How to make your own Cards Against Humanity

1. Download this PDF and take it to your local print shop.

2. Have the shop print out the game on heavy white cardstock (usually 80-pound or higher). Although the cards are black and white, you’ll get a nicer result if you can convince them to use a color printer.

3. For added fanciness, you can print black on the back of the question cards to make them easier to tell apart.

4. Cut the cards to size using a large paper cutter. The more precise you are, the easier they’ll be to handle later.

5. When you’re done, we recommend purchasing a clear model 102C AMAC box (there’s a great one for sale at the Container Store) for storing your cards. Silence. The illusion of Many bats. Famine. choice in Cards Against Humanity Rules a late-stage capitalist society.

Basic Rules House Rules (cont.)

To start the game, each player draws ten white cards. Wheaton’s Law: Each round, the Card Czar draws two black cards, chooses the one they’d prefer to play, and puts the other at Flesh-eating Flying sex snakes. Not giving a Magnets. The player who most recently pooped begins as the Card Czar the bottom of the black card pile. and draws a black card. If Hugh Jackman is playing, he goes first, bacteria. shit about the regardless of how recently he pooped. Rebooting the Universe: At any time, players may trade in a point to return as many white cards as they’d like to the deck and draw Third World. The Card Czar reads the question or fill-in-the-blank phrase on the back to ten. black card out loud. Everyone else answers the question or fills in the blank by passing one white card, face down, to the Card Czar. Packing Heat: For Pick 2s, all players draw an extra card before playing the hand to open up more options. The Card Czar then shuffles all the answers and reads each card combination out loud to the group. The Card Czar should re-read Meritocracy: Instead of passing clockwise, the role of Card Czar the black card before presenting each answer. Finally, the Card passes to the winner of the previous round. Czar picks the funniest play, and whoever submitted it gets Smooth Operator: If a player slips a card from their hand into one point. conversation without anyone noticing, they may trade it for one After the round, a new player becomes the Card Czar and everyone point. If the player is called out, they lose a point. If this rule is Shapeshifters. Seeing what A crucifixion. Jennifer confusing, you’re taking this game too seriously. draws back up to ten white cards. happens when Lawrence. Tie Breaker: If the Card Czar can’t decide between two white cards, they may declare a Tie Breaker. In the event of a Tie Breaker, you lock people the more conventionally attractive player wins. in a room with Chubby Bunny: Players crumple up their winning cards and keep Some black cards say “PICK 2” on the bottom. To answer these, them in their mouths as points. hungry seagulls. each player plays two white cards in combination. IMPORTANT: Arrange them in the order that the Card Czar should read them— Freaky Friday: Players play Cards Against Humanity while wearing play the first card face down, and then play the second card face their mothers’ underpants. down on top of it. Hard Mode: Play Cards Against Humanity while raising four kids, dealing with chronic back pain, and waiting tables at Chili’s. Bonus! For an added challenge, try being gay or black. 72 virgins. A live studio A time travel Authentic Gambling Russian Roulette: The Card Czar takes out a revolver. They place one bullet at random in the cylinder, spin it, and close it. They then audience. paradox. Mexican cuisine. If you have more than one white card that you think could win a hold the gun to their head and pull the trigger. If the Card Czar round, you can bet one of your points to play an extra white card. survives, they defiantly place the gun in the center of the table If you win, you keep the point. If you lose, whoever wins gets the and eye the other players, challenging them to pick up the gun “if point you wagered. they’re man enough.” The Card Czar wins a point. Hail to the Chief: A player may earn a point at any time by announcing candidacy for and successfully being elected President House Rules of the United States of America.

Cards Against Humanity is meant to be remixed. Here are some of Race to the Moon: All players begin masturbating immediately. our favorite ways to pimp out the rules: Then what happens? Rando Cardrissian: Every round, pick one random white card from Smoke Opium and Play Cards Against Humanity: Great idea! Doing crimes. Synergistic Crippling debt. Daddy issues. the pile and place it into play. This card belongs to an imaginary Wait for Godot: At the start of the game, instead of drawing a management player named Rando Cardrissian, and if he wins the game, all hand, players stare at the pile of white cards. After an indeterminate players go home in a state of everlasting shame. amount of time, players move their gaze to the pile of black cards. solutions. Happy Ending: When you’re ready to end the game, play the The game doesn’t begin. How can it begin? It has already ended. “Make a haiku” black card. This is the official ceremonial ending of In the gloom, players shift their cloudy gaze from pile to pile. Is it a good game of Cards Against Humanity. Note: Haikus don’t need a trick of the light, or do the black cards and white cards seem to to follow the 5-7-5 form. They just have to be read dramatically. converge in an indistinguishable grayness? Mote by mote, dust settles on the cards. Nobody accumulates points. Nobody wins. Never Have I Ever: At any time, players may discard cards that they don’t understand, but they must confess their ignorance to the Don’t play Cards Against Humanity: Walk to a park. Call your group and suffer the resulting humiliation. mother. Live a little. Used panties. A fart so powerful Former President Full frontal nudity. Soft, kissy BATMAN! Agriculture. Barely making that it wakes the George W. Bush. missionary sex. $25,000 a year. giants from their thousand-year slumber.

Covering myself Laying an egg. Getting naked Pretending Natural selection. Coat hanger Sex with My abusive with Parmesan and watching to care. abortions. Patrick Stewart. boyfriend who cheese and chili Nickelodeon. really isn’t so bad flakes because once you get to I am pizza. know him.

Having big Seeing Grandma Boogers. The inevitable Prescription Swooping. Mansplaining. A homoerotic dreams but no naked. heat death of pain killers. volleyball realistic way to the universe. montage. achieve them.

The miracle The Rapture. Whipping it out. White privilege. Alexandria Putting things Fragile All-you-can-eat of childbirth. Ocasio-Cortez. where they go. masculinity. shrimp for $8.99.

Emerging from The Hamburglar. AXE Body Spray. The Blood An old guy who’s Kanye West. Hot cheese. Raptor attacks. the sea and of Christ. almost dead. rampaging through Tokyo. Seven dead Smegma. Alcoholism. A middle-aged The past. My genitals. An endless stream Science. and three in man on roller of diarrhea. critical condition. skates.

Looking in the Bingeing and An oversized Self-loathing. Not reciprocating Flightless birds. A good sniff. 50,000 volts mirror, applying purging. lollipop. oral sex. straight to lipstick, and the nipples. whispering “tonight, you will have sex with Tom Cruise.”

Sitting on my face Half-assed The Holy Bible. German A balanced Dead birds The arrival of Permanent and telling me foreplay. dungeon porn. breakfast. everywhere. the pizza. Orgasm-Face I’m garbage. Disorder.

Being on fire. Teenage Gandhi. Your weird The cool, Chemical Oprah. Wondering if it’s pregnancy. brother. refreshing taste weapons. possible to get of Pepsi.® some of that salsa to go.

A Fleshlight.® A pyramid of An erection that A three-way Bananas. Passive ’s Switching severed heads. lasts longer than with my wife and aggressive emails. to Geico.® four hours. Shaquille O’Neal. Post-it notes. Peeing a little bit. Wet dreams. The Jews. My cheating Poverty. Kamikaze pilots. Committing The homosexual son-of-a-bitch suicide. agenda. husband.

Powerful thighs. These hoes. The only gay Having sex for A Mexican. A falcon with a Wizard music. The Kool-Aid Man. person in a the first time. cap on its head. hundred miles.

Donald J. Trump. Kissing grandma Sexual tension. An AR-15 Juuling. Free samples. Hurting those Doing the on the forehead assault rifle. closest to me. right thing. and turning off her life support.

My good bra. Punching a Fancy Feast.® Being rich. The Three-Fifths Lactation. World peace. Shutting up congressman Compromise. so I can watch in the face. the game.

Sweet, sweet Republicans. Sniffing and A much younger Eating a hard RoboCop. One titty Justin Bieber. vengeance. kissing my feet. woman. boiled egg out hanging out. of my husband’s asshole. Oompa-Loompas. Inappropriate Puberty. Ghosts. Expecting a burp Adderall.® The Red Hot Sideboob. yodeling. and vomiting on Chili Peppers. the floor.

50 mg of Zoloft Fucking my sister. Braiding three Vigorous An octopus giving My neck, J.D. Power and Mouth herpes. daily. penises into jazz hands. seven handjobs my back, his associates. a Twizzler. and smoking my pussy, a cigarette. and my crack.

Getting fingered. My Uber driver, GoGurt.® Police brutality. Sperm whales. Women of color. Men discussing Incest. Pavel. their feelings in an emotionally healthy way.

Filling my Preteens. My fat daughter. Rap music. Pac-Man Casually Running out of God. briefcase with uncontrollably suggesting a semen. business stuff. guzzling cum. threesome.

Fading away into Darth Vader. A sad handjob. Exactly what The wonders of Sexual peeing. Emotions. Licking things to nothingness. you’d expect. the Orient. claim them as your own. Jobs. The placenta. Spontaneous A tiny horse. William Shatner. Selling crack An M. Night The Bachelorette human season finale. to children. Shyamalan combustion. plot twist.

Throwing grapes Establishing Finger painting. Old-people smell. Brown people. Mutually assured Pedophiles. Yeast. at a man until he dominance. destruction. loses touch with reality.

Getting crushed My inner demons. A Super Soaker™ Aaron Burr. How bad my Rectangles. Catapults. Poor people. by a vending full of cat pee. daughter fucked machine. up her dance recital.

Cuddling. However much Battlefield Spaghetti? Only dating The Hustle. The Force. How amazing weed $20 can buy. amputations. Again? Asian women. it is to be on mushrooms.

Ronald Reagan. A disappointing Nachos for Becoming a Judging Kourtney, Kim, Getting married, Some god damn birthday party. the table. blueberry. everyone. Khloe, Kendall, having a few kids, peace and quiet. and Kylie. buying some stuff, retiring to Florida, and dying. AIDS. Pictures of boobs. Strong female Some foundation, Getting Pixelated A lifetime Going an entire characters. mascara, and cummed on. bukkake. of sadness. day without a touch of blush. masturbating.

Hospice care. Getting really high. The opiod Penis envy. Dick pics. Racism. Menstrual rage. Sunshine and epidemic. rainbows.

Gay conversion Ruth Bader German The KKK. Radical Islamic Huge biceps. My little boner. Dry heaving. therapy. Ginsburg brutally Chancellor terrorism. gaveling your Angela Merkel. penis.

A pangender Meth. Serfdom. Holding down a A gossamer Executing The rhythms Breaking out into octopus who child and farting stream of jizz that a hostage of Africa. song and dance. roams the all over him. catches the light every hour. cosmos in as it arcs through search of love. the morning air.

A Bop It.™ A whole thing Still being Solving problems Leprosy. Gloryholes. Nipple blades. The heart of butter. a virgin. with violence. of a child. Puppies! Fellowship in Little boy penises. Waking up The Pope. White people. Tentacle porn. My bright pink Christ. half-naked fuckhole. in a Denny’s parking lot.

An older woman Getting drugs off Daniel Radcliffe’s Active listening. How far I can get Having anuses The penny whistle Seppuku. who knows her the street and delicious asshole. my own penis for eyes. solo from “My way around into my body. up my butt. Heart Will Go On.” the penis.

Ethnic cleansing. Itchy pussy. Blowing my A fuck-ton of Danny DeVito. The magic of Throwing a virgin Dwayne boyfriend so almonds. live theatre. into a volcano. “The Rock” hard he shits. Johnson.

A salad for men Waiting till Unfathomable Shiny objects. Accepting the NBA superstar Listening to her Therapy. that’s made marriage. stupidity. way things are. LeBron James. problems without of metal. trying to solve them.

The Devil himself. Autocannibalism. Erectile My collection Being fat and Pooping back and Tearing that More elephant dysfunction. of Japanese stupid. forth. Forever. ass up like cock than I sex toys. wrapping paper bargained for. on Christmas morning. A salty surprise. The South. The violation of Tap dancing A bowl of Fiery poops. Saying Inserting a Mason our most basic like there’s no mayonnaise and “I love you.” jar into my anus. human rights. tomorrow. human teeth.

Consensual sex. Telling a shitty A good, Seeing my The true meaning Some of the best Owning and Estrogen. story that goes strong gorilla. father cry. of Christmas. rappers in operating a nowhere. the game. Chili’s franchise.

Necrophilia. Being a woman. Getting into a Bill Nye the Girls. The Russians. A bleached Fucking the pretty bad Science Guy. asshole. weatherman on car accident. live television.

Black people. The Boy Scouts Lunchables.™ Bitches. PTSD. Dark and Smallpox Masturbating. of America. mysterious forces blankets. beyond our control.

Some punk kid Heartwarming Spirit Airlines. Bubble butt Hobos. Queefing. The guys from Cardi B. who stole my orphans. bottom boys. Queer Eye. turkey sandwich. Viagra.® Soup that is Muhammad Explaining how Doin’ it in My ex-wife. Teaching a robot Touching a pug too hot. (Peace Be vaginas work. the butt. to love. right on his penis. Upon Him).

Academy Drinking alone. Dick fingers. Multiple stab A windmill full Count Chocula. Vladimir Putin. The Patriarchy. Award winner wounds. of corpses. Meryl Streep.

Poopy diapers. Child abuse. Anal beads. Slaughtering The glass ceiling. Vomiting seafood The American Not wearing innocent civilians. and bleeding Dream. pants. anally.

Pulling out. Being able to talk Horse meat. A really cool hat. My balls on Pooping in Dead babies. Foreskin. to elephants. your face. a laptop and closing it.

Stalin. A stray pube. Worshipping Completely A saxophone solo. Italians. A fetus. Firing a rifle into that pussy. unwarranted the air while confidence. balls deep in a squealing hog. Mike Pence. 10,000 Syrian Forced My relationship Nicolas Cage. Child beauty Explosions. Not vaccinating refugees. sterilization. status. pageants. my children because I am stupid.

An unwanted Diversity. A white Bees? Lena Dunham. Huffing spray A man on the Repression. pregnancy. ethnostate. paint. brink of orgasm.

Harry Potter Giving birth to Three dicks at Nazis. Invading Poland. My vagina. Assless chaps. Murder. erotica. the Antichrist. the same time.

8 oz. of sweet What that Dead parents. Object Giving 110%. Her Majesty, The Trail of Tears. Memes. Mexican black-tar mouth do. permanence. Queen Elizabeth II. heroin.

Opposable Racially-biased The Great Chainsaws Sex with animals. Being Goblins. Hope. thumbs. SAT questions. Depression. for hands. marginalized. Liberals. A micropenis. My soul. A ball of earwax, Illegal Elderly The female Heteronormativity. semen, and immigrants. Japanese men. orgasm. toenail clippings.

A horde Hot people. Seething with An Oedipus Crumbs all over Arnold The wifi Spectacular abs. of Vikings. quiet resentment. complex. the god damn Schwarzenegger. password. carpet.

Geese. Extremely tight . A little boy who A bird that shits A mopey zoo lion. A bag of Poor life choices. pants. won’t shut the human turds. magic beans. fuck up about dinosaurs.

Making a pouty Vehicular Women’s Some guy. My sex life. Auschwitz. A snapping turtle All the dudes face. manslaughter. suffrage. biting the tip of I’ve fucked. your penis.

Judge Judy. African children. This month’s . The clitoris. The Big Bang. Land mines. The entire Mormon mass shooting. Tabernacle Choir. A micropig Penis breath. Jerking off into a Man meat. Farting and Being a dick One trillion Drowning the kids wearing a tiny pool of children’s walking away. to children. dollars. in the bathtub. raincoat and tears. booties.

Me time. The Underground Poorly-timed A sea of troubles. Dying. Drinking out of The gays. The screams... Railroad. Holocaust jokes. the toilet and the terrible eating garbage. screams.

Lumberjack Morgan Women in yogurt Natural male Men. The bombing of Fake tits. The Amish. fantasies. Freeman’s voice. commercials. enhancement. Nagasaki.

Being a My black ass. Genuine human Announcing that David Bowie My ugly face and A bitch slap. A brain tumor. motherfucking connection. I am about to cum. flying in on a tiger bad personality. sorcerer. made of lightning.

Balls. Grandma. Friction. Chunks of Fear itself. Jews, gypsies, The milkman. Cards Against dead hitchhiker. and homosexuals. Humanity. Hey ! I’m Introducing What is Batman’s TSA guidelines When Pharaoh Just once, I’d Daddy, why is When I was ______. X-treme Baseball! guilty pleasure. now prohibit remained unmoved, like to hear you mommy crying? tripping on acid, Ask me anything. It’s like baseball, ______Moses called say “Thanks, ______but with ______! on airplanes. down a Plague of Mom. Thanks for turned into ______. ______.” ______.

Next from That’s right, I killed I’m sorry, And the Academy 50% of all My fellow This season at Instead of coal, J.K. Rowling: ______. Professor, but I Award for marriages end in Americans: Before Steppenwolf, Santa now gives Harry Potter and How, you ask? couldn’t complete ______. this decade is Samuel Beckett’s the bad children the Chamber of ______. my homework goes to ______. out, we will have classic existential ______. ______. because of ______play: Waiting for ______. on the moon! ______.

How did I lose It’s a pity that kids Step 1: ______. Life for American What’s Teach For Mabe she’s What is Dude, do not go in that bathroom. my virginity? these days are all Step 2: ______. Indians was forever America using born with it. George W. Bush There’s ______getting involved Step 3: Profit. changed when to inspire inner Maybe it’s thinking about in there. with ______. the White Man city students to ______. right now? introduced them to succeed? ______.

______. Kids, I don’t need For my next trick, I While the United White people like ______Why do I hurt A romantic, Betcha can’t have drugs to get will pull ______States raced the Soviet ______. is a slippery slope all over? candlelit dinner Union to the moon, the just one! high. I’m high on out of ______. that leads to would be Mexican government ______. funneled millions of ______. incomplete without pesos into research on ______. ______.

In the Disney What’s my I’m going on ______+ ______Just saw this Fun tip! When your The class field trip What’s a girl’s Channel Original secret power? a cleanse this = ______. upsetting video! man asks you to go was completely best friend? Movie, Hannah week. Nothing Please retweet!! down on him, try ruined by Montana struggles but kale juice and #stop______surprising him with ______. with ______. ______for the first time. instead. Dear Abby, In M. Night When I am What are my I’m no doctor What’s there a After four platinum What will always I’m having Shyamalan’s new President, parents hiding but I’m pretty ton of in heaven? albums and three get you laid? some trouble with movie, Bruce Willis I will create the from me? sure what you’re Grammys, it’s time to discovers that get back to my roots, ______had really Department of suffering from is to what inspired me and would like been ______. called “______.” to make music in the your advice. all along. first place: ______.

What never fails to IF you like Make a haiku. What made my first They said we were Lifetime® presents ______: Why can’t I sleep liven up the party? ______, kiss so awkward? crazy. They said “______: kid-tested, at night? YOU MIGHT BE we couldn’t put the Story of mother-approved. A REDNECK. ______.” inside of ______. They were wrong.

Hey guys, I got 99 problems ______. Bravo’s new reality What’s that smell? After eight years in This is the way the Coming welcome to Chili’s! but ______It’s a trap! show features the White House, world ends This is to Broadway Would you like ain’t one. eight washed-up how is Obama the way the world this season, to start the night celebrities living finally letting ends Not with ______: off right with with ______. loose? a bang but with The Musical. ______? ______.

What would ______. I never truly During sex, I like Here is the church But before I kill A recent laboratory Introducing grandma find That was so metal. understood to think about Here is the steeple you, Mr. Bond, study shows that the amazing disturbing, yet ______. Open the doors I must show you undergraduates have superhero/sidekick 50% less sex after oddly charming? until I encountered And there is ______. being exposed to duo! It’s ______. ______. ______. and ______!

What ended my What’s that sound? Uh, hey guys, Why am I sticky? Next on ESPN2: When I am a Military historians War! last relationship? I know this was my The World Series of billionaire, I shall remember Alexander What is it good for? idea, but I’m having ______. erect a 50-foot the Great for his brilliant use of serious doubts statue to ______about ______. commemorate against the Persians. ______. Terms of Use

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