THE F.R.A.U.D. FRAMEWORK A 5-Step Guide To Overcoming Impostor Syndrome

Vanetta Morrison

1 The F.R.A.U.D. Framework: A 5-Step Guide To Overcoming Impostor Syndrome by Vanetta Morrison.

© 2020 The Blueprint Way. www.blueprintway.com

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or modified in any form, including photocopying, recording, orby any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from Vanetta Morrison, [email protected].

This publication is meant as a source of valuable information for the reader, however it is not meant as a substitute for direct expert assistance. If such level of assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought. The author assumes no responsibility for errors, inaccuracies, omissions, or any other inconsistencies herein and hereby disclaim any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause.

Cover art, design and editing by Dr Gyles Morrison. Contents

Welcome 4

About the Author 5

Introduction 6

Fact or Fiction? 9

Reframing 12

Adaptability 16

Understanding 20

Defence 23

Summary 27

What’s Next 28 Welcome

Thank you for subscribing to The Blueprint Way Mailing List!

I’m excited you are here and ready to dig into a topic most of us struggle with at some point in our lives.

If you didn’t know yet, The Blueprint Way (TBW) is a specialist coaching, counselling and change management consultancy. The aim of TBW is to help:

● people achieve greater purpose, peace and pleasure in life

● people resolve any stuckness, stress, sadness or shame they may be suffering

● businesses manage change more efficiently, effectively and with emotional intelligence

You can find out more about my services onblueprintway.com

Here, and honoured to help,

Vanetta Morrison Director of The Blueprint Way

4 About the Author Vanetta is an ACC (Association of Christian Counsellors) accredited counsellor, with over 2 years experience, specialising in Integrative counselling. This means she is experienced in applying a variety of counselling approaches (Person-centred, CBT, Solution-focused, Transactional Analysis) within a set framework tailored to the individual needs of her clients.

She works with a diverse group of clients, focusing on mild to moderate and , abuse, trauma, relational conflict, low self esteem and grief and loss.

She is also a life & career coach and a change management consultant, leveraging 12+ years of leadership, management and psychology experience and facilitating significant individual and organisational successes; both in the Higher Education and charity sector.

She prides herself in being a warm, accepting, empathic, organised and highly competent professional. Tactful in her approach, yet not afraid of constructive confrontation for the sake of true reconciliation, productivity and individual growth.

5 Introduction If you have ever found yourself doing something that you are passionate about publicly for the first time, you’ve probably experienced Impostor Syndrome. It’s that feeling of convincing panic that someone is going to tell you they made a mistake in hiring or booking you, because you are a fraud. That feeling that you don’t belong and that your successes are down to luck and that eventually everyone will find out you are not as good as you say you are. That nagging sense of inadequacy and self- despite you having put in the work.

Impostor Syndrome is officially defined as: “a false and sometimes crippling belief that one's successes are the product of luck or fraud rather than skill”¹. Research suggests that at least 70% of people will experience or already have experienced Impostor Syndrome in their lives². I have definitely struggled with Impostor Syndrome many times already in my life and even more so after I had finished university. This is partly because I believed the lie that as soon as I completed my degree I would get a job in my field and be on my way to becoming an expert....

I felt like a fraud in my first paid management role, even though I had voluntarily managed or led teams for years. I felt like a fraud when I was counselling my first clients, although I had done my training and had years of unofficial experience in that area too. I felt like a fraud becoming a wife because I had little relationship, let alone marriage, experience.

Basically, whenever I have been faced with something new or challenging in the past 10 years I have felt like an impostor to begin with, and sometimes even throughout, even though it was clear I was doing a good job at the time.

¹ https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/what-is-impostor-syndrome ² https://www.tci-thaijo.org/index.php/IJBS/article/view/521 6 An expert on the subject of Impostor Syndrome, Dr. Valerie Young has conducted decades of research examining fraudulent feelings among high achievers. Her findings have added to her award-winning book ‘The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer From the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It’. Dr Young herself states: “The goal is not to never feel like an impostor. The goal for me is to give [people] the tools and the insight and information to talk themselves down faster. They can still have an impostor moment, but not an impostor life.”³

I couldn’t have said it better myself! There is no magic one time treatment for Impostor Syndrome, but that's okay. The problem occurs when you allow Impostor Syndrome to become an identity rather than containing it as a temporary incident. This can then stop you from progressing because you don’t feel like you will ever be good enough. Yet every expert started off as a student, so the world might miss out on your current and future expertise if you keep talking yourself up as an impostor and down from doing what you are meant to do.

Overcoming Impostor Syndrome is not about being a perfectionist or being the best there ever was at [insert job of your choice]. It’s about learning to accept yourself - flaws and successes - and see the value you provide to your field and humankind, no matter what level of expertise you are at. We cannot allow perfectionism and self-doubt to trap us in the most vicious of cycles in which we never feel good enough, but always aim to be perfect. This can cause serious anxiety and depression and negatively impact the quality of our lives.

Based on Dr. Young and many others’ research, here are my 5 steps for you to talk yourself down from Impostor Syndrome faster: I call it F.R.A.U.D. (see what I did there!?).

³ https://time.com/⁵³¹²⁴⁸³/how-to-deal-with-impostor-syndrome/

7 The F.R.A.U.D. Framework Below is a figure of the 5 elements that can help you overcome Impostor Syndrome.

Although this is presented as a cyclical, progressive model, you might only need to work through one step before you can effectively challenge your thoughts and push past feelings of being an impostor. The order is just there to help you remember.

Let us have a look at these 5 steps in more detail.

8 Fact or Fiction?

9 Fact or Fiction?

“The only way to stop feeling like an impostor, is to stop thinking like an impostor.” Dr Valerie Young

Impostor Syndrome is an issue that begins by occupying your thoughts, swiftly followed by your feelings which can then influence everything you do. Because the emotive side isso powerful, we can forget that our feelings don’t just come out of nowhere. They are triggered by our thoughts.

So, to tackle Impostor Syndrome you need to examine your thoughts and nip any falsehoods in the bud. This can be done by presenting yourself with your own facts of not being an impostor, i.e. your achievements.

When setting up The Blueprint Way, I had countless moments of Impostor Syndrome rearing its ugly head. Some days ended with me in tears, wanting to shut it all down, because I thought I wasn’t qualified enough to run my own business. And then one day, I was reviewing my CV and work experience for content for my ‘About’ page and it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks: no matter how strongly I felt like I wasn’t good enough to start my business, my achievements told a very different story. I got such an incredible boost, because I had years and years of evidence of achieving.

Listing your achievements is a great way of tackling Impostor Syndrome by exposing it as a fictitious thought rather than a fact.

10 Fact or Fiction?- The F.R.A.U.D Framework

If you work in a regulated field like medicine, teaching or counselling and you have passed the academic and practical parts, then you should be able to confidently say you do what you are trained to do. If it is an unregulated field like management, marketing or coaching, then your ability to deliver the relevant results and your industry-relevant experience are more important than your qualifications.

Either way, you need to engage in the activity of listing your achievements, training and experience and repeating them back to yourself as facts. Task: 5 minutes Spend 2 minutes writing down all the facts that support you being a fraud. Be truthful, only write down something that genuinely makes you a fraud. I’m expecting this list to be very short, if not empty.

Then spend 2 minutes writing down the facts that support you not being an impostor. Hopefully this list is substantial.

Finally, spend 1 minute repeating the second list to yourself. You should repeat the list to yourself regularly from now on. This way, you reprogram your thoughts. Your thoughts about yourself should start aligning with your facts and your feelings should eventually follow suit. If not, move on to the next step.

A helping hand Finding it difficult to create your facts list? Perhaps your fraud list is greater than expected? Some coaching might be of benefit to get more objective support.

11 Reframing

12 Reframing

“Our key to transforming anything lies in our ability to reframe it.” Marianne Williamson

When it comes to Impostor Syndrome, we automatically look at situations we face from a highly individual perspective, thinking we, as an individual, are a fraud, and we, as an individual, are not good enough and no one else feels this way. This is known as ‘pluralistic ignorance’ - the false estimation that others don’t believe the same thing we do⁴.

Reframing is a psychological term and refers to the ability of looking at situations from a different perspective to what we might be used to. I invite you to consider two perspectives other than pluralistic ignorance: the humankind and the personal history perspective.

The humankind perspective: You are not alone in occasionally thinking that you are a fraud. As mentioned, 70% of humanity has felt the same at one point in their lives.

Even Albert Einstein and Maya Angelou have been known to feel like impostors⁵.

Albert Einstein, Nobel Prize winner and most influential physicist of the 20th century, confided in a friend and said:

“The exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler”

⁴ https://study.com/academy/lesson/pluralistic-ignorance-definition-examples-quiz.html ⁵ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQUxL4Jm1Lo

13 Reframing- The F.R.A.U.D Framework

Meanwhile, Maya Angelou, a civil rights activist, poet, memoirist, actress, said of her own struggles with self-doubt:

“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody and they’re going to find me out’”

Einstein and Angelou are not on their own in being high achievers with self-doubt. Further examples include , Michelle Obama, Sheryl Sandbery, David Bowie, Kate Winslet, Agatha Christie, , Howard Schultz and the list goes on, and on, and on.

Tom Hanks, one of the most recognisable film stars in the world, once admitted:

"No matter what we've done, there comes a point where you think, 'How did I get here? When are they going to discover that I am, in fact, a fraud and take everything away from me?'”

This just shows no matter how much on top of your game you are, you can still feel like you’re faking it. Doubt is a normal part of our humanity, but you cannot allow it to paralyse you.

From a personal history perspective: Impostor Syndrome has a lot to do with not feeling like we belong. We struggle to internalise our successes in our given field of practice, because we think we are not a valid or valuable member of that field. This might be because of: • less experience due to newly qualifying • being of a different demographic in comparison to the dominant players or recognised experts in our chosen field (e.g. age, ethnicity, gender, disability, religion, sexuality etc.) • an unconventional training journey, maybe because of a career change • unusually rapid promotion/progress

14 Reframing- The F.R.A.U.D Framework

When my husband first started off in his chosen career asa Clinical User Experience (UX) Designer, he struggled with many moments of self-doubt, especially because he was the first to do so. Leveraging his medical degree and training, he carved out his own path in the field of UX and is now an accomplished Clinical UX Designer, founder of the global Clinical UX Association, and a sought after International speaker and conference host. All of this would have never happened, had he chosen to give in to the self-doubt and abort his plans; or had he let perfectionism stop him from making any progress. We all need to accept that our personal history is not the same as someone else’s and that is not a weakness. In fact, it actually gives us a different vantage point which we should capitalise on as we develop our brand. So what if you are the only white/black/brown, young/old, woman/man/other in your field? Use your uniqueness to your advantage! Task: 10 minutes Think of 1 of your greatest role models and list down 3 of their greatest accomplishments. Then, research and list 3 things this role model had to overcome. Are you inspired by what you find? Next, have a look at your own personal history, and reflect on 3 of your own accomplishments. How can that help you in the future?

A helping hand This is where career coaching can be very useful. When working with me, we can look at leveraging your uniqueness, and creating a profile that emphasises the value you add.

15 Adaptability

16 Adaptability

“All failure is failure to adapt, all success is successful adaptation.” Max McKeown

The world is forever changing. Yet, change is something most people struggle with, so no surprise there is an overlap between anxiety over change and anxiety over feeling like a fraud. To reduce the co-anxiety effect, learning to be adaptable in the face of change is helpful. Adaptability is defined as “the capacity to make appropriate responses to changed or changing situations; the ability to modify or adjust one’s behaviour in meeting different circumstances or different people”⁶. Learning to be adaptable is the same as learning to manage change well⁷ and managing change well has been my bread and butter for years. I remember when I was appointed to my first paid management role in 2016. As mentioned before, my appointment immediately unleashed an almighty dose of Impostor Syndrome in me. This was especially because it was a double promotion (2 jumps up the pay and responsibility scale) and the role had been unmanaged for 5 months with project deadlines looming. Add to that I was the youngest manager and only black person in the department and I also have a ‘minority specific’ chronic illness. The confidence I had during the interview stage, evaporated before the job even officially started.

⁶ VandenBos, G. R. (²⁰¹⁵). American Psychological Association (APA) Dictionary of Psychology (²nd ed.). Washington DC: American Psychological Association. ⁷ Zhou, M., & Lin, W. (²⁰¹⁶). Adaptability and Life Satisfaction: The Moderating Role of Social Support. Frontiers in psychology, ⁷, ¹¹³⁴. https://doi.org/¹⁰.³³⁸⁹/fpsyg.²⁰¹⁶.⁰¹¹³⁴

17 Adaptability- The F.R.A.U.D Framework

I learned the hard way what “learning on the job” means and although I wish my season of adapting to the new wouldn’t have been as brutal as it was on my mental and physical health, I did come out of it with a set of mature problem solving and change management skills that made the struggle worthwhile. So much so, that when I got asked to move to a different management role a year and some later to help cover business needs, I embraced it as a chance to test my skills, rather than moan about the fact I was only just getting used to my new normal. What exactly helped me become more adaptable I hear you ask? Patterns. It was recognising and fully understanding patterns in the way things were done in my environment and then developing a framework around them. Below is a simplified version of my framework, the 7 Ts of Onboarding™: 1.Temperature : Understand the current context and biggest pressures 2.Tribe: Connect with the people you need to work with/for and identify their needs and expectations 3.Truths : Know short, medium and long term strategies as well as the overall vision being pursued 4.Tools: Comprehend the resources at your disposal e.g. software/hardware; money; time 5.Training : Determine and mitigate for any skill gaps through additional training 6.Tasks: Establish and master your daily responsibilities

7.Talent Development: Develop yourself/your team further

18 Adaptability- The F.R.A.U.D Framework

Adaptability is shown when you/your team can successfully navigate these 7 Ts no matter your/your team’s situation; Business as usual is the maintenance of them; and continuous improvement looks at how all 7 elements can be implemented/ engaged with even better and more efficiently.

Task: 10 minutes In whatever situation you are feeling like an impostor in and need to adapt to, ask yourself: 1. What about my environment and responsibilities are new to me? 2. In what ways can I adapt to this new environment and these new responsibilities?

A helping hand If you are overwhelmed by change happening to you in life or work at the moment, or if you are hoping to implement lasting change, contact me to explore working with me as a coach and/or change management consultant.

19 Understanding

20 Understanding

“Knowledge breeds confidence. Confidence destroys fear. Destroy your fear.” Robert Kiyosaki

Understanding is about expressing and cultivating your expertise on your subject matter of choice by examining both how well you can explain it to others and how aware you are of current trends in the field. Engaging with understanding can stop you from feeling like you might be an A* student who is only good at passing the necessary exams, but an F grade practitioner who is terrible at doing it in real life.

One of the best ways to prove your understanding of something is to teach it to someone else. This might not be in a classroom, but you can write books/articles, record videos, give talks etc. on the subject matter to teach others and simultaneously remind yourself of how well you know it.

A further benefit of creating content to communicate/teach to others, is that it develops your portfolio of resources and inspires you to research and innovate further, thereby turning you into the expert you don’t think you are.

Understanding is also the part where you consider how much you are participating in continual professional development in your area and, where necessary, commit to more. You might want to take additional courses, read up on the latest developments or attend relevant conferences to ensure your subject knowledge is up-to-date.

21 Understanding- The F.R.A.U.D Framework

Experts become experts by engaging with a subject matter in depth through primary and/or secondary research and knowing it so well that they can tell others about it. If you are teaching others about and constantly growing and engaging with new developments in your area of expertise, then you are not an impostor.

Task: 10 minutes Spend 5 minutes to list as many the topics you feel confident to give an introductory lesson on. Could you then teach any of these topics to a more advanced level? How many people could benefit from your lesson, 10s of people, hundreds, thousands, or more?

Spend another 5 minutes to list topics you could do with learning more about. What resources do you have at your disposal to help you?

A helping hand If you are interested in working with me on becoming an expert in your field within 6 -1 2 months, contact me to discuss a personalised coaching experience.

22 Defence

23 Defence

“Good riddance to decisions that don’t support self-care, self-value and self-worth.” Oprah Winfrey

Defence is about using positive input to actively defend yourself against the negative and false thoughts/ feelings of being an impostor. This can be done by: • adhering to a healthy self-care routine • remembering and embracing as well as • social support from others who affirm you in your skills, abilities and experience

Self-Care Routine It is better to be equipped and prepared to tackle Impostor Syndrome before it even begins. Self-care is all about ensuring you are looking after your health and wellbeing in a proactive and holistic way. Good sleep, a healthy diet, and indulging in your hobbies are essential elements in developing a great self- care routine. I don’t need to tell you how much hunger, tiredness or boredom can affect our mood and therefore also our mindset.

But there are many more examples of self-care that might be more specific to you, so it is important to take the time to identify what routines work best for you.

To practice self-care routines consistently, healthy boundaries are required. I like to define good personal boundaries as “interpersonal rules of engagement that set the context of all my interactions with others, based on having taken my 24 Defence- The F.R.A.U.D Framework

purpose, worth and needs into consideration first.” This should prevent a number of issues, such as ill health, burnout and resentment.

Positive self talk This is talking to yourself in a constructive way, celebrating your strengths and showing yourself compassion. It recognises your failures and sees them as valuable lessons on the road to success.

There is ample research out there that heralds the benefits of talking to ourselves with more compassion and optimism⁸. Among many other things, positive self-talk can: • Reduce stress • Improve your quality of life • Increase your life expectancy and • Boost your immune system⁹ It’s like the multivitamins of psychology - a great supplement to an already nutritious diet.

Social Support Having people in your corner who can give you love and care is always a good defence against feeling like you don’t belong. Add to that having people in your corner who also truly recognise the value you bring in your field and it is a great defence against unwanted and untrue thoughts and feelings about your worth and abilities.

Personally, I have often been able to downplay my skills or the achievement of my qualifications. But, I cannot downplay client after client telling me I have changed their lives through

⁸ https://positivepsychology.com/positive-self-talk ⁹ https://www.healthline.com/health/positive-self-talk 25 Defence- The F.R.A.U.D Framework counselling or coaching, or showing me increased customer satisfaction rates and recruitment targets because of my project or change management. I either start believing they are all liars or just trying to make me feel good. Or I start accepting that my perceptions of myself are not right, I do know what I’m doing and my successes are not down to luck, but hard work and talent.

Also, having my own mentors and coaches to reach out to on a regular basis, helps me to proactively reduce the amount of Impostor moments I experience. This is because I am accountable to them for any growth I have committed to, and I am being reassured by them that I’m on the right path and adding value already, not just in future. Task: 15 minutes Spend 5 minutes reflecting on your week and how you can schedule in more self-care routines or protect the ones you already have. Spend 5 minutes to list 3 positive self-talk statements you can say to yourself to build up your defence. Then spend another 5 minutes to list 3 people you know who can support you and offer you constructive feedback.

A helping hand If you tend to only see the negative or inadequate aspects of yourself, it is especially important to get external feedback from others or even get some counselling. You can contact me to find out more about my counselling services.

26 Summary Feeling like an impostor from time to time is a normal part of the human experience. The important thing to remember is that we don’t let a moment of Impostor Syndrome pick up momentum and become a mindset. It is normal for these moments to also repeat themselves in the future, but they don’t have to be crippling.

So the next time Impostor Syndrome rears its ugly head, remember you have F.R.A.U.D. as a tool to slay the beast and live happily ever after - until said ugly head grows back!

27 What’s Next? I appreciate Impostor Syndrome is something you want help with overcoming and I hope this ebook has helped you.

Let me know how you get on with the advice here by emailing me at [email protected].

If you need any further help exploring issues of anxiety, self-worth, negative thoughts or self-acceptance, please contact me so we can discuss which of my coaching or counselling services might be best suitable to you.

Here, and honoured to help,

Vanetta

28 With Impostor Syndrome in check, you are free to be the best version of yourself for the benefit of you, your community and the world. Vanetta Morrison 30