I
U Police Will Carry Guns
In a surprise move late last night. the bullets and holsters (to go Adith our nifty - SUNY Board of Trustees approved a hats):...and then there are the dead plan which would allow University bodies...." Police officers to carry guns while on the The decision for officers to carry guns job. began with a month-long investigation The decision was the culmination of bv the university's Task Force on Cam- go months of work- starting with a prop- pus Safety. The task force's report. osal by the university's Task Force on including opening remarks bv Barnes. Campus Safety and ending with the was submitted to Fred Preston. vice- Trustee's decision. president for Student Affairs. and Bob "Finally, we will be able to protect Francis, vice-president for Campus this campus adequately," said Public Operations. Both Preston and Francis. Safety Director Gary Barnes. Barnes who were out of the country on an w€ cited, in support of his claim, the recent Admin Brothers World Tour. could not incident in which a student allegedly approve the report. A work-study stu- S- shot at a University Police car with a dent, who was delivering mail to Pres- IF pellet gun. Officers are instructed to ton's office, approved the report himsell A model of the gun University Police officers will ' stay away from the scene when a wea- and stormed into University President soon carry. pon is involved. 'If we don't have guns," John Marburger's office with a gun. M-MMMI Barnes said, "how can the officers stand A week later, the Stony Brook Council up for law and order and live to tell received the report (with Marburger's about it? Those guys [in the pellet gun signature on it). No one knows what incident] looked like sissies!" transpired between the confrontation The Trustees have ordered that ide- w ho requested anonymity. said lit kriew A community relations officer in the and receipt of the report by the Council. barrelled guns and high-power rifles b)e of a 'xr.l.irc' (ha-ha) way\ to het;lt it, department, who requested anonymity, Marburger's office declined comment; delivered to the Stony Brook campus vsstem. "I'll just gro out and bluy some was the only member of the department the alleged work-study student, who immediately. bullets." he said. who opposed the decision. "The thought intelligently requested anonymity, Barnes said he is confident l he de1i- of a shoot-out on campus frightens me," would only say "we need guns on this In an attempt to quell concern over sion was a smart one . "duns vill make he said. "We'll have to replace so many campus in responsible hands, don't we?" the danger of using guns. Barnes said. for a safe campus: if ulseAd by tramind broken windows; shot-at cars will have The Council, not wanting to get "Don't worry. The officers will carry officers. there's no need for votnnerii. to be refinished and repainted; I'll have involved, sent the report up to Albany. guns but they will not be permitted to Afterall. I used to work at Kent Stalt to become religious again; we'll need a "It'll probably get lost in-the mail," said fire them. I intend on holding onto the and \( never had trol|e uIt1 I ine item in our budget for gun cleaners, a student Council member. bullets in my desk drawer." One officer. (rttOltt fm '1 Psych Dept Pro 0test Silverstein Tenure Reversal By John Burkhardt According to Prof essor Marvin Levine. the faculty The demonstrators- several of whom later saild Sil- Nineteen faculty from the psychology department were holding their regular weekly meeting. when, at verstein's remarks and the faces he madeuwenr inade- held a demonstration in the Adminstration building about 4:30 PM, someone telephoned and said that the quate as a scholarly constrihution to the Wednesday to protest the Personnel Policy Co'm- PPC had just decided to overrule them. "We were demonstration- immediately voted to deny Silvr m ittee (PPS) recommendation that Assistant Pro- furious," Levine said, "We don't like to bust our backs stein the podium. Silverstein, Psychology Professor fessor Brett Silverstein be granted tenure even for years running an academic department only to be Dana Bramnel and Associate Profe;ssor Ronald though the psychology department voted against him. told that our opinions aren't worth anything." Friend immediately protested the decision and de- Arnold Feingold. chairman of the PPC. admitted manded reasons whv. hut the other faculty refuised to that he had never seen the committee overrule any answer, saying that the decision process was (-)onfi- dpartment's recommendation before, but said the dential and that it would not he proper for thum t. psychology faculty shouldn't take it personally. "It disucss it. Several were willing to talk about it pri- was just a misunderstanding." he said. "They clearly vatelv afterward, though. "Were running a prestiglous underestimated Brett Silverstein's value to the uni- demonstration here, and Silverstein will have to |n4r- versity community." form like the rest of us if he wants to have hi-, say-." The psychology fauclty, who were unable to locate said one professor. wxho wanted hetr nane wvithheld. the PPC's meeting room. went to the administration The department chairman, who also1requ€*sted that building and rallied outside Provost Homer Neal's of- his name not be used, said that in sticking his tongrue fice. chanting slogans and telling passers-by that out. Silverstein only vaguely followed the tenets of "We're not going to stand for being ignored." maintstrearn psycholojy% and added "I'm sick (f his Silverstein showed up after a few minutes and pinko talk anyway." briefly addressed the group, beginning with the same Silverstein. Bramel and Friend then set up a words he spoke at a demonstration in his favor three counter-demonstration and were immedliately!oined weeks ago. "I wasn't going to show up at this," he said. by Mitch Cohen. a member of the Retd Balloon Coll(c- "I didn't think it'd be proper. But finally. I just said, tive. who deserted the other protest. Cohen. w ho) a>s 'What the hell, what am I going to say when I'm 50, 1 also one of the organizers of the} demonstration in never went to my own demonstration?' I just had to favor of Silverstein last month. said he had toitally show up. opposed Wednesday's faculty demonstration from the "Last month I thanked everybody for showing up." start. A former student who hastwen on campus since he continued. "I guess I don't have to tell you I'm not the early Vietnam-era. Cohen saild he joined the*1em- ttatesman buns mattafm grateful today." Silverstein growled. making faces at onstration because he loves protests and hasn'ttbeen Brett Silverstein the other faculty and sticking his tongue out at them. able to get enough since the 60s ended. Fr- -Mm%, MMMMM%11. Polity to Raise Money New Weekly Feature ~With New Investment Column Premieres TodaI0C » -Page~, = 3 A -Page 5 L J MMENNO" rm ^^ MCUPON UB 1 " A^ ma ^ =fcI i( WI X5 kmfv k \, \q/ N=e N- - ~ 1983-85 Undergradu ote bulletin Dsttion I Jeans and Cords 519, ^ s 099 | I 25-38 unwashed v| i The1983-85 Undergraduate Bulletin will be disrributed on Iwith coupon EDWARD ALAN ' expires 4/13/83 campus srting on April 4 tofreshmen, sophomores, juniors, ond 1=*=****==§COUPON'-*---"= "=m first-semesrer seniors. ! MEMBERS ONL Y & SERUCHI I Disrriburion for commuting students will rokeplace in the \Jackets Orienrotion Office Room 102, Humonities Building, 9:00 c.m.to *Sold in the mail for $66°50 09 4?00 pm.from April4 through 22, ond9:00 o.m. to1 1:00 o.m. * our price $ 3 9 9 from April 25 through May 12. Each studentwill be given one 5 colors, sizes 36-46 also TALLS m copy upon showing his or her I.D. with coupon EDWARD ALAN expires 4/13/83 Resident students on theMain Campus will receive theircopies or theirquad offices when theypick up theirhousing opplicoaions, You Wi NEWER pay Few RECAIL «ag 'l beginning April 4 Residents of Stage XVIwill pick up theircopies 689-8588 Mon., Tues., Wed., Sat. 10-6 in theComplex Office. 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After thatdote it will be sold for S200 Further information aboutbuying theBulletin will I- I be available from theUniversity Pubications Office. i /^ \ S\_iFAST-LOW COST- J/ 3SS?/AA\QUALITY OFFSET PRINTING /A At) o10-10,000 COPIES _/H^ I l~y J LETTERHEADS INVITATIONS ml/SS^{S{^ r ENVE LOPES CARBONLESS *^JU/ ' v BUSINESS CARDS FORMS I____, ff~ ij PRICE LISTS FOLDING L Worl's arges CIRCULARS CUTTING Porld targChs s BROCHURES BINDERY Printini Caimn AND MUCH MORE WHILE-U- WAIT PRINTING -~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~; By +Special + +s I Resumes-100 copies N Printing & Typesetting Ibusiness || OnY $3300 1 l solutions 91m- c 2673 Middle Country Road, Centereach 981-4273 I 100 PHOTOCOPIES AVAILABLE| 100 i OVER 800 LOCATIONS WORLDWIDE Computer Scientists i Mmrm Na WHEN IN SOUTHERN CAUPOw VISrTL : T A a ] Business Solutions Inc. is the fastest growing micro computer software company on Long Island. We create and publish leading-edge data management, word processing, ,and language processors in Pascal. We have received critical acclaim in Business Week, Softalk. Personal Computing, 1 Infoworld, and other major publications. I We are looking for people to fill a few tough assignments in compiler design, graphics, user education, and documentation. 75% of our development staff are Stony Brook graduates. Come meet them at our: - .c -t w12 Professional Open -House April 12, 1983 6:00 p.m. l-I Business Solutions Inc., itR 60 East Main Street, Kings Park N. Y. For An information or transportation call:269-1120 j m IF ff m m m m 19 m m m m m m -M 0 1 m m w NI Stony Brook Student Achieves Unaided Flight MW By Jim Shorts 'It's an achievement that will finally put Stony Brook on the map...in the class of the truly great insti- tutions of our day. It's real good." This is what Presi- dent John Marburger had to say aboutthe eventof that day, the event in which a Stony Brook student main- ,tained flight for about 30 seconds, considered the grea- test scientific and technological achievement since the invention of the Atari Video Game System by many noted scientists here. 'I've been experimenting with the idea for over a year now; but before today I hadn't quite gotten the arm motions synchronized' said Cleft Wright. a super-senior religious studies major, of his achieve- ment. "How do I feel? Well, when I forget about my chronically red belly from ayear of failure I'm on cloud nine....After a lifetime of poverty I finally have done something for mankind..for the advancement of science..for myself.-and for my mom." Wright added w - w^ ' '3ie*ts that his Moonie faith was an added inspiration in his # ~~~Rl^ O r.- -H quest for higher altitudes. Stony Brook's scientific power elite seemed shocked. 40~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~t to say the least Distinguished Pompous Professor Emeritus of Physics, Pan Am Yang Ying, said, "Was ^(- velly fine," and smiled broadly. .. . 1 _ ^ -. * Polity officials were inspired as well. When sought . 1. , 'k- for their thoughts on the occurrence, President Adina 4* Finkelstein and Treasurer Belina Anderson were seen at the top of the Student Union flapping their arms frantically, but to no apparent avail. However, States- ClcfnWright tak" off on his MeaodsEdtna flightas Stuemmon Arts Editor Paul Miotto urges him on. Meanwhile. 90ruPa of man Editor-in-Chief Glenn Taverna was seen urging StonyBro SC n-"sta. the four aovelet, discuss this month's issu of Playboy. Above MUiotto's right shoukler, FSA them to run off the edge of the building to attain a P-oidnt Rich 8 woney how good he reallyis while above hisleft shoulder Fred Preston, vic Preidet for Student Affairs, is confused. Drabs Caumon,director ofR W ance Life.is hiding behind the third tree fromleft (the Olexjatleft is a stronger undercurrent bell from * nearby rugby g Ho.*aso observin tflthe ight.) When asked why he didn't partake in the proposed suggest to the Polity Council that flight be banned migration, Secretary Barry Ritholtz said, 'Flight? tive Director Robin Rabii said it was the most ridicu- to among its members. Man, I've flown....I've soared with the eagles." Execu- ous thing he had ever seen and that he was going cSmall 9 Things Comein Little Packages No ? By Bob Wire onomous with small." That day, he said, one for office use. He has made a list of building noticed how low our offices were to the ground,"Petty said, and was last on his short lunch break he drove a the officers' options, including: Trifling, Noticing the trend towards immediatly patted on the back by name synonymous with small'and cit- blazer down to Barnes and Noble book- Minute, Modest, Unpretentious, and Of- bought a thesaurus. He imme- low-or-minor-status. Trivial. ing rasions such as, "Ijust wanted to be store and for the name diatly turned to the word "small" and Ahe new names will also be used for They were also pushing like one of the boys," Public Safety change because it reflected the depart- Director Gary (U.S.) Barnes has adopted the name that best suited him, their campus duties. 'We're making up a bunch of new name tags for the offic- ment well. "It gives the public an under- decided to change his last name to standing of the small size of 'Trivial." 4. ;Trivial." ers to wear on their Dudley Do-rights, Barnes and Noble had no comment on uh, I mean trooper hats. They'll be our....responsibilities- you know, with Barnes, ak.a. Trivial, said that he was the students being so good lately and his whether the name change would affect water-proof, too, so they don't have to struck by the idea walking around staying out of trouble,"Trivial said. office one day. "Itwas amazing. Oneday them. cover them with plastic when it rains," The change of his name is only a tiny No one would confirm nor deny the after dictating an hour long speech to rumour that fourth floor resident Pro- Assistant Director Herb Petty and Com- part of a major change he hopes to Trivial said. implement in the department. Trivial The concept of the small synonyms vost Homer Neal was considering munity Relations officer Doug Little on changing his name to Homer Nealing- the new commuter care registration said he will advise all his officers to was egged on by high level officials in change their names to something syn- administration too. "The people on the and-I-still-have-to-bend-down-to-get- plan, I woke them up and we discovered through-my-off ice-door. together that their names were syn- onymous with small, or at least adopt floors above ours in the administration rm through-myeffice door. Polity to Deal Drugs By Quay Lude considering proposals from Ritholtz then ate half of a I The Polity Senate Monday various marijuana disbursal large Domino's pizza, drank approved a plan sponsored by firns, said, "I think that-.um...I four Pepsis, and fell asleep on Secretary Barry Ritholtz to mean...well...uh...what was the the couch, exhausted by his raise funds for the organiza- question again? He looked efforts on behalf of the student tion's dwindling reserve fund. thoughtfully into his coffee cup, body. As of the FaH 1988 semester, and then said, 'Hey, check this In other actions, the Polity 'Polity will be dealing drugs. out man. All the grounds are Senate voted to expand its pol- Aftsa- *>^ -neiatinf Rithaltz.Roinff around in. like. a circle. icy of requiring all organiza- I who h tions connected with the student government to adopt 'Polity' into their names. In addition to the already- aceped 'Polity SABW and 'Polity Ambulance Corps," we en will have serving us such -4 organizations as the 'Polity m Hospital," the "Polity Press," (1) and the student government itself will change its name to z "Polity Polity." Under the new no lanchu- -n 5. tre, the Council mambos will Q) have their names legally -< chaned. President AdMia Fin- klesin ill econe "Adina Polity Vice- nt David "-)1 13 1,' ' ' A r- %i I ' -' , - " Gam bercome "David D Polity," Secretary Barry CD Ritholt will ba--- "Barr Reagan Responds to Charge Polit aNd acting tows Lat we- Hous Spaker Thoms P. (Tip) O'Neill sid that ad -pwe tative Ronald Ro-anMency~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.bsPt.rveX "isWis the II biggot prickwill in Washington." When Bdi A _dmowill becnme askd to rP the Provident stayd sient. but hold his -. A ind~ex figerstwo Andahal inches apen uing, 'I think that smadW7 - I % m~~~~~~~~~~~nx rm Orw so" as will so be rn- A pbo <»wowed b Poly o SMjeldoaiolmmi,t raise funds for On -f- WmlwlbkuMdw vfl Ato of ftufla Ubefr semyVNC /- Let s Da I/ By Dave Jlsse ,alk seat of Dave's car. \ueslion: Do you always reach orgasm? Where C#SkewO In the bi I I hn Burkhardt, Alan Golnick, Arts A.cy DiFranco, Director, Junior: Nan Rnaging Editor, News Editor: nior: The last time was I read pin-up poster Only when Every time someone when my LawrenLe. of Lynda Carter fell off D.H. (S. my wall and onto my face. Howard Breuer Ray Fazzi, Deputy Helen Przewuzman, Photo Editor: Managing Editor, Arts Editor, Junior: I'm hav Oh mi gawd, like Only when King: ing sex. Never, never! But that's so grody...gross during Dukes of Haz- me out. But, for real zard...(Catherine- like, fer sure! Bach...Yipee!! Mnny Rockwell, ioffrey Reiss,- Corey Van der ioto Editor, Junior: Sports Director, Linde, Photo Editor, Yeah,especially if treer Undergrad- Freshman: e got a new jar of lte: Only when in a dark seline, and a plastic Only in groups of room with a 200mm gto put my head in. e. macro-zoom. Glenn Taverna, Mike Borg, Sports Editor-in-Chief, Jun- Teresa Hoyla, Sports ior, President of 'I Editor, Sophomore: Editor, Junior: Once I tried, but my Love Barry Ritholtz What's an orgasm? Fan Club': arms were too short!! 1.A+ Maybe if Brooke No, sometimes the Shields.... phone is busy. nthony Detres, Silvana Darini, Pete Pettingill, News raphics Editor, Assistant Sports Edi- Editor: Enior: tor, Senior: What's an orgasm? Wait...uh...Give me Sure, the gym has few minutes. I'll great sports equip- me up with an hon- ment, and there's t answer. Rebel.... Elizabeth Wasser- Barry Mione, Sports Donna Gross, Assist man, News Director, Editor, Freshman: ant News Editor Sophomore: Ask my fellow hall- Junior: Can virgins do that? mates on James D-1. No, but I'm usually They know. nice enough to fake it am s - h- Mark Neston, Arts Doctor Ruth, fancy Damsky, Bus- Editor, Fresh man: Counselor: mess Manager, Sen- Only when bound IL Ov course! But only Dr: securely to a bed of Z vith the use of contra- Only when fantasiz- nails whilw being ceptives. aboutnig LewLevy. flogged and whipped by an entire tribe of UJ Amazonian Warriors, I.- none of which is under 6'5". .V l I wloof %A P" I WasIA A-Teenage Conformist Jy UAfIDrey Rein on taking your studies so Its amazing how attitudes seriously. Edna Brazers son can change over time. I Eric is marching on remember the fall of 1969 Washington today and when I was a first semester you're home studying." My freshman at Stony Brook- parents couldn't understand what a different world we that my duty to society lived in. Today's students wasn't to tear apart our wouldn't even recognize the moral structure. The grea- campus I knew then. Aside test contribution I could from the sheer physical dif- make to America was by get- ferences, prevelant attitudes ting my engineering degree were also remarkably unlike and join the technological those of today. workforce that put in over- You see in the fall of 1969 time keeping the United the anti-war movement was States number one in the in full swing and waves of world. It wasn't always easy feminism began to sweep being called a fascistby my across the nation. For the parents and their friends. first time in American his- Cultural tastes were so tory young people questi- different then too. I don't oned their government's think Il ever forget the pit I legitimacy. felt in my gut when I I was alone in a vast wil- returned to my triple one Dirty La-undcr derness of hippies, drug night to discover my Nor- By Kenny Rock well using freaks, mal contents man Rockwell calendar had and revolutionaries. I was been burned by my rom- constantly being criticized mates. Not only that, but my for the way I dressed and for record collection (which had the lenth of my hair. I was some really nifty Bobby frequently singled out and Sherman albums) was also ridiculed by my fellow .destroyed. My copy of Presi- students- for I wua a teen- dent Nixon's great book Six age conformist Crises had been ripped At a time when I should apart To my complete hor- have been happiest I was ror one of my buddies uri- miserable. After all, nated in my penny loafers. Richard Nixon was in the Slowly but surely I began White House and America making contacts with others was finally making progress who had similar points of stemming the -red tide in view. It wasn't easy to get Vietnam- but somehow I together because we fre- didn't feel fulfilled. quently had to meet in I remember handing out secret In the spring of 1970 leaflets that we had written we formed a better dead than at our chapter of the Young red club. The university Republican Club and being repeatedly denied any con- harassed by the student nection between our organi- 1 government officials. I was zation and the views of the ARENT dragged before the H Quad campus community. I have Student Judiciary and come to expect nothing less YOU ordered to let my hair grow. from a bunch of leftwing Mid-way through that ses- ivory tower dwellers. JNGRY? sion the membersof the judi- "As I look back at those ciary began rioting over years warm feelings of what color placards they "happy-go-lucky days gone were going to use at the rally by' don't flash through my they were planning and I mind. I was a troubled per- escaped through a back door son living in a troubled and avoided further world. Looking at Stony WING persecution. Brook today I realize that I I often wondered if I was lived 10 years before my the only kid on campus per- time.Conformity and accep- Il fectly willing to accept wha- tance are the rule again and I tever my government thank God we are finally wanted me to. I thought that understanding that commu- iGreat Money Saving Coupon ] I couldn't be alone in nism, protestand homosexu- embracing traditional ality are all eating away at I Christian-American values. the morl fiber of our society. I i Yet as I walked around cam- It warms my heart to see pus it was oon obvious that such an abundance of in strange way I wasanon- succss-minded studentB at Buy One WHOPPERs ' conformist. Because that a major university who are question would have enthusiastic to outcast any req d a lot of thought on peer who doesn't tow the line. I Sandwich , Get , t my pa I quiclcy dropped it, 1endes I was late tor my The young people today ROTC meeting. are just beginning to see that > Pre^sures were just as all John Wayne stood for Another One FREE |5 strong fm my p MrentMyY wasn so bad after all. I follk were members of a gu at leS at Stony Brook dliq that consi- I am seen as a bit of a cult deed theee to be open- hero, but I don't mind Please present this coupon before ordering, limit one coupon _ minded and liberd. (ey ecas I am proud to my per customer. Void where prohibited by law. we all Humphrey suppor- that I onde of the in 6_ now I say mgoi.tumultuous peid of moe?) I cam stil bear my history. 1 can mY mother scolding me, 'I dmnt nver dying conformiOty fr r hyou insist that. - Good from 4/8/83 to 4/15/83 at Stony Brook store only. c n ^ &.Ilf WI -- Mir L______-COUO._____¢_____COUPON ____--I Photo CoLjrtsJ j . yqr Doug Little. in disguise U Police Goes Undercover To Nab SB Sluts By Syd Onmee In an effort to curtail the recent wave of prostitution on campUS, University Police has implemented an undercover task force with its officers as bait, Community Relations officer Doug Little said. "Reported prostitution at Stony Brook has risen 800 per- cent in the last month," Little 1 said. "Professors and students ' The W. Averell Hariman College are propositioned on their way to clam. In the Student Union. ( In the Fine Arts Center. A par- Urban,for and Policy Sciences, ticularly hot spot seems to be the library. We've had reports ( » of librarians who are actually SUIaY, Stony Brook prostitutes dressed in K-Mart drag stalking the stacks. w announces the ( "Some of the confrontations .'have been downright bizarre," * ' I Little said. "Just yesterday, a » ) women came up to one of my Advanced Credit Promram men in the Administration for 1983-84 building and asked if she could see his instrument He said he was sorry, but University Our Master of Science degree, which normally Police officers don't carryguns. requires two years in residence and 48 graduate [In a recent development, though, the officers have been credit hours, can be earned in one year by students who: granted guns- see related story on page 1.] try the sixth * will have completed the requirements for a graduate precinct in Coram' he told her." or professional degree in any department of the State Little said the all-male task University of New York at Stony Brook force begins rounds today hop- by August 1983: ing to get "picked up.s The uni- versity has been divided into * complete 30 graduate credit hours in the Harriman four quadrants, he said, with an college in fall and spring semesters undisclosed number of plain 1983-84: clothes officers assigned bests in addition to the department's * complete a paid summer internship in 1984 in a regular patrol. government or non-profit organization. "All one of these tramps has to do is try and hit on an under- cover officer," Little said. "Hell The purpose of this program is to enhance the analytic and slap the cuffs on her and haul managerial skills of students her down to headquarters. specializing in a particular Believe me, shellfind the expe- academic or professional discipline, thereby opening new rience arresting. 9 While Little declined to spec- opportunities for employment in the public and non-profit ulate who or what is behind sectors. Stony Brook's prostitution CO) CO renaisnoe, a key University 0) Police official said the ntor- am Course Requirements for Advanced Credit Program -o iW Purina sistors - Adina, Bdina and Farina- are prime 9- Fall Spring V- .- suspet. "A " three are - UPS 515 Data Analysis I UPS 516 Data Analysis II 16. wanted by the FBI in 6 staes He UPS 543 Models for Policy-Making I UPS 544 Models for Policy-Making 11 for an array of sodid endea :w UPS 533 Economic Analysis I vos." the official said. «0 UPS 533 Economic Analysis 11 *In Cali- - UPS 531 Political and Administrative UPS 541 Workshop fornia, they infiltrated the 4 in Public Policy studenn Boverment at UCLA (m Decision-Miaking UPS 585 z Program Evaluation where they ex activity UPS 581 Public Management mow to fuel a blak market an baby-selling ring. Tbey we us If interested, please wan d inoxthe st"" for isu- call Mrs. Marilyn Enkler raume hind, bigany,so an at (516) 246-8280, for further information and application tion. wrn tabed adNe imperso ig nuns. Once (a X4 ~ .900 detectd alsm n a quick r Not o" at thm 1 »«** A.%1l^ 2_s-_ " I ---- Statesman's qlWeafcy £nte/itainnent Quide-- - - See Life Before The Vice-Presidency Page 3W A Lewvd' Career Before Polity Page 5W Death AfterLife In Funeral Homes Page 6W h A I .: -~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~- k AW - L- i§H~~~~~~~~~~~~------. .. ----- :OLLEGE STUDENTS: :::: II SHOULD YOU START I club newsa GRAIDUATE STUDY IN I BUSINESS NOW? | COCA Hellenic Society I Will attempt to show a film c:ome and explore your options! Announces an emergency 'leetstudents and find out how ihey decided Discuss specific with sound, in focus and with- meeting-last before the p)rxlirams with faculty and staff For example. there are de( pMx(rams leadin< to careers%n accounting. finance. marketing out interruptions. Tickets for dance-for Friday, April 8. amd many other lested career choice%, this historic event are on sale .Aisk about the many different ways to finance your graduate The meeting will be held in the Situdy You may be pleasantly surphsed| at the Union Box Office. basement of Stage XII B, at Trhepractical information you will receive isdesigned it) help 7:00 pm. you make choices that will work for you. -| The New York City The Westchester| The Haitian Student | )pen House Reception Open House Reception | Tokyo Joes will be open In: Vednesday Wednesday IV4ay I Ith May4(th tonight 4/8/83. Organization 5i*0 - 7-7(Mpm 30 - 7 ()Opm Will be sponsoring a soccer i Ait the Student nion At the o;m the Downtown CASS 4/83 li 0 New York City Campus 0 (iraduate Center I For more information on how to take advantage of this New York. N Y. While Plains Campus White Plains. N Y. FREE advertising, call 246-3690 or come down to Union Please check the campus of yozur chomceand return ihis coupon to:- Pace University. The Information Center. Pace Plaza. room 075. Advertising on these pages has nothing New York. N.Y. 10038. whatsoever to do with "Polity'' ads in other publications. Name I Due to limitations, organizations may be limited to one Address . ad per week. city SState Zip -- Aj ...... =o FA~A Ni $A ***************************** I POLIY- : - trntS:. Politfest:'83as J1* , , 983 I I.^rt A Day Of Fun And Adventure - A Musical Extravaaanza ------qw ------.G BY: The RollngSones - estAP WThe ho specil3u SlimrW hibman 6 his Yodells n nThe Police - 0$c >onnyF Merle I I The Muppels ^The ShL0 0 * C A n d Th e D e b u t Perfo wxmaonce Of The Exciting New -0 V Ion!? Comedy/Dance Trot/pe *0 '*THE INAS** I ThXOO O0. sided ste PP?,!ns!, 2 * - I&0m.,,^d dot-tee I i I.M * resee in-aon'- Quiw 6* "cw * *dTA Int Place: Poliy Suite, In the Union Tinme: 1000 am ? rormore Information call 24&DOPE ASrwrlel&srns CDCC uAfh e.r %Ad Koth iof C1ir oX. . Inn .. roc« wows |11va. wo, ivuKiev,^ -Blunderedby POLITY i---eeeeeeee e*--ee---i--eeeeeeeeee-i I Past Is SeedvIL- fo o te Bob Francis gazed out the window of his She was hospitalized for almost a year, then office in the Administration building and sued the restaurant and was awarded $2 mil- uttered a sigh of discontent. "I'll always miss lion in damages. my rowdy childhood in Iowa. Stony Brook Francis, meanwhile, established himself as takes some getting used to." a top Los Angeles model and sued Connie Stony Brook's vice-president for Campus for divorce, citing "irreconcilable differen- Operations has come a long way since his ces." They parted in 1976. then Francis mar- birth in the high corn fields in 1954. "Bob was ried "1"actress So Derek, the blonde in the always a womanizer,.s his mother, Luella, Las Vegas motel two years earlier. Their mar- said. "Always hod six or seven girlfriends at riage turned out to be anything but a "10."g the some tin-e. That's what broke up his first Derek alleging that Francis was an alco- marriage. He wanted to get the girls' holic, physically abused her and had an attention."I aair with The Falulous Moolah, a women's Mrs. Francis said her son posed for several wrestling champion. Derek and Francis were women's magazines in the early '70s. "You divorced in 1980. name the magazine, he's been on the cover. "After that I decided my life needed stabil- Farmgirl, Plane and Field, The Wheatie, The ity,.' Francis said. "So I came east looking for Comn Flake. They sold well. And why not? My a job as a vice-president for Campus Opera- Bobby, he's a real looker. And built. too. The tions at a major university."9 "Ken Doll'oappeal Iis what one editor calIled it. He met Roxie Tilton, a New York model. in "'Those magazine spreads of Bobby's 1981. and they married the following year brought in good money, especialIly when we when Francis was chosen over 2.000 other had those bad corn harvests on the form,.i applicants for his position. "Now I have every- Mrs. Francis confinued. "Those were the thing," he sold. "A loving wife, a comfortable happiest days of his life if you ask me. Every- home and agood Job. I'maamzed at where thing was going fine until he met that..that motel with a blonde and his wife was head- I am today. After all, I only had one year of singer." Mrs. Francis is referring to Connie Sel- lining at the MGM Grand, their love bubble modeling school." Ieka, the recording and film star her son mar- burst. Evefy once in a while, Francis says, he sees ried in 1974. His bride took the stage name Connie was having a late dinner at How- an attractive woman that takes him back to Connie Francis and they moved to California ard Johnson's after an evening's perfor- Iowa. 'There's this well-stacked redhead, and so she could further her career and he could mance. But her all-you-can-eat for $3.99 fish does she..well.,forget It. If I want to remember break into modeling. But one July night, fry dinner tumed to terror when she choked Iowa, Roxie and I usually just have some while Francis was tucked away in a LasVegaS on a Herring bone and lapsed into a coma. wine. Those were my vintage years."1 TheBeatles CrawLel i plain sexual deviants in cent liftle cutte pies cut These broods are often Today's audience The Beatles general .Give me a break! through all that sugar the subjects of these mas- needs this kind of action. Banana This drivel leaves you feel- and spice bullshit and terpieces. Oh heaveni The Partridges are just the ing like you're knee-deep Incest- I love mt guys, to do it. Mc_*-* A.ji fr released an album full of in mud; slowly sinking. pure unadultufcrted red- Who the hell do these After a listen to this, quick- hot slteamfy sex. Although kids think they are? In sand just might be a wvel- the avryage listener may today's music scene, it come sight. not realize the pure seems, anybody out of Just because these meaning of the songs. England can start a bond chaps are from England (some people wouldn't and rack in millions. Even (Liverpool no less) they see It NIft hit thern in the untalented inept musi- think they can automati- face) nonetheless it's still cions like these insects of cally sel; their product. the human race who call Keep dreaming, you there. themselves accordingly: bloody twits! David Cassidy, the 'The Beatles. With the who wants to listen to heart throb that plaiys release of their debut an LP nowadays? EP's Keith on the hit show, and at! album Meet Tho etls baby- thatfs where it's lead vocalist of the group, m The Beatles have proven Get with it! Feed us this a belts out such songs as $41 that almost any trash little at a time. This sense- Woke Up In Lowe This sells. less garbage kindO Morning."t "One Night In Songwriters John Len- makes you wanno puke. Sland." and "24 Hours A non and Paul McCartney CL I^c combine theirtalent (HA!) Day-to Thes11e sgsdes- in a 12-song piece of shit crb what Wts like waking thtyou shouldn't take up after an all-night, the risk of damaging your action-packed esca- CD phonograph needle on. pade of wild, kdnkV, rau- CD Songs like "I Wanna cous SEX. Twenty-four CA) Hold Your Hand.,toI6 Sa3w I^^a erStanding There.,"Ti m hours- wq0FWV w must BOY." Ifttle Child," "I Want :3 CL to Be Your Man"t and be Spriman. Even Ican't (b "'Hold Me Tight," show the The catwdg wmiy keep It up for 24 hoursi Ir$ Poliy Secretary Barry Rfthoitz was such a smash lost lIsee what a bunch of nArmRecords no wodrhe *Vns fLome wWek at Tokyo Joe's with his one-man exotic dance assholes these wimps Is All I EvrNeed." Most 0VreVIew that he'll be back tonight for another show. really are. They can't At long lost thIs now pepe-hod oxge.yv TicIets were still available yesterday, so, girfs. bettel deckle if theyfreheeo Lets not f abutkget catch Barry while you can. Student ActMtles Board sexuals, homosexuals. The Prtrtdge FdmlIV. Youi momxx and Laurie (Mhir*y (SAB) official said next wee0k It will be Dr. Veal andth pedophellocs or Just gottt the aeemmI YWYy no- Jones and Susan4 Dey.) 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P ,,D Exquisite Edibles 1 Reservations: (Let Our Pride, Be Your Pleasure) M 928-3810 AMon -Th 1O am- 1 1 pm 4George & Judi i(516)331-1446^p 428 Rte. 25A, Miller Place fr., Sat Sun 9am-12pm ^FredericksC (opposite L I Deck Hockey) M -- I ---- Before Put You In Charge Of TheWorld's Most Sophisticated Nuclear Equipment, We Put You Through The worls Most Sophisticated Nuclear Training. It takes more than 16 that most of the men months of intensive 'Who operate the training to become a reactors in private fully qualified officer in industry started in the the Nuclear Navv. You Nuclear Navv.) begin with four months It takes more time of leadership training. and more effort to Then as a Navy officer become an officer in the you get a full year of Nuclear Nav-y-. But the gItIUUiILU-IC'VU'I Lraining rewards are greater. too. unavailable anvyw here else at any price. The rewards can begin as early as NavX training is based on more than vour junior vear in college. Qualifyv and 1'900 reactor-years of experience. Right the Navv w%-ill pay you approximatelv now the Navy operates over half the 81000/month while you finish school. nuclear reactors in America. And the After four vears. with regular Navy's nuclear equipment is the most promotions and salary increases. you can sophisticated in the world. That's whv be earning as much as S37.400. That s on sour Navv training is and must be the top of a benefits package that includes most sophisticated in the world. medical and dental care. and 30 davs' As an officer in the Nuclear Navy, vacation earned everv vear. More (A 1U vou have decision-making authority responsibility. more money, more future. c (L) immediately. You get important manage- So. if you're majoring in math. Je a) ment responsibility _ - - engineering or the fast. Because in the r XNAVY01'PORTUnl 'l s2 U' physical sciences. and Navv. as your knowl- P(). oo l »1 \ -M.- C'ittin - l qlpdate |-1 -- lu_ Il Polity Wizal r1 - A Monkey's Uncle If you saw The W d of O on TV lost ranking Polity oMcial was in the month, you were no doubt 1939 classic at the time. enchanted by film? "I had a terrible time learning to fly," Levy following *heyellow brick rood to the magic Lew Levy - former of Oz with Polity Executhe Director. recalls. "Especially with Toto (Dorothy's dog) Dorot, the Tin Man, Scarecrow, rye bread tycoon and child actor - played cowardly Lon, Wicked Witch and her evil Fly- clenched between my teeth. A couple of ing Monkeys. one of the Wicked Witch's (Margaret Hamil- times during rehearsal, I dropped him in mid- But did you know that a high- ton) menacing monkeys when he was six air." years old. "It was my flrst role, and my lost." Although he said it was "a thrill" being in Levy, now an administrative associate at the movie, Levy has turned down countless A01h SUNY Oswego, said. "I hod several things movie and television offers since then to going for me. I needed Ittle make-up, and I devote his life to politics. "It's a way for me to was just the right size. After all, many actors in do something for society, to help people. The Wizard of Oz. most notably those who Besides, all the offers I get are to play mon- ployed Munchkins. were children." keys. For years, Universol was after me to play Levy said getting the role was a matter of Cheetah In the Tarzan movies. And NBC being In the right place at the right time. wanted me to play Greg Evigan's chimp in BJ "When I was young, I hod a habit of scratch- and the Bear They figured I would be easier ing myself and peeling bananas with my to train than an ape. But I refuse to be type feet. The movie's costing director spotted me cast. Perhaps if the right role came along, I IJL and shouted, "That facel I've got to have that would be interested. Nobody is going to Law L ovy-th man (let) and the legnd (right). facel' Luckily, I was wolfing down a bonana make a monkey out of me." Crawford: -Screen Is Queen Bitc h It would be paying Joan Craw- about being pregnant in order to Somewhat bewildered atter me that cents-off coupon. I said fold a great compliment to call collect a larger divorce settle- Veda smacks her across the hand it over." her a bitch. For she Ls not simply a ment atter a brief marriage, leads face, Mildred tells her daughter, While "Mildred Pierce" is built woonn tuned sour by divorce, to a mother-daughter confronta- 'Vedal Get out. Pack your things mainly on confrontations, the the deoth d her younger daugh- tion that lets Mildred know before I throw them on the street screen version adds a murder- for and the constant state of war exactly where she stands. and you with them. Veda, get out mystery twist not found in the she s gg In with her older Shocked that her daughter, of here before I kill you!" novel. After Mildred comes cra- doughter Veda In Midr d would le for money, Mildred Crawford rattles off that scene wfing back to Veda, literally, Mecee Crad In the title role is asks, "Money is all you core wih such ease, such pure hate Veda becomes so chummy with cmn olule Bitch: even when she about, isn't it. Veda? What can that she is bound to win an Oscar her mother s second husband tries for alecton, which isn't very that check give you that I can't?" for "Mildred Pierce." Ann Blyth as that she believes he will divorce olen, that cold, nasty manner- "Do you really want to know?.," Veda sinks her teeth into her role Mildred and many her. When he Ism of hers creeps through. Craw- Veda asks. 'With this money I can as well, 'but her despicable tells her "no," a new word for lord Is doing more than acting. get away from you. Wth your actions make her more of a Veda, she, being Veda, shoots She has little personality to stinking greasy kitchens and your monster as compared to her him to death. create because that energy, that knives and forks. All right, mother, domineering mother. Both ladies In a last-ditch effort to win flerce power seems to evolve nat- so now you know." are deviations from what is com- Veda, Mildred tries to cover up urally *om her. "Mildred Pierce" 'Veda!" monly considered humanity, but her daughters shame by con- quite p bly will be her ulti- That's about all troubled the character of Veda is slightly fessing to the police that it was mate acting triumph. She Ls a per- Mildred con take. She's given her less credible because of the she, not Veda, who pulled the sonality all her own, larger than daughter everything - clothing, unlikelihood of ever encoutering trigger. Do you be.;ve that life and in the flnol analysis, a furs, jewels and even a car for her such a number in reality. She is Mildred is sAl l looking out for that marvel to behold. eighteenth birthday. and all also less intriguing than Mildred rat Veda? Is it motherly love? The In the screen adaption of Veda wants to do is get away because Veda can explain her police don't believe Mildred for a James Coin's novel, Crawford from her. Mildred's reaction is behavior by being the product of minute. plays a woman who makes suc- Crawford at her best. a bitch. But what motivates Joan Crawford is holding on to cess the hard way. building a Pedal Give me that check,* Mildred to give so much to her something in "Mildred Pierce." chain of restaurants known as she says. daughter when she gets so little She desperately wants the love of Milked's literally from nothing. "Not on your WSe...," Veda in eurn? That is the mystery of her daughter at any cost. Could She tries to buy Veda's love, snaps. Mildred. Not that she is run-o-the- it be that "Mildred Pierce" is the showering her with gifts and 'I saod hand It over!" Mildred mill herself, but less overblown story of Crawford's lide. and that is C/) eventuailly maes a socially commands, as she grabs the and carried away than Veda. why she is so believable? Crow- m prominent parasite (Zachary check from her daughter and Can you imagine running into ford has been unable to bear rn Scott) lug so she and her daugh- tears it to shreds. either In the supermarket? "Give children and has adopted. Ws K ter can have "tegood life." been rumored that her relation- z But Veda (Arm BMh) Is an ship with her adopted daughters In ungrectful cruwb. Early in her is much like that between - wealth. Mildred and Veda. "Mildred CL struggle for nel "0 MNldred woA as a wadtress dur- Pierce" quite possibly could be = hg the day and bakes pies as a Crawford living out her frustrated side line In her homeI night to life on the screen. Poor Joan. (0> ean tIe monWe tp pay for her I'Ws difficult to be moved emo- hs pano lessons and tional ly by the stormy saga of the OD bu hy nloe clohes One day a two bitches, Mildred and Veda. p g ane n the mail for You will probably want to 4ast in Veda's face and throw Mildred DC Veda. It 1s a bxncy dress that her CD ner haswaed on tabes and off a cliff. But you will also be bded pies to be able to aord to startled by the awesome pres- 0 buy her. Modeling It h font of a ence of the great Joan Cad. mk1%in,. o w.Vdremars -- MNs Ts very When she tells Veda to get out of cp 1ae1. I wouldn't be the house or "...I'll kill you. vwn dead PoIt. remember one thing: Joan Craw- Vedas ign tor, whoh Is just the woman who could ,udes lying to he ,oe We Ounswa *s Joan Crawford as Mildred Pierce do t. illririv" 367= =MM M2-1 mor E Rsearch Subje s Is There Life Needed Job hunting? Male and female volunteers over the After Funerals? age of 18 are needed to participate in a Looking for a job is time consuming. by John Buikhorct ] research project involving the use of 3 WORD PROCESSING radiolabeled deoxyglucose for the Fashions, hobbies like , hot-tubs, roiler-skating , saves you time. measurement of brain glucose , and jogging come and ; gives you the professional look metabolism. Subjects should be in go all the time, but a . necessary In today's compet/tve good health. The project requires avail- handful of human pur- job market. ability once for a period of about 3 hours. suits always remain popu- A number of blood samples will be RESUMES * JOB SEARCH LETTERS i lar. For example, al- [~~~~~~~ -- obtained. though almost no one Absoluto Priorty Pro0ssing- , In - For additional information, contact Dr. does it a second time, 751-5656 Atkins, Department of Radiology, everyone dies sooner or University Hospital, 444-2431 or 444-2425. later. Unfortunately, like I _TC12m,&l . -...... rT every other human pur- suit, death is subject to the high cost of living. Just ask anyone who's priced fun- erals lately. Finally, though, there's an alternative. If you've died recently, plan to in the in the near future, or just can't resist a bargain, hleck out Long Island's first drive-in, self-service mortuary. Designed for quick service, Fallow's Stiff- Stoppe is conveniently located at the intersec- tion of Route 110 and Bagatelle Road in Mel- ville. Stiffs are welcomed from 9-5 on weekdays, and leave in the next morning's trash. A quick tour of the shop in advance shows you exactly what yo'll be get- ting. And, by the way, it's not much. The Fallows ask their customers to first have a complete memor- -ial service elsewhere, so all they offer is cheap, dis- creet disposal in a ser- viceable coffin (Glad, Hefty or the ever-popular No Frills Brand.) If you know where to get the ser- vices at a good price you're not offended by their methods, it's the only place to go. They don't offer embalming, but say that their clients can take care of this themselves by eating heavily for a few days and reading all the labels to make srue they ingest lots of BHA and BHT. The Fallows say dispo- sal ala the trash-man is the cheapest way to go, and that headstones and on gravesites are simply 13 C 4) impossible to offer at a soangs. They recognize, Q) however, the need some CO) people have for a physi- Go 0) cal memento of the occosionso the Stiff- -b Stoppe will soon feature a I:4) crematorium and oftr *us a CL line of empty peanut but- "I ter jars suitable for storing co ashes. As an introductory offer, vW stiffs can get two cremo- tions for the price of one UA the first weekend just by saying "Broiling Beats /1) Frying." I don't recommend using It, though, because they plan to run the crern- atorium off old engine oil. so i' II probablt be impos- I sible 10 roost a good Ihmoinmlow. Become A Chef of Gourmet Sex (continued from page 1W) positions have been classified? positions oust a tractionof the wtwhewv you so desire) and not The book classifies itself as a "Couples often start by trying the multitudes), attire and equip-just another ast-food glutton. "gourmet guide to love making;" lot, but nearly inevitably end up And, because Comfot doesn't I It were a cookbook, boy would with one or two, going back to ment are Illustrated. But. those belchildren are conduciv to a Its users be satisfied. Lefs begin the book for special occasions," you'll have to see for yourself. So, ftee relationship (and they Inter- with the first section, approp- Comfort elaborates. One let this be an educated campus. Wre with college), remember the ritely entitled "Starters." H dis- problem- most positions Learnto be a gourmet inbed (or birth control. cusses the basic ingredients. require the active use of both b~~~h control.~~~~~~' Basically, that includes an able- hands. As a result, they can't be * bodied man and woman. done because one must hold .It also dispenses with a few the manual to keep checking Free myths. Ever hear the old joke that the step by step instructions. Pregnancy Test women have trouble judging dis- "Sauces and Pickles" is the tnces? Its because they are book's section for such special Confidential always being told tt six Inches occasions. Boy, Ws amazing are 12. Sony guys...bigger is not what can be done with a big toe always better. Comfort writes, "Smoller ones work equally well (and you thought a vibrator GIRJHRbGHT in most positions." The some would do the trick), Ice or a cares about you - 9 Wading River goes for women too. motorcycle (which shouldn't be Ever hear a man brag that "he attempted on a public 29-669 just went on and on all night?" highway). Hal "Multiple orgasm comes Comfort decided that "the first Centereach easily to many i not all women- night is a special situation we 9814411 ...With men i's more complicat- needn't handle here," in the final ed...Some can do it daily section, "Problems." He only nJ Call Huntington (multiple orgasms). Others can't explains that It doesn't usually 4 2 7 3 3 3 get a second erection...," Com- involve the blood, sweat and [% Anytime -4 fort cladlfes. tears that grandmothers warn Farmingdale about the sweat? The next section, called "Main about. You sure 293-5999 tells what could be Courses" - so done with the basic equipment. And also, "it shouldn't hurt her With the baseball game of sex more than it hurts a vain young play, stealing second and third miss to get her ears pierced ." And bases includes a lot of hand- tor those men who have had their work. For this example, Comfort eor(s) pierced- it just doesn't writes, "ln mutual -sex good ,seem likely- that men would be handwork is never superseded. A couple who can masturbate able to expathize. IWs similar to each other reallysskillfullycan do imagining a man having a baby. anything else they like." (He also For those who don't have the writes, "a good mouth kiss leaves 4ime to read another book its recipient breathless, but not (especially with finals approach- asphyxiated." Remember that!) ing) the illustrations are enough Did you know over 600 sex to get started with. A variety of - - 800,621-5745 IN ILLINOIS CALL 312-922-0300 Stony AUTHORS! RESEARCH, ROOM SW 407 S, D-rbom. Cheer, IL 605 Brook SEX IS A PRIVATE MATTER. The Bill Baird Center offers help, Information women's and counseling that's strictly confidential about ! a Abor- Health Bit Controd OR Services VDvasectomy Saithe Caribbean and Atlantic on an Because we're committed to your right to choose tootschooner for 8 weeks as part and Your need to know. 85 U n of Southampton College s 1983 SEA- . mester™'program (516) 751-2222 Non-profft Since 1965 Study the coast line, barrier m and coral reefs,marine life and more U) and points of Visitmajor seaports Nassau K interest Take up to 16 undergrad- <516)82-6am uate credits Courses Include (516) 5>82626 4516)582-60 z *C-stal Ece9 In 1% - - I CL sic ~ Techniqu ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Q) _eS Same of theAfntik and C -_ Cost Abortions COM~PLETE OBSTEICAL el def s tuea ao nbl .b< available Local or General Medical School Applications are now & GYNECOLOlICAL CARE _ torFall 1983 cruise Anesthesia .Tampko Menico information, contact. 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Super colors. Some with ow- fashion accents. Sizes S-M-L. -X" shorts: (A) a) First quality. Matching pleated-front, cuffed shorts in a -~Ic Q) a durable polyester/cotton blend. Most with two pockets. Sizes 6 to 14. co .I. 4 oo CVs VW-b men's famous maker : ; T,-;. I l i 6- 1r 1 I : past season at 23.95 marshalls au €0 pace l -_i I /l UJ First quality. with a famous sport logo on the chest. Short sleeve. collar and three-button placket styling. CO ACI: CAjtLE PLACE: HUNNGCTON: EAST ISLIP: STONY BROOK: "lH 11 27 Soi»rlw |»r.%+ikZ mt Slolvitig 'l-4/4. in solid colors. Some stripes. Easy care polyester/ us Modrlly A tpprr%Wforkl JuIl 1.n .,(<« 1 ,,"1s .I% |1114 l opillm arid (lr.t ( ov.v, Rd I rot%%( -nt-r -\.A.»rkAv» 1A|r 2 innrh--...^ i «.rtirr *ol \r -.»it Il. Port ShoWong entrr jerr«he. .fcttri r ltsacd ,»te« cotton. Sizes S-M-L-XL. Ircam Leo- leFled .Udl Srmton H «i(Si'ilf.« 1 Trnmpile and larkhfrkd liallom k KR I A411 fit W4 kr,, Norad______* opn Monday Ihru Sturdy 9-30 *.m. to ;:30 p-mn * open Sunday 12 noon to S p.m. 0 -- - m m I: ~Edito rial------Smurfalert It has come to our attention that millions of impressionable children around the country, and even many Stony Brook students, are buying and bringing into their home little crea- tures called smurfs. These little blue plastic thingys seem like cute little people to those who do not know the truth. These plastic things even have had telvision propaganda specials in their rather successful attempts to deceive not only children, but also future American adults. The horrible truth is that they are creaturesfrom an extremely hostile alien world, who have significantly altered their appearance and body metabo- 5 lism in order to make themselves look harmless and inani- mate, while in fact they are just waiting until their numbers are so great in our homes and car dashbords that they will be able to conquer us without even a fight. Their ultimate goal is to use the weak members of the human race as food and fuel, the strong as slaves, the women for rape, and our planet as their new home in place of the planet which they destoryed quite by accident when someone lit a match one day in a place quite like New Jersey. It is the firm belief of us here at Statesman that the public should be made aware of this, our nation's most serious hidden crisis. New smurfs should never be bought, and any in people's possessions should be stored in kero- 1 sene, and sliced into small bits with a razor blade. -ATor TaAmpym - -P-Av(Fr-,CFWM-rD rEA'.." AOPI Sta tesman I q- Letters Fifi quickly slipped outof her Second Best jeans. She wasn't wearing any Who's 'Editor'? panties. I buried my face in her Mr. Glenn Sexual Experience golden blonde honey pot, and the man in the boat stood up to Editor-'n-Thief To the Editor: greet me as I Who is the 'editor' anyw ax? Goddamsky (mWnmtetd oi pai{y 177) editors. John Blowhard Nancy To the Editor: The staff box lists photo Barely Managing Mind Your Own I never believed your letters assistant editors, Editor-in- Editor Business Manager were true until something hap- chief. but no fucking EDITOR' pened to me that was the Is that why you have to print Therina Lehn second-best sexual experience these letters. instead of having Roy Fuzzy the 'editor' answer them Deputy Mangling Associate 'Ina' of my life. I am an undergradu- a major Long personally? Editor Manager ate attending John Satis Island state university. and I Those Fucking the Satanic Stu- put myself through school Director of Elizabeth A Wasserman Squirrels dies Program Sex Director delivering pizza part-time to Lynda Carter Alan Golnick SUNY at SB Fan Club. PrIN ent the campus. One night I got to Reeces Pieces (Never Has Any)Sports Director Geoffrey work, expecting an ordinary To the Editor: ,-" t , Michael Chang Pornography Director night. Little did I realize that I Why do animals always wait DiFranco-American. would be delivering more than until you drive bv, just to run Smut Editors Nancy A Pete I want three clip boards' Puttingull pizza' out in front of your car! I mean. Paul 'Stud'Miotto F(A)rts Editors Mark Nestea, I was supposed to deliver a like, you w%,ill be driving along a Helen Przewuzwuzwuzzzmanamanman extra cheese and long country road at night Major Discovery Mike Smorgas-Borg-asm. large pie with Athletic Supporters see five miles Teresa Horla. Barry Me -O-My -Mione anchovies to one of the suites on where you can Milwaukee' Breuery, ahead of you. and right as you Porno Editors Howard campus. When I got to the door 0 orey V D Ltinde, Ken Dickswell, Dave Jesse I was greeted by Fifi, a small come Up to a certain part of the Marilyn Gorfungus Missing Editor road where. sayx a fucking To the Editor: Anthony Detres French exchange student with P erwted Cartoonist long blonde hair and pert squirrel runs out in front of you. I have made an important breasts. I couldn't keep my eyes and there's not much to do but discovery. For years people Incompetent News Editors Carolyn Broida. Donna Gross-Me-Out. have wvondered why rabbits kbdul Muhammad Saleem 'Casbah' Shereef. off her firmly rounded ass as I flatten it. Do these animals Alexandra Wash followed her into the suite hang out with their animal hop so often, even when they room. I told her the pizza would friends by the sides of the road have no place to go. Well, as Darnin Amy Glucose Assistant Athletic Supporters Pennsylvania come to $6.43. She said, "Gosh, I just to play chicken; just to see most people know. rabbits eat a only have six dollars." Then she how close they can come to a car lot of cabbage. and are also very Jim Egg McMackin run over? Or light creatures. Well, what Advertising Manager smiled and licked her lips. "Can without getting Paula 'Jane 18-Hour' Russell when you eat a lot of Advertising Artist I blow you for the difference?" maybe they just like to watch happens Hamburger, Typo-sette Ruth 'Alwayson the Telephone' I smiled back at her as mv the fat old ladies try to not run cabbage' You fart a lot. Right, Tony 'Is There Any Copy?' Peterson the rabbit eats the cabbage. Cathy Syringe 18-inch pink steel heat-seeking over them by swerving into a Out to Lunch tree" Anvywayx they spend digests it, then its up. up and Receptionist muff missile sprang to atten- tion. "Here's your pizza." I said, enough money on things, no one way. It's amazing how vou can for so long. Editorilas represent the optinon of an editor who has nothinoelse better to do at as I reached down to free Big cares about. so why don't they look at two things 4 AM. Wally from his wicked confine- do some research on this;'. and only years later realize the ment. "And here's the Denver Pyle (Grizzly connection. Ronald Reagan pepperoni Adams) FUNNIES- R- -- FIRM GROUNtD -- l- YOU HEARDYOU ME!^ H^WP I'M^NOT PtW! DIDNT YeuHWR\ r MIE? I SA1P BENTDNSD (cI rn a? z >- 2 10:16 - CD 00 coX ||e "Comnein'lr wiirii""I, Forelign Students : Andda:'* ', l- Given the Boot I A big, toasted,f By Phil & Connie Nations Commission for Refu- It was announced earlier this gee Relief to apply for refugee morning that the entire for- status, and still others were eign student population of men making plans to come inchtjhl of pickle. Stony Brook would be deported back by boat or wetback their from the United States by the way back here. 'We sure are i Two farm fresh end of this month. The some persistent bunch of bas- announcement came in a spe- tards aren't we?. said Kusu- cial press release from the makk Sharmoota, an exchange Stony Brook News Service, the student for a certain Arab f flame-broiled, not fried. university's main information Country. I service. The action undertaken l by the United States Immigra- tions and Naturalization Ser- vice came after a joint request / ~ «^ e| from the Office of Student Affairs and from the Office of ' - the Vice-President for Campus Operations. a The Office of Student Affairs stated that the unprecedented Im move came as a part of a grand strategy to provide more seats Buy one MARBURGER | in the College of Engineering I and Applied Sciences (CEAS). . get another | The move is expected to now MARBURGER FREE. I leave about 860 vacant places in I Please present this coupon before a CEAS that could be replaced I a arburOerr urger orderina limit one rmirnnnn rwmr o..r+^ ------ uS student popultions was vei I s twift dy of them w e i ) eported to ha been involve You're such an April Fool if you believed, even for a minute, any of the stories in this issuel None of them are a j in quick marriagm GI ConRVe true (except of course for the one about the guns, and the0,~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ one about Sihestein,m and the one about Francis, l ience withAmwri tobeab and all of the stories about Ritholtz). Most of the ads are real (including the one about the new franchise to remain here. Others w* 'Marburger King." He opened it to help raise money for SUNY to prevent Cuomo's proposed layoffs). seen rushing to the Unite en then -- ee|Qfs-Ore mw mofm NEED A LIVE D for your graduation, birth. - vWf'e Sgniorsd Soon Vau'lbe a med it de i ATTOMON SENKAS-Tha tilkf for dev. *wJk&V or com" beeh* For low. low 'Stepping OWtinV go be a bic nw~or Ttw *fnmOm rata cal 246-8786 Roh Out" our -OK gmiformal we we* ad>dwheer w hwe been the very bee on 9at now in Commnwr Caorge. Unvtr- AkwWewvremebrmyver blowing up.red TOKYO siY Afti and SeSr in Tabler ud The APPLICATION DEADLINE JOE'S can be beat Gray College a afair'S m inicude: Wine and ooftk flee aronmK ovibolwxon vwnh 9onne prove it April 14th Union Blroom. imported lof atope nunmbe NINE end Z-eoorai chsbmw. InftmAbonal Specilkie scih a_- EXTENDED TO JUNE 3rd GOOplnt permiian*. Swtdih meaft,. uiftesoriaoft dhe ruab* tam, popw POTATO DEATHS? Nol Its Fnal Sponge poty. Sothwrn fried chicke Saussi and Urtt Ted WVnend his neil pwWl Come colsbrit the end of atredtion. If you PWppem mmao40, Tsk*We Low. mv OAd Ebeow *nd many other dwhe- Cold he ner ben to a Sponge Pat, this *i buffet includingo pn diffw kidndmof e- -gsgh, rurwnay iopefa tecM *nd bkue. your km chencel Prix for beet a ge ale8ihert temwy, 'UNOlhe w end *d. Sliod *Morsd cold moo diplay of "a dasipw or oostu a. - turkey, hem. oryig aNth way homea SO p~eni, the room beg and 0-lme. o-f *nd coffee- Door priw will be yvn Open House sligher, nrowus heer stadse umbreliea TRED Of epn mpany with Wooly Muinc two *260 c-h pri«M Hol Smokaat donatd by ainde out (en nIitt IN* Mammoths? Come to Final Sponge. O- Stony Brook Alumni Assocwtion. Antun s BurOe Kint dn wtruh '1 hi I'm in Oned 1o be the biest end beat Sponge can conv intfy reched aertid g the *ra&sksdyint (? in be by train from troubb1adi, Pony over. Stundwy, April 91h Plese bring Stony Brock to Hkicvll Meet faculty & students to discuss B.S.W. & owi cawre applei psea wnd armn jeey a aponangi ADOPT-fovirq couple with M.S.W. Programs. of *ouree our own much to *hara Coandma'e =oMeewn COCA SUCKS! htw dwire to adop infant Lot us giv your Tuesday, April 12 twohonayThenkVoufor pu" nup with child * happy hfuro and eduction. mg mid for belo so much fun end such a LaO and confidntial. Expavis paid Call Faculty Lounge. Level 2. Health Science Center luok on the LESUE. SHMl. Srdy-So many changeQ wond"fu 6red Loft of va the one thing we can ded on iaour o0»act 516-887-7474. MCATSI Lave Mry *iandhip. W'v shared the be of times, and meny " b"on ROTH FEST i oomntll Fri., April 29th and DEARF.C~-Ivt of kick an OaMAT8 id e: Pub/ inter- 5:00 pm - 7:00 Pm dwng*Ab/ aluere/ Hot Lemon/ laugh- Set.. April 30th. Wourkirnview. Don't fret out an us-we _/ Gimpy Gredme..1 love you-You kncpw Vaull do waMl Love-Your "Con- we JOIN THE FUN at lWing s Wthingon Irv- EXAMINE: quered Grfin. " bowl g 's Birthday Party, Friday. April 8th at HOLY CHROMIUM OionmclHw" 10:30 Musc by Studio 007 pius Mm bor ADOPT: Chikldieeacoupoe VwNbe wonderful you so"n 1he blank tape prci at SCOOP Recordl? end munchice. pwwoarued QMMternfI* lf o newbomn TOKSA 90 2.76, THE MANY Joy aotcWIeven- Maxell VOXUL90 2 99. Anawar our pnreare. CWl D9091 WANTING OFTEN those thww that herm jngi or waknds. (2112)6(-2222. TDK 99 end mor e SCOOP PRorda inthe Union undwround. M-F 11-6. ua How can we profit? The red for prayer. I CAREER Rev. Williame. Student Union, Rm. 236. .NANCY D.-The worst pert of leevkV this 242-Remenber Rodtc 1-7. Stray Cat April 8. 7:30 PM. Sponaored by One in OPPORTUNITIES job is mioing out on our dedlphtful meit- Mon. wet t-shirts. Mr. Spock. 229. Q-tips, Christ ing& You raeyaftswowd ms the nwmeag of Wetch your neck." Penroft. Easter Pigs. peryumade ms act Noka we"in die- 222. 223. City Limft. Beetseaks, Oanny '. DEAR SWEETIE-Congratulatione on your IN SOCIALWOORK nowe.I "Ialmina you alwev%When you Bee it. Bllyjw. Came 1 challenge. now RA positioni I know you'll be the swee- be-me a mreuocrld buoinese emacutiv. Pn. John Mocenroo, Pan-face. later- ta RA there s And I want to say that plea"e tawe anton mend hiemenw your ..much, Pac-Mon. yes right. buttermilk and you've been the great roomm". I'm so School Of Social Welfare fakthul secretary. I can "om Wcee. walk Takeo Outs'as Can't wait oilSpring Brak glad we became frinb and I hope we'll k the dog cook damn and cealmto Vour every '84. Lo_-242 ay friends borver. LoD-Cuttie (P.S. wtiim. Your faithfu aevet-Law Don't worry, 111be up there to visit you all AWA, ANYA, Anya. Anya fun chick Anya the time since I nver go toda anywayl) -- --- has no brainm s LUCY-Well it's finaly haral Just go in LUCY AND Cardine-Aet of kick tonor- there ard ahowdwhem whet yo're madeofll1 row. We aN don't anything uner COCA SUCKSI What's Bewtof luck and looking forward to our cete 12'9l W% are all routing for youl LoveA-1 --- - bration. Love-Andres Happening? 1 SPORTSULI 246-7020 (Cal anytime) CAMPUS A iram Walker DATELINE 246-5990 (8:30-5:00 only) ^ ^~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~-l -course inm< - L--- tanley H. Kaplan . Secs education. Over 40 Years of Experiencel ~r^( *'-.. I I I f6 ^^. . ) - ftddm^aw - - K"OWPI I^ a a R"W- Hes"ko en --- m cn z ,n SINCE 193S SPECIALISTS _ . Visit Any Center Q) And See for Yourse"f Why We Make The Difference I.c Call Days, Eves & Weekends At. 110. Huntington 421-2690 (0 Roosevelt Field Mall 248-1134 Five Towns 00 295-2022 w For Information About Other Centers In More Than 105 Maior US Cities &Abroad co>XO I Outsd N.Y. State CALL TOLL FREE u v m m a w Pw f" wobooK Mm ^bwlwab'P. 225.ftr s. ch4o c-mm m. u axmaww___--- I I«00223-1 72 lklr X floe Red Or Cordl - . 180. Ilos gal. bra HA. Yich Ad c A. w rag God.. ,. = Classipfieds IAYfnO~io AfoL iwok TICKETS-Gratful Dad, Styx, Tom NKON eM wih mntordr"v 8mm "NI ""Sn'T" r V---k w w you a Welk CRUISE SHIP JOBSI *14-$ 28,000. CaOri- Oty. Billy Squie-2r01-8612880- 1b-136m Aviagonpm NftonS84 MIng pron looking too--wr -- ni dr been. Howii, World. CaIll for Guidl. Mepr cMdct crardB reempt flWh Nikon c _T begb^ w nt condi- cwaorareyou e o aylngovt founT9 WANTED Dirmctory, NoWlettvr. I 0n 6-722-1111 tion *226. Cll Jimn t 246-39 11- iLt Nrivnv' PYh"r help brim yo Ext. SUNY Stony Brook. FSCHER ALUST 190mm kis. TyrOdo 4024 fter 6 PM. togtho A hoofh itublL Crt 10AM> bindings with safay ronp. *76.00. OM- 6 73PM7-35.1. HELPt rVE been _l--e. My ftMoh COMMENCEMENT AIDES: For Sundey, 8720 Jan. n o't IWN wel bemp May 22. 1983 one dy only). 60 studeont ACCOUNTANT VALE to doophor oe onymar. Con anyone help m out? employment positions availabl. Applica- 1976 TOYOTA Corol SR-5 $1,60. Cal WANTED your boo6 .An potmgkilNg _ tions con be picked up in Rm. 328Admin.. 26621 10 attmoone or evening. Jok., 1'u1 nj pooop for pro" p-gO UUNTIA BOOK Reo cota ilv Bw y 1-3 PM, M-F. and will be accep ed from wWd _owint tinsm on his or.Lovetooos rou CeH Toby or John. 736-447. Feb. 1 until position re filled Further FOR SALE-Go-comrt, oo two. con rech WANe JEANS ftheO ftto pried wiout on 1ounte iooioblo books info: 6-3325. 66 mph. 260. Coll 92-960. ocordingtoxt. rn buyodjeonsfor .600 Cdlkfo atZ4W . ATISTS NEEDED-Free lance-poster dwo0. Can swew u. Tay 5W- sn aor difrentm occion Locl pub ASSISTANTS FOR studio and dorkroom% FOR SALE Morey 8oogo 137 Pro-lin 8173. Mo--ya's. 761-9736 ak for Doe. summer, fil; worlk-tudy preferred Used twice40.KMKood KXC-7S7outo Union Crft Center; 246-367, 246- cesefto deck. Top dofline ry hatur MOTORCYCLE ISUANCE: 3. 6. I 9 & HOUSINGO PANIST TO ocmpony female Vocacls. 107. $100. 2464786. 12 month polel. Anry bIka nydrivor., Posdbl booHing ths summer. Calt Cordol SUNY _tudwtsovi 760o0 from*$61.00 at 246-614. "'BONDALE STUDENT Reprontativo FOR SALE 1971 Pontic omnNvl& Call (61609)294 . WNLP--HOUISE ns or Junso1 Itn- wonted for on-compus refrigeator oom- EmooNtnt runni" ond ion. Some body tot pfrtrobly now Stony Brook ownpMM pony. Shouldbe well organizodw/a cdn runL *S600.Cll 4366 fter PM. AUTO :IURE Low rat Om payp NO rVaot, pb---. Bob or Jw. 751- HELP WANTED drwer's lic1ne. CaH Ned Stoner collec mom, OWM,feoso, 8pdldo0X.OX. SMi~n, eve&rr 212 371-3600. 1977 OLDSuSTARrE SX. A/C, 5g6 ciul attention SUNY students, AM/FM amo. -trck F.8.. P.6.. orig- intern tionel Ikcntee O.K.-Call - "I't'|ME 7M I mniur" tw TOP RATED N.Y.S. Coed SlOp Awy nW owner. After 6 PM 911-9092. (610)29-000. ,1Yww* slni -. _^umn- (Uw-W ir Camp Seeking: Counselors (19+1 cae FOR SALE plow wnd bor. A met "ao Miloo *on ing. fencing, sailing. typit. mnodWrn CLARKE SYSTEMS Prmi re spolors, P1OTOGRAPOW-Lecel studio photow ,o wly. mWOO. 732-_4S. donor, broadcating. hem radio. V.C.R., originlly 660/p. Must 9el $300/pr. 3- grphos wll shoo model in pmiotlon W.S.I., gymnastics, Jewish culture way wth 10W woofer 6899243, 246- pa trafte poduct haf owdoohin osor FOR SALE: Conmedic disfguo from % dof 6731, Dow. (piano, irngif, discusion). Contact: Ron he Ine. Taped from WUS8-FM. inerac docummoln. In hous coo- LOST AND FOUND Klain. Director, Camp Kinder Ring, 46 E. cor lb for pXroring aod prnt OLDSMOUILE CUTLUSS 1970,AC Pwer 33rd Street Now York, N.Y. 10016, (212) FOR SALE: Moldy refrigersor. Cll Paub FRIEE got"imoiea-Cell Melaid Color 761- orhing Good runnig condition. Ao&nV 0off Ruah 819-6800. at 26-3e90. izcr__rw ohd pid LOXT: *S00. Col Andrew 2464262. er~)b Soft Solr mon'o w*c on wo- _____~ -AbdofMrh 11dv-12h hinNdrxCol- low LomW tnm Por ftn VMt ow^ Pkroiifonmt tuaAC okrd oirorod1lor A Glimpse Into Darkness... ny imoltoron hto-lodmQ roomery Pls enontm Oobby at S2M4e. LOST: KI"SihtrP~ Lmni*LoUndf A Program in Remembrance of the Holocaust S dmahowwvoluo. Pnoo a" 604ft State University of New York at Stony Brook FOUND: In Unn, ky chan with ow onwky nd lighowtoh kyonoehodlo Sunday, April 10 Porr Card initia "C". Cl 611-09620 * or Loo. 3:00 PM 6:00 PM Humanities Building Auditorium Humanities Courtyard CAMPUS NOTICES DIARY OF ANNE FRANK YOM HA SHOA MEMORIAL This film is a haunting portrayal of one of the VOWNTEER OPPORTUNIT Amorion most SERVICE fd Co has mcnyplomimomWo voble affecting human documents of our time. Based on the Candle lighting ceremony and in wide scope of community eorvic diary of a young Jewish girl who perished in the orgnixtione (such Os Aid to Ver an's poetry reading. Holocaust, it recounts her daily life during the two years fonmilsmnuning home, bood drkm. Anne Frank and her family hid in an attic to escape firt oid dco ). If ywu're inrad capture by the Na7is. plso oonot ct t VITAL 6-014 or come vioit u in Room WOC30 in the Monday, April 11 THE GARDEN OF THE FINZI-CONTINIS Ubrry. 8:00 PM The Garden of the Finzl-Contnh is set in Italy in 1938, STAFF POSITIONS Aveilob" VITAL i when Mussolini's anti-Semitic edicts began to isolate now socpting opkpeoti for two now Union Auditorium tff mmbmw. Wo Jews from their communities. Among them were the e bookng for under- dlasrne (pIroMy with rWON-«tudyl Finzi-Continis, an aristocratic Jewish family forced for Applicmo dhouldbopeople-oriented. For the first time to acknowledge the world beyond the fwurthr infron nd applickation boundaries of its well-guarded estate. conmo tho VITAL Officolood in Room W0S30 in the b wnmentof th Ubrary '"A hauntingly beautiful movie, brilliantly conceived and tenderly 6-6814). realized ."-Newsweek Tuesday, April 12 Wednesday, April 13 PINK TRIANGLLES PERSONALS 2:00 PM 7:00 PM This award winning film is a Union Auditorium Union Auditorium provocative study of prejudice against lesbians and gay men IS CATHY Rigby a hmophilic? Find o" which ot tho Solo Paty. Saturday night. TRIUMPH OF THE WILL delves into the very nature usual kcaion. Unlimited ber with ovry 1934 of discrimination and persecution. sponqOp Pink Triangles investigates the Directed by Leni Riefenstahl plight of thousands of DEAR PAUL AND Stsvo-Refl up oonit- homosexuals who suffered in the Good luck tomorrowl Actually-4 know The famous (or infamous) you wil do wN1 Love al-Heen documentary deliberately staged concentration camps wearing the for the camera by Riefenstahl and Nazi insignia for gay men-the CAROLINE-Saturday will boa bred I a huge crew of cameramen which pink triangle. have no re oaabout ywurdoing wll. Stay coodlan dd luck-Ter was designed to depict the glory THE CALIFORNIA REICH of the Third Reich and instill in COCA SUCKSI the German public an almost The California Reich is a film that will make your flesh religious fervor for Hitler and the crawl-but it is a film that must be taken seriously. PERQUACKEY ON THE Rod to Stony California Nazi program. English subtitles. Reich is an inside look at the American Nazi Erook,you spid a highwyma With, Party, and it challenges the complacent feeling that "it new. HO had "oralW 1ingninp d an avrsion to vodka with can't happen here " We are introduced to a number things in it. You of bfledto the houaa of tho 8:00 PM Nazi party members-some tot li1bdo, whor are crackpots, but the he "id sit onme, mold me, and thn, Union Auditorium disturbing thing is that most of these party members are made lovb to you. And hsood wxtand seemingly normal people-family people-maybe even told you hppy twenty mrd birthday. DAS BOOT your next door neighbor. A truly remarkable film. Lovo-Sproutin ancd the two hombell California Reich was nominated for an Academy Award sponsored by COCA COME as best feature documentary of 1975. AND JOIN Irving Colege"' Wfhinwton rving Bfhtby C dkbrgti "4'EXTREMISTS AND Fri., Apil th at 10:30. 8 KoGand mun- HATE Guest spoaker Alan Schwrtz, As- chi plusmuic by Studio 00O7. Every- GROUPS IN THE UNITED sistant Director, National Research thing is frOlll STATES" Department, Anti-Defamation League of B'nai B'rith HEY GUIaA-le roogo Htion(W can CO dig if-Uke Omigod-Fer sure-Like Thursday, April 14 itr-Lawo-Laws and Pe rO W- 7:00 PM 8:00 PM MARK. ERIC, M.ike nd twry-Hy Union Auditorium t be bar mwidft9E0 Loh.Yor two CT kIoril uotme, Joonino mnd Tooo OP.S. THE TWISTED CROSS Did Trry find any moooog in Od7) Zb THE LAST CHAPTER TO J 1lAMY Jimm 2 The story of Adolf Hitler and the Narrated by Theodore Bikel. this Lrry, Dmv, Ru Nazi movement recreated through l waon-Ngndw gu( I didntrlgeo you award-winning film depicts the 9uolo I smol nVourw s iof On SW" hitherto-impounded German news 1.000 year history of Polish Jewish In KeC.C Ksep po*# g LOWa , (ywnd - < flm. From Hitler's lowly tseginnings existence; from its medieval r in 1923, to his lofty days as 2 beginnings to the heroic struggles T M E (AR conqueror of the 08P0O Bro Mm andw pr_ o U European of the Warsaw Ghetto. It is a mainland and. ultimately, his faithful testament to a way of life )%rM 8 7:30. PbNl. M__aL* 2r I.- en defeat and suicide. (A4c ,and a world gone forever. Chirim - - " t This series is Free of Chargeand the public is cordially invited - _...n_. mW sow _is*r~ml.? This series of programs depicting the Holocaust. the WW I11era in Europe. and the continue W em e vowrNhoqNaA ThIm PO*W a nd ha t r ed in o u r existence of racism society is sponored by the aWh W h HsiN Fde rs rX I tons- W amS t 1 wo andhe Jewih A claton forCo ae reulh (JAC atK) the State University of New York at Stony -^* fi Brook. Thisprogram w as m ade p o s s ib le through a s acti*grant from The Jewish A sociation for College Youth, a member agency of tthe Federation of jewih Phianthroiea of No York. ,. APWV ^ G m0oowtmrGQMyili = f~od "a AWp- 14 SB Defeats Accident Sends Riding Team I Jersey Generals To Glue Factory By Mike Borg By Jeanine Redo The Stony Brook Patriot football team beat the New The Stony Brook Equestrian Team forfeited fer sure, the horse were gone! When I looked to Jersey Generals yesterday in a benefit football game in their match against Rutgers yesterday when my left, I couldn't believe it! The trailer was support of the Psychology Department's attempt to oust their horses went for the ride of their life. The traveling westbound next to a Chevette, and then, like, the Chevette became grody to the ProffessorI Brett Silverstein. Ten thousand screaming trailers, who were carrying the horses. max!" explained Angelica. fansI showed up at the Meadowlands to see the Patriots, unhitched on the Long Island Expressway caus- According to police, "This sort of thing is not behindI the passing of All-American quarterback Ray ing a major traffic jam during the height of rush McKenna uncommon. Last year on the Van Wyck Express- I and the running of the team's Most Valuable hour. One trailer unhitched and traveled across Player Jorge Taylor, beat the Generals 27-0. the median and into westbound traffic. "There way a tractor trailer full of chickens overturned. The Patriots-took immediate control of the game. After were horses everywhere," said commuter Milton There were feathers everywhere. We had to 1cal Mike Quirk's kickoff. the Patriot defense took over. Gen- Schmeckle. "I couldn't believe it when I saw this Frank Perdue in to round up the chickens and eral'sI quarterback Bobby Scott handed the ball off to horse coming at me doing 50. It was like some- put them back in the truck." Herschel Walker who was swiftly greeted by nose tackle thing out of the Flintstones!" The match, which was set to begin at 8AM in Mike "Fred T." Infranco, for a loss of three yards on the The team left the campus at about 5PM with New Jersey, would not be rescheduled because. play. Two plays later the Generals were forced to punt the hopes of completing their truimphant season according to captain Joe Fellingham, "It wasour from their own end zone. with a win against first place Rutgers. "Who own stupidity. Whoever hitched the trailers for- The Pats took control on their own 45 yard line. After a would believe the horses would split," said rider got the pin. The poor horses had to sedated." three yard run by Jorge Taylor, Mark Van Keuren pulled Moon Angelica. "It's absurd! Like, we were driv- Police are investigating the mishap for foul down a 38 yard pass from Ray McKenna. Three plays ing along the Long Island Expressway drinking play but at the present, they feel that it was just a later, behind excellent blocking by the Pat's offensive a few beers when allof a sudden, like wow, like ,case of a screw being loose. line, Taylor went into the endzone for the touchdown. After Quirk's extra point attempt went through the Shape up for Summer;'! uprights, the xcore was 7-0. The hapless Generals did not move the ball past mid- field all afternoon. The Patriots did not allow any first downs and limited the Generals to 48 total yards. Gener- al's Coach Chuck Fairbanks was unavailable for corn Royal Racquetball p| ment after the game. The Patriots were unstoppable with Taylor rushing for 234 yards and two touchdowns. McKenna was 20 for 27 with 350 yards, throwing one touchdown and no intereep- F D C C $30 COUPON tions. Patriot Coach Fred Kemp said. 'We played real rn XCX PACKAGE well, both the offen se and the defense finally played up to 4 their ability. In all my years here at Stony Brook I've when you bring in this ad and take a tour of our club. never seen such an awesome team". Includes- * FREE guest pass * FREE aerobics class * FREE nautilus workout Reserve defensive back Larry Elber said, "I told you we * FREE slimnastics cla.s * FREE 1/2 hour racquetball lesson are good!" After the game. University President John -S Marburger commented, "Obviously defeating a profes- I sional football team is a big step up for the Stony Brook football program. But then again as defensive end Dino I Delany commented. 'These days who isn't kicking the Generals asses.' " TI Sp orts Trivia By Frank Zappa Questions l.Name the professional baseball player who got his cleat caught in third base and had to drag it to home plate in order to score. What year did this take place lUNLIMITED NAUTILUS MEMBERSHIP... *13 months for the and what team was he on? JOIN NOW AND GET I MONTH FREE! * price of 12... $195 2.In the 1961 Olympics, who put out the Torch when I the games were over? 3.Name all of the white basketball players in the NBA Many other programs available. Inquire now! and all of the black hockey players in the NHL 4.1n the game of Ice Hockey, what year did they start freezing the water and what team did this hurt the loyal Racquetball Health S Fitness Center most ;07 lOddle Couny Road. Coram. N Y. 11727 6.Who has the best record, out of all the wrestlers, in 1 9 l 7^P ^fc ^^^ I= C! ^^^^^^ I(Just 500 feet east of the intersection of ! the professional wrestlers circuit? ^ ^^ ^^«i^ ^»B * I Middle Country Rd IRte 25) >nd 5.6In the game of basketball when were backboards fl| Ad^**^1 ^y^V^^y~f Patchogue Mt Sinai Rd first used? I A Anmwers 1%- I.Who cares? ====COUPON' ==mm - 2.Dr. Jonathan Winters Barmurger XIX. ro 3.Next quetion. --- ZCOUPN___^ 300-9060 f.They froze Roth Pond in 1895 causing Mount to for- 1°00 off Studio** 0 feit their remaining games 5.Geoff Reil Stae n Sports Director. cn L6That page is mising from our book. I Any Sat. 7:30-1 VOOpn ^ - T?? T m L or Wed.evening 7:30- ^ SkutZng en ^1 ~~~~At Finast J0.00p PM.fL-lMJi I expires 5/1/83 620 Middle Country Rd. Nesconset, N.Y. z /^_ ^ ^ ~~Rte. 25A& "--* MM O"/('4 miles Nest of Smithaven Mall) ^I Ecwt Setauket f ^f~~iM~l Adult Night-Sunday Evenir l L~t65€ -;6751-9618 10:30. $1.00 with college I I -< 'Opwen I O: am to 10:00 pm 06 =__== me, ______I L Come and experience our unique I W- I And LIVE Disk Jockey-Special Di o I I private parties from Stony Brook. I I I Available. w I I I I I idj Atwnown DMc Hockey Pnyr«»te. I T'7 ~~Suxio Spon~rtssersour NowODe I (9SHocy ^ son Apr_ I et. Regir M h 2 7 t h W o h w I I \ ^^by arc . e aim o an a I \^rx^ indoor Adult Soccer Lsevue k V^--^ t~tinApr* 9 12, r~piw by the 5 I Orop- AW fwo1 AI-- - : 1 E3 us - : - l.-~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~m Mr. Ed Bites The Dus t s Page 11 I .,I m. I m. . .m., .-.. . ---.I. -. ---I m.. . .I I I I- I. ...Am m I- Stony Brook Stuns Hockey WorldI! IR By Teresa L. Moyla and helmets on. Chadwick The Stony Brook hockey ejected both of them from the team defeated the New York game. Islanders at the Nassau Coli- "Chadwick should have let seum last night in the final them get their frustrations round of the Stanley Cup out." Smith commented. The playoffs and took away the Pats finally got their frustra- championship title from the tions out when they scored their Islanders. winning goal with three The final score, 3-2, stood for seconds left in the game. Cap- hard work and determination tain Sean Levchuck. after get- from the Patriots during the ting the puck on a pass from tie-breaking seventh game ol Pete "The Kid" Gordon. took a the series. blistering shot from the blue Mike Bossy opened the scor line causing Smith to dive onto ing in the first period. After the oncoming puck, along with winning the face-off on the left three other Islanders. Chad- side of Pat goaltender Danny Kevin Cavallo shoots a slapshot past diving Bryan Trottier, who is wearing his alma mater's jersey. wick blew the whistle and when Joseph, Bossy held the puck couldn't believe Smith could be and Smith. Gillies, keeping his Bryan Trottier took his shot at the file of players arose, some- just long enough todraw Joseph so stupid," Violino said. eye on Sherwood thinking Cal- 16:04. Trottier skated past the one heard a whimper from to the right side of the net and Smith slapped his stick on lagy would pass the puck to Pat forward line and both Smith. "It's in!" cried then Bossy shot it in the left side the ice after Violino's goal, him, was baffled when Callagy defenseman, who were all Levchuck. 4:04 into the period. breaking it in two. After sev- slapped the puck to Smith and caught up ice and found him- The Pats were the victors and Five minutes later, forward eral nimutes of swearing refe- scored at 18:08 of the period. self one-on-one with Joseph. He carried the Stanley Cup around Paul Violino tied the game for ree Bill Chadwick gave Smith Smith admitted later that he held the puck just long enough the Coliseum, which was the Patriots when he out- two minutes for misconduct. was still angry at Violino's goal to draw Joseph out of the net packed with thousands of Stony smarted Islander goaltender John Tonelli served the and wasn't concentrating on and shot the puck behind him. Brook students who gave up Billy Smith. Violino, after penalty. Callagy's shot. "I hate it when Going into the third period, their classes to see the game. receiving the puck from Kevin Smith's tantrum gave the he goes into his temper tan- both teams found themselves Pat Coach Rick Levchuck Cavallo, skated past the Patriots a chance to score a trums," Gillies said, speaking tied for the Stanley Cup. was proud of his team. "All of Islander defensemen and power play goal. Frank Callagy of Smith. The tie led to a frustrating the guys deserve this cup", he headed for a one-on-one with and Scott Sherwood found The Islanders were not going third period for both teams. said. "Some players may be in Smith.Violinostopped ten feet themselves on a two-on-one to let the Pats keep that 2-1 This frustration climaxed the press more than others, but in front of Smith, set up for a break with Clark Gilliesduring lead, as they came out strong in when Gillies shoved Pat for- all of them did a great job this slap shot and just as Smith was the power play and used it to Joseph saved everyone of the ward Marty Schmitt into the year." bracing himself, Violino took the best of their ability. Cal- Islander shots, but not before boards and Schmitt retaliated Smith, who once said his son's two steps and lightly pushed lagy, who had the puck, skated the second period. They took with an elbow in Gilies' gut. team could play better than the the puck past Smith who was with Sherwood down the ice ten shots on Joseph in the first Three seconds later, the two of Patriots, said, "They sure expecting a hard shot. "I with Sherwood towards Gillies five minutes of the period. them were fighting, gloves off fooled the hell out of me." Athletic Department Tainted ByeDrug Char e investigation to determine just how extensive this Reims high and mighty cops just don't understand sports. By Geoffrey reported drug use is. One theory is that Stony Brook is by the Suffolk How the hell am I supposed to motivate a bunch of kids A major drug investigation conducted the hub of a SUNY wide drug ring that includes as that there is to play ball without drugs? County Police department has revealed many as a dozen campuses state wide. being circulated in One coach echoed those thoughts by saying, "People wide spread use of illegal narcotics - It is unfortunate that University officials would of athletics. Police spo- don't appreciate the role amphetamines play in sports. the Stony Brook department allow such a situation to ever evolve. Amateur athletics that at Sure everybody practices hard, but if you don't time kesperson Margaret Green said,"It appears holds an esteemed place in the sports world. Seldom is least half of the coaches being employed by the Univer- your drugs correctly you don't stand a prayer." Suspicion of extensive drug use came about as a sport as pure as it is when it takes place in the amateur sity are pushing drugs to their players." arena. It is incredible that - oh screw it. Enough of this department result of a freak accident which occured in February An unusual hush fell over the athletic high holy shit. Let's face it-I'm pissed off because they around the build- during a men's swim meet. An All-American yesterday afternoon as word spread wouldn't give me a piece of the action. I've kept my from a special grand jury were swimmer split his skull open during a race when he ings that indictments mouth shut for a long time on this one-but do I get any Men's Athletic Director John unsuccessfully attempted to expand the pool with his only a few days away. reward? Hell no! They could have bought me out. I was attending what his head. He apparently miscalculated his dosage prior to (The Big Cheese) Ramsey would have come pretty damn cheap, but instead I get emergency meeting of the the race, and continued to kick his legs long after he secretary termed 'A special stuck sounding like an embittered Howard Cosell Bogata. Columbia." had run out of room to swim in. As he was carried out of NCAA being held in writing this expose. The hell with this and the hell with Dn Other officials at the department remained silent as the pool in a semi-conscious state his legs were still kicking furiously. writing about sports. They are all a bunch of fags s to the scandal, but one men's head football coach who anyway. - wished to have his name withheld commented "These University officials are now conducting their own Some Really Interesting UL V) n Stuff About Basketballs By E nae NeVlra bells run theug s te oward the B1 )n It wu a good boae . Th b l was d. I Court They fill the Haew. The aar full with the tsumts. I LM remember when I was deep-q a fiWhing off Key Wat b-tbal.bl The basketbls fill with Yanuel. The sweet nit *pray ws whipping in remember wafthing the bsetblls fill the stueet our facem The sweet sa spray we sweet l mid Manud wau with me. &easked me if I reamebered he thought it was a good b ll. deep-eeafishing offKeyWestIsaid Idid."Ye Isai "It i a good b ll he said. "I renwmber d fisn off Key WeOt, I agreed with him that it wua d bketbll. YDOyu remember I told you the b lwre Yes, it is a goodlbel Isaid. good." Every year in Madrid they have the Running of the MYes," I said. It isa good ketball. The skll. Ba2ketalls, inthe Pla de BMketlh 1 b-ket- I memnber it well.