“Keep the Cat Free”

15/02/13 Issue 1540 felixonline.co.uk Newitt lecture Imperial interfaith Secretary of State for Energy and A dialogue at Imperial for those of any faith Climate Change gives will be happening next week. lecture at Imperial. Page 8 Page 9 Union does not support NSS flaw found Inside...>> closure of Translation COMMENT Studies Unit Clarifi cation sought on reason for closure. Union wants to know how students will be supported through their degrees. Union Council vote to oppose closure wins despite no sabbatical voting for it. Doing it for the love Tim Arbabzadah Editor-in-Chief Felix reported last year that it was of banking? 16 possible to fi nd students’ names and >> corresponding CID numbers for A fl aw in the NSS has been exposed certain departments. h is time, the once more. It is possible, and not too Business School have distributed the diffi cult, for students to fi ll out the CID numbers and corresponding FILM Petition to survey on behalf of others, raising names of students on Blackboard. save Unit has concerns over the security of the sur- A student who wished to remain thousands of vey – particularly due to the impor- anonymous passed this informa- signatures tance place on its results in league tion to Felix. h e list on Blackboard tables. was originally to show students >> 3

A&E U-Turn The latest romantic films. Awww >>29 Nida Mahmud News Editor tions have been vague. Council voted to both oppose the closure of the TSU and to seek clarity, despite all sabbati- SAVE h e Union opposes the closure of the cal offi cers either abstaining or voting Translation Studies Unit (TSU), fol- against fi rst the motion. h is increases CHARING HANGMAN lowing a vote at Union Council on pressure on the College, as an online Tuesday 12 February. h e Union will petition has already received over 6000 CROSS also be seeking clarifi cation on the rea- signatures. HOSPITAL! sons why the Unit will be closed and During the Union Council meeting how the students will be supported in there were two votes; the fi rst was that the completion of their studies; this is the Union rejects the current approach JOIN THE FIGHT! www.lbhf.gov.uk/savecharingcross because College’s previous explana- to close the TSU and supports >> 4 Hammersmith & Fulham Council

Imperial students in BP Ultimate Field Trip Final Page 3 Royal Institution forced to see historics home Page 4 Brian teaches you News in brief: snapshots of what’s going on Page 6 Full story: Page 7 how to stare >>34 2 FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY EDITOR’S PICKS

COMMENT >>18 ARTS >>22 TECH >>33 Dinosaurs dying? Arts are coming... Is Watson smart? Comment has three great dis- Artsfest is on its way. The image Watson, as well as being Holm- cussions going. There’s the re- of art being all free flowing and es’ trusty sidekick, is an AI that sponse to last week’s banking relaxing isn’t always true. It’s of- can beat human contestants on article, the ongoing discussion ten a lot of toil and organising a gameshow, but can it some- of the EU and equal marraige. to put together a show. how cure cancer? Hint... No.

CLASSIFIEDS Council rises up Flyer distributors wanted!

Jump&Bounce is hiring a flyer distribution team and we would love to get the community involved. Teams will be lead by team managers. Distributions will Tim Arbabzadah be taking place at evening times at Shoreditch, Hoxton, Editor-in-Chief Southwark, Camden Town, Notting hill, Sheperds bush, Hammersmith & Fulham and Kensington. t was a good thing to see that are free to express personal opinions criticism is extremely welcome!), Council decided to vote to too, but should make sure they high- how sticky the fl oors of TigerTiger are Flyer distribution will start on the 21st FEB and fi nish have a clear opinion on some- light what is their opinion and what is nowadays, anything. Then we will put thing. Especially that peo- Council’s. all the ones we can fi t into the paper, March 7th. Iple came to a decision and The medicines decision was also and the best one each week will get Campaign days THURS - FRI - SAT didn’t care what the sabbs thought great. The reason to oppose it based a crisp ten pound note (crispness not PAY £40 per 1000 flyers and made up their own mind. This on it being hard to implement in the guaranteed). If you want to be anony- happened on not one but two occa- current framework is valid, but a lot of mous, just let us know. sions, which was refreshing. Perhaps things are hard to do in current frame- Why am I doing this? Well. I want For more information: Get in touch with Brendon Kasozi it had something to do with the seat- works. It would be good to see just a to revive the letters section, and get via [email protected] ing change, where it was a circle. I tad more idealism. Obviously being people giving a quick opinion on a initially mocked it as “being like an A unrealistic and imagining you can do matter. Not everyone wants to write a Email [email protected] to place Classifi eds. Level drama class”, but maybe hav- amazing things overnight won’t help, long enough blurb to become a com- Boy/girl seeking boy/girl also welcome. Pictures of you liking Nutella off of ing a select few sit at the front of the but having an ideal goal that you ac- ment piece, and not everyone wants your fi nger with “come to bed” eyes not welcome. room does make people think they are knowledge that you want to slowly to make comments on the website. above them. work towards is a good thing. Ideal- I know that you can, but letters (or, I have made no secret of my opin- ism, with a good dollop of pragmatism emails) are a great way of giving a ions on the Translation Studies Unit, is the way forward. Have your ultimate short opinion that will be seen by all LOLCAT OF TEH WEEK: Finding these is a perk of the job and wish them well in their fi ght. If you ideal, and do everything to reach it. who glance at the Comment section want to know what I think then refer Don’t dismiss a goal as it seems un- that week, not just those that look at to my Editorial in Issue 1537. Hopefully likely. Embrace that it’s a tough chal- that one article online. It seemed like they’ll get some clarity and will be kept lenge and that it is an aim that you an oddly opportune time to do so as on. I just hope that the Management know will take time and effort to reach. you can just get your phone out and Board aren’t too proud to reconsider email in straight away. their decision. It would be pretty child- Write to me to get a tenner Nowadays, with the internet, it is ish to basically just stick it out due to easier than ever to make a snap re- not wanting to back down. I was pretty happy with the response action and proclaim it to the world. Hopefully the sabbs will all put to the last call. We actually couldn’t That’s why I want people to think over forward the view of Council on their publish one letter (due to space re- their opinion, word it carefully, and behalf in meetings, rather than their strictions, but it will be in next week). then send it in. Plus, it makes Felix own. That is what they are there to All you need to do is give me your a better paper if we know what sort do. It can be a tricky situation to be in, thoughts on something in College, of thing you are thinking about. The but hopefully they explain that this is something in the Union, Felix (what email to send them in to is: the view of Council. Of course, they you like and don’t like; constructive [email protected].

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. THIS BROUGHT Printed by Iliffe Print Cambridge, Winship Road, Cambridge. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2013. WEEK WASTO YOUBY Editor-in-Chief Tim Arbabzadah Deputy Editor Saskia Verhagen Assistant Editor Matt Colvin News Editors Aemun Reza, Nida Mahmud Features Editors Caroline Wood, Stephen Smith Business Editor Deepka Rana Science Editors Philip Kent, Laurence Pope, Philippa Skett Politics Editors Padraic Calpin, Marie-Laure Hicks Food Editors Carol Ann Cheah, Sophia Goldberg, Yiango Mavrocostanti Comment Editors George Barnett, Navid Nabijou, James Simpson Fashion Editors Saskia Verhagen, Alice Yang Arts Editors Eva Rosenthal, Meredith Thomas Books Editor Maciej Matuszewski Music Editors Mark England, Ross Gray, Simon Hunter Television Editor Lucia Podhorska Film Editors Katy Bettany, John Park, Lucy Wiles Games Editor Ross Webster Technology Editors Jason Parmar, Maximilian Eggl Coffee Break Boss Matt Colvin Travel Editor Veronika McQuade Sports Editors Oli Benton, Sorcha Cotter, Margot Pikovsky Online Editors Philip Kent, Jonathan Kim Puzzles Commanders Louisa Byrne, Sotirios Karamitsos Copy Chief Annina Sartor Copy Editors Stephen Ball, Christopher Witham Illustrators Hamish Muir, Outi Supponen, Aaniya Ahmed FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY 3

News Editors: Aemun Reza, Nida Mahmud NEWS [email protected] Students in fi nal of BP Ipsos MORI Ultimate Field Trip stress security BP of NSS

continued from the front page respondent the interview is rejected. >> We send email confi rmations to re- where they are sitting in an exam. spondents to their university emails. With this information, the only other We collect IP addresses, monitor re- piece to the puzzle that is needed is sponse rates and response patterns. the day and month of birth; once this We work closely with institutions information is obtained, the NSS can and students’ union[s].” be fi lled out. h is can, of course, be To complete the NSS, a student found using some choice Facebook must put in their CID, the fi rst let- searching. ter of their fi rst name, the fi rst four All of this leads to the possibility letters of their last name, and the day The three finalists from Imperial of fraud, as well as someone being and month of their birth. able to build a programme that fi lls Research councils dictate that the out the survey on behalf of many stu- College must take part in the NSS, dents. and a failure to get a certain number Felix contacted Ipsos MORI, who of replies leads to the result being conducts the survey. Sami Benya- void. h is aff ects the standing of Im- hai, Director of Higher Education perial College London in the league Research, responded that they have tables. h e NSS is still going on, and multiple safe guards in place. Ben- students who have not fi lled it out yahai said: “Surveys submitted are yet will start receiving calls. once again checked electronically Felix also contacted the Business and where needed manually. Where School, but is yet to hear back, as the Philippe Rival Reporter line questionnaire where questions when it came to Q&A after last Tues- there is doubt about the identify of a story only came in very late. were specifi cally designed not to day’s Semi-Final 10 minute presenta- have simple solutions available on- tion; and could well be the main rea- h ree second-year Civil Engineering line. From then on, each step of the son they are the only team that went students make up the only team from competition required more research through from Imperial this year. Sponsored Editorial Imperial College to have passed onto and problem-solving to get the can- All three members agree that this the Finals of the 2013 BP Ultimate didates into the mindset of what journey has showed them the impor- Field Trip challenge. Edward Court- being an engineer actually entails. tance of teamwork and perseverance. nell, Stephen Rose and Dominik After successfully passing the fi rst If you had asked them back in Octo- More student cuts Sznajder are now facing teams from round, the team went on to produce a ber, none of them would have imag- Oxford, Strathclyde and Glasgow powerpoint presentation, and then a ined getting so far in the competition. Universities for the chance to win professional technical poster outlin- All three describe the experience as Discount haircuts for Imperial a 2-week trip on a BP oil rig in the ing their idea. h eir main technical “challenging but rewarding”. h ey all North Sea and a cash prize of £1000. innovation is Regenerative Breaking recommend the competition to Im- h e group of friends went from reg- with Onboard Storage. h is technol- perial students. Despite the amount students at Fresh Hairdressers ular term work of solving problem ogy would allow train operators to of work that is necessary, the journey sheets and revising for progress tests, save money by harnessing the energy is enriching, and you get to visit BP’s near South Kensington to climbing up the ladder and im- that is lost through braking when the London offi ces. pressing BP executives at last week’s trains stops. h at energy would be Emma Judge, Head of Graduate Men’s cuts £22 (normally £35) discount and bring your student ID Semi-Final. stored onboard while the train is sta- Resourcing at BP, said: “Submis- Women’s cut and rough dry £28 we look forward to seeing you. h e BP Ultimate Field Trip is a tionary, and then fed it back into the sions for this year’s UFT have been Women’s cut and salon fi nish We use only the best products, fl agship competition not just in the motors when the train leaves, which better than ever and it’s great to see blow-dry £38 (normally £55) Wella, Moroccan Oil, L’Oreal, and UK but all over the world. It gives would allow for faster acceleration. Imperial College London making it KMS and offer free coffee and students the opportunity to have a h e team has calculated that this though to the Grand Final. We wish FRESH Hairdressers has been herbal teas. go at tackling real-life engineering technology could save train operators Edward Courtnell, Stephen Rose offering high quality, fashionable To book an appointment call 0207 challenges and to come up with in- 105 million pounds a year. h is would and Dominik Sznajder the very best haircuts for over 20 years. All of 823 8968. novative solutions, which they then be achieved by installing lithium-ion of luck and we’re looking forward to our haircuts are by highly experi- Tuesday to Saturdays 9.30 to 5.30 need to research and sell to a panel capacitors on existing trains, which seeing them again on the 8th March enced stylists, NOT trainees. We are only 70 metres from South of 12 BP judges. Every year, the com- would store the energy. in London. It’s going to be a great Kensington tube station. petition revolves around a new topic. However having a good idea isn’t night, and they have the extra bonus TO GET A GREAT HAIRCUT www.freshhairdressers.co.uk h is year, the challenge was to come the whole story. h e team had to be this year of meeting the science man 1) You don’t have to spend a lot of up with a single technical innovation able to convince the judges of just of the moment, Dara O Briain!”. money at expensive trendy salons that could reduce the cost of PKT how eff ective their technological in- h e next step is to produce and edit 2) You don’t have to spend hours (Passenger Kilometer Travelled) in novation was. h e structure of the a video and a pitch, which they will as a Guinea pig at a training school the UK by 2030. In other words, re- competition intends to allow them present to BP offi cials, judges and a 3) You don’t have to be butchered duce the cost of public transporta- to work on their presentation skills press-corps on March 8th, 2013. h ey at some cheap Barbers tion. An interview of the three team- and their ability to perform under will be working with a professional 4) You don’t have to wait till you go mates has yielded valuable insight pressure, but what really separated editing company and BP experts to back home into just what it takes to wow the them from the herd was the sheer make sure everything is ready for judges of the BP competition. amount of background research they the Final, which will take place in the Come to FRESH, ask for a student h e fi rst stage involved an on- produced. h is allowed them to shine Royal Institute of Great Britain. 4 FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY

News Editors: Aemun NEWS Reza, Nida Mahmud [email protected] Royal Institution forced to sell home Give us your fooookin’ money, says Sir Richard Sykes

Eoghan J Totten Reporter have been welcome, but must now be die with the sale of the premises. For converted into action – and income.” scientifi c research to continue to grow Many believe that the repercussions it must have new recruits; the Royal h e Royal Institution (RI), one of the would extend far beyond the incon- Institution is frequently identifi ed as a MTV Cribs chief catalysts for the development venience of having to move premises. key life-line for this. In this spirit high- on steroids of British science, has put its May- As cited by Lisa Jardine, a former RI ly regarded fi gures of the British Sci- fair residence on the market in an ef- trustee and professor of Renaissance entifi c community have united to fi ght fort to overwrite mounting debts. Sir Studies at University College London, for the RI’s cause. Robert Winston of Richard Sykes, the current Chairman “We’re going to lose the [scientifi c] Imperial College London currently and former Rector of Imperial College equivalent of Shakespeare’s Globe.” chairs the recently established Future London, has had to take swift action Many would agree, arguing that the Direction Committee. h eir cause to remedy institutional losses. h ese RI is representative of the affi nity be- is bolstered by the public support of were in excess of £600,000 in the 2012 tween science and society; the two prominent physicists Brian Cox and academic year. are inextricably linked. It cannot be Jim Al-Khalili. h e latter has com- h is fi gure is dwarfed by the stag- denied that scientifi c discovery has al- mented that, “It seems crazy that at a gering £2.6 million of losses incurred ways been fuelled, fi rst and foremost, time when science and science com- in 2010, mainly due to an expensive by research and hypothesis. In spite of munication is riding a wave of popu- renovation of the building. this many believe that without passion larity not seen for generations, we hear h e priority has been identifi ed as few scientists would have persevered that the very epitome of a British sci- the generation of short-term cash fl ow. in order to reach closure in their fi eld entifi c institution is under threat.” In a recently published article in h e of work. h e Christmas Lectures, fa- It is clear to see that the controversy Guardian Sir Richard Sykes identi- cilitated by the RI, are perfect evidence extends beyond the fi nancial diffi cul- fi ed the urgent need to replenish the of this, with recent success boosting ties faced by the Royal Institution, organisation’s endowment by £7.5 mil- viewing fi gures to four million in the extending right to the heart of British public eye, saying: “In my opinion, this world to do science.” Questions will lion; however there have been insuf- UK, opening science to a wider audi- scientifi c legacy. is our opportunity to create a national still remain over whether mismanage- fi cient acts of philanthropy thus far, ence. Sir Richard Sykes believes that the strategy for science communication, ment has occurred. For now, the build- with Sir Richard saying: “Support and Some are concerned that the ambi- current issue could help to initiate the advocacy and public engagement if we ing is still up for sale unless funds are off ers of help for the Royal Institution ance created by the RI “brand” could process of science being heavily in the want Britain to be the best place in the found from another source.

College to be pressured to explain the decision

continued from the front page programme in the UK that focuses on Imperial College London alike a fundamental point of reference >> translation within “scientifi c, technical for our studies. For those who study the campaign run by students to save and medical” areas. Linguistics and Translation, Imperial the TSU; the second was that regard- h e debate started with Michael Fos- Idellyic summertime shot. College is synonymous with Transla- less of the outcome of the current con- ter, Council Chair, reminded everyone Now you’ve had a good stare, tion Studies.” Gianluigi Desogus, from sultation, the Union wants the College “the eff ect on current students” is what get back to reading the article. Portugal enrolled in 2001, the year the to say why the TSU is being closed and can be discussed, and the impact to fu- MSc was launched; she said “I’ve been how the students will be supported. ture students or staff is not the remit working in translation ever since, ini- h e fi rst motion received 21 votes of the Council. h e representatives of tially in-house and as a freelancer later. for, 4 votes against and 8 abstentions; the TSU commented that they do not I couldn’t have done it without the skills the motion was therefore passed. h e know how they will be able to continue I picked up thanks to this excellent second motion also passed. Hence, without supervisors, College respond- course. I’d be extremely sad to see the the Union will be supporting the TSU ed that this has not been decided yet. MSc leave Imperial College’s exciting students in their campaign to save the Other comments made by the TSU in- environment. Please reconsider your TSU. clude the fact that the decision about decision!” h ere has also been support h e paper was presented by repre- Strategy was before a big strategic from across the Atlantic, Sonia Murray sentatives of the TSU and the discus- review. It was then the suggested the mer before [the College] enrolled us”. institution. If this solution is not fea- from California emphasised “scientifi c sion was lengthy. h e Management student input that is being asked for in During the meeting it was also noted sible then consideration will be given progress is essential to the well-being Board, who are a decision making a survey about strategy for Education that History of Science, which was also to discontinuing translation studies of humans everywhere, but commu- body composed of senior staff at Im- and Student experience has no use, as moved, had a similar situation, where from the 1st October 2013.” Staff and nicating the impact of discoveries in a perial College London, made the deci- the decision to close the TSU has al- they were not given much information students were also informed that there way that is easily grasped by the public sion to close or rehouse the Unit. h e ready been passed. and moved without much consulta- will be a 30 day consultation period for at large is often diffi cult for scientists, reason for the decision is unclear to A TSU representative also comment- tion. However, that issue was never the staff from 18 January. even in their own language. h e ability students, who have been informed that ed that their degree was devalued as a brought to Council. h e TSU currently accommodates to transmit new knowledge is a criti- the teaching quality is “high” in the result of this, putting their careers in Becky Lane, Deputy President (Wel- 96 students; 50 are MSc students, 22 cal ingredient of humanity’s progress. department and has been evaluated jeopardy and exposing them to the risk fare), cited the possibility of an un- are PhDs, 16 are UCL students and 6 We need translators with a focus on as an “excellent” department by other of losing their scholarships. Paul Beau- known strategy and said that she “very are undergraduates. technical and scientifi c areas to ensure universities. Furthermore, the TSU is a mont, Union President, said there were strongly thinks forward planning and h e online petition has received the transmission of accurate scientifi c profi table department. Without prop- “no facts” to back this up. Additionally, fi nancial reasons” are the reason. over 6000 signatures, but more are information, which has the power to er supervision in place, there could the TSU commented it “Seems like On the 18 December 2012, the Head still needed. h e support has been on generate new discoveries.” also be implications for PhD students Debra [Humphris, Pro-Rector (Edu- of the TSU was informed “that the Col- a Global level. Irene Ranzato, an Eng- College have no updates on the situ- outside the TSU as students from cation)] has given us no options”. h e lege Management Board has decided lish Translation teacher at Sapienza ation until the end of the consultation other departments also use the TSU representatives also said that they be- that TSU activities are not considered University in Rome commented that period. to translate papers. h e MSc off ered lieved that it is “irresponsible to do a core to College strategy and that the the TSU ay Imperial “is considered by the department is the only Masters consultation now and not in the sum- Unit should be transferred to another by teachers, researchers and students >> Editorial, page 2 FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY 5

News Editors: Aemun Reza, Nida Mahmud NEWS [email protected]

Union Council votes for access to medicines pa- THE WORLD BEYOND per, despite no sabbatical o cer voting for it COLLEGE WALLS Zara Hason Reporter There is a world beyond South Kensington... h e motion ‘Imperial College Union Access to Medicines Policy’ was pro- posed to the Union Council on Tuesday by ICSMSU President Shiv Vohra and By Laurence de Lussy Kubisa seconded by Kush Nake. h e motion was passed. In brief, this motion was proposed in order for the Union to actively campaign to persuade Impe- rial College to sign the Global Access Licensing Framework. h is enables af- fordable versions of research developed medicine to be made available in medi- lion people die from treatable diseases. is an increased opportunity for prices Pope resigns to spend more time with grandchildrenchchiill cal resource-limited countries. h is 10% of funded research on medicine of medicine to be made aff ordable to framework was published by the inter- is spent on health problems that af- those who need them. Citing declining health and a desire to “see the grandkids national student-led organisation Uni- fect 90% of the world’s population, the h e motion put forward on Tuesday more” Pope Benedict XVI has resigned from his position versities Allied for Essential Medicines Neglected Tropical Diseases (NTDs). believes that the products of publicly as God’s representative on earth. In a statement, God said under the guidance of various experts. Industry is increasingly relying on aca- funded research should be made avail- he was “disappointed, but not as much as when Jean-Paul h e same motion was proposed last demia for new drug targets because able to all members of all societies and II died” and that Benedict XVI was “a hard act to follow, year in December 2012 and was not ap- universities are an important source of that research value should be meas- but ultimately not irreplaceable like that Jean-Paul II – man proved because of insuffi cient Council new medicines and drug targets. Pres- ured on the impact it makes on soci- was he a good Pope”. members voting in favour. h is time ently, Imperial College develops and ety. Furthermore, the motion believes round, 24 Council members voted in patents many of its healthcare-related that Imperial College students should favour, which meant it passed. All sab- technologies, which are licensed to be encouraged to learn about and con- batical offi cers abstained from voting members of the pharmaceutical indus- sider a research career in the fi eld of the Spanish Prime Minister corruptly defends right to or voted against. When asked, Paul try. h is makes it diffi cult for medicine diseases that aff ect 90% of the world’s corrupt system Beaumont, Union President, replied: to be produced inexpensively. Univer- population. “I voted against the motion because I sities including Oxford, Harvard and Imperial College Union resolves to Spainish Prime Minister, Mariano Rajoy, con- believe the Union Council should base Yale have had important roles in in- actively campaign for Imperial College tinues to defend himself and his party from decisions only on something that has creasing access to needed medicines by to sign onto the Global Access Licens- allegations claiming they took bribes by been fully researched. No-one knows implementing Global Access Licensing ing Framework. h e Union also re- stating that they were simply taking what the impact of the proposal would Policies and have not seen a negative solves to support inclusion of neglected advantage of their constitutionally en- have on College fi nances (as was admit- impact on licensing nor profi ts. Ge- diseases topics on all relevant course shrined rights. “The right to be corrupt ted by the author in the meeting), and neric pharmaceutical production has curriculums, particularly those in the and to accept a little something on the therefore on students should the Col- been shown to be the most eff ective Department of Life Sciences and Facul- side is a long-held Spanish tradition that lege implement the framework.” method of ensuring access to resource ty of Medicine and to encourage UROP has been around for centuries” he stated, h e motion provided the following limited countries by reducing prices (Undergraduate Research Opportuni- before adding “I mean come on, statistics and information. A third of of medicine as a result of competition. ties Programme) projects on NTDs. we would have been the world’s population lack access to es- If Imperial College avoids patenting more subtle about it sential medicines and each year, 10 mil- healthcare-related technologies, there Editorial, page 2 had we thought we >> were doing some-

UN states it is no longer possible to isolate North Korea Transport survey drives in further Following North Korea’s latest nuclear tests, the UN Yulia Negreskul Reporter es, means such as public transport and showed that people wanted bigger and Secretary-General, Ban Ki Moon, has stated that walking, as well as how long it takes. more secure bike parking and some of North Korea is now “as isolated as it is possible to This year there is a particular focus on these changes have been made as a re- be on a globe”. With all the UN member states now As a scientifi c institution with in- a new bike-hiring scheme, which Impe- sult. She also notes: “It’ll be interesting having slowly moved their populace’s away from tense research into energy and climate rial is planning to introduce, if it proves to fi nd out when we repeat the survey dictatorship, North Korea fi nds politically and change, Imperial says it doesn’t take to be popular. It also looks at other po- this year if more people are cycling that physically isolated from the world. The UN these matters lightly and realises that tential improvements that will encour- reported last year.” will now, in all likelihood, resolve to make its everyday activities and operations age more people to cycle. According to The results of the survey will help a motion to resolve to discuss the situa- have a negative impact on the environ- Sara Muir, the staff sur- to determine how success- tion. Following discussions, loud tutting ment and carbon footprint, in particular. vey last year ful current travel initiatives and suggesting North Korea sits on the Along with other attempts to increase are and to further improve naughty step are likely. sustainability such as university wide sustainability in future StepChange campaign, which aims to years. For example, last reduce College’s footprint by 20% by year’s survey showed that 2014, another measure, launched by Silwood Park is the most Department of Energy and Environ- diffi cult site to get to and policies, they will also contribute to a derstand current state of affairs, as well ment, is coming – annual travel survey, now Imperial is looking bigger picture as they will be part of the as to promote best practice and drive which, in addition to staff, also covers into setting up an online Imperial’s report to HEFCE, an organi- improvement. students this year. car share website to im- sation responsible for public funding of Lasting only 15 minutes to, Student The aim of the survey is to assess prove it. Moreover, not English universities, which will then Travel Survey is an opportunity not how student and staff members com- only the results of the feed into the Estates Management Sta- only to make a contribution to the re- mute to and from College and it com- survey will help to im- tistics Survey from August 2013, which duction of carbon footprint but also to prises many aspects, including expens- prove the College’s own has been designed to help managers un- win a £100 Amazon voucher. 6 FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY

News Editors: Aemun NEWS Reza, Nida Mahmud [email protected]

PhD students Heads of Education and Experience Survey Kisses record could get department to close on Tuesday 19 February confi rmed twelve month extend their h e Education and Student Experi- to the question. Sarah Greasley, an Imperial post- ence Survey will be closing on Tues- An open meeting was held in Pip- graduate student, has received her day 19 February. pard Lecture h eatre in Sherfi eld at certifi cate for the new World Record. write up period tenure h e survey is an anonymous way to 17:00 on h ursday 14 February. She managed a total of 127 kisses in tell the College your view on their fu- Staff and students are both invited the end. ture educational strategy. It is online to take part in the consultation. Pro- h e record was broken in Ethos by It is likely that PhD students will be get- h e Heads of the Department of Chemi- and takes the form of a questionnaire fessor Debra Humphris, Pro-Rector the Materials postgraduate student. ting their writeup period extended to cal Engineering and Electrical and Elec- with open text responses for students (Education), will be taking the data She seems to be excited about the re- twelve months for all Departments, it tronic Engineering have both accepted and staff to fi ll out with their thoughts and creating a ‘green paper’ and fi nally cord. emerged on Tuesday 12 February. an extension of their roles. on the education and student experi- a ‘white paper’. h is will then be taken Felix actually helped her by publish- Imperial College Union Council Professor Andrew Livingston FREng to the Management Board and Col- ing an article last term about the re- passed a paper that resolved to discuss has accepted an extension to his ap- lege Council before it can be put into cord breaking attempt. the idea with key stakeholders and to pointment as Head of the Department of h e survey can be fi lled out online here: practice and acted upon. Sarah had previously broken three lobby College. It was mentioned in Chemical Engineering to 30 September http://www3.imperial.ac.uk/educa- Paul Beaumont, Union President, Guinness World Records: most sticky Council that College are already for 2016. He has been Head of Department tionoffi ce/strategy/students and Sir Keith O’Nions, President & notes on a body, most CDs fl ipped the idea, and so it seems unlikely to not since 2008. Rector, have both urged all to fi ll it out and caught in one minute, and most work. Professor Peter Cheung has accepted in as much depth as possible. champagne bottles opened in one Currently, not all students get twelve an extension of his appointment as Head minute. She had previously attempted months to write up their PhD after they of the Department of Electrical and ence. h e survey can be fi lled out online here: the most kisses received in one min- complete their experiments. Some get Electronic Engineering, to 30 Septem- h e survey is split up into four ‘stra- http://www3.imperial.ac.uk/educa- ute record, however the record was six months, after which they lose access ber 2015. Professor Cheung was fi rst tegic objectives’. Each one relates to tionoffi ce/strategy/students discounted due to technicalities. to College and the journal subscrip- appointed Head of Department in 2008 the educational and student experi- Any questions about the process can be tions. h is is annoying for students and and appointed Deputy Principal (Teach- ence at Imperial. h ere are examples referred to educationstrategy@impe- is why it is possibly changing. ing) in the Faculty of Engineering in 2011. that are deemed useful from other in- rial.ac.uk stitutions around the world and data Tim Arbabzadah Tim Arbabzadah from within College is provided next Tim Arbabzadah Tim Arbabzadah

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News Editors: Aemun Reza, Nida Mahmud NEWS [email protected] Charing Cross A&E Department saved A&E Department to remain open after a U-Turn Fulham Cronicle Aemun Reza News Editor However, the informal announce- rate funding for cancer, teaching and ment by the Hammersmith & Fulham mental health specialist departments council was not seen as a major victory and a new community service role. Plans to close the Accident and Emer- to the campaign groups. Campaign A spokesman for Save Hammer- gency department of Charing Cross groups have said that this result is a smith & Fulham hospitals said: “We Hospital have been scrapped in a last ‘second-best deal’ and has fallen far welcome the news that NHS North minute decision. h e original plan to short of their expectations. West London seems to be prepared downgrade Charing Cross Hospital h ey compare the deal to the one to listen at last to residents’ concerns has been changed so that the hospital that Lewisham Hospital was given last about its ill-thought out consultation will still have a 24/7 emergency service week where its A&E was downgraded plans to close four of the nine A&Es for those who make their own way to from category one to a category three currently serving the area. the A&E. More complicated emergen- unit. “However, until we see their actual cies, including blue light emergencies Chair of the protest group, Carlo proposal and read the small print we will be directed to specialist centres. Nero, said: “If we’re eff ectively being will continue to campaign for the pres- h e fi nal decision will be made by given the deal Lewisham was off ered ervation of full A&E services at both NHS North West London (NHS NWL) why should our local doctors be any- Charing Cross and Hammersmith on February 19 but it is confi rmed that less unhappy, and in some cases even hospitals.” the A&E unit will remain open. h ere outraged, than theirs? Greg Hands, the Tory MP for Chel- will also be a £90 million cash injection “It seems clear to me, having chaired sea and Fulham said that “h is is cillor Marcus Ginn said:“h e massive our legal challenge to the NHS propos- to the hospital to help rebuild the site this campaign since last June, that this defi nitely a step in the right direction opposition from local people to the als as all but the most complex emer- and will secure the future of the hos- is absolutely not the result that Save compared with what was originally original proposals has forced NHS gencies will continue to be treated at pital. our Hospitals was set up to achieve, proposed, which was to reduce Char- managers to rethink their plans. Charing Cross. We believe that we Ealing, Hammersmith and Central and that we should continue to cam- ing Cross to something like a tenth of “h e £90m cash injection now pro- have secured the best possible deal for Middlesex Hospital are expected to paign. its current size. posed by the NHS would secure the our residents.” lose their A&E’s as a part of the Shap- h ey believe that the 500 in-patient “But we need to see more details and hospital’s future for generations to Imperial College London were con- ing a Healthier Future programme that bed and‘blue-light’ A&E will become compare this new plan not just with come and the top priority was always tacted for comment, however they had needs to save around £1 billion over somewhat of a cottage hospital with the worst case scenario but also with to save Charing Cross and the services none until after the public meeting on the next three years as well as appar- only 60 beds. h e A&E usually treats the status quo.” so many of our residents rely on. the 19th February where all the details ently aiming to improve standards. 100,000 patients a year and has sepa- Hammersmith and Fulham coun- “In return, we have agreed to halt will be announced. SOS Syria is underway Nida Mahmud on the items collect and #getinvolved

here has been a fantastic emotional speeches, speaking about would cost you to buy a pair of shoes ple’s lives! Old clothes will be used to impressive and has certainly inspired response to the student their experience in Syria as well as i s enough to feed generate funds and new ones will be me.” lead initiative, Action motivating a family in Syr- sent to Syria. h e Union is also help- h ere is also a Facebook page that TSyria, raising awareness the at- ia for a month.” ing and we have a drop off point at the gives daily updates: https://www.fa- about the situation in Syr- tendees h e good Union reception. h ere are more de- cebook.com/ActionSyria. Whether or ia at Imperial College. h e turmoil in to par- news is if you tails on the website. not you are a tweeter, be sure to check Syria has become dramatically worse ticipate missed the One of the organisers commented out #ActionSyria. So get informed and over the last two years. h e situation and make lecture, don’t “anyone can contribute, as students get involved. in Syria is typically reported as politi- a diff er- worry you we tend to have a lot of little things cal issue in the headlines; however, the ence. can still help that we rarely use or wear; this little The suggested items are focus of Action Syria has been solely Iman out. As a will go a long way, it will provide them Medicine (high priority): Antibiotics, on the humanitarian side. Murphy major aspect with hope and show the Syrian people Insulin, Amlodipine, Atenolol, Ibu- h e President of the Islamic Society kindly of the cam- that others in the world do care and do profen, Colic remedy, Paracetamol, at Imperial, Usman Siddiqui said “h e gave Fe- paign, there remember.” fi rst aid kits. interest and concern shown by many lix a quote is an items h e Facebook page also mentions Clothing: Blankets, sleeping bags, students for those suff ering thousands as to why collection “When a similar collection was held in thermals, trousers, sweaters, socks, of miles away has been really uplift- students for an aid the Midlands, people cleaned, ironed, hijabs, hats, shoes, tights and all kind ing, as living in Central London many should do- convoy perfumed and wrapped the clothes of clothes in good condition. neighbours do not even look out for nate “we that will be before giving. Some people attached Toiletries: Sanitary towels, soap, each other.” share the leaving for messages to the bags in the hope that nail clippers, combs, nappies, nappy Last Tuesday, the Keynote lecture same sky, Syria next those receiving would not feel hurt or cream, tampons on Syria was held at Imperial. h e live in the weekend. inferior.” For children: toys, colouring books, speakers included Iman Murphy, a same world; h is is an One of the students response to the pencils and crayons, children arabic business woman, mother and an aid regardless opportu- campaign was “It’s easy to feel pow- books, Wellington boots worker for the charity “Hand in Hand of age, creed nity for erless in the face of things that shock Syria”; Dr. Mahmoud Akraa, a medical and gender you to and upset us, yet instead of surren- Make sure items are not expired, clean, doctor who has treated injured people we have a directly dering themselves to apathy a young and in good condition (used goods can in Syria; and Shafi ul Amin the founder responsibil- make a group of Imperial students have built still be sold to purchase life-saving for Students4Syria. h ey all delivered ity. For what it diff erence to peo- a campaign from nothing, it’s very medicine). 8 FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY

Features Editors: Stephen Smith, FEATURES Caroline Wood [email protected] Newitt would be interesting Caroline Wood fi nally enjoys a lecture at Imperial

Edward Davey MP, A lecture? Yay! We don’t get enough of those around here... Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change

how he extensively read books on the subject, such as Jonathon Porritt’s See- by 2035 China and India to- ing Green, and was also part of student ecology group at Oxford university be- gether will be consuming 30% fore helping transform it into to more he annual Newitt Lecture, country and protect the planet. resolute ‘Green Action’ group. hosted by the Chemical In times of political volatility, where h e resounding message from this Engineering department, world power centres are shifting (by of the world’s energy speech was that passion and politics Twas given by Edward 2035 China and India together will be alone will not be enough to address the Davey MP, Secretary of consuming 30% of the world’s energy) climate problems we are facing. h ere State for Energy and Climate Change he noted two key realities. h e fi rst, forming international climate agree- Either way, the premise is the same. needs to an unprecedented eff ort from on Wednesday evening. h is was the that global energy demand will con- ments, and urged the students and Carbon needs to be designed out of the governments, engineers, scientists and fi rst time that the lecture has been tinue to be met by fossil fuels well be- professors in the audience to “not leave power train. And there is still a huge the rest of society if we are to truly sur- given by a politician – rather than a yond 2035 – despite only meeting 1/3 it to politicians”. Davey was insistent gap between where we are and where mount “the greatest challenge of our chemical engineer – a clear signal that of global energy demand overall. And that the solutions to the impending we need to get to. time”. the worlds of politics, science and en- the second, that given this unpalatable climate challenges need to be met by Davey’s fi nal remarks were about

gineering are becoming ever more en- practicality, the use of unabated CO2 a collaborative eff ort by society, with how his experiences as a student led Many thanks to William Brown and twined. cannot continue. innovation, invention and engineering to his interest in climate change and h eodor Bergstrom for organising the

h e title of the 2013 lecture was “h e h e levels of CO2 in the atmosphere all playing a critical role. the environment. He told the audience event. Energy Challenge; Technology and So- are higher than at any point on the last A pragmatic 3-pronged approach lutions”. Mr Davey’s speech addressed 800,000 years, at least. With older re- suggested included saving energy key areas where engineering innova- cords indicating that historic rises in through improving energy effi ciency,

tions could help support economic CO2 caused by volcanic eruptions led lowering the cost of low carbon tech- policies and lead to a greener economy. to acidifi cation of oceans and extinc- “nologies, and investing broadly in re- Newitt Lecture Confessing that his Chemistry edu- tion of marine wildlife the cost of not search and development. All will no cation ended at O-level, albeit with acting to mitigate and control climate doubt be essential parts of the solution. The Newitt Lecture is an annual ment of Chemical Engineering. an A, Davey made no apologies about change is too high. As Stern famously However, Davey more ambitiously event given in the name of Dudley He was largely responsible for the delivering a hearty political speech to argues, the cost now is signifi cant, but challenged the audience to focus their Newitt. Newitt was a keen Chem- expansion and improvement of an audience of engineers. Boldly, he set is far outweighed by the long terms research eff orts on 3 key emerging ist from a young age and although the department, and also helped out what he believes to be the greatest costs of inaction. fi elds: Carbon Capture and Sequestra- his career was interrupted for a to restructure the students’ union challenge of our time: to power our Davey illustrated the complexities of tion, Energy Storage and Hydrogen. number of years due to the First to better facilitate overseas stu- Given the continued use of fossil fu- World War, he later gained a Bach- dents. As a result of this, he was els for the foreseeable future is highly elors degree in chemistry from the elected as Pro-Rector of the Col- Support act couldn’t keep their attention probable, improving Carbon Capture Royal College of Science – now lege, a post he held until he retired and Sequestration techniques will be part of Imperial. He then went in 1961.

crucial in ensuring global CO2 levels on to do a PhD and DSc before Newitt was an extraordinary don’t rise uncontrollably. Improved becoming a member of founding individual, advocating the use of methods of energy storage could also committee of the British Institu- diversity to solve problems. With be a game changer, with fl y-wheels, tion for Chemical Engineers and this in mind, the topic of climate batteries and electrolysis all noted as later being elected as president. change seemed fitting for the 2013 areas with potential for signifi cant in- Newitt’s academic achieve- lecture – a challenge that needs to novation. Hydrogen was the fi nal area ments continued, as he became a be confronted not only by engi- of research that Davey urged more professor of chemical engineering neers and scientists, but society engineers to consider. If it can be com- and then the Head of the Depart- as a whole. mercialised then hydrogen could be a viable component of our future energy mix. FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY 9

Features Editors: Stephen Smith, Caroline Wood FEATURES [email protected] Have interfaith in dialogue College Chaplain Andrew Willson urges a dialogue between faiths

“ t’s a dialogue, not a debate”. own assumptions, projections, and in Huxley 311) the Ahmadiyya Muslim faith Offi cer, starting on Wednesday representatives from the Catholic So- h is declaration is the fi rst tribal fears than enter into dialogue. Students Association (AMSA), with 6 March (13:00 in Room 2, East Base- ciety, and the Atheists, Secularists and point from the guidelines At a conference at Yale last sum- the Chaplaincy, are hosting a Muslim- ment of Beit). h e fi rst topic for dia- Humanists Society on Tuesday 19 Feb- Ifor interfaith discussion mer I listened to Eboo Patel, President Christian dialogue about the origins of logue is ‘I believe in…Science’. ruary (Huxley 311). Let the dialogues written by Imperial stu- Obama’s Interfaith Advisor. Patel, a humanity using the story of Adam and A Jewish-Muslim Dialogue led by begin! dents. Debates can dramatise con- Muslim, is the Founder of the Inter- Eve common to both traditions. h is Jewish Society and AMSA is planned fl icting ideas but dialogue is as much faith Youth Core. h is is a student led is followed by a series of three weekly for 4th March. And fi nally, Islamic Details of all these events on Imperial about listening as it is about speaking. interfaith movement across US cam- lunchtime dialogue groups hosted Society are hosting a discussion on Interfaith’s Facebook page or www.im- Debates are necessary when mak- puses promoting dialogue and social by Aemun Reza, the Union’s Inter- “Freedom of Religion in Britain” with perial.ac.uk/chaplaincy ing public and democratic decisions. action. Patel was originally motivated But debates rarely help us understand by witnessing anti-Semitism and bul- views that are radically diff erent from lying in his high school. He has gone our own. h is is because beliefs, both on to champion better relationships religious and philosophical, are not between people of diff erent faiths, and just ideas. Beliefs are frequently root- now between those who are religious ed in complex identities. h ese can and those who are secular. involve shared culture, social relation- Patel argues “I started to see atti- ships and family networks. In addition tudes, knowledge, and relationships as beliefs often have a physical dimension three sides of a triangle. If you know – food customs, dress codes, and pos- some (accurate and positive) things tures for prayer. And all of these will about a religion, and you know some have an emotional component and be people from that religion, you are far part of deep personal memories, val- more likely to have positive attitudes ues and expectations. h is rich human toward that tradition and that com- experience cannot be explored in a munity. h e more favourable your atti- debate over ideas. Dialogue partners tude, the more open you will be to new do not seek agreement, and there is no relationships and additional appre- winner. h e challenge of dialogue is in ciative knowledge. A couple of cycles exploring profound diff erences of view around this triangle, and people from – and staying calm. h e bonus, howev- diff erent faiths are starting to smile er, is that we discover the unique per- at each other on the streets instead of sonal perspective of the other person. looking away or crossing to the other We also start to see how our beliefs, side.” and very identity, are seen by others. In the next few weeks there are a h is is not always a comfortable expe- number of student led interfaith dia- rience. It is far easier to stay with our logues. On Tuesday 26 February (18:15

Read this and more online at felixonline. co.uk

Write in to felix@impe- rial.ac.uk Each week, the best letter to the Editor will get £10 10 FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY

CLUBS & SOCIETIES [email protected] Debating in French French Society want you for some light reparté

hile English lan- guage debating is already well Westablished as a student activity in British universities (such as Impe- rial) and indeed in many universities across the world, French language de- bating has, until now, been completely non-existent, even in proudly Franco- phone institutions. h is year, however, French language debating societies “Révolte-Toi!” have been set up in both Paris and London with the express intention of promot- ing French culture and public dia- logue. Until now, London events have exclusively taken place far, far away, on the distant and sombre campuses of UCL and the LSE. Next Monday – the 18th of February, this sorry situation is set to change – as it fi nally becomes Imperial’s turn to play host to the lat- est of these meetings, which will be co-organised with Imperial’s French society and will take place at 6pm in Huxley LT145. h e workshop is designed to be ac- cessible to everyone – regardless of their level of French or previous expe- rience of debating. It will consist of a brief introduction, followed by speak- ing games in French, and will fi nally conclude with a passionate – though hopefully friendly – debate between a few brave souls willing to stand up and speak in front of an audience! It will be a perfect opportunity to practice public speaking in French whilst dis- cussing topics of fundamental interest to society. Whether you are a native French speaker from the hip suburbs of Paris or someone who valiantly bat- tled through GCSE French – there is bound to be something there to appeal to you. « Révolte-Toi ! » vous donne rendez- vous lundi prochain, à 18h, dans la salle LT145 de Huxley Building!

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Science Editors: Philip Kent, SCIENCE Laurence Pope, Philippa Skett [email protected] Condomed to obscurity? Tim Arbabzadah doesn’t want a spray on condom

ondoms have been will be used in 2015. Suggesting that be real or a placebo and then track tex drips on your bed.” tures and ridges, which they say make around for quite a while the population is either growing rap- how I am feeling?”. “Erm, not exactly. Recently, as reported in a feature it a hybrid condom/sex toy. h ey’ve now, allowing men all idly, or just becoming a lot hornier. Take off all your clothes while I get in the New Scientist, two designers also made the chamber where semen Caround the world to awk- Possibly a combination of both. the condom spraying machine”... Ill have come up with what they is stored a lock that is one way. h ey wardly fumble and pre- Every area has someone that wants fated tests aside, this wasn’t ever think is the next big thing in have held a trial where volunteers tend they know what they’re doing. to come in and shake things up. No going to be a winner. h e condom design (oh so used them by themselves. You read h e design has actually been pretty pun intended there. h ese have taken reason being that it took many puns there). that right. h ey gave people a con- similar for over 50 years. h e reason many forms, from female condoms to three minutes for the Danny Resnic and dom, a room, and free reign on the in- being that latex condoms are cheap some slightly stranger inventions. One condom to dry. Maybe Ray Chavez have ternet. h at’s another slightly odd and and pretty easy to make, use, discard guy, Jan Vinzenz Krause, invented a I’m wrong, but I think decided that mak- awkward study to be included in and/ (discretely), and are thin enough for a spray on latex condom. h e trial didn’t it may ruin the mood ing a condom with or conduct. h e results were all posi- transferred sensation to occur. A stag- go too well: all of the volunteers didn’t a bit if you have to stop pleasure as the focus tive, but given what they were asking gering ten billion condoms were used want to take part once they knew what proceedings and say: “hang would make men more in- them to do, I’m fairly sure that they in 2005 (with probably only two mil- it would involve. h at would be a pret- on, I’m going to spray latex on my pe- clined to use them. h ey used silicone, would say it was okay no matter what. lion being used by Silvio Berlusconi). ty awkward study to be part of. “So, nis and then wait for three minutes for not latex, and they ‘fold’ on rather Will this be the future of condoms, or It’s predicted that 27 billion condoms what, I take a tablet everyday that may it to dry. Watch out, just incase the la- than roll on; this means there are tex- condomed to a mere curiosity?

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Science Editors: Philip Kent, Laurence Pope, Philippa Skett SCIENCE [email protected] Electricity and Bubbles Pavitar Devgon asks what ever could go wrong...

lowing bubbles from trokinetic properties of soft, deform- ness of the fl uid from its conductivity. soapy water has been a able nanofl uids, with some surprising h e second stage was to swap the favourite past time for results. Soap fi lms were the fl uid of AC supply for a constant DC one, in Ball of us. Struggling as choice for the team because they are the same direction as gravity. h e re- we try to catch them be- easy to produce, nanometres thick sult was a net movement of fl uid from fore the breeze takes them higher and and are a perfect balance between liq- bottom to top, against the pull of grav- higher provided us with hours of de- uid pressure and surface tension. h e ity, a phenomenon known as electro- light. We never gave a thought to the experiment consisted of balancing a osmosis. Interestingly, a change in col- physics behind it, because, well, that cylinder of the fl uid between two plat- our in the bubble was observed when would ruin the fun. inum coated glass electrodes. h e fi lm the electric fi eld was changed rapidly, Bubbles usually do not last for too is protected from evaporation by her- as the fi lm’s walls fattened quickly. By long, and if we had restrained our- metically sealing in a water saturated solving the resulting equations, taking selves enough, we would have seen atmosphere. into account gravitational, electrical them pulled back under gravity by Applying a small potential diff er- and viscous forces, the team conclud- their own weight. It’s true, bubbles ence between the closely spaced elec- ed that the thickness of the bubble is do have a mass (a very small one at trodes (5.5mm) caused a large electric formed in equilibrium from the elec- that). Bubbles are a good example of fi eld to be created within the bubble, tricity and capillary suction. h e team nanofl uids; fl uids with a thickness of altering its thickness and fl ow rate. also note: “Adapting this study to a real the order of nanometres. Research has Before passing a current through it, foam structure with films, nodes, and been going on in the area of microfl u- the fi lm’s thickness and conductance plateau borders is a great challenge in ids and nanofl uids, with the challenge is recorded, and once energised, the order to use this phenomenon in real of driving fl ows through ever smaller conductance to a plateau after around systems.” This bubble is brought to you through channels. 100s, due to the conducting surface So, spare a thought for this sub- the power of electricity... or printing A research group from the Univer- becoming saturated. h is provided a tle balancing act next time you see a sity of Lyon have looked into the elec- calibration method to infer the thick- lonely bubble fl oating in the sky.

You met the DeskJet, now meet the DrugJet

Philip Kent Science Editor

Everyone has heard of the inkjet print- er, you probably have one yourself. However, one application of the ven- erable offi ce supply you haven’t heard of is printing drugs, recently devel- oped at the UCL School of Pharmacy. An inkjet printer works by deliv- ering small droplets of ink onto the page, controlled via an electrical sig- nal. In most inkjet printers a thermal technique is used: heat vapourizes ink, which is then delivered onto the page and dried. A mixture of the col- ours (and black) are used to produce the desired output on page. In this development, the same ther- mal process has been used to deliver the drug carbamazepine, a medication often prescribed to people suff ering from epilepsy. h e original synthetic method for this drug involves delivery of a tiny amount of the drug. When deposited, the drug evaporates and crystallises The new drug baron? Stringer almost immediately, producing the Bell better watch out... desired compound. In this new technique, the same method is used, but an inkjet printer is used to precisely control drug deliv- ery. h is makes use of the fi ne control that inkjet cartridges have when de- ploying ink, with many inkjet printers ing drugs, which also has the desirable being achieved when multiple passes tain solvents having the potential to however other commonly used sol- capable of printing to 1,200 dpi. quality of being cheap to do. A good have been used. wreck havoc with the cartridge ma- vents may cause more trouble. h e main advantage of using print- quantity of crystallisation has also h is development is not completely terial. Common solvents used, water ers is their ease of conversion to print- been reported, with even better yields without its fl aws, however, with cer- and water/ethanol mixtures, are fi ne, DOI: 10.1039/c2ce26519b 14 FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY

Politics Editors: Padraic Calpin POLITICS Marie-Laure Hicks [email protected] Posing the Question: In or Out? Silvia Davey asks what UK citizens should consider come referendum time

really hope that the European Union lies in the hands of decisions, a power it would lose “ United Kingdom pulls the British public. once out of the EU. Europe is the out of the European h e promised referendum would main destination of UK trade: once The depressing conclusion IUnion and that the be held only if he’s voted back into out of the EU, and with the right to Euro collapses – I power as he claims that “a vote today the Four Freedoms lost, trade with of it all: the United Kingdom could defi nitely do with a cheaper (…) would be an entirely false choice”. European countries would become holiday somewhere nice and sunny He wants to give the EU enough more intricate and complicated, in Europe…” was the conclusion to a time to emerge from the Eurozone posing a serious economical threat could well not be part of the ranting monologue I was faced with crisis, allowing the UK to negotiate to the country. during a taxi ride back home one a new settlement that, using Nick In addition, by leaving such an evening. Clegg’s words, would “benefi t us and organization, the UK would be European Union by 2015, Little did this loquacious driver disadvantage everyone else”. renouncing a great amount of power know that he was talking to an Italian h e depressing conclusion of it all: and infl uence in the world that it being the fi rst country to leave whom, having being brought up in the United Kingdom could well not probably wouldn’t manage to have Brussels, is a strong believer in the be part of the European Union by alone. Would the promised future economical and social benefi ts that 2015, being the fi rst country to leave freedom actually be worth it? the EU since its creation. the Union brings to its 27 members. the EU since its creation. What would h ese are only a few of the With no intention of arguing back I the UK lose and what would it gain by numerous issues that every elector got out of the cab and decided that renouncing its position as a member (including myself, as I am a British have the more direct and short-term the United Kingdom were to leave the the slightly angering experience within the European Union? Britain citizen) will have to consider once personal gains infl uencing the voter’s European Union you might be faced might one day serve me as a funny has been part of the EU’s single market the referendum is proposed. It is opinions. with a lack of European workers and anecdote, representative of the for 30 years: although it is not in the important that the future large- To the taxi driver who might for tourists to drive around the streets opinion of a contained minority. single currency (Eurozone) and is not scale consequences are properly some odd reason be reading this of London, potentially losing your Two years spent in the United part of the Schenghen Agreement understood so as to not to solely “article, have you ever though that if biggest clientele? Kingdom have made me understand (the removal of physical borders that I was delusional in thinking of a within the member countries), it still minority: even PM David Cameron benefi ts from the free movement of – spokesman of Britain’s population goods, capital, services and people – is proposing the exit of the United within the member countries. h e Politics Précis News in brief from around the world Kingdom from the European Union. so called “Four Freedoms”, things h e speech he delivered a couple of that have generally greatly benefi tted NHS Advice Watered Down of Commons report stating that Violence in Bahrain weeks ago on the future of the United Britain’s economy. Homeopathy is no more effective Kingdom within the European Union Sure, Britain likes to be “an Allegations of Prince Charles lob- than a placebo be removed as they On the second anniversary of made me positively concerned: he independent island nation” and often bying MPs through private letters are “contentious” and “may well protests” against the government in proposes a simple in-out referendum, feels weighed down by the at times refuse to go away, with the refusal be subject to challenge from the Bahrain, the streets were once again in which the decision of whether the infl exible EU legislation but by being to release the text of his communi- Homeopathic community”. the scene of clashes between police United Kingdom shall pull out of the member it takes part in all legislative cations only fuelling speculation. and protestors. The latest set of revelations Possibility of Talks in Syria The police deployed tear gas and bird Alex Folkes concern the Prince’s enthusiasm shot to try and break up opposition for the alternative treatment The leader of the opposition Syrian rallies and protests, following on from ‘Homeopathy’. Despite the fact National Council, Moaz al-Khatib, the death of a protestor at the hands that there is no scientific evidence is due to visit Moscow soon, amid of security forces. for the efficacy of these treatments, the possibility of talks between the The protests come amid the “Hopefully this’ll they are in some cases available opposition leaders and the Assad opening of a political dialogue keep those UKIP through the NHS. The government regime. It’s rumoured al-Khatib between the current government and sods off my back...” ‘NHS Choices’ website, designed will meet regime Foreign Minister opposition party al-Wefaq. The aim is to inform the public about available Walid Muallem while they are to turn Bahrain into a constitutional treatments, offers only indirect both in the city, though Muallem monarchy with an elected Prime criticism. has stated that any negotiations Minister, and al-Wefaq have It has now emerged that a charity should take place on “Syrian Soil.” demanded that the drafted reforms set-up by Charles lobbied the It is hoped that the two groups be put to the people in a referendum Department of Health to alter the may be able to agree to talks leading rather than submitted to the King for text of the NHS Choices guidance to “Free and fair parliamentary approval. on Homeopathy. The initial draft elections”, but the issue of Assad’s However, a former member of the stressed the lack of scientific refusal to step down remains. Bahraini parliament has insisted that evidence, saying: “Furthermore, if Meanwhile, fighting continues talks must result in real change, as the principles of homeopathy were across the country, with the regime there is a risk they will be nothing true it would violate all the existing recently launching a series of more than a PR exercise by the theories of science that we make attacks on steadily encroaching current government. use of today; not just our theory rebel forces in Damascus. The Ali Aswad warned that the of medicine, but also chemistry, retaliation is described as a “major government will try to frame the biology and physics.” engagement”, as the government protests as minority and sectarian, But writer David Mattin has tries to hold on to the Syrian despite the fact that as much as half since resigned, stating that the capital. of the protestors are from the Sunni government had “sold out the NHS There is also a profound fear majority. Choices editorial team” and “failed that this conflict could spill The previous protests were quashed the public.” across regional borders, following once they demanded democratic Released documents show the Israeli air strike on a Syrian reforms. someone in the department asked ‘Research Facility’ and rumours of Mattin’s references to a House Iran co-ordinating with Assad’. Padraic Calpin Politics Editor unionpage

What’s new at the Union? Find out in our quarterly Impact Report Over the last three months, the Union has been working hard to build on previous successes and to improve services to our members. Our latest quarterly Impact Report shares some of the work and activity we’ve done since November 2012 to January 2013.

This includes: • working on a new NSS Response and updating on recommendations from last year; • passing a number of policies through Union Council on topics including International Students’ Fees and Imperial Horizons; • our President attending a trip abroad to visit Alumni in India; • our new initiative, ‘Your Campaigns’, our callout for new campaigns; and • launching the National Student Survey for final years (more details about its progress is below.

To see the Impact Report for our last quarter, visit: imperialcollegeunion.org/impact-quarterly

NSS - the response so far On 13 February we had the highest participation rate in the country for all the higher education institutions who started the NSS on the 14 January. However, every subject needs a 50% participation rate for the data to be used and the subjects in red have not achieved this. So, if you are a final year who hasn’t filled it in please go to www.thestudentsurvey.com and when filling it in remember to not be neutral.

Doug Hunt DEPUTY PRESIDENT (EDUCATION) [email protected] Keep up-to-date with your Sabbaticals at: imperialcollegeunion.org/sabbs

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imperialcollegeunion.org 16 FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY

Comment Editors: George Barnett, COMMENT Navid Nabijou, James Simpson [email protected] Dr. Strangelove: or why I just really love finance, not salary Ross Gray provides a retort to last week’s article about banking

ollowing last week’s ar- me to pursue a ca- Aaniya Ahmed ticle in Felix, and what I reer in investment perceive to be a gener- banking is the sheer F ally anti-fi nance attitude level of responsi- amongst Imperial under- bility given to an graduates – you may think said atti- analyst. Let’s face tude doesn’t exist, but I can assure you it, in every graduate I have had to defend my career choices scheme you’re go- many times – I decided to take it upon ing to be doing the myself to fi ght the corner of invest- most boring work ment banking. If you’ve never read in the organisation Ross Gray Leveraged Sell Out, this will probably for at least two or be the most pro-banking piece you’ve three years; as far ever encountered. as I’m aware, there’s To me, the draw to fi nance was no magical job that never really about money. I do agree lets you immediately with Billing’s points about the cul- start running ac- ture, but I think it’s painted a little counts or deals, or too extreme. My own experience making important within investment banking is that decisions (except while this culture of excess and liv- your own business ing far outside your means exists, it’s of course). h e dif- certainly not the case for everybody. I ference between would say that far from people being banking and some ridiculed for frugality as you might of these other jobs is imagine would happen, the most ir- that while you may responsible spenders are sometimes be the bottom of the viewed in a negative light by some of ladder, and occa- their colleagues. Sure, there’s a lot of sionally feel under- money fl ying around, but in the plac- appreciated, you’re es I know well, I can’t think of a single still absolutely key person who is 10x leveraged. I have to the deal. It’s likely to admit that this is likely to be more that you built the When you re- common in the senior ranks, as peo- valuation (an im- ple try to maintain their three cars, portant part of the alise at 3am... huge rent payments, private school service off ered in for their kids and so on, but certainly investment banking) for the analysts (who make up most completely from more interesting to me than plasma through why they might be there. that it’s pret- of the ‘culture’ of the fi rm you’ll re- scratch with little help or outside in- physics or synthetic chemistry. Nobody is claiming that fi nance is ally see as an intern or recent gradu- tervention and nobody, not even the I didn’t have my heart set on phys- some magical land where you’ll be ate), even 0.2-0.3x leverage would be people more senior than you, under- ics then get to university and think perpetually happy and there are no ty unlikely quite extreme. Many do start hitting stands it as well as you do. You might “Wait, instead of doing something I problems at all. Every path has its the credit cards as bonus season ap- be doing the Excel work instead of love for not very much money, I can diffi culties and its victories, and in you’re going proaches, which is obviously a dread- brokering the deal and being involved do something I absolutely despise for fi nance these moments tend to be ful idea from the viewpoint of fi scal in high pressure negotiations, but this 100 hours a week for a good salary and rather bipolar, with the worst mo- responsibility, but this is usually as work is still absolutely critical to the a hefty bonus? Sign me up!” To me, ments being utterly dreadful, but to sleep to- bad as it gets. h e big spenders live deal closing. If your model is wrong the reasons to do banking seem anal- the best moments being some of the lavishly, but within their (substantial) somehow on a live deal, this could not ogous to those for coming to Impe- most satisfying I have experienced. At means. only lead to the complete collapse of rial. Why did most people come here the very core of it, that’s why, despite night, it’s not Regardless of this, I do not believe the deal but potential lawsuits and specifi cally, instead of, say, a slightly rarely leaving the offi ce before 1am, anyone who will end up getting a scandals. I can’t think of many other less respected university where they being perpetually tired, often ill, and the thought return off er from their internship, career paths where someone could wouldn’t be worked to death? We sometimes a little downtrodden, I still “ or more defi nitively, not get axed in derail a transaction worth billions of want to learn as much as possible. We remain passionate about investment their fi rst two years, is driven solely dollars in their fi rst year. want the best exit opportunities after- banking and look forward to starting of that bonus by money. When you realise at 3am I think a common problem for wards. Why are we willing to work so my full time job in the summer. If you that all the assumptions driving your those trying to consider the mindset intensely to achieve these goals? Per- can’t understand this at all, then fol- model are wrong and that it’s pretty of those of us who choose this career haps it’s because regardless of where low Mr. Billing’s advice: please do not in a year that unlikely you’re going to sleep tonight, path is that they don’t understand we’re going afterwards, most of us are go into fi nance, you will hate it. But if it’s not the thought of that bonus in a that to us, this is not boring. I can’t still, or were at some stage, incredibly this means anything to you, if in some keeps you year that keeps you going. It’s a pas- speak for every undergraduate with passionate about our subject. Perhaps weird way you love it when you’re sion for what you do, and the huge an internship, but I can assure you, we just love working hard in general. forced to pull an all-nighter for a lab sense of responsibility on your shoul- mergers and acquisitions, leveraged So next time you go to ridicule your report, then forget the money and put going ders. buy outs, hostile takeovers and issues friend for being a sell-out when they some serious consideration into a ca- ” One of the strongest reasons for of corporate governance are infi nitely text you from their desk at 5am, think reer in fi nance. FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY 17

Comment Editors: George Barnett, Navid Nabijou, James Simpson COMMENT [email protected] A European Citizenship In the fi rst of two articles about our friends from across the Chan- nel, Leonardo Ialongo lays out the case for European integration

or an outsider to European politics, or indeed politics in general, it can often be What are EU lookin’ at? Fdiffi cult to understand the need for the European Union. Of course it helped maintain peace, but was war really possible af- ter the atrocities of the Second World War? Although the common market was a good and necessary step, why do we need such a powerful body to regu- Leonardo Ialongo late and limit our national sovereignty? Not to mention the incredible amount of money we have to ‘donate’ to other countries because they cannot man- age their economy well. All reasonable objections, except they happen to be slightly false, or at least misguided. EUROPEAN UNION h e fi rst myth, although probably the least controversial, is that war was not UNITED STATES OF possible after the Second World War. h is always reminds me of the famous EUROPE H. G. Wells quote “the war to end war”, referring to the First World War. Many in fact believed that after the horrors of the Great War, no country would be insane enough to once again start the race to arms. However it did happen, and not because Hitler was a madman, but because the war left behind pover- ty and resentment, sparking the rise of nationalism once again. h e ECC and then the EU have brought countries “Structuralral or sisimilarm legislation worldwide. closer together, allowing for the sor- funding to areasreas IInn confrontingc big challenges rows of the war to be a shared tragedy hit by industrialstrial sucsuchh as climate change, the and responsibility. If after World War decline; restric-stric- EuEuropeanr Union could be the II the Marshall Plan and the ECC had tions on landfiandfi ll mmajora player in triggering the not set the conditions for growth and dumping; cheaperheaper glglobalo reforms necessary for intergovernmental relation, war might mobile charges;harges; ssafetya and prosperity. have not been such a remote possibil- cheaper air travel; PASSPORT In an increasingly glo- ity. improved consumernsumer bbalised society the role of If you believe that the EU had done a protection andnd ffoodood ssingle nations has neces- good job protecting peace, you might labelling; singlegle marmar-- sarily been reduced. More still question why, for example, British ket competition;tion; Eu-Eu- European integration al- nationals have to pay higher taxes to rope-wide patentatent and lows for the interests and rescue countries that did not manage copyright protection;rotection; securisecurityt of European citizens to their national budget well. Very often freedom to ttravel,ravel, livelive iinn terms ooff in- bbee protectprotectede on an international stage There are in fact, when discussing the Euro- and work aacrosscross Eu-Eu- tternationalernational standinstandingg and where sinsingleg nations have lost their crisis, conservative politicians in Brit- rope; funded opportuni- t i e s competition. h e individual European infl uence. It would also encourage the benefi ts ain, and other ‘rich’ countries such as for young people to undertake study or countries are not powerful enough to EU to take a fi rmer stand on some of Germany, complain about the fact that work placements abroad; access to Eu- stand against giants such as China or the issues that plague our word today, their taxpayers will be burdened by ropean health services; labour protec- India; the EU however is. It is the larg- such as climate change, human rights which Euro- other people’s faults. h is is however a tion and enhanced social welfare; holi- est economy of the world, the biggest and regional confl ict. It further allows slightly misguided truth, as in fact most day entitlement; the right not to work market and the number one exporter greater international and inter-Euro- of this money is in the form of a loan, more than a 48-hour week without and importer worldwide. h is could pean competitiveness, strengthening pean coun- and should therefore be paid back. It overtime; strongest wildlife protection further improve if the EU had a single our economies and decreasing internal is however even more baffl ing that the in the world; EU-funded research and foreign policy: its infl uence would be tensions. h e last and often less men- tries should citizens are frequently not aware that industrial collaboration; counter ter- comparable if not superior to that of tioned benefi t is the increased mobility Europe works both ways. It is not just rorism intelligence.” the United States of America, allowing and opportunities, which encourages giving: all the countries receive aid and h ere are more, but I think these will the EU to defend even more the inter- the collaboration and sharing of cul- not forget at benefi ts as well. h e diff erence is that it probably suffi ce. ests of European citizens. A united for- ture and ideas. does not go on the front page of every h e advantages Britain, and all the eign policy and representation could h ese are all benefi ts which Euro- newspaper. Recently h e Guardian, in other countries, receives are not lim- further help the European countries, pean countries should not forget at the the fi rst sign an article by Simon Sweeney, listed all ited to internal competitiveness, fund- which are at the forefront of dealing fi rst sign of a crisis. the benefi ts Britain received from the ing for research and infrastructure, with most issues related to sustainabil- of crisis EU. I will list just a few to stress this and improved welfare and security. ity and human rights, to further de- Next week Leonardo will address the “” point: h e biggest contribution is probably mand the implementation of European issues facing a collective Europe today. 18 FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY

Comment Editors: George Barnett, COMMENT Navid Nabijou, James Simpson [email protected] The extinction of the political dinosaurs The recent equal marriage vote is indicative of a wider trend

ree speech is a wonder- ful thing. It is one of the The end of the things that makes this old school? F country an amazing place to live in. Granted, it may not be absolute, but the opportu- nity to be introduced to new ideas, impart mine in return and argue over them is a positively delightful experi- Alex Morton ence. To me, there is nothing more enlightening than thrashing out some political philoso- phy, looking at issues from diff erent per- spectives, amend- ing your way of think- ing or even dropping it and searching for a new Conservative party was have been consistently evolving, the one. h is is not a weak split on the vote and I radicals leading the party accepting compromise – it is enrich- would not be surprised arguments for change that are for ing your understanding of if a good number of those the betterment of society, with the the world through debate were guilty of my accusations. neanderthals passing away into the Last week which helps build a better However, I imagine that a good num- mists of time. David Cameron was and coherent way to view ber of the Labour and Liberal Dem- a Leader that night. He championed a rare but and deal with it. ocrat MPs were equally culpable. a tolerant, fair future that the previ- Last week a rare but tad frustrated. My h ere is no place for such neander- ous Government did not. However, delightful oddity oc- grudge does not lie thals in any political party. h ank- unless the rest of the Conservative delightful curred. Democracy. with those for vot- fully, if they do not evolve, they will creature advances with him, they h e Government ing against it generally, perish. will drag his Premiership into extinc- and Opposi- as the discussion over h ese fossils are the sort which tion at the next election. h e his- oddity tion did not whether marriage is makes people associate the Con- tory books will not remember him order MPs how t o vote, a religious or civil servative party with wanting as a leader but only as the reforming occured. but allowed them to make their institution is a valid to keep things as they are, or founder of the new Conservatives. I own decision. As the dust settled, one, but with those turn the clock back. With an ever assume though, that even the relics an overwhelming cry of support for people who use faith to wrap up their changing social environment, such would not be so stupid as to be the Democracy gay marriage was heard. Despite be- discriminatory view that homosexu- traits are clearly evolutionarily dis- cause of the collective extermination ing glad with this outcome, I was a als are in some way inferior. Yes, the advantageous. However, the Tories of their genus.

We are slowly losing some of the still smash the Cambourne ‘miners’ heartedly buy into it. If you’re not important things that separate us every year across every sport im- interested fuck off to a poly. We want your Letters from the mediocre ex-polys that aginable and occasionally Jezebel “ are creeping up on us academical- the firetruck comes out; but unfor- Regards, thoughts. ly, with the Holland Club a case in tunately the numbers of volunteers Star letter point. When things like that have that support these kind of things are A concerned undergrad. Each week, the Dear Sir, gone, they’re gone forever, part slipping and soon they too might be of the faceless beaurocracy that is a forgotten relic, left on the side as --- best letter to the Imperial is a relatively old universi- taste/sport/(insert business area we slip towards being just another ty, and I cannot help but feel that we here) Imperial. Medic sport in its university. Sir, Editor will get don’t celebrate this history enough. own right is the next thing on the How many of you when talking to Oxbridge comparisons are regu- list; over a century of history and friends at home about Imperial be- I was disappointed by the headline of a larly made by us Imperialites across tradition gone forever because of a moan the ratio, the terrible state of recent article, ‘Life of a Total WBanker.’ all manner of things, and while we need for ‘BUCS points.’ the Union or geekiness of Imperial? It seemed to draw a comparison be- don’t quite” match them in terms of Gone are the days of ‘mascotry’ We are all Imperialites, nobody tween bankers and wankers and, as a age, we still have plenty of tradi- (and no, the poor, ill-judged and was forced to come here and it’s a long time wanker, I take great off ence £10 tion of our own. The indominable miscalculated attempt at the begin- really cool place to be. We have a at this. Queens Tower, the RCS and RSM, ning of this year does not count), unique blend of the academic, his- I have done no harm to society whilst a huge number of Nobel leaureates, the days of being proud to represent tory, sport and a huge number (the engaging in this pleasant and fi nan- Email: Fields medalists, a proud sporting not just your university but your largest in the UK) of clubs and soci- cially risk-free activity and do not force [email protected] tradition and social clubs over 85 faculty and subject too. eties, but if you’re not proud to be the resulting mess onto others; unlike years old that are still going strong. Some people are fighting the good here and if you don’t get involved, bankers whose mess has ruined life for (And this is without long and huge- fight and not letting tradition slip then in the words of a Super Cool the rest of us and cannot be avoided no ly successfull history of the constit- from our grasp: this year sees the Ski instructor, You’re going to have matter how careful you are. Get rich or die tryin’ uent hospitals that now make up the return of the Sparkes Cup, an inter- a bad time. Get money get paid medical faculty!) faculty rugby tournament, the RSM tl:dr: Imperial’s great if you whole- Anon FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY 19 Food Editors: Carol Ann Cheah, Sophia Goldberg, Yiango Mavrocostanti FOOD [email protected] Flapjacks, pasta and meatballs in 1! Michael Yat Kit Chung gives you breakfast and dinner ideas

hen you see me, you 3. Boil for a minute then remove from would probably guess heat. Wthat I like eating. And 4. Fold in oats until fully combined you couldn’t be more 5. Scatter blueberries into mix and stir right! I was lucky enough that my food well. was cooked for me for most of my life. 6. Bake for 20-25 minutes until golden. So when I was fi nally let loose in the Lick the pan if you wish to. kitchen, I have been going bonkers. 7. Leave it to cool in tin before cutting, Here is some of my favourite recipes otherwise it will just break! But do it that I have made. before completing cool.

Blueberry flapjack Scientifi c bonus – Oats will zap any fatigue and blueberries can slow down Revising hard and need a snack? Need memory loss! Yummy and it might something to go with your tea and get- actually help you get a better mark in ting bored of Hobnobs and (choco- exams! late) Digestives? Here is a yummy and Have it with a cup of tea. healthier alternative - and it’s super h ese fl apjacks can be enough to easy to make! give you energy for the whole day, so forget about lunch! What’s for dinner? Ingredients: Spaghetti Bolognese 300g Porridge Oats 150g Fresh Blueberries Spag Bol is a typical student food. without the seeds. 3) Mix it up with your hand. Perfect if comes in a bottle) and frozen veg- 200g Golden Syrup For me, this food is always exciting, 1 clove of garlic(crushed/fi nely you have had a stressful day.... etables (which is amazing, because no 170g Butter you just can’t get bored of it. h is was chopped) 4) Make it into balls. Don’t worry if chopping and washing ) 4 tablespoons brown sugar inspired by a burger recipe, but I just Some coriander you have too many onions, you can 1 teaspoon cinnamon make it in ball shapes. 1 tin of Chopped tomatoes use it for the sauce! Serve with pasta that happens to be 5) Fry the leftover onions in a pan. in your cupboard. Or if you feel like a Procedure: Meatballs 1) Put the beef in a pan (saves wash- Brown those meatballs! bit of fusion, this also makes perfect ing up!) and press it down so that it is 6) Add chopped tomatoes, low heat to sauce for rice! 1. Preheat oven to 180 degrees. 500g of mince beef across the pan. simmer! 2. Melt butter, sugar, syrup and cinna- 1 red onion 2) Put the chopped onion, chilli, garlic 7)Add anything else you want! I tend And that’s it! Give it a go and share it mon in a saucepan. Bits of chilli powder or actual chilli and coriander in. to add a bit of chopped herbs (that with your mates!

Aperitivo all’ Italiana! Rachel’s yummy Lamington cakes... Rachel Hounslow Writer 75g butter (melted) 100g dessicated coconut 1) First, make the sponge cake. Beat Australia Day came and went more than the butter, sugar and vanilla together un- two weeks ago but if, for some unfath- til the mixture’s fl uff y and then add the omable reason, you forgot to celebrate, eggs one at a time with plenty of beating fear not: fi nd an excuse to pay homage in between. to your favourite antipodeans. h ese tra- 2) Add the fl our and the milk a bit at a ditional Australian lamington cakes are time with plenty of stirring to make sure ideal for sharing with your loved ones, it combines properly. Bake the mixture whether it be a boyfriend or girlfriend in a 20cm square cake tin (or similar) at or your fl at-mates affl icted with the late- 180˚C for half an hour (or until a skewer Yiango Mavrocostanti Food Editor cannot be called heaven, then what which was very rich and fruity. h e night munchies. comes out clean). Turn the cake out onto can? famous Spritz was also off ered to the Ingredients: a wire rack and allow to cool completely. h e lucky people who attended the guests and if you have never tried Sponge Cake: 3) Now to make the icing. Mix the ic- Yes, Aperitivo all’ Italiana. h e fi rst event, had the chance to experience it before it is highly recommended 220g caster sugar ing sugar and cocoa well and add the offi cial event of the newly founded the Italian culture through food and that you do. It is basically a cocktail 125g butter melted butter and around 75ml of boil- Italian Society at Imperial! Of course, I don’t think anyone could complain. served as aperitif and contains spar- 1tsp vanilla extract ing water until you’ve got a smooth, fairly it was food related and that is why h e “cannoli siciliani”, which is basi- kling wine, orange liqueur and soda 3 eggs runny consistency. I was very excited about it. It took cally fried dough fi lled with a sweet and it defi nitely is very appetizing. 220g self-raising fl our 4) Slice up your cooled sponge cake place at a traditional Italian bar called cream seemed absolutely divine. You Apart from the food and the drinks, 120ml milk into squares or rectangles of whatever Da Lisa at Gloucester road and it was can see them in the photo below and everybody seemed to be having a Or (if those coursework deadlines are size you please (I prefer smaller, to al- indeed very Italian and also a heaven be jealous. Short crust pastry called good time. just a bit too imminent and low for a greater chocolate to sponge for people who appreciate good food. “crostatine” and a special kind of bis- All in all, a great event that celebrat- you want your cake sooner ratio) and dip the squares fi rst If a room full of typical Italian des- cuit called “ciambelline” were also ed Italian cuisine and the importance rather than later) just use a into the chocolate icing mix- serts, pastries, biscuits and of course available. All of these were perfectly of people getting together and being light, store-bought sponge ture and then into a bowl of the smell of that perfect espresso combined with wine from South Italy social. Well done Italian Society! cake and skip to step 3. dessicated coconut so that Icing: you end up with squares of 450g icing sugar delicious chocolately, coco- Is your society having any food related events? Make us happy and invite us... Just email us at [email protected]! 75g cocoa powder nutty goodness (see picture).

22 FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY

Arts Editors: Eva Rosenthal, ARTS Meredith Thomas [email protected] Flukeworms Back to collage

Eva Rosenthal Arts Editor

Kurt Schwitters was a key infl uence on the development of pop-art, one of the most important movements of the 20th century, but if you have never heard his name before, do not fear. Tate Britain is having a major retrospective of his work Facebook shrubs and, in any case, it is a catchy name, with features literal wall a tingling ring to it that sticks delightfully to your brain walls so that you could fi nd yourself Schwittering (muttering Schwit- ters to yourself whilst trying to look sane) around the sweltering rooms the Tate Britian. Writer Schwitters, a member of the avant- Rocío Molina earth. h en follows the fuss over where garde art scene in the 20s and 30s, driven to procure kilometres of wool, or hun- to Britain in 1941 by the Nazis, must dreds of LEDs or where to buy a few be introduced through his collages and h e Artsfest exhibition is an annual in- thousands polystyrene cubes. through the theory that pervades his stitution that has existed since I arrived Day-dreaming continued while dead- work: Merz. h is was the belief that any at Imperial. It is an important event for lines loomed and in my head a warning material was as valid and as valuable as those who are involved with the Arts on light began to pulse as the day-to-day paint for the creation of a work of art. Why work? Instead, doodle all lecture long and then send us your drawings campus. h e show, which is planned to running of the society started chewing Ticket stubs, magazines, porridge and to [email protected]. This doodle was done by Cyprien de Saint Guilhem coincide with Imperial College’s festival up my time and spitting out bones. I half-spoons were all used by Schwitters during an enthralling horizons lecture! of art, music and dance, features collab- needed to put something together now. to create his subtle and delicate collages. oration between members of Leonardo Ideas, once decided started to transform h ese are by far the most beautiful Fine Arts Society and Photographic So- again and after a brief meeting with Pho- things he made. h ey are delicate, intri- ciety. Some reader might remember the tosoc a new feasible idea sprung out. cate and often funny – although always maze of string last year or the fl ock of Time is ticking but the aim was clear melancholic. h ose collages, made as paper cranes the year before. now. I was to get sixteen painters from he was nearing the end of his life in the Being a spectator over the past few LeoSoc to paint a piece each. I had to deepest Lake District, are especially love- years allowed me to marvel at the start making calls to gather the fi rst ly, abstract representations of the natural achievement of people who managed to group of painters, then call CassArt to world. put these breath-taking, genuinely inno- ensure there were enough canvases in He worked best in miniature. His small vative exhibitions up. As part of the Le- stock. I received an image from the pho- pieces are charming, allowing the viewer oSoc committee last year I had a glimpse tographers that we were to paint. to swiftly imbibe the feeling of the work. of the managerial eff ort it required. h is h is is the part where the fun re- Schwitters’ larger works however, are ARTSFEST @ Imperial College – There is art to see right here on campus, all of next week. year the job fi nally fell to me, there was a ally started, bohemian scenes of intense dull, plodding creatures. His portraits Find out more at www.union.ic.ac.uk/arts/artsfest. Febuary 18 - 21 . lot to live up to. painting sessions and banging tunes in and landscapes are unimaginative and Herding cats is a polite way to describe succession, by the start of the week we heavy: everyone runs past them without La Traviata @ English National Opera – Traviata gets a sexy make-over in this wonderful the task of encouraging artists to pro- already had ten paintings. even meaning to. Enthusiastic art stu- ENO production, heavy on the purples and reds. The singing is superb, especially from duce work. When you add photogra- Hanging day arrives; we still do not dents attempt to glue themselves to the Corinne Winters (Violetta), who carries the tragedy swiftly to its sad end. The 2 hours in phers to the mix things start to get really have all the paintings but plenty to get gallery fl oor in front of his abstract paint- the theatre (no interval) could almost be five minutes. Tickets from £16. Now - March 3. tricky. Disasters, miscommunications started. Showing the paintings to Photo- ings but are quickly distracted; even they and frankly fuck-ups are bound to hap- Soc it dawns on me that there has been cannot manage to give them more than a Lichtenstein: A Retrospective @ Tate Modern – The Tate Modern’s spring blockbuster pen; in fact I believe they are important a massive communications breakdown, minute of their time. is a retrospective pop arts premier superhero. His images are totally synonymous with facets of the creative process. By that our paintings were not what they are ex- Schwitters was an artist with various pop art in popular culture so do not miss the chance to see icons like ‘Drowning Girl’ and measure this year should be a roaring pecting. interests, dabbling in experimental po- ‘Whaam!’ in all their technicolour glory. February 21 – May 27. success. h e ability to improvise and make of etry, he was prolifi c writer. In the context h e fi rst round of creative ideas was the mishap a source of inspiration is one of the show, what stood out for me were Through A Glass Darkly @ Stephanie Hoppen Gallery – Four contemporary photogra- forged, as all good ideas are, in the pub. of the things that I adore about this job. his views on imitation in art. Imitation phers explore female beauty through decidedly sepia toned glasses. The exhibition fea- Every Monday LeoSoc gathers for a few Fortunately the very way we had con- in his (simplifi ed) view could not result ture painterly lighting, Elizabethan costumes and carriage-loads of classical references. refreshing pints and we persuaded some ceived the exhibition, in terms of pixels, in anything truly worthy and for him, at February 19 - March 13 photographers to tag along. I started helped form an idea to salvage the exhi- least, this was true: his fi nest works, his encouraging the regular photographers bition. As ever the last minute change collages, were also truly original. Kinetica Art Fair @ Ambika P3 – This annual exhibition is the spiritual home of kinetic, and artists who attend our bar nights to proves more interesting than the origi- electronic, robotic and new media art generally themed around science and technology. share their ideas. nal plan. Be prepared to be astonished by shiny lights and the whirring of servos. Get tickets early, Trying to understand the vision of As I write, some paintings are still in it sells out fast. February 28 – March 3 a fellow artist can be a surreal journey, the making and the prints are coming more so when it comes to sharing your tomorrow but I feel positive. h e paint- own. Bits of paper or the surface of an ings look outstanding and a few people iPad become a conduit to illustrate dif- have already asked if they are for sale. ferent concepts. Initial rampant, creative If you as curious about the end of this outbursts lead to compulsive googling story as me, the show opens next week of that installation you remember hav- h ere will be wine and you can meet all ing seen or that cool image you saw in those that put the show together by pull- someone’s deviant art’s profi le. Soon af- ing it out of a spin dive at the last minute. terwards, the voices of pragmatism rise, not in short supply at this university, and Opening party on Febuary 19th 8pm, cry out to bring all those ideas down to Blythe Gallery, Sherfield Level 5 everynation.co.uk

SUNDAYS ACTIVITY SPACE 1

Free café – 5:30 24 FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY

Books Editor: Maciej Matuszewski BOOKS [email protected] The Nano Flower Alex Savell looks at the fi nal Greg Mandell novel

n just a day’s time Peter Ham- vantages he held in previous missions it might be to do with the following. ilton will be arriving for Sci- are mitigated by technology that’s in- Hamilton has openly said that part of Fi’s annual convention, Pico- creased without him. While he now what he enjoys about writing is creat- Icon. Before that we are going gets to jet across the globe in a hyper- ing worlds and the backdrops upon to fi nish off our look at the sonic plane, Mandel also has to cope which the plots play out. As such I Greg Mandel series with a look at the with the fact that the world has be- think it may have been a decision to fi nal novel; h e Nano Flower. Set fi f- come a smaller place and the schemes – almost aside from Greg, Julia and teen year’s after A Quantum Murder of criminal organisations can easily Event Horizon – show mankind’s slow there’s plenty that’s changed in that encompass an entire globe. ascendancy into a much larger uni- time. h e Nano Flower concludes the Not to mention potentially the most verse. h at’s a very optimistic view progression of the world around Greg contentious issue of the book; aliens. from where the world is in Mindstar out of recession. Technology is blos- h e ‘package’ that Julia receives is in Rising; in less than a couple of dec- soming and the world has started to fact the eponymous Nanofl ower and ades humanity moves from a narrowly move forwards in leaps and bounds. it is certainly a mystery. Containing averted apocalypse to begin their for- h is is the fi rst big diff erence with DNA that is far in advance of any of ays into the starts. h e Nano Flower. Although the change our own and with genes completely Despite several things that, with in background maintains continuity foreign to Earth, the Nanofl ower pre- hindsight, look a little less than real- with the previous books, it does set a sents a dangerous and intriguing mys- istic, the Greg Mandel series is still new dynamic and is certainly the fi rst tery. However, for me it was very much compelling and an excellent read and, time that Hamilton pushes towards a confusing addition to the Mandel as it hits its twentieth birthday, it’s still a harder sci-fi setting. Asteroids are setting. I wasn’t initially convinced doing extremely well. h e covers you hauled into orbit in order to mine new that the world needed the addition of may have seen opposite these articles resources, clean energy sources have any extra-terrestrial infl uences. To me are the 2011 incarnation of the series, put an end to the climate change prob- the series had been all the more inter- where Greg got a bit of a facelift and, in lems of the recent past and in some esting due to its plausibly near future an homage to the trilogies of 70s sci-fi , ways it’s an extremely optimistic out- outlook so I was going to take some put together, they form one extended look on the future. However, perhaps serious winning over to be convinced image of Hamilton’s world progress- more interesting is seeing the world that this was a necessary addition. ing from ruins through to a skyscraper move forwards while Greg stays still. I must admit, I’m still a little on the clad metropolis reaching to the sky. A When returning character Julia re- fence, but Hamilton’s writing remains fi tting visual for a world that grew up ceives a strange package and rumours engaging and enthralling and he cer- as I once did while reading it. of new technology that threaten to tainly goes a long way to winning my throw off the balance of power across opinion back round to the inclusion of Peter F. Hamilton will be at Imperial the globe and bring her company, this new theme. I still don’t necessar- College on Saturday. February 16 as Event Horizon, to its knees, it’s Greg ily understand the decision, perhaps I one of the Guests of Honour at Picocon that she turns to for help; pulling him will get the chance to fi nd out tomor- 30. For more information, and to reg- out of retirement. It’s interesting to row in his talk, but I have a sneaking ister your attendance, visit icsf.org.uk/ watch Greg face a world where the ad- suspicion, or at least an inkling, that picocon We be light, We be life, We be fi re

Lucy McGregor Writer no understanding of how he has re- long after its been put down. It’s not don’t receive enough fl eshing out, con turned from the grave or how the city only about Swift and his return from like apprentice sorcerer Dana Mikeda he used to know has changed. Oh, death: it’s about London and magic – what’s she up to anyway, and why Books were better when I was young- and he’s now sharing his body with a and life, and Swift, with his/their do we even care? But the book rises er. I’m sure of it. I don’t know if I’m group of powerful entities of elemen- unique, not-quite-human, viewpoint above all this, becoming a delight to becoming more experienced, or tal magic, the blue electric angels. is the perfect narrator for a London read through the evident fascination more cynical, or if I was simply lucky Everybody wants to get their hands full of Gaiman-esque urban legend – and wonder Griffi n fi nds in her story. enough to be introduced early to a on Swift and his new passengers and graffi ti artists whose work comes to Above everything else, A Madness of large amount of really excellent fi c- he/they are precipitated into a plot- life after dark; the Old Bag Lady who Angels is full of pure joy. tion, but I fi nd it very hard to bring line of battles, alliances and betrayal reads the omens in tattered shopping to mind any books in my adult life as they struggle to come to terms bags; the Last Train that travels the Kate Griffi n is a pen name used by the that aff ected me as powerfully as my with their new existence and destroy Circle Line eternally, chasing its own twice Carnegie-nominated fantasy childhood favourites. a powerful sorcerer – Swift’s mentor tail. Griffi n revels in the madcap fan- author Catherine Webb for her adult h is book is the exception. and later his murderer – to win the tasy trappings of her setting; but with fi ction. She will be at Imperial Col- h e modern urban fantasy genre right to their freedom. a deft twist of perspective she also lege for Picocon 30 on the weekend of has experienced a resurgence over So far, so generic – but what lifts uses them to turns the mundane and February 16-17. As one of the Guests the past decade, and in some ways Griffi n’s book above its genre is the ordinary into something glorious. of Honour, she will give an individual A Madness of Angels is part of that execution. A Madness of Angels is sur- h e book has fl aws, of course. h e talk and participate in the main panel movement. At base, it’s the story of real. It’s vivid. It’s alive. It’s disturbing changes of perspective between with Steph Swainston, Richard Mor- urban sorcerer Matthew Swift, who and enthralling and spectacular, the Swift and the angels can be confus- gan, Peter F. Hamilton and Jaine Fenn. wakes up one day with vivid and trou- kind of book that grabs hold of the ing, as can the terse, often unattrib- For more information, and to register bling memories of his own death and reader’s imagination and won’t let go, uted dialogue, and some characters your attendance, visit icsf.org.uk/pico- feb offers Every Wednesday & Friday from 18:00 JÄgerbomb house spirit only & mixer £2.50 £2.00 IN ALL BARS, every day Belhaven Best ruddles best Every Sunday, Everyday Tuesday and throughout £2.10 Thursday only. £2.70February. strongbow can Aspalls draught Everyday Everyday throughout throughout £2.00February. £2.70February. Everyday throughout Belvoir Presse £1.50 February. imperialcollegeunion.org/whats-on 26 FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY

Music Editors: Mark England, MUSIC Ross Gray, Simon Hunter [email protected] Veronica Falls at St Leonard’s Mark England goes to church on a Friday night, and enjoys it...

have recently discovered the possible to be but what sometimes can real reason the Pope is giving seen somewhat one dimensional on up on wearing his natty white record has a much fuller sound when Igown and driving about in his you hear it live. St Leonard’s suits the suped-up Pope-mobile to de- band down to the ground with songs vote more of his time to chillaxing. He like ‘Found Love in a Graveyard’, must have been present at St Leonard’s ‘Stephen’ and ‘Wedding Day’ echo- Church last Friday where Veronica ing hauntingly around the cavernous Falls blew away the congregation with venue. an outstanding set. Evidently it became h e purpose of tonight’s show, how- clear to him that the best way to get ever, is to give the ears of Shoreditch bums on pews and religion back into a preview of material of the new al- the hearts and tweets of the young is bum Waiting for Something to Hap- to be in a swoonsome twee indie band pen. I found the title track one of the which specialise in jangly guitar pop. more grating but there were some real It is not surprising that this idea must gems in ‘Teenage’ and ‘Tell Me’. h e not detract from how accomplished feedback. I was startled by their trans- have dispirited Herr Ratzinger (as he noise pop that Veronica Falls hustle the band were as a live prospect. h e formation into indie heavyweights and is more of a dubstep or electo-crunk has evolved to become more muscular lo-fi fuzz of the records is lost and is I am sure that their latest release will kind of guy) to such an extent that he but still keeps its timid, eyes across the replaced by a more elegant sheen. h e be as good as their one time Rough had no choice but to step down. indie-disco dancefl oor, quality. last time I saw Veronca Falls, admit- Trade record of the month self-titled Now I have got the frolicking intro- h e sold out show was crammed full tedly a few years ago now, was in the debut. I have never had so much fun duction out of the way I must get to and you couldn’t even fi t another Japa- basement of a dingy record shop in in a church before (although I am not the important part of describing the nese hipster girl in if you tried. h ere Camden and they were bloody terri- sure if this is a large accolade) and I actual gig. It goes without saying that was a sense that the band were preach- ble. h ey had minimal presence and defi nitely have Veronica Falls to thank Veronica Falls are more C86 then it is ing to the converted but this should their lyrics were lost beneath a sea of for that.

AMS album of the week Album review: Maranata - Royal Hex My Bloody Valentine: m b v Riaz Agahi Writer

Whenever I have an article to write I find the first sentences and phrases always come to Free-noise duo Maranata have col- me when I’m walking on my own. My rough laborated with some big fi gures in the draft for this review emerged the same way; I experimental scene including Maja was ready to talk less about the album, which S.K Ratkje and C.Spencer Yeh. On was okay, and more about the promise of My this eff ort, released on a 175 cassette Bloody Valentine recording once more. But run (remember that, it’s important), then I listened to it again. they collaborate with Sayaka Himeno, For me and, anecdotally, for many fans of Sakaya Himeno of Japanese all girl trio the band, m b v is a definite grower, and that’s Nisennenmondai. h is is probably the probably as much the fault of ‘weight of ex- main thing that piqued my interest, as pectation’ as anything. Unfortunately, being their first new material in 12 years, she is a drummer of the highest order noisy. Dag Stiberg performs saxophone it’s consigned to exist in the shadow of Loveless, the album that almost bankrupt and she shows it with aerobic but tight- duties. As well as its contribution to their record label with it’s technical demands, and defined shoegaze as a genre. ly controlled drumming which takes jazz, people like Mats Gustafsson have But, My Bloody Valentine’s albums have always been the kind of records that as much from free jazz as it does from used the saxophone to add noise, and reward repeat listens, the kind of records that don’t necessarily ‘click’ the first Lightning Bolt. this is certainly the role here. h e sax- time you hear them. What makes their albums so evocative is not just the music My fi rst impression of this album was ophone is just as ever present as the itself, but the way it blends with your mental state; being able to lose yourself in that it had a very lo-fi aesthetic, as might guitar but lower in the mix, sounding a its tidal waves of sound, hearing Kevin Shield’s and Bilinda Butcher’s vocals float be expect. You may recall, however, that little like a screamed vocal at low vol- around you. this was a cassette, and after rigorous ume. It does, however, rear its head at I once saw Loveless described as sounding like “druggy sex or sexy drugs”. If cleaning of the heads I discovered that appropriate moments, giving it almost that’s the case, then m b v is the morning after that hazy fugue. Album opener, this wasn’t the case at all, or certainly a tidal feel and any moment where it ‘She Found Now’s gently flowing river of noise pulls you into that limbo like state much less than I expected. h e perils of prevails seems to have a rather climac- of a rainy sunday afternoon. From there, the album only opens up, beginning using a non-digital format… tic air to it. with elements that would’ve sounded at home on Loveless before branching off If I haven’t exactly been forthcom- It does have some less dense mo- into new territory, that sees the album close with a track that somehow blends ing in describing most of the album, it’s ments, the start of the second side – Shield’s trademark ‘Glide Guitar’ with a punchy drum and bass beat. because I was a little fl abbergasted. It’s ‘Royal Hex’ (each track is a side long) It says something about the impact that album had that Loveless has been an assault on the ears, fi ring through is a good example, where the sound is mentioned in this review almost as much as m b v. But, this is a great record that a selection of genres, and while it may more groove oriented, as the drums deserves to stand up on it’s own. It’s both familiar, but strikes a clear course out only have appeal to noiseheads, it is slowly speed up bringing the music of the shadow of that 1991 epic. Kevin Shield’s said as much himself, explaining worth noting that it is very diverse and back into the noisier territories where that m b v “really frees us up, and in the bigger picture it’s 100 percent necessary.” subtly unlike any other album I’ve heard it belongs. Critical acclaim can crush a group, but My Bloody Valentine have ridden out the to date. Aquarius Records compared the al- storm; here’s to hoping they keep recording albums like this. Jon Wesseltoft’s guitar is almost ever bum to Borbetomagus jamming with Padraic Calpin present, bringing in at time punky Lightning Bolt and, to be honest, I’m and doomy motifs and at times simply not sure I can top that. 18-22 February week-long celebration of the arts, music, dance – and everything in between – that Imperial has to offer! Towering Band IC Symphony Orchestra 18 February, 12:00, Queens Lawn & Choir Open Rehearsal IC Big Band kick-off ArtsFest 2013 in spectacular style, performing 20 February, 19:00, GREAT HALL on the Queens Tower Balcony! Come and see ICSO prepare for their spring concert, which takes place in Cadogan hall on the 2nd March. Dance Night A Very Vocal Evening 18 February, 20:00, metric 20 February, 20:00, UCH Imperial’s Dance societies perform a showcase of their best A Capella and Musical Theatre team up for an evening of routines followed by a Ceilidh lead by Caledonian society and IC entertainment and a sneak peak at MTSoc’s upcoming production String Ensemble! of “Parade”! Meet the Artists 19 February, 20:00, Blyth GALLERY Imperial Fringe Your chance to meet the students from Photo and Leonardo fine The Arts Experiment arts society who created this year’s Blyth Gallery exhibition! 21 February, 17:00, iMPERIAL main Entrance. Witness a unique experiment as Imperial’s groundbreaking Cinema Film Quiz research collides with ArtsFest! 19 February, 20:45, UCH Following their showing of Sightseers, IC Cinema will host a Film Fringe Afterparty Quiz Night! 21 February, 20:00, Metric Join the Imperial Fringe participants and organisers in Metric as visit our facebook page The Arts Experiment continues into the night! Imperial college artfest

Events subject to change. For current information on artsfest13 go to : union.ic.ac.uk/arts/artsfest/2013 28 FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, FILM John Park, Lucy Wiles fi [email protected] ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

h ankfully there is no hackneyed view of the monster. Jake West gives pretty much passed me by. Weird? The ABCs of Death attempt to link them with an over- a great chase scene, and I now for- Yes, violent? Yes. But it just felt like it arching story, each fi lm just starts give him for the terrible Danny Dyer thought it was being cleverer than it Directors: Kaare Andrews, Angela and ends with a red screen and a title vehicle Doghouse. Chilean director was (much like the detestable A Ser- Bettis, Hélène Cattet, Ernesto Díaz card. h e directors vary in national- Ernesto Díaz Espinoza (almost un- bian Film). Espinoza, Jason Eisener, Bruno ity, style and insanity. As with any known in the UK) gives a nice, tight As the fi lm nears its end, the most Forzani, Adrían García Bogliano, anthology fi lm, there will always be little time travel fi lm, similar in style extreme parts appear. W (aptly enti- Xavier Gens, Lee Hardcastle, high and low points. Some were just to Nacho Vigalondo’s Timecrimes tled WTF) is the most acid-trip like, Noboru Iguchi, Thomas Cappelen too weird for my liking (and I have a (who directs the fi rst of the anthol- and then Y and Z hit real depravity Malling, Jorge Michel Grau, Anders pretty high tolerance for weird), they ogy). Less well known Timo Tjah- which for me was too far. Z, from Morgenthaler, Yoshihiro Nishimura, are all pretty diff erent and the fact janto, gives one of the weirdest and Yoshihiro Nishimura (of Tokyo Gore Banjong Pisanthanakun, Simon that the ones I didn’t like seemed to most vile premises, but actually ends Police fame, so it’s to be expected) Rumley, Marcel Sarmiento, Jon me to have similar themes might just up making one of the most intrigu- could easily cause off ence, although Schnepp, Srdjan Spasojecvic, Timo refl ect my tastes. ing (it defi nitely stayed with me the the more easily off ended won’t get Tjahjanto, Andrew Traucki, NAcho It’s always refreshing to see how longest). this far. Vigalondo, Jake West, Ti West, Ben each director tackles the brief. Some h e best in my opinion comes I’ve seen mixed reviews for this, and Wheatley, Adam Wingard, Yudai present just a climactic scene from from Marcel Sarmiento (the mind to be honest, it’s the kind of fi lm that Yamaguchi what you imagine as a longer fi lm, behind the crowd dividing Dead- is almost pointless to review. If you Screenwriters: Kaare Andrews, some present whole stories in twist- girl). h e cinematography, pacing fi nd it over the top and in poor taste, Simon Barrett, Hélène Cattet, Bruno ed worlds (think h e Twilight Zone), and suspense he manages in 5 min- then what did you really expect? If it’s Forzani, Adrían García Bogliano, Lee others feel almost like bizarre advert utes is better than most full lengths. too scatterbrained and plot-less, then Hardcastle, Noboru Iguchi, Yoshihiro skits but without any product, and a Other treats (if you can call them don’t watch a 26 part anthology! It’s Nishimura, Simon Rumley, Jon couple attempt to make meta-horror. that) include French Xavier Gens’ like the most twisted YouTube ses- Schnepp, Srdjan Spasojevic, Nacho Many have a low budget, Troma-like (frontier(s)) gorefest on body image, sion you will experience, it’s a selec- Viagalondo, Dimitrije Vojnov, Ti feel to them (think h e Toxic Aveng- and the stop-motion fun of Lee Hard- tion of some of the most idiosyncratic West, Yudai Yamaguchi er), there are plenty of nods to classic castle (the winner of a competition to directors trying to outdo each other, fi lms and directors, and it’s a truly send in home-made fi lms). and it wears its heart on its sleeve international undertaking (I don’t h ere are also a few duds. h e usu- before tearing it up and spiting it in think there is a word of English spo- ally great Ti West (of the spectacu- your face. If you are a fan of horror Simon Boyd Film Writer ken for the fi rst 30 minutes). Clock- larly retro h e House of h e Devil) or weird (ideally both), then watch it ing in at over two hours it is long, but gives the laziest and most pathetic as it should be, with a group of mates, I found that when it lagged the slack entry. Noboru Iguchi gives one en- and your poison of choice. It’s purely 26 directors, 26 ways to die. As hor- was quickly picked up by another titled Fart, which I defi nitely could a genre piece, and proud of it. ror anthology goes, this is the Con- short. have done without. However he did corde moment, 26 short fi lms from h ere are plenty of jaw-droppers. direct RoboGeisha and Machine Girl, Shown in 26 UK theatres on the some of the most twisted horror h e unparalleled Ben Wheatley (Kill so it’s to be expected. Infamous di- 26th April, and currently available minds, it’s a brave bold stab at some- List, Sightseers) shows the closing rector Srdjan Spasojevic’s piece (of online on Video On Demand ser- thing that may never be repeated. scene of a monster fi lm, from the the un-watchable A Serbian Film) vices. FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY 29

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, John Park, Lucy Wiles FILM fi [email protected] This is love, this is love, this is love Felix Film get romantic for you as Valentine’s Day passes

work from Hoult, who also masters tow may be going through in real-life Warm Bodies the American accent, it does raise in- This is 40 we’ll never know, but the use of his triguing questions. Here is a fi lm that actual wife (Mann) and their children Director: Jonathan Levine provides a humane look at zombies Director: Judd Apatow (Maude and Iris) seems to suggest Screenwriters: Jonathan Levine, without immediately painting them Screenwriters: Judd Apatow there is an element of truth. Isaac Marion (novel) as cold-blooded killers. h ey all have Starring: Paul Rudd, Leslie Mann, Aside from the lack of spice in their Starring: Nicholas Hoult, Teresa their own individual thoughts, they Maude Apatow, Iris Apatow, Jason marriage, the family faces fi nancial dif- Palmer, John Malkovich, Dave Franco show potential to change, all in ways Segel, Megan Fox, Charlyne Yi fi culties, stemming mostly from Pete’s that seem to make some sense, rely- record company that is not doing well ing on the audience’s tolerance level in the modern market, as well as Deb- towards the “love conquers all” type of bie’s struggling jewellery store where message. she suspects one of her employees (Fox Hoult, now all grown up from his and Yi) is stealing from her. Pete’s fa- You may think you know all about the About a Boy years, is a likable lead, who A follow-up to Knocked Up without ther (the excellent Albert Brooks) is zombie genre. h ey’re dead, they walk initially appears as a horrendous, goth- actually holding onto any of its main also constantly on the prowl, asking his about aimlessly, bumping into things, ic fi gure (look at the fi rst picture on the characters, we instead have a closer son for more money, whereas Debbie’s and as soon as they smell living fl esh, right there and see if he’s quite the “Ro- look at how aged, mature relationships wealthy but awkward father Oliver they will not stop until they get their meo” material) but in fact he success- work, and in this case, how the “hap- (John Lithgow) makes things tougher. share of raw human meat/organs in fully plays on the goofy, dim-witted pily ever after” is much easier said than It off ers no great original wisdom their mouths. But have you ever seen a side of his character with maximum done. on how a marriage should work, and zombie fall head over heels in love? comedy value. A lot of the fi lm’s laughs Debbie (Mann) is 40 now although despite pondering on the question for h at’s right, here we have R (Hoult), come from his strange, hunched-over she would never admit it. Impromptu over two hours (a long running time a zombie who falls in love with Julie gait, as well as his inner thoughts. shower-sex with her husband Pete that is occasionally felt), it goes down (Palmer), one of the very few humans h ere are some marked inconsisten- (Rudd) on her birthday seemed all the traditional corny route that in- on Earth after it is overtaken by the cies, and some not very well explained great to start with, until she discov- volves a seemingly random accident walking dead. Ha, R+J... Get it? h ese plot strands that lazily go unaddressed ers he took some viagra beforehand. that makes everyone realise just how two star-crossed lovers have a lot of for the sake of getting to the nice and “I don’t want a turbo penis. I like your much they love each other. Hurrah. obstacles to overcome if they want to neat, simple ending the fi lm has been medium soft one” she says, with great But Apatow is no amateur when it make their romance work. h ere is planning all along. And it does have disappointment. comes to writing the gags and fi nding even the obligatory balcony scene. the tendency to move quite slowly And so begins Apatow’s portrayal of the right people to deliver them. h ere It’s certainly an interesting spin on throughout, somewhat similar to how gradual marital decline as well as his are plenty of hysterical moments, along a genre that isn’t known for creativ- the dead walk on a daily basis, although excellent gags and one-liners. Whether with some exceptional cameo appear- ity. With some excellent voiceover building up to a rather sizable fi nale. the fi lm itself closely follows what Apa- ances.

the game characters’ community, he With an impending choir competi- Wreck-it Ralph decides the only way would be to win Song for Marion tion, everything depends on Arthur a medal, any medal, that will prove to sing Marion’s solo. Cheesy yes, Director: Rich Moore that he can also be a hero for once, Director: Paul Andrew Williams but it deals with Arthur having to Screenwriters: Rich Moore, Phil instead of constantly being outcast as Screenwriter: Paul Andrew Williams deal with fulfi lling his ailing wife’s Johnston, Jim Reardon, Jennifer Lee the villain. Starring: Gemma Arterton, dream, which mostly works thanks Starring: (voices) John C. Reilly, He stumbles across a sci-fi shoot’em Terence Stamp, Vanessa Redgrave, to the heavy-lifting done by the tal- Sarah Silverman, Jack McBrayer, Jane up, where he meets the charismatic Christopher Eccleston ented cast. Stamp is comically cold Lynch leader Sergeant Tamora Jean Cal- and distant but with an easily notice- houn (the invaluable Lynch who has able sensitive side that comes out in plenty of dry, no-nonsense one-liners his scenes with his on-screen wife. in a true Sue Sylvester style) and from Redgrave is hugely eff ective as usual, there after a series of unfortunate ac- with her tear-inducing, superb rendi- A Toy Story for the video-game gen- cidents he ends up in another game “Let’s talk about sex baby, let’s talk tion of Cyndi Lauper’s ‘True Colours’ eration, instead of having cuddly lit- land where the sweets-covered Sugar about you and me, let’s talk about all showing there is no limit to her abili- tle toys that come to life when no-one Rush kart-racing game takes place. the good things, all the bad things ties. Arterton adds a touch of youth is around to look, we have a bunch of h ere, it turns out he would need to that may be, let’s talk about sex!”... and vibrancy to the mix. arcade game characters who are free win that race to get ahold of his med- hardly something you would expect h ere are convincing links between to roam around their own little world al. Befriending Vanellope (Silver- to hear in a choir that consists of re- the characters – Marion and Arthur, via intricately designed trains and man) another outcast/a glitch from tired pensioners but with the OAPZ Arthur and Elizabeth, and a particu- the “Grand Central Station”. the game, the two unlikely pair form (Old Age PensionerZ), formality larly poignant one between Arthur Ralph (Reilly), as his name sug- the sweetest bond to work together. isn’t their thing. Led by the bright and his distant son, James (Eccles- gests, wrecks things. In his game “Fix h ere’s the whole “be yourself” and lovely volunteer music teacher ton). h e father-son relationship is it Felix” it’s his job to break every- type of repetitive and tiresome mes- Elizabeth (Arterton), the oldies have something that could have possibly thing, whilst the player controls Felix sage that gets jammed down every- a blast singing away to some lively been expanded a little more, but the to fi x all the damage caused by the one’s throat which marks the fi lm’s music. chemistry the two actors share say a big bad guy. But Ralph doesn’t want only serious misstep. Yes, yes we get Marion (Redgrave) loves these whole lot more than you would ini- to be the bad guy anymore. He isn’t it Ralph can still be a hero whilst be- sessions, although her husband Ar- tially expect, and it’s a surprising, en- invited to any of the cool parties his ing the villain in the fi ctional game, thur (Stamp) can’t think of anything riching addition to the narrative. “good” characters are having, and we all need to embrace who we are worse to do with his time, and con- It’s, of course, entirely predictable, whenever anyone comes across him blah blah blah. siders this his worst nightmare. Al- with a rousing, feel-good ending you outside his game, they are too busy But there is plenty of imagination, ways refusing to join in on the fun, will see coming from the very start. running away from the brute to even grand visuals, and head-spinning ac- this grumpy old man isn’t the least But when everything is handled so hear what he has to say. tion here to keep everyone of all ages impressed, more so when his wife tastefully with a dash of the occa- Wanting to be fully accepted into thoroughly entertained. collapses and falls seriously ill. sional humour, a lot can be forgiven. 30 FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, FILM John Park, Lucy Wiles fi [email protected] IC Cinema Listings

Sightseers Goodbye, George

A Place in the Sun (re- release)

Director: George Stevens Screenwriters: Theodore Dreiser (novel), Patrick Kearney (play), Michael Wilson, Harry Brown Starring: Montgomery Clift, Elizabeth Taylor, Shelley Winters

John Park Film Editor

A Place in the Sun shows the tragic fall of a man who strived to gain eve- rything in life: wealth, power, class, love, and ultimately, happiness. He Chris wants to show girlfriend Tina his world, but events soon worked hard; very hard in fact, since conspire against the couple and their dream caravan holiday he had to work all the way up from the takes a very wrong turn. bottom of the corporate food chain. WOOO I’m totally making this my prof pic! A little misunderstanding jeopardis- Tuesday 19th February at 18:30 es everything and in a heart-beat, the Thursday 19th February at 18:30 man is left with nothing. It shows us the fragile nature of objects around us, mirroring our very own human of connections. But eventually, he the moment she makes her fi rst ap- emotions. starts falling for the fl awless looks. pearance, establishes herself as a To start with, George Eastman He wants to ditch Alice and live the striking character, a lively, energetic, (Clift) is a not a well-off guy. His rich life he always dreamed of. Alice is ap- fun-loving gal. She’s not manipula- Artsfest Film Quiz Uncle Charles (the owner of the fam- palled by his behaviour and tells him tive as one might expect her to be ily business (Herbert Heyes)) gives that she is in fact, pregnant. A scan- – she has absolutely no knowledge him one out of sympathy: he’s in dal like that can ruin a man of such of Alice. Even after the accident oc- The legendary annual fi lm-quiz returns. Join us at Imperial Cin- charge of packaging swimsuits. It’s a reputation. So when she threatens to curs, she stands by him, supporting ema - bring a team (of up to 8) or join one when you get here. repetitive and boring job but he ap- reveal this little secret, he panics, and him through the painful ordeal. She Free to enter and fabulous DVDs to win. preciates it anyway. He meets a lovely is desperate for a way out. Acting on wasn’t involved in the relationship for girl called Alice (Winters). She’s not an impulse, he decides that murder the looks. She was after something Tuesday 19th February at 20:45 the prettiest of all dames but her per- is the best option. But a tragic acci- deep and meaningful. sonality wins him over. Which is why, dent occurs that paints him as a cold- Winters plays Alice, the kind- despite the department policy of “no hearted criminal with no witnesses hearted, quieter girl. She is also im- dating co-workers,” they start a se- to prove otherwise. mensely lovable, although she does cret relationship; but only for a short Clift, no matter how many mis- become too inquisitive for her own while. Realising what good work he’s takes his character makes, is always good. But how can anyone blame her? Seen a fi lm that isn’t shit? Write about it. been doing for the company, Charles the likable victim anyone can feel It’s no secret that George has been gives him a promotion, a promotion sorry for. His camera-friendly fea- changing ever since he got the pro- Seen a fi lm that is shit? Write about it. that would introduce him to the high tures work exceptionally well to suit motion. Alice may have come from and fancy class whilst pulling him someone who goes through drastic a humble background but she’s far Send in anything about cinema to: away from his love, Alice. Initially changes over the course of two hours. from blind. She notices that some- he believes that nothing will change When he’s poor, he’s humble, willing thing is off and naturally, as a woman fi [email protected] but Alice doesn’t quite buy that. She’s to make sacrifi ces, and incredibly who wants to hold on to her man and a smart girl and thinks that he will sincere. He evolves, sees the bigger the baby’s father, she tries everything be corrupted by the spoiled, upper- world and the endless opportunities to make him stay. Her desperation We’re lonely. Talk to us... class money sharks. h e more time to gain something more out of life. He never appears malicious, but more he spends with them, the more sus- has a dream, a little far out of reach heart-breaking, which Winters cap- picious she gets. She can’t help it; of course, but a dream nonetheless. tures beautifully. she just doesn’t trust him and those Clift adds more and more intensity No true villain exists here, and www.felixonline.co.uk facebook.com/FelixImperial around him. to his performance building to the no-one is ever fundamentally evil. But it turns out that Alice is right climax, proving to everyone that he’s h e fi lm has aged a little, and the to be concerned. George has met An- not just a pretty face. Just watch the shocking moments have less impact. Email: [email protected] Follow us: @feliximperial gela (Taylor), the most beautiful aris- close-up where George starts hav- George trying to convince Alice to tocratic young girl who shows inter- ing second thoughts about killing get an abortion must have been an est in him. So George is torn between his pregnant girlfriend. He’s wrecked unthinkable request in the 50s, al- two women. h e woman he’s vowed with guilt and fear. Even throughout though today it’s a common occur- to be faithful to, and the woman who the long, sustained shot, Clift is fully rence. But the fantastic performances seems perfect for him. It also con- engaged and never fl inches, not for a have withstood the test of time and fuses the audience. He really does second. still remain as impressive as ever. It’s love both of them. Alice is sweet and h e two women surrounding a slow-burning melodrama with a reliable but Angela is beautiful, guar- George, providing two opposite life- fascinating love-triangle that doesn’t antees wealth and gives him plenty styles are perfectly cast. Taylor, from have a simple answer. FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY 31

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, John Park, Lucy Wiles FILM fi [email protected] 2013 BAFTA Winners

Best Film: Argo

Best British Film: Skyfall

Best Director: Ben Affl eck - Argo

Best Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis - Lincoln

Best Actress: Emmanuelle Riva - Amour

Best Supporting Actor: Christoph Waltz - Django Un- chained

Best Supporting Actress: Anne Hathaway - Les Misérables

Best Screenplay - Original: Quentin Tarantino - Django Un- chained

Best Screenplay - Adapted: David O. Russell - Silver Linings Playbook

Best Foreign Language Film: Amour

Best Animated Film: Brave

EE Rising Star Award: Juno Temple

Best Cinematography: Life of Pi

Best Editing: Argo

Best Production Design: Les Misérables

Best Costume Design: Anna Karenina

Best Film Music: Skyfall

Best Make-up/Hair: Les Misérables

Best Sound: Les Misérables

Best Special Visual Eff ects: Life of Pi

Best Documentary: Searching for Sugar Man

BAFTA Fellowship: Sir Alan Parker 32 FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY

Games Editor: Ross Webster GAMES [email protected] Welcome to the insane asylum Population: Ross Webster

t has been a long time since Imagine a game like Portal, where helps. So far, this description would ing 90 degrees to your right, every 5 quicker to run through, and new puz- my brain has hurt this much. you have to complete puzzles to reach make for a Portal-esque game; you’ve metres, with no incline. h en, after zles, managable. I’ve just worked out how to the next room, but where your path got a mission, a gun that helps you get doing this 10 times, the corridor sud- As soundtracks go, Antichamber‘s I reach the bottom of an end- to the end of the game isn’t linear, around the game, and some puzzles denly becomes straight when you turn may not be as odd as you think – it’s less staircase, and now I’m nor is how you complete each cham- thrown in. h at’s not all Anticham- the corner. Being an FPS, it’s weird to not your normal game OST, with a faced with a laser puzzle that needs ber. Instead of placing portals around ber is, however – if Escher could have know that your mind is being tricked thematic motif... or any emotion – it’s 30 pieces, when I’ve only got 12, and the level, you can instead pick up and made a video game – I feel it would quite easily, yet you don’t see how or just sounds. Relaxing sounds at least. I can’t even move them around. Wel- place brightly coloured blocks – think be a lot like this. For example, say you where it happened. I expect that if they added anything come to Antichamber. of them as mini Minecraft blocks if it are walking along a corridor, turn- h e artistic style of Antichamber more energetic, there’d be more tem- makes you feel like you’re trapped in per tantrums than usual. Being made a modern art museum, with pristine in the Unreal engine, the graphics look white walls, ceilings and fl oor. Lit- fi ne and will work on any relatively re- tle motivational images are posted cent and decent laptop, although you around the game – often giving subtle might fi nd there are some issues with hints as to how you should approach the screen resolution (nothing too had the next chamber. h ere’s sporadic use too fi x with notepad). of colour in some areas – you may go h ere’s not much, in terms of replay- through multiple white-walled cham- ability, as a lot of the ‘fun’ is from not bers, before coming across a large knowing what to do. h ere’s a timer room, where you need to make your in the menu room, that counts down way to the end, using the coloured from 1hr 30min, so at least you’ll be corridor sections as a guide. able to speedrun the game... Once you’ve learned the tricks of It’s available on Steam for £14.99 – trade, and know what to expect, the and I can’t see any reason, why after this game will then throw something obvi- great success, we wouldn’t see a 360 or ous into the mix, and stump you for PS3 version. With DLC though. :( another good 5 minutes before you facepalm, and wonder why you even thought it would be good to procras- tinate this way. h e block-play isn’t too repetitive ei- ther – there are upgrades available to your launcher that make older puzzles

Valve games into fi lms? Sign me up! Circus of

Laurence Pope I want to believe pany Bad Robot and Valve coming discussion between the two men time, so don’t expect a 2013 release games news together to make films based upon as they talked about the strengths (or even a 2014 one). Good things Valve’s game series Half-Life and and weaknesses of films and video come to those who wait, however, It has to be said that films based Portal. The announcement was games as storytelling mediums. and I for one am confident what- on video games don’t tend to get made at the end of a keynote speech Previously other Hollywood di- ever Valve and Bad Robot Produc- Not a waste of our time? critically praised. Browsing Wiki- delivered by Abrams and Valve’s rectors have approached Valve tions come up with will trump all pedia shows that the highest Rot- co-founder and CEO Gabe Newell, about making a Half-Life film; in the other video game movies in the InXile have shown us a good bunch ten Tomatoes score one has ever entitled “Storytelling Across Plat- Newell’s words, “…their stories market. of gameplay footage of their alpha achieved is 43%, which is less than forms: Who Benefits Most, the Au- were just so bad. I mean, brutally, I guess Episode 3 can just wait a build for Wasteland 2. Despite the UI impressive. They are not, in gen- dience or the Player?”. The speech, the worst. Not understanding what little longer… looking like it’s from the 90s, the in- eral, the kind of films I pay to see. part of the 2013 D.I.C.E (Design, made the game a good game, or game graphics are promising, and the But things might well change. Innovate, Communicate, Enter- what made the property an inter- gameplay looks very solid. This should Cue J.J. Abrams’ production com- tain) summit, took the form of a esting thing for people to be a fan stop some of the worrying that’s been of.” Up until this point Valve had going on in Kickstarter-backer-land. considered making their own HL film in order to do the series jus- Batman Arkham Again tice, and their work with the Team Fortress 2 ‘Meet the Team’ shorts Those lovely people at Warner Bros. was part of the experimentation has confirmed that there’ll be a new process. The joint announcement Batman game coming out this year. Maybe there would be an by Abrams and Newell seem set to We don’t know a title, nor if London Avengers-esque movie after change this idea. developer Rocksteady is still on the all the separate films. They So when can we expect some- case – we’ll let you know when were could fight an EA invasion. thing? Though much talk has no updated. doubt gone on between Newell and My money. All of it. Abrams there’s still little in the way Take. of concrete information available Come back when you get to the public. Like all things Valve undertakes the project will take some money, buddy. FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY 33

Technology Editor: Jason Parmar [email protected] TECHNOLOGY

Elementary, My Dear Watson, Now Go Cure Cancer Yong Wen Chua is wondering if he could beat Watson at Jeopardy

atson might be be- be able to make any ‘educated guesses’ coming smarter either. h is all boils down to Watson than Holmes after Watson is not being what philosophers call a Wall, if IBM gets its “Strong AI”. The News Bubble way. A “Strong AI” is roughly an AI that Watson was fi rst unveiled in a game not what has an intelligence that matches or ex- General news from around the tech world, so you can keep up to date show Jeopardy two years ago. Jeopardy ceeds that of humans whereas a “Weak with the newest, weirdest and most futuristic things around. is a game show where contestants are AI” is simply an AI that can act intel- presented with the answers to questions philoso- ligently. A “Strong AI” would be able Phone for a Pretty Penny they are supposed to come up with. to understand and act on information, Vertu, the maker of luxury smartphones, has just released its first android Unsurprisingly, even though Holmes showing signs of sentience. Watson is device. Previously owned by Nokia and producing symbian based phones, wasn’t on scene, Watson managed to pherseersrs call a not a “Strong AI”. Watson is simply a the British company has decided on android for its future models instead of beat the two human contestants (who machine that is following a set of in- Windows 8. These phones reportedly cost up to £7,000, and sport ruby keys, were widely considered to be the best structions to analyse what it has in its a titanium body and a scratch-proof sapphire screen. On the spec side, the Jeopardy players) hands down. Now that “Strongronongg AI” database. It does not “understand” the phone does seem somewhat lacking. The big question for me is, who would Watson has defeated its human over- data it has in the same way that hu- want such a thing? lords in a game of Jeopardy, it is ready to mans do. h is situation is illustrated in take on the task of curing cancer. the “Chinese Room” thought experi- Honey, there’s YouTube on TV Developed by IBM since 2005, Wat- sive database, before recommending ment presented by John Searle. YouTube is becoming a TV channel on subscription free Freesat. However it son was always envisioned as having a treatments with confi dence levels In the “Chinese Room” experiment, will not really be a channel, with shows and set-times etc., but more like an higher purpose in medicine. Watson is on eff ectiveness. However, Holmes, Searle hypothesised that if a computer app on your TV. You will be able to watch videos and clips that you would an artifi cial intelligence (AI) system that and in fact humans like the rest of can, given suffi cient and comprehen- normally see on your PC on yout TV. Yay? is able to answer questions posed to it in us, need not be worried – Watson sive instructions, produce outputs to a natural language (i.e. a language spo- isn’t as smart as it seems. input Chinese characters in such a DON’T UPDATE YOUR iPHONE ken by humans). It does this by analys- h ere are things that can stump convincing manner that it passes the The new ios 6.1 was released roughly a fortnight ago, and it hasn’t come with- ing connections and trends in data that Watson. Natural languages pose an Turing Test, it will be able to convince out controversy. According to various European mobile networks, including humans may not be able to. h e clever extreme challenge to the AI, with a human Chinese speaker that the pro- England’s Vodafone, iPhone users should not update. Apparently customers Machine used this to play the game its use of subtle nuances and implic- gram is itself a live Chinese speaker. have recieved texts, warning them of the problems coming with the new soft- show and is using this now in cancer it meanings. h is was demonstrated However, the question is whether the ware update. These include decreased battery life, weak 3G signal strength, treatment. It compares a patient’s medi- during the Jeopardy game when computer can literally “under- loss of calls and throttling of Exchange servers. cal records with what it has in its mas- Watson answered several ques- stand” Chinese, or is it merely tions wrongly due to the use of simulating the ability to un- Lol Catz on Twittr, Srsly! implicit ”meanings. Watson also derstand Chinese. h is is a Finally Twittr has gots wif teh trend, catz on teh internetz. While it still iz in depends heavily on its database case of “Strong vs Weak AI”. beta, dis will be welcome addishun 2 teh micro-blogging siet when it finally to be able to generate its answers. Sentient AI still remains in comez out. How lotz da peeps will akshully use dis settin is still up 4 debate Watson is It is fed with data, and using ma- the realm of Science Fiction, tho. chine learning algorithms, and we are unlikely to see ready to take ‘learns’ the information situations like those iWatch the Time. to build its database in the Matrix fi lms Yes, everyone, you have read correctly. The next big product is purportedly and make the neces- come true in the to be released by the Cupertino tech giant. To combat the falling revenue on on the task sary connections. So near future. Watson the iPod side of things, this little gadget is being readied to dominate the new if there is something might be able to en- emerging market of wearable tech. It seems pretty certain that this actually that is not in its da- able us to cure can- will come out as well as its role to hook up with your bigger iDevice. However of curing tabase, Watson would cer in a more eff ective what the “smartwatch” will actually do is still up to debate. The price voiced not be able to know way, but it is not going by experts range from $50 to $100, which all falls in the frame of a good watch cancer. about that piece of in- to be able to think for it- anyway. Knowing Apple, the price could be double that though. It could either formation. It would not self any time soon. come with a touch-screen with in-built apps or used solely with Siri. Other fea- tures that the internet and consumers want to see are: unlocking your phone remotely, ringing when it gets to far from your phone (so you don’t lose or forget it), showing text messages and generally other notifications. Nobody seems to care about it showing the time though!

I have not lived for years with Sherlock Holmes for nothing. Maximilian Eggl Tech editor 34 FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY

HANGMAN [email protected]

Rap lyrics of Looking wistfully into the distance the week with Professor Brian Cox 2 Chainz: “Wut we doin?”

eya guys!! I’m proff y B Cox, and I’m here to teach you how to be Ha real life science TV presenter. It’s so sim- ple. Here are some tips. You could be the next me!! :P Stare wistfully into the distance “Polo on my drawers, Polo on my Yeah, the title gave it away. Look at shirt all these photos I put in this article. Polo on your bra bitch, that Polo, Looks like I’m really contemplating Pick your fave! Polo, Polo” life and the universe right? Well, my trick to achieve this is to really need Rule 1 of rap is that stuff should a piss. h en I concentrate on not wet- I’ve got to do like 5 takes of each little ever spot that I’m off my nut. not audible! ;) rhyme or there should be some ting myself and have a steely faraway bit too just to make sure that I say it clever wordplay. This doesn’t look in my eye. Simple! right. Also a monkey shat on my head Never do a voiceover. Even Use random graphics rhyme and saying polo repeatedly once when I was half way through a when it would be really Modern TV is great! h ey have all these isn’t clever wordplay, it’s just lazy Unnecessary travel really good take and I had to take a useful amazing little graphics to use that ex- product placement. It’s actually Come on. You can’t learn about Phys- shower. It was seriously not as funny Got a snorkle over your mouth? Div- plain everything and look pretty! I can fun to pretend that he is just really ics in a normal place like Luton or as that sounds. To combat the monot- ing in the sea? Skydiving? So what? be talking and then a bunch of H+ ions into mints with holes in them and Slough or a BBC studio. How could I ony and boredom of having to do A You can just attache a little mic and can fl oat all around me. Amazeballs eats so many that they are stuck have possibly explained about height- Level experiments on national TV you have really unclear vocals. It’s more Well. h at’s it from me. You now to his boxers (drawers) and shirt. ened sense of hearing when the room just get really wasted and sometimes authentic, and you’re not saying any- know how to be a top presenter. Now He probably isn’t, but it would be is dark anywhere but an exotic cave? light up a spliff . I totally get away with thing of any importance anyway, so have a look at some of my amazing funny if he were. It’s not like I could have just gone into it too. Only a few eagle eyed viewers who cares if you say something that’s holiday snaps! :) Oh, and one more thing while we a really dark room or anything!!! are here: can rappers please take Point I’m making is that you HAVE fi ve minutes to just look up how to to travel about a bit. Manilla, LA, Ju- Cheeky bugger spell words. It’s not ‘hood’ or ‘gang- piter, try and go to all of them. h en sta’ to not spell stuff. It just makes people won’t notice that if they listen you look like a teenager on MSN. to what you say rather than look at the pretty pictures, you’re actually talk- ing about dull thermodynamics. Try Got a photo of someone being a to make as many tenuous analogies as waste of a student loan? possible. Get permission, then just send it to Free gap year here I come! us at: [email protected] OFF ME TITS! For lolz, cc in the Daily Mail and the Get blitzed while making it former Pope. He’s gonna be well All this stuff about DNA and evolu- bored and has fuck all else to do. tion is actually pretty boring to script. THE NEWS WITHOUT THE NEWS

YEMEN ADMITS TO OVERESTIMATING NEW UMBRELLA DESIGN DEEMED TO LIKELY ATTENDANCE OF BIEBER GIG BE “A BIT IMPRACTICAL” FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY 35

[email protected] HANGMAN

THE NEWS WITHOUT THE NEWS

TTOOLOOL OOFF TTHEHE WWEEKEEK FIREFIGHTER ADMITS CLEAN UP Couldn’t even make it to the fi re escape. Poor effort OPERATION LIKELY TO “BE A TWO Got a photo of someone being a waste of a student loan? Get permission, then just send it to us at: [email protected] For double the fun, send them to the Vatican. MAN JOB” Horsescopes – horoscopes with 100% horsemeat CANCER TAURUS GEMINI VIRGO ARIES LEO

This week you get slapped. This week you go into a food This week you get bored of PINT? NO. FUCK YOU. This week you get mauled to This week the pink mist where Hard. On the penis. By your coma following pancake day. wearing a hat and driving That’s it: This week you are a death by a lion as you try to your hand used to be – follow- own hand. Your new wanking Jittering from the volume of around in a pimped out golf massive prick. That shut you recreate the BBC show Africa ing a particularly lonely and technique is defi nitely inter- lemon juice and the kilograms cart and decide to resign in up. Soooooooooooooooooo in a zoo. Your story is so news- depressing Valentine’s Day esting. The decision to test it of sugar you ate, you get into order to spend more time oooooooooooooooooooooo worthy it makes the national – has become a major health out during a lecture is really a College and run around like a watching stuff on iPlayer and oooooooooo...... media, especially BBC and concern. You go to the doctors. bit weird though. “Professor, cocaine addict in a cocaine browsing Reddit. God strikes ...... ITV. Unfortunately the tributes They keep asking for special- will this be on the exam?”. A factory that is hosting a club out by smashing your house ...... your family give you are that ists that don’t seem relevant. confused asks as the front night. Three days later you with a lightning bolt. At least ...... you are a bit of a twat and that Five hours later you suspect three rows frantically scribble have pancake withdrawal someone give a fuck about ...... they always thought you were they’re just showing more peo- down notes. symptoms. And diabetes. you I guess. Pint? a bit dim really. Ouch ple your injury as it’s funny. CAPRICORN SAGITTARIUS AQUARIUS SCORPIO PISCES LIBRA

This week you desperately Your week: Monday: Wank This week you have a weird Wow. Where did you get You’re outraged when you This week you have to decide wish that people would want over someone fi t you walked lecture. What you thought was those jeans? And that top? are just about to tuck into your between having visible horns to see you naked. You try by in SAF. Go to TigerTiger and a harmless ‘practical dem- And the jacket and scarf? horse lasagne and you dis- on your head and having to ex- everything. You’re in a cen- embarrassingly attempt to pull onstration’ turns out to be a You look FAAAAB. Just kid- cover there is some fucking clusively drink cum as your only trefold, you post candid shots anything in a 5m radius. Tues- strange display from your ding. You look like you ran cow in it. This is BULLSHIT. source of liquid. Horns would on Facebook, you even email day: Eat wedges. Wednes- lecturer. You probably should into Topcrap and just got Oh, wait, no, it’s bull dick be good for pushing your way Italian magazines with holi- day: Wank over someone fi t have listened to the advice in jizzed on by the latest ge- actually. You tuck into a nice to the front of a bar, but would day snaps on a beach. They who fi nally accepted your the email that said the fi rst row neric range. Republic is go- bit of cow wang and love the be a bit hideous. Cum is rich in politely reply with something Facebook request. Thursday: should bring an umbrella. Now ing into administration. That’s tough, veiny, chewy texture. nutrients, but it would be hard about some Dutch person or Sleep through lectures. Friday: you have egg on your face. basically your fault. Feel like Closest thing you’re getting to explain your drink choice. some shit. Typical. Wank. Weekend: Sleep. Well, not exactly egg actually. shit, you already look like it. to oral sex this year. What’s it going to be? 36 FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY Puzzles Commanders: Sotirios Karamitsos, PUZZLES Louisa Byrne [email protected] Wordoku Nonogram The numbers in each row and                     column tell you how many           groups of black squares are in a       row or column, as well as how    many black squares each group   is made up of. Filling in the grid      produces a pretty picture, which    in turn produces points if you  send it in, so get solving.      FUCWIT         League Table     TEAMS  Requiem for a Bean 38        Sexy Beasts 15 G.A.Y.S. 4  I ate all your bees 4                     INDIVIDUALS Wael Aljeshi 28                     Yufan Zhao 28  22 Helix  M-Soup 17 Tan Wei Jie 4

Send your answers to puzzles. [email protected]. Ophis 6 4 4 6 4 446 4 Hashi    Connect all the is- Last week’s Solutions Fill the cells with a    lands with bridges so continuous line (the 6  2 3 2 12that you can get from “snake”) that does not     any island to any pass through a cell  2 3 1 1 2 other one. There are 6  twice, doesn’t intersect        restrictions, though: with itself, and passes  the bridges have to 2 through all white boxes   2 1 333 be either vertical or (but no black boxes).  horizonal and they The numbers show you 6  2 2 31   must not intersect. how many times the 3  3 3 1 13You can have up to snake turns in the cor-     two bridges between                responding row or col-  152 any two islands and,                4                 umn. The snake enters 2 last but not least,                and exits the grid at the     12                each island must                shown points (and only 4 32 1 have exactly as many                those points). There’s a                 bridges stemming                hint to get you started. 1 2553                7 from it as the number                on it.                    2 3 3 2 1                4               

               Slitherlink You probably know this by now: draw a single closed 3 2 3 2 loop by vertically and hori- zontally joining the dots so 2 331 2 that the numbered squares are surrounded by the cor- 2 2 1 1 1 2 2 responding number of lines. 2 2 2 2 3 2 2 2 1 22 1 2 2 3 1 3 2 3 3 2 2 2 11 3 2 2 3 2 2 2 2 2

FRIDAY 15 FEBRUARY 39

Sport Editors: Oli Benton, Margot Pikovsky, Sorcha Cotter SPORT [email protected]

BUCS points galore for ICBC in Boston

Ben Spencer-Jones Sports Writer another strong row in the single. He finished 8th of the under 23 heavy- weight men and 4th in BUCS, just ICBC’s high performance contin- missing out on the ‘perfect’ set of gent made the ever dreary trip to bronze BUCS medals in every boat Boston on Saturday 9th February discipline. There is always next year and came out with some good re- Ben! Another sculler’s head all-star sults, hopefully putting them in the Georgie Phillips had a good row, mixer for international selection picking up the BUCS bronze medal. this year. BUCS small boats head Lightweight Myles Holborough was was also incorporated into the GB the 9th placed under 23 and 6th in trials, so Imperial athletes were rac- BUCS. Paul Jones and Tim Richards ing for Sport Imperial glory as well! both struggled with illness and in- IC’s London 2012 Olympian Mel jury coming into the trials and fin- Wilson picked up maximum BUCS ished 35th and 36th respectively in points and finished 11th in the the lightweight category. Women’s trials, whilst Sport Impe- Sam Scrimgeour has been spend- rial stalwart Zoë Lee finished 14th ing much of the 2012-13 season in the same race. Zoë has now been training with the lightweight big invited to row with the GB squad at deals away from ICBC, but in Impe- Caversham. Helen Wood and Leon- rial colours he finished 9th overall. ora Kennedy came in 17th and 19th Ex-IC rowers Adam Freeman-Pask respectively whilst Clio Aubugeau- and Jamie Kirkwood finished 2nd IC rowers in 2016? Williams came 11th of the women’s and 3rd respectively. I don’t want under 23s. to take too much credit but I taught Wilf Kimberley is a dab hand at Jamie almost everything he knows. this trials business after years of The evening commenced with representing GB, and he was the Captain Spencer-Jones’ 21st birth- quickest under 23 lightweight of the day bash; with embarrassing stories day (and 11th lightweight overall). and a fully stocked bar, the night He also came 2nd in the BUCS rank- was always going to be messy. Those dow when the Baywatch theme tune likes of which may never have been arranged at Boston next weekend, ings. After Ben Spencer-Jones’ spec- who made it to Fez club in Putney was dropped. The biggest light-up seen outside Caius College, Cam- so the poor residents will have to tacular Sculler’s Head performance, witnessed Matt Whaley’s ice cold dance floor in Europe (allegedly) bridge. put up with Imperial stinky banter pressure was on to follow it up with persona getting thrown out the win- witnessed some killer moves, the BUCS big boat head has been re- for another weekend. Votwo gonna do? Triathlon triumphs

Hugh Mackenzie Sports Writer team included Alex Milne, Aimee Di- events, was rapid with people quickly brick wall of head wind, my Garmin had a strong race. having just recov- Marco, Paul Bryant, Tom Pearson and gaining 50m or so. h is was no major started telling the truth and cramp set ered from injury she powered through Hugh Mackenzie. h e day dawned worry, and as the fi rst few kilometres in. However I was able to settle into a to fi nish in 6th place. Tom Pearson h e fi rst event of a year is always a bright, cold and worryingly windy. progressed the race started to unfold. good pace and extended my lead. Alex also had a notable performance com- tough race, but this one was at Dorney h e lake is extremely exposed and Alex, myself and a well-known duath- also ran well consolidating his second peting in his very fi rst duathlon. A Lake; a well-established, fl at course with a course consisting of out and lete Nick Shasha formed a front group place, however Richard was unfor- strong cycle leg pushed him up the with beautiful smooth roads. h is back loops it meant running/cycling of three and we steadily developed a tunately piped in the fi nal stretch by pack to fi nish in 30st place out of 173 short Votwo Gatorade 5k/20k/5k du- directly into a head wind and then lead pack entering T1 in 16.27. Fol- Nick for third place. Aimee DiMarco people. athlon is always a good lung opener to returning with a tail wind pushing lowing a rusty transition I came onto start your season. To make the most of you along. Despite my reservations, I the bike in second, a fair distance be- the potential for a PB, a number of Im- knew this was going to make for some hind Alex. However we were straight perial College Triathletes drove there exciting racing. onto the smooth tarmac around Dor- in the early hours of Saturday. h e h e start, as always at these short ney Lake, and with a strong following wind I was soon hitting 53 kph. Just before the fi rst 180° turn I had caught up with Alex, however, having not read the course map very well I veered off towards the ditch whilst he calmly undertook me again. Once I had man- aged to get round the turn I settled into a strong rhythm, and overtook Alex once again before setting about building a lead. Heading into T2 an Imperial alumnus Richard Winchester had taken third place off Nick Shasha so it was looking like an Imperial 123. h e run off the bike is always test- ing, but with the following wind it felt as if we were really fl ying. h en we went round the turning point into a 15/02/13 Issue 1540 felixonline.co.uk @SportFelix

SPORT “Keep the Cat Free” BUCS Cup Semi-Finals for ICSM Netball!

Lindsay Hennah Sports Writer

After winning the BUCS South-East- ern conference cup 2 years ago and losing out last year to the dubious ways of Royal Holloway, this year’s semi-fi nal against Brighton 2s (away) had a lot riding on it. h e journey to the idyllic retirement village of East- bourne where Brighton students re- side was challenge enough, but the long journey just added to our deter- mination for coming away with a vic- tory. We had a ‘nothing can stop us’ attitude and were ready for any chal- lenge that might await us. to settle into the game and allowed of the game. h e challenge was then On arrival, we were confronted by a Brighton to get the better of us, push- to maintain the intensity of play and team larger – mainly in height – than ing us off the ball and being more close out for a well deserved victory any we have come across in London. physical than expected. Stepping up against 7 angry giants for the remain- h e average height of the team was at to the Brighton’s physicality we man- ing 15 minutes. least 6ft, but we have shown through aged to really pull away in the follow- Congratulations to the team for our successes that height isn’t every- ing 2 quarters, with the shooters capi- pulling together – a combination of thing. We knew that we were going to talising on every opportunity, despite great movement and perfect shooting have to use our skill and speed though persistent foul play from the desper- in attack, pin point accurate feeding the court to transfer the ball eff ective- ate Brighton defence. Our WD, Emma into the circle and the defence stand- ly through the court. Williamson, with her speed and agility ing strong, holding space resulted Brighton came out stronger than had some great turnovers in the cen- in a fi nal score of 50-37. With this we expected and we were only able tre court interrupting their attack- fantasitic win we are now through to to hold down a 2 goal lead at the end ing play, allowing us to gain a 39-27 the semis! Now to get our revenge on of the fi rst quarter. We took our time lead heading into the fi nal quarter Royal Holloway... ICHC Ladies 1s battle UCL rivals Jessica Purcell Sports Writer UCL’s defensive half, we quickly dis- With UCL now playing into the wind covered that actually following ad- and rain, we got more aggressive, and vice and playing the way that Oli had more balls made it out to forwards Ready for a re-match with long-time wanted us to all season paid some Hayley and Sorcha. Despite best ef- rivals UCL, we got to Harlington early, dividends as we were able to capitalise forts, they were unable to run through and had a good strategy session with on UCL’s mistakes. h e other side of oppo defence on their own and our Coach Oli, only slightly distracted by this was that play was 90% in our own strategy showed it’s weaknesses with the un-named players who wouldn’t half of the pitch, with defence under UCL continuing to dominate pres- keep their shirts on. Ears ringing with constant pressure to keep UCL out. sure, though not possession, in our assertions that we should play defen- Keeping up with some of the more half. One particularly interesting at- sively and win with superior numbers boisterous UCL forwards was tricky, tack saw a slow lob heading for the behind the ball, we had a good warm and the defending mids and forwards net over keeper Purcy’s head, but was up and prepared to play running into looked a bit lost, but our defensive line denied with a “graceful” vertical jump strong wind. was rock-solid, keeping out repeated that saw the ball knocked off the back With one or two early forays into long and short-corners, even a cou- line from near the crossbar. ple of passable attempts at drag-fl icks Showing that we were still in this (she managed to get it in the air and game, IC did manage to get the ball towards the goal). up the pitch and Hazman capitalised Suff ering bruised feet and barely- on UCL’s bored and frozen defence to working lungs at the back, it was with achieve a defl ection off of their stick, much relief that mids and forwards and into the goal over their keepers maining minutes, but the whistle went was refl ected in MoM nominations for got used to defending and organisa- head. Our elation was short-lived. before our attacking short could be nearly every player, though ultimately tion fell into place, leaving UCL con- With a crack in our disciplined play, blown, and the game fi nished 1-1. awarded to left-back Emma. With a tinuously frustrated in their attacking UCL made it back into our half and h ough disappointed that we had win, loss and now a draw behind us, eff orts. got off a cracking shot from top D into not kept them out entirely, we im- we hope to beat UCL convincingly if h e score at 0-0, we emerged from a the far corner of the net before de- pressed ourselves with one of the best we meet them again in the LUSL cup freezing half-time talk determined to fence or keeper could react. Both sides games we’ve played this season, and fi nal. h is rivalry needs to be sorted keep up the good work and discipline. struggled for goal attempts in the re- certainly the most disciplined. h is once and for all!