The Intricacies of Multi-Sex Threesomes Ryan Scoats ORCID
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View metadata, citation and similar papers at core.ac.uk brought to you by CORE provided by Winchester Research Repository UNIVERSITY OF WINCHESTER Three in a bed: The intricacies of multi-sex threesomes Ryan Scoats ORCID NUMBER 0000-0001-7594-7096 Doctor of Philosophy September 2017 This Thesis has been completed as a requirement for a postgraduate research degree of the University of Winchester. DECLARATION AND COPYRIGHT STATEMENT Declaration No portion of the work referred to in the Thesis has been submitted in support of an application for another degree or qualification of this or any other university or other institute of learning. I confirm that this Thesis is entirely my own work Copyright Copyright © Ryan Scoats 2017 Three in a bed: The intricacies of multi-sex threesomes, University of Winchester, PhD Thesis, p. 1-223, ORCID 0000-0001-7594-7096 This copy has been supplied on the understanding that it is copyright material and that no quotation from the thesis may be published without proper acknowledgement. Copies (by any process) either in full, or of extracts, may be made only in accordance with instructions given by the author. Details may be obtained from the RKE Centre, University of Winchester. This page must form part of any such copies made. Further copies (by any process) of copies made in accordance with such instructions may not be made without the permission (in writing) of the author. No profit may be made from selling, copying or licensing the author’s work without further agreement. 1 Acknowledgements I am indebted to many for their help throughout my PhD. Firstly, I would like to thank my supervisor Eric Anderson. Since meeting him more than a decade ago he has altered my life in many ways. From my bachelors, to my PhD, he has always been there to offer a guiding hand as well as his friendship, and for that, I am eternally grateful. I would also like to thank my second supervisor, Mark McCormack, for stepping in at late notice to provide an incredible depth and breadth of comment and insight. Undoubtedly, many aspects of this thesis would not be what they are without his help. Furthermore, I would like to thank all of the other PhD students and academics that I have been put in touch with via Eric and Mark’s ‘scholastic gang’. Through them, I have really felt like part of something bigger. Conversations and comments from them have surely helped shape this PhD as well as fostered my interest in sociology and scholarship in general. Although all members of the group deserve some thanks, specifically I would like to highlight: Adam white; Stefan Robinson; Rory Magrath; Rachael Bullingham; Jana-Faye Jakumeit; Liam Wignall; and Florian Zsok. A huge thanks also goes my mother and father who have supported my desire to study despite the potentially stigmatising nature of the topics I research. I would also like to thank my friends for their help in finding me research participants, as well as keeping me grounded in worlds that are not purely academic. Finally, I would like to thank my partner, Tamryn Renwick, who has always been available for love and support. I feel very lucky to have such an understanding person in my life, and I hope to be able to offer them the same encouragement during their studies. 2 University of Winchester Abstract Three in a Bed: The intricacies of multi-sex threesomes Ryan Scoats ORCID 0000-0001-7594-7096 Doctorate of Philosophy May 2017 In recent years, the topic of threesomes has become more and more visible within the mainstream media. Threesomes now feature in a plethora of media pieces, television shows, films, and there are even mobile applications specifically catering for those looking to have threesomes. Despite this increased interest, however, academic research has somewhat neglected this area. Accordingly, this thesis presents the first qualitative study on both men and women’s threesomes for more than 25 years. The research focuses on developing an in- depth understanding of threesomes within a contemporary context, investigating people’s motivations for, experiences of, and attitudes to threesomes, from the perspective of those with actual experience. Semi-structured interviews were conducted with 28 individuals (16 women, 12 men) who had ever engaged in a multi-sex threesome. Those having only engaged in all same-sex threesomes were excluded in order to provide a narrower focus for the study. Those heavily involved with sexual minority support groups, as well as swinging, were also excluded in an attempt to limit the particular biases that respondents from these groups can create. The target population were drawn from personal connections as well as via snowball sampling. The sample were mainly white, middle-class, and roughly half of them identified as heterosexual. The findings suggest that threesomes are multi-faceted experiences with multiple purposes, meanings, and motivations. It is suggested that more inclusive attitudes towards those from sexual minorities, enhanced sexual freedoms for men and women, as well as societal expectations to explore new forms of sex, have diminished many of the stigmas around threesomes, thus enabling more people to be interested in them. It is also suggested that threesomes may simultaneously represent both a bolstering of, and a challenge to, the institution of monogamy. Keywords: Consensual Non-Monogamy; Group Sex; Sexuality; Sexual Behaviour; Threesome 3 List of Contents Declaration & Copyright Statement 1 Acknowledgments 2 Abstract 3 List of Contents 4 Chapter 1: Introduction 5 Chapter 2: Theorising Stigma and Social Change 12 Chapter 3: Monogamism 34 Chapter 4: Threesomes 52 Chapter 5: Methodology & Procedure 65 Chapter 6: Sexual Norms 78 Chapter 7: MMF Threesomes 95 Chapter 8: FFM Threesomes 115 Chapter 9: Jealousy & Communication 138 Chapter 10: Stigma & Changing Attitudes 153 Chapter 11: Discussion 175 List of References 191 Appendices 222 4 Chapter 1: Introduction The Growing Visibility of Consensual Non-Monogamy In recent years, consensual non-monogamy has become more visible to the general population. Consensual non-monogamy is an umbrella-term that encompasses many styles of negotiated, non-monogamous relationships: for example, open relationships, polyamory, and swinging. Although consensual non-monogamy is encapsulated within non-monogamy, it is also distinct from non-monogamy in that the extra-dyadic interactions have been agreed upon consensually, whereas non-monogamy is often used as shorthand for cheating or infidelity (Barta & Kiene, 2005; Treas & Giesen, 2000). Increased media visibility (Barker & Langdridge, 2010; Wosick-Correa, 2010) and academic research into consensual non- monogamy has steadily grown and expanded to look at a wide range of aspects within the field (Barker & Langdridge, 2010). A ‘new burst of commentaries and debates every few months’ (Barker & Langdridge, 2010, p. 749) have allowed more people to be exposed to alternative relationship styles. The general population are now exposed to consensual non-monogamy through a multitude of sources, including popular entertainment, celebrity gossip, and the internet more generally. American televisions shows such as Polyamory: Married and Dating (Garcia, 2012) or Sister Wives (Gibbons, 2010) put a human face to unconventional types of relationships and allow viewers the opportunity to observe the ways in which people might organise them. Despite reality television being able to edit footage in order to create a non- existent reality, the shows still humanise the characters as relatively “normal” in most other respects. Elsewhere, in films such as Short Bus (Mitchell, 2006), fictional characters explore their sexuality and relationships; bringing others into a dyad or sometimes seeking exploration away from it. Well-known celebrities, such as Tilda Swinton, Will Smith, Ashton Kutcher, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and many others are alleged to have practiced assorted forms of consensual non-monogamy at various times in their relationships, and to varying degrees of openness. The internet has also been of vital importance in allowing people to connect, engage, and learn about different relationship styles (Barker, 2005). Dating sites like OK Cupid now allow for open relationship and polyamorous statuses and Facebook allows one to identify as being in an open relationship (although not polyamorous). Despite this surge in interest and exposure over recent years, consensual non- monogamy is far from a recent phenomenon. An increasing disillusion with traditional 5 gender roles, increased activity in men and women’s social movements, and advancement in birth control technology created a platform from which sexual activity and relationships could be disentangled from procreation (Macklin, 1980). Often referred to as “the sexual revolution”, the 1960s and 70s had a particularly profound effect on women’s position in western society and acknowledged their capacities for sexual desire (Baumeister, 2004; Wouters, 1998). Rubin (2001) suggests that: The late 1960s and early 1970s was a period of intense re-examination of interpersonal relationships, marriages, and family life. The social turmoil of the Vietnam war and movements demanding civil rights, Black power, women’s liberation, and gay recognition served as catalysts for the public emergence of what popularly became known as alternative lifestyles. (p. 711). These alternative lifestyles—referring to activities such as the communal living, swinging, and group sex— gained greater exposure to the wider