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10 Great Dates Before You Say 'I

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10 Great Dates Before You Say 'I 10 GREAT DATES BEFORE YOU SAY “I DO” Other Resources from David and Claudia Arp Books 10 Great Dates to Energize Your Marriage 52 Dates for You and Your Mate Answering the 8 Cries of the Spirited Child Empty Nesting Family Moments Love Life for Parents Marriage Moments Quiet Whispers from God’s Heart for Couples The Second Half of Marriage Suddenly They’re 13! Video Curriculum 10 Great Dates to Energize Your Marriage PEP Groups for Parents The Second Half of Marriage ZONDERVAN 10 Great Dates Before You Say “I Do” Copyright © 2003 by David and Claudia Arp and Curt and Natelle Brown All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this ebook on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of Zondervan. ePub Edition JULY 2009 ISBN: 978-0-310-31612-1 Requests for information should be addressed to: Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data 10 great dates before you say “I do” / David and Claudia Arp and Curt and Natelle Brown. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references. ISBN 0–310–24732–2 1. Dating (Social customs). 2. Mate selection. 3. Mate selection—Religious aspects-Christianity. I. Title: Ten great dates before you say “I do”. II. Arp, Dave. HQ801 .A12 2003 646.7’7-dc21 2002014056 All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other —except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher. The names and identifying details of the individuals in the stories within have been changed to protect their privacy. Published in association with the literary agency of Alive Communications, Inc., 7680 Goddard Street, Suite 200, Colorado Springs, CO 80920. To our son, Courtney, and our daughter, Carissa May you each meet and marry the love of your life, and may you enjoy these 10 great dates before you say “I do” Curt and Natelle To all those who mentor and work with seriously dating and engaged couples May this resource complement the important role you play in pre-marriage education Dave and Claudia Contents Other Resources from David and Claudia Arp Title Page Copyright Page Acknowledgments Welcome to Your 10 Great Dates 10 GREAT "Part One: DATES Sharing Hopes, Dreams, and Date One: Expectations Appreciating Your Date Two: Differences Communicating and Date Three: Connecting Solving Problems as a Date Four: Couple Managing Your Date Five: Money Leaving and Date Six: Cleaving Celebrating Intimacy, Love, and Date Seven: Romance Realizing Roles and Planning for Date Eight: Family Developing Spiritual Date Nine: Intimacy Choosing an Intentional Date Ten: Marriage Appendix Helpful Resources Notes About the Authors YOUR 10 GREAT DATES DATING Part Two: GUIDE Your Dating Plan Your Dating Ground Rules Your 10 Great Dates About the Publisher Share Your Thoughts Acknowledgments We are deeply indebted to the many people who contributed to this project and gratefully acknowledge the contributions of the following people: All the seriously dating, engaged, and newlywed couples whom we have had the privilege to mentor and coach and to all the couples who tested these 10 great dates; All the many couples who have participated in our Marriage Alive seminars over the years and who have shared with us your struggles and success stories; Those who have pioneered pre-marriage education and on whose shoulders we stand including David Olson, Les and Leslie Parrott, David and Vera Mace, Norm Wright, Emily and Dennis Lowe, and our friends at PREP, including Scott Stanley, Howard Markman, Susan Blumberg and Natalie Jenkins. We especially thank Barbara Markey and Mike and Harriet McManus for your helpful suggestions in preparing this manuscript and to Dianne Sollee for all you have done and are doing to encourage pre-marriage and marriage education; The many other researchers and authors from whom we quoted, for your sound work that gives a solid base for the cause of pre-marriage education; Our Zondervan team who have believed and supported us over the years, for your encouragement and excitement about this new resource. We especially thank our publisher, Scott Bolinder, our editors, Sandy Vander Zicht and Angela Scheff, and our marketing team, John Topliff, Greg Stielstra, and Cindy Wilcox, for helping to get the word out, and to Curt Diepenhorst for making the cover so appealing. We also thank author relations experts, Joyce Ondersma and Jackie Aldridge, for taking such good care of us; Our literary agent, Greg Johnson of Alive Communications, for being our advocate, and encouraging us along the way. Welcome to Your 10 Great Dates Welcome to your own personal 10 Great Dates! We’re glad you are taking the time to get to know each other better. We hope you will relax and enjoy focusing on the present while preparing for the future. Whether you are engaged or seriously considering marriage, you’ll have the opportunity to see your relationship more clearly, to pay attention to each other, and to laugh and affirm one another. Our dates have been crafted to help seriously dating and engaged couples evaluate their relationships and decide if they want to take the next step. If you have already made the commitment to marry, these dates will help you confirm that you are indeed ready for marriage and you can move ahead with confidence that marriage is your next best step! And as you are confirming your commitment, don’t forget to have some fun along the way. Each date will help you concentrate on a specific skill needed to build a successful marriage. You will learn how to communicate better and handle the differences we promise will appear! Our dates are based on more than two decades of experience and practical input from couples who have participated in our Marriage Alive seminars and 10 Great Dates programs as well as input from many engaged couples. Our dates are also based on the sage advice from marital researchers and those who have designed helpful marital inventories and pre-marriage preparation programs. You can trust each date to be a faithful guide in enriching your relationship now and in the years ahead. While you are dating, we hope you are also taking advantage of other resources to help you prepare for marriage. Perhaps you have already signed up for a premarital education class. If not, please take advantage of one of the excellent premarital inventories like PREPARE and FOCCUS1 that will help you assess your strengths and weaknesses. Conferences, video programs, and books about preparing for marriage (like this one) can give valuable insights (see Appendix). You may also want to consider premarital counseling and mentoring opportunities. If you don’t already have a mentor couple, find one! Mike and Harriet McManus, cofounders of Marriage Savers, believe a key to a successful marriage is meeting with a qualified and trained mentor couple for several months before the wedding. The mentor couple should typically have been married for over fifteen years and can share the realities of marriage from their own personal experience. Mentor couples don’t claim to have perfect marriages, but they can be a valuable resource of marital wisdom, as well as helping you avoid and survive some of the pitfalls they encountered.2 Now let us introduce you to your 10 Great Dates dating guides. MEET YOUR DATING GUIDES We, Dave and Claudia and Curt and Natelle, will be your personal dating guides. We have been dating for years and between us have logged over thirty years’ experience working with couples—both engaged and married. We, Claudia and Dave, coined the phrase, “Fun in marriage is serious business.” Dating is one way to keep the fun factor alive before and after you say “I do.” Over the last twenty-five years, thousands have attended our Marriage Alive seminar, which we lead both in the United States and in Europe. In addition, over 100,000 couples have used our dating resources to energize their relationships. We, Natelle and Curt, bring fresh experiences from mentoring engaged couples and leading seminars. Several years ago, Natelle completed a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, and Curt sold his computer business to his partner. Together we joined the staff of Marriage Alive. We love working with seriously dating and engaged couples. That’s why we are excited about helping you get the most out of your great dates. Sprinkled through the following pages are our own personal experiences as well as stories from many couples with whom we have worked who, just like you, want to build a loving, lasting marriage. (Names and circumstances have been altered to protect their privacy.) If you want to know more about us, refer to the About the Authors page in the back of the book. We want to share with you our passion for helping you prepare for your future marriage so that it will be all that you dream and hope for. Our prayer for you is that your marriage will be a marriage after God’s own heart.
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