Trump & the Military

The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, October 9, 2020 — Page 1 We Put the Vol. CCLXV, No. 2 The New Hampshire Gazette October 9, 2020 The Nation’s Oldest Newspaper™ • Editor: Steven Fowle • Founded 1756 by Daniel Fowle Free! PO Box 756, Portsmouth, NH 03802 • [email protected] • www.nhgazette.com in Free Press The Fortnightly Rant Every Day, In Every Way ike many Americans, we have Coué Tells Boston How been struggling. Authoritarian to Get Better and Better Lgibberish has an anesthetizing ef- fect on some, but we are not among Two Great Audiences Clench them. The pandemic has forced us to and Unclench Fists at Genial eschew newsprint. That deprivation, Frenchman’s Command to Show we have found, is less like kicking Dominance of the Imagination a drug habit than it is like having a The advice, as a whole, was such as any limb amputated—or all of them. good physician would give a patient… We will go on, of course. At our [Coué] called himself ‘a simple, ordi- age—having recently begun our nary man,’ but hundreds in those two 265th year—we can imagine no big audiences…regarded him—in spite other course. For the record, though, of his protestations—as something very these conditions are intolerable; much out of the ordinary….many had reader, forgive us, please, for kicking traveled far distances to see and hear against our stall. him—sufferers many of them—and é Perhaps we’re being predictable, these people rather expected M. Cou to but we lay the responsibility for this perform miracles. é predicament on someone we’ll call, Cou called Americans ‘very imag- for variety’s sake, The Usual Suspect. inative,’ saying they had ‘a Celtic qual- At last count more than 210,000 ity’ in that regard. Americans have been killed by the – Boston Daily Globe plague he failed to stop. His own January 31, 1923 White House has more cases now If you are suffering from any severe were, during his lifetime, more pop- dential Candidate, got definitive for has access to what may be the best than the nation of Vietnam. With pain, such as a toothache or headache, sit ular in Europe than in the United an article in Politico: “When Coue’s socialized medicine on Earth. such a record it seems impossible to down, close your eyes and assure yourself States, many Americans who ad- follower Dr. Norman Vincent Peale Or might be, if he didn’t meddle. imagine that things could get any calmly that you are going to get rid of opted his ideas and methods, such published The Power Of Positive Patient Zero of worse—and therein lies the trap. it. Now gently stroke with your hand as Maxwell Maltz, Napoleon Hill, Thinkingin October 1952, Trump’s the White House Not long ago we published a pho- the affected part and repeat at the same Norman Vincent Peale, Robert H. parents, Fred and Mary, felt an im- Cluster[cough] has to of a banner depicting the Suspect time as fast as you can, producing a con- Schuller, and W. Clement Stone, be- mediate affinity for Peale’s teach- apparently been as Captain America—a so-called tinuous stream of sound, the words, ‘It’s came famous in their own right by ings. On Sundays, they drove into channeling a cer- superhero. So he appears to the gib- going, going, going…gone!’ spreading his words.” Manhattan to worship at Marble tain stout, dap- berish junkies. It pains us to say it, – Dr. Émile Coué, quoted in the Individual 1—let’s call him what Collegiate Church where Peale was per, bowlered and but he does fit the description in one September 17, 1922 edition of the Mueller did, for the nonce—has the head pastor. Donald and both moustachioed gent limited way: he has a power we’ve Boston Sunday Globe, Editorial and often cited Peale as his “family pas- his sisters were married there, and who was not, for never seen elsewhere. News Feature Section, page one. tor”—as if that were something of funeral services for both Fred and the record, a real doctor after all. Every day, he makes things –=≈=– which to be proud. To the best of Mary took place in the main sanc- Full of steroids and a miracle cure worse—and not just any old worse, Little question for today: our knowledge, though, he has never tuary. from a company in which he holds É but a far worse worse than any worse Who was Dr. mile Coué? admitted that Peale learned his grift “‘I still remember [Peale’s] ser- stock, the Man With His Finger On you could imagine on your own. – Filler item from Coué, the O.G., the Master. mons,’ Trump told the Iowa Fami- the World’s Largest Nuclear Arse- It’s a pattern that, once noticed, is Boston Globe, June 15, 1925 That’s not surprising, though; nei- ly Leadership Summit in July. ‘You nal returned to the World’s Most impossible not to see: every day… –=≈=– ther has he acknowledged that the could listen to him all day long. And Expensive Public Housing Unit a every day, in every way…. Confirming our recollections of Dr. family fortune was founded by a when you left the church, you were couple of days ago. That event was Wait—why does that sound so Coué, we learned that the linkage draft-dodging whoremonger, his disappointed it was over. He was the filmed for campaign purposes. The familiar to us…? between him and our Usual Suspect grandfather Frederick. greatest guy.’” result appears to be an homage to Because, Dear Reader, years ago, transcended a mere shared belief Gwenda Blair was on to this BLOTUS—we trust you know Leni Reifenshtahl’s Triumph of the during our lengthy apprenticeship, in…let’s be kind and call it “woo- connection in October of 2015. A to whom we refer—has now, finally, Will. He just made an hour-long we were exposed to the mantra of woo.” teacher of journalism at Columbia, come down with a case of the dis- call to CNN. We’re afraid to lis- Dr. Émile Coué. According to our old friend Wiki- and the author of The Trumps: Three ease which he has bestowed upon ten. Election day is three and a half [Sets Wayback Machine to 1923….] pedia, “Although Coué’s teachings Generations of Builders and a Presi- millions of others. Unlike them, he weeks away. Let’s hope we make it. The Alleged News® A Few Random Items of Potential Interest e can’t cite any specific au- ner of a closed-down lab. [Yeah, we As we noted in the Rant, we’ve the advent of the horseless carriage, turns out to be a perfect background thorities on this matter—we know—they’re all odd. Yuck, yuck. Sit been feeling just a bit ragged our- though, half our audience will have for showing off the common pest, haveW little to go on other than our down and behave, will you? – The Ed.] selves lately—not physically, we’re no idea what we’re talking about. Musca domestica. own observations—but we’ve been One strange thing about what at 98.6°, and even more robust that Readers deserve to have the news Judging from the post-debate re- getting the impression lately that some are calling the 6th Great Ex- the President himself, who is a not- presented to them in a manner that action, the audience was relieved to even people who are normally lev- tinction—well, out of many, we ed athlete. We’re just slightly flum- makes some kind of sense. When have something to think about oth- el-headed have been getting cranky suppose—is that, although a large moxed by the sheer volume of news. the news makes no sense, that be- er than the Vice President’s rude- lately. We can’t say for sure why, but percentage of the dying species are Actually, we could probably han- comes somewhat problematical. ness. Unsurprisingly, given Pence’s we have our suspicions. insects, one of the more disturbing dle that. It’s really the news-like… Rather than throw up our hands, unctuous religiosity, the incident It may have something to do with stories we’ve heard is about a new stuff that’s been gumming up the and then possibly…oh, never mind. engendered many ecclesiastical in- the 210,000 people who’ve died so species showing up here in the U.S. works. Ever since, oh, say, about June Without further ado, or don’t, or terpretations. far from the dreadfully mishandled “Murder hornets.” Who’d a thunk 14, 2015, the sheer volume of…stuff, might, here, in no particular order, An unofficial correspondent in global pandemic. Or, it may be a re- it? let’s call it stuff, has been making our are a few things that we think may the U.K. said, “After all, according action to the economy nearly dying, Could be the hurricanes, we work exponentially more difficult. have happened. to the Hebrew Bible, ‘Beelzebub,’ due to the failed attempt to stop the suppose. What’s hitting Louisiana In an earlier time we could sum –=≈=– in Hebrew, means, literally, ‘Lord of virus. today? Delta, or something. The up this problem with a folksy met- Department of Auguries and Signs the Flies,’ which is another name for On the other hand it could be meteorologists have used up all 26 of aphor. Imagine spending the first During the recent Vice Presiden- the ‘Devil,’ ‘Satan,’ or ‘Lucifer;’ and is some kind of subconscious reaction the available names.

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