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TALES FROM THE HOOD: The Case of Lil Red Rider

CAST OF CHARACTERS: RED: Female between age of 10 and 25 HUNTER: Male between ages of 35 and 45 WOLF: Male (could be female) between ages of 25 and 45

PROPS: Two chairs. Law enforcement styled uniform, or hunting outfit under trench coat for HUNTER Red sweatshirt, for RED

SET: One chair down stage left. One chair down stage right.

STAGE IS DARK MUSIC PLAYS REMINESCENT OF “DRAGNET” THEME

LIGHT COMES UP CENTER STAGE. INTO THE LIGHT WALKS….

HUNTER: The Hood; it’s a tough place. Full of silly kids who think they know it all. And when they don’t listen…I gotta clean up the mess. My name’s ”Nair,” Nair O’Rator, but ‘round here they call me “The Hunter”….The guy who’s gotta pick up all the pieces, when the kids screw up. Like with one gal I know, went by the name of “Lil’ Red Rider.” Kid would just never listen.

LIGHTS GO DOWN ON HUNTER. THEY COME BACK UP STAGE LEFT. IN A CHAIR SITS….

RED: It was such a lovely day; I was walking through the woods on my usual path, carrying a basket of goodies to my grandmother. Momma made fresh bread, and put in a nob of butter and some strawberry jam, because Grammie hasn’t been feeling well. “Don’t linger or stray,” momma told me, “Go straight to your Grandmothers.” Momma always gives me too many instructions.

LIGHTS GO DOWN ON RED AND COMES UP STAGE RIGHT. IN A CHAIR SITS….. WOLF: (calm) “Nature” is an interesting thing, isn’t it…especially “Human Nature.” (Sneers) As if you’re not all animals yourselves! You all think you’re so “high and mighty,” so civilized and separated from nature. (calm, again) Let me tell you, when I met that Little Red Riding Hood, I never meant her any harm…she just…had some food that smelled amazing.

LIGHT GOES DOWN ON WOLF AND COMES UP ON RED

RED: The bread smelled so good – I was tempted to stop and try some, but ….no. I reminded myself that Grammie needed it. Besides, momma made several loves, and I’m sure Grammie would share with me. If not, there’ll be some when I get home.

LIGHTS GO DOWN ON RED AND COME UP ON HUNTER.

HUNTER: “Red” would never listen. I was always havin’ to step in and save her assets. I get tired of being the “go-to guy” and the “clean up crew” It’s a dirty job, but somebody’s gotta do it, and that’s where I come in. Red was off to take some ….(clears throat)…”goodies” to her Grammie one day. I told her it was a bad idea to go alone….told her to be careful….she didn’t listen.

LIGHTS GO DOWN ON HUNTER AND COME UP ON RED.

RED: It was such a beautiful day! The sun was shining down…the flowers were so beautiful. I decided to pick some for Grammie, I was sure they’d cheer her up. I stopped to pick a few. I didn’t think it’d take long. I picked some bright blue ones, and some red and yellow ones…they smelled the best…. Then I saw a deer and a squirrel, and a bunny. The birds were singing so pretty. Then I saw some creature hiding in the bushes. It came out and it was a wolf!

LIGHT GOES DOWN ON RED AND COMES UP ON WOLF

WOLF: That food smelled amazing. I decided I would ask her for some…not much…but some. Of course, with her being “human” she didn’t trust an “animal.” Hey, I had to try!

LIGHT GOES DOWN ON RED AND COMES UP ON WOLF

RED: It was a wolf! I was so scared. I thought, “Maybe I should run and hide?” I didn’t know…I was so scared. He started coming toward me. I started to turn but he started talking to me. I’d never heard a talking wolf before! I thought I’d be polite and then hurry on to Grammie’s. He started asking me all these questions….”What’s my name? Where am I going? What’s in the basket? Why wasn’t there anyone with me?” I figured I’d tell him. He seemed nice. I didn’t think he’d try to hurt me. Maybe those stories about wolves aren’t true after all. Momma always did talk too much.

LIGHT GOES DOWN ON RED AND UP ON WOLF

WOLF: She shunned me at first, but I managed to find out where she was going with the food. Her grandmother’s house. I just happened to know exactly where it was located. I went by the old lady’s house. She screamed and started bashing me with a rake. Yea…I ate her…so what? She would have killed me if I hadn’t. Had I been a person, “self-defense” they would have called it, but no. (pause) Before I knew it, Little Red showed up. I disguised myself as her grandmother because….well…I just didn’t have the heart to tell her I had eaten the old woman. Everything was fine until Red blew my cover. I had to eat her, too, of course.

LIGHT GOES DOWN ON WOLF AND COMES UP ON HUNTER

HUNTER: The call came in over the radio that a 645 was goin’ down at the corner of Cookie Lane and Double Stuff Street…..That’s right: “Grammie’s.” Red had gotten eaten by a wolf.

LIGHT GOES DOWN ON HUNTER AND COMES UP ON WOLF

WOLF: Next thing I know, I’ve got a blade to my gut. Let me finish with this; if that girl had been a cute little bunny rabbit…would it have been called “murder?” No! It’d be called “nature.” “It’s in the wolf’s Nature,” they would have said. But, as soon as it’s a human girl, it gives everyone in screaming distance an excuse to butcher, “The Animal.”

LIGHT GOES DOWN ON WOLF AND COMES UP ON HUNTER

HUNTER: I rushed over but it was too late for “Red”. I booked the Wolf on a 247-A, “eating a delivery girl.” He was sentenced to become a rug.

LIGHT GOES DOWN ON HUNTER AND COMES UP ON WOLF

WOLF: So, am I really such a “big, bad wolf?” I probably shouldn’t be asking that of a bunch of “humans” but there ARE some of you out there who ARE JUST AS level-headed and as a wolf.

FADE TO BLACK AS DRAGNET CLOSING THEME PLAYS