Loneliness Is Epidemic

Home , Even Worse, Lonely People, Mandatory Fun, Vivek Murthy

THE BIG IDEA REPRINT BG1705 PUBLISHED ON HBR.ORG SEPTEMBER 2017

CONNECTING AT WORK WE’RE MORE CONNECTED THAN EVER, BUT LONELINESS IS EPIDEMIC. WORK IS PART OF THE PROBLEM. NOW IT MUST BE PART OF THE SOLUTION. BY VIVEK MURTHY

03 ARTICLE WORK AND THE LONELINESS EPIDEMIC 08 INTERACTIVE CONNECTING AROUND THE WORLD 10 ARTICLE WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT LONELINESS AND WORK? 13 Q&A: STEWART BUTTERFIELD LONELINESS AND THE DIGITAL WORKPLACE 16 ARTICLE THE SOCIAL MUSCLE 19 A UDIO POSTCARDS YOUR TAKE: CONNECTING AT WORK 22 ARTICLE THE DANGERS OF “MANDATORY FUN”

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FOR ARTICLE REPRINTS CALL 800-988-0886 OR 617-783-7500, OR VISIT HBR.ORG WORK AND THE LONELINESS EPIDEMIC REDUCING ISOLATION AT WORK IS GOOD FOR BUSINESS. BY VIVEK MURTHY

n August 24, 1992, in the early hours of the morning, my family and I stepped out of our temporary shelter to find our city — and Oour lives — forever changed. We had spent the past several hours huddled together as Hurricane Andrew battered our South Florida neighborhood with torrential rain and near 170 mile per hour winds. We saw pieces of homes strewn across the landscape, power lines flung about like pieces of string, and sea creatures stranded in trees having been blown far inland by the storm. Like thousands of others, we survived the storm Looking today at so many other places around the and the many dark days that followed because of the world ravaged by disasters of all kinds, I think about kindness of strangers who brought food, water, and how often tragedy brings us together — and how fleet- comfort. Hurricane Andrew forged a deep sense of ing that connection often is. connection and community in South Florida as the na- There is good reason to be concerned about so- tion rallied around us and as we supported each other. cial connection in our current world. Loneliness is a But slowly, as normal lives resumed, the distance be- growing health epidemic. We live in the most techno- tween people returned. We went back to our homes, logically connected age in the history of civilization, our work, our schools, and our lives, and once again yet rates of loneliness have doubled since the 1980s. we grew apart. Today, over 40% of adults in America report feeling

THE AUTHOR VIVEK MURTHY

lonely, and research suggests that the real number may Vice Admiral Vivek H. Murthy underappreciated — drivers dedicated himself to well be higher. Additionally, the number of people who (@vivek_murthy) served as of health. In particular, improving health through the 19th Surgeon General of he has drawn attention the lens of service, research, report having a close confidante in their lives has been the United States, from 2014 to the profound impact and entrepreneurship. declining over the past few decades. In the workplace, to 2017. As Surgeon General, that loneliness and social He cofounded VISIONS, many employees — and half of CEOs — report feeling Dr. Murthy commanded disconnection have on an HIV/AIDS education lonely in their roles. the U.S. Public Health health, productivity, and program in India and the During my tenure as U.S. Surgeon General, I saw Service Commissioned education. United States and the first-hand how loneliness affected people of all ages Corps, a uniformed service Dr. Murthy received his Swasthya Community of 6,600 public health Bachelor’s degree from Health Partnership in rural and socioeconomic backgrounds across the country. offices serving vulnerable Harvard and his MD and India, which trains women I met middle and high school students in urban and populations in 800 locations MBA degrees from Yale. He to be health providers and rural areas who turned to violence, drugs, and gangs domestically and abroad. completed his residency educators. As a research to ease the pain of their loneliness. I sat with mothers During his tenure, he helped training at Brigham and scientist, Dr. Murthy and fathers who had lost sons and daughters to drug address critical public Women’s Hospital and conducted laboratory overdoses and were struggling to cope alone because health issues, including the Harvard Medical School, research on vaccine Ebola outbreak, the Zika where he later joined development and studied of the unfortunate stigma surrounding addiction. And virus, low rates of physical the faculty as an internal the participation of women I met factory workers, doctors, small business owners, activity, and the explosion medicine physician and and minorities in clinical and teachers who described feeling alone in their work in e-cigarette use among instructor. As a clinician- trials. He also cofounded and on the verge of burnout. youth. In 2016, he launched educator, Dr. Murthy TrialNetworks, a software During my years caring for patients, the most com- the TurnTheTideRx campaign has cared for thousands technology company, mon pathology I saw was not heart disease or diabetes; to combat the opioid of patients and trained now part of DrugDev, that epidemic. hundreds of residents and accelerates collaboration in it was loneliness. The elderly man who came to our Dr. Murthy has called medical students. clinical trials. hospital every few weeks seeking relief from chronic emotional well-being one of In addition to clinical pain was also looking for human connection: He was the most important — and practice, Dr. Murthy has lonely. The middle-aged woman battling advanced HIV who had no one to call to inform that she was sick: She was lonely too. I found that loneliness was often in the background of clinical illness, contributing to disease have the power to drive change at a societal level not and making it harder for patients to cope and heal. only by strengthening connections among employees, This may not surprise you. Chances are, you or partners, and clients but also by serving as an inno- someone you know has been struggling with loneli- vation hub that can inspire other organizations to ad- ness. And that can be a serious problem. Loneliness dress loneliness. and weak social connections are associated with a re- duction in lifespan similar to that caused by smoking 15 THE ROOTS OF LONELINESS cigarettes a day and even greater than that associated Loneliness is the subjective feeling of having inad- with obesity. But we haven’t focused nearly as much equate social connections. Why has this feeling in- effort on strengthening connections between people as creased over past decades? Partly because people are we have on curbing tobacco use or obesity. Loneliness more geographically mobile and are thus more likely to is also associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular be living apart from friends and family. Indeed, more disease, dementia, depression, and anxiety. At work, people report living alone today than at any time since loneliness reduces task performance, limits creativity, the census began collecting this data. In the workplace, and impairs other aspects of executive function such new models of working — such as telecommuting and as reasoning and decision making. For our health and some on-demand “gig economy” contracting arrange- our work, it is imperative that we address the loneli- ments — have created flexibility but often reduce the ness epidemic quickly. opportunities for in-person interaction and relation- Once we understand the profound human and eco- ships. And even working at an office doesn’t guarantee nomic costs of loneliness, we must determine whose meaningful connections: People sit in an office full of responsibility it is to address the problem. The govern- coworkers, even in open-plan workspaces, but every- ment and health care system have important roles to one is staring at a computer or attending task-oriented play in helping us understand the impact of loneliness, meetings where opportunities to connect on a human identifying who is affected, and determining which in- level are scarce. terventions work. But to truly solve loneliness requires Happy hours, coffee breaks, team-building exer- the engagement of institutions where people spend cises are designed to build connections between col- the bulk of their time: families, schools, social organi- leagues, but do they really help people develop deep zations, and the workplace. Companies in particular relationships? On average, we spend more waking

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MANY EMPLOYEES — AND LONELINESS SHORTENS HALF OF CEOS — REPORT LIFESPANS IN A WAY FEELING LONELY IN THEIR SIMILAR TO SMOKING 15 ROLES. CIGARETTES A DAY.

hours with our coworkers than we do with our families. of which can buffer an individual during stressful sit- But do they know what we really care about? Do they uations and have positive effects on health. Indeed, understand our values? Do they share in our triumphs studies have found that companies whose workers and pains? feel they have high stress jobs have markedly higher These aren’t just rhetorical questions; from a bio- health care expenditures than their counterparts with logical perspective, we evolved to be social creatures. low-stress employees. Long ago, our ability to build relationships of trust and Our understanding of biology, psychology, and the cooperation helped increase our chances of having a workplace calls for companies to make fostering social stable food supply and more consistent protection connections a strategic priority. A more connected from predators. Over thousands of years, the value of workforce is more likely to enjoy greater fulfillment, social connection has become baked into our nervous productivity, and engagement while being more pro- system such that the absence of such a protective force tected against illness, disability, and burnout. creates a stress state in the body. Loneliness causes stress, and long-term or chronic stress leads to more FORGING CONNECTIONS AT WORK frequent elevations of a key stress hormone, cortisol. My experience has been that people bring the most It is also linked to higher levels of inflammation in the to their work when they feel connected to the mis- body. This in turn damages blood vessels and other tis- sion and the people around them. While I was at the sues, increasing the risk of heart disease, diabetes, joint Surgeon General’s Office, our staff grew quickly as we disease, depression, obesity, and premature death. sought to build a team that could address an array of Chronic stress can also hijack your brain’s pre-fron- pressing public health issues. Although team mem- tal cortex, which governs decision making, planning, bers got along well, it soon became clear that we didn’t emotional regulation, analysis, and abstract thinking. fully recognize the rich life experience that each per- This isn’t just bad for our health; it’s also bad for son brought to the team. We had a decorated Army business. Researchers for Gallup found that having nurse, a woman who had spent years providing med- strong social connections at work makes employees ical care to prison inmates, an accomplished pianist more likely to be engaged with their jobs and produce and preacher, an Olympic-level runner, and several higher quality work, and less likely to fall sick or be in- team members who had struggled with addiction in jured. Without strong social connections, these gains their family. Even though we were operating with the become losses. Connection can also help indirectly formality and hierarchy of a uniformed service, my by enhancing self-esteem and self-efficacy while also team was hungry to know more about each other. shifting our experience toward positive emotions — all

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SOLVING LONELINESS REQUIRES COMPANIES HAVE THE POWER THE HELP OF INSTITUTIONS TO ADDRESS THE LONELINESS WHERE PEOPLE SPEND THE EPIDEMIC QUICKLY. BULK OF THEIR TIME.

To bring us closer, we developed “Inside Scoop,” an compelled to reflect on my own relationships. Even exercise in which team members were asked to share though we were close before, my relationship with him something about themselves through pictures for five became even stronger after that day. minutes during weekly staff meetings. Presenting was I share what my office did not as the antidote to an opportunity for each of us to share more of who we loneliness but as proof that small steps can make a were; listening was an opportunity to recognize our difference. And because small actions like this one colleagues in the way they wished to be seen. are vital to improving our health and the health of our The impact was immediate. These sessions quickly economy. became many people’s favorite time of the week, and they were more enthusiastic about participating at CREATING CONNECTION staff meetings. People felt more valued by the team We know that if we are to prioritize our health and after seeing their colleagues’ genuine reactions to their the health of our companies, the workplace is one of stories. Team members who had traditionally been the most important places to cultivate social connec- quiet during discussions began speaking up. Many be- tions. And while it may seem easy enough to organize gan taking on tasks outside their traditional roles. They a team-building event, grab a cup of coffee with a col- appeared less stressed at work. And most of them told league, or chat with people around the water cooler me how much more connected they felt to their col- about Game of Thrones, real connection requires cre- leagues and the mission they served. ating an environment that embraces the unique iden- I remember one Inside Scoop from a team mem- tities and experiences of employees inside and outside ber who had proudly served in the U.S. Marine Corps. the workplace. Here are five deliberate steps that can I expected him to talk about his experiences in the help build healthy and productive relationships: military. Instead, he spoke about the complex relation- Evaluate the current state of connections in your ship he had had with his father and how he could see workplace. Strong social connections are not simply his father’s spirit living on in the musical talent of his about the number of friends and family members one grandchildren. He described his mother as his hero and has; it’s the quality of those connections that mat- shared how remembering her in the face of a challenge ters more. You can be surrounded by many people would transform his doubts into strength. As he spoke, and have thousands of connections on LinkedIn or his eyes glistened. I felt a deep connection to him in Facebook and still be lonely. Conversely, you can have that moment and was inspired by his honesty and just a handful of people with whom you interact and

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feel very connected. To assess the quality of the rela- Create opportunities to learn about your col- tionships at your organization, here are some ques- leagues’ personal lives. The likelihood that authentic tions to consider: Do employees feel that their col- social connections will develop is greater when people leagues genuinely value and care for them? Do they feel understood and appreciated as individuals with believe their institution has a culture that supports full lives — as mothers and fathers, sons and daugh- giving and receiving kindness? Would they character- ters, individuals with passions outside of work, con- ize their relationships with colleagues as being driven cerned citizens and community members. Everyone more by love or by fear? in an organization has the power to create spaces for Build understanding of high-quality relationships. sharing, whether it is in a formal gathering or an infor- Strong social connections are characterized by mean- mal conversation over lunch. ingful shared experiences and mutually beneficial two- way relationships, where both individuals give and HEALING ONE ANOTHER receive. High-quality relationships must be grounded When I think of loneliness, I think about the first day in love and informed by kindness, compassion, and of my internal medicine residency program. A faculty generosity. There is a tendency to look at such positive member advised us to call the people we love and tell emotions as “soft” and even as a liability that distorts them that they wouldn’t be hearing from us much over judgement and impairs tough decision making. But the next year. As medical students, we’d heard about research increasingly shows that positive emotions the trials of residency training: the unforgiving hours, enhance performance and resilience. Be clear with em- the grueling intensity, and the crushing isolation. That ployees and colleagues about the types of relationships morning, the idea of stepping away from our most you want to see at work and what types of actions, like trusted social relationships felt unnerving. generosity, foster those relationships. Despite my initial fears about loneliness, those Make strengthening social connections a strategic three years ended up being the best of my life. The priority in your organization. Designing and modeling hours and intensity were just as billed if not even more a culture that supports connection is more important so. As predicted, it was very difficult to stay in touch than any single program. It will require buy-in and with friends. But in time I developed rich and fulfilling engagement from all levels of the organization, par- relationships with my colleagues in the hospital. ticularly leadership. Having senior members of an or- Coming to work came to feel like spending time ganization invest in building strong connections with with friends. There were plenty of difficult moments other team members can set a powerful example, es- when our emotional, intellectual, and physical re- pecially when leaders are willing to demonstrate that serves were tested: navigating a difficult end-of-life vulnerability can be a source of strength, not weak- conversation, trying to find an elusive source of infec- ness. Ask yourself if the current culture and policies in tion in a critically ill patient, or simply fighting back our your institution support the development of trusted own exhaustion — but my bonds with my colleagues relationships. softened the blows and saved me from plenty of oth- Encourage coworkers to reach out and help others. Those bonds enabled me to do more, give more, ers — and accept help when it is offered. Although it appreciate more, and be a better doctor to thousands of may seem counterintuitive to assist others when you patients. Today, years later, I wonder if these relation- are feeling lonely, extending help to others and allow- ships provided deeper healing: if they made me not ing yourself to receive help builds a connection that just a better doctor but a better colleague and leader, is mutually affirming. Late one night during my resi- too. dency training, I was managing a busy intensive care The world is suffering from an epidemic of loneli- unit when one of my colleagues stopped and offered ness. If we cannot rebuild strong, authentic social con- to help with a sudden influx of critically ill patients. nections, we will continue to splinter apart — in the Because of his generosity, we were able to rapidly place workplace and in society. Instead of coming together specialized catheters in patients with bloodstream in- to take on the great challenges before us, we will re- fections and get them life-saving antibiotics quickly. treat to our corners, angry, sick, and alone. We must We worked together for only an hour that night, but take action now to build the connections that are the the connection we built lasted years. Giving and re- foundation of strong companies and strong communi- ceiving help freely is one of the most tangible ways we ties — and that ensure greater health and well-being experience our connections with each other. for all of us.

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This document is authorized for use only by Liz Lawrence ([email protected]). Copying or posting is an infringement of copyright. Please contact [email protected] or 800-988-0886 for additional copies. CONNECTING AT WORK Are your colleagues alsoyour closest friends?HBRreaders from around the world share theirstories aboutfriendshipintheworkplace. by Harvard BusinessReview Staff CONNECTING AROUND THEWORLD INTERACTIVE This document is authorized forThis document isauthorized use only by LizLawrence ([email protected]). Copying ofcopyright. orpostingisaninfringement Please contact T It really lightens my day whenwe’re planet asthough they were intheroom. colleagues ontheothersideof Slack even better. Ibegan chattingwith fantastic; connections. Skypewas makingdigital What helpedmewas only about work, basicpleasantries. with three colleagues, butwedon’t talk in whatIamdoing. Ishare my office thingasmeandhavesame nointerest on adaily basisare notworking onthe a different time zone. Thepeople Isee I’m onadistributed team andworkin “I usedto feellonely atworkbecause heard: difference inwork today. Here’s whatwe made them,andwhatwould make a whotheirfriendswere, work, howthey whether they felt lonely at workplaces. We asked about howthey feelintheir readers around theworld HBRspokehis fall, with [email protected] or800-988-0886 [email protected] additionalcopies. unit. My workplace has an open-door Myworkplacehas anopen-door unit. camaraderie thatextends across every Where Iworknow, there isastrong took advantage ofmeand bulliedme. previous job, where my colleagues “I felt thestingofloneliness inmy Canada return to work.” —PhilipFernandez, together to helpmy recovery and Senior colleagues andothers gathered my wifeandIhadthree young children. injuries; Ibroke At thetime my neck. rolled my vehicle, resulting inserious city, andIfellasleep onthehighway. I returningwas from workinanother had acarcrash several years ago. I my workfriendshelpedmewhenI years. ButI’llalways remember how many friendshipsover thepast35 “At my workplaceIhave developed relax.” —Anonymous, able to share jokes, have alaugh, and HBR.ORG THE BIGIDEA8 HR, Switzerland

GETTY IMAGES France, wehadtrouble getting the make workbetter. WhenIworked in I’veStill, seenhowconnectingcan relationships are superficial by nature. which mademewonderwhether work theseinvestments wereI left, lost, management positions).Butonce ofthose insenior over thepast10(5 invested quite abitinworkrelationships jobs fourtimesin25years, andIhave coworkers, notfriends.I’ve changed isaplacewhere“Work you have Chemicals, Singapore but it’s possible to have afew.” —Iris, tonot easy befriendswitheveryone, them andcelebrate theirsuccess.It’s better orforworse. Itruly care about periodofhistory together,the same for spent more timetogether andshare than family members because we to settle in.Colleagues are even closer group outings andgave metipshow job, my newcolleagues invited meto Itransferred“When to my current —AdelajaOlaneye, Nigeria Finance, and theproblems thatbedevil it.” so weget to talkabouttheorganization my colleagues belong club, to thesame me asamemberoftheteam. Many of colleagues value my opinionandrespect policy. MyCEOismy mentor, andmy VIVEK MURTHY

CONNECTING AT WORK VIVEK MURTHY

French to work with their coworkers — Anonymous, Foreign Service, United “I used to share a workspace with about in India, so we asked everyone to States five people. We would joke or talk share something personal. One guy about current events, workplace gossip, was a guitar player, which he had in “I’ve always felt like an outlier in terms our shared dislike of Taylor Swift, etc. common with a notoriously defensive of age, skills, and background at work, One person in our ‘pod’ left for another senior French accountant. The French but at my previous jobs — at hip, small, job opportunity. Then one by one, employee reached out and asked his and tight-knit firms — I was able to most of us left. Now I don’t have many Indian colleague to bring his guitar the move past that because I was a good colleagues my age or at my stage in next time he was in Paris. He did, the cultural fit. But my current position, career. There also is a lot of competition relationship grew despite the language which I’ve had for a few years, is a between teams now, which makes barrier, and work results improved. conventional cubicle job. I haven’t really friendships harder.” — Anonymous, They found something deeper that thought about it like this before, but Media, United States connected them.” — Frank, Consulting, I traded a better fit for more stability Germany and money, and in hindsight I think that “Because we are busy at work all day move might have stunted my growth and we “disconnect” when we are “As a remote employee, the personally and professionally.” — Britt, outside, it can be hard to know if our shared experiences I have are less Digital Marketing, United States coworkers are our friends. I didn’t serendipitous and more scheduled realize how much people at work cared around times when I’m in the office. At “In a previous position, I worked in about me until my mother passed away. its best, our team finds ways to include a high-rise in New York City. When I received many calls at home and me even when I’m not there in person. Hurricane Irene hit, back in 2011, many words of encouragement, hugs, During a fitness challenge, I went for a the city essentially shut down as a and stories of their families that made walk with others on staff via FaceTime; precaution. Our building shut down the me feel better.” — Gaby, Computing, I was walking in Massachusetts; they elevators mid-afternoon, so I invited Mexico were walking in DC. Another time, we my colleague over for a homemade were celebrating some good news at dinner since restaurants were closed “I have found some of my best friends work and just as staff were enjoying and grocery stores had limited supplies. in my workplace. If you have office cake in the office a FedEx truck showed We ended up chatting for five hours. colleagues who are not insecure and up and delivered cupcakes to my home Although we’ve since moved on to other who share the same value system, they office.” — Anonymous, Nonprofit/ companies, we still keep in touch and can be your best support system in Philanthropy, United States remain friends.” — B. Xavier, Marketing this era of cutthroat competition. Your Communications, United States colleagues know the office politics, so “In the Foreign Service, work they can relate to you and offer sound relationships are often intertwined with “I had to move to another country advice. My friend and I compete for your social life. You usually live in the for a seven-month period to fill in for posts without any ill feeling. We have same building or area as coworkers. Yet someone who was fired. I had no one ended up saying to each other, ‘Please people are constantly moving, so even to socialize with after work, and the prepare well! No one should get this when you create strong bonds with your situation was a little bit tense. One other than one of us.’ ” colleagues, some will leave. I personally day, one of the girls I was working with — Anonymous, Development, India love my job, but I also hate living in invited me to go on a trip over the a fishbowl, so I am selective about weekend with her and her son. After “I had a friend at work who had a great who I hang out with outside the office. that, she became my family there. With sense of humor and often showed me I prefer to have most of my friends the other girls in the office, we created that he cared about me. A few months overseas be non-coworkers. This helps a group for running after work, and after he left,I burned out. I knew he was me have a good work/life balance. At now, two years later, we are still friends helpful for my well-being, but once he the same time, work relationships are and talk frequently, even though I’m was gone I realized he was vital. From important because when you really back in my country and working for him I learned that laughter can be the need something or are going through another company.” — Fiores, Predictive shortest distance between two people. a difficult time, it is fellow FSOs who Maintenance Consulting, Dominican When we laugh, we last.” — David understand more than others.” Republic Zinger, Education/Consulting, Canada

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This document is authorized for use only by Liz Lawrence ([email protected]). Copying or posting is an infringement of copyright. Please contact [email protected] or 800-988-0886 for additional copies. CONNECTING AT WORK A roundup ofthelatest thinkingonthepowerofhumanconnection by ScottBerinato WHAT DOWEKNOW ABOUT LONELINESS ANDWORK? ARTICLE This document is authorized forThis document isauthorized use only by LizLawrence ([email protected]). Copying ofcopyright. orpostingisaninfringement Please contact S is sosexy thatitstubbornly hangs the dataisunreliable . Butthestatistic original study’s authors concedes that massive jump. At least one ofthe the survey accountfortheseemingly structural flaws As itturnsout, in refuted by multiple follow-up all Americansfeelisolated —hasbeen which alsosuggests thatnearly halfof The internet knowledge; it’s alsowrong. to 25%.Thisstatisticiscommon have nooneto confideinhastripled, research paperitcomesfrom — the share ofpeople who scary statistic:Since1985 you’ll quickly hitupona about loneliness, and pend any timereading [email protected] or800-988-0886 [email protected] additionalcopies. studies. likes, statusupdates, and clicks on showing thatincreased activity(more between Facebook useandwell-being, One recent paperdraws aclean line from ourimportantrelationships. making things worse, isolatingus studies suggest thattechnology is the percentage isunchanged. Some goes, more people are lonely, even if the populationages, thethinking in terms ofabsolute numbers —as surveys report increases inisolation rates ofloneliness are rising. Some eroding way they are to why our democracy is everything from why Millennials are the on, usedto explain (ortryto explain) HBR.ORG THE BIGIDEA10 Researchers aren’t actually sure if .

GETTY IMAGES Other [those in]rats whowere notisolated.”) tumors were significantly larger than incidences ofbreast cancer. The were isolated experienced increased stark findingfrom onestudy cancer, andpremature (The death. poorsleep,disease, alcoholism, has beenalsolinked to Alzheimer’s immune-system functioning. Loneliness stress hormones,andcompromised pressure levels, increased levels of elevatedsuicidal ideation, blood incidence ofclinicaldepression and following effects:increased health How unhealthy? Onepaperliststhe andorganizations. for individuals lonely, andloneliness isunhealthy number ofpeople intheworld are otherwise make. help uscreate connectionswecouldn’t finding thatscreens andsocialmedia studies seeanupsideto technology, in self-reported Other mentalhealth. links) isassociated withadecrease Here’s Asignificant whatwedoknow: work hasshownthatsocially VIVEK MURTHY : “Rats who who : “Rats CONNECTING AT WORK VIVEK MURTHY

isolated breast-cancer survivors have China showed a relationship between and less lonely. But those on the a higher risk of recurrence, higher loneliness and lowered creativity. periphery of our lives have surprising cancer-related mortality, and higher The migrant workers notwithstanding, power, according to research by Gillian mortality overall than their less isolated isolations’ negative effects are well Sandstrom and Elizabeth Dunn of the counterparts. Two separate meta- established. So the question becomes: University of British Columbia. People analyses made international headlines Are there ways to mitigate them? Can who engaged in simple prosocial by suggesting that loneliness and we not only stanch the health declines behaviors with “weak ties” — coworkers isolation rival smoking and obesity as but actually improve health by making they didn’t know well, people in their public health threats. people less lonely? The answer seems fitness class, and so on — reported less Worse still, loneliness spreads through to be yes. What psychologists call loneliness and isolation and a higher (literal, not digital) social networks. prosocial behavior is our best way to level of happiness and well-being In other words, it’s contagious. “We combat loneliness and isolation and than people who avoided unnecessary detected an extraordinary pattern at their effects. A study of terminal cancer conversation. the edge of the social network. On the patients showed that patients who Sandstrom and Dunn examined periphery, people have fewer friends, regularly interacted with other patients loneliness through a lens familiar to any which makes them lonely, but it also lived twice as long as those who business: efficiency. In a simple study drives them to cut the few ties that didn’t. Researchers in China found that they intercepted people going into a they have left,” reads a study led by leaders who show compassion to their coffee shop, asking half to make a social professor John T. Cacioppo. “But before employees (through “leader-member connection with the barista — in other they do, they tend to transmit the same exchange”) can mitigate the negative words, to treat a stranger as a weak tie feeling of loneliness to their remaining effects of loneliness and thereby boost in their social network. They asked the friends, starting the cycle anew. These creativity. other half to complete their transaction reinforcing effects mean that our social What researchers call everyday as efficiently as possible. The first fabric can fray at the edges, like a prosociality — basically, being nice to group reported higher well-being and thread that comes loose at the end of a and interacting with others — proved to satisfaction with their visit. crocheted sweater.” be a powerful antidote to isolation in a Juliana Schroeder of UC Berkeley study of workers at Coca-Cola’s Madrid reinforced Sandstrom and Dunn’s THE ORGANIZATIONAL COSTS OF headquarters. Researchers divided finding that prosocial behavior not only LONELINESS subjects into “givers,” “receivers,” combats loneliness but also makes All of this has implications for and “controls.” Givers were coached people happier with their environment. companies. It stands to reason that if to perform five acts of kindness a day She found that encouraging people lonely workers are less healthy, they’ll to designated receivers. The resulting waiting in line at an amusement park to be less productive and less engaged. prosocial acts benefited both groups be social with nearby strangers made Many studies support this correlation, in the short term (after weeks) and in them feel that their wait was shorter including one suggesting that one-third the long term (after months). Givers and led them to rate the experience of all sick days results from mental reported feeling less depression and higher. The simple intervention health issues. Research also shows that more satisfaction with their lives and increased their enjoyment of the overall employees who report higher well-being jobs. Receivers were happier. And experience. miss fewer days, get better evaluations, crucially, compared with controls, In his book Someone To Talk To, and are more productive. receivers were 278% as likely to engage Harvard professor Mario Small notes A growing body of work outlines more- in prosocial behaviors themselves. that although many interactions with specific downsides. Several papers Loneliness may be contagious, but so, it weak ties are planned — think of going have documented a link between seems, are prosocial acts. to the doctor or taking your car to the loneliness and lowered organizational mechanic — a surprising number arise commitment among hotel workers, ALL CONNECTIONS MATTER spontaneously or from convenience school principals, medical workers, Most of the research on loneliness (someone was nearby at the time). Small and others. (Interestingly, one study of and isolation has been in the context found that we confide in these weak ties migrant workers found no correlation of colleagues, friends, and family. more than we think we do — in fact, between loneliness and commitment.) When we have close ties and interact nearly half of our confiding is done with A study conducted at five companies in with them regularly, we’re happier weak ties. He concludes that making

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these connections is more beneficial We can’t help it. We humanize gadgets than it may seem. (think of Wilson, the volleyball in the movie Cast Away), gods (socially WHY WE RESIST MAKING CONNECTIONS disconnected people tend to have It all sounds so easy: Be social. Talk to more faith in deities and are more apt strangers. So why are so many of us to believe in ghosts), and greyhounds lonely? Why can’t we all just smile at (lonely people speak of their pets in one another, strike up conversations terms that describe human rather with colleagues and friends, and show than animal behaviors). The takeaway: compassion to our subordinates? There’s something almost primal about Professors Nicholas Epley and Juliana our need to be connected, so it’s no Schroeder tackle this issue in their wonder our bodies respond badly to paper “Mistakenly Seeking Solitude,” isolation. Loneliness is as elemental as noting that “connecting with others hunger, thirst, and love. increases happiness, but strangers in close proximity routinely ignore About the author: Scott Berinato is a each other.” According to their study senior editor at Harvard Business Review and of commuters on trains and buses, the author of Good Charts: The HBR Guide to Making Smarter, More Persuasive Data two things keep us from initiating Visualizations (2016). interactions with strangers: We don’t want to break the ice, either because we fear of being rejected or because we underestimate others’ desire for social connection (“They don’t want to be bothered”). And we worry that if we do engage, we won’t be able to end the interaction. But the study also showed that overcoming these barriers has undeniably positive repercussions. “Those who misunderstand the consequences of social interactions may not, in at least some contexts, be social enough for their own well-being,” the researchers write. “Human beings are social animals.” The idea that human beings are social animals comes through in much of the loneliness research. One paper demonstrates it particularly well. The title is fairly academic: “Creating Social Connection Through Inferential Reproduction.” But the subtitle gets at the nut of it: “Loneliness and Perceived Agency in Gadgets, Gods, and Greyhounds.” In the paper, Nichloas Epley, Scott Akalis, Adam Waytz, and John Cacioppo painstakingly demonstrate that in the absence of human connection, we create a facsimile with whatever is available.

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This document is authorized for use only by Liz Lawrence ([email protected]). Copying or posting is an infringement of copyright. Please contact [email protected] or 800-988-0886 for additional copies. CONNECTING AT WORK technology canstrengthen ourbonds. by Laura Amico Slack’s CEOonwhy feelingconnected to ourcolleagues matters, andhow Q&A: STEWART BUTTERFIELD LONELINESS ANDTHEDIGITAL WORKPLACE This document is authorized forThis document isauthorized use only by LizLawrence ([email protected]). Copying ofcopyright. orpostingisaninfringement Please contact I technology inworkplaceloneliness, screens? feeling isolated or lonely, staringatour interaction enough? Are weactually am withmy colleagues. Isthiskindof I’m consideringhowconnected Ireally problems. Lookingaround my office, of kidsandcats,flaggingwork checking onprojects, sharingphotos We’re commentingonnews stories, a noisy, sometimesraucous place. screens, though, andyou often see Lookinto our the soundsofwork. of acoffeemug landingonadeskare occasional rustle ofpaper, andclink To better understand therole of tap ofourfingers on keyboards, our computer screens. Thetap- at HBRare intently focusedon coworking space.Allofushere ’m typingthisinanearly silent [email protected] or800-988-0886 [email protected] additionalcopies. where you sit? What doyou from seeandhear work. people communicate andconnectat HBR: You have a front-row to seat how in building connections. length, hetalks abouttechnology’s role conversation, edited forclarityand critical forabusiness’s success. Inthis of belonging to theircompany is believes thatworkers having asense the photo-sharing platform Flickr, next to us. with workers across theworld andright communication tool —away to engage Slackhasbecomeaprime industries, andfile sharing. Inmany chat, platform forgroup direct chat, a Butterfield, theCEOofSlack, Stewart I turnedto anexpert: HBR.ORG THE BIGIDEA13 Butterfield, whoalsocofounded

GETTY IMAGES Slack andothertechnologies incon for dividingpeople. Whatistherole of Technology sometimesgets blamed of isolationgets worse. their level of trustdrops andtheirsense that they don’t knowwhat’s going on, enough information.” Whenpeople feel always outoftheloop” or“Inever have answers would besomethinglike “I’m frustrated about?”oneofthetop five doofficeworkers “What was feelmost playing Family Feud andthequestion concern: communication.Ifwewere Coast —everyone hasexactly thesame financial servicesfirmontheEast startup intheBay Area to agiant from allkindscompanies—from a between people andtheways they work But it’s clear thattheconnections of electronic communicationsto unfold. hundreds ofyears, fortheapplications territory here. Itmay take generations, electricity adoption,we’re in1905 electronically. To usetheanalogy of we communicate andconnect early stages oflearning about how Human beings are stillinthevery necting people? BUTTERFIELD: WhenItalkto executives VIVEK MURTHY - CONNECTING AT WORK VIVEK MURTHY

together are going to be increasingly social contact with other human beings. confused about it, there are probably important to the success of companies. Even if you have very few one-on-one a few hundred other people who are I once had a job as an office clerk. interactions with people, if you feel confused about it, too. But the fact My job was to file correspondence, that you understand and trust them, that he got to ask the question makes and then, when somebody wanted it reinforces a sense of belonging and him feel more connected. It reinforces something, to go back and find it. Very alleviates that feeling of loneliness. people’s sense of belonging to know few people have that job anymore. I The employer-employee relationship they have a space to ask questions like don’t think we’re going to employ fewer differs from a romantic relationship that, and it makes people feel a little people over time, but work is going to in many ways, but it’s similar in this bit more comfortable that they could require more emotional intelligence. way: If you don’t trust your partner, it ask something, even if they never do. It’s almost certainly going to require can’t work. A basic level of trust is a When I go in and answer the engineer’s more interaction and coordination prerequisite for success, and everyone question, people will see that when with other people. And that’s the hard has a role in building that trust. As CEO, one person puts themselves out there, part. Much of the answer, I think, lies I have a welcome meeting for new hires. asking a question in a very public in transparency. When people talk I start by saying, “Raise your hand if forum, it creates value for everyone about transparency at work, they are you’ve ever treated someone you love else. And that makes them feel good usually talking about the bosses being in a way that you later regretted.” Of about their own relationships. forthcoming with the workers; I don’t course, everyone puts up their hand. mean that. I mean that people can see And then I tell them that if we act in When I’m online, there’s a whole part across the organization: The engineers ways that we regret in the relationships of my identity that people can’t see: can see the discussions that customer that matter most to us — with spouses, my facial expressions, my mannerisms, support is having and be proactive in parents, children, close friends — we’re and so on. How important is that? Is helping the team, rather than waiting going to do it here at work, too. We’re technology able to overcome those for something to get escalated. The going to step on each other’s toes, barriers? marketing team can see when the sales and — intentionally or not — we’re We’re beginning to. I sometimes team is frustrated with the marketing going to insult one another and hesitate to talk about this because materials and is having trouble challenge and provoke one another it might seem silly, but emojis have engaging with customers effectively. in all kinds of ways. In order to get been very helpful in allowing people to Having access to those conversations things done, everyone has to bring a express themselves in a way that can be increases everyone’s ability to feel as certain level of trust and assumption of sincere and authentic but also creative though they are part of making things good intentions to work. Because it’s a and wry. The reaction figures don’t work. downward spiral if you don’t. require any words to get a point across, Technology can help make a and they help the timing and pacing of company’s day-to-day culture more How can technology help employees messages, breaking them up so that transparent, too. People develop feel more connected? What things have there’s some suspense or a punch line. all kinds of social norms that you tried? They provide a much larger palette for define a group. Every company has A lot of companies that use Slack have expression than what people have in running jokes, catchphrases, special an “ask me anything” channel, where email. GIFs are another example; there’s terminology, and jargon, and it all any employee can ask an executive any a whole bunch of meaning that is adds up. Making all these elements question. Earlier today, an engineer culturally encoded in them that fleshes of company culture more transparent asked me to interpret some of the out people’s personalities. And that increases everyone’s sense of belonging. statistics that a bot posted in our increases trust and connection. business operations channel, which How important is that sense of belong- shows daily sales, revenue growth, Given all the benefits of digital coming for helping people feel connected at and other things like that. Those munication, is something lost when I work? reports can be really complicated, don’t walk across the office to check in One of the reasons why work comes up so an engineer used the channel on a project or a colleague? Does the as a possible antidote to loneliness is to ask me, “What do you look for ease of digital communication damage that we spend so much time there. It’s in these reports?” Later today I’m in-person communication? often the place where we have the most going to answer that question. If he’s

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My first answer is no, it doesn’t. Digital communication frees up capacity so that the in-person conversations can be about things that require more nuance. Over the past few weeks I’ve been doing a bunch of press interviews, and often when I’m talking to a journalist I need to share stats — for example, 55% of Slack’s user base is outside the U.S., there are 420,000 Slack users in New York, and so on. It’s much more efficient to just say “We’ll send that to you.” The job of digital communication is to take care of those low-bandwidth conversations, where things are on the record, you don’t have to remember the details, and the content is straightforward. A lot of information falls into that category. And then there are the high-bandwidth conversations, where people may or may not exchange factual information, such as stats, but where a high degree of trust is necessary. These types of conversations can benefit greatly from social signals such as body language and facial expressions. I think it takes time for people to learn how to really use digital communication — to offload the things that are better handled electronically while reinforcing culture and bonds through transparency. When these things happen, in-person communication becomes that much more valuable.

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This document is authorized for use only by Liz Lawrence ([email protected]). Copying or posting is an infringement of copyright. Please contact [email protected] or 800-988-0886 for additional copies. CONNECTING AT WORK THE SOCIAL MUSCLE Physical fitnessisaproven key to well-being. Socialfitnessshould be, too. by JohnT. CacioppoandStephanie Cacioppo ARTICLE This document is authorized forThis document isauthorized use only by LizLawrence ([email protected]). Copying ofcopyright. orpostingisaninfringement Please contact L improving soldiers’ missionreadiness resilience —twocriticalfactors for loneliness andstrengthening social much less known aboutreducing was how to build cohesioningroups, but has long hadadeepunderstanding of a five-year studyon loneliness. Thearmy with theU.S. Army, where weconducted reversible, aswelearned inourwork effects. mere acquaintances, causing cascading network caninfectmany others, even also contagious.Justoneperson ina and ourentire society. Lonelinessis organizations, price onindividuals, andthey exact ahigh commitment, innovation, andorganizational damning effectonproductivity, But there isgood news. Theeffectsare outcomes. They have a smoking fornegative health on parwithobesityand are deeply physical ailments, oneliness andsocialisolation [email protected] or800-988-0886 [email protected] additionalcopies. develop socialexercise regimens are less effective. They should instead efforts —whichstudieshave shown work orspecialized workspace design such asmandatory socialactivitiesat are designed to reduce socialisolation— traditional structural interventions that managers to turntheirfocusfrom reap similarbenefits. It’s timefor the soldiers. loneliness andimproved well-being in Social fitnesstraining reduced and theresults were encouraging: exercises over thecourse ofthestudy, engaged inarange ofsocialfitness strength andresilience. Thesoldiers through exercises thatbuild emotional youhealth, cancombatloneliness gain strength,weight, orimprove your can startanexercise regimen to lose and psychological lens. Justasyou the problem through aphysiological and qualityoflife.Ourstudylooked at HBR.ORG THE BIGIDEA16 We believe thatcompaniesstandto

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positive onesalsospread. of replacing negative behaviors with loneliness iscontagious,thebenefits loneliness intheworkplace.Andjustas that reverse thenegative effects of the capacityofsoldiers to develop Our training designedto was improve on socialresilience andsocialfitness. program, to develop aprogram focused Comprehensive Soldier Fitness then thedirector oftheArmy’s now-retired General RhondaCornum, among soldiers, weworked with suicide. terms thansoldiers whodidnotcommit tended to thinkinmore catastrophic being lonelier andmore depressed and who committed suicidehadreported with loneliness andfoundthatthose that many returning soldiers struggled In 2011alarge-scale study confirmed adverse outcomes, including suicide. home showedanalarmingrate of wars; however, thosewhodidcome soldiers whoreturned homefrom the medicine hadraised theproportion of training, andbattlefieldequipment, in Iraq andAfghanistan.Advances in informedbyOur studywas thewars IT WORKS FOR SOLDIERS To address theproblem ofloneliness VIVEK MURTHY CONNECTING AT WORK VIVEK MURTHY

and sustain positive relationships, have the power to improve their social master sergeant who had participated adapt to social challenges, deal with fitness. in the training. When we asked about the inevitable feelings of stress and Each platoon in the study received his experiences, he said that he’d loneliness, recover and grow from social fitness training for two hours a applied what he learned to interactions personal and social adversity, and forge day over five days. The soldiers learned with his spouse, who in turn responded, and capitalize on healthy relationships. techniques for identifying the behaviors “What has the army done to you? And We developed about 50 social fitness and moments in a day that reinforce why haven’t they done this sooner?” exercises to help soldiers identify and loneliness and isolation and for address maladaptive social cognition transforming those negative moments APPLYING THE LESSONS IN THE and behavior. Interventions ranged from into positive ones. For example, soldiers WORKPLACE very simple tasks — doing someone a learned that loneliness is contagious, Loneliness reaches far beyond the lives favor, for example — to more-complex and learned to identify moments when of soldiers, of course. It’s a growing exercises, such as getting groups to go their isolating behavior may be having problem in most industrialized nations, beyond settling for easy solutions. We a negative effect on others. We then and efforts are under way in the United applied those exercises in a randomized gave them several ways to intentionally States, United Kingdom, Denmark, controlled experiment to evaluate change their behavior in that moment. and Canada to raise awareness and the effectiveness of the social fitness Instead of avoiding conversation, for to develop treatments. Most of these training. In some cases, the instructions example, they could choose to ask efforts target older adults, and few if were explicit: Say hello to someone. someone a question. Instead of looking any address loneliness or social fitness In others, people were coached down to check their phone, they could in the workplace. through situations to help them learn put it away and engage with someone. But there are many simple tools that techniques for forming, maintaining, We made sure that subjects managers and individuals can use to and strengthening their bonds with understood that the choice to focus decrease social isolation. Often it’s a fellow soldiers. The goal was to give on work at the expense of spending matter of realizing that our ingrained them tools to deal with their own time with friends and loved ones was patterns and behavior may be making feelings of isolation and help others an isolating behavior. By contrast, the problem worse. We are creatures who were feeling lonely. choosing to put aside work and focus of habit, and many of our responses Before starting, we assured the on social interactions activates the in social interactions have a reflexive soldiers that social fitness is malleable. ventral striatal regions of the brain, quality. An unpleasant act by a We explained that just as training in which are steeped in dopamine coworker tends to be reciprocated. physical fitness strengthens muscles receptors, evoking feelings of pleasure An error tends to elicit criticism. Each and improves the body’s endurance, and happiness. In other words, positive response can undermine an individual’s resilience, flexibility, and coordination, interactions are rewarding and make ability to fight a sense of loneliness and training in social fitness strengthens people feel closer to one another. We can inhibit the capacity of groups to the brain in ways that increase social also emphasized the benefits of doing learn and excel. We’ve seen this effect fitness and well-being. We did this for small favors to create reciprocity. A very often in meeting settings. Getting two reasons. One, soldiers know well small favor implicitly creates a sense of many people together who are all the positive effects of physical fitness; obligation to return the favor. When the feeling isolated and lonely can go badly. they work out every day. Drawing that initial act is perceived as kindhearted, It’s in our power to replace those parallel helped them readily grasp the social norm of reciprocity negative habits with positive the concept that you can cope with stimulates a sense of gratitude and interactions and improve not just our loneliness through workouts. And two, mutual respect, promotes cooperation, own well-being but the social fitness it helped them overcome the natural and strengthens the trust and bonds of our organizations and communities. inclination to attribute well-being to between people. This is our recommendation for an deterministic factors such as genetics. The interventions produced the results entry-level social fitness class: Often subjects may say “Yes, I’m lonely, that we expected: Soldiers assigned Unplug. Find moments each day to but that’s just how I am” or “The people to the social fitness training showed put away screens and connect with around me are wretched”; we wanted reductions in loneliness and improved someone, even for a brief exchange. to make it explicitly clear that the brain well-being. On a follow-up visit to Lonely and isolated people tend to bury does not work that way, that people one of the Army bases, we spoke to a their faces in their screens and their

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minds in work. Consciously choosing saying “hello” to a friend, a stranger, or to be social reaps benefits, just as someone with whom you would like to consciously choosing to go out and walk reconnect. Even simple actions like this a mile for some exercise makes us feel can stretch the social muscle. better. The social muscle is among our Do small favors. Make an effort each greatest and most distinct evolutionary day to do something helpful or nice traits. Humans are not particularly for others. Gratitude is powerful, and strong, fast, or stealthy relative to some will repay your kindness, making other species. We lost our canine teeth multiple people feel connected and less thousands of years ago, and have never isolated. had the protection offered by natural Work together. Find moments each armor or flight. What makes us such day when you typically divide labor, a formidable species is our ability to and choose instead to work together. reason, communicate, work together, A simple example of this in daily life is and learn from one another. We do all when one partner may do the dishes this through culture, by establishing and the other may fold the laundry norms, sanctioning violators, forming at the same time to be efficient. alliances, recognizing the transient Instead, change things up occasionally, and dynamic nature of alliances, and and do each task together. Take the adjusting our interactions and alliances opportunity to speak with and listen to accordingly. Isolation and loneliness one another and reconnect. Whatever run counter to this. They run counter to efficiency is lost will be repaid through being human. It’s a cliché, but it’s true: feeling better and less isolated. The We are social creatures. We have a same applies to work, where efficiency social muscle. The more we exercise it, reigns. Look for ways to work together the healthier we’ll all be. rather than dividing up the labor and sending everyone off to their own About the authors: John Cacioppo corners to work alone. Doing so on is the Tiffany and Margaret Blake occasion not only lessens the monotony Distinguished Service Professor and the of work but also can lead to new founder and director of the Center for insights or previously unrecognized Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at efficiencies. the University of Chicago. Stephanie Reach out. Choose to engage with Cacioppo is an assistant professor of people on different levels and on a psychiatry and behavioral neuroscience range of topics. In meetings or when and director of the High-Performance interacting with colleagues, we tend Electrical Neuroimaging (HPEN) to focus on what we have in common. Laboratory at the University of Chicago. Staying close to what everyone knows is comforting, but the quality of our decision making and the resilience of the group benefit from the diversity of knowledge, experiences, and capacities of the members. Force yourself and others to share ideas and opinions that may be unexpected and that come from a place of difference, not commonality. Just say hello. Take a cue from Oprah Winfrey, who is leading a “Just Say Hello” campaign to combat loneliness. The idea is to begin simply, by just

HBR.ORG THE BIG IDEA 18

This document is authorized for use only by Liz Lawrence ([email protected]). Copying or posting is an infringement of copyright. Please contact [email protected] or 800-988-0886 for additional copies. w YOUR TAKE: CONNECTING AT WORK CONNECTING AT WORK she said. the laptop, daytime TV, andthedogs,” you’re sitting athomeandit’s justyou, just don’t have thatcamaraderie when office and have workfriends again. “You toclients —butshewants be inan friends have helped herfindfreelance freelance workisgoing well—DMN and thefeelingofworkingtogether. Her lives, gathering around shared food, knowing what’s going oninpeople’s misses sharingjokes withcolleagues, misses herworkplacefriendships.She home asafreelance butshe journalist, newsroom, she’s beenworkingfrom came to belaidoff.” Since leaving the and smaller,” sheexplained. “Myturn is justgetting smaller andsmaller “The newspaper industry laidoff.was for 25years asacopyeditor. Thenshe worked fortheDallasMorning News Linda Stallard Johnson,ajournalist, personal.” very andevery powerful, businessis “Ibelieve Abhishek said, empathy is made, moment thefriendshipwas friendship laststo thisday. Ofthe experiences” thatthey shared. Their families andlaughed over “immigrant another. They shared detailsabouttheir to crack jokes andget to knowone stressful,work was thetwowere able his colleague muchbetter. While the stakes presentation, hegot to know to workwiththisperson onahigh- than “hello.” asked WhenAbhishekwas rarely anything more said to other each their relationship casualandthey was Though they worked oneanother, near financial firmwhere they worked. colleague whooutranked himatthe the story ofbecomingfriendswitha Abhishek Kothari, abanker, told andpeoplewith loneliness from atwork, around the A Five stories aboutthenature andnurture ofworkplace friendships AUDIO POSTCARDS HBR asked ourreaders to share theirexperiences This document is authorized forThis document isauthorized use only by LizLawrence ([email protected]). Copying ofcopyright. orpostingisaninfringement Please contact An actofgenerosity leads to anewcareer. management change breaks upaclose-knit group. PowerPoint project leads to afriendship. A by Harvard BusinessReview Staff

[email protected] or800-988-0886 [email protected] additionalcopies. ► ►

PLAY PLAY 1:49 1:47 HBR.ORG THE BIGIDEA19 transformed relati w industries andworkplaces. L o isten belowtohearfrom rld responded, te

GETTY IMAGES o n lling usaboutmomentsthat ships withcolleagues

people inarangeof . VIVEK MUR THY CONNECTING AT WORK VIVEK MURTHY

Amy Dahm, a consultant, was facing the loss of a friendship when her friend moved to another company. But then he recommended her for a job there too, and even more than helping her prepare for the interview, he told her his salary. “He gave it to me unprompted, so that I would have a strong negotiating position,” she said. “I was bowled over by his generosity. He set me up for success.” Amy ultimately didn’t end up working at the company, but she remains friends with her former colleague. “Men and women colleagues can be friends, can have each other’s backs, and can help each other rise through the ranks together,” she said. ► PLAY 1:50

Brendan Rose, who owns a small business in Alberta, Canada, takes his management cues from when he worked in IT at a large office-supply chain several years ago. He joined the company for the camaraderie; he hadn’t enjoyed freelancing. At the store he found a close-knit team. There were inside jokes and some parties. Mostly everybody stayed at the store, from open until close, working unpaid overtime and being together. Then management changed. Colleagues spent less time helping one another and were tasked with accomplishing their own discrete assignments. Jokes and check-ins turned bitter, as conversation turned more and more frequently to ► PLAY 2:04 the management change. Brendan stopped spending any more time at the store than was necessary, clocking in and clocking out right on schedule. Eventually he left. Now, as the head of a small company, he tries to create the same camaraderie he experienced when he started that job. “If you actually enjoy what you do and enjoy the people you’re with, then it doesn’t matter what you’re doing,” he said.

HBR.ORG THE BIG IDEA 20

Amy Aughinbaugh, a business analyst, was new in town and looking to meet some friends. She Googled her new town (Dallas), her alma matter (Rhodes College), and her industry (nonprofits) to see if there was anyone she should connect with. Up popped Catherine’s name. Amy invited her to coffee, but Catherine instead took her out to a fancy meal. It was the start of a lasting friendship that has woven in and out of the two women’s professional lives, too. When Amy finished grad school, Catherine hired her to work at the Communities Foundation of Texas. Though Amy already had a work friend when she started, she knew she needed to reach out to her new colleagues ► PLAY 2:05 and get to know them, too. “Coming into a job where I already had a friend and was working for my friend, there’s obviously a lot of benefits to that. We had a certain level of trust and we could speak up front with each other,” she said. “When Catherine moved on and I stayed here, it was really important for me to have developed other friendships and relationships.”

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This document is authorized for use only by Liz Lawrence ([email protected]). Copying or posting is an infringement of copyright. Please contact [email protected] or 800-988-0886 for additional copies. CONNECTING AT WORK THE DANGERS OF “MANDATORY FUN” It canmake socialisolationatworkeven worse. by AdamWaytz ARTICLE This document is authorized forThis document isauthorized use only by LizLawrence ([email protected]). Copying ofcopyright. orpostingisaninfringement Please contact A didn’t like that. been absorbedinto my workday. AndI Wonder albums,ornothingatallhad box scores, personal rankings ofStevie pondering MinnesotaTimberwolves downtime thatI’d previously spent always Thepersonal turnedto work. stopped going because theconversation colleagues, whomIliked I quite abit. decision hadnothingto dowithmy they peteredthat, outaltogether). My going to thelunches (andsoonafter on itsface,noble idea. and spaceto asimple bond.Itwas and, relaxed venue where we hadthetime lunch forus,creating acomfortable, issues, they arranged aweekly gourmet of connectionare seriousworkplace Recognizing thatloneliness andalack did notconnectenough socially. But withinthree weeks Istopped people inmy department worked decidedthat organization where I management atthe few years ago upper [email protected] or800-988-0886 [email protected] additionalcopies. and I succumbed to one of the and Isuccumbedto oneofthe workplace lunches, my colleagues several basicpsychological tendencies. genuine socialtiesoften failsbecause of activities, theirabilityto establish Beyond thegeneral trivialnessofsuch become thestuffofcinematicparody. with trustfallsandthelike —have and organizational retreats —complete Office holiday parties,workplace mixers, AT WORK WHAT STOPS USFROM CONNECTING recharge, reenergize, andreengage. outside theoffice tohelpemployees approach thatencourages connections companies needto consideranew evershifts more toward theoffice, Asthe typicalwork-lifeworst. balance are awkward atbestandalienating hold mandatory socialactivitiesthat They are notalone; companiesroutinely they missedthemarkonasolution. correctly identifiedtheproblem, but HBR.ORG THE BIGIDEA22 Common ground. At those The leaders inmy organization had

GETTY IMAGES and MichaelMorrisexamined amixer study they are race. ofthesame Inarelated connections amongcoworkers only if related socialevents generates social shows thatparticipatinginwork- by OhioState professor Tracy Dumas when itcomesto race. Research led people whoaren’t like us,especially preventing usfrom reaching outto show thathomophily has adownside, forexample.well, Butseveral studies the icewithpeople wedon’t knowvery purposes —itmakes to iteasier break themselves. Itserves someuseful of people to seekoutothers like related phenomenon,isthetendency worse. gossip sessionsthatjustmake usfeel work thatendupbeingcomplaint-and- have experienced socialfunctionsat hardlycommon was Many useful. ofus focusing onwhatwealready hadin one anotheranddevelop newbonds, intendedwas to helpusconnectwith For topic work. anactivitythat was they have incommon.Inourcase,the to immediately gravitate to topics expertise, interests, andexperiences the inclinationofpeople withdifferent the tendencies —whatpsychologists call Birds ofafeather. Homophily, a This is Thisis common informationeffect. , Columbia professors Paul Ingram VIVEK MURTHY CONNECTING AT WORK VIVEK MURTHY

attended by 100 business executives employers to co-opt our leisure time, relationships, making loneliness on the who were primarily based in New York including in an HBR cover story last year job even worse. City. Although the event was advertised on how to survive the “24/7 workplace.” Another take on the corporatization as an opportunity to meet new people, Many organizations today expect of social life can be found in Andy attendees associated mainly with those employees to be constantly available for Merrifield’s The Amateur, in which he they already knew, and most joined work and to prioritize work over other relates how leisure activities including groups that contained at least one important aspects of life, including gardening, working on one’s car, and member of their own race. parenting. In such cultures, employers sculpting have become increasingly Muddling relationship types. It’s increasingly blur the line between professionalized. Merrifield describes also difficult to create real social work and social lives. Stroll through this trend as a societal pressure to connections at work because doing so the headquarters of any well-funded turn things we enjoy doing into lines requires us to mix different relationship tech company, and you’ll see “perks” on our CVs. When hobbies become types. In 1979 the psychologists ranging from well-stocked kitchens jobs, he writes, “The job, in simple Margaret Clark and Judson Mills to gyms, meditation spaces, physical terms, transforms a labour of love into identified two types of human therapists, and play spaces (foosball, a loathing of labour.” The same is true relationships: communal and exchange. Ping-Pong, and similar activities), all of our social lives: Even for people who The foundation for communal designed to encourage employees to are naturally extroverted, being forced relationships is providing to others on bring elements of their outside life into to be friendly in a work context may sap the basis of their needs; we typically the organization. The goal may be to the intrinsic joy of affiliating with others. form these relationships with friends reduce loneliness by building social Merrifield, like Livingston and and family. In exchange relationships, a connections among employees, but it’s Anderson, is an academic in the person gives in anticipation of receiving possible that by keeping us away from humanities. In my world, that of something in return. Not surprisingly, genuine communal relationships, this business schools and corporations, this is the type of relationship we encroachment of work into our personal their views are uncommon — even, typically form with colleagues. lives is driving much of our isolation. in many places, nonexistent. In my Mixing communal behaviors with Two recent books expound on world “engagement” is a buzzword exchange relationships — often the companies’ desire to control their on par with “disruption.” In my MBA implicit function of work-driven social employees’ social lives outside the classes I’ve taught plenty about gatherings — can be discomfiting. When workplace. James Livingston’s No engagement. And countless companies one person in an exchange relationship More Work and Elizabeth Anderson’s and organizational scholars preach the adopts communal behaviors, by Private Government describe employers’ importance of motivating employees disclosing vulnerabilities, asking for capacity to determine our employment and making them feel more connected emotional support, or, worse, making status on the basis of whether we and less lonely. romantic overtures, the other person have consumed alcohol outside work, But as the epidemic of loneliness in may want to run for the exit. There’s a tweeted a disagreeable statement, and out of the workplace has spread, time and a place for mixing business or even attended — or declined to I’ve decided to try something different: with pleasure, but for the most part, attend — a political rally. Anderson disengagement. Let people go home, crossing the line often results in shared also addresses companies’ tendency to let them spend time with their families, awkwardness, not closer connections. interfere with their employees’ social let them head to the bar and check lives, stating, “Employers unilaterally out Tinder, let them play in a band CO-OPTING LEISURE TIME determine work schedules [such as split and record an album. Rather than Despite the abysmal track record of shifts that] wreak havoc with the private mandating “fun,” give them a day off, many if not most attempts to engineer lives of workers: they can’t arrange child and watch their social lives flourish and social connections at work, companies care…and [workers] are left with unpaid their loneliness fade away. continue to promote all manner of junk time on their hands in the middle activities and events. This causes a of the day, often hours from home, and About the author: Adam Waytz is a broader problem: the creeping intrusion with no opportunity to spend it with psychologist and an associate professor of the workplace into every facet of our friends and family.” It’s likely that such of management and organizations lives. Numerous commentators have policies inhibit or damage communal at Northwestern University’s Kellogg described the increasing tendency of School of Management.

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