The Sinai Temple Guide to Jewish Mourning and Condolence
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The Sinai Temple Guide to Jewish Mourning and Condolence _______________________ When Death Occurs: Immediate Steps For those who have just suffered a loss, here’s a quick outline of immediate steps to take, with links to relevant portions of the full Guide to Jewish Mourning and Condolence: 1. Call a Jewish Funeral Director to arrange for pick-up of the body. To learn the available times for the funeral contact Sinai Temple’s Mount Sinai Memorial Parks and Mortuaries (cemetery property must be purchased if not already arranged for pre-need). Inform the Funeral Director if you are interested in Chevra Kadisha performed by the Sinai Temple Chevra Kadisha. For more information about the Sinai Temple Chevra Kadisha, please contact Lisa Lainer at 310-936-8867/[email protected] or Ralph Resnick at 310-481- 3201/[email protected]. 2. Call the Sinai Temple office (310-474-1518) to inform the clergy and staff, and to learn the availability of the Rabbis to conduct the funeral. You should ask for the Rabbis’ assistants: Rebecca Begin or Ellen Pierson. If your call is after hours, one should call the Sinai Temple answering service at: (310) 301-2923. A rabbi will return your phone call. 3. Based upon these initial calls, arrange for a time for the funeral. 4. Have your Havurah, friends, or family or hospice volunteer make calls to family and friends with the funeral information. 5. If not already arranged for pre-need, purchase the coffin. 6. Have your Havurah, close friends, family or hospice volunteer arrange for the Shivah Meals. 7. Please contact our Shiva Committee Co-Chairs if you need help setting up your home for shiva services: Abe and Linda Knobel at any of the following #s: 310- 553-1538/ 310-922-2078/310-922-2079. _______________________ 09990/1018 180372.2 The full Guide to Jewish Mourning and Condolence begins on the next page. - ii - 09990/1018 180372.2 A Guide to Jewish Mourning and Condolence Table of Contents Immediate Steps ............................................................................................................. Table of Contents ........................................................................................................... i Preface .......................................................................................................................... 1 Clergy Forward .............................................................................................................. 2 Part 1 - Introduction ....................................................................................................... 4 A. Goals Of This Booklet .............................................................................. 4 1. Multi-disciplinary Approach ........................................................... 4 2. Necessary Advice ......................................................................... 4 B. Our Attitudes About Death ....................................................................... 4 1. Contemporary American Issues .................................................... 4 2. Development of Our Tradition ....................................................... 5 3. Psychological Needs ..................................................................... 5 4. Changing Our Attitudes ................................................................. 5 Part 2 - Lifetime Considerations .................................................................................... 7 A. Bikiur Cholim: Visiting the Sick ................................................................ 7 1. Visiting the Sick ............................................................................. 7 2. How to Treat the Sick By Rabbi David Wolpe (from Off The Pulpit) ............................................................................... 7 B. Terminal Illness and Hospice Care .......................................................... 8 1. Hospice Care ................................................................................ 8 2. Issues of Terminal Illness .............................................................. 8 3. Conversations with the Terminally Ill ............................................ 9 4. Helping the Family ........................................................................ 9 C. Advance Funeral and Burial Arrangements and Medical Directives ............................................................................................... 10 Part 3 - Mourning and Condolence ............................................................................. 11 A. Who Are the “Mourners” Under Jewish Law? ........................................ 11 B. The Immediate Decisions Required Upon a Death ............................... 11 1. Notifications ................................................................................. 12 2. Care of the Body Until the Funeral .............................................. 14 3. Preparation of the Body: Sinai Temple Chevra Kadisha ....................................................................................... 14 4. Autopsy ....................................................................................... 15 5. Donation of Body Organs ............................................................ 15 6. Coffin ........................................................................................... 16 - i - 09990/1018 180372.2 7. Burial or Cremation ..................................................................... 17 8. Funeral Services ......................................................................... 17 C. The Roles of the Mourners and the Community Between the Death and the Funeral ........................................................................... 18 D. The Basic Elements Of The Funeral Service ......................................... 19 1. Who Attends ................................................................................ 19 2. Funeral Service ........................................................................... 19 3. Seating ........................................................................................ 19 4. Coffin ........................................................................................... 19 5. Eulogy ......................................................................................... 19 6. Music ........................................................................................... 20 7. Pallbearing .................................................................................. 20 8. Gravesite Service ........................................................................ 20 E. The First Meal After The Funeral ........................................................... 22 F. The Shivah ............................................................................................. 22 1. Roles of the Mourners and Visitors ............................................. 22 2. The Psychology of Shivah .......................................................... 23 3. Time Period ................................................................................. 24 4. Mourners’ Activities ..................................................................... 24 5. Candle ......................................................................................... 25 6. Gifts ............................................................................................. 25 7. Shabbat ....................................................................................... 25 G. The Sheloshim Period ........................................................................... 25 H. Mourning Observances For Deceased Parents ..................................... 25 I. The Customs Of Later Remembrance ................................................... 26 1. Tombstone and Unveiling ........................................................... 26 2. Yahrzeit ....................................................................................... 26 3. Yizkor .......................................................................................... 27 4. Naming a Child ............................................................................ 27 Part 4 - The Psychology and Jewish Philosophy of Mourning .................................... 28 A. The Psychological Stages Of Mourning ................................................. 28 1. The Mourning Process ................................................................ 28 2. Relationships Within the Family .................................................. 28 3. Relationships With the Community ............................................. 29 4. Excessive Mourning .................................................................... 29 B. The Jewish Response To The Questions Of Mourning ......................... 30 Part 5 - Selected Readings ......................................................................................... 32 A. Selected Writings by Rabbi David Wolpe .............................................. 32 1. Birthdays and Yahrzeits .............................................................. 32 2. Why Stones Instead of Flowers? ................................................ 32 3. Tears ........................................................................................... 32 4. The Bridge of Life: Explaining Death to Children ........................ 32 B. Prayers ................................................................................................... 32 - ii - 09990/1018 180372.2 Part