The Student Newspaper of Imperial College

1 U JJ 1 11 Issue 969 4th June 1993

Realisation Forte at Queens by Declan Curry the new Councils will have no The Science community has given increased resources.' muted approval to the Science Professor John Knill, Natural White Paper, which plans to abolish Environment Research Council the advisory boards, upgrade the (NERC) chairman, said they had status of the MSc degree, and been 'piloting the idea of the one shuffle the research councils. Dr year MSc course plus a three year Dai Rees, secretary of the Medical PhD course,' a major proposal in Research Council (MRC) said he the White Paper. Dr Dai Rees of the was 'pleased to see the bold and MRC 'welcomed sensible proposals realistic approach' the White Paper on the reform of postgraduate was taking 'to the many urgent education and the management of issues currently facing UK science research staff in universities.' Dr and technology.' David Harrison, chairman of the The changes to the Research Committee of Vice Chancellors and Councils have been widely Principals (CVCP) said they welcomed. The Agricultural and 'welcomed the Government's Food Research Council (AFRC) intention to review the management 'welcomed the expansion in its of the PhD.' Chris Hamblade, of responsibilities to become the the National Union of Students, said Biotechnology and Biological he was concerned about the Sciences Research Council.' reduction in the number of available Professor Tom Blundell, AFRC three year PhD courses. Director General said 'the move Dr Marjorie Mowlam, Labour's recognises the coming of age of Charter spokesman, deplored the biology-based technologies and dearth of measures in the White their enormous potential for Paper designed to improve the industrial innovation.' status of women in science and The Royal Society hailed the technology. 'The Government's White Paper as 'offering a solution to the problem is simply to promising framework for the future set up another committee. British development of science and women scientists and engineers Her Majesty the Queen celebrated forty years on the throne this week, technology in Britain,' but need fewer empty promises and writes Declan Curry. This landmark was celebrated at Imperial by the cautioned that the 'new Engineering more action,' Dr Mowlam told a loud ringing of the bells in Queen's Tower. There was also a 41-gun salute and Physical Sciences Research Newcastle conference. in Hyde Park and a 62-gun salute at the Tower of London. Such events Council (EPSRC) will have to adopt Professor Howard Newby, are dictated by the Department for the Environment, and local an enlightened long term policy.' chairman of the Economic and campanologists offer their services free to the College. The EPSRC was formed out of the Social Research Council said he Her Majesty is the official College 'visitor', and has the power to old Science and Engineering was 'very sad about the intention intercede in disputes between College members. By cruel twist of history, Research Council (SERC), which not to create a separate Humanities this power has been delegated to the Education Secretary, to whit, John said that 'the increase in the number Research Council.' Dr David Patten. Disputes between students, staff and college are settled internally of Research Councils from five to Harrison said 'the CVCP regrets the as, officially, only members of the Governing Body are College members. six misses an opportunity.' Sir Government's failure to support the The photograph, courtesy of Ann Barrett, shows the Queen on her last Mark Richmond, SERC Chairman establishment of a Humanities visit to Imperial College, when she opened the Haldane Library on 27 also said he was 'disappointed that Research Council.' November, 1969.

3/4/5/6/7 8/9 10/11 12/13 Letters Condom Prostitution The Qu^en Bonanza Breakthrough Explored Isn't Dead News Ex-Editor fires Student flees

by Declan Curry coursework. Samantha told The missing Buckinghamshire reporters that, at times, 'it seemed race rumpus student who fled to London after there was no-one to turn to', and she was expelled from her college claimed that there was a six month by Declan Curry Clarendon Club is reported to be a has been reunited with her family. waiting list for counselling, an David Irving, the controversial collection of 'very right wing Tories Samantha Fox, 20, told parents Ann allegation furiously denied by revisionist historian and former and upper class Nazis'. A and Andrew that she had run off to Swansea. Phoenix editor, took part in a spokesman for Searchlight London 'in a complete daze, and The National Union of Students meeting of neo-Nazis at Bromley- magazine confirmed the existence hadn't a clue what to do.' says the case shows the 'continuing by-Bow last Saturday. The meeting of the Clarendon Club, but said that During her nine day absence, stress' students are under. Samantha is regarded as part of Mr Irving's they were 'marginalised in Britain'. Samantha lived at a bed-and- has urged other students in campaign to build a new political A spokesman for the British breakfast in Finsbury Park, in difficulty to seek help immediately. 'Christian Democrat' party in National Party told Felix to 'speak North London. She had been The Imperial College student Britain. to Mr Irving'. When asked about thrown off her computer sciences counsellor, Don Adlington, is Mr Irving was editor of Phoenix the Clarendon Club, the spokesman and modern languages course at available to see students at his office in 1958-9, but was sacked after slammed down his telephone Swansea last March after initially in 15 Prince's Gardens, or can be publishing material regarded as receiver. running into difficulties with telephoned on 3041. 'fascist'. Later that year, Mr Irving The Clarendon Club will hold a published pro-apartheid articles in meeting in Brighton on 19 June. We a University of London publication are told that Mr Irving will attend of which he was editor. Mr Irving this meeting. David Irving was now claims that the Nazi holocaust recently refused an entry visa to Tube Charter never occurred, and is regarded by Australia. The Australian High many as a Nazi apologist. Recendy, Commission in London said that Mr by Declan Curry improve on targets set out in last in Canada; he said the only war Irving's 'presence was not London Underground tried to year's charter. Under the new crime committed was the Allied conducive to the public good'. Mr ensnare the Government this week, targets, 86% of customers should bombing of Dresden. Irving was deported from Canada by handing the bill to the Prime be satisfied with trains and 81% Mr Irving is believed to be last November, and is banned from Minister for one of his own ideas. with stations, while 89% of Tube connected with a body known as Germany, Austria, South Africa Denis Tunnicliffe, Underground users should be satisfied with station 'The Clarendon Club'. An and Italy. He was also barred from Managing Director, warned that cleanliness. Customer satisfaction organisation monitoring neo-nazi speaking at the Brentwood primary targets in the new Tube passengers' with staff should rise by 1% to activity told Felix that the school in Essex. charter 'could be affected' if the 86%. London Transport hopes to Government did not pay out money run the same proportion of trains at it had already promised. The peak times, and says that 95% of broadside came in the week when trains should keep to the timetable. Government support for the A new refund scheme will be St Marys' art CrossRail project was played off introduced at the end of 1993, with against promised finance for the customers receiving compensation Jubilee line extension to East India for delays of more than 15 minutes. on display Dock. The Jubilee line extension 28,000 refund claims were paid out was only temporarily saved this last year for delays of more than 20 week by an eleventh hour deal minutes, costing London An exhibition of art works by The exhibition, which includes cobbled together between the Underground £68,000. Mr Imperial students started yesterday, works from both the South project's bankers. Tunnicliffe said that the charter writes Declan Curry. The artifactKensingtos n and Paddington The comments were made at the 'was about delivering a service that are on display in the Consort campuses, runs until 18 June. launch of the new Underground would make refunds an exception Gallery in the Sherfield Building. passengers' charter, 'Aiming rather than a rule. Last year's High'. The document promises to performance has vindicated this.' Holiday trail Mines Results by Declan Curry Education is en vacance aussi. by Jonty Beavan McCall, a Geology student, was the The Whitsun Bank Holiday has seen Keeping the education connection, Felix has finally noticed that the clear winner, Omar Khier from the formation of a surprising flock the Shadow Education Secretary, Royal School of Mines students' Materials triumphed in the close of holidaymakers. Heading the Ann Taylor, is 'having a good time Union (RSMU) had elections for its battle for Vice President of the 'Wish You Were' trail is the in France', according to a Labour executive for the academic year Union. The final post of Honorary Rector, who will be in Hong Kong Party spokesman. Felix editor, 1993/1994. Secretary was handed on a plate to 'on alumnus business' until 7th Jonty Beavan, also took advantage Just before Easter the votes were Charlie Holgate in an unopposed June. Keeping up his hectic of the long weekend to disappear cast and the results announced in the contest. lifestyle, he will fly out of the 'up north somewhere', but is now race for the prestigious posts at the The whole election was run on country again on 9th June. Louise back in the office, writing up some RSMU. As the results came the Single Transferable vote Clarke, erstwhile press officer for feature or other. At the time of through on the slow boat to the system, in common with all the National Union of Students, is writing, Dominic Wilkinson was Felix Office, it became clear that all Imperial College Union elections, at an unknown destination this not in his office. Cathy and posts had been filled with no and was organised by the steady week, as is her president, Lorna Michelle, who claim never to have victories for the ever notorious New hand of current RSMU Vice Fitzsimons. Felix's own Jan Moore, taken a holiday in their lives, say Election. President Boris Pluskowski. press officer at the Department for that Dom is 'away'. For the post of President, John

Page 2 Opinion Felix 969 4 June 1993 people have died for the right to The jam-packed to the edges issue but the more people who participate vote so give it a go. There will be 971 will be in three parts. One the less the cost. All who are Editorial ballot boxes in every department. features and extended articles interested in either announcements Have you finished your exams? You have no excuse not to. section, one reviews section and ask to speak to Jonty in the Felix Bored on Monday and Tuesday? Oh Yea, Oh Yea, a few one News and current affairs Office or ring 3515 and ask for Why not try voting in the election announcements: section. If you require to have an same. for Deputy President (Clubs and Firstly the very last bumper, annual report, feature or final Credits Societies)? Voting takes place sexy, venting of spleen Felix will comment to be inserted in your News: Declan Curry, Andrew. between 10am and 5pm next week be produced on the Wednesday college magazine, please get it to Feature: Phil, David, Declan. and all you need is a Union card to 23rd June. This has repercussions, me by 1 pm Monday 21st June. Reviews: Phil, Donny, Tintin, take part. which will mean that on Friday 18th Anything received after that date Ian, Poddy, Gareth, Eiterah. It is a fun game and this is how June if you go looking for a Felix cannot be guaranteed to be printed. Collators to the Rich and you play: Find you favourite you will not find one. We do not Secondly, If your needs extend to Famous: Steven Newhouse, Steve candidate and put a number 1 in the produce a Felix one the second to having a bound edition of Felix, Dunton box next to his/her name, then find last Friday of term because it takes please get in contact with me. A Thanks: Rose, Andy, Bee, Steffi, your next preferred choice put a so long to produce the final issue. bound edition is every issue of this Tamsin, Rachel, Jane, Sonia, number 2 by their name, continue If anybody decides to come in and year's Felix, surrounded Chris, Rick, Dom, all you until either you can count no further ask 'where is Felix?' on that day, sumptuously in a hardback cover wonderful letter writers, Andrew or you run out of candidates. the next sound they hear will be the with your name on the front. This Wensley, Graham Taylor!! It is hardly very difficult and cracking of their own knee caps. unrepeatable offer costs about £30, Falling facts Roll up. Roll up Dear Editor, of the number of students in a Dear Jonty, I would like to clarify some of the department used to calculate The next few months will see a an amount of time and effort in statements made in the article 'Pick- funding) PhD population has varied dramatic improvement inthe current FilmSoc staff. It is for this axe' in Felix issue 968 relating to from 57 to 79 with the current screening facilities at FilmSoc, with reason, I write. At present I am the Department of Materials. figure being 79. the opening of the Imperial College looking for Managers, Duty The phrase 'tumbling student From time to time all departments Union Cinema, in the Union Managers, Cashiers, Ushers and numbers' does not apply to the have to look critically at their Concert Hall. The moving of Technicians. Ideally some Department of Materials. In recent academic missions and structures. FilmSoc to the Concert Hall has experience in the relative field years we have maintained an The Department of Materials is already been an improvement on would be appreciated, but full undergraduate intake of about 40 currently engaged in such an Mech Eng 220. Over the Summer training courses will be held, not students and, as we have had a 20% exercise but I would like to months a 35mm projection system only by FilmSoc staff, but by increase in applications this year, it emphasise that the intention is to will be installed in a projection people with a number of years is likely that the October 1993 entry retain a strong Materials room to be built at the rear of the experience in their respective fields. will be somewhat higher. The undergraduate course with Concert Hall. This type of Anyone interested may contact situation is similar at postgraduate increased student numbers and an projection system is the cinema me for further details either via the level where the figures show that active research school with an industry standard, which will allow FilmSoc pigeonhole, Chemistry UG for the size of the Department we international reputation. FilmSoc to screen commercial pigeon holes or over the summer at have a large number of students Yours sincerely, release prints distributed to Theatr Clwyd Cinema (Technical studying for a PhD; over the last Malcolm McLean. cinemas. At present three Department), Mold, Clwyd, CH7 five years the total FTE (a measure screenings a week are envisaged, 1YA. but this may increase with demand. Yours sincerely, However I feel three screenings Stef fan Lawghame, Technical a week would involve far too great Manager (ICUC).

might get a chancellor who knew that describes (a) the propagation of Cat's Eyes what to do with the economy to the human race, and (b) strong The Royals Viruses improve it, John Major (PM, cretin) disgust towards something or Don't write in claiming that I am Cmpts re batds. Comuer vrses ae appoints Kenneth Clarke (disaster someone, simply because you have a hypocrite for what I am about to bigr astds. Tis s hat a fw xt fils lokd zone). Oh dear. difficulty coping with its strength. say. We should scrap the Royal ike ftr a ius ad rekd hvc n m fathu Always look on the bright side, That's your problem, and I suggest Family. I know that ? weeks ago I mcne. Heen nos whe t ame fom ut as they say. Norman Lamont (MP, you get over it. The word 'fuck' is said we should keep them. I hae m sspcins. Te stne ge omptes ex C of E, tee hee) has gone (at last) becoming more commonly used and But the current surge of special n Fex hve nt scumd t he lrge (yt) which will bring a new face to the will not go away. reports, full page opinions, late ut i wol nt srprie m. The ae rubsh, Exchequer and a wave of new jokes night discussions and all the rest of rap nd ery sit. Felix needs a DTP from the comedians and the press. Anne Robinson the media space fillers have caused system with all the mod cons. What will they make of Kenneth A different point of view? A me to change my mind. I am sick (Srage hw tat lat sntnee rmand Clarke (new C of E) and Michael different angle to hold your head at to death of the lot of them. If the unfetd). Portillo (smarmy git) who now run more like. Does this woman have Royal Family is scrapped now, all the Exchequer together? (Gulp) a physical disability that means she the TV specials and newspaper pull- Celebration cannot look directly at a camera? outs (or throwaways) will be over The party on Thursday 28th May Fuck She always seems to leer at within a couple of weeks. was short lived - for as soon as What is wrong with the word everyone, even her boss for all I And never again will this sorry Kenneth Clarke (MP) was 'fuck'? OK so there are a few know. Imagine having trying to household be mentioned. Amen. announced as the next chancellor, circumstances when this strong have a normal conversation with P.J. Dodd down came the balloons and the word should not be used as a way someone who's head never points 'System Failure' flashed the message on the computer screen. in your direction. She should P.J. Dodd calmly swallowed another mouthful of Pepsi (the music was turned off. Every of self expression. But the word choice of a new generation), tossed the empty can towards the ministry that he has passed through itself is far from a bad word. Fuck channel her inadequate writing bin, got up from the swivel back chair, took a small step back, and kicked the shit out of the PC that had just crashed. 'One has suffered severely; health, is a good word. If your parents did attempts into a book, suitable called day' he thought, 7 will strangle the designer of these machines. 'Making Everyone Feel Inferior To One day.' He booted up another machine, and continued to type. education etc etc. Just when I not fiick then you wouldn't be here That was an excerpt from 'Hassles From A Computer', the new thought that may be the country today. You cannot dismiss a word You The Easy Way'. book available from Felix publishers, price £4.99.

Page 3 opinio n 4 June 1993 Felix 969

teaching (32 out of 80): way below Back row leave not only Cambridge, but most other Ridiculous universities in the country. Dear Jonty, Dear Editor, its domain. Well 'nuff said. We're leaving. 'the most effective way of Being the perpertrators of the The problem is the reputation is We admit defeat. You've weeded attacking vice is to expose it to 'Sonic the Hedgehog' campaign intrinsically bound up with the sad out these saps. public ridicule. People can put up (those self-effacing, self-gratifying nature of this hallowed institution's Back Row Boys at Computing.wit h rebukes but they cannot bear gits), we would like to add our occupants (inmates?). This place being laughed at: they are prepared voices to the "The sun shines out of weeds out those who do not follow to be wicked but they dislike Imperial's ass' debate. We were the strict, regimented order of appearing ridiculous'. deceived into coming here— study, those who didn't join the Anarchy I therefore do not believe these obviously everyone wants to leave trainspot soc when they got here. rumours about Sir Eric Ash wanting university at the end of three or four Where is the creativity? What the to spend £100,000 on further years with an Imperial degree and hell happened when Civ Eng built Dear Jonty, refurbishment of 170 Queensgate, good job prospects. But at what that sports complex? Perhaps we Following the article on the that would be patently ridiculous. cost? Isn't university meant to be should merge with an arts college. Anarchist Cookbook (by William Yours thoughtfully, the best years of your life? Good Who has killed the life in these Powell, Barricade Books, £18), I Moliere. times all the time, the romance of monochrome parodies of human realised I named the wrong street: living on a shoe-string, taxpayers beings, these husks, mere shells every place described is Charing Sonia's OK footing the bill for all-night parties who have been beaten into Cross Road, not Oxford Street. and all-day sleeping. The reality is obedience by the system? By the Sorry for those who wasted time Dear Jonty, end of the first year, large swathes somewhat more prosaic 'a looking there, and thanks for I am writing in response of Sonia of people who have not subscribed preponderance of grey scientists' to pointing out the mistake. Shah's item in Felix 967 about the to the system's beliefs have been paraphrase one student guide, Also, for those who went to raid Dalai Lama. Many important issues eradicated by it. Failed or left: and 'sensible shoes and anoraks abound' the local stores for Morning Glory, were raised and dealt with clearly good luck to 'em. to quote another. But heh, we're in the active species are 'Heavenly and in an informative way. It is London, and 'life's what you make Have you noticed other London Blue' (Ipomea Violeacea), 'Pearly good that Felix covers these events of it'. Now correct me if I'm wrong students' attitude towards you when Gates', 'Wedding Bells', 'Summer and supports cases where human but that's a load of bollocks. These you tell them you're from Skies', 'Blue Star' and 'Flying rights are so obviously being are the guys (no sexism there, you Imperial—social lepers or what? Saucers' and you've got to bloody denied. know the ratio) that you have to By the way, whilst Imperial's grind them first, though it's none of And! Not a single gratuitous use hang around with all day. College been strutting its stuff about how my business why you'd want to do of the word 'fuck'. Well done. dominates your life, especially at good it is (according to the Times that. Please remember some brands More please... IC, almost to the exclusion of chart), its international reputation, coat their seeds in poison. Richard Santner, association with people outside of etc, take a look at the score for its Hans C. MSC Env Technology.

fMlffr Fret* Hsil-fco M- L|*Ai[tj sJ-opS. AncWu is

Page 4 Close them down Dear Jonty, infrequent use of the 'EXACT Last week I decided it was time MONEY ONLY' legend. These I contributed a letter to Felix rather were of course virtually inoperative than just sitting on my arse and as they had no change and were not reading it. I had actually intended accepting 50P or £1 coins as the to write a reply to the worthless collection bins were full. As I did drivel written about Mr. Pearson by not happen to have 26 10P coins on our wonderfully competent, me for a travelcard, silly me, I was friendly and efficient Shitty and forced to travel without a ticket, Guilds office. I do, incidentally prime fodder for a prowling ticket hope and believe that our next inspector. As a regular paying year's exec, messrs Griffith, customer I object to having to travel Baguley etc. will turn this farce without a ticket. To register my around. However, today I found a complaint I had the station manager better and more worthwhile subject give me the 'phone number of a Mr. about which to moan. Nick Agnew, District line general On my way home I use manager, amazingly enough when Gloucester road tube station, only I rang at 4 o'clock there was nobody this time it was a little more in the office but if I would like to difficult. Due (I was told by the leave a message.... Perhaps a good station manager) to recent cost cutting measure was deemed to government decisions to be sacking all the staff customers 'rationalise' our underground could complain to, and thus cut the system and reduce running costs by number of dissatisfied customers at enough to sell off, so that the well budding young Conservatives sacking 5000 staff and then a stroke! heeled who fund his election which I assume we have to go with expecting the system to continue It would seem then that Mr. campaigns can make more money our 'I.C. spoddy wankers', service normally, the ticket office Major is going to work the usual at our expense. trainspotting first year physicists, was closed, not temporarily but for Conservative party magic on our The latter part of this letter is a no life DramSoc members and our the whole day as there were simply underground system and turn it into personal view of the situation, not highly revered and feared Alex no staff to man it. The alternative an underfunded collapsing system a statement of fact and as such is not 'SAS' Taverner. was the automatic ticket machines, (just like higher education really) or intended to provoke response from Yours sincerely well known for reliability and their is he just going to make it profitable our, no doubt, large contingent of Liam Newcombe EEL

with corresponding possible seek it. Unfortunately we get just A Slice of Life answers, each answer coupled with one customer in the first hour, the a button. Pressing the wrong only other person who approaches answer produces an infuriating our stall out is a juggler who's heard Owain Bennallack buzz, pressing the correct button an about our Sellotape. (Amongst my Okay, I admit it. There is more than Guardian and quite frankly, for Jon, infuriating bell. A better design people all is shared—the Earth, the a whiff of Jon Ronson's Time Out that's qualification enough. would wire the buttons to the air, the water and the double sided). column to my good old 'Slice of Saturday morning, the 'Islington genitals of the participant. Any Our friend Lindsey revitalises our Life'. A strange coincidence? Green Fair'. I'm there in my role curious corporate scum trying out spirits with a round of jam Actually I met Jon at a go-cart as carer and Earth-Saver (and thus the game would be far more likely doughnuts but morale is low. Mark convention in Merthyr Tydfil some lunatic), selling 'Fair Trade' coffee to remember that the answer to begins making wisecracks, three years ago. I can't recall to the masses. For the puzzled 'Fair 'How many people will die fighting suggesting to the animal rights man exactly how we got talking, as I Trade' basically involves giving for democracy this year?' is not that he go liberate the rabbit remember I saw his feet sticking out some money to the people who 'Who cares provided we're selling residing in an Islington City Farm from under the chassis and we just grow the goods, rather than merely them the hardware' if it was promoters dungarees. There is only began from there. giving money to large plantation accompanied by the smell of char- one choice. We got talking about writing and corporations to spend bashing up grilled flesh below. We abandon being right on and journalism, hitting upon an those who actually grow the goods. At the green our first task is to verily assault the crowd. I rush out unbeatable concept. A weekly It began badly enough, my obtain a stall. We find the 'funny with a pile of promotional leaflets, feature packed full of misogynist partner in righteous crime, Mark, little man in tweed trousers and jumping in the way of hapless bigotry and slanted observation that gets hit for a forty quid parking DM's and he gives us a choice. We passers-by and railroading them to would leave no nutcase uncracked. ticket after Neil, a thirty something can take the empty spot next to the our stall. At the stall Mark Afterwards he grew cynical and Wppy-thing, advises him to shift the 'Karma and Spiritual Commodities shamelessly convinces them that it's took the concept to Time Out, car over to a loading area outside Company' or the 'Animal Rights' buy the coffee or take the first flight achieving fame and fortune as his Oxfam shop. Neil is the kind of people. I couldn't stand the thought to the fires below. We're cash 'Columnist of the Year' whilst I guy who believes we should all of spending the day watching hungry pimps, preying on mellowed and wrote poems about commute to work on organically fed disciples buying plastic buddha insecurities. The money comes in old ladies and their laundry buckets. family sized Yaks (oh yes), so quite shaped key rings to deposit their thick, sticky and fast. For a moment Am I jealous? Hell no—you see why Mark listened to him remains dying soul inside so we choose the we consider slipping some whereas Jon can only point and a bone (well, we're all veggies, a latter. The table overfows with timeshare sales in there but laugh at all the wacky crazies out baked bean...) of contention. But as slogans, some decent enough, some saindiness wins over in the end. there I've the advantage that I am I always say, if you can't trust a seemingly a little mad—'Fish is The people are told, the coffee is one of those wacky crazies! It's true hippy who can you buy your Hash Suicide' leaflets and 'Nits have sold. Sitting on the lawn at I don't fight for the rights of kitchen from? feelings too' t-shirts. lunchtime, veggie burger in hand, appliances nor do I hold wedding We load up on coffee, We set up, begin to explain our there seems some hope for the services for sensitive men with promotional material and a curious case and sell our coffee. At first we world. And then the doorbell game ponytails and consenting cuddly game constructed out of doorbells. stand demurely behind our wares, breaks, the interminable buzzing rodents. However I do read The This consists of a range of questions giving wisdom only to those who ceases and I know there is. opinio n 4 June 1993 Felix 969

Kate, I love you

Dear Jonty, was in fact cancelled. The Disaster It was suggested by a and Dance lost money and 35% disrespectful bunch of young snots fewer people attended than in that I should be run over by the bus. previous years. Speaking of Which bus? The no. 10, no. 29 or disasters, the May Ball was Sarah Welsh? They don't have a cancelled before it could become a tog*.*. clue about managing to get up in the disaster. morning, let alone running events The more astute readers will that people want to go to. They notice the absence of the Guilds don't seem to recognise Brighton run. From the above list. achievement or commitment to It did happen but it was organised boot. by the Motor Club. The Hotel was Perhaps this is why they snubbed packed out and the event made a their own Honorary Senior profit, which Guilds kept. The Treasurer Dr Paul Ewing by not hiring of a Motor racing circuit even awarding him Colours, full or made so much money it paid for the half which most people seem to get coming trip outright. The other for walking through the union office Motor Club dinners did not lose a door nowadays. In addition, Dr penny either so it would appear that Shaun Crofton, Mr Colin Rogers the C&G Motor Club know what Billed beyond belief they're doing and that there are a and Mr John Impey have all put in Dear Jonty, This was in fact incorrect. My fair few incompetents disorganising considerable amounts of time and Yesterday I received a letter in bill was paid on 19th May 1993 and Guilds and wasting student money. effort into helping the Union out my hall pigeonhole (noticebly ten I still have the reciept and switch This probably goes some way to and received no thanks. This is both days after the letter was dated) reciept to prove this. explaining why they view the Motor insulting and completely which claimed I had not paid my Perhaps the accomodation offices Club and its officers with contempt, unacceptable. accomodation bill. This threatened energies could be better spent of which I am one. I noted with interest that the "I would remind you that you are chasing up unpaid bills and those of young snots managed to award I sincerely hope the new Guilds now incurring penalty charges at the persistent non-payers as highlighted themselves, but then again it's exec can build on the success of rate of £1 per day If you do in the letters page of Felix 967. probably the only chance they'll get events they organised for the 'year nothing about this letter you will Yours sincerely, to put an honour on their CV. in industry' students and not make only put yourself deeper into debt''. Duncan Austin So far this year the Freshers' the mistakes that many of this year's Week event was poorly attended, exec have. Then again, it's barely the Boat Party was cancelled, the surprising when the numbers are I love you too Gavin Careers talks got little interest and made up with a coke head and an Ice Skating couldn't muster up a incompetent. Dear Jonty, a single piece of constructive group discount. The Pub Pursuits Yours sincerely, I have heard rumours, ill-founded criticism pass his lips. In fact, when got little interest, the second one Gavin J R Pearson, Mech Eng the3. y may be (but I doubt it), that a pressed, all he could come up with certain Mr G J R Pearson is having was 'Get a life—join the Motor a sense of humour failure with the Club'. Hrnmmm. Very useful. What is the meaning of truth 'so long as he gets run over by the I hope I am not insulting the bus' comment (Felix 968). I have intelligence of the Felix readership Dear Jonty, Manager asks for a staff protocol, been led to believe that he is to suggest that, just maybe, Mr A few quick points. It's good to so try not to name them. The Union retailiating with a vicious attack on Perason is not just suffering from see Owain is back, and as witty as President insists we toe the party the Guilds Exec of 92-93. What a a severe case of sense of humour ever. Phil's column is maintaining line, but then Chris has real shame. I am devastated. As, I am failure, but also a delusion of its bite and drawing blood, and he's problems with freedom, democracy sure, are the rest of the Guilds self-importance. making a good fist of some other and the like. College management Exec, as we all know full well that As I do not wish to have a 'letter sections as well. Others will only 'request' we print good news, so we he is, as usual, full of uninteresting, for letter' war in the pages of Felix get big headed, but there's a definite do, as by some perversion they mundane, destructive criticism that with Mr Pearson, I do hope that this whiff of improvement. Well done, might control our funding in a few we have all heard before. If any will be the end of the matter. Sir. months. The Rector threatens us Felix reader wishes to know of However, I doubt this very much, I'm also delighted to see the when we write about the Governing Gavin's personal gripes against the as I have great faith in the literary response to recent news articles. At Body. One Governor mentioned Union, then please, come and talk genius of said Mr G J R Pearson, last, life... Thanks to Bruce libel, once. to me and I will personally to come up with something equally Cartwright in Beit for some solid Perhaps we should change our introduce you to him. I am sure that interesting and stimulating for your points, and to Jim Bichard in name. Pravda has a truthful ring to I will have a queue at my door readers in future issues of Felix. I Biology. it, if nothing else saying 'Please, please I want to talk will however guarantee that this will Jim is, of course, correct in his A few pettifogging details, to Gav, he sounds so interesting'. be my ONLY and last input into this well crafted letter. The Times though. The comments about Rag I am told, on good authority, that argument. league tables are regarded as were a touch unfair. The success of our dear Gav thinks that myself, As a footnote, I would like to important in some sectors, but they the boat club was and is well and Sarah Welsh (C&GCU Hon add, that if anyone, anywhere, has are not as important, or indeed as charted on these pages. Jonty did Sec) wrote the 'so long as he gets any serious and constructive significant, as they are made out to not interfere in the writing of the run over by the bus' statement, criticism about Guilds or the be. In the main, it's a fair cop. Times story. hence the retaliation. Gavin, you general running of a CCU, please 'Jingoism' is a fair word to use in I'm glad Jim had the courage to are wrong. do not hesitate to contact me, or any describing my earlier article. Why answer back. Not many do. As Guilds president this year, I of the Exec, in the Guilds Office, was it written? Why was it run? Sometimes, I doubt if we have that have had to listen to Mr G J R Rm 340, Mech Eng. Felix is not as editorially courage. Pearson's constant loud Yours sincerely, independent as we would like to Declan Curry, commentary on the Union. All Kute Dalton, think it is. The Union General outsider, pissing in. year, I don't believe I have heard President C&GCU (92-93)

age 6 R ag Felix 969 4 June 1993

Perspective on '68

Dear Editor, was stiffling: relations with teachers I read with some interest your were cold and distant. Lecturers article on May '68, but the causes didn't feel human and demanded for present apathy didn't come out utter respect. Also, on the political clearly. Jonty Beavan mentions Ian side, De Gaulle had been in control Pigg (NUS General Sec) who puts for ten years by then, with only one the blame on middle-class amendment to the constitution (in upbringing: students want a good 1961). Students were practically job not a revolutionary country. forbidden to criticise the While this is partly true, there are government. Even the ORTF a number of facts that need to be (television and radio) was run by the pointed out: state. Things only started moving The May '68 revolution was when the left came to power, started by sons and daughters of the especially under Miterrand. How elite: middle- and upper-class can students, the intellectual elite, ICU. If there was any matter truly no more than the advocates of citizens who wanted a new world. be forbidden to express themselves? wrong and not solved, I can assure international socialism. I should They were part of the post-war This explains the meaning of The attention will be drawn upon it very perhaps point out this was also the baby-boom; they needed extra Guardian's words: 'a saddled old quickly. Another cause for apathy demise of the May '68 revolution. accommodation and education society' which had to be taken 'on is the actual educational system. 'A' The students usually understood the facilities. The government didn't a fantastic liberating curve'. Levels don't often entail more than meaning of their movement, but the plan for it immediately and had to My second point is that none of three or four subjects. In France for nine million strikers didn't. They build hastily new campuses, the above occur presently in the Baccaloureat, you have around just wanted shorter hours and more preferably in the suburbs. These England, or for that matter in the ten subjects: in addition to maths, money. De Gaulle was able to buildings were basically lifeless UK. Although, student poverty is physics, chemistry and biology you manipulate them (thanks to the slabs of concrete. How could a problem of some concern for a have history and philosophy, and if ORTF) before the June elections; students accept this, especially if number among us, our lives (social, you wish sociology and economics. and he won a landslide victory. they were the country's best? Like not academical, that is) are far from These give you the background I hope these few facts and ideas in 1789, the May '68 revolution dreary and dictated by law. Sex, necessary to understand revolution. will make people want to deepen was ignited by people who felt they drink and music are common and Who at IC can claim to know their knowledge of our world. It can deserved more, namely the certainly not restricted. Chris Trotsky's work? Who at IC knows only be to their benefit. bourjeouis, or middle-class. Davidson changed ICU constitution the difference between the first and Yours sincerely, What made their lives duller still with little or no interference from the second International?—probably Charles Twist, Biochem 1. were the strict (and often petty) the State. How can one complain? rules by which they were The cause for apathy is the fact that surrounded: no visits to girls' rooms nothing bothers students seriously Travelling in the evening, no 'modern' music, and any trouble can be rapidly to name two. Their environment remedied thanks to Dep Reps and The Mind! CTS TRAVEL...Reduces the Cost! Flip chart abuse NORTH AMERICA EUROPE LONG HAUL 071-323 5180 071-637 5601 071-323 5130 To continue a recent and always should be full of theme... 'Neither use nor ornament, bureaucratic meetings and hours of those sabbaticals! Take that wasting time. After all, everybody President of ours, the Scottish loves being in meetings all night. MEXICO in 208 960 AMSTERDAM 44 79 AUKLAND 359 65? plonker, what's he up to? Nine Getting involved in the Union BOSTON 97 192 CAIRO 108 219 BANGKOK 199 399 months of focus groups, working should be difficult. Well, we don't parties, council meetings and what want any old student walking in and CHICAGO ' , Ml' 60 US KATHMANDU 239 439 does he have to show for it....A changing everything, it has worked DALLAS 7 i.',' -"I -mti-vi 36' U CARACAS 202 398 new Union structure and a drink this way for nigh on fifty years and LOS ANGELES 205 329 problem. True, true, the members should stay like it is. Regardless of of the working group spent hours, whether it does its job.' MIAMI ^^^^^rfNG 267 469 days even, putting together what 'I'll tell you what, the Union NEW YORK ' 53 888 Mljilf ,:|| 264 473 should be a Union that will serve General Meeting on Friday the 25th ORLANDO 118 Jfsl gfinflf 206 379 its members into the next century, of June inthe Junior Common Room in terms of social athletic, academic should be a laugh. We'll show that SAN FRANCISCO 124 247 PARIS ' 35 69 RIO 284 547 and welfare needs. They have Chris Davidson what we think of a TORONTO 122 226 ROME ,\\ 62 120 SINGAPORE 231 435 consulted hundreds of people, customer focused Union...' VANCOUVER 171; 318 TEL AVIV , 99 169 SYDNEY 334 661 recorded hours of tape, written That's what Lionel Blair thinks of endless reports...That's another the Union restructuring, what do WASHINGTON 93 iWVlMlR'\\ 63 125 TOKYO * 265 489 thing, reports.. you think? 'What the point anyway? Next week Chris Davidson in flip ROUND THE WORLD Voluntary membership, that's the chart abuse shocker! usual excuse, pathetic, You'd think This has been a party political £799 they wanted the Union to be useful broadcast on behalf of the Union or something. That's not what Structure Working Party. 44 Goodge Street ^201 ensington High St. Unions are for! They always have London W1P2AD w fc s% London W8 7RA © GOODGE STREET OfflGH STREET KENSINGTON IATA Licensed

Page 7 'eature 4 June 1993 Felix 969 Greasing the tool

Can your rubber take the strain? Jonty Beavan tries out the KYJelly test on the best friend of man's best friend.

'Well how was it then?' 'Sorry?' 'The stress tests on the condoms?' 'Ahh...' Maxine was inquiring after the small blue tissue box that she had sent me a few weeks ago. Discreetly wrapped inside several man sized tissues were two masculine sized condoms, a mystery plastic bottle, a tube of KY jelly and two rubber gloves. This was not a press release from Perverts-R-Us, but a 'try it at home' test for all those of you who were worried which lubricant to use when you are performing the act of love. If you use a condom and an oil based lubricant you could be in trouble. It has been shown that the oil based lubricants eat away at the rubber of the condom making it much more likely to break during the strains of lovemaking. Tiny perforations develop, invisible to the eye, and reduce the condom's strength by up to 90%. Well, that's to cut the one we had in half. Jonty, what it said in the information pack, Donny O'Nonchalant and Steff and who I am to question? huddled around a rather too But why bother with it anyway? conspicuous table to test to The main users are male destruction a mint scented Mates homosexuals, as the act of anal sex condom. Incidentally this particular is a little short on lubrication. condom definitely smelt of mint but Frequently it is used in 'moments did not taste of it, I should know, when a little extra help is needed' I was stupid enough to try it on my during heterosexual intercourse tongue. (Quotes taken from any advert for In a scene reminiscent of The the ever famous KY Jelly). What Rocky Horror Picture Show, my has worried many Doctors is that two assistants placed the rubber when the wheels of love need to gloves on to my hands so that I greased, the first thing most people could begin the operation. Liberal reach for is Baby Oil. In these days amounts from the mysterious botde, fear about AIDS a condom that is which we presumed to be the likely to burst is a very dangerous notorious 'oil based lubricant', were thing and common Baby Oil is one then poured of the innocent half of those risky substances. Hence condom. We then realised that our KY Jelly have jumped upon the single pair of gloves were covered band wagon as the only big name in the oil so could not be used to water based lubricant. They have grease up the other condom without employed a PR company to prove prejudicing the experiment. Donny how wonderful their tubes of oil are quickly leapt in the the fray and compared to nasty condom-rotting volunteered to smear his hands and Johnson's Baby Lotion. the rest of the prophylactic with KY Actually doing the test in the kit Jelly. Mere seconds later the two proved to be a little more difficult halves were sitting on opposite ends than would be first imagined. of the table looking like gutted fish Firstly, the two condoms supplied swimming in our chosen lubricant. with the kit were no longer there, After being left to soak in their someone had run of with one of own juices for a total of two them. In the interests of scientific minutes, the moment of truth ITALY. investigation, the three people who arrived. Donny took one end of had gathered to do the test, decided each condom, I took the other and

Page 8 'eature Felix 969 4 June 1993

started to pull. The condoms both stretched to about a meter before one suddenly snapped. Luckily for the owners of KY Jelly, it wasn't theirs. Of more relevance was the fact that the snapping condom had sprayed oil based lubricant all over the place. The tables, chairs and spectators of this strange condom stretching event were now proud owners of freshly deposited 'lubricant'. After clearing up a little, the assembled observers decided that this was not very good test. As all the parts had been supplied by KY Jelly and cutting the condom in hallf might have effected the results of the test. Such are the trails of playing a game with any scientist, they take it all so seriously. It was decided that we should get some more condoms and repeat the event. So off I went to search Imperial College Union Building for more fodder for our latex protection tests. Strangely, all the mens toilets were completely devoid of condoms. One empty machine lay outside the conveniences looking like it been ripped off the wall. I was depressed, if I was about to have sex, I would The KY Jelly tester pack: A condom, be near hysteria by now. There was some Jelly, some instructions and one last hope, a female friend a dodgy looking bottle offered to go into the Ladies toilets and buy a packet of three from guide, so we tried to insert a hand Aerobics there. Strange place Imperial, you as far in to the sheath as possible. can't buy condoms if you're a man, I took the oil soaked one, Donny the but you can if you're a woman. KY covered version, and almost as When she returned, she cast a soon as my hand slid in, the condom knowing wink in my direction. I split. Donny managed to put his started to explain, then realised that entire fist and half his arm in to the if I were her, I wouldn't believe me rubber casing before it gave way. either. It may have been the 'Cock'tail & Returning to examine the contents flavour, but it unnerved me that the of the packet, our panel of judges oil based one broke so easily. discovered one Strawberry and two Every one around the table had Body Toning 'Cock'tail flavour Mates condoms. used condoms, but none admitted We decided that strawberry was far ever using a lubricant. A bit of a too queer so it would have to be the waste, as no one directly concerned EARLY MORNING CLASSES manly 'Cock'tail that was put under by the rotting condoms was able to the strain. Again these were tested comment on the test. One Student Monday to Friday 7.30-8.30am rigorously for the fragrance: We Union President did say 'KY Jelly Southside Gym came to the considered conclusion is the one I use every time'. But, it was the aroma of Juicy Fruits with for all you people who decide to Students £1.25/Staff £1.50 a touch of rubber that would play around with the Baby Oil, its fragrance our simulated love better to use a water based lubricant making test. just in case some gets on your After another session of chosen method of protection. LUNCHTIME CLASS smothering condoms with grease, So back to Maxine, who we sat for one hundred and twenty incidentally is one of the people Wednesday 12.00-12.45pm seconds dripping with the various employed to promote KY Jelly at The Union Gym oils that had been scattered about. Red Rooster PR: The table began to look like it had '... Yeah, the KY one didn't break' Students £1.25/Staff £1.50 been the lardy bathing place for "That's good, are you going to be some Northerner. Stretching the able to do an article about it?' condoms was considered a poor 'Shouldn't be a problem...'

Page 9 'eature 4 June 1993 Felix 969 The world's oldest profession Our man on the street Philip Henry peers furtively into the lives of prostitutes and tries to disguise any hints of self-interest.

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NANCY -mil 'Tie Schoolgirl type

.r- NANCY am Tease lx iimMs strict VAM", ...... headmaster for

lessons z 589 H 202

YcmWbe bound to call

It's a bit difficult writing an it's because you can't be arsed or of 'naive'. a few questions?' article on a subject which arouses you're afraid, here is a guide of - '...Where are you?' - 'Erm...er.. Hang on...' as many feelings as prostitution. what you can expect. - 'Me? I'm at South Kensington.' I heard her call another woman Some people want titilation; some The first woman I called (373 - 'No you're not!' over and I asked her the same think the whole notion is disgusting 1284) advertised herself as 'TVs At which point she hung up, question. There was a few giggles and degrading; some may get a kick Fantasy Haven, Satin and Lace, which was a bit odd because it was shared by the two and it seemed that out of such an article. So being a Frocks and Frills, Wigs and High the only truthful thing I had said they were far more embarrassed firm believer that every man (at Heels' so I decided, rather than tell during the entire conversation. than I was. least) is a pervert no matter how her I was researching for purely According to a denizen of the Felix - 'Erm.. sorry, love, we're a bit latent, who will at least be curious journalistic interests I would office this may have been a ploy to busy at the moment...' about the subject I thumb my nose pretend to be a punter. make sure that the caller is a serious And she hung up. at what is expected of me in writing - 'Hi. I saw an advert of yours in prospective client rather than a 'School girl type' (370 7696) was such an article, throw political a phone booth in Chelsea...How joker or police officer; a call girl far more co-operative and I was correctness out of the window and much will it cost me?' expects a serious client to call back. able to chat quite happily with her. carry on in my own chosen way. - 'It depends what you want.' This may have been so but I was The first thing which struck me was You can hardly have failed to - 'Bondage, say.' rather disgruntled at being rumbled that, judging by her voice, no way notice all the handouts found in - 'Forty pounds.' and so I moved on to my next call. was she just out of school, unless 'phone booths in the South - 'What about humiliation?' My approach to 'Brand new she was a teacher; she sounded as Kensington area advertising all sorts - 'Thats the same thing...' stunning model' (938 3586) was if she was in her forties. I was very of carnal gratification. You may At this point the call girl was more honest. pleased when she agreed to answer even have tried 'phoning one or two extremely suspiscious. How was I - 'Hi. My name is Phillip and I'm a few journalistic questions such up for a giggle (or otherwise); but to know they were the same thing? a freelance journalist researching as.. for all of you who haven't, whether The word 'Physicist' is a synonym call girls. Is it possible to ask you - 'So, how much do you charge?'

Page 10 'eature Felix 969 4 June 1993

Friday evening I visited Soho with tempted. Any normal man would its sex shops, strip shows and what have been. not. I was quite innocently (honest, 'Tell you what. Go around the Your Honour) wandering around block if you want. I'll probably be some backstreet off Charing Cross here when you come back.' Road when two girls approached 'Will you be here tomorrow?' me. One was coloured, the other of 'No. I'm off Saturdays unless you apparently black-caucasian roots. want to make an appointment. I'll She was the taller, better looking of be here Sunday though.' the two and did all the talking. She 'Okay, cheers.' was really likeable. I thought I'd be more 'Hiya, love. Do you want some embarrassed being offered sex but tonight?' I wasn't. I was also surprised just 'How much?' how easy it is to get if you're 'Twenty pounds for half an willing to spend a bit of cash. Lets hour.' This, I thought, was face it: London is a sexy city. It extraordinarily cheap. I thought simply oozes atmosphere. You can they were all priced around the be in one of the most exclusive forty pound mark like the 'phone districts in the world and ten call girls. My surprise must have minutes walk later be in the shown on my face because she seediest. You can, if you have the laughed:'I know, I'm worth more money, realise your most purvy ain' I? You're surprised aren' you?' fantasies. These girls are just out to 'Yeah, yeah. Where would we go?' make a living like anybody else by 'My appartment. It's around a offering the public just one more minutes walk away.' luxury service. How involved you I shan't claim that I wasn't get is up to you.

HAIRDRESSERS 15A HARRINGTON ROAD, SOUTH KENSINGTON - 'Oh, around sixty quid.' 'phone line free so that her clients 071-823 8968 - 'And what kind of clients do you could contact her. I thanked her and get?' hung up. We have a fantastic offer for all you - 'Oh, all kinds. Just normal, Spanking Lessons by Busty Black students, a cut wash and blowdry average men.' Model (373 8576) and Massage by - 'What jobs do they normally Caribean Mistress (373 5956) by our top stylist have?' proved, embarrassingly enough, to (which normally costs around £21) - 'All kinds, businessmen... even be the same woman who in both journalists..' instances wouldn't co-operate. For only £11 Men £12 Women - 'Ah. Any students?' While Miss Electra (Fully equipped - 'Yeah, I have students.' for restrictive punishment fantasies Check us out! - 'So, where are you situated?' - 937 9874) was similarly unwilling - 'In May fair.' to talk. - 'Really? Have you had any - 'Hi, I just saw your advert in a famous people?' 'phone booth...' - 'Of course.' - 'Where are you?' - 'Who?' - 'Erm... South Ken.' All my journalistic instincts were - 'Right. We're just around the excited at the prospect of getting corner in Earls Court. If you come some gossip but I was dissappointed about. - 'I'm sorry, love, I can't teE you. - 'Wait! Let me explain.' So I did. It's purely confidential.' I just wanted an interview. She said - 'Can't you just be vague and tell that she wasn't allowed to by her me what kind of job they hold.' employer and hung up. - 'I'm sorry' Right, so much for the telephone I gleaned a little more call girls, the cheaper ones are on information like the busiest nights the streets. Go around Soho at about are Fridays and such like but at last eleven at night and you can hardly she told me that she had to keep her fail to meet some. On a boring

Page 11 'eature 4 June 1993 Felix 969 The Rovers Return

In a completely unprecedented move, Donny O'Nonchalant and Declan Curry crown their heads with cynicism, put on threadbare robes of coherence, and usurp the Empire

It was once said that the second Eight years from the war, the surviving colonial advances in codicil 'Unless the island is me.' world war had produced One foundations of the welfare state set 1993, there is Australia, whose And there's new music on the Victor, the USA, One Villain, streets; an underground tune that Germany, and One Hero, Great was sung throughout the 1920s and Britain. That the United Kingdom 1930s, remixed for the 90s. Ever has portrayed a somewhat since the first influx to Britain of exaggerated sense of nobility in coloured immigrants in the fifties, international circles is almost through the exodus of Indians, certainly true. Even British failures Pakistanis, Bangladeshis, and are ascribed a peculiar heroism. Ugandan asians forced out by Idi Robert Falcon Scott and Roald Amin in the sixties and seventies, Amundsen, in their race for the culminating in the Vietnamese and pole, are examples of such Hong Kong refugees taking up the historical treatment; Scott, beaten, last decade. Europe-wide, the does not outlive his failure, dying swagger, the jackboot, the very heroically in the inhospitable wastes short haircut, and the crooked of antarctica. Amundsen, attitude worn on the sleeve, are successful, lives until a fateful making their resurgence. In Britain, expedition in 1928. British history Tory Nationalists, from Enoch has periodically portrayed him as Powell to his disgraced acolyte, clinical, Germanic, soulless. Harvey Proctor, have campaigned Another example of sense of vociferously for repatriation. humour failure, inhuman Proctor's own concern, the right- efficiency, and being first with the mmmmi^ wing Monday Club, provoked mass beach towels. While I may be hysteria in 1984 when it was accused of anti-nationalist by the 1945 Labour Government prime minister, Paul Keating, revealed to have been infdtrated by propaganda or, god forbid, well in place, and into Churchill's makes public demands for fascists. The British record on race cosmopolitan sympathies, it is second term of office. Stalin's death Australian independence, and relations reveals many sensitive striking, is it not, how romantically spared us another war and no small familiar gestures (a caress here, a areas; Viraj Mendis, forced to take we view our role in the international embarrassment, Korea was an stroke there) to the head of state. sanctuary in a Manchester church community. unfortunate aside of which we had Then there is Northern Ireland. to avoid deportation to Sri Lanka, the Tamil refugees stripping naked Or did. In the forty years since little involvement, but we were Enough said. Even Scotland cries at Heathrow for the same reason, the coronation of Her Majesty the furore caused by Dr Siddiqui Queen Elizabeth II, the British and the Muslim Parliament, and the perspective of itself has changed a argument between religion and law little; that is to say it doesn't look over Salman Rushdie's novel 'The directly at itself anymore, although Satanic Verses'. Book-burning, it is only our own history followed by a holy fatwa from the persuading us that it ever did. As Iranian Imam, followed by the a people, again, we demonstrate support of Yusuf Islam, followed by ourselves to have some small talent record-burning. Organisations such for ascribing our motives to the as the British National Party, actions of others, and then National Front, Combat 18 etc, condemning them for it, c.f. have capitalised on this Maastricht, and media inferences dissatisfaction and are making regarding the would-be substantial progress in recruiting the machinations of those in Brussels dispossessed and the (buzzwords include 'potty', disenfranchised of British youth. 'barmy', and 'Euro-bureaucrats'). There is no shortage of those Expect jingoistic cartoon strips, and willing to be foot soldiers for the children's fiction to uphold the new Right, replacing the Horst British Way, salute the flag, warm Wessels of the twenties with the the pants of those bally jackanapes Kevins, the Brians, and the Darrens from Berlin, Belgium, Bratislava... of the nineties. It seems a rising To the process of self-examination: busy anyway, conscripting young out for devolution from number of what we might call If the forty-year reign of one men to conduct nuclear weapons Westminster, and what precisely 'ethnic Britons' are none too happy monarch does not provoke a testing out in the pacific. We were does European Union mean when with this island's current state of retrospective scrutiny, then nothing busy elsewhere, too, seceding vast our Government quite evidently has cultural diversity. will. Failing that, I suppose the areas of land back to its original goals differing from those of our Bicentenary of the United Kingdom owners, after having been neighbours? John Donne's famous And then we have the island in 2003 may encourage a little navel responsible for little or no 'No man is an island' utterance is itself, this 'precious jewel set in a contemplation. improvement. Of the UK's sole looking increasingly in need of the silver sea' guarding itself 'against

Page 12 'eature Felix 969 4 June 1 993

the envy of less happier lands'. Nazi Germany, continuing their again by television. Last year, to More gaud than Gaunt. Whether What role does the Royal Family feigned reign. And when Britain commemorate her 40 years on the Shakespeare is entirely responsible play in Britain? Not the Monarchy, was at war with Germany, Throne, HM let cameras maraud all for the elevated egocentricity of the which has a constitutional job of Elizabeth did her bit as a jobbing over Balmoral to give us a year in English is perhaps a difficult claim work, but the Royals, the RAF mechanic. She also saw the the life of One. to qualify, but the proliferation of Coronation Clan, the Grasping esteem of the Royals rising as her Some great, good and senile say the English language and the Gathering. Are they merely the mother visited London's East End that this is when the rot set in. That English media across the world British ambassadors to Klosters? A after Luftwaffe bombings. BBC documentary, showing Anne makes a plausible basis for monument to the flailing British After the war came a new talking through a stuffed mouthful considering our view of our status, tourist industry? Lodging mates for nationalistic fervour, stoked up by of sausage, detracted from the real in contrast to the view of the UK Michael Fagan? Possibly they are the Festival of Britain. The Royal purpose of the Royals, represented held by our international all of these, but the predominant Family turned the corner. National by the Caernarvon investiture of the contemporaries. And furthermore, role of the British Royal Family is mourning at the death of George same year. But is the escapism not how do we assess British justice, as escapism. We need our fun, our VI, national condemnation of the fuelled by the heady mix of tradition once proclaimed the envy of the glpy^sy^|||gM|j||j|^^ "' and modernity, encouraging a sense world, in the light of the Guildford of continuity when all is in flux? Four, the Birmingham Six, and She's always there, God luv 'er. Judith Ward? The ghosts of Not that she always seemed to be Timothy Evans and Derek Bentley there. The spotlight shifted from fail to raise their heads because their time to time. Onto Princess Anne necks were broken. and Captain Mark Phillips for the Civil unrest is, I suppose, the best Royal Wedding. Here's Prince way to describe the Miners' Strike, Charles and Lady Diana Spencer the Poll Tax riots, the Greenham for another Royal Wedding. sill!! Common demonstration, et cetera. There's Prince Andrew and Sarah We have paranoia theorists who are Fergeson, you'll never guess, a only too keen to tell us of phone- Royal Wedding. Back to the Duke tapping, of MI5 and the armed and Duchess for a Royal forces plotting a military coup Separation. Over the Prince and during the last Labour Government, Princess of Wales for another of spy rings at GCHQ, and of senior separation. Joining us now is Anne Cabinet ministers involved in arms Windsor, with the Royal deals with nations they subsequently Separation, divorce and re- decide to send troops against. We marriage. Behind the beaming smile are constantly told by our for the 1992 Royal Grampian Government how much better than Wedding, did the Queen, baby- others we are, in whatever issues sitter extraordinaire, reflect on her are effecting the comparison, but diversions, something to look at and press publishing funeral entry to 20th century family life? So 'better than' does not mean 'good shrug, 'maybe things aren't that bad photographs of a grieving mother, many single parents. enough'. I am reminded of the after all'. Come to one, all ye who wife and daughter, national joy Still, it was a nice wedding, in politican disclaiming that are burdened. Queenie, the when the daughter became Queen time for Christmas, and smoking 'Unemployment is no excuse for entertaining musical, at a Palace in her own right. out the memory of the Great joyriding or drug abuse' when it is near you. The Coronation was the start of Windsor Toast-Out. Enough has not being offered as an excuse, but At the time of the Coronation, the Entertainment UK, and the Queen been written about the Annus, by way of explanation. suffice to add that if fire consumed 'Forty years, eh?'. Forty years. my house, I hope the taxman 'Not said much about her, have wouldn't roll up with the fire you?' I have left that to my engine. There have been other fun illustrious colleague. 'Not very moments. Charles falling off his balanced, then, is it?' The way I see polo horse. William getting a club it, my evidence will counterbalance on the side of the head at school. your ego. 'Ah, well. At least Sir Some fool trying to kidnap Princess Edmund Hillary conquered Everest Anne whilst driving up the Mall. for The Empire'. Not bad for a Diana's close encounters with the New Zealander, especially with china cabinet. Andrew's exploits in such a dead weight. the Falklands. Edward being Really Useful. Philip, the slitty eyes, the pot- bellied Hungarians, and the Koala with mange. To top it all, the aged relic Queen Mother chokes on a bit of maggotted salmon. In public, she's just in for observation. In private, it's throat cancer. Heaven help us when she dies. Declan Curry What does one turn to for escapism leads us through then? 27 year old Queen was fully alive was its chief instigator. Against the Abdication, and to the importance of keeping the advice of the Prime Minister and from left to right: Ken Royals popular. She had witnessed others, she allowed television Livingstone, Anotny Wedgewood finds himself in the trauma and tribulations when cameras into Westminster Abbey Benn, Margret Thatcher, John Edward abdicated for Mrs for the Coronation ceremony. Major, The Queen Mother, Price Robespierre's Simpson. She heard the grating of Later, in 1969, the nation was Phillip (by Spitting Image), teeth when the pretenders King allowed a quick peak at the Royal Queen Elizabeth 2 and Prince waistcoat Edward and Queen Wallis visited family life, with the veil drawn back Charles

Page 13 Clubs & Societies 4 June 1993 Felix 969 I C tA C SPD INSWANAGE

Unforgiven

Unforgiven Showing on 10th June plays William Munny, a reformed fan of Eastwood or not you should you're among the first to see one of This week's masterpiece at killer, asked to do a little vigilante find this film very enjoyable. our 35mm shows with our new FilmSoc is Unforgiven, winner of work and punish two cowboys for Unforgiven screens at 7.30pm, next projection equipment. And a quick three Oscars (four if you include the hurting a local prostitute. Modern Thursday, in the Union Concert thank you to everyone who helped technical ones), and a Bafta. This westerns rarely come along these Hall, and don't forget Da Vinci's out over the year—Steff (taffy year's Best Picture, it also won Best days, and never as good as this one. Happy Hour immediately before it upstart) Laugharne, Pete (1-2-3) Director for Clint Eastwood, and Even if you're not a fan of cowboy to make the evening even better. Stanley, Pete (now and again) Gene Hackman took Best movies, this one is excellent That's it for FilmSoc this Collins, Andrew Carpenter, Ranjit Supporting Actor for his beacuse of its acting but particularly year...and what a year it's been. Mene, Costas Galenos (super-proj), performance as the brutal sheriff in beautiful scenery and final Thanks for coming along, and if Gary (who?), Zayeed and of course this Western must-see. Eastwood cinematography. Whether you're a you're here next year, make sure Sarah for the car.

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M US1C 4 June 1993 Felix 969

Convert - Rockin' to the Rage Against The Machine - Therapy? - Face the Strange Rhythm Bullet in the Head E.P. Sexy little dance number shaking its If 'Killing in the Name of was sour More knuckleduster rock from wobbly bits at all the right grapes, then 'Bullet in the Head' is those noisy noise boys following up UB40 -1 can't help falling in moments; nice saxophone-based like a grapefruit, only smaller. on the inspired 'Shortsharpshock' love with you savagery packing its pistols over a 'Now ya do what they told ya' E.P. with a substantial quantity of exquisitely hideous guitar work for Have you ever made a good record? powerful meaty bass. Semi- I know the drill. ears gone lazy. 'Neckfreak' is, I'm ('The Earth Dies Screaming' in detached, with garage, too. Won't Do you? told, the only track on this four 1979, or thereabouts - sic. Ed) put the shits up the clergy, but kids, F track E.P. to appear on the album F**k off and die, you majorly take care: it's summer, and Donny O'Nonchalant 'Nurse', and is uncomfortably close horrid wankers. anything can happen. Out now on Epic to those dead men from Dublin, U2. Giselle 'Derek' McDestine The line is becoming ever more Out now on DEP 'Out now on A & M. Kinky Machine— Shockaholic vague, and difficult to distinguish... If I told you this was a great song, It's a question of attitude, I I'd be lying; it certainly isn't the suppose; It took U2 ten years to first time a song has dropped learn how to exploit their own through my skylight with a nice idea bullshit, and I don't for a minute and a soupcon of blunt wit, only to imagine that Therapy? will pursue be let down by half-arsed, full- that line. Not, I hasten to add, on powered pop of the 'normal the strength of the other three tracks standard' standard. Just ask me anyway, and I mean 'Strength'. what I think of Carter. Donny O'Nonchalant 'Shockaholic' is another Out now on A&M. I don't commentary on the nature of things know; Paw last week, Therapy? with a capital 'SHIT', and would this week. It's looking for all the seem to be, in its own small way, world A&M are undergoing some specifically directed at society's ch-ch-ch-changes (Jesus Christ, (That's 'society' with a capital who edits me? - sic. Ed) 'SHIT', readers - sic. Ed) thrill- seeking populace. Unfortunately, no self-respecting shockfreak is Kinky Machine: Soft blokesupwards. look going to look in this direction. UIMICD2 - Various the band who follow them, Mint Now, if the music itself were Again like the 5 for '93 product Various—5 for '93 400. 'Gas' is the track featured on thrilling, we'd have irony, and be reviewed over there (I'm sorry we First and foremost, I'm not sure in here, and is an assault akin to the forced to acknowledge Kinky can't oblige you with an arrow to what capacity, if any, that this will Ministry, minus their more Machine as 'Kings of Pop' in a verypoin t in the necessary direction), be released in. It features bands on Einsturzende jackhammery straight-faced way. Ironic, that. this would seem to be another the Food label, EMI's token moments, doing a nursery rhyme Jerome Skeleton de Sardone showcase for some Phonogram subsidiary for the kids. Food have singalong. Pay attention, kids, for Out now on Lemon Records bands whose names sound vaguely Blur. Food have Jesus Jones. here is the word; the word is familiar. I don't recall hearing Verstande? 'good'. Whirlpool are up next, with showcase of some potential, anything by any of them before, so I shall just have to launch bravely Strangelove open this, with a 'King's Cross', a passable slice of undoubtably, but I can't think of on, sans reference points. track called 'Hysteria Unknown'; bruised funk rock that has its many cakes or desserts that it's it's the Cult! I yelled delightedly, moments. The last two songs, by comparable to. Strawberry angel The Mighty Mighty Bosstones doing a straight-faced 'What the Mouth and Skyscraper delight, perhaps? open with 'Someday I suppose', a difference does it make?'. Like 77ie respectively, are quite pleasing in 'Derek' McDestine cute track that starts off with a ska Smiths propounding a serious rock themselves, leaving us the feeling Out at some point in time feel before becoming guitar pop in ethic. The band themselves are that Food are rather pleased with (conceivably before cataclysm) on no uncertain terms. Tracks 2 and 3 tipped for great things, along with their little showcase. It is a Food. are by Kerb Dog and Mindbomb respectively, and tend towards Blaggers ITA - Stress noisy metal territory. Darlingheart It's hard not to feel a certain follow with a very Muses effort fondness for such blatant agit-rock; 'Smarthead'; I kid you not when I 'Stress' is reminiscent of both the say this would be at home on Redskins and the Screaming Blue 'Hunkpapa', and there may be a Messiahs, a great, antagonistic rock plethora of bands sounding like n' rap effort to kick against the Throwing Muses at the moment, but pricks with some wickedly parping 'Smarthead' is a well-crafted song, horns thrown in. 'The way to die' and maybe a triumph of substance is similarly unsubtle, but more over style awaits them. The 5th obviously dance fare than 'Stress'. track is called 'Waiting for the Sun' Maybe they just caught me in a by the Jay hawks, and as I can think good mood, but this is bags of fun, of nothing constructive to say, I and perhaps a pointed comment that shall say nothing. Track 6 is the the squatter's party and the Pogo are standout, by Urban Species. A just around the corner as the bubble smooth, jazzy swingbeaty/hip finally bursts for pop culture. hoppy number, 'The Ropes (Trick of the Trade)'is very cool indeed. Maybe punk was just something Don't know where you'll be able to that happened to other people, but buy it, don't care either; I've every new generation gets the already got mine. terrorists it deserves. Donny O'Nonchalant Hardy-Hardy-Ha-Ha Out on Parlophone. Blaggers ITA: Hard blokes wait on staircases. 'Derek' McDestine

Page 16 Music Felix 969 4 June 1993

Iris Dement —Infamous cloying tastes about it, particularly a pretty sound. In her defence I Angel when she starts to involve her should say that Iris has a boyfriend It's not often that an album can family. Both parents get dedicated called Elmer too. It could only Albums honestly be described as 'purely songs, and with respect I hope her happen in the land of the free. loyalty, future glory and infamous anything' but 'Infamous Angel' is Pa is gone the way of all flesh Thankfully this family album is angels. 'Let the mystery be' and just pure, full stop. Partly it's Iris because she's singing about burying limited to fair songs only and the 'hotter than Mojave in my heart' are voice, which most country singers him already. The cause of nepotism remaining seven have enough the best of the bunch. Fiddle solos would D.I.V.O.R.C.E. for but the is taken to further heights on the quality to overreach and send you and lyrics like 'you came along and sympathetic production of Jim gospel classic 'Higher Ground'. Oh away with a tear in your eye. The you tipped my apple cart' prove that Rooney also plays its part. (He of yes, Flora Mae DeMent (my dear simple accompaniment of fiddle, reports of Nashville's death have Nanci Griffith fame). Which is not mother) gets to do lead vocals in dobro, piano, bass and acoustic been great exaggerated. to necessarily say that 'Infamous that shaky way reminiscent of heavy guitar set the scene for Iris to weave Tintin. Angel' is good, as there are some old ladies of bus-pass vintage. Not her small town stories of love, Out on Warner Bros.

pregnant felines going into labour Donald Fagen —Kamakiriad for the past few weeks. Meeow. D6JNAID f AGE N . K A FT] A K I R I A D Sometimes, you hope for a record; The music is heavenly, the sometimes you give up hoping. smokiest, sleekest, sexiest, silkiest Sometimes, a record comes at you faux-luxe jazz-fusion imaginable, from out of nowhere. Sometimes, plucked out of the sky and set to eternity hides itself in the most eight tracks about a boy and his car. innocuous places; I'm really pleased The first song, "Trans-Island to be able to tell you that Skyway' is about the narrator 'Kamakiriad' is all of those. And 'about to embark on a journey in his then some. new dream-car, a custom-tooled Potted history: 1972. Donald Kamakiri. It's built for the new Fagen and Walter Becker form the century: steam-driven, with a self- creative impetus behind Steely contained vegetable garden and a Dan's debut album, 'Can't buy a radio link with the tripstar routing thrill'. It is universally acclaimed. satellite'. Steely Dan produce another six The fantastic of the next millennia brilliant albums, including beautifully set as if it were the 'Countdown to Ecstasy' and 'Aja' reality of now sublimates every before imploding. In 1982, Donald track of this futuristic road movie. Fagen releases his first solo album, From the 'Shack on Cape Sincere' 'The Nightfly', to unanimous to the Metroplex in visors and applause. And then... thermasuits; from Sheilus, and the Eleven years later, Donald Fagen reefs of Kizmar, to Stargate, and the returns, with Walter Becker as Outer Worlds, Donald Fagen is producer, for his second solo telling the story in the buzzwords album, 'Kamakiriad'. To describe of the day. Buzzwords solely This is the cover. You will now be able to recognise it, thus it as 'Long-Awaited' is an because he has initiated them as facilitating purchase. understatement in extremis; musicsuch . Yes, I may be critically soul just to hear this, and when you ©Out now on WEA. Donald journalists the world over, including biased, no, I don't care what you do hear it, realise just what a Fagen is rumoured to be touring myself down here in Lowest-of- think, yes, I do advise you to hear bargain you got. with Steely Dan later this year. Lowsville, have been behaving like this. I advise you to mortgage your Donny O'Nonchalant Details? Keep your eyes open...

nonchalant observation), a certain irrespective of colour. there's too much parmesan and too Melvin Van Peebles appears to be The gospel workouts of The little garlic—plenty of surface Posse Soundtrack—Various on the listing, no, not a Dutch Sounds of Blackness are a positivappeae l but not enough underlying The black cowboy has always been cousin of Andy, but a relation of improvement to their Mo' Money substance. As Tintin commented on an enigma. Mario. With blatant nepotism in the contribution, the harmonisation Wild West, it is rather worrying Take Blazing Saddles: it's likes of Beverly Hills 90210,brillian t and adds to the varied about the film soundtrack turning satirical outlook, trivialising the Hollywood has a lot to answer for influences here. into just another opportunity to existence of the black man, let alone itself—preferential treatment to Whatever happened to the jazz make money. Media manipulators. a black sheriff, and as a statement relatives is elitist, but in a way track though? Not commercial If you do buy this though, in only inducing cheap laughs at the everybody can be forgiven, as enough, no doubt. addition to the already mentioned, expense of a much deeper and more through the transcendental words of Vesta's 2nd contribution 'Ride of listen out for Tone Loc, Michael important issue. The Oscar winning the Dalai Lama, we are all brothers Your Life' with its 'Hey you, big Colombier and Top Choice Clique The Unforgiven never really raised and sisters. Personal thoughts aside, man, come here...', is either (MC Force and Nuno Bettencourt), it. the potent statement on it: 'Freedom furthering the myth, or making the while make an effort to ignore The new Posse is a yet to be isn't something you make, freedom lamentable (!) John Holmes turn in Vesta, (B)BOTI and Salli released black cowboy film directed is something to take' leaves you his grave and impale himself. The Richardson. wondering. by Mario Van Peebles and stars song itself is nauseating despite a A cry of recognition for the shooters like Big Daddy Kane, Billy Intelligent Hoodlum's "The Posssoulfue l voice, and is the epitome of existence and struggles of the black Zane and Blair T saw you on the (Shoot 'Em Up)', is an assertion commercial compromise. cowboy, any ignorant comments Word' Underwood. It is probably that appearances can be deceiving Making it a wrap The Neville could be fatal... an attempt to highlight and is one of the best tracks with Brothers are stanning, their desolate A Western? awareness—as one in three its Spaghetti sampling, rich name atmosphere on 'Let the Hammer Where's Eastwood or Wayne? cowboys were black—and must drops, insane catchiness, TV Fall', with slavering chains in the BANG! make a change to the usually white- cowboy pots, and the smoking background must be emancipatory. BANG! washed western. This is the yet to statement of '...if you live by the The art experimentation 'siezed Trickle, trickle. be released soundtrack. gun, you die by the gun', seems to upon' by Ennio Morricone lives The rest is silence. On a cursory glance through (a sum up the whole western ethos, partially to the present, but maybe Ophelia.

Page 1 7 M US1C 4 June 1993 Felix 969

This Picture—Borderline 'It's been a while' announces Simon Bye, lead singer and posturing frontman of This Picture. So it has. Almost exactly 12 months ago, I An Emotional Fish— Borderline 21.5.93 saw the same band on the same stage, albeit a stage without the I sometimes wonder about the assorted Axminsters and the like membrane of sanity and the with which it is bedecked tonight. performance of An Emotional Fish A year on, 'Naked Rain' and provided a rich vein to tap. It wasn't 'Death's Sweet Religion' sound as, the name which even a self- well, sweet and religious as before; respecting Dadaist would query but accompanied as they are tonight, by rather the lead singer's behaviour. new numbers, the new single 'High Whilst music is well entrenched Rise', a tower of power, and 'The as visual entertainment, the wide Greatest Escape' like sugar on the rolling eyes of this man would give senses. Rock 'n' Roll. Rasputin a run for his money. Support on the night in question Contrasted by the total staticity of is provided by Surrender Dorothy. the other band members, who The Oz-esque name is strangely looked like Robert Plant and a appropriate, as they are a lead younger Tom Waits, the scene was singer, sweet and innocent, a lovely set. Look at me, I'm really mad. A voice dreams of signing to RCA. messianic figure with lanky black (Remember the poppies in their fringe, obligatory tambourine in field of corn, you foolish child, the hand, an occasional wander into the wicked witch of the rock world), crowd, arms outstretched, head An Emotional fish: Necessarilyvague. and with her motley band (sic) of forced back. AH he needed was a became rosier for all concerned. At mad to make good music. I even a scarecrow, a hairy lion and a tin crown of thorns, but he asked US times the Fish's high powered rock enjoyed it. the set ended with 'If man. if we were religious so I guess that was as striking as you can get to God was a girl?'. The route from was enough. And there was me hear. 'Robert Plant' twaggled his tortured and emotion to tired and Surrender the band, Dorothy, and thinking Koresh was dead. Waw Waw lever, Tom Waits stood emotional is one worth watching. come back to Kansas, where being around and Mr Messiah just did the Tintin. pretty is probably enough. Still after the first couple of songs Easi Style such behaviour tailed off and things vocal thing. You don't have to be They have a single out soon.

The Auteurs-ULU 21.5.93 opinion can only complement the often a steaming sodom of thrown good but you couldn't dance to it. (Watch a Joy Division Vid Tsunami, the support and a jangly objectivity of this review. hair and gnashing teeth, were this guitared female american band, The Auteurs started their set withevenin g a subdued, (comparatively) sometime). were - unsurprisingly - somewhat three or four acoustic numbers ( older herd, obviously having come I thought they were deadly, and reminiscent of the Throwing Muses.actuall y the Cello was electric). A for the music and not the noise. how could I be wrong. Not bad mind you, but not to the band that has songs rather than To the unfamiliar, and here I GLYPH & MILVERTON MX taste of my guest for this evening, guitar sequences with words is rare pigeon-hole my guest, the 'How could I be wrong' out whom you can rest assured is these days. This is certainly a band consensus of opinion was that it was now on Hut. incapable of pretence and whose with songs. The ULU crowd, so was fantastically good—in addition MUSIC PREVIEW Out of Hiding — to the songs already in her Tonight Preview Saturday Preview Beit Hall 22.5.93 repertoire she took in her stride, at Blur - Astoria Cranes - Windsor Old Trout This group, led by Jan Babst (the sight, one number that the rest had With a new album, 'Modern Life is And the smells?! The smells were only Beit resident), vocal and practised without giving her the Rubbish', and something of a hit single simply out of this world!! Supported by guitar, gave us an evening of mosdy chance to learn it. I, not being with 'For Tomorrow', Blur take to the Slowdive, expect to find a few widowed gentle, rather Irish, music which familiar with this sort of music, was stage, ably supported by Darlingheart, goths throwing Eldritch poses by the whose 'Smarthead' features on UNICD2 river. Better still, there's a burned-out was impeccably performed and particularly struck with their (reviewed this issue). Expect to hear castle nearby; it's a fake, but you can't almost hypnotic in effect. Every balance, the other (I must not say 'There's no other way' somewhere tell now. Seven quid for Alison Shaw now and again the flow would break second) guitar, Alex Alan, within their melange of choice guitar performing live is well worth it, mind. into more complex rythms, with providing much of the melodic line. pop and English drollery. A bargain at a 8.30 pm notable flourishes from the drums In particular, given their massive mere £7.50. 7pm. Dr Alban - Subterania electronic aids, the performance Kingmaker - Mean Fiddler £7.00. I dunno. You must have money and bass. Andrew Baker and Clare Hunky-chunky Suede/Slade crossover to burn. Why don't you just stay in and Simmons. Clare Bailey has a fresh, was beautifully controlled. rock supported by Delicious Monster. watch the cricket with a few tinnies of natural voice, and, as lead singer, John Finley. Put on your best Muffin' an' stompin' Draught Guinness? from 7pm. gear, and watch the world call you a The The - Brixton Academy authentic New York Hardcore (and wanker, 'cos that sort of thing doesn't 'Sweet Bird of Truth'. 'Infected'. Biohazard—Camden I mean America's reaction to Punk, go on at a Kingmaker gig. £6.00. 'Beat(en) Generation'. Should be fun. Underworld 11.5.93 Wynton Marsalis - Clapham Grand £12.50. 7pm not this techno/dance/rave crap that He's brought his own trumpet. It's no Sunday Preview Biohazard—where metal meetthey'rs e all calling hardcore these contest, really. Bit costly, though. D'Note - Ronnie Scott's hardcore in a sea of flailing hair and days) with furious post-deaths, £14.50. from 7.30pm Extraordinary jazz/rap outfit, far too thrashing limbs. Despite the shitty slayeresque riffling and an extra Jamiroquai - Brixton Academy cool to ignore. Their album 'Babel' little venue with its unfortunately boinginess subtle derived from Well, there really is too much going on (Dorado) was reviewed in Felix 966, placed pillars and knee-breaking Brooklyn's hip-hop community in tonight, isn't there? I was laughing, and and we told you that it was fuckin' me mate was laughing (bleeding funny), good. Don't miss. £6.00. From 8pm. arrangements of monitors in front an unrivalled display of energy and and saying that you'll probably be in the Crystal Gayle - Palladium of the stage, this is one of the most aggression. bar all night, won't you? Fuckin' A. The only way to hear Country Music: rabid crowds I've ever seen. Buy their 'Urban Discipline' LP, £3.00 here a few months back, £13.50 Syruppy and sequinned, like Marc I've described Biohazard in these see them at the Marquee next in Brixton now. The price of fame. Almond gone rock n' roll. £19.50 - hallowed pages twice before, but month, and don't expect to be From 9pm £15. 7.30pm since you weren't paying attention treated gently. More Next Week - Donny. (sic. Ed) then either, they blend their Freddy Cheeseworth.

Page 18 Reviews Felix 969 4 June 1993

Antony & Cleopatra at the Barbican,John Caird has 'Antony and Cleopatra' is a noble challengingly retained something of DramSoc and spacious play. In it Shakespeare the significance of the text by presents a fine picture of Eastern simplifying nothing. The play opens Can't Pay Won't Pay The Cabinet of Dr Caligari opulence and Roman pride. Eight with Antony languishing in the land Dario Fo's unique blend of farce Although it had started off with a yars earlier he had written 'Julius of the Pharohs. As the house- lights and acute political comment found half hour delay, the play was very Caeser' and there the rivals, Antony fade the air is filled with a faint fresh and vivid expression in promising from its beginning. and Octavias, appear as comrades. fragrance of perfume, the caressing, Imperial College Dramsoc's Everything was there, a very In that play the critical clash of clean aroma of luxury and production of 'Can't Pay Won't Pay interesting story adapted from the cares is between Antony and opulence. On the instant Egypt !'. Although this form of theatre much revered Wiene's classic Brutus;the man of action and the seemed to reach out and seduce, as strives to stir an audience's sense of expressionist film, relatively good idealist. The tragedy is the soul's it's Queen had the pillars of the the injustices in life, it never adopts acting, appropriate music and full tragedy of Brutus. Through this world. an intimidating tone. audience. It looked like mysterious Shakespeare passed to the writing Clare Higgins played Cleopatra On the contrary, the plot Dr Caligari and his somnambulist of the four great tragedies, all of with all the appropriate haughter, resembles a bizarre sit-com that Cesare would take us, breathlessly which are concerned with the world voluptous appeal and fickle tyranny. spirals wildly out of control, with to the world of mesmerism, horror within, the self- torturing soul. In While Richard Johnson's Antony bewildering and hilarious and depravity. 'Antony and Cleopatra' he returns was a great titan in decline, tottering consequences. Or, rather, an However, as the play progressed to the world of great affairs and about the stage he swiftly accended episode of 'The Flintstones'; where it revealed all possible mistakes in prsents us with a play of action and the scale of suffering, to Wilma and Betty have taken part in stage managing, order of cast action that spans the whole range of unsoundness at the end. Both a riot against unfair increases in appearances and changing stage the Roman Empire. Here we are breathed vividly amid the prices down at the local settings. Girls doing curtains could witness to the full fall and dispassionate correctness of all 'Drugastoraus', coming home laden not agree whether they had to open frustration of Antony, once the about. with their spoils. How will they or close them. From time to time 'Jupitar of men...the day of the With such flawed characters as explain this to their husbands....? actors would appear from corners world...the lord of lords'. Antony and Cleopatra it is difficult The cast of five, after a tentative wondering was it their turn to say The play, in it's meaning, to excite close sympathy, but it is beginning, threw themselves with something. Although the stage itself structure and characterisation is a measure of the success of this fearless abandon into their parts. was relatively simple, four to five very complicated and has given rise production that it' inspired very Martin Pye's Giovanni ('Fred') was objects in maximum, it took them to a bewildering variety of poweful emotins. The run continues diabolically self-righteous in his ages to change things and make interpretations; most of which have into early July. naivety and admirably sustained the ready for the next scene. The tended to run to extremes either of IQQY. many lengthy monologues. While audience had to sit in the dark for denunciation or glorification of the At the RSC Barbican, Mancy Amin's Antonia ('Wilma') an unacceptably long time, forced lovers. In this charming production 7.15pm, £8 cones. displayed perfect poise amid the to listen to all sorts of noise behind chaos unfolding about her. the curtains (luckily no swear The second couple ('The words). Rubbles') were given strong It was a great pity that all these, performances by Catherine Pope although important, but still only and Richard Ford. But the star of supporting things spoiled the whole the evening for me, and it seemed artistic feeling of the play itself. Dr the rest of the audience, was Caligari (Harry Gendryes) was very Stephan Kannengieber. His good. With that horrible grimace on depictions of those in authority his face (which must be very (there was a breathless array of no difficult to maintain for an hour or less than four characters, so, I suppose) seemed like someone distinguished only by facial hair and who really knew something about differing head wear. Thankfully the mesmerism and all those dark and accent remained constant!) as secret things. Producer and director 'creatures of habit with no brain', Maria Holzamer was on a right way Anthony...... Cleopatra was aided by an accent that seemed in adopting expressionist style and to span the Atlantic - lying pantomimic acting from the original Danny Boy awards and so their latest must be somewhere between Germany and film which was a major This black comedy is set in worth a visit-even if it can be America. He brought a strange, breakthrough for Art cinema in the Northern Ireland and the improved a few ways. other-worldly quality to his lines: 1920s. unbelievable plot is that Danny is Mrs. Punctuality Not quite how Fo may have If they had another week or two visited one day by the Angel Etcetera Theatre, Oxford Arms, envisaged it, but great fun for rehearsing, this might be a Gabriel. I know it sounds weird, but 256 Camden High St., Camden nevertheless! remarkable play. If you still want what's weirder is that his parents Town Tube. Tues-Sun 7.30pm. Finally, a word about the to give them a chance, wait for are named Mary and Joseph? The Cones £5.50. Ends 13th June. production. The spontaneity of the another ten days or so (play is on characters are hardly original, are action did not always seem the until 13 June), they might improve they! result of fore-thought, but was by that time, otherwise don't waste Danny then becomes Christ in constantly entertaining; bicycles your time. Ulster and begins to perform all ridden through the audience, bellies Elena. sorts of miracles, again borrowed being blown up... The Courtyard Theatre Club, from someone elses life story. Altogether, a conception and 10 York Way, Kings Cross. Ends The comedy is really funny and evening not easily forgotten! 13th June; Tue-Sun 8.00pm. the one liners are unlikle anything IQQY Tickets £6.50/£5 cones. that I have ever heard. But the production doesn't do the humour MEGA THANKS any favours and can dampen things a bit. to all the reviewers this week. The last play(s) that the Etcetera Just a gentle reminder—all reviews by wrote or produced or whatever Sorry Spoons; Phil Tuesday lunchtime at the latest or else! were nominated for fringe theatre

Page 19 Reviews Felix 969 Exhibition Well, there's good, bad and ugly. the skin, emphasising the bodily uses none of the techniques well, potentially good artists in this And if you want to see the last two nature of the human. Somewhat and the result is instantly world, the ones who achieve of these, go over to the Whitechapel incongruously the rest of the picture forgettable. acclaim are the ones who produce Gallery. Out in the crumbling lands is almost abstract, with hair reduced The Bad is Piotr Nathan. His such poindess work. Nobody really beyond the bomb-shattered golden to snaking black lines around the exhibits are 'installation works', appreciates this stuff apart from the towers of the city, lies a small features and backgrounds reduced works designed specifically for a small, narcissistic group of temple dedicated to modern art. The to suicidal black and crimson. The particular gallery. He is the epitome followers who also enjoy pissing on gallery is a beautiful creation of faces stare out at the viewer with a of all that is wrong with sheets and calling it' 'Art''. No one light and space, which one would mixture of blankness and contemporary art. Using cheap else would, they would only laugh think would enhance any exhibition. incomprehension. The artist has methods to shock the viewer (urine or sigh (like me). And, if they want Unfortunately, the art on display somehow removed all life from his stains) and obvious political to make some world shattering does not do it justice. The Ugly is subjects- This may have been statements, his work is full of the political statement, then they should Tony Bevan. His paintings are purposeful, but it only seems to mindless pretension that gives art a either learn to write or learn to paint portraits and hands, emphasising emphasize a lack of technical bad name. Take, for instance, the real, powerful pictures—after all, only the surface unpleasantness. He ability. His main picture, "The large collection of plaster casts of Picasso did, and his "Guernica" is uses lurid red and orange Meeting" (Most of the other bullet holes in walls. The title is still a powerful and motivating as backgrounds to surround his lumpy, exhibited works are studies for this "The outline of the place that was it was in the thirties. I doubt that this fleshy renditions of people, in a one) says it all. A large collection bombed in the last days of the war exhibition will be remembered in a style reminiscent of the Late Great of canvasses depicting lumpy, follows the contour of a urine mark month, and I hope it isn't. Francis Bacon. Bevan's pictures, vacant old men with their mouths that emerged on the mattress of a M.A. however, are worthless in open. One feels that they must be person dying from aids.". Need I Tony Bevan/Piotr Nathan comparison. yawning with boredom or laughing say more? Whitechapel "Art" Gallery, in derision. I certainly felt like His faces and hands are painted If you feel like seeing some good Whitechapel High st. (Aldgate East doing both. Bevan's work is nothing with deft, expressionist strokes of contemporary art then don't go to tube) 14 may-11 July (Free) Open new? it's just a mixture of styles the brush, enhancing distorted the Whitechapel Gallery. It seems Tues-Sun used by other artists recently. He features and the wrinkled folds in a shame that, while there are many ^Theatre All luvvies and darlings were Pain Of Youth born for the roles, especially the Despite the title, this play started characters of old man, Alt and the out on a lively and sarcastic note baby faced Petrell, and the set, I and looked quite promising. On the thought, could be one of the best at way home however, instead of a fringe theatre that I have ever boarding the tube, I was strongly seen.> tempted to throw myself under it. This play speaks volumes for Portraying the possible pain todays youth and is worth seeing. experienced in late youth (ie late Don't expect to laugh, but expect teens), this play graphically and to watch a remarkable play, all be powerfully gives a feel of what life it on the depressing side. may be like for us young people. Hard Harry Lines like '...you might as well Grace Theatre (above The kill yourself when your Latchmere Pub), Latchmere Rd, seventeen...' drown the humour Bus 49 from South Kensington 7 didn't mean to burn all your Jilly Cooper novels honest,som it wase wha ant and give you that Tube Stn., Mon-Sat 8pm. Ends accident. But you must admit they are crap.'suicida l feeling. 19th June, Cones £4 Orchestra ICSO 21.5.93 diaphanous, and that useful word The final work was Britten's It's been a great year for IC meaning 'with interestingly Young Person's Guide to the Symphony Orchestra, starting with suggestive fruity bits in it' that slips Orchestra, which spotlights each their Hungary tour last September. my mind just at the moment. section in turn. Highlights were A balletic thread has linked their Clarinets, solo flute and cor anglais Andrew Miller's faultless oboe three subsequent concerts: Romeo also shone in the Falla. playing, the excellent horn section, and Juliet last Christmas, a It was good to hear an IC and a jaunty xylophone solo. triumphant Rite of Spring last term, performer in the concerto item, and Conductor Richard Dickins, who and a fortnight ago the programme refreshing that Stephen Tarlton had prepared this varied and included the Prelude a l'apres midishoul d choose with the Ravel G challenging programme over a This photo of Radiohead has d'u faune and dances from Falla's major piano concerto to stray a little shorter period than usual, was nothing to do with ICSO. It is Three Cornered Hat. ICSO's wind from the well-beaten path trodden recalled several times to the merely a space filler. Thanks to Hot soloists were the icing on the cake; by recent soloists. Fresh and jazzy podium, and welcomed each time Gay Action Inc. for providing this James Layland's flute solo in the in the outer movements, lyrical in with obvious enthusiasm by photo and mega thanks for the Debussy Prelude had one the central Adagio, it's a lovely orchestra and audience alike. assistance of David 'camper than a rummaging in the adjectives box for piece, especially when played as Titus Drum. row of tents' Spooner. His help was expressions such as mellifluous, well as it was here. sincerely appreciated.

Page 20 R eviews Felix 969 4 June 1993 Film ^Theatre Falling Down contorted, confused, his work in the Breathe in, out, in, out, up the defence industry so successful, that The Changeling asylum in order to seduce Isabella, nostril. Lovely shot. Two seconds there's no longer any need for Lust, greed, infatuation make the his beautiful wife. The possessive in, and I've got a 15ft nostril, right defence. The Cold War's past, and human heart behave in the strangest Dr Alibius keeps his wife locked up in front of me. Jam today. 'I'm in he's past his use-by date. Trapped of ways, making 'even' murder and while he is away, she is guarded by linoleum myself. Hello? Hello? in traffic, driving to work which he adultery 'completely justifiable'. his assistant, Lollio, excellently Hello? 'I've had a really rare no longer has, he flips, leaving a In the Changeling, Alsemero and played by Geoffrey Freshwater. morning.'Parallel lives. 11.35am, cumulative trail of violence across Beatrice-Joanna fall in 'lust' at first The two servants become suspects June 1991, the temperature's rising, the city. sight, however, Beatrice-Joanna's to Alonzo's murder. Hot! Hot! Hot! Slow down, cool Meanwhile, Martin Prendergast father has arranged for her to marry The Changling is a cruel and off, chill out, have a snack. We (Robert Duvall) LAPD, is about to Alonzo. In desperation, Beatrice- sadistic tale of greed, lust and stopped serving breakfast at 11.30. retire, but he's the only one who Joanna convinces De Flores the seduction. After a disappointing The customer is always right. 'Can notices the connection; two family servant, who is smithen with first act, the play gained power in anybody tell me what's wrong with ordinary men, each doggedly her, to murder Alonzo; but in return the second half, however I felt a this picture?' pursuing a personal goal. To see his he demands a place in her bed. much stronger performance was Now the review: Fully paid-up daughter for her birthday. To make Although repulsed by De Flores, needed to do this play full justice member of the American Dream one last arrest. Beatrice-Joanna is forced to and as a result was a little Society, William Foster (Michael Ana G. continue an affair with him after her disappointed. Douglas), has just noticed that it's Editors note: this review was cut marriage to Alsemero. Sonia. a pie in the sky, his future is past from twice its original size because Meanwhile two of Beatrice- RSC, The Pit, Barbican. Box it. He's kicking against the pricks, the rest was bollocks. But I think Joanna's father's servants disguised Office 071-638 8891. Tickets £14, wasting the wastrels. A man, he. loved it. as lunatics gain entry to Dr Alibius' £6.50 (student standy-by).

'Operator—the top of my head is gone—help.

Family conflab in Mela. 'Look hear, missus.' 'Not I, sir' mumbles The Changeling. Choir Theatre Carmen on the other hand is a IC Choir, 28.5.93 Mela confident, self-centred cow who 'Opera composers shouldn't be in the beautiful Gratias agimus tibi,Mel a is a seventy year old lands herself in a spot of bother. allowed to write masses, unless which received a fine and flamboyant and eccentric All three women live under the they're Mozart. Discuss.' Another wholehearted performance from grandmother who has the same roof and so a few slagging counterexample, less obvious than tenor Octavio dos Santos Nato. philosophy that her bags are packed matches go on which produce a Rossini and Verdi, might be The main item in the first half for the final journey and she waiting lorra laughs, especially from Mela. Puccini. His liturgical offering, was Stravinksy's Symphony of for the announcer to call 'all The play gives you an insight in to unlike that of his two compatriots, Psalms, a sutnning piece of music, aboard'. Does she intend to spend what these women are thinking and dates from the very beginning of his scored for a large orchestra by two her days moping around waiting for feeling very well, but it ends career. The Messa di Gloria, a pianos but without upper strings. death? You must be joking! She is prematurely. It is left so wide open graduation piece, makes no attempt Again a larger body of singers out there, experiencing discos, that God only knows what happens. to hide its operatic pretensions, and would have helped to bring more drugs, sex, young men, the lot. This, I feel, lets the play down a bit indeed is none the worse for them. intensity to an accurate Only two problems: Rosaria, and such a masterpiece deserves Last Friday the IC Choir under performance. The orchestra Mela's daughter and Carmen, some sort of conclusion. But it is Eric Brown did not have the sounded as if they might have Mela's granddaughter, who both worth a visit. strength of numbers (due perhaps to benefitted from a little more think that Mela should be locked up (P.S. Did I mention how bloody exam term) always to ride over an rehearsal, although there was some in a funny farm. Rosaria is an good the actresses are?) enthusiastic brass seciton, but excellent flute and oboe playing at idealistic revolutionary, who Harry passages such as the obligatory the start of the slow-burn central frankly got on my nerves, and on BAC, 176 Lavendar HOI, SW11. fugue were lithe and well-focused. movement. Carmen's nerves for that matter, Bus 45a from South Kensington The work consistently displays a Patrick Wood with her apologetic nature and Tube Stn., Tue-Sat 8.30pm Ends high standard of invention, not least & Sue Doe-Nimh. views on how the world should be. 20th June. Cones £5

Page 21 What's On What's On 4 June 1993 Felix 969 Felix 969 4 June 1993

FRIDAY National Lampoons Loaded Cinema Weapon I 1.15 3.25 s IC Radio Schedule Camden Plaza Reservoir Dogs Fri, Sat: 12.25 What 211 Camden High St, NW1 3 Ninja Kids 12.45 3.00 see Lyric Hammesmith Day MONDAY FRI 4 SAT 5 SUN 6 MON 7 TUE 8 WED 9 THU 10 (071-485 2443) Camden Town Jack the Bear 5.15 7.40 In Lambeth 8 pm Sat Mat 4.30 pm Cinema Stoic 1.15 Stoic News: All the latest from Time tube. Seats £5; 1st show daily Nowhere to Run 10.00*12.15(Fri, £5-6.50 Electric Cinema Available in Southside, Beit Hall, around campus and the country. Donny & Tricycle Theatre 8-9 Steve D £3.80; cones £2.30 1st perf only. Sat) Un Coeur en Hiver 2.15 4.45 Delicatessen 4.45 8.55 JCR, Da Vinci's and soon Linstead, 7.00 Into the night: Films Features Jontv This week: 7.15 9.45, 12.15(Fri, Sat) 269 Kilburn High street, 071 328 & La Grande Bouffe 2.20 6.30 Gardens and Weeks! and of course News Jamom, Jamon 2.15 4.25 6.40 8.55Groundhog Day 1.55 4.30 7.05 1000 Prince Charles From 8 pm THE MOVIE 9-10 MUSIC Chelsea Cinema 9.40, 12.15(Fri, Sat) StudsS pm Not Sun £7 Mon-Wed The Last of the Monicans 1.30 CHANNEL HANGOVER MORNING 206 King's Rd , SW3 (071-351 Prince Charles £9-11.50 Peter's Friends 4.00 10-11 JAM College Careers Info 3742) Sloane Sq tube. Seats £5.50; Leicester Place, WC2 (071-437 The Player 6.30 WEDNESDAY VACANCIES—don't worry if you CURE MUSIC JAM 1st show daily £3.80; cones £2.80 8181) Piccadilly /Leicester Sq tubes. Rag Meeting Singles 9.00 Cinema 11-12 were too late to apply for the Milk 1st perf only. This week: Seats £1.20. Today: 1.10pm in the Ents Lounge oppsiteIColleg e Electric Cinema Da Vinci's. Round, we have written to 1500 Madame Bovary 2.45 5.30 8.20 Taxi Driver 2.00 Dance Club Amazing Grace 5.15 8.40 12-1 Robin G employers asking for details of their Electric Cinema Candyman 4.00 Third World First Beginners Rock and Roll 6-7pm in & The Attendant remaining vacancies and you should 191 Portobello Rd, Wll (071-792 Singles 6.30 weekly meeting 12.45 Southside JCR. Latin Medals 7-8.30pm Noir et Blanc 3.45 7.10 apply as soon as possible this 1-2 RSaw 2020) Notting Hill/ Ladbroke A few good men 9.0 Upper Lounge Fitness Club Prince Charles THE SWINGING Grove tubes. Seats £4.50. Today : Rocky Horror Picture Show 11.3Fitnes0 s Class The vanishing 1.30 month. Ask to see the Vacancy file 5.30-6.30pm in Southside Lounge. 2-3 One False Move 4.45 8.50 Scala 5.30pm in Southside Gym step White men can't jump 4.00 in the Careers Office. SOUNDS OF SUMMER Beginner PENULTIMATE YEARS—start & The Long Goodbye 2.55 6.50 257-277 Pentonville Rd, Nl Class take your student card. IC Cricket Club A few good men 6.30 Gate Cinema (071-278 0051) King's Cross tube. Stoic Candyman 9.00 thinking about your future now. If 3-4 Meet Mech Eng foyer at 7.15 pm for you don't know what you want to 87 Notting Hill Gate, Wll Seats £4.50; cones £3 Mon-Fri Available in Southside, Beit Hall, training at MCC Cricket School. College (071-727 4043) Notting Hill Gate before 4.30pm for students. This JCR, Da Vinci's and soon Linstead, Tenpin Bowling Club do, come to the Careers Office and 4-5 Bruno Whites are Essential. Stoic TDK tube. Seats £5.50, Sun mat £4; week: Gardens and Weeks! meet 2.15pm in Aero Foyertr ory PROSPECT—our computer Available in Southside, Beit Hall, careers guidance system. Bryan cones (card required) £3 Mon-Fri UCI Whiteleys From 8 pm THE MOVIE contact Pete Sharpe Bio PGx 7488 5-6 Jaymz Campus Brooks JCR, Da Vinci's and soon Linstead, CAREERS SEMINARS are &Phil before 6pm, Sun mat £3. This Whiteleys Shopping Centre, (071 CHANNEL Fitness Club Gardens and Weeks! being held each Wednesday week: 792 3324/3332). This week: 1.15-2.15pm Southside Lounge. 6-7 Chart Top 40 Dli & Reg From 8 pm THE MOVIE afternoon from 2.00-4.00pm. Mediterraneo 3.00 5.00 7.00 9.00Falling Down 1.25 4.00 6.40 9.20 SATURDAY Intemediate/Beginner CHANNEL Topics include Creative Job 11.15 (Fri and Sat) Indecent Proposal 12.45 3.25 6.25Cinem a Hunting and Interview Technique. 7-8 David Chris Vic & Ni MGM Chelsea 9.05 Prince Charles THURSDAY TUESDAY Sign up in the Careers Office. 279 King's Rd, SW3 (071-352 Groundhog Day 1.10 3.40 6.10 Bladerunner director's cut 1.30Cinem a Cinema For further information come to 8-9 Mac James News Rob News 5096) Sloane Sq tube then bus. 8.45 The last of the Mohicans 4.00 Electric Cinema Electric Cinema the Careers Office, Room 310 Seats £6; cones £3.50 Mon-Fri Nowhere to Run 9.50 Peter's Friends 6.30 Prospero's Books 4.10 8.30 Dance Girl Dance 2.55 6.00 9.00 Sherfield—open from 10am to 9-10 Stuart & DJ FA Nick M Ian before 5pm. This week: 3 Ninja kids 12.55 3.10 5.25 7.30 Candyman 9.00 & The Cook, the Thief, his Wife and & Christopher Strong 4.35 7.35 5.15pm Monday to Friday. A Duty Bad Behaviour 7.20 9.40 Cop and Half12.30 (Sat, Sun only) Once upon a time in China & her Lover 2.00 6.20 Prince Charles Careers Adviser is available for Groundhog Day 2.10 4.40 7.30 2.45 5.00 7.15 Planted Faces 11.30 Prince Charles 10-11 & Matt NeilP Adam B Bladerunner, directors cut 1.30 quick queries from 1.00-2.00pm 9.45 (is this still on?) Accidental hero 9.30 Electric Cinema / was on Mars 1.30 Les amants du Pont Neuf 4.00 daily. You can also book a SHORT Orlando 7.30 9.00 Passenger 57 1.00 7.45 10.00 Pepi, Luci, Bom and all the other Single White Female 4.00 / was on Mars 6.40 APPOINTMENT of 15 minutes MGM Fulham Rd Loaded Weapon One 3.35 5.40 Girls 4.05 9.00 Peter's Friends 6.30 ATTENTION ASTHMA The last of the Mohicans 9.00 between 2.00 and 4.00pm on Fulham Road, SW10 (071-370 Sommersby 1.50 4.25 7.00 9.40 & Dark Habits 2.20 7.25 The Bad Lieutenant 9.00 ICollege Tuesdays and Thursdays. 2636) South Ken tube then bus. Alive 2.55 (Not Wednesday) 6.30 & What Have I Done to DeserveFrenc h Soc College Seats £6; cones £3.50 Mon-Fri 9.15. 6.00 and 8.55 on Sat and Sun This? 5.35 Club meeting, 12 noon Clubs Quiz Night AND HAY FEVER before 5pm. This week: The Jungle Book 1.35 3.50 College Comittee Room with promotions in the Union Bar. Falling Down 1.40 4.15 6.55 9.30 Theatre Stoic Spanish Society Bible Study Indecent Proposal 1.10 4.10 6.50 BAC 176 Lavender Hill, SW11071 Available in Southside, Beit Hall, Learn to dance 'Sevillanes' at 1.15 in the following departments, SUFFERERS. 9.30 223 2223, Membership £1. JCR, Da Vinci's and soon Linstead, pm in the Concert Hall physics lecture theatre 1 12-lpm. Sommersby 1.10 4.10 6.50 9.30 Wedlock the Opera 8 pm 6 pm (Sat)Garden s and Weeks! Riding Club Maths/Chem/Computing Huxley Alive 1.10 3.50 6.45 9.30 Ends today £5.50-7 From 8 pm THE MOVIE 413 12-lpm. Mech Eng 709 l-2pm. Meeting 12.30-1.30, Southside Depressed Student seeks The Clinical Studies Unit at the Royal Brompton Hospital is conducting a Cop and a Half 1.40 4.10 7.10 9.30 Mela 8,30 6.30 (Sun) £5-6 CHANNEL Upper Lounge Civ Eng/Mines Civ Eng 444. Elec happy go lucky type of student Minema Love at a loss 7.30 pm 5.30 (Sun) Radio Modellers Club Eng/Life Sciences Elec Eng 407a for hours of endless laughter (no 12-2pm. series of clinical trials to evaluate new treatments for asthma and hay fever 45 Knightsbribge, SW1 (071-235 £6-7.50 SUNDAY meet in Southside Upper Lounge tickling stick required). Apply Fitness Club 4225) Knightsbridge/ Hyde Park The Bush Cinema l-2pmor contact David Walker in quickly or else I will kill myself. tubes. Seats £6.50; cones £3.50 1st Shepherds Bush Green W12, 081Electri c Cinema Chem Eng 3. 5.30-6.30pm in Southside Gym Loving, Business Manager perf Mon-Fri for students. This 743 3388, Raise the Red Lantern 4.15 ICSF Intermediate level seeks children to adopt. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN PARTICIPATING IN THESE week: The Chinese Wolf 8 pm £6-9 & Urga 2.05 open their Library every lunchtime Dance Club Chris Eubank requires manly Sommersby 2.15 4.30 6.45 9.00 Drill Hall Simple Men 8.45 to members who join for £3 Beginners Ballroom 6-7pm. voice to impress the ladies. IMPORTANT STUDIES PLEASE CONTACT: Notting Hill Cornet 16 Chenies Street WC1, 071 637 Trust 6.45 SPLOTSOC Improvers Ballroom/Latin 7-8pm in Host Of As pel & Company Notting Hill Gate, Wll (071-727 8270. Prince Charles Every Tuesday 12.15pm-1.30pm in the JCR. Intermediate needs interviewing training SARAH AIRMAN 6705) Notting Hill tube. Seats £5. Withering Looks 7.30 pm (Not SunThe) vanishing 2.00 Southside Upper lounge Ballroom/Latin(Social) 8-9pm. urgently. Apply LWT. 071 351 8971 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday This week: £6-10 I was on Mars 4.15 Fitness Club ICU Cinema *Lazy student is willing to pay Falling Down 2.15 4.40 7.00 9.30 Etcetra Theatre Les amants du Pont Neuf 6.15 Unforgiven 7.30pm IN THE someone to sit her exams for 5.30-6.30pm in Southside Lounge. 071 351 8976 24 hour answering machine. Odeon Kensington Oxford Arms 265 Camden High The Bad Lieutenant 8.50 Advanced BLOODY CONCERT HALL her. Apply \ College 263 Kensington High St, W8 Street NW1 071 482 4857 Canoe Club AND DON'T MISS IT!! *CCU needs assasination to be (Please leave your same, contact phone number, time and date.) The Soup Run (071-371 3166) Ken High St tube. Danny Boy 7.30 pm Sun Mat 3 pm Fitness Club Meet 6.15 pm in Beit Quad and carried out on one of its Seats £5.80 and £6.30 This week: £5.50-6.50 Not Mon 2.00-3.00pm in Southside Lounge.9.00 in Southside contqact J Aleman deliever Soup to homeless peoplemembers . Experience essential. Frauds 2.25 4.50 7.15 9.4A0 cold hand in a warm place 9.3Intermediate.0 meet at Weeks Hall 9.00 pm Bio 3. RadioHead Fan seeks AH trials are approved by the Ethics Committee 12.05(Fri, Sat) pm prices as before Stoic Spanish Society Dance Club corrective therapy. Apply of the Royal Brompton Hospital Bad Behaviour 2.15(not Fri, Sat, Lyric Hammersmith Available in Southside, Beit Hall, Beginners Ballroom/Latin 6-7pm. Meeting in Southside Lounge at 1 Biology Dept. (Bring back that Sun) 4.45 7.15 9.45 12.15(Fri, Sat) King St W6 071 741 2311 JCR, Da Vinci's and soon Linstead, Intermediate Ballroom/Latin pm. Therapy single you thief - Ed) The Jungle Book Sat, Sun: 12.30 Gardens and Weeks! Stoic Romeo and Julliet 7.30 pm Not 8-9pm. Advanced Ballroom/Latin Lonely Gym Instructor Expenses Incurred when participating in clinical trials will be 2.35 Sun, £8.50-13 From 8 pm THE MOVIE 8-9pm. Available in Southside, Beit Hall, seeks partner for sweaty reimbursed Indochine 5.35 9.00 Lyric Studio CHANNEL JCR, Da Vinci's and soon Linstead, relationship. Gardens and Weeks!

Page 22 Page 23 N ews 4 June 1993 Felix 969 Tubebending Robert Jackson by Declan Curry that the Travelcard will disappear Transport ministers are engaged in as a result of privatisation and an 'arm-bending' exercise to save deregulation.' The report also -A profile the London Travelcard. Department apparently rules out the electronic of Transport officials claimed 'Smartcard' as an alternative to the yesterday that ministers 'are Travelcard. by Declan Curry sacked. working with operators' to ensure Save the Travelcard say that the Robert Jackson MP resigned as Mr Jackson will principally be the survival of the famous three inch Travelcard could either be junior science minister last week. remembered as the minister who by two inch rectangle of cardboard. 'repriced', replaced with single He will be replaced this morning by was arrested for causing a security The claims were made after journey tickets, or restricted to David Davis, the London-born MP alert at Heathrow Airport by telling pressure group Save the Travelcard Tube-only travel. Chris Church, for Boothferry in Humberside. security men that there was a bomb said they had obtained a copy of the director of Save the Travelcard, Mr Jackson was appointed as in his ministerial red box. He will confidential report of the said that the Department of junior science minister, or also enter the annals of history as Department of Transport Working Transport report 'acknowledges Jarltamtntarn £er,retarn in the the minister who lamented the latest Group on London Transport. that the current system works well ©ffia of Public &eruicE ma rise in the unemployment figures on Expressing 'grave concern', Save and is popular. These new Bcitnct just after the last General the day that unemployment fell for the Travelcard said the report proposals are badly thought out and Election. He was a Parliamentary the first time in under three years. contradicted assertions by ministers completely inadequate. London and Under-Secretary at Employment By comparison, Mr Davis seems that the Travelcard would survive. Londoners deserve much better between July 1990 and April 1992, to have had a rather dull political They claim' that the report than this.' and at Education between June 1987 upbringing, being Parliamentary 'repeatedly stresses the likelihood until July 1990. Mr Jackson's Private Secretary (unpaid skivvy) to political career can thus be Francis Maude during 1990. In remembered as coinciding with November 1990, he was appointed political landmarks about somebody Assistant Government Whip. He else. He became a junior minister Commendations entered Parliament in 1987, and after the 1987 General Election, was educated at Tooting Bee by Declan Curry was responsible for the changed his job when Geoffrey Grammar School, Warwick The two College security officers apprehension' of the man. Howe lost his, and then Mr Jackson University and the London Business who detained a suspected thief after Meanwhile, twenty-two bicycles lost his own when Norman Lamont School, among others. a St Patrick's Day chase have been have been stolen from around was offered Environment, sorry, officially commended. Michael college since April. Only three of Sankar and Ivan Baxter have been the bikes were 'D-locked'. College congratulated by Chief security remind students that 'D- Superintendent Haug'hian, of locks' are sold at Security Control Belgravia police, for their 'fine in the Sherfield Building. Any work and prompt and intelligent suspicious activity around cycle action' which led to the arrest. parks or around College should be Chief Superintendent Haughian said reported immediately to Sherfield FREE their 'dedicated attention to duty Security on internal telephone 3372. FLIGHTS Council farce

by Andrew Tseng, committees on the new executive News Editor committee. In the current system to: The last Imperial College Union the chair of each concerned sub- (ICU) Council meeting, which committee sits on Council. The debated proposals by Chris motion stated that 'the Paris, Malaga, Davidson, ICU President, to Entertainments Representative can restructure ICU, has been described represent the Social, Cultural and Faro, Tenerife, by some as farcical. Amusements Board (SCAB) and Only three significant decisions Rag' on the new Executive were made at the meeting which Committee. The motion was Gibraltar, Geneva lasted over 4 hours. Votes were passed, though the Rag Chair and taken and passed on 'replacing ICU the SCAB Chair voted against it. & Florence Council with a smaller body' and Council did admit that it 'did not that 'all members of the Executive have the mandate to make ICU see Committee are to be elected by a policy' and that TCU policy could Union General Meeting (UGM) or only be made at a UGM'. Hence, Womble or Jane a cross-campus ballot'. any changes to ICU will have to be The motion that has caused the passed at a UGM. Mr Davidson's in the Rag Office greatest controversy centres on the proposals are scheduled to be proposed position of Entertainments presented at the next UGM, which TODAY Representative. This would be the will take place on Friday 25th June, sole representative of various the last day of term. recreation and entertainments sub-

HP" I * Felix is produced for and on behalf of the Imperial College Union Publications Board and is printed by the Imperial College

HNi I : I Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB (Tel: 071-225 8672). Editor Jonty Beavan, Business Managers m mm Simon Govier and James Grinter. Copyright Felix 1993. ISSN 1040-0711.