Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace Faculty

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

Presented by: Miriam Reiss

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Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

Presenter: Dr. Miriam Reiss, DSS, MCC

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

Definition of Personality: The sum of characteristics and traits that define a person’s typical thoughts, emotions and behaviors over time. - Malik

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

Definition of Behavior:

The way in which one acts or conducts oneself, especially toward others.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace Definition of Personality Disorder: Those who have personality traits that are considered outside of the norm and potentially harmful to themselves and/or others. Examples: Antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder. Copyright 2018, All rights reserved, Dr. Miriam Reiss, [email protected].

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace Some researchers have found that traits of narcissism - such as a sense of entitlement and lack of empathy for others – are higher in Generation Y or Millennials (sometimes referred to as “Generation Me”) than in previous generations, which can make for more challenging interactions within office environments. (Twenge & Campbell, 2008) Copyright 2018, All rights reserved, Dr. Miriam Reiss, [email protected].

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

Workplace incivility has been shown to affect the majority of workers in the U.S. (96%) according to one study, and result in lower productivity and time spent at work, among other negative consequences.

- Porath & Pearson

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

What are “toxic” workplace behaviors?

Belittling behavior, gossip/slander, double standards, yelling at others, taking credit for others’ work, bullying, extreme criticalness/judgment.

Also: Conflicting personality styles. Examples: Levels of socializing, need for quiet, distraction levels, metabolic differences.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace Difficult personalities: (Source: Universal Class]

1. The Gossip: talking about others, spreading rumors. Underneath the surface: insecurities, drama-loving. Designed to shift focus from themselves; make them look good and others bad; misguided attempt at connection with others.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

Handling the gossip: 1. Tell them you don’t want to gossip. 2. Try to stay out of gossipy conversations and don’t share personal details of your life with that person. 3. See their behavior as part of them, not you. Don’t take it personally. 4. Don’t try to control their behavior, focus on your own behavior and be a role model.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

2. The Blamer: shift responsibility from themselves to others when things go wrong. No accountability. They don’t admit or apologize for their mistakes, bad decisions or poor performance. May stretch the truth to make themselves right.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

Handling the blamer: 1. Redirect them to verifiable facts. 2. Own up to your own mistakes. Don’t let them guilt-trip you. 3. Maintain firm boundaries. Create your own safety and limits with them. May be hard to get them to see their part. Copyright 2018, All rights reserved, Dr. Miriam Reiss, [email protected].

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

3. The Flyer: highly emotional, reactive, flies off the handle at any time, aka drama king or queen. Wants drama, attention, may be flamboyant, may exaggerate, may have surface relationships with others to get their emotional needs met. Can be funny, entertaining, energetic, until their needs don’t get met. They “fly off the handle,” get angry, dramatic. May be unreliable at follow-through and make emotion-based decisions.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

Handling the flyer: 1. Praise them for the value they bring. Use POR method. 2. Let them know how their behavior and mood swings affect you. 3. Stay calm and try to calm them down, if possible. 4. You may or may not be able to change their behaviors but you can focus on protecting your own interests.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

4. The Control Freak: nitpicky and critical of others who don’t do things their way; may have traits of OCD; often feels the need to control the outcome of almost everything and everyone around them, and may even step over appropriate boundaries and attempt to control situations that aren’t part of their own job duties; perfectionists; have impossibly high expectations of themselves and others. May be valued by your company for their high attention to detail.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

Handling the control freak: 1. Praise their attention to detail and their contributions. 2. Provide detail(s) to them, which avoids ambiguity that may raise their anxiety levels. 3. Let go of control when the situation or task doesn’t matter as much to you and won’t have a negative effect on your own performance. 4. Don’t take it personally when their need for controlling is at its peak.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

5. The Victim: can be obvious to spot but is still difficult. Constant complainer, attempts to draw attention to their problems (or perceived problems) daily. Examples: may complain they’re not treated fairly and have more work than others. Or play victim when something goes wrong on a team project and claim they were left out of important conversation.

One study found that workplace victims tend to be less independent than extroverts, and less stable and more conscientious than non-victims. (Coynea, Seignea & Randall, 2010).

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

Handling the office victim: 1. Try to point out evidence to the contrary when they start complaining about their bad situation. 2. Try to empathize with them when possible while not supporting their tendency toward helplessness. Can be tricky. Possible phrasing, “I’m sorry this happened to you and upset you. Is there anything you can do to change that situation?” 3. Maintain your own boundaries, don’t let them pull you into constant complaining about the same topics.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

6. The Quiet Type: not difficult but hard to read. May seem aloof, not socialize, hide in their cubicle or office, wear headphones.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

Handling the quiet type: 1. Don’t push them to communicate or socialize. 2. Give them more space and time to respond to you and communicate their thoughts and feelings. 3. Acknowledge their place and value in the organization. 4. Take some time to get to know them and show an interest in them as a person. 5. Don’t take It personally if they don’t interact with others as you do.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

#7. The Passive-Aggressive Type: may not be easy to spot and can do real damage. May act phony, hide their true feelings by pretending everything is okay when they’re actually upset. May look calm and collected but are suppressing their true feelings. May do things to sabotage the work or performance of others, or get revenge in stealthy ways (e.g. gossip behind someone’s back, steal someone’s lunch).

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

Handling the passive-aggressive type: 1. Don’t reciprocate. Confront problems with them out in the open, use tact and good timing for conversations. 2. Communicate directly the impact of their negative behaviors on you and the office environment. Example, “I felt disrespected when you showed up to my presentation late.” 3. Show interest in their true feelings and create a safe space for them to feel heard and validated.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

#8. The Paranoid One: can be both entertaining and frustrating. May have traits of paranoid personality disorder. Suspicious of others and their motives, distrust others with no clear cause, interpret others’ behavior negatively.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

Handling the paranoid one: 1. Be careful what you say to them because they may put a spin on it. 2. Offer facts and rational information about why something happened. 3. Don’t try to change their perception of reality, even if it seems odd or strange to you and others.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

#9. The Narcissist: one of the most difficult office personalities. Egomaniac. May work at management level. May show a pattern of grandiosity, entitlement, need for admiration, lack of empathy for others’ feelings and opinion. May expect unearned high praise regardless of their actual effort or accomplishment (Miller, 2003). May see their work more favorably than it is in reality. May be arrogant, annoying to deal with and may be disliked by others. Or, they may be very charismatic and liked by many coworkers. Can be toxic because they will try to control situations and gain support for their inflated self view regardless of how it may damage those around them or their relationships.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

Handling the office narcissist: 1. Use flattery or stroke their ego, if it helps get the job done. 2. Communicate how demands of them may actually benefit them. Narcissists are self-focused and care about themselves often at the exclusion of others. 3. Use POR method—offer a positive before voicing any criticisms. 4. Praise them openly (e.g. chain email) if it’s deserved, to get the results you need from them. They respond to praise and social approval from others in the office. 5. Have realistic expectations of how they’ll respond. Don’t expect different behavior from them.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

#10. The Psychopath, aka Sociopath. Falls under abnormal psychology. Rare and harmful. Is “a pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.” (APA, 2013). Tend toward intentional harm towards others, including deceit and manipulation. May take credit for work done by others, purposefully deceive others to “win,” even if their actions are damaging, unethical or even illegal, or act in reckless and predatory ways e.g. stealing from the company or from clients.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

Handling the office psychopath/sociopath: 1. Don’t expect them to feel remorseful for their actions. Know that effective communication with them may be almost impossible. As their true nature is revealed, they may be fired or self-destruct, in which the need to communicate with them is unnecessary. 2. Have clear boundaries and communicate them. 3. If they ask you to do unethical behavior, indicate that you won’t do it and this crosses the line for you. Don’t expect to change them but being clear, direct and firm may save you from being pulled into their behavior. 4. Don’t give them any information that they can use to do harm to other coworkers or to the organization’s client

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

#11. The Office Bully: may mock others’ opinions; accuse others and pass blame; make improper jokes, insults and name-calling; intimidate others; anger quickly and without much reason; raise their voice; not listen to what others say; threaten to get others fired.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

Handling the office bully: 1. Stay calm, be friendly. 2. Be polite, yet assertive. Defend yourself in a friendly and controlled manner. 3. Give them time to calm down. 4. Maintain eye content, in a non-aggressive way, as you wait for them to finish ranting. 5. Politely ask them to sit down. Make sure they’re not standing over you. 6. Don’t argue with them. Avoid returning insults or bad behavior.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace #12. The Pleaser. Wants to be everyone’s friend. Fears rejection, disapproval and criticism. Tries to avoid “bothering” people. May do or say things that aren’t in the best interests of their company or customers. Constantly apologizes. Doesn’t ask for help. Avoids conflict and disagreements. Focuses on others’ needs and feelings instead of their own. Can’t say “no,” so overextends self. This can lead to poor communication, missed deadlines and poor customer service.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

Handling the office pleaser: 1. Make sure they understand the importance of completing work accurately and on time. 2. Let them know you’re willing to help if needed. 3. Ask them to express how they really feel and to be honest. 4. Listen to their humor because it may contain subtle, hidden messages.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

#13. The Know-It-All: believes they’re smarter about a topic than they really are. Turn customers off with their superior attitudes. Can make the work environment unpleasant for coworkers. May talk loudly, constantly; listen badly; self-important; talks down to others; lacks respect for authority.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

Handling the office know-it all: 1. Be sure you know the subject matter when you discuss it with them. 2. Listen carefully, then summarize to show you’re listening. 3. Stick to the facts, don’t add your opinion. 4. Don’t be afraid to challenge them on facts but do it gracefully, don’t embarrass them. 5. Choose your battles.

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the Workplace

Overall Tips for All of the Types: 1. Don’t try to change their personality. Communicate clearly and effectively. 2. Different types require your using different styles of communication. Be flexible with your style. 3. Look for the positive in their behavior and use those, especially when delivering criticism. 4. Be direct, yet tactful. Advocate for your personal rights and needs. 5. Don’t make assumptions about personalities and behaviors. Communicate directly with the person.

Relevant Materials

- “Toxic Workplace! Managing Toxic Personalities and Their Systems of Power,” Kusy, Holloway - “Power Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People,” Evenson - “Difficult Personalities: A Practical Guide to Managing the Hurtful Behavior of Others (And Maybe Your Own),” McGrath, Edwards - “Working with Difficult People,” Hakim, Solomon - “Make Difficult People Disappear,” Wofford

For Webinar Participants

If you are dealing with a difficult personality or behavior at work, or wish to discuss coaching and training packages, you may contact Dr. Miriam Reiss at [email protected] for a confidential, complimentary consultation.