October 1, 2012

volume 12 - issue 5 - tuesday, october 2, 2012 - uvm, burlington, vt uvm.edu/~watertwr - thewatertower.tumblr.com by katjaritchie If you have a Tumblr, you’ll under- stand the shudder and/or chuckle of dis- dain when I say “social justice blogger”. If you don’t have a Tumblr, you probably get a similar feeling when it’s National (insert sympathy-generating issue/charity/ter- minal illness here) Week and everyone is changing their Facebook profile picture to their favorite vegetable to “raise awareness”. Whatever the specific social media site, comment wars are launched, emotional statuses and text posts of weakly relevant personal anecdotes abound, and, at least by georgeloftus for me, whatever good intention that was intended backfires horribly and all I want In my four and a half years of at- to do is be the least politically-correct and tending this school, the one lesson I’ve socially-sensitive bitch on the face of the learned more times over than anything earth until everyone’s prof pic is just their is this: Burlington would be great if it stupid fucking face again and we’re back to weren’t for (most of) the college kids normal. UVM imported. I use the word “slacktivist” to mean Before you go “Hey, I’m in college! someone who yells ardently about social Fuck you!”, let me finish. Not everyone and political issues in social networking at this school is an asshole by igno- spheres, but does little else in the real world rance. And this isn’t New England righ- to further their cause—or perhaps a person teousness speaking out of turn, this is whose real-life actions are overshadowed an argument for a behavior that I don’t by their pushy internet presence. I wish see going away anytime soon. Thesis: I could say that I coined the term myself, college kids suck. but for that gem I credit a post I recently A recurring trend I’ve noticed in reblogged from a friend of a friend rant- my time here has been the simplest of ing (effectively and humorously) about things to correct, yet the one thing that mariel brown-fallon Breast Cancer Awareness Something on never fails to disappoint. I’m talking Facebook, which must be only afflicting about the death of common courtesy. the Amherst, Massachusetts area as of now How bad is it? Ladies, no, I didn’t want to fuck you, stride? That means they couldn’t give two I wanted to smoke my cigarette, and most shits how you’re doing, but they’re polite because I have yet to receive the same pink I’m shocked when someone washes heart on my wall. I see evidence of slacktiv- their glass at whatever party I happen likely go back inside and watch cartoons. enough to acknowledge you as a human And guys, even if I were gay, I’m pretty being with whom they happen to be shar- ism especially in the Tumblr-sphere in the to be at. I’m shocked when someone form of seriously heated debates around grocery shopping at the Marché lets me sure I could do better then someone wear- ing this planet, this country, this voting ing a backwards New Jersey Devils flat district and, for the moment, this campus. gender politics and feminism, often in re- pass them to buy my lone Sunkist. Even action to less-than-serious posts that origi- worse, I’m shocked when someone says It only gets awkward when you disavow them for something as nally had little political intent. They’re no thank you as I hold the door open for they couldn’t give two shits how you’re more effective than the wall-posts for can- them at the library or the Davis Center. simple as a salutation. doing, but they’re polite enough to ac- In the Marketplace, where cer cures, with the added bonuses of being That’s what pushed me over the edge. both more annoying and more volatile in That is how bad it’s gotten. knowledge you as a human being with I frequently scrape together nickels, quarters, and what- terms of the arguments that ensue. I was gone my junior year, but whom they happen to be sharing this If you’re not familiar with Laci Green, I noticed it in full force when I got ever other passable form of US currency I have with me to Google her immediately and watch all of back and lived downtown. Essentially planet, this country, this voting district her videos, as she is fabulous. To summa- a highway for people in the northeast haggle for a tuna fish sandwich, and for the moment, this campus. I notice that not many people rize until you have time to do so, she is a portion of this northeast kingdom 22-year-old graduate of UC Berkeley who town, Loomis and North Union see a say a simple “thank you” to the brim and an oversized Ecko hoodie. PS, it’s people who’ve been there since 8 in the teaches peer sex education (via YouTube lot of foot traffic. Calmly smoking a and otherwise). She goes around to confer- cigarette, I’d invariably make eye con- 2012: put that shit in a box and send it to a morning preparing food. It’s two syllables. favella in Brazil where 2001’s culture is still “Thank” and “you”. It’s not that hard. ences talking about sex-positivity, discuss- tact with passerbys and I’d offer them es everything from anatomy to Mormon a friendly “hello”. Girls would roll their relevant. You’re not going to shut up in the fishbowl Note this: if someone walks by you anyway, and you don’t even have to mean propaganda in the Twilight franchise to eyes. Guys would look to their friends understanding the many facets of the gen- and make an awkward face. and says either “hello” or a quick “hey, it when you say it, but just fucking say it. how’s it going?”, and they don’t break Hardly anyone moves out of the way der spectrum, and is likable and endearing ... read the rest on page 4 ...read the rest on page 7 the innocence of get money and be a bo$$ the evolution of best album of the summer muslims video by lauragreenwood sleepovers by dylanmccarthy by beckymouklos by phoebefooks news ticker: A british solider was burned at the stake 255 years ago +++ And then Magua took the light haired child of Munro +++ And then Chingachgook avenged Uncas #lastofthemohicans . g words and art by barryguglielmo On June 2, 2011, an amendment to the magical plastic card that grants you legal these dispensaries coming in. “There have the nation: with seventeen states and DC medical marijuana Bill 76 allowed Vermont access to the Mary Jane. Marijuana has been successful dispensaries in many parts under its belt and Massachusetts on its way, Dear water tower, to have up to four dispensaries throughout been found to ease the symptoms of severe of the country,” Weinberger says. “We’re it appears that the 75-year prohibition of the state, each with the ability to serve up diseases such as cancer, HIV/AIDS, and watching, but we’re certainly hoping that’s marijuana is next to over. g Hey guys, just wanted to let you know I had a great time playing the Newsroom drinking game. to 1,000 certified patients. And what better multiple sclerosis. In these cases, THC— exactly what happens here.” Weinberger is Since I’m pretty professional at drinking, I played in my room by myself, with all the lights off, just with georgeloftus place to put a dispensary then the beautiful the active chemical in the ganja—helps also very conscious that this could change me and my Xfinity premium package with On-Demand and my bottle o’ Jim. Felt pretty tipsy like Ivan Reitman- The director of the original Ghostbusters is appar- waterfront of Lake Champlain? with nausea, lack of appetite, depression, a dynamic within the community, and he eight minutes in; the Maggi adorable-cuteness rule is a real killer, since basically every time the cam- ently fed up with the progress he’s been unable to make in getting That’s right, folks: a dispensary walk- and peripheral nerve pain. wants to hear everyone’s take on the situ- era pans to her she is doing something adorably cute, like typing on a computer in an adorably cute a third film off the ground. So fed up in fact he went on to say he’s way or making an adorably cute cup of coffee. Don’s a dick, I drank a lot on account of his douchery. even considering remaking it. WTF!? That would be like repainting ing distance from campus. The condition- These benefits are not only for the se- ation. Thus there will be a question on the He’s all talkin’ about how the oil spill isn’t gonna be a big deal and I’m like ‘Hey asshole, that did turn the Sistine Chapel. And adding Hitler mustaches on Adam and God. ally approved dispensary is planned to go verely ill: it is also possible to get a card if presidential ballet asking weather or not out to be a big deal.’ Drink. Mackenzie not only has huge girl balls but an uncanny knack for making And painting it with pee. in at the Wing complex on Steele Street you have intractable pain, pain that can- Vermonters support adding this new busi- you think she’s done with a conversation only to drop a firestorm of sexy emotion-appealing logic within six months.

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