Half the Sky 1

COVER 2 Half the Sky 3

Half the Sky stories of women marriage migrants and their empowerment

Asia Pacific Mission for Migrants (APMM) April 2014 4

This is a project of the Asia Pacific Mission for Migrants (APMM) supported by the Evangelischer Entwicklungsdienst (EED-Germany).

The publication may be cited in part as long as APMM is properly acknowledged as the source and APMM is furnished copies of the final work where the quotation or citation appears.

Comments and inquiries may be forwarded to:

ASIA PACIFIC MISSION FOR MIGRANTS (APMM) G/F, No. 2 Jordan Road, Kowloon, Hong Kong SAR, CHINA Tel. No. (852) 2723-7536 Fax No. (852) 2735-4559 Email: [email protected] Website: http://www.apmigrants.org

Cover design and layout by Rey Asis Artwork by A4DP Printed in Hong Kong SAR, CHINA

ISBN 978-988-19440-8-5 Half the Sky 5

CONTENTS

Preface 7

Acknowledgments 9

Life Stories of Women Marriage Migrants

Taiwan

Pei Hsiang 13

Manchi 29

Yadrung 49

South Korea

Jia Jia 69

Charlene 73 6

Japan

Agalyn 87

Zeny 101

Hong Kong

Mary 117

Ms Poon 121

Australia

Cherry 141

Grace 147

About the book 153 About APMM 153 About AMM♀RE 154 Half the Sky 7

PREFACE

Pictures are said to be worth a thousand words. However, a picture of empowerment will never be enough to convey the story behind the painstaking process – the context of how it started, the trials that one has to suffer, the sacrifices that must be endured, the decisions that have to be made, and the liberating happiness that results from its success.

This is what this book wishes to do. The book, Half the Sky: Stories of Women Marriage Migrants and Their Empowerment, is a collection of stories about women marriage migrants who did not only face a life of sacrifice and struggle in their new home countries but also found strength and empowerment through joining an organization, reaching out to their fellow women marriage migrants, helping others.

Nine years ago, the APMM started pioneering the work of raising the level of advocacy, education, and organizing of marriage migrants in the Asia Pacific region. While there already existed on the ground various forms and levels of organizing of marriage migrants, as well as campaigning for their rights especially of women marriage migrants, the APMM believed that issue of marriage migration must be further projected and developed in order to enable their participation in the surging movement of migrants, immigrants, refugees and other displaced people. 8 Preface

Since then, the APMM has conducted multiform initiatives focused on the condition of marriage migrants, on the phenomenon of marriage migration, and the related concerns – family, children, domestic violence, social inclusion – that arise the issue. Through the years, APMM has been a witness to the growing ranks of empowered marriage migrants. It was inspiring to see the eagerness of marriage migrants themselves to speak and to share their experiences and thoughts. Coming from countries where the status of women leaves much to be desired, then going to a country where being a migrant further diminishes their status, these women have been rendered silent for far too long. The activities conducted by APMM and the cooperation established by the Action Network for Marriage Migrants’ Rights and Empowerment (AMM♀RE) have given these women marriage migrants additional opportunities to have them heard and also interact with fellow migrants all over the world. Behind the collective strength that marriage migrants have shown in the past years are individuals who decided to rise up as part of a community. The stories in this book are reflections of brave women on the personal transformation that they have undergone. They are personal histories that the APMM hopes to be part of the collective memories of the migrant’s movement. Pictures may indeed be better than a thousand words. But with these words of women marriage migrants themselves who suffered and who were empowered, we hope to not only contribute to the making of a picture of the condition of women marriage migrants. Moreover, we hope to contribute to changing this picture and transforming the words into the language of rights and justice for women marriage migrants. Half the Sky 9

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Women hold half the sky. And part of that half are the many women migrants married to their local partners in many parts of Asia and the Pacific and the rest of the world. We call and know them as marriage migrants.

This book, Half the Sky: Stories of Women Marriage Migrants and Their Empowerment, could not have been made possible if Pei Hsiang, Manchi, Yadrung, Jia Jia, Charlene, Agalyn, Zeny, Mary, Ms Poon, Cherry and Grace did not have the courage to speak up and share their stories of empowerment to us.

It has been their stories that drove this project to reality and inspired many of us to pursue this initiative. We thank them for their strength, for giving a piece of themselves to this endeavor, and with that, we dedicate this book to them.

We would like to thank as well the many people who helped in reaching out to marriage migrants, interviewing them and going through the grueling task of translating and transcribing their stories: Hsiao-Chuan Hsia and Zoe Tsu-ying Liang for Taiwan, Gloria Hernando for South Korea, Butch Pongos for Japan, Yvette Pan and Katie Davis for Hong Kong, and Jane Brock for Australia. It is their passion and commitment that made this project even more worthwhile. 10 Acknowledgments

Much gratitude is given to Ina Silverio for her gift of words in threading the stories of our marriage migrants into beautiful narratives that we will be reading throughout this book. A mother and a wife herself, she felt the privilege of taking a glimpse into the lives of the nine women we are featuring in this book.

The Evangelischer Entwicklungsdienst (EED) who has been our friend and partner in making avenues for marriage migrants to speak out their stories and for their demands to be heard. For their support to this project, thank you very much.

Last but not the least, the many women and men of Asia Pacific Mission for Migrants, who helped in every detail of carrying out the fulfillment of this project, all your efforts are very much acknowledged and appreciated. No contribution is worthy of measurement or comparison, only of great gratitude.

We dedicate this book to all women marriage migrants who deserve every space to speak their minds, voice their concerns, engage in decision-making, be free from any form of oppression or exploitation, and become empowered citizens not only of their new homes but of the world.

Ramon Bultron APMM Managing Director Tamsui, Taipei photo taken by Rey Asis Half the Sky 11

Taiwan 12

s of February 2013, there are about 475,000 marriage immigrants in Taiwan, and most of them from Southeast Asia and Mainland China. ADespite the many problems they encounter, there are organizations in Taiwan that cater to the needs of marriage migrants and have taken initiative in organizing them. Two of these organizations are TransAsia Sisters Association Taiwan (TASAT) and New Immigrants Labor Rights Association (NILRA).

TASAT NILRA TransAsia Sisters Association, Taiwan New Immigrants Labor Rights Association (TASAT) is a grassroots organization striving (NILRA) was founded on April 12, 2008. for marriage migrants’ empowerment, rights The mission includes: to protect the labor rights and welfare. As the first national organization of new immigrants in Taiwan so they achieve in Taiwan established by marriage migrants genuine equal treatment in the workplace; to themselves, TASAT was formally established on provide new immigrants with legal information December 7, 2003, but her origin dates back and education so they can know their own to the Chinese literacy program founded in rights and benefits. Main programs include: 1995, which was the first initiative dedicated case consultation, social activities, information to marriage migrants in Taiwan. As the media of employment opportunities, public education, described it, TASAT had gone through the and advocacy. Since its establishment, NIRLA “Eight Years War of Resistance” before her has established offices in Taipei and Taoyuan success in formal establishment. for new immigrants to seek consultation and The idea behind this long process before her assistance, and to get together and make friends. formal establishment is TASAT’s belief that marriage migrants should speak for themselves, and this process was to empower marriage migrants, via learning Chinese language and fulfilling other immediate needs, to organize themselves to fight for their rights. TASAT was also a co-founder of the Alliance for Human Rights Legislation for Immigrants and Migrants (AHRLIM) established in 2003. Together with AHRLIM, TASAT has been campaigning for changes in laws and policies that will better protect marriage migrants’ rights and welfare. Half the Sky 13

Pei Hsiang Helping Herself by Helping Others Help Themselves 14 Pei Hsiang

It is not easy to leave and forget a difficult past, but in helping others, I discovered I can also build a new future for myself.

My name is Pei-Hsiang Lee and I was born in 1984 in a rural town that was 2.5 hours away by car from Phnom Penh, Cambodia. I have a son who was born in November 2003.

I have three elder brothers and one older sister, but when I was 10 years old, my mother died and my father soon remarried. My stepmother had two sons.

When I was a freshman in high school, my stepmother said that I should stop my formal schooling because I was old enough to work and should begin to be independent. Besides, my stepmother reasoned, no one else in the family had become fully educated, and they had no good connections anyway so it was useless to study anymore. Still, because I was my father’s favorite, my stepmother did not get her way. They argued over the issue, and to prevent more quarrels, I left for Phnom Penh to live with some relatives; I also found work in a garment factory.

I was only able to work for three weeks and had to return home because my father kept calling and begged me to come back. He believed that it was not good for a young and single girl to live alone in the city, and thought that it would be better for me to get married instead. Since it had become fashionable for people to go to Taiwan to get married and many of our neighbors had done so, my father thought it would be good for his own daughter to do the same. For this, my stepmother didn’t say anything. Half the Sky 15

Matchmaking, Marrying

The daughter of one of our neighbors had married a Taiwanese and her mother became a matchmaker. The matchmaker matched Cambodian women with Taiwanese men looking for wives. This matchmaker took me to Phnom Penh and I stayed at the broker’s home for almost two months. There were about five to eight other women with me.

While I was there, one of my elder brothers called me and told me to return home immediately because it was a disgrace that I should let myself be treated like some kind of fruit waiting to be picked by somebody. He promised to take care of me. I did not accept my brother’s offer because I knew that my brother already had his own family and also because I already promised my father that I would get married. My husband was the first and only man the matchmakers introduced to me.

However, I decided on my marriage rather carelessly. I called my father and told him about the man I met. My father just replied, “It’s your destiny.” At that time, feeling disappointed, I felt that my father did not consider my future very seriously, and this made me all the more determined to get married so I could finally leave Cambodia. Still, while I really wanted to leave Cambodia, in my heart I did not want to get married at all.

My reasons were practical: my father and stepmother fought often, and I was depressed over how my third elder brother committed suicide. I was also extremely depressed about my life and I had almost given up on myself. I wanted nothing but to leave Cambodia so that my father would not see how I had already 16 Pei Hsiang lost hope. I still waited some 20 days to leave for Taiwan after I decided to marry my husband.

I arrived in Taiwan in October 2002 when I was only 18 years old. My first year in the country went well, and everyone in my husband’s family treated me with respect. Though I did not understand Chinese, I managed to get by with body language and with the help of the basic Chinese language book I brought along. I also had a notebook where I wrote down Chinese words and phrases I learned. My husband knew I wanted to study, so he enrolled me in a Chinese literacy class at the Yonghe Community University at Taipei County. This class happened to be organized by TASAT (TransAsia Sisters Association, Taiwan). His action to take me to Chinese class meant a lot to me, and I became more willing to make our marriage happy.

However, I learned that there were differences between myself and my husband in terms of values and living habits. Our greatest arguments revolved around our differing opinions on how our son should be educated. I found my husband using harsh ways to discipline our son, but he let the young boy eat too much junk food.

We lived in the same apartment with my husband’s parents. My husband’s elder brother and his wife lived on the second floor while I, my husband, son and my in-laws lived on the first floor in the same building. When my father-in-law was still alive, the family’s relationships were all cordial. After he passed away – my son was six months old that time – my mother-in-law began to give me and my husband problems. Half the Sky 17

In the beginning, I did not know the reasons for the sudden change in her behavior because no one explained anything to me. Eventually I learned that my husband’s elder brother was born to his mom’s ex-husband. I had previously noticed that my husband and brother-in-law had different last names, but since I did not know much about Taiwanese culture, I thought it was part of Taiwanese tradition that some brothers carry different last names.

Then I gradually realized that my mother-in-law’s sudden change was not only because of the death of her husband, but it was also directly related to some problems about property, specifically the apartments we all lived in.

My mother-in-law feared staying home alone, so I was forced to always stay at home to keep her company. The problem between my husband and mother-in-law greatly affected me. My mother- in-law picked on me often, and sometimes even turned on my son. She did not allow me to use the phone, the television or any other things in the house because she said that they all belonged to her. I often hid myself and my son in the bedroom when my husband went out to work.

My husband wanted to move out the house after some major fights with his mother, but at the same time, I felt bad for wanting to leave the old mother-in-law behind. I suggested to my husband that the family should sit down and discuss how to resolve the problems. For example, if the mother wanted them to trade properties, they could move to the second floor and the brother- in-law could own the first floor, which is more valuable in the market. My husband, however, did not listen to my suggestion. 18 Pei Hsiang

My mother-in-law seemed to be aware that I was good to her. So sometimes after my mother-in-law got into one of her bad moods and picked on me, she later would talk in a more reasonable manner, never exactly apologizing, but explaining what exactly she was upset about. She told me that her son was in debt and that he put their apartment up for a loan from the bank secretly; she only learned about it after receiving a call from the bank.

I was shocked and so I confronted my husband. He then confessed that he was in debt because of gambling. Despite the huge disappointment, I still decided to forgive him on the condition that he would never gamble again. I gave him credit for admitting his problem. I really wanted our relationship to be built on equality, mutual respect and trust, especially because I knew that some people in Taiwan always suspect that foreign spouses always ask for money to send home, and I didn’t want people to think that way of me. It was also the reason why I never asked my husband about how much he earned. I hoped that my husband could honor our relationship by revealing the information himself instead of my having to question him.

I did not want the family to break up, so I did not say anything. In the coming weeks, I noticed some strange things. My husband bought a new cell phone and I learned that he was having an affair with another woman. I was deeply saddened because I felt that all my efforts for this marriage and family were wasted. I found that I could no longer accept him as my husband; even though I could not bring myself to hate him or get mad at him because it was his decision to get into an affair, I knew that his decision was unforgivable and I could not live with it. Half the Sky 19

I wanted to get a divorce and struggled to come to the decision. I hesitated against demanding a divorce because I had not yet acquired Taiwanese citizenship and I was worried that I might be forced to leave Taiwan after the divorce and be made to leave my son behind. During the process of finalizing my naturalization papers, I brought up the issue of divorce with my husband. It took me about a year to finally get his agreement on the divorce and I officially registered this in early 2009.

I sought the help of TASAT, including other marriage migrants and local volunteers. I also called home but only told my family in Cambodia that I might get a divorce and no other details. My family tried to dissuade me from leaving my marriage because they believed that it was not good for any married woman to be divorced.

In May 2009, my ex-husband attempted to end his life the second time and succeeded. It was because he felt that he failed to resolve family problems and couldn’t deal with pressure of paying all his gambling debts. By then, I had already rented a room and determined to raise my son alone. While living separately from my in-laws, my ex-mother-in-law and brother-in-law still offered help to take care of my son whenever I left for work.

I experienced challenges as a marriage migrant. I had no ID proving that I was a Taiwanese citizen. This meant that I had no rights to access basic social welfares and any protection and resources to help me. Worst of all, my lack of fluency in Chinese proved to be a huge difficulty; I found it hard to effectively interact with people even on ordinary matters. I couldn’t express my feelings and thoughts well; I also found it hard to understand 20 Pei Hsiang others and the local culture. For instance, I did not know how to resolve family conflicts in the culturally accepted ways. I felt that I couldn’t gain the trust of my ex-husband’s family and Taiwanese society in general. I sometimes felt that I was treated as an outsider in the family, and I did not have any say in the family’s decision- making process.

Becoming Empowered

It was in February 2003 when I first enrolled in the Chinese program offered by TASAT. At that time, TASAT had not yet been formally established. I stopped my involvement after three months because I fell ill during my pregnancy, and my husband could not take me to the lessons because of work. My brother- in-law, on the other hand, was often too busy to take me to class.

During that time, aside from attending Chinese language lessons, I also attended some of TASAT’s activities, such as the public events where TASAT members discussed issues that affected marriage migrants through theater presentations. I did not attend the Chinese classes for more than one year, but I returned to the classes when my son had grown bigger. I also wanted to learn more Chinese and to know more about the condition of other marriage migrants. I also found from my previous experience that all the volunteers in the Chinese classes were very nice, and I felt better about myself when I was in the classes.

When TASAT offered the training workshops of multicultural lecturers in 2005, I joined and have since been an active member of TASAT. I was elected as one of TASAT’s officers in 2007. From July 2009 to June 2011, I worked as a part-time staff of the Half the Sky 21

organization, and from June 2011 up to the present I worked as a full time staff as the executive secretary of TASAT.

I learned that the main goals of TASAT are to empower marriage migrants and to address issues related to immigrants. On the first goal of empowerment, TASAT sought to empower marriage migrants to enable them to help themselves and others. TASAT develops programs that can address the needs of marriage migrants and help them explore their potentials.

In the beginning, TASAT had Chinese literacy programs because language barriers were the first difficulty that marriage migrants encounter when they arrive in Taiwan. Later on, when many marriage migrants have become more comfortable with the language, TASAT provides programs to train them as multicultural lecturers who can share the cultures of their home countries with the general Taiwanese public, making people understand more about marriage migrants.

To empower marriage migrants, it uses various means. Apart from the language and multicultural trainings, TASAT formed a theater group since learning Chinese is quite difficult and theater methods help marriage migrants to better express themselves through body language. Through the theater group, marriage migrants share and discuss their issues and develop a script and present it to the public. After the presentations, they hold forums so that the public can understand more about the issues that affect marriage migrants.

TASAT has also helped marriage migrants become interpreters. The migrant’s rights advocates noticed that many marriage migrants find themselves at a disadvantage in court or police 22 Pei Hsiang stations because they could not understand the language. They also lacked knowledge about the laws and policies. As a result, TASAT started training marriage migrants to become interpreters so they could help other marriage migrants and put their language skills to good and effective use.

TASAT provides explanations on the relevant laws and policies during the training sessions, and at the same time helps the marriage migrants to improve their language skills. Once they become qualified interpreters, it provides them with more job opportunities.

TASAT also has programs for marriage migrants’ children. The program does not just serve as a simple day care. Rather, the idea is for the children to learn what their mothers are learning about. For example, TASAT’s children’s program teaches the children of marriage migrants’ languages, cultures, songs, dances, and other elements of their mothers’ home countries.

Sometimes, marriage migrants serve as teachers of the children’s program and share about Southeast Asia. TASAT also includes some issues in the program and explain them through children’s books, games, and films. For example, the children are taught about the problem of landmines in Cambodia.

Recently, TASAT has a program training the children as “junior civic reporters.” By discussing media reports, the children learn about current events. For example, when there was a no-nuke demonstration, they discussed about nuclear power and also joined the demonstration against nuclear power with their mothers. During their training as junior civic reporters, they learn how to Half the Sky 23

take pictures, make film, and do interviews and how to be news anchors.

TASAT also helps marriage migrants who encounter legal problems. The organization does not only help individual cases but also examine if these cases are individual in nature or an institutional problem caused by inappropriate policies and laws. Later, TASAT develops campaigns with migrant sisters to change policies and laws. To advance the campaigns, TASAT collaborates with other organizations of the Alliance for Human Rights Legislation for Immigrants and Migrants or AHRLIM. TASAT was one of the founding member organizations of AHRLIM established in 2003.

In the past ten years, TASAT has accomplished many achievements. It has been instrumental in pushing for changes of laws and policies related to immigrants and migrants such as the amendment to the Immigration Act which now allows divorced marriage migrants to stay in Taiwan under certain conditions. It helped change the financial requirement for naturalization in 2008. Also, by sharing issues and advancing campaigns, Taiwanese society is now friendlier towards marriage migrants; there is less discrimination against them and less stereotyping.

TASAT sometimes initiates programs that later affected government’s policy guidelines and also became the program promoted by the authorities concerned. For example, the Taiwanese government now holds trainings for interpreters and sponsors multicultural trainings. The organization also empowers marriage migrants from the gender equality point of view, so marriage migrants can rethink women’s traditional roles in family and eventually be free from the gender stereotyping. Last but 24 Pei Hsiang not least, TASAT encourages marriage migrants to gain a better understanding about issues, not only problems encountered by marriage migrants, but also other social issues, such as nuclear power plants.

I loved joining TASAT because I felt happy being a part of such organization. I felt that I was listened and attended to, I felt understood at last. My experience of being a multicultural lecturer offered me opportunities to interact with people who were genuinely interested in learning about my native culture. Such recognition was very rewarding.

Yet, sometimes I felt frustrated about teaching Cambodian culture because, unlike Vietnamese and Indonesian lecturers, I had a hard time finding suitable resources about Cambodia to use for my teaching materials. Despite such information challenges, I cherish these opportunities to express my ideas and share the culture of my homeland.

There were other challenges while working in TASAT; for instance, I had to learn phone manners and how to express myself properly as a staff member and how to coordinate with different members especially when they have different opinions.

Apart from the promotion of multicultural awareness, I noticed that there were many social issues introduced in TASAT’s programs. I remember one of the topics is about the discriminatory comment from a legislator. The legislator said to the public that Vietnamese marriage migrants should not have babies because their bodies had the residue from poisonous Agent Orange used in the Vietnam War. This topic was discussed in one of the training sessions and Half the Sky 25

all migrants were angry and wanted to voice their disagreement toward such comment. So TASAT helped hold a press conference to protest against the legislator’s comment and demanded his apology to all Vietnamese marriage migrants.

This process of discussing issues and taking action was a great experience for me. I realized that I and other marriage migrants have rights and we could issue demands to the government and politicians if there are any misconduct or any forms of discrimination against migrants.

Though it was my first time to join a protest action, I did not feel afraid. I was with a group of people who were united together. It also reminded me of my life in Cambodia where my family and I did not like how the rich and powerful oppressed poor people, but the poor did not have rights to speak up. The experience of being able to express my own opinions for the first time was very inspiring and life-changing for me. Though the press conference then was about Vietnamese marriage migrants, I felt that I should join as well, because all migrants should help each other regardless of their different nationalities.

After I returned to TASAT in 2005, TASAT’s staff and volunteers gave me help on how to take buses so I could know my way around Taipei so I did not have to rely on my family to take me to classes. Sometimes I felt afraid of the unfamiliar environment in Taiwan, but the assistance given by TASAT members and the sharing with other marriage migrants of TASAT, helped me overcome my difficulties.

I am very glad to be a member of TASAT because I identify 26 Pei Hsiang with TASAT’s vision: a belief in the marriage migrants and their capability to speak for themselves. The organization knows that migrants only need time and opportunities to develop their potential. I feel that I have the trust of the people around me in TASAT, something which I did not enjoy from my family in Taiwan. My own family in Cambodia believed in my abilities, but they were too far away to give me emotional support and assistance. After years of involvement in TASAT, I become more analytical and more able to understand concepts and issues beyond what can be seen on the surface.

In April 2009, I went to the Philippines to attend the Cordillera Day along with Prof. Hsiao-Chuan Hsia, who is also TASAT’s founder and officer, and several community organizers of the indigenous peoples in Taiwan. This trip had a great impact on me as I witnessed the power and strength of a united people. It broadened my perspectives and inspired me to do more to organize and unite more people to push more issues for the benefit of all migrants and to achieve common goals for the marginalized sectors such as the marriage migrants.

In TASAT, I have learned how to find out ways to reach common ground through discussing and about what things should be done and what priority should be considered the most based on the organization’s goals, principles and capacities. I learned these skills from many training workshops for organizers and through practice and constant collective discussion and assessment. TASAT gives marriage migrants many opportunities and time to learn.

Also, organizing helps marriage migrants to understand the whole societal and institutional structures, aside from their own rights Half the Sky 27

and welfare. For me, the organization is like a big family that works together for the benefit of all its members and society on the whole.

I learned many personal lessons in TASAT as well; these include developing my self-confidence and believing that I can do so much more. I now want to sharpen my critical thinking ability and gain more computer skills and become more insightful when exploring issues with a more critical perspective. My present role in TASAT has to do with organizing more marriage migrants.

Aside from being a member of TASAT, I feel like an elder sister in a big family who can help younger sisters and brothers. To help them, I believe that I must learn when to let go and when to intervene more. Sometimes we need to encourage them to try out things and discuss with them when they encounter problems, and sometimes we need to intervene to offer more help when they are in trouble.

Wanting to be a mature organizer, I also want to build more TASAT chapters and offices in other parts of Taiwan, and empower more marriage migrants to become activists and organizers. 28 Half the Sky 29

Manchi Finding Her Life’s Meaning in Taiwan through TASAT 30 Manchi

It was a television show that led to changes in my life. I learned about the organization that helped me find my identity in Taiwan in a TV program that featured TASAT…

My name is Manchi Hung. I was born in 1979 in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, and arrived in Taiwan in 1998. My son was born in 2000, and my daughter in 2004. My family is Chinese Vietnamese.

I am the eldest child in the family; I have four younger sisters and two younger brothers. I first attended school at the age of four. The war had only ended a few years previously, and the education system was still chaotic. Sometimes bad men would come to the school and bully the children, so my parents had me change schools and transferred me to a Chinese school which was run by Chinese Vietnamese authorities who did not allow strangers to enter the school premises.

My family and I once lived very comfortably because my parents ran a business selling groceries wholesale. However, after my first younger brother was born, my parents lost many customers when the government relocated the market where the business was established and their shop consequently closed. Father also lost all the money he invested in a store for coin-operated games.

At that time, my siblings and I were enrolled in school, and we all needed money. I was 14 years old at the time, in the first year of junior high school. I landed my first job as a waitress owned by a Taiwanese man. I worked for the next six years and changed several jobs to earn a bigger salary. I worked as a saleswoman for a Half the Sky 31

store, as a bookkeeper, and then as an interpreter for a Taiwanese- owned factory.

One of my Taiwanese friends, a man who married my neighbor, introduced my future husband to me. At first, when this friend mentioned the issue to me, I didn’t respond to it because I found the whole thing very embarrassing. Then one day I found out that my friend was actually a matchmaker and brought a Taiwanese man with him to Vietnam and asked me to have dinner with them. I refused.

The matchmaker-friend then asked some of his wife’s friends and relatives to come, but it turned out that the Taiwanese man he was matching with me was not really interested in meeting other Vietnamese girls. This was because he didn’t want to get married in the first place and it was actually his mother who forced him to go to Vietnam. His mother even went with him to Vietnam and told the matchmaker that she did not like the women he brought because they could not speak Chinese.

My matchmaker friend then went to my house again and begged me to just have one meal with the Taiwanese man. He said that it was only one dinner, that it was not that serious. I agreed to go.

My mother told me, “This matchmaker-friend of yours is so annoying; you should do what he asks so he will stop bothering you once and for all.” So I went to meet the Taiwanese man and his mother. The mother liked me because I was tall by the standards of most Vietnamese women and I also spoke Chinese. The mother urged me to go out with her son for dinner, just the two of us. I agreed, and during our date, I learned that the Taiwanese was an 32 Manchi honest man; he told me all about his life, including the fact that he had a daughter from a previous marriage, and that he still lived with his mother.

Soon after, the matchmaker asked the Taiwanese man and his mother if they liked me. They both answered “yes”, but the man said that he was apprehensive about proposing to me because he was 16 years older than me.

As for myself, the matchmaker also called me repeatedly to ask me if I liked the Taiwanese man. I answered that I didn’t like him because he was “too fat”; my mother, however, pointed out that at least the man was honest.

I pondered over everything. While it was true that I made a good living, it was only because I kept two jobs. In fact, my employment was not as stable as I had hoped. I thought that if I went to Taiwan to marry the Taiwanese man, I could find work in the capital Taipei and make more money I could send to my siblings who were all in school. I also liked the idea of living in Taipei since it was a modern city; I grew up in the city, and I would not have been able to bear to live in a rural area. It was for all these reasons that I decided to accept the proposal of the Taiwanese man.

My fiancé went home to Taiwan, made preparations, and returned to Vietnam after a month so he and I could get married. None of my friends agreed with the marriage since I knew little about the man. One of my close friends became so upset that she said that she would not attend the wedding party.

I said to myself that if I didn’t like my life in Taiwan, I could Half the Sky 33

return to Vietnam any time I want. I also checked the rules and I learned that I would be required to go back to Vietnam after six months of staying in Taiwan.

Most Vietnamese women at the time, especially those from the rural areas, had very traditional values and believed that to get a divorce was a shameful thing for a woman, but I was different. I believed that there was nothing wrong about getting divorced if one’s marriage did not work out; I firmly believed that it was my own business and no one else’s. If my marriage with the Taiwanese man failed, I would not get married again; after all, I had always been okay being single. All I really cared about was going to Taiwan to make more money so I could help my sisters. Besides, it was also because the Vietnam government prohibited its people to make contacts in the outside world. I also wanted to see what Taiwan was like, and getting married was the only way I could do it.

Living in a New Place, Facing New Challenges

When I first arrived in Taiwan, I had a hard time adjusting to the environment and cried every day. I felt very lonely and my husband’s family were like strangers as they were not even close to one another. Though I can speak Mandarin, whenever I left the house, it felt that other people were discriminating against me.

The weather was also a problem because it was winter when I arrived and I could not bear the cold. Fortunately, my husband treated me very well. He knew I had a hard time adjusting to my new life and he worried that I was sad staying at home alone. He took me out a lot to where he worked and many other places. 34 Manchi

Yet, I still wanted to return to Vietnam. After six months, I went back to Vietnam because this was required by the Taiwanese government.

At that time, I did not want to return to Taiwan, but my husband called me at least four times a day and asked how I was doing. I knew that my husband was worried that I would not return to Taiwan. My mother persuaded me to go back to Taiwan by saying that my husband treated me well and that I lived in the city. I wasn’t able to complain about anything especially since I already had the wedding party and accepted the dowry. So I stayed in Vietnam for only one month and returned to Taiwan.

One year after I returned to Taiwan, I became pregnant with my son and began to feel better. Having a child of my own made me feel that I had my own family in Taiwan. The worst difficulty I had was the fact that I had no say at all in my husband’s family. I had to get the approval of my husband and his family for everything, including buying things for the family. I used to be upset about this, but gradually, I just let them make the decisions.

When it came to my children’s education, however, I put my foot down and insisted that I be the one to make the decisions. The family intervened frequently, but I was determined to resist ideas I disagreed with.

I immediately realized that my husband had no clear idea about how our children should be taught, but I had very specific goals about my children and their education. My husband’s main concern was about making money for our family; my mother-in- law only cared about saving money and spoiling the children by Half the Sky 35

always giving them what they want; and neither thought about how to mold the children’s characters. They thought nothing about training them to become independent.

What was upsetting to me was how my mother-in-law only wanted me to take care of the children’s basic needs such as cooking, cleaning up, and nothing about manners and discipline. If I disagreed about something, she often scolded me like a child. We quarreled frequently over this and she eventually grew to dislike me because I did not obey her.

When I discussed with my husband about my disagreements with my mother-in-law, my husband did nothing. Instead, he simply told me to just ignore his mother if I didn’t like what she said. Because of this, none of the issues were resolved. As time went by, I grew tired of everything and gave up talking to my husband about my problems.

Aside from my mother-in-law, my husband’s eldest daughter from his previous marriage also lived with us. When I first arrived in Taipei, the little girl was about eight years old and she was very excited about my joining their family because she never had a mom and she was quite lonely. From the very beginning, she called me “mom”. My mother-in-law, however, always worried that I would treat the young girl badly, so she put the child on her guard against me all the time.

As for me, in the beginning I believed that I understood why my mother-in-law behaved like this; but as time went by, my mother-in-law did not change her attitude towards me at all. I felt hurt and thought that the family did not trust me at all. I used to 36 Manchi want to help bring up and teach my stepdaughter, but on several occasions I heard my mother-in-law tell the little girl to disobey me because I was not sincere and that I might harm her. The girl was only in the third or fourth grade, but she already liked me and liked to stay with me.

My mother-in-law appeared to resent this and often took the little girl away from me. The only thing that my mother-in-law allowed me to do is to cook and clean for the little girl, and didn’t let me teach her anything. I felt that I was treated like a maid; it was then that I decided not to participate in things related to my stepdaughter and just let my mother-in-law take care of her; I would only respond if I was approached. Despite my mother-in- law’s interference, however, my stepdaughter and I still developed a good relationship and became friends.

I often worried that my mother-in-law spoiled my stepdaughter. I saw how my mother-in-law still washed the little’s girl’s hair even when she was already 12 years old. I told my stepdaughter that she should already learn to wash her own hair because she was already old enough. My mother-in-law, however, retorted that I was only being lazy and that I did not want helping my stepdaughter because she was not my real daughter.

I believe that children should be taught to be independent from an early age, so I taught my son to wash his own hair when he was only four years old. While I decided not to intervene in the education of my stepdaughter because my mother-in-law always said that I did not love the girl because she was not my own child, I resolved to fight back if the old woman interfered in how I raised and taught my own children. Half the Sky 37

One time, when my mother-in-law scolded me for being too lazy to take care of the children when I told them to take care of their things, I answered angrily, “If you cannot take care of them until they get married, you should teach them to be independent.” I proved myself right when my mother-in-law saw that her eldest grandchild had become lazy and didn’t take care of her own things, and then she finally realized that she was wrong, and this was what prevented her from interfering in my own way of raising my own son and daughter.

It was very hard for me to live with my husband’s family because I didn’t get along with my mother-in-law. I believed that a family was like a warm place where you want to go after working outside and needed rest. I only felt happy when I was with my children at home, so when they were out in school, I also stayed out. In the past, it was only my mother-in-law who isolated me, but in the later years, I also felt isolated from my husband because he refused to help me with my difficulties. In ironic contrast, my stepdaughter was always warm towards me and liked to share her problems with me and sought my advice often.

I did not seek support from others whenever I had problems with my family. I only focused on taking care of my children and learned things for myself. I once tried to seek help from the wife of my husband’s elder brother, but it turned out to be a mistake. The wife told my husband’s sister, who then scolded my mother-in- law. This made my mother-in-law even angrier. Because of this, I saw that it was useless to ask help from any of them.

To spare my own family from worry, I did not say anything to my parents. My mother only knew that I had adjustment problems in 38 Manchi the beginning but nothing else. Besides, I didn’t want my parents to know that my mother-in-law looked down upon them because she thought all the Vietnamese were poor. When my mother visited Taiwan for the first time after I arrived, my husband planned a wedding party in Taiwan.

My mother-in-law, however, treated my mother with scorn and disrespect. My mother was seriously offended and cried, and she wanted to go back to Vietnam immediately. Because of this, I thought it would make her feel more worried if I told her about my continuing problems with my mother-in-law. Neither did I tell my father because my father was not the kind of person who would help resolve problems.

Thankfully, I succeeded in making friends in the neighborhood; my new friends were also marriage migrants and had similar experiences. We shared our problems with each other. We also gave advice to one another. My friends gave me all kinds of suggestions on how I could deal with my family, but most of the advice went against each other. I wondered why people with different backgrounds had such different views on the same thing.

As a marriage migrant, I realized I had many problems such as lack of money, lack of job opportunities, and lack of respect from the people around me. Because of difficult economic conditions, I felt that my abilities were not recognized by others. The biggest challenge, however, was having to face all the challenges on my own, with no support from my new family. From talking with my friends who were also marriage migrants, I realized that we all faced similar circumstances and problems. Half the Sky 39

Becoming Empowered

In early 2004, I saw a TV program where TASAT was introduced and some of the organization’s officials were interviewed. At the end of the program, TASAT’s phone number was shown on screen, so I called the group because I became very interested in what the group said it did.

After my first visit, I was very impressed by TASAT. I used to attend activities of other non-government organizations for marriage migrants but I did not like them. I felt that those NGOs were only making money from the marriage migrants. For instance, they sometimes asked marriage migrants to dress up in their traditional costumes and cook their traditional food; the NGO officials would then take photos of them to get big grants. Unlike my previous experience, I found TASAT’s goals were to develop and help the marriage migrants themselves. So I decided to stay at TASAT.

When I first visited TASAT’s office, my daughter was only three months old and I had to take the baby and my son with me. When I visited TASAT, I found that there were training sessions to help marriage migrants become multicultural lecturers where they were encouraged to share about their own cultures in their home countries. I became excited and impressed by the training because I felt they were about the marriage migrants themselves, so I decided to join the training sessions.

Later on in 2005, I was elected as an officer. At the time, I was not very sure what officers were supposed to do. The volunteers gave explanations, but to me, everything was still too general and vague; I had never been part of an organization before then. I still agreed 40 Manchi to become an officer, however, because I enjoyed the atmosphere in TASAT. I learned that I and other marriage migrants could share our experiences in our home countries with pride and help ourselves adjust better to our new lives in our adoptive country.

I continued to participate in TASAT’s programs, except during times when I had to take care of the children and could not leave the house. What made me continue my involvement in TASAT was because there were discussions about issues of policies and laws that affect marriage migrants. TASAT also co-founded the Alliance for Human Rights Legislation for Immigrants and Migrants (AHRLIM) and discussed the Immigration Act with the members.

I learned that many marriage migrants were exploited by their employers; they had to do hard work, were subjected to long working hours but were paid very little, even as little as NT$9000 or about US$300 per month. Because of these discussions, I realized that the problems that marriage migrants faced (such as exploitation by employers) were results of policies and laws. In the process of discussing the laws and how to amend them, I learned so much. I started to see the complexity behind the laws, which ordinary people did not understand. In TASAT and AHRLIM, advocates explained very clearly how the laws were made. I knew that I would not have opportunities to learn about such things if I did not join TASAT.

Before I joined the discussions organized by TASAT and AHRLIM about the Immigration Act, I already had my first-hand experience about how the governmental agencies made the lives of ordinary people difficult. After I acquired Taiwanese nationality, I decided Half the Sky 41

to file an application for my family in Vietnam to immigrate in Taiwan. I myself was of Chinese descent and I learned that there were policies for overseas Chinese to apply for citizenship in Taiwan. I made the rounds in several governmental agencies to ask about the procedures and requirements because no one could tell me exactly how to go about the process of application. I became more interested in learning about issues and how to reform laws and policies. I felt more sympathy with marriage migrants who could not read or write Chinese. They faced even more severe discrimination when they went to apply for their citizenship. I became angry over how other marriage migrants were treated; I then committed myself to learn more so that I could help other marriage migrants.

I applied for my father to immigrate to Taiwan in 2002, when my kids were still very little. I had to bring my kids to go around with me to the different governmental agencies because my mother- in-law did not want to take care of them for me. This was partly because she did not want me to bring my own family to Taiwan. My husband did not know anything so he was of no help to me. I realized that I could only rely on myself.

After joining TASAT, I continued to learn new things, so my commitment to the organization grew stronger. I also realized that TASAT can help change many people’s perspectives about marriage migrants. For example, some volunteers did not understand why marriage migrants came to Taiwan, or felt pity for them. Some students or researchers treated marriage migrants as merely subjects for their studies. In the meantime, many marriage migrants looked down on themselves. In TASAT, however, they try to change such mindset; by gaining more knowledge and 42 Manchi building more confidence, they also developed a more confident perception about themselves.

Many marriage migrants feel hopeless because of the discrimination from the society as well as the low self-esteem of migrants themselves. TASAT encouraged them to explore their potentials and develop their capabilities, and this in turn helped to strengthen their confidence. TASAT also make its best effort to eliminate discrimination from the public and make Taiwanese respect marriage migrants. I found it very meaningful that TASAT united with other organizations to form the AHLRIM and other networks to promote respect and equality between the Taiwanese and immigrants and migrants.

Without this, Taiwanese society, especially the rich, will continue to discriminate against the poor. I believe that though people have different economic standing and status, it is primarily because they come from different environments and were given different opportunities. Everyone should be treated as an equal and with respect, but many people have the wrong ideas as if money was the most important thing. TASAT can help people change their wrong perspectives and realize that money is not everything.

I have become a firm believer of TASAT as an organization that empowers marriage migrants, influences the Taiwanese people to respect marriage migrants and other migrants, and finally respect people from different cultures and to change policies. To me, even without money, many things can still be done as long as people are in solidarity.

Through the years, I became witness to many of TASAT’s Half the Sky 43

activities that helped marriage migrants. It trained them to become multicultural lecturers; empowered marriage migrants so they can organize others; campaigned for amendments to many policies and laws that had concrete impact on marriage migrants such as their rights and benefits.

TASAT also helped marriage migrants who were not yet Taiwanese citizens like the Cambodian marriage migrants who could not give up their original nationality because of Cambodian policies; because of this, they were not eligible to apply for naturalization because of Taiwanese policies.

Because of TASAT’s campaigns together with other organizations, 2,800 Cambodian marriage migrants were able to secure Taiwanese citizenship in 2007. Unlike before, the Taiwan government also relaxed the financial requirements for naturalization, and marriage migrants who got divorced because of domestic violence could continue to stay. TASAT also participated in the campaign that successfully pushed for amendments for regulation for marriage migrants from Mainland China, so the length of residency to apply for citizenship was shortened from eight years to six years. They now also have the right to work.

Before, no one cared about the culture of the home countries of the marriage migrants. Because of TASAT, it became popular to talk about the different cultures of the marriage migrants and the government acted as if it was its own initiative to popularize these cultures. In fact, the Taiwan government embarked on its multicultural project because TASAT had done much to train marriage migrants so they can advocate for multiculturalism. In the meantime, TASAT has also effectively argued that the population 44 Manchi of marriage migrants in the country has increased so much that the government cannot ignore them anymore.

I became a part time staff of TASAT in 2008 and quit after two years because my relationship with my husband worsened and I felt my life was a mess and I needed to take a break. Because of my problems at home, I was unable to do my work well, and I felt that I was making others suffer from my poor work. I felt more pressured, and could barely control my emotions. I realized that I was going out of control when I found myself yelling at my daughter. I did not want my children to suffer more because my husband and I fought with each other so often. I decided to quit my job so I could sort out the mess and reorganize my life.

In 2010, I was elected as a TASAT officer again and later elected as vice chairperson in 2012. In August 2013, I became TASAT’s part time staff again. Ever since I visited TASAT in 2004, I have never left TASAT, even when I had troubles with my husband and my life was a mess. I still hold a strong faith in the organization because it was in TASAT that I found meaning and a strong sense of accomplishment in life.

I learned many things in TASAT, about laws and policies; how to examine laws and policies that ordinary people do not know; see different aspects of the government; collaborate with other organizations and campaign for the issues of marriage migrants so that Taiwanese society would listen to them.

Though I am the kind of person who does not like to organize and lead others, except my family, I began to learn and enjoy organizing other marriage migrants. TASAT is like a school where Half the Sky 45

you have many people including the volunteers and professors whom you can consult with.

I also had many great experiences in TASAT. As one of TASAT’s delegates, I was able to attend international meetings and conferences overseas with people from different countries. It’s an extraordinary experience. It’s not like any ordinary travel because we went abroad for important meetings, not for fun.

I admit that I did not fully understand all that was discussed in the meetings, but I still attended as a representative of TASAT, to share our issues and experiences. Though we did not fully comprehend everything, at the same time, we were like experts in some ways. We interacted with delegates from other countries and heard many stories and were very touched. If I had not been with TASAT, I would not have the chance to hear about their lives and experiences.

My work in TASAT also taught me to look at things from many perspectives and to analyze things beyond the surface. Take a simple thing like putting on makeup for example. I used to love to make myself pretty and would get excited whenever I saw new cosmetic products; all I cared about before was if the makeup would make me pretty. But now I would look at how the cosmetic companies promote themselves, how they make profits from advertising and which big corporations own the brands, what these corporations have done in society, their reputations, etc.

I also learned to listen carefully and patiently to others; and how to organize and analyze things. I teach my children to analyze the strength and weakness of their work and how to improve it. 46 Manchi

Knowing how to organize and analyze things will help us identify problems and methods to improve our work. Otherwise, we only wonder why we keep on failing and can gradually lose confidence.

My work in TASAT is to influence other marriage migrants. Wherever I go and whenever I have a chance, I share my work with marriage migrants and tell them about TASAT and how it can help them. Most of the time, they are very impressed with TASAT’s work, especially when they learn that TASAT was formed by marriage migrants and that at least two thirds of TASAT’s officers are marriage migrants. Unlike our organization, they are controlled by local people and design programs based on the assumptions of marriage migrants from the locals and the locals tell the marriage migrants what to do.

My future plan is to become an expert on immigrant issues. I think that many so-called experts on immigration are not real experts. Those experts approach me and ask for my opinions! But in the government’s various committees, these experts are requested by the government to make recommendations and evaluations about programs, polices and laws for immigrants. I was wondering to myself, how can they say they are experts?

Now my biggest hope is to encourage more marriage migrants to join TASAT. I want us to recruit more and invite different people to give us trainings, so we can learn more; organize more marriage migrants and be mature organizers who can expand TASAT or establish their own organizations. Our multicultural lectures cannot just share about our own cultures – it’s not enough. We need to know more about the trends of immigration in Taiwan as well as in the international sphere; we need to know the Half the Sky 47

developments and issues of children of immigrants. We need to constantly advance ourselves, always gain new perspectives. We need to discuss how to design the new trainings.

I have found both meaning as well as my self in TASAT, and I want many more marriage migrants to do the same. 48 Half the Sky 49

Yadrung Her Journey of Self-Discovery 50 Yadrung

Sometimes life can take a different turn, and what once was a life full of despair becomes full of meaning….

I was born in 1977 in a city near Pattaya in Thailand. My son was born in May 2002.

I have two elder brothers but we did not grow up together. After I was born, I was left with my aunt, the younger sister of my mother, while my two brothers stayed with other relatives. I did not even know where my mother and brothers were, and I never knew who my father was. My eldest brother went to stay with my maternal grandparents when I was about to enter primary school at the age of seven. My second brother stayed with other people, but I was able to at least see him in school. This brother ran away after he finished grade school and since then, no one knew where he was.

My grandparents had a farm where they grew sugar cane and fruits. They also had a business buying and selling water buffaloes. Though my grandfather was quite rich, he never gave any money to me. My mother sent money to my aunt for my living expenses, but I envied my eldest brother who stayed in our grandfather’s big house. Since my grandfather did not treat me well, I often felt sorry for myself. I often asked myself, “Why does my eldest brother have so many nice things but I don’t? No one loves me, not even my mother”.

The first time I met my mother was when I was in the fourth grade. I was so happy to meet her because I finally had a mother! I did not have a happy childhood because the other children bullied me. They ridiculed me because they knew that I lived with neither my mother nor father. I was forced to develop a thick shell and to Half the Sky 51

persevere on my own. I struggled hard to do well in school, and I learned to fight back, both verbally and physically when others were cruel to me. No one in the family ever explained to me why my family was broken. The only explanation I heard was from my grandmother who simply said that my mother had “run away”.

My mother’s first visit did not last long. I remembered vividly that on the day I left, I cried and cried so hard on the street that I fell asleep right there. A neighbor took me back to my grandfather’s house. One to two years later when I was in the fifth or sixth grade, my mother returned home and settled in the house because her father, my grandfather, fell ill. The business eventually failed since no one looked after it.

My mother brought along her boyfriend and built another house where my eldest brother and I could live together with them; by then, the second brother had run away. I was willing and even eager to live with my mother, but I could not help but resent her boyfriend.

Since I could not accept the boyfriend, I decided to move to Pattaya for high school. I rented an apartment together with four other friends. I asked money from my grandmother. Since my grandfather had died a year after my mother returned, my grandmother felt sorry for me because my grandfather did not treat me fairly when he was still alive. Because of this, my grandmother supported me in my studies. The money my grandmother gave was not enough, however; I still had to work part-time to support myself.

To earn more money, I became involved in drug smuggling. I started this in college. After I graduated from college, I worked 52 Yadrung at a department store as a saleswoman. In 1996 right before I graduated, one of my friends introduced me to a Taiwanese man who frequently came to Thailand for travel purposes, and he could speak some Thai. For the next three years, this man visited me several times and eventually proposed marriage to me

Since I wanted to leave my family after all my sad experiences living with them all of my life, and also because I wanted to start afresh after being involved in drug smuggling, I decided to marry this Taiwanese man. I did not discuss the matter with my family and informed them only after I already decided. My eldest brother disagreed with my decision, but he failed to change my mind.

My mother was silent and my grandmother worriedly asked me, “What if he just sells you in Taiwan?” I was fearless and answered, “I was not afraid of being involved in drug smuggling. Why would I fear being sold in Taiwan?”

Finding a New Life, Becoming a Marriage Migrant

I arrived in Taiwan in 1998. In the beginning, I had a hard time adjusting to my new family. I lived with my husband’s parents and elder brother. Though my husband could speak Thai and I learned some Chinese while we were dating, I could hardly communicate with his family.

Most of the time I just stayed in the bedroom and waited for my husband to return from work. I watched TV, slept, smoked and cried in my room while waiting for my husband. I called my family in Thailand often and the phone bills became exorbitant. When I called home, I usually asked how everyone was doing and Half the Sky 53

asked how to make Thai dishes (back in Thailand, I hardly cooked), and cried with my family over the phone.

For a long time I had no friends in Taiwan from whom I could seek support or even just talk to. The only friends I had then were friends of my husband, so I could not share and discuss with them about my problems with my new family. I did not seek help or support from my family in Thailand either, because I was not really close to my family and I did not want them to be worried.

I also had a hard time getting used to my chores as a housewife: my husband asked me to wash all the clothes of the family, while each person washed their own clothes in Thailand. My husband and I also frequently argued over the fact that he wanted me to serve his parents, but they were still healthy enough and very willing to take care of themselves.

I also did not like my two sisters-in-law who lived nearby. My husband wanted them to come to our house and teach me to do chores and how to cook as if I was a little girl who knew nothing. Being an independent and tough woman for years in Thailand, I could not stand being treated like a child. I felt that I suddenly became a useless person and could only communicate with others through my husband. Three months later, I decided to go back to Thailand.

I stayed for eight months in Thailand but was forced to relent after I saw my husband when he visited me and he looked very sad and disheartened. My brother-in-law and mother-in-law called me as well and cried; they pleaded with me to return to Taiwan. 54 Yadrung

I returned to Taiwan in 1999; my husband’s family changed their behavior and tried to accommodate me. My mother-in-law suggested that I find some work so that I could be connected with others outside the house. I first worked at a breakfast store and spent less time at home, and this gave my mother-in-law less opportunities to nag me. I changed several jobs and one time I worked at the salon, where I met one Vietnamese customer, who was also a marriage migrant and informed me that there was a Chinese program for marriage migrants at the Yonghe Community University. This was offered by TASAT which, at that time, had not yet been formally established.

I enrolled in the Chinese program. Later on, I became the chair of the club of marriage migrants in theYonghe Community University and began to attend many activities and take responsibilities. After I became more active in the Chinese program and the organization, I had more activities and responsibilities. I became busier than ever so I quit my job at the breakfast store. My son was only a few months old at that time and my mother-in-law said that my life became more stable because I had new friends and attended those classes.

I lived with my husband’s parents and elder brother who was still single. Though I could not adjust to life with my new family, I had no problems with the elder brother, because he did not treat me like a child or tell me what to do.

Instead, he was very supportive and gave me a computer and films so I could learn Chinese. Since I attended the Chinese programs in March, 2002, things began to get better: I became close friends with some volunteers of the program, with whom I could share Half the Sky 55

and discuss my problems and they would listen and give advice on how to understand people from different backgrounds and how to interact with the elderly in the Taiwanese context.

Still, I almost decided to return to Thailand again because of my husband’s incompetence and indifference to my situation concerning his family. I saw that my husband lacked the ability or will to support and help me with my problems and was solely dependent on his mother to make any decisions. When I talked to him about not getting along with the other family members, he only told me to obey the elders. Eventually I stopped telling him about my problems.

My husband and I began to quarrel frequently. The issues of our arguments varied. One cause of our arguments was the fact that we had different views about how to educate our son. Then again when I shared with him about what I learned from TASAT and how I was inspired to work with other marriage migrants, he did not show any appreciation and even did not respect what I was doing. When I fought back, he became upset and accused me of disrespecting him.

As a marriage migrant, I faced various challenges. I felt that as a new member of a new family, I was powerless and I lost my sense of self. I could not make a decision in the family. No matter how hard I tried, I still felt like I was an outsider.

My other problems were also practical; for instance, I did not understand relevant laws and policies. I only learned them after attending TASAT’s programs, and then I began to understand the discriminatory essence of Taiwan’s law and policy. 56 Yadrung

Small things like opening a bank account or purchasing train tickets online had proven very difficult and inconvenient for marriage migrants. We were treated as foreigners, rather than immigrants who will make our roots in Taiwan. My curiosity to learn more has been intensified as my dissatisfaction toward migrants’ condition grew.

Becoming Empowered

When I first joined TASAT’s former establishments (the Chinese programs and the club in the Yonghe Community University), I had no idea what an organization was and what an organization could do, though the teachers in the Chinese programs explained. I continued to attend the sessions because I was amazed that a group of volunteers came to teach them (the Chinese language and other concepts) without being paid and they were like friends and family.

In TASAT, we learn many new ideas, not only about how to educate our children but also to think about what we can do. For example, after discussions, we decided to organize a program for children because the members needed daycare service while going out for the classes. We believed it would be a win-win situation if TASAT provides daycare service with Southeast Asian cultures programs for children.

These programs were designed and conducted by marriage migrants and Taiwanese volunteers in the community university. We taught Southeast Asian songs, dances and games. Another example is when TASAT offered classes for Taiwanese people to learn about Southeast Asian languages and cultures, the members Half the Sky 57

felt they became useful persons again. Many things happened throughout the process. Even when there was a crisis which almost broke TASAT, the marriage migrants discussed, analyzed, and decided that we should not give up on running TASAT. We resolved to keep TASAT alive and that we had to work hard to strengthen TASAT and make it a better organization.

I myself have had a long and productive history as a member of TASAT. I enrolled in the Chinese literacy program at the Yonghe Community University in 2002. After TASAT was formally established on December 7, 2003, I was elected as one of the officers. In December 2004, I replaced the former chairperson as the chair of TASAT (the former chairperson had to resign since she became TASAT’s part-time staff). I became the part-time staff of TASAT’s office in Taipei in July 2005 and then became full time staff in 2007.

TASAT has contributed greatly to the lives of many marriage migrants. But most importantly, I see TASAT as a mother who takes care of my needs and empowers me. TASAT also comforts me when my problems with my family make me feel depressed. I got my strength back because of TASAT.

I believe that the most valuable achievement of TASAT is to empower people. Through a long and slow empowerment process, TASAT made its best effort to make marriage migrants a group of powerful people that can change their life and others’ through advocacy work, public education and organizational empowerment. There is no doubt in my mind that TASAT has helped many marriage migrants in Taiwan. 58 Yadrung

In TASAT, the marriage migrants are given many opportunities to learn, explore and engage in fields that they are not familiar with, equipping members with versatile talent. For instance, I never imagined that I could win any award, but because of TASAT, I have received several awards and recognition from many people.

I experienced a great transformation after I joined TASAT because I was encouraged to try many things. Unlike before, I was never encouraged and always had to be on my own to survive. In TASAT, I receive so much support.

There are always people in the organization who are prepared to help other members to cope with their frustrations in life and move forward. It’s hard to express. If TASAT were a woman, one could consider her as a heroine. Or if we use the analogy of religion, TASAT is like a Buddha. If you use family as an analogy, TASAT is like a mother. TASAT can be many meaningful things in a person’s life.

TASAT also has different programs and campaigns for different stages. Earlier, the organization had programs to promote the different cultures of marriage migrants and some of the members were trained to become multicultural lecturers. Then the organization became a primary advocate for immigrant’s issues, and the group had trainings about issues and how to share issues with the general public so they could empathize with marriage migrants. In the process, they saw the different strengths and abilities of different migrant members so the group was able to develop programs to help the marriage migrants find their best roles.

In my case, I was very voluble, so my role is to speak to the public Half the Sky 59

about the migrants’ rights. Some marriage migrants are interested in theater, so they are given opportunities to advance themselves in TASAT’S theater group. In short, TASAT gives all kinds of opportunities for marriage migrants to explore and develop their interests and strengths. They are also given different roles and positions in the organization that are the most suitable for their characteristics and strengths.

While training marriage migrants, TASAT also has programs for the children, with the same ideals to develop the different skills of the children and to help them explore their potentials. The children program does not just provide care for the children, but it also gives them trainings on the same issues their mothers are learning. The methods are different from the programs for the adults, however; for instance, when marriage migrants learn about media production, the children also learn about how to become little journalists.

I have many reasons for continuing my involvement in TASAT. First, I have friends in the organization who have become closer to me than my own family. Second, I already have responsibilities in the group; I do not have any far-reaching ambitions to become famous, but I like having responsibilities to help others. In the meantime, it has become very important to me to explain to as many marriage migrants as possible that since unjust policies and laws are made by people, they can be changed by people as well. And we are the people so we should change them.

Sometimes I find myself feeling sorry for my lot in life, but when I see the other sisters in TASAT and other marriage migrants who do not have the good fortune I have had and the opportunities 60 Yadrung

TASAT provides, I think less about myself and think more about the plight of others. These sisters need someone to provide them with opportunities and resources like what I was given, so I think I can help them even in my little way.

I think that my experiences in TASAT are very rewarding. It is as simple as that: When I see my marriage migrant sisters visit TASAT and become satisfied with their lives, I also feel happy. It’s that simple. I feel more inspired to do more, because the feeling and emotions are like no other. It does not matter if we sometimes have conflicts with each other, we never end our friendships. I used to cut off my relations with my brothers when we had serious arguments, but in TASAT I have learned to cherish our feelings and relationships.

Being Sisters

Though we are not biological sisters, we are like a family and we all know that we should work together to make changes. I have changed a lot because of TASAT. I used to have very bad temper and I was not easy to work with.

Now I have learned the importance of developing good relationships with others. I have learned how to put myself in other people’s shoes, and I now know how to share my views without imposing them on others. I admit that I used to lose my temper easily and to criticize others when they made mistakes, but I have since learned that this has a bad effect on the organization and so I changed the way I am.

I also feel that I now have the strength to move forward. Though Half the Sky 61

there is a lot of frustration, I also have great satisfaction as well. This satisfaction does not come from concrete achievements, but the feeling develops little by little every day. For example, the way I teach my son now is different from the way I was raised by my own parents. I don’t order him to do things but discuss with him and let him make the final decisions. I also share with him the things I do and learn and what happens to me; this is quite unlike my mother who did not tell me anything. From TASAT I have learned to be more open about myself.

I also appreciate other people’s recognition. I know I am far from perfect, but I feel glad that others acknowledge my work in TASAT. I also felt so happy when my son said he admires me and look up to what I have been doing. I also want to see other marriage migrants grow. One of our members Pei-Hsiang Lee used to be like a little girl, but now she has grown up as a mature organizer. It’s like observing a little seed planted in the soil that has gradually grown up and have blossom. So when I feel frustrated, I can control my emotions and move on when I see how other sisters have grown.

I have an elder sister and a mother in TASAT. One TASAT volunteer, Shu-hsia, is like my sister. She is very nice to me and always listens to me and comforts me whenever I feel frustrated or sad. Hsia is like my mother who also supports me, and guides me to the right direction. I was never close to my siblings and parents. I found closeness in TASAT. I feel good about myself, my life and my work, and I gradually changed the ways I interact with others.

Now I don’t get mad easily when I hear different views or criticisms. I will listen, try to understand the other side and try to find ways so that all of us can help each other out and improve 62 Yadrung things. For instance, I was ill for a few months, but everyone was very considerate and helped me to do my work and encouraged me to get better soon.

It was also in TASAT that I first joined a public protest. It was in 2003, and I did not feel afraid because I was with many people, including the teachers in the Chinese programs. I was inspired by the strength of the people I was with, seeing all of them united together for a common cause.

Because of TASAT, I have also experienced international participation. I had never dreamed it would be possible for me to go to other countries to represent TASAT to share my views about social issues. I was amazed how TASAT would give marriage migrants such as myself so many productive and meaningful opportunities even though they were not highly educated or could not fluently communicate in English. I also found myself attending conferences, fora, meetings and other discussion gatherings where my co-panelists are professors.

I am not a professor, but I can speak in front of them as an equal about immigrants’ issues. These experiences and opportunities cannot be bought by money. I feel very grateful. I told my mother once, “Your daughter did not have very good education, did not have much experience, but now I can give a lecture along with some big professors and government officials.” These opportunities are given by TASAT. It gives each one of us opportunities to advance, to move forward.

It would be actually easier if TASAT’s founder Professor Hsia representsTASAT on her own, but instead she gives the opportunities Half the Sky 63

to marriage migrants, and she was content to be our interpreter, which is much more burdensome for her. She represents the true values and principles of TASAT – she is generous and loyal, and always willing to help marriage migrants improve themselves. After we return from attending events abroad, we discuss what we have learned and what TASAT can do to improve ourselves. I have done many new things for the first time since I joined TASAT; it has made me a better person.

Other organizations use marriage migrants to campaign for funds, but TASAT doesn’t. The marriage migrants are in charge of the activities, and help each other develop. It’s like everyone has a leading role in a play. Everyone is a flower and the organization nurtures every flower to blossom and show their beauty. That’s why TASAT holds many training sessions, gives opportunities to marriage migrants to go abroad. In TASAT, we believe that we should control and decide our own fate, not to let the elites decide for us and control our fate.

As for the betterment of people’s relationships, I now can raise and discuss issues openly, rather than gossip informally. When someone tells me negative comments about others, I ask them to stop and encourage them to raise the issues in the group openly. “When you hear criticisms or complaints, do not be affected emotionally. Rather, think about the criticisms and complaints objectively. If the criticism is correct, try to improve yourself and what aspect of your behavior is being singled out. If not, do not be bothered by it,” I tell them. I learned that people in the organization come from diverse backgrounds, so each member has to understand their conditions objectively, rather than misjudge people by seeing only on the surface. 64 Yadrung

I believe all marriage migrants should join TASAT. They will be able to make friends, so that they will not be alone or isolated. Otherwise, they can only rely and obey their husbands. They can discover their real worth, that there is more to their lives than just caring for children and doing household chores. These are important things, but they are not the only things that marriage migrants can do.

They are women who can empower themselves, and they can do what they aspire to achieve. If they join TASAT, they will find support and strength; they will learn to develop trust in others, and become confident in themselves. They will also learn to understand why society functions the way it does, and what can be done to change it.

In TASAT, it is not about the position one holds in the organization; what is important is how each woman can share her views and experiences with others so that more marriage migrants can become more active and more mature, and do things independently.

I used to be impatient, but now I realize it takes time to develop others, so rushing is not helping. I see myself as part of the organization. If we use a ship as the analogy of the organization, I am one of the crew; I work together with others to make sure our ship will not sink or become damaged. We should always be prepared for any contingencies and emergencies so we can continue our journey.

There is nothing that I want more than to help make TASAT a stronger organization. I want to encourage more and more marriage migrants to join TASAT. Half the Sky 65

TASAT is a place where people can learn, make good friends, gain support and strength and make life-changing personal decisions. The future of TASAT is not just a few concrete projects and programs, it is what it does to marriage migrants – help them become stronger, more critical, more analytical people who have the will and the ability to improve their situation in life and help society in the process. 66 Gyeongju, Seoul photo taken by Rey Asis Half the Sky 67

South Korea 68

ccording to the Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development (2012), more than half of permanent migration flows Ato South Korea were from marriage migration. Based on the Korean Statistic Bureau in 2013, the number of marriage migrants has doubled in ten years - from 10,698 in 2002 to 20,637 in 2012. The top three home countries of marriage migrants in South Korea are Mainland China, Vietnam and the Philippines. While initiatives have been taken by various institutions and organizations to extend assistance to them, two of them have endeavored to organize the women - EMBRACE and TERESA.

TERESA EMBRACE TERESA, or the Togetherness of the The Empowered, Bonded Women, Responding, Enlightened Women for Reforms, Equality, Acting for Common Endeavors (EMBRACE) Sustainability and Action, is a grassroots is an organization originally formed by the organization based in Seoul, Korea that unites Filipino marriage migrants located in the cities women diaspora – the marriage migrants, of Hwaseong and Osan of Gyeonggido province migrant wokers and advocates -- in pursuit for of South Korea. The organization was formerly gender, economic and political justice. named HANFIL in 2008. It got its new name TERESA was formally launched on August only in August 2012, and its membership now 15, 2010 and named in honor of Teresa includes women migrant workers. Magbanua, a Filipino revolutionary who EMBRACE advocates for women’s issues, defended the island of Panay, Philippines against educates women about their rights and the Spanish and American forces. It is taking up encourages them to fight for their rights. It local and global issues that impacting women addresses various forms of violence too many and all peoples, and campaigning against racist have experienced such as domestic violence, immigration policies, exploitative labor laws discrimination, abuse, human trafficking, etc. and modern-day slavery. And it is committed to It makes its presence known to the immediate working for women’s empowerment, recognition, localities through participation in the multi- promotion, and protection of the rights and cultural activities initiated by the local interests of women, and strengthening the government, a way to awaken the public to the women’s movement around the globe. fact that marriage migrants (who composed the TERESA is also a member of the majority of members) can be of help not only in International Women’s Alliance (IWA) which the families but also in the society. is a global alliance of grassroots-based women’s organizations, institutions, alliances, networks and individuals for liberation. Half the Sky 69

Jia Jia Finding Strength in Being with Others 70 Jia Jia

My ajuma, my fellow Chinese friends, the local people in my community – they were the ones that made my life in Korea a lot easier.

My name is Jia Jia. I’m 35 years old. I married a Korean man when I was 29.

I came from a village in China, an agricultural area which we were able to cultivate to produce different food crops. All the families in our village had their own houses and never lacked food. All our needs were provided for.

There came a time in my life when I felt like being adventurous. I became curious about what lay beyond our village. I left the village and went to the city where I made new friends and acquaintances.

It took a lot of courage for me to leave the familiar and seemingly secure environment and to embrace new experiences, learn new skills and adopt a new lifestyle. A friend introduced my future husband to me. It was called a “referral”. It was precisely because he wanted to get married that he went to China; he learned that it would not be difficult for him to find a wife. After we met, I decided that I would marry him.

My husband is employed in a service sector company. We live separately from my in-laws. We have one child, a four-year old girl and she has already started school. As for myself, I work in a factory near my daughter’s school. My husband’s and my combined income are enough for our needs as a family.

Half the Sky 71

It took four years before I became a naturalized citizen. I applied for citizenship during my second year in Korea. It’s a good thing that they did not make me take the Korean language test. At the time, language efficiency among migrants was not yet a strict requirement, unlike now. It seemed like the immigration officer was able to establish that my husband and I lived under the same roof. This is why they didn’t make it too hard for me to gain Korean citizenship, but it still took quite a while for me to become naturalized.

Living outside my own country is a great challenge that I as a marriage migrant must take seriously. Adjusting to another culture and language is not easy.

My beginnings in South Korea were daunting, and there were times when I felt very lonely. What did I do to keep myself sane during my early years in Korea? I developed a social support system.

First, I worked hard to reach out to other Chinese in Korea. Thankfully, one of my neighbors was also Chinese. Then I made friends with them, and also with a few local people. After a while, I developed friendships with some individuals in whom I could trust. I found that confiding in close friends greatly helped me to overcome personal difficulties.

There was one ajuma (a middle aged Korean woman) whom I could never forget. She was the one who introduced me to a group of Chinese who belonged to the same faith community.

This is the same community to which I and my family belong up 72 Jia Jia to now. I am very glad and very grateful to have met all of them. Some of them came to Korea as students, migrant workers and spouses to Koreans like myself.

Engaging with people with the same culture and background is very comforting to me, and meeting them on unfamiliar ground enhances one’s feeling of security.

I am very grateful that I have supportive relationships. My social support network of friends makes me more resilient in times of stress; they help me to be emotionally stronger. In this network, I know people who can provide me information, guidance, counsel, advice, and even tangible support. These friends listen to my fears, hopes and dreams. They help me conquer my fears, help me gain wisdom and give me strength to face life situations.

My deepest desire is that this social support system continues to develop and never end. I hope this group advances because all of its members are kind and compassionate, willing to help those of us in need. We give each other strength, and all our lives are made better because we have each other. Half the Sky 73

Charlene Embracing Her New Life in South Korea 74 Charlene

I find meaning in my daughter and the many marriage migrants in South Korea who have also lived through a hard life with me. My story is for them.

My name is Charlene*. I am 41 years old and I live in South Korea. I have an accounting degree from a prestigious university and successfully passed the competitive civil service professional examination in my home country Philippines, earning me professional merit there.

My five siblings and I grew up in “a domestic work free” and “a non-land tiller” family. My parents hired somebody who did the daily household chores, and our small field was made productive through the hard work of other people whom my parents paid. They did not allow us to work on the farm, my mother in particular. They wanted all of us to focus on our academic studies and finish school so that we would have good lives in the future.

After graduation, I got a job as an accounting clerk on a contractual basis in a government office. I wasn’t happy about it however; what I really wanted was to go abroad and work there. I wanted a high-paying job, and I first wanted to go to Canada. I wasn’t able to go there because I didn’t have money for fare and the travel requirements, so instead I went to Singapore where my expenses would be considerably less. I worked in Singapore for two years as a domestic worker, and when my contract ended, I went to Hong Kong where I also worked as a domestic worker.

I was 26 years old when I worked in Hong Kong, and at the *For reasons of security, we decided to change the name of Charlene and not place her picture. Half the Sky 75

time I already thought that I was getting old. I already wanted to get married and to raise my own children. I met a woman in Hong Kong who was matched with a Korean man, and I thought that she looked happy. She was the one who encouraged me to join the relationship matching process. I became interested in meeting someone through matching venues, but I didn’t want to be matched with a Korean, I wanted to meet an American. I submitted an application form with my photo attached to it so I could join the matching process. I also paid a few Hong Kong dollars and after a few months, a result came out. I was matched with a Korean man.

Becoming a Marriage Migrant

Finding my match through the Unification Church was convenient in Hong Kong. This church which is also known as the Moonies Church, (a Korean church founded by Rev. Moon) recruits foreigners, mostly Asian women, and matches them to Korean men. Many women like me were married in a mass wedding all at the same time; the Moonies called the ceremony a “mass blessing”. I married somebody I didn’t know, and I had never even seen him before the ceremony. I was unaware of his social and economic background; I didn’t know if he was psychologically fit. I didn’t even have an idea of what he looked like, whether he was handsome or not.

I learned soon enough after we were married that our age difference was very small. He didn’t say anything about how much he spent on the whole match-making process. While I waited for my papers to come through so I can leave Hong Kong for South Korea, I prepared myself for my new life by studying the Korean 76 Charlene language. I learned a few basic Korean phrases and words. I also sought to get advice from another marriage migrant who was also matched by the Moonies and who had lived in Korea. I think the church gave her authority to offer advice to women in Hong Kong who had been matched for marriage with Korean men. By then I had already spent four years in Hong Kong working as a domestic worker.

As a new couple, we lived in the house of my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law and her daughter. I dealt not only with my foreign husband but also with my in-laws. I struggled to speak their language and to understand their culture, and it was so hard. They couldn’t understand me, and I couldn’t understand them. I saw that we were all very different, and that the things I liked and enjoyed were different from what they found to be enjoyable. In the meantime, because the family was poor, I couldn’t enroll in any language school to formally learn the Korean language, and at the time I didn’t know where I could go and learn it for free.

I was uncertain about where my husband really worked. His family said that he was a driver, and that he chauffeured for the workers of a company. I wondered why he didn’t keep a regular schedule. Sometimes he would leave the house at five in the afternoon and return past one in the morning. Then there would be other times that he would leave at 4pm, and then come home at 7am. Sometimes he would come home only to change clothes. I felt that my husband kept the real nature of his job a secret from me. I didn’t know why.

I stayed in the house for a few months as a newly-wed and I got very bored. There was a television, but all the shows were in Half the Sky 77

Korean. My mother-in-law would sometimes work in the small farm that they had, but I couldn’t help her because I wasn’t used to that kind of work. I told my husband that I wanted to work so that I could earn my own money. I told him that if he didn’t let me work, I would leave him and return to the Philippines. He agreed to let me work, and I found employment in a company that produced mobile phones. I worked in an assembly line. I became very happy that I had work. I was already used to being employed and making my own money.

When my sister-in-law learned that I was working in a factory, she also applied for a job there. I had a feeling that she only went there so she could monitor my whereabouts. There was an instance when my husband said that he would pick me up after work at the factory with his car, but his sister said that she and I should go home together instead. I was not able to say ‘no’ to her. My husband became angry because he didn’t get his way and he said that I disobeyed him. I felt I had no control over my own life; I couldn’t freely move!

Then my husband said that he wanted us to have a child. He accused me of just wanting to work and earn money instead of being a good wife and mother. “If you are not going to get pregnant, I will not let you get a visa or I will not let you renew your visa”, he told me. I cried when he said this to me, I cried and cried! I realized that if I didn’t get pregnant, I would get kicked out of Korea; I would become an undocumented migrant and I might as well be forced to return home to the Philippines. I felt very bad about what he said, so I agreed to what he wanted and I eventually got pregnant. 78 Charlene

Hardships and Problems

Slowly I learned the real character of my husband; I already learned why he wanted to have a foreigner for a wife. It turned out that it was his mother who really wanted him to get married to a foreigner so he would no longer leave her house. My mother-in- law said that he had left once before. He was the youngest of six children, and his mother wanted him to stay with her even if he had his own family. When I gave birth, my sister-in-law together with her daughter joined her husband in Japan.

On the sixth month of my child, we left the house of my mother- in-law. She and my husband could no longer tolerate one another. My mother-in-law had lost all control over her son. She could no longer stop him from becoming a full-blown alcoholic, and being away from home oftentimes. He was always out and I didn’t know where he stayed or what he did. I lost all my faith in him. I started to believe that he had been seeing other women. He didn’t treat me well, he didn’t give me respect, and he became very abusive. He would slap me in the face whenever he got angry, and he would tell me hurtful, abusive things. Sometimes he would even threaten my life.

My husband forced me to have sex even when I did not want to. He became very angry whenever I refused him.

Very early one morning, I think it was around 4am and I was sound asleep, he came into the room, woke me up and said that he wanted to have sex. I refused. He became furious and took a blanket and pushed it on my face, all the time yelling “Do you want to die?” I mustered all the strength I could and forced myself Half the Sky 79

to get up and pushed him away. I shouted out to God and cried. He slapped me again hard. I moved away from him and stood near the bedroom door while he sat on the bed. He kept telling me to come to him, but I stood firm. He stayed on the bed until he eventually lay down and fell asleep.

It was very fortunate that our child was with her grandmother. The next day, to avoid a repeat of the violence, I gave in to him and had sex, but I made him use a condom. I told him why I didn’t want to have sex with him the night before—that I was afraid that he had been sleeping around and that he might have contracted a sexually transmitted disease. I told him that I had observed that he had symptoms of an STD. I told him that he should go a doctor, but I never knew if he ever went.

This incident was followed by more similar incidents. One early morning he again came to me and told me that he wanted to have sex. When I refused him, he became angry and went to the kitchen. I grew afraid and immediately followed him, and I saw that he went to the cupboard and took out a knife.

I walked up to him and started to speak softly while I put my hands on his shoulders to calm him down. He was smoking a cigarette. He didn’t say anything, and I could tell that he was still angry. I pretended to look out the window and sigh, but I actually looked at my clothes drying on the clothesline. I made him calm down and when he left to go to the bedroom to sleep, I immediately packed a bag and left. I was so afraid and in such a rush that I forgot about my child. I returned and got my daughter and left again, scared that my husband would wake up. 80 Charlene

I directly went to a church and sought help. They left me and my daughter to stay in a corner of the church. Soon after, my husband sent me text message: “Why did you leave the house? I am going to kill you.” As I read that, I made up my mind to never return to him. I told myself that I was done being his wife, and I was leaving him permanently.

I had a very difficult married life. I lived under appalling conditions with my estranged husband. I stayed with him for seven years. I suffered from domestic violence, sexual and verbal abuse, and exploitation. I never wanted our marriage to end in divorce and to have my child grow up the product of a broken family, but I could no longer bear staying with the man I married. My child has long been the source of my strength and inspiration; she has always been my reason to work hard and to struggle. I now work as a teacher in a private institute and my income is very small.

I kept all my sufferings from my family. I didn’t want them to find out about my bitter experiences as a marriage migrant in Korea. I did not want them to worry about me. Apart from the church people who I first sought for help, I also asked help from other marriage migrants. They were members of the local women’s organization which I also joined. Some local Korean women also helped me. They all gave me good advice and counsel on how I could survive with my child; they taught me to know all about my rights. I knew that I needed help to increase my chances of survival. I turned to people with whom I felt safe, respected and accepted.

I am one of the founding members of our organization. We started by first being a group that celebrated birthdays together as well as Half the Sky 81

holidays like Christmas. During the gatherings and in between, we would tell each other our life stories and share our experiences about life in Korea as migrants and immigrants. We shared each other’s pain and happiness; we made each other strong, and helped one another recover from events that made us weak. It helped us to learn that none of us were alone, especially those among us like myself who suffered domestic violence and abuse.

We saw that there was a need to build a formal organization for marriage migrants so that we could further strengthen our network to provide assistance. With the help of various advocates for migrant rights, we formally established our organization in 2008. I became the public information officer (PIO), and then eventually became the vice-chairperson.

Embracing a New Life

One of the best experiences I had when I joined EMBRACE was when I was encouraged by some members who were close to me and a few Korean women advocates who were with us to speak out and break the silence surrounding the cases of violence. I spoke out and they helped me to identify the aspects of my life that I wanted to change. They acted as my helpers or counselors during the time when I felt so distressed and anxious because I was uninformed about my rights and the laws and policies in Korea, especially during the period when my divorce was being processed.

It took me quite some time before I finally made up my mind to file for divorce because I was very afraid that the court would not give me custody of my daughter. I turned to the other members of my organization for aid so that I could cope with the emotional, 82 Charlene mental and physical stresses that deeply hurt my integrity as a person.

Our organization has a cultural program. It is a multicultural education program that is conducted through cultural dance presentations. It is our small contribution to the multiculturalism program of the Korean government. Dancing is a stress reducing activity for me. Practicing and performing Philippine folk dances are also therapeutic for me.

It was such an honor to perform Philippine folk dances in front of local Korean citizens and members of various sectors in society. We performed in schools, theaters and other public places. We wore beautiful costumes that were made in the Philippines. Through these dance performances, we were able to introduce our national identity, and in the process we also affirmed who we were as persons in our own right.

EMBRACE organization joined in an international women’s campaign that for me was very life-changing. We joined the One Billion Rising (OBR) campaign that included one billion women all over the world dancing against violence against women. We joined in solidarity with women around the globe demanding an end to violence against women and children. It was very moving!

As we practiced the dance, we learned the shocking reality that “one in three women or girls on the planet will be raped or beaten in her lifetime”. Violence against women should be stopped, and our organization stands united with one women’s organization to demand justice for all victims of VAW. We join campaigns on issues affecting migrants, immigrants and refugees. We also stand Half the Sky 83

with those who struggle to put an end to discriminatory laws and policies.

Our group has an education program as well. Last year, a Korean advocate came and gave us an update on the immigration policies of Korea and posed a challenge for us to know more about our rights as marriage migrants, including the rights of our children, and to fight for the advancement of such rights. We also have a training program on peer counseling. We have held two sessions so far and there will still be one more. We hope to hold more such trainings in the coming years.

These training activities aim to train and develop peer counselors. I’ve found the training sessions very interesting and useful, and I am very grateful to have been given the opportunity to attend them. This will be followed by a lecture series on the history of Korea which I believe will help us deepen our understanding of Korean society. Hopefully these training seminars will also help us develop a more effective and adaptive behavior.

We give importance to rest and recreation too. We go out as a group with our children and go to places where we can relax and rest after a whole week of working in factories, schools and other work places. These gatherings that include picnics are usually held during the summer vacation.

We also have plans as an organization to reach out to other marriage migrants, to listen to their life stories, and extend help to them when needed. We will also encourage them to join with our organization in our activities, and together we will develop a stronger unity in the pursuit for a better society. 84 Charlene

I hope I could find a better job with decent pay in the future so I can ensure that the basic needs of my daughter are met, and I can help others who are in need, too. I’m planning to change my job or workplace soon. I have to work harder for a living especially because my child is growing up, and I have to provide for her growing needs. I receive monthly financial support for my child from the Korean government, but of course the fund is not enough. The prices of basic commodities and services are rising; rent is becoming more expensive, but my salary isn’t increasing. Also, I have plans to move to another house that is more convenient for me and my teenaged child.

As an officer of my organization I would like to be a good helper or a responsible peer counselor to the marriage migrants, most especially to the young ones who are new in South Korea and new to our organization. I want to establish a life-giving relationship to some of them if not all. Teramachi, Kyoto photo taken Halfby Rey Asis the Sky 85

Japan 86

round 19,000 of the 26,000 international marriages in Japan were between a Japanese groom and a foreign bride in 2011, states the Japan AStatistics Bureau in 2012. Domestic violence, isolation from society, restrictive laws to marry for some prospective marriage migrants and the concerns of Japanese-fathered children are among the many issues that marriage migrants face in Japan. One organization of marriage migrants aims to address them, KAFIN-Hanno, or the Kalipunan ng mga Filipinong Nagkakaisa sa Hanno (Association of United Filipinos in Hanno).

KAFIN-Hanno

KAFIN – Hanno is a grassroots formation of migrants Japan (predominantly marriage migrants) committed to advance the rights and welfare of migrants in Japan and protect them against all forms of violence, abuse, exploitation and discrimination. It works hand-in-hand with other grassroots organizations of migrants, non-government organizations and migrant support groups to uplift their condition and to reject state policies that condone and perpetuate their marginalization in society. Half the Sky 87

Agalyn Building Unity among Migrants in Japan 88 Agalyn

The lessons I learned in my activism in the Philippines have brought me strength in helping myself and others.

I am Agalyn Salah Nagase, 51 years old from General Santos, Mindanao in the Philippines.

I was a church worker from 1983-1995. I have three brothers and five sisters. I am the fourth sister. I started working in the farm at age of seven.

I belong to a family of activists and organizers who were in deep poverty. At 15, I was already helping in organizing people at the evacuation center in my area. We put up a day-care center for mother and child in the biggest evacuation center in General Santos City in 1978. At 20 years old, I worked at the Mindanao Christian Foundation as a church worker. But due to poverty, I relied on my foreign friends as benefactors who helped me pursue higher education.

Because of the decades-long conflict in Mindanao, it can be said that my entire family grew up in evacuation centers in General Santos City because we were always on the run from the military fighting with Muslim rebels.

We survived by working as banana plantation workers. We sold newspapers, became house helpers and street vendors, and put up small stores to get by. I also used to work in a restaurant and as a house helper while pursuing my education. Half the Sky 89

Life as a Marriage Migrant

I met my husband in Manila when he joined the Japanese fact finding mission in Mindanao as interpreter of the group. I was working for the Lumad and Moro people of Saranggani, while my husband worked with the Aetas in Zambales. I was introduced to him by Japanese friends, Chie Aoi and Natsuko Hozumi. We met in 1992 and got married in 1995.

In my first year in Japan as a married woman, I lived in a dormitory of the Asian Rural Institute in Tochigi and studied alternative electricity and organic farming, while my husband was in Sri Lanka doing research for a year about official development aid (ODA). I felt bad when I was there because we were treated like slaves inside the compound.

Since we didn’t know the Japanese language, we were not allowed to leave the compound. We had to work every day in the farm. One time we issued a complaint, but the institute did not attend to us.

We launched a strike by not attending the class. The administration initiated a dialogue and explained why we were prohibited from going outside the compound. It turned out that in the previous year many students ran away from the dorm and hid with friends outside; they worked in Japan and they did not return home after they finished their degree.

Eventually, my husband and I lived by ourselves in an old mansion owned by our friend for 11 years until we decided to build our own house and move to Hanno City in Saitama Prefecture. However, 90 Agalyn we regularly visited my husband’s parents in Gifu Prefecture where they managed a small inn for visitors.

As a marriage migrant, I had to make many adjustments. I knew what my husband was like even before we got married because we were in a relationship for three years before we tied the knot.

Still, our familiarity with each other was not enough to prevent challenges from arising in our relationship. Because we belong to two entirely different cultures, we had personal differences that sometimes led to arguments. We both had the tendency to always insist on our respective customs and beliefs, but I would not consider them as major clashes.

I am lucky because my husband espouses liberal ideas and has extensive experience outside Japan because he had already gone to different countries like the Philippines, Turkey, and many in Africa, Latin America and throughout the Asia Pacific. Somehow this helped, especially during my first years in Japan as a marriage migrant.

Outside the house, of course, there are much bigger challenges. I didn’t speak the language at all so it was a big challenge dealing with other members of my immediate community. I struggled in almost every aspect of my day-to-day life. Going to the supermarket alone was a big challenge if you cannot communicate and couldn’t read anything in kanji, or the modern Japanese writing system.

I look very Southeast Asian and naturally, people in my immediate community tended to be curious about me. There would be quick glances, sometimes stoic stares, but I didn’t mind them in Half the Sky 91

the beginning. There were also some very awkward moments when I could not understand a single sentence a person would be telling me. I was also shouted at several times because I did things considered to be no-nos to the Japanese like answering calls inside a moving bus and lining up on the wrong side in an elevator. I also experienced being rejected because I could not explain what I wanted to say. There were times when I got pushed and shoved in train stations without receiving so much as a “sorry” or “excuse me”.

I thought I was Asian, and this was why those who bumped into me didn’t bother to apologize. Ordinary Japanese always say “gomen” (sorry) every time they did something unexpected to a fellow Japanese. I thought these were acts of discrimination against me because I was not Japanese.

Still, these are minor experiences compared to experiences of many other marriage migrants in Japan. Some other Japanese people I met asked me if I met my husband in the club or if I went through an arranged marriage or “omiyay kenkon” in Japanese. This is because of the image created on Filipino women living and working in Japan – either they met their Japanese husbands in the club or were mail-order brides.

I am lucky because my husband is not the typical Japanese who would force their wives to do all things the Japanese way. At home, I can cook anything I want and my husband also tries to appreciate anything Filipino. So there were no issues about culture in my house and we have division of labor inside the house. 92 Agalyn

Becoming Empowered

When I came to Japan and began to live as a wife of a Japanese, I had a lot of adjustment to do. I knew no one in the immediate community. I had Japanese friends whom I knew way back when I was in the Philippines, but they lived far from where I was and communication was not that easy.

I didn’t speak the language and I mostly stayed at home and some times in the library near our place to get information from the Philippine Daily Inquirer news website on what was happening in my country. Homesickness and loneliness took their toll on me, so I decided to take the time to go around the community to see if there were other Filipinos. I was surprised because I found that wherever I went, there were Filipinos – in the supermarket, in the park and at train and bus stations.

I got to talk to some of them, and through our conversations, I learned about their sad stories and the problems they encountered as wives to Japanese men. I met a Filipina who was a victim of domestic violence; I met trafficked entertainers and Filipino men who were being exploited in the factories where they worked.

These motivated me to form KAFIN or the Kalipunan ng mga Filipinong Nagkakaisa (Association of United Filipinos) in 1998. It started as a neighborhood organization mainly for women, but eventually expanded to include Filipino men who were having problems in their places of employment.

KAFIN evolved from a simple neighborhood association into a resource and service center for migrant Filipinos in the Saitama Half the Sky 93

Prefecture. Later, it expanded and formed chapters in other parts of Japan, such as Nagoya, Nagano, Yokohama, Osaka, Akishima and Gunma and now in Hanno. I was encouraged to form KAFIN because of the many problems faced by migrants in Japan. Having been involved in activism while I was still in the Philippines, it came somewhat naturally for me to want to help disadvantaged compatriots.

It was easier for me at that time because I had nothing to do. I only stayed at home and had no regular employment. In other words, I had plenty of time and was just starting a family. I was also encouraged by my Japanese husband who was a long-time active NGO volunteer.

Also, luckily my husband’s parents understood my desire to help and serve my fellow Filipinos in need, and they volunteered to financially support my travelling allowance. I felt I could do something to ease the sufferings of the many Filipinos I met every day. It was a call of duty, so to speak. I was a willing soul to help.

As a resource and service center, we provide education programs for our kababayans (fellow Filipino nationals) to inform them of important considerations of migrant life in Japan, including laws and practices that may help them in their day-to-day life. We also rescue migrants in distress, offer counseling and welfare programs for distressed and disadvantaged migrants. We put up an office near the train stations so people can easily access our services.

Our basic thrust is to alleviate the condition of Filipino migrants in Japan. We offer alternative programs to empower them and to assist them whenever they encounter problems. We have specific 94 Agalyn programs for women migrants, particularly marriage migrants because majority of Filipinos in Japan are women, and a large percentage of these women are either marriage migrants or single parents to Japanese-Filipino children.

Having KAFIN been recognized all over Japan as a center genuinely promoting the rights and welfare of migrants, in general, is perhaps one of the highlights of my experience as an organizer. It inspires and encourages our members that our organization is recognized in the community.

Since I founded KAFIN, I have been its coordinator. Up to the present, KAFIN remains very active in its work to provide support to migrant Filipinos. It even expanded to some extent by helping migrants of other nationalities as well.

Aside from KAFIN, I am also the vice chairperson of GABRIELA Japan, a Filipino women migrant organization that promotes the rights and wellbeing of Filipino women and not only in Japan but everywhere else in the world. We try to link up with women’s organizations in Japan to highlight issues and concerns about women, including marriage migrants.

KAFIN is also a partner of MIGRANTE Japan, an alliance of Filipino migrant organizations. As a partner, we provide support to strengthen the chapters of MIGRANTE in service areas through education, information dissemination and capability-building programs. Our thrust is to empower grassroots organizations so they can stand on their own and develop their own welfare programs. Half the Sky 95

It is always a liberating experience to connect with people around you. Japan was insulated from the outside world for a long time. Even now, many Japanese tend to isolate themselves from others.

There was even a time when I didn’t know my next-door neighbor because she always evaded me every time I tried to introduce myself to her. Her door was always closed and she never went out whenever I was also outside the house. I don’t think she was personally discriminating against me. I think she was just a typical Japanese who doesn’t easily trust others and who feels better when left alone by themselves.

Having an organization where members can gather anytime they want provided much relief from the stresses of day-to-day living in Japan. It gives you a great feeling knowing that there are people around you whom you can trust and run to when you need them. It also gives you confidence and empowers you to have a group of people who share your beliefs and consider the same concerns important. It is like having an extended family that can provide you with support any time you need it.

The Challenges We Face

Still, there are many challenges to maintaining an organization. The first challenge is how to encourage fellow migrants to join the organization and become active in the community. In the beginning, we just held sharing and problem-solving sessions to encourage those who had immediate problems or issues. Then, we tried to expand by encouraging those we met in the streets, supermarkets, hospitals and other places around the community. 96 Agalyn

Helping those with immediate concerns was a big challenge because we lacked resources and we didn’t have a space where we could gather and talk. I did counseling in the park or coffee shops for more than a year until we finally secured a small place which up to now remains our headquarters.

I also had bad encounters with fellow volunteers whose style of work clashed with my own or those of the others at the center. But we tried to resolve the differences collectively and through formal meetings. One time I had a serious problem with a volunteer, I got so stressed that I decided to fly home to Mindanao and stayed there for three months. I realized that it was not the right thing to do because I was only prolonging the problem instead of finding ways to resolve it.

Once I was back in Japan, I decided to address the problem and we were able to resolve the differences somehow. I suppose, once in a while, there would be differences of ideas and style of work among members and volunteers. But the important thing I learned is that members should address these problems collectively in a positive environment. If it cannot be resolved immediately, then maybe we should find another time to take it up again. But the relationship between members should not be affected; most especially the work of the organization.

I also learned that there should be programs to develop members of the organization and that there should also be time for “bonding” so that each person gets to know the others better.

It is easier to work together if you know each other very well. It will help encourage members to become active. Most importantly, the Half the Sky 97

role of every member in the organization should be well defined. Every member has to feel the importance of their work no matter how big or small it may be. They need to feel that they are part of the organization and that feeling alone gives them satisfaction and reason to continue.

Lessons from the Organization

Forming KAFIN has taught me many things. I discovered that there are many things that in the past I thought I couldn’t do. I also learned the importance of collective power; that my voice can be stronger when I speak with the support of many others. I realized that I can help change anything if I work with people and share common objectives with them.

Joining the organization also broadened my appreciation of life in Japan as a marriage migrant. I learned that I am not alone and that I can do many things even if I were not Japanese as long as I put my heart and soul to it and work alongside others.

I stand taller now having joined an organization that has a clear mission and goals. Our perspective is to see the future far better than now for the millions of migrants in Japan, especially marriage migrants. This can happen if all of us will unite and pursue our common goals.

Organizing marriage migrants is more difficult than organizing indigenous people back in the Philippines. Here, you have to contend with people from varied cultural backgrounds. The people we seek to organize are marriage migrants and they have to perform serious roles as wives and mothers. Their work at home 98 Agalyn is often too demanding that they barely have time to go out and spend time for themselves, much less join organizations. But this is the challenge, of course. It takes painstaking efforts to make them realize how important it is to come together and have a common voice in the community.

Joining an Organization Can Help Marriage Migrants

Joining an organization is like having a support system. Marriage migrants live away from their families and friends back home; an organization like ours helps to empower marriage migrants and give them opportunities to know themselves better and discover their capabilities especially when they feel helpless in times of problems at home, in the community and even in the workplace. It is like having a second family who will be there for you and understand you no matter what. An organization provides doors and windows that are hard to find, not even in your own embassy.

Most importantly, joining an organization is empowering especially because I believe that marriage migrants can have a real voice if they speak out as one. I will continue my role as coordinator of KAFIN for as long as I can. I cannot handle everything by myself so I have focused on building the capacity of marriage migrants in this part of Japan and to develop networks that can help us address the burgeoning issues that affect our community.

I plan to expand the programs of the center and establish cooperative relationships with migrants of other nationalities. My wish is also to encourage more cooperative action among marriage migrants of different nationalities. After all, they share common issues and common problems. They have a common struggle that they must wage continuously together. Half the Sky 99

Also, there is a need to create more room for cooperation among service providers and NGOs advocating migrants’ rights, particularly marriage migrants’ rights. This network of NGOs must start working outside the framework of support, but they should allow themselves to be instruments of strengthening migrant communities. This I believe is the true essence of empowerment. We empower migrants and not make them dependent on our services. 100 Half the Sky 101

Zeny Finding Herself After a Difficult Marriage 102 Zeny

There are many challenges in our lives but we can solve them if we learn to stand up and help each other.

I am a 35 year old native from Mainland China and my name is Zeny*.

I am just an ordinary rural girl who was brought up by my parents who are farmers. I went to school in a local public elementary and when I reached high school, I was asked by an aunt to move to her place in a city some 17 hours away by bus from where my family lived. My aunt promised that she would support me as I continued my schooling there, but things changed when my uncle died.

I had no choice except to stay with my aunt and find work in the city; either that or return to my hometown. Life in my hometown is very simple, but very hard. No one will go hungry if they work hard; this was not, however, the kind of life that I wanted for myself. I wanted to experience new things and I wanted to meet more people. In my hometown, we had neighbors whose children also went to the city to find other jobs away from farming. I wanted to follow in their footsteps and be successful.

So I decided to stay in the city. For more than three years, I worked in a restaurant as dishwasher, server and assistant cook all at the same time. I stayed in the owner’s place beside the restaurant for a while before I decided to join a co-worker and we rented a small room in a house nearby.

Then I decided to change work after I was convinced by the niece

*For reasons of security, we decided to change the name of Zeny and not place her picture. Half the Sky 103

of my landlady to try working in a factory that made fish crackers. I stayed there for only eight months because I couldn’t stand the smell of the fish: I could still smell it even after I went home and took a shower.

For almost four years, I did not see my parents. Life was very difficult for me and my family back in China.

Becoming a Marriage Migrant

I went back to my hometown for a while to visit my parents after not seeing them for almost four years. That was in the summer of 1998 and I was already 20 years old. I met a recruiter who sent workers to Shanghai. I became interested in being recruited. I went to Shanghai and worked there as a waitress in a restaurant. There I met my husband, a Japanese businessman. He asked me to go out one time and I found him very nice, educated and very respectful. I was drawn to him because even after he left for Japan, he would constantly call me and send me gifts and money. Our relationship went on for almost a year until he surprised me by showing up without any word or notice at all. Right there and then he proposed marriage.

I know nothing much about Japan so I never thought of getting married to a Japanese man and living here, but I was sure of my feelings toward my husband I brought him to my hometown to meet my parents and to introduce him to my community. I had already decided to marry him and live in Japan. When I got married, I was 23 years old, while my husband was already 47 years old. It took more than six months before I could join my husband in Japan. 104 Zeny

I never asked about my husband’s family background. It was only when I arrived in Japan that I learned he was once married, but is divorced and had two children who were old enough to be my younger brother and sister. I also didn’t know that he still lived with his parents, and that their house was in the far northern part of Japan. My only notion of Japan was a country with very high buildings like Shanghai and Beijing, although I had not been to Beijing.

Life in the beginning was okay, except that language was very difficult. Although the Chinese and Japanese languages shared similar characters, the meanings are quite different, particularly the katakana and hiragana. The spoken language, of course, is strange to me, but somehow we managed.

My father-in-law was a kind man, but my mother-in-law was very aloof. She didn’t say too much in front of me, but I knew that she talked a lot behind my back. In the beginning, I thought it was just part of the problem being unable to communicate. However, I found out later that my mother-in-law actually didn’t approve of me as her daughter-in-law.

The first couple of years were okay because everyone in the family mostly kept to themselves. One good thing about the house where we lived was that it was big -- it had three rooms upstairs and another two rooms downstairs where my husband and I stayed, while his son by his first wife occupied the other room.

I tried to adapt to the conditions at home where almost all decisions were made by my okasan (mother-in-law). Still, everything I did was just not good enough for her. After awhile, the animosity Half the Sky 105

grew and she started to curse at me, maligned me and made me feel inadequate for her son and his family. In the beginning, my husband would take my side, but later he just couldn’t’ bend on his mother’s wishes anymore my husband and I started to argue often.

I think it was my inability to learn the language fast that also contributed to the worsening situation. I felt everyone in the house was ganging up on me, even my husband’s children. No day would pass without us having an argument.

Then one time my husband slapped me because I raised my voice in front of his mother. I was probably at fault because I was a bit disrespectful of his mother, but I think that was not a reason to discard me like a worn-out rag. My relationship with my mother- in-law deteriorated further. My husband was an only child and naturally he was a mama’s boy. He is a highly educated man, but he was unable to refuse his mother in anything. Slowly, I lost my respect for my husband because he showed me how weak he was as a man and as a husband.

A Life of Isolation

For almost six years, I kept silent most of the time. I submitted myself to my husband and his family. I think this is when I lost my identity.

I did try talking with my husband and asked him several times if we could move to ease the tension in the family and improve our relationship, but every time I brought this up, he would just brush it aside. During this entire time I also never knew how much my husband earned from working as a middle supervisor in a winery. I 106 Zeny never managed our finances. I only got to hold money whenever I was asked to do the groceries. Even if I wanted to send money for my parents, like when they got sick, I couldn’t because I had no money of my own. I tried to ask my husband if I could find work, but he would always discourage me.

I was isolated from the outside world; my life was just the house and the supermarket. I hardly went out because I was told that people outside might look at me differently. My family’s husband made me feel inferior; soon I began thinking the same way about myself.

Not knowing anybody in the community, I had no one to talk to except my parents. However, this was very seldom because I could hardly use the phone because I didn’t want my in-laws to think that I was wasting their money on phone calls. My husband also never cared about my parents.

When my father died in 2008, I could not return to China. It was so depressing, but still my husband didn’t care at all. I did everything to find support but I always was mostly unable to. How could I have done so when I was always home doing all the chores and serving my husband and his family like a slave? My parents were also powerless and they could not do anything so I kept most of my problems to myself. I tried to call my family once in a while, but even this was an issue to my mother-in-law.

Talking to my husband became useless because he was by then a changed man. It was me against the world and I felt I was losing all the things that I dreamt about. My relationship with my husband never recovered after the day he slapped me. The situation in the Half the Sky 107

house became like hell to me. Even when I got pregnant with our only child, my husband would just come to me if he needed something.

After my son was born, and even when I was still pregnant with him, my husband never slept in the same bed with me. Later I was told that it is normal behavior among Japanese men.

My husband never laid hands on me again, but the situation in the house and his cold treatment made me bitter. I was not happy anymore so on our son’s third birthday, I asked for a divorce. My husband refused, not because he still loved me, but because his parents had asked him not to let me and our child go. For Japanese families, especially the traditional, old-fashioned ones, it is bad for their image in the community if a family breaks up. My husband had a previous divorce so the situation for him and his family would have been the worst. That is why when I finally decided to file for divorce, I had mixed feelings - a part of me said that I should not do it, and the other part insisted that I should.

In the end, I decided to push for the divorce so I sought the court’s help to make it happen. In 2011, I finally got my divorce and since then my son and I have been living all by us ourselves and I got support from the local government. I had a job, but the income was not enough for us. I did not demand child support from my husband because I really wanted to cut my ties with him and his family. I wanted to become independent.

Throughout my ordeal, I had no one but myself. I knew of other marriage migrants around our community, but there was just no chance for any interaction. I was all the time tied to my work in the 108 Zeny house as wife, daughter-in-law and stepmother to my stepchildren. In fact, the only time I was able to go out was whenever I went to the supermarket whenever my mother-in-law was not feeling well. Even my ex-husband hardly took me out of the house because all his time was focused on his work.

The different culture and environment was the biggest challenge for me. And although I had a fairly good chance to know my husband before we finally got married, still it was not enough. The language difference was especially a big challenge, especially as I lived not just with my husband but his paternal and extended family.

I think the Japanese are more used to seeing Chinese women marrying their kind rather than Filipinos or Indonesians for example. So I never had any serious experience of being discriminated against. It is funny because I felt like I was more discriminated against inside my own home that in the community where I lived.

Breaking Free

For several years, I was in isolation I never got to interact with other people outside my own home. But once problems at home became more serious, that was the time I decided to free myself and meet people who may be able to help me. Then I began to meet other marriage migrants like me and we started with simple conversations. I met them everywhere – in the supermarket, in the park and even inside the bus. It started with simple conversation where we would just ask each other’s names and family backgrounds, and share where we came from and how long we have been living in Japan. Then, we would exchange each other’s contact numbers. Half the Sky 109

On ordinary Sundays, we called each other and gathered in a park to eat lunch together with our children. Each time was so great so we made it a regular habit and invited more people to join us.

I am pleased because I found an extended family among them. And from simple things, we began talking about serious matters about family and life in Japan. We listened to each other’s stories, and we would find common things about each other that drew us together even more.

I never thought that there would be a life waiting outside my own home. I thought I would be forever stuck in the house dealing with my husband and his family and grow old dealing with my problems with them. Now, seeing that there are others like me, we can help each other to make life a little better. This encouraged me to stick with my extended family.

We are still in the process of forming our own community organization right now. We are a group of Chinese marriage migrants, some Thai women and Filipinos in Hanno City, Saitama. We regularly meet on Sundays to share lunch together and share experiences. You can call us a peer group that meets regularly to lighten up and express ourselves and relieve ourselves of day-today stresses. We have common situations and we try to discuss these to strengthen our resolve to continue and find ways to improve our condition.

We have common problems and issues and that is the reason why we gather together. It is like our support system, our extended family in Japan. Some of us are also classmates before in the community language course. Once-in-a-while, we join community forums of 110 Zeny

KAFIN to listen and educate ourselves on new laws and issues that have effects on us. In Saitama Hanno City there are many marriage migrants like us, so we plan to invite more to join us on Sundays.

One of our members is also a domestic violence victim. We tried to help her find an apartment and we helped her take care of her child while she tried to find work. She didn’t want to go to a shelter; she just wanted to start a new life. Now, she belongs to our group and we help each other.

If ever we decide to form ourselves into a formal organization, we will probably focus on women’s issues, on marriage migrant issues and our goal would probably to help victims of domestic violence and help ourselves become better mothers to our children.

In my situation where I do not have my family beside me, you always try to find comfort. If you cannot find it in your new family, you will most likely try to find it outside your home.

It was a happy thing, forming this informal group. I discovered a new, extended family I thought I would never have. My peer group is a source of strength. Here, I am able to express myself and I have no fears. After living with my ex-husband and his family for years, it was a relief to be free. I had kept silent for so long because I had no one to run to whenever I wanted to cry or show my feelings. With this group of people, I am able to do all that and more.

Now, I can say that I have a better perspective of life here in Japan. I am not saying that I am problem-free because I still have many problems, issues and challenges to face. The Japanese society is not Half the Sky 111

migrant-friendly. We are looked down upon like we were inferior citizens, especially us, women. Even ordinary Japanese women are treated differently, especially outside the cities. So it is doubly hard for us migrant women.

However, having a group that I hope will become a strong organization of migrant women later on, I am confident that we can face these problems, challenges and issues much better. I think being a part of this group is the best thing that happened to me.

I also believe that there are other organizations which can offer us help if we cannot do it by ourselves. The thought of having so many people caring for you is already something that comforts me each day.

All the same, we still face challenges as a group. The first challenge is how to find a common time to meet each other and what to do when we come face-to-face. In the beginning, we just ate lunch together and practiced our little Nihongo. Some of us who have been in Japan much longer are able to help teach others the proper way to use and pronounce words. Another challenge is getting accustomed to each other’s habits and idiosyncrasies. We have in the group women from other countries, and therefore, we have our own culture and traditions that we also need to respect; although most of us are from China.

On the whole, we face a few challenges. I believe the bigger challenge will be later when we decide to form ourselves into a group – how we will go about it since all of us have no experience being part of an organization.

112 Zeny

I learned that I am not alone; that I can be with others who will truly care for me and support me with my problems. I look at my peer group as a source of strength. If we become a full organization, I think, we can feel stronger, we can have a louder voice and we can better assert our rights as individuals and as migrants.

I also believe that being migrants we are not being treated well in Japan. We are treated like second-class citizens. Even in our own household we were ill-treated. Having a group like this or better yet an organization, we can feel more secure. We can be empowered by just having a group like this? Well, right now, I am a different person compared to how I was during my first years in Japan. I feel more confident knowing that I can do more even given my current circumstances as a migrant in Japan.

I want to tell all migrants that joining a migrant rights advocacy group even an informal one will empower them. Joining an organization will make you discover your strength as a person. There are things I thought I could not do before, but now I can. This is what this group has taught me and enabled me.

I believe I will continue being part of this group and hopefully be part of the organization if we decide to establish one soon. I do not need to be the leader; I can just be an active member. I think an organization should not depend on its leaders alone. The strength of the organization is in its members. If we have a strong membership, it can help a weak leadership and the organization will be fine. But even if we have a strong leadership, it would be nothing if we have a very weak membership.

So I will be part of that strong membership, if ever. If we continue Half the Sky 113

with our plan, we can help more migrants in Japan. If we help more migrants, maybe we can change our condition in society. But we need not be inclusive; we have to interact with the larger community if we want to change our situation. I believe there should be no single community, but a cluster of communities working together. We can help more if we cooperate more with other communities, be it with communities of migrants or local communities.

I plan to continue leading this group and hopefully establish it as a full organization soon. I plan also to join more activities for women and better educate myself on what is happening around me. In the future, I also plan to do volunteer work for a non-government organization to develop my knowledge on how to help other people and become a more productive member of society. 114 Tsim Sha Tsui, Kowloon Half the Sky photo taken115 by Rey Asis

Hong Kong 116

ainland Chinese marriage migrants in Hong Kong face a great deal of social exclusion. Oppressive policies on citizenship, bearing children in Mpublic hospitals, denial of access to employment are the biggest burden many of them face in the international city, in addition to racism, discrimination and ostracism.

One organization stands out in helping them, the New Arrival Women’s League (NAWL) or Same Roots.

NAWL

The New Arrival Women’s League, or Same Roots, is a self-help group of women marriage migrants, also known as New Arrivals. The organization is committed on assisting and empowering new arrivals, helping them help each other, and collectively fighting for their rights in Hong Kong. Half the Sky 117

Mary Taking Roots in Hong Kong, Joining Same Roots 118 Mary

It is through Same Roots that I found my strength and I am happy to be a part of it.

My name is Mary Tang Kwan Tai and I am 61 years old. After I divorced my first husband because of his acts of domestic violence against me, I married my current husband 13 years ago after a mutual friend introduced us. I came to Hong Kong in 2005 with my two sons from my first marriage.

Almost immediately after my arrival in Hong Kong, I began to experience financial problems and difficulties in my marriage. I started working two jobs, one as a security guard and the other as a part-time domestic worker to provide for my family. I also discovered that my husband suffered from alcoholism. It turned out that he was also a gambler, and was not above being abusive.

Although I earned about HK$8,000 (US$1,031) per month, he wasted most of it on alcohol and betting. One night he returned home drunk and threatened to kill me. I was so scared and thought to myself “Why did I marry him?” I decided to leave my husband to protect myself and my two young sons. However, even as I kept two jobs, it was very hard to scrape together enough money to provide for all three of us and our basic needs. We did not qualify for public housing or the social assistance payments because of the residency requirement that I was unable to meet.

I also began suffering from health problems. I collapsed at work, and when I went to the doctor, he told me that if I wanted to live, I should stop working because I was no longer physically fit for it. Half the Sky 119

During this time, my life became quite miserable. I suffered severe depression and I contemplated on committing suicide. I even wrote a farewell note to my children. However, I also met with the social worker assigned by the government assigned to my apartment building. She understood about my situation, showed me to the local food bank and brought me to Same Roots. Same Roots helped me to face the challenges in my life by arranging me with a meeting with the social welfare department. The social welfare department agreed to give my eldest son living support even though he exceeded the age limit of 18. Without Same Roots, I would have not known where I would be today.

My experience with Same Roots showed me that joining organization such as this can significantly help women marriage migrants. Since Same Roots helped me meet and successfully overcome the challenges in my life, I believe that I can help others who face similar issues. I decided to become more involved once I saw Ms. Yeung Mei, the general secretary, working so hard. I knew that she needed help to shoulder the burden of running the organization, so I decided to run for president to contribute more. I started as a secretary in 2008 and was elected as president in 2010.

Same roots also contributed to my personal development through skills training. I underwent leadership training and seminars/ workshops on social policy and culture in Hong Kong. I realized that I can help people, but sometimes I could still be overcome by my own shyness when speaking in public. I would get nervous, and my heart would always beat so fast!

Same Roots has provided a very supportive environment for me and my two sons. They even call it their “second home.” They 120 Mary always want to join activities, and now that they are older, they volunteer by looking after the children of members while they attend the meetings. I feel supported and welcomed by the Same Roots community.

However, Same Roots also faces considerable challenges. Many family members do not approve of the women marriage migrants’ working with Same Roots because it is on a voluntary basis. Working for the organization doesn’t give us any compensation. Some of the members also give excuses rather than join activities. Same Roots addresses these challenges by encouraging members to describe their experiences to their children and the organization so they know the important role that this organization plays in their lives.

I have two dreams for the future: I hope that my children will study hard and get good jobs so that we do not need to rely on money from the government. I also hope that Same Roots grows into a stronger organization and gives a helping hand to other women marriage migrants. Half the Sky 121

Ms Poon A Long and Difficult Journey of Survival in Hong Kong 122 Ms Poon

All it takes is a helping hand from a concerned stranger. We all have difficulties in life, and it is our duty to help one another.

Since the handover of Hong Kong, numerous Mainland Chinese have transferred to the island. For most of them, the new life has neither been easy nor always happy but it was a risk that many take hoping to secure a share of the prosperity and development of Hong Kong for themselves and their family. I was one of those who took that risk. I am one of the many marriage migrants who arrived in Hong Kong expecting to have a share of the better life represented by Hong Kong for most Mainland Chinese.

I was born and raised in the Mainland. I lived and worked for a factory in Shenzen. I met my husband in 2002 through a jie-jie, an agent or marriage broker who was actually a distant relative of my husband, originally from Panyu in Guangzhou.

I told my then future husband that I wanted to stay in the Mainland so I could keep my job. This was probably because I was used to supporting myself and my family. My three sisters were also married and, like myself, they were all independently working and earning.

I had a busy work life. I used to get home by 11pm, and I was usually so tired that I only had the energy to take a shower before falling exhausted into bed. My future husband visited me from Hong Kong during holidays such as the New Year, the Mid-Autumn, and the Dragon Boat Festivals. Mostly, we communicated through the Internet via chat. I believe that despite the physical distance Half the Sky 123

between us, I fell in love with him because of this online courtship. We were married in 2002. I continued to live in the Mainland, however, and my husband continued to visit me from Hong Kong. This arrangement continued until even after a few years after our son was born in 2004.

When our son was a little older, I tried to take him with me to work because there was no one else to look after him. My son, behaving like a normal little boy, would play with the buttons of the machines. Knowing that this was dangerous for my son and disruptive to my work, I tried sending the boy to a kindergarten instead. My son was naughty and refused to put on his uniform and to go to school. I can even say that I actually had to take care of two children, my son and my husband.

When my brother-in-law mentioned that my son could study in Hong Kong, I realized that he would actually have a better education there. In the Mainland, English is taught at the primary level while in Hong Kong, students start learning it as early as kindergarten. That was when I decided to apply for residency for both of us.

My Mother and Hong Kong

Hong Kong was not an entirely new place for me. My maternal grandfather was the first in my family to live in Hong Kong. He was followed by my grandmother and uncle. My mother, then a child, was left in the Mainland under the care of an aunt. When my mother grew up, she stayed in Hong Kong briefly but had to go back to take care of her aging aunt. My mother got married, had children and raised them all in the Mainland. She never again went 124 Ms Poon back to Hong Kong even though all she needed back then to get in was to show her birth certificate. The Hong Kong Government at that time also gave out resident ID cards but my mother missed the opportunity. This turned out to be a big disappointment for my grandmother and a cause of strife within the family.

In 1973, through my grandmother, my mother and her children had been approved for migration to Hong Kong. My father, however, did not want this for his family. He worked hard as a wholesale vegetable supplier and they had farmland. We would lose all of it if we all leave the Mainland. He was probably thinking that if we leave Mainland, my mother would need to raise us alone so he refused to have his family moved. His mother-in-law, my grandmother, argued that if my mother, me and my siblings didn’t go then, it would be very difficult to enter Hong Kong later on.

In 1976, still unable to convince my father to let her daughter and grandchildren move to Hong Kong, my grandmother went to my mother’s house and took one of my sisters to Guangzhou without telling the rest of the family. At that time, people used to take a boat or train from Guangzhou to get to Hong Kong. When my mother realized that one of her daughters was missing, she rushed to the train station to look for them. She asked the station’s officers to help her, but my grandmother had already left on the train with my sister.

My grandmother wrote to her daughter explaining that it was not her intention to kidnap her grandchild. She just wanted my mother and her children to go to Hong Kong. She also told her daughter that she was worried about my mother seeing how she took care of all of us by herself. She saw the hard life that her daughter had. Half the Sky 125

Aside from raising the children mostly by herself, my mother also had to take care of the farm raising sugarcane while my father was away selling produce.

When we were old enough, we helped out in farming but only for a short period since we also started going to school. This made things harder for our mother who had to tend the farm by herself mot of the time, having help only on weekends and holidays. This was why my grandmother wanted to take us all with her to Hong Kong.

The residency regulations in Hong Kong were then loose, but my grandmother was unable to bring anyone else from her family to Hong Kong aside from my sister. This made my grandmother so angry that she got sick and passed away in 1980. With her death, her daughter and remaining grandchildren lost their chance of moving to Hong Kong.

After my grandmother died, my sister went back to their village. She then had a resident ID, the only family member to have one after our grandmother. My father only had a two-way pass that allowed him to travel to and from Hong Kong and only when accompanied by his wife, who was a child of a permanent resident.

When I was four or five years old, Hong Kong for me was the foreign and strange land where my grandmother lived. I remember that my grandmother sometimes sent over clothes and candies, and that these were of better quality than those that can be had in our village. 126 Ms Poon

Living in Hong Kong

When I decided to move to Hong Kong to join my husband and secure a better education for our son, conditions had changed and restrictions to travel to Hong Kong were already in place. It was 2007 and there was a strict merit-based system to secure permission to travel. I had qualified, but I knew that my chances of getting permission to leave again at a later time were slim. Because of this, I decided to use my one-way permit to apply for permanent residency. My application was processed quickly and, five years after I got married, my son and I finally joined my husband in Hong Kong.

It was difficult for me to adapt to living in Hong Kong with my husband’s family. I found the lifestyle, habits, and even the food unfamiliar. At first, I lived with my husband’s parents and sister in my mother-in-law’s house. It was a two-bedroom flat in Sham Shui Po in Kowloon. The Sham Shui Po area is largely populated by poor families, most of them new immigrants.

In my mother-in-law’s house, we had to sleep on a bed sheet on the living room floor. My father-in-law occupied one bedroom, while my mother-in-law and sister-in-law occupied the other. When my father-in-law died, my sister-in-law moved to his room. My husband let me have the sofa while he slept on the floor beside me. My son has gotten so used to sleeping on the floor that he continues to do so up to this day.

It was difficult for me to follow my new family’s sleeping and eating habits as well. Having come from a rural area, I was used to waking up early for work. People also went to bed early at night. Half the Sky 127

My in-laws called it a nuisance that I woke up at 7am while the rest of the family slept until late morning. I was also criticized for not staying up late to wait for my husband to return from work. My son’s feeding and changing schedule also caused my in-laws to complain that the child’s crying at odd hours woke them up.

Meal times were also difficult to adjust to. By the time the rest of the family woke up for breakfast at 11 am or has lunch at 3pm, I was already very hungry. There were also times when they were mean to me and my son.

My sister-in-law kept biscuits and snacks in a cabinet that was off limits to me. She bought these on her way home from work, ate most of it herself and gave some to her own child and husband before she offered the crumbs to me. I refused and pretended to have a sore throat.

When relatives visit the flat, my sister-in-law served soup to all but me. I was only allowed to eat the broth left over from the soup. My sister-in-law diluted it with water, reheats it and served that to me. She even accused me of “stealing” when I tried to get soup for my son.

Through all these, I thought that it was best to stay quiet about how badly I was being treated.

My mother-in-law started complaining that the house was crowded and that expenses went up after my son and I moved in. She asked me to fill and sign some forms, explaining that it was a way for her to help the family pay for food and rent. I later found out that my mother-in-law applied for financial assistance 128 Ms Poon

(CSSA) from the Welfare Department in my son’s name. When I confronted her, she countered that I was not allowed to apply for and receive the assistance meant for my son because I was still of immigrant status. This turned out to be false. After receiving the benefits, my mother-in-law then used the money to transfer to another house.

A Life of Hardships and Sacrifices

Since she agreed to the marriage, I wondered why she complained about the living arrangements. It dawned on me that my mother- in-law thought that I influenced her son and forced him to let me move to Hong Kong. The truth was that I had asked my husband whether he preferred living with me and our son in the Mainland or staying with his mother in Hong Kong. Before I went to Hong Kong, my father-in-law stayed in the Mainland to work and his wife, my mother-in-law, used to visit Shenzen every weekend to give him money for food. It was HK$20 (or US$2.58 ) per day just for food.

When I married her son, my mother-in-law sent me HK$300 a month to cover my living expenses. After my son was born, my allowance was increased to HK$600 a month and continued to be this amount after I moved in. In Hong Kong, however, this was not enough.

Rent for my mother-in-law’s flat was HK$3,000. My husband and I paid for the bulk of the rent which is HK$2,500. The financial assistance from the welfare department was around HK$4000 a month but I received only the HK$600 to feed my son and myself. When my son started school, I was able to start working Half the Sky 129

as a caregiver for an elderly Chinese woman, but even with the HK$1,500 a month I earned from the job, our financial situation was still very tight.

The woman I took care of hurt her leg and was unable to walk so I did the food shopping and cooking for her. Everyday, I shopped for my patient after I sent my son to school in the mornings. I also did my own shopping to take advantage of the discounts for larger purchases, but since the inflation rate was high, the discounts didn’t help much.

It was while doing her shopping that I felt the discrimination and maltreatment often felt by immigrants from the Mainland. I felt hostility from the vendors in the market when I tried to bargain for discounts. They taunted me, asking, “ Do you think you’re still on the Mainland?” Later, I found that it was easier and cheaper to do my shopping in the evenings.

Back in my mother-in-law’s house, I once received a letter addressed to my husband. It was from the government describing the procedure and requirements for applying for housing. Unfortunately, my mother-in-law saw the letter and my sister-in- law shouted at me to hand the letter over, but I stood up for my rights as the spouse and kept the letter.

That night, over dinner, I had a quarrel with my husband about the incident. He was unwilling to support me over his mother and sister. Afterwards, while I was cleaning the floor, I accidentally hit my husband with the mop and he shoved me, hurting my back so badly that the pain persisted until the following day. 130 Ms Poon

I needed to put an end to the maltreatment I suffered, so I went to my brother-in-law’s wife. Like me, she was an immigrant from the Mainland. She had been helpful before, and had given me advice about living in Hong Kong and seemed sympathetic.

I decided to ask her about the letter from the government about housing. I also told her how my husband hurt me. She suggested that I inform the police and to ask the Family Service Center (FSC) to intervene. The FSC would be able to help me obtain a separation from her husband.

I followed the advice and went to the FSC, but the social worker assigned to my case was less than helpful. She blamed me for my plight, saying that I came to Hong Kong even when I knew what my husband’s family was like. The social worker suggested that I contact my own family in the Mainland and ask for their help or just leave my husband and go back to the Mainland myself.

I told her that the last option would be difficult. I came to Hong Kong with a one-way permit and when I applied for my resident certificate, my hukou (household registration unit in China) card was canceled and cut in half.

I cried and told the staff that I still needed the card because I had not finished all the necessary procedures for residency in the Mainland. Usually, in cases like this, a hole is punched into the card and returned to the owner. But the staff assigned to me was new and was quick to cut the card and throw it away. At this point, I was at a loss on what to do. Half the Sky 131

“Meeting” NAWL

Hope came when, by accident, I chanced upon my son watching a TV show one afternoon. The show was an episode of “The Good Old Days”, an old TV drama produced locally. It was about the experiences of immigrants in Hong Kong. It showed the difficulties these immigrants went through while adjusting to life with their in-laws in Hong Kong. Understandably, I found myself relating strongly to the show so that when my brother-in-law’s wife offered to introduce me to an immigrants’ organization in Tsuen Wan which helped her with her own situation, I agreed to go.

The organization was called the New Arrival Women’s League (NAWL). The staff listened sympathetically as I related to them what has been happening to me. Disagreeing with the FSC social worker’s suggestion that I go back to the Mainland, the staff instead helped me learn how to be more assertive and to communicate more effectively with my husband and his family.

I was advised to talk to my mother-in-law directly and explain my need to handle my own family’s budget and manage our living expenses myself. Predictably, my mother-in-law became angry about my consulting a social worker and she reprimanded me cruelly. I responded to the scolding with more silence. I avoided my mother-in-law as much as I could to prevent further conflict.

While trying to avoid her once, I forgot to turn off the gas in the kitchen before leaving the house. When I remembered and returned to turn it off, I found my mother-in-law waiting for me. to accuse of wanting to burn down the house. I told her that I 132 Ms Poon forgot because I was trying to avoid her constantly before walking out of the house again. My mother-in-law responded by following me out the flat, down in the lift and up again, while continuously berating me. I just kept quiet not wanting to get involved in the conversation. My doctor had advised me to avoid anger, but I had my fill of my mother-in-law’s abuse. On the advice of my brother- in-law’s wife, I finally decided to fight for my rights.

My brother-in-law’s wife wrote a letter to the FSC and finally filed a case about it. Again, the FSC suggested that I get a divorce, but I rejected this advice as my difficulties were with my in-laws and not with my husband.

My son, Wing Hong, was meanwhile growing up to be a difficult boy, which concerned me more and more. He often played with electric plugs and fragile objects. Once, he moved around a pot owned by one of my husband’s visiting relatives. The visitor, afraid that he would break the expensive pot, asked me to take my son away. My husband kicked the boy; I was shocked and told my husband that he had overreacted.

My husband has begun hurting our son. Once he slapped him when he caught him playing with the TV. I admit that I, too, had beaten up the boy several times, to curb his naughtiness and noisiness, especially at night when the family was resting.

When my husband hit me for the first time, I warned him that I would end our relationship. I told him that I could accept him hurting our son because the boy was very naughty, but not me. I served and cooked for him and I deserved to be treated well. Half the Sky 133

My husband and I left my mother-in-law’s house by then because my sister-in-law had started hitting me, too.

One morning at 3 am, my husband came home drunk after celebrating a July 14 festival with my in-laws. He turned on the TV and the radio in our flat. Afraid that the noise might wake up the elderly couple living opposite to us, I asked him to turn off the TV, he refused and started to beat me. I told him to move in back with his mother and sister as I could endure my sister-in- law hitting me, but I would not tolerate being beaten by my own husband.

The social worker to whom I related this doubtingly asked me to show my injuries and whether I reported the incidents to the police. When I said that I called the police every time my husband or sister-in-law beat me, the social worker said that I was being a nuisance to the police and wasting their time by doing so.

Again, I felt that social workers were of no help to people like me. When I first applied for financial assistance available to low income households, the social worker assigned to my case thought that the amount I received every month – HK$1500 plus the HK$600 allowance given by my mother-in-law, was enough. I had to repeatedly explain that I was supporting my entire family on the amount and not just myself.

I felt that my son and I were still regarded as foreigners and were not as important as natives of Hong Kong. It bothered me that I always had to feed my son biscuits and candies that were past the expiration date. 134 Ms Poon

Joining NAWL

When I first joined NAWL, the organization had to borrow office space from other organizations. We started by distributing free blankets around the neighborhood to those who need them and introduced ourselves as a group concerned with the problems faced by women who had just arrived in Hong Kong.

There is still not enough assistance available to women immigrants. Ten years after the handover of Hong Kong to China, the NAWL, or the League, reached out to women in need of assistance. A common concern involved women being abused or abandoned by their husbands. Many were left without a place to live in and no means to support themselves.

The league helped these women face their pasts and better their futures. We told them that if we can face our past then the future would turn better. Through the League, I was able to transform myself from a woman who arrived in Hong Kong knowing nothing to someone who helps others caught in a similar situation. I have even started giving speeches in public and teaching student interns.

I told the women not to panic and I encouraged them to seek help if they needed to. I explained to them that what they may not accomplish these alone so cooperating and working with others will help a lot. I persuaded them to at least talk to other people about their concerns and problems so that they would feel less alone. Some women who choose to keep to themselves and endure their situation alone become sick. Others even commit suicide. I know that I could have been one of these women; this is why I continue to be a volunteer. Half the Sky 135

In the course of helping new arrivals, I discovered loopholes in some of the government policies that concern welfare and the CSSA or financial assistance. Based on my experience, there is no guarantee that an immigrant applying for financial assistance will receive any. Unknown to most, one needs to have been a resident in Hong Kong for at least six or seven years before being eligible for CSSA. Even then, it was seldom that the maximum allowable amount is given.

Almost all immigrants from the Mainland believe that they will immediately qualify for financial assistance when they arrive. Furthermore, even locals thought the same. I thought that it is from this misunderstanding of policies that the resentment, discrimination and overall negative opinion that natives have against immigrants, especially against marriage migrants, or people who immigrated from the Mainland as spouses of locals, arise.

When faced by challenging and complex cases, I give advice to women to look for larger organizations for “real” support. In case of an emergency, then help is urgently needed, the women in need will be asked to try and break down her “problem” so the League can help her define it clearly and assist her at least provisionally. Being a volunteer, I am wary about offering help when the problematic situation is hard to understand. Mostly, the League addresses questions that new immigrants usually have, explaining to them their present situation as best as we can.

For now, what I really want to accomplish for the League is to deliver the training program on women’s rights successfully. I hope that the women who participate in the program pay attention to the lessons and enjoy the activities that the League organizes. Since 136 Ms Poon the old woman that I used to take care of passed away (at the age of 102) and because I am not currently working, I devote all my time to volunteer work and to taking care of my son.

For someone who has been used to having several jobs at a time, it was a big change for me. I also used to volunteer for other organizations, but my son is six now and needs extra care. I also continue to have health problems and I am not as fast or as strong as before. I find it difficult to lift heavy objects or do the laundry. I have also begun to have problems with my joints.

The queue for doctors in the public hospitals for non-emergency illness is long and when I was finally able to see one, the doctor asked me to have some blood tests done. The doctor suspected thallassemia, but I explained that I fell down often, due to fatigue and spousal abuse. After the first time my husband hurt me by pushing me against an iron gate, I sometimes felt faint. I suspected that this was due to the intra-uterine device I had put in after I gave birth to my son. After I had it removed, the symptoms remained, so I had an ultrasonic examination and the doctors found a tumor.

In addition to having health problems, my son was also diagnosed with attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). This explains my child’s restless behavior and the difficulty that I had in disciplining him. I have to cope with these as a single parent. I also worry that I am already over 40 and still raising a very young son.

Fortunately, the tumor was found to be benign but still needed to be removed to prevent bleeding. After the operation, my overall health got better. My mood also improved, probably because I have moved into public housing. I have even gained weight. Half the Sky 137

Life changing

My life though filled with difficulties, has been improving. Since joining the New Arrival Women’s League, I have been able to solve my marriage problems and secure a place to live and a means of livelihood. I have also received some training and occupied posts of responsibility. I have never stopped helping myself and others. I have even given interviews to reporters and never declined opportunities to share my story, joining rallies and participating in dialogues with government officials.

Since I became the external vice chairperson of the NAWL, I have been active in expressing my opinions about relevant policies, fearlessly speaking in public forums even though I can only do so slowly, knowing that my audience hardly understands me. I can now address the media directly in press conferences and seminars displaying strength and confidence. It may be because of these that other organizations have invited me to join their press conferences.

My life story has been included in the televison program, “The Story of a Million People” by RTHK, where the rich are invited to the homes of the poor. These activities have helped me gain courage and learn positive coping strategies.

No longer feeling weak or fearful, I use my story and the stories told to me by new arrivals to inform others. I have shared my life through TV and anyone can watch and learn from it. The program is shown on ATV, in cooperation with TVB.

In the end, the women are able to share their stories, maintain their self esteem despite the negative condition they are in. They are able 138 Ms Poon to face reality positively and, through the media, educate the locals about the situation faced by new women arrivals in Hong Kong. Great Ocean Road, Victoria Half the Sky photo taken by139 Reyvi Mariñas

Australia 140

omen who enter Australia in forced marriage, arranged marriage, and those who are trafficked through a marriage situation have difficulty Wnavigating pathways to community services. Most of them are isolated and are controlled by the husband and family that are accomplices to these arrangements and crimes in the case of trafficking by marriage. One organization aims to help these women - the IWSA or the Immigrant Women’s Speakout Association of New South Wales.

IWSA

The Immigrant Women’s Speakout Association of NSW Inc (IWSA) is a peak body and a community-based organisation which has an advocacy role, and provides education, information and other direct services to women of non-English speaking backgrounds in New South Wales, Australia. IWSA represents the issues and ideas of immigrant and refugee women at all levels of government, in the community services and industrial sectors, and in mass media.

In March 1982, three hundred women gathered in Sydney to speak out publicly on issues affecting migrant and refugee women of non-English-speaking background. As a result of this landmark meeting, the IWSA was established.

One of the largest groups of IWSA members are women marriage migrants. As a result of the many issues that have impact on the lives of immigrants and refugee women, IWSA has been and continues to be involved in broad strategic and political activity together with grassroots action, conscious that IWSA must be accessible to the women it seeks to serve. Half the Sky 141

Cherry Rediscovering Herself through the IWSA 142 Cherry

There is an organization for women marriage migrants in Australia, IWSA. I learned many things from them and this is my story.

My name is Cherry* and I am Japanese. I arrived in Australia on a student visa in 2007 and I was 17 years old. My brother who has an Australian citizenship and was residing in Sydney supported me financially. I enrolled in a course on Certificate III in Hospitality at a private college.

It was during this time I met my now former husband. After two years of intense and roller coaster relationship I got pregnant and married my boyfriend – an Australian citizen. I believed it was the best option at the time, and hoped that the relationship would get better.

Despite conceiving a second child, my husband became more violent and I decided to leave him. The post-break up period was a tumultuous time for me, as I had virtually no financial support. My relationship with my family had soured as a result of my relationship with my ex-husband. When I felt like I couldn’t cope any longer on my own, I sought assistance from a women’s refuge in one of the suburbs in Sydney. However, my temporary resident status precluded me from accessing assistance, and I was therefore referred to Immigrant Women’s Speakout Association (IWSA).

My advice to women in a similar position – if there is something wrong, one must seek help sooner rather than later, and in Australia, one can go to Immigrant Women’s Speakout Association.

*For reasons of security, we decided to change the name of Cherry and not place her picture. Half the Sky 1 43

An IWSA caseworker advised me to access short-term services from large charity organisations. Later on, IWSA assisted me in preparing documents that I needed to fulfill the requirements for the FVP (Family Violence Provisions). The FVP is a regulation within the Australian immigration law that allowed victims of family violence on partner visa and are on temporary residency, to continue their application for permanent residency even though the relationship has ended due to family violence. Six weeks after I had lodged evidence of my experience of family violence, my permanent residence visa was granted.

Since then, I had begun working in a law firm as an executive assistant while completing Certificate II in Make-Up course. I was taking it one day at a time to recover from my ordeal of violent relationship with my former husband. For now, I am happy caring for my children, and looking after them as best as I can.

I feel like I didn’t fully experience growing up as a child due to marrying early. And now I am raising my own child. Sometimes it’s all a bit too overwhelming and I feel like running away. But at the end of the day, I love my children and want to give them the world. I was able to do this because of the support from Immigrant Women’s Speakout Association.

In all of these dramas in my young life I have learned that one cannot achieve what I had achieved during this moment in my life without a women’s organisation, which is IWSA. I am a member since 2012.

Since becoming a member I have known that the Immigrant Women’s Speakout Association has been founded more than 30 144 Cherry years ago by 300 migrant and refugee women who gathered in Sydney in March 1982. The two big IWSA programs are focused on community development and direct support services for women escaping domestic and family violence and other issues such as access to community services.

IWSA is a peak advocacy organisation and among its recent achievements is introduction of changes to the Family Violence Provisions of the Migration regulations. The changes included other forms of evidence on experiences of family violence. They are meant to reduce the re-traumatisation of migrant women who have to leave their relationship due to violence by the partner- sponsor and discuss their experience to competent persons who are registered professionals such as social workers, counselors and others.

During the times that I visited the IWSA centre I always felt that atmosphere is like a home. The IWSA staff and members whom I have met are friendly and have a strong sense and feeling of sisterhood and activism for women’s rights. The IWSA centre offers activities such as classes in English conversation, sewing, computer literacy and mentoring in leadership, preparation for job application, accessing community services and many more.

I am able to participate in some IWSA activities only. My children are still young and we live far from where most IWSA activities are held. IWSA staff members had encouraged me to join playgroup for mothers and children in the local area where I live. This playgroup suits me and my children. Through this playgroup I connect with other mothers and most of them are immigrants and single parent. Half the Sky 145

Whenever I hear of a migrant woman experiencing issues in their lives I provide them with the phone number of IWSA. I also encourage them to become a member.

I can see that IWSA staff members and our membership organise migrant and refugee women through group activities. IWSA provides awareness sessions about women’s rights and encourage us to also participate in rallies during International Women’s Day and Reclaim the Night – to demonstrate that women has the right to be safe anywhere and anytime especially during night time.

As IWSA member I have learned that we, as migrant women, have to organise ourselves so that we can become a strong voice. If we have many united members in our women’s organisations we can make positive changes in our community. 146 Half the Sky 147

Grace Singing to Expose Violence Against Women 148 Grace

It is through other women marriage migrants that I found my voice and I will use this in telling not only my story but theirs as well.

I am Grace* and was born in Korea. My father is a university professor and my mother is a high school teacher. I had a pleasant life in Korea and when I became 18 years old I began to study Opera singing. While doing my Opera singing course I also worked as a vocal teacher. My dream was to travel abroad and to become an Opera singer and so I went to Italy and studied Opera singing for one year. Then, I returned to Korea to continue my Opera singing course. I wanted to become better as Opera singer so I sent applications to various universities in different countries.

I was accepted to study at the Sydney Conservatorium. Following my dreams I have moved to Australia in 2009 on a student visa to study at the Conservatorium. During my studies I met a man who was gentle and romantic. This man became my boyfriend and he gave me so much love and support. My boyfriend and I had ups and downs but when he proposed to marry me I was overwhelmed. Then we immediately flew to Korea and asked for my parents’ permission. After my father had approved of the marriage, we returned to Australia where we got married at a civil registry.

A Life of Hardships as a Woman Marriage Migrant

Months later after getting married my husband’s attitude towards me became negative. He started accusing me of marrying him in order to gain permanent residency. My training course in opera singing was affected by the bad attitude of my husband towards *For reasons of security, we decided to change the name of Grace and not place her picture. Half the Sky 149

me. So I decided to change my career and chose to become a pop music singer. I immediately found a job as a lounge singer and sang in different clubs at night.

My husband was not happy with the amount of money I earned from singing and he was forcing me to get a full-time job at a grocery store and still continue my singing job at night. My husband’s behaviour towards me started to worsen. He no longer supported my singing career and became very jealous. There were many violent incidents that happened. My husband pulled my hair while putting the car keys in my mouth when I accidentally dropped the keys in the toilet bowl.

I called the police but I did not ask for Apprehended Violence Order (AVO) because I did not understand fully the meaning of an AVO. The police assisted me to access a women’s refuge. I did not stay long at the women’s refuge because it was infested with rats. I left the women’s refuge when one of my friends offered a space in her apartment.

Joining IWSA

While staying with my friend, she told me that she is a member of the Immigrant Women’s Speakout Association (IWSA). My friend encouraged me to seek assistance from IWSA. I contacted IWSA right away. IWSA staff members supported me in sending information to the Department of Immigration about my husband’s violent behaviour towards me. With the information I got from IWSA I have learned about my rights in Australia.

My friend encouraged me to become a member of IWSA. I was very 150 Grace happy to become a member. Through IWSA I have changed my outlook in life. I became more positive and community-oriented. I have realised that organisations like IWSA is very important in promoting women’s rights. There are other women’s organisations that I hear about but IWSA is more hands-on in supporting women in need. I have listened to stories of other migrant women who have sought the IWSA services. These women felt very happy and satisfied. They are proud to be members of IWSA.

IWSA staff members always invited me to activities and I attended some of these. I also donated my talent in singing to make IWSA events more fun. While I was singing, IWSA members and guests danced and were happy.

IWSA celebrated its 30th birthday in 2012. I was very happy to be part of the celebration. I sang songs during the celebration. At that event I also joined in doing the flashmob dance for the “One Billion Rising” campaign.

I was informed that on 14th February 2013 IWSA has led the Western Sydney mobilisation of more than 250 participants who danced at the Parramatta Town Hall. There were 38 organisations that joined including government staff members from Legal Aid Commission.

I believe that it was a very successful campaign where participants called on communities to stop violence against women and children. For me, the One Billion Rising flashmob dance is a very effective way to get the community become aware about the effect of violence against women and children. I am very honoured to be part of this campaign. Half the Sky 151

At present I continue to work in the Korean Pop Industry. My dream is to continue to study Opera and get my masters’ degree in music. I would also like to become a music therapist. Perhaps I can support victims of violence overcome their trauma through music therapy.

I became very independent since leaving a violent relationship and I will pursue my dream to become an opera singer, no matter what. 152 Half the Sky 153

About APMM The Asia Pacific Mission for Migrants (APMM) is a cause- oriented regional center committed to support the migrants’ movement through advocacy, organizing, building linkages for the advancement of migrants’ rights.

Established in 1984, APMM continues to work towards helping build a strong movement of migrants of different nationalities in Asia Pacific and Middle East (APME). We envision this as organized into a strong migrant movement, actively defending their rights, advancing solidarity with people’s movements in 154

the countries where they are working and linking up with their peoples movements in their home countries.

The APMM helped in the formation of the Action Network for Marriage Migrants’ Rights and Empowerment (AMM♀RE), a loose network of marriage migrants’ organizations and their advocates from Asia Pacific and other parts of the world.

About AMM♀RE The Action Network for Marriage Migrants’ Rights and Empowerment, or AMM♀RE, is an international network of marriage migrants’ organizations as well as migrants’ rights advocates and migrant-serving institutions coming together for a common purpose – the protection and upholding of the rights of marriage migrants and their empowerment.

In cooperation with other organizations, AMM♀RE has organized conferences, workshops and exchange visits as well as helped in coming up with researches discussing the situation of marriage migrants and their families.

They are now planning to launch the I WANT TO SPEAK OUT campaign, an international campaign highlighting the issues, concerns and demands of marriage migrants both at the national level and at the international level. Half the Sky 155 156

About the Book Pictures are said to be worth a thousand words. However, a picture of empowerment will never be enough to convey the story behind the painstaking process – the context of how it started, the trials that one has to suffer, the sacrifices that must be endured, the decisions that have to be made, and the liberating happiness that results from its success. This is what this book wishes to do. The book, Half the Sky: Stories of Women Marriage Migrants and Their Empowerment, is a collection of stories about women marriage migrants who did not only face a life of sacrifice and struggle in their new home countries but also found strength and empowerment through joining an organization, reaching out to their fellow women marriage migrants, helping others.

About APMM

The Asia Pacific Mission for Migrants (APMM) is a cause-oriented regional center committed to supporting the migrants’ movement through advocacy, organizing, building linkages for the advancement of migrants’ rights. Established in 1984, APMM continues to work towards helping build a strong movement of migrants of different nationalities in Asia Pacific and the Middle East (APME). We envision them as organized into a strong migrant movement, actively defending their rights, advancing solidarity with people’s movements in the countries where they are working at and linking up with their own people’s movements in their home countries. The APMM helped in the formation of the Action Network for Marriage Migrants’ Rights and Empowerment (AMM♀RE), a loose network of marriage migrants’ organizations and their advocates from Asia Pacific and other parts of the world.

ISBN 978-988-19440-8-5