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Home , Becky Cloonan, Gail Simone, Gene Ha, Gilbert Hernandez, IDW Publishing, Jill Thompson

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GO FROM NOVICE TO NAILING IT IN NINE PANELS! HEY, AMATEUR!. November 2020. Copyright © 2020 by Shelly Bond for BLACK CROWN. All stories are creator-owned by their respective teams. All rights reserved. Manufactured in SOUTH KOREA. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review. ISBN: 978-1-68405-766-5 Images of the Love And Rockets cover and the Spider- Man panel on page 138 are used with permission from and Marvel respectively. All likenesses have been used with permission. Neither animal nor alien has been harmed in the making of this hardcover. Cover art by Michael Allred and Laura Allred. Back cover illustration by Sanford Greene. GO FROM NOVICE TO NAILING IT IN 9 PANELS!

Featuring the Talents of OVER 100 OF YOUR FAVORITE CREATIVES

Cover Art by MICHAEL ALLRED Cover Color by LAURA ALLRED Lettering & Design by JANE HEIR Proofreading by ARLENE LO Logo, Design & Creative Direction by PHILIP BOND Editing & Curation by SHELLY BOND

Special thanks to U.K. Correspondent WILLIAM POTTER and IDW’s President, Publisher, CCO & Guinness Enthusiast BEGINNER’S MIND, An Introductory Essay 6 by Kelly Sue DeConnick & HOW TO EAT RIDICULOUSLY SPICY FOOD 13 by Magdalene Visaggio & Savanna Ganucheau DRAW LIKENESSES 15 by DO CHEAP HORROR MAKEUP 17 by Delilah S. Dawson & dANI! TALK TO A CELEBRITY 19 by Lauren Beukes & Tegan Phillips CARE FOR YOUR ALLERGIC KID 21 by & Merle Goll CATCH A LOOSE DOG 23 by Matt Miner & Tony Akins CARVE A PUMPKIN 25 by DEAL WITH OCD 27 by Box Brown MAKE A GREAT CURRY 29 by Dilraj Mann RECOGNIZE VARIOUS TYPES OF VAMPIRES & PROTECT YOURSELF FROM THEM 31 by & Martin Simmonds KEEP A BAND TOGETHER. FOREVER 33 by David Gedge, Terry de Castro, Jessica McMillan & Lee Thacker LUCID 35 by Natalia Hernandez CONTENTS LETTER A COMIC 37 by Aditya Bidikar GO TO THE BATHROOM WITHOUT A BATHROOM 39 by Maris Wicks DO AN OLLIE 41 by Cindy Whitehead & Nicole Goux USE AND ASK FOR PRONOUNS 43 by Casey Gilly & Jen Hickman BE A SUCCESSFUL HOBBY HERPETOLOGIST 45 by Liz “Frog” Prince PREPARE A MATE 47 by Rafael Albuquerque BE MINDFUL 49 by Karrie Fransman MAKE A TALISMAN (AND THEN DESTROY IT) 51 by Michael Conrad & Caitlin Yarsky SPOT A GALAXY 53 by Emmeline Pidgen MAKE BURRITOS RIGHT 55 by CREATE YOUR OWN TTRPG 57 by Marie Enger ROCK BARRE CHORDS 59 by William Potter & Katie Skelly HAVE A CAREER IN COMICS 61 by DAYDREAM 63 by Paulina Ganucheau MASTER Qi GONG 65 by Chuck Brown & Sanford Greene BE DYSLEXIC 67 by Megan Hutchison SURVIVE IN THE WOODS WITH A KNIFE AND A RABBIT 69 by Oliver Gerlach & Peter Snejbjerg CONTOUR DRAW 71 by Lucy Sullivan HERD CATS 73 by Cecil Castellucci & Sweeney Boo TRAIN YOUR DOPPELGÄNGER 75 by Alex Paknadel & Simon Bisley

HOW TO 77 DECORATE A CAKE by Alissa Wallers, Michael Moreci & Cara McGee 79 FAKE A GUITAR SOLO by Julian Dassai 81 SURVIVE YOUR PARENTS’ ELDER YEARS by Cindy Whitehead & Dan Berry 83 DETAIL THE 7 CHAKRAS by David Tischman & Lisa Sterle 85 PERFORM AN EN DEHORS PIROUETTE by 87 BE A BADASS GOTH by Leah Moore & Nanna Venter 89 CHANGE A TIRE by David Hahn 91 BE UNSPECTACULAR by Rob Davis 93 by Alisa Kwitney & Nick Robles 95 DO A TURKISH GET-UP by Erica Henderson 97 WRITE A NOVEL by David Barnett & Zoe Thorogood 99 CROP ART PANELS by Jesse Hamm 101 TEACH YOUR DOG TO RING A BELL TO GO OUTSIDE by Emi Lenox 103 BE THE PERFECT PARTY HOST by Matthew Howes & Mark Buckingham 105 DESTROY THE INTERNET by & Cathy Brett 107 MEDITATE by Glyn Dillon 109 SKANK AT A SKA SHOW by Sam Grinberg 111 MAKE A DOG DAPPER by Jonathan Edwards & Felt Mistress 113 CLIP THE CLAWS OF AN UNRULY CAT by Marley Zarcone 115 MAKE A PROPER CUP OF TEA by William Potter & Simon Gane 117 CREATE THE PERFECT PLAYLIST by Vita Ayala & Eduardo Medeiros 119 FLY THIS THING! by Jarrod Jones & Kristian Rossi 121 PAINT A MURAL by Lola the Illustrator 123 SURVIVE A BEAR ATTACK, PROBABLY by Chynna Clugston Flores 125 SPEAK IN PUBLIC by Marguerite Bennett & Alabaster Pizzo 127 BE A WARRIOR by & Neha Sharma 129 SCREENPRINT A GIG POSTER by Rory Phillips 131 PACK GROCERIES WITH MACHINE-LIKE EFFICIENCY by John Allison 133 BONUS: HOW TO WASH YOUR HANDS by William Potter 135 SUCCESSFULLY KICKSTART A CAMPAIGN: THE AFTERWORD by Shelly Bond & Helen Green 137 BEHIND-THE-PANEL BORDERS process pieces & miscellany 139 THE 9-PANEL GRID: AN ESSAY by Jim Rugg 141 OTHER CONTRIBUTORS & A BARREL OF MONKEYS “Beginner’s Mind,” A Hey, Amateur! Introductory Essay by Kelly Sue DeConnick HOW TO WRITE AN INTRODUCTION cardboard bin of comics filled mostly with Tales STEP 1. YOU MUST OVERCOME YOUR of the —editions with heavily saturated RESISTANCE AND START. colors. Unfortunately, all I can recall about Zen and “Beginner’s Mind.” the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance is the pink of the once told me that you never learn cover and that expression, “beginner’s mind.” to write a thing, you only ever learn to write the Wait, no—I remember it’s the story of a father thing you’re writing. I don’t know if he was quoting and son taking a road trip together. That feels someone else or if the line was his, but the significant. wisdom’s stuck with me. STEP 3. TRY AGAIN. LOSE YOUR WAY Every effort has a beginning, and the first act of AGAIN. creation always feels like hubris. “Who am I to try to "Beginner’s Mind.” make this thing?” Maybe I went to a Buddhist center once? In New I haven’t written the thing yet, so I haven’t discovered York. the thing I’ll find in the writing, so—clearly!—I don’t know what I’m doing and it’s folly to even begin. In New York I was an explorer, always going places, always looking for something, though I never Somehow I got it in my head that creative writing is knew what. I think I found what I was looking for in inspiration, followed by rote dictation. You think of Alcoholics Anonymous eventually, but I’m 19 years the idea, then you write it down, right? sober and I still can’t name it. Wrong. That’s not how it was for me at the start, It wasn’t a Buddhist center; it was a church. and thousands of pages later, it’s not how it has Unitarian. But the man who was speaking had just ever been. Nothing springs from me fully formed returned from an interfaith retreat, and he was like Athena from the mind of Zeus. Not stories, not telling us about his experience. He had unlocked a essays, not introductions—not even e-mails. It’s door within himself while chopping kale. This was always false starts, revisions, labor. before kale became the mainstream vegetable that It’s the same for this introduction. it is today, back when it was the tofu of table greens. Hippie food. I don’t teach very often, but when I do, I try to disabuse my students of the notion that ideas are Twenty years ago we still described people as precious. Ideas are plenty. You have tons of ideas “hippies.” Children of the ‘80s and ‘90s don’t every day, you just haven’t learned how to recognize understand who hippies were or what they meant. them yet. Ideas are not a limiting resource. Scarcity There’s a vague notion summed up by the “Hippie” comes in the form of time and courage. section of the dirt mall Halloween store. Weed buttons and round glasses and shit. I live in Time and courage are everything. Portland, so mostly weed. “Neil Gaiman once told me…” This is a “get off my lawn” digression, I know, but I’m Is that too name-droppy? Or does it lend a kind of nearly fifty years old and some things are inevitable. authority? Do I need it? I don’t know. I’ll leave it there I’m a little sorry about that and even more sorry to for now. proffer any defense of Baby Boomers, but I do feel the need to Gen X-plain that the hippie movement STEP 2. TRY TO FIND A PERSONAL our parents lived through wasn’t about Sex, Drugs CONNECTION TO THE MATERIAL YOU’RE and Rock ‘n’ Roll. The Sex, Drugs and Rock ‘n’ Roll INTRODUCING. LET YOURSELF THINK OUT were about the existential horror of Vietnam. LOUD ON THE PAGE. IF YOU NEED TO, YOU CAN EDIT LATER. EXPECT TO GET LOST. They were afraid. They were afraid, and so they tried to change their world. “Beginner’s Mind.” What they’ve done since? They’re on their own there. I first encountered the expression in high school, while reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle But I suspect the next generation, living with the Maintenance, I think. existential horror of climate change, will eventually look back at the hippies with more compassion and There was a secondhand bookshop on my understanding than any cohort since, including—and walk home, and I was in the habit of putting off especially—my own. homework by hiding there. Nearly every book or author I discovered on my own—and came to love STEP 4. REPEAT STEP THREE. for that reason— I found first on those shelves. “Beginner’s Mind.” Though I don’t recall either the name of the store The kind of meditation I practice is called “TM,” or the proprietor, I read John Irving there, so the which stands for Transcendental Meditation. memory feels more like that of a relationship than Yes, the one learned in India from the that of a place. Maharishi, the same Maharishi about whom the I remember Irving well. And Robbins. And the song “Sexy Sadie” is written. 7 Yes. I know. More hippie shit. And yes, all the rest of STEP 7. CAN’T SEE THE FOREST FOR THE it too. TREES. But I’m a bit “type-A,” and TM has helped me find “Beginner’s Mind.” some comfort around stillness, and it’s in stillness We didn’t have Amazon when I was a kid, so we that I can remember who I’m supposed to be. pretty much only got shit when we ordered it off That sounds like a hippie thing to say too, doesn’t it? the back of a comic book or when it was delivered God help me. magically to our classroom via the Scholastic Book Fair flyer. My favorite purchase was a book STEP 5. PEP TALK. COME ON. YOU CAN called Kids’ America by Steven Caney. It was The DO THIS. MAYBE HAVE ANOTHER CUP OF Dangerous Book for Boys and The Daring Book for COFFEE FIRST. Girls before we had to gender absolutely everything. “Beginner’s Mind.” Kids' America had instructions for things like how I’m not good at meditating. I suspect part of my to read palms, interpret handwriting and read hobo problem is encapsulated in this very idea that you sign language, and play poker. I loved it. It also had could be good at meditating. One isn’t supposed a handful of recipes, including ones for foods that, to be able to be good at meditating or bad at in the era of peak-processing, it didn’t even occur meditating either. Like being good at breathing. If to me that a human being could make outside of a you’ve done it at all, you’ve done it successfully. factory. It works like this: you sit still, close your eyes and Grandma and Grandpa DeConnick and I tried a begin to repeat your mantra silently to yourself. couple of Kids’ America recipes. We made bagels When you notice you’ve stopped repeating your and soft pretzels. They were good, too. mantra, you begin again. That’s it. [See p. 107 for My grandparents and I had a lot of fun making Glyn Dillon’s fine tutorial and perfect imagery.] things together and being surprised by what we The entirety of the practice is laid out in those three were capable of. sentences above and yet, I have several books on There’s a line between the bagels and the telephone. meditating—books as thick or thicker than Zen and I am drawing it here. I am a point on that line. So is the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Because if you my father. want to learn about a thing, or how to do a thing, I have decided it is best to start with a book. STEP 8. UNEXPECTED TWIST. “Beginner’s Mind.” Books are vehicles for experience and ideas. Books transport hard-earned knowledge and laborious I like how-to books that are good, but I especially imagining across time and space. With books, we like how-to books that are terrible. I collect them. can transmit our thoughts to children who haven’t My favorite is a book by Helen Gurley Brown called even been born. Generations who’ve fought the evil Having It All. It’s sexist garbage disguised as sexual that fear does can pass on what they’ve learned liberation, and you really should find yourself a in battle to their children’s children’s children. Not copy immediately. Try to get one in “acceptable” because they won the war, but precisely because condition (or worse) because you want the notes they didn’t. and comments previous readers have made in the margins. Trust me on this, please. Maybe we can save our children some time. STEP 6. THAT WAS ALMOST AN IDEA. Think of it as a how not-to book. KEEP GOING. My twenties were something of a how-not-to epic. I “Beginner’s Mind.” don’t regret them exactly because AA and Epictetus have taught me there’s no real point in regretting When I was about ten, I asked my father how what cannot be changed. What’s more, I don’t know telephones work. He didn’t know, so of course he how else I would have learned as much as I did suggested we build one. That is how my father without making the mistakes I made. Still, I don’t thinks—we can do anything, we just need the right want my kids making those same mistakes. book. Isn’t there some kind of needlepoint truism about We started at the library. I don’t remember the exact wanting your kids to make all new mistakes? That book we worked from, but I remember there were might be the definition of progress. wires and aluminum foil involved and we had to open up a 16-volt battery and get the carbon rod Really though, I just want to save them time. out. In the end, our phone was staticky and ugly, but You can eat an elephant one bite at a time, sure, but it worked. what if it takes your whole life to do so? Building the telephone was transformative. And STEP 9. BRING IT ALL HOME. I experienced it with my dad. Zen and the Art of “Beginner’s Mind.” Motorcycle Maintenance. Generations. That feels significant, yes. The trick to finishing anything is to begin it first. The illustration by BECKY CLOONAN.

9 trick to beginning is twofold: First, you must pick a place to start. Some smartass will tell you to start at the beginning. Ignore them, because you can’t start at the beginning if you don’t know where the beginning is. It’s okay to start in the middle. It’s even okay to start at the end. It only matters that you pick a place and start. The first thing I wrote for this introduction didn’t even make it into the draft you’re reading. But I had to write it to find my way in. Second, think in terms of small windows, small assignments. Turn what feels like an act of hubris into an act of humility. Give yourself the gift of permission to make mistakes. You can come back and edit later. Or not. Maybe you’ll choose to leave your missteps so the reader can better see your thinking process. “Beginner’s Mind” is not letting your ego get in your way. Be a beginner. Fall on your ass. It’s the best and sometimes the only way to start. For each of the entries in this book, someone has tried to save you time by distilling what they know into nine steps. From practical information like “How to Draw Likenesses” and “How to be a Badass Goth,” to pieces like “How to Talk to a Celebrity” and “How to Have a Career in Comics” that tell you what not to do. Those are precious too. Either way, following nine steps won’t make you an expert; only repetition and experience will do that. But it might save you time, or give you the courage to try something new by making the overwhelming approachable. And, honestly, time and courage are everything.

Kelly Sue DeConnick Portland, Oregon October 2019 KELLY SUE DeCONNICK @kellysue milkfed.us Kelly Sue is a comic book and TV writer best known for her run on Captain Marvel for Marvel, for DC, and Pretty Deadly with Emma Rios for Image. A multiple Eisner- BECKY CLOONAN Award nominated writer, she @beckycloonan lives in Portland, Oregon, with her husband, two kids and a few A multiple -winning dogs. The best piece of advice cartoonist, writer, and illustrator, she received when starting Becky was the first female artist out? “Don’t over-think it. I am to draw in 2012. Her not one who is ever in danger of latest work includes By Chance or UNDER-thinking it.” Providence for Image and : Weight of the Worlds with writer Michael Conrad for DC/ Young Animal. She lives in Austin, Texas. MAGDALENE VISAGGIO @MagsVisaggs The Eisner Award-nominated writer of Eternity Girl for DC, Marilyn Manor for IDW, and Vagrant Queen for Vault Comics and , Mags’s biggest amateur error is diving into stories without SAVANNA GANUCHEAU any planning and the end result @Srganuch was stories that never got finished. The best piece of advice Savanna is a comic artist from she received when starting out? New Orleans, Louisiana. She’s the “Finished is better than perfect.” co-author of the Bloom published by . The extra talent she’d like to possess? “Woodworking! Building furniture sounds like a really great time!” 13 GENE HA @GeneHa geneha.com A four-time Eisner winner, Gene is known for his art on and on ’s . He currently writes and draws Mae from . It’s the story of Mae Fortell, a girl who follows her long-missing sister Abbie to a world of mad science and mystery. As much as Gene loves drawing comics, he loves drawing likenesses live even more. He lives outside Chicago in Berwyn, Illinois, with his lovely wife Lisa. His advice for entering the comics industry: “You might get rich and famous drawing comics, but if that’s your goal going in, you’re going to have a miserable time. You have to enjoy the work itself if you want to last.” 15 Screengrabs from Delilah’s video clip to encourage support for our humble Kickstarter campaign.

DELILAH S. DAWSON @DelilahSDawson dANI! Delilah is a New York Times facebook/danistrips.com best-selling author of Star instagram/danistrips Wars: Phasma, Black Spire, The Skywalker Saga and the Born in Athens, Greece, dANI! is comic book Star Pig. Her biggest the artist behind the creator- amateur error? “I almost fell for owned series Coffin Bound a vanity press scheme (with a written by Dan Watters from predatory rights grab!) when I . She’s worked was querying my first novel. Now I for 2000AD, DC and Boom! tweet writing advice to help other among others. She loves her new writers avoid such pitfalls.” cats and traveling around the She once worked at a haunted world! The one tool she can’t live house. without? “My Edding 8400 CD/ DVD marker. It’s my only tool, actually, so without it no page could be made!” 17 “I heard Lauren speak at a panel at FanCon in and say something sensible like, ‘When you see an author you like, don’t just tell them you’re a fan of their work; talk to them about what interesting things (meaning literature, etc.) you’re into right now.’ I twisted that into the Play-Doh comic entitled ‘How to Talk to a Celebrity’ and she kindly signed it for me. And three years later, here we are!” —Tegan

LAUREN BEUKES @laurenbeukes Lauren is an award-winning novelist, screen writer and comics writer, and also kinda a super dork who finds small-time fame very, very weird and would TEGAN PHILLIPS not like to be Beyoncé. Her novel @Unclippd won the Arthur C. Clarke unclippedadventures.com Award, and the best-selling is in development A cartoonist from Cape Town, as a major TV series. Her new , Tegan accidentally book, Afterland, available now, is got into comic-making when a high-stakes chase following a she drew some comics to win mom on the run with her son in an adventure bike in 2014, and a world where most of the male has been drawing bicycles and population have died. She lives sometimes other things ever in Cape Town, South Africa, with since. Asked what extra talent her 11-year-old daughter and two she wished she possessed, she jerk cats. replied, “Song, flight, genetic engineering skills, the ability to stick to parameters.“ 19 A look at Merle’s pencils, including athe few panels that didn’t make it into final story.

LEAH MOORE @leahmoore moorereppion.com Writer of comics (Conspiracy of Ravens with and artist Sally Jane Thompson for Dark Horse, The Tarot Circle MERLE GOLL with Ivy Berces and Jem Milton merlegoll_illustration for Liminal 11, among others), merlegoll.com Leah raises kids (twin boys and an allergic kid named Eddie who Merle grew up in the North of has his own YouTube channel Germany–always with a pen in about living with severe allergies, hand–but left the shores of the tinyurl.com/safentasty), dances Baltic Sea after school to spend on her own and smashes the a year in England and she’s been patriarchy. The best piece of on the island ever since. She was advice she received when starting fortunate enough to work her out? “Treat your scripts like illustrations into projects like letters to the artist, get them Jamie Oliver’s “Jamie at Home,” onboard. If your artist is into it, the and she’s currently working on finished comic will show that.” book projects with the “Atelier Unterseecafé.” The one extra talent she wishes she could possess? “I’d love to be able to breathe underwater.”