B2 THE SAN DIEGO UNION-TRIBUNE SUNDAY • NOVEMBER 25, 2018

MEDIATE THIS ! THE ALLURE OF THE COSTLY COLLEGE ON THE EAST COAST BY STEVEN P. DINKIN a “dependency override” status. arships and low-interest loans is a When the two generations smart investment. And a student Community mediators at the finally sit down to talk about who will work part-time to defray National Conflict Resolution higher education, they typically her living expenses is well on her Center routinely work with fam- have trouble communicating way to personal autonomy. ilies that need help with parent- because they are speaking differ- The deciding factor may be teen conflicts. Each fall, as seniors ent languages. what the family can realistically apply to college, families struggle Parents talk quantitatively: It’s afford. Crunching the numbers to decide which institutions rep- about the money, the expense of and listing comparative expenses resent the best choice. We explore out-of-state tuition and housing, can clarify this. Would the savings this category today by using an the back-and-forth travel. Stu- of tens of thousands of dollars example of an A-plus local student dents talk qualitatively: It’s about erase a looming debt? Or would who is determined to attend an institutional prestige, educational that money likely go toward an Ivy League school and her par- quality, the strengths of a specific expensive new car that isn’t neces- ents who are adamantly opposed academic program. sary? to their daughter moving 3,000 Mediators strive to help oppos- Once the decision is made miles away to pursue a degree ing sides reach consensus. But jointly and the deposit is sent in, that would cost far less here in these college selection deadlocks the family can start preparing for California. are skewed by a power imbalance. a much tougher challenge that is One of the great philosophical Parents actually can veto a stu- GETTY IMAGES just months away: that searing questions about parenting is: At dent’s preference by withholding This week’s column looks at a parent’s and daughter’s dispute moment on the first day of college what age are children the most financial support and refusing to about attending an Ivy League college or staying in California. when heartsick parents cannot formidable? Terrible twos? sign financial aid applications. bear to let go and elated freshman Tweens? Teens? This would constitute a pyrrhic the best way forward. First, the rankings and famous alumni, students cannot wait to break The correct answer is that victory. It’s one thing to tell a family should delay the choice as parents can ask seniors to read a free. every stage of childhood enjoys its 5-year-old he cannot play in the long as possible. Second, they 2014 Time Magazine feature titled own special hegemony. But there’s street. It’s another to tell an 18- should keep all options open and “It Doesn’t Matter Where You Go Steven P. Dinkin is a professional mediator a case to be made that adoles- year-old she must attend the continue exploring alternatives. to College.” The article summa- who has served as President of the cents on the cusp of adulthood are college you have chosen for her. The intricate dance of college rized research that future earn- San-Diego based National Conflict uniquely daunting because their Such coercion can generate acceptance and tuition/aid nego- ings and career satisfaction are Resolution Center since 2003. Do you have emancipation is within reach. deep-rooted resentment, the kind tiations gives applicants time to not determined by the name on a conflict that needs a resolution? Please This complicates college selec- that strains the ties between make a final commitment. If they your school sweatshirt but by share your story with The Mediator via tion disputes because both sides aging parents and adult children. resist the impulse to rush to the “what you will do, at college and in email at [email protected] or as believe they have veto power. A wiser approach would be to finish line, they can make a ratio- life, to keep improving your skills, an online submission by visiting Parents assume they have ulti- respect this young woman by nal call based on calm delibera- to develop your character, to www.ncrconline.com/MediateThis. All mate authority over their still- giving her a voice in the decision- tion. remain persistent.” submissions will be kept anonymous. If you dependent child. Students envi- making process. To counter the emotional sway On the pivotal issue of finance, have questions, please email me at sion gaining self-rule by means of So a two-pronged armistice is of brochures that tout survey time spent inquiring into schol- [email protected]

NOTEBOOKS From Union-Tribune reporting staff

TELEVISION: JOHN WILKENS OUTDOORS: ERNIE COWAN ‘Antiques’ episodes to air next year Take care to avoid prickly situations “Antiques Roadshow,” the popular PBS at $125,000 to $150,000. Imagine the youthful delight at the prickly TV program, has announced the air dates for People chosen for the on-air verdicts don’t situation one of our pals had gotten himself three hour-long episodes filmed earlier this know beforehand whether what they’ve into. year at the Hotel del Coronado. brought is a treasure, or trash. The producers The name is being withheld to protect the They are scheduled for Feb. 18, Feb. 25, and want to capture their reactions as they unfold. embarrassed. April 1. All three are Mondays. The show airs Most episodes include a mix of good and not- It was decades ago, but a visual I have locally on KPBS at 8 p.m. so-good news. enjoyed many times since as I’ve watched About 3,000 people attended the day-long In announcing the air dates, PBS offered no others endure the same misfortune. taping on May 29 after winning tickets through details about what will be shown from the Hotel This was one of my early adventures into a lottery. More than 13,000 had applied. Del, which was chosen as the location because the desert as a young Boy Scout. One of our They brought the usual assortment of of its rich history. Executive Producer Marsha members had backed into a cholla cactus family heirlooms and dumpster finds — Bemko said during the taping she was hoping and balls of the pesky plant were firmly atta- paintings, clocks, sports memorabilia, rugs, for something connected to L. Frank Baum, the ched to his behind. books and on and on — and waited in lines to “Wizard of Oz” author who wrote some his sto- The gang of Scouts gathered around as ERNIE COWAN have them appraised by one of 65 experts ries while living in Coronado. the victim dropped his trousers while the A rattlesnake with a ball of cactus from around the country. One of the taped appraisals that the scoutmaster began the painful task of remov- stuck to its side. About 70 of the items were chosen for ap- Union-Tribune was allowed to watch involved ing the hooked spines. It was a memorable praisals that were done in front of the TV cam- a woman named Nicki (“Roadshow” media event with a very high snicker factor. cactus lobe in your shoe, and as you walk, find eras. Those are the ones that will be included rules allow only first names to be used) who It was also a life lesson on surviving the it transferred to your ankle or calf. in the upcoming episodes, which will be part came from the Central Valley with a book of harsh environment of San Diego’s deserts. The very sharp and stiff spines are barbed of the show’s 23rd season. “Los Caprichos” prints by Goya. Anza-Borrego Desert State Park is a at the end, which make them especially hard The program typically draws about 8 mil- Purchased at an estate sale for about $20, place where just about everything has claws, to remove, not to mention painful. People lion viewers every week. the prints were examined by Todd Weyman, spines, thorns or fangs. It’s a beautiful and often try to shake the cactus from their This is the third time “Antiques Road- from Swann Auction Galleries in New York, magical place, but one where awareness and hands, but this can just send the prickly ball show” has been in San Diego. The last time, in who told Nicki they were worth somewhere caution rise to an advanced level. flying to other parts of your body, such as 2010, a painting thought by its owner to be between $5,000 and $6,000. Cooler fall weather is the time when thou- your face. worth $4,500 was appraised at up to $300,000. sands pack up and head east to enjoy fun in So, what are the rules for surviving in A Turkish rug, found in the trash, was valued [email protected] the desert. So, let me offer a short tutorial on cactus country? Yes, you are in the sand, but surviving one of the desert’s most frequent this is not the beach. unpleasant encounters. First, and foremost, is to never, ever wear There are several species of cholla cactus. flip flops, open toed shoes or even thin tennis Daily difference Toys and school supplies: Cut by Grunts, a All have sharp spines, but there is one par- shoes while traveling in cactus country. veterans-led charity, is conducting a drive to ticular species that is extra unpleasant. Cholla spines can push through that material Charitable giving opportunities during the Known as Teddy Bear Cactus by those like warm butter. holiday season: collect new toys and school supplies for chil- who see it from a distance, it’s also called Your personal space radar should be dren of El Shaddai Church in Vista Encantada, Jumping Cholla by hikers who have discov- expanded. Know where the cactus is. Look Holiday food drive: All San Diego County Tijuana. People can drop off new toys and ered how easily it seems to attach to shoes, behind you if backing up and while walking Albertsons and Vons stores are collecting school supplies at the Associated Barber clothing or exposed body parts. Just to be pay attention to the cactus balls that may nonperishable food items for the San Diego College, 1333 Fifth Ave., in downtown San clear, there is nothing cuddly about Teddy litter the ground. Food Bank. Donate a prepackaged $5 Hunger Diego, starting at 8:30 a.m. Tuesday through Bear Cactus. If you do have a close encounter with Bag located at the store checkout Monday Saturday. Jumping cholla is found throughout the cactus, stop immediately. If you have rugged through Dec. 25. sandiegofoodbank.org/ Southwestern deserts, but in some places it shoes, you can generally scrape it off on a holiday Sleeping bag distribution: The San Diego grows in thick patches that are almost im- rock. If it’s in your clothing or your skin, do Veterans for Peace are handing out new passable. not try to shake it off or even use gloves. The Toy drive: San Diego Children’s Coalition and sleeping bag sets to the most needy home- What makes this cactus so annoying is spines will penetrate leather gloves. Christmas Center Committee are hosting the less downtown and need financial donations. how easily a traveler can find it attached and Some have suggested barbecue tongs, but fifth annual Christmas on the Prado! to benefit The sleeping bag sets (sleeping bag and how difficult it is to remove. most of us don’t carry them while hiking. I Toys for Tots and children and families in San nylon stuff sack) are $33 each, and 100 The spines of this cholla are transparent have found a large comb to be an ideal tool for Diego County. The event will be held from 1 to percent of the donations go toward purchas- at the sharp end, which makes it seem like it removing most of the cactus, especially the 8 p.m. Saturday in Balboa Park at Spreckels ing them. To make a donation of any amount, jumped at you, when actually you just got too large ball that initially gloms onto you. I close. Additionally, the lobes of the cactus always have a couple of combs in my pocket Organ Pavilion, and from 1 to 4 p.m. Dec. 2 at visit SDVFP.org or mail a check to “SDVFP”, the International Cottages. Bring your new, easily separate from the main plant. or camera bag. 13805 Royal Melbourne Square, San Diego, Often you will see clusters of these cactus I also carry an all-purpose knife that has a unwrapped toy and enjoy a Christmas tree- CA 92128. lobes scattered on the ground and that also good pair of pliers and that can be very useful. lighting ceremony (Saturday only), holiday poses a problem for the hiker not paying music and entertainment.Information: christ- Email your charitable giving opportunity to [email protected] attention. Contact Ernie at Packtrain.com or follow masontheprado.com If you are not careful, you will pick up a erniesoutdoors.blogspot.com

FROM THE ARCHIVES | LOOKING BACK OVER 150 YEARS

save the life of the President just 48 hours earlier. RUBY SHOOTS OSWALD Oswald died of massive injury to vital or- gans and loss of blood. The San Diego Union-Tribune will mark its 150th anniversary in 2018 by presenting a The bullet passed through his spleen, significant front page from the archives each day throughout the year. pancreas, kidney and liver and punctured his aorta. Dr. Tom Shires, Parkland’s chief surgeon, said the bullet remained in Os- Monday, Nov. 25, 1963 wald’s body. He said he could feel it just In 1963, two days after the assassination of President John F. Kennedy, Jack Ruby gunned under the skin. down accused assassin Lee Harvey Oswald. “I did it because I have a deep sense of re- The murder in the basement of a Dallas police station was broadcast nationally to a live sponsibility to Mrs. Jacqueline Kennedy,” television audience. Ruby reportedly told a Dallas policeman Ruby was convicted and sentenced to death the following year. He won an appeal of his within minutes of his capture. conviction, but died of cancer in prison before he could be retried. “I did it to spare Mrs. Kennedy the agony Here are the first few paragraphs of the story: of a prolonged public trial.” Oswald was being hustled down the base- KENNEDY ASSASSIN SLAIN AT DALLAS JAIL ment transfer corridor at the jail when Ruby wreaked his sudden vengeance. He had a Night Club Owner Arrested After Shooting Oswald tiny smile on his lips. Francois Pelou, a reporter for the France By Peter Kaye and Lew Scare, Then he fired at point-blank range. The Wade said he had no knowledge of a re- Press, who watched the drama from close San Diego Union Staff Writers report of the pistol was unmistakable, but it port that Oswald was seen in Ruby’s night range, said: DALLAS — Lee Harvey Oswald, accused was muffled somewhat by Oswald’s body. club a few days ago. William Demar, an en- “I’m sure he saw the man. It’s my feeling assassin of President Kennedy, was killed Oswald died a little more than an hour tertainer in the club, said he saw Ruby and he knew the gun was going to fire because he yesterday by a cursing owner of a striptease later in an emergency room only 10 feet away Oswald sitting together at a table. jerked his hands toward his stomach in a night club. from the room in which President Kennedy “I don’t know if Oswald and Ruby were sort of reflex action even before I heard the Oswald, 24, was killed by a single bullet died in Parkland Hospital. acquainted,” Wade said. Nor would the dis- shot.” fired just below his heart from four inches trict attorney comment on the question of But Oswald didn’t utter a word. He was away. WILL ASK EXECUTION whether Ruby might have killed Oswald to rushed by ambulance to the hospital in 10 The shooting occurred in the basement of Dist. Atty. Henry Wade of Dallas County silence him. minutes. the Dallas jail as he was being transferred to said he would charge Ruby with murder and He writhed on a stretcher. His left leg was the heavy security Dallas County Jail. ask the death penalty for Ruby. FOUR SURGEONS drawn up and his eyes were closed. His assailant was Jack Ruby, 42, who “This is a very aggravated case of assassi- A team of four surgeons worked to save Even though Oswald was dying in dis- leaped past Oswald’s police escort, thrust a nating a handcuffed man under arrest,” the life of the accused assassin, who never re- grace, doctors fought to save his life. The .37 caliber pistol at Oswald and shouted: Wade told a news conference. “It demands gained consciousness. One of the surgeons, doctors did for him just what they had done “You son of a b---!” the death penalty.” Dr. Malcolm Perry, had worked futilely to for the President.

ONLINE: View this and other anniversary front pages online at sandiegouniontribune.com/150-years.