The Yellow Wallpaper

Charlotte Perkins Gilman

It is very seldom that mere ordinary people like John Personally, I believe that congenial work, with and myself secure ancestral halls for the summer. excitement and change, would do me good. A colonial mansion, a hereditary estate, I would say a But what is one to do? haunted house, and reach the height of romantic felicity-- I did write for a while in spite of them; but it does but that would be asking too much of fate! exhaust me a good deal--having to be so sly about it, or Still I will proudly declare that there is something queer else meet with heavy opposition. about it. I sometimes fancy that in my condition if I had less Else, why should it be let so cheaply? And why have opposition and more society and stimulus--but John says stood so long untenanted? the very worst thing I can do is to think about my John laughs at me, of course, but one expects that in condition, and I confess it always makes me feel bad. marriage. So I will let it alone and talk about the house. John is practical in the extreme. He has no patience with The most beautiful place! It is quite alone standing well faith, an intense horror of superstition, and he scoffs back from the road, quite three miles from the village. It openly at any talk of things not to be felt and seen and put makes me think of English places that you read about, for down in figures. there are hedges and walls and gates that lock, and lots of John is a physician, and perhaps--(I would not say it to a separate little houses for the gardeners and people. living soul, of course, but this is dead paper and a great There is a delicious garden! I never saw such a garden-- relief to my mind)--perhaps that is one reason I do not get large and shady, full of box-bordered paths, and lined with well faster. long grape-covered arbors with seats under them. You see he does not believe I am sick! There were greenhouses, too, but they are all broken And what can one do? now. If a physician of high standing, and one's own husband, There was some legal trouble, I believe, something assures friends and relatives that there is really nothing the about the heirs and co-heirs; anyhow, the place has been matter with one but temporary nervous depression--a empty for years. slight hysterical tendency--what is one to do? That spoils my ghostliness, I am afraid, but I don't care-- My brother is also a physician, and also of high there is something strange about the house--I can feel it. standing, and he says the same thing. I even said so to John one moonlight evening but he So I take phosphates or phosphites--whichever it is, and said what I felt was a draught, and shut the window. tonics, and journeys, and air, and exercise, and am I get unreasonably angry with John sometimes. I'm sure absolutely forbidden to "work" until I am well again. I never used to be so sensitive. I think it is due to this Personally, I disagree with their ideas. nervous condition.

1 ! !

! ! ! ! ! But John says if I feel so, I shall neglect proper self- contradictions. control; so I take pains to control myself-- before him, at The color is repellent, almost revolting; a smouldering least, and that makes me very tired. unclean yellow, strangely faded by the slow-turning I don't like our room a bit. I wanted one downstairs that sunlight. It is a dull yet lurid orange in some places, a opened on the piazza and had roses all over the window, sickly sulphur tint in others. and such pretty old-fashioned chintz hangings! But John No wonder the children hated it! I should hate it myself would not hear of it. if I had to live in this room long. He said there was only one window and not room for There comes John, and I must put this away--he hates to two beds, and no near room for him if he took another. have me write a word. He is very careful and loving, and hardly lets me stir without special direction. * * * I have a schedule prescription for each hour in the day; he takes all care from me, and so I feel basely ungrateful We have been here two weeks, and I haven't felt like not to value it more. writing before, since that first day. He said we came here solely on my account, that I was I am sitting by the window now, up in this atrocious to have perfect rest and all the air I could get. "Your nursery, and there is nothing to hinder my writing as exercise depends on your strength, my dear," said he, "and much as I please, save lack of strength. your food somewhat on your appetite; but air you can John is away all day, and even some nights when his absorb all the time." So we took the nursery at the top of cases are serious. the house. I am glad my case is not serious! It is a big, airy room, the whole floor nearly, with But these nervous troubles are dreadfully depressing. windows that look all ways, and air and sunshine galore. It John does not know how much I really suffer. He knows was nursery first and then playroom and gymnasium, I there is no reason to suffer, and that satisfies him. should judge; for the windows are barred for little Of course it is only nervousness. It does weigh on me so children, and there are rings and things in the walls. not to do my duty in any way! The paint and paper look as if a boys' school had used I meant to be such a help to John, such a real rest and it. It is stripped off--the paper in great patches all around comfort, and here I am a comparative burden already! the head of my bed, about as far as I can reach, and in a Nobody would believe what an effort it is to do what great place on the other side of the room low down. I never little I am able--to dress and entertain, and order things. saw a worse paper in my life. One of those sprawling It is fortunate Mary is so good with the baby. Such a flamboyant patterns committing every artistic sin. dear baby! It is dull enough to confuse the eye in following, And yet I cannot be with him, it makes me so nervous. pronounced enough to constantly irritate and provoke I suppose John never was nervous in his life. He laughs study, and when you follow the lame uncertain curves for at me so about this wall-paper! a little distance they suddenly commit suicide--plunge off At first he meant to repaper the room, but afterwards he at outrageous angles, destroy themselves in unheard of said that I was letting it get the better of me, and that

2 nothing was worse for a nervous patient than to give way It is so discouraging not to have any advice and to such fancies. companionship about my work. When I get really well, He said that after the wall-paper was changed it would John says we will ask Cousin Henry and Julia down for a be the heavy bedstead, and then the barred windows, and long visit; but he says he would as soon put fireworks in then that gate at the head of the stairs, and so on. my pillow-case as to let me have those stimulating people "You know the place is doing you good," he said, "and about now. really, dear, I don't care to renovate the house just for a I wish I could get well faster. three months' rental." But I must not think about that. This paper looks to me "Then do let us go downstairs," I said, "there are such as if it knew what a vicious influence it had! pretty rooms there." There is a recurrent spot where the pattern lolls like a Then he took me in his arms and called me a blessed broken neck and two bulbous eyes stare at you upside little goose, and said he would go down to the cellar, if I down. wished, and have it whitewashed into the bargain. I get positively angry with the impertinence of it and the But he is right enough about the beds and windows and everlastingness. Up and down and sideways they crawl, things. and those absurd, unblinking eyes are everywhere There is It is as airy and comfortable a room as any one need one place where two breadths didn't match, and the eyes wish, and, of course, I would not be so silly as to make him go all up and down the line, one a little higher than the uncomfortable just for a whim. other. I'm really getting quite fond of the big room, all but that I never saw so much expression in an inanimate thing horrid paper. before, and we all know how much expression they have! I Out of one window I can see the garden, those used to lie awake as a child and get more entertainment mysterious deepshaded arbors, the riotous old-fashioned and terror out of blank walls and plain furniture than most flowers, and bushes and gnarly trees. children could find in a toy-store. Out of another I get a lovely view of the bay and a little I remember what a kindly wink the knobs of our big, private wharf belonging to the estate. There is a beautiful old bureau used to have, and there was one chair that shaded lane that runs down there from the house. I always always seemed like a strong friend. fancy I see people walking in these numerous paths and I used to feel that if any of the other things looked too arbors, but John has cautioned me not to give way to fancy fierce I could always hop into that chair and be safe. in the least. He says that with my imaginative power and The furniture in this room is no worse than habit of story-making, a nervous weakness like mine is inharmonious, however, for we had to bring it all from sure to lead to all manner of excited fancies, and that I downstairs. I suppose when this was used as a playroom ought to use my will and good sense to check the they had to take the nursery things out, and no wonder! I tendency. So I try. never saw such ravages as the children have made here. I think sometimes that if I were only well enough to The wall-paper, as I said before, is torn off in spots, and write a little it would relieve the press of ideas and rest me. it sticketh closer than a brother--they must have had But I find I get pretty tired when I try. perseverance as well as hatred.

3 Then the floor is scratched and gouged and splintered, But I don't want to go there at all. I had a friend who the plaster itself is dug out here and there, and this great was in his hands once, and she says he is just like John and heavy bed which is all we found in the room, looks as if it my brother, only more so! had been through the wars. Besides, it is such an undertaking to go so far. But I don't mind it a bit--only the paper. I don't feel as if it was worth while to turn my hand There comes John's sister. Such a dear girl as she is, and over for anything, and I'm getting dreadfully fretful and so careful of me! I must not let her find me writing. querulous. She is a perfect and enthusiastic housekeeper, and I cry at nothing, and cry most of the time. hopes for no better profession. I verily believe she thinks it Of course I don't when John is here, or anybody else, is the writing which made me sick! but when I am alone. But I can write when she is out, and see her a long way And I am alone a good deal just now. John is kept in off from these windows. town very often by serious cases, and Jennie is good and There is one that commands the road, a lovely shaded lets me alone when I want her to. winding road, and one that just looks off over the country. So I walk a little in the garden or down that lovely lane, A lovely country, too, full of great elms and velvet sit on the porch under the roses, and lie down up here a meadows. good deal. This wall-paper has a kind of sub-pattern in a different I'm getting really fond of the room in spite of the wall- shade, a particularly irritating one, for you can only see it paper. Perhaps because of the wall-paper. in certain lights, and not clearly then. It dwells in my mind so! But in the places where it isn't faded and where the sun I lie here on this great immovable bed--it is nailed is just so--I can see a strange, provoking, formless sort of down, I believe--and follow that pattern about by the hour. figure, that seems to skulk about behind that silly and It is as good as gymnastics, I assure you. I start, we'll say, conspicuous front design. at the bottom, down in the corner over there where it has There's sister on the stairs! not been touched, and I determine for the thousandth time that I will follow that pointless pattern to some sort of a * * * conclusion. I know a little of the principle of design, and I know this Well, the Fourth of July is over! The people are all gone thing was not arranged on any laws of radiation, or and I am tired out. John thought it might do me good to alternation, or repetition, or symmetry, or anything else see a little company, so we just had mother and Nellie and that I ever heard of. the children down for a week. It is repeated, of course, by the breadths, but not Of course I didn't do a thing. Jennie sees to everything otherwise. now. Looked at in one way, each breadth stands alone; the But it tired me all the same. bloated curves and flourishes--a kind of "debased John says if I don't pick up faster he shall send me to Romanesque" with delirium tremens go waddling up and Weir Mitchell in the fall. down in isolated columns of fatuity.

4 But, on the other hand, they connect diagonally, and the It is getting to be a great effort for me to think straight. sprawling outlines run off in great slanting waves of optic Just this nervous weakness I suppose. horror, like a lot of wallowing seaweeds in full chase. . And dear John gathered me up in his arms, and just The whole thing goes horizontally, too, at least it seems carried me upstairs and laid me on the bed, and sat by me so, and I exhaust myself in trying to distinguish the order and read to me till it tired my head. of its going in that direction. He said I was his darling and his comfort and all he had, They have used a horizontal breadth for a frieze, and and that I must take care of myself for his sake, and keep that adds wonderfully to the confusion. well. There is one end of the room where it is almost intact, He says no one but myself can help me out of it, that I and there, when the crosslights fade and the low sun must use my will and self-control and not let any silly shines directly upon it, I can almost fancy radiation after fancies run away with me. all,--the interminable grotesques seem to form around a There's one comfort--the baby is well and happy, and common centre and rush off in headlong plunges of equal does not have to occupy this nursery with the horrid wall- distraction. paper. It makes me tired to follow it. I will take a nap I guess. If we had not used it, that blessed child would have! What a fortunate escape! Why, I wouldn't have a child of * * * mine, an impressionable little thing, live in such a room for worlds. I don't know why I should write this. I never thought of it before, but it is lucky that John kept I don't want to. me here after all; I can stand it so much easier than a baby, I don't feel able. And I know John would think it you see. absurd. But I must say what I feel and think in some way-- Of course I never mention it to them any more--I am too it is such a relief! wise--but I keep watch of it all the same. But the effort is getting to be greater than the relief. There are things in that paper that nobody knows but Half the time now I am awfully lazy, and lie down ever me, or ever will. so much. Behind that outside pattern the dim shapes get clearer John says I mustn't lose my strength, and has me take every day. cod liver oil and lots of tonics and things, to say nothing of It is always the same shape, only very numerous. ale and wine and rare meat. And it is like a woman stooping down and creeping Dear John! He loves me very dearly, and hates to have about behind that pattern. I don't like it a bit. I wonder--I me sick. I tried to have a real earnest reasonable talk with begin to think--I wish John would take me away from here! him the other day, and tell him how I wish he would let me go and make a visit to Cousin Henry and Julia. * * * But he said I wasn't able to go, nor able to stand it after I got there; and I did not make out a very good case for It is so hard to talk with John about my case, because he myself, for I was crying before I had finished . is so wise, and because he loves me so.

5 But I tried it last night. "Better in body perhaps--" I began, and stopped short, It was moonlight. The moon shines in all around just as for he sat up straight and looked at me with such a stern, the sun does. reproachful look that I could not say another word. I hate to see it sometimes, it creeps so slowly, and "My darling," said he, "I beg of you, for my sake and for always comes in by one window or another. our child's sake, as well as for your own, that you will John was asleep and I hated to waken him, so I kept still never for one instant let that idea enter your mind! There is and watched the moonlight on that undulating wall-paper nothing so dangerous, so fascinating, to a temperament till I felt creepy. like yours. It is a false and foolish fancy. Can you not trust The faint figure behind seemed to shake the pattern, just me as a physician when I tell you so?" as if she wanted to get out. So of course I said no more on that score, and we went I got up softly and went to feel and see if the paper did to sleep before long. He thought I was asleep first, but I move, and when I came back John was awake. wasn't, and lay there for hours trying to decide whether "What is it, little girl?" he said. "Don't go walking about that front pattern and the back pattern really did move like that--you'll get cold." together or separately. I thought it was a good time to talk, so I told him that I really was not gaining here, and that I wished he would * * * take me away. "Why darling!" said he, "our lease will be up in three On a pattern like this, by daylight, there is a lack of weeks, and I can't see how to leave before. sequence, a defiance of law, that is a constant irritant to a "The repairs are not done at home, and I cannot possibly normal mind. leave town just now. Of course if you were in any danger, I The color is hideous enough, and unreliable enough, could and would, but you really are better, dear, whether and infuriating enough, but the pattern is torturing. you can see it or not. I am a doctor, dear, and I know. You You think you have mastered it, but just as you get well are gaining flesh and color, your appetite is better, I feel underway in following, it turns a back somersault and really much easier about you." there you are. It slaps you in the face, knocks you down, "I don't weigh a bit more," said I, "nor as much; and my and tramples upon you. It is like a bad dream. appetite may be better in the evening when you are here, The outside pattern is a florid arabesque, reminding one but it is worse in the morning when you are away!" of a fungus. If you can imagine a toadstool in joints, an "Bless her little heart!" said he with a big hug, "she shall interminable string of toadstools, budding and sprouting be as sick as she pleases! But now let's improve the shining in endless convolutions--why, that is something like it. hours by going to sleep, and talk about it in the morning!" That is, sometimes! "And you won't go away?" I asked gloomily. There is one marked peculiarity about this paper, a "Why, how can I, dear? It is only three weeks more and thing nobody seems to notice but myself, and that is that it then we will take a nice little trip of a few days while changes as the light changes. Jennie is getting the house ready. Really, dear, you are When the sun shoots in through the east window--I better!" always watch for that first long, straight ray--it changes so

6 quickly that I never can quite believe it. looked quite angry--asked me why I should frighten her That is why I watch it always. so! By moonlight--the moon shines in all night when there Then she said that the paper stained everything it is a moon--I wouldn't know it was the same paper. touched, that she had found yellow smooches on all my At night in any kind of light, in twilight, candle light, clothes and John's, and she wished we would be more lamplight, and worst of all by moonlight, it becomes bars! careful! The outside pattern I mean, and the woman behind it is as Did not that sound innocent? But I know she was plain as can be. studying that pattern, and I am determined that nobody I didn't realize for a long time what the thing was that shall find it out but myself! showed behind, that dim sub-pattern, but now I am quite sure it is a woman. * * * By daylight she is subdued, quiet. I fancy it is the pattern that keeps her so still. It is so puzzling. It keeps me Life is very much more exciting now than it used to be. quiet by the hour. You see I have something more to expect, to look forward I lie down ever so much now. John says it is good for to, to watch. I really do eat better, and am more quiet than me, and to sleep all I can. I was. Indeed he started the habit by making me lie down for John is so pleased to see me improve ! He laughed a an hour after each meal. little the other day, and said I seemed to be flourishing in It is a very bad habit I am convinced, for you see I don't spite of my wall-paper. sleep. I turned it off with a laugh. I had no intention of telling And that cultivates deceit, for I don't tell them I'm him it was because of the wall-paper--he would make fun of awake--O no! me. He might even want to take me away. The fact is I am getting a little afraid of John. I don't want to leave now until I have found it out. He seems very queer sometimes, and even Jennie has an There is a week more, and I think that will be enough. inexplicable look. It strikes me occasionally, just as a scientific hypothesis, * * * that perhaps it is the paper! I have watched John when he did not know I was I'm feeling so much better! looking, and come into the room suddenly on the most I don't sleep much at night, for it is so interesting to innocent excuses, and I've caught him several times looking watch developments; but I sleep a good deal in the at the paper! And Jennie too. I caught Jennie with her hand daytime. on it once. In the daytime it is tiresome and perplexing. She didn't know I was in the room, and when I asked There are always new shoots on the fungus, and new her in a quiet, a very quiet voice, with the most restrained shades of yellow all over it. I cannot keep count of them, manner possible, what she was doing with the paper--she though I have tried conscientiously. turned around as if she had been caught stealing, and It is the strangest yellow, that wall-paper! It makes me

7 ! ! think of all the yellow things I ever saw--not beautiful ones so, I have finally found out. like buttercups, but old, foul, bad yellow things. The front pattern does move--and no wonder! The But there is something else about that paper-- the smell! woman behind shakes it! I noticed it the moment we came into the room, but with so Sometimes I think there are a great many women much air and sun it was not bad. Now we have had a week behind, and sometimes only one, and she crawls around of fog and rain, and whether the windows are open or not, fast, and her crawling shakes it all over. the smell is here. Then in the very bright spots she keeps still, and in the It creeps all over the house. very shady spots she just takes hold of the bars and shakes I find it hovering in the dining-room, skulking in the them hard. parlor, hiding in the hall, lying in wait for me on the stairs. And she is all the time trying to climb through. But It gets into my hair. nobody could climb through that pattern--it strangles so; I Even when I go to ride, if I turn my head suddenly and think that is why it has so many heads. surprise it--there is that smell! They get through, and then the pattern strangles them Such a peculiar odor, too! I have spent hours in trying to off and turns them upside down, and makes their eyes analyze it, to find what it smelled like. white! It is not bad--at first--and very gentle, but quite the If those heads were covered or taken off it would not be subtlest, most enduring odor I ever met. half so bad. In this damp weather it is awful, I wake up in the night and find it hanging over me. * * * It used to disturb me at first. I thought seriously of burning the house--to reach the smell. I think that woman gets out in the daytime! But now I am used to it. The only thing I can think of And I'll tell you why--privately--I've seen her! that it is like is the color of the paper! A yellow smell. I can see her out of every one of my windows! There is a very funny mark on this wall, low down, near It is the same woman, I know, for she is always the mopboard. A streak that runs round the room. It goes creeping, and most women do not creep by daylight. behind every piece of furniture, except the bed, a long, I see her on that long road under the trees, creeping straight, even smooch, as if it had been rubbed over and along, and when a carriage comes she hides under the over. blackberry vines. I wonder how it was done and who did it, and what I don't blame her a bit. It must be very humiliating to be they did it for. Round and round and round--round and caught creeping by daylight! round and round--it makes me dizzy ! I always lock the door when I creep by daylight. I can't do it at night, for I know John would suspect something at * * * once. And John is so queer now, that I don't want to irritate I really have discovered something at last. him. I wish he would take another room! Besides, I don't Through watching so much at night, when it changes want anybody to get that woman out at night but myself.

8 I often wonder if I could see her out of all the windows Jennie wanted to sleep with me--the sly thing! but I told at once. her I should undoubtedly rest better for a night all alone. But, turn as fast as I can, I can only see out of one at one That was clever, for really I wasn't alone a bit! As soon time. as it was moonlight and that poor thing began to crawl and And though I always see her, she may be able to creep shake the pattern, I got up and ran to help her. faster than I can turn! I pulled and she shook, I shook and she pulled, and I have watched her sometimes away off in the open before morning we had peeled off yards of that paper. country, creeping as fast as a cloud shadow in a high wind. A strip about as high as my head and half around the room. * * * And then when the sun came and that awful pattern began to laugh at me, I declared I would finish it to-day! If only that top pattern could be gotten off from the We go away to-morrow, and they are moving all my under one! I mean to try it, little by little. furniture down again to leave things as they were before. I have found out another funny thing, but I shan't tell it Jennie looked at the wall in amazement, but I told her this time! It does not do to trust people too much. merrily that I did it out of pure spite at the vicious thing. There are only two more days to get this paper off, and I She laughed and said she wouldn't mind doing it believe John is beginning to notice. I don't like the look in herself, but I must not get tired. his eyes. How she betrayed herself that time! And I heard him ask Jennie a lot of professional But I am here, and no person touches this paper but me- questions about me. She had a very good report to give. -not alive! She said I slept a good deal in the daytime. She tried to get me out of the room--it was too patent! John knows I don't sleep very well at night, for all I'm so But I said it was so quiet and empty and clean now that I quiet! believed I would lie down again and sleep all I could; and He asked me all sorts of questions, too, and pretended not to wake me even for dinner--I would call when I woke. to be very loving and kind. So now she is gone, and the servants are gone, and the As if I couldn't see through him! things are gone, and there is nothing left but that great Still, I don't wonder he acts so, sleeping under this bedstead nailed down, with the canvas mattress we found paper for three months. on it. It only interests me, but I feel sure John and Jennie are We shall sleep downstairs to-night, and take the boat secretly affected by it. home to-morrow. I quite enjoy the room, now it is bare again. * * * How those children did tear about here! This bedstead is fairly gnawed! Hurrah! This is the last day, but it is enough. John is to But I must get to work. stay in town over night, and won't be out until this I have locked the door and thrown the key down into evening. the front path.

9 I don't want to go out, and I don't want to have anybody me to. come in, till John comes. For outside you have to creep on the ground, and I want to astonish him. everything is green instead of yellow. I've got a rope up here that even Jennie did not find. If But here I can creep smoothly on the floor, and my that woman does get out, and tries to get away, I can tie shoulder just fits in that long smooch around the wall, so I her! cannot lose my way. But I forgot I could not reach far without anything to Why there's John at the door! stand on! It is no use, young man, you can't open it! This bed will not move! How he does call and pound! I tried to lift and push it until I was lame, and then I got Now he's crying for an axe. so angry I bit off a little piece at one corner--but it hurt my It would be a shame to break down that beautiful door! teeth. "John, dear!" said I in the gentlest voice, "the key is Then I peeled off all the paper I could reach standing on down by the front steps, under a plantain leaf!" the floor. It sticks horribly and the pattern just enjoys it! All That silenced him for a few moments. those strangled heads and bulbous eyes and waddling Then he said--very quietly indeed, "Open the door, my fungus growths just shriek with derision! darling!" I am getting angry enough to do something desperate. "I can't," said I. "The key is down by the front door To jump out of the window would be admirable exercise, under a plantain leaf!" but the bars are too strong even to try. And then I said it again, several times, very gently and Besides I wouldn't do it. Of course not. I know well slowly, and said it so often that he had to go and see, and enough that a step like that is improper and might be he got it of course, and came in. He stopped short by the misconstrued. door. I don't like to look out of the windows even--there are so "What is the matter?" he cried. "For God's sake, what are many of those creeping women, and they creep so fast. you doing!" I wonder if they all come out of that wall-paper as I did? I kept on creeping just the same, but I looked at him But I am securely fastened now by my well-hidden over my shoulder. rope--you don't get me out in the road there! "I've got out at last," said I, "in spite of you and Jane. I suppose I shall have to get back behind the pattern And I've pulled off most of the paper, so you can't put me when it comes night, and that is hard! back!" It is so pleasant to be out in this great room and creep Now why should that man have fainted? But he did, around as I please! and right across my path by the wall, so that I had to creep I don't want to go outside. I won't, even if Jennie asks over him every time!

10 ! Hills Like White Elephants

Ernest Hemingway

The hills across the valley of the Ebro were long and white. On on it," she said. "What does it say?" this side there was no shade and no trees and the station was between "Anis del Toro. It's a drink." two lines of rails in the sun. Close against the side of the station there "Could we try it?" was the warm shadow of the building and a curtain, made of strings The man called "Listen" through the curtain. The woman came of bamboo beads, hung across the open door into the bar, to keep out from the bar. out flies. The American and the girl with him sat at a table in the "Four reales." shade, outside the building. It was very hot and the express from "We want two Anis del Toro." Barcelona would come in forty minutes. It stopped at this junction "With water?" for two minutes and went on to Madrid. "Do you want it with water?" "What should we drink?" the girl asked. She had taken off her "I don't know," the girl said. "Is it good with water?" hat and put it on the table. "It's all right." "It's pretty hot," the man said. "You want them with water?" asked the woman. "Let's drink beer." "Yes, with water." "Dos cervezas," the man said into the curtain. "It tastes like licorice," the girl said and put the glass down. "Big ones?" a woman asked from the doorway. "That's the way with everything." "Yes. Two big ones." "Yes," said the girl. "Everything tastes of licorice. Especially all The woman brought two glasses of beer and two felt pads. She the things you've waited so long for, like absinthe." put the felt pads and the beer glasses on the table and looked at the "Oh, cut it out." man and the girl. The girl was looking off at the line of hills. They "You started it," the girl said. "I was being amused. I was having were white in the sun and the country was brown and dry. a fine time." "They look like white elephants," she said. "Well, let's try and have a fine time." "I've never seen one," the man drank his beer. "All right. I was trying. I said the mountains looked like white "No, you wouldn't have." elephants. Wasn't that bright?" "I might have," the man said. "Just because you say I wouldn't "That was bright." have doesn't prove anything." "I wanted to try this new drink: That's all we do, isn't it -- look at The girl looked at the bead curtain. "They've painted something things and try new drinks?" "I guess so." "I think it's the best thing to do. But I don't want you to do it if The girl looked across at the hills. you don't really want to." "They're lovely hills," she said. "They don't really look like white "And if I do it you'll be happy and things will be like they were elephants. I just meant the coloring of their skin through the trees." and you'll love me?" "Should we have another drink?" "I love you now. You know I love you." "All right." "I know. But if I do it, then it will be nice again if I say things are The warm wind blew the bead curtain against the table. like white elephants, and you'll like it?" "The beer's nice and cool," the man said. "I'll love it. I love it now but I just can't think about it. You know "It's lovely," the girl said. how I get when I worry." "It's really an awfully simple operation, Jig," the man said. "It's "If I do it you won't ever worry?" not really an operation at all." "I won't worry about that because it's perfectly simple." The girl looked at the ground the table legs rested on. "Then I'll do it. Because I don't care about me." "I know you wouldn't mind it, Jig. It's really not anything. It's just "What do you mean?" to let the air in." "I don't care about me." The girl did not say anything. "Well, I care about you." "I'll go with you and I'll stay with you all the time. They just let "Oh, yes. But I don't care about me. And I'll do it and then the air in and then it's all perfectly natural." everything will be fine." "Then what will we do afterward?' "I don't want you to do it if you feel that way." "We'll be fine afterward. Just like we were before." The girl stood up and walked to the end of the station. Across, on "What makes you think so?" the other side, were fields of grain and trees along the banks of the "That's the only thing that bothers us. It's the only thing that's Ebro. Far away, beyond the river, were mountains. The shadow of a made us unhappy." cloud moved across the field of grain and she saw the river through The girl looked at the bead curtain, put her hand out and took the trees. hold of two of the strings of beads. "And we could have all this," she said. "And we could have "And you think then we'll be all right and be happy." everything and every day we make it more impossible." "I know we will. You don't have to be afraid. I've known lots of "What did you say?" people that have done it." "I said we could have everything." "So have I," said the girl. "And afterward they were all so "We can have everything." happy." "No, we can't." "Well," the man said, "if you don't want to you don't have to. I "We can have the whole world." wouldn't have you do it if you didn't want to. But I know it's perfectly "No, we can't." simple." "We can go everywhere." "And you really want to?" "No, we can't. It isn't ours any more." "It's ours." The woman came out through the curtains with two glasses of "No it isn't. And once they take it away, you never get it back." beer and put them down on the damp felt pads. "The train comes in "But they haven't taken it away." five minutes," she said. "We'll wait and see." "What did she say?" asked the girl. "Come on back in the shade," he said. "you mustn't feel that "That the train is coming in five minutes." way." The girl smiled brightly at the woman, to thank her. "I don't feel any way," the girl said. "I just know things." "I'd better take the bags over to the other side of the station," the "I don't want you to do anything that you don't want to do--" man said. She smiled at him. "Nor that isn't good for me," she said. "I know. Could we have "All right. Then come back and we'll finish the beer." another beer?" He picked up the two heavy bags and carried them around the "All right. But you've got to realize--" station to the other tracks. He looked up the tracks but could not see "I realize," the girl said. "Can't we maybe stop talking?" the train. Coming back, he walked through the barroom, where They sat down at the table and the girl looked across at the hills people waiting for the train were drinking. He drank an Anis at the on the dry side of the valley and the man looked at her and at the bar and looked at the people. They were all waiting reasonably for table. the train. He went out through the bead curtain. She was sitting at "You've got to realize," he said, "that I don't want you to do it if the table and smiled at him. you don't want to. I'm perfectly willing to go through with it if it "Do you feel better?" he asked. means anything to you." "I feel fine," she said. "There's nothing wrong with me. I feel "Doesn't it mean anything to you? We could get along." fine." "Of course it does. But I don't want anybody but you. I don't want any one else. And I know it's perfectly simple." "Yes, you know it's perfectly simple." "It's all right for you to say that, but I do know it." "Would you do something for me now?" "I'd do anything for you." "Would you please please please please please please please stop talking?" He did not say anything but looked at the bags against the wall of the station. There were labels on them from all the hotels where they had spent nights. "But I don't want you to," he said, "I don't care anything about it." "I'll scream," the girl said. A Woman on a Roof

Doris Lessing

It was during the week of hot Sun, that June. at the woman. She had moved, and all they could see were two pink legs Three men were at work on the roof, where the leads got so hot stretched on the blanket. They whistled and shouted but the legs did not they had the idea of throwing water on to cool them. But the water move. Harry came back with a blanket and shouted: "Come on, then." steamed, then sizzled; and they made jokes about getting an egg He sounded irritated with them. They clambered back to him and he from some woman in the flats under them, to poach it for their said to Stanley: "What about your missus?" Stanley was newly married, dinner. By two it was not possible to touch the guttering they were about three months. Stanley said, jeering: "What about my missus?"— replacing, and they speculated about what workmen did in regularly preserving his independence. Tom said nothing, but his mind was full of hot countries. Perhaps they should borrow kitchen gloves with the the nearly naked woman. Harry slung the blanket, which he had egg? They were all a bit dizzy, not used to the heat; and they shed borrowed from a friendly woman downstairs, from the stem of a their coats and stood side by side squeezing themselves into a foot- television aerial to a row of chimney-pots. This shade fell across the wide patch of shade against a chimney, careful to keep their feet in piece of gutter they had to replace. But the shade kept moving, they had the thick socks and boots out of the sun. There was a fine view to adjust the blanket, and not much progress was made. At last some of across several acres of roofs. Not far off a man sat in a deck chair the heat left the roof, and they worked fast, making up for lost time. reading the newspaper. Then they saw her, between chimneys, about First Stanley, then Tom, made a trip to the end of the roof to see the fifty yards away. She lay face down on a brown blanket. They could woman. "She's on her back," Stanley said, adding a jest which made see the top part of her: black hair, a flushed solid back, arms spread Tom snicker, and the older man smiled tolerantly. Tom's report was that out. she hadn't moved, but it was a lie. He wanted to keep what he had seen "She's stark naked," said Stanley, sounding annoyed. to himself: he had caught her in the act of rolling down the little red Harry, the oldest, a man of about forty-five, said: "Looks like it." pants over her hips, till they were no more than a small triangle. She was Young Tom, seventeen, said nothing, but he was excited and on her back, fully visible, glistening with oil. grinning. Next morning, as soon as they came up, they went to look. She was Stanley said: "Someone'll report her if she doesn't watch out." already there, face down, arms spread out, naked except for the little red "She thinks no one can see," said Tom, craning his head all ways pants. She had turned brown in the night. Yesterday she was a scarlet- to see more. and-white woman, today she was a brown woman. Stanley let out a At this point the woman, still lying prone, brought her two hands whistle. She lifted her head, startled, as if she'd been asleep, and looked up behind her shoulders with the ends of her scarf in them, tied it straight over at them. The sun was in her eyes, she blinked and stared, behind her back, and sat up. She wore a red scarf tied around her then she dropped her head again. At this gesture of indifference, they all breasts and brief red bikini pants. This being the first day of the sun three, Stanley, Tom and old Harry, let out whistles and yells. Harry was she was white, flushing red. She sat smoking, and did not look up doing it in parody of the younger men, making fun of them, but he was when Stanley let out a wolf whistle. Harry said: "Small things amuse also angry. They were all angry because of her utter indifference to the small minds," leading the way back to their part of the roof, but it three men watching her. was scorching. Harry said: "Wait, I'm going to rig up some shade," "Bitch," said Stanley. and disappeared down the skylight into the building. Now that he'd "She should ask us over," said Tom, snickering. gone, Stanley and Tom went to the farthest point they could to peer Harry recovered himself and reminded Stanley: "If she's married, her old man wouldn't like that." he slept, and she had been tender with him. This tenderness he was "Christ," said Stanley virtuously, "if my wife lay about like that, remembering as he shifted his feet by the jeering, whistling Stanley, and for everyone to see, I'd soon stop her." watched the indifferent, healthy brown woman a few feet off, with the Harry said, smiling: "How do you know, perhaps she's sunning gap that plunged to the street between them. Tom thought it was herself at this very moment?" romantic, it was like being high on two hilltops. But there was a shout "Not a chance, not on our roof," The safety of his wife put Stanley from Harry, and they clambered back. Stanley's face was hard, really into a good humor, and they went to work. But today it was hotter angry. The boy kept looking at him and wondered why he hated the than yesterday; and several times one or the other suggested they woman so much, for by now he loved her. should tell Matthew, the foreman, and ask to leave the roof until the They played their little games with the blanket, trying to trap shade to heat wave was over. But they didn't. There was work to be done in work under; but again it was not until nearly four that they could work the basement of the big block of flats, but up here they felt free, on a seriously, and they were exhausted, all three of them. They were different level from ordinary humanity shut in the streets or the grumbling about the weather by now. Stanley was in a thoroughly bad buildings. A lot more people came out on to the roof that day, for an humor. When they made their routine trip to see the woman before they hour at midday. Some married couples sat side by side in deck packed up for the day, she was apparently asleep, face down, her back chairs, the women's legs stockingless and scarlet, the men in vests all naked save for the scarlet triangle on her buttocks. "I've got a good with reddening shoulders. mind to report her to the police," said Stanley, and Harry said: "What's The woman stayed on her blanket, turning herself over and over. eating you? What harm's she doing?" She ignored them, no matter what they did. When Harry went off to "I tell you, if she was my wife!" fetch more screws, Stanley said: "Come on." Her roof belonged to a "But she isn't is she?" Tom knew that Harry, like himself, was uneasy different system of roofs, separated from theirs at one point by about at Stanley's reaction. He was normally a sharp young man, quick at his twenty feet. It meant a scrambling climb from one level to another, work, making a lot of jokes, good company. edging along parapets, clinging to chimneys, while their big boots "Perhaps it will be cooler tomorrow," said Harry. slipped and slithered, but at last they stood on a small square But it wasn't; it was hotter, if anything, and the weather forecast said projecting roof looking straight down at her, close. She sat smoking, the good weather would last. As soon as they were on the roof, Harry reading a book. Tom thought she looked like a poster, or a magazine went over to see if the woman was there, and Tom knew it was to cover, with the blue sky behind her and her legs stretched out. prevent Stanley going, to put off his bad humor. Harry had grownup Behind her a great crane at work on a new building in Oxford Street children, a boy the same age as Tom, and the youth trusted and looked swung its black arm across roofs in a great arc. Tom imagined up to him. himself at work on the crane, adjusting the arm to swing over and Harry came back and said: "She's not there." pick her up and swing her back across the sky to drop her near him. "I bet her old man put his foot down," said Stanley, and Harry and They whistled. She looked up at them, cool and remote, then went Tom caught each other's eyes and smiled behind the young married on reading. Again, they were furious. Or, rather, Stanley was. His man's back. Harry suggested they should get permission to work in the sun-heated face was screwed into a rage as he whistled again and basement, and they did, that day. But before packing up Stanley said: again, trying to make her look up. Young Tom stopped whistling. He "Let's have a breath of fresh air." Again Harry and Tom smiled at each stood beside Stanley, excited, grinning; but he felt as if he were other as they followed Stanley up to the roof, Tom in the devout saying to the woman: Don't associate me with him, for his grin was conviction that he was there to protect the woman from Stanley. It was apologetic. Last night he had thought of the unknown woman before about five-thirty, and a calm, full sunlight lay over the roofs. The great crane still swung its black arm from Oxford Street to above their they were all there next day. By ten the temperature was in the middle heads. She was not there. Then there was a flutter of white from seventies, and it was eighty long before noon. Harry went to the behind a parapet, and she stood up, in a belted, white dressing-gown. foreman to say it was impossible to work on the leads in that heat; but She had been there all day, probably, but on a different patch of roof, the foreman said there was nothing else he could put them on, and they'd to hide from them. Stanley did not whistle; he said nothing, but have to. At midday they stood, silent, watching the skylight on her roof watched the woman bend to collect papers, books, cigarettes, then open, and then she slowly emerged in her white gown, holding a bundle fold the blanket over her arm. Tom was thinking: If they weren't of blanket. She looked at them, gravely, then went to the part of the roof here, I'd go over and say . . . what? But he knew from his nightly where she was hidden from them. Tom was pleased. He felt she was dreams of her that she was kind and friendly. Perhaps she would ask more his when the other men couldn't see her. They had taken off their him down to her flat? Perhaps . . . He stood watching her disappear shirts and vests, but now they put them back again, for they felt the sun down the skylight. As she went, Stanley let out a shrill derisive yell; bruising their flesh. "She must have the hide of a rhino," said Stanley, she started, and it seemed as if she nearly fell. She clutched to save tugging at guttering and swearing. They stopped work, and sat in the herself, they could hear things falling. She looked straight at them, shade, moving around behind chimney stacks. A woman came to water angry. Harry said, facetiously: "Better be careful on those slippery a yellow window box opposite them. She was middle-aged, wearing a ladders, love." Tom knew he said it to save her from Stanley, but she flowered summer dress. Stanley said to her: "We need a drink more than could not know it. She vanished, frowning. Tom was full of a secret them." She smiled and said: "Better drop down to the pub quick, it'll be delight, because he knew her anger was for the others, not for him. closing in a minute." They exchanged pleasantries, and she left them "Roll on some rain," said Stanley, bitter, looking at the blue with a smile and a wave. evening sky. "Not like Lady Godiva," said Stanley. "She can give us a bit of a chat Next day was cloudless, and they decided to finish the work in the and a smile." basement. They felt excluded, shut in the grey cement basement "You didn't whistle at her," said Tom, reproving. fitting pipes, from the holiday atmosphere of London in a heat wave. "Listen to him," said Stanley, "you didn't whistle, then?" At lunchtime they came up for some air, but while the married But the boy felt as if he hadn't whistled, as if only Harry and Stanley couples, and the men in shirt-sleeves or vests, were there, she was had. He was making plans, when it was time to knock off work, to get not there, either on her usual patch of roof or where she had been left behind and somehow make his way over to the woman. The weather yesterday. They all, even Harry, clambered about, between chimney- report said the hot spell was due to break, so he had to move quickly. pots, over parapets, the hot leads stinging their fingers. There was But there was no chance of being left. The other two decided to knock not a sign of her. They took off their shirts and vests and exposed off work at four, because they were exhausted. As they went down, Tom their chests, feeling their feet sweaty and hot. They did not mention quickly climbed a parapet and hoisted himself higher by pulling his the woman. But Tom felt alone again. Last night she had him into weight up a chimney. He caught a glimpse of her lying on her back, her her flat: it was big and had fitted white carpets and a bed with a knees up, eyes closed, a brown woman lolling in the sun. He slipped and padded white leather head-board. She wore a black filmy negligee clattered down, as Stanley looked for information: "She's gone down," and her kindness to Tom thickened his throat as he remembered it. he said. He felt as if he had protected her from Stanley, and that she He felt she had betrayed him by not being there. must be grateful to him. He could feel the bond between the woman and And again after work they climbed up, but still there was nothing himself. to be seen of her. Stanley kept repeating that if it was as hot as this Next day, they stood around on the landing below the roof, reluctant tomorrow he wasn't going to work and that's all there was to it. But to climb up into the heat. The woman who had lent Harry the blanket came out and offered them a cup of tea. They accepted gratefully, "Yes," said Harry, disapproving. and sat around Mrs. Pritchett's kitchen an hour or so, chatting. She Suddenly the older man came to a decision. It was, Tom knew, to save was married to an airline pilot. A smart blonde, of about thirty, she some sort of scandal or real trouble over the woman. Harry stood up and had an eye for the handsome sharp-faced Stanley; and the two teased began packing tools into a length of oily cloth. "Stanley," he said, each other while Harry sat in a corner, watching, indulgent, though commanding. At first Stanley took no notice, but Harry said: "Stanley, his expression reminded Stanley that he was married. And young we're packing it in, I'll tell Matthew." Tom felt envious of Stanley's ease in badinage; felt, too, that Stanley came back, cheeks mottled, eyes glaring. Stanley's getting off with Mrs. Pritchett left his romance with the "Can't go on like this," said Harry. "It'll break in a day or so. I'm going woman on the roof safe and intact. to tell Matthew we've got sunstroke, and if he doesn't like, it's too bad." "I thought they said the heat wave'd break," said Stanley, sullen, as Even Harry sounded aggrieved, Tom noted. The small, competent man, the time approached when they really would have to climb up into the family man with his grey hair, who was never at a loss, sounded the sunlight. really off balance. "Come on," he said, angry. He fitted himself into the "You don't like it, then?" asked Mrs. Pritchett. open square in the roof, and went down, watching his feet on the ladder. "All right for some," said Stanley. "Nothing to do but lie about as Then Stanley went, with not a glance at the woman. Then Tom, who, his if it was a beach up there. Do you ever go up?" throat beating with excitement, silently promised her on a backward "Went up once," said Mrs. Pritchett. "But it's a dirty place up there, glance: Wait for me, wait, I'm coming. and it's too hot." On the pavement Stanley said: "I'm going home." He looked white "Quite right too," said Stanley. now, so perhaps he really did have sunstroke. Harry went off to find the Then they went up, leaving the cool neat little flat and the friendly foreman, who was at work on the plumbing of some flats down the Mrs. Pritchett. As soon as they were up they saw her. The three men street. Tom slipped back, not into the building they had been working looked at her, resentful at her ease in this punishing sun. Then Harry on, but the building on whose roof the woman lay. He went straight up, said, because of the expression on Stanley's face: "Come on, we've no one stopping him. The skylight stood open, with an iron ladder got to pretend to work, at least." They had to wrench another length leading up. He emerged on to the roof a couple of yards from her. She of guttering that ran beside a parapet out of its bed, so that they could sat up, pushing back her black hair with both hands. The scarf across her replace it. Stanley took it in his two hands, tugged, swore, stood up. breasts bound them tight, and brown flesh bulged around it. Her legs "Fuck it," he said, and sat down under a chimney. He lit a cigarette. were brown and smooth. She stared at him in silence. The boy stood "Fuck them," he said. "What do they think we are, lizards? I've got grinning, foolish, claiming the tenderness he expected from her. blisters all over my hands." Then he jumped up and climbed over the "What do you want?" she asked. roofs and stood with his back to them. He put his fingers either side "I . . . I came to . . . make your acquaintance," he stammered, grinning, of his mouth and let out a shrill whistle. Tom and Harry squatted, not pleading with her. looking at each other, watching him. They could just see the They looked at each other, the slight, scarlet-faced excited boy, and woman's head, the beginnings of her brown shoulders. Stanley the serious, nearly naked woman. Then, without a word, she lay down whistled again. Then he began stamping with his feet, and whistled on her brown blanket, ignoring him. and yelled and screamed at the woman, his face getting scarlet. He "You like the sun, do you?" he enquired of her glistening back. seemed quite mad, as he stamped and whistled, while the woman did Not a word. He felt panic, thinking of how she had held him in her not move, she did not move a muscle. arms, stroked his hair, brought him where he sat, lordly, in her bed, a "Barmy," said Tom. glass of some exhilarating liquor he had never tasted in life. He felt that if he knelt down, stroked her shoulders, her hair, she would turn and her thighs, her arms—the tension of waiting for him to go. clasp him in her arms. He looked up at the sky, where the sun seemed to spin in heat; and He said: "The sun's all right for you, isn't it?" over the roofs where he and his mates had been earlier. He could see the She raised her head, set her chin on two small fists. "Go away," she heat quivering where they had worked. And they expect us to work in said. He did not move. "Listen," she said, in a slow reasonable voice, these conditions! he thought, filled with righteous indignation. The where anger was kept in check, though with difficulty; looking at woman hadn't moved. A bit of hot wind blew her black hair softly; it him, her face weary with anger, "if you get a kick out of seeing shone, and was iridescent. He remembered how he had stroked it last women in bikinis, why don't you take an sixpenny bus ride to the night. Lido? You'd see dozens of them, without all this mountaineering." Resentment of her at last moved him off and away down the ladder, She hadn't understood him. He felt her unfairness pale him. He through the building, into the street. He got drunk then, in hatred of her. stammered: "But I like you, I've been watching you and . . ." Next day when he woke the sky was grey. He looked at the wet grey "Thanks," she said, and dropped her face again, turned away from and thought, vicious: Well, that's fixed you, hasn't it now? That's fixed him. you good and proper. She lay there. He stood there. She said nothing. She had simply The three men were at work early on the cool leads, surrounded by shut him out. He stood, saying nothing at all, for some minutes. He damp drizzling roofs where no one came to sun themselves, black roofs, thought: She'll have to say something if I stay. But the minutes went slimy with rain. Because it was cool now, they would finish the job that past, with no sign of them in her, except in the tension of her back, day, if they hurried.

Lamb to the Slaughter and she, on her side, was content to sit quietly, enjoying his Roald Dahl company after the long hours alone in the house. She loved to luxuriate in the presence of this man, and to feel--almost as a The room was warm and clean, the curtains drawn, the two sunbather feels the sun--that warm male glow that came out of table lamps alight--hers and the one by the empty chair him to her when they were alone together. She loved him for opposite. On the sideboard behind her, two tall glasses, soda the way he sat loosely in a chair, for the way he came in a door, water, whiskey. Fresh ice cubes in the Thermos bucket. or moved slowly across the room with long strides. She loved Mary Maloney was waiting for her husband to come home the intense, far look in his eyes when they rested on her, the from work. funny shape of the mouth, and especially the way he remained Now and again she would glance up at the clock, but silent about his tiredness, sitting still with himself until the without anxiety, merely to please herself with the thought that whiskey had taken some of it away. each minute gone by made it nearer the time when he would “Tired darling?” come. There was a slow smiling air about her, and about “Yes,” he said. “I’m tired.” And as he spoke, he did an everything she did. The drop of the head as she bent over her unusual thing. He lifted his glass and drained it in one swallow sewing was curiously tranquil. Her skin--for this was her sixth although there was still half of it, at least half of it left. She month with child--had acquired a wonderful translucent wasn’t really watching him, but she knew what he had done quality, the mouth was soft, and the eyes, with their new placid because she heard the ice cubes falling back against the bottom look, seemed larger, darker than before. When the clock said of the empty glass when he lowered his arm. He paused a ten minutes to five, she began to listen, and a few moments moment, leaning forward in the chair, then he got up and went later, punctually as always, she heard the tires on the gravel slowly over to fetch himself another. outside, and the car door slamming, the footsteps passing the “I’ll get it!” she cried, jumping up. window, the key turning in the lock. She laid aside her sewing, “Sit down,” he said. stood up, and went forward to kiss him as he came in. When he came back, she noticed that the new drink was “Hullo darling,” she said. dark amber with the quantity of whiskey in it. “Hullo darling,” he answered. “Darling, shall I get your slippers?” She took his coat and hung it in the closet. Then she “No.” walked over and made the drinks, a strongish one for him, a She watched him as he began to sip the dark yellow drink, weak one for herself; and soon she was back again in her chair and she could see little oily swirls in the liquid because it was with the sewing, and he in the other, opposite, holding the tall so strong. glass with both hands, rocking it so the ice cubes tinkled “I think it’s a shame,” she said, “that when a policeman against the side. gets to be as senior as you, they keep him walking about on his For her, this was always a blissful time of day. She knew feet all day long.” he didn’t want to speak much until the first drink was finished, He didn’t answer, so she bent her head again and went on “This is going to be a bit of a shock to you, I’m afraid,” he with her sewing; but each time he lifted the drink to his lips, said. “But I’ve thought about it a good deal and I’ve decided she heard the ice cubes clinking against the side of the glass. the only thing to do is tell you right away. I hope you won’t “Darling,” she said. “Would you like me to get you some blame me too much.” cheese? I haven’t made any supper because it’s Thursday.” And he told her. It didn’t take long, four or five minutes at “No,” he said. most, and she sat very still through it all, watching him with a “If you’re too tired to eat out,” she went on, “it’s still not kind of dazed horror as he went further and further away from too late. There’s plenty of meat and stuff in the freezer, and her with each word. you can have it right here and not even move out of the chair.” “So there it is,” he added. “And I know it’s kind of a bad Her eyes waited on him for an answer, a smile, a little nod, time to be telling you, but there simply wasn’t any other way. but he made no sign. Of course I’ll give you money and see you’re looked after. But “Anyway,” she went on, “I’ll get you some cheese and there needn’t really be any fuss. I hope not anyway. It crackers first.” wouldn’t be very good for my job.” “I don’t want it,” he said. Her first instinct was not to believe any of it, to reject it all. She moved uneasily in her chair, the large eyes still It occurred to her that perhaps he hadn’t even spoken, that she watching his face. “But you must eat! I’ll fix it anyway, and herself had imagined the whole thing. Maybe, if she went then you can have it or not, as you like.” about her business and acted as though she hadn’t been She stood up and placed her sewing on the table by the listening, then later, when she sort of woke up again, she might lamp. find none of it had ever happened. “Sit down,” he said. “Just for a minute, sit down.” “I’ll get the supper,” she managed to whisper, and this time It wasn’t till then that she began to get frightened. he didn’t stop her. “Go on,” he said. “Sit down.” When she walked across the room she couldn’t feel her feet She lowered herself back slowly into the chair, watching touching the floor. She couldn’t feel anything at all--except a him all the time with those large, bewildered eyes. He had slight nausea and a desire to vomit. Everything was automatic finished the second drink and was staring down into the glass, now--down the steps to the cellar, the light switch, the deep frowning. freeze, the hand inside the cabinet taking hold of the first object “Listen,” he said. “I’ve got something to tell you.” it met. She lifted it out, and looked at it. It was wrapped in “What is it, darling? What’s the matter?” paper, so she took off the paper and looked at it again. He had now become absolutely motionless, and he kept his A leg of lamb. head down so that the light from the lamp beside him fell All right then, they would have lamb for supper. She across the upper part of his face, leaving the chin and mouth in carried it upstairs, holding the thin bone-end of it with both her shadow. She noticed there was a little muscle moving near the hands, and as she went through the living-room, she saw him corner of his left eye. 2 standing over by the window with his back to her, and she face. She tried a smile. It came out rather peculiar. She tried stopped. again. “For God’s sake,” he said, hearing her, but not turning “Hullo Sam,” she said brightly, aloud. round. “Don’t make supper for me. I’m going out.” The voice sounded peculiar too. At that point, Mary Maloney simply walked up behind him “I want some potatoes please, Sam. Yes, and I think a can and without any pause she swung the big frozen leg of lamb of peas.” high in the air and brought it down as hard as she could on the That was better. Both the smile and the voice were coming back of his head. out better now. She rehearsed it several times more. Then she She might just as well have hit him with a steel club. ran downstairs, took her coat, went out the back door, down the She stepped back a pace, waiting, and the funny thing was garden, into the street. that he remained standing there for at least four or five seconds, It wasn’t six o’clock yet and the lights were still on in the gently swaying. Then he crashed to the carpet. grocery shop. The violence of the crash, the noise, the small table “Hullo Sam,” she said brightly, smiling at the man behind overturning, helped bring her out of the shock. She came out the counter. slowly, feeling cold and surprised, and she stood for a while “Why, good evening, Mrs. Maloney. How’re you?” blinking at the body, still holding the ridiculous piece of meat “I want some potatoes please, Sam. Yes, and I think a can tight with both hands. of peas.” All right, she told herself. So I’ve killed him. The man turned and reached up behind him on the shelf for It was extraordinary, now, how clear her mind became all the peas. of a sudden. She began thinking very fast. As the wife of a “Patrick’s decided he’s tired and doesn’t want to eat out detective, she knew quite well what the penalty would be. That tonight,” she told him. “We usually go out Thursdays, you was fine. It made no difference to her. In fact, it would be a know, and now he’s caught me without any vegetables in the relief. On the other hand, what about the child? What were the house.” laws about murderers with unborn children? Did they kill them “Then how about meat, Mrs. Maloney?” both--mother and child? Or did they wait until the tenth “No, I’ve got meat, thanks. I got a nice leg of lamb from month? What did they do? the freezer.” Mary Maloney didn’t know. And she certainly wasn’t “Oh.” prepared to take a chance. “I don’t much like cooking it frozen, Sam, but I’m taking a She carried the meat into the kitchen, placed it in a pan, chance on it this time. You think it’ll be all right?” turned the oven on high, and shoved it inside. Then she “Personally,” the grocer said, “I don’t believe it makes any washed her hands and ran upstairs to the bedroom. She sat difference. You want these Idaho potatoes?” down before the mirror, tidied her hair, touched up her lips and “Oh yes, that’ll be fine. Two of those.”

3 “Anything else?” The grocer cocked his head on one side, knelt down beside him, and began to cry her heart out. It was looking at her pleasantly. “How about afterwards? What you easy. No acting was necessary. going to give him for afterwards?” A few minutes later she got up and went to the phone. She “Well--what would you suggest, Sam?” knew the number of the police station, and when the man at the The man glanced around his shop. “How about a nice big other end answered, she cried to him, “Quick! Come quick! slice of cheesecake? I know he likes that.” Patrick’s dead!” “Perfect,” she said. “He loves it.” “Who’s speaking?” And when it was all wrapped and she had paid, she put on “Mrs. Maloney. Mrs. Patrick Maloney.” her brightest smile and said, “Thank you, Sam. Goodnight.” “You mean Patrick Maloney’s dead?” “Goodnight, Mrs. Maloney. And thank you.” “I think so,” she sobbed. “He’s lying on the floor and I And now, she told herself as she hurried back, all she was think he’s dead.” doing now, she was returning home to her husband and he was “Be right over,” the man said. waiting for his supper; and she must cook it good, and make it The car came very quickly, and when she opened the front as tasty as possible because the poor man was tired; and if, door, two policemen walked in. She knew them both--she when she entered the house, she happened to find anything knew nearly all the men at that precinct--and she fell right into unusual, or tragic, or terrible, then naturally it would be a shock Jack Noonan's arms, weeping hysterically. He put her gently and she’d become frantic with grief and horror. Mind you, she into a chair, then went over to join the other one, who was wasn’t expecting to find anything. She was just going home called O’Malley, kneeling by the body. with the vegetables. Mrs. Patrick Maloney going home with the “Is he dead?” she cried. vegetables on Thursday evening to cook supper for her “I’m afraid he is. What happened?” husband. Briefly, she told her story about going out to the grocer and That’s the way, she told herself. Do everything right and coming back to find him on the floor. While she was talking, natural. Keep things absolutely natural and there’ll be no need crying and talking, Noonan discovered a small patch of for any acting at all. congealed blood on the dead man’s head. He showed it to Therefore, when she entered the kitchen by the back door, O’Malley who got up at once and hurried to the phone. she was humming a little tune to herself and smiling. Soon, other men began to come into the house. First a “Patrick!” she called. “How are you, darling?” doctor, then two detectives, one of whom she knew by name. She put the parcel down on the table and went through into Later, a police photographer arrived and took pictures, and a the living room; and when she saw him lying there on the floor man who knew about fingerprints. There was a great deal of with his legs doubled up and one arm twisted back underneath whispering and muttering beside the corpse, and the detectives his body, it really was rather a shock. All the old love and kept asking her a lot of questions. But they always treated her longing for him welled up inside her, and she ran over to him, kindly. She told her story again, this time right from the beginning, when Patrick had come in, and she was sewing, and 4 he was tired, so tired he hadn’t wanted to go out for supper. gently as he passed by. Her husband, he told her, had been She told how she’d put the meat in the oven—“it’s there now, killed by a blow on the back of the head administered with a cooking”--and how she’d slipped out to the grocer for heavy blunt instrument, almost certainly a large piece of metal. vegetables, and come back to find him lying on the floor. They were looking for the weapon. The murderer may have ”Which grocer?” one of the detectives asked. taken it with him, but on the other hand he may have thrown it She told him, and he turned and whispered something to away or hidden it somewhere on the premises. the other detective who immediately went outside into the “It’s the old story,” he said. “Get the weapon, and you’ve street. got the man.” In fifteen minutes he was back with a page of notes, and Later, one of the detectives came up and sat beside her. there was more whispering, and through her sobbing she heard Did she know, he asked, of anything in the house that could’ve a few of the whispered phrases--”...acted quite normal...very been used as the weapon? Would she mind having a look cheerful...wanted to give him a good supper... around to see if anything was missing--a very big spanner, for peas...cheesecake...impossible that she...” example, or a heavy metal vase. After a while, the photographer and the doctor departed and They didn’t have any heavy metal vases, she said. two other men came in and took the corpse away on a “Or a big spanner?” stretcher. Then the fingerprint man went away. The two She didn’t think they had a big spanner. But there might be detectives remained, and so did the two policemen. They were some things like that in the garage. exceptionally nice to her, and Jack Noonan asked if she The search went on. She knew that there were other wouldn’t rather go somewhere else, to her sister’s house policemen in the garden all around the house. She could hear perhaps, or to his own wife who would take care of her and put their footsteps on the gravel outside, and sometimes she saw a her up for the night. flash of a torch through a chink in the curtains. It began to get No, she said. She didn’t feel she could move even a yard at late, nearly nine she noticed by the clock on the mantle. The the moment. Would they mind awfully if she stayed just where four men searching the rooms seemed to be growing weary, a she was until she felt better. She didn’t feel too good at the trifle exasperated. moment, she really didn’t. “Jack,” she said, the next time Sergeant Noonan went by. Then hadn’t she better lie down on the bed? Jack Noonan “Would you mind giving me a drink?” asked. “Sure I’ll give you a drink. You mean this whiskey?” No, she said. She’d like to stay right where she was, in this “Yes please. But just a small one. It might make me feel chair. A little later, perhaps, when she felt better, she would better.” move. He handed her the glass. So they left her there while they went about their business, “Why don’t you have one yourself,” she said. “You must searching the house. Occasionally one of the detectives asked be awfully tired. Please do. You’ve been very good to me.” her another question. Sometimes Jack Noonan spoke at her 5 “Well,” he answered. “It’s not strictly allowed, but I might The woman stayed where she was, listening to them speaking take just a drop to keep me going.” among themselves, their voices thick and sloppy because their One by one the others came in and were persuaded to take a mouths were full of meat. little nip of whiskey. They stood around rather awkwardly “Have some more, Charlie?” with the drinks in their hands, uncomfortable in her presence, “No. Better not finish it.” trying to say consoling things to her. Sergeant Noonan “She wants us to finish it. She said so. Be doing her a wandered into the kitchen, came out quickly and said, “Look, favor.” Mrs. Maloney. You know that oven of yours is still on, and the “Okay then. Give me some more.” meat still inside.” “That’s one hell of a big club the guy must’ve used to hit “Oh dear me!” she cried. “So it is!” poor Patrick,” one of them was saying. “The doc says his skull “I better turn it off for you, hadn’t I?” was smashed all to pieces just like from a sledgehammer.” “Will you do that, Jack. Thank you so much.” “That’s why it ought to be easy to find.” When the sergeant returned the second time, she looked at “Exactly what I say.” him with her large, dark tearful eyes. “Jack Noonan,” she said. “Whoever done it, they’re not going to be carrying a thing “Yes?” like that around with them longer than they need.” “Would you do me a small favor--you and these others?” One of them belched. “We can try, Mrs. Maloney.” “Personally, I think it’s right here on the premises.” “Well,” she said. “Here you all are, and good friends of “Probably right under our very noses. What you think, dear Patrick’s too, and helping to catch the man who killed Jack?” him. You must be terribly hungry by now because it’s long And in the other room, Mary Maloney began to giggle. past your suppertime, and I know Patrick would never forgive me, God bless his soul, if I allowed you to remain in his house without offering you decent hospitality. Why don’t you eat up that lamb that’s in the oven. It’ll be cooked just right by now.” “Wouldn’t dream of it,” Sergeant Noonan said. “Please,” she begged. “Please eat it. Personally I couldn’t touch a thing, certainly not what’s been in the house when he was here. But it’s all right for you. It’d be a favor to me if you’d eat it up. Then you can go on with your work again afterwards.” There was a good deal of hesitating among the four policemen, but they were clearly hungry, and in the end they were persuaded to go into the kitchen and help themselves. 6