Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays August 2011 Newsletter #10 www.pflagtoronto.org [email protected] PFLAG TORONTO VISION Next Support Meeting PFLAG Toronto is a charitable organization that speaks for a more accepting Canadian society by providing support, education and resources to all people who wish to grow in their Wednesday understanding of sexual and gender diversity. September 7, 2011 7:30 p.m. PFLAG Toronto actively assist in the recognition and growth of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, two-spirit, intersex, Kimbourne Park United Church queer and questioning persons, and their 200 Wolverleigh Blvd., families and friends, within their diverse cultures and societies. Toronto, ON M4C 1S2 Dr. Carolyn Bennet, MP speaking at the Pride International Grand Marshall cocktail party Pam at the PFLAG Toronto booth in Angie Umbac’s honour A message from your President everyone was invited to share in a meal with PFLAG August, 2011 families from Toronto and those visiting our city, he did Families not; choosing to spend the day with his family and extended family at their family cottage. That was his prerogative. Last month’s e-newsletter we devoted mostly to showing some of the photographs that were taken at Toronto Pride; The word ‘family’ can evoke so many different images, can’t pictures that captured so many happy moments and it? reflected Pride in every shot. What makes a family? Who makes a family? And why for PFLAG Toronto had a lot of first-timers marching with us some of us are families a blessing, and for others are they a this year, including a large number of youth; and it truly testing ground? was a joy seeing their enthusiasm and the love and pride Through PFLAG Toronto, I have had the privilege of mirrored in their families’ faces. meeting many wonderful young people. These are young We also had in our midst Toronto City Councillors, and I am men and women who would make any parent proud – and going to list them, and suggest that if your Councillor is yet, a mum or a dad in their families has closed a door on named, please contact them and say ‘Thank You’. Let them them for one reason – they are gay, or lesbian, or bisexual know that you appreciate that they took the time on that or transgendered. hot, Canada Day weekend, to come and march with PFLAG My heart goes out to them. For these wonderful people Toronto. For some of them it was time away from their occasions like the holiday season; long weekends; milestone families, whilst others invited their families to join us for a events like special anniversaries and birthdays become family celebration. obstacle courses of hoop-jumping, bar-raising, identity Ward Councillor denying ordeals where they are told “don’t come if your boyfriend/girlfriend is with you”, or “don’t come if you are 33 Shelley Carroll wearing a dress” or whatever. 36 Gary Crawford 31 Janet Davis Sometimes it is just being told “Don’t come.” Period. 13 Sarah Doucette full stop. the end. 30 Paula Fletcher 29 Mary Fragedakis For Toronto PFLAG families, a big part of Pride is showing 22 Josh Matlow and sharing family love and support for all in Toronto’s 28 Pam McConnell LGBTQ community and reminding them that we march for 21 Joe Mihevc them. PFLAG mums and dads giving hugs on Church Street 17 Cesar Palacio is our way of saying “You are part of our family – we 14 Gord Perks support you”. 37 Michael Thompson So, for those in the LGBTQ community whose families are 20 Adam Vaughan not welcoming on those holiday weekends and special 27 Kristyn Wong-Tam occasions, please know that PFLAG Toronto is here for you – you are part of our family of support. Councillors along with their partners, spouses, children, and co-workers very quickly became one with the Toronto For the Toronto City Councillors who took time away from PFLAG families in the Parade. their holiday weekend celebrations to join with PFLAG Toronto families in Pride, I do thank you. Be assured that During Pride, Councillor Michael Layton, Ward 19 was with your presence at Pride made a difference to many who his father, the late Mr. Jack Layton, Honourable Leader of marched or watched the Parade. the Official Opposition Party. And to the current Mayor of Toronto, Mr. Rob Ford, I want There was a lot of talk leading up to Pride and afterwards as to remind him that the PFLAG Toronto door is always open. to whether or not the current Mayor of Toronto, Mr. Rob We will not shut it and say “Do not come”, because there is Ford could, should, or would attend. always room for one more in our Toronto PFLAG family. Suffice it to say that although invited by us to join with Yours in Pride, Toronto families and march in the Parade with PFLAG, Irene Miller and/or attend our PFLAG Family Brunch, where Kate and Augustin at brunch Irene at the PFLAG Toronto booth PFLAG Toronto wants to offer a heartfelt ‘ Thank You ’ to the wonderful people who have recently made a donation to PFLAG Toronto. Your donations are allowing us to continue offering our 24/7 Telephone Support Line, our Monthly Support Meetings and our ongoing outreach and community support. As a fully volunteer run organization, your donations make a direct impact in the lives of those who need our help. If you would like to help, you can make a donation through the secure servers at CanadaHelps.org (charitable donation receipts are issued automatically), and if you wish you can specify that your donation remain anonymous, or you can choose to honour someone or a special occasion. Or you may send a cheque to PFLAG Toronto, 200 Wolverleigh Blvd., Toronto, ON, M4C 1S2. (charitable donation receipts will be issued for amounts of $20 or more) DONATE NOW http://www.canadahelps.org/CharityProfilePage.aspx?CharityID=s70090 Charitable Registration BN: 891493348RR0001 PFLAG Toronto board member, Marla Green shares her story When my son came out (at the tender age of 14), my husband and I were not totally shocked. I had suspected for a long time that he might be gay. Even so, hearing the actual words left me feeling very sad. I was very distressed and worried about his future. Will he have trouble with his peers? Will he have difficulty in securing a good job? Will his safety be jeopardized? Will his rights be infringed? And then, of course, there were my own selfish concerns: Will I ever be a grandmother? What will my friends/family say…will they be supportive…when (and how) should I tell them? I had so many questions that a 14-year-old would not be able to answer, and I didn’t know where to turn for guidance. Then I remembered my mother telling me about PFLAG. A friend of hers had a daughter who came out in her 30’s (after an unhappy heterosexual marriage), and she sought support through PFLAG. I went online and found that there was a Toronto PFLAG support line, which I called the same day I received my son’s news. The person on the phone was very understanding, empathetic, and invited me to a support meeting. At that meeting, I was met by a group of extremely supportive, caring parents who had all been on a similar journey. Also in attendance, were some gay men, and another mother who had also just learned that her son was gay. It is not an understatement to say that I left that meeting feeling much more optimistic then when I walked in through the doors. Other parents shared their journeys, answered many of my questions of what to expect, and helped me set some of my anxieties aside. One long-time volunteer showed me pictures of her two adorable grandsons (adopted by her son and his same-sex partner), which gave me a huge boost. Some excellent books were recommended, which I read with relish. The more “educated” I became about the LGBTQ community, the more I wanted to learn. In subsequent meetings, I continued to receive tons of support. I attended the monthly meetings for about a year, and then came back to offer my support as a volunteer. I’ve been a volunteer with Toronto PFLAG for about 4 years, and hope that I can give back some of the wonderful support that I received when I so needed it! If you know of anyone who is struggling with their own journey, or someone who wants to help a friend or family member who may need information, Toronto PFLAG can offer support in a warm, caring, nurturing and confidential manner. To speak with a volunteer, or for more information about our Support Meetings, call our 24/7 Toronto phone number 416-406-6378, or email [email protected] Marla Green PFLAG Toronto Board, Volunteer Co-ordinator Photo by: Le-Ann Dolan One of Jack Layton's last public Raymond marching in the appearances was in the Toronto New York Pride Parade Pride parade on July 3, 2011 PFLAG Toronto son, Raymond Miller, remembers Jack Layton The death of Jack Layton has been felt in Toronto and across Canada, and many will be remembering occasions and stories involving him in the coming days. Here is one remembrance.... How many candidates for Prime Minister regularly marched in our country's Pride Parades? How many other high-ranking political leaders proudly stand with the LGBT community as unapologetic allies? Jack Layton did.