The Michigan Review T Page He Michigan Review Summer 2006 the Campus Affairs Journal at the University of Michigan Volume XXV, Number 1 Summer 2006 MR
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THE MICHIGAN REVIEW T Page HE MICHIGAN REVIEW Summer 2006 The Campus Affairs Journal at the University of Michigan Volume XXV, Number 1 Summer 2006 MR The secrets behind a Ann Arbor: Greek Life face-off Michigan education Your new home & & Dorm life Advice for out-of-staters Page 3 Pages 12 - 13 Pages 8-9 www.michiganreview.com THE MICHIGAN REVIEW Page 2 Page 2 Summer 2006 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW The Unofficial Campus Dress Code The Campus Affairs Journal of the University of Michigan ERE AT THE MICHIGAN you an excuse to look. Many sport color- not, they’ll accessorize with TI-83 calcu- Nick Cheolas Review, we’ve noticed some ful tees or polos, when they’re wearing lators and pocket protectors than iPods. Editor-in-Chief Hemerging trends among the shirts. If there’s no snow on the ground, Their shirts are invariably stained with fashion styles of students. Students, they’ll be in Ugg boots, and if there is, drool, Red Bull, and Mountain Dew. Michael O’Brien more often than not, dress unabashedly they’ll be in skirts. Mandatory accessories according to clique. The one ubiquitous gay best friend and an iPod nano. The überprep—This conspicuous group Executive Editor accessory is, of course, the iPod. We put moonlights at Frat houses. Jeans are together a small guide for the freshman Frat Boys—Often seen sporting Lacoste strictly prohibited, and the wardrobe was Chris Stieber (and slower upperclassmen and grad stu- shirts in pastel colors, making one guess generously provided by Banana Repub- Publisher dents) to help wade through the mess they’re these new-fangled “metrosexu- lic. You can often notice they’re coming that is fashion in Ann Arbor. als.” They’re protected from accidental by the scent of overpriced cologne or decapitation by popped collars. perfume from 100 yars away. Adam Paul Football Saturdays—A delicate balance Managing Editor between wearing as little as possible, and New Yorkers—One of the larger cau- Professors—Usually more underdressed as much Greek Life paraphernalia as one cuses here at Michigan, their undying than the stereotypical tweed jacket with Amanda Nichols can manage. The official season football affinity for the sub-par Yankees will be patches with the elbow would suggest. Layout Editor shirt is considered mandatory. expressed by hats, tees, sweatpants, and Most professors here are notable for their iPods—onto which they’ve curi- their long hair, and stench of patchouli ASSISTANT EDITORS: Monday Morning Class—On Mondays, ously downloaded the organ songs from oil, as well as their standard-issue iBooks Karen Boore students are likely to be dressed more Yankee Stadium. (and, of course, accompanying iPods). cheaply than any other day of the week. STAFF: Frequent articles of clothing include Art Schoolers—As Bohemian as possible. Marxists—Dressed in their *red* shirts Michael Balkin, Brian Biglin, Rebecca sweatpants, old shirts used for painting, Here on campus, they’ve single-handedly with pictures of either Che Guevera or Christy, Tom Church, Jane Coaston, and an iPod. led the revival of paisley and puke-green a star, this depressing bunch (often seen Stephen Crabtree, Blake Emerson, Kole corduroys. For artists, you could be near- protesting random causes across cam- Kurti, Matt MacKinnon, Brian McNally, Friday Morning Class—Whatever you sure that they’re functionally colorblind pus) spend most of their time reminisc- Natalie Newton, Danielle Putnam, wore out Thursday night, and an iPod. when dressing themselves. ing about the good ‘ol days when Mother Yevgeny Shrago Russia loomed large. MR Sorority Girls—Generally, tight, form-fit- Engineers—Glasses are a must-have for Editor Emeritus: James David Dickson ting black pants and/or sweatpants with these students, leading the “geek chic” their letters strewn across their ass to give wave, minus the “chic.” More often than The Michigan Review is the independent, student-run journal of conservative and libertarian opinion at the University of Michigan. We neither solicit nor accept monetary donations from the University. Contribu- ■ Letter From the Editor: tions to The Michigan Review are tax-deductible un- der section 501 (c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Ser- OR THOSE OF YOU reading this at freshman ori- volved. You have enrolled in one of the finest universi- vice Code. The Michigan Review is not affiliated with Fentation, allow me to welcome you to Michigan. For ties in the world, located in one of the most unique cities any political party or any university political group. those upperclassmen reading this after spring or summer in the country. The opportunities at Michigan are endless, Unsigned editorials represent the opinion of the classes, don’t tell said freshman what they’re getting into. and you owe it to yourself to take advantage of this fact. editorial board. Ergo, they are unequivocally cor- It will be funny when they figure it out on their own. Sure, we’re all here to get an education and a degree, but rect and just. Signed articles, letters, and cartoons represent the opinions of the author, and not nec- That said, congratulations – not only for your ac- we’re also here to learn. And, at least in my case, I’ve essarily those of The Review. The Serpent’s Tooth ceptance to this fine University, but for picking up The learned as much outside the classroom as I have inside. shall represent the opinion of individual, anony- mous contributors to The Review, and should not Michigan Review. The Review is *the* source of conser- While you may easily forget what you hear in a lecture, you necessarily be taken as representative of The Review’s vative and libertarian (otherwise known as “contrarian”) will always remember what you experience here. editorial stance. The opinions expressed in this publication do not necessarily those of the advertis- thought at this University. We publish bi-weekly, and As you will learn quickly, if you continue to read ers, or of the University of Michigan. We welcome offer a substantially different perspective on politics and us, we have no shortage of issues over which to criticize letters, articles, and comments about the journal. campus affairs than you will usually find in the classroom the University. Personally, I plan to write until I no longer or on the pages of the Michigan Daily. find issues which irritate me – so more than likely, I won’t Please address all advertising, subscription inquiries, and donations to “Publisher,” c/o In this orientation issue, you will find invaluable stop. However, none of us – even as conservatives and The Michigan Review: advice and information, helping to ease the transition to libertarians in a sea of quasi-socialism – would trade this Editorial and Business Offices: college – information I only wish I had as a freshman, for the world. The University of Michigan is like your The Michigan Review and some that I never knew about until editing this is- boyfriend or girlfriend in the long-distance relationship 911 N. University Avenue, Suite One sue. While the contents of this issue are quite different fresh out of high school: even though they’re probably Ann Arbor, MI 48109-1265 mrev @ umich.edu from our usual lineup, and with very few traces of “con- cheating on you, you still say “I love you” every night. www.michiganreview.com servatism,” the orientation issue is indicative of how we You’ll spend a lot of time in a great place for the do business here at the Review. We often use humor to next four years. Make the most of it. Copyright © 2006, The Michigan Review, Inc. All rights reserved. The Michigan Review is a member of the Col- prove our points, never hesitate to call out BS when we legiate Network. see it, and aren’t afraid to inform our readers that our edi- Sincerely, torials are generally written from a conservative or liber- tarian perspective. That said, we hope you continue to Nick Cheolas read us, and encourage you to join us. Editor-in-Chief, The Michigan Review However, above all, it is important to get in- 2006-2007 [email protected] THE MICHIGAN REVIEW Page 3 From the Editor Summer 2006 Michigan Review, The “U,” and You All You Ever Wanted to Know About What it Takes to Be a Michigan Student NICK CHEOLAS, EDITOR-IN-CHIEF, ‘07 OU DID IT. You’ve been accepted to the average student who just wants to firms my observation that most straight could include in that comment – “diver- Yto one of the most prestigious in- be left alone. Want to have pizza or burg- white males are ignorant about social is- sity,” “racism,” “sexism,” “oppression,” stitutions of higher learning in the entire ers for dinner tonight? Too bad, we’re sues.” Got that? Your skin color and “discrimination,” and “white males” be- country. Of course, we all know this was celebrating “Homosexual Paraplegic Al- sexual orientation make you ignorant. ing a few of the many. We would end up your fallback school (I got into Yale. I bino New Zealander-American Day” in Now that’s “tolerance,” isn’t it? But not with sentences like: “The lack of diversity swear!) Regardless, you’re here. Perhaps the cafeteria. Want to participate in the everybody drinks the Kool-Aid. As one within institutions run by white males you’re excited to meet new people and vagina monologues? Well you’re just reader succinctly put it “The urination highlights the racism, sexism, and utter finally be free from your parents. Per- straight out of luck, whitey. Want to walk (incident) was sort of my introduction to discrimination that led to the oppression haps you are scared to death because of to class listening to your iPod? Well that the way PC politics work on campus.” of urban blacks in the housing market.” the horror stories you’ve been told about makes you a sweatshop supporting, rac- You will learn quickly how PC – On the final exam, I even got to drop a überliberal, pinko-commie U of M.