackles Complexities of Depression

Continued from front page how much we trust the patient to articu- that I’m consistently a guardian, mother very interested to see audience reactions NS: I think that one of the biggest late their own experiences, but obviously figure. Our ages stay pretty consistent to it, because it’s really personal to be things for me, seeing it up onstage, were NS: When I was abroad last spring, there’s so much we still don’t know. throughout, and just thinking about like, this is what I feel like this person things that were actually funny that I I took a fabulous class called Madness how on paper, these characters would feels…It’s tricky. was not expecting to be funny, and just and Medicine in Modern Britain, which A: [To Ballhaus, Penn, and Rosen] You look so similar, but they’re all so differ- how strong the chemistry was between is where a lot of the historical elements fluctuated very quickly between playing ent and it’s mainly because of their men- A: [to Greene] What was it like to play the actors. That brought so much more are coming from. Psychology has oscil- a character struggling with depression tal state, and then also the time period the same role [of the doctor] consistent- to the script than me just looking at lated a lot between being very medical and playing a character that had no idea affecting how that mental state is being ly through the different time periods? words on the page. and very Freudian and based on your how to relate to that experience. Was it handled, not only by themselves but by Justin Greene: It was definitely a strug- GR: It’s always so cool to be with some- past experiences. All three of the time difficult to shift between those different the people around them and their doc- gle to embody the role of the doctor. The one who’s worked on this for so long periods that we are looking at are very mindsets? tors. I think it was helpful to make those transcendence of the doctor throughout, in so many different stages, and come focused on the medical. There’s the just- Louisa Ballhaus: I actually enjoyed contrasts and think about what these despite the changing technologies, was in when it’s not done. Any other time before-Freud moment in the earliest shifting between characters, especially people look like on paper and how they more difficult. I’m still the same person you do a show that’s already printed, time period, and the Valium craze, and when I was going from someone like actually are functioning in their lives. despite these different relationships, dif- you can’t change anything and it’s ex- then present day. I was interested in see- Anna, who is in a very quiet depressed Dylan Penn: Going between Tom and ferent socio-cultural norms, different actly as is, and that’s limiting in a lot ing how those were different and what state, to someone like Emily, who had Matthew was easier. They have many technologies, so it was very difficult to of ways. Especially to have someone they had in common. all this energy. It made me able to jump similarities, whereas playing a character ground the character somehow. like Natalie—and everyone else I’ve into that character more because there with depression is much more difficult. NS: These guys were with me from the worked with on campus has been the A: Over the different time periods, you was such a stark contrast. For the charac- How do you play depression? That is beginning of the semester, and they got a same way—who is just very welcoming do see progress in attitudes toward de- ters that are struggling from depression, something that I’ve really struggled final script during spring break. During to new ideas, because that’s how theater pression, but you also see a lot of par- like Anna, there’s a very clear timeline. with. You can’t pull away from the the whole first half of the semester we grows. It’s good for all of us to see the allels. Do you believe that progress has She’s getting worse over the course of other actor because that would destroy were working on the script, and on characters on the page and how they’ve been made? the play, and it can be difficult to be in the scene. You can’t be so far away that things that didn’t quite make sense, and grown until now. NS: I think there’s definitely some prog- these other characters and then come there’s no interaction. And I found that one of the things that happened was the JG: It’s really interesting, because I usu- ress. For instance, we’ve known since back and try to remember what phase of to be a real challenge. doctor developing more of a personality ally think of the script as the actor’s blue- about the 1980s that the idea of not her depression she’s in, what she’s been GR: Something that I’ve been think- as opposed to just being the textbook print, so it was really cool to cultivate having enough serotonin is not actually through at that point and trying to hold ing about the whole time is [how] de- spouting out the different treatments. the architecture on the page and let it the full explanation for depression. But on to a normal character arc the way pression is such a personal experience, flourish into beautiful buildings. people are still struggling, and so much you would if you were [playing just that so taking these broad generalizations A: Did you see anything in the way that of psychiatry is based on what we can get character]. That was the challenge, but of what we know about this particular the roles were played that added new di- “Until We Get It Right” will be drugs to fix, so what I wanted to show, it was a lot of fun to be able to do three mental illness and then trying to apply mensions to the script that you hadn’t staged on Friday, April 25 and Saturday, especially with the doctor scenes, is yes, different sides of it. it to this specific person and thinking seen or that changed your perspective in April 26 at 8 p.m. in the CFA Theater things are getting better, especially with Gwen Rosen: I think it was interesting about what that means for them…I’m any way? Studios. FRIDAY, APRIL 25, 2014 THE WESLEYAN ARGUS 9 opinion Death And Advertising in Thank You, The Open Sea Ann Coulter By Josh Cohen, Opinion Editor By Jenny Davis, Assistant Opinion Editor

Blue sea. White sky. Puffy, whispy, your back, staring up at the sky. From this Make no mistake: the shaky cam and Ann Coulter is like Big Bird flipped through. I don’t remember peaceful navy clouds. Only a thin strip perspective, staring up from the sea rather the panicked arm acting inspire real terror, from Sesame Street, only way, exactly what I read, but I’m sure it of peach on the horizon distinguishes than out from the helm, it is perfect blue, but it’s temporary. The game component way scarier. was to the tune of “don’t be defen- above from below. You scan left. You are and the clouds perfect white. It is ideal, and of the experience gets old pretty quickly. She’s an ultra-right-wing sive, always outrage the enemy, and Julien, and you are at the helm of a sail- it is inviting. Who knows what happened My first time trying Sortie En Mer, laxness, political commentator who has never apologize to, compliment, or boat. Charles, well-dressed in upper-crust to Charles, but it’s abundantly clear that all boredom even, overcame me, and I allowed made a name for herself—well, show graciousness to a Democrat,” boating garb, comes up from the quarters the scrolling in the world won’t bring him myself to drown. A generic life and love a name and also a lot of mon- which is how Amazon.com summa- and remarks, in French, on the beautiful back. You go under again. that was not mine flashed before my eyes, I ey—by pushing liberals’ buttons. rizes Coulter’s message. weather. He takes over your steering duties. It only takes a few minutes before died, and I shrugged and started the video Coulter, a six-foot blonde with I put the book back in its place You cross bowwards on the port side and you begin hallucinating. Looking up, you again. The second time went longer, but a voice like the cross between next to “Atlas Shrugged” (if memo- adjust the sail. Charles is concerned. He see a small child floating on an inner tube. my motivation was curiosity. I wanted to a yo-yo and a gutter (so that ry serves) with a heavy heart. I was cries out to warn you, but the mast swings Before you, there is a scuba diver staring see how the plot would sustain and progress “Muslim” becomes “moose-lim”) naïve, so I thought Ann Coulter abruptly and knocks you into the ocean. As you in the face. Then you are alone again, rather than just, well, treading water. But and an Adam’s apple the size of would mark the end of our friend- you fight to stay above the surface, Charles, and then you get desperate. Suspended in even then, I had no survival instinct in play. a small boulder, is nothing short ship. frantic, sails away. You yell for him to turn dark waters, you claw off your boat shoes. The recommendation to watch full-screen of terrifying. But then I started to read Ann back, curse at him, curse at everything, but Back above, juxtaposed against the perfect and pump the volume was meant to make Coulter’s opinions range Coulter’s columns, which she writes the boat fades into the distance. “Fuck, why sky, you tear off a fingernail. You pound the the trauma real, but detachment was also from laughably offensive (she every week on her website. I didn’t isn’t he coming?” you ask yourself, but no water with your fists. You scream, and you inevitable. argues in “Godless: The Church tell my parents about this, because answer follows. There isn’t an answer. You moan, and you scream. More treading. The soullessness of the interactive of Liberalism” that liberals are I knew my mother would do her keep treading water. Eventually, you go under for good. experience is compounded by the blatant going to hell) to troublingly of- signature hand-to-chest gasp and You are participating in Sortie En Everything goes dark. The underwater cash grab. It would be one thing if this were fensive (she tells television audi- my father would launch into a lec- Mer, or A Trip Out to Sea, presented by gleam of the sun comes from below. You simply a public service announcement, al- ences that she is against gay mar- ture about not believing everything Guy Cotten. It is an online interactive vid- grasp at a woman’s ankle on the sandy floor. beit a horrific one, but Guy Cotten doesn’t riage because gays can already you read. So I read Ann Coulter in eo, and before it begins, text on the screen In a vision, she lies in bed, everything white, just want you to wear a life vest. The com- get married—to a member of the private, through the 2008 and 2012 recommends you use speakers and make and she looks at you. The sun shines golden pany wants you to wear a Guy Cotten life opposite sex). elections, through the Trayvon the video full-screen. Guy Cotten is not a and your hands start to slip. The woman in vest, and it links you to its site at the end She then goes one step fur- Martin case and the 2013 holiday filmmaker. Guy Cotten is a marine boating bed looks concerned. You are holding your to buy one. ther, writing in “Demonic: How season (in which Coulter began a and safety equipment company. hand, and then you let go. The woman in The terror this video inspires passes. the Liberal Mob is Endangering war on Kwanzaa). No time to explain now. You are bed screams. You look up at the surface, As effective as the POV is in the moment, America” that the Ku Klux She writes about why liberal drowning. You must keep scrolling up to and your arms go limp before you. The the next time I’m out on the water, I don’t Klan was originally found- women are ugly (“I can tell you that stay on the surface. No matter how hard or screen reads, “You have drowned in…” and imagine I’ll be thinking about Julien and ed by Democrats to terrorize based on experience—and my body- how quickly you do so, you can’t, at least tells you for how many minutes you were his tragic demise at the hands of an unfor- Republicans. guard will back me up on this—all not consistently. You take big, urgent, gasp- swimming. Then, “Whenever you go out giving ocean and a crappy fellow mariner. And then she takes another pretty girls are right-wingers”), ing breaths when you can, and you labor to sea, wear your life vest.” “Guy Cotten.” I will wear a life vest, though, because it’s step over the line, defending vio- why she’s not a feminist (“I’ll take with muffled groans to keep your mouth Charles was never coming back be- the safe and right thing to do. Given the lent attacks on abortion clinics. 69 cents on the dollar, or whatever closed when you go under. From beneath, cause the video does not want you to get choice, I won’t choose a Guy Cotten. I’d She goes so far as to write, “Most current feminist myth is about how the surface is dark and opaque, with ethe- rescued. This is a drowning simulator; the like my life vest to be made by a company of the abortionists were shot or, much we make just to have to never real green light peaking through here and outcome is inevitable, only a matter of that actually shows some humanity and depending on your point of view, have to pay for dinner”), and how there. Sun flares distort your vision. So do time. It is a lifeless exercise, POV torture care for life. had a procedure performed on civil rights are only for blacks, not the bubbles and swell. The waves knock porn. You get knocked off the boat, you’re them with a rifle.” By the time immigrants (“what have we done to you down, but when you can, you float on fearful for a while, and then you’re dead. Cohen is a member of the class of 2014. the line of political correctness is immigrants?”). so far behind her she can no lon- Yet as much I hate what she es- ger see it, she has dated the viru- pouses, I cannot hate Ann Coulter. lent filmmaker Dinesh D’Souza I enjoy Ann Coulter. I do not Everything Is Killing You, (producer of “2016: Obama’s agree with her. There is a difference. America,” a 2012 right-wing Maybe I like her because of propaganda film designed to her frankness. She’s not running for turn the world against Obama). anything, so she can say whatever And That’s Alright Ann Coulter is odious, to she wants, free of consequence. By Jess Zalph, Opinion Editor be sure. But I cannot hate her. Maybe I like her because she She may deserve nothing but my is totally politically incorrect, and Does it seem to anyone else as to an extreme and decide that because matter. scorn, but she receives only my that’s refreshing. She’s not wishy- though everything you do is somehow bad there are so many harmful activities and Put more simply, it’s important for us curious fondness. washy. She doesn’t care what we for you? As though everything enjoyable substances in the world, they might as well to acknowledge that we are making deci- I first stumbled upon Ann think of her. is actually too good to be true? As though ignore basic health maintenance. Sure, in sions. Though any study should be evalu- Coulter on my friend’s parents’ Maybe I like her because of even things that are supposed to be good the end we’re all dead anyway, but maybe ated on merit, people too-often latch onto bookshelf. My friend’s parents her unbelievability. It’s almost as for you are actually bringing you closer to we will live longer and happier if we put in the notion that all of this health science are Republicans. They belong though not even she totally buys death? some of the legwork now. is invented, because they want it to be. (I to a country club and embrace everything that comes out of her According to sources such as The Let me be clear: I am not making any guess that’s where natural selection kicks free-market capitalism (though mouth. Listening to her is mentally New York Times and WebMD, sitting definitive arguments about what people in.) Even more often, people decide they I’m assured that they’re socially stimulating, because you first need down for more than 20 minutes at a time should do “for their own good.” There is just don’t yet care about the risks, in a form liberal, whatever that means). to understand what she’s saying, increases your risk of cardiovascular dis- no universal “should” about what choices of procrastination more similar to Russian Anyway, I was 12 years old, at sorting through the garbage and hy- ease and cancer. Taking afternoon naps people make with their bodies. For many, roulette than pushing off homework un- my friend’s house, and there perbole, in order to hate what she’s increases your risk of developing respira- smoking cigarettes is worth the increased til Sunday night. Making “unwise” health on the bookshelf (which, no- saying in full detail. tory problems. Running too much or too risk of medical complications, and with no decisions is perfectly legitimate (I certainly tably, was located just a few Maybe I like her—and this intensely can actually increase your risk of external factors such as dependent children do it sometimes), but to keep things bal- paces from a signed picture of is probably it—because she’s the heart failure. or second-hand smoke, that’s completely anced you have to recognize when deci- Rudolph Giuliani, the then- perfect enemy. I recently watched Dark leafy greens are full of nutri- their own choice to make. Personally, I sions are being made. mayor of New York City) was a video of her addressing a room- ents, as well as high levels of cancer-caus- know I would be better off consuming less One other common problem is the Ann Coulter’s huge blonde head ful of young libertarians. The mo- ing pesticides. Your cell phone is giving salt, and while I make an effort in that di- all-or-nothing approach. Just because you plastered on the cover of a book ment she accuses them of sucking you brain cancer. Your laptop is giving you rection I am not willing to cut olives out of cannot control everything that poses a risk titled, “How to Talk to a Liberal up to liberals by promising to legal- lap cancer. Your multivitamins might be my diet. Life would be so boring. to you doesn’t mean that it’s not worth (If You Must).” ize marijuana and same-sex mar- giving you everything cancer. Moreover, it’s important not to terri- making an effort to take care of yourself. It was at this point that I riage, the young libertarians burst And forget about the dangers of fy yourself into a bubble. Cellphone radia- It’s like saying, “Hey, I accidentally ate began to panic, if only slightly. into angered shouts and “boos.” sugar and salt. tion may pose a risk, but that doesn’t mean some lead-contaminated food, so I guess I It didn’t take a rocket scientist to Yet throughout, Coulter is well be- Do I sound flippant? As if there are you should hang up on your grandmother might as well go gnaw on the walls of my conclude that my parents, with haved, grinning and taking their so many risks that there is no point in when she calls to talk. French fries may dorm room.” their easygoing ways, loafer-less scorn lightly, never becoming flus- worrying about any of them? Sometimes often have trans fat, but if you’re passion- The “live fast, die young” mentality closet, pinot-less refrigerator, tered or defensive. it’s hard to avoid that attitude. If I were to ate about them, well, whatever. Enjoy life. is fantastic, until you’re no longer young and untamed peals of laugh- She offers herself up as a sac- follow every piece of advice, I would have Very few of the activities that are harm- and you don’t want to be dead. At the same ter, were liberals. I pictured rificial lamb, a concentrate of all no electronics, eat only food I grew myself, ful in the aggregate pose a significant risk time, there’s no point to life if you’re not my friend’s parents thumbing the hateful ideology of the right and stand up and do jumping jacks eight when done on an occasional basis. going to live it. You probably cannot con- through Coulter’s book before wing, and lets herself be slaugh- times over the course of my three-hour Instead of preaching “shoulds,” I trol everything or make the “right” call ev- going to retrieve her from our tered. That’s why I’m fond of Ann seminar class. Doable? Possibly. Pleasant? think it is important that we move toward ery single time without feeling incredibly house, just in case any chitchat Coulter. She’s doing us a huge fa- Not so much, especially given the society conscientious decision-making. No mat- claustrophobic. The key to both surviving was to be had with the liberals, vor by letting those who oppose her in which I live. ter what, the next cookie you eat probably and thriving is being aware of choices. Go and shuddered. take out their anger; she facilitates But being flippant is a cop-out: it’s an will not be the one that kills you. Besides, for a run. Get X-rays only when you need I reached for the book our catharsis. And in doing so, she easy “solution” to a difficult problem. It’s cookies are great. However, not to get too them. Treat yourself to a pickle. Maybe inconspicuously—my friend forces us to crystallize our argu- easy to believe that the things you enjoy liberal-artsy-philosophical, it is impor- avoid eating a container of Crisco for din- was busy reading a book about ments against her, to focus our beef can’t actually be causing problems, or at tant to recognize that you are a timeline ner. breeding and grooming Welsh with her into a cohesive manifesto. the very least, not problems you will have of choices: the ones you made in the past Everything will still be killing us, but Terriers, her family’s bearded dog Thanks, Ann. to deal with until an unimaginable 40 or count. The ones you make in the future at least we can go out with class. of choice (oh my god, what if 50 years from now. Science will have fixed will count too. You have a lot of power SHE had to read the book before Davis is a member of the class of everything by then! Many take flippancy over yourself, and the choices you make Zalph is a member of the class of 2016. talking to me?!)—and quickly 2017. 10 THE WESLEYAN ARGUS FRIDAY, APRIL 25, 2014 sports Men’s Lax Skates Past Polar Bears on Senior Day By Grant Lounsbury 6:43 mark, Quentin DellaFera ’15 assisted goals, which is something Staff Writer found the back of the net to give the we did really well today, and tak- Cardinals a two-goal lead. With 13 ing good quality shots,” said Head Despite Wednesday’s weath- seconds remaining in the opening Coach John Raba. “I am hoping we er being overcast and windy, the half, DellaFera netted his third goal can continue to do that on Saturday.” Cardinals were able to put on a of the game to bring the lead to 7-4 Although the Cardinals, led dominating performance against heading into halftime. by Macnab, DellaFera, and goal- Conn College on April 23, winning The Cardinals dominated the keeper Justin Schick ’15, who made their last regular season game 16-7. second half of the competition. They nine saves in net, were dominant With the win, the Cardinals ended went on a 6-0 run, during which Wednesday, they cannot overlook their 2014 regular season campaign Graham Macnab ’14 scored three. the Camels’ heading into the tourna- with an overall record of 11-4 and Both Macnab, who had five goals, ment. 8-2 in the NESCAC, locking up and DellaFera, who had three goals “I think the key is to stick with the second seed for the NESCAC and two assists, led the Cardinals, the game plan,” said Captain Elliot Tournament, which begins Saturday, each notching five points. Albert ’14. “Obviously playing this April 26. The loss dropped the Camels team again, we kind of saw what “I think we outhustled them, to 5-5 in the NESCAC, which puts worked today, but it’s all about en- and definitely showed our athleti- them in the seventh seed for the tour- ergy at this point. The mental aspect cism,” said Captain Aidan Daniell nament and sets up a rematch against needs to be there obviously, but at ’14. “We gave 100 percent the entire the Cardinals in the first round on this point in the season it’s playoff game.” Saturday, April 26 at 1 p.m. on the time, and we can’t wait to play them After both teams started the grass of Jackson Field. This will be again.” game with strong defensive stands, the first time the two teams face each As the Cardinals get ready to Matt Prezioso ’15 broke the ice other in the NESCAC tournament host the Camels for the second time first for the Cardinals at 11:04. The since 2010, when the Cardinals, as in four days, they expect the Camels Cardinals went on to take a 3-0 lead the eighth seed, upset the number to put up a good fight. at the end of the first quarter, but the one seeded Camels 6-5. “We expect them to make Camels fought back. “I think we use this game as a some adjustments on their offense By the midway point of the sec- great building block and blueprint and defense, and just try to match SHANNON WELCH/STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER ond quarter, the Camels mounted for the way we want to play, aggres- our play,” Daniell said. “Obviously The men’s lacrosse team has won seven of its eight games in which a comeback and closed the gap to sively, where offensively we really they’ll have the film that they will be it has scored double-digit goals. a one-goal deficit at 4-3, but at the are moving the ball, having a lot of able to tailor to our style of play.” Women’s Lax Drops Connecticut College Game 10-9 By Craig Weinhaus game. Staff Writer Over the next eight minutes, Conn was able to score two more Coming off of a loss to Tufts goals to make it 10-8. Wheeler in the final home game of the year, scored her second goal of the game the Wesleyan women’s lacrosse team and her thirteenth goal of the year traveled to New London, Conn. to with 5:29 remaining to make it a take on the Conn College Camels one-goal game. Unfortunately, the on Wednesday, April 23. Going into Cards were not able to strike again the game, each team was looking for and the Camels held on for the 10-9 its first NESCAC win of the year, as victory. both teams had 0-9 records in the In addition to her two goals, conference. The Camels came out Harding picked up two ground balls on top in a close one, topping the in the game and caused a team- Cardinals 10-9. high three turnovers. The Cardinals Conn opened up the scoring picked up 17 grounders to the 35 seconds into the game, but the Camels’ 15 in the game. Meghan Cardinals answered back quickly, Kelly ’17 picked up two in the game with Hannah Plappert ’16 scoring to bring her team-high total up to her ninth goal of the season just 16 29 on the season. Wesleyan and seconds later. The Cards and Camels Conn each controlled 11 draws in went back and forth for the rest of the game, with Meredith Smith ’17 the first half; both teams displayed and Emma Sveen ’17 both control- offensive prowess. After a Conn ling three for the Redbirds. goal made it 2-1, Martha Harding The Cardinals finished the sea- ’16 scored off a free position shot to son at 0-10 in the NESCAC and make it 2-2. 5-10 on the season. Wesleyan was About two minutes later, Conn led in points by Smith with 21, fol- scored again off a free-position shot, lowed by Captain Maddy Coulter which was followed by a goal from ’14, who missed the last two games the Cardinals’ Leah Sherman ’15. of the season due to injury, with 20, After two more Conn goals made followed by Sherman with 19 and it 5-3, Daphne Kroessler ’15 scored Harding with 18. her second goal of the season, which Smith also led the team in was followed up by an Abby Wheeler goals with 19. After picking up ’17 goal off an assist from Captain two ground balls and causing one Abby D’Angelo ’15. Wheeler’s goal turnover in the game against Conn, made it 5-5 with 3:25 remaining in Emily Gretsky ’16 finished the year the first half. with the second-most ground balls In the beginning of the second on the team with 26 and the most half, the Camels rattled off three caused turnovers on the team with straight goals, taking an 8-5 lead 16. with 18:15 remaining in the game. The Cardinals will return six of The Cardinals answered back with their top seven scorers, losing just three goals of their own in a span three players to graduation. With of two minutes and forty seconds. the NESCAC being the most com- Harding scored her 16th goal of the petitive conference in Division III, it season to make the score 8-6. That is a promising statistic that seven of goal was followed by two Sherman the Cardinal’s ten conference losses goals at the 17:23 mark and the came by four goals or less, with three 15:22 mark to tie the game at eight. of them coming by one goal. With Sherman’s hat trick brought her sea- a young core and focused interim son goal total up to 16, and she also head coach Amanda Belichick ’07, picked up two ground balls in the the Cards have a very bright future. FRIDAY, APRIL 25, 2014 THE WESLEYAN ARGUS SPORTS • 11 Baseball: Drops Coast Guard Softball Tops

Continued from front page tom of the fourth, courtesy of a sacri- winning streak, we needed to get fice fly by Schaefer, to cap their scor- right back on it with a clean, solid Amherst in Rantz found himself in a jam in the ing at 3-0. game. We did that. We need to go top of the third, with runners on The Cards’ arms handled it from back at it tomorrow. Get better.” second and third and only one out. there, with Chris Law ’14, Jimmy Wesleyan will now look forward He managed to get out of the in- Hill ’14, and Sam Goodwin-Boyd to its biggest series of the season this Suspended Finish ning unscathed, however, thanks to ’15 combining to throw the final six weekend against Little Three rival a great play by third baseman Ben innings without surrendering a hit. Amherst (21-5, 7-1 NESCAC). The Hoynes ’15. The Bears’ batter hit it The win came without the hot- two will clash in Amherst on Friday, hard to Hoynes’ left, but he made hitting Robby Harbison ’17, who April 25 and return to Middletown a nice stab and fired home without was sick. Matt Sorkin ’15, his re- on Saturday, April 26 for a double- hesitation to nail the runner trying placement at DH, made his first start header. The winner of the series will to score. Hoynes had just entered of the season and demonstrated the take the Little Three title and the top the game that inning as a defensive extraordinary depth of this Wesleyan seed in the West division. replacement for Guy Davidson ’16, team, going two-for-two with a dou- “We’re really excited,” Yin said. who left the game with a bout of ble and two walks. “Last year we took two out of three, pink eye. “I was really excited going into and this year, going into it, we expect “I was playing back, so any- it,” Sorkin said. “I had a lot of inju- to definitely be able to do the same thing [hit] hard at me, I’m looking ries at the beginning of the season, so or exceed that. It’s big.” to go home,” Hoynes said. “If it’s hit I didn’t get to do what I wanted to Woodworth expects his players softly, I just go to first. But it was hit help the team out. But getting a start to take it one pitch at a time and ex- hard right at me. So I looked up [at today, getting to play at home, it was pressed confidence in his team head- the runner], and it was an easy play, just a lot of fun.” ing into the showdown. just took my time, and threw a strike In a game that easily could have “Let’s win the first pitch,” to home.” been overlooked with a crucial se- Woodworth said to the team. In the bottom of the third, ries coming up against Amherst this “Whether we win or lose the first Wesleyan extended its lead to 2-0 weekend, Wesleyan remained fo- pitch, let’s go try and win the next thanks to another RBI from Cimino, cused and put its tough loss against pitch. And it doesn’t matter who who hit a sacrifice fly to left field to Hamilton behind them. we’re playing because the process for score Andrew Yin ’15. Yin had led “The effort was good,” said Head us to be successful has nothing to do off the inning with his team-leading Baseball Coach Mark Woodworth. with the other team. It has to do with 40th hit of the season. The Cardinals “We were a little banged up. A bunch us. And if we do that, we can beat tacked on one more run in the bot- of guys were sick. After breaking our anybody in the country.”

SADICHHCHA ADHIKARI/STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER The softball team beat Amherst on Tuesday, April 22.

By Michael Sheldon when the game picked up again, Pardo Staff Writer promptly struck out the next batter she faced to send things to the bottom of On Tuesday, April 22, the the fifth. softball team resumed a suspended The Wesleyan offense was unable game against Amherst, which had to secure any insurance runs in its first originally started on March 29. frame back at bat. Pardo, Mollie Grunat The Cardinals, holding a one-run ’16, and Angelina Massoia ’17 were re- lead at the time the game was sus- tired in order. The missed opportunity LEX SPRITES/STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER pended, were able to hold off an for extra run support would have been Amherst comeback and finish with helpful, which Amherst made evident an 8-7 victory. in the top of the sixth. The game was suspended in After striking out the first batter of the fifth due to a combination of the sixth inning, Pardo allowed a single, rain and darkness; immediately be- a stolen base, and then another single fore the suspension, starting pitcher to give up the game-tying run. Pardo Su Pardo ’16 surrendered a three- was able to finish the inning without run home run with two outs that further incident, but heading into the allowed Amherst to get back into bottom of the sixth, the score stood at the game. Wesleyan clung to a 7-6 7-7. lead at the time of the suspension. Captain Amy Lindland ’14 led off The Cardinals built that lead the bottom of the sixth with an infield largely on the strength of offensive single and then made a gutsy move by standouts Abby Rutt ’17 and Jamie rounding second and heading to third Hom ’17, who combined for four on Hom’s subsequent sacrifice bunt. hits, three runs, two homers, and Hom was thrown out by the Amherst five RBIs on the day. Jill Gately ’15 third baseman to the second baseman, and Amanda Roosa ’16 also con- who was covering first after the first tributed an RBI each. baseman had charged in on the bunt By the time the game resumed attempt. The second baseman, upon play on April 22, both teams were seeing Lindland headed for third, made playing for pride. Williams and an errant throw and allowed Lindland Middlebury had already clinched to score, putting Wesleyan up 8-7. The the two playoff spots from the Cardinals would not score again, but NESCAC West division, so neither that eighth run would prove to be all Wesleyan nor Amherst would be they needed. Pardo retired the Amherst heading to the postseason regard- hitters in order on two strikeouts and a less of the outcome of the game. foul to close out the top of the seventh However, pitted against their rivals, and the game. the Cardinals came into the remain- The Cardinals will play their last der of the game highly motivated game of the season, a non-NESCAC and hoping to avoid being swept in West matchup against Trinity, on all of their 2014 Little Three games. Saturday, April 26. The game will take LEX SPRITES/STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER Returning to the mound place on Senior Day. Chris Law ’14 was one of four pitchers who shut out Coast Guard in a 3-0 win for baseball. DEAR SANTA . . . Senior Citizens Confused About As I’m getting older, I’m hav- What Life Alert is For ing trouble dealing with the ways in which my age is limit- Alvin Humphries: I’ve found extraterrestrial life at 46°8’34”N ing my active lifestyle. What do 122°57’20”W. you recommend? -Aging in Albequerque

As we grow older, our reflexes No one can blame you – you’re a and metabolism slow down, our senile old man; you didn’t know Eustis Stevens: Do you know where I can find some nice number 4 hair falls out, and our memory what you were doing. knitting needles? I’m sure that old bitch Muriel stole mine. worsens. We can’t even hear youngsters talk about our de- 3. I know many doctors recom- teriorating physical and men- mend light, moderate exercise tal health, because we are also as a way to stay healthy at this deaf. Deep down, in the pit of time in your life. Regular exer- Mildred Carnes: Yes, Hello Life Alert. This is Mildred Carnes our hard-candy-filled bellies, cise isn’t really my thing though. checking in to alert you that I’m still alive. we know that we aren’t as fit, I prefer to go super crazy on jolly, and proud as we used to one night of the year, moving at be. Hence, I have taken it upon mega-speed to jump down chim- myself to publish this guide to neys and carefully arrange gifts aging well during the off-season. in billions of homes, and then The elves even taught me how to get back to the ‘Pole before sun- Judith Ansler: Is your refrigerator running? Because you better go use a computer to type this up in rise. I break enough of a sweat catch it!!!! a timely fashion. So here goes: with that shit to last me a year.

1. Do not interact with other old 4. Don’t be mortal. I know this is people. It’s best to only hang hard to control, but if you could around elves and children so you swing a job as a mythical crea- Ingrid Streuben: JIMMY CAN YOU HEAR ME? IT’S GRANDMA are not reminded of your immi- ture who has been around for INGY! I’M PARKED RIGHT NEXT TO THE SOCCER FIELD. I’M nent death. Major plusses: you more than 200 years and doesn’t WAVING! CAN YOU SEE ME JIMMY? can watch children when they age, then you’re golden! That’s are sleeping and when they are really the best suggestion I have, awake, and elves can knit you since that’s what I do. I don’t ac- cute mittens on demand. tually know what to recommend Cecil Murgatroyd: Hey Life Alert, I’ve fallen and I CAN get up. to mortals. Aren’t you guys a Fuck your panther piss system. 2. We old geysers get cold pretty little old to believe in me, any- easily. To alleviate this, build up ways? Can you even read this as much body fat as possible. If size of font? Oh, forget it! (And cookies and milk are ever lying you probably will). about, just assume they are for Learning to Wipe…The Tears Away you and eat up! This strategy has Xoxo, Even though I knew it hard to copy her every move- to find these habits so strange, worked out pretty well for me. S. C. was coming for a while, I still ment on your own. Trying and but now I see that these are felt a great sadness when I got failing over and over again un- what make her special. the call. It wasn’t the deep, til you finally made it. I was I know now that I need hollow sadness I was expect- so proud when I didn’t need to be the teacher, helping my ing, but instead a feeling of the mirror anymore and got five- and seven-year-olds burden or new responsibility. my very own cotton swab. We learn as they explore our won- With my mother finally gone, would always reuse them, and drous world. I already see the I finally realized that what I tie different colored strings to same curiosity in their eyes would miss most is what she differentiate them. Mine was that I possessed when I was taught me. Since my birth, my blue. I remember the first time their age. Just the other day mother had always been there I triumphantly placed it on the my youngest, Scones, asked to show me the way and teach sink next to my toothbrush. I me why we have cotton swabs me about the world. still use a blue string today, the if we don’t use them for our It’s that universal way all same as my first color all those ears. I, too, remember asking mothers teach their children; years ago. It’s these special this question. I didn’t know the way she would carry you maternal ways that always stay before whether or not I would and make you want to emulate with us. ever have the answers, but all her movements. The way Of course, not everyone after losing my mother, I al- she taught you to wipe, gently does things the same way. My most feel ready. Not so long supporting you while reaching wife has little inconsistencies, from now, my eldest will come under with tissue. After gen- for example, which are some home from second grade, and tly wiping the tissue around of the reasons I love her. The after we lick out the day’s ear- in a gentle clockwise spiral way she uses a loufa soaking in wax we will go to the bath- inward, she’d get the cotton a tub of vinegar next to the toi- room and I will say, “Let me swab to clean up what was left. let, or the shoelace she brings teach you.” Maybe not today, After that, you would try so into public bathrooms – I used but someday. Entire Family Hopes Grandmother Outlives Grandfather The Monroe family revealed son. “Grandpa’s great too, would certainly help with this morning that concerning but he’s kind of grumpy. the mortgage. I’m just kid- World-renowned actress Betty White shows off her post-Crossfit body. the issue of which of the se- We don’t always click, you ding!” Reports indicate that “Crossfit has changed my life,” says White. “It taught me how to take nior Monroes should bite the know?” Research has shown even though losing Grandpa control of my aging, decrepit body and let my young soul shine through.” dust first, there was a unani- that 100 percent of the mem- would be sad, having Gram- mous preference. “Grammy bers of the Monroe fam- my would more that make up The Ampersand is a humor page. Sarah Esocoff, Editor; Ian McCarthy and Emilie Pass, Assistant Editors; Keelin Q. Ryan, Advisor to the President; Monroe is so sweet and gen- ily agreed with this senti- for the loss. When reached Emma Singer, Queen of Layout. Santa Claus, Laurel Martin; POV, Katie tle, and she bakes the yum- ment. “Of course we don’t for comment, Grammy Mon- Darr; Poop, Nico “The Hedge” Hartman; Dying First, Ananya Menon; Betty miest banana bread,” said want either of them to die,” roe shared, “Time is an in- White, Emma Singer. Charlie Monroe, the old- explained Mrs. Monroe, sufferable collection of ser- est and also hottest grand- “Although the inheritance vile remembrances.”