Effective Fraud Prevention Through the Power of Emotional Connection
Lola Gershfeld, PsyD Board Dynamics Specialist How you deal with your emotions and the emotional signals you send to each other. And, how these signals create a pattern that either leads you to secure connection or into painful chronic disconnection.
levelfiveexecutive.com The new science of emotional connection has revolutionized our understanding of the impact we have on each other.
levelfiveexecutive.com Emotional connection is our most basic longing. It is the most basic motivator we have.
levelfiveexecutive.com A systematic map of what you need to create safe and secure bonds with each other.
levelfiveexecutive.com The Board/Team Dynamics Process (BDP) focuses on how key emotions and emotional signals are constructed during the interaction.
levelfiveexecutive.com Using the BDP, we reconstruct emotional responses that change the negative pattern of distress and guide board/team members into new emotions that structure a new pattern of interaction and pull each other close.
levelfiveexecutive.com Emotion is what directs the interaction. It literally moves people in very specific ways.
levelfiveexecutive.com Emotion comes from the Latin word emovere, “to move”.
levelfiveexecutive.com Affect tells you what you need.
levelfiveexecutive.com This dependency automatically creates an attachment.
levelfiveexecutive.com We have a need for emotional connection.
levelfiveexecutive.com
Emotions are contagious.
levelfiveexecutive.com Exercise: Working with Emotion
levelfiveexecutive.com Two Most Damaging Emotions to Human Functioning
Fear Shame
levelfiveexecutive.com Establishing Safety
1. No one has to be the bad guy
2. Validating people’s concerns and worries
3. Active engagement
levelfiveexecutive.com The board meetings became a safe haven and a secure base.
Emotionally Connected Auditors Don’t Blame
levelfiveexecutive.com Negative Patterns
Criticizing Defending Complaining Distancing Blaming Stonewalling
levelfiveexecutive.com levelfiveexecutive.com levelfiveexecutive.com levelfiveexecutive.com levelfiveexecutive.com levelfiveexecutive.com levelfiveexecutive.com levelfiveexecutive.com levelfiveexecutive.com levelfiveexecutive.com levelfiveexecutive.com levelfiveexecutive.com levelfiveexecutive.com levelfiveexecutive.com Emotionally Connected Auditors Don’t Create Roadblocks and Cause Confusion
levelfiveexecutive.com Emotion is also the most powerful thing in the board/team function. levelfiveexecutive.com Allan Schore, UCLA Brain Development and Neuroscience
“Proximity to an attachment figure tranquilizes the nervous system.”
levelfiveexecutive.com Emotional Connection Research & Theorists
1. Attachment theory 2. Humanistic theory 3. Family systems 4. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy 5. Adult relationships 6. Adult bonding 7. Emotional intelligence 1. John Bowlby 2. Carl Rogers 3. Salvador Minuchin 8. Emotion Focused Therapy
4. Sue Johnson 5. John Gottman 6. Phil Shaver 7. Daniel Goleman 8. Les Greenberg Contraindications - AAA
1. Agenda
2. Aggression
3. Addiction Exercise : Working with Emotions
levelfiveexecutive.com levelfiveexecutive.com They Don’t Shy Away From Differences
levelfiveexecutive.com Are you there for me? Do I matter?
levelfiveexecutive.com • Are you Accessible accessible to me?
• Are you Responsive emotionally responsive?
• Are you Engaged engaged with me? “All knowledge is experience, everything else is just information.” - Einstein
levelfiveexecutive.com Change occurs through a corrective emotional experience.
– Franz Alexander
levelfiveexecutive.com They Don’t Ever Stop Being A.R.E.
levelfiveexecutive.com What are some of the ways you make sure that people feel that:
A. You are there for them B. They matter C. They can reach you
Even though you are feeling stressed.
levelfiveexecutive.com They Don’t Ever Stop Forming Bonds
levelfiveexecutive.com The main element that defines a secure bond that lasts is emotional responsiveness.
levelfiveexecutive.com THREE BASIC MOVES TO CONNECTION
Shut Reach Push Down
levelfiveexecutive.com Still Face Experiment by Ed Tronick https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0&t=44s getting a cue of rejection from someone you depend on is processed in the same part of the brain as physical pain.
levelfiveexecutive.com Reach
I am really worried about this.
levelfiveexecutive.com Reaching
“I am feeling like we are not moving anywhere. We are kind of stuck. Do you think we can regroup and try again a bit later?”
levelfiveexecutive.com Push
I’ll make you respond to me.
levelfiveexecutive.com Pushing
“Why do you always argue? Can't you ever? I'd like you to."
levelfiveexecutive.com Shut Down
I don't need a response from you.
levelfiveexecutive.com Employees Employer People shut down because they feel rejected or abandonment.
The brain interprets it Defending They try reach to each Criticizing as a threat, as a danger other but don’t do it cue and triggers to well and instead, miss Distancing defend, distance and Complaining each other. stonewall. Stonewalling Blaming
They start pushing for This increases their connection through upset and keeps them blaming, complaining disconnected and and criticizing. distressed. THREE BASIC MOVES TO CONNECTION
Shut Reach Push Down
levelfiveexecutive.com Stopping the Negative Pattern
1. Slow down the cycle by affirming people’s feelings.
2. Acknowledge their unique experience.
3. Reframing responses in a form of attachment. Changing point of view in form of care.
levelfiveexecutive.com Exercise: Working with Emotions
levelfiveexecutive.com “Emotional openness and responsiveness is what creates trust, safety, and secure bonding.”
- John Bowlby, Father of Attachment Theory
levelfiveexecutive.com They Don’t Take Their Role for Granted
levelfiveexecutive.com Secure Attachment
• You are stronger as a person • You are more resilient to stress • You are less likely to get anxious and depressed • You learn faster • You are much more focused on the key elements • You are just a much more healthier human being • You are a much more effective auditor
levelfiveexecutive.com
Email: [email protected]
Lola Gershfeld
#LevelFiveExec
#LevelFiveExecutive
Level Five Executive, Inc. 2901 W. Coast Hwy, Suite 200 Newport Beach, CA 92663
(714) 992 – 4561 www.levelfiveexecutive.com