THE ENSIGN OF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS • JUNE 2003

Successful Family Home Evenings, p. 7 Family Councils, p. 14 TION, INC. TION, ©PACIFIC PRESS PUBLISHING ASSOCIA ©PACIFIC

The Woman Taken in Adultery, by Harry Anderson The scribes and Pharisees brought unto Jesus a woman taken in adultery and said the law demanded that she be stoned. “But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not. So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her” (John 8:6–7). JUNE 2003 • VOLUME 33, NUMBER 6

2 FIRST PRESIDENCY MESSAGE Enriching Our Lives through Family Home Evening President James E. Faust 7 Successful Family Home Evenings 12 GOSPEL CLASSICS Family Home Evening: Counsel and a Promise First Presidency of the Church, 1915 14 Family Councils Elder M. Russell Ballard and his wife, Barbara Family Home 20 Injured in the Wilderness Reed Tucker Successful 12 Evening: Counsel 23 How Could I Serve? Shirley Schardine Family Home and a Promise 24 The Cost of Riches 7 Evenings Elder Lynn G. Robbins 29 PARABLES OF JESUS The Lost Coin Elder J. Kent Jolley 32 Words of Jesus: On the Cross Elder Alain A. Petion 36 ON SITE Blooming with Beauty 44 A Rock-Solid Foundation for Marriage Brent A. Barlow Family Councils 50 QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS 14 Creative ways for married couples to continue their courtship 52 Our Struggle to “Be Fruitful” Alan D. Harrison 56 Singular Living 61 VISITING TEACHING MESSAGE Prepare Youth to Meet Opposition in the World 62 It’s “Only” Violence Brad J. Bushman Parables of Jesus: 68 LATTER-DAY SAINT VOICES 29 The Lost Coin 72 RANDOM SAMPLER 74 NEWS OF THE CHURCH

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Enriching Our Lives through Family Home Evening

BY PRESIDENT JAMES E. FAUST Second Counselor in the First Presidency

s a young man I heard President that selfishness and instant gratification are J. Reuben Clark (1871–1961), a acceptable and even respectable conduct. A member of the First Presidency, The tragic consequences of alcoholism have plead time after time that there be unity in exploded and been magnified by other forms the Church. He would quote frequently the of drug abuse. The sexual revolution has message of the Lord: “I say unto you, be one; been crippling to the spiritual, mental, and and if ye are not one ye are not mine” (D&C physical health of families. 38:27). Unity in the Church will always be a Why is one family strong, yet another family reflection of the unity in our homes. One of weak? The reasons are infinitely complex. Yet the most important ways to foster unity in there are answers. Abundant evidence shows the home is holding family home evening that the presence of a firm, loving father in the Devotion to God regularly. Whether we are young or old, home is far more likely to produce respon- developed in family single or married, whether we have children sible, law-abiding children than if the father is home evening seems at home or have become empty nesters, not there or if he does not fulfill his duties as to forge the spiritual family home evening can increase unity and a father at home. In either case an ineffective moorings and

TH love in our homes. Family home evening is father throws a double burden on the mother. stability that can for everyone. The active presence of the father in the help families and home—along with one or both of the parents individuals cope Stable, Strong Families being active in church and with discipline and with the complexities One wonders why so many homes are gospel teaching in the home—seems to pro- of life. now being weakened and why so many fami- duce stable, strong families. lies are disintegrating. The reasons are com- When I hear of a family breaking up, I UCH; RIGHT: DON BUSA BY PHOTOGRAPH plex. No doubt it has much to do with the question if family home evening and family social disorders of the day. We are all sub- prayers have been regularly held in that jected to sparkling, enticing, false advertising. home. Surely, the most important ingredient Violence is powerfully portrayed everywhere. in producing happiness at home for mem-

LEFT: PHYLLIS L BY ILLUSTRATION Our society is permeated with the suggestion bers of this Church is a deep religious

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 3 commitment to God and His gospel. In family found in drugs and alcohol to make us home evening, such commitment can be nur- capable of meeting life’s problems. We need tured in children by the wise, mature super- ime together only draw constantly from the divine power vision of parents. Couples can strengthen and is precious–– source through humble prayer. sustain each other in living and understand- T time needed It often takes a seemingly superhuman ing gospel principles. Single members can to encourage and effort to get everyone together for family gather under the direction of their priesthood to show how to do home evening. You may not always feel like leaders in small groups for gospel discussions things. praying when you finally do get together, but and appropriate activities. Devotion to God it will pay great dividends if you persevere. developed in these settings seems to forge 2. Sing or listen to sacred music. Church the spiritual moorings and stability that can hymns and children’s songs can invite the help families and individuals cope with the Holy Spirit into family home evening. The complexities of life. Some may say this is an Lord has said that “the song of the righteous oversimplification of a very complex problem, yet I is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a bless- believe the answers lie within the framework of the ing upon their heads” (D&C 25:12). restored gospel of Jesus Christ. 3. Study the scriptures. All of us need the strength that comes from reading the scriptures. Parents must obtain a Family Home Evening Builds Unity knowledge of the standard works to teach them to their

May I suggest ways to strengthen our commitment to children. Those who lead family home evening discussions Y MODELS God and build unity and love during our family home should be adequately prepared to use the scriptures in the evenings: lesson. A child who has been taught from the scriptures 1. Pray. The source of our enormous individual and has a priceless legacy. We are all fortified when we become family strength is no mystery. It is an endowment from God. acquainted with the heroic figures and stories of the We need not consume scriptures, such as Daniel in the lions’ den, David and . KELLY; ALL PHOTOGRAPHS POSED B ALL PHOTOGRAPHS . KELLY; addicting chemicals Goliath, Nephi, Helaman and the stripling warriors, and all the others. 4. Work together and serve others. Children need to learn to work. Every household has routine daily chores for which children can be responsible. ; RIGHT: BRIAN K BY PHOTOGRAPH Meaningful service can be given during family home evenings through well-planned home or community work projects. 5. Focus on developing discipline and obedience. If parents do not discipline their children and teach them to obey, society may have to discipline them in ways neither the parents nor the chil- dren will like. If adults do not disci- pline themselves, setting the proper

example for others, the consequences LEFT: WELDEN C. ANDERSEN AND STEVE BUNDERSON BY PHOTOGRAPHS

4 can be devastating for themselves and society. Without established. Traditions can include making special occa- discipline and obedience in the home and in our personal sions of the blessing of children, baptisms, ordinations to lives, unity within a family collapses. the priesthood, or birthdays. Traditional activities such as 6. Place a high priority on loyalty to each other. The fishing trips or skits on Christmas Eve can help create fond dictionary defines the word loyal as being “faithful to a memories of times together. Weekly family home evenings private person to whom fidelity is due.”1 If family mem- can also be a time for traditions. Home evening groups of bers are not loyal to each other, they cannot be loyal to any kind can likewise establish traditions by the activities themselves. they choose to continue on a regular basis and the way 7. Build self-worth. One of the main problems in society they celebrate special occasions and accomplishments. today is that we spend less and less time together. Some, 9. Do everything in the spirit of love. Elder LeGrand even when they are together, spend an extraordinary Richards (1886–1983) of the Quorum of the Twelve amount of time in front of the television, which robs them Apostles shared a tender relationship with his father. of personal time for reinforcing feelings of self-worth. Said he: “I walked into my father’s apartment when he Family home evenings give individuals and families im- was just about 90 . . . , and as I opened the door, he stood portant time to talk and listen as parents and children, up and walked toward me and took me in his arms and brothers and sisters, spouses, and friends. Time together hugged me and kissed me. He always did that. . . . Taking is precious—time needed to encourage and to show how me in his arms and calling me by my kid name, he said, to do things. Less time together can result in loneliness, ‘Grandy, my boy, I love you.’”2 which may produce feelings of being unsupported, un- Some parents have difficulty expressing their love treasured, and inadequate. through words or actions. I do not ever recall my own 8. Develop traditions. Some of the great strength father using the words “Son, I love you,” but he showed of families can be found in the traditions they have it in a thousand ways that were more eloquent than words.

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 5 He rarely missed a practice, a game, a race, or for home evening groups of single adults any activity in which his children participated. and for those who live alone or with The touch and time of the mother in the n family home roommates. . . . home make it warm, comfortable, and pleas- evening, couples “Regular participation in family home ant. Wives and mothers deserve special sup- Ican strengthen evening will develop increased personal port from husbands and children. President and sustain each worth, family unity, love for our fellowmen, George Albert Smith (1870–1951), addressing other in living and and trust in our Father in heaven. It is our husbands and fathers, said: “Some seem to understanding promise that great blessings will come to all think that the woman’s responsibility is to gospel principles. who conscientiously plan and hold weekly take care of the home and everything else family home evenings.”4 I testify that this is while the man goes to his meetings. I want to as true today as it was almost 30 years ago. tell you that your chief responsibility is in your If we go forward with our family home own home.”3 evenings, our homes will be enriched, our Family home evening is a time for patience and mutual wards and branches will grow and prosper, our lives will be respect. Let there be no ill will or anger between parents purified, and the gates of hell will not prevail against us. ■

and children, husbands and wives, brothers and sisters, NOTES and kinsmen. Let there be unity and love between all 1.Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, 10th ed. (1996), 691. 2.In Conference Report, Oct. 1967, 111–12. members of the ward or branch. Lingering feelings of hurt 3.Seventies and stake missionary conference, 4 Oct. 1941, 8. 4.Family Home Evening: Happiness through Faith in Jesus Christ or disagreement should be settled quickly. I pray that the (1976), 3. rich humanness of warm, loving family life will prevail in all our relationships. IDEAS FOR HOME TEACHERS For Everyone After prayerful preparation, share this message using a I wonder if having unplanned and infrequent family method that encourages the participation of those you teach. home evenings will be enough to fortify ourselves and our A few examples follow: children with sufficient moral strength to meet the com- 1. Tell about a favorite family home evening you have par- plexities of our day. Infrequent family scripture study may ticipated in. Invite those you teach to do the same. Review be inadequate to arm ourselves and our children with the together President Faust’s nine guidelines. Help those you teach virtue necessary to withstand the moral decay of the envi- identify ways their family home evenings are successful and ronment in which we live. Where in the world will we learn what they would like to improve about them. chastity, integrity, honesty, and basic human decency if not 2. Write “Family home evening is for everyone” on a piece at home? These values will, of course, be reinforced at of paper, and show it to family members. Read together church, but teaching them in family home evening can President Faust’s message, looking for reasons everyone be particularly consistent and effective. To combat the should participate in family home evening. Bear testimony of world’s evil influences, we need the strength that comes the blessings you have received from family home evening. from family home evening. 3. You may want to point out and discuss other articles in The First Presidency stated in 1976: this issue relating to family home evening. “Family home evening is for everyone. It is for families with parents and children, for families with just one par- ent, and for parents who have no children at home. It is

6 SUCCESSFUL

F A S M G I I N L Y N H O M E E V E

We can create simple yet effective family home evening lessons from a variety of gospel resources around us.

hen you begin planning family home evening, is We felt so close to our Heavenly Father and to each your first question “What will I do for a lesson?” other that night. It was one of our most memorable W If it is, then read on. family home evenings.” The Church magazines asked readers to share ideas for successful family home evenings. Following are Read a Scripture several simple lesson ideas or procedures that can help When we combine scripture reading with sharing your family. personal testimony, we always have an inspiring family home evening lesson. Jules and Judith Kon Bofanga of Express Gratitude the Ngaba Ward, Kinshasa Democratic Republic of Congo Simply giving thanks for the good things in our lives Masina Stake, have had success unifying their family makes a wonderful family home evening and can be using the scriptures. “It is in our home that we have used successfully several times a year. James and Kelly come to know our Heavenly Father better, thanks to

USTRATION BY STEVE KROPP BY USTRATION Peterson of the Burley 10th Ward, Burley Idaho Stake, our family home evenings,” writes Sister Bofanga. “Since enjoyed such a lesson. “One week we had some un- challenges are never lacking, we turn to our Heavenly expected challenges and some extraordinary blessings,” Father through prayer and scripture reading. We have writes Sister Peterson. “So we sat as a family and talked gained knowledge, and we have also learned to love and about the things we were grateful for. We started with serve one another.” , POSED BY MODELS; RIGHT:, POSED BY ILL simple things like a home and food. Then we began to notice many things we had taken for granted, and Sing Hymns Together we realized how much the Lord had blessed us. As we A familiar hymn can easily become the basis for a fam- expressed gratitude, warmth filled our home; it was a ily home evening lesson. After singing a hymn as a family, spirit of thankfulness, a feeling of comfort and peace. we can read and discuss the text of the hymn and the LEFT: STEVE BUNDERSON BY PHOTOGRAPH ENSIGN JUNE 2003 7 8

PHOTOGRAPHS BY WELDEN C. ANDERSEN, POSED BY MODELS scriptures listed with it. Music tapes of Church hymns family home evening lessons. “The First Presidency (item no. 52175, U.S. $13.25) or hymns and songs (item Message and Visiting Teaching Message, with their many no. 52052, U.S. $6.00), available at distribution centers, quotes and questions, make great lessons,” writes one can help us learn and sing the hymns. reader. “Our family also likes to read and discuss stories in Wendy M. Mitosinka of the Bradshaw Ward, Prescott Latter-day Saint Voices and talk about the questions in Arizona Stake, remembers one such lesson from her Questions and Answers.” childhood: “My mother played our piano, and we sang An index of gospel topics can be found near the end and sang. When we sang ‘The Lord Is My Shepherd,’ of each magazine. Families can choose a topic, then read I felt the Spirit strongly, and tears came to my eyes. and discuss articles on that topic. Families with small The melody stayed with me, and later I learned to play children can find other activity ideas in Sharing Time it on my guitar. Today when things get rough, the articles. Teenagers might try making posters like the hymns I learned as a child bring me peace ones in the New Era by using the same and happiness.” words and creating their own art.

Share Journal Entries Tell Stories Everyone benefits from hearing uplifting Kathryn Marrett of the Camp Hill Ward, personal experiences and testimonies found Brisbane Australia Stake, discovered the in the journals of family members and ances- familiar power of storytelling. “As a mum with small tors. We can use family home evening to hymn can children, I found it a challenge to keep them write in our journals and, when appropriate, A easily interested in family home evening,” writes to share entries with each other. become the basis Sister Marrett. “After praying for inspiration, Ramona Morreale of the Cannonville for a family home I decided to focus on a different value every Ward, Escalante Utah Stake, writes of a evening lesson, as month. I chose honesty as the first topic. special family home evening when she read can acting out a Soon ideas began to flow, and the children from her journal: “I found entries about scripture story. and I began making up stories together about our children and humorous things they honesty. We made up imaginary children and said and did when they were younger. used them in every story. It was fun to create Before long we were all laughing. Our different situations and explore the results of children often ask to have a ‘journal’ lesson good and bad choices. again. Sometimes we also read spiritual “Now when something needs to entries from an ancestor’s be dealt with, such as a bike left in journal. This brings great joy the rain or bad language, we talk and helps us get to know about the appropriate value and them.” make up stories featuring the same imaginary children. Use Church Magazines Of course, these stories are Church magazines only one way we teach provide many gospel good values. The materials and ideas for scriptures and other

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 9 Church materials provide the foundation for our gospel us the way and for giving us His Spirit in our home and in teachings.” our hearts.”

Take Turns Meet Weekly Victor and Susana Mendoza of the Ramona (Spanish) Family unity comes from getting together often. Alfredo Branch, Hemet California Stake, have found that rotating and Tita Obial of the Quirino Second Ward, Quezon City the opportunity to teach is an excellent way to come up Philippines South Stake, are the parents of five sons. “We with innovative lessons. “Our family home evenings are want to be a forever family,” writes Sister Obial. “We have truly exciting,” writes Sister Mendoza. “Our regular family home evenings to share our children each take a turn and invent ways to talents, learn gospel principles, and have fun. make family home evening different and Sometimes we have family councils to discuss interesting. For example, Victor Daniel our needs and make family decisions. We are makes invitations and gives them to us in grateful for the family home evening program advance so we can be on time. When Jasmin of the Church, which not only brings our finishes her lesson, she gives us a certificate veryone family closer together but also brings us closer of achievement for paying attention. Melissa benefits from to our Heavenly Father.” tells us interesting stories she has learned in Ehearing Family home evening can be a blessing in all seminary. uplifting personal our lives, just as it has been in the lives of these “It wasn’t easy at first, but we put our faith experiences and families, if we will pray for inspiration; “be of in the Lord, and He has helped us. I testify that testimonies found good cheer” (D&C 78:18); meet regularly; and holding family home evenings has strength- in the journals of invite the Spirit with music, prayer, and ened our marriage as well as our family. Our family members personal testimony. Above all, we shouldn’t let bonds of love grow stronger and ancestors. lesson preparation become a barrier to holding each week. We’re grateful family home evening. Sometimes the simplest to Jesus Christ for showing lessons are the best. ■ EASY TO PREPARE EASY TO PRESENT

Any gospel topic can become a family home evening lesson when you follow these three simple steps: 1. Choose one of the gospel resources listed in column A. 2. Focus on a single topic or idea to keep your lesson simple. 3. Select any of the teaching methods listed in column B to develop the topic into a lesson.

A B

The following items and many other gospel resources are available from For additional ideas, see Teaching, No Greater Call (item Church distribution centers. no. 36123, U.S. $2.00) or Teaching Guidebook (item 1. Scriptures no. 34595, no charge). 2. General conference talks (see Church magazines and www.lds.org) 1. Ask questions (who, what, where, when, why, how). 3. Articles in Church magazines 2. Show a picture, chart, or object. 4. Hymns (item no. 31243, U.S. $5.00) 3. Sing a song. 5. “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” (see Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102) 4. Give a writing assignment. 6. Relief Society declaration (see Ensign, Nov. 1999, 92–93) 5. Bear your testimony or share a personal 7. For the Strength of Youth (item no. 36550, no charge) experience. 8. Young Women theme (item no. 35224, no charge) 6. Write important points on a chalkboard or piece 9. The purposes of the Aaronic Priesthood in Aaronic Priesthood: Fulfilling of paper and discuss them. Our Duty to God (item nos. 36412, 36413, 36414, no charge) 7. Memorize a scripture. 10. “My Gospel Standards” in My Achievement Days (item no. 35317, 8. Draw a picture. U.S. $.50) 9. Act out a story. 10. Show a Church video. ■

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 11 Family Home Evening Counsel and aPromise BY THE FIRST PRESIDENCY OF THE CHURCH, 1915

A formal family home evening God giveth thee” [see Exodus 20:12]. program was developed in the These revelations apply with great Granite Utah Stake and was first force to the Latter-day Saints, and it is endorsed and made Churchwide required of fathers and mothers in this by this 1915 First Presidency statement. Church that these commandments shall be taught and applied in their homes. Dear Brethren and Sisters: To this end we advise and urge the inaugura- e counsel the Latter-day Saints to observe more tion of a “home evening” throughout the Church, at which PHOTOGRAPH COURTESY OF LDS CHURCH ARCHIVES PHOTOGRAPH closely the commandment of the Lord given in time fathers and mothers may gather their boys and girls Wthe 68th section of the Doctrine and Covenants: about them in the home and teach them the word of “And again, inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, the Lord. They may thus learn more fully the needs and or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach requirements of their families, at the same time familiariz- them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith ing themselves and their children more thoroughly with in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ. This home the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of hands when evening should be devoted to prayer, singing hymns, eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents; songs, instrumental music, scripture reading, family topics, “For this shall be a law unto the inhabitants of Zion, or and specific instruction on the principles of the gospel and in any of her stakes which are organized; on the ethical problems of life, as well as the duties and “And their children shall be baptized for the remission obligations of children to parents, the home, the Church, of their sins when eight years old, and receive the laying society, and the nation. For the smaller children, appro- on of hands, priate recitations, songs, stories, and games may be intro- “And they shall also teach their children to pray, and to duced. Light refreshments of such a nature as may be walk uprightly before the Lord” [see vv. 25–28]. largely prepared in the home might be served. The children of Zion should also observe more fully the Formality and stiffness should be studiously avoided, commandment of the Lord given to ancient Israel and reiter- and all the family should participate in the exercises. ated to the Latter-day Saints: “Honor thy father and thy mother: These gatherings will furnish opportunities for mutual that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy confidence between parents and children, between brothers

12 GIVE HIGHEST PRIORITY

and sisters, as well as give opportunity LET’S TALK ABOUT IT for words of warning, counsel, and 1. Discuss ways family life in your advice by parents to their boys and community has changed in the past girls. They will provide opportunity 90 years. Invite family members to “We call upon parents to devote for the boys and girls to honor father find the counsel and the promise in their best efforts to the teaching and mother and to show their appreci- this article. Explain why this message and rearing of their children in ation of the blessings of home so that is even more important today than it gospel principles which will keep the promise of the Lord to them may was in 1915. them close to the Church. The home be literally fulfilled and their lives be 2. As husband and wife or whole is the basis of a righteous life, and prolonged and made happy. family, read and discuss the counsel no other instrumentality can take We request that the presidents of on pages 7–19 of this magazine. List its place or fulfill its essential stakes and bishops throughout the ways you want to improve your weekly functions in carrying forward this Church set aside at least one evening family meetings. Hold a family council God-given responsibility. each month for this purpose and that using ideas from Elder and Sister “We counsel parents and children upon such evenings no other Church Ballard (pp. 14–19). to give highest priority to family duties shall be required of the people. 3. Ask family members to complete prayer, family home evening, We further request that all the offi- the sentence “A family council is . . .” gospel study and instruction, and cers of the auxiliary organizations Study Elder and Sister Ballard’s wholesome family activities.” throughout the Church support this counsel, looking for ways to finish The First Presidency: Gordon B. Hinckley, movement and encourage the young Thomas S. Monson, James E. Faust (letter, this sentence. 11 Feb. 1999; printed in the Ensign, June people to remain at home that evening 1999, 80). and use their energies in making it instructive, profitable, and interesting. If the Saints obey this counsel, we promise that great blessings will result. Love at home and obedience to parents will increase. Faith will be devel- oped in the hearts of the youth of Israel, and they will gain power to combat the evil influences and tempta- tions which beset them. ■ Your brethren, , POSED BY MODELS , POSED BY JOSEPH F. SMITH ANTHON H. LUND CHARLES W. PENROSE First Presidency (Published in the Improvement Era, June 1915, 733–34. Capitalization and punctuation modernized.) STEVE BUNDERSON BY PHOTOGRAPH

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 13 Family Councils A CONVERSATION WITH ELDER AND SISTER BALLARD

Elder M. Russell Ballard and his wife, paint or comfortable the furnishings inside are, a car with Barbara, discuss how councils can help an engine that is not operating as it should is just a shell families grow spiritually, gain unity, of unrealized potential. An automobile engine will run on and function successfully. only a part of its cylinders, but it never will go as far or as fast, nor will the ride be as smooth, as when it is tuned n an April 1994 general conference address, properly.” Elder M. Russell Ballard of Elder Ballard then likened a properly tuned car to a I the Quorum of the Twelve ward or stake that is functioning well. He urged Church Apostles taught: “Before I was leaders “to harness and channel spiritual power through called as a General Authority, councils.”1 I was in the automobile busi- The Church magazines recently met with Elder Ballard ness, as was my father before and his wife, Barbara, to talk about how the council me. Through the years, I learned system can be applied to families, some of which, Elder to appreciate the sound and Ballard said, are hitting on only a few cylinders. the performance of a well-tuned An engine that is Question: Why do you feel so strongly about family engine. To me it is almost musi- running on only a councils? cal, from the gentle purring few cylinders will Elder Ballard: There has never been a time when of an idling motor to the never go as far or the world was in greater need of the strength and security vibrant roar of a throttle that as fast, nor will the that are best sown and cultivated in the deep, fertile soil is fully open. The power that ride be as smooth, of family love. The family is under heavy attack from antag-

sound represents is even more as when it is tuned onists bent on extinguishing this powerful source of light CRAIG DIMOND Y BY exciting. . . . properly. The same in a darkening world. Successful families have a wide “On the other hand, nothing can be said of assortment of tools, and one of the most useful tools is is more frustrating than a car families. the family council. engine that is not running prop- Question: How might a family council differ from a

erly. No matter how beautiful the family home evening? OF BALLARD FAMIL PHOTOGRAPHS

14

Elder Ballard: Family home evening is a social and teaching time. In a family council we talk about the needs of the family and the needs of individual members of the family. It is a time to solve problems, make family decisions, plan day-to-day and long-range family activities and goals. It is a time to share one another’s burdens and joys and counsel together, to keep each family member on the right track spiritu- ally. It is the time when we discuss family matters, much as a bishop or branch president does with his ward or branch leaders. It is when parents use the tremendous powers of the council system. A family council could certainly be part of family home evening, but it could also take place at any time. Sister Ballard: Our seven children have been wonder- ful to raise, but we’ve had worries and concerns, and we’ve had to go through the normal anxieties and problems. All This is why we needed family councils—and why we had lots of discussions and prayers. For example, when my Together husband was called to serve as mission president in Toronto, Canada, some of the children were not happy about moving there. between a parent and a child or among parents and several Elder Ballard: They cried children. When a husband and wife talk to each other, they all the way to Toronto. They are holding a family council. cried for two months after I think of the traditional definition that says a family Y MODELS we were there. council is a time when a father and mother sit down and Sister Ballard: Yes, but go through a list of dos and don’ts with their children. they were good sports. It was I was never able to make it work that way. I found that harder for the ones in high If I tell the family, when the list came out, it turned the children off. So I school, but we discussed their “You go out and pull tried bringing up a specific problem—such as the garden TO DISC; ALL PHOTOGRAPHS POSED B DISC; ALL PHOTOGRAPHS TO feelings in many family councils. the weeds,” there needs weeding—and then simply asked the family, “What In time, they realized it was a may be complaining can we do about it? What are your ideas?” wonderful opportunity. or hurt feelings. A council is when parents let their children help solve Question: So how would But if I can help the problem. And when everyone agrees to a solution,

you define a family council? them to feel, “We everyone will have ownership of the problem. If I tell the ; RIGHT: © PHO PHOTOGRAPH Elder Ballard: Whenever all decided this,” family, “You go out and pull the weeds,” there may be com- there are two or more members then the family plaining or hurt feelings. But if I can help them to feel, “We of a family together and a dis- council is truly all decided this,” then the family council is truly working. cussion is going on, that is a working. Before you know it, family members will be organizing council! Family councils can be themselves, saying, “You do this and I’ll do that.” That’s

held in one-on-one talks the power of a council. LEFT: STEVE BUNDERSON BY PHOTOGRAPHS

16 Question: What are some ways parents can begin to term authority. But it is far better if those decisions are make family councils work? made in a spirit of unity of purpose and pulling together Elder Ballard: First, parents need to draw the children as a family. into the problem-solving process by letting them be heard. I think a mother is probably the key to making councils For example, I came home at times to find that the chil- work. I say that because she is often more sensitive and dren had not cleaned their rooms or done other things gentle than her husband. they were supposed to do. My wife had her hands full with I remember a time when one of our daughters came seven children to raise. So I called the children together home and I had a dialogue with her. I don’t remember for a short council meeting. We talked about what needed the subject, but afterward she went up to her room. Later to be done and decided on a course of action. Talking Sister Ballard came to me and lovingly said, “I don’t think about the course of action makes all the difference. If it’s you realize the impact of what you said to her. You’ve hurt mandated or dictated, there will usually be resistance. But her feelings.” if parents will establish a climate conducive to openness, I said, “I did? How did I do that?” I didn’t have a clue, so where every person is important and every opinion is Sister Ballard explained. valued, they can create a kind of spiritual synergism in the I went upstairs and sat down with my little girl. She was home, where the combined action or cooperation that on her bed, crying. We had another family council. I asked results is greater than the sum of the individual parts. her to forgive me. It was a great moment for us, and it was Sister Ballard: Informal communication among parents all done as we counseled together. and children is crucial. If children My wife has also been great at are old enough to talk, we should keeping even our formal family be showing them we care by lis- councils more relaxed and fun. tening to them. We should be ask- Couples Sister Ballard: My husband ing them how they are and what and I made a pact long ago. If he they would change about their lives. It seems that one of the best times for a family council is right before children fall asleep. It may be just one child with a father or mother, but it can be a very important family council. You don’t have to have everyone sitting together in order to have a family council. Elder Ballard: My feeling is that the more fluid, the more nonthreatening, the more natural a family council is, the more effective it is. Let children tell their perception of what needs to happen. Point out why you feel the way you feel. You can then start to connect and teach. But the exchange can’t be phony or staged. If it is fabricated, the council system doesn’t work. Communication has to be open and candid. Question: How might a father and a mother work together in family councils? Elder Ballard: A father, who is the priesthood bearer and patriarch in a home, has the responsibility to make the decisions. I emphasize the term responsibility—not the

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 17 Extended disagrees with me or I disagree with him, we talk about it, whatever it is. Family Elder Ballard: It seems to me that whoever is in charge of a council needs to have some idea of a desired can be welcomed and listened outcome—perhaps a change in behavior—before discus- to in formal councils or on infor- sion starts. Then both parents need to work with the mal occasions. They’ve walked children until things change for the better. the road of life 30 or more years Question: How about single parents? Any advice for longer than anyone else in the them? council. Even if grandparents Sister Ballard: I have compassion for single mothers live far away, grandchildren can call or e-mail; I know ours and fathers. I don’t know how they do all they need to do. do. A single parent may have this resource and may not be Elder Ballard: Single parents often come home tired utilizing it. Grandparents can be a tremendous resource. after a day at work. Then they’ve got to prepare dinner Question: What other factors can make a family coun- and help children with homework. They stretch them- cil successful? selves emotionally to the point that they may not have the Elder Ballard: We have to understand the circum- energy or time to sit down and have a family council in a stances of family members. Each child is different. All the formal way. But the more stress there is on a family, the counseling in the world won’t solve a problem if there’s a more important family councils become. medical challenge. For example, one of our children has The key for a single parent—and other parents as struggled with attention deficit disorder. When we were well—is to take advantage of informal counseling oppor- younger, we didn’t know what that was. Nobody knew tunities with a child. They might be while driving in the what it was. We have grandchildren with dyslexia. That car, doing the dishes, or in the can be very tough for a child to deal with. Parents have morning and evening just got to counsel together about such issues, then hold a before prayers. As tired family council to discuss how to best deal with the situa- as you may be, it’s wise tion. It is not enough just to tell them, “You can do it. to invest the time and Just try harder.” Additional outside help may be needed. attention it takes to make Siblings can also be a great help. Older children can an effective connec- become mentors, tremendous assets, if the father and tion with your children. mother will use the council system. In this way, a family It is far better to lovingly Take advantage is much like a ward. If a bishop knows how to involve his communicate in the begin- of informal counseling Relief Society, elders quorum, and Young Women presi- ning, while they are young, than opportunities with a dent, they can make a huge difference in getting the work to try and hammer it into them child. They might be done in a ward. Father and mother need to see their chil- later when behavior changes while driving in the dren as mentors to each other. That way, the power of the more slowly. car, doing the dishes, family council is put to work. Question: How about or in the morning Question: The relationship between a husband and extended family councils? and evening just wife is crucial to the success of family councils, isn’t it? Elder Ballard: I hope before prayers. Sister Ballard: I’ve been very fortunate to have a hus- parents will not overlook the band with whom I could talk. Raising a family is hard enough potentially powerful asset grand- when parents get along. If a father and mother disagree all parents can be. Grandparents the time, children learn to pit one parent against the other.

18 And couples need to spend time together away from their marriage is the couple still doing that. So I send them home, Y MODELS children. When our children were little and my husband was saying, “Why don’t you do that for 30 days and then come serving as bishop, we would get a baby-sitter and go out at see me?” Almost always, they return and comment, “Elder least once a week—nothing fancy but we spent some time Ballard, we’re going to make it; we’re going to work it out.” together. We would sit down and try to talk objectively about When communication with Heavenly Father breaks down, our lives. I would ask, “How do you think we’re doing?” communication between spouses also breaks down. And Elder Ballard: And I would ask what I should be Heavenly Father will not interfere. He doesn’t generally doing. They were great councils. intrude where He is not invited. But if we ask, great bless-

Y STEVE BUNDERSON; ALL PHOTOGRAPHS POSED B ALL PHOTOGRAPHS Y STEVE BUNDERSON; Sister Ballard: I still remember those times. All couples ings will flow. should take advantage of those opportunities. There won’t Question: Any final thoughts? be many surprises, but once in a while there might be. Elder Ballard: Let me say that leadership based on love Elder Ballard: Let me share the advice I give to couples brings incredible power.2 In these perilous times, we need when I perform a sealing in the temple: Never retire without the cooperative efforts of parents and children in the family

TO DISC; RIGHT: PHOTOGRAPH B PHOTOGRAPH DISC; RIGHT: TO kneeling together and holding hands and saying your because absolute vigilance is required on the part of all. prayers. And those prayers should be prayers of gratitude. God never intended that His children should stand There is something that happens, even when a husband and alone. We have the gospel, the scriptures, living prophets a wife are upset with each other, if they kneel at the end of and apostles, and the Holy Ghost to help us. This is not the day and pray together. I do a lot of man’s work nor woman’s work; it is God’s work, which is counseling with people troubled in centered on the Atonement of Jesus Christ. their marriages. I always ask, “Do May God bless us all to find inspired consensus and you kneel and hold hands unity as we counsel together in our families. Only LEFT: JOHN SNYDER AND © PHO BY PHOTOGRAPHS at the end of the day, in so doing can our families begin to approach their praying for Heavenly full potential. ■

Father’s blessings in NOTES your home?” Not once 1. “Counseling with Our Councils,” Ensign, May 1994, 24. in a struggling 2. See “Strength in Counsel,” Ensign, Nov. 1993, 76–78. One-on- One InjuredInjured in the Wilderness Alone, with a broken arm, I wondered if I’d ever make it to safety.

BY REED TUCKER t age 53, I still loved the adventure of horse packing remounting my saddle horse with a broken elbow would in the remote backwoods. So when July came, I be excruciating. Climbing onto a large rock, I looped the A prepared my horses and started through the two- lead rope to the pack horses over the shoulder of my and-a-half million acres of Idaho’s “River of No Return” injured left arm and pulled myself awkwardly onto the sad- wilderness. My trail would include the Middle Fork of the dle horse with my right arm. Salmon River, famous for its rushing water, scenic beauty, Those six miles took two difficult hours on horse, but and many river-running expeditions. when I reached the river, I saw a bustling camp. My wilderness solitude was serene and undisturbed “Could someone help me clean my wound?” I called until the third day. When I stopped for a brief rest early out. Two guides hurried over. that afternoon, an insect stung the lead pack horse, and in “You’ll need to be airlifted out of here,” one of the an instant he had taken off in a trot, leading the other pack guides commented grimly. “This will have to see a horses with him. My saddle horse started after them, and I hospital.” lunged for the trailing lead rope to keep him from running I looked at my still-bleeding elbow and the hands of the away. As I grabbed the rope, the horse jerked his head, two guides cleaning it. On one of the hands was a CTR ring. throwing me off balance and flinging me onto a rock as he “Are you a Latter-day Saint?” I asked the young guide. ran off to follow the other horses. He nodded, concentrating on my wound. A sharp pain shot up my left elbow. I had struck it vio- “My name is Josh,” he said. “I’m doing some guiding on lently on the rock and saw immediately that it was broken. the Middle Fork until school in the fall.” Bleeding profusely, I said a quick prayer for help and set I paused for a moment. “Would you give me a priest- off to find my horses. hood blessing, Josh?” A painful mile later, I found the lead pack horse tangled While the other guide called on a two-way radio for air in his rope with the others standing beside him. My bleed- assistance, my LDS river guide and I took a canvas chair ing hadn’t stopped as I stood there considering what to into a stand of trees. do. I knew that six miles downstream I’d find river runners As I listened to the words of the blessing, the pain in my at the confluence of the stream and the Middle Fork, but elbow seemed to subside. When the blessing ended, I

20 knew that the marathon to save my arm completely limp. A paramedic quickly loaded hen I had only begun, but I found comfort in the me into the plane, and we departed for grabbed inspired assurances that all would work out. McCall, Idaho, where the nearest hospital Wthe rope, When we reached the small backcountry was located. the horse jerked his airstrip, a stiff wind was blowing its wind sock A paramedic relayed my vital signs ahead head, throwing me ILLUSTRATIONS BY SAM LAWLOR BY ILLUSTRATIONS to a nearly 90-degree angle. to the emergency room, and when an x ray off balance and “I’ll circle the strip, but if the wind’s too was taken at the hospital, the diagnosis was flinging me onto strong, I won’t be able to land,” the pilot confirmed: a compound, open fracture a rock. radioed down to us before he arrived. We requiring immediate surgery for repair. watched nervously as the small plane neared Since 2:00 P.M.that day, I had been steeling the airstrip. Just as the plane arrived and myself against the pain, knowing I would began to circle, the wind sock went have to be conscious in order to get to safety.

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 21 that everything would work out was ful- filled against daunting odds. Not only did the weather barely hold until I had arrived at the right hospital, but the surgery was performed just in time. Compound frac- tures like mine require medical attention within 10 to 12 hours of the injury in order to avoid major infection. I had bro- ken my elbow at 2:00 P.M.; the surgery took place 12 hours later at 2:00 A.M. Over a year later and with my arm com- pletely healed, I can see in amazement that ne of the Now, in the hands of capable medical person- everything happened according to the priest- guides wore nel, I began to relax. hood blessing I had received in the remote Oa CTR ring. The McCall hospital wasn’t equipped for wilderness of Idaho at the hands of a righ- “Are you a Latter- surgery such as I needed, so a life flight to teous young man wearing a CTR ring. ■ day Saint?” I Boise was ordered. But the wind that had Reed Tucker is a member of the Twin Falls 15th asked. He nodded, deterred the small plane earlier that evening Ward, Kimberly Idaho Stake. concentrating on had become a major storm that was rapidly my wound. I approaching: timing was essential if I was to paused for a fly to Boise for the necessary surgery before moment. “Would the storm struck. you give me a With lightning cracking around the plane, priesthood we touched down, and the rain began pour- blessing?” ing in earnest. “Lucky we made it now,” the pilot remarked. “Another few minutes and we wouldn’t have been able to complete the trip.” From the airport, an ambulance rushed me to the hospital. An orthopedic surgeon began reattaching the two-inch piece of bone with rods, pins, and screws, and the iming was slow work of recovery began. The storm essential if blustered outside, my horses were far away TI was to fly in the Idaho wilderness, and the guide with to Boise for the a CTR ring was probably still at a riverside necessary surgery camp, but I had finally been brought to before a major storm safety. struck. The priesthood blessing assuring me

22 BY SHIRLEY SCHARDINE fter many years of not being active in the Church, I located a center for the blind at a nearby university, I was blessed with a return of faith and testimony. passed a reading test, and have been recording textbooks A Several months of study, soul searching, and spir- for blind students for several years. This is a most satisfying itual healing brought me to a point where I was ready to activity for me, and I’ve received many additional blessings reach out to others in love and service. But how? besides the joy of serving those unable to read. I’ve met My prayers focused on asking the Lord’s help in direct- and enjoyed the companionship of these students; I’ve ing me to a service that I could enjoy and do enthusiasti- gained strength and vigor in my voice, which helps in pub- cally. I pondered a great deal about my abilities, and I lic speaking, teaching, and singing; and, above all, I know began doing some reading aloud, soon realizing that I en- that Heavenly Father is pleased with what I’m doing. joyed this activity very much. With thoughtful prayer and introspection we can find One Sunday in church I was called upon to read some some area of service that will please others, ourselves, and verses from the scriptures. After class the teacher compli- our Father in Heaven. He will guide us to those paths if we mented me on my reading ability and asked if I’d had train- earnestly seek His will. ■ ing. A spiritual prompting confirmed to me that this was a Shirley Schardine is a member of the Hobble Creek 13th Ward, talent I should develop and use to bless others. Hobble Creek Utah Stake. How Could I Serve? Y GARNS

he opportunity I found is personally satisfying, UKE; INSET: PHOTOGRAPHY BY JERR BY PHOTOGRAPHY UKE; INSET: Tbut above all, I know that Heavenly Father is pleased with what I am doing. RIGHT: PHOTOGRAPHY BY JOHN L BY PHOTOGRAPHY RIGHT: 23 TheCost of RICHES When we selfishly seek after wealth, we put our families and our spiritual health at risk.

BY ELDER LYNN G.ROBBINS What Is Sufficient? Of the Seventy In his book How Much Is Enough? Alan n early Church history, members were Thein Durning says that in the 1990s, people constantly on the move—from New York were “on average four-and-a-half times richer Ito Ohio to Missouri and then to Nauvoo than their great-grandparents were at the turn and beyond. Building new homes was a fre- of the century, but they [were] not four-and-a- 2 quent chore. Many of the homes were modest half times happier.” The authors of the book by today’s standards, sometimes measuring Your Money or Your Life suggest that fulfill- just 12 feet by 12 feet (3.6 m). However, when ment seems to increase during the initial Mary Richards moved into her new log cabin stages of spending, when one is buying neces- If Satan can tempt us at Winter Quarters after spending the winter sities and some nice things, but begins to de- 3 to overpurchase, in a tent, she remarked, “Our little house crease with excess spending. If that is true, 1 we risk not only seemed to me almost like a palace.” one of life’s most fundamental questions becoming a time slave Interesting how grateful her attitude was, should be, “What is sufficient for our family to to unnecessary debt even when she had so very little. be happy?” Our success will depend not only but also being Today Mary Richards’s cabin would be on answering the question “What do we need “time-consumed” dwarfed by most homes. It seems that to be happy?” but also on answering the ques- with too many things while the average home has increased in tion “What don’t we need to be happy?” of this world. size, the average family has decreased in Because the natural man’s perceived size; and while homes have more time- needs are forever expanding, “sufficient” is saving devices, the average family spends forever elusive, and his time is increasingly less time together. Affluence is up, but devoted to money and the things of this happiness is down, as indicated by rising world. Take the extreme case of Prince Jefri divorce rates. Why isn’t more money buying Bolkiah, brother of the Sultan of Brunei, for greater happiness? example. The prince squandered $15 billion

24 PHOTOGRAPH © SUPERSTOCK PHOTOGRAPH

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 25 by building marinas, palaces, and apartment complexes valuable, you say? What about the value of the life and time and purchasing luxury hotels, aircraft, thousands of cars, to store, to clean, to insure, to transport, to protect—what 8 and so on. His panicked brother finally had to cut the does that cost? More than money.” purse strings and limit him to a monthly allowance of 4 $300,000. For the natural man, there is never enough Being Content money. One antonym for greed, and perhaps the antidote to it, Along with obeying the law of tithing and avoiding unnec- is contentment. The Apostle Paul stated, “I have learned, in essary debt, one of the most oft-repeated financial principles whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content” (Philippians taught by the prophets is to live within our means, regardless 4:11). Contentment and gratitude are essential if one is to of our income. If Satan can tempt us to overpurchase, we be truly happy. risk not only becoming a time slave to unnecessary debt but The ability to be content was one of Benjamin Franklin’s also being “time-consumed” with too many things of this greatest traits. It had a profound impact on his life and world. The result is less time for the Lord and for our family. upon the new nation he helped to found. Author Catherine Drinker Bowen writes of Franklin: “He was forty-two when More Money Equals Less Time he retired. . . . Had Franklin stayed in business there is little Juliet B. Schor, who teaches economics at Harvard doubt he could have amassed a fortune . . . the kind of es- University, says that due to improvements in productivity, tate built up in America by royal governors. . . . Once as- Americans could work 22-hour workweeks if they were sat- sured of a competence, he showed no desire for increasing isfied with a 1948 standard of living. While we are certainly it; Franklin never changed his simple style of living and 9 grateful for the progress made since 1948, that would give seemed to have no ambition for outward show.” many of us at least 18 extra hours per week!5 For Franklin, “outward show” was dangerous. He said: In the book Your Money or Your Life, the authors con- “The eyes of other people are the eyes that ruin us. If all vincingly illustrate how everything we buy consumes a part but myself were blind, I should want neither fine clothes, 6 10 of our life—hence the title of their book. Applying simple fine houses, nor fine furniture.” He knew time is the one math to an hourly wage, for example, can illustrate how up- thing that is purchased by not spending money. With more grading to a bigger home (or an unnecessary home equity time, he was available to help establish a free land where loan on an existing home) could cost an extra 5 or 10 years the gospel could be restored (see D&C 101:80). of life to purchase, depending on its cost. And if not 10 President Brigham Young (1801–77) also understood years of the father’s life, then perhaps 10 years of the the value of spending his time on that which is most im- mother’s life as a second wage earner. When we spend be- portant. After gaining a testimony of the restored gospel, yond what is sufficient, the trade-off is less time. “he gave away many of his possessions and reduced his It has been said that a rich man doesn’t own his things; business.” This downsizing gave Brigham Young a gift of rather, his things begin to own him. “A thatched roof once time that he could devote to building the kingdom. “He 7 covered free men; under marble and gold dwells slavery.” In served a series of missions. He held meetings and baptized his book Clutter’s Last Stand, Don Aslett gives us additional in the countryside surrounding Mendon. He also traveled insight into this self-imposed slavery. Each item we accumu- into upper New York and Ontario, Canada, to preach the late, he says, “stifles us and robs us of freedom because it re- gospel and bear witness that Joseph Smith was a prophet 11 quires so much of our time to tend.” He writes further: “We of God.” have to pay for it, keep track of it, protect it, clean it, store it, Of course, the Savior Himself is the greatest example of insure it, and worry about it. . . . Later we have to move it, proper prioritizing. With few possessions to distract Him, hide it, apologize for it, argue over it. . . . But these things are He focused all of His time and effort on His mission. The

26 OCK PHOTOGRAPH OF SCALES © SUPERST PHOTOGRAPH Lord doesn’t expect us to seek out poverty, The pioneers had to discern what their he natural but His counsel is direct: “Thou shalt lay aside true needs were. As they hurriedly left man’s the things of this world, and seek for the Nauvoo, they took with them essentials such T perceived things of a better” (D&C 25:10) and “A man’s as food, clothing, blankets, cooking utensils, needs are forever life consisteth not in the abundance of the and perhaps a few extras that weren’t life sus- expanding. Yet when things which he possesseth” (Luke 12:15). taining but were nevertheless precious, such we spend beyond as a favorite rocking chair. They tearfully left what is sufficient, the Putting the Family First other keepsakes behind. trade-off is less time. Benjamin Franklin said, “When you have The trek that lay before the pioneers was bought one fine thing you must buy ten more, not easy, but with faith they began their west- that your appearance may be all of a piece; . . . ward march. Then they came to the slopes of ‘ ’tis easier to suppress the first desire than to the Rocky Mountains. The trail that was man- 12 satisfy all that follow it.’ ” This is especially ageable before seemed almost insurmount- true with today’s tendency to purchase the able now. Many had to lighten their load and biggest home possible, which requires not just again face the difficult process of choosing 10 more “fine things” but hundreds to fill it. what to leave behind. Subsequent travelers Families with barely affordable mortgage pay- migrating west on the same trail would come ments often turn to credit cards or a second across tools, chairs, and other valuables left wage earner to pay for these fine things. Too to decay and rust on the plains at the foot of often the result is ever-increasing debt, mani- the Rockies. fest by record numbers of people filing for The Saints who had to make these sacri- bankruptcy. fices must have made many longing backward

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 27 14 is “within the walls of [our] own home.” Note the word within. Parents earn money outside the home to make a living, but they , ELECTRONICALLY COMPOSED , ELECTRONICALLY spend time inside the home to make a life. The cycle of affluence leading to pride is depicted numerous times in the Book of Mormon. The Lord warns us, “The riches of the earth are mine to give; but beware of pride, lest ye become as the Nephites of old” (D&C 38:39). We would be wise to avoid the Nephites’ mistakes by being wary of “outward

PHOTOGRAPHS BY JOHN LUKE AND WELDEN ANDERSEN JOHN LUKE BY PHOTOGRAPHS show,” learning what is sufficient for our true he pioneers glances as they continued their journey. Yet happiness, and discovering how to be con- had to while they left many cherished items behind, tent. I believe these principles are deserving T leave many they didn’t leave behind their most precious of our sincere pondering and prayer. ■ cherished items asset: their children. That would have been NOTES 1. Quoted in William W. Slaughter, “The Strength of behind, but they unthinkable. Sacrifice,” Ensign, Apr. 1997, 38. didn’t leave behind Now, some 150 years later, we are facing 2. (1992), 23. 3. Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin (1992). their most precious different challenges but a similar choice. 4. See Seth Mydans, “Gluttony Is Undoing of Brunei,” Deseret News, 17 Aug. 2001. asset: their children. Tragically, this time it isn’t furniture and finer- 5. The Overworked American (1991). ies that are being left behind but our children. 6. Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin (1992). 7. Seneca, quoted in John de Graaf and others, Believing that possessions and “personal ful- Affluenza: The All-Consuming Epidemic (2001), 125. 8. (1984), 5, 4, 46. fillment” are paramount, many parents are 9. The Most Dangerous Man in America (1974), 59. leaving the primary care of their children to 10. Quoted in Andrew M. Allison and others, The Real Benjamin Franklin (1987), 364. day-care centers. Some, such as single par- 11. Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young (Melchizedek Priesthood and Relief Society ents, may have no choice, but others do. The course of study, 1997), 3. Savior tells us: 12. The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard’s Almanac, and Other Papers (n.d.), 227. “Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon 13. Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102. 14. In Conference Report, Apr. 1973, 130; or Ensign, earth, . . . July 1973, 98. “But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth LET’S TALK ABOUT IT corrupt, and where thieves do not break 1. Invite family members to describe what they through nor steal” (3 Nephi 13:19–20). think the life of a happy, successful person is like. Surely we should consider our family to Show some money and discuss how much money be among our greatest treasures. it takes for a person to be happy and successful. In “The Family: A Proclamation to the Read and discuss the section “Being Content.” World,” we learn that “the family is central to 2. Display a paper with the following equations: the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of More Money = Less Time; More Money ≠ More 13 His children.” Since the family is central, Happiness. Ask family members what they think the then the most important work we do, accord- equations mean. Read and discuss what Elder ing to President Harold B. Lee (1899–1973), Robbins said about money, time, and happiness.

28 P ARABLES OF JESUS LostThe Coin Are we doing all we can to cultivate the faith of others? BY ELDER J. KENT JOLLEY Of the Seventy ILLUSTRATION BY KIRK RICHARDS BY ILLUSTRATION

ver the years I have collected a store to purchase some candy. Later that day few rare coins. My favorite one is a when I saw his cache of candy, I asked him Oprized 1886 U.S. silver dollar. When where he had gotten the money to pay for it. the subject of rare coins occasionally comes He readily responded that he had simply up for discussion in my family, I love to scurry taken “one of those old coins.” off to find and exhibit it, as though it were Frantically, I dashed to the grocery store. the only silver dollar ever minted. Much to my relief, the clerk knew Jeff and One day our young son Jeff discovered had placed my silver dollar in the back of the the coin lying around the house when I had cash register, anticipating that someone from failed to properly put it away. He took the the family would want to reclaim it. She read- coin and rode his bicycle to a nearby grocery ily accepted a paper dollar in exchange, and I

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 29 LET’S TALK ABOUT IT 1. Hide a coin somewhere in a room, and announce to family members that you have “lost” a coin. Have them search until they find it. Read the section “Sheep, Coins, and Sons.” Ask whose fault breathed a great sigh of relief at it was that the coin was lost. Read “Precious Souls, start “sweeping.” We can give a having found my precious lost Coins of the Realm,” and express your love for family friendly gesture, an act of kind- coin. This experience was for me members. ness, a fervent prayer, or even much like one described by the 2. Read Luke 15:8–9 and the sections “Our a clear and caring invitation to Savior long ago. Attitude toward Others” and “It Begins with Prayer.” attend a Church activity. Encourage family members to identify someone they I enjoy reflecting on the expe- Sheep, Coins, and Sons could fast and pray for. Share an experience you rience of Enos in the Book of In the 15th chapter of Luke, have had with “finding a lost coin” and strengthening Mormon and how it affected his the Savior taught the scribes and that person spiritually. mind-set toward others. Enos had Pharisees three parables that illus- been taught “in the nurture and trate the value of a human soul. admonition of the Lord” by his fa- Each teaches how a soul can become lost and then be ther, Jacob (Enos 1:1). Hungering for the spiritual burdens found and returned to the Lord. The first parable talks of a he was carrying to be lifted, he prayed mightily all day and sheep who strays, as sheep sometimes do simply by follow- all night. Then the voice of the Lord came to him: “Enos, ing their noses from patch to patch of grass in the meadow. thy sins are forgiven thee, and thou shalt be blessed” The shepherd must search out the lost sheep and lead it (Enos 1:5). back to the fold. The third parable speaks of a lost and After this renewing encounter with the Lord, it appears prodigal son who purposely squanders his inheritance. that Enos’s attitude toward others changed dramatically. When he chooses to repent and return home, he is joyfully Rather than dwelling on his own burdens, he turned his received and restored to a place of honor in the family. The attention and efforts in a new direction: “I began to feel a middle parable is about a woman who has 10 coins. It dif- desire for the welfare of my brethren, the Nephites; where- fers from the first and third parables because it is the care- fore, I did pour out my whole soul unto God for them” lessness of the owner that causes the coin to be lost.1 In (Enos 1:9). Enos also prayed to the Lord for his enemies, relating this parable, Jesus said: the Lamanites, “with many long strugglings” (Enos 1:11). “Either what woman having ten pieces of silver, if she lose one piece, doth not light a candle, and sweep the It Begins with Prayer house, and seek diligently till she find it? If we are to do the work of spiritually recovering “lost “And when she hath found it, she calleth her friends coins,” many of us may need to have an Enos-like experi- and her neighbours together, saying, Rejoice with me; for ence. As we are taught in the nurture and admonition of the I have found the piece which I had lost” (Luke 15:8–9). Lord by the prophets, seers, and revelators of the Church today, let us hunger and petition for the easing of our per- Our Attitude toward Others sonal burdens in prayer. Then let us continue in prayer for The clarion call of President Gordon B. Hinckley is that the welfare of those around us who have become spiritually every member needs to have a friend, to have a responsi- “misplaced.” An experience similar to Enos’s can happen to bility in the Church, and to be “nourished by the good us if we seek after it as Enos did. word of God” (Moroni 6:4). This is particularly true for Once our hearts are right, we can get involved much new and returning members. We must take a closer look at more successfully in the great work of reaching out to ourselves to see if we are making an honest effort to culti- others. vate the faith of those in our midst. Precious souls are wait- Perhaps someone you visit as a home or visiting teacher ing to be found. Let us get our candles and brooms and is in need of a special kindness. Maybe you could invite a

30 young man or young woman to Mutual. Would an invitation to your home for a meal or family home evening be the right thing to do? Maybe there is a community or sporting event you could attend with that individual. Is there something you could take to the person that would open a heart? Is there some other kind of service, such as helping with yard work or offering a ride, that could help the process of trust and friendship begin or progress? The time may be right to involve the full-time missionaries. But it all begins with prayer. The Holy Ghost will guide us to know what is best. What would happen in our wards and , POSED BY MODELS , POSED BY branches if each family used a fast Sunday to fast and pray about a less-active per- son or family, then to reach out in love and friendship? The key is to pray and then do! President Thomas S.

Monson of the First Presidency has STEVE BUNDERSON BY PHOTOGRAPH said, “Whatever our calling, regardless e can give of our fears or anxieties, let us pray and then “Behold, O Lord, their souls are precious, a friendly go and do, remembering the words of the and many of them are our brethren; there- Wgesture, Master, even the Lord Jesus Christ, who fore, give unto us, O Lord, power and wisdom an act of kindness, promised, ‘I am with you alway, even unto that we may bring these, our brethren, again a fervent prayer, or the end of the world’ ” (Matthew 28:20).2 unto thee” (Alma 31:34–35; emphasis added). even a clear and Let us not carelessly leave, as I did, our caring invitation Precious Souls, Coins of the Realm precious “silver dollars” in a place that is not to attend a Church As with the woman and the lost coin, many secure. As we prepare ourselves and our activity. souls are not active participants in the bless- families through diligent prayer, we will have ings of the gospel because they have lacked the direction of the Holy Ghost in recovering for someone who could make a spiritual dif- the lost coins of the eternal realm, in whose ference in their lives. We, like Alma, who countenance has been stamped the divine sought to reclaim the once-faithful Zoramites, mintage of heavenly parentage.3 ■ need to go to the Lord in prayer, asking: NOTES “Wilt thou grant unto us that we may have 1. See James E. Talmage, Jesus the Christ, 3rd ed. success in bringing them again unto thee in (1916), 455–56. 2. “They Pray and They Go,” Ensign, May 2002, 51. Christ. 3. See Jesus the Christ, 546–47.

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 31 WORDS OF JESUS Onthe Cross As we ponder the lessons contained in Jesus’ final words, we exclaim with the centurion, “Truly this man is the Son of God” (see Mark 15:39).

BY ELDER ALAIN A. PETION The Painful Prologue Area Authority Seventy To appreciate our Redeemer’s last pre- hile driving alone for long dis- cious sayings, one needs to remember that tances, I enjoy listening to the Crucifixion was the final act in a series W Handel’s Messiah and other of profound and difficult events. First was sacred music that uses the scriptures as the the Passover meal, followed by the mental, text. This music has always brought deep physical, and spiritual agony of Gethsemane. emotions for the Savior to my heart. Then came the arrest and subsequent illegal Many years ago, a friend presented me trials. Pilate and Herod questioned Him. He with a recording of Franz Joseph Haydn’s was scourged with leathern thongs weighted SCOTT SNOW SCOTT

To appreciate our oratorio called The Seven Last Words of with jagged edges of bone and lead. The BY Redeemer’s last Christ on the Cross. This oratorio came to derision of soldiers rang in His ears as they

precious sayings, one my mind again more recently as I was reading dressed Him in a purple war robe, crowned GOLGOTHA, needs to remember that and pondering anew the gospel accounts of Him with thorns, and placed a reed as a the Crucifixion was the the Savior’s Crucifixion, attempting to better scepter in His bound hands. He then bore final act in a series of understand His death. I gained further appre- His cross to Golgotha with the help of Simon GUSTAVE DORÉ; RIGHT: GUSTAVE

profound and difficult ciation for the final earthly moments of our of Cyrene. At the third hour, they crucified BY events. beloved Redeemer while reading Psalms Him (see Mark 15:25).

115–18, which Elder Bruce R. McConkie Securely fastened to the infamous cross TH THE CROSS, (1915–85) of the Quorum of the Twelve between two crucified thieves, stripped of His Apostles suggested must have been sung by outer garments that were parted between the the Savior in His last Passover. Both Haydn soldiers, tortured by pain with each breath in and Elder McConkie organize the last mortal this unnatural position, the Son of God was utterings of the Son of God in the same publicly and ignominiously exposed before 1

chronological order, which I will follow here. the chief priests, the scribes and the elders, LEFT: BENEA FROM JESUS FALLING DETAIL

32 the soldiers, passersby, and a handful of punished. Jesus’ teachings had likely never he Savior was friends and relatives. Even then and there, come to their ears. To them He was but one publicly and His last words are a reflection of His divine more man from a strange and difficult-to- Tignominiously nature. manage nation. Our Savior pled with His exposed before Father that their acts not be counted as sins the chief priests, “Father, forgive them; for they know not upon their heads. The responsibility for His the scribes and the what they do” (Luke 23:34). death rightly rested upon those who had elders, the soldiers, The Prophet Joseph Smith provided signifi- said, “His blood be on us, and on our chil- passersby, and a cant insight by clarifying that them and they dren” (Matthew 27:25). handful of friends in this statement refer to the soldiers who He who taught, “Love your enemies, . . . and relatives. Even crucified Him (see Joseph Smith Translation, do good to them that hate you, and pray for then, His last words Luke 23:35). them which . . . persecute you” (Matthew are a reflection of The soldiers who whipped, mocked, and 5:44) was concerned for the spiritual well- His divine nature. nailed Jesus to the cross were obeying orders. being of the persons who pierced Him. Their choice was to do the will of Pilate or be What a lesson for us! Looking beyond their

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 33 apparent motives, we must show concern for those who to generation, honor parents, and see to each other’s do not know what they are doing. needs. The preceding words from the cross were uttered “To day shalt thou be with me in paradise” (Luke 23:43). between the third and the sixth hour. At the sixth hour, One thief who was crucified recognized that he was darkness covered the whole land for three hours as the like a sheep who had gone astray and turned to his own “God of nature” suffered (see 1 Nephi 19:10–12). “It way (see Isaiah 53:6). His inner light was rekindled in the seems, that in addition to the fearful suffering incident presence of “the true Light, which lighteth every man” to crucifixion, the agony of Gethsemane had recurred, (John 1:9). He did not join in the mocking. Instead he intensified beyond human power to endure.”2 appealed to the Good Shepherd, seizing upon the tenu- ous hope that he might be saved: “Lord, remember me “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” when thou comest into thy kingdom” (Luke 23:42). The (Mark 15:34). Savior graciously answered and gave him hope. This In Gethsemane, an angel had appeared to strengthen criminal likely did not understand that the gospel would the Savior (see Luke 22:43). Now He had to tread the be preached to him in the spirit world or that he would winepress alone. No answer. No angel. Alone. To which be given an opportunity to live according to God in the hiding pavilion had the Father withdrawn (see D&C spirit (see 1 Peter 4:6; D&C 138:18–34). Truly the Savior 121:1)? It is difficult to consider these words from His cared for the thief who hung beside Him; surely He cares dying lips without experiencing deep emotion. greatly for those who love Him and strive to keep His Golgotha’s excruciating public suffering reaffirmed the commandments! private agony of Gethsemane, allowing Jesus henceforth and forever to address the Father thus: “Behold the suffer- “Woman, behold thy son!” (John 19:26). ings and death of him who did no sin, in whom thou wast The Savior’s mother, Mary, stood there by the cross. well pleased; behold the blood of thy Son which was shed” Perhaps at that moment, as she suffered to see the infinite (D&C 45:4). burden placed upon her son, the Son of God, she recalled Jesus’ loneliness in suffering reminds us that in His in- Simeon’s prophecy: “Behold, this child is set for the fall finite love and respect for His children, God our Father and rising again of many in Israel. . . . Yea, a sword shall may at times be silent so as to allow our meager efforts to pierce through thy own soul also” (Luke 2:34–35). Yet in gain the humble victory and to represent the “all we can her own pain, she must have sensed He was fulfilling the do,” after which He will save us by His almighty grace (see will of God, His Father, for it was she who had responded 2 Nephi 25:23). to the angel, “Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word” (Luke 1:38). “I thirst” (John 19:28). These words confirm in part the awfulness of Jesus’ “Behold thy mother!” (John 19:27). physical agony on the cross. His bodily needs cried out for Now as He was about to exit this earthly stage, the relief. His tongue struggled to articulate as it clung to His Savior’s attention and ministering words turned to His parched lips. In terms of physical suffering, we have a God mother, Mary. Joseph, her husband, had passed away. who has “descended below them all” (D&C 122:8). John the Beloved would now see to her needs. These A sponge soaked in vinegar was raised to His mouth. words teach an everlasting lesson from the Firstborn on Jesus received it and gave His final statements in family responsibilities: honor God’s will from generation mortality.

34 “It is finished” (John 19:30). The perfect Atonement had been wrought! His suffering for the sins of the world was completed. Could there be a more glorious moment in all eternity? The Prophet Joseph’s inspired additions to the Bible teach us that before the Son said, “It is fin- ished,” He addressed the Father. He then announced that the will of the Father had been done (see Joseph Smith Translation, Matthew 27:54). DENMARK T FREDERIKSBORG IN HILLERØD, From the first words of His prayer in Gethsemane to His last words on the cross, Jesus did the will of His Father. He drank out of the bitter cup that the Father had MUSEUM A TIONAL HISTORIC given Him, bringing glory to the Father and salvation to all humankind (see 3 Nephi 11:11). May we be so submissive, humble, and selfless in our mortal victories and successes!

“Father, into thy hands I commend my COURTESY OF THE NA CARL HEINRICH BLOCH, BY spirit” (Luke 23:46). The Son of the Almighty gave His life voluntarily. He had inherited mortality from

His mother, Mary, and He had inherited the THE BURIAL OF CHRIST, ability to live forever in a mortal state from (Jacob 1:8). The Savior’s atoning sacrifice ecause the God, the Father of His mortal body. He gave provides the means for all men to repent and Savior gave His life to bring to pass the Resurrection of thus obtain eternal life. As we marvel at the BHis life all humankind. The righteous spirits in prison events of His death and ponder the depth to bring to pass “were filled with joy and gladness” (D&C and fulness of the lessons contained in His the Resurrection 138:15) at the news of His death, for His words while on the cross, may we exclaim of all humankind, death and Resurrection guaranteed their with the centurion, “Truly this man [is] the we can, every day deliverance from the chains of death. And so Son of God” (Mark 15:39). ■ of our lives, be filled can we, every day of our lives, be filled with with joy and gladness. joy and gladness because of the gift of His NOTES sacrifice and Resurrection. 1.See Doctrinal New Testament Commentary, 3 vols. (1966–73), 1:744, 818. The Book of Mormon prophet Jacob 2.See James E. Talmage, Jesus the Christ, 3rd ed. (1916), 661. expressed a hope “that all men would Elder Alain A. Petion is an Area Authority Seventy believe in Christ, and view his death” serving in the Europe West Area.

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 35 O NSITE

hinkUÄÉÉÅ|ÇzUÄÉÉÅ|Çz of the gar- dens on Temple TSquare in Salt Lake City as a symphony com- posed of floral notes and themes originated by the Creator of all things beautiful. That is the way Peter Lassig, who recently retired as the gardener of Temple Square, designed them. The plan for each garden was like a musical score, with the designer of that plot as composer and the planter as performer, placing the floral notes and compositions where they harmonize perfectly. The floral performance goes on year-round. Gar- deners on the square rec- ognize 14 different annual seasons for floral display or cultivation—seasons such as the June flush, when all the perennials

36 Drifts of tulips blossoming next to the Assembly Hall (below) are among the spring flowers and blossoms providing color with Beauty accents on Temple Square. . SEARLE, AND STEVE TREGEAGLE , GREG FRIE, KELLY LARSEN, DON L LARSEN, , GREG FRIE, KELLY PHOTOGRAPHS BY CRAIG DIMOND BY PHOTOGRAPHS

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 37 come out early in the month. Thanks to a staff of 50 volunteer designers and 50 planters, the fall and spring “down time,” when gardens are empty while replanting takes place, is no more than 10 days. There are 35 acres (14.2 hectares) of garden plots on Temple Square, which includes not only the city block where the Salt Lake Temple stands but also the block to the east of it, with the Church Office Building plaza; the block to the north, where the Conference Center is located; part of the block to the west, where the Family History Library and Museum of Church History and Art are located; as well as a small park and the Brigham

The transition from spring to summer brings a variety of color accents around the Salt Lake Temple (left), the Lion House (right, top), the Tabernacle (right, center), and office buildings.

38 ENSIGN JUNE 2003 39 Changes in the season, changes in the weather, changes in the light—change is a constant in the scenery on Temple Square.

40 Young Cemetery tucked into two urban green spaces east of the Church Office Building. Visitors to Temple Square won’t see any formal floral designs— clocks, faces of proph- ets, world maps—in the gardens. The reason is a matter of reverence for the Creator. The gardens are meant to showcase the variety and magnificence of His creations, not the cleverness of man. Of course, the gardens draw recognition for their beauty; there have been prestigious awards from gardening organiza- tions. But more impor- tant, they contribute to the feelings of reverence, peace, and awe experi- enced by visitors.

Autumn-colored leaves decorate trees and bushes in front of the Salt Lake Temple.

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 41 Like our Father’s other works, the gardens can teach lessons at dif- ferent levels. There are obvious lessons about the genius and artistry of this earth’s design. And there are more subtle lessons about faith in His loving, providing care for us: “Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: “And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. “Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?” (Matthew 6: 28–30). ■

While winter weather makes the garden areas inhospitable for flowers and plants, Temple Square blossoms with decorations at the Christmas season.

42 ENSIGN JUNE 2003 43 ARock-Solid Foundation for Marriage

In Helaman 5:12, every couple world, particularly with regard to marital and individual can find solid relationships. A report from Rutgers counsel for building a lasting University released in July 1999 summa- marriage relationship. rized the current status of marriage in the United States. It seems readily appar- BY BRENT A. BARLOW ent that many other countries are experi- oward the end of Jesus Christ’s encing similar trends. The report said: mortal ministry, some disciples “Key social indicators suggest a substan- Y Y JED A. CLARK T inquired about the last days and tial weakening of the institution of mar- His Second Coming. The Lord spoke riage. Americans have become less likely of some of the conditions that would to marry. When they do marry their exist prior to His return. Of particular marriages are less happy. And married interest with regard to marriage and family couples face a high likelihood of divorce. Y MODELS; ROSE PHOTOGRAPH BY Y MODELS; ROSE PHOTOGRAPH

HEINRICH HOFMANN; PHOTOGRAPH B PHOTOGRAPH HEINRICH HOFMANN; relationships were these words: “And then shall many be Over the past four decades, marriage has declined as the BY offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one first living together experience for couples and as a status of another. . . . And because iniquity shall abound, the love of parenthood.” The report concluded, “Persistent long-term

OUNG RULER, many shall wax cold” (Matthew 24:10, 12). trends suggest a steady weakening of marriage as a lasting The Apostle Paul taught that in the last days some union, a major stage in the adult life course, and as the pri- would “be lovers of their own selves, . . . without natural mary institution governing childbearing and parenthood.”1 affection” (2 Timothy 3:2–3) and “that in the latter times We have been taught that “marriage is ordained of God”

Y MICHAEL MCRAE, ALL PHOTOGRAPHS POSED B Y MICHAEL MCRAE, ALL PHOTOGRAPHS some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing (D&C 49:15). Yet in the face of such reports, some Latter- . KELLY; CHRIST AND THE RICH Y . KELLY; spirits, and doctrines of devils; speaking lies in hypocrisy; day Saints might wonder, along with other people in the having their conscience seared with a hot iron; forbidding world, how to build marriages that can survive amid con- to marry” (1 Timothy 4:1–3). temporary social turmoil and upheaval. The Lord has revealed that we are now living in the last The good news is that our marriages can not only sur- days, even “the eleventh hour” (D&C 33:3), and we can vive but thrive when we follow principles and teachings of FROM LEFT: BRIAN K BY PHOTOGRAPH WELDEN C. ANDERSEN; PHOTOGRAPH B PHOTOGRAPH WELDEN C. ANDERSEN; easily see some of those prophesied conditions in our the gospel. Revelations, both ancient and modern,

44 ENSIGN JUNE 2003 45 Mount, our Savior used the analogy of foundations: “There- fore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it Just as the foundation of the Salt Lake Temple provides fell not: for it was founded upon a rock” (Matthew 7:24–25). a solid structural base, the stability of a marriage is The prophet Helaman in the Book of Mormon spoke of dependent on the depth and strength of its foundation. the sure foundation upon which we might build our lives and relationships with spouses and family members: “And provide guidelines that can help people of any age or geo- now . . . remember, remember that it is upon the rock of graphical area build enduring marriages. Even when his our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must or her spouse is not a member of the Church or is less build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth active, a husband or wife can still seek divine guidance to his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, build a stronger foundation for the relationship by follow- when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, ing these principles. it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon Secure Foundations which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation In attempting to secure or stabilize our marriages, whereon if men build they cannot fall” (Helaman 5:12). we should first look to our foundations. Architects and builders know that the stability of a building is dependent Foundation Principles on the depth and strength of its foundation. What would a marriage look like if it were built on Those who built the Salt Lake Temple realized the truth the rock of Christ? The gospel offers many solid building of this statement while the temple was under construc- stones. Following are a few of the principles to consider if tion. Work on the temple began on 14 February 1853 but we want to build on the sure foundation that will support was interrupted during several years of difficulty for the not only present happiness but also lasting joy. Saints. When the work resumed, the builders found they 1. Keep the commandments Jesus Christ taught. A large needed to lay a new foundation. President Brigham Young number of marriages end because one or both spouses (1801–77) stated that he expected the temple to stand feel they are unhappy. How can people attain happiness in

through the Millennium, “and this is the reason why I am marriage? We are taught in “The Family: A Proclamation to MODELS POSED BY Y STEVE BUNDERSON, having the foundation of the temple taken up.”2 The new the World” that “happiness in family life is most likely to be foundation, 16 feet (4.9 m) deep and 16 feet (4.9 m) wide, achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord was built strong enough to withstand the weight of the Jesus Christ.”3 granite walls and roof that followed. King Benjamin admonished, “Moreover, I would A solid foundation is also essential for lasting marital desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy VAGE; RIGHT INSET: PHOTOGRAPH B PHOTOGRAPH RIGHT INSET: VAGE; relationships. Husbands and wives need to plan from the state of those that keep the commandments of God” beginning to give their marriages a strong foundation. (Mosiah 2:41). Captain Moroni spoke “of the sacred word Sometimes, like the builders of the Salt Lake Temple, they of God, to which we owe all our happiness” (Alma 44:5). may need to go back and rebuild the marriage on a more And Mormon said of the Nephites who lived what the stable foundation, committing anew to guide their relation- resurrected Christ had taught them, “Surely there could

ship by gospel principles. At the end of the Sermon on the not be a happier people among all the people who had LEFT: CHARLES R. SA BY PHOTOGRAPH

46 been created by the hand of God” (4 Nephi 1:16). No “that [we] may always have his Spirit to be with [us]” lasting happiness is attained without obedience to the (D&C 20:77). commandments of God. 2. Make marriage a high priority. Many occupational Prayer is one of the building blocks that support long- pursuits, outside interests, other concerns, and occasion- term happiness and joy. Numerous scriptures encourage ally even Church activities and callings can relegate a disciples of Christ to pray frequently. One such verse has spouse or a marriage to secondary status if we are not particular relevance for husbands and wives at the pres- careful to arrange our priorities according to gospel ent time: “Pray always, lest you enter into temptation” principles. In 1831 the Lord revealed that we should keep (D&C 31:12). By kneeling together as husband and wife marriage a high priority in our lives. He declared, “Thou to say vocal prayers, we invite the Holy Ghost to remain in or reenter our lives. Then when the times of temptation or stress occur, we can better deal with them. The Holy Ghost can offer comfort and bring to our minds inspired solutions to help us deal with challenges. Another key building block is regular atten- dance at Church meetings and, where possible, at the temple. The Lord has counseled, “And that thou mayest more fully keep thyself un- spotted from the world, thou shalt go to the house of prayer and offer up thy sacraments upon my holy day” (D&C 59:9). Husbands and wives may sometimes overlook the value of attending Church meetings together. In survey- ing a national sample of individuals in the United States, researchers found “that those who attend church weekly, regardless of denomination, are slightly more than one- third, or 36 percent, less likely to divorce than those who never attend.”4 The many benefits of attending religious services together as husbands and wives include partaking of the sacrament

Building a marriage on the rock of Christ means grounding our lives in the teachings of the Savior and—as husbands and wives—continually approaching our Heavenly Father in prayer. PRINCIPLES TO LIVE BY “As I have performed marriage ceremonies for young couples, I have talked with shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, them about their Another insight on building a mari- and shalt cleave unto her and none future and the things tal relationship on the rock of Jesus else” (D&C 42:22). that will go into building an increase Christ is found in Ephesians 4:26: Of this particular verse, President of love. . . . “Let not the sun go down upon your Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985) “First, I remind them to keep the wrath.” This particular verse has likely noted: “The words none else elimi- covenants which they make as they been the source of the advice often nate everyone and everything. The are married. given to newlyweds, “Never go to bed spouse then becomes preeminent in “Second, addressing myself to the angry.” My wife, Susan, and I were the life of the husband or wife, and young man, I tell him to make her given this advice by a well-meaning neither social life nor occupational happy. If he will do all he can to make relative when we were married. I joke life nor political life nor any other her happy, she cannot help but want that there was one time during our interest nor person nor thing shall to reciprocate and do everything she first year of marriage when we went ever take precedence over the com- can for his comfort and welfare. nearly three days without sleep! Many panion spouse. We sometimes find “Third, I stress the importance of married couples may realize, as we women who absorb and hover over clearing up any misunderstandings did early in our marriage, that late the children at the expense of the they may have. I remind them that at night when they are tired is not husband, sometimes even estranging it does not matter who is right, but always the best time to resolve con- them from him. This is in direct vio- what is right. . . . flicts. But undoubtedly the spirit of lation of the command: None else.”5 “Fourth, and very important, I Paul’s counsel to the Ephesians 3. Practice frequent forgiveness remind them to continue to love would motivate us to resolve conflicts and resolve conflicts quickly. Some one another.” quickly so they do not persist and believe that marriages are made in President N. Eldon Tanner (1898–1982), grow more intense over time. The First Counselor in the First Presidency, heaven, but it should be remem- “Celestial Marriages and Eternal Families,” Savior also admonished His disciples bered that mortals choose their part- Ensign, May 1980, 17. to resolve conflicts with dispatch so ners. Married people soon learn that they could approach their God with their spouses, like themselves, have pure hearts (see Matthew 5:23–24). weaknesses and imperfections. For 4. Enjoy wholesome recreation to these and other reasons we have reduce stress. The proclamation on been admonished to forgive freely: “Wherefore, I say unto the family states that successful marriages and families are you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that for- built on, among other things, “wholesome recreational giveth not his brother [or spouse] . . . standeth con- activities.” When the early Saints were making the 1,300- demned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the mile (2,000-km) trek westward in 1847, the Lord admon- greater sin. I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but ished them to “praise the Lord with singing, with music, of you it is required to forgive all” (D&C 64:9–10). with dancing” along the way (D&C 136:28). One of Presi- Since it is nearly impossible for one spouse to meet all dent Young’s daughters recalled that he had taught: “Life the needs of another, we would be wise to focus on our is best enjoyed when time periods are evenly divided strengths and try to forgive or pay less attention to our between labour, sleep and recreation. All men, women shortcomings. The Prophet Joseph Smith taught: “It is a and children should labour; all must sleep; and if mental time-honored adage that love begets love. . . . I do not dwell and physical balance is to be maintained, all people upon your faults, and you shall not upon mine.”6 should spend one-third of their time in recreation which

48 is rebuilding, voluntary activity—never idleness. ‘Eight tribulations that come during turbulent times. We can avoid hours work, eight hours sleep, and eight hours recreation’ having our marriages “go on the rocks,” as so many now was Brigham Young’s motto.”7 do, if we build on the Rock. “And now . . . remember, Many of today’s marriages end at least in part because of remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is stress, fatigue, and overcommitment. A husband and wife Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; may try to do too much in too little time and with too little . . . a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall” opportunity for regeneration. Consequently, spouses and (Helaman 5:12). ■ family members often get only leftover time and attention. NOTES 1.David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, The State of Our Perhaps this is one of the reasons we have been admon- Unions: The Social Health of Marriage in America (1999), Internet, http://marriage.rutgers.edu/soou.htm. ished not to run faster than we have strength (see Mosiah 2.In B. H. Roberts, A Comprehensive History of the Church, 5:136. 4:27). This counsel was even given to the Prophet Joseph 3.Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102. 4.David B. Larson and others, The Costly Consequences of Divorce Smith in connection with his calling during the early part of (1996), 246. 5. The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball (1982), 311. his marriage (see D&C 10:4). Brigham Young’s eight-eight- 6.Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, sel. Joseph Fielding Smith (1976), 316. eight formula—eight hours of sleep, eight hours of work, 7.Susa Young Gates and Leah D. Widtsoe, The Life Story of Brigham and eight hours of recreation (alone and together)—would Young (1931), 251. Brent A. Barlow is a member of the Canyon View Eighth Ward, Orem likely help many contemporary husbands and wives. Utah Canyon View Stake.

Our House Will Stand We have divine assistance to help us through difficult times if our lives are founded on the rock of Christ. The rains will descend, the floods will come, and the winds will blow. But if we are obedient and faithful, our house will stand. We have been promised that we will not be dragged “down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which [we] are built” (Helaman 5:12). We have also been promised that the Lord will lead us by the hand and give answers to our prayers if we seek His guidance (see D&C 112:10). Latter-day revelation gives this interesting insight: “I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise” (D&C 82:10). We, like Nephi of old, can be confident that when we make the effort to keep the Lord’s commandments, He will prepare the way that we may accomplish AMRA H. RATIETA, POSED BY MODELS POSED BY RATIETA, AMRA H. what He commands (see 1 Nephi 3:7). The proclamation on the family states that By building on the foundation of the successful marriages and families are teachings of Jesus Christ, husbands and built on, among other things, “wholesome wives can make their marriages strong recreational activities.”

RIGHT INSET: T BY PHOTOGRAPH enough to withstand the trials and

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 49 QUESTIONS ANSWERS

the third year of summer love notes. &Dan Knudson, Seneca Ward, Seneca Question Maryland Stake As a married couple with While we were dating, my hus- busy schedules, we want to band once performed a private make sure that we continue clarinet concert for me. Fifteen our courtship. What are years later he began practicing some creative, less expensive again. I will sometimes stop what I ways for husbands and wives am doing and sit next to him as he to show each other they are scheduled for the entire year! plays. What a special feeling to know still in love, even after many Whether they were long walks or that David is practicing and courting games after our children were in me all at the same time! I always years of marriage? bed, I loved knowing that our dates remember his first private perform- Although the nearest temple is a were always on the calendar. ance. I am as much in love now as I hundred miles from our home, we Katherine Rollins, Misawa Branch, Aomori was then. Japan District attend weekly and use the long drive Tina Wiley, Calgary 13th Ward, Calgary Alberta North Stake together to talk. Having one-on-one When my husband, Ron, and I time with my husband helps me worked opposite shifts, he would After the birth of our first son, my when he travels for work. sometimes bring me lunch, and I husband volunteered to read to me Elise M. Tolman, Delta Second Ward, would sometimes bring him dinner. while I fed the baby. We liked it so Delta Utah West Stake For our anniversary, I set up a table much that over the past 21 years We once raided the change drawer in his parking lot with a special din- we’ve read together while doing the for all the change we could find, split ner and our best china. For about a dishes, going on road trips, and while it between us, and went to the mall. week, he was the envy of many of I’m cutting his hair. Reading together We decided we’d have 30 minutes to his coworkers. has filled the years with shared spend all our change on the other Patti A. Sperry, Melrose Ward, Roseburg insight, goals, and hours of pleasure. Oregon Stake person. We both ended up with some Jessica McAdam, Rincon Valley Ward, Santa Rosa California Stake inexpensive gifts and, much more When my wife was invited to important, a feeling of love and grati- manage the riding program at a My wife and I formed a baby- UPP tude for each other. summer camp, I made her lunch sitting co-op with two other couples Dave and Becky Oldroyd, Iowa City First every morning and hid a love note in the ward. On three of the Fridays Ward, Iowa City Iowa Stake in the bag. When she was gone each month each couple takes a turn One Christmas my husband gave overnight, she would leave me a watching all the children; there are

me a calendar with a weekly date note in the house. We are now into eight among the three families. This ANDREW KNA BY ILLUSTRATIONS

50 MORE IDEAS FOR STAYING CLOSE means that on two of those Fridays, construction paper hearts. After • Record a message for your spouse my wife and I have a date just for the dinner, we went to the living room— on a cassette tape. two of us. On the fourth Friday of the our dance floor, complete with blue • Do errands together. month, we may find another baby- Christmas lights and our favorite • Read old letters and journal sitter or do something as a family. music. I will never forget the genu- entries to each other. • Have something your spouse The kids love it; our five-year-old ine love and creativity my husband made, drew, or wrote matted and describes it as the kids’ party. shared with me that wonderful framed. Bruce L. Pickett, Sparks Eighth Ward, evening. ■ Sparks Nevada Stake • Tape-record for your children the Tawnya Hall, Alameda Fourth Ward, Pocatello Alameda Idaho Stake story of how you met. After hiking dates, dinner dates, • Re-create your first date. and board game dates, I wanted to • Leave special phone messages surprise my husband with something expressing your love. different. I took a bag of his favorite • Write letters to each other in a shared candies, attached a question to each journal that you pass back and one, and hid them around the house. forth. After the kids were in bed, I sent my • Take pictures of special events and husband on a search. As he found make a scrapbook together. each one, we talked about how • Cook meals or simple each of us felt about the treats together and try new recipes. issue—great conversation • Go for walks together. and great fun! • Write biographies of Amiee House, Pullman Second Ward, Pullman Washington Stake family members together. • Create a piece of art One evening my hus- together. band instructed me • Enjoy nature by camping or to stay upstairs hiking together. while he pre- • Write a list of reasons you love pared a surprise. your spouse. The wait was worth • Do a household chore that your it! My husband had spouse would normally do. • Plant and tend a garden together. • Take a class together. • Sign up at a local theater to usher for a play, ballet, or concert. • Look through scrapbooks or watch hung a blanket over home videos together. the dining room • Take a picnic and a game to a entrance. Inside, the local park. table was set with • Do service projects together for your candles, homemade neighbors and community. ■ placemats, and

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 51 Our Struggle to “Be ruitful”

BY ALAN D. HARRISON After seven years of disappointments, we began to wonder if we could ever have children.

s newlyweds, my wife, Merrilie, and I were ready Not long after, we were happy to discover she was once to build on the covenants we’d made in the temple again pregnant, and this time she carried the child full A as well as heeding our patriarchal blessings that term. It was a happy time for us. We purchased a room full encouraged us to begin a family. But over the following of white baby furniture and frequently went to the baby’s eight years our expectations of having a family became room just to look at it with anticipation. blurred. During the first seven years of our marriage, we Near the end of the ninth month, I drove Merrilie to the averaged one or more miscarriages a year. Merrilie spent doctor for a routine exam. After her checkup, our doctor, a much time in hospitals and doctors’ offices discussing and nonmember friend, put his arm around me and walked me undergoing treatment plans. Each passing month, each down the hall and told me that while Merrilie and the baby hospital stay, and each medical disappointment became checked out medically, he had sensed something unusual that much more difficult to accept. about the child. “I’ve never experienced anything quite One day we went to the temple with some friends who like it,” he said. “I have a feeling of impending were going to be married. As we listened to the ceremony, problems.” we were reminded that seven years earlier we too had It was a puzzling discussion, and as I been instructed to “be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish drove Merrilie home I silently pleaded, the earth” (Moses 2:28). Returning home, Merrilie pulled “Oh, please, let this baby come normally.” out her patriarchal blessing. Her blessing, like mine, talked At the house I called our elders quorum pres- of her eternal family, adding that her greatest joy would be ident and asked him to come by with one of his in watching the lives of her children unfold and seeing counselors. The two of them anointed Merrilie them follow in her footsteps. Tears streamed down her and pronounced a blessing on her and the baby. In cheeks, and she came over to me and took my hand, ask- the midst of the blessing he stopped, then began speaking ing for a priesthood blessing. As I spoke the words of the again with new intensity. He told her to be at peace, that blessing, I promised her that she would soon become a she was carrying a perfect child of God and that her mother. Heavenly Father was watching over her. PHOTOGRAPHS BY CRAIG DIMOND BY PHOTOGRAPHS 52 t seemed as though that which Iwe most wanted in this world was denied us. The years of wanting to have a baby compounded my feelings into inexpressible grief.

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 53 hospital suffering, our daughter was in a grave, and I felt totally alone. I could not comprehend how a loving Father

POSED BY MODELS POSED BY would allow a trusting son and daughter to experience such anguish and disappointment. In a secluded spot under a clear, star-filled Arizona sky, I dropped to my knees between two Joshua trees. I prayed for long hours that night, then returned to the cemetery, and my falling tears were ab- sorbed by the loose soil on top of the freshly filled grave. When I returned home, the first rays of dawn were start- ing to pierce the eastern sky, and I was at the breaking point. Doubt and discouragement temporarily overcame my faith and trust, and I began to complain bitterly to God. For the next several weeks I did not attend a Church meet- ing, offer a prayer, or fulfill my calling. One Sunday, after an especially spiritual fast and testimony The final blow came when the doctors informed us that meeting, I found a quiet place where I could pour out all due to serious medical complications, it would be neces- that was in my heart. sary to terminate forever Merrilie’s ability to have children. At the age of 29 it was suddenly no longer a matter of try- Ten hours later Merrilie started into labor. A gallant at- ing again. What was the meaning of our patriarchal bless- tempt to save our baby’s life ensued, but available medical ings? What was the meaning of the many promises given in resources were not enough. Our daughter did not survive subsequent blessings? the birth process, and Merrilie came close to dying too. At I felt empty and alone. One day while talking to the my request, the doctor let me pick up our tiny baby girl and bishop, I implied that I wanted to terminate my relation- hold her. I held her small earthly tabernacle close, but the ship with the Church, but he chose to ignore that com- life-giving spirit had left mortality. It was one of the most dif- ment. He didn’t even release me from my calling. Yet it ficult moments of my life. Love for my daughter flooded my seemed I was spinning toward self-destruction. The adver- heart, and it seemed as though that which we most wanted sary seemed to constantly remind me how unfairly I had in this world was denied us. The years of wanting to have a been treated, and I often felt anger. The bishop counseled baby compounded my feelings into inexpressible grief. me to pray. He told me that if I would ask God, I would re- As I drove home alone, I cried out in frustration. I felt like ceive comfort and understanding. I replied that I had sev- smashing the new baby furniture, but by the time I arrived ered the circuit and that it was unlikely I could receive any home, a perceptive neighbor had already removed it. The help. With tears in his eyes, the bishop bore his testimony next day the bishop, Relief Society president, and an em- to me that Father in Heaven longed to help if I would just ployee of the mortuary accompanied me to the cemetery splice the severed circuit. with baby Lisa. Merrilie was still in the hospital and could not In response to the bishop’s gentle but persistent suppli- come with us. The four of us stood around the small grave cations, I reluctantly agreed to begin praying again. My first while the bishop dedicated the site. The only tangible result attempts were awkward and uncomfortable. I nevertheless of eight years of trying to have a family now lay in the earth. returned to church and continued to pray. One Sunday, after The following days were some of the most difficult I an especially spiritual fast and testimony meeting, I found a have ever spent. My beloved companion was in the quiet place where I could pour out all that was in my heart.

54 When my mental bank was exhausted and I had no more to expend, a quiet peace washed over me. Comforting thoughts came to me, and I meditated on them. Some of the things that came to mind were that God’s ways are not man’s ways and that my lack of faith had added to my distress. The day we buried our daughter we had not been alone. The angels had been there weeping with us, but they could not comfort me because I had blocked them out. Going through this alone had been due to my use of agency, not Father in Heaven’s will. The sweetness and purity and perfection of my daughter was made known to me, and with that the knowledge that she would be part of our eternal fam- ily. What I thought of as disappoint- ment was in reality a blessing. Losing that which I most wanted was a necessary part of earth life—a mortal trial required for my growth. Then my meditations turned to the many blessings and assurances we’d had that we would become parents. I call. Sister Chadwick asked if we would like to ur hearts felt that they were correct, that every prom- drive over to pick up a new baby daughter. In were filled ised blessing would still be ours. I rose from a stirring meeting at the agency, she placed a O with gratitude my knees with the firm conviction that three-day-old infant in Merrilie’s arms, ex- for our healthy baby. Heavenly Father did love us and was watch- plaining that she had felt early on that this And when we remem- ing over us and that the experiences we were was the child meant for us. Twenty-seven bered our losses, having were for our growth. months later we repeated the process and we found peace Although we lived in northern Arizona, we picked up a three-day-old son. in Doctrine and were directed by Church leaders to the LDS It took many years for me to understand Covenants 137:10: Family Services office in Las Vegas, Nevada. that for those who remain worthy and who “All children who die There we met Sister Regenia Chadwick, a strive in righteousness, promised blessings before they arrive at loving and supportive woman. After extensive do come—but in accordance with the Lord’s the years of account- interviews and forms that needed filling out, timetable, not ours. ■ ability are saved in she told us we were qualified for their pro- Alan D. Harrison is a member of the Stone Creek the celestial kingdom Ward, Las Vegas Nevada Green Valley Stake. gram. When they had the right child for us, of heaven.” they would let us know. For additional information about adoption services, contact LDS Family Services at 800-537-2229 or visit Four months later we received a joyous www.ldsfamilyservices.org.

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 55 SINGU LAR LIVING

or Latter-day Saints who are single, it may seem to others. Instead of sitting in corners waiting for some- challenging at times to be part of a church with one to notice me and draw me out, I make the effort to Fa strong emphasis on the traditional family. Yet join in right away. single members have much to offer the Church, and, This was not always the situation in my life; in fact, I conversely, the Church can bless their lives in numerous was painfully shy for many years. An experience several ways. As Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the years ago led me to resolve to change. While on vacation, Twelve Apostles has stated, “Some of our Father’s chil- I visited a ward in a large city. After sacrament meeting, I dren are married, some are single—but the gospel is the waited in the foyer for someone to reach out to me and same for all; the doctrines are the same for all” tell me where to go for Gospel Doctrine class. When that (“Belonging to a Ward Family,” Ensign, Mar. 1996, 15). didn’t happen, I finally decided to approach someone de- Here, members share their insights into the experience spite my fear and ask for directions. Surprisingly, the per- of being single, as well as ways in which they have found son I asked was also a visitor—as were several other happiness and fulfillment.

have found Reach Out to Others that the best I consider myself a member of antidote to the Church who happens to be I loneliness is single rather than a single member a cheerful of the Church. I do not allow the attitude and fact that I am single and childless a willingness to distance me from the fellowship to extend myself and harmony the Church offers. to others. My life is filled with varied experi- ences and wonderful people. I have found that the best antidote for loneliness in my life has been a cheerful attitude, a ready smile,

ILLUSTRATIONS BY GREGG THORKELSON BY ILLUSTRATIONS and a willingness to extend myself

56 people standing nearby who over- heard my question. We were all waiting for someone to tell us where we should go. This was a great learning experience for me. I realized that everyone wants to be part of the group, but many are hesitant to make the first over- ture of friendship. Since making this discovery, I have found it much easier to be the person who initi- ates reaching out. We all lead busy lives, but I have found that by extending friendship to others, my life has been richly blessed, far beyond the effort and time I have invested. Kathe Green, Carson City Second Ward, Carson City Nevada Stake

Happiness Is a Choice My husband, Richard, and I were sealed for own life. One can’t help but be happy while s I have helped time and all eternity when I was 31 and he was making a difference in someone else’s life! others, I have 36. It was the first marriage for both of us. We Another thing I try to do often is to read Aactually experienced many wonderful moments to- the scriptures and Church periodicals. There gained more than gether and enjoyed married life greatly. Nine are so many stories of people who have been the recipients of months later Richard died suddenly, and I in difficult circumstances and have overcome my service because found myself in a different category: widow. discouragement. I feel the Spirit of the Lord I have let the sun- Although my experience has been painful at when I read these materials, and I am spiritu- shine back into times, I have found many ways to find happi- ally uplifted. my own life. ness and fulfillment as a single member of the Sherrin Benson McHenry, Cedar Eighth Ward, Cedar City Utah West Stake Church. I believe happiness is a choice; our circumstances don’t automatically make that Never Alone choice for us. Though the road to happiness is Because I live alone, it can sometimes seem never easy, the trip is worth the struggles. that I am left to bear the burdens of day-to-day Any time I feel discouraged, lonely, or left life on my own. But I am not alone. out, I know it is time to reach out to others. Each one of us who has been baptized As I have helped others, I have actually and confirmed a member of this Church has gained more than the recipients of my service been given a tremendous blessing: the gift because I have let the sunshine back into my of the Holy Ghost. We must always seek to

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 57 finding a companion seemed discouragingly impossible. After all, successful courtship calls for the agency of two in- dividuals to coincide—no small feat! When I would begin to question the effectiveness of my efforts, I would quickly re- mind myself of one simple truth: while I knew there was no assurance I would marry in this life, I also knew that to do nothing would guarantee my knew that take advantage of this gift. If we are living falling short of this goal. As long as I kept as long as I worthily, we have the promise of the con- trying, however, there was always hope. I kept reaching stant companionship of the Holy Ghost 24 For me, to keep trying meant going on a toward my goal hours a day to guide and comfort us in all blind date, attending a Church dance, ex- of eternal mar- our daily decisions and struggles. While I do panding my circle of friends to include riage, there was not currently have the support and compan- those with whom I might not routinely as- always hope. ionship of a spouse, I do have access to this sociate, or simply summoning the courage great gift, which President James E. Faust to ask out someone new. Although uncer- has called “the greatest guarantor of inward tain of the outcome of such actions, I peace” in our world today and an associa- wanted Heavenly Father to know I was tion to cherish above all others (see “The doing my part to obtain the blessing of Gift of the Holy Ghost—A Sure Compass,” marriage. If I had the requisite faith and Ensign, May 1989, 32). Being single pro- patience, I was confident the Lord would vides me with an excellent opportunity “consecrate [my] performance . . . for the to strengthen this association. welfare of [my] soul” (2 Nephi 32:9). Keith A. Miller, Palo Alto First Ward, Menlo Park Along with praying, fasting, attending the California Stake temple, and working toward personal im- Don’t Give Up provement, I continued to date. Realization After many years of dating without find- of my marriage goal came slowly and unex- ing an eternal mate, one can become un- pectedly, but at long last I met the woman derstandably disheartened in the process. who would become my wife. Michelle and I As a single member of the Church, I fol- were married on 12 August 2000 in the lowed the advice of our leaders and did Denver Colorado Temple. not become obsessed with the goal of mar- Jedd Fowers, Carrollton First Ward, Carrollton riage. Yet at times the worthy endeavor of Texas Stake

58 Adversity Is Temporary I assumed that because I did not have a family of my Of course single members face periods of grieving, own, I couldn’t enjoy the blessings that come from whether we mourn the loss of a spouse, a relationship, Church participation. I began to feel the Church was not or hopes for the family we had envisioned. Yet I have for me. My activity waned and then stopped completely. found great comfort in the knowledge that all adversity is All kinds of thoughts entered my mind that I felt justified temporary. We have been assured that if we will be patient my inactivity. in our afflictions, our righteous longings will be eased and One summer I had the occasion to do a lot of driving. we shall have all the blessings of which we are worthy. I grew tired of listening to the radio, so I decided to lis- Doctrine and Covenants 121:28 promises “a time to come ten to some books on tape. For some reason I found a in the which nothing shall be withheld,” and verse 7 re- box of Book of Mormon tapes my mother had given me minds us that our “afflictions shall be but a small moment.” many years before. I decided I might as well listen, even If we endure these tests well, God will exalt us (see v. 8). though I had no interest in the Church. Looking back, I The Savior knows exactly who and what we are; He know it was divine intervention that led to that experi- does not judge us on the basis of our education, posses- ence. As I listened to the tapes, the flame of my testi- sions, or marital status. “For the Lord seeth not as man mony began to rekindle, and I couldn’t get enough. I seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but later read more Church material, and finally I made the the Lord looketh on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). I am so decision to attend church one Sunday. From then on, I grateful for the Savior, who fills my needs with His un- rarely missed a meeting. shakable love, and for the priceless gift of the Holy I have since learned how wrong I was in believing the Ghost. I truly know why He is called the Comforter. Church had nothing to offer me as a single person. Lara Kerr, Paso Robles First Ward, San Luis Obispo California Stake hen I The Church Is for Singles listened As a young woman, I dreamed W to the of the wonderful husband and Book of Mormon children I would have someday. I tapes, the flame dated, and at one point I became of my testimony engaged, but things didn’t work began to rekindle, out. Eventually I earned a bache- and I couldn’t lor’s and then a master’s degree, get enough. and I found a job teaching school. Yet despite what I had accomplished, I was unhappy, lonely, and bitterly disappointed that what I hoped for most had not yet come to pass. I somehow felt I had let down Heavenly Father and my parents because I was not married.

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 59 grateful I am for the happiness I have found since returning to the fold. Deanne Ercanbrack, Sharon Park Fourth Ward, Orem Utah Sharon Park Stake

A Family of One Instead of labeling myself as “single,” I consider myself to be a “family of one.” I do not deny myself the enjoyment of family life just because I do not have a husband or children. For example, as a “single,” I felt exempt from family home evening. As a “family of one,” I spend my time on Monday nights studying the scriptures and gospel s a “family I now spend much of my time on Church- subjects of particular interest. I occasion- of one,” related activities that keep me close to the ally invite other families, particularly single- A I spend Spirit of the Lord, and I have met so many parent families, to my home for family my time on people who have enriched my life and home evening, thus giving me companion- Monday nights whom I love deeply. ship while lightening their load. I also fre- studying the The day I went to the temple was a day quently visit my parents on Monday nights. scriptures and of rebirth and reawakening for me. Yes, I As a “single,” I felt uncomfortable at- gospel subjects. learned the importance of the marriage tending ward activities designed for fami- covenant, but I also learned that the bless- lies. As a “family of one,” I go and have a ings of marriage will someday be available great time. I don’t sit by myself at church; I to all who live worthily. I learned that our look for someone sitting alone or a mother own personal relationship with Heavenly who needs help with her young children. Father and Jesus Christ should be of para- I listen to the lessons and talks about mar- mount importance to each of us. I learned riage and family and store away ideas for that we make temple covenants individu- the future. In class discussions I often share ally with the Lord. insights into family life that might be I have realized that God has a plan for missed by those who are busily involved me, as He has for all of us. I know that no with their own family responsibilities. blessing will be denied those of us who are I try to concentrate more on the gener- single if we endeavor to live close to the ous blessings the Lord has given me than Spirit, obey the commandments, partake of on those I do not have yet. I know that with temple covenants, and do our part to find His help, and if I am worthy, I will eventually joy and happiness. We can find joy in this extend my current family of one to an eter- earthly journey and be prepared for the nal family of many. ■ blessings of eternity. I regret those years Karen Elder, Mint Canyon Ward, Santa Clarita I spent away from the Church, but how California Stake

60 used to ride my bicycle home from Prepare Youth to Meet basketball practice at night. I would connect a small pear-shaped generator Opposition in the World to my bicycle tire. Then as I pedaled, the tire would turn a tiny rotor, which rayerfully select and read (“Right Answers,” Ensign, Oct. 1973, 6). produced electricity and emitted a from this message the scrip- Gayle M. Clegg, second counselor single, welcome beam of light. It was a P tures and teachings that in the Primary general presidency: simple but effective mechanism. But meet the needs of the sisters you “Whatever your mother tongue, learn I had to pedal to make it work! . . . visit. Share your experiences and to teach and speak in the language of “The generation of spiritual light testimony. Invite those you teach heartfelt prayers and joyful testimony comes from daily spiritual pedaling. to do the same. so that angels, earthly and heavenly, It comes from praying, studying the can encircle and minister to us. We scriptures, fasting, and serving—from What tools can help parents and need gospel mentors who speak the living the gospel. . . . leaders prepare youth? language of praise and friendship. “The covenant we make at bap- President Gordon B. Hinckley: . . . We should smile upon [children] tism and renew as we partake of the “My heart reaches out to our youth. . . . and wrap them in the blanket of our sacrament—to take upon ourselves I hope they can share their burden affection throughout the great jour- the name of Jesus Christ, always with you, their fathers and mothers. ney in the universal language of love” remember Him, and keep His I hope that you will listen, that you (“The Language of Love,” Ensign, commandments—includes the will be patient and understanding, May 2002, 69). promise that we will always have that you will draw them to you and His Spirit, that we will always have comfort and sustain them in their How can a testimony help youth that light to be with us” (“Out of loneliness. Pray for direction. Pray take their gospel knowledge from Darkness into His Marvelous Light,” for patience. Pray for the strength principle to practice? Ensign, May 2002, 71). ■ to love even though the offense may Moroni 7:33: “If ye will have faith For additional information, see For the have been serious. Pray for under- in me ye shall have power to do what- Strength of Youth (item no. 36550). standing and kindness and, above all, soever thing is expedient in me.” for wisdom and inspiration” (“‘Great Elder Richard G. Scott of the Shall Be the Peace of Thy Children,’” Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: “To Ensign, Nov. 2000, 51). gain unshakable faith in Jesus Christ President N. Eldon Tanner (1898– is to flood your life with brilliant 1982), First Counselor in the First light. You are no longer alone to Presidency: “Parents must themselves struggle with challenges you know read and then encourage their chil- you cannot resolve or control your-

-OLSEN dren to read and study the scriptures self” (“Obtaining Help from the and seek for the right answers in the Lord,” Ensign, Nov. 1991, 86). right places. Youth must be fortified in Elder Robert D. Hales of the the home in order to meet the chal- Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: lenges and opposition they will face” “When I was a boy, I ILLUSTRATION BY MARGIE SEAGER BY ILLUSTRATION ENSIGNLIAHONA JUNE JUNE 2003 2003 6125 It’s “Only” VIOLENCE Does the media really reflect the level of violence in society? Does it have any effect on aggression? The answers may surprise you.

BY BRAD J. BUSHMAN ot long ago I decided to conduct an informal sur- Spiritual Consequences of Media Violence vey to find out about Church members’ views on The pamphlet For the Strength of Youth contains a state- Ntelevision and movies. When I asked members ment on media violence that all people, not just the youth, what makes some movies and TV shows objectionable, the should give heed to: “Depictions of violence often glamor- most common response was sexually explicit scenes, fol- ize vicious behavior. They offend the Spirit and make you lowed by profanity. Nobody mentioned violence. When I less able to respond to others in a sensitive, caring way. They asked about specific movies, a common response was, contradict the Savior’s message of love for one another.”1 “That movie had only one bad scene.” I asked, “What hap- Interestingly, an examination of the Word of Wisdom pened? Did someone get killed?” The answer was always helps provide insight into the spiritual effects of media the same: “No. It was a sex scene.” violence. Scientists have shown that tobacco, alcohol, Sex outside of marriage is a serious sin. In fact, Alma drugs, and too much meat can harm us physically. But the taught that it was among the most grievous of sins. But most important blessings of keeping the Word of Wisdom what did Alma rank as the two most serious sins? Denying are spiritual, not physical. Our bodies are temples, and the Holy Ghost and “shedding . . . innocent blood,” or when we abuse our bodies by consuming harmful sub- committing murder (see Alma 39:5–6). I was puzzled that stances, the Spirit of the Lord is restrained in our lives many Church members did not feel concerned about (see 1 Corinthians 3:16–17; 6:19). The Spirit will not watching people being murdered on the screen. And many inhabit a polluted temple. seemed to consider profanity to be more objectionable Similarly, the Spirit is offended when we pollute our than violence in movies and TV programs. minds with harmful, violent material, whether or not such In my profession as a psychology professor at Iowa material causes us to commit violent acts. Consuming vio- State University, I have spent many years in extensive study lent media makes it more difficult to keep ourselves of the effects of media violence. I have also examined “unspotted from the world” (James 1:27). It is troubling statements of Church leaders on the subject. Both the that so many people consider it entertaining to view vio- teachings of Church leaders and the findings from hun- lence or play violent video games. dreds of scientific studies make it clear that we need to Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve better understand the consequences of violent media on Apostles expressed it well when he said: “I believe the

PHOTOGRAPHS BY WELDEN C. ANDERSEN BY PHOTOGRAPHS individuals and on society at large. entertainment industry cannot portray on film people

62 ENSIGN JUNE 2003 63 gunned down in cold blood, in living color, and not have it even higher if the child has access to cable television or a affect the attitudes and thoughts of some of the people videocassette or DVD player, as most do. who see it. . . . I believe that the desensitizing effect of Violent video games might be even more harmful than such media abuses on the hearts and souls of those who violent TV programs. While television viewing is usually a are exposed to them results in a partial fulfillment of the passive activity, video game playing is highly interactive. Most Savior’s statement that ‘because iniquity shall abound, the violent video games require the player to take on the iden- love of many shall wax cold.’ ”2 tity of a violent game character, and most of these games reward individuals for behaving aggressively (for example, How Much Violence Do We Watch? players get points for killing people). The violence portrayed The American public consumes what the media pro- in these video games is almost continuous. Scientific duce as if it were harmless. A U.S. study reported that it is research has shown that violent video games increase the equivalent of a full-time job for the average American aggressive thoughts, feelings, and behavior.6 Lamentably, the child, who spends about 40 hours per week watching TV most popular video games are violent ones.7 and videos, playing computer games, and so on.3 Children in other developed countries display similar habits. Some Myths about Violent Media A recent content analysis of more than 8,000 hours of tel- Myth #1: The mass media simply mirror the level of vio- evision programming showed that about 60 percent of the lence in the real world. The entertainment industry often programs contained violence. Only 4 percent of the violent makes this claim. For example, Zev Braun of CBS-TV said: programs contained an antiviolence theme. In most pro- “We live in a violent society. Art imitates the modes of life, grams, the violence was sanitized and depicted as trivial and not the other way around. It would be better for Congress glamorous.4 to clean up that society than to try to clean up the reflec- Over time, the accumulated numbers of violent acts an tion of that society.”8 individual sees on television can be staggering. By the time However, even in reality-based TV programs, violence is the average American child graduates from elementary grossly overemphasized. For example, one study compared school, he or she will have seen more than 8,000 murders the frequency of crimes occurring in the real world with the and more than 100,000 other assorted acts of violence, frequency of crimes occurring in reality-based police TV pro- such as assaults, on network television.5 The numbers are grams. About 87 percent of the crimes occurring in the real world are nonviolent, whereas only 13 percent of crimes occurring in reality- based TV programs are nonviolent. The largest discrepancy between the real world and the world depicted on television was for murder—the most violent crime of all. Only 0.2 percent of the crimes reported by the FBI are murders, whereas about 50 percent of the crimes shown in reality- based TV programs are murders.9

Scientific research has shown that violent video games increase aggressive thoughts, feelings, and behavior.

64 According to film critic Michael Medved, the claim that Myth #3: Viewing violence has a trivial effect on the entertainment industry merely reflects the level of vio- aggression. Many people claim that the effect of violent lence in society simply is not true: media on aggression is so small that the risk to society is “If this were true, then why do so few people witness trivial. However, the research evidence indicates that the murders in real life but everybody sees them on TV and in effect of violent media on aggression is stronger than the movies? The most violent ghetto effect of calcium intake on bone isn’t in South Central L.A. or mass, the effect of asbestos on can- Southeast Washington, D.C.; it’s cer, the effect of lead exposure on on television. mental functioning, and the effect of “About 350 characters appear each secondhand smoke on lung cancer.15 night on prime-time TV, but studies It may be useful to compare view- show an average of seven of these ing media violence with smoking people are murdered every night. If cigarettes. Smoking one cigarette this rate applied in reality, then in just has little impact on the likelihood 50 days everyone in the United States that a person will get lung cancer, would be killed—and the last left but repeated exposure to tobacco 10 could turn off the TV.” If your child is viewing a program you smoke dramatically increases the If the entertainment industry is a are unfamiliar with, watch with him or risk of cancer. Similarly, watching mirror that reflects the level of vio- her so you can turn off the TV if an one violent TV program or film has lence in society, it is a treacherous inappropriate scene comes on. little impact on the likelihood that a funhouse mirror that provides a dis- person will behave more aggres- torted image of reality. There is far more violence in the sively. But repeated exposure to media violence dramati- “reel” world than in the real world. cally increases aggressive behavior.16 Myth #2: Viewing violence actually decreases Myth #4: Decreasing rates of violent crime prove that aggression. The television and motion picture industries media violence does not increase societal violence. Some often claim that viewing violence has a cathartic effect. For people think that because violent crime rates in the United example, Alfred Hitchcock said: “One of television’s great- States have decreased in recent years, viewing violence est contributions is that it brought murder back into the can’t cause an increase in societal violence. Such reasoning home where it belongs. Seeing a murder on television can might be valid if all of the following three assumptions be good therapy. It can help work off one’s antagonism.”11 were true: (a) exposure to media violence has remained Although this idea has been around a long time, dating the same or increased during this time span; (b) violent back to Aristotle, there is virtually no scientific evidence to crime rates among youth are decreasing during this time support it. Six major professional societies have signed a span; and (c) media violence is the only factor that causes joint statement on the hazards of exposing children to societal violence. media violence, noting that the research data “point over- The first assumption is probably true. The second as- whelmingly to a causal connection between media vio- sumption is highly debatable; the rate of self-reported acts lence and aggressive behavior in some children.”12 A recent of violence by youth rose sharply from 1983 to 1993 and review in Science magazine, written by this author and a then remained level from 1993 to 1998.17 Most important, colleague, came to the same conclusion.13 And although the third assumption is clearly false. Other factors contribute media violence is especially likely to increase aggression in to changes in societal violence and might well account for children, it also increases aggression in adults.14 the recent overall decline in violent crimes in the United

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 65 States. Four such factors are: (a) the U.S. population was get- about a percentage so small? Yes! Suppose 20 million ting older during this time span, and older people are much people watch the program. If the program increases less likely to commit violent crimes than are younger peo- aggression in just 1 percent of viewers, then 200,000 ple; (b) U.S. residents were being imprisoned at record rates people will behave more aggressively after watching the during this time span, and therefore some of the most vio- program. Because so many people are exposed to TV lent people in society were locked up in prisons; (c) unem- violence, the effect on society can be immense, even ployment and poverty rates were low during the period of if only a small percentage of people are immediately time when overall crime rates were declining; and (d) due to affected by what they see. recent medical advances, fewer deaths have resulted from Even if only 1 percent of viewers will behave more acts of violence, leading to decreased murder rates.18 aggressively immediately after viewing a particular pro- Myth #5: One cannot know whether media violence gram, the cumulative effects are likely to increase the causes aggression. Experimental studies can be used to aggressiveness of most, if not all, viewers. Furthermore, determine whether violent media in general increase experimental studies have shown that merely viewing 15 aggression. In a typical experiment, the researcher shows minutes of a relatively mild violent program increases the subjects either a violent or a nonviolent program. The aggressiveness of at least one-fourth of viewers.20 researcher flips a coin to determine which program each Scientific studies have also found evidence that violent subject watches; thus, because the subjects are not given media can be desensitizing—a finding that has been vali- a choice, one cannot claim that the subjects exposed to dated by our priesthood leaders. Elder Marvin J. Ashton of the violent program are more aggressive to begin with. the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles (1915–94) said: “A diet The researcher then treats the two groups of subjects of violence or pornography dulls the senses, and future identically, except for the program they watch. After the exposures need to be rougher and more extreme. Soon subjects view the program, the researcher measures their the person is desensitized and is unable to react in a sensi- aggressive behavior. The findings from numerous experi- tive, caring, responsible manner, especially to those in his mental studies conducted in this manner have shown that own home and family. Good people can become infested violent media cause an increase in aggressive behavior.19 with this material and it can have terrifying, destructive Myth #6: “Media violence doesn’t affect me!” Suppose consequences.”21 that a particular violent TV program increases aggression As Church members, we are seeking to become like in just 1 percent of viewers. Should society be concerned Christ and to cultivate loving relationships with our fami- lies and those around us. Consequently, the effects of media violence on our inter- actions with others should be of particular concern. The words of the Apostles and of many social scientists converge on this topic— media violence has harmful effects on

Let us choose carefully the material we allow to enter our hearts and minds. We must recognize for ourselves the effects of media violence.

66 lthough media violence affects people of all ages, young games, and let your children choose the ones they want to use. children are the most vulnerable. Compared to adults, If your child is viewing a program you are unfamiliar with, A children are more impressionable, have more difficulty watch with him or her so you can turn off the TV if an inappro- distinguishing fantasy from reality, and priate scene comes on. Explain your are less likely to understand different standards to your children so they can motives for aggression. What can par- make appropriate entertainment choices ents do to protect their families from the outside of the home. harmful effects of media violence? • Limit the amount of time your • Become educated on this issue. Be children watch TV and play computer sure what you read is based on scientific games. research rather than opinion. Because the • Set a good example for your children entertainment industry profits from mar- by avoiding violent media yourself. When keting a harmful product, it often claims WHAT CAN PARENTS DO? parents and older siblings have a heavy that violent media are not harmful—much diet of media violence, younger children like the tobacco industry used to claim that smoking cigarettes are thereby exposed to more media violence. was not harmful. Thus, you may want to look elsewhere for • If advertisers didn’t sponsor violent programs, they reliable and valid information. would cease to exist. If you don’t like the violence in a particu- • Monitor the content of the programs your children watch. lar program, contact the advertisers and inform them of your Have a supply of nonviolent videotapes, DVDs, and computer objections. ■ individuals and on society at large. Let us choose carefully Literature,” Psychological 13. See Craig A. Anderson and Science, Sept. 2001, 353–59. Brad J. Bushman, “The Effects the material we allow to enter our hearts and minds. We 7. See Jeanne B. Funk, of Media Violence on Society,” “Testimony,” U.S. Senate Science, 29 Mar. 2002, 2377–79. must recognize for ourselves the effects of media violence, Commerce Committee hearing 14. See Jeffrey G. Johnson and both temporal and spiritual, and take responsibility for our on the impact of interactive vio- others, “Television Viewing ■ lence on children, 21 Mar. and Aggressive Behavior dur- choices. 2000, www.utoledo.edu/psy- ing Adolescence and Brad J. Bushman is a member of the Ames Ward, Ames Iowa Stake. chology/funktestimony.html. Adulthood,” Science, 29 Mar. 8. As quoted in “Violence Bill 2002, 2468–71. Debated in Washington,” 15. See Brad J. Bushman and Broadcasting, 5 Feb. 1990, 78. Craig A. Anderson, “Media LET’S TALK ABOUT IT 9. See Mary Beth Oliver, Violence and the American 1. Ask family members what television programs or movies come “Portrayals of Crime, Race, and Public: Scientific Facts versus Aggression in ‘Reality-Based’ Media Misinformation,” 2001, to mind when they think of media violence. Read and discuss the Police Shows: A Content revised manuscript under review author’s six myths. Plan a family council on protecting the home from Analysis,” Journal of at American Psychologist. Broadcasting and Electronic 16. See Science, 29 Mar. 2002, media violence, using the suggestions in “What Can Parents Do?” Media, spring 1994, 184–85. 2468–71. 2. Review with family members a recent television or movie 10. “Hollywood’s Three Big Lies,” 17. See Youth Violence: A Report of Reader’s Digest, Oct. 1995, the Surgeon General (2001), 27. guide from a newspaper or magazine. Have them note how much 156–57. 18. See Anthony R. Harris and oth- violence is in the media. Read and discuss the section “Spiritual 11. Quoted in David G. Meyers, ers, “Murder and Medicine: The Social Psychology, 6th ed. Lethality of Criminal Assault Consequences of Media Violence” and Moroni 7:13. (1999), 412. 1960–1999,” Homicide Studies: 12. Joint Statement on the Impact An Interdisciplinary and of Entertainment Violence on International Journal, May Children, congressional public 2002, 128–66. NOTES others, Big World, Small health summit, 26 July 2000. 19. See Bushman and Anderson, 1. (2001), 19. Screen: The Role of Television The societies that signed the “Media Violence and the 2. “ ‘When Shall These Things in American Society (1992), 54. statement were the American American Public.” Be?’ ”Ensign, Dec. 1996, 58. 6. Craig A. Anderson and Brad J. Psychological Association, the 20. See Brad J. Bushman, 3. See Kids and Media at the Bushman, “Effects of Violent American Academy of Pediatrics, “Moderating Role of Trait New Millennium, Kaiser Family Video Games on Aggressive the American Academy of Child Aggressiveness in the Effects Foundation report (Nov. Behavior, Aggressive Cognition, and Adolescent Psychiatry, the of Violent Media on 1999), 20. Aggressive Affect, Physiological American Medical Association, Aggression,” Journal of 4. See National Television Violence Arousal, and Prosocial the American Academy of Family Personality and Social Study, vol. 1 (1997), 85, 128. Behavior: A Meta-Analytic Physicians, and the American Psychology, 1995, 950–60. 5. See Aletha C. Huston and Review of the Scientific Psychiatric Association. 21. “Rated A,” Ensign, Nov. 1977, 71.

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 67 ecause of the rain, our program didn’t Bgo as planned. But for others the rain was a great blessing.

rehearsal, it rained all afternoon. The Much Needed Rain Even though we gave rides to many By Juan Carlos Rodríguez of the children who live far from the meetinghouse, not all were able hat Sunday was not just any Leaders, teachers, and Primary chil- to attend. We went ahead with the Sunday. It was the day of the dren had been preparing for months. rehearsal, hoping the rain would T annual children’s sacrament The children knew the songs and stop by the next day and more meeting presentation. As a member hymns and their parts, and they children would make it to Sunday’s of the bishopric I felt responsible to were excited to share them. presentation.

make sure everything went well. On Saturday, the day of our The storm continued Sunday DOUG FAKKEL BY ILLUSTRATIONS

68 morning. In fact, it was even windier Each week I travel from Octavo, than the day before. Suddenly I felt Honoring the Argentina, to Cordoba to buy mer- downhearted. The bad weather chandise for my business. During one would hurt the attendance in our Lord’s Day trip, I found that for each purchase I small ward. “Why doesn’t the Lord By David Oscar Sarmiento made from one vendor, I could par- stop the rain?” I wondered. ticipate in a contest. The contest’s Even though we picked up all hen we ask ourselves top prize was a ticket to a basketball the children we could in our cars, whether we are keeping game played by the top team in we still managed to get only about W the Sabbath day holy, we Cordoba. 60 percent of them. It was hard for may sometimes answer, “Yes. I attend When I won one of the tickets, me to be satisfied. The Primary presi- Church meetings, spend time with I was excited—until I realized there dent was worried too. We had wanted my family, read the scriptures, write was a problem. The game was on everything to go as planned, and we in my journal, and refrain from work- Sunday, so I wouldn’t be able to go hadn’t planned for the unexpected. ing.” But one particular experience myself. But I quickly figured out But as the program began, with caused me to search my soul, asking, how I could use the ticket. I had teachers taking the parts of the miss- “Is this enough?” some advertising space on a radio ing children, the Lord’s Spirit per- meated the meeting. The 40 ward members who attended were espe- he basketball game cially touched by the testimonies of was on Sunday, our little ones. T so I knew I After the presentation a humble, wouldn’t go. But thoughtful brother gave the closing I wondered if prayer. During the prayer he said, the free tickets “And, Lord, we thank Thee for the could still rain, for we know it is much needed work to my in many places.” advantage. I kept pondering that phrase: “It is much needed in many places.” Then I realized the Lord knows pre- cisely what He is doing. Our presen- tation had not gone exactly as we had planned, but it had succeeded in inspiring those present. And the rain that we had seen as such a trial was actually a great blessing to those in the many areas that needed it. ■ Juan Carlos Rodríguez is a member of the Azcuénaga Ward, Rosario Argentina West Stake.

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 69 station in my city, and I could give man ran, retrieving my purse as he left. this ticket away in a promotion for He Took After calling the police, I found my business. an empty room in the church where The following week I made a My Purse I could send a silent prayer up to purchase from the same vendor By Rebecca Thomas Heavenly Father. “I don’t under- and strangely enough won another stand,” I thought, fighting tears. “I ticket to the same game. Now I s a single woman, I am used was going to the temple tomorrow! could give away two tickets. I knew to being careful about safety. Now he has my temple recommend! my promotion would be even more ABut in the weeks before my Father, why wasn’t I protected?” successful. trip to the Atlanta Georgia Temple, Feeling helpless and hopeless, I A few hours after winning the my usual concern escalated into a went out to face the police officers. second ticket, I had an unusual recurring nightmare in which a man “I’m sorry, Ms. Thomas. The offi- feeling. It was a soft, quiet voice mugged me, getting away with my cers didn’t find anything—not the telling me I should not run the credit cards, checks, and driver’s thief, not your purse,” I was told. promotion. When my wife asked license. My concern became so But as the police officers and I why I was canceling the promotion, great that the day before leaving for walked to my car, an impression I responded that if we couldn’t go the temple, I checked my wallet came to me. to a sports event because it would three times to make sure every- “I’m going to look in the grass to be dishonoring the Sabbath, I felt it thing—including my temple recom- see if anything fell out of my purse, would not be right to encourage mend—was still there. OK?” I tried not to get my hopes up, others to do so through a radio That same evening I went to a but when I saw something metallic promotion. party with my wallet in my purse, reflecting light from the streetlamps, This experience helped me along with a small mirror and the I scooped it up triumphantly and understand that honoring the tube of lipstick I am never without. shouted, “My keys! My keys are here!” Sabbath is more than just following After parking my car and adding my I said a silent prayer of thanks as we a list of things we should and should keys to my purse, I started toward started toward my car once again. not do. Although prophets have not the church where the party was “Wait! I want to look in the spoken about the particular situa- underway. I was alone in a big city, bushes too.” tion I found myself in, when I felt but I wasn’t afraid. Having asked for Shaking his head, the officer the Spirit’s prompting, I knew I the Lord’s protection earlier that escorting me answered with a half- needed to keep the spirit of the evening, I felt safe. grin, “Go ahead, but no one has that Sabbath by helping others to As I walked up a path, I sensed kind of luck.” enjoy it as well. someone behind me and turned to He was wrong. Unable to contain I am grateful to my wife for sup- see a man running at me with light- my tears, I shouted from the bushes, porting this decision and to my ning speed. There was a sharp tug on “My wallet!” Inside it, everything— Heavenly Father, whose Spirit helped my purse, a strong hand on my arm, including my temple recommend— me understand how to better honor and I heard, “Give me your purse!” was intact. The police officers were His holy day. ■ As I struggled to free myself, my purse dumbfounded. David Oscar Sarmiento is a member of flew across the broad lawn, landing in “I’ve never seen anyone so lucky,” the Octavo Branch, Cordoba Argentina South Stake. the nearby bushes. I cried out, but the one commented.

70 s I walked up the path, A I sensed some- one behind me and turned to see a man running at me with lightning speed.

“It’s not luck,” I answered without at the bush where I had made my last officers, I realized He had done both. thinking. “It’s protection from God.” amazing find. What I saw astonished Now, whenever I have the slightest I doubted the police officers would me: there, upright on the little mirror doubt that Heavenly Father is aware understand the importance of my trip I carry in my purse, was my tube of of my struggles, I remember the to the temple, so to break the skeptical lipstick. night He saved my keys, my wallet, silence, I jokingly added, “The guy did Before the police arrived, I had my temple recommend, and even my get one thing of value though—my wondered why God hadn’t protected tube of lipstick. ■ lipstick!” No one laughed. and blessed me. But standing on that Rebecca Thomas is a member of the Feeling awkward, I glanced back lawn next to the flabbergasted police Clermont Ward, Orlando Florida Stake.

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 71 Who Needs a Will?

acing our mortality is some- times a big obstacle, but we Fshould plan for the future. An important part of that planning, depending on our situations, could be to make a will. As a director of financial planning, I know people who resist preparing this impor- tant document. When preparing a will and estate plan, keep in mind that individual circumstances and state laws vary. In some cases, legal assistance may be required. If so, look for an attorney who is experienced with drafting wills and estate planning. A will is important for several reasons, some of which are: most states unless a dispute arises an upfront understanding of your 1. Nominating a guardian for among your heirs. Spelling out your intentions. your minor children (younger than intentions in a carefully drafted will Update your will whenever you 18 in most states) and establishing could help or possibly avoid the pro- experience life changes such as mar- a trust fund to take care of them. bate process altogether. riage, divorce, more children, a 2. Controlling the distribution of 4. Choosing an executor, the per- move, or fluctuating assets. your estate, which is everything you son who will carry out the wishes Because there are different types own. Thus, you can clarify which described in your will. of wills to meet various circum- heirs will receive your assets. 5. Authorizing continuation of a stances, research what will best meet 3. Reducing estate taxes and pro- business. If you have a business and your needs. Legal fees vary, but you bate expenses. Wills can be used to choose to have your children run it can also begin to educate yourself establish certain tax-saving types of after your death, grant them permis- through information found in public trusts to reduce the amount of estate sion to do so in your will. Specifying libraries, listings in phone books, and taxes paid. Probate, the legal process which child or children should minis- on-line sources, to name a few ideas. of administering a deceased person’s ter business dealings helps family Mark Groesbeck, Kingwood First Ward, will, is not particularly expensive in unity as it provides organization and Kingwood Texas Stake

72 A TIME LINE FOR THE SCRIPTURES

y husband and story of Daniel and his I used family interpretation of King home evening to Nebuchadnezzar’s dream M (see Daniel 2:31–49). create a time line of scrip- tural events beginning with From this, our children Forefather’s Adam and Eve. Then we learned about the civiliza- added events from world tions of Babylon, Persia, Day history to give the children Macedonia, Greece, and Against this historical an overview of how these Rome. Against this histori- background, we helped hen I learned that my events fit together. cal background, we stud- our children see that these son and daughter-in-law We started by teaching ied King Nebuchadnezzar’s dream in detail and helped things helped prepare the were coming to dinner with them about the seven W our children see that it was way for the gospel to be 1,000-year periods their four children to celebrate restored on the earth. described by the Lord in a prophecy of the coming Father’s Day with me, I reflected We finished by study- D&C 88:108–10. Then we forth of the gospel of ing Church history from sadly that they had not known my made a book with seven Jesus Christ. 1820 to the present. father, grandfather, and great- pages, each page repre- Then we moved our With this basic frame- grandfather, who were now deceased. senting 1,000 years. We focus to American history work of scriptural events in They were good men who had been used the chronology in the and studied Nephi’s place, we have found that Bible Dictionary to help us vision in 1 Nephi 13, wonderful examples of faith and char- our children are better pre- create a basic time line the Apostasy, Christopher acter. “All we have left are their pic- pared to place other events, with approximate dates of Columbus, the Refor- tures,” I mused. Then an idea flashed scientists, explorers, com- the following key events: mation, the Pilgrims, and posers, artists, and to mind. “Pictures—that’s it!” I took Adam and Eve in the the Revolutionary War. prophets where they belong framed pictures of my father and Garden of Eden; Enoch on a time line. grandfathers off the walls and gath- and his city; Noah and the Julie Proud, ered all the pictures I could find in Flood; the Tower of Babel; Bennion Heights Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Sixth Ward, the photo albums. Then, on the din- Bennion and the Abrahamic ing room table, I created a display of Heights covenant; Joseph taken Utah Stake the pictures and added a placard that captive into Egypt; Moses read, “Honour thy father and thy and the exodus of the chil- mother: that thy days may be long dren of Israel; Lehi’s exo- upon the land which the Lord thy dus to the Americas; and God giveth thee” (Exodus 20:12). the birth of Jesus Christ. When my grandchildren arrived We focused on these sto- AKER ries and dates until our for dinner, I was happy to see that children knew them well. even at their young ages, they were Next we added the interested in their ancestors. I told them who each one was, where he had been born, and whatever I knew and senior Primary sharing times.

; RIGHT: ILLUSTRATION BY BETH WHITT BY ILLUSTRATION ; RIGHT: about him. The afternoon brought a There are a number of lessons in the wonderful feeling as we honored our A Primary Idea resource book that can be modified to fathers and grandfathers on their hen I was Primary presi- use with a large group. It makes a special day. dent, I found the Family wonderful resource for Primary! Home Evening Resource Ann Blackshear Alldredge, Panama City W Becky Christensen, Nampa 11th Ward,

LEFT: ILLUSTRATION BY JOE FLORES BY ILLUSTRATION LEFT: Ward, Panama City Florida Stake Book helpful as I prepared junior Nampa Idaho Stake

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 73 but believing” (verse 27). CHURCH NEWS “My brothers and sisters, I’d like to leave with you those great words of the Lord spoken on that occasion: ‘Be not faithless, but believ-

PHOTOGRAPH BY GREG HILL, BY PHOTOGRAPH ing.’ . . . Be not faithless, but believing in yourselves, in your capacity as a son or daughter of God, to do great and good things.” Freddie Lee Brown of the La Place Ward, New Orleans Louisiana Stake, was happy to hear the prophet speak. The Smith family drove from Jonesboro, Arkansas, to hear President Hinckley speak at a While growing up as a mem- gathering near Memphis, Tennessee. “Rise to the divinity that is within you,” President ber of another faith, she said, Hinckley counseled Church members in the meeting. “I often wondered why the Lord loved people in the olden days more than He “Grab Life by the Horns,” President loved us, because He gave them prophets.” When mis- Hinckley Tells Saints in Southern States sionaries knocked on her door, she invited them in. century and a half ago, Mississippi, and Arkansas. Arkansas Stake, who left “They asked me if I knew the lower Mississippi President Hinckley was home at 11:00 A.M.to attend there was a prophet on the A River in the southern accompanied by Elder M. the 6:00 P.M. meeting, said: earth today. . . . I just knew United States was the path- Russell Ballard of the Quorum “This will be a significant it and believed.” way to Zion for hundreds of of the Twelve Apostles; Elder memory for us. President While in Mississippi converts who traveled the Gene R. Cook of the Seventy, Hinckley is a wonderful and Louisiana, President waterway on their journey to President of the North man.” Hinckley and those he was Nauvoo and later to the Salt America Southeast Area; and Down river in New traveling with made a Lake Valley. Elder Jon M. Huntsman, an Orleans, Louisiana—while detour to visit the grave site Faithful members again Area Authority Seventy, who revelers filled the streets for of Parley P. Pratt, an early descended on two of the also spoke at the meeting. Mardi Gras—members of the Apostle of this gospel dis- river’s prominent cities in Referring to 1 Peter 2:9 as Church enjoyed the peace pensation. Elder Pratt was March to listen to the coun- his theme, President Hinckley and serenity of a meeting assassinated on 13 May 1857 sel of President Gordon B. told the congregation to “live with the prophet. near Van Buren, Arkansas, Hinckley. He spoke to more up to the great and wonderful Arriving in cars, vans, and buried there while than 10,000 people during a opportunity that is yours.” He and buses on a pleasant serving a mission. President trip to Memphis, Tennessee, mentioned an advertising sign Sunday afternoon, nearly Hinckley characterized his and New Orleans, Louisiana. outside the arena and said, “I 5,000 people poured into the visit to the grave site as a With a free weekend com- would like to suggest to you University of New Orleans “significant event.” ing up, President Hinckley that you ‘grab life by the Lakefront Arena on the shore The day after the meeting had asked his secretary horns’ and do not let life grab of Lake Pontchartrain to hear in Louisiana, New Orleans where he hadn’t been you by the horns. You take President Hinckley. Louisiana Stake president before. “And he said, ‘You control of your lives. . . . Do The prophet told them Scott N. Conlin showed Elder have not been to Memphis.’” not let life control you. . . . the story of the resurrected Gene R. Cook some of the The congregation gathered Ta ke charge. Rise to the Savior’s encounter with the Church historical sites in the outside Memphis in divinity that is within you.” Apostle Thomas as recorded city where early pioneers Southaven, Mississippi, near Lee Palmer of the Hot in John 20:24–29, including landed by ship from Britain the borders of Tennessee, Springs Ward, Little Rock His charge to “be not faithless, and Europe to make their

74 way up the Mississippi River. of souls that were touched,” the difference in the world— Hinckley was employed They discussed the growth Elder Cook commented, “not having respect for one producing Church literature of the Church in the area only by what was taught, but another as individuals and and audiovisual materials and the impact of the meet- by who was teaching it.” ■ not trying to change your until his call as a General ing with President Hinckley. Church News contributed to partner after your manner,” Authority—as an Assistant to “Who knows the number this report. President Hinckley said. “You the Twelve—in 1958. He was let her live her life in her way called to the Quorum of the and encourage her talents Twelve Apostles in 1961. President and Sister and her interests.” President and Sister Young Gordon Hinckley Hinckley have five children: Hinckley Celebrate first noticed Marjorie Pay’s Kathleen Hinckley Barnes, 66th Anniversary talents when she was the Richard Gordon Hinckley, neighbor girl across the Virginia Hinckley Pearce, By Don L. Searle have happier homes through- street. They courted in their Clark Bryant Hinckley, and arjorie Pay was the out the Church and through- early twenties while he was a Jane Hinckley Dudley. They lovely young woman out the world.” university student. By the have 25 grandchildren and 35 Mwho had lived across Sister Hinckley expressed time she saw him off on a great-grandchildren thus far. the street and came to con- gratitude for the way her hus- mission, a step she supported Family home evening sider him her best friend. band has lived by that advice, fully, she knew she would was always a family priority When they married two encouraging her growth and miss him as her “best friend when their children were years after his mission, on development as an individual. and confidant” (see Sheri L. growing up, President 29 April 1937, Gordon Bitner His efforts, she said, have Dew, Go Forward with Faith Hinckley recalled; when he Hinckley had already begun “made me feel like a real per- [1996], 41, 58). was away on a Church assign- what would become his life’s son.” She spoke with grati- When they married in ment, Sister Hinckley car- work—teaching the gospel tude of his confidence in and 1937, he had already been ried through with it. Today, of the Master and helping to respect for the way she working for two years as exec- President and Sister build up The Church of taught their children and utive secretary of the Church Hinckley still enjoy a once- Jesus Christ of Latter-day cared for their household Radio, Publicity, and Mission a-month family home Saints. while he was away so often Literature Committee. Except evening with their extended Their relationship has in connection with Church for a short time working for a family. Their children and grown sweeter and deeper responsibilities. railroad company during grandchildren know that through the years. Today it “Mutual respect makes all World War II, Gordon B. President and Sister stands as a model—in some Hinckley count as one of ways a textbook—for anyone their greatest blessings in wishing to build an eternal life the opportunity to marriage. On 29 April 2003 spend time with members the couple celebrated their of their family. Traditionally, 66th wedding anniversary, that is how they celebrate and as they recently reflected their anniversary—in an on their lives together, intimate family gathering. President and Sister “I don’t know how any- Hinckley each spoke of one could have been more the other’s strengths that richly blessed than we have have contributed to their been,” President Hinckley relationship. said. “If you can live with a “The basis of a good mar- good woman through your riage is mutual respect,” life and see your children President Hinckley said in an grow to maturity as happy,

interview with the Church CRAIG DIMOND BY PHOTOGRAPH able individuals who are magazines. “If a husband President Gordon B. Hinckley shares memories of his family making a contribution, then would think less of himself life as his wife, Sister Marjorie Pay Hinckley, listens and smiles. you can count your life a and more of his wife, we’d They celebrated their 66th wedding anniversary in April. success.” ■

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 75 Services staff in Salt Lake Encouraging Temple Worthiness City received the recipe, they decided they could and Preparation quickly produce the product locally at the Welfare The First Presidency sent worthy to assist in Department’s food produc- the following letter, dated this great work by tion facilities. Nutritionists 11 March 2003, to priest- serving as proxies from Brigham Young hood leaders to be read for baptisms and University were brought in in sacrament meeting: confirmations. to create the right blend of e are grateful for the “We request that nutritional supplement for increased availability local priesthood the recipe. Approximately Wof temples world- leaders encourage 160 tons (145 tonnes) of wide and invite adult mem- temple-worthy Atmit were produced and bers to have a current temple members to con- shipped to Ethiopia. The recommend and visit the sider ways in which Church was the first organi- temple more often. Where more frequent day- zation to provide Atmit in time and circumstances per- time temple atten- the current crisis. mit, members are encour- dance could occur. “It is because of our aged to replace some leisure Home and visiting Welfare Services program activities with temple service. teachers may wish Mount Timpanogos Utah Temple and the resources we have at “Millions of our ancestors to arrange trans- Welfare Square that we were have lived upon the earth portation for those who that fundamental and basic able to make this and be without receiving the benefit need it, particularly during doctrine of the immortality ready within a week’s time,” of temple ordinances. We the daytime. of the human soul. As we says Garry Flake, director of particularly encourage “All of the ordinances redouble our efforts and our humanitarian emergency newer members and youth which take place in the faithfulness in going to the response for the Church. of the Church who are 12 House of the Lord become temple, the Lord will bless Brother Flake was in Ethiopia years of age and older to live expressions of our belief in us.” ■ in March to coordinate the delivery of the Church’s food donations with Catholic Relief Services and Project Mercy. Church Sends Aid to Ethiopia The Church also donated By Lisa Ann Jackson 3,000 tons (2,722 tonnes) of a corn/soybean product called n response to one of the market or in the communities milk product used to feed the Unimix, which was produced most widespread droughts for the adults, what is needed most severely malnourished and purchased in Ethiopia. Iin Ethiopia since the mid- is food for the children.” children and elderly adults The protein-based food is 1980s, Church Humanitarian More than 11 million whose bodies can no longer used to supplement whole- Services has donated more Ethiopians—roughly 20 per- digest whole grains. grain corn or wheat in the than 3,000 tons (2,722 cent of the nation’s popula- When Humanitarian diets of those particularly tonnes) of food to famine- tion—are at immediate risk

stricken areas of the African for starvation. An additional AIRS nation. Included in the dona- 3 million people are under tion was a life-saving porridge close watch. The Ethiopian to be given to the most se- government estimates that it verely malnourished chil- will take 1.46 million metric dren—the first donation of its tons of food to address the kind in the current crisis. crisis. “The assistance your organ- Using a centuries-old ization has provided is criti- recipe, the Church has pro-

cal,” says Mary Lewellen, duced a food product called CHURCH PUBLIC AFF BILLS, DALE BY PHOTOGRAPH director of USAID/Ethiopia. Atmit—an Ethiopian term for Relief workers walk through a drought-stricken field in Ethiopia “While many donors provide “nourishing porridge.” Atmit to distribute food to villagers at risk for starvation. The drought cereals that are available in the is a oat flour–based powdered and famine are the country’s most severe in 20 years.

76 AIRS

the Unimix supplement, and “This is being done tens of thousands of children through the contributions and and elderly will benefit from generosity of the members of Atmit. the Church,” Brother Flake “Your efforts are going to emphasizes. “There is a spirit save many, many lives,” says that permeates what we do

PHOTOGRAPH BY DALE BILLS, CHURCH PUBLIC AFF BILLS, DALE BY PHOTOGRAPH Marta Gabre-Tsadick, Project when it comes from the sacri- Mercy’s Africa representative. fices and generosity and love “I wish I could tell you how of the members of the Church many lives this is going to and concern for people in save.” need wherever they are.” ■ Church Leaders Share Goodwill with Various Nations

Germany Christina, met with President Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of Gordon B. Hinckley and the Presidency of the Seventy his counselors in the First met with German president Presidency. After learning of Garry Flake holds a child suffering in Ethiopia’s current Johannes Rau in December to President Rau’s interest in fam- hunger crisis. Brother Flake was in Ethiopia in March to honor a commitment made ily history, the Church leaders coordinate the Church’s donation of more than 3,000 tons by the First Presidency during made a promise to research (2,722 tonnes) of food. the 2002 Winter Olympics. the Raus’ family history. Meeting in Bellevue Missionaries serving in the vulnerable to starvation, such what has grown into an estab- Palace, the residence of the Family History Library found as pregnant and lactating lished program of emergency president of the Federal 400 names in President Rau’s mothers and small children. response by the Church. Republic of Germany, Elder ancestry and another 800 This assistance resonates “The welfare program, Uchtdorf presented a three- names in his wife’s family. back to the roots of the growing out of principles of volume history of President Elder and Sister Uchtdorf, Church’s current emergency giving and receiving, has Rau’s family and also his who have hosted President response program. Almost 20 always emphasized prepared- wife’s family. Rau at various events includ- years ago the Church made ness and service,” says Dale “President Rau is a reli- ing a Tabernacle Choir broad- its first large-scale humanitar- Bills, a spokesperson for the gious man,” says Elder cast during the Olympics, ian donation, sending aid to Church who accompanied Uchtdorf, who was accompa- presented the findings in a Ethiopia and other African Brother Flake to Ethiopia for nied by his wife, Harriet, and private meeting on behalf of nations suffering from wide- the recent food distribution. Elder Holger D. Rakow, an the Europe Central Area spread drought and famine. “And it is on the strength of Area Authority Seventy. “He Presidency. In early 1985, members of the the Welfare Services infra- has teenage children and val- “It was a politically busy Church fasted for famine vic- structure that we have been ues the family. He believes day when an important tims in Africa and contributed able not only to meet the the majority of people are ruling was announced by generous fast offerings to be needs of our own, but also to looking for successful mar- the German courts,” Elder used for their relief. More reach out through humanitar- riages with happy, secure Uchtdorf says. “Because of the than U.S. $6 million donated ian efforts to bless the lives of families.” announcement, we expected a through the fasts was distrib- others.” The commitment to per- short visit. But it did not deter uted to relief agencies work- Through the most recent form family history research President Rau. We spent half ing in Ethiopia and other donation to Ethiopia, an esti- came last year during the an hour with him.” African nations. The event mated 220,000 people will 2002 Winter Olympics when “He thumbed through marked the beginning of benefit for five months from President Rau and his wife, the pages, examining names,”

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 77 CHURCH NEWS warmth, and appreciation Elder Jean A. Tefan, an Area , for her country. Expressing Authority Seventy. “We also her desire to continue a posi- expressed appreciation for tive relationship between his approval of our request to the Church and Bulgaria, extend a land lease from 9 to Ambassador Poptodorova 25 years for the construction said, “We would like to have of the institute building.” you always in our lives, no President Flosse thanked matter where we are.” the Church for the institute program and for the continu- French Polynesia ing efforts to support families

PHOTOGRAPH COURTESY OF THE OFFICE SEVENTY PHOTOGRAPH In Tahiti, M. Gaston Flosse, and develop high moral and Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf (right) and his wife, Harriet, present president of French Polynesia, ethical standards for youth. German president Johannes Rau (center) with his family and several of his cabinet Yolande Bennett, Tahiti history. The presentation fulfilled a promise made to members paid a courtesy visit director of public affairs, pre- President Rau by the First Presidency when they met with him to Church leaders at the Faaa sented information on fami- during the Winter Olympics. Ta hiti Stake Center in January. lies and family home evening, “We thanked him for the including the Liahona maga- Elder Uchtdorf says. “He Brigham Young University. government efforts on clean- zine and the proclamation was impressed that original They also enjoyed a perform- ing up the environment, on the family, to each of the copies of birth and death and ance of the university’s reducing road accidents, and government officials. ■ marriage certificates were International Folk Dance providing health programs Church News contributed to included in the old German Ensemble and a tour of the for people in Tahiti,” says this report. handwriting, along with a Missionary Training Center. more easily read copy in While in Salt Lake City, modern German.” the ambassador and her In the News Elder Uchtdorf later family met with the First power line made contact with received a letter expressing Presidency. Ambassador the water and electrocuted gratitude for the family his- Poptodorova noted that both of them. tory. “The joy and gratitude of Latter-day Saints are “people Elder Godfrey, son of receiving these volumes were who lead wholesome lives.” Scott Reyns Godfrey and immense,” President Rau She expressed her support Sarah Crookston Godfrey wrote. “Many generations [in of missionaries working in of the Columbia Heights our families] are grateful for her country, and President Ward, Kaysville Utah South the effort of your Church.” Hinckley thanked her for her Stake, had been in Argentina efforts to help missionaries since January. “He was where Bulgaria enter Bulgaria. he should have been, doing The First Presidency wel- The ambassador and her what he should have been comed the ambassador of family also toured Welfare doing. We take comfort in Bulgaria and her family during Square, Temple Square, and that,” says Brother Godfrey. a February visit to Utah. Elena the Family History Library and Borislavova Poptodorova was met with Elder Russell M. Missionary Dies in LDS Servicemen Killed, in Utah for a speaking engage- Nelson of the Quorum of the Argentina Prisoner of War Rescued ment at Brigham Young Twelve Apostles and Elder While attempting to save a Lieutenant Nathan White, University’s Kennedy Center Dennis B. Neuenschwander of 13-year-old boy, a full-time mis- a United States Navy pilot, for International Studies. the Presidency of the Seventy. sionary in Argentina was killed died on 2 April over central Ambassador Poptodorova, During her visit, the ambas- on 9 March 2003. Elder Nathan Iraq when his aircraft was hit along with her husband, sador expressed great appreci- Scott Godfrey, serving in the in what may have been a Georgi Petrov, and her son, ation for the hospitality she town of Gualeguaychu in the friendly fire incident. Brother Georgi, met with Elder had been shown, saying that Argentina Rosario Mission, White, 30, is survived by his Merrill J. Bateman of the she has never seen such a con- died when he jumped into a wife, Akiko, and their three Seventy, then president of centrated expression of love, deep puddle to save the boy. A children, members of the

78 Sandbridge Ward, Virginia Sister Dew Serves uplifting, encouraging, and More Family Resources Beach Virginia Stake. Brother As Delegate for accurate in portrayals of Thank you so much for Women’s Commission White served a mission in women of the Church. For your articles in March 2003 Japan and later graduated Sheri L. Dew, former those women in the world about family home evening. I from Brigham Young counselor in the Relief who may be struggling with want to add one more thing University, where he Society general presidency, their identity, I believe this to your list of lesson majored in Japanese. served as a United States issue to be quite enlightening. resources. In the Sunday James W. Cawley, a U.S. White House delegate and My father used to say to me, School Class Member Study Marine staff sergeant and private-sector adviser to the “Remember who you are.” Guide, each weekly reading member of the Fox Creek Commission on the Status of This beautiful issue is one I assignment includes a section Ward, Layton Utah Stake, died Women, an international will refer to again and again called “Suggestions for Family 29 March during combat in organization. for encouragement and Discussion.” We use this sec- Iraq. He was responding with “My recent experience support. tion as the basis for our home fellow soldiers to a firefight serving in the Relief Society Randi L. Phillips evening lessons each week when he was struck and general presidency has given Citrus Heights, California and have found it to be very killed by a coalition forces me a great deal of love for useful. It reinforces what we Humvee military vehicle, the women of the world as Unifying Effort learned in church on Sunday according to U.S. Marine well as an appreciation for Thank you so much for and enhances our personal Capt. Jason Doughtery. some of the challenges they streamlining the Ensign to scripture study during the Brother Cawley, 41, leaves face,” says Sister Dew. “My help with the publication of week. The discussions are behind his wife, Miyuki, and hope is that that experience the Liahona international short and to the point and two children. He completed a will prove helpful to the magazine. I am currently usually include an object les- full-time mission in the Japan commission.” working among the wonder- son, which helps keep our Fukuoka Mission and was a At the invitation of the ful and humble Saints in young children focused. detective in the Salt Lake City White House, Sister Dew Japan. The efforts to unify Lynae McKay Police Department, serving on participated in the 47th ses- the Church worldwide are Derwood, Maryland the department’s SWAT team. sion of the commission, held so greatly appreciated. They John Darren “J. D.” Smith, in New York City in March. make gospel study so much Call for Freelance Writers 32, was killed when his U.S. The commission, established easier for people who speak From time to time the Army helicopter crashed in in 1946, promotes women’s different languages. To be Ensign magazine has need for Kuwait on 25 February before rights in political, economic, unified in learning the gospel freelance writers for news and the Iraq war began. Stationed social, and educational of our Lord and Savior is feature articles. We are cur- in Italy before being sent to fields. ■ such a wonderful blessing. rently compiling a database of Kuwait, Brother Smith, his Elder McCord Larsen professional freelancers to wife, Meredith, and their two Japan Sendai Mission draw from as needs arise. If daughters were members Comment you would like to be included of the Pordenone Military Across the Kilometers in our database, please send Branch, Trieste Italy District. Thank you for adding three clips; a cover letter Brother Smith and his wife Positive Depictions the metric equivalents in detailing your writing experi- were high school sweethearts of Women President Thomas S. ence; and your name, address, who married after each The March 2003 issue of Monson’s message in the phone number, e-mail served a mission. the Ensign is one of the most January 2003 Ensign. Please address, and ward and stake Chief Warrant Officer beautiful issues I can recall see- continue. This is very helpful (or branch and district). Send Ronald D. Young Jr., 26, a U.S. ing, as a subscriber to the mag- to those of us who enjoy materials to cur-editorial- Army aviator based out of azine for more than a decade. reading Church publications [email protected] with Fort Hood, Texas, was cap- Throughout the magazine are in English but have problems “Freelance Writers” in the sub- tured by Iraqi forces when his illustrations portraying beauti- “translating” the different ject line, or post materials to Apache helicopter went down ful, sensitive, and realistic rep- measuring units. You have Ensign Editorial, attention 24 March during a combat resentations of women as they taken another step toward a News Editor, 50 East North mission. He was rescued on are today, were in the past, and truly international Church. Te mple Street, Salt Lake City, 13 April by coalition forces may become in the future. I Terez Nilsson UT 84150-3224, USA. Clips outside of Tikrit. found the illustrations to be Lund, Sweden will not be returned.

ENSIGN JUNE 2003 79 MAKING THE MOST Violence Hurts OF THIS ISSUE Repelled by all of the JUNE 2003 sexual content in the media? Maybe you should be just as Strengthening disappointment, a father worried about the effects of Your Marriage stands beside a tiny grave. viewing violence. See “It’s • Today, too many Would the promises ever be ‘Only’ Violence,” page 62. relationships don’t even fulfilled? See “Our Struggle last a lifetime. An eter- to ‘Be Fruitful,’ ” page 52. Where There’s a Will nal marriage must be Depending on built on solid gospel Singular your situation, a principles. Author Happiness will may be impor- Brent Barlow Being single tant to your fam- tells us what some doesn’t automati- ily’s future. To of those principles are cally bring unhappi- understand some and how to apply them in ness, any more than of the whys and “A Rock-Solid Foundation being married auto- hows, see page 72. Helps for Family Home for Marriage,” page 44. matically brings joy. In Evening • Keeping courtship alive “Singular Living,” unmarried Did You Know? • Want your family to be is vital for a healthy marriage. Latter-day Saints share their Every Ensign staff member stronger? More united? More Here are 32 creative, inexpen- experiences and tell of has the usual allotment of loving? President Faust offers sive ways to nurture your the ways they have found hap- eyes and ears—two of each. practical reasons for using one relationship. See “Questions piness and fulfillment. See But that’s not enough. We of the most powerful family- and Answers,” page 50. page 56. need yours. If you are aware building tools available. See of a newsworthy local event “Enriching Our Lives through His Words from the Cross Even My Lipstick or story, or if you have a faith- Family Home Evening,” page 2. The Savior’s last mortal The line from promoting experience to • Is planning the hardest words, spoken in agony on Shakespeare’s Othello share, please contact us by part of your family home the cross, were relatively few. “Who steals my purse steals writing to Ensign Editorial, evening? Families from all But they tell us much about . . . nothing” might apply to Room 2420, 50 E. North over the world sent us their our Redeemer and His great this story of miraculous pro- Temple Street, Salt Lake tips for making FHE success- love. See “On the Cross,” tection from a thief. See “He City UT 84150-3220, USA. ful. See “Successful Family page 32. Took My Purse,” page 70. Or e-mail us at cur-editorial- Home Evenings,” page 7. [email protected]. • How is a family like a Empty Arms, Aching Hearts Read It on the Web car? It may look great on the For years they had yearned The Ensign can be found GOSPEL TOPICS outside, but if the engine isn’t for children. Now, after his on the Internet at www.lds Activation, 23, 29 Materialism, 24 Adoption, 52 Media, 62 running smoothly, it’s just a wife’s pregnancy ended in .org. Click on “Gospel Library.” Adversity, 61 Missionary Work, shell of unrealized potential. Ancestors, 72 29 Elder M. Russell Ballard and Atonement, 32 Obedience, 44 Creation, 36 Parenthood, 2, 61 his wife, Barbara, tell how Entertainment, 62 Patience, 52 family councils work and how Faith, 44, 52, 61, 68 Prayer, 52, 61, 68, 70 they help a family run on all Family Councils, 14 Priesthood Family Home Blessings, 20 cylinders. See “Family Evening, 2, 7, Primary, 72 Councils,” page 14. 12, 72 Priorities, 24 • Hints for preparing fam- Fellowship, 56 Repentance, 29 Gratitude, 20 Sabbath Day, 69 ily home evenings—you’ll Happiness, 56 Scriptures, 72 find them with several arti- Infertility, 52 Service, 23, 56 cles in this issue. See “Ideas Inspiration, 23, 70 Singles, 56 Jesus Christ, 32 Temple Square, 36 for Home Teachers,” page 6, Love, 44 Violence, 62 and “Let’s Talk about It,” Marriage, 44, 50 Wills, 72 pages 13, 28, and 67.

80 Baptizing in Mountain Waters, by Meridene Grant “Now I say unto you that ye must repent, and be born again; for the Spirit saith if ye are not born again ye cannot inherit the kingdom of heaven; therefore come and be baptized unto repentance, that ye may be washed from your sins, that ye may have faith on the Lamb of God, who taketh away the sins of the world, who is mighty to save and to cleanse from all unrighteousness” (Alma 7:14). “Whether we are young or old, single or married, , AND MARTY MAYO; whether we have children at home or have become empty nesters, family home evening can increase unity and love in our homes. Family home evening is for everyone.” See President James E. Faust, “Enriching Our Lives

through Family Home Evening,” p. 3. LANA LEISHMAN , CRAIG DIMOND, TOGRAPHS POSED BY MODELS POSED BY TOGRAPHS WELDEN C. ANDERSEN, STEVE BUNDERSON WELDEN C. ANDERSEN, Y WELDEN C. ANDERSEN; ALL PHO Y WELDEN C. ANDERSEN; FRONT COVER: PHOTOGRAPH B PHOTOGRAPH FRONT COVER: BACK COVER: PHOTOGRAPHS BY PHOTOGRAPHS COVER: BACK