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G Ood O L' Tim Es Volume 2, Issue 2 July 6, 2009 USBF President Bill Pollack USBF Vice President Steve Beatty USBF Secretary From the Operations Officer… Joan Gerard USBF Treasurer Sylvia Moss You would think things would run smoothly in a USBF Chief small event. unfortunately, we were planning on Operations Officer eight teams and when Gene Freed became ill and his teammates could not find another pair, it Jan Martel threw a monkey wrench into our plans. USBF Chief Financial Officer I’m sorry we cannot please everyone all of the time, but we Barbara Nudelman didn’t have adequate supplies at such a late date to arrange things differently. Director - USSBC Terry Lavender Luckily for us, Roberta and Mark Epstein, Jan George and Appeals Coordinator Mark LaFleur, all local to the Vegas area, agreed to play as our Joan Gerard eighth team and the situation resolved itself. Co-Chairmen Ron Gerard Putting things in perspective, we all realize there are more im- Jeffrey Polisner portant things in life than bickering over tournament formats. Committee: If nothing else, we learned that, if we’re patient, things have a Henry Bethe way of resolving themselves. Chip Martel Robb Gordon Howard Weinstein Our thoughts and prayers are with Gene. We wish him a Adam Wildawsky speedy recovery and swift return to the game. Good Luck to VuGraph Organizer you all in today’s play... Jan Jan Martel Bulletin Editor HOW TO GET A BIMBO WIFE Suzi Subeck Hospitality Chair Bob, a 70-year-old extremely wealthy widower, shows Nadine Wood up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde who knocks everyone's Webmaster socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm who Kitty Cooper hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all agog. They corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get the tro- phy girlfriend?" Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!" They're knocked over, but continue to ask. "So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?" Bob says, "I lied about my age." His friends respond, "What do you mean? Did you tell her you were only 50?" Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I UNITED STATES Good Ol’SENIOR Times BRIDGE CHAMPIONSHIPS was 90." 1 GOOD OL’ TIMES Teams Entered … In Seeding Order ... Larsen Kyle Larsen , Capt Rose Meltzer Alan Sontag Roger Bates Bart Bramley Lew Stansby Lynch Carolyn Lynch , Capt Mike Passell Mark Lair David Berkowitz John Sutherlin Dan Gerstman Schwartz Richard Schwartz Bob Jones Russell Ekeblad Matthew Granovetter Allan Cokin , NPC Wolff Bobby Wolff , Capt Dan Morse John Solodar Paul Swanson Fred Hamilton Arnold Fisher Kasle Gaylor Kasle , Capt John Onstott Ron Smith Drew Casen Neil Chambers John Schermer Wojewoda Edward Wojewoda , Capt Farid Assemi Jim Looby Keith Garber James Tritt Bob Etter You can judge Vernay Colby Vernay , Capt Barry Schaffer your age by the Larry Griffey Spike Lay amount of pain you feel when Epstein Mark Epstein, Capt Roberta Epstein you come in contact with a Jan George Bob LaFleur new idea. -- Pearl S. Buck HOSPITALITY SUITE INFORMATION The hospitality suite for the 2009 USSBC is Room 6260 in the Palmer Tower of the JW Marriott Hotel. Players, kibitzers, friends and supporters are welcome in tihe Hospitality Suite during the tournament. Please join us for: Breakfast each day from 8:30-10:00 am Lunch each day from 2:30-4:30 Snacks, soft drinks, Vugraph and casual chat the rest of the day, except between 4:30 and 5:30 when the suite will be closed for cleaning Seeding Information The teams in the 2009USSBC have been ranked by seeding points in accordance with the Conditions of Contest for the event. 2 VOLUME 2, ISSUE 2 Blonde Jokes ... CAR TROUBLE KNITTING FINAL EXAM A blonde pushes her BMW A highway patrolman pulled The blonde reported for her into a gas station. She tells alongside a speeding car on university final examination the mechanic that it just the freeway. Glancing at the that consists of yes/no type died. After he works on it for car, he was astounded to see questions. a few minutes, it is idling that the blonde behind the smoothly. wheel was knitting! She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at She says, "What's the Realizing that she was the question paper for five story?" He replies, "Just oblivious to his flashing minutes and then, in a fit of crap in the carburetor." lights and siren, the trooper inspiration, takes out her cranked down his window, purse, removes a coin and She asks, "How often do I turned on his bullhorn and starts tossing the coin, have to do that?" yelled, "PULL OVER!" marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No, for SPEEDING TICKET "NO!" the blonde yelled Tails. back, "IT'S A SCARF!" Within a half hour she is all A police officer stops a done, whereas the rest of the blonde for speeding and IN A VACUUM class is still sweating it out. asks her very nicely if he During the last few minute s could see her license. A blonde was playing Trivial she is seen desperately Pursuit one night. It was her throwing the coin, muttering She replies in a huff, "I wish turn. She rolled the dice and and sweating. You know you guys would get your act she landed on Science & you're getting together. Just yesterday you Nature. The moderator, alarmed, old when you took away my license and approaches her and asks get to that one today you expect me to show Her question was, "If you are what is going on. candle on the it to you!" in a vacuum and someone cake. It's like, calls your name, can you "I finished the exam in half "See if you can EXPOSURE hear it?" an hour, but now I'm re- blow this out." checking my answers." A blonde is walking down She thought for a time and -- Jerry the street with her blouse then asked, "Is it on or off?" Seinfeld open and her right breast hanging out. NAMING THE DOGS! A policeman approaches her A girl was visiting her blond and says, "Ma'am, are you friend who had acquired two aware that I could cite you new dogs, and asked her for indecent exposure?" what their names were. She says, "Why officer?" The blonde responded by saying that one was named "Because your breast is Rolex and one was named hanging out." he says. Timex. She looks down and says, Her friend said, "Whoever "OH MY GOD, I left the baby heard of someone naming One blonde to the other: So how come the sun makes my on the bus again!" dogs like that?" skin darker and my hair lighter?? "HelOOOooo," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!" 3 Vugraph The 2009 USSBC will be covered on BBO Vugraph starting on Tuesday with the Semi-Finals. We hope to cover 2 matches each round. To watch the Vugraph online, go to the BBO website where you can either log on directly from your browser, go to "Vugraph" and choose which table to watch, or download the BBO software to run BBO on your computer. If you choose the latter approach, after downloading, install the software on your computer, log on, follow the directions to become a BBO member and you'll be magically transported to the Lobby of the largest bridge club in the world. Click on the button labeled EXPLORE BRIDGE and then on the button labeled VUGRAPH THEATRE and you'll be able to choose which of the USSBC matches you want to watch. There may be a "yellow" user on BBO called USBF. If you have general questions, please ask USBF, not one of the hard-working Vugraph Operators, some of whom may prefer not to respond to private messages. If USBF is not online, it is because Jan is a Vugraph operator - she will be Vugraphu1 and will try to answer your general questions. Thank you. Each day's schedule is the same (these are Las Vegas times; to see the times for your time-zone, go to the BBO Vug- raph schedule site ) 10:00-12:10 12:25-2:35 4:30-6:40 7:00-9:10 All of the teams in each bracket will play the same boards each segment. If a match is sufficiently far behind that an- other match starts early, the Vugraph presentation will not start until the slower match starts. After a session, you can review the Vugraph action on our Web Vugraphs, which show each hand played with a link to bidding and play records. Take a look at the other 2009 events currently available to see what we'll have for the 2009 USSBC. Web Vugraphs are posted as soon as possible after completion of the Vugraph show. Morrie Makes His Move … Hey guys and dolls… There’s a new team in town but my picks remain the same!! I still like them broads and I’m sticking with Meltzer and Lynch … if they’ll let me!! Get it? Vernay will “Lay” down for Larsen and enter the race for USA2. Kasle will crush the smokin’ (not in the playing area please) Schwartz 4-bagger (Don’t you people know anything? You need SIX in a Seniors event. Old people wear out early!) Wojewoda (Wow! Did I say that correctly?) will topple the Wolff squad… While Epstein (thanks for entering… at least you won’t have far to get home!)succumbs to Passell-power..
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