More praise for Write Now:

“Warning: there is so much heart, intensity, guts, and sheer talent in these pages, you’re going to need to remind yourself to breathe.” —LYNN MELNICK

“Each story here is a reminder that we build writers by not only believing that they have the talent and spirit it takes to write, but also by showing them how our very voices can influence the world.” —LISA LUCAS

“Seeing these brilliant and driven young women take on the world through words gives me so much hope for the future, both of television and the world.” —JENNI KONNER

“Frankly, I’m jealous of the young women who have Girls Write Now as a community and source of encouragement, and I wish I’d had that as a young book nerd, writing alone in my bedroom. Even now as an established writer, I’m so grateful for the hope it gives me.” —MORGAN PARKER

“Electric, filled with more ideas, energy, and power than all the light bulbs in the Empire State Building. If these girls are the future, which of course they are, the future is glorious.” —EMMA STRAUB ∏IN HOUSE BOOKS / Portland, Oregon & Brooklyn, New York Copyright © 2018 Girls Write Now

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. For information, contact: Tin House Books, 2617 NW Thurman St., Portland, OR 97210.

Published by Tin House Books, Portland, Oregon and Brooklyn, New York.

Distributed by W. W. Norton and Company.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

ISBN 9781947793057 (Paperback) | ISBN 9781947793118 (ebook)

First US Edition Printed in the USA Interior design by Diane Chonette www.tinhouse.com Table of Contents ROXANE GAY

Dear Kanye, January 14th, Danni Green, 2012 ...... 3 Adhan, Misbah Awan, 2016 ...... 6 Step, Angelica Rozza, 2014 ...... 8 Kiss Me, Clio Contogenis, 2010 ...... 11 Hijabi or Jihadi? Romaissaa Benzizoune, 2016 ...... 13 Mott Street between Houston and Prince, Samantha Carlin, 2002 . .16 Model Minority Girl, Maggie Wang, 2017 ...... 17 Hummingbird, Rocio Cuevas, 2009 ...... 20 Life in Odd Numbers, Marquisele Mercedes, 2015 ...... 21 Four Eyes, Kiara Kerina-Rendina, 2013 ...... 24 House Keys, Iemi Hernandez-Kim, 2004 ...... 26 A Walk through My Life, Lauren Melendez, 2014 ...... 27

FRANCINE PROSE

Dear You, Julia Mercado, 2015 ...... 31 Abuelo’s Porch, Marcela Grillo, 2012 ...... 34 Three Moments in a High School Life, Emma Fiske-Dobell, 2010 . .36 The Places We Came From, Tashi Sangmo, 2009 ...... 38 Opening Up, Meek Thomas, 2016 ...... 41 The First 1,578 Days in , Xiao Shan Liu, 2013 . . . 44 x Table of Contents

Keeping Faith, Zahraa Lopez, 2016 ...... 46 Black, Rachel Aghanwa, 2015 ...... 48 The Hijabi, Nishat Anjum, 2013 ...... 50 A Touch of Memory between Amsterdam and a Guy Named Columbus, Jasmine Holloway, 2008 ...... 53 The Search, Idamaris Perez, 2012 ...... 55 The One I Need, Janiah Taylor, 2017 ...... 58

CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE

Why Won’t You Stop!? Kirby-Estar Laguerre, 2016 ...... 65 The Feminist in Me, Tuhfa Begum, 2014 ...... 68 Saturday Morning, Mitzi Sanchez, 2011 ...... 71 A Walk through Racism, Bianca Jeffrey, 2017 ...... 74 Space, Tammy Chan, 2011 ...... 76 Who Am I? Brittney Nanton, 2015 ...... 79 Stunned Silence, Winkie Ma, 2015 ...... 82 A Slight Misunderstanding, Joy Smith, 2011 ...... 85 The Infamous Catcall, Rosemary Alfonseca, 2016 ...... 87 We Protest with Thunder, Not Lightning, Soledad Aguilar- Colon, 2017 ...... 90 It Is Me: The Real Tianna C., Tianna Coleman, 2010 ...... 93 She’s a 7.8, Sarah Kearns, 2017 ...... 95

ZADIE SMITH

Dinner Time, Joanne Lin, 2011 ...... 101 Every Little Thing, Calayah Heron, 2014 ...... 102 Growing Up Now, Ebony McNeill, 2008 ...... 105 Abandoned by Faith, Laura Rose Cardona, 2017 ...... 107 Red Apple Pie, Michaela Burns, 2010 ...... 110 It Rained Last Night, Yesenia Torres, 2012 ...... 112 Loving in New Ways, Ava Nadel, 2013 ...... 114 GIRLS WRITE NOW xi

Inspiration from My Mother, Fanta Camara, 2013 ...... 116 Mother, Jennifer Lee, 2016 ...... 118 En Su Espejo, Luna Rojas, 2017 ...... 123 Diamonds, Juleisy Polanco, 2017 ...... 126 Baby Things, Emely Paulino, 2010 ...... 129

MIA ALVAR

Chinese Food on My Chapped Lips, Lucy Tan, 2011 ...... 135 Write., Janae Lowe, 2015 ...... 137 Rising, Emily del Carmen Ramirez, 2013 ...... 138 Joyful, Anglory Morel, 2017 ...... 140 Happiness in Compensations, Bushra Miah, 2014 ...... 142 A Time for Healing, Marlyn Palomino, 2011 ...... 145 The Photograph, Alexa Betances, 2016 ...... 147 Still Looking, Ceasia King, 2010 ...... 149 Work, Shannon Daniels, 2014 ...... 152 Noriko’s Postcards, Mona Haddad, 2009 ...... 155 The Rebirth of Shanai Williams, Shanai Williams, 2017 . . . . 157

JANET MOCK

Monolid Monologue, Becky Chao, 2011 ...... 165 This Is My Dwelling, Amanda Day McCullough, 2012 . . . . . 167 Where I’m From, Samantha White, 2008 ...... 170 My Vietnam, Sasha Goodfriend, 2009 ...... 172 On Thermodynamics: A Reflection, En Yu Zhang, 2017 . . . . . 174 Life in Senegal, Yvonne Ndiaye, 2010 ...... 177 Autism Is..., Charlene Vasquez, 2015 ...... 178 Requiem, Toni Bruno, 2007 ...... 181 Forgiveness, Not Burden, Jiselle Abraham, 2017 ...... 184 All Over Again, Shirleyka Hector, 2014 ...... 186 The Sky’s the Limit, Rayhana Maarouf, 2013 ...... 190 xii Table of Contents

LENA DUNHAM

Made Out of Diamonds, Erin Pennill, 2008 ...... 197 Easy-Bake Oven, Kiana Marte, 2017 ...... 198 What’s Twenty Percent of Forty-Eight?, Ireen Hossain, 2011 . . . 201 Why Obsessions Matter, Diamond Abreu, 2017 ...... 204 Invasion of the Germs, Rashri Shamsundar, 2007 ...... 206 Empire State, Brittany Barker, 2010 ...... 209 Moving On, Ryan Marini, 2013 ...... 210 Nagiti-Buitu, Suyapa Martinez, 2009 ...... 213 An Extroverted Introvert, Samantha Verdugo, 2017 ...... 215 Taunting Little Jar of Sugar, Xena Leycea-Bruno, 2015 . . . . . 218 37th Street, Fareena Samad, 2016 ...... 220

GLORIA STEINEM

By Grace, through Love, Grace Han, 2017 ...... 225 The Case of the Ugly Black Shoes, Valerie Pereyra, 2015 . . . . . 228 Baile De Idiomas, Sophia Chan, 2012 ...... 231 Friends, Discrimination, Peace, Kimberley Garcia, 2017 . . . . . 232 Raw Beauty, Tiana Zuniga, 2015 ...... 235 I’m Finally Home, Medelin Cuevas, 2016 ...... 238 Switching Beds, Rumer LeGendre, 2013 ...... 240 My Search for Comfort, Paldon Dolma, 2014 ...... 243 You’re (Not Quite) Hired, Ilana Schiller-Weiss, 2013 ...... 245 Sunday Call, Tina Gao, 2009 ...... 248 Los Regalos de Angelitos, Emily Sarita, 2012 ...... 251 Writing Out of My Shell, Zariah Jenkins, 2017 ...... 253 GIRLS WRITE NOW xiii

QUIARA ALEGRÍA HUDES

A Taste of Duck and Family, Priscilla Guo, 2011 ...... 259 A Woman with Power, Rochelle Smith, 2017 ...... 261 Better to Be Ken Than Barbie, Rosalyn Santana, 2016 . . . . . 264 Bubbly, Shanille Martin, 2014 ...... 266 Erasing Race, Karla Kim, 2013 ...... 268 Conversations, Amy Zhang, 2015 ...... 271 Days of Our Lives, Evelyn Berrones, 2011 ...... 275 Salt on Old Wounds, Sabrina Persaud, 2017 ...... 277 Black Cherry Soda, Samori Covington, 2014 ...... 280 Rebellious Streak, Ella Callahan, 2017 ...... 281 My Neighborhood, Muhua Li, 2015 ...... 284

ALICE WALKER

Grilled Cheese, Kayla Glemaud, 2017 ...... 289 My Father’s Home Is My Mother’s Prison, Rahat Huda, 2016 . . . 292 Is This America? Esther Kim, 2008 ...... 295 Yellow Dress, Rachel Garcia, 2010 ...... 297 Warm Milk, Gia Deeton, 2017 ...... 299 My Brother’s Name Is Ramon, Yolandri Vargas, 2009 ...... 302 Flying Bullets, E. Alfaro, 2012 ...... 304 Halloween, Flor Altamirano, 2010 ...... 307 Grandma, Lashanda Anakwah, 2012 ...... 309 The Dreams They Carried, Diana Romero, 2016 ...... 311 In Search of Darker Planets, Eden Diamond Staten, 2017 . . . . .314 “Everyone has a voice. It’s just a question of finding the courage to use it, and the first step in finding the courage is knowing that no matter who you are or how quiet you think your voice is, your voice matters. You’re never going to please everyone with what you say, but you don’t have to worry about that. You only have to satisfy yourself to start with, and I think, with that kind of acceptance, you can begin to use your voice. Regardless of any insecurities you feel, you have to have an innate confidence in yourself and your voice because if you don’t believe in your voice, then no one else is going to listen.”

—— ROXANE GAY —— Dear Kanye, January 14th BY DANNI GREEN, 2012

January 14, 2012 7:45 pm

Dear Kanye, Nine days ago I called financial offices of the colleges I applied to. Told them I had to submit my FAFSA without parental information. Told them Shawn won’t give me his information, and my mother and I have tried. Told them how Shawn raises his voice, shows his ignorance, and shouts like he’s Otis Day. How he calls me stupid. Says I shouldn’t be trying to get money from the government. Every time my mom and I try. Each college said my parents are married and Shawn lives in the house so they couldn’t help me. They told me I was in a tough situation. They told me I was in a tough situation like I didn’t know that. Like I don’t see the lives of the people I live with and how content, like a snake, has opened its mouth and swallowed their lives whole. My brother Robert is jobless. Almost thirty. Has an Associate’s degree and no idea what to do with his life. My sister Jessica is sleeping with the man she loves and isn’t her hus- band. She just got laid off. Has four children and no more Food Stamps. And her rent has to be paid. My brother Darius made a house out of my Grandfather’s room to avoid everything that’s on the outside of his door. My younger brother Philip has taken the Geometry Regents three times. 4 Danni Green

Cuts classes. Smokes weed and wonders what he’ll do with his life. My mother. Had she gone to UCLA would be a doctor right now. The closest Aunt Carla has gotten to being an actress is watching the Academy Awards every year. She flips the pages of her celebrity tabloids looking for herself. Who am I supposed to look up to? Who is supposed to show me how I can make my dreams real? I’m watching Jon Sands and Adam Falkner live at The Bowery Poetry Club. But I’m sitting in my computer chair looking at them on a screen. Seeing them makes me want to pull the pretty stars out the sky. Rip open my chest and stuff them in. Because I want to be pretty. On the inside. And I’m hoping stolen stars can shine away whatever’s in me trying to kill the person I can be if I were only not Here. Adam was my English teacher. Last summer I bought Jon Sands’s book. I know this guy. Like, had conversations with this guy. Like went to this guy’s workshops. If they are not made of better stuff than me, like stars, then why are they where I want to be and I am not? I’m not in a tough situation, Kanye. But if I don’t get out of the house on Wyckoff Street I will be, but it’ll be My Life. It’ll be a husband I don’t love, an affair to make me feel alive, a checking account with a zero bal- ance, a job that’ll brand me Good Enough, and children whose faces ask What’s for dinner? Currently it’s 7:54. The 14th day of 2012. A Saturday. But it feels like 2011 and 2010 and ’09 and ’08 and ’07 and ’06, and every year when I felt I was absolved of any good thing in me the second I walked through the front door of my house. Barriers between the days are crumbling and morphing 24 hours into one long minute. There is too much contempt in my soul to have a life like the ones I see daily. My family has redefined happiness to make their lives mean something. Since the second semester of tenth grade I worked my ass off to get As. I lost sleep to write essays, didn’t hang out with friends to do homework. But it’s slowly sinking in. There isn’t an escape from what dirties the dishes and puts the dust between the floorboards of my house. Not GIRLS WRITE NOW 5 living your dreams is a sickness. My parents are carriers. It is in my plasma waiting to infect my cells. And sometimes I cry like I’m termi- nally ill. The tears tumbling down to my shirt is evidence that I’m dying. Because everything has just gotten so hard. Like breathing. Like having faith in myself. Like believing I won’t stay Here. College was supposed to get me out of Here. Now I’m too full of fear that I’m going to be My Family. I’ve seen the way their muscles fold, how their joints crack. I feel that what’s in Them is seeping into me. At times I ask myself, Who am I kidding thinking that I’ll be different? That I’ll do something with my life? Adam is playing the piano. Jon Sands just read a poem. I like it. The crowd clapped. I want someone to clap for me. To be proud of me. Tell me Good Job. So I could stop thinking I’m such a failure. Because I strived for college but can’t pay and will likely defer a year, and I’ll see my friends leave and I will stay. Jon Sands is up in front of people. A mic before him. Performing poems. All I want to do is write poems. Touch someone with my poems. I want someone to like them. What am I doing with my life that I’m not on stage. That I’m not There? If I were There I wouldn’t know another hungry night, I wouldn’t be scared to pray. I wouldn’t wake up feeling so weak. I’d be doing something with my life. I’d . . . I’d . . . Did you ever ask yourself, Kanye, what am I doing with my life that I’m not There? If you did. What was your answer?

DANNI GREEN was born in New York, NY. She attended Academy for Young Writers in Brooklyn, NY, and Lewis and Clark College in Portland, OR. Adhan BY MISBAH AWAN, 2016

The sweetest sound I have ever heard is the sound of adhan—Muslim call to prayer—especially in countries with large Muslim populations. Hearing it on the streets is a completely different matter than hearing it inside a mosque, because the location already implies thinking of wor- ship. However, when I hear it while walking down the streets, I not only find myself relaxed and at peace but also begin to really see the syn- chronized unity among Muslims. I found this sense of peace in Pakistan when I was about eight years old. As soon as the adhan went off from a high point in the city, it spread across miles, and the imagery around me transformed. Coming from America to visit the motherland became an entirely new experience with that sweet sound. The shops and restau- rants and rides came to a slow pause. If there was not a masjid nearby, people prayed inside their shops or outside on the streets. I am able to feel similar comfort in the bustling community in New York City, though. Although the adhan does not reach across neighbor- hoods, inside the masjid I feel safe. Usually the masjids, unfortunately, imitate the socioeconomic situations in our communities. Often, they are socially dominated by Arabs in between prayers and gatherings. It becomes cliquey. However, once the mu’adhin—the person who calls GIRLS WRITE NOW 7 people toward prayer—intones, “The prayer is due, the prayer is due,” everyone—young or old, black or white, poor or rich—lines up behind the Imam in rows and begins to pray. The feeling of comfort I get from that sound, and these communities, has led me to download a Prayer App on my phone to respond to my religious duty. I plan to take it with me to college, because prayer gives me the time to pause life—either to mentally process it or simply to step out of it for the moment. I am currently going through a metamorphosis; however, the call to prayer is part of my personal revolution. I want to continue to feel for it and want it.

MISBAH AWAN was born in Parkistan and was raised in Queens, NY. She attended The Young Women’s Leadership School of Astoria, in Queens, NY, and Bard College in Annandale-on-Hudson, NY. Step BY ANGELICA ROZZA, 2014

On my street, growing up, it took under thirty-two steps to walk straight to any store. After school, as I passed my friends walking together, or with their parents—knowing my mother was home in bed—I counted the steps it took to get to each store so I would know how fast it would take to get home. Back in my apartment, after putting away bags of whatever I pur- chased for my mother, I would read stories to her that I had written. Trying to get her to smile, I used theatrical gestures and my best storytelling voice. Growing up with a mother who has bipolar disorder, no day was a straight or level line. But even on days I was needed at home and wasn’t able to join my friends, no day went by without my writing stories. I wrote at a desk by a window that faced the stores on the street. Picking up my mother’s prescriptions at the pharmacy took thirty-one steps. The market took twenty-four. When my mother was not able to work and things got rough with money, we had to barter with the land- lord by buying him food as payment for rent. In the market, I weighed bananas and apples, and whatever fruit cost the least. I learned how to be observant and resourceful, to take charge, and to value caring for someone else. Though I didn’t realize it at the time, all those steps I took on my street have shaped me into who I am today. GIRLS WRITE NOW 9

Learning to pay attention to details and cues that signaled my moth- er’s needs allowed me to transfer this awareness to my writing. I tried to tap into the heart of each character I created. Every day, I wrote pages about different characters, creating adventures and stories about their lives. This gave me a sense of connection to a world outside my home life that I often didn’t feel growing up. But there were times growing up when I enjoyed my mother’s com- pany. During the summer of my first year of high school, the last summer with my mom’s Honda, we drove into Queens. Although we didn’t have much to say to one another, we walked in and out of small antique shops, both falling in love with antique picture frames and salt-and-pepper shakers. As the day progressed and the sun boiled above us, her irritability began to surface. I knew that the best thing to do was leave before she had a full-blown episode. Instead, she walked into a hole-in-the-wall bookshop. The place was crowded with thick books on uneven, wooden shelves. Greeting cards and bookmarks collected dust on the main desk in front of the brass cash register. My mom told me to look around. The mustiness of old books gave me an instant headache. I decided to pick up the closest book with the most interesting cover. A hardcover, with a purple slip, caught my attention. I ripped it out from a tightly packed shelf as quickly as I could without pull- ing the whole shelf down. My mother grabbed it from my hands and the cashier rang it up. Twelve dollars. Before I could escape the embarrassment and snatch it back from the cashier with a swift excuse, my mother began fishing through her pocket. First came the crumpled five-dollar bill. Then came the handful of change. And without as much as a blink of the eye, my mother counted. The cashier waited for every quarter, dime, nickel, and penny, and then dumped the handful of change into the brass register that clanked with every coin. The book was mine. As we left the store, with the book tucked under my arm, my mother turned to smile at me. Without much thought, I grabbed her hand and crossed the street with her to the car. Those were steps I walked with joy. 10 Angelica Rozza

My mother is the woman who taught me to stand on my own two feet. And for every time the silence grows too loud between us, I’ll remember that she spent her last handful of coins on me in that bookstore. I’ll remember that she has always tried her best to make me smile. I’ve learned to cherish my time with her, because for every bad day, there was a good day that made it all worth it again. And despite all the rough patches her disorder created, her faith in me, and my passion for writing, will always motivate me to move forward.

ANGELICA ROZZA was born in Brooklyn, NY. She attended Long Island City High School in Queens, NY, and SUNY New Paltz in New Paltz, NY. Kiss Me BY CLIO CONTOGENIS, 2010

I pull the door up against my back and as it clicks, the party’s light is cut off and we are left in darkness, the sound of our breathing amplified by the bathroom’s tiled walls. I let my hand slide to the doorknob, brush it past the light switch. No. I like the dark, the mystery. My head stops spinning in its cool comfort. I catch her outline in the mirror. The few flecks of light left with us reflect on its surface to form a nimbus of gold around her head, distin- guishing the few electrified hairs standing upright away from her face, but not her features. We’re still laughing too hard, overflowing with our secret, because we’re so clever, we’re doing it here where they can’t see. Where not even we can see. Our dizzied giggles make me wonder if we’re actually going to do this. We’re stalling, but I’m thrilled with expectation. Our hands explore the air nervously, excitedly, and our fingertips touch. We weave them and press our palms together, and my breath comes faster because this is happening. A hook slips under my rib cage and pulls upward, leaving me feeling strangled, nauseous, exhilarated. My head is rushing and it’s not just the alcohol. I don’t want to kiss her. 12 Clio Contogenis

What does it mean that I’m dying to? I’m curious, just exploring, but I want to. My giggles are no longer from hilarity because my breath is simply shaking them out. I can’t stop; we’re both laughing because this is so funny and then it’s not funny anymore. Or at least we’re not laugh- ing. I don’t know who decided the silence, but I do know that I see the white expanse of her neck stretch upward against the mirror’s glint and I slide my hand onto it, along the smooth curve of her chin and under the earring she was afraid of losing earlier tonight. We haven’t moved but suddenly we’re kissing and her tongue is soft against mine. I close my eyes, but nothing changes. It’s so dark and then we’re pulling apart. I let my breath out, relieved. But it was too short and I want nothing more than to fall into that kiss again. Sarah was right. Girls are better at it. Now we’re joking again as we stagger into the light and tell James and Michael that they missed it. We’re horrified when they don’t believe us. But we did, we did! We did it just for them, didn’t we? To frustrate them because they couldn’t see? Do it again, they say, now. Then maybe we’ll believe you. No, we’re not that easy—we’ll do it, but only in the bath- room again, and we link hands and push through their protests back into our darkness. James tells Michael not to worry. It’s OK. We can just open the door, he says, and I hear him but I don’t tell her. Because I don’t want her to stop, I want the door closed behind us again, my hand slipping through the smoothness of her hair and her arms around my shoulder blades. Then the dark is there and there’s no laughter this time. I know they’re coming, but I don’t care. Kiss me, she whispers, and I need no urging and when light bursts in through the door and James screeches in delighted surprise, we barely stop. We told you so, and then our lips touch again and mine smile against hers.

CLIO CONTOGENIS grew up in Hudson Heights, NY. She attended Stuyvesant High School in New York, NY, and Yale University in New Haven, CT.