It’s All about Respect
The role of respect in social transactions Justin Crakanthorp
It's all about Respect v5e Page 1 of 111
Reviews
“Bravo! I enjoyed your book and feel that you have achieved your stated objectives and it is, in effect, 'an opinion piece with some academic bits'. Informative and forthright spring to mind. The examples used are great and the graphics are very powerful and serve the thesis well. Gen X'ers would be interested (thoughtful ones), mature adults and students who are interested in societal issues.” Claire Harkin DipEdit(Pub); GradDip(LibInfScience); Dip(SchCouns); BA
I am enormously impressed! Wow! Love the modelling!! Garth Christopher Wooler, Juris Doctor, MBA(Distn) MTM, BBus(Comm), GCHE
I think this is really very interesting - I would like to think with appropriate working through it might hit the market. It definitely is a serious piece of work! Dr Fiona Darroch , PhD(Phil)(UTas), BIT (USQ), PDBR (USQ)
I encourage you to seek a publisher - the concept of respect/being taken seriously certainly warrants a book of its own. Best wishes. Hugh Mackay (”What Makes us Tick”)
It was a great read, worthy of publishing. I felt honoured and privileged to be able to read it. Thank you for that opportunity. Shane Reiche , Warrant Officer Class 1 (Retd), Australian Army
It's all about Respect v5e Page 2 of 111 Self-published in Brisbane, Australia, 2012, by the author, Justin Crakanthorp, BSc, Grad Cert (Project Mgmt) Grad Cert (Business)
All Rights reserved.
This book is published on condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent publisher.
This book may not be electronically copied, reproduced, disseminated, or published to public web sites without the permission of the publisher.
All models, diagrams, and tables published in this work are the original work of this author (unless explicitly referenced) for whom all rights to them are fully reserved.
Copyright © Justin Crakanthorp, Brisbane, Australia, 2012
Front cover image reproduced with permission from http://arro-signs.co.uk
It's all about Respect v5e Page 3 of 111 Contents
1 Foreword ...... 8 2 Introduction...... 9 2.1 Abstract ...... 9 2.2 Objective...... 9 2.3 Methodology ...... 10 2.3.1 Research Paradigm...... 10 2.3.2 Definitions...... 11 2.3.3 Notes on definitions...... 12 3 Hypothesis...... 13 3.1 Proposition...... 13 3.2 Model...... 13 3.3 Transaction Types ...... 20 3.3.1 Positive / Positive (above the line) transactions: Mutual Respect...... 20 3.3.2 Positive / Negative (crossing the line) transactions: No Deal...... 20 3.3.3 Negative / Positive (crossing the line) transactions: Forced Payment...... 20 3.3.4 Negative / Negative (below the line) transactions: Mutual Disrespect...... 21 3.4 Transactor Types ...... 22 3.4.1 The Altruist...... 22 3.4.2 The Peacock...... 22 3.4.3 The Arrogant Bully...... 23 3.4.4 The Sycophant ...... 23 3.4.5 The Depressive ...... 24 3.4.6 The Tragic / Aggressive...... 24 3.4.7 The Groupie or Worshipper...... 24 3.4.8 The Snob or Poser ...... 25 3.4.9 The Rebel...... 26 3.4.10 The Conformist...... 27 3.4.11 The Con Man...... 28 3.4.12 The Idol / The Pedestal ...... 29 3.5 Supporting Thought, Concepts and Models ...... 30 3.5.1 Philosophy...... 30 3.5.1.1 Epicurus ...... 30 3.5.1.2 Cicero ...... 30 3.5.1.3 Kant ...... 30 3.5.1.4 Rousseau ...... 31 3.5.1.5 Dewey ...... 31 3.5.2 Psychology ...... 31 3.5.2.1 Freud ...... 31 3.5.2.2 Maslow ...... 31 3.5.2.3 Dr Eric Berne, M.D...... 32 3.5.2.4 Dr Thomas A. Harris M.D...... 34 3.5.3 Social Psychology ...... 35 3.5.3.1 How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie...... 35 3.5.3.2 The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Stephen Covey ...... 38 3.5.3.3 Emotional Intelligence – Daniel Goleman ...... 39 3.5.3.4 Respect – Richard Sennett ...... 39 3.5.3.5 What Makes us Tick – The Ten Desires that Drive Us – Hugh Mackay...... 40 3.6 New Knowledge...... 42 4 Observations and Analysis...... 43 4.1 Empirical observations ...... 43 4.1.1 How respect is used like currency...... 43 4.1.2 How the need for respect drives nearly everything we do ...... 44 4.2 Nature or Nurture?...... 47 4.3 Life Stages...... 48 4.3.1 Infancy...... 48 4.3.2 Childhood ...... 48 4.3.3 Adolescence...... 49
It's all about Respect v5e Page 4 of 111 4.3.4 Young Adult ...... 49 4.3.5 Adult ...... 50 4.3.6 Seniors / Elders ...... 50 4.3.7 Death ...... 50 4.4 Relationships ...... 52 4.4.1 Family...... 52 4.4.2 Friendship...... 53 4.4.3 Marriage ...... 53 4.4.4 Professional relationships ...... 57 4.5 Environmental Contexts ...... 58 4.5.1 At School ...... 58 4.5.2 Sport ...... 60 4.5.3 In Business...... 62 4.5.4 In the workplace ...... 63 4.5.4.1 The Boss ...... 63 4.5.4.2 The Rival ...... 63 4.5.4.3 Schadenfreude ...... 64 4.5.4.4 The Bully ...... 64 4.5.4.5 The Psychopath ...... 64 4.5.4.6 Constructive trading of respect with colleagues...... 64 4.5.4.7 Finding a way to respect colleagues ...... 65 4.5.4.8 Position envy / Status anxiety ...... 66 4.5.4.9 Generation Y ...... 66 4.5.5 At Home...... 67 4.5.6 At Play ...... 68 4.6 Cultural / social factors and situational contexts ...... 71 4.6.1 The Law...... 71 4.6.2 Religion...... 73 4.6.3 Politics ...... 77 4.6.4 Western culture ...... 78 4.6.5 Eastern culture ...... 80 4.6.6 Professions...... 81 4.6.7 War ...... 84 4.6.8 Games...... 89 4.6.9 Reality TV ...... 90 4.7 Degrees or stages of self-respect ...... 93 4.7.1 Self-awareness and self-esteem...... 93 4.7.2 Ambition...... 94 4.7.3 Success...... 94 4.7.4 Pride ...... 94 4.7.5 Vanity / hubris ...... 95 4.8 Degrees or stages of respect for others ...... 96 4.8.1 Flattery...... 96 4.8.2 Admiration ...... 96 4.8.3 Trust...... 97 4.8.4 Respect ...... 97 4.8.5 Love...... 97 4.8.6 Sycophantism, subjugation and servility ...... 98 5 Conclusions - Using it...... 99 5.1 Earning it ...... 99 5.2 Seeking it...... 100 5.3 Expecting it / demanding it ...... 100 5.4 Accepting it ...... 101 5.5 Having it...... 101 5.6 Paying it...... 101 5.7 Using it...... 102 5.8 Losing it ...... 103 5.9 Restoring it ...... 104 5.10 Faking it ...... 105 5.11 Finding it ...... 106
It's all about Respect v5e Page 5 of 111 5.12 Loving it ...... 106 5.13 Living it ...... 106 6 Appendices...... 108 6.1 Acknowledgements ...... 108 6.2 Disclaimer and Context ...... 109 6.3 Endnotes ...... 110
It's all about Respect v5e Page 6 of 111
Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen
and thinking what nobody has thought
Albert Von Szent-Gyorgyi, 1962 i
It's all about Respect v5e Page 7 of 111 1 Foreword
This book is a little unusual with regard to what it is not:
1. Although it contains a thesis, it was not produced as part of a formal course of study, or as a requirement for any formal qualification. Hence the analysis is not as rigorous as may be required for (say) a doctoral thesis.
2. Although it is written as a book, it was not conceived for, or constrained by, a need for commercial profit. Hence it is not shoe-horned to fit a particular market niche or demographic. It simply contains the content the author wanted to address, in the style the author wanted to write it. There is a certain freedom in not having to achieve a pass mark, or sell a certain number of copies. This freedom has allowed me to retain the integrity of the original intent of the book.
So what was my intent? Why did I write it? There are several reasons:
1. Curiosity . It is a fascinating concept that deserves to be carefully analysed and the resulting knowledge exploited. I wanted to see if I could better understand, master and exploit the ‘currency’ mechanism.
2. Selfish indulgence / simple enjoyment. I enjoy the research and writing process.
3. A desire to improve myself. Writing about something forces you to really learn it and understand it, in a way that reading does not.
4. A sense of social obligation . This is my small contribution to the increasing store of human knowledge. It is such a valuable and practical thing to know, that I want to make it available to my son, my friends and relatives at the very least, and to anyone else who is interested in what motivates our behaviour, and how to improve our social interactions with others.
5. A nagging desire to achieve my potential , to make a difference, and to leave a small legacy. It goes some way to address the occasional feeling that sometimes we think that we are not doing all we could be doing, and being all we could be.
6. The desire for more respect , of course! I want to be an author – of something both interesting and genuinely useful, in an enduring and very practical sense.
It's all about Respect v5e Page 8 of 111 2 Introduction
2.1 Abstract
Respect as a currency
The proposition investigated in this thesis is that we consciously and unconsciously ‘pay’ respect to others when initiating, maintaining and concluding social interactions. These payments are not pre-meditated actions, but a learned human reflex.