Winter 07.P65
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MAN ALIVE! Winter 2007 A Journal of Men’s Wellness Men Speak Their Word Man Alive! From the Editor In this Issue Editor-In-Chief Dear Readers, Mike Nelson Managing Editor The theme I had chosen for A letter from the Editor Leo Klinker Mike Nelson...................................2 Assistants this issue—Men And Their Word— Bob McMain was something I thought might have The Pledge Deanna McMain been an interesting subject for the Manuel Tafoya.................................3 Shari Denton men of this community to explore. Design and Layout Upon some deep reflection, I realize Nonviolent Communication Cliff Taber Jack Lehman....................................7 I chose this theme partly because I am looking for answers from “out God Size Hole in the Psyche Contact Information there” to help me resolve my di- David Johnson................................10 Mike Nelson lemma regarding this topic. Even [email protected] deeper, and more vulnerable than Hana Leo Klinker this, I was hoping there were others James A. Mischke..............................15 [email protected] who share my dilemma and want to write about it—partly from a selfish standpoint, so that I don’t feel so Please Send Submissions To Editor Via E- unique in this challenge; but also mail By: New Mexico from a real curiosity: How do others Men’s Wellness Spring/Summer—May 1st, 2007 deal with this issue in their lives? Certainly, it is something others wrestle with. I see it often—people, CALENDAR OF EVENTS Submission Guidelines: including myself, who don’t (or don’t Man, Alive!.....................................16 Please send submissions in Microsoft Word DIRECTORY OF CONTACTS Document format if at all possible. If you want to) follow through with their Man, Alive!......................................18 don’t have Word, you can send your submis- word. Then there are others, sion in the body of your email. Please limit including myself, who are directly your submission to 1500 words or less. Poetry, affected by someone else who prose, stories, and songs are all welcome. We doesn’t remain committed to their reserve the right to print or not print submis- sions. Also, we reserve the right to edit word. submissions, and to publish them in Man The other morning, as I was Alive!, as well as on the web, on CD, or on on a rant about Man Alive, going on other media. All Copyright reverts to the and on about how the submissions author on publication. No fees are paid to were so few, and they weren’t what authors, and submissions will not be returned. We also welcome photos and artwork. Please I had expected them to be (actually, send these submissions as jpg. or tiff. file in hindsight, I don’t think I knew attachments to your email. what I was expecting), and I felt Photo: Uwe Schroeter Man Alive! is published quarterly by New maybe I needed to back out of my Mexico Men’s Wellness, Inc., and is free to all commitment as editor of Man Alive, who attend conferences, gatherings, and retreats. If you haven’t attended, but would my partner, Shari, pointed out to me Man Alive! is like to receive Man Alive!, please inquire to: how interesting it was that I had printed by Don Managing Editor, Man Alive! chosen this topic, given my own Mickey Designs of P.O. Box 16631 struggle with it. Albuquerque. Albuquerque, NM 87191 I beat myself up mercilessly (505) 256-7031 Omissions: “Printed on 100% post-consumer My lovely partner, Shari Denton, was not when it comes to keeping my word. recycled paper” acknowledged as one of my assistants in the I forget that I am simply a human Fall issue. She is a big part of the production being, carrying myself forward on a of these issues, and offers me immense journey that involves experiments “Front & back cover Photos support and feedback in my work as Editor of and questions, many of them unre- by Uwe Schroeter” Man Alive. solved and unanswered. Continued on Page 9 2 Man Alive! Fall 2006 The Pledge Manual Tafoya How many times have we heard the saying, “To be a reunion, that “The Pledge” was once more brought to the man, you’ve got to be true to your word.” And indeed keeping forefront. The get-together was a joyous celebration. Old “our word” is what makes us what we are. There is no greater memories were dredged out, remembered and savored. There was honor than to be “a man of his word.” However, as with anything, only one thing that weighted heavily on our conscience, and that there is a downside to keeping “our word,” for to do so will often was that we had not followed through on “The Pledge” we had prove to be a double-edged sword. Sometimes, “doing our duty” once made. or “keeping our word” means giving up “our dreams.” “Oh, the dreams we had then,” Pacomio sighed. “When This fact was brought up to me the other day when I got I got out of the Army, however, “the dream” was put on hold. I a phone call from a friend telling me that Pacomio, another friend, went to college and became an engineer, then moved to Los had been diagnosed with the Angeles, and started my own beginning of Alzheimer’s company. It turned out to be a disease. A cold chill ran success. Recently, I sold it, through me. How could retired, and moved back to New Pacomio, who had always been Mexico.” so intelligent, so mentally sharp, “Unfortunately, the same be losing his mental capacities? thing happened to me,” I said. More important, since Pacomio “Upon coming home, reality set and I were the same age, both of in and “my word” or “duty” took us in our early seventies, what if over. First there was school to be what was happening to him dealt with, then I got a job. I were to happen to me? If that became a husband, then a father. were to happen, it would be the I raised a fine family, and eventu- end of “The Pledge” Pacomio ally retired from teaching, but at and I had made many years each turning point in my life, the before. Would we end up idea of becoming a writer was evoking John Greenleaf simply pushed back, to be done Whittier’s lament, “For of all sad at some later date, after I had words of tongue and pen, the fulfilled my responsibilities. saddest are these: It might have It was then that Pacomio been!” said, “I am almost afraid to say “The Pledge” was first this, but what if destiny has made way back during the brought us together again, so Korean Conflict. There we were, that we can renew ‘The Pledge.’ two scared kids, drawn to each Listen, it makes sense. We are other by the simple fact that we both retired. We both have the were from the same area— time. Let’s go for it. This could Northern New Mexico. It has be all the motivation we need.” been said that “No greater I could see the logic in friendship ever existed then his thinking, and was soon those that have been made caught in the enthusiasm of while in the Armed Services.” renewing “The Pledge” we had That was true for us, for we made almost fifty years before. became good friends, clinging Maybe we could do it. We had to each other, as brothers, in kept “our word.” We had this strange new world we found ourselves in, telling each other “fulfilled our duty.” Maybe it was now time to realize “our our deepest secrets and dreams. dream.” It was then that we had made “The Pledge”—that if we Suddenly, a flicker of doubt passed over Pacomio’s face. survived the war, we would attempt to fulfill our dreams. “You don’t think it’s to late, do you?” he asked. Pacomio’s dream, which was perfect for him, since he was always Had this been a premonition of things to come? I, talking politics, was to become a judge. My dream, to become a however, being the eternal optimist, said, “No, of course it’s not. writer, suited me to a T, since I was forever writing. Sure it will not be quick or easy, but others have done it before. But when we came home, and duties and responsibilities Alex Haley, the author of Roots, did not start writing until he took over, and as time marched on, “The Pledge,” which had been retired from the Coast Guard. What’s more, he had to write under so important back then, was always being pushed back, to be more severe conditions than what I face. At one time, he was worked on at a later date. living in a friend’s garage, which didn’t even have a bathroom. It It was not until we met again, at our fiftieth high school took him seventeen years living under these conditions before Continued on page 9 Fall 2006 Man Alive! 3 Mr. Approval Wayne Godfrey When I was just a little guy And so began my fervent search And rode my old blue bike… For meaning from within And obeyed the rules of grown ups A search for spirit I’d suppressed Regardless who I liked I sought truth once again I was most aware that in this world How this pain and suffering The boy that did succeed Did preceed my future glee Was the one who agreed with others Underscores quixotically Despite his own real need How pain yields advocacy My parents used this very tool And so my friends, my path goes on To aide my ‘bilities And much to my surprise And so “agreement” came real fast I’m finding lots of newer truths As true necessity To replace old self-lies Armed with this practice, now my own, I find that “essence” is the spark I shoved needs far aside Of who I really am In favor of all others’ truths, Awaiting my discovery Chameleon of pride It harkens round the bend And through life’s wandering ramblings And “program” is the word I use My joys came from without To see the other half I knew not well just who I was Of me that’s been all taught and My own best friend, self-doubt trained: “Be proper, Wayne, don’t laugh” It took a mighty