ABSTRACT

HARMLESS

by Kristen Elizabeth Grace

This paper is a fictional account of Sadie, a high school soccer player, who is manipulated by Candace, the new girl, in to poisoning her best friend, Megan, using Megan’s severe peanut allergy. Sadie struggles with the need to please her peers, even when it comes in conflict with her own moral compass. Ultimately, Sadie decides to go through with the misdeed when she learns Megan is sleeping with the high school soccer coach, putting the season and Sadie’s soccer dreams in jeopardy. Although things begin to fall into place and Sadie’s life improves, in the end everything is revealed and Sadie is left alone with only herself to pick up the pieces.

HARMLESS

A Thesis

Submitted to the

Faculty of Miami University

in partial fulfillment of

the requirements for the degree of

Master of Arts

Department of English

by

Kristen Elizabeth Grace

Miami University

Oxford, Ohio

2012

Advisor______Eric Goodman

Reader______Joseph Bates

Reader______Kay Sloan

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Title Page i Table of Contents ii Dedication iii Acknowledgements iv HARMLESS 1

ii

DEDICATION

This thesis is dedicated to my mother and father, for never letting me quit. Not even once.

iii

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I’d like to acknowledge my thesis adviser, Eric Goodman, for his continued encouragement and understanding, and my two readers, Joseph Bates and Kay Sloan, for being helpful and enthusiastic during my numerous rewrites.

I’d also like to acknowledge my peers in my fiction workshop, who had to read the bad so that I could finally get to the good.

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1 By the second day of class, it was widely known that two sophomore girls at McArthur High School were pregnant. Sadie didn’t know either of them. They were a grade below her, and according to her soccer team friends, only one was starting to show. Sadie took a bite of her tuna fish sandwich and listened to her lunch table’s rampant speculation. “This is why freshmen shouldn’t be allowed at prom,” said Alex, a sophomore defender sitting at the far end of the table. “Or allowed to date upperclassmen, period,” added Cindy, the tan midfielder sitting beside her. The girls nodded. “It’s so sad, they’re so young. Can you imagine having to tell your parents that?” said Marcy, the starting keeper and tallest girl at the table. Sadie was sitting next to her. She had to lean forward to see the rest of the girls at the table, almost all of them younger. The seniors went to the Subway across the street for lunch, and the only other junior at the table besides her and Marcy was her best friend, Megan, who sat across from them crunching on carrot sticks. She snapped one between her teeth and chewed quietly. “My parents would kill me if I ever came home pregnant,” said another girl. “They’d throw me in a ditch and pretend they never had a daughter.” Sadie bounced her leg under the table. Just thinking about how that conversation would go—the disappointed look, the heavy sigh, the months, or possibly years, of silent treatment— made her chest hurt. The last time Sadie brought home a paper with a grade lower than a B was in middle school and her mother wouldn’t even look at her except to shake her head and frown. It went on like that for a week, and when she did finally talk to Sadie, it was just to ask her what her late father would have said if he were alive to see her pitiful grades. She was convinced Sadie could never live up to his otherworldly expectations. “Maybe their parents will be supportive,” suggested Megan, tucking her auburn hair behind her ear. Her bangs fell in front of her eyes and she brushed them out of her face again, running her fingers through her long curls. Sadie tucked her own mousy brown hair behind her ears, feeling hyper-aware of how humid the weather was and how frizzy her hair had become. She wondered if Megan had some hairspray she could borrow.

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“Well, I haven’t seen any MTV trucks outside the school yet, so maybe they aren’t going to keep them,” said Alex. “One is for sure,” said Cindy. “I don’t know about the other girl, but I’m pretty sure they’re both super Catholic.” “I still can’t believe it,” said Marcy. “I mean, my biggest decision this week will be which keeper jersey I’m wearing in our first game. They’ve gotta figure out what they’re gonna do with the rest of their lives.” Sadie kept her eyes on her baggie of cucumber slices. Not knowing the girls or their situations, she didn’t feel like she could comment, and it wasn’t like they were the first girls at the school ever to get pregnant. But the idea of deciding one’s whole life in the next few weeks made Sadie lose herself in thought. What would she do if it happened to her? It wouldn’t, she decided. She would never disappoint her mother like that. It just wasn’t something she would do. The lunch bell rang. “See you at practice,” said Marcy, jumping up to toss out her trash. The other girls slowly followed, not in a hurry to get back to class. “Hey Megan,” said Sadie across the table as they both stood up and gathered their empty plastic bags. “Do you have any hairspray in your locker? I feel like my hair is super frizzy.” “You look fine,” said Megan, barely lifting her eyes from the table. “You okay? You’ve been really quiet today.” “Just really tired. I had a bunch of errands to run after practice yesterday.” “You gonna be okay for practice today? We could grab a snack at Subway before if you want.” “No, that’s okay, but thanks.” Megan smiled weakly. “I’ll be fine, just need a good night’s sleep tonight, you know?” “Alright, see you later then.” Sadie dropped her garbage in the bins. Megan trotted off to her next class leaving Sadie on her own. What’s up with her, she wondered. It had been like that since right before tryouts in the last few weeks of August. Sadie figured she was just nervous about losing her spot on the team, not that she really had to worry. Megan had always been a standout player. Sadie assumed Megan would snap out of it once final cuts were made, but that didn’t seem to be the case. Was Megan avoiding her?

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A group of freshman boys watched Megan as she was leaving the cafeteria, craning their necks to stare until she disappeared down the hall. Of course, thought Sadie, second day of school and she already has a fan club. Sadie let out a heavy sigh. Megan was constantly garnering attention for boys, and as much as Sadie tried to ignore it, there was always someone asking her for advice on how to woo her friend; a gentle reminder of just how few people desired her over Megan. Sadie walked past the freshman boys, glancing back to see if any of them were watching her. They didn’t seem to notice. She hung her head and scurried to the bathroom. Her hair, she decided, as she stood staring in the mirror, was a mess, and Megan was definitely mad at her. She used the elastic band she always kept on her wrist and threw her hair up in a ponytail. It would do for now, she thought. But her hair wasn’t the issue.

Sadie leaned forward in her chair, notebook already out and pencil ready, waiting for pre-calc to start. The teacher, Mrs. Pruit, was a bony old woman who, on the first day of class, managed to lose her glasses and spent at least twenty minutes looking for them before realizing they were hanging around her neck. Sadie had considered saying something, but everyone was keeping quiet to kill as much time as possible, and she didn’t want to make any enemies that first day. It was bad enough the boy sitting behind her, Jimmy Powell, made a scoffing sound whenever she raised her hand to answer a question. Mrs. Pruit sat on a stool behind the overhead projector talking to a skinny, longhaired brunette Sadie had never seen before. New student, maybe? The girl reminded her of Megan, same petite frame, same perfect makeup on an already pretty face, same sense of style. She wore a very short blue skirt, not even close to passable by the school’s dress code, and a thin, white blouse. A little racy, thought Sadie, but it was her first day, she probably wanted to make an impression. The girl had a tiny black backpack slung over one of her shoulders and stood with her weight on one leg. She nodded while Mrs. Pruit spoke, but then glanced briefly over in Sadie’s direction, making eye contact and smiling. Sadie smiled back. First days are tough, she told herself, and she probably feels uncomfortable in a new school. “You can have a seat,” said Mrs. Pruit.

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The girl walked over and sat in the seat next to Sadie, setting her book bag down and crossing her legs. “Hi,” she said. “I’m Candace.” “I’m Sadie. First day?” she said, offering another friendly smile, hoping to make Candace feel at ease. “Yeah, I missed yesterday because we were still unpacking.” “Where’d you move from?” “Just up north in Pennsylvania.” “That’s not too different than Maryland. Do you have family here, or—?” “Moved for my dad’s work. Military family, always moving!” Candace laughed, a sweet, warm laugh. “It’s like my fifth school since 7th grade. Hopefully I’ll get to finish up high school here though.” “Where do you live now?” asked Sadie. “On Maple Street, I think? Over by the Safeway.” “You live just down the street from me.” “Oh cool! Practically neighbors!” Candace grinned. Mrs. Pruit turned on the overhead machine and started to write down the homework. She practically had to shout over the loud humming of the machine’s fan. “Are you headed home right after school, or staying after?” asked Sadie, leaning in to whisper to Candace. “Probably staying after. I think I might want to join the debate team. I did it at my old school, until I had to leave. You?” “Soccer practice. Want to grab food right after school ends?” “Sure, that sounds great,” said Candace. Mrs. Pruit shot them both a dirty look. Sadie sat back in her seat and diligently copied whatever Mrs. Pruit wrote on the screen.

That afternoon, Sadie sat with Candace in the Subway across the street from school. She had her right foot tucked under her left leg and sat cradling it, listening to Candace talk about her time in California during middle school.

4

“It was so cool there, everyone was really laid back about stuff,” she said. “I mean, school was the best out there. Like, I never got in trouble, and if I did, it was just a suspension. Pennsylvania was super strict.” Sadie nodded. “East Coast is like that, I guess.” “Maybe I was too used to life out west, but the first school I was at in Pennsylvania totally kicked me out, and for no reason. I guess they didn’t like my west coast attitude or something,” said Candace, sipping of her fountain soda. “You’ll like it here,” said Sadie. “We’re pretty laid back too. I mean, I’ve never been to California, but everything is pretty relaxed around here.” “Awesome.” Sadie smiled and sipped her own drink. Her mother would be impressed with her right now. She was always saying how Sadie needed to make more friends, and here she was, making one right now. The thought of telling her mother made Sadie want to skip soccer practice all together and head straight home. Of course, she couldn’t do that, not with the prospect of potentially being captain next year. Her mother wanted that for her too, so the good news would have to wait. “What time does your practice end?” asked Candace. “Around four.” “Want a ride home? I’ve got my parents’ car so you won’t have to ride the bus, and you can help me find my way home because I’m not really sure how to get back.” Candace laughed. “Wow, really? That would be awesome. Are you sure you want to wait around for me though?” “I figure my meetings will take a while, and I can do some homework while I wait, so it’s no big deal.” Sadie took a bite from her sandwich. Talk about lucky, she thought. After a small fender- bender during Driver’s Ed, Sadie’s mother forbid her from using the car, and Megan didn’t seem to have the time to drive Sadie anywhere anymore. “So what’s your family like?” asked Sadie. “Oh well, Dad’s a military guy, mom’s kind of a trophy wife. They don’t really talk to each other much, so it’s pretty quiet at my house. I don’t mind though, they give me tons of freedom. I can pretty much do whatever I want.”

5

“Nice. My mom is really strict. If I don’t do exactly what she wants, she gets really pissy. But, I mean, I guess it’s not so bad. After my dad died, she got really depressed and I much rather her be strict than how she was then.” “Oh, I’m so sorry about your dad,” said Candace. “No, it’s okay, I was pretty young, like six years old, so I didn’t know him all that well.” Sadie shrugged. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to get all serious on you. It’s not a big deal.” She bit the inside of her cheek. Stupid, she thought. Why would she bring that up? “What was he like?” asked Candace. “My mom always talks about how he played soccer in college. I guess she met him at one of the games, or something. If he hadn’t gotten sick when he did, he would have coached my first soccer team.” Sadie smiled at the thought. “Apparently I wanted to quit playing after he died, but my mom said she wouldn’t let me, and ever since she’s been really insistent about me playing soccer in college.” “Do you want to play in college?” “Totally. And if I can get some scholarship money, it would really help. I’d love to go somewhere cool for college, like California.” Sadie grinned. “That’s why it’s really important that I make captain next year. I think it will really open me up to some good opportunities, or at least that’s what my mom keeps saying.” “Your mom sounds really intense.” “Yeah, she’s kind of exhausting,” said Sadie, thinking back to summer when her mother was counting down the days till soccer tryouts, reminding Sadie each morning and looking disappointed if she didn’t go for a run or practice her foot skills for at least an hour. “But she just wants the best for me, you know?” Candace shrugged. “I guess so.” Sadie recalled all the nights she’d come home exhausted from practice only to be bombarded by her mother with all of her imperfections—why she wasn’t good enough yet, and what she still needed to work on. Somehow her mother’s good intentions didn’t quite make up for all the nights she went to bed in tears. Sadie glanced at the clock. “Time for my practice. Ready to head out?”

6

2 The August heat was lingering into early September and forcing Coach Rob to incorporate extra water breaks to practice. Sadie stood drinking from her water bottle, face beet red and hair matted with sweat, next to Megan who didn’t appear to be affected by the heat at all. “Have you met the new girl yet?” asked Sadie between heavy breaths. “I didn’t even know there was a new girl,” said Megan, crouched down and unzipping her sports bag. “Her name is Candace, she’s pretty cool. She’s in my math class.” “Oh, cool.” “Yeah, she actually lives right down the street from me.” “Mhmm,” said Megan, taking a swig from her water bottle. “Okay, seriously Megan, what’s wrong? Why are you mad at me?” said Sadie, throwing her closed bottle on the ground near her bag. “I’m not mad at you.” “Then why are you ignoring me?” “I’m not ignoring you. We’re talking right now. How is that ignoring you?” “Megan, come on, you know what I mean. We haven’t spent any time together this past month. I’m worried I did something wrong.” “You didn’t do anything. I’m just busy with other things, okay? Jeez.” “Fine, whatever,” said Sadie, turning and jogging back on to the field. Megan waited a few seconds before following her. Neither of them said a word to each other for the rest of practice.

The next day, Sadie invited Candace to sit with the soccer girls at lunch. She glanced at Megan sitting at the other end of the table, hoping to catch her attention to introduce her to Candace, but no luck. Megan was ignoring her, Sadie was sure of it. Whatever, she thought, and spent the rest of lunch talking with Candace. That afternoon, Candace drove Sadie home again, and offered to start driving her in the mornings too. By the end of the second week of school, Sadie didn’t have to take the bus anymore and was officially not speaking to Megan. She looked across the car to Candace sitting in the driver’s

7

seat, singing along with the radio on the ride home. Candace turned down the volume so Sadie could hear her. “Any plans this weekend?” she asked. “None right now. I mean, Megan and I would usually go to a movie or something since it’s still so hot out, but we’re not talking so I’m completely free,” said Sadie. “We should totally go to this party I heard about tonight.” “What party?” “The one the cross-country boys are throwing. One of the boys in my chemistry class told me about it. Said it should be a lot of fun.” Candace had an eager grin on her face. “I don’t know. I don’t really go to parties.” “What do you mean, everyone likes parties. We’re going. I’ll pick you up at nine.” Sadie rubbed her arm. “I don’t think my mom would be okay with it. She is really strict, and I don’t want to—” “We’re going. Just tell her we’re going to a movie. We’ll be home before midnight; it’ll be fine.” Sadie hesitated for a moment, then agreed, accepting that Candace would probably show up to her door whether she said yes or not. “Relax, seriously. We’ll be fine. Plus, I can’t go without you because I don’t know my way around this place yet.” Sadie just nodded, looking out the passenger’s side window. She couldn’t not go, she thought. If she didn’t go, Candace would think she was lame and probably find someone else to hang out with, and then she’d be back riding the bus. And Sadie really liked Candace. Plus, she reasoned, it couldn’t hurt to get a little bit more of the high school experience.

Her mother was standing at the kitchen counter going through the mail when Sadie walked in. She was taller than Sadie, and maintained a slim figure. She still had on her scrubs from the doctor’s office where she worked. “Oh good, you’re home. Can you sign this birthday card for your aunt so I can send it?” she said before Sadie even had a chance to put her book bag on the floor. Sadie grabbed the pen from the table and scribbled her name.

8

“Hey, Mom,” she said. “I was gonna hang out with my friend Candace tonight, if that’s okay.” “Candace? I don’t know a Candace? Who is she?” “She’s new at school, moved in just down the street. She’s pretty cool. Her dad is military. They just moved here from Pennsylvania.” “Ah. I don’t know, sweetie. I don’t think I feel comfortable with you going out with someone I’ve never met.” “It’s okay, Mom. She’s really responsible. And uh,” Sadie paused, deciding if she wanted to tell her mother the truth or not. “I mean, we’ll just be at her house down the street, so I won’t be far away. I can walk home if you need me to.” She hoped her mother didn’t take her up on that offer later. “Hmmm,” she said, tapping the unopened letters to her chin. “When would you be going over there?” “She said she would pick me up around nine.” “That’s awfully late, and if you can walk there, why is she picking you up?” Sadie sighed. “We’re gonna watch a movie, and she’s picking me up because it’s so late.” “Don’t act like that. I just want to make sure you’re safe. Did you sign the card?” Sadie’s mother snatched the card out of Sadie’s hands and stuffed it in the envelope to put with the other outgoing mail. “How was practice?” “Good. We’ve got a solid team this year. Better than last year,” said Sadie, opening the pantry door to look for a snack. “Any word on who will be captain?” “I told you, Mom. Coach Rob said the captains would be seniors. I’m a junior. We’re hoping for next year, remember?” “Such a stupid rule,” said her mother, frowning. Sadie grabbed a granola bar and stood on the other side of the counter, across from her mother. “Yep.” “I’m gonna go lie down for a while,” said her mother, tucking the mail under her arm. “So can I go tonight?” asked Sadie. “I guess so. Make sure you let me know before you leave, alright?”

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“Okay,” said Sadie, unwrapping her snack. “Thanks.”

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3 Sadie leaned against the inside of her front door, waiting for a knock. Instead, she heard a car horn blare repeatedly from her driveway. “Bye Mom!” she yelled before slamming the door behind her, hoping to avoid introducing Candace to her mother. It would only lead to more questioning. As soon as she was in the car, Sadie realized she had missed the memo about proper party attire. Candace was wearing a tight-fitting black dress that seemed to barely make it down her thighs, and a long necklace with a heart pendant. Her makeup was heavier too, and Sadie, who didn’t usually wear anything more than some concealer and mascara, had only added some of her mother’s blush and some eye shadow, and changed into tank top and a cardigan. At least she’d known enough to straighten her hair, she thought. Candace noticed Sadie eyeing her outfit. “Yeah, I never know how you East Coast people dress for parties so I just wore one of my go-to outfits. Do I look alright?” she asked, tilting her head to the side and shrugging her shoulders. “You look fine,” said Sadie, not sure what else to say. She slipped off her cardigan and shoved it behind her on the seat. “Alright, great, let’s go.” Candace pulled the car out of the driveway, and jerked forward knocking Sadie’s head against the headrest, and sped off down the street. The party was only a five-minute drive away, at Richie Overight’s house. Sadie knew him vaguely from school. He was in her English and math classes, and she sometimes walked past him when the teams where headed out to practice. She’d never really talked to him before, and had definitely never been to his house. Candace pulled up and parked on the curb. The front door was open and Sadie could see a large group of people already inside. Candace stopped just before they headed up the front lawn and adjusted herself in her dress, pulling the front down to show more cleavage. “Okay, all ready.” Sadie took a deep breath and followed her inside. The first thing Candace did when she walked through the door was throw her arm up in the air and wave vigorously at some of the boys at the end of the hallway, just outside what looked like the kitchen. She shouted something, but Sadie couldn’t hear her over the blaring music and the side conversations happening all around her between people she barely

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recognized. Most were holding red cups, arms crossed or wildly gesturing, spilling what smelled like beer on the hardwood floors. Candace grabbed her arm and pulled her forward into the crowd. “Hey there,” she said, stopping just short of Connor Long, another of the cross-country boys that Sadie only recognized by name. “Hey,” he said, handing her a red cup, “glad you could make it.” He grabbed another cup and handed it to Sadie. He looked at her for a second, trying to place her, but then looked back to Candace. “So, have you met the host yet?” “Oh, no, I haven’t really met anyone. You should introduce me,” said Candace, brushing Connor’s bare arm. He was wearing what looked like an old cross-country shirt with the sleeves cut off to show off his arms, which, Sadie thought, weren’t really all that impressive. But she didn’t say anything. Instead, she followed Connor as he led Candace by the hand over to another group of boys from school. “Candace, this is Richie, Mark and Logan. They’re all on the cross-country team with me.” Mark and Logan were wearing loose fitting jerseys and cheap sunglasses on their heads. Connor threw his arm around Richie, who was dressed in a polo shirt and shorts. He was taller than the other guys. Sadie couldn’t help but noticed his smile, dimple and all. “Richie, here,” said Connor, “was nice enough to let us use his house while his parents are gone this weekend.” “How nice of you,” said Candace, pushing her chest out a little. “I love your place. Really nice.” “Thanks,” said Richie. “My mom would love that, but uh, let’s not mention this to her, okay?” Everyone laughed, including Sadie who chimed in a little late. “You guys know Sadie, right?” said Candace, pulling her forward. “She’s been really great, showing me around town and stuff.” “Yeah, Sadie,” said Richie. “You’re on the soccer team right?” “Yep,” said. “We always see you guys practicing,” said Richie. “You think you’ve got a good chance at state champs this year?” asked Richie.

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Sadie gulped, he knew her, and that she played soccer, and watched her team practice? “I think so. We picked up some pretty good players and no one all that great graduated last year.” Sadie smiled; nervous, but the conversation about soccer putting her more at ease. “Awesome, oh, hey excuse me. I gotta rescue a vase from someone real quick,” said Richie, rushing past her. Sadie couldn’t hide her smile, and Candace noticed, nudging her arm with her elbow. “You should totally get with him tonight.” “Huh?” “You and Richie should totally hook up tonight. He seems to know a lot about you, so he obviously likes you.” “He knows I’m on the soccer team, that’s hardly knowing a lot about me,” said Sadie. “Well, I think it would be awesome if you did. I mean, you and him would be adorable together. Two athletes? So cute!” Sadie bit her lip, glancing over at Richie who was yanking a large vase out of a drunk guy’s hands. Maybe he did like her, she thought. She’d never really spent any time chasing boys since that was sort of Megan’s thing. Then again, no one had ever picked her over Megan. The idea that someone could be interested in her, that she could be the one with the boyfriend for once, made Sadie blush. She turned back to Candace, but she was off talking to Connor again, leaning against the fireplace, chest pushed out and sipping from her red cup. Sadie looked down at hers and considered putting it down. She decided against it, thinking that if she held onto it no one would try to hand her another. Should she go talk to Richie? He looked pretty busy with his party, she thought. Sadie stood there for a few minutes, looking around, seeing everyone paired off and talking, taking in the unique aroma of stale beer and body odor. It had to be at least ninety degrees inside, and the air conditioning didn’t seem to be helping. Sadie went over to the couch and perched herself on the armrest, hoping Candace would come rescue her soon. She looked around, bouncing her leg. She unconsciously took a sip from her drink. It was warm and tasted bitter. She made a face. Her first taste of beer—her mother would not be pleased. She’d have to remember to use mouthwash tonight after she got home. Hopefully her clothes wouldn’t smell too bad. “Sorry about the beer.”

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Sadie looked up and saw Richie standing next to her. “My older brother got me the cheapest keg he could find. It’s not great, but hey, we’ll drink pretty much anything.” Sadie thought it was cute how he laughed at his own joke. She smiled. “It’s okay, I’m not really a drinker anyway. I came because Candace wanted me to.” “Oh, yeah. Her and Connor seem to be really hitting it off. He always goes after the new ones.” Sadie bit her lip. “So, uh, how’s cross country going so far?” “Good. No one is really all that interested in it. Most the guys are just trying to stay in shape for their spring and winter sports. But it’s a good time.” “That’s good,” said Sadie, nodding her head, not sure what else to talk about. “Man, I’m sweating like crazy in here.” Her heart stopped. Did she really just say that? “Want to go outside? The backyard is probably cooler,” said Richie, not seeming to mind. “Okay,” she said, and followed Richie. She caught a quick glance from Candace who grinned at her, gesturing for her to hurry up and follow him out. Sadie tried to suppress a grin, but could feel her face turning red. Outside, she was glad it was a little dark so Richie couldn’t see her blushing. Their deck was huge. Richie shut the sliding glass door behind him and sat in one of the metal chairs. Sadie took a seat in the one beside him. “Better?” he asked. “Much.” Sadie smiled then looked down at her beer. “So, junior year. Only two left, crazy, huh?” said Richie. “Yeah, it’s so weird that it’s half over.” “I know, soon we’ll have to start looking at colleges and filling out applications.” “Don’t remind me. I’m already dreading contacting all the soccer coaches,” said Sadie, allowing herself another sip of beer. “You’re gonna play in college? That’s awesome.” “Hopefully. It will help if I make captain next year on the school team. Maybe I can get some looks that way. Are you gonna run in college?”

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“Haven’t decided yet. I mean, I’m not anywhere near good enough to do it for money, but maybe for fun.” Richie looked up at the sky. “That’s great that you are though. I’m impressed. That would be awesome if you got captain.” Sadie felt herself blush again. “Thanks.” Richie stretched both his arms straight up in the air and one landed across the back of Sadie’s chair. Sadie bit her lip. She felt his arm slowly drape across her shoulder. Suddenly, it was hard for Sadie to breathe. Even in the hot weather, she felt goose bumps rise on her arms. Sadie glanced at his hand on her shoulder, than back at him. He was close, really close. He leaned in and kissed her, slowly at first. She felt the pressure of his lips against hers. It wasn’t her first kiss. That honor belonged to Jimmy Milligan in the second grade, but this was the first time Sadie had really been kissed. She wasn’t entirely sure what she was doing, so she tried to imitate Richie. Was this really happening? She couldn’t wait to tell Candace. She felt his other hand slide over and brush against her chest. Sadie jerked back. “What are you doing?” she asked. “Sorry, I thought you were okay with it,” said Richie. “No, I’m not. I don’t know what I’m even doing here,” she said, jumping out of her chair. “This isn’t what I do on weekends. I don’t—I don’t do this. I gotta go.” Sadie rushed back inside, slamming the sliding glass door behind her causing a momentary break in the party conversation. She searched the room for Candace and found her at the keg in the kitchen still talking to Connor. She hurried over and grabbed her by the arm, almost in tears. “I need to go,” she said. Candace gave her a funny look. “What are you talking about?” “I need to go,” repeated Sadie, her voice rigid and serious. Now Connor was giving her a weird look, but Candace finally seemed to catch on. She turned to him, “I’ll call you, okay?” and followed Sadie out the front door. “What the hell happened?” asked Candace, stopping Sadie just short of the car. “I—we—Richie kissed me, and then tried to, I dunno what he tried, I just—I don’t belong here. I don’t do this kind of thing. My mom is gonna freak out.” “Woah, woah, take a deep breath. It’s okay.” “I’m so sorry, Candace. I totally ruined your night. I’m a shitty friend, I always do this. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

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“No, hey, you didn’t ruin anything. It’s just a stupid party. Are you sure you’re okay?” “I just—please forgive me. I didn’t mean to drag you away from Connor.” “He’ll be there at school on Monday, no biggie,” said Candace. She put her arm around Sadie and sat her down on the curb. “What is all this about?” “I can’t be this person, you know? I just can’t. I don’t want to end up pregnant like the those sophomores. I’ll ruin my life.” “Woah, you’re not gonna get pregnant just kissing a guy. Relax. Have some fun. You haven’t done anything wrong.” “My mom would kill me if she knew where I was.” “So would mine, but they don’t know, so it’s okay. And you didn’t ruin my night.” Sadie offered a weak smile. “Thanks,” she said, glad Candace wasn’t pushing the issue. Why did she freak out like that, she wondered. Richie wasn’t doing anything wrong. Now, humiliated and mortified, how could she ever look at him again? Why did she ever agree to come to this stupid party? Sadie felt herself choking up again. “Can you take me home now?” she asked. “Please?”

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4 Her mother was still awake when Sadie got home, sometime just before midnight. Sadie’s eyes were red and swollen. “Where were you?” asked her mother. “With Candace,” said Sadie. “Why were you crying?” “Stubbed my toe.” “Don’t lie to me,” said her mother, crossing her arms across her chest. Sadie didn’t say anything, fighting the urge to break into tears again. Her mother reached out and grabbed her arm, jerking her forward so Sadie’s face was closer to hers. “You’ve been drinking,” she said, sniffing Sadie’s breath. Sadie pushed her mother away, yanking her arm free. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “I told you, don’t lie to me,” said her mother, her voice rising. “I’m going to bed.” Sadie turned to walk toward her room, her face burning. Not now, she thought, I can’t deal with this right now. “Don’t you walk away from me,” shouted her mother, rushing toward her and grabbing her arm again. “Look at me.” Sadie turned and looked at her mother, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from screaming. Her eyes were starting to water. “I don’t know where you get off acting like this, but this is not how I raised you. What would your father think if he saw you right not? God rest his soul, he would be mortified. How dare you disappoint him like that? Going to parties and drinking. Are you having sex? Are you pregnant?” Sadie pulled her arm away again. “God Mom, no.” I won’t even let a boy grope me, she thought. “I don’t even know you right now,” said her mother, taking a step back and crossing her arms. “I can’t believe you would lie to me.” Sadie didn’t say anything. She couldn’t even look her mother in the eye. “You’re too good to for this, Sadie. You’re too close to screw up your life now,” said her mother. “I just want the best for you, you know that. You’re gonna be top of your class and

17

captain of the soccer team. And you’re gonna get into a great school, and play soccer, just like your dad. You don’t want to mess any of that up, do you?” “No, Mom, I don’t,” Sadie said quietly. “I’m sorry.” “Your Dad always wanted all those things for you. Do you really want to let him down like this? Out partying and drinking?” “But Mom, I wasn’t—” Her mother cut her off. “No, you don’t. Now, get in your room, I don’t even want to look at you right now.” Sadie hurried off to her room, head hanging and tears starting to run.

18

5 Sadie was relieved to find school on Monday fairly uneventful. She’d spent all weekend worried that what happened with Richie would get around, that she’d be labeled a prude and made fun of by the cross-country team behind her back. She’d already lost her shot at a boyfriend, she thought, and she wasn’t sure she could handle the humiliation on top of it. Guess my shame isn’t as juicy as the pregnant girls’, she thought, sitting with Candace in the cafeteria before practice. “Don’t you have a meeting today?” Sadie asked, looking up from her math homework at Candace who was texting on her cell phone, probably with Connor. “Yeah, but not till later. The teacher in charge had a doctor’s appointment or something so she pushed it back.” “Ah, gotcha.” Candace set the phone on the table. “So, you and Richie, gonna give it another shot?” “What are you talking about?” said Sadie, her shoulders tensing. “Why would he want to talk to me after I freaked out?” “Well, he obviously likes you. He wouldn’t have tried anything if he didn’t.” “Are you sure about that?” asked Sadie. She was skeptical that any boy could actually feel that way about her now. “He just wanted to hook up, I’m sure.” “No, I mean, Connor said he was pretty lame after we left the party. Like he looked really guilty or something. Sounds to me like he felt pretty bad,” said Candace. “I dunno, give him a chance.” Sadie tried to focus on her work. Candace shrugged and checked her phone again. She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed, looking at the heavy math book sitting beside her. “I really hate math,” she said. “It’s not so bad,” said Sadie. “Well you just get it, then. I’ve always been bad at it. I flunked at my last school, part of the reason my parents had to move me,” said Candace. “Wow, that sucks. Do you need some help? I could tutor you or something.” “That would be great! I could really use the help.” Candace grinned. “So, like, you can show me what you’re doing while you work through the problems.”

19

“Yeah for a couple,” said Sadie, pushing her own half-completed homework toward Candace. “See what I did here?” “I think so. Here,” said Candace, pushing Sadie’s notebook back and her own notebook forward. “Can you do it again on here so I can watch while you do it?” Sadie worked through the problem slowly so Candace could follow, egged on by Candace’s eager nods of assured understanding. “Get it now?” said Sadie, pushing the notebook in Candace’s direction. “Not really, can you do another?” Candace pushing the notebook back. “I dunno why it’s tripping me up so much.” Sadie worked through another. “Get it now?” Candace frowned. “I just really don’t. Maybe you could do a few more?” “There are only two more problems left.” “I know, but you showing me is really helping!” “How is it helping if you still don’t get it?” asked Sadie. “Maybe you should talk to Mrs. Pruit.” “No, I think it’s starting to click, really.” Candace smiled. “Please?” Sadie sighed. “Alright, here, pay attention, okay?” Sadie worked through the problems, explaining each step and drawing squares around the final answers. Candace nodded enthusiastically, alternating her gaze between Sadie and the notebook. She finished the last problem just before she had to leave to get ready for soccer practice. Candace looked over the notebook pages and scanned them, nodding. “Thanks Sadie, you’re the best.” “No problem, anytime.” Candace packed up her books and slipped them in her backpack, pushing herself up from the table. “Careful, I might take you up on that.”

After practice, Sadie sat on the bench next to the parking lot waiting for Candace’s meeting to end. She lay back, eyes closed, relaxing against the warm wood and listening to the footsteps of other athletes finishing up practice and heading out to their cars. She was still sticky with sweat so the breeze felt cool on her face. “Hey,” said a voice.

20

Sadie opened her eyes. It was Richie, standing next to the bench, his sports bag over his shoulder. “Uh…hey,” she said. Why was he talking to her, she wondered. “I uh, wanted to apologize about Friday,” he said. “I felt really bad. I was having a good time talking to you. Guess I was just a little drunk.” “Sure, no big,” said Sadie, wishing he’d walk away. Please don’t drag this out, she willed, forcing a small, brief smile. “Mind if I sit?” he asked, looked at her bag sitting on the bench beside her. She hesitated a moment, then moved the bag to the ground. He collapsed on the bench beside her. “Thanks. My legs kinda hurt.” “Rough practice?” she asked. He nodded. Sadie glanced at the school doors for any sign of Candace. Why was he being so nice to her, she wondered. Had he really not told anyone, or was this just a scheme to make her look foolish? “You know,” he said, “I didn’t get a chance to tell you that my sister plays soccer in college at York.” “Oh, cool.” “Yeah, my family goes to watch her all the time. It’s pretty cool.” Sadie forced herself to look at him and smile, but her eyes drifted off to the side. She tapped her foot and drummed her fingers on her thigh. It was hard not to look at him. Even after practice, with his dirty blond hair separated by sweat, and specks of dirt on his cheek, he was a good-looking guy. Sadie tried not to think about it. Please go away, she thought, clenching her jaw. “So you think you might get captain next year?” “Yeah, I’ve been on the team since I was a freshman, and there aren’t very many juniors on the team this year that have been on the team that long—maybe four of us.” “You think you’ll get it over them?” “I dunno, maybe. I help organize all the team parties and stuff.” “Are you a better player?” he asked, shifting in his seat.

21

Sadie frowned. “We’re all pretty good.” Why did it matter, she wondered. She sighed audibly and looked away. “Well, uh, I’m gonna head home. You uh, you need a ride?” “No, I’m alright. Candace is giving me a ride.” “Alright, cool, see ya.” “Bye.” Richie headed off to his car and Sadie pulled out her phone, desperate for something to distract her until his car was out of the parking lot. As soon as she was in the clear, Sadie buried her face in her hands and groaned. What was she doing? He wasn’t trying to screw with her head, he was just trying to be nice. He apologized, she told herself, why was she making it so awkward? Maybe, she thought, he does like me. But why? And why was he so interested in her being captain of the soccer team? Could he only like her if she had some kind of status? It’s not like she was popular, and neither was he, really, apart from being the guy that threw the cross- country house parties. But he seemed nice enough. And there was a good chance she might be captain next year. Maybe it was possible he liked her as more than the girl at the party he tried to grope. Sadie heard the heavy metal doors open and slam shut, then Candace called to her. “Ready to go?” Sadie jumped up. “Yep,” and ran to catch up with her at her car.

22

6 Candace almost rear-ended the car in front of her at the stoplight when Sadie finally told her about her most recent encounter with Richie. “No way, he apologized and everything?” she asked, fixing her hair. “Yeah, it was nice,” said Sadie. “I feel kind of bad for being so cold to him now.” “You should. I told you he likes you! See, he was trying fix things.” “I guess so.” “We can double date! Connor and I are pretty much a thing now, he texts me constantly, and you and Richie will be so cute together! I can’t wait. You need to call him. Do you have his number?” “No, we didn’t exchange numbers.” “Ugh, fine, I’ll get it from Connor. Or maybe you should wait till he calls you. I’ll have Connor tell him to call you.” “Please don’t,” pleaded Sadie. “I’m still not sure I’m even comfortable with all this.” “What are you talking about? So he felt you up at a party and you freaked out. Big deal. He’s still talking to you, isn’t he?” “Yeah, but I don’t get why he was so interested in whether or not I’m gonna make captain of the soccer team.” “I don’t see why it matters, you’re gonna be captain, right?” said Candace, adjusting her rear-view mirror to check her makeup. “It’s not a sure thing.” “He probably just thinks it would be cool to date the captain of the soccer team. And isn’t he a cross-country captain now? Two captains dating—how cute would that be!” “I don’t know. I never really paid attention.” “Well start,” said Candace, “you’ve got someone paying attention to you now. You’d better not screw up the season!” She laughed. “I doubt he’ll want to date you if the soccer team sucks. I mean you’re cute, but not like, well, don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll get captain.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” Sadie asked, frowning. “Well, you’re a certain kind of cute, you know? Your friend Megan, she’s super pretty, but you got the whole relaxed thing going on. You just have to be…” Candace paused to think. “More than that. You know? Like, interesting.”

23

“Interesting like how?” asked Sadie. “Well, like Connor and me. He thinks it’s awesome that I’ve moved around so much. So for you, being soccer captain makes you special and interesting, you know? Plus, I mean, give the guy something. You won’t even let him touch your boob. He’s got to have something to show off to his friends.” Sadie smiled knowing it was meant to be a joke, but inside it bothered her. What if she didn’t get captain? Would he still be interested in her? Marcy would be a senior next year and keepers always make captain, so that only left one other spot—the spot Sadie wanted. But what if it went to Megan, or someone else? Sadie turned and stared out the passenger’s window. Until that moment, she hadn’t really thought of Megan much. The excitement of the weekend—a new friend, a new boy—had distracted her. But now, all she wanted to do was call Megan and tell her everything. She’d know what to do, thought Sadie. Megan had dated lots of guys her first two years of high school, even been serious with one boy at the end of their sophomore year, but broke it off in the middle of summer. At the time Sadie had been visiting her grandparents and only been able to talk to Megan over the phone. She didn’t seem too broken up over it, said it was mutual and that she was okay with it. Sadie and Megan then spent hours just talking and laughing. Sadie missed that. And right now, she could really use another opinion. Candace was great, but she’d only known her a little while, and Sadie had known Megan forever. That had to count for something. When Sadie got home, she called Megan’s cell phone, but after only one ring it went to voicemail. She’s still mad at me, thought Sadie, frowning. What had she done to deserve this? She needed her now. Hadn’t they been friends long enough, thought Sadie, throwing her phone into the folds of her sheets. She was always there for Megan, letting her cry into her shoulder, or to complain about her parents. But when Sadie needed her, she was conveniently absent. Sadie paced her room, mind and heart racing. Maybe she could catch her tomorrow in the girls’ locker room before lunch. Megan kept her lunch in her soccer bag, and they’d be alone for a bit. They could hash things out. And then she could finally introduce her to Candace and she could solicit advice from both of them about the whole Richie situation.

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The next day before lunch, Sadie walked briskly down the gym hallway toward the girls’ locker room. She pushed open the heavy locker room doors and felt the rush of hot air laced with the smell of feet. Megan’s locker was a few rows back from the door, but she wasn’t there. Had she missed her? The sound of the door opening and closing echoed against the tile floors. Megan? She heard a soft giggle and a man’s voice, and rolled her eyes. People were always sneaking into the locker rooms to hook up between classes. Even if Megan showed up now, they wouldn’t be able to talk. Sadie sighed quietly, not wanting the frisky couple to hear. Great, she thought. “Did you forget something?” asked the male voice. “Oh, nothing important, Coach,” replied the girl. Was that Megan and Coach Rob? What was Coach Rob doing in the girl’s locker room? She held her breath and leaned around the corner of the lockers. She could just make out the two of them. Coach Rob was tall and dressed up in a tie and kakis, probably stopping by on his way to work. He’d picked up coaching girl’s soccer in addition to his day job at a small computer repair store downtown. Every now and then he’d stop by the school to pick up paperwork for the team. “Not skipping class, I hope,” he said. “Never. I only come down here when it’s really important,” replied Megan, arms tucked behind her. What were they doing in here, wondered Sadie. It makes no sense, why don’t they just talk in the coaches’ office down the hall? Coach Rob smiled. “Good. I don’t want you getting suspended. We’ve got games to win.” “Oh, don’t worry. I promise I’ll work extra hard at practice today,” said Megan. Sadie rolled her eyes. “Excellent. Oh, and do you have time to stay after practice today? I need, uh, some help with paperwork for the Fall Cup tournament we’re playing in next month.” He winked. “Would it be alright if we did it tomorrow? I’ve got a dentist appointment after practice today.” Megan bit her lip. “Or is there a rush?” “I’d love to get to it sooner than that, but I guess tomorrow works.” Coach Rob grinned. “Alright. Tomorrow it is. I’ll see you at practice,” said Megan, returning the smile.

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“Yes, you will,” he said. He leaned in and kissed Megan on the mouth. Sadie pulled back, unwilling to accept what was happening only a few feet away from her. Taking a deep breath, Sadie peeked back around the corner. They stood together briefly before Coach Rob turned on his heel and headed outside. Megan waited about thirty seconds before following. Did that really just happen? Or was she hallucinating? She didn’t know what to think. Were they hooking up? Why hadn’t Megan said anything? Not that she could, realized Sadie. If anyone found out that the girls’ soccer coach was making out with one of the players in the locker room, he’d get fired on the spot, and probably arrested. Did Megan realize what she doing, putting Coach Rob’s job and the team’s season in jeopardy? Or, thought Sadie, was this how bad she wanted to be captain again next year. If Megan was hooking up with Coach Rob, she’d be captain for sure. Sadie didn’t stand a chance. Thoughts raced through Sadie’s head. Captainship at risk or not, Megan had to stop before they got caught. If Coach Rob was fired, it might mean that they wouldn’t even have a rest of the season, or any season at all next year. There needed to be a next season if she wanted to play soccer in college, and if she wanted Richie to keep talking to her. She sat on the benches in the locker room and leaned her back against the cool, blue lockers. Why did that bother her so much? It never bothered her if boys talked to her before, why now? Because one boy was showing an interest in her? That’s not the issue, Sadie reminded herself. Megan was on the verge of screwing up the season for everyone. She had to talk to her, she thought, and quick.

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7 Sadie decided against pulling Megan aside at lunch to talk about what happened, and instead to catch her before practice that afternoon. The last thing she needed for other people know what was happening. Sadie was so jittery, she could barely pay attention in math. She bounced her leg all though class as though trying to jackhammer her way through the floor, drawing looks from Candace. “Stop it,” she whispered over the loud humming of Mrs. Pruit’s overhead projector. “Seriously, what’s your problem?” “Nothing,” Sadie whispered back. “Are you still freaking out about Richie? Relax, okay? I have a surprise for you, but I’ll tell you after class, okay?” Candace grinned, then turned back to her notes, which were sparse and mostly doodles of Connor’s name. A surprise, Sadie wondered. She stopped bouncing her leg and took a deep breath. What could Candace possible have to tell her? Her stomach did a cartwheel. Was it about Richie? Or had she already heard about Megan and Coach Rob? Mrs. Pruit finished class early and gave them a few minutes to get a head start on their homework. Candace pushed her desk next to Sadie’s so they could work together. “Mind if I borrow your notes from class,” asked Candace, comparing her notes to Sadie’s. “Yeah, sure, no problem. So, what about this surprise?” “Oh, right! Well,” she said, leaning in, “I have on good authority that Richie might ask you to the homecoming dance!” Sadie was speechless. She’d never had a date to homecoming before, only gone with other dateless girls on the soccer team. “Exciting right? I thought maybe we could do that double date I talked about, us four go together. Fun right?” “Yeah,” said Sadie, still not fully processing the news. Richie taking her to homecoming? “I can’t believe it.” “I mean, it’s a few weeks away, so we’ve got plenty of time to find dresses, but yay! Homecoming!” Candace grinned.

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Sadie spent the rest of the day in a daze, almost forgetting about her important talk with Megan that afternoon. Homecoming? Me? She couldn’t imagine being picked up at her house and taken to dinner, then dancing all night long and probably ending up at a party at Richie’s after. It seemed like the perfect high school moment, one she’d never really thought she’d get a chance to have. And Megan was putting it all in jeopardy, she thought. She couldn’t let her ruin this for her. She found Megan headed to the girls’ locker room a few minutes after the final bell. “Hey, Megan, wait,” Sadie called, stopping her before she pushed open the door. “Can I talk to you?” Megan looked confused. “Okay?” “In private? We can go to the auxiliary gym.” “Sure,” she said, pulling back from the door and following Sadie. “What’s up?” Sadie didn’t say anything until they were both through the double doors of the school’s smaller gymnasium where they kept the wrestling mats and Ping-Pong tables stored. She took a deep breath. “I know about you and Coach Rob,” she said. “What are you talking about?” Megan tried to hide an awkward smile, one Sadie recognized after years of Megan’s poor lying. “I was in the locker room earlier today and saw you guys. What are you doing?” “Seriously, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Megan. “Please don’t make up rumors about me because I haven’t been answering your calls.” “I’m not lying. And why haven’t you been answering my calls?” “I’ve been busy, okay?” “Busy? Doing what? Coach Rob?” Sadie snapped. Megan’s body grew stiff. “Seriously, back off.” “Do you realize what you’re doing? You’re putting us all at risk. The season, Coach Rob, the team’s future. So what, you can date an older guy?” “I knew you wouldn’t understand,” said Megan. “You’re right,” said Sadie, trying not to shout, “I don’t understand. I don’t understand why you’re being so selfish.” “Selfish? What about you?” countered Megan.

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“What about me?” “You’re just pissed that I don’t have as much time to spend with you anymore. I can’t take care of you anymore.” “Wha—you think I need you to take care of me?” “I mean, I guess not since you’ve got a new best friend now,” said Megan. “You’re the one who has been ignoring me. Sorry if I found someone else to hang out with,” said Sadie. “At least I’m not screwing the soccer coach.” “Screw you.” Sadie took a deep breath. “I wasn’t trying to attack you,” she said, trying to salvage the conversation. “I’m worried about you, and Coach Rob. I’m worried about the team.” “You’re worried you won’t be captain next year, that’s all,” said Megan. “Look, I just don’t want everything to get ruined, okay?” “Ruined? I’m not ruining anything. You seem to do that yourself.” “God, what is wrong with you? Why do you hate me?” “I don’t hate you,” said Megan. “I’m just sick of you always hovering around me.” Sadie’s shoulders fell. “I thought you were my friend—my best friend.” “It’s high school, Sadie. Get over it.” Megan turned and walked away. She pulled open the doors to the auxiliary gym and let them slam shut behind her, leaving Sadie standing alone in the echoing room.

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8 “God, Sadie, calm down. What the hell happened?” asked Candace. Sadie sat in the passenger’s seat of the car, fuming. “She just makes me so mad,” said Sadie. “So wait, what exactly did she say?” Sadie hesitated. If she told Candace why she and Megan were fighting, she’d have to tell her everything. She bit her lip. “Come on, what is it? I’ve never seen you so pissed off before.” “I just—I can’t believe I was ever friends with Megan.” “What did she do?” asked Candace, doing a poor job of keeping her eyes on the road. Screw it, thought Sadie, she trusted Candace, and she really needed to tell someone before she burst. “I told her that I saw her and Coach Rob kissing in the locker room,” said Sadie. “Woah, what?” said Candace, slamming on the breaks at the stop sign to turn onto their street. “Seriously? With the soccer coach? No. Way.” “I know, and I told her she needs to stop before more people find out. She could destroy the team. They’d cancel our season, and probably next season too. I wouldn’t get captain, I wouldn’t play in college...” said Sadie, worrying out loud. “And Richie would probably stop liking you,” added Candace. “I mean, it sucks, but it’s true.” Sadie felt her heart sink again. “I mean, if he got to know you better, he’d totally like you for more than that, but being captain is kind of important to getting to know you better, you know?” continued Candace, driving too fast down the quiet, suburban street. “I just don’t get why she is being so selfish,” said Sadie. “She said she wasn’t going to stop seeing him. Ugh, it makes me so mad! Seeing her strut around the soccer field like she’s doing nothing wrong. I just want to smack her.” “Or club her over the head like a caveman,” said Candace, grinning. Sadie laughed. “Or lock her in a closet for a few hours.” “Or push her off the roof.”

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“Man, I really could right now.” Sadie leaned back in her seat. “It just sucks. I thought she was my friend, you know?” “She sounds like a total bitch to me.” “I swear she used to be cool.” “I dunno,” said Candace. “I think you’re cooler than her. It sucks that you have to put up with her. It would be awesome if you really could just push her off a roof or something. Not only get back at her for being so awful to you, but also to just totally get her out of your way. If she wasn’t around you wouldn’t have to worry about being captain, or Richie, or anything.” Sadie nodded, contemplating Candace’s gleefully suggestion. “That would be nice,” she said. “And then she would lay off me for being friends with you, which would be nice,” added Candace. “What? Lay off you? What has she said to you?” “She’s just been giving me nasty looks, you know. And I heard her say to someone that I take advantage of you, and that I’m a bad friend. It’s like she is always trying to control you, I don’t get it.” “Ugh, I don’t get it either. She says she doesn’t want me around, and then still tries to control my life.” “Seriously, she needs to back off.” “God, maybe I should do something,” said Sadie. “Like what?” asked Candace. “I dunno, I liked the pushing her off the roof idea.” Candace laughed. “No, but seriously, what could we do to her? Put posters up around the school about her?” “Someone could see us putting them up.” “What about stuffing raw meat in her locker?” continued Candace. “They’ll catch us because we’ll smell like raw meat too.” “Not if we do it on the weekend.” “Great, let’s add some breaking and entering to the list,” said Sadie. “Alright, alright. How about something quiet. She allergic to anything?”

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Sadie sat up. “Yeah, actually. She has a really bad allergy to peanuts. She had to wear one of those bracelets in middle school, the ones with her doctor’s phone number. We weren’t allowed to have any peanut products in fifth grade.” “We could totally slip her some peanuts.” “That would probably kill her,” said Sadie. Candace slowly pulled up into Sadie’s driveway and turned to her. “No, I mean, not if someone called 911 right away. We’d just make sure it was somewhere where lots of people are. Like the lunch room or something.” “Someone would definitely see us there. Besides, I think she would know if she was about to eat a peanut.” “Hmm.” Candace thought about this for a moment. “What about the locker room. You could put some peanut oil in her water bottle. She wouldn’t notice that, and all the soccer players would be around so someone could call 911. Hey, you could dial before anyone gets there so when you see her about to take a drink, you just call. You’d get to be a hero! I bet Richie would love to date a hero.” “That’s crazy,” said Sadie, imagining the scene in her head. She’d seen Megan have a reaction before and it wasn’t a fond memory. Of course, she’d been a lot younger the last time and didn’t understand what was going on. Since then, Megan’s mom had taught Sadie how to use the EpiPen and made her memorize a list of everything peanut-related food that Megan had to avoid. “You could totally pull it off,” continued Candace. “Put some of the peanut oil around the rim of her water bottle before anyone gets into the locker room, just slip it around the inside. You watch to make sure when she takes a drink then you call the ambulance.” “I could use her EpiPen on her too, like, right away,” added Sadie. “Yeah, totally. And then the ambulance would get there, she’d get taken to the hospital and she’d never know it was you.” “Why do I have to do it?” asked Sadie, not fully sold on the prospect of possible attempted murder charges. “It would look kind of weird if I was in the girls’ locker room when I don’t play a sport, don’t you think?” said Candace. “But hey, don’t worry. Just think about it. It would be pretty easy to pull off.”

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“We’ll see,” said Sadie, opening the passenger-side door. “Thanks for the ride.” “And just think,” added Candace, “with no Megan around and you being the big hero that saved her life, you might win homecoming queen.” She winked. Sadie had to agree, that didn’t seem so bad.

Dinner that night with her mother was quiet. She still hadn’t forgiven Sadie for the party debacle and was still for the most part avoiding eye contact. “So, soccer is going well,” said Sadie, pushing the rice on her plate into a perfect square. “Coach said I am gonna be the starting left mid at our first game this week.” “That’s good,” said her mother. Sadie frowned. Usually soccer-talk perked her mom up. “Yeah, I’m starting over one of the seniors. It’s a pretty big deal.” “Mhmm.” “And I got an A on our first math quiz.” “Mhmm,” said her mother again. Sighing, Sadie took a small bite of baked salmon. “This is great Mom, thanks for dinner.” “You’re welcome.” Sadie bit her lip and looked down at her place. Why does she always do this? She makes me feel like the worst daughter in the world, thought Sadie. “So,” began her mother. Sadie’s head bolted up. “Homecoming is coming up, right? Who’s nominated for homecoming queen? Megan, I bet. That girl always gets nominated for things like that.” “They haven’t come out yet,” said Sadie, slouching back in her chair again. “Oh, I see.” She slowly chewed another bite of her food. “Do you think you’ll have a date this year?” “Actually,” said Sadie, “I think there’s a boy who might ask me.” “Oh really, and who’s that?” “His name is Richie. Candace said she heard that he was planning on asking me.” “When did she hear that?’ asked her mother, eyes narrowed. She glanced at the clock, then back at her daughter. “Earlier today,” said Sadie.

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“And he still hasn’t asked you? Are you sure he will?” Sadie swallowed her half-chewed mouthful of steamed peas. What was he waiting for, she wondered. He could have asked her after practice today when they’d passed each other in the hall. He’d smiled at her and waved, and she’d just smiled and kept walking. What if he was going to ask her, and she blew it? Now, she realized, he might not even want to ask her. Sadie scraped her fork on the bottom of her plate making a grating sound that caused her mother to flinch. “Sorry,” said Sadie. “Well, the minute he does ask you, you let me know, alright? I’m going to want to meet him, and there will be rules. No parties this time, got it?” “Relax Mom, like you said, he hasn’t even asked me yet.” “Alright, well, you’re still grounded for the rest of the week. But, if you get nominated for homecoming queen, we’ll talk about maybe going dress shopping before then.” “Thanks Mom,” said Sadie, taking another bite of her salmon.

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9 At school the next day, Sadie kept an eye out for Richie. He wasn’t in the main hallway when she walked in like he usually was, talking to Connor and the other cross-country boys. Absent? Or avoiding her, she wondered. And she was still thinking about what Candace said on the drive home. Even her own mother didn’t think Sadie could best Megan. Maybe not in a popularity contest like homecoming queen, thought Sadie, but she deserved to be captain. She was starting to think Candace might have the right idea. Was it really so dangerous, she wondered. Well, yes, it was. The real question was whether or not Sadie really thought she could do it. Then again, she wasn’t even sure if Candace was serious about the suggestion. They hadn’t talked about it on the drive to school that morning, and if she was just kidding and Sadie said something, would Candace think she was insane? No, it was better, Sadie decided, to wait and see if Candace brought it up again, just in case. Besides, it was a crazy idea, she told herself. Completely, totally crazy. It wasn’t until the short time between school and practice that Candace said something, interrupting her own train of thought about the perfect dress for homecoming. “Oh, I almost forgot. So, what do ya think?” she asked. “About your dress?” “No, silly. The plan to get Megan back with her peanut allergy.” “I didn’t think you were serious,” said Sadie. “Of course I was! She’s awful to you, and is seriously on the verge of screwing you over completely. She deserves a little pay back. I’m sure plenty of people wouldn’t mind seeing her driven away in an ambulance and out of school for a while.” “But to poison her?” “I’m surprised at you, Sadie. Yesterday you were considering pushing her off a roof. Are you chickening out on me?” “No, I just don’t feel like this is something that should be taken lightly. I mean, what is it really going to do?” “Well for one thing, it might humble her a little. I mean, she thinks she’s too good to worry about how what she’s doing could hurt other people. Do this and she probably won’t be

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able to play soccer for a while, and if she got sick enough, hell, maybe she will take a year off school. Then you wouldn’t have to worry about her at all next year. You could keep your spot on the soccer team, earn captain, and give Richie a chance to actually get to know you.” Sadie took a deep breath and looked at her feet. She couldn’t help but feel like Candace had a point. As long as she was there, ready to call 911 and used the EpiPen, Megan wouldn’t die. And the last time she had a reaction, she’d been out of school almost a month. That would be most of the soccer season, enough time for Sadie to show the team that she was worthy of being captain. But she couldn’t shake the idea that it was so thoroughly, morally wrong. And yet…no, thought Sadie, no. She couldn’t do that, not to a friend, even an ex-friend. “I just can’t,” said Sadie. “I don’t get you,” said Candace. “You whine about how bad you want to be captain, how much it means to your mom, and how awesome it would be to date Richie, but you aren’t willing to do what it takes to make it happen. This is real life, Sadie. You have to make things happen for yourself.” Candace shook her head. “But hey, if you want to be alone forever, stuck at second best and lose your chance at playing soccer in college, that’s up to you.” Sadie’s shoulders slumped. It hurt to hear those things coming from someone else—that she might disappoint her mother and end up a second rate student at some crappy college, alone and not playing soccer like her dad had so badly wanted. But it didn’t change her mind.

After practice, Sadie checked her phone and found a text from Candace to let her know that her meeting was running late, and it would probably be another half hour before they could head home. Sadie didn’t mind waiting so she let the bus drive off without her and let Candace know she’d be out back on the bleachers, doing homework while she waited. She had a good view of the back parking lot where Candace parked her car so she could watch to see when she came out. Sadie leaned back against the cool, metal seats and closed her eyes. Richie still hadn’t asked her to Homecoming and she was starting to worry. What if he never asked her? Would she still go to the dance? No, thought Sadie, she’d have to skip it this year. It wouldn’t be worth the embarrassment of showing up alone and seeing Richie there with someone else. She heard a door open and jumped, looking over at the parking lot to see if Candace was ready to leave. But it wasn’t Candace. It was Megan, half-dressed in her soccer shorts and a sports bra, nearly falling out of the back seat of Coach Rob’s car. She grasped her shirt and flip-

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flops, trying to cradle everything in her arms. Coach Rob leaned out of the back seat and kissed her hard on the lips. Megan paused for a second, put a hand to his face and pulled away slowly. She then scurried back to her car parked a few spaced over. A few moments later, both cars pulled out of the parking lot and drove away. Seriously Megan? On school grounds? Here, where anyone and everyone could see? Not exactly paperwork, she thought. Sadie clenched her fists and bit the inside of her cheek. Megan was not only putting everyone’s soccer season at risk, but she was doing it in plain sight. She couldn’t believe it. What was it going to take to stop her? Maybe Candace was right, thought Sadie. Maybe Megan had that peanut allergy for a reason. Granted, she still didn’t want to hurt her; just to stop her. It would be like Candace said. Have 911 on speed dial, have the EpiPen ready, and Megan wouldn’t die, she would just take a few days off from school and have to quit soccer. It would work, thought Sadie. It had to. If it didn’t, she could lose everything, and she wasn’t willing to let Megan be the cause of that.

She shared the good news with Candace on the ride home. “Glad to know you’ve come around,” said Candace, turning down the radio so they could talk. “So when are you gonna do it?” “Tomorrow, I think,” said Sadie, heart still racing. She still had to buy the peanut oil. “Just make sure nobody sees you.”

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10 There was a brief moment that morning before school when Sadie and Candace were in line at the grocery store buying peanut oil—with cash—that Sadie thought maybe this was a bad idea, that she may be taking things too far. But Candace stood beside her and reminded her just how horrible a person Megan was being. Standing over Megan’s soccer bag in the empty locker room before the end of seventh period when the girls would be coming in to change, Sadie was starting to worry again. But it wasn’t enough to stop her from unzipping Megan’s bag and rummaging around for her water bottle, a large blue one with a screw-on lid. Sadie tried to control her breathing as she gently unscrewed the top. She pulled out the smallest bottle of peanut oil she and Candace could find and snapped open the top. She dipped her index finger in and rubbed it against her thumb, feeling her fingers slide against each other. Then slowly, she put her index finger inside the water bottle and thumb on the outside rim, and circled the top. It sort of smelled like peanuts, but not much, at least not in a noticeable way, thought Sadie. She screwed the top back on the water bottle and closed up the peanut oil, making sure to put the oil in her own bag so she could throw it out later, and wiped her fingers off on a dirty shirt in her bag. Next, she found Megan’s EpiPen sitting at the bottom of one of the zipper parts and placed it on top of some extra shirts so it would be easier for her to reach. She didn’t bother zipping the pocket back up. Sadie sat back, looking at the innocent sports bag, and felt a sick feeling rise in her stomach. But she couldn’t be sick, she told herself, she didn’t have time. Soon the team would be in the locker room getting dressed and she had to be there to make sure Megan didn’t die. She had to make sure she got to the EpiPen quickly, and to make sure 911 was called. Sadie took a deep breath and bit her lip. She started to walk out of the locker room, but stopped and looked back at the bag, staring for a moment, before leaving to go back to class.

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11 Sadie had to keep herself from staring as Megan changed for practice. Aside from the fact that it would probably start rumors if anyone noticed, she didn’t want to give herself away. If anyone realized that Sadie was keeping a close eye on Megan—waiting—for whatever happened next, it could all be traced back to her, and she couldn’t risk that. Instead, she did her best to keep her head down, but ears sharply tuned to what Megan was doing. Sadie could see her lacing up her cleats from the corner of her eye and heard her laughing with one of the other girls. What if she didn’t take a sip from her water bottle now? What if she waited until she was out on the field and out of Sadie’s reach? There was a chance that no one would get to her in time and she would simply collapse on the field and die unnoticed. Sadie’s heart started to race even faster. She licked her lips and forced her head to stay down, staring at her feet, mentally poking holes in what she’d thought was a perfect plan. Megan had all but finished changing, leaving off her shin guards for after the warm-up run. She flung the strap of her sports bag over her shoulder and rummaged around in it, pulling out a headband, which she slipped over her forehead. Oh god, thought Sadie, she’s already headed out onto the field and I’m not ready yet. What if she took a sip while she was still getting ready? Sadie would have no excuse why she just instinctively knew to rescue Megan, only one shoe on and hair still down. And she didn’t have a good enough reason to keep Megan in the locker room to wait for her. But to Sadie’s relief, and simultaneous dread, Megan pulled out her water bottle and began unscrewing the lid. Sadie watched as she turned to one of the other girls to say something, then slowly raised the bottle to her lips and tilted her head back. She took a big gulp and then pulled it away. The effect was almost immediate. Megan hadn’t even begun to screw the lid back on before her eyes widened and she started to nibble at her lips like something was wrong. Her breathing became a ragged wheezing. She dropped the water bottle on the ground, spilling water everywhere. Everyone turned to look at her and a wave of panic erupted. “Megan, are you okay?” asked Alex, who was standing close by, reaching out to steady her. Megan’s response was throwing her hands to her throat as though she was choking, her throat swelling, her eyes wide and filled with fear.

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“Oh my god, is she okay?” asked Marcy, who was on the other side of the room, standing up to get a better view of what was happening. “Oh my god, oh my god,” said another girl. A few of the girls sat back, panicked and frozen with fear, wanting to be out of the way so someone could help. Sadie pushed one girl out of the way and moved toward Megan. “What do we do?” asked Cindy, but Sadie was already tugging at Megan’s bag, trying to get into the open zipper pocket where she’d strategically placed the EpiPen. “Oh god, is she breathing?” “Megan, can you hear me? What’s going on? Are you choking?” “Get out of the way! I’ve got her EpiPen!” shouted Sadie, finally grasping her fingers around the thick cylinder. She pulled off the black cap with her teeth, almost theatrically, just as Megan’s mother had shown her, and pushed Megan to the ground. Sadie slammed the pen into her thigh as hard as she could. One of the girls screamed. “Oh my god, oh my god.” “Call 911!” shouted Sadie, moving up to Megan’s head to hold it steady as she began to draw breaths with a little more ease. “Who has their phone? “I got it. Yes, McArthur High School. Yes, please hurry!” said Marcy, talking quickly into her cell phone. “Is she going to be okay?” “Someone get the nurse!” Coach Rob came running through the doors, not bothering to announce himself even for fear of seeing a teenage girl half-dressed. Not that it would be the first time, thought Sadie. “What’s going on in here?” he asked, scanning the room. “Oh god—” “Coach, she just grabbed her throat and stopped breathing!” explained Alex. “But Sadie used her EpiPen.” “Ambulance is on its way,” added Marcy, still holding the phone to her ear. “Girls, get back. Give her space. Megan, can you hear me?” Coach Rob was kneeling on the floor next to Megan, holding his face close to hers, and trying to keep eye contact with her as she continued her labored breaths.

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Sadie wanted to push him back, tell him to get away, the creepy bastard, but she kept quiet, holding Megan’s head in her lap. “How did this even happen?” he asked, his hands now on both sides of Megan’s face. She didn’t respond, no one did, because no one knew what was happening—except Sadie.

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12 Watching Megan being taken away in a stretcher put everyone off practice for the day, particularly Coach Rob who was not paying any attention at all, even as Sadie sailed multiple goals across the goal line. Instead, he decided to call practice early and send everyone home. Lucky for Sadie, Candace’s debate team meeting ended early as well and she met up with her in the hall after getting changed. The locker room had been quiet, everyone silently worrying and praying for Megan. The game that week, everyone agreed, should be played in her honor. Sadie nodded along with her teammates, but inside wanted to scream at them. They had no idea how close Megan had come to ruining their season, and now they wanted to dedicate a game to her? Sadie sat in the passenger’s seat of Candace’s car rubbing her temples, trying to relieve the throbbing headache she’d had since practice. “So how did it go? I heard the sirens, and you’re not in handcuffs so I guess that’s a good sign,” said Candace, grinning. Sadie had a hard time returning her enthusiasm. She simply nodded, staring at the grassy roadside they passed on one of the back roads home. “Well?” prompted Candace. “What was it like?” “What was what like?” “Her face, did she blow up like a blow fish?” “No,” said Sadie, not sure what to think of Candace’s question. “She just…had trouble breathing. Put her hands to her throat and wheezed a lot. She looked really scared.” Candace laughed. “Oh man, I can just imagine.” Sadie didn’t know what else to say. She didn’t find it as funny as Candace seemed to, but she wasn’t all that sorry she did it either. It was a bad reaction, the paramedics told her, and patted her on the back for knowing to use the EpiPen. They kept saying how she’d saved her life, that without her quick thinking Megan could have been dead in minutes. Sadie felt sick again just thinking about it—her forced smiles and thanks, having to explain that it was because of their long-time friendship that she knew what to do, that it wasn’t the first time she’d used it. People thought the very best of her, yet it was because of her that Megan was on the stretcher at all.

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It had been particularly hard to keep a sincere expression when Coach Rob came over to applaud Sadie. She just stared up at him as he praised her, told her how wonderful she was. All Sadie could think was how he was just relieved his girlfriend didn’t die. Had it been any other girl on the team he wouldn’t have been nearly as concerned. Had it been Sadie, she thought, he probably wouldn’t have even bothered to cancel practice. “Sadie, what’s wrong?” asked Candace, pulling Sadie out of her own head and back into reality. “Wha—oh, nothing. I’m fine, just a little shaken I guess,” she said. “Don’t worry, she didn’t die and no one knows it was you.” “I know, but it was still a really freaky experience. I mean, she just looked so helpless, and I hate using the EpiPen.” “You need to chill out. Nothing bad happened. Everything worked out. Now you’re set!” “Set?” “Yeah, no way she is gonna play soccer this season. If she’s as allergic as you say she is, her parents won’t let her, and you’ll be a sure thing for captain next year.” Sadie nodded. “And not like she can date anyone from a hospital bed.” “Yeah, true,” said Sadie. Candace grinned and shook her head. “Still can’t believe she was screwing the soccer coach. Classic.”

By the time Candace dropped Sadie off in front of her house, she’d wound herself up so tight that in her mind she was already a convicted felon. She had a fully prepared speech to give the judge if she were caught that she kept practicing in her head. She knew what she would tell the police, and the jury of her peers, but no idea what she could possibly say to her mother, or Richie. They just can’t find out, she told herself. But she knew that if anyone found out, everyone would know soon enough. Just like the pregnant girls over the summer, news at McArthur High School spread quickly, and this time Sadie’s drama was exactly what people would be gossiping about. And it bothered her that Candace was so cheery about the whole thing. She seemed genuinely pleased to imagine Megan near death, and to hear every detail. Sadie still couldn’t

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believe she actually went through with it and she felt guilty as hell, guilty that she had poisoned her one-time best friend, and guilty that she didn’t regret doing it. At least she had a good reason, she told herself—her future in soccer and the McArthur team depended on it. In her room, Sadie threw herself onto her bed face first and lay on top of her comforter, head buried into the pillows, restricting her breathing. She wondered if this was how Megan felt. How was she doing in the hospital? Was she was hooked up to a bunch of wires and tubes, or having her breathing forced by a machine? Sadie could picture Megan’s parents standing over her, her mother kneeling beside the bed holding her hand, and Megan trying to breathe through one of those clear oxygen masks. It was worth it, Sadie told herself, over and over. She was justified in her actions, she had to do it—she didn’t have a choice. But the more she said it, the less she believed it.

At school the next day, Sadie wasn’t feeling any better. She hadn’t been able to concentrate on her homework and gave up on it in lieu of a good night’s sleep. That hadn’t helped either. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get the image of Megan’s horrified expression out of her head, which still throbbed as badly as it did the day before. The news of what had happened in the girls’ locker room was buzzing through the halls as soon as Sadie walked in the front doors of the school. A few people came up to her to tell her how brave she was, calling her a hero. Sadie felt like throwing up. Candace headed another direction down the hall to toward her locker, leaving Sadie to walk by herself to homeroom. She wished Candace had stayed by her side. Even in the midst of all the affection from her peers, she felt naked and afraid that even the slightest thing might give her away. What if they smelled peanuts on her? Had she remembered to throw away the peanut oil from her bag after practice? What if they could just tell? If they discovered what really happened, she would be cast out, ignored, probably harassed and emotionally tortured. People loved Megan; even Sadie had loved and adored Megan, at least until recently. And Richie— Sadie’s breaths quickened when she saw him rounding the corner, eyes immediately locking on her. Oh god, she thought, if he knew he’d never speak to her again, never look at her, never kiss her. “Sadie, hey,” he said, walking straight toward her. “How are you?” “Alright,” she said, swallowing hard to keep her breakfast down.

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“I heard about yesterday. I can’t believe that happened to Megan, and how you saved her? That’s really awesome.” “Thanks, I, uh, thanks.” Sadie just smiled and bit the corner of her lip. “So, hey, I was wondering…” he said, trailing off. Was he nervous, wondered Sadie. Or—then she knew what he was going to ask her. Was it just like Candace said? Was her being a hero interesting enough for him to finally ask her to homecoming? For a moment, the pounding in her head seemed to stop, and Sadie held her breath. “I still feel bad about everything that happened,” he sputtered, “so I understand if you say no, but would you think, maybe, you’d want to go to homecoming with me?” He rolled his shoulders quickly and looked at her, smiling. How was he so adorable? And how could he possibly want to take her to the dance? If only he knew, Sadie thought, this would not be happening. But it’s what she wanted, she told herself, it’s part of why she did it in the first place. Then why wasn’t she happier about it? She nodded, feeling her headache return. Sadie touched her fingers to her temples and winced. “You okay,” he asked, his pleased grin turning to a worried look. “Yeah, just a headache. Kind of an exciting couple of days.” “Heh, yeah, I bet,” said Richie. “So, you’ll go with me then?” Sadie nodded. “Yeah, that’d be nice.” “Great! We’ll probably all go in a group, since I’m sure Connor will ask Candace. You think Megan will be out of the hospital by then? It’s a week and a half away. If she’s better, you can see if her and her date want to come with us.” Sadie felt her whole body shiver. Megan’s date? You mean Coach Rob, she thought. “Maybe,” said Sadie. “Cool, hey, well, I have to get to class,” said Richie. “Yeah, me too,” she said. “Can I get your phone number? For when we make plans?” “Sure,” she said, surprised Candace hadn’t already given it to him. She ripped a piece of notebook paper off one of her binders from her backpack and scribbled it down. “Thanks,” he said. “I’ll uh, I’ll call you, okay?”

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“Okay,” said Sadie, smiling. This was exactly what she’d wanted, what she’d been hoping for since Candace first got her thinking about it, but Sadie felt sick. Had she really poisoned Megan so she could have a date to homecoming? No, she reminded herself, no, it was for the soccer team and her future. Richie was just an added bonus. But she didn’t believe it, no matter how many times she repeated it in her mind the rest of the day.

Sadie still had soccer practice that afternoon, but no one’s heart was in it. They had planned on taking a team trip to the hospital to see Megan, but according to Coach Rob, when he called her parents to make the arrangements they said they weren’t comfortable with her seeing anyone just yet, that she needed more time to recover. Coach Rob seemed more let down by this than anyone, but Sadie was relieved. She didn’t think she could handle seeing Megan in the hospital, at least not yet. She’d have to go eventually, it would look strange if she didn’t, just not yet.

Her mother was ecstatic when Sadie told her about Richie asking her to homecoming. She started talking about dress shopping, and hair appointments. Sadie wanted to share her mother’s excitement, but she couldn’t. “Oh Sadie, I’m so happy for you,” her mother kept saying. “Your first date to homecoming! I wish your father was here.” “Me too,” said Sadie, absently flipping through the pages of a magazine on the couch while her mother paced back and forth. She stopped and looked at Sadie. “What’s wrong, dear? You seem quiet? Is it Megan? How’s she doing?” she asked. Sadie wanted to tell her everything, how she’d poisoned her friend, how Candace convinced her it needed to be done, how it was only because Megan was screwing the soccer coach, but she didn’t. “Alright,” explained Sadie. “but her parents aren’t letting anyone see her yet.” “You know,” said her mother, “you probably saved her life.” Her mother’s voice was serious. She crouched down in front of Sadie so that she was eye level. “I’m really proud of you.” Sadie stared at her mother, who pulled her in for a hug, and did her best not to cry.

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13 Megan was the first thing that crossed Sadie’s mind when she woke up for school the next morning, still laying under the covers, not wanting to move. She had to go visit her, she thought, to see how she was. She reached over and grabbed her phone from the nightstand to text Candace. I don’t feel well. I’m gonna stay home today.

She had to take a bus to get to the hospital since her mother had already left for work. Sadie sat in the waiting room, bouncing her leg, hoping they would call her in to see Megan soon. They said she was already with someone and was only allowed one visitor at a time. Her parents were probably at work, she thought. Who could possibly be in seeing her now? She sat for about twenty minutes, watching patients get wheeled in and out of the hospital, mostly patients with oxygen tanks or bandages on their arms. Some came with family, sitting together and chatting quietly in the waiting room, waiting to see the doctors. Even in a hospital, they seemed upbeat, happy, smiling. It only made Sadie feel worse. The sterile smell of the white room was stuck in Sadie’s nose and she wished the plastic plant she was sitting next to were real, just to have something to break up the artificial feel of the room. She considered leaving and coming back later, but she’d already missed up through second period and didn’t feel like another bus trip back. She felt her phone buzz in her purse. It was a text from a number she didn’t recognize. Hey, it’s Richie. Didn’t see you in school today. Hope you’re feeling alright. For a moment, Sadie forgot where she was and grinned. She bit her lip and texted back. I’m fine, just needed a day off. She took a deep breath and held the phone in both hands in her lap, still smiling. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Coach Rob walking briskly down the hall toward the waiting room. If he saw Sadie, he didn’t acknowledge her and passed through the sliding glass doors in a huff. Sadie couldn’t believe he had the nerve to come see Megan in the hospital. Wouldn’t the nurses tell her parents? How could they be so careless? Sadie heard her name called and jumped up. A plump nurse in blue scrubs led her back to see Megan. It wasn’t as bad as she’d been imagining. Megan wasn’t hooked up to a bunch of tubes and a machine wasn’t operating her lungs. Instead, she looked just like herself, same perfect hair and natural smile, no makeup, but she didn’t need it. She was sitting up in bed, her

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eyes red and swollen. Was it a side effect of the reaction? Megan wiped her nose on the edge of her hospital gown and used both hands to wipe under her eyes. “Megan?” “Sadie, hi,” said Megan, like she was surprised to see her. “Thanks for visiting me.” “What’s wrong?” asked Sadie. “Oh, nothing. I—I’m just ready to be out of the hospital is all.” “Are you sure? I saw Coach Rob running out of here really fast.” Sadie tried to keep her face as even as she could manage. “Did he kick you off the soccer team?” Megan looked away. “No,” she said. “I mean, I probably won’t be playing for a while but no, he didn’t.” “Oh.” Sadie moved closer to the bed, but remained standing, all the hurt feelings and anger she’d felt after their last conversation returning. “I know you’re still mad at me, and you should be. I was awful to you. I just—” “You what,” asked Sadie. “Thanks for saving my life.” Sadie didn’t respond. Megan gave a heavy sigh. “You were right, okay? Happy? I broke it off. You were right.” Before Sadie could say anything, Megan burst out into tears, covering her face with both her hands, one with an IV taped to it, tethering her to the drip bag hanging on the tall metal hook next to her. It made Sadie’s legs hurt to look at the needle under her skin. “Oh Sadie, it’s all my fault,” she sobbed. “I did this to myself. I can’t believe I was so stupid.” Sadie was confused now. “I don’t know how exactly, but I know it’s my fault. Karma or something.” “Karma?” “Yeah, my reaction. I deserved it for being so stupid. My water bottle must have touched some of the fast food wrappers in his car or something. Some of them use peanut oil to fry stuff so I mean, that has to be what happened. It had to be karma telling me to break up with him.” Sadie just nodded, feeling a pang of relief that Megan didn’t suspect her. “But now it’s over, it’s done with. I’m done. I just can’t risk it anymore.” Megan wiped her eyes again.

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“Okay,” managed Sadie, not sure what else to say. “You forgive me, right?” asked Megan, catching Sadie off guard. “What?” “For saying all those horrible things; for completely ignoring you. I got so wrapped up in things. I forgot what really mattered. And when you told me you knew. I guess I got scared. It was wrong of me to say those things. I don’t really feel that way. I’m so sorry.” Megan was hysterical now, the words spewing out as fast as she could manage between sobs. “You’re my best friend, Sadie. I’m so sorry, please forgive me.” “Of course I forgive you,” said Sadie, throwing her arms around Megan and holding her. She felt Megan’s hands pull her close as she buried her head into her shoulder. “You’re my best friend. I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

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14 Megan and Sadie spent another half hour talking before the nurse came in and told Sadie it was time to go. Sitting and waiting for the bus, Sadie still felt guilty about what she had done, but things seemed to be working out for the best. Maybe that made it okay, she thought. She and Megan were patching things up, Richie was her date to homecoming, and with Coach Rob and Megan no longer a thing, it meant the girl’s soccer team could finish their season without any more trouble. Maybe, thought Sadie, she was a hero. She couldn’t wait to tell Candace. Maybe now they could go to the dance together; Megan wouldn’t have any trouble finding a date, thought Sadie, she never did before. And it would be a lot more fun with both her oldest and newest friends there with her. Sadie couldn’t believe it; things had actually worked out, she thought. But now she had to convince her mother to take her dress shopping.

The next day before school, Sadie gladly accepted a ride from Candace and was even smiling when she picked her up. “I see you’re feeling better,” said Candace, backing out of Sadie’s drive way. “Yeah, actually. I went and saw Megan yesterday,” said Sadie. “Oh?” “Yep! She seems to be doing alright—thank god—and she broke things off with Coach Rob, and apologized for everything she said.” Sadie was grinning. “I think we’re in a good place now. I can’t believe it worked.” “Oh,” said Candace, not sharing Sadie’s enthusiasm. “That’s good, I guess.” “Yeah, I thought she could come with you, Connor, Richie and me to homecoming.” “I dunno. I think Connor and I might do our own thing,” said Candace. “What’s wrong?” Sadie’s smile faded and she cocked her head to the side, watching Candace who kept her eyes on road. “I just don’t feel comfortable around Megan,” she said. “Why not? She’s great. You’ve never really even talked to her. You’ll really like her,” said Sadie. “No, I don’t think I will. And actually, I don’t think you should hang out with her.” “What?”

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“Don’t you remember how awful she was to you?” “Yeah, but she apologized…” said Sadie feeling like she’d had the wind knocked out of her. She’d thought Candace would be excited for her; the plan worked, everything was going great. Why was she being like this? “So?” said Candace, raising her voice. “She treated you like shit and I have been here for you the whole time. Who was it that made you feel better after the party? And who was it that had been so supportive of you and Richie? She wouldn’t even talk to you and I’ve been there for you this whole time. And now I feel like you’re gonna dump me for her.” “Candace, no, it’s not like that,” said Sadie. “I’m still gonna be friends with you.” “See, but I don’t think you will. I feel like you were just hanging out with me because you couldn’t hang out with her. I feel really used, Sadie.” “That’s not true at all. I swear I’m not using you. I love being friends with you.” “I just—I feel like you’re gonna start being friends with her and forget all about me, especially since she doesn’t like me as it is. She’ll probably tell you to stop hanging out with me, and then what? I don’t have any other friends Sadie, you’re all I’ve got!” “What about Connor?” “It’s not the same.” Sadie could see tears welling up in Candace’s eyes. Candace pulled the car over to the side of the road. “Maybe you should get out of the car and walk to school,” she said, biting her bottom lip to keep it from quivering. “Please, Candace, wait. Listen to me,” said Sadie. “None of that is true. I am your friend. You’re right; you’ve been there for me this whole time. I’m not going to forget that.” “If you’re really my friend, you wouldn’t talk to Megan anymore.” Candace had both hands on the wheel and was looking straight ahead. “What?” “She is just going to try and turn you against me,” said Candace. “I don’t think—” “This has happened to me before. I know what she’ll do. She’ll get you back, start controlling your life again, and you won’t be allowed to talk to me anymore. It’s not fair. You shouldn’t let her do that to you.” “I won’t—”

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“And if you’re still friends with her, I don’t know if I want to be friends with you anymore anyway.” Sadie didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to lose Candace. If it wasn’t for her, Richie never would have asked her to homecoming, and all Megan did was put the soccer team and Sadie’s future in jeopardy. Sadie nodded. “You’re right,” she said. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I—I won’t talk to her anymore.” “You’re a great friend, Sadie,” said Candace, smiling. She put the car back in drive and started back on the way to school. “So, what color dress do you think you’ll get for homecoming?”

It wasn’t hard to ignore Megan while she was in the hospital. For the rest of the week, Sadie tried to pretend like things were the same as they were the first week of school. Soccer practice seemed to go back to normal and she was distracted by the almost daily texts she exchanged with Richie. Candace didn’t bring up her intense hatred for Megan again, except for a few eye rolls when she overheard some of the girls talking about her at lunch. Hopefully Candace would come around when Megan got back to school, thought Sadie, then they could work things out. Some of the girls went to visit Megan after the soccer game on Thursday. They wanted to tell her the good news that the team had won and they were already on their way to a winning season. Sadie declined, and looked up at the stands for Candace. She only saw her mother watching her, arms crossed. “I’ve got a ton of homework,” she said. The girls nodded and headed off the field. Sadie carried her cleats in her hand and walked barefoot across the soft Bermuda grass toward the stands. “You were decent,” said her mother, coming down the metal stairs creating a metallic echo with each step. “You almost got a goal toward the end there, if only the other girls would pass you the ball.” “Thanks, Mom.” Sadie looked around for Candace. “Have you seen Candace?” “I think she left with that boy she was with before the half,” she said. “Ready to go? You look like you could use a shower.”

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On the way home, Sadie’s mother did most the talking, criticizing the other players’ inability to support the good players, like Sadie, and how half the seniors didn’t even belong on the field. Sadie just smiled and nodded. “You guys really could have used Megan tonight,” her mom added. “Yeah,” said Sadie. “I talked to her mother the other day. She said she’ll be back in school sometime next week.” Sadie closed her eyes and leaned her head against the window. Great, she thought. Just great.

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15 Megan’s big arrival at school the following Monday felt like an orchestrated event. Sadie and Candace pulled up in the school parking lot and saw Megan standing with some of the other soccer players just outside the school’s double doors. Megan waved at Sadie, who had to stop herself from waving back. Sadie looked at Candace who smiled and shook her head. Sadie looked at the ground and hurried into the school, but she could still feel Megan’s eye burrowing into the back of her. At lunch, Megan caught Sadie off guard while she was waiting in line for the vending machine. “Why did you ignore me this morning?” she asked. “I thought we were cool now.” “I—I can’t, I’m sorry,” said Sadie, desperately willing the person in front of her to choose a soda already. “Why not? What’s wrong?” “I don’t think I can be friends with you, okay?” “Why not,” asked Megan, pushing herself in front of Sadie. Sadie didn’t say anything. What could she say? That what she had done was unforgivable, even though she’d already forgiven her? That Candace wouldn’t let her? “Just tell me, okay?” pushed Megan. “I thought I could forgive you for what you said, but I can’t. I’m sorry.” Sadie stepped up to the vending machine and looked for the button for a Pepsi, wishing Megan would just walk away. “Fine,” she said. “Fine.” Sadie went back to sit with Candace at the far end of the table, away from Megan and the other soccer players who were fawning over her swift recovery. “What did she want?” asked Candace as she examined one of the wilted fries she bought from the lunch line. “She wanted to know why I was ignoring her,” said Sadie. “What did you tell her?” “That I don’t want to be her friend.”

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“Good. Hopefully she won’t bother you anymore.” Candace took a bite of the fry and made a face. “Gross,” she said and pushed the plastic tray away. “Got anything good I can have?” Sadie felt horrible again, like she was going to be sick. First she poisoned Megan and now she was shunning her, and for what? She wasn’t dating the coach anymore; it didn’t matter. Why couldn’t they just go back to being friends? But she didn’t want to lose Candace, not after how great she’d been. No, she told herself, Candace was a real friend, one that wouldn’t turn on her like Megan did.

By the end of seventh period, Sadie just wanted to go home and hide. She felt miserable, both emotionally and physically. Maybe she was coming down with something, she thought. The flu, maybe? As she packed up her things, she was surprised to see Richie standing in the doorway waiting for her. “Hey,” he said. “Hi,” said Sadie. It was a relief to see him. She smiled. “How are you?” “Good. Actually, I got a question for you.” “Go for it,” she said, nervous, but happy to be talking to him in person and not just over texts. “Is it true?” he asked. “Is what true?” “The thing about Megan and the girl’s soccer coach. Is it true?” Sadie’s heart stopped. Her eyes widened, and she had to consciously close her mouth. “Where did you hear that?” she asked. “It’s all over the guy’s locker room. So it’s true then?” “I—I don’t know.” Sadie was panicking. How did he find out? Who told him? Who else knew? “Okay,” he said, “Just curious. I mean, you’re her friend so I thought you might know. You might want to let her know that uh, well, people are talking.” “Thanks, I will,” said Sadie, and watched him walk off.

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Sadie bit her lip and stood in the doorway. This was bad. This was really bad. How long before it was all over the school? The soccer team, she thought, their season was ruined. How could this have happened? Had someone seen them in the parking lot? What was she going to do? What if Megan thought she had told? Sadie felt her whole body tremble, and rushed to the bathroom to be sick.

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16 It took until second period the following day for Megan to get called to Principal Hartley’s office for questioning, and by then everyone in school seemed to know. Rumors were flying about the questions Principal Hartley was asking Megan. What positions they did it in, what protection they’d used and how many times they’d done it. Sadie doubted any those were the true, but hearing the speculation from every group of students as she walked through the halls was making her sick again. It was embarrassing, not only for Megan, but for everyone on the soccer team. People were wondering how many players Coach Rob had fooled around with, if it had been multiple at a time, and every other possible scenario. None of the girls at the lunch table wanted to talk about it. Instead, they all sat silently, looking at nothing in particular, worried about what it meant for them, and if it was even true. Except for Candace, who was all smiles, and talking about her plans for homecoming night. “And then I figured we would—” “Candace, please stop,” said Sadie, letting her head fall and rest on her forearms on the table. “Why? What’s everyone so beat up about?” “Seriously?” asked Sadie, looking up at her. “Are you kidding?” “Oh, is it about that stupid thing with Megan and the coach? I’m surprised no one found out sooner,” said Candace crunching on a carrot stick. “I mean, you said she wasn’t even hiding it that well.” Sadie glared at her, and pulled her away from the table to talk away from the other girls. “You need to stop.” “They were gonna find out eventually,” said Candace. “At least now you don’t have to worry about her bothering you.” “What?” Sadie swallowed hard, squinting her eyes, trying to process what Candace was trying to say. “I mean, I saw her bothering you the other day and figured she needed something else to worry about besides you ignoring her.” “You told? It was you? You told everyone.” Sadie couldn’t believe it. It never even crossed her mind that it could have been Candace.

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“Not everyone, just Connor, and then he told the guys on the cross-country team, and well, yeah.” Sadie couldn’t believe how calm Candace was being. She’d just ruined Megan’s life, and it didn’t seem to faze her at all. “Now you don’t have to worry about her,” said Candace. “So seriously, homecoming, I figure we’d—” “I can’t even look at you right now,” said Sadie, backing up from her. She left her lunch sitting at the table and rushed toward the hallway bathroom. “Sadie, wait.” Candace followed her into the bathroom where they were alone. “What’s your problem? I did it so she’d back off of you.” “This is exactly what I didn’t want,” said Sadie. “Now the season is ruined. What if we don’t have a team next year, or they can’t find a new coach? I’ll never play in college now. Are you happy?” “But you’ve got Richie,” said Candace. “I thought that’s what you wanted.” “What the hell is wrong with you? You just ruined my life—Megan’s life.” “At least I didn’t poison her,” said Candace, straightening her posture and crossing her arms in front of her chest. “Don’t,” said Sadie, pursing her lips. “What, you did it. Don’t tell me I’m the bad guy here. You put her in the hospital.” “I had a good reason, one you screwed up.” “Please, you call being captain of the soccer team a good reason to almost kill your friend?” Candace smirked. Sadie swallowed hard, and shook her head. “I—I don’t think I can be friends with you anymore.” Her face softened. “Sadie, come one. We’re still friends.” “No, I can’t do this,” Sadie crossed her arms and back away, shaking her head. She looked at the floor. She couldn’t believe this was happening. “We’re still friends. I did this for us! I can’t lose you.” Candace paused. Her face hardened. “If you stop being friends with me, I’ll tell people you were the one who poisoned Megan.” “You’re not serious.”

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“No, I am. You’re gonna be my friend, and we’re gonna go to homecoming together, or I’ll tell everyone, and you’ll go to jail.” What was there to say? Candace had her and there was nothing she could do.

All Sadie wanted to do was find Megan and explain what happened; to tell her how sorry she was and that she didn’t mean for this to happen—that it wasn’t her who told. There was still the chance that they would dismiss it as a rumor, thought Sadie. Megan hadn’t complained, and Sadie knew no one on the soccer team would say anything. Everyone liked Coach Rob. He was a good coach, and not too much older than them so it wasn’t so bad. And no one wanted the season to be cancelled. Maybe, hoped Sadie, Principal Hartley would interview Megan, realize it was just some stupid prank and everything would be fine. There was a familiar gurgling sound and Principal Hartley’s voice came on the PA system to announce that there would be no girl’s soccer practice for the rest of the week. Her stomach sank. Sadie didn’t see Megan the rest of the day. She was probably sent home early. Would she get suspended? Had she confessed, or denied everything? She could always claim Coach Rob seduced her, or forced her to have sex with him, but that would make things so much worse. Sadie hoped she hadn’t said anything like that.

The next day, Megan wasn’t in school. Or the next day. By Friday, Sadie wasn’t sure if Megan was coming back this time. But Sadie saw Megan waiting for her at her locker as she came walking down the hallway. “We need to talk,” she said. “Locker room?” Sadie nodded. They walked quickly to the locker room and as soon as the heavy door shut behind them and they were sure they were alone, Megan started at her. “How could you?” she half-screamed, half-sobbed. “I trusted you. And you just went and told everyone. Why? I thought you didn’t want people to know.” “It’s not like that!” started Sadie, trying to get a word in, to explain what really happened. But Megan wouldn’t let her. “All I wanted was a friend, someone I could trust, someone that would be there for me. And you went and took that friendship and just shattered it. I get it; you hate me. I’m ruined, are

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you happy? Now we don’t have a soccer team. Can’t have a team without a coach, not that they’d let me back on the team once they found one. And it’s all your fault. No team. No season. Can’t be captain now, can you?” Sadie stood there quietly, taking the brunt of Megan’s rage. She deserved it, if not for Coach Rob, then for the peanut oil. Megan was breathing heavily and whipping her eyes, looking like she had more to say but not the energy to say it. Sadie took the opportunity to speak up. “It wasn’t me,” she said. “It was Candace.” “What do you mean, it was Candace?” “Candace knew about you and Coach Rob, and I guess she said something to one of the guys on the cross-country team. I didn’t know she would do that.” Sadie’s voice was strained, tears welling up in her eyes. “This isn’t what I wanted.” “Me either,” said Megan, taking deep breaths. She sat down and buried her face in both hands. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do.” Sadie just looked at her. She didn’t know what to do either. She couldn’t do anything. If she tried to help Megan, Candace would tell everyone what she did. But she couldn’t leave Megan like this. “I don’t know what to tell you,” said Sadie. “We all do things we regret.” Like poisoning your best friend, thought Sadie. Megan took a deep breath and leaned back against the lockers, nodding. “Yeah,” she said. “Guess so.” They heard the locker room doors open and close. Candace walked in. “Sadie, Connor said he saw you come in here. What’s goin—Oh.” Candace looked at Megan. “Hi.” Megan didn’t say anything. She stood up and pushed past Candace, slamming her shoulder into her as she walked by. “Bitch,” mumbled Candace as Megan let the door slam behind her. She looked back at Sadie. “What was that about?” “She was mad at me,” said Sadie. “She thought it was me who told everyone.”

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“I don’t see why it matters,” said Candace. “She’s the one that was screwing the soccer coach. It’s her own damn fault.” Sadie walked past Candace without saying a word. Candace followed, already describing her perfect homecoming hair-do.

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17 Sadie’s mom was already home when she got back from school. She had chosen to ride the bus rather than wait for Candace to get out of her debate team meeting. Tossing her backpack on the floor as soon as she walked in, Sadie collapsed on the couch. “Sadie, is that you?” called her mom from the kitchen. “Yeah,” she called back. Her mom walked in wiping her hand with a dishtowel. “You’re home early. No soccer practice today?” “It was cancelled all week, and probably next week too,” said Sadie. “Why’s that?” “I don’t want to talk about it.” Sadie rolled over and buried her face in one of the couch cushions. Her mom started walking back to the kitchen, but Sadie sat up. “Mom, wait.” “Hmm?” Sadie paused, wanting to tell her mom everything. She needed advice, any advice at all. But her mother couldn’t know. If she did, she might never look at Sadie again. “Never mind,” she said. Her mother shrugged and went back to the kitchen, and Sadie retreated to her room. She crawled under the covers and lay there in the pale-lit room, wishing she could just go to sleep and wake up to everything being okay again. She felt her phone buzz. It was Candace. She’d forgotten to let her know that she didn’t need a ride home. My meetings are over. Where are you? Sadie put her phone down and didn’t respond. She didn’t have it in her to talk to Candace right now. Her phone buzzed again. No seriously, where are you? And again. Are you with her? Another immediately followed. You’d better not be with her. I’ll tell everyone, I swear. Sadie quickly typed out a message. I took the bus home. Sorry, forgot to tell you. A few seconds later her phone buzzed again. K. Sadie rolled her eyes. Seriously? Sadie turned on her back and groaned. Megan did this to herself, she told herself, and she just had to continue hanging out with Candace and everything

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would be okay. But then why was that such a hard thing to accept? Why was she so hung up on things? Because Megan was her best friend and she’d only known Candace for a few weeks. No matter what dirt Candace had on Sadie, Megan had been there longer. She thought back to elementary school when they first met. It was recess and, although the memory was a little fuzzy, she could recall one of the boys kicking sand at her and Megan coming to her rescue. She had pushed the boy down and shoved his face in the mud. Sadie grinned. Megan loved telling people that story. And in middle school, they were partners on every project. There wasn’t one science fair project that they didn’t get an A on, or a single history report where the teacher didn’t tell them what a spectacular team they were. And they had always been on the same soccer team, every year since they were old enough to play on traveling teams. Sadie couldn’t let all that go, not now, not when Megan needed her the most.

Sadie texted Candace the next morning to let her know she wouldn’t need a ride to school and instead took the bus. She’d forgotten how loud and dirty it was in the morning when half the kids were still waking up and the other half were so hyped up on coffee and whatever else, they couldn’t keep quiet. She put in her headphones and tried to zone out to the music, but her thoughts still settled on Megan and Candace. Homecoming was that weekend, and she’d already made plans, or Candace had made plans for her, with Richie and Connor. Sadie hadn’t been involved in the planning at all. She pulled out her phone to text him, but realized she didn’t have anything to say. She shut her phone and clenched her jaw. This was a mistake, she thought. He was only going to homecoming with her because he thought she saved Megan’s life, and before that, he’d only talked to her because he thought she’d be captain of the soccer team. Why did it even matter? Why was everyone at McArthur so concerned about status, and what was going on in everyone else’s lives? Now she didn’t have soccer, or Megan, or any real friends. Candace wasn’t her friend; she was just using her for class notes and homework. Sadie thought of her father. Her mother was always saying, what would your father think of this, or that, and now Sadie really wondered. She’d only known him for a short time when she was younger, but her mother made him such a big part of her life. Playing soccer in college was how she met him, and it had become their—

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her—dream for Sadie. Was it really what she wanted? Had it really been worth getting mixed up with Candace and poisoning her best friend over? And what would her father think of her doing those things for a boy? Of course he’d be upset with her. She was upset with herself. Sadie realized now just how stupid she was and what a mess she’d gotten herself into. But with no way out, she would have to live with her mistake and hope that once she left for college, Candace would finally leave her alone. Only two years, thought Sadie. Her heart sank. And for the first time in years, she missed her father.

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18 Sadie decided against buying a new dress for homecoming. It didn’t make sense, she told her mother, she had the one she wore last year that still fit, and she doubted anyone but Megan would remember it. She curled her hair and put on eyeliner for the first time ever, and stood in front of the mirror, looking at herself. She looked all right, nothing special, but fitting for the occasion. Her dress was black with two tiny straps and a wrap of purple fabric around her waist. Her heels were only a couple inches since she wasn’t sure she could walk in anything higher. And although she tried to ignore it, the shin guard tan she had from soccer was plainly visible, the skin just below her knee a pale, bleached white and everything higher a golden brown. When she headed out into the living room, her mother insisted on pictures. Sadie did her best to smile, but felt sick. Candace was picking her up so she could drive them to Richie’s for a pre-homecoming party. Sadie didn’t mention it to her mother and instead told her they were just going to get dinner first. Everyone at Richie’s looked ecstatic. The girls lined up on the stairs for the traditional homecoming picture and the guys were all wearing ties. Candace pulled out her own camera to get a picture of Richie and Sadie, and showed Sadie after she’d snapped it. “It’s nice,” said Sadie. Richie spent most the time talking with the other guys at the party and Sadie stuck close to Candace. It wasn’t ideal, but she didn’t know the other girls very well and didn’t want to stand by herself. Sadie watched Candace and some of the other girls take shots, but politely declined when they offered one to her. By the time they left, the dance had already started and Candace was visibly starting to feel the liquor. She rode up in front with Connor who was driving his mom’s expensive sports car, while Sadie sat in the back with Richie. “Thanks again for coming with me,” he said, leaning in so Sadie could hear them over the loud music on the radio. “Thanks for asking me,” she said. Bad as she felt, she really did want to have a good time. “You look really nice, by the way.” Sadie blushed. “Thanks.” Richie smiled and leaned in closer. Sadie bit her lip.

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“Okay if I kiss you?” he asked. Sadie nodded and he kissed her on the cheek. She stifled a grin. “Knock it off back there. We’re not even to the dance yet,” shouted Connor. Richie laughed and reached forward to punch him in the arm.

The dance was crowded. They walked under a balloon-constructed rainbow and headed into the now decorated cafeteria. The DJ was playing some rap song Sadie didn’t recognize. Connor and Candace disappeared on the dance floor immediately. “Punch?” asked Richie, heading over to the one table covered in cookies and sports coolers containing an assortment punch, water and lemonade. Sadie grabbed a sugar cookie and nibbled on the edge, watching the crowd. Was Megan out there? Some of the girls from the soccer team spotted her from the other side of the room and waved. Sadie waved back. She turned to Richie. “I think I’m gonna go say—” but before she could finish, Candace ran over and grabbed her arm. “Come on. Let’s dance!” She dragged Sadie onto the dance floor, Richie following close behind.

Sadie had to admit, it was more fun to be at a dance with a date. She had someone to dance with, which was a nice change, especially during the slow songs. The entire time she was on the dance floor, Sadie kept an eye out for Megan, just in case, but she didn’t see her. Good, thought Sadie, maybe if Megan wasn’t there she could finally let herself have some fun. “Bathroom?” she saw Candace mouth at her. Sadie nodded and turned to tell Richie she’d be right back. She had to yell over the loud music and could still barely hear her own voice. The bathroom was quiet compared to the main room and Sadie could hear ringing in her ears. “This is awesome,” said Candace. “So much better than my last school.” “Yeah, I’m having a good time,” said Sadie. “I’m so glad!” Candace watched herself in the mirror as she fixed her hair and added a new layer of lipstick. She pulled a flask from her purse.

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“How did you get that in here?” asked Sadie, shocked that Candace would risk getting caught with alcohol at school, an immediate expulsion. “I used to do it all the time at my old school,” said Candace. “Want some?” She offered the flask to Sadie who shook her head. Candace shrugged and took a swig, making a face at the harsh, bitter taste of whatever she’d filled it with. “Maybe you should slow down,” said Sadie. “I’m fine. It’s you who doesn’t want to have any fun tonight.” “I’m having fun,” said Sadie, frowning. “I just don’t want to get expelled.” Candace laughed and put the flask back in her purse along with her lipstick. “You’re so weird.” As they walked out of the bathroom, the first thing Sadie saw was Megan and one of the soccer players rounding the corner and headed their way. She looked down, hoping Megan wouldn’t see her. “Ugh, I can’t believe she came,” said Candace, rolling her eyes. Please don’t say anything, thought Sadie. Please. But Candace couldn’t help herself. As Megan approached, she shouted to her. “Go away, she doesn’t want to talk to you.” Megan looked like she wanted to punch Candace in the face. “Go to hell, bitch.” “Where’s your date?” taunted Candace. “Or is he too old for high school dances?” “Candace, stop,” said Sadie. “Don’t.” Megan was right up against Candace now. “I know it was you who’s spreading rumors about me,” she said. “Rumors?” said Candace. “It’s not a rumor if it’s true.” Megan turned to look at Sadie. “I can’t believe you’re still hanging out with her.” Sadie looked at the floor, wishing she were somewhere else, anywhere but there. “So, what? You already slept with all the boys at McArthur, so you had to start on the teachers and coaches?” continued Candace. People were starting to take notice and gather in the hall outside the cafeteria, watching, getting their cellphones ready to record a video in case a fight broke out. “Watch it,” said Megan, looking Candace straight in the eye.

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“Or what? You’ll try to have sex with my date?” Candace grinned. A few chaperones were standing in the crowd of gathering students, watching intently for a possible physical altercation that they’d be forced to stop. Sadie really hoped it didn’t come to that. “No thanks,” said Megan. “Bros really aren’t my type.” Candace pushed her face close to Megan’s. “Don’t act so high and mighty,” she said. “You’re not the golden child around here anymore.” “And you are?” countered Megan, her voice starting to elevate. “You try to steal my best friend and start spreading rumors about me? You’re pathetic.” “You act like you know everything,” said Candace, taking a step back, stumbling. “Like you’ve got it all figured out.” Megan took a step toward her, hands in fists. Sadie saw some of the chaperones start edging over. Candace no, thought Sadie, not here. Don’t say anything here. “And all it takes is some harmless peanut oil to put you in the hospital for a few weeks. Any idea how it found its way to your water bottle?” Oh no, oh no, oh god no, thought Sadie. “Never thought your best friend could poison you did you?” she said, making air quotes with her fingers. Megan glanced at Sadie, then back at Candace. “Yep, she snuck in before practice, slipped a little on your water bottle and poof, you’re on the ground gasping for air.” Candace stood there, arms across her chest with a smug look on her face. Sadie’s heart was racing. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes amongst the gasps from the people around them close enough to hear. Now what, she thought. Everyone would know. Everyone was here at the dance. Richie would know. Would they slap a pair of handcuffs on her right there and drag her off to jail? She couldn’t bring herself to say anything, even when Megan turned to look at her, everything sinking in. “Sadie, no,” she said, her head tilted to the side. Sadie saw the betrayal in Megan’s eyes. “I—I...” Sadie couldn’t find any words. “It’s not like that. She’s lying.” “Oh please, you told me all about it. Bragged about it the whole next day,” continued Candace. “No, that’s not true!” shouted Sadie, rushing to Megan. “I wouldn’t—”

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“That’s how you knew to use my EpiPen so fast,” said Megan. “That’s how you knew I was having a reaction.” “No, no,” Sadie kept saying. “No, it’s not like that.” Megan pulled away from her, staring off as though everything was starting to make sense. She turned and ran off, the group of people who had gathered to watch parting to let her pass. Richie was standing right in front, watching everything. Sadie turned to Candace who was laughing now. She shook her head, tears rolling down her cheeks, no air left in her lungs. There was nothing to say. Sadie turned and ran off after Megan, shouting for her to wait, but a teacher caught her by the arm and marched her down the hall toward the office where she sat until her mom came to pick her up.

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19 If watching television had taught Sadie anything, it was to deny everything and keep her mouth shut. Principal Hartley sat at his desk talking less to Sadie, who was sitting across from him, and more to her mother who sat besides her. His nose and ears were too large for his face, and his hair was thinning on the crown of his head. He was dressed up for the dance, but his suit still didn’t fit quite right. Sadie could barely hear a word he was saying, her face blank and mind wandering to what was going to happen to her. Did Megan really believe Candace? Of course it was true, but how could she believe Candace over her? Was it really that easy for her to believe that Sadie would do something like that? Then again, she had. At some point, the principal stopped talking to her mother and turned to Sadie. “Sadie, I asked you a question,” he said. She just looked at him and said nothing. She didn’t have anything to say. It didn’t matter what the question was, she wasn’t going to answer it. Her mother wouldn’t even look at her. He sighed and clasped his hands together on the desk. “If these allegations are true, you could be in some serious trouble.” Sadie just stared at him. “Do you have anything to say? Anything at all?” She licked her lips, as though preparing a long speech. She wondered if an apology would help her case. Probably not, she thought. It would only be an admission of guilt. Sadie looked him straight in the eye. “No. Nothing,” she said, and looked back down at the floor. “Goddamn you kids. I’ve got a coach sleeping with a student and now a possible attempted murder. What happening to this school?” Sadie kept a straight face, but was screaming inside. Here she was, her life about to be ruined, Megan’s already ruined, and the one person that caused all the trouble would probably never step one foot in this office. On TV there was justice, thought Sadie, but not in high school.

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Epilogue Molly’s Diner was about a mile from Sadie’s house so she didn’t need a car to get there. The fact that she could walk to and from work had sealed the deal. She didn’t much care for the red and white striped dress she was required to wear, or the blue apron. She felt like a walking American flag, slinging under-baked apple pie and scrambled eggs to anyone who thought the brunch special was a good deal. But it was better than a prison uniform. It was her first week at work so they were still making her watch the training videos in the back room, the kind that hadn’t been updated since the 80s and dealt with “managing relationships at work.” At the moment, the video was detailing the diner’s stance on dating coworkers, but Sadie didn’t think that would be a problem since everyone there was over the age of sixty, except for the dishwasher, who was a year younger and smelled like Doritos. She would only be making about minimum wage when she worked behind the ice cream and pastries counter, and half that plus tips on her shifts as a server, but it would be decent money. Sadie had opened up a savings account and every penny she made at Molly’s would be going in there to pay tuition. Without the possibility of a soccer scholarship, Sadie and her mom agreed that in her free time Sadie should get a job to help pay for school. It took three months for the police to decide they didn’t have enough evidence to arrest or charge Sadie with attempted murder. She spent that time talking with police, the school administration and guidance counselors, all trying to find out what really happened, but Sadie didn’t say a word. They had searched her locker, her room, questioned her endlessly, and interviewed her friends. But in the end, they never could prove she’d actually poisoned Megan. It was Candace’s word against hers and without proof they didn’t have anything to go on. During that time the school decided to cancel the McArthur girls’ soccer season and was in the process of looking for a new coach for the following year. Sadie already knew she wasn’t going to try out again, and figured her dad, if he were alive, would understand. It just wasn’t worth it after everything that had happened. The girls on the team treated her differently now. Proof or not, they didn’t trust her anymore. It seemed like no one did. Richie never texted her again, and she didn’t have it in her to face the possibility of rejection if she tried contacting him. Even her mother hardly spoke to her. The training video started in on food safety and cross-contamination, a repeat of everything she’d learned in the sports nutrition class she took as an elective her freshman year.

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She rested her head in her hand, staring at the screen, not absorbing anything. Megan had taken that class with her. They sat in the very back and made fun of the models in the outdated textbook. Megan had quietly transferred schools at the end of the fall semester. Sadie couldn’t blame her. Megan honestly believed that her best friend made an attempt on her life. And controversy over her and Coach Rob never really died down. Especially after the local newspaper caught wind of the official arrest. Sadie remembered the day everyone brought the local newspaper to school with Coach Rob’s mug shot plastered on the front page. Megan left early, crying as her mother walked her out to the parking lot. Sadie and Megan hadn’t spoken since before Thanksgiving break when they accidentally bumped into each other in the hall. Megan said, “Excuse me” before realizing it was Sadie and rushing the other way. The encounter left Sadie in tears. She’d had to hide in the girls’ locker room until she could pull herself together. Even cleared of the crime she’d committed, the guilt lingered. All she wanted was for things to go back to the way they were the year before, but Sadie knew that wasn’t possible. Her grades fell, and she spent entire weekends lying in bed. The only reason she had for getting out of bed was the possibility that in a year she’d leave it all behind her. School was the worst. Sadie couldn’t escape Candace’s torment. She would whisper when she walked by, telling everyone what a horrible person Sadie was. A rumor circulated for a while that Sadie was behind one of the science teachers getting sick and taking an extended leave of absence, but it came out later that it was an undiagnosed heart condition and people finally started to leave Sadie alone. But she still sat by herself at lunch. Some of the older girls on the soccer team would say hello, but that was it. As the last training video finished up and saluted her for her diligence in paying attention to the important information, Sadie sighed. In a year and a half, she’d be somewhere new. She would be out of high school and away from all this. Part of her wanted to be sad. She wanted to miss the football games, the homecoming dances and the pep rallies. She really wanted to look back on high school with some fond memories, or at least be excited about seeing everyone again at the five-year reunion. But she doubted she would be welcome. She didn’t feel welcome now, walking through the hallways at McArthur High School. Even the teachers were wary of her.

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Sadie wondered where she would be in five years. Still in school, working toward a master’s degree? Or out in the real world working her first nine-to-five job. Maybe she’d be starting fresh some place new. But one thing was for sure, she thought, she wouldn’t be here.

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