April 1, 1984 University of Missouri-St. Louis Issue? Purchasing director lifts $8 million UMSL Director of Purchasing ing the lawyers for a big legal the following excerpt was given The university's own internal ready for trial. Herman J. Weeble, Jr. has been battle could be a long, expensive to the press: investigation is being headed up No one would admit who al­ indicted by a federal grand jury route to go. Anything over $500 Wallstorm: "Herman, where by UMSL Police Chief William lowed the fleet-footed Weeble to for embezzling over $8 million in we're supposd to bid out for two are you?" Kareless. "I guess they just got a get a head start, but it seems that general operating funds of the weeks. But who knows what Weeble: "Never mind. I just little careless in their pro­ Weeble may have been tipped off university, according to his for­ they've been doing down there." called to see how things were cedures. I just hope this doesn't about his arrest by one of the mer boss, John P. Pokey, vice Weeble is on the run from going." mess up- the bids on the Student hired warehouse workers in chancellor for Phased Projects. American prosecution. Inter­ Wall storm: " Don't you realize Escorts going to the FBI Academy," New Jersey. The grand jury's investigation national police agents have spot­ how much trouble you're in?" said Kareless. "There's not a lot The purchasing directors formed took less than a week. Weeble, ted him in Mexico City, Tegu­ Weeble: "We Weebles wobble, we can do until he is picked UP by an illegal corporation back in along with four other Big Eight cigalpa, Bogota, and he appears but we don't fall down." some law enforcement officers. 1970, during Weeble's infant year school purchasing directors, was to be heading for Brazil. Extra­ Gloria Brushes, the assistant It's not like he's hiding in East St. with UMSL. Accordingly, they found guilty of channeling the diction proceedings would be director of purchasing, has taken Louis, you know. But then again, siphoned off purchase orders for funds and supplies of equal value impossible if Weeble crosses the over Weeble's duties until the maybe ... " office supplies and " mis- into foreign banks and ware­ Brazilian border because of houses on the East Coast of the international law. United States. The Purchasing Office at " Its inconceivable to me how UMSL received a phone call from 'We Weebles wobble, but we don't fall down. ' anyone could buy $1.3 million in its former director yesterday. pencils and paperclips, stash the Becky Wall storm, a senior buyer, stuff somewhere in New Jersey, said that Weeble called collect and then fence it off to the around 2 p.m., and began taunt­ - Herman J. Weeb/e, Jr. highest bidder," Pokey said. ing the staff he abandoned. "Frankly, the university is stum­ UMSL Chief of Police William G. university completes its inves­ Pokey is unsure how far the ped as to what to do next. Retain- Kareless had the line tapped. and cellaneous equipment" orders tigation. Brushes is finding more embezzling went unchecked. In under $500, rerouted the supplies and more evidence of Weeble's the meantime the search will to the warehouse in Paramus, wrongdoings and turning them continue fot Weeble. N.J., and resold them to unsus­ over to authorities. Indicted along with Weeble pecting businesses throughout " Herman was such a nice guy," were the purchasing directors of North America. Brushes said. " His wife called the University of Nebraska, the The money that the group re­ him at least three times a day and University of Oklahoma, the ceived was sent to a bank account made sure he was at work." University of Kansas, and Kan­ in Zurich, Switzerland. Authori~ies Gloria Pettycash, Weeble's sas State University. were able to trace the account secretary, expressed surprise FBI officials said that Hardon when they discovered a world over the university's discovery. D. Phorms (Nebraska), Sharon atlas in Weeble's office with "I worked with the man for 15 Prophettes (Oklahoma), Marvin Switzerland and its financial years. I find it hard to believe "Chuck" Deyrecords (Kansas), center marked with huge red cir- that the man was a mastermind and Milken Coinage (Kansas State) behind anything." were all in custody and stood See "Weeble," last page Escorts to return with·FBI training The UMSL campus' student cost is expected to run $150,000 were glad to hear from him. The escort program will be back for five student escorts. " By last time I saw him was after the again next year according to sending five, the university will elections last April," said Whines. William Kareless, chief of police. be getting the group rate with the John Pokey, vice chancellor "You'll see some newly trained FBI," Kareless said. "At $30 ,000 for Phased Projects, said, "I'm student escorts next fall. This for each student, it's a real bar­ glad to see the student govern­ summer they will be atteJlding gain: I just wish we could send ment take on projects like this. the FBI academy up east," said some of the campus' police offi­ Hopefully we'll have the bids in Kareless. cers," he said. on time for the escorts to attend The escort program has been Student Association vice pres­ this summer, These things take in operation for the past two ident Dav~d Missingfoot was the time you know." Kareless states years at UMSL. It was not until designer ofthe training program. that the escorts will be selected this spring that the escorts "Iwas at home just tryingto think on merit and that only John actually started escorting. This, of ways to spend all this money Whines, Larry's brother, has according to Student Association we had to get rid of next year," been selected to go so far. President Barb Willess, has said Missingfoot. The trained escorts would be brought about the increased "The time is now for all good used to beef up the Secret Ser­ training program for next year's students to come to the aid of vice this fall if President Reagan staff. "If we are going to actually women on this campus. Fear not comes to campus. " When Presi­ escort stUdents we want them to - us men will protect you," said dent Carter came to campus in know how to do it correctly," Wil­ Larry Whines, former Student 1980, the Secret Service had to fly less said. Association president and all­ in extra agents. With the trained WHEN? UMSL PAC-Man Lance LaRoop offers an en­ The funding for the 10-week around BMOC. According to escorts they won't have to do it. couraging word of advice to UMSL students and faculty fac­ training at the FBI academy will Whines, this is the best and only That's IF the President comes ing the current budget crisis. come from the Student Activities work that Missingfoot has done here again; then we'll be ready," Budget Committee. The total all year as vice president. "We said Kareless, Snowfall .accidents prompt hospital study utside

An impetus has been given to out from the drift. extreme loss of balance in walk­ with students too lazy to make it the recent deliberations on Kenniak was incoherent when ing. "They're falling all over the to the weight room in the Mark building a hospital on the UMSL rescued by the combined ef­ place," the medical officer said. Twain Building. university grounds. forts of campus police, Current Due to this unexpected deve­ We expect a lot of cases when The recent unprecedented staff members on late night lopment, a temporary physical the Fat Trail gets geared up. It's snowfalls have produced a series assignment, and various cus­ therapy department has been set boing to cause a lot of confusion of severe accidents on campus, todial officers who had remained up in the hospital. " We'd rather too, with students going to class, according to a spokeswoman for on duty to stay for the campus take care of our own," said the fighting their way through the the small student hospital lo­ snowball fight. Kenniak was una­ physical therapist, 'hurriedly crowds making their way to the p8ge1 cated on the fifth floor of Woods ble to explain how he had landed hired to handle the emergency. next exercise station," they Hall. in the drift, or why. The hospital's administration added. Newly trained student "This is a mini-hospital, staff will apply for emergency Hospital officials are viewing escorts will be baok again equipped to handle minor sur­ The hospital emergency room funds from the well-endowed the areas to the east of Woods next year, s'Sid William gery, with an acute-care psy­ has had to admit numerous cases Student Activities Budget Com­ Hall and the open space between Kareless, .chief of police. chiatric wing, which has a of frostbite. " If only the students mittee to fund a permanent the parking lots and Lucas and '.The esoorts will be tra,ned . waiting list of several hundred wouldn't try to get up those stairs physical therapy department. Clark halls to be the site of the at the Far academy over students," she said. between Lucas and Clark halls to "We're sending Ed Harnes to new full-service UMSL hospital, ; the summer. page 1 One particularly traumatic get to class," said the medical pick up the check:' hospital expected to be completed by injury to the head occurred when officer in charge, "we wouldn't administrators said. summer. It will be built by UMSL Stu Kenniak had to be extricated have to take so many staff off the "We shall have to exercise students. Those knowing how to Weeble story ...••. page 1 from a deep snowdrift, which had job to collect these stretcher extreme caution in these cases:' heave a ho should report to the piled to a height of 15 feet by the Escorts story ••..•. page 1 cases." they said. "After all, students crtmpus building commissioner Hospital story ••..• page, time campus police heard faint Many students have had to could fake accidents and we'd in the General Services Building cries and observed feet sticking have toes amputated, leading to have the new department filled by April 1 at the latest. the second page STAGNANT April 1, 1984 editorials Problem for solution The Stagnant editorial starr prides it· It's beyond the realm of our imagination We can think of several reasons: activity that could take years, and poss­ self on being able to accept a tough prob­ to bel ieve that this would still be going on 1. Time. Solvingthis problem lsgoingto ibly millions of dollars. lem, wrestle with it, and come up with a even to this day! take lo nger than anyone is goi ng to he at Facing these barriers, it is clear why no constructive, concrete solution. Unfor· What is it, you ask? UMSL. and few of us are willing to take on one has made any serious attempt to solve tunately, our pride isrit s howing with this Everyonewho reads the Stagnant, or is a a task which we will never see completed. the problem. What we find dis.turbing is particular problem. student, UMSL staff member, faculty 2. The time constraint also means that that no one has make even a not-so-serious We're sure that all the students of UMSL member, administrator or local resident whoever attempts to solve the problem attempt. are, like us, terribly concerned about it. knows what we're talking about. The ques­ must have an unbelievable amount of pa­ The severity of this matter seems to It's been going on for what seems to be lion is not what is it, but what do we do tience. Few 'of us can claim to he patient fluctuate over time. It appears to be cycli­ eternity, yet no one has done a thing about it? when working on a project that may be cal, going through the full cycle from about it. The editorial staff here at the Stagnant halted for months or even years at a time being most severe to least severe and back What Is It th at we're talking about? has been giving this matter a lot of thought with no possibility of continuing in sighL to most severe every four to 20 years or so. In a word, it's absurd. At the beginning for quite some time, and to be perfectly Perhaps we are at the stage of greatest ­ of the year, we thought this matter wou ld ho nest, we have no magic solutions. We' re 3. And of course the most obvious bar­ severity - and that means that things be solved and settled in a matter of per­ sure that the faculty and administration of rier to a solution is money. The nature of won't be getting much worse. haps weeks or months. But no, it is still UMSL have been conSidering the matter the problem itself necessitates a very long For lack of a better solution, maybe we with us. To think that it is still happening a as well. and vcry expensive plan for sol ving it. The should just wait for things to get beUer. full seven months after the sc hool year So why has no one come up with a viable problem is of such immense proportions After all, if it ca n't get any worse, it must started is absolutely absurd. solution to this problem? that making the solution plan is itself an get better, right? Papa Gander looks at world today Every time I think about what this world they' re good for is lh ~ natural oil their is com ing to, my blood boils! The just and bod.ies produce from fighting all day. upright are being threatened by many out­ I've heard from a reliable source that side forces. The most ominous and obvi­ we·re trying to make Afghanfstan into a ous menace comes from that godless na­ Vietnam-like war for the Russians. If lion on the other side of the world: the that's true, I don't think we're dOing a very USSR good job of it. After all, we never hear of any long-haired Russian youths protest­ Ever since they took Czechoslovakia ing and singing "Where Have All the and Hungary, those Commies have tried to Ubetoks Gone?" or ·· Blowln in the Betep.'· extend their power and dominance through No siree. Peter, Paul and Olga would get a out the wo rld. Even today, these power­ one-way ti cket to Siberia if they did. mad invaders exert their military super What our country needs is more unity iorlty over weaker nations such as Afghan and less dissension. According to an in­ 1\ istan and Poland. (W hat the hell dp they sider, Jane Fonda and numerous others (I want with Poland, anyway? Surely the have a list of them somewhere): are Com­ Russians have enough people back in that mie sympathizers planted here to degrade mother country to change their own light our wonderful nation. These pinkos ought bulbs.) But the worst part of the global to be deported to Cleveland where /) situation is this Nuntry's sorry response America sends the rest of it s garbage. We I to the aforementioned menace, all know thai Jane Fonda and the Moscow Personally, I think we ought to get our Daily News have at least this in common; Astrophysics and research professor Waldo Marines out of Lebanon and send 'em Both are communist rags! over to Afg hanistan to bfow the heads off It's good to live in a co.mlry wbere I can Entwickle seems to have solved the perplex­ of every one of those Bolshevik bastards. speak my mind. Yessiree, in spite of the ities concerning the administration building But will those id.iots in Congress allow liberals and fanalics, this is still the that? Of coursenol They'd rather have our greatest country in the world. My fellow by his discovery of a black hole near the center boys fi ghting against those Hindus over in .,Americans (exclud ing liberals, pinkos, of Woods Hall. Lebanon. Why the hell do we want to save scum, and all you other degenerates), I those Syrians, anyway? The on ly thing love you all!

The University Program Board presents Do you have any Michael Jackson infamous,-famous or 1a.m. fascinating friends? Sunday, April 1 Big deal • .Calvary Cemetery Also appearing: We here at the Stagnant only The Solid Cold Dancers want to write about our own ---- Students with 10 $25 friends, so please~don't ---- Facuhy andstaffUO bother ---- Genera/admission $50 ---- Stiffs free us with your story ideas. April 1, 1984 STAGNANT the third page features/a De Grobmille to sta~ film company

The University Imitators and it ourselves, wot! " De Olmille Members of the 1983-84 Stagnant said. taff have been chosen to star in " This firm will be the greatest he remake of Alan Aladdin's thing that's happened to St. Louis 1954 film "This Pen for Hire," since "Escape from New York, according to Arnold B. De Grob­ Say Amen Somebody, the Miss mille, UMSL chancellor and film Universe Pageant and St. Louis producer. Rib," he said.' De Grobmille, who is also "This Pen for ~ire, " the two said, president of University-Intra­ is an espionage-murder story mural Pictures, the University of about a Soviet spy who mas­ Missouri system's new film com­ querades as a college food critic pany, said the film will give at small Midwestern university students a chance to do some­ in order to brainwash the student population by writing bad food thing important for t~emselves, their school and their city. reviews (and reviews about bad "By participating in this film," food), of what is being served in he said, "our students can do the school's cafeteria, something really exciting that The film will be shot entirely will draw attention to them­ I)n location in the Subterranean selves, their school and their city cafeteria and other parts of the instead of just sitting in class UMSL campus in June," De every day taking notes." Grobmille said. De Grobmille said he hopes " We chose the U. Imitators the film will get people to recognize and the Stagnant people for the St. Louis as " a jolly good place to film;" he said, "b.ecause it was make films." obvious we needed actors and "I got the idea for a film one also we wanted to add a bit of afternoon while having a spot of realism by using genuine news­ tea with Jamie O. (James C. De paper blokes, and those two Olmille, UMSL president and U- I GET IT RIGHT!: UMSL Chancellor and film mogul Arnold B. DeGrobmilie scolds thespian Joe groups are the closest things we "Rat" Kuffurur for messing up on the thirty-fourth take. ' executive producer and v·ice have to either. They're also used president), one afternoon," he to working for cheap, so that said. works out OK. " " We were talking about the about nickelodeons, westerns De Olmille decided the best way De Olmille said they also got A 25 cent disposable ball­ days when we used to go to the and vaudeville when it struck me to achieve their goal of getting money from the deans of student point pen will be cast in the title flicks (movies) with our dates that St. Louis could be famous for notoriety for the city ,would be to affairs on all four campuses. role, he said. which didn't taste too good so we something again," he said. "Jamie form their own film company. That way" he said, they would not switched to eating raisins, then and I batted about a few possi­ harm student programs or have De Grobmille said that all UM to plum pudding, and finally we bilities and came up with flicks. " We had no trouble getting our to raise tuition because money students will have a chance to began eating popcorn like every­ We both thought it was a smash­ idea past the Board of Curators," was taken from student activities participate in upcoming U-I films one else. It was a might neater, ing good idea and decided to get . De Olmille said. "They thought it fees. regardless of whether they be­ wot. " cracking on it right away." was pretty smashing themselves . "This project is our baby and I long 0 a campus organization or "Anyway, we were reminiscing De Grobmille said that he and and gave us funds to get rolling." say, old boy, we're going to raise have any writing or acting ability.

The men of Omega Omega Omega Check out thisI invite you to join us for story, mate UMSL student Reginald Bi­ was born in Queens, New York. "I shop's life can be summed up in loved the game even then," he one word - chess. . said, " but some of the moves SPRING BREAK IN " Chess is my life," said Bi­ were a bit complicated for my shop. "I live, eat, sleep and one-week old mind." breathe chess." Bishop learned quickly, though, Bishop is a junior here at developing enough skill to reach UMSL majoring in an interdis­ the Grand Master ranking at the TIMES BEACH!!!!!!! ciplinary program of chess stu­ precoeious age of three. dies. He is also,the newly elected " Chess was always in my president of the UMSL Chess home," he said. " My parents League. encouraged me, perhaps too Our exClusive tour packageindudes: "I particularly enjoy the chess much. While all the other kids on opportunities here," Bishop said. the block were playing baseball "UMSL is perhaps one of the or football, I was practicing my strongest chess studies schools chess." * Your favorite alcoholic beverages from in the nation." ' Bishop discounted other stra- Bishop said that there are a ' tegy games like checkers, Risk, number of interesting and chal­ or Master-Mind as being inferior ourspecial'partytankers. " lenging chess courses, once you to chess. "It's the difference be­ get past the Elementary Chess tween day and Knight," he said. . 101 course. He has no particular plans for * Fun and sun along the sparkling "There's Psychology of Chess the future, bu t said he hopes for a and Chess in Modern Society. position with independence and Meramec River. And then, of course, there's authority. "I wouldn't want to be Statistical Methods of Chess and a pawn in the corporate machine," _ the Anthropology of Chess. I hear he said. *Deluxe accomodations in homes the English department is think- Marriage, though, is definitely . ing about offering a 300-level in his future, although he said he course, Chess in the Age of spends too much time playing recently vacated by area residents. Dryden and Pope, " chess to have any prospects now. Bishop said he became inter­ "But someday," he said, " My ested in the game soon after he .queen will come." $109 Established firm Jooking 8 days, 7 nig.hts for literate students. Call Slash at 555-6774 .. - If you can read this, Sponsored by Omega Omega Omega please call 555-1818' through Russell Bliss Funtour~. for more information. - the last page STAGNANT April 1, 1984 Paper procured by p~bl i shing pirate The UMSL Stagnant has been once, there may be something to s.old to Australian publishing read in the student newspaper. magnate Rupert Nurdoch by the Usually, it's as dry as chalk, so dean of student affairs at UMSL, I'm looking forwrd to a change." Howe S. (Loamy) Mac Bean. N'urdoch owns more than 90 Nurdoch reportedly paid very newspaper operations around little for the paper's publishing the globe. His acquisition, the rights, and beat other bid spe­ Stagnant, is significant in that it culators in submitting hissealed is the first college newspaper bid by using information he bought that he has been able to purchase from former Purchasing -Direc­ with relative ease. . tor Herman J. Weeble, Jr. Hates Slander, the director of "I'm really thrilled about this," business affairs! advertising MacBean said. "Mr. Nurdoch has sales for the student paper, said promised that we'll get at least that he is' optimistic that the stu­ two issues·of·the Stagnant every dent staff will retain most of the week, which is something that control 'over the paper. I've been after for a long time." "I'm sure that Nurdoch will be Dan Wafflewhiffer, MacBean's much too busy to stay up late-on aSSistant, said that the sale has Tuesday nights, our night of pro­ been approved by John P. Pokey, duction," Slander said. "And with vice-chancellor for phased pro- . all that money, we'll be able to jects, and that Nurdoch is assum­ project our loss leaders early in ing oper.ations in the fall. the year. Plus we'll have the REALLY MAD: Professor Joyce Muchraving and her entourage storm into a recent meet­ " Basically, Nurdoch's going to ability to expand our software at ing of the College Republicans. . run the show for UMSL," Waf­ will. It should be exCiting." flewhiffer said. "It's sort of a pro­ Nurdoch himself was unavaili­ tective agreement. I'm glad. For able for comment. Weeble The Departments of Economics from the first page Weeble's wife, talking to re­ porters, said that she'd heard and cles. That same atlas also held a from him. road map of New Jersey with "He called from EI Paso about Paramus clearly marked on it. aweek ago," shesaid. "Hesaidhe Political Science Crime fi ghters zeroed in on the wasn't at work and wasn't going present suspected warehouse and got back. He said that -he was going Ramone Forklifto, a warehouse out for a long run." the second annual worker, to turn state's evidence. Weeble, a noted jogging en­ Forklifto raised his chances for thusiast, has been jogging ever. early parole by cooperating. since. "Evening of UMSL athletic director Macroe'conomic Dinner Theatre" named commissioner Aprill, 8 p.m. UMSL Athletic Director Chuck Liverito, who will now handle all Jones, who has served the school the commissioner's press relations. since its inception, was named " The public's perception of our Blue Light Room, K-Mart Hall today to replace retiring Com­ national pasttime is always missioner of Baseball Bowie something that I've wanted to Kuhn. tinker with," Liverito said. "I Jones' appointment overturns can't wait to start fIring off earlier speculation that Peter denials of drug usage over my Faculty Member Joyce Muchr-aving Ueberoth, who is the principal TeleCopier." presents organizer behind the 1984 Sum­ Both Jones and Liverito have mer Olympic Games, would take - adamantly refused to O~ the the job in November, when lame deal by which Missouri State Sen. "Technological Consum'erism duck Kuhn would vacate his of­ Edwin L. Dirt, (D-St. Ann) would fi ce . . become the partner of New York in Latin America: Jones, speaking from his Yankees' owner George Stein­ familiar office at the Sam Clemens brenner. Gymnasium, said that he was jus­ " One has the fiscal mental Getting the Most for Your Military Peso'1 titiably proud to have gotten grasp of a cocker spaniel," Jones the job. said, "and the other has the flex­ " Hey, let'!i.,{ace it," Jones said. ibility of granite. That combina­ In this presentation, Muchraving displays the 1atest developments in "I've scheduled basketball tion would cause our office more guerrilla warfare equipment, portable military computers and ter­ games with Division I schools. grief than what's displayed at ­ I've wooed state legislators into your average Italian-American. rorism software, building a soccer stadium bigger funeral." than Flea's Knees, Wyo. And I Liverito echoed Jones' sen­ Demonstrations ofterrorism software begins al 7:30 p.' m., with complete hired Crank Liverito to handle timents. ''I'd rather be involved showings of these' popular programs: our sports information and pro­ in a train derailment," he said. motion. And Liverito is, quite Jones and Liverito are plan­ simply, a promotional genius." ning to leave for New York City in • CommieCalc - an electronic spreadsheet that enables you to Jones is leaving a sports pro­ September so that the transition forecast your enemy's losses. gram that he personally began 20 can be carried out smoothly. years ago. He has taken the They plan to feature more inter­ men's basketball team and got- league play between the National • InfiltStar - the strategy-planning package selected by Guerrilla- - ten them Division I status. The and American League, aside Week magazine as "the first word in warfare software." . wOl'(1en's basketball team enjoy­ from the annual All-Star game ed thrashing Old Dominion's and the World Series. rear end this year. The entire "There's big TV bucks in that," • Killus 1-2-3 - considered by experts " in the fields" to be the most men's soccer squad was used to Liverito explained. "Those Mer­ effective database management system for recording information about form the new Toronto Toques of chandisers will go crazy for the local population. Allows cross-indexing and referencing of local the Major Indoor Soccer league. thirty- second spots. It wm be Along with his reputation, very good for the game." government officials by name. address, age, political affiliation and price. Jones is taking the services of I • InVisiCalc - computes the best way to travel. - through enemy------The Stagnant is looking for territory without being detected. Muchravirig displays the latest equ.ipment from I Beat 'eM, Commandor, reporters to write about ExtermiNATOr, Army Radio Shack, and other hardware manufacturers. our friends. Also included will be a slide presentation by Muchraving explaining how you can equip a 120-man guerrilla unit for under$80,OOO!

. 'Tickets-may be purchased at the University Center Intelligence Desk. Prices are $4 for stuc!ents, $6 for fa,culty and staff, and $8 for the general ... j , , ,"

Call) us at 555• 1 , . ..f, 5174 , .... ,. ;-· ~u·bli c. "$3 'discount for everyone dressed in fatigues or camouflaged clothing.- ,. • \ J