TRUST YOUR CANARY Teamteam Civilitycivility Boosterbooster

TRUST YOUR CANARY TeamTeam CivilityCivility BoosterBooster

www.sharonebardavid.com TRUST YOUR CANARY

Team Civility Booster

www.sharonebardavid.com

To be used solely by Civility Team Booster managers/facilitators. No part of this guide may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, digital, mechanical, recording, photocopying or otherwise, without written permission of the copyright holder. Back in the day, coal mine workers would carry caged canaries down into the dark tunnels with them.

The canaries would chirp happily as long as the air was clean and safe. But if dangerous gases were released within the mine shaft, the canaries would die, their demise alerting the miners to the presence of imminent danger.

Inside every one of us resides our own personal canary. It alerts us when the invisible line between civil and uncivil behaviour has been crossed.

We need to trust our canary — and act on it. We need to be able to identify workplace incivility, understand its origins and manifestations, and move forward to create civil work environments where each person can perform at his or her best.

The Trust Your Canary program will help you and your team do exactly that.

Welcome!

Sharone Bar-David

President Bar-David Consulting

Bar-David Consulting Table of Contents

Program Overview Page 5

Preparing to Launch Page 10 This guide includes everything you need to prepare to launch the Trust Your Canary program.

Module 1: What is Workplace Incivility? Page 24 This module defines workplace incivility and offers common examples of its manifestations.

Module 2: The Real-Life Effects of Workplace Incivility Page 36 This module examines the far-reaching effects of incivility on people, teams, organizations, and customers.

Module 3: Incivility-Enabling Beliefs Page 47 This module reveals how certain beliefs that lie beneath the surface can inadvertently perpetuate workplace incivility.

Module 4: Walk the Talk Page 57 This module focuses on modelling personal civility and on the role that bystanders can play in curbing incivility.

Module 5: Dealing with Workplace Incivility Page 69 This module describes strategies for addressing incivility in a constructive manner.

Sustaining the Change Page 80 This guide offers you the tools necessary to sustain the accomplishments achieved through the Trust Your Canary program.

Bar-David Consulting PROGRAM OVERVIEW

www.sharonebardavid.com PROGRAM OVERVIEW

™ Welcome to Trust Your Canary !

What is the Trust Your Canary program?

Trust Your Canary Team Civility Booster is a team development program specifically designed to help boost civility on your team. It will help you, the team’s leader, facilitate meaningful team conversations about this topic in ways that lead to action and change. The goal is to trigger thought-provoking discussion that increases understanding between team members and contributes to the development of shared values and civil behaviour.

The program is designed to support conversations that are thirty to sixty minutes long. You can dedicate more than one meeting to a particular module.

Team conversations begin with a short video (three to five minutes) that focuses on a specific aspect of workplace incivility. Following that, you as the leader facilitate a discussion about the topic using questions that are provided to you as part of the program.

Specific questions that enable shared action planning are included in each module.

Why is the program titled Trust Your Canary?

Before the advent of modern technology, caged canaries would alert coal mine workers if deadly gases were present in the mine shaft.

Much like those canaries, we each possess our very own built-in personal canary whose job is to alert us when the invisible line separating civility and incivility has been crossed. It manifests in the form of a strong inner sensation that tells you that something is wrong about a behaviour that just occurred.

Trusting your canary means that you listen to this inner alert and take action to address and stop the uncivil behaviour.

6 Bar-David Consulting How will the program help the team and you?

Developing and maintaining a civil work environment is an ongoing process that requires everyone’s contribution and participation — and it also requires strong and competent leadership. Therefore, the Team Civility Booster is focused on development in two key areas:

1. Building a shared team understanding of workplace incivility and mobilizing team members to take action to model civility and address incivility in a constructive fashion whenever it occurs.

2. Assisting in your growth as a leader through continuous reflection and action planning. You will have ample opportunities to reflect on the matter of incivility and on your own journey as a leader throughout this process: before you launch the project, before and after each module, and then when the series of team meetings is complete.

What does the facilitation toolkit include?

1. Welcome Video In this video, Sharone Bar-David, president of Bar-David Consulting, walks you through the program and suggests ways that you can maximize its benefits.

2. Five Videos Each video focuses on a different aspect of workplace incivility. These videos are for use only by authorized subscribers like you.

3. Program Overview (which you are reading right now) This Guide contains an overall orientation to the program and general information.

4. Preparing to Launch Guide This Guide contains preparatory questions that will help you successfully launch and implement the project. You will examine organizational and team factors that need to be considered, and action you need to take in advance to remove barriers and enlist support. It also helps you reflect on your own role — as a person and as a leader — within the overall picture.

5. Module Guides (one per module) The Module Guides contain information that is specific to each of the video modules. Here you’ll find every thing you need to prepare for the module, including reflection questions for you to work on before and after the discussion, and a selection of facilitation questions from which you can choose the questions that best suit your circumstances.

6. Team Member Worksheets Each module is accompanied by a one-page sheet that team members can use as you work through that module.

7. Sustaining the Change Guide Having completed the modules with your team, it is time to ensure that the gains made through the Trust Your Canary program are sustained. This Guide helps you and your team keep up the momentum.

7 Bar-David Consulting What is the best way to work through the Trust Your Canary materials?

To make the most of the program, we recommend that you follow the steps listed below. Working through the preparatory questions will take time, so ensure that you do so in advance. As well, the process is built to alert you to issues you may need to address ahead of time, such as communicating with key team members whose support — or lack thereof — might have a great impact on the program’s success. So make sure to give yourself sufficient time before launching the project and before working through each module.

NOTE: Depending on preference, you can work through the guides and questions on your computer or mobile device using the allotted interactive spaces. If you prefer to use pen and paper, simply print out the pages.

Step 1: Read the Program Overview (which you are doing right now) and view the short Welcome Video. The guide and video explain the program and how to best go through it.

Step 2: View all the videos in one sitting (approximately twenty to thirty minutes). Viewing the full set of videos will provide you with a solid understanding of the program’s content and inform your thinking as you review the rest of the materials.

Step 3: Review the Module Guides in a cursory way to understand how the module-specific material is structured and the kinds of activities and time it will require of you.

Step 4: Work through the Preparing to Launch Guide. You will need an hour or two for reflection, preparation, and planning.

Step 5: Set times for the team meetings. Set them at optimal intervals given people’s schedules and how much time you’d like to allot for them (and you) to work on things between meetings.

Having scheduled time for the team meetings, enter in your calendar times for personal preparation before and after each module (thirty to sixty minutes).

Step 6: Communicate to the team that you will be launching the program (see recommendations in the Preparing to Launch Guide).

Step 7: Review each Guide and prepare accordingly.

Step 8: At the end of the series, work through the Sustaining the Change Guide to help you reflect on the full experience, evaluate the progress that was made, and plan for next steps.

8 Bar-David Consulting Who is Bar-David Consulting?

Bar-David Consulting is a company specializing in creating respectful work environments. A training and consulting boutique firm established in 1990, the firm is committed to creating respectful and resilient work environments through training programs, consulting services, keynote speeches, and learning tools.

Sharone Bar-David, founder and president of the company, is a leading expert on workplace incivility whose ideas, teaching, and writing has gained a loyal following over the years.

What additional resources are available to help you curb workplace incivility?

This program is part of larger set of learning tools from Bar-David Consulting that includes a wide range of training programs, Respect on the Go learning tools for leaders and staff, the learning hub on our website at www.sharonebardavid.com, our free blog, Sharone Bar-David’s book Trust Your Canary! Every Leader’s Guide to Taming Workplace Incivility, and other programs that are added periodically to help boost workplace civility.

We encourage you to visit our website anytime throughout your project for additional information, free resources, training programs, and learning tools at www.sharonebardavid.com.

Email: [email protected] Tel: (416) 781-8132

Welcome to the Trust Your Canary Team Civility Booster — we look forward to working with you!

Sharone Bar-David

Sharone Bar-David, LLB MSW

President Bar-David Consulting

9 Bar-David Consulting PREPARING TO LAUNCH

www.sharonebardavid.com PREPARING TO LAUNCH

This Guide contains everything you need to do or consider as you prepare to launch the Trust Your Canary program, including:

1. How to prepare before implementation.

2. Things to do before each module.

3. Reflective questions that will help you launch and implement the Trust Your Canary program successfully, including:

a. Organizational and team factors that need to be considered.

b. Identifying actions you need to take in advance to remove barriers and enlist support.

c. Identifying how you, the leader, fit within the overall picture.

Things to Do Before Embarking on the Trust Your Canary Initiative

CREATE SET THE WATCH THE DISCUSSION CONTEXT VIDEOS NORMS

1. Set the context

Before commencing the project, let people know that you will, as a team, embark on a journey that will help boost civility. Use communication channels that best fit your context, such as an all-team meeting, written communication, one-on-one conversations, or all of the above. Pay special attention to those whose support of the project could be especially helpful, as well as those who might pose challenges to the process. (Your kit includes a number of reflective questions that will assist you in thinking these matters through in advance.)

11 Bar-David Consulting Consider including the following elements in your communications:

1. The context and rationale for taking on the Trust Your Canary program — and why now.

2. Outline of the process ahead, including: how and when meetings will be scheduled, topics for each module, coverage issues when relevant, plans for when someone misses a discussion.

Note: Decide in advance whether you would like to dedicate more than one meeting to a particular module. Module 5, in particular, may require a two-part discussion.

3. Team members’ roles in the process, including: active participation in the discussion and commitment to taking agreed-upon action after each module.

4. Affirmation of your personal commitment and how you will demonstrate it.

5. Opportunities for people to raise questions or concerns before, during, and after the project.

6. Optional: review and agree upon the discussion norms (see below). Doing so at this point will save you spending the time on this during the Module 1 meeting.

2. Create discussion norms

To create a safe and productive environment, you will need to help the team arrive at rules of engagement that everyone will abide by throughout the program.

Create in advance a short list of discussion norms and post them in the room where the discussion will take place. Below are a number of norms to consider — select the ones that best suit your circumstances (and add others) by asking yourself: Knowing my team, what key rules need to be in place to ensure that the discussion is successful?

a. We respect everyone’s opinions. b. We use verbal and non-verbal language in a supportive and respectful manner. c. We listen attentively — with an open mind and heart and without judgment. d. We build on one another’s thoughts and ideas.

e. We contribute to the conversation with the goal of making us a better team.

Begin each module by referring to the norms and obtaining a quick commitment from everyone involved to practice these norms during the meeting. As you review the list with the team for the first time, you may discover that changes or additions are necessary. If that is the case, incorporate the changes as appropriate. If you wish to go deeper (and dedicate more time), consider adding one or both of the following questions:

• What did we do well at our last meeting in terms of our norms? What do we need to pay attention to this time around?

• Given your experience at our last meeting, which of these norms do you think is most important for us to follow to ensure a positive experience today?

3. Watch the videos

Before beginning the Trust Your Canary project, review the full set of videos. Then, as the project progresses, watch each video segment in advance of the module in which it is featured to familiarize yourself with its details in a more focused fashion.

12 Bar-David Consulting Things You’ll Need to Do Before Each Module

1. Invitations

Before each module, extend an invitation to the meetings using whatever communication methods are usually used in your context (email, group telephone message, hard copy, posting on board).

Notify people in advance about time, location, and topic. Remember that engagement begins well before the actual meeting. Therefore, consider ways to make the invite welcoming, fun, enticing, or thought-provoking.

Before adjourning each module’s meeting, advise the team of the next module’s topic. Consider doing so in a way that invites interest and a sense of anticipation.

2. Discussion norms

Post the norms in a visible place prior to each meeting.

3. Room set-up

Ensure that the room is set up in a way that is conducive to meaningful conversation.

4. Materials you’ll need

For each session you will need to have the following supplies handy:

a. Printed copies of the team members’ worksheet for that module (one sheet per participant)

b. Flip chart paper

c. Masking tape

d. Colourful markers for use on flip chart

e. Blank sheets for team members to use

f. Pens and/or pencils

g. A range of colourful markers for team members to use (optional, but they add fun)

5. Watch the module’s video

About a week before every module-specific meeting, review the video that pertains to that module (you will have reviewed them all in one sitting previously) and work through the preparation questions contained in that Guide.

Allowing yourself ample preparation time before the meeting will enable you to take any necessary steps in advance to ensure optimal conditions for the team discussion.

13 Bar-David Consulting Reflections Before Embarking on the Trust Your Canary Program

Workplace incivility occurs within a larger context, where organizational and team dynamics play an important role in supporting civility or enabling its opposite — incivility. Taking on the Trust Your Canary project can bring negative undercurrents and unspoken issues to the surface.

It is crucial that you take the time to consider the landscape — the organizational context and the team’s unique dynamics. Exploring your own role as a leader and a person within this landscape is also important. The following reflective questions will support that goal and help prepare you for various developments as they arise.

Explore the following key reflection spheres:

ORGANIZA- MAPPING TEAM CREATING TIONAL TEAM CONTEXT CONDITIONS YOUR ROLE CONTEXT DYNAMICS FOR SUCCESS

The Organizational Context

1. Review your organization’s mission and values. Reflect on the relationship between the mission/values and workplace incivility:

In what ways does civility relate to the mission and values?

How might you help people draw the connection between civility (and incivility) and these documents? List at least three specific actions you can take in this regard throughout the life of the project.

14 Bar-David Consulting 2. Review your organization’s position on workplace incivility. Consider policies regarding harassment or respect in the workplace, code of conduct, bullying prevention statements, or any other documents and communications that you think might deepen your understanding.

What are key points that emerge from these documents that you need to keep in mind and communicate throughout the Trust Your Canary program?

3. Organizational factors can serve to boost civility or, conversely, enable incivility.

As you consider the bigger picture, what organizational factors support or sanction incivility at the team level?

To what extent can you influence these factors in order to boost team civility? In what ways can this be done?

4. To ensure that the project is successful, what types of support will be required?

OBJECTIVE(S) SUPPORT REQUIRED REQUIRED ACTION BY WHEN

From your manager

From HR, Employee Relations or similar organizational resources

From other organizational resources

From external resources

15 Bar-David Consulting The Team Context

A. Big picture

1. How does maintaining civility support your team’s current objectives?

2. How does the presence of incivility negatively affect these objectives?

3. What opportunities does the Trust Your Canary program present for the team?

4. What opportunities does the project provide considering the work that you do?

5. What is the most significant outcome that the Trust Your Canary project can achieve?

16 Bar-David Consulting 6. Imagine that, three years from today, the issue of workplace incivility on the team has been completely resolved to your satisfaction. What would be happening differently than today? What specifically would you see or hear that would tell you that things were working well?

7. How will you evaluate the program’s success? List three concrete criteria, stated in observable behavioural terms (i.e., “When an issue of incivility arises, team members deal with the person directly and respectfully”).

SUCCESS CRITERIA BEHAVIOURAL INDICATORS COMMENTS

B. Mapping the team’s dynamics

1. On a scale of 1 to 10 — with 10 indicating incivility is deeply entrenched in the team’s dynamics and 1 indicating it is very rare — to what degree is incivility and lack of respect a part of staff interactions with one another or with other stakeholders?

If you responded with a 4 or higher, please consider the following sub-questions. If you responded with a 3 or lower, skip to question two.

As you consider the level and manifestations of workplace incivility on your team, what are the consequences of doing nothing? What is the impact and cost of you ignoring this matter?

17 Bar-David Consulting What are the reasons for you not taking decisive action in the past, or ignoring the matter altogether? (Think of as many reasons as possible, and be honest with yourself.)

On the same 1 to 10 scale, what is the ideal number you’d like the team to reach? What number on the scale is good enough?

2. During the time you have been a member of this team or served as its leader, have you observed changes in the levels of civility? What is your sense of why things unfolded in the way they did? Jot down your thoughts in the space below.

3. Regarding incivility on your team:

Whose interests are being served by the current state of affairs? Who benefits from the current state? How is this happening?

Whose interests are not being served by the current situation? Who stands to lose from leaving things the way they are? How is this happening?

18 Bar-David Consulting 4. What types of complaints have you heard regarding incivility on the team?

How have you typically addressed such concerns and complaints?

To what extent were you successful or unsuccessful, and why?

What are the implications of your above answers to what you should or should not do now?

5. What is it about the damage created by workplace incivility that you might be ignoring?

6. If you could change one thing about how your team works together vis-à-vis workplace incivility, what would it be?

19 Bar-David Consulting C. Creating the conditions for success

1. Are there any existing or potential personality conflicts on the team that could get in the way of achieving the goal of boosting civility? If there are, how can you address these now to prevent problems later on?

2. Consider the following questions and jot down your thoughts and plans in the box below:

Who is already on board with regards to boosting civility and minimizing incivility?

Who is partly on board?

Who is not on board at all?

20 Bar-David Consulting How do you ensure the maximum number of people get on board? What action should you take to get them on board? What action should you take to leverage the support of those who are on board?

SUPPORT REQUIRED OBJECTIVE(S) REQUIRED ACTION BY WHEN

Person A ______

Person B ______

Person C ______

Person D ______

Person E ______

Person F ______

Person G ______

Person H ______

Person I ______

Person J ______

21 Bar-David Consulting 3. What have you learned about implementing plans in previous situations that you can use to make the Trust Your Canary program a success? What are some dos and don’ts that you should follow when implementing the program?

4. Are there aspects surrounding workplace incivility that are non-negotiable for you? What are they?

How will you make these clear throughout the Trust Your Canary project while still encouraging open dialogue?

D. Your role as the leader

1. What motivates you to be involved in the Trust Your Canary program?

2. What excites you about this project? What causes you concern?

22 Bar-David Consulting 3. When it comes to civility, who was your most important teacher? What is one important thing you learned from that teacher that could be useful as you embark on the Trust Your Canary project?

4. How is the current situation vis-à-vis incivility on the team consistent (or inconsistent) with your values?

5. What opportunities does the Trust Your Canary program present for you as a leader and a person?

6. The Trust Your Canary project will naturally cause people to consider the extent to which their leader — you! — demonstrates (or lacks) civility. What proactive measures do you need to take to ensure that people perceive you as personally committed to demonstrating civility on a regular basis?

7. Think about the results of the Trust Your Canary project. What legacy would you like to see in place for yourself?

Now that you have had a chance to reflect on the larger picture, it is time to begin working on the modules. Good luck on the journey!

23 Bar-David Consulting WHAT IS WORKPLACE INCIVILITY?

Module 1

www.sharonebardavid.com Module 1: WHAT IS WORKPLACE INCIVILITY

Module Overview

This module defines workplace incivility and offers common examples of its manifestations.

Video Summary

This module’s video segment:

• Provides a definition of workplace incivility

• Outlines common examples of incivility

• Reinforces the fact that everyone engages in workplace incivility

Module Objectives

By the end of this module, team members will:

• Share a common understanding of what comprises workplace incivility

• Be able to describe how incivility manifests in the team’s dynamics

• Identify personal uncivil habits

• Agree on steps they will take together and/or individually to curb incivility

25 Bar-David Consulting Preparation Checklist: General

Before you commence the work on this module, ensure that you have taken care of the list below.

1. Send invitations.

2. Post the discussion norms.

Remember that for this module, you will introduce the norms early on in the meeting.

3. Create a dialogue-conducive room set-up.

4. Prepare supplies:

a. Flip chart paper (optional: a flip chart stand)

b. Masking tape

c. Post-it Notes

d. Colourful markers for writing on flip chart

e. Blank papers for team members to use

f. Pens and/or pencils

g. A range of colourful thin markers

5. Watch the video on your own.

6. Print out the list of discussion questions you plan to use.

Preparation Checklist for this Module

In addition to the general items you need to prepare for each meeting, for this module you will need:

1. A definition of incivility for everyone’s reference — on flip chart or handout

2. Flip chart papers with:

a. Title for this module: What Is Incivility?

b. List of behaviours (see below), to be distributed or revealed only after reviewing the video

c. Our action plan

3. Blank flip chart paper

26 Bar-David Consulting Module 1 Preparation

Reflect on the following questions at least one week prior to the team meeting:

1. Review the definition of incivility and the list of common incivility behaviours:

DEFINITION Incivility comprises of seemingly insignificant behaviour that is rude, discourteous, insensitive, or disrespectful, with ambiguous or unclear intent to harm.

Examples include: • Greeting issues • Eye rolling • Belittling of opinions, experience, skills • Sarcasm • Dismissive body language • Talking down at someone • Cliques, gossip, social exclusion • Raised voice • Arriving late when someone relies on you being on time • RUT™ — Rude Use of Technology • Interrupting and intruding on boundaries • Moodiness or a negative personality • ______• ______• ______

2. As you review the above list and reflect on your own behaviour, on your team’s behaviour, and across the organization, are there any behaviours that are missing from the list? If so, add them in the empty spots at the bottom of the list.

3. Considering the team that you will be working with for this module, which uncivil behaviours are most common? What is their frequency? List the behaviours below, and assign a number between 1 and 10 to reflect the frequency in which they occur (10 = very frequent; 1 = rarely).

FREQUENCY BEHAVIOUR FROM 1 TO 10

27 Bar-David Consulting 4. How do civility levels on the team compare with the larger organizational culture and behaviours? Is there less or more incivility on this team? If so, list what you see as reasons for this.

5. Does incivility occur in the interface between your team members and other units within the organization? If so, what are the manifestations of such interdepartmental incivility? How does it show? What are its effects? Record your answers in the box below.

BEHAVIOUR EFFECTS

6. Are some team members more prone to behave in an uncivil manner on an ongoing basis? If so, which behaviours are most commonly displayed by these team members? List the behaviours on the left-hand side of the table below and add the impact of these behaviours to their right. Then, consider what steps you need to take prior to the team discussion, during the discussion, and afterwards to mitigate any challenges related to this matter.

BEHAVIOUR IMPACT MY PLAN

28 Bar-David Consulting

7. Do you expect any objections or resistance within the team to this module? If so, map out the objections on the left side of the table below and who might be the source of the reservations. On the right side list your options for action in relation to these challenges.

OBJECTIONS, RESERVATIONS SOURCE MY PLAN AND CHALLENGES

8. Is there a chronically uncivil person (or persons) on the team? If so, what do you predict will happen when the definition of incivility and its manifestations is discussed? Write your predictions or concerns below, along with your plan to pre-empt or handle any potential difficulties.

POSSIBLE SCENARIOS OR CONCERNS MY PLAN

9. For this first meeting, what one or two crucial elements need to happen in order to increase the chances of a successful discussion and outcome? What can you do to make this happen?

29 Bar-David Consulting Personal Reflections before the Meeting

1. Review the list of behaviours that qualify as workplace incivility. As you reflect on your own behaviour and on feedback you may have received over the years, which of these behaviours are you most prone to? List those below.

2. How have these habits developed over time? What factors (personal, organizational, or other) played a role in your developing these habits and in what ways?

3. What ideas, stories, or excuses do you use to justify your behaviour — to yourself and to others?

4. What step(s) will you take to visibly demonstrate your commitment to personal change?

30 Bar-David Consulting Team Facilitation Questions

Below is a list of discussion questions you can use to elicit thought-provoking conversation and action planning. You will likely have time to cover only a handful of questions, so select the ones that you think will best serve the discussion and are most likely to motivate people to take action.

Once you’ve selected the questions:

a. Ensure that your list includes at least one question that focuses on action planning.

b. Place your selected questions in logical order and ensure they flow well.

c. Mark the ones that are most important to include. Be prepared to discard the others if necessary.

1. What stood out for you in this video?

2. Let’s review the list of behaviours that are associated with workplace incivility. Is there anything we need to add to the list?

3. What strikes you as you review the list — what do you discover or rediscover, learn or relearn as you reflect on it? What common threads do you see as you examine the list?

4. Has our team’s perception of what comprises civility and incivility changed over time? In what ways?

5. In the video, Sharone Bar-David says that with regard to workplace incivility, it is tricky to know whether or not there was an intention to offend or upset. In what ways does this statement reflect our own team’s experiences?

6. The video highlights the human tendency to blame others and perceive ourselves as flawless. To what extent does this statement ring true for us? How so?

7. In the video, Sharone Bar-David suggests that “we all do it,” and invites us to consider where we each have behaved in ways that could have been perceived by others as uncivil, even within the past several days. What are some examples of such behaviours that each of us may have engaged in without realizing the impact to others?

(Note: Depending on the team dynamics and the level of trust between members, you might consider suggesting that people respond by jotting down personal notes rather than sharing verbally with the full group.)

8. What is one thing about civility on our team that you are proud of? What is one thing about our team’s civility or incivility that you are not proud of?

9. How do other groups within our organization perceive us in terms of our levels of civility or incivility?

31 Bar-David Consulting 10. Does incivility on our team become more pronounced under specific circumstances or during certain periods? For example, during times of organizational change, people often experience a drop in civility. The same often happens when people are under pressing deadlines, or subject to other stressful circumstances. If so, what are the circumstances in which this happens on our team, and how do these plunges in civility manifest?

11. What do we find confusing about how our team functions with respect to civility and respect?

12. The video says that it is not possible to completely abolish workplace incivility. To what extent do we agree or disagree with this statement? How does this relate to our experience with this subject?

13. What are the characteristics of a civil team?

Sub-question: How can we ensure that our team demonstrates these characteristics?

14. What will our team look like at the end of the Trust Your Canary project, when people are really working together in a civil fashion? What will we (or others) see and hear that will indicate that our team is highly civil?

List the responses on a blank flip chart page, then invite reflection:

As we review this list, what strikes you? What do you learn or relearn?

15. Now what? What are our next steps?

16. Now that we have a common understanding of what incivility actually is, let’s experiment with changing some of our habits and boosting the team’s civility. What is one thing that each of us is willing to do differently between now and next time we meet for the next module?

17. Name one or two things we can commit to doing as a team between now and the next module?

18. How can we support one another in our commitments?

19. What will help us make these changes? What might get in the way? ACTION PLANNING 20. What do we hope will happen once we make the changes we committed to? What ripple effect will that have?

32 Bar-David Consulting Post-Meeting Leader’s Reflections

Now that you’ve held the Module 1 team meeting, reflect on the following questions — they will help you maximize the potential of the next module as well as develop your own competence as a leader.

1. What themes, if any, kept emerging in the discussion? Why did these particular themes emerge?

2. What do you know now that you didn’t know before the meeting? How will that affect what you do going forward?

3. What could have made the discussion more productive?

4. In what ways did the room set-up contribute to or detract from the discussion? Do you need to make any changes to the room set-up to achieve better results, and if so, what needs to change?

33 Bar-David Consulting 5. What were your hopes and expectations regarding the process prior to the meeting? To what extent have these been realized? How so?

6. Now that you have completed this discussion on Module 1, on a scale of 1 to 5, how confident are you about facilitating the next modules?

If your rating was lower than a 5, what needs to happen in order for your confidence level to go up a notch or even two?

7. What have you learned that you can take forward into the next modules? What would you do differently? What will you repeat?

8. What do you like most about the action plan that emerged in this meeting? What are you not as sure about?

34 Bar-David Consulting 9. What conditions will you need to create so that you and the team can successfully implement the changes that were discussed? How specifically will you go about doing that?

ADDITIONAL NOTES

35 Bar-David Consulting TEAM WORKSHEET

Module 1: What Is Workplace Incivility?

Workplace incivility comprises of seemingly insignificant behaviour that is rude, discourteous, insensitive or disrespectful, with ambiguous or unclear intent to harm.

Examples of workplace incivility:

My commitment:

Team plan:

Notes: THE REAL-LIFE EFFECTS OF INCIVILITY

Module 2

www.sharonebardavid.com Module 2: THE REAL-LIFE EFFECTS OF INCIVILITY

Module Overview

This module examines the far-reaching effects of incivility on people, teams, organizations, and customers.

Video Summary

This module’s video segment:

• Differentiates between Teflon and Velcro responses to workplace incivility

• Provides information on the impact of incivility on individuals, teams, and organizations

• Explains how getting-even reactions to incivility create a spiral effect

• Describes how incivility leaks into the interface with customers

Module Objectives

By the end of this module, team members will:

• Have a shared understanding that reacting to incivility with Velcro is damaging

• Possess concrete knowledge regarding the damaging effects of incivility on key issues

• Have an appreciation of how one act of mini-aggression can snowball into escalating aggression

• Agree on steps they will take to reduce the impact of workplace incivility

37 Bar-David Consulting Preparation Checklist: General

Before you commence the work on this module, ensure that you have taken care of the list below.

1. Send invitations.

2. Post the discussion norms.

3. Create a dialogue-conducive room set-up.

4. Prepare supplies:

a. Flip chart paper (optional: a flip chart stand)

b. Masking tape

c. Post-it Notes

d. Colourful markers for writing on flip chart

e. Blank papers for team members to use

f. Pens and/or pencils

g. A range of colourful thin markers

5. Watch the video on your own.

6. Print out the list of discussion questions you plan to use.

Preparation Checklist for this Module

In addition to the general items you need to prepare for each meeting, for this module you will need:

1. Flip chart papers with:

a. Title for this module: The Real-Life Effects of Workplace Incivility

b. Teflon vs. Velcro

c. The Spiral Effect

d. The Interface with Customers (or clients, patients, stakeholders, the public, etc.)

e. Our action plan

38 Bar-David Consulting Module 2 Preparation

Reflect on the following questions at least one week prior to the team meeting:

1. As you review the video and reflect on the impact of incivility on people, teams, and the brand, from your perspective consider what is at stake:

For the team?

For the work (or service)?

For you?

2. What signs and symptoms indicate that incivility is affecting your team or its work? List those below.

3. What is it about the team (or organization, culture, beliefs, systems, or policies) that enables this problem to continue? What additional factors are at play?

39 Bar-David Consulting 4. How does the Spiral Effect manifest in the team dynamics? What are some specific examples? How does it affect the team? How does it affect the work?

5. In what ways is uncivil behaviour used to gain power within your team? Describe below how this happens.

6. Are there team members who might be reluctant to participate in this module’s discussion in a candid way?

If so, what might be holding them back?

How will you create the conditions that will enable these members to speak openly or otherwise contribute in a meaningful way? Consider actions you might take before or during the meeting. (Examples: speak with the person(s) in advance, collect information in writing in advance via a short survey, or facilitate some of the discussion through the use of anonymous comments rather than verbal participation.)

40 Bar-David Consulting 7. What do you want to achieve with this module?

List your objectives below and how you will go about achieving them.

OBJECTIVE MY PLAN

8. As you reflect on your responses to the above questions, what is one thing you do not want to see happen in this meeting? How will you prevent it from happening, or deal with it if it does happen?

9. Reflecting on your own journey as a leader, are there times when you experience a Velcro reaction to incivility that is directed at you? How do you react when you are in Velcro-land? What is one thing you can do to become less Velcro-like?

41 Bar-David Consulting Team Facilitation Questions

Below are the discussion questions for this module. Select the ones that you think will best serve the discussion. Remember to mark the ones that are most important to cover and include at least one question that focuses on action planning.

1. What are the first three words that come to mind after watching the video?

2. How are the ideas presented in this video relevant to our team?

3. The video discusses two key responses to incivility: Teflon and Velcro.

a. What are the advantages of being Teflon? What, if any, are potential disadvantages?

b. What helps us be more Teflon-like?

c. Generally speaking, what do we feel, think, or do when we experience a Velcro reaction to incivility? (Consider recording the responses on a flip chart sheet, then inviting the team to reflect on the list — “What strikes you as you read this list?”)

4. The Spiral Effect happens when one person who experiences incivility reacts with a form of getting-even, micro-aggression act toward the person who upset him or her, which then leads to a counter reaction, and so on. Where have we seen this dynamic at play on our team?

5. To what extent were you surprised by the research that suggests that one out of every two people will purposely lower their work effort or purposely lower the time they spend at work when they experience incivility that is directed at them? How do these findings correspond with your experiences and observations of human behaviour in the workplace?

6. What is one aspect of the work environment as it relates to professionalism or civility that has a stressful or negative impact on you?

7. In what specific ways has workplace incivility affected our teamwork? In what ways is our team compromised by workplace incivility? What exactly are we compromising?

8. In the video, Sharone Bar-David describes several ways in which workplace incivility among team members can leak into the interface with customers. If we were to look at the issue of incivility from the perspective of our clients (customers, patients, funders, auditors, other stakeholders), what are our main challenges?

9. How will boosting our team’s civility change the way in which customers (or clients, patients, stakeholders) within our organization view us? In what ways?

10. How (specifically) will boosting our team’s civility change the way in which other departments within our organization view us?

11. Imagine that our team members are being interviewed “off the record” by a reporter from a prestigious magazine who asks, “How does incivility really affect your team and the work it does?”. What do we reply?

42 Bar-David Consulting 12. Now what? What are our next steps?

13. What is one small change each of us is willing to take on to reduce the impact of incivility on others?

14. What concrete steps are we each willing to take to become less Velcro and more Teflon?

15. What are one or two things we can all do now that will have the biggest possible impact on our success in this area?

16. What stands out about this idea(s) that makes it a good solution?

17. How do we see our respective roles in relation to implementing the idea(s) we discussed? ACTION PLANNING 18. How will we hold each other accountable for this?

ADDITIONAL NOTES

43 Bar-David Consulting Post-Meeting Leader’s Reflections

Now that you’ve held the Module 2 team meeting, reflect on the following questions:

1. How well were sensitive issues or conflict (covert or overt) handled in the meeting?

2. On a 1 to 10 scale, how satisfied are you with the level of participation in today’s discussion?

What would have made you rank it higher? What do you need to do to ensure success for the next module’s discussion?

3. What did you learn in this meeting that surprised or challenged you?

4. Who will be most affected by the discussion and decisions made during the meeting? How will they be affected? What action is required on your part? (For example, someone who typically responds with Velcro might benefit from your coaching support in order to become more Teflon.) Note your thoughts in the space below.

IMPACT REQUIRED ACTION

Person A ______

Person B ______

Person C ______

44 Bar-David Consulting 5. What is one thing you need to focus on to build on what transpired during this meeting?

6. What two or three things do you need to do to keep your team motivated to act on today’s discussion and to continue to be committed to the process?

7. As part of the Preparing to Launch guide, in question number seven, you identified three criteria by which you would evaluate the Trust Your Canary program’s success. Review those criteria now and consider:

Do you need to make any changes or additions to your original list? If not, then copy your original thoughts in the table below. If you feel that changes are necessary, enter your revised list in the table.

SUCCESS CRITERIA BEHAVIOURAL INDICATORS COMMENTS

45 Bar-David Consulting As you examine what you had written and reflect on the team discussion for this module, to what extent has this meeting helped support the objectives? What do you need to do now to ensure that things are moving in the right direction?

ADDITIONAL NOTES

46 Bar-David Consulting TEAM WORKSHEET

Module 2: The Real-Life Effects Of Workplace Incivility

Teflon Vs. Velcro - Getting Even, mini-aggression and the spiral effect

The impact of incivility:

My commitment:

Team plan:

Notes: INCIVILITY-ENABLING BELIEFS

Module 3

www.sharonebardavid.com Module 3: INCIVILITY- ENABLING BELIEFS

Module Overview

This module reveals how certain beliefs that lie beneath the surface can inadvertently perpetuate workplace incivility.

Video Summary

This module’s video segment:

• Outlines how our beliefs can enable workplace incivility

• Identifies five common beliefs that inadvertently sanction incivility

• Encourages participants to question the validity of such beliefs

Module Objectives

By the end of this module, team members will:

• Understand how shared beliefs can affect what people consider as acceptable behaviours

• Have an awareness of specific beliefs that erode civility

• Examine their own shared incivility-enabling notions

• Develop an action plan to address the impact of such beliefs

48 Bar-David Consulting Preparation Checklist: General

Before you commence the work on this module, ensure that you have taken care of the list below.

1. Send invitations.

2. Post the discussion norms.

3. Create a dialogue-conducive room set-up.

4. Prepare supplies:

a. Flip chart paper (optional: a flip chart stand) b. Masking tape c. Post-it Notes d. Colourful markers for writing on flip chart e. Blank papers for team members to use f. Pens and/or pencils g. A range of colourful thin markers

5. Watch the video on your own.

6. Print out the list of discussion questions you plan to use.

Preparation Checklist for this Module

In addition to the general items you need to prepare for each meeting, for this module you will need:

1. Flip chart with title for this module: Incivility-Enabling Beliefs

2. Flip chart paper with:

a. A sign or flip chart page outlining the list of common beliefs that are discussed in the video (or several signs — one per belief). The beliefs are:

• “We’re like a family here” • “I know my colleagues’ boundaries” • “We have the right to vent” • “The characteristics of the group (or industry) make it okay” • “People need to get thicker skins” b. Our action plan

c. A blank flip chart sheet for recording additional beliefs that the group might want to add to the above list

49 Bar-David Consulting Module 3 Preparation

Reflect on the following discussion questions at least one week prior to the team meeting:

1. As you reflect on the five beliefs that Sharone Bar-David discusses in this video segment:

Are any beliefs missing from the list? If so, list them below. (Examples: We work in a high-pressure environment, therefore we don’t have time for trivial niceties; or, You can’t change someone’s personality.)

Note: One way to trace common beliefs is to reflect on phrases and sayings that people use to explain their reality or behaviour. For example, team members might say, “You don’t have to be friends with everybody.” This, of course, is true, but it also legitimizes behaviour that excludes one or more people on a regular basis.

Which of the beliefs mentioned in the video (or added by you) do you personally hold? How does holding this belief(s) affect your decision-making and behaviour?

Which of these beliefs does the team share?

What experiences have you had in your current workplace that point to broader organizational beliefs that foster incivility? How will that inform what you do regarding incivility-enabling beliefs on your team

50 Bar-David Consulting 2. Our beliefs drive our behaviour. What specific behaviours have you observed that are informed by a belief that team members share, that would not have been acceptable if it weren’t for this shared belief? List the behaviours and their impact below, as in the example shown.

UNDERLYING BELIEF BEHAVIOUR IMPACT

Some team members banter • The people who are affected by the behaviour at another’s expense in ways don’t feel empowered to speak up. “If you can’t take the that would be demeaning if they • Good people might leave the organization. heat, stay out of the weren’t said “jokingly.” When • The team environment is sometimes toxic. kitchen.” someone tries to protest they are • Some customers who observed this behaviour told to get a sense of humour. have complained.

3. What are two or three civility-supporting values that everyone on the team, including you, share? List those below. (Example: “Team members all believe that good teamwork is important.”)?

51 Bar-David Consulting How will that be useful to this module’s discussion? How can you leverage these beliefs to help boost civility?

4. How challenging or threatening will this module’s conversation be to members of the team? Why? What can you do to mitigate this challenge or threat?

5. What lessons have you learned elsewhere that will be useful now as you lead the team through a discussion about beliefs and ideas that enable incivility?

6. What is one thing related to incivility-enabling beliefs that you think is important for everyone to keep in mind during the discussion? How will you ensure that this happens?

7. From your perspective, what needs to happen during this module’s discussion to make it successful?

What needs to happen after the discussion to make it a success?

52 Bar-David Consulting Team Facilitation Questions

Below are the discussion questions for this module. Select the ones that you think will best serve the discussion. Remember to mark the items that are most important to cover and include at least one question that focuses on action planning.

1. What is one question that surfaced for you after viewing the video?

2. How is this video helpful in understanding our own team dynamics?

3. The video lists several common beliefs that act as incivility-enablers. (Refer to the list on the flip chart) Are there any beliefs that our team shares that need to be added to this list? (Add those to the flip chart)

Are there any expressions we tend to use that might provide a clue to incivility-related beliefs that we hold? (For example: “If you can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.”)

4. As we reflect on the beliefs listed in the video, which ones most apply to us? (List those on flip chart)

5. Where do we see these beliefs at play? How do they show up in the way we conduct ourselves with each other? With others within the organization? With customers and stakeholders?

6. In what ways are these beliefs helpful to us?

7. In what ways do these beliefs enable incivility on our team? In what ways are they damaging to us individually or as a group?

8. When it comes to incivility-enabling beliefs, what is our Achilles heel? What is our weakness?

9. How do the beliefs that we hold — and associated behaviours — shape others’ perceptions of our team?

10. What makes this issue complex (or challenging) for us?

11. Where do we begin tackling these shared beliefs?

12. What would it take for us to make a change in our beliefs (or a specific belief)? In the behaviours that result from these beliefs?

13. What are some boundaries that we can set to keep our beliefs — and the behaviours that result from these beliefs—from eroding our team’s culture?

14. Now what? What are our next steps?

15. What is one thing that each of us can do to support the implementation of our ideas?

16. What criteria should we use to determine what we should do next? ACTION PLANNING

53 Bar-David Consulting Post-Meeting Leader’s Reflections

Now that you’ve held the Module 3 team meeting, reflect on the following questions:

1. Looking back on the meeting, what surprised you?

2. What are the first words that come to mind to describe the meeting? What stands out most in your mind about this meeting? Why?

3. To what extent were people candid about their incivility-enabling beliefs? What would have helped in delving even deeper?

4. What about the discussion made you feel optimistic? Was there anything that made you feel pessimistic? Why?

5. How will you support the decisions that were made during the meeting?

54 Bar-David Consulting 6. What else do you need to do over the next weeks (or months) to undo unhelpful team beliefs or address the behaviours that they engender?

7. What is one thing you learned in this discussion that you can apply to other contexts in your life?

8. On a personal level, what did you discover about your own beliefs over the course of the team conversation?

What changes, if any, do you need to work on based on your discoveries?

55 Bar-David Consulting 9. As part of the Preparing to Launch guide, in question number seven, you identified three criteria by which you would evaluate the Trust Your Canary program’s success. You then revisited those objectives as part of your post-meeting reflection in Module 2, question seven (on page 45).

Review what you wrote in Module 2 and consider any changes that you might want to make to that answer. Then, enter your updated objectives below.

SUCCESS CRITERIA BEHAVIOURAL INDICATORS COMMENTS

As you examine what you had written and reflect on the team discussion for this module, to what extent has this meeting helped support the objectives? What do you need to do now to ensure that things move in the right direction?

ADDITIONAL NOTES

56 Bar-David Consulting TEAM WORKSHEET

Module 3: Incivility-Enabling Beliefs

Common incivility-enabling beliefs:

1. “We’re like a family here”

2. “I know my colleague’s boundaries”

3. “We have the right to vent”

4. “The characteristics of the group (or industry) make it okay”

5. “People need to get thicker skins”

6. ______

7. ______

My commitment:

Team plan:

Notes: WALK THE TALK

Module 4

www.sharonebardavid.com Module 4: WALK THE TALK

Module Overview

This module focuses on modelling personal civility and on the role that bystanders can play in curbing incivility.

Video Summary

This module’s video segment:

• Outlines the importance of Walking the Talk by modelling civility

• Describes five strategies for modelling civility

• Explains how bystanders’ behaviour can help curb others’ uncivil behaviour

• Offers phrases that bystanders can use to intervene constructively

Module Objectives

By the end of this module, team members will:

• Reflect on their personal behaviour

• Commit to personal action for modelling civility

• Possess specific strategies for taking action when they are in a bystander role

• Share an understanding of the importance of personal accountability as related to workplace incivility

58 Bar-David Consulting Preparation Checklist: General

Before you commence the work on this module, ensure that you have taken care of the list below.

1. Send invitations. 2. Post the discussion norms. 3. Create a dialogue-conducive room set-up. 4. Prepare supplies: a. Flip chart paper (optional: a flip chart stand) b. Masking tape c. Post-it Notes d. Colourful markers for writing on flip chart e. Blank papers for team members to use f. Pens and/or pencils g. A range of colourful thin markers 5. Watch the video on your own. 6. Print out the list of discussion questions you plan to use.

Preparation Checklist for this Module

In addition to the general items you need to prepare for each meeting, for this module you will need:

1. A flip chart sheet with:

a. Title for this module: Walk the Talk

b. The five Walk the Talk strategies: 1. Scan your behaviour 2. Scan your beliefs 3. Don’t be reactive—be generous 4. Do a reality check 5. Apologize

c. Key phrases for bystanders and observers (to be revealed only after viewing the video): 1. “Let’s be inclusive.” 2. “Let’s respect everyone’s skills and experience.” 3. “I’m uncomfortable. Let’s not go there.” 4. “We still have to work together tomorrow.”

d. Our action plan

59 Bar-David Consulting Module 4 Preparation

Reflect on the following questions at least one week prior to the team meeting.

1. Review the five strategies for Walking the Talk that are discussed in this video and consider:

What do you personally need to start, stop, or continue doing with regard to each of these? Write down at least five items.

STRATEGIES START STOP CONTINUE

1. Scan your behaviour

2. Scan your beliefs 3. Don’t be reactive — be generous

4. Do a reality check

5. Apologize

As you reflect on your answers, what does this suggest to you about yourself as a person and as a leader? What do you discover or rediscover about yourself?

Transparency and authenticity are important leadership qualities. Which two or three items of the ones that you had written down above should you share with the team to demonstrate your commitment to leading the way?

60 Bar-David Consulting 2. The video suggests that part of Walking the Talk requires people to do a reality check by seeking feedback from others, and apologizing for uncivil behaviour when necessary. As you reflect on your own behaviour, are there any actions that you personally need to take in this area prior to the team meeting to model that you are fully committed to personally Walking the Talk?

3. This video segment highlights the importance of the bystander in maintaining civility. In your role as a leader, have you ever found yourself being a bystander whose silence or inaction enabled others’ incivility?

If so, what prevented you from acting in the moment?

What was the impact of your choice?

In hindsight, what would you have done differently?

How can you apply this insight to future situations?

Is this something that you would like to share with the team, and if so, how?

61 Bar-David Consulting 4. Who on the team can you rely on to support change as pertains to this module?

What does this person or persons need to do or say to have a meaningful contribution to the discussion?

How will you help this person(s)?

5. Who on the team might be reluctant or even resistant to take ownership of their personal “walking the talk”? What actions do you need to take (in advance or during the meeting) to help them become committed? What challenges or obstacles might you encounter in doing so, and how will you overcome them? List your responses below.

PLAN FOR DEALING WITH WHO ACTION CHALLENGES/OBSTACLES CHALLENGES

Person A ______

Person B ______

Person C ______

62 Bar-David Consulting 6. On a 1 to 10 scale, to what extent do bystanders to incivility on the team feel empowered to take action?

What prevents this number from being higher?

What are the contributing factors to bystanders’ ability or inability to take action?

7. Do you anticipate that underlying tensions on the team will create challenges during this module discussion?

If so, where are the hot spots?

What do you plan to do to mitigate these challenges?

8. Review the overarching goals you created for the Trust Your Canary program as you entered them in the post-meeting reflection segment of Module 3. As you go over those goals, ask yourself what should be your objectives for this module? How will you go about accomplishing these objectives?

OBJECTIVE FOR MODULE 4 MY PLAN COMMENTS

63 Bar-David Consulting Team Facilitation Questions

Below are the discussion questions for this module. Select the items that you think will best serve the discussion. Remember to mark the ones that are most important to cover and include at least one question that focuses on action planning.

1. In this video, what did you hear that you don’t already know? What did you hear that you needed to hear again?

2. What key points can we pull from this video?

3. The video talks about the importance of modelling civility — walking the talk. In what ways is this idea relevant to our team?

4. In the video, Sharone Bar-David suggests that we examine our beliefs and examine our behaviours. Let’s take a moment to reflect privately and jot down one or two beliefs that may lead us to uncivil behaviours and three to four personal behaviours that might be potentially perceived by others as uncivil.

a. Let’s go around the room and have each person share one item from their list.

Note: If you think that there is not a sufficient mutual trust to enable such sharing, you might want to skip the reading-out-loud activity.

b. Looking at what you had written and what you heard just now, how does this affect your thinking about the importance of modelling personal civility?

5. In the video, Sharone Bar-David suggests that it is important to be generous rather than reactive. What does that mean? How does that translate to our context?

6. The video suggests “doing a reality check” — going back to a person to check whether we had inadvertently upset or offended them. That’s not always easy to do. What would it take for us—individually and as a group — to be able to go to a colleague to check, and to be able to respond honestly (and constructively) when approached?

7. Apologizing is another strategy discussed in the video. What are the elements of a constructive apology? (Possible ideas might include: sincere, concrete, avoids blame, includes specific commitment to change)

8. The video talks about the important role that observers and bystanders play in boosting civility or enabling incivility. In general, in what ways do observers condone or even perpetuate workplace incivility? How do we see that happening on our team?

9. If you saw someone behaving in an uncivil fashion, would you intervene? Why or why not?

10. What is one unproductive habit that you possess with regard to being a bystander or observer?

64 Bar-David Consulting 11. What is one thing that each of us will do differently as a result of today’s meeting?

12. What is one thing that each of us can do to support the implementation of our ideas?

13. When we find ourselves in the role of a bystander observing incivility between other team members, how can we step up to the plate to help each other become more civil? How can we intervene without endangering our relationships or inadvertently contributing to the incivility while intending to mitigate it?

14. In the video, Sharone Bar-David suggests helpful phrases that bystanders can use. In what ways is this idea — and the specific phrases that she offered — applicable to our team? How can we bring these ideas to life to improve our own team culture?

15. What will make us feel really good about this discussion? About what we do after the discussion? How do we turn this into commitments for action? ACTION PLANNING 16. What is a risk that you feel comfortable taking - individually? Collectively?

17. Which option or options do you prefer? What are your reasons for supporting this option?

18. What would it take for us to be successful? What would it take for us to make the changes?

ADDITIONAL NOTES

65 Bar-David Consulting Post-Meeting Leader’s Reflections

Now that you’ve held the Module 4 team meeting, reflect on the following questions:

1. What is one insight you gained from this discussion? How might you use this insight to bring about change?

2. Did personalities or old dynamics get in the way of constructive discussion?

In what ways?

What did you do well to handle that?

What could you do differently next time?

Is there anything you need to do between now and the next module to support a good team environment?

66 Bar-David Consulting 3. On a 1 to 10 scale, with 1 being dissatisfied and 10 being very satisfied, how satisfied are you with the level of commitments people made for Walking the Talk? Jot your number down here:

What made you choose this number?

If lower than 8 or 9, what do you need to do now or in the next module’s discussion to improve on this number?

4. Who should you acknowledge or thank for their contributions and involvement today?

5. In the pre-meeting preparation questions you had the opportunity to set objectives for this specific module (question number eight). Review those objectives and consider:

To what extent have you met these objectives?

What action do you need to take now?

67 Bar-David Consulting 6. What are the implications of what you learned today:

For your plan for the next module?

For you as a leader?

For the team?

For customer service?

ADDITIONAL NOTES

68 Bar-David Consulting TEAM WORKSHEET

Module 4: Walk the Talk

Strategies for modeling civility: Phrases to use as a bystander:

1. Scan your ______1. “Let’s be inclusive”

2. Scan your ______2. “Let’s respect everyone’s skills and experience”

3. Don’t be ______, be ______3. “I’m uncomfortable. Let’s not go there”

4. Do a ______4. “We still have to work together tomorrow”

5. ______5. ______

6. ______6. ______

My commitment:

Team plan:

Notes: DEALING WITH WORKPLACE INCIVILITY

Module 5

www.sharonebardavid.com Module 5: DEALING WITH WORKPLACE INCIVILITY

Module Overview

This module describes strategies for addressing incivility in a constructive manner.

Video Summary

This module’s video segment:

• Outlines a strategy for determining whether the line between civility and incivility has been crossed

• Explains the need to control one’s physical responses and choose mindful language when responding

• Outlines two communication strategies for addressing incivility:

»» A short phrase: “Let’s Not Go There!”

»» A three-part formula for halting workplace incivility

Module Objectives

By the end of this module, team members will:

• Be able to trust their inner canary when it alerts them that civility was violated

• Possess a simple, shared code to prevent incivility in the moment, as it occurs: “Let’s Not Go There!”

• Have a structured way of providing effective feedback when they experience incivility

70 Bar-David Consulting Preparation Checklist: General

Before you commence the work on this module, ensure that you have taken care of the list below.

Preparation Checklist for this Module

In addition to the general items you need to prepare for each meeting, for this module you will need:

1. Flip chart paper with:

a. Title for this module: Dealing with Workplace Incivility b. Trust Your Canary c. “Let’s Not Go There!” Step 1: Describe the situation and behaviour Step 2: Describe the impact Step 3: Suggest solutions d. Our action plan e. Horizontal flip chart page with:

Very comfortable Z somewhat comfortable Z somewhat uncomfortable Z highly uncomfortable

2. A blank flip chart paper

IMPORTANT NOTE This module calls for practice activities. This fact, together with the importance of empowering team members to respond to incivility in a constructive and skilled way, may result in you choosing to work through this module over two meetings rather than one.

71 Bar-David Consulting Module 5 Preparation

Reflect on the following questions at least one week prior to the team meeting:

1. The phrase trust your canary refers to one’s ability to listen to that inner sensation that arises when someone’s behaviour (including one’s own!) has crossed the line between civility and incivility. Reflect below on two instances where you trusted your canary and acted on it, and two instances where you did not act on your inner canary. Preferably, select situations where you were acting in your role as leader. Now, consider the following questions:

WHAT WERE THE IN HINDSIGHT, WHAT LED YOU TO WHAT WAS THE OUTCOMES OF YOU WHAT WOULD YOU TAKE ACTION SITUATION? TAKING OR NOT HAVE DONE (OR NOT)? TAKING ACTION? DIFFERENTLY?

Trusted and acted

Took no action

What are the implications of your answers to what you’ll do next?

2. This module focuses on taking thoughtful action to respond to incivility constructively. As you reflect on the team you lead…

To what extent are team members already comfortable giving feedback to each other related to uncivil behaviour? Circle the option that most applies:

Very comfortable Z somewhat comfortable Z somewhat uncomfortable Z highly uncomfortable

72 Bar-David Consulting On the whole, on a 1 to 10 scale, how successful are team members when they do address others’ incivility? Jot down your rating here:

What gets in the way of them being even more successful?

3. When team members are unable to deal with incivility directly, what do they do instead? (Common examples include “venting,” gossip, avoiding, silent treatment, sabotage, social rejection, filing complaints.)?

4. As you consider the extent to which the team will be willing to adopt the strategies in this module, what forces or factors work to support this? What forces might be working against them adopting the strategies? Record the supporting forces under the (+) symbol and the opposite forces under the (-) symbol:

(+) (-)

• The majority of team members are unhappy • A couple of highly influential team mem- with the current state of things. bers are chronically uncivil but have never Example • The organization is determined to become been held accountable. an employer of choice and maintaining • As the leader, I have been passive in deal- respect in the workplace is now a priority. ing with incivility.

73 Bar-David Consulting 5. How will you encourage and support the team’s adopting of the “Let’s Not Go There!” strategy as a commonly accepted way of halting incivility?

6. As the team’s leader, how will you personally use the “Let’s Not Go There!” strategy to boost civility?

7. How will you encourage team members to constructively address incivility, using the strategies suggested in this model (or other strategies)?

8. What outcomes for this module’s discussion will make it successful for you? List two or three outcomes below.

74 Bar-David Consulting Team Facilitation Questions

1. What did you learn or relearn by watching this video?

2. In the video, Sharone Bar-David suggests that we trust our inner canary. How does that relate to our reality? How would things be different if we all trusted our canary on a more regular basis?

3. How comfortable are we in providing one another with feedback related to uncivil behaviour?

(Refer to the flip chart paper you had prepared in advance and invite people to place Post-it Notes in the category that best fits their response: Very comfortable Z somewhat comfortable Z somewhat uncomfortable Z highly uncomfortable) Follow up with:

• What led you to place your Post-it Note where you did?

4. What are some possible advantages to using the “Let’s Not Go There” strategy? What is it about this phrase that might make it work well for us?

5. How can we use the “Let’s Not Go There” strategy as a shared code to help us become a better team?

6. How can we ensure that we deliver “Let’s Not Go There” messages in ways that are helpful rather than harmful?

7. The video suggests that there are numerous ways of delivering a “Let’s Not Go There” message. You can use different pitches, deliver it in a light fashion or very seriously, emphasize different words within the phrase, and so on. As a group, let’s have a bit of fun with this and experiment with different ways of delivering such a message. Let’s all say it out loud simultaneously, three times, each time emphasizing different words or using a different tone, of our individual choice.

8. How do we see our individual roles vis-à-vis using the “Let’s Not Go There” strategy?

9. The video recommends that we manage our body language carefully so as to not let strong feelings leak into our message and derail both the message and the conversation.

• In what ways can body language derail a conversation?

• What specific non-verbal communications can be unconstructive? Let’s brainstorm.

10. The video suggests a three-part formula for addressing incivility (refer to the flip chart sheet that outlines the three steps). It is important that the person who is giving the feedback avoid words or phrases that could be perceived as inflammatory or offensive. What words, phrases, or actions can be inadvertently damaging rather than constructive? (Examples: Use of the word you in a blaming way, or the phrase “You made me feel…”)

75 Bar-David Consulting 11. Let’s experiment with the three-part formula discussed in the video. Let’s think of a typical example that we might encounter, and together (in groups of two, three, or more) construct a message that would be perceived as constructive — it can be short or long. Invite the group to listen to what a couple of the groups have come up with and together consider: Which parts of the message are constructed well? Is there anything that could trigger defensiveness in the recipient of such a message? What changes, if any, might be necessary?

NOTE: If you choose to use this question, it might take anywhere from fifteen to thirty minutes to allow for the group work plus the discussion.

12. How does this approach fit with how we do things? 13. What is our greatest vulnerability in relation to this issue? 14. Beyond the suggestions made in the video, are there any other methods of providing feedback that might work for us? 15. Providing honest feedback about the personal impact of uncivil behaviour can feel risky and requires a certain amount of courage. As a group and individually, what is a risk that you feel comfortable taking? 16. In a year’s time, how will we know whether we have been successful in using the strategies discussed in this module? 17. Overall, how did this discussion go for everyone? What do we feel most positive about? What do we feel less positive about?

18. If you could change one thing about how we provide feedback around uncivil behaviour, what would it be? 19. What is one thing that each of us will do differently as a result of participating in today’s meeting? 20. What is one thing that each of us can do to support the implementation of our ideas? 21. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being highly uncomfortable and 10 being very comfortable, how comfortable is everyone with this approach? What do we need to do to increase our comfort level by a notch or two? 22. What will it take for us to make a change? To be successful? 23. What are some boundaries that we can agree upon to help us provide honest feedback while also respecting one another’s sensibilities and sensitivities? 24. What is one thing that we can do to support each other in achieving our objectives? 25. If we made these changes, what would exist six months from now that does not exist now? What would be happening then that does not happen now? What would you have that you do not have now? ACTION PLANNING 26. What might get in our way of achieving success with our plan? How might we handle these challenges? 27. When it comes to using the strategies discussed in this module’s video, to what extent are we on the same wavelength? Are there ways in which we might be missing each other? How so? 28. How do we incorporate more ways for communicating honestly around incivility (or civility) into our team’s culture?

76 Bar-David Consulting Post-Meeting Leader’s Reflections

Now that you’ve held the Module 5 team meeting, reflect on the following questions:

1. What helped the meeting? What hampered it?

HELPED HAMPERED

2. When and how did personalities get in the way of constructive discussion or problem solving?

3. How actively did people participate throughout this discussion?

When they did not participate or participated in a unconstructive manner, what was getting in the way?

What, if anything, do you need to do regarding this matter?

77 Bar-David Consulting 4. What potential is there in the plans discussed in the meeting to boost civility among team members?

What potential is there in the plan for decreasing conflict among team members?

What action is required on your part?

5. Taking action on incivility can often change group dynamics. As you reflect on the conversation and plan, consider:

Who on the team stands to benefit most from the changes that were discussed today? How?

Is there anyone who stands to be disadvantaged? In what ways?

Given your responses, what do you need to do next?

78 Bar-David Consulting 6. What do you need to do in the next week to support people’s ability to address incivility?

7. What do you need to do in the next month to support people’s ability to address incivility?

ADDITIONAL NOTES

79 Bar-David Consulting TEAM WORKSHEET

Module 5: Dealing with Workplace Incivility

Trust ______to determine whether the line has been crossed

Managing body language

Communication strategies to address workplace incivility: Behaviours and phrases to avoid:

1. “Let’s ______!” ______

2. Three steps to halting workplace incivility: ______Step 1: Describe the situation and behaviour ______Step 2: Describe the impact Step 3: Suggest solutions ______

3. Other? ______

______

My commitment:

Team plan: SUSTAINING THE CHANGE

www.sharonebardavid.com SUSTAINING THE CHANGE

You have successfully completed the video-based modules and the team is now safely on its way with a strong commitment to working together in a civil fashion. Now, it is time to ensure that the gains made through the Trust Your Canary program are sustained.

This guide will help you plan for ongoing success by keeping up the momentum for both you as the leader, and for the team. As such, the guide offers you two sets of questions. First, questions that invite you to reflect on the overall process. Then, questions that focus on action planning.

Remember, there are additional tools to support you as you go forward. The program you just completed is part of a larger set of learning tools from Bar-David Consulting that includes: a wide range of training programs; Respect on the Go tools for leaders and staff; the learning hub on our website at www.sharonebardavid.com; our free blog: Sharone Bar-David’s book Trust Your Canary! Every Leader’s Guide to Taming Workplace Incivility; and other programs that are added periodically to help boost workplace civility. We encourage you to visit our website at www.sharonebardavid.com anytime throughout your project for additional information, free resources, training programs, and learning tools.

Email: [email protected]

Tel: (416) 781-8132

Good luck on the journey!

Sharone Bar-David

Sharone Bar-David, LLB MSW

President Bar-David Consulting

81 Bar-David Consulting Reviewing the Journey

1. Overall, as you reflect on the Trust Your Canary program, how did the process go? What were the strong and weak parts? What’s the good news, what’s the bad news?

2. What surprised you as you worked on this program?

3. What inspired you?

4. What challenged you?

5. What were you proud of?

82 Bar-David Consulting 6. What did the team do best during and after the meetings? What did they not do very well?

7. To what extent did team members connect the dots between their own behaviour and the bigger picture? In what ways did this happen?

8. What did you learn or relearn about the team in the process of working through the Trust Your Canary process?

9. As you reflect on the team culture prior to launching the Trust Your Canary program compared to where it is now, how would you rate incivility levels on a 1 to 10 scale, with 10 being that incivility is deeply entrenched in the team’s dynamics and 1 being that it is very rare?

Rating before: ______

Current rating: ______

What specific benefits did the team experience or create as a result of working through this program that account for the change in rating? List those below.

83 Bar-David Consulting How specifically did you as the leader contribute to this change?

To what extent are you satisfied with the current rating? If you think it should be higher, what (specifically) will be happening when the rating is higher that is not happening now, or is not happening on a consistent basis? Jot down your responses below, in behavioural observable terms.

10. In hindsight, what two or three core values consistently guided the team discussions? What do you need to do to ensure that these values are maintained and leveraged going forward?

Record your responses below.

VALUE WAYS TO MAINTAIN AND LEVERAGE THIS VALUE

84 Bar-David Consulting 11. Earlier on in the process, as part of the Preparing to Launch guide, you responded to the following question, which you then revised in the post-meeting reflection segment for Module 3 (question number 4 on page 45):

How will you evaluate the project’s success? List three concrete criteria, stated in observable behavioural terms.

Review the response you provided at that time and consider:

To what extent—and in what ways—have your criteria been (or are well on their way to being) met?

12. What have you learned about boosting civility? How will you apply that in future?

13. As you think broadly about this project, what did you learn through your experiences that you can apply in other situations, both personally and professionally?

14. What benefits did you personally experience as a result of being involved in the Trust Your Canary program?

85 Bar-David Consulting 15. Do you feel any differently about yourself as a leader after completing the Trust Your Canary program? If so, describe the differences.

16. If you had to do this program all over again next month, what is one thing you would change?

ADDITIONAL NOTES

86 Bar-David Consulting Taking Action to Sustain Change

1. Was anything really important missed during the team discussions or in the overall process?

If so, what was it and what might you need to do about it now?

2. Having completed the Trust Your Canary program, how will you define success from here on? How will you measure and evaluate it over time? List at least three success indicators, and specific measures for evaluating each.

SUCCESS INDICATOR MEASURED BY

1 2

2 2

3 2

87 Bar-David Consulting 3. What additional skills, knowledge, resources, and support do you and the team require to sustain the change? How will you go about obtaining such skills or knowledge?

WHAT IS NEEDED ACTION

Skills & Knowledge: 2 Leader

Skills & Knowledge: 2 Team

Other Support 2

Resources 2

88 Bar-David Consulting 4. As you continue to implement the changes, where do you foresee potential trouble spots?

What can you do to ensure you are prepared to address these challenges?

5. What is your bottom line on behaviours that will not be tolerated going forward?

What do you need to do with regard to this?

6. If there are team members whose behaviour continues to be of concern, how specifically will you ensure that they conduct themselves in a civil way?

89 Bar-David Consulting If you need specific help with this matter, how will you go about getting the support you need?

7. For those who were strongly on board with the Trust Your Canary program, how specifically will you continue to encourage and support them on an ongoing basis?

8. Now that the formal part of the Trust Your Canary program is complete, how can you transfer ownership of the plan from you as a leader to the group? What approaches can you take that will motivate people to be active through the next steps? List your ideas below.

ADDITIONAL NOTES

90 Bar-David Consulting