Grade delays cause concern Alumni take on outdoor sports Student opposes smoking ban

An earlier spring Two Gavel alumni The new smoking ban semester caused students have included water took effect in early to start class without adventure sports in their December. In a letter having fall grades. The professional lives. The to the editor, one C-M Gavel talks with the Gavel learns about their student sounds off administration about alternative experiences on why this law is student concerns and and adventures on the unconstitutional and possible solutions. Great Lakes. should be disobeyed.

LAW, PAGE 3 CAREER, PAGE 4 OPINION, PAGE 6 THE GAVEL VOLUME 55, ISSUE 4 FEBRUARY 2007 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER AT CLEVELAND-MARSHALL COLLEGE OF LAW

Justice Scalia speaks to C-M offers advocacy opportunities By Emily Honsa clinic crowd STAFF WRITER C-M’s moot court and trial By Paul Deegan team are excellent opportunities STAFF WRITER to get practical experience in a Do you harbor dreams of one competitive environment. day sitting on the Supreme Court? Becoming a member of either If so, “good luck” Associate Jus- team, however, is not so easy. tice of the U.S. Supreme Court To join C-M’s trial team, spon- Antonin Scalia told the audience sored and coached by Reminger at the Cleveland Clinic’s Inter- and Reminger, Co., L.P.A., stu- Continental Hotel on January 10, dents are asked to prepare either 2007. an opening argument or closing Justice Scalia, famous for his statement based on a hypothetical sharp wit and sharper pen, held the case and deliver either statement rapt attention of the capacity crowd in front of a panel of judges com- as he spoke on the importance of posed of previous team members tradition; the dangers of relying and practicing litigators. on foreign law or practice when Eight members are chosen to interpreting the Constitution; the participate on the team, and prac- Photo by Bradley Barman, Trial Team Coach and Associate Attorney at Reminger & Reminger Co., L.P.A. Supreme Court’s declining case tices require a large commitment Trial team members (from left to right) Karrie Howard, Joseph Orlando, Margan Keramati, Laura Frament, load; and the risks of the Senate’s of time and energy, said Laura Fred Papalardo, Adam Davis, Dave Valent and Justin Gould prepare for regional competition. judicial confi rmation process fall- Frament, a trial team member. realistic. that litigation is the arena of law volve going through the entire ing victim to the harmful liberal Practices are held all day “During law school, we only that they would like to be in.” process of an actual trial - from versus conservative lexicon of Saturday and Sunday during the have a fi nite amount of time to Frament also noted that if a opening statements to closing American politics. semester and require outside prep- participate in organizations and student is granted a place on the arguments. Cleveland-Marshall College of aration, Frament added. Because activities outside the classroom,” team and does not put in equal ef- The team occasionally partici- Law’s Dean Geoffrey Mearns and of the time commitment, Frament said Frament. “It would be better fort, then the team can suffer. pates in scrimmages, which allow Case Western University School of advises interested students to be for a new student to already know Trial team competitions in- them to test their skills against

See SCALIA page 2 See STUDENTS page 3 C-M searches for new professors By Joanna Evans candidates, people who are already ideological perspectives,” Dean Substance STAFF WRITER teaching in the industry, was a new Geoffrey Mearns said. The faculty appointments approach for C-M. Other law “We want to make sure that Abuse committee is engaged in seri- schools had been successful with as many different perspectives ous negations with two faculty this approach in the past. as possible are brought into the Seminars candidates and is close to fi lling “I think that it will help our faculty community and therefore vacancies that were created by the academic reputation and standing the classroom,” Mearns said. retirement of professor Stephen J. if we now started going out and Professor Bryan Ray, who Werber and the departure of Dean fi nding good people. By doing recently joined C-M’s faculty in Linda Ammons. this, we are saying that we are 2006, indicated that it was this rich If you are planning on taking the Ohio Bar The committee screened hun- competitive and that we’re no and diverse faculty environment Exam in July 2007, then you must complete dreds of resumes that were submit- longer at the bottom of the food that attracted him to C-M. one hour of substance abuse instruction. The ted en mass through the American chain,” Wilson said. “C-M has a really interesting In selecting the candidates who and well-respected mix of faculty seminar includes causes, prevention, detection Association of Law Schools. Candidates who did well in would go on to half-hour screen- doing different things in different and treatment alternatives for substance abuse. the half-hour screening interviews ing interviews, the committee fi elds, and diversity was important C-M is sponsoring a free seminar on March were then invited to participate in considered a wide variety of fac- to me,” Ray said. 24, 2007, which is available for Spring, Sum- a full day of interviews with other tors in order to maintain the rich, Faculty members were very mer and Fall 2007 graduates. faculty members and students. diverse, multicultural environment much engaged in the process, and “We brought in an unprec- that is C-M. students are often asked to become edented number of candidates “In the faculty hiring process, involved but sometimes fi nd diffi - and the amount of work was just we want to ensure that the faculty culty in doing so, Wilson said. breathtaking,” said professor Jim is refl ective of the community that “I understand why students Wilson, chair of the faculty ap- we serve, not only in gender, not can’t make it. There’s often not pointments committee. only in academic areas, but also Information provided by Marcie J. Rechner The consideration of lateral in race, ethnicity, and in terms of See HIRING page 3 THE GAVEL

Page 2 February 2007 Law faculty LawLaw makes plans for One year later: 1Ls endure extra class By Brenda Hruska also noticed that the two-credit classes Though 1Ls were told to take the STAFF WRITER aren’t any less work than they were last sixth class unless their fi rst semester C-M’s future The six-class requirement for sec- semester. grade point average was less than 2.6, ond-semester 1Ls implemented in the “Professors seem to be speeding up Gittle Chaiko chose not to enroll despite By Geoffrey Mearns Last year, the law faculty and administration 2006 spring semester continues for cur- class, making it more of a lecture, to fi t the fact that her grade point average fi rst engaged in some strategic planning. During that rent 1Ls. A three-credit criminal law 75 minutes worth of information into semester was above that threshold. process, we received input from our students, our class is added while torts, property, and 50 minutes,” Toskey “I fi gure a high- alumni, and some community leaders. As a result contracts drop to two-credit hours, and said. Toskey added Though not a well- er GPA would be of that process, we articulated six ways in which the legal writing and civil procedure remain that he now brings an known option among more beneficial,” law school wanted to improve in order to fulfi ll our at three-credit hours. extra nickel for the said Chaiko, who institutional mission. Karoline Butler, 2L, who was in the parking meter in an- 1Ls, some students said she needed Although that process was valu- fi rst class to experience the change, said ticipation of his pro- have decided to put off high grades to keep able, the strategic plan we produced she pulled all-nighters just to get reading fessors ending class a scholarship. last year was not complete in two done, which she didn’t have to do fi rst late. taking the sixth class. T h o u g h s h e important respects. semester. Criminal Law also got placed Academic Excel- plans to take sum- First, we did not prioritize our on the back burner, Butler said. lence Program Manager Daniel Dropko mer classes and doesn’t think this will goals. Second, we did not articulate “You have that background in those said second semester students are better hinder her, she may be at a disadvantage specifi c tactics that we would need other fi ve classes already, and criminal equipped to handle the class. “Almost next year when she will have to enroll to implement in order to accom- law was so new so everyone let it slide all have learned to read more effi ciently, in criminal law and other students will The plish those goals. a little,” Butler said. and almost all are better law students,” have already completed the course, Dean’s During this current academic Butler, as well as current 1Ls, express Dropko said. Chaiko said. Column year, we are engaged in a collabora- concern over fi nals. Finals were a night- Despite his confi dence in the stu- Despite widespread stress, there is tive process that will address these mare last year because each fi nal was dents’ ability to handle the work, there still a sense of optimism among some two deficiencies. That process about 36 hours apart, Butler added. will always be a small number of law students about taking the class. Toskey began last Fall with a session to review and, if Current 1L Mark Toskey is already students exhausted by the work load is “pretty fi red up” about the extra class. necessary, revise our strategic goals. During that concerned about fi nals. Finals are sched- and burdened by the extra class, Dropko “But, if everyone else can do it, so can session, we also ranked those goals in order of their uled for Monday, Wednesday and Friday said. He advises that within the fi rst few I,” said Toskey. institutional priority. of the same week, Toskey said. “There weeks of having to take an additional Tony Hoehler, 1LE, who works forty We are presently having a series of planning is no doubt [that fi nals week] is going to class, students should get a sense of what hours a week and has given up a couple sessions devoted to each of the strategic goals. The have a lot of people worn out.” really needs to be known and should hours of sleep a night to now take four purpose of these sessions is to identify the specifi c “Although it’s supposedly the same focus on it. classes, said he’s laid back and doesn’t tactics we need to implement in order to attain the amount of time each week spent in class, “Realize there’s a lot you don’t need let the stress get to him. strategic goal. it sure seems like more,” Toskey said. to know,” Dropko said. “I think the real important thing is At this stage in the process, the plan includes He attributes that to the fact that Though not a well-known option working out and doing something active six strategic goals. They are listed here in order of there is no longer a break between his among 1Ls, some students have decided and get your mind off of it,” he said. “Go priority, but they are all important. morning and afternoon classes. He has to put off taking the sixth class. run. Do something.” 1. We will continue to improve our graduates’ fi rst-time bar passage rate on the Ohio State Bar Exam. 2. We will enhance the quality of and attain a Scalia: discusses today’s court more diverse student body, and we will expand the professional opportunities available to them. Continued from page 1-- 3. We will improve the scholarly productivity Law’s Dean Gary J. Simson moderated the event. THE GAVEL and reputation of our faculty. Justice Scalia refers to himself as an originalist. When interpreting the Constitu- CLEVELAND-MARSHALL COLLEGE OF LAW 4. We will develop a signature program or a tion, he looks to the meaning of its words at the time they were written. Scalia fi nds CLEVELAND STATE UNIVERSITY small number of “centers of excellence” at the law that meaning by looking to tradition, among other factors. 216.687.4533 TELEPHONE school. Simson challenged that interpretive theory by asking Scalia whether it becomes 216.687.6881 FAX 5. We will strengthen our curriculum and expand diffi cult for the Court to justify its decision in 1954 to strike down segregated [email protected] our teaching strategies to maximize the educational schools under the Equal Protection Clause if tradition is entitled to great interpre- experience for our students in order to prepare them tive weight. to practice law in the 21st century. Scalia responded by clarifying that tradition is not controlling if the language of 6. We will expand our long-standing commit- the Constitution is clear and unambiguous. With regard to Brown v. Board of Ed., ment to public service. the 14th Amendment clearly prohibited segregated schools, Justice Scalia said. When it is complete, this plan will guide the Mearns addressed the increasingly contentious judicial nomination process and direction and administration of the law school for asked Scalia for his views on the trend and whether it could be reversed. Scalia Co-Editors-in-Chief the next fi ve years. fondly recalled that he was approved 98-0 in 1986 and acknowledged the vote would Margan Keramati Accordingly, we have selected strategic goals certainly be different today. He expressed concern that the best and brightest among Kathleen Locke that are capable of being achieved within that time us may become reluctant to subject themselves to such scrutiny and controversy. He Shawn Romer frame. In that regard, we set six goals, so that we also suggested that labels such as conservative or liberal are inaccurate with respect can focus our efforts and resources on the most to Justices, and he gave examples where his opinions were anything but conserva- Staff Anonymous 1L important objectives. tive. Ultimately, Scalia believes the trend will reverse itself naturally, but he hopes Drew Behnke I share this information with you for two prin- it happens sooner rather than later. Paul Deegan cipal reasons. In response to a question posed by Simson, Justice Scalia lambasted the Court’s Joseph Dunson First, I want you to know that the faculty and the majority for relying on foreign law and practice in recent opinions. Scalia argued Tiffany Elmore administration are actively engaged in a planning that the United States is autonomous and bound only by its own laws and traditions. Joanna Evans process that will extend this law school’s legacy of He also expressed concern that lawyers could fi nd precedent for just about anything Kurt Fawver excellence and opportunity. We are quite proud of if they looked to enough countries. Emily Honsa Brenda Hruska Mearns also asked Scalia for his thoughts on whether the trend to reduce the what our faculty, our graduates, and our students Bradley Hull have achieved. Indeed, the recent bar results dem- number of cases that the Court has accepted in recent terms will continue and whether Aaron Mendelsohn onstrate that when we make a concerted community it affects the administration of justice. Chuck Northcutt commitment to solve a problem we can achieve a Scalia said that there is a limit to the number of cases the Justices can consider, John Rose common goal. But in order to maintain and expand but that perhaps one hundred cases was a realistic number. In recent terms, the Court Kevin Shannon our impact and our reputation, we must improve in has accepted between seventy and eighty cases. He explained that the process for Chris Tibaldi Daniel Thiel many other respects too. accepting cases has not changed and that the number will go up when more Justices Ben Wiborg Second, we want your input. If you have agree to accept them. thoughts about these goals or suggestions for specifi c Following the “conversation,” Scalia fi elded questions from the audience. Most tactics that can help us achieve them, please speak to notably, a law student at Case from outside Ohio asked Scalia for his opinion on me, or please speak with any member of our faculty practicing law in Cleveland. In response, Scalia reminisced about his days as a junior Advisor Thomas Buckley or administration. associate at Jones Day and said that he cherishes his memories from Cleveland, and Printer P.M. Graphics I look forward to your input. And, I look forward he recommended Cleveland as a great place to begin a law career. http://www.law.csuohio.edu/students to working with you to make this very good law Justice Scalia was nominated by President Ronald Reagan in 1986 and is the ALL RIGHTS REVERT TO AUTHOR school even better. fi rst Italian-American on the U.S. Supreme Court. THE GAVEL n LAW FEBRUARY 2007 n 3 Students, administration deal with grading delay By Kevin Shannon was offered during the second week of final of students. Three weeks seemed like the minimum STAFF WRITER exams. With the early start to the semes- According to Crocker, who oversees time necessary to ensure that professors The first week of this semester, students ter, C-M students may now take PMBR, the grading process to make sure profes- could grade their exams without changing could be overheard asking each other one however they also must accept the fact that sors’ grades fit within the school’s grading the types of exams that professors could question: Did you get your grade in Profes- grades will be delayed. curve guidelines, each professor has 21 days administer, Crocker said. She explained sor X’s class yet? The fact that this semester According to Kuboff, the benefits of depending on which week the exam was that the school did not want to dictate the began a week earlier than spring semester the schedule change, which allow students administered to submit grades. If a profes- type of exam a professor could give, and all last year had the unfortunate effect of to attend PMBR, outweighs the grading sor has not submitted the grades by the she could do was press upon the faculty the students starting classes without receiving problems. deadline, Crocker and the student records need to get grades in on time. some, or in some cases all, of their grades The change is in everyone’s best inter- officer follow up with the professor and do Crocker acknowledged how tough it is from the previous semester. This was a ests, and first and second-year students will everything they can to expedite the process, for students to start a new semester without common complaint among students during appreciate the benefits once they begin to Crocker said. receiving grades in every course especially the first few weeks of this term. prepare for the bar exam, Kuboff said. When alerted to the fact that some stu- for first-year students who start the second According to SBA President Scott “You can have all the grades in the world dents had received grades after the semester half of a course without knowing whether he Kuboff and Associate Dean for Academic posted timely, but [grades] do not mean a began despite their professors turning the or she actually passed the first semester. Affairs Phyllis Crocker, the reason for thing unless you pass the bar exam,” Kuboff grades in much sooner, Crocker explained When asked if she had considered forc- grades being delayed was the shortened added. that there is a strict time period established ing professors of two semester courses to Christmas break, and the spring semester He also acknowledged several com- by Cleveland State University in which submit their grades soon enough to post starting a week earlier this year. plaints that SBA had received from the grades can be posted to CampusNet. them before the semester began, she stated The decision to start the semester a student body but noted that all the com- In anticipation of the early start to that she had considered it. week early was made to give C-M students plaints had come from first and second-year spring semester and problems that may Crocker explained that in theory it is a a chance to take the six-day Preliminary students. arise with the grading period, Crocker said good idea; however, it would mean that all Multistate Bar Review (“PMBR”) course, The SBA is taking the complaints seri- she contacted associate deans at other law first-year courses would have to be tested Kuboff said. ously, but students must exercise some schools to determine whether shortening the during the first week of exam period. The course prepares students for the patience and realize that grading exams grading period for professors might be an Despite Dean Crocker’s sympathy for MBE or multi-state portion of the bar does take time, Kuboff said. He also noted option. According to Crocker, C-M’s grad- the student body’s concerns, she made it exam. In the past, C-M students have been that the faculty and administration are doing ing period is actually pretty short compared clear that she did not anticipate any change precluded from taking this test because it everything they can to address the concerns to other schools. in the grading period. New entrance models

Renderings provided by Collins Gordon Bostwick Architects April 2007: Preparation work for new entrance set to begin. The areas that will be the small classrooms above the Dean’s suite. affected include some student offices and the Dean’s suite. August 2007: Construction will conclude on the university classrooms and the repo- May 2007: Major construction work will begin after finals to the new entrance, re- sitioning of the inner link. positioning of the inner link walkway, and construction of new CSU classrooms along December 2007: All construction will conclude. current inner link walkway. The areas that will be affected also include clinic offices and *Information provided by Victoria Plata and is subject to change. Students: Gain practical experience Hiring: C-M looks to or have completed advanced brief the experience never fails to be a Continued from page 1-- writing, and they must enroll in the significant part of the discussion build on faculty diversity moot court tryout course. during job interviews. Continued from page 1-- Participants in the course write At the most recent Chicago Bar the world’s best notice, they’re all juggling schedules, and students have opponents. a brief specifically for the competi- Association moot court competi- things going on in the afternoon. But, student participation is really im- To new team members, the tion and argue it in front of a panel. tion, a highly competitive and re- portant. Students are usually accurate in their assessments, particularly scrimmages can be an eye-opener. Second-year students are also gionally-based tournament, C-M’s when it comes to the teaching aspect – whether the candidate will seem Techniques the opposition uses chosen based on their combined teams were very successful. like a good person, accessible, direct, competent,” Wilson said. can be surprising and often take written and oral advocacy scores. The two teams, consisting of Mearns also stressed the importance of student involvement in the the opposition by surprise. Participation in moot court al- Luis Carrion, Christy Nicholls, faculty hiring process. Trial team members are cur- lows members to receive academic Ladi Williams, Jennifer Gross, “To the extent that students don’t come to those forums, it does not rently preparing for the American credit while gaining significant Samantha Seberg, and Jeff Stupp, send the best message to those candidates. It suggests that the students Association for Justice’s regional experience in research, brief writ- advanced to various levels of the don’t care, and I don’t think that that’s the case. I think that students competition in Columbus, Ohio. ing, and arguing. There are op- competition’s final rounds. Jen- very much care about the quality of the instruction and the quality of To become a member of the portunities to travel as well as for nifer Gross was awarded second their instructors. By not participating, I think that it sends an unfortunate moot court team, 1L students must inter-scholastic competitions. Ear- place oralist. message,” Mearns said. submit their final legal writing as- lier this year, the team presented At the national moot court “One thing we said about the students to every candidate after every signment to the moot court board arguments in front of a packed competition for region VI, the interview was that last year, the students collectively raised over $30,000 of governors. audience at Moot Court night. team of Greg Jolivette, Kelly toward the Iris S. Wolstein scholarship fund. I told every candidate to Finalists are chosen based on “It has given me an opportu- Means, and Karen Swanson-Haan show them that collectively, the students are supportive of the institution their briefs and must then make an nity to refine my writing ability received awards for best respon- and feel good about it. All of the candidates were impressed, and to oral argument. Members are then and to develop good techniques dent’s brief, best brief overall, me, that message means more than whether or not some people show chosen based on their combined for presenting an oral argument,” and best team. Best oralist went up for coffee and cookies in the middle of December. We are so proud written and oral advocacy scores. said Scott Kuboff, moot court team to Karen Swanson-Haan. of our students and so grateful to them,” Wilson said. Second-year students are also member. Next on the Moot Court agenda Five candidates were brought forward by the committee as finalists. able to compete for admission to Greg Jolivette, the chair of the is a competition in New York this Two offers are now being negotiated with decisions anticipated to come the team. They must be enrolled moot court team, indicated that spring for the National Finals. in the next few weeks. THE GAVEL Page 4 Career Career February 2007 Advice for Alumni combine law and outdoors managing By Emily Honsa “It will never make us rich, but it is October 2006 by Cleveland Magazine. STAFF WRITER healthy and thriving,” Bristol said. “It’s good to have something else in your The stereotypical lawyer is uptight, a 41° North’s birth was incidental to run- life that you can draw from,” Bristol said. six classes know-it-all, and argues every minute point ins between Bristol and co-owner Mark It’s a value he’s had at least since his to death. Pecot. years as a full-time student at C-M. Bris- By Karen Mika Basically, they’re dry. But, two C-M They were both frequently asked about tol kept active and sane with a daily run, LEGAL WRITING PROFESSOR alumni defy the ste- the basics of Lake which was always finished with a trek up Do you have any recommenda- reotype. Erie kayaking and Murray Hill. tions for first year students to be able Scott Ditzen- soon came to the The first type of law Bristol considered to prioritize time given that some of berger just might be conclusion that practicing was environmental law, but he us have six classes? the most relaxed- it was a grow- soon realized that he had a stronger affinity The entire practice of law is a high looking law alum- ing and untapped for litigation. stress profession in which each day nus you’ve ever market, Bristol He now works at a small boutique may be a struggle to get everything seen. said. firm with four other attorneys, primarily done while still attempting to main- You would re- The two first litigating complex civil matters and class tain some quality of life. alize why if you submitted their actions. Of course, as a law student, qual- watched him suit idea to a “business Bristol’s Advanced Brief Writing course ity of life is often something that gets up and plunge into plan” competi- at C-M has consistently received positive the least amount of priority. Lake Erie with a tion. Although evaluations. Unfortunately, that’s kind of the surfboard. the plan did not The student that completes the best key way that it has to be if you want to do In September win, Pecot and exercise is rewarded with a complementary well in law school and succeed in the 2006, Ditzenberger Bristol decided sunset Lake Erie kayak tour. profession. left a comfortable, to implement the He also advises the C-M Moot Court That’s not although somewhat plan regardless program and was a recipient of the Moot Legal to say that you tedious, job in law of their success in Court Alumni Award for 2003-2004. Writing shouldn’t take doing document re- the competitoin. “The law is one of the most difficult pro- any time for fam- view to join a film Starting with fessions with tremendous time requirements ily or hobbies, team working on a Mark Pecot co-owns 41° North with ten boats and a and pressure,” said Bristol. “It’s essential but try very hard not to fall behind documentary about C-M alumnus and professor Jason Bristol. trailer and de- to have a healthy balance.” in reading because of nights out that his hobby- surfing. pending upon friends for cars with hitches, Information about course and trip might be a luxury. Ditzenberger left his legal job for the 41° North now boasts a fleet of close to 50 offerings can be found at http://www. In terms of prioritizing the work same reason he decided to go law school: boats and was rated “Best of Cleveland” in kayak41north.com. for classes, there are a couple of to get paid for his ideas. things that should be remembered: Ditzenberger realized that he would 1) Never fall behind. have to devote all of his attention to the 2) Pay special attention to classes film, or it would prove to be an endless that might require extra preparation project. He found that the same consulting (such as a class where you know you role played by lawyers is also present in the will be called on soon). world of film. 3) Don’t try to do a writing as- His upcoming collaboration is entitled signment in the days or hours before “Out of Place.” The documentary was it is due, and originally intended to be a sparse, visual 4) Try not to learn by way of demonstration of Lake Erie/Edgewater Park marathon sleepless sessions. surfers. The best thing to do is to set aside However, his film-savvy partners de- time for a series of classes for each cided the story had much more promise, and day, and, like with an exam, try not they decided to delve deeper into the lives of to go over that time period. the surfers, allowing viewers to connect on It is almost impossible to retain a much more personal level with the film’s information in law school by cram- characters, Ditzenberger said. ming it in. It is also almost impossible The New York Times recently featured to master knowledge when you have Ditzenberger in an article about surfing fallen behind by a few hundred pages the Great Lakes. The Travel Channel has and are trying to catch up. scheduled an appointment with him for a In order to be retained, knowledge feature, and other forms of free advertising must be obtained incrementally. If are simply appearing out of nowhere. Photos provided by Jason Bristol done in this way, there should also And though he intends to continue work- The CSU Recreation Graduate Program participate in a 3-day intensive course be at least some time left over for ing in film, he also plans to return to law in with 41° North in the Erie Islands during the summmer of 2005. hobbies and a personal life. some capacity, most likely as a consultant. There gets to be a certain point But surfing will likely remain part of his where the brain will not absorb any life: “It’s great for perspective. The stress in more information, and that would law can be overwhelming. Surfing allows be the time to take a break and do you to put yourself in a very calm place.” something else. C-M alumnus Jason Bristol is a partner That being said, the break should at Cohen Rosenthal & Kramer LLP, and an THETHE GAVELGAVEL also be metered so that you can return adjunct professor, teaching Advanced Brief to your schedule refreshed. Writing, at C-M. But, he also co-owns 41° In terms of time management, North, the largest provider of sea kayaking We are always accepting submissions. most people who work fulltime and instruction and tours in the Midwest. If you are interested in contributing to the Gavel, attend night classes seem to be best 41° North trips are led by an energetic e-mail the editors at at balancing hours in a day to best staff that all have full-time jobs elsewhere. [email protected]. achieve their goals. One is a life flight nurse, another is a teacher, This appears to be not only the and another is a double amputee. motivation of these individuals, but The guides are conservative with their because of the limitation of available customers, but they can relate harrowing hours and the scheduling of those stories of daring kayaking out on the lake Come Join Us! hours. So, the best way to go about with other experienced kayakers. prioritizing while getting everything Bristol was drawn to forming the sea done seems to be by way of schedul- kayaking enterprise by his love of the out- ing your time evenly and sticking doors and the sport itself – not because he to it. believed it would be overly lucrative. THE GAVEL n POLITICS FEBRUARY 2007 n 5 TheThe PoliticalPolitical BroadsideBroadside How do free trade agreements affect Ohio?

By Bradley Hull By Joseph Dunson CONSERVATIVE GAVEL COLUMNIST LIBERAL GAVEL COLUMNIST Current U.S. FTAs substantially benefit Ohio. Milton Current free trade agreements (FTAs) have damaged Friedman, the 20th Century’s most highly respected econo- Ohio’s economy by sending thousands of high paying mist, once said “[for over 200 years] there has been virtual manufacturing jobs overseas. unanimity among economists…that international free trade Policy Matters Ohio analyzed numbers from the De- is in the best interests of trading countries and of the world”. partment of Labor’s Trade Adjustment Assistance Program All credible economic data supports Friedman’s statement. (TAA) to find that “the TAA program certified 45,734 Ohio- As will be shown, in Ohio in 2002, nearly 200,000 high- ans as being eligible to apply for trade adjustment assistance paying, stable manufacturing jobs depended on exporting, between 1995 and 2003.” and foreign companies employed approximately 200,000 The TAA numbers do not account for all FTA related job workers, while international trade directly caused only 13,093 losses though. To track such losses, The Economic Policy manufacturing job losses. Institute (the real EPI) used an input-output economic model, which tracks both the dimi- In the NAFTA era, which began in 1994, Ohio manufacturers’ dependence on export- nution in U.S exports and the increase in imports. ing far outweighs the job losses they endure from increased foreign imports. In 2002, EPI found that “[i]ncreases in the U.S. trade deficit from 1994 to 2000 removed more Census Bureau data showed that 20.5 percent of the jobs of all Ohio’s roughly 900,000 than 135,000 jobs and job opportunities from Ohio’s economy, nearly 100,000 of which manufacturing workers depended on exporting. By contrast, of those 191,000 manufac- were from the high-paid manufacturing sector.” turing jobs lost from 1999-2003, a smaller percentage, 18.2, were directly traceable to Such great losses continue to weigh heavily on Ohio’s families in communities across international trade, as conceded by left-leaning Policy Matters Ohio. Further, one would the state. ‘Outsourced’ workers seldom find commensurate substitute employment, and expect manufacturers’ exporting dependence to continue to rise, as even in a mostly pre- many local businesses have been forced to make layoffs or close their doors because people NAFTA Ohio, the state’s share of export-related manufacturing jobs increased from 31.6 in their towns simply don’t have the same money to spend. percent to 38.5 percent from 1991-1994, as found by BLS data. Apologists like President Bush offer only a partial picture of the trade landscape by By opening foreign markets to exports, current U.S. FTAs greatly aid Ohio manu- ignoring the effects that increased foreign imports have on the domestic job market. Ac- facturers. The Buckeye State’s 28 percent increase in export shipments of merchandise cording to economist Robert Scott, “[t]he impact on employment of any change in trade is from 2001-2005 was the fifth largest of all U.S. states. Ohio’s 2005 $34.8 billion total determined by its effect on the trade balance, the difference between exports and imports. ranked seventh largest. Though the Census Bureau allocates exports to states based on Ignoring imports and counting only exports is like balancing a checkbook by counting their “transportation origin” in making this determination, its conclusions demonstrate only deposits and not withdrawals. The many officials, policy analysts, and business lead- both Ohio’s booming export and transportation industries. ers who ignore the negative effects of imports and talk only about the benefits of exports Export-related jobs, in addition to enjoying greater stability in a globalizing economy, engage in false accounting.” are high-paying. Jobs that depend on trade generally pay 13 percent to 18 percent more FTAs further offend tens of thousands of Ohioans who find reprehensible the glaring than the average U.S. wage, according to the Office of the U.S. Trade Representative. human rights violations and nightmarish public health conditions abroad in many ‘free Given these benefits, future federal legislation aimed at creating quality jobs for Americans trade zones’, where native labor is exploited by U.S. companies with impunity. should attempt to expand and open global markets for U.S. manufacturers. The FTA ‘side agreements’ framed to ensure some base level of protection go unen- Ohioans greatly benefit from “in-sourcing”. Lured by American openness to interna- forced at the expense of powerless workers in countries like Mexico, where workers are tional trade, Bureau of Economic Analysis data shows that foreign-controlled companies horribly underpaid and forced to live in squalor among the clusters of maquiladoras spread employed 203,600 workers in Ohio in 2004. This included 95,000 in the manufacturing out along the U.S. border. sector, or 11.5 percent of its total workforce. Honda alone employed over 16,000 Ohio- FTAs undermine classical nation building models in developing countries by remov- ans in 2004. Restriction of current U.S. FTAs would jeopardize these jobs, regardless ing the capital generated by native labor driven production- never allowing the laborers of whether the employers are headquartered in a U.S. FTA partner nation, by implying to reap the harvest they’ve sewn. newfound U.S. hostility to foreign companies and dollars. This creates a modern day sharecropping scenario in which native economies have Further, FTAs’ global benefits inure to Ohio. Both economist Solomon Polachek and little hope for infrastructure development and diversified private native ownership of a Columbia University study recently found that free trade substantially reduces global industry. violence. Further, world leaders from Kofi Annan to President Bush have noted that free In his 2004 book Myths of Free Trade, Ohio Senator Sherrod Brown illuminated many trade greatly reduces global poverty. Thus, due to FTAs fewer Ohioans are killed in war, FTA realities, and he criticized the west’s treatment of developing nations. and fewer Ohio tax dollars need be spent for strife or aid. “Western lending institutions-led by the IMF and the World Bank- have pushed priva- In a curious attempt to refute “virtual unanimity” among economists, opponents often tization and deregulation, the so-called Washington consensus, on developing nations. cite substantial Ohio manufacturing job losses, without qualifying those losses by citing . . They have forced developing nations to move away from sustainable agriculture to studies such as PMO’s (which concluded that well over 80 percent of Ohio’s 1995-2003 commodity exports, such as coffee and chocolate, which are consumed mostly in wealthy manufacturing job losses were not directly traceable to international trade). Opponents nations.” Senator Brown noted the unfortunate irony in this approach. often then cite the same PMO study’s estimate that 45,734 Ohio 1995-2003 job losses were “The countries that these bankers represent- France, Japan, the United States, Great “trade-related”, but fail to mention the 203,600 Ohioans employed by foreign companies, Britain, Canada, Belgium- had developed their economies very differently; they in fact largely because of U.S. FTAs. had protected their industries.” Current FTAs bring stability and good-paying jobs to Ohio’s exporter-manufacturers. Current FTAs fail Ohio’s workers and workers abroad. FTAs exacerbate the dispar- Those Ohio manufacturers that do not substantially export will continue to cut payroll for ity in wealth between the ultra rich and ultra poor in developing countries, and they drag reasons mostly unrelated to international trade. Before clamoring for substantial reform, down our economy at home. While FTAs push down the price of goods they do so at the the “globalization-pushback” crowd should heed Friedman’s admonitions and current cost of people. economic statistics regarding FTAs’ actual effects. Which is worth more to Ohioans? Liberal rebuttal... Conservative rebuttal... I cannot begin to comprehend why you argue “[i]n the NAFTA era . . . Ohio manufac- No credible facts support your argument. Nearly all the world’s economists reject turers’ dependence on exporting far outweighs the job losses they endure from increased Brown’s and EPI-staffer Scott’s conclusions of FTA-caused net domestic harm. foreign imports.” You disingenuously ignore Ohio’s trade-related in-sourcing and increased exporting, Clearly you don’t even know the issue. Viewed against one another the terms ‘depen- which both substantially outweigh the negative local effects of FTAs. dence on exporting’ and ‘loss endured by increased foreign imports’ cannot account for EPI’s findings are laughable. Notably, unions provide EPI five times more funding than the trade imbalance caused in Ohio by current FTAs. corporations. Its ridiculous study included hypothetical jobs that never actually existed Perhaps you meant to write that FTAs bring about a net economic gain to Ohio by caus- in Ohio, but might have been created, as “trade-related losses”. Further, even if EPI’s ing a greater increase in valuable export-related jobs than they do a loss from outsourced fraudulent findings were correct, the foreign in-sourcing of nearly 200,000 jobs to Ohio jobs and increased imports. by 2000 still trumps its conclusion. But you didn’t write that- because that wouldn’t be true. You cite zero (0) statistics to demonstrate FTA-caused net Third World harm. Instead, Your argument fails because you weigh the worth of existing exporting jobs against you rely exclusively on “Corporations are Evil!”-insipred conspiracy theories. This myth those lost due to FTAs. You groundlessly presuppose that FTAs created these exporting is debunked by the “inconvenient truth” that free trade greatly reduces global poverty. In jobs or in some fashion perpetuate their presence in Ohio. agreement are, among others, nearly all economists, Kofi Annan, Australia’s government Don’t try to make us feel ok about what we’ve lost by reminding us of what we still and a recent U.K.-Israeli study. Nobel Laureate Joseph Stiglitz, a rare dissenter, actually have left. That’s like stealing my car and telling me not to worry- you kindly left me my argues that even freer trade (U.S. elimination of domestic subsidies) would further reduce bike. global poverty. Next time at least frame the issue in its proper terms before you contort statistical data Your anti-trade argument roughly translates to “Let wars wage, Third World kids starve to defend a losing position. and all Ohio exporters suffer to delay comparatively few union layoffs!” Touching. THE GAVEL Page 6 OpinOpin ion ion February 2007 SBA President Facing gender dilemmas in the legal fi eld thanks senate Has the playing fi eld become equal for men and women in the profession? By Margan Keramati The Equal Pay Act of 1963 requires equal ing the business of law with the needs of CO-EDITOR-IN-CHIEF pay for equal work. employees. When women make the choice task forces Most students here are aware that C-M Women now comprise 40 to 50 percent to take maternity leave, fi rms have to deal was one of the fi rst law schools in the coun- of law school graduates though this number with an absent body. When men choose to By Scott Kuboff try to admit women. The fi rst generation of is not refl ected in the upper legal hierarchy. take paternity leave, although less common SBA PRESIDENT female C-M graduates, and really the fi rst However, the number of women attaining than women, fi rms have to deal with that Dear Fellow Students, generation of female attorneys across the positions of power is on the rise. absent body too. On behalf of my fellow SBA Offi cers country, faced the challenge of breaking According to a 2006 study by NALP, Above that, men face societal scrutiny – Meredith Danch, Chan Carlson, Nick down the “old boys’ club” The Association for Legal Career Profes- for not being their family’s provider. And Hanna, and Jaime Umerley – I want to as- sign. The question that faces sionals, the number of females in large fi rms as societal norms change, and men are “al- sure you that we are dedicated to making both female and males in the The rose by 1.48 percent from 2005. Nationally, lowed” to be more sensitive, they still face the spring semester just as successful as the profession today is whether Gavel 16.3 percent of partners are women, while scrutiny for not being “macho” enough. Editorial fall semester. or not that sign has been com- Opinion 44.33 percent of associates are women. There’s no easy answer to the question As many of you are aware, your SBA pletely taken down. While legislation prevents employers of how firms can change their business passed Resolution 10222006-A, which It would be a gross over- from discriminating in the hiring process, environments to become more conducive called for a 24-hour Exam Policy. On statement to say that women today face the women still face challenges in larger fi rms in dealing with society’s gradual change in Thursday, Nov. 30, 2006, the C-M faculty same challenges that women two or three due in part by demanding billable-hours perception of gender roles. approved an amended version of the SBA generations ago faced. Change in any systems and having to choose between car- Perhaps re-thinking the billable hours policy. fi eld is a slow process. Female advance- ing for a family and having a law career. system where the focus is directed on the Specifically, the faculty approved a ment in many fi elds is due in large part to Women also face the challenge of being quality rather than the quantity of hours 23-hour exam policy that would allow a legislation that prevents discrimination in labeled a “bitch” for being too aggressive worked because a large number of hours student to reschedule the work place. or a push over for not being aggressive doesn’t necessarily produce quality work. one exam in the event Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 enough. And, perhaps, large law fi rms percep- SBA that he or she has a protects individuals against employment But, women don’t face these dilemmas tions of what makes an individual valuable night exam sched- discrimination on the basis of sex, as well alone. to their fi rm will lead to more equality and President uled at 6:00PM and as race, color, national origin, and religion. Law fi rms face the challenge of balanc- balance in law fi rms in the future. then one the follow- ing morning at 9:00AM. However, this policy is temporary. After the 2007 spring semester, this policy will be reevaluated to determine whether it should be permanently implemented. This is a good step in the right direction, Student criticizes new smoking ban and I would like to thank SBA Treasurer One of my favorite sci-fi bars is not a deprivation of my accept a law that deprives me same option as reported by Nick Hanna for his hard work with this guy fl icks is Demolition Man personal liberty without due of the enjoyment of a cigar with Bangor Daily News and CBS initiative as well as the faculty for their starring Sylvester Stallone and process by the State per the my beer at the bar or a hookah Broadcasting. continued support of C-M students. Wesley Snipes. 14th Amendment of our beloved at the local hookah shop. I’m not trying to say one This year, Barrister’s Ball will be held on In the movie, both good Constitution. Just as Abraham This smoking ban proves should smoke in front of kids, March 3, 2007, at the Hyatt at the Arcade, guy/cop Stallone and bad guy/ Lincoln observed after the Dred the old adage that “if you give but I do believe that when a Downtown Cleveland, and beginning at criminal Snipes fi nd themselves Scott decision that the people them an inch, they take a mile.” citizen is banned from smok- 6:30pm. in a future in which all of man’s will decide Scott to be free, I My fellow smokers, this ban is ing in the privacy of his own Barrister’s Ball is traditionally a formal favorite vices, from salty foods argue that despite any court rul- just the beginning of the loss of home and car, there is a higher affair where students have the opportunity to to sex, is denied by an over mor- ings upholding smoking bans, our personal liberties. It was constitutional principle at stake. socialize and network with friends, faculty, alistic intrusive government. we the people will decide such not that long ago when non- Besides, my parents smoked and alumni. I would like to thank SBA Vice Good guy and bad guy bans violate our personal liber- smokers kicked us out of public around me when I was a child, President of Programming, Meredith Danch alike quickly fi nd themselves ties and pursuit of happiness. buildings. Now, thanks to the and I grew up to be healthy and the SBA Programming committee for at odds with a society that fi nes This law must not be obeyed! ban, we can no longer smoke in enough to join the Marines! their hard work in planning the Ball. a person simply for uttering a For that matter, I simply privately owned bars. To top it Once these do-gooders have In addition to the dinner and dancing, curse word. do not see off, we now have to stand 20 completely banned smoking, your SBA will be auctioning off two Bar/Bri While I greatly enjoyed this how the 14th feet away from the buildings which is their goal, they already courses for the SBA Student Scholarship movie, I remembered think- Amend- Letter we have been banned from, re- have their next target in place: Drive. I would like to thank Ryan Feola ing to myself, “My God; I ment prop- gardless if there are appropriate trans fats. There is already a and Bar/Bri for their continued support of could never function in such erty rights shelters built for our harsh Ohio trans fat ban in New York City the students of C-M. an uptight society!” Of course, of the bar To The winters and rainy seasons. and L.A. County is looking into Moreoever, this year’s Barrister’s Ball being a science fi ction movie, and hookah I can’t tell you how proud the feasibility of such a ban will mark the fi rst time a student will be I never seriously considered shop own- Editor this freedom-loving cigar as reported by the Associated awarded with the Stephen J. Werber Col- that my beloved America, the ers have not smoker is every time I walk by Press on January 11, 2007. legial Integrity Award. land of the free, would actually been violat- the doors to the law school and Remember, it was in both The Stephen J. Werber Collegial Integ- turn into such an oppressive ed by forcing them to enforce see all of those cigarette butts California and New York that rity Award was created in honor of Professor society. this ban. on the ground while the outdoor the idea for the current smok- Werber and will be given to one student who However, with the passage This is a restriction that ashtray moved 20 feet away is ing ban started. The irony has exhibited high character, collegiality of the new smoking ban in our should simply be left for the empty. To all of you do-gooder here, nonsmokers, is that the and an outstanding commitment to C-M and state (along with other) states, I business owners to decide not nonsmokers, good luck enforc- precedent for government to the surrounding community. am about to be proven wrong on the government via mob rule. ing this ridiculous oppressive take away your cheeseburgers The student will be chosen from nomi- this point while my worst fears Let the free markets decide part of the ban! and pastries has already been nations sent to the SBA Executive Com- of losing my personal liberties this issue! This kind of resistance is the established by the nonsmoking mittee. I would like to thank Dean Mearns seem to be coming true. Even before the ban, there only way that this ban will ever laws you have so vehemently for accepting our invitation to serve on the I fi rmly believe that allow- was already non-smoking estab- have a chance of going away, campaigned for in spite of the selection committee. ing a majority of voters dictate lishments catering to nonsmok- just as the American people Constitution. Finally, your SBA has created a Web to the minority is mob-ocracy ers, so the people of our State resisted the similarly ill-advised All of a sudden, thanks to site to facilitate communication and keep in its worst form. The last time already had a choice as to going prohibition of the 1920’s. the smoking ban advocates, you better informed. I checked, our nation was a re- to a smoke free establishment or As if the ban in its current I will soon fi nd myself in an The Web site address is public, an institution supposed not. To simply force smoke free state is not enough, currently, oppressive do-gooder future, http://www.law.csuohio.edu/students/ to guard against mob-ocracy, establishments on everyone, two states (Arkansas and Loui- much like Stallone and Snipes SBA/index.html. as argued in Federalist Paper just to appease nonsmokers, is siana) have made it illegal for in Demolition Man, in which I would like to thank Nick Hanna for his # 10. inherently wrong. people to smoke in their own I am denied all of my favorite work in getting the site launched. I will argue with anyone To put it another way, as a homes and cars if children are vices and personal liberties. As always if you have any questions or telling me that prohibiting me man who served his country present, and other communi- That is a future that I want no concerns, please feel free to contact me at from smoking a cigar with honorably for four years in the ties in Maine and California part of. your earliest convenience. my beer at one of my favorite US Marine Corps, I refuse to are seriously considering the Chuck Northcutt, 2L THE GAVEL n OPINION FEBRUARY 2007 n 7 Fear and Loathing in Beantown: DOMA doesn’t The recent terror debacle in Boston By Kurt Fawver apology for the incident. They arrested a nation of eight year olds. GAVEL COLUMNIST two of the technicians that created and The response from Boston officials defend marriage installed the light boards. They played is also disheartening. Boston’s mayor as We live in a society steeped in anxi- By John Rose ety. Ours is a culture that prays for safety the part of dutiful martyr, absolving well as the Attorney General for Massa- GAVEL COLUMNIST and security but secretly yearns for the themselves of any blame for the panic chusetts both called for an apology from Like a lot of people, I really hate it when someone release of mass hysteria and panic. and loss of resources. After all, they Turner Broadcasting and reimbursement lies to me. This goes to both smaller more direct We sense conspiracy in every wary were only protecting the city from a for their financial losses. They blame lies, like “I did not have sexual relations with that glance from a stranger. We seek out potential terror plot, Turner’s advertising woman,” and to broader lies such as “I’m a uniter, death and destruction so we can point right? Wrong. Perhaps it was the ploy for causing panic not a divider.” at it in abject horror, all the while feel- This is ridicu- middle finger in the and, subsequently, the In a lot of ways the latter type of lie is more ing strangely validated in our shared lous. First of all, need for widespread repugnant to me because the people telling them are paranoia. who believes that air that really kicked emergency dispatches. trying to sell me something. Likely what they’re America is a land where the apoca- any device with a in the fright. I know The truth is that trying to sell is something I don’t want to buy. That’s lypse is impending in the heart of every few wires and lights paranoid individuals why they have to lie about it. citizen. Move over baseball, because could be a terrorist how terrified of that caused the panic, and I think I got this from my dad. He used to say, terror has become our official national weapon? Are these gesture I am. Boston officials got “don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining. I can pastime. the same people who swept up in the fever smell the difference.” He used to get especially riled Our society so desperately clings believe that the movie Tron is an accurate of the moment. At some level, police up about lies and trivialities dressed up as important to protection that it often suffocates portrayal of how computers work? and elected officials need to be more issues to try to get people to act on things that gener- liberty. A recent example of this col- I mean, come on. These people were rational and intelligent than the masses. ally didn’t concern them. lective obsession pro- essentially looking at the insides of a They cannot cater to illogical, unfounded For me, maybe the best example of this is the so- vided a glimpse into the Light-Bright and panicking. Even if anxieties. Here, that is precisely what called Defense of Marriage Act, or DOMA. Repub- rashness and absurdity you know nothing about technology, you happened. Respectfully licans have gotten a lot of mileage out of this issue, that now permeates our have to be aware that a deadly weapon Boston PD and the local government both nationally and at the state level. Inclusion of dissenting society. needs more than a battery, lights, and fed the panic to pacify and legitimize DOMAs is widely credited with getting out the vote Since the middle of wires to kill anyone. their citizens’ paranoia. Very simply, in 2004, which re-elected President Bush. January, Turner Broad- How the police could make this Turner shouldn’t be forced to pay for There are two things about DOMAs that bug casting has run a marketing campaign for same mistake raises an entirely differ- their hasty decisions. If Boston officials me. First off is the martial aspect of it. Can’t these the Cartoon Network show “Aqua Teen ent issue about the competence of law are trying to find scapegoats for this people solve anything without it being a war? It’s Hunger Force.” enforcement. Didn’t someone from the incident, they need only take a glance like they’re trying to conjure up these images of gays As part of this promotion, over 30 bomb squad or Homeland Security see in the mirror. massing up some great sissy army to sashay down the small light boards depicting an “Aqua the light board and say “Nope. It’s not Terrorism plays into a most basic main streets of Everytown USA, swinging their man Teen” character were placed around the dangerous.”? fear of the Other. Whatever is abnormal, bags to lure straight men astray. And, I can’t even city, as well as in other metropolitan ar- Then there’s the issue of why these whatever deviates from preconceived bring myself to think about what’s gonna happen eas. The cartoon character, a Mooninite, devices attracted attention in the first notions of a routine, ordered world when they send in the lesbian storm troopers. which resembles an alien from a 1980s place. People who reported them said must be a danger. Psychologists call it The other thing that bothers me about DOMA is video game such as Space Invaders, was they were “menacing” or “sinister.” xenophobia. I call it ignorance. the sheer dishonesty of it all. You see, this issue isn’t shown with its middle finger in the air. Anyone who’s seen “Aqua Teen” knows I’m not so naïve as to believe that about marriage. Not yours and not mine. These Mooninite light boards caused that the Mooninites are not menacing. every American is paralyzed by a fear These folks don’t give a damn about marriages as panic, confusion, and a full-scale deploy- They do not hold guns or knives. of that which is different. I don’t even they apply to real people. If they did – if preserving ment of Boston’s emergency personnel. They don’t frown or scowl or have evil contend that the majority of Americans marriages was truly important to them – they would Why? Because members of the public eyes, set in narrow slits. They just look worry about terrorism daily. What I do address the real issues that drive real people out of as well as government and police agen- like squares with faces and appendages, believe is that it’s in the back of every- their real marriages. They would be talking about cies believed the boards were terrorist more or less. So, this scared people? An one’s mind, and it’s become a conclusion issues like wage stagnation and the inability of a lot devices. anthropomorphic square scared people? that is jumped too far too often and with of working families to even dream about affording Each light board had some wires Are you kidding? Perhaps it was the too much ease. health care. and a battery attached to its back and middle finger in the air that really kicked FDR once said something along the But they’re not talking about these insignificant was, therefore, presumed to be a deadly in the fright. I know how terrified of that lines of “There is nothing to fear but fear things. No, this “issue” is all about gays and how weapon of indescribable carnage. As a gesture I am. itself.” That’s patently untrue. There some people can incite hatred of their fellow citizens. result, Boston launched a massive effort Are we, as a society, so sensitive that are plenty of perfectly real horrors in It’s all about rallying the basest of “the base.” Kind to recover all the light boards, to prevent giving someone the middle finger causes the world. However, as a society, we of like what they used to do to African Americans. disaster and to alleviate concern. them to fear for their life? I would hope need to focus more of our attention on Just to get votes. When Turner finally explained what we’re a bit more mentally and emotion- these tangible dangers, such as domestic Now we all know that the GOP got a bloody had happened, Boston officials were ally resilient than that. If not, we might poverty, rather than chasing after light nose in the midterms. Seems to me that they need outraged. They demanded a heartfelt as well accept the fact that we’ve become boards in Boston back alleys. to freshen up their message a bit. I think it’s time for a new marketing campaign. How’s this one: tell us the truth. Now, when it comes to DOMA, that’s going to mean changing some things. I think DOMA supporters should take a page from the great social conservative thinker, the Rev. Student upset with grade postings Fred Phelps. You know Fred; he’s the guy who leads I am writing this letter today as a disappointed customer period between the end of finals and the time the good faculty his merry band of pranksters to military funerals of Cleveland-Marshall College of Law. and administration of this University get around to posting to scream at the families of fallen heroes that their The reason for my disappointment is one many students grades, I have come to the conclusion that there simply has sons or daughters deserved to die because America can relate to; namely the delay on the part of the faculty to be a better way. tolerates homosexuals. and administration in communicating grades to students. I I may be a lowly law student peon with no idea about the Fred even has his own Web page: www.god- am writing this letter on January 10th, which by my count is nuanced and complicated process of grading a law school hatesfags.com. Disgusting but true. At least it’s exactly three weeks since the last day exam versus any other exam at any other learning institution, honest. You don’t have to try to guess where he’s of finals. but I simply cannot fathom how it can really take nearly a coming from. Maybe DOMA supporters could fol- As of this moment, I only have two Letter month to grade these exams. low in his footsteps. out of five grades for the Fall Semester. What the faculty and administration do not seem to May I humbly suggest that supporters re-name As a paying customer of this institution, I understand are the real life problems such a delay in grad- DOMA to something that more accurately – more find this situation totally unacceptable. To The ing poses for students. Many of this year’s 1L students are honestly – tells us what they want? I propose that One argument advanced on behalf sitting in classes they do not even know they passed and can DOMA be re-titled the America Hates Homos Act, of professors who take eons to submit Editor continue in for the second semester. Many upperclassmen, or AHHA for short. grades is that they are responsible for myself included, are eagerly awaiting last semesters’ grades Think about the marketing possibilities this comparatively evaluating three-hour es- for summer employment purposes. could present. Conservative Web sites could print say tests. This argument falls flat on its face when I remember In any event, this unacceptable delay places many de- up AHHA t-shirts, coffee mugs, nightsticks, all kinds back to my undergraduate years, where I also took three-hour serving customers, namely law students, in an awful state of of stuff. Bill O’Reilly could sign off his nightly long, comparatively graded essay tests, yet managed to obtain limbo. The life of law students is stressful enough without telecasts with a hearty “AHHA” shouted to his audi- my grades within a week of taking the final, just in time to having to put their lives on hold waiting week after week for ence. I mean, it could add a whole new chapter to enjoy Christmas with my family and friends without the loom- grades to come out. right wing codespeak. ing angst of grades or school anywhere in the picture. Therefore, it is high time that the faculty and staff of this Most important is that by making this change Furthermore, one of my finals this semester was a Scantron institution set a more ambitious timeline for grading in a these folks would tell the American people the truth (fill in the bubble) test graded by a computer, yet I still do not manner consistent with serving their customers, the students for once. And, they’d stop pissing on our legs and have results for this. of Cleveland Marshall. telling us it’s raining. Some of us can smell the After a third semester of enduring the purgatorial time Ross Ahern, 2L difference. 8 n FEBRUARY 2007 THE GAVEL n ADVERTISEMENT