The Lonely Society? Contents

The Lonely Society? Contents Acknowledgements 02 Methods 03 Introduction 03 Chapter 1 Are we getting lonelier? 09 Chapter 2 Who is affected by loneliness? 14 Chapter 3 The Mental Health Foundation survey 21 Chapter 4 What can be done about loneliness? 24 Chapter 5 Conclusion and recommendations 33 1 The Lonely Society Acknowledgements Author: Jo Griffin With thanks to colleagues at the Mental Health Foundation, including Andrew McCulloch, Fran Gorman, Simon Lawton-Smith, Eva Cyhlarova, Dan Robotham, Toby Williamson, Simon Loveland and Gillian McEwan. The Mental Health Foundation would like to thank: Barbara McIntosh, Foundation for People with Learning Disabilities Craig Weakes, Project Director, Back to Life (run by Timebank) Ed Halliwell, Health Writer, London Emma Southgate, Southwark Circle Glen Gibson, Psychotherapist, Camden, London Jacqueline Olds, Professor of Psychiatry, Harvard University Jeremy Mulcaire, Mental Health Services, Ealing, London Martina Philips, Home Start Malcolm Bird, Men in Sheds, Age Concern Cheshire Opinium Research LLP Professor David Morris, National Social Inclusion Programme at the Institute for Mental Health in England Sally Russell, Director, Netmums.com We would especially like to thank all those who gave their time to be interviewed about their experiences of loneliness. 2 Introduction Methods A range of research methods were used to compile the data for this report, including: • a rapid appraisal of existing literature on loneliness. For the purpose of this report an exhaustive academic literature review was not commissioned; • a survey completed by a nationally representative, quota-controlled sample of 2,256 people carried out by Opinium Research LLP; and • site visits and interviews with stakeholders, including mental health professionals and organisations that provide advice, guidance and services to the general public as well as those at risk of isolation and loneliness. Introduction What is loneliness? The Dutch researcher Jenny de Jong-Gierveld defined loneliness as ‘a situation experienced by the individual as one where there is an unpleasant or inadmissible lack of (quality of) certain relationships. This includes situations in which a number of existing relationships is smaller than considered desirable or admissible or situations where the intimacy one wishes for has not been realised. Thus, loneliness is seen to involve the manner in which a person experiences and evaluates his or her isolation and lack of communication with other people.’1 Although many of us experience loneliness at one time or another, it is often overlooked or dismissed. Because our society prides itself on self-reliance, loneliness might carry a stigma for people who admit to it. This is both paradoxical and pernicious: if loneliness is transient, we simply accept it as part of life, but we have a deep dread of being lonely for the long haul. Loneliness might accompany depression or another psychological illness, but it has its own set of characteristics that have specific implications for our mental, physical and societal health. This report is aimed at raising awareness of loneliness and of the steps we can take to reduce isolation. The Finnish language has a word that means both loneliness and solitude, but the two should not be confused. Many of us live happily alone and get pleasure and satisfaction from solitude. Psychiatrist Anthony Storr has argued in favour of an introverted approach to life, proposing that solitude is necessary for mental health and creativity, and that the most profound human experiences have little to do with our relationships with others. Solitude, he writes, is ‘linked with self-discovery and self-realization; with becoming aware of one’s deepest needs, feelings, and impulses’.2 Author Sara Maitland writes about the beauty of silence, whose benefits have been long recognised by spiritual communities that practise meditation.3 From a different perspective, American writer Anneli Rufus praises the resourcefulness that she says makes loners a breed apart: ‘Loners, by virtue of being loners, have at their fingertips the undiscovered, the unique and the rarefied; innate advantages when it comes to imagination; concentration; inner discipline; a knack for invention; originality, for finding resources in what others would call vacuums; a knack for visions.’4 3 The Lonely Society Loneliness, then, is not being alone but a subjective experience of isolation. It is inevitable that all of us will experience this feeling at one time or another, whether it’s a brief pang of being left out of a party or the painful sensation of lacking a close companion. Life-changing events, such as moving to a new town or a bereavement, can lead to acute loneliness. But it is the time factor that decides how harmful loneliness may be: research shows that ‘loneliness becomes an issue of serious concern only when it settles in long enough to create a persistent, self-reinforcing loop of negative thoughts, sensations and behaviours’.5 In other words, it is long-term, chronic loneliness that wears us down rather than loneliness that is ‘situational’ or passing. Once loneliness becomes chronic, it is difficult to treat. People who are chronically lonely can get stuck in a loop of negative behaviour, and might push others away or seek transient contact, such as multiple sexual partners, which can make them even more isolated. Just joining a dating website or a new club to find friends does not help someone who is chronically lonely. Sometimes it’s not obvious that loneliness is at the root of someone’s depression. The Harvard professors of psychiatry Jacqueline Olds and Richard Schwartz write: ‘Depression has become a catchall complaint for everyone from the stay-at-home mother who talks only to toddlers all day to the angry unemployed man who feels life has handed him a raw deal … What gets lost is the story of the mother who grows depressed simply because she has no one to talk to and the unemployed man who feels completely left out because his entire social world has consisted of daily contact with his co-workers.’6 In the past, loneliness has been approached mainly from a cultural or social point of view, but work over the past decade by social neuroscientists such as John Cacioppo at the University of Chicago has provided scientific evidence of something many have long suspected: loneliness causes physiological events that wreak havoc on our health. Persistent loneliness leaves a mark via stress hormones, immune function and cardiovascular function with a cumulative effect that means being lonely or not is equivalent in impact to being a smoker or non-smoker.7 Loneliness alters our behaviour, increasing our chances of indulging in risky habits such as drug-taking, and plays a role in mental disorders such as anxiety and paranoia.8 Loneliness is also a known factor in suicide. The French sociologist Emile Durkheim established a link between ‘egoistic’ suicide and isolation in his groundbreaking work on the subject.9 Case study: Ruth was widowed at thirty-seven, when she was seven months pregnant Before Ian died, we were really enjoying life. We travelled a lot and went away most weekends. After we had bought the house, I got pregnant quickly. I couldn’t imagine that anything could go wrong. I was seven months pregnant when he died of an undiagnosed heart condition: he just collapsed in bed at night. I remember the person on the phone telling me to turn him over and I couldn’t do it because of my bump. I felt a lot of guilt about that afterwards, wondering whether I could have helped. Afterwards, I stayed with my family for a while but I had to come back and deal with the baby. For a long time, I just got through the days. Mostly, it was a question of just getting to the end of the day. I used to come in, lock the door and go to bed to cry. Or I 4 Introduction sat with a bottle of wine in front of the television and wait to fall asleep. I felt lonely but I could only stand to be by myself. Only close friends and family understood. People were surprised that I didn’t move home, but the house still smelt of Ian and all his things. I used to sleep on his side of the bed. But going to bed provides no comfort because it’s the place you were alone together and now you are utterly alone. I started to panic that I’d die in the night and Alex would be left alone. I left food by her cot and got a neighbour to call in every day. I had panic attacks and had my heart checked, but it was obvious what was going on. Eventually I started feeling better and writing a book about my experiences helped, but you never move on, you just move forward. I am still lonely; it never really goes away. I worry what’s going to happen to me when Alex leaves home. Social animals Throughout evolution, social bonds have been essential to our survival. To outsmart predators, we needed to evolve for increased co-operation. Despite our capacity for violence, we’re social animals whose ancestors got better and better at interpreting signals from others so their genes could survive. In controversial experiments (1957–63) the psychologist Harry Harlow reared baby monkeys in isolation chambers for 24 months to test the impact of maternal deprivation and isolation on social and cognitive development, and these devastating effects have since been proven time and again. Because we are inherently social animals, solitary confinement is one of the cruellest punishments man has dreamed up. Campaigners against the use of solitary confinement have documented its negative effects on mental health, and prisoners who have experienced it say it is a form of torture.10 In his memoir Den of Lions, Terry Anderson wrote about how his experience of being held hostage in solitary confinement by Hezbollah in Beirut for seven years steadily eroded his mental health.

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