Mothering Into the New Millennium: How Mothering Affects Women's Lives Amy Michelle Popillion Iowa State University
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Iowa State University Capstones, Theses and Retrospective Theses and Dissertations Dissertations 2000 Mothering into the new millennium: how mothering affects women's lives Amy Michelle Popillion Iowa State University Follow this and additional works at: https://lib.dr.iastate.edu/rtd Part of the Family, Life Course, and Society Commons, and the Women's Studies Commons Recommended Citation Popillion, Amy Michelle, "Mothering into the new millennium: how mothering affects women's lives " (2000). Retrospective Theses and Dissertations. 12356. https://lib.dr.iastate.edu/rtd/12356 This Dissertation is brought to you for free and open access by the Iowa State University Capstones, Theses and Dissertations at Iowa State University Digital Repository. It has been accepted for inclusion in Retrospective Theses and Dissertations by an authorized administrator of Iowa State University Digital Repository. For more information, please contact [email protected]. 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Bell & Howell Information and Learning Company 300 North Zeeb Road P.O. Box 1346 Ann Art}or, Ml 48106-1346 II Graduate College Iowa State Universit\- This is to certify that the Doctoral dissertation of Amy Michelle Popiilion has met the dissertation requirements of Iowa State University' Signature was redacted for privacy. Major Prof^sor Signature was redacted for privacy. For the Major Pr^ram Signature was redacted for privacy. For the jate College iii This dissertation is dedicated to; My husband and best fiiend. Jason Popillion "Because >ou loved me" IV TABLE OF CONTENTS ABSTRACT vii INTRODUCTION 1 LITERATURE REXHEW 4 Historical context 4 Ideologies of motherhood 9 The "work" of care giving 16 The influence of gender and the marital relationship 22 METHODOLOGY 29 Research question 29 Researcher as instrument 29 Procedures 33 Focus group intervie\vs 38 Individual interviews 41 Analysis 43 Indicators of rigor 45 Mothers 48 RESULTS AND INTERPRETATION 64 "Maternal" sacrifice 65 Sacrifice of basic needs 66 Sacrifice of personal needs 68 Sacrifices related to career 71 Always putting others" needs first 73 Mothers" definitions of "maternal"" sacrifice 74 Bearing the emotional "labor" of caring for children 76 Experiences of day-to-day exhaustion 77 Making the right decisions 78 Feeling fiill responsibilit>- 80 Responses to the emotional work 82 Pressures/expectations of mothering 84 Advice mothers receive 85 Familial influences 89 Societal influences 91 Pressures specific to stay-home mothers 93 Beliefs that pressures/expectations are self-imposed 95 Mothers" cormections to their children 97 Meaning and new perspectives 98 Responsibilit>- to shape and mold another human being 100 An indescribable bond 101 Mother/father differences in parenting and the influence of the marital relationship 103 Traditional gender roles 104 Wives" perceptions of their husbands' expectations 107 Wives" directive in the parenting role 108 Mothers" feelings of empathy for fathers 110 \ Mothers" need for validation from their husbands 112 Issues of loss surrounding motherhood 113 Loss of free time • 14 Loss of career opportunities 1 i 5 Loss of previous identit\- 117 Use of strong language 119 Feeling craz>- or insane 120 Feeling torn 121 Feeling like a person 122 The value of mothering 123 Lack of value at the societal level 123 Mothering not valued as "work" 125 Issues specific to employed mothers 127 Issues specific to stay-home mothers 128 Gender stereot\pes 131 Mothers" definitions of mothering 133 Wa\ s this research \%nll benefit others 134 The need for support 135 Obstacles to accessing support 138 The need for awareness 140 The need for validation 141 DISCUSSION 143 Theoretical implications 146 Phenomenological approach 147 Caregiving stress model 148 Matrix of tensions model of mothering 152 Obstacles to support; "The mask of motherhood"' 155 Limitations 159 Implications for future research 161 Implication for service providers 163 CONCLUSION 167 APPENDIX A: PHONE SCRIPT TO OBTAIN NAMES FROM INITIAL 12 MOTHERS 168 APPENDIX B: PHONE SCRIPTS TO INVITE FOCUS GROUP PARTICIPANTS 170 APPENDIX C; LETTER SENT TO FOCUS GROUP PARTICIPANTS 175 APPENDIX D: CONFIDENTIALITY AGREEMENT/FOCUS GROUP PROCEDURES 177 APPENDIX E: PARTICIPANT INFORMATION FORM 179 APPENDIX F; FOCUS GROUP INTERVIEW GUIDE 182 APPENDIX G: LETTER SENT TO INDIVIDUAL INTERVIEW PARTICIPANTS 184 APPENDIX H; INDIVIDUAL INTERVIEW GUIDE 186 REFERENCES ACKNOWLEDGMENTS vii ABSTRACT Focusing dircctl>' on information gained from mothers" perspectives, this study examines how mothering affects women's lives. Twent>'-seven mothers participated in four focus groups and of these women nine participated in individual interviews. The women were all Caucasian, married, middle-class, and had at least one child under age 5. The following nine themes emerged from the data; I) "maternal" sacrifice, 2) bearing the emotional labor of caring for children, 3) pressures/expectations of mothering, 4) mothers" connections to their children, 5) mother/father differences in parenting and the influence of the marital relationship, 6) issues of loss surrounding motherhood, 7) use of strong language, 8) value of mothering, and 9) ways this research will benefit others. This research makes an important contribution to our understanding of women's lives by allowing mothers" voices to be heard: from this research we can begin to understand what t>pes of resources and support will best assist women in their mothering roles. In order to increase the transfcrabilit\' of the findings, future research needs to focus on exploring similar issues with diverse groups of mothers. 1 INTRODUCTION In describing how she perceives her connection to her children, one mother in this stud\' said this; [Here she is talking in comparison to her perception of her husband's connection] I ache emotionally for them more. I ache and yearn for pregnancy and he doesn't. I can see my children across a room and feel apart from them. When they are asleep or away from me. I can close my e> es and imagine the smell of their skin and the feel of their cheek. (FGl) This connection between mother and child existing as a private, intimate relationship is treated as an\thing but private and intimate in the public sphere. Valerie Polakow (1993) in her book Lives on the Edge chronicles the early history of motherhood and defines the family as a "social construct which. has undergone dramatic historical shifts" (p. 22). She contends that while families have "never been a stable structure, an unchanging essence" (p. 22), the myths of the stable, ideal femily have endured. Along uith these myths of the ideal family come images of the ideal mother. Polakow w rites, "the construct of mother love as biological, instinctive, or innate has served to legitimate particular conceptions of womanhood and motherhood as subordinate" (p. 38). These social constructions of motherhood also serve to silence women in sharing their experiences, as often the gap berv\ een what they expect from their mothering experiences are in fact quite different from the daily realities of mothering (Maushart. 1999). The literature offers a wide array of approaches to motherhood, some focused specifically on understanding the transition to motherhood (Bergum, 1989; Mercer, 1995; Ruble, Brooks-Gunn, & Fleming, 1990); some on understanding the more technical aspects of this transition such as division of labor among spouses, changes in financial status, and marital disruption (Belsky & Rovine, 1990; Sanchez & Thomson, 1997); some considering how the choices mothers make, such as working outside the home, impact children's development