The University of Surrey Students’ Union Newspaper

issue 1045 www.ussu.co.uk THURSDAY 21 NOVEMBER 2002 free We only went and won them!

THIS WEEK HAS been the most succesful BY RICHARD WATTS Above: the two media awards, won respectively by broadcasting.” His sentiments were echoed period in living memory for the student me- GU2 radio station (inset) and the very paper you hold by Tristan O’ Dwyer, last year’s Communi- in your hands, barefacts. They are the first awards the dia of the University of Surrey. medium in their relatively short histories student media of UniS has ever won and reflect an cations & Marketing sabbatical and editor of On Thursday of last week, GU2 1350AM, and were met with jubilation and unbounded unparalleled year in terms of participation, quality and barefacts: “This award means an awful lot the student radio station of UniS, was named exuberance from all of those who attended commitment. Photos: Paul Wright & Scott Geary. to me and everybody that was involved with “Student Radio Station of the Year” at the the awards ceremonies. Gareth Davies, the newspaper last year. To receive a nomi- annual student radio awards; this was fol- the station manager of GU2 for which the INSIDE nation for the first time in barefacts’ history lowed two days later by the “Best Student award was presented, said: “This is a great was great, but to actually walk away with Campaign” award for barefacts at the achievement for the station and everybody pages 6 & 7: a two page special looking the award, ahead of some great campaigns, National NUS/Independent student media involved, especially given that this was our at the achievements of barefacts and GU2 is unbelievable.” awards, recognising the series of newspapers first year of full-time broadcasting. We were The two awards represent the culmination that contested the University’s planned rent a bit surprised to win but it is a testament photos from both of the awards cer- of much work by students, the Union and the emonies, quotes from those that were there increases last academic year. Both awards to everyone involved that we are the station University respectively, and place the media and the histories of GU2 and barefacts are the first for each communication that has won the ultimate prize in student in a very strong national position. 2 NEWS 21 November 2002

REVELLING IN THE “They are willing to pay for a car, so why not an education?” asks new Education Secretary GLORY OF THE VICTORIES Two pages dedicated to GU2 and Clarke delivers warning shot barefacts to cel- ebrate the great IN AN ARTICLE written for The BY RICHARD WATTS achievements Independent on Sunday, Charles Clarke, of the last week the new Secretary of State for Education, government need to asses how universities | pages 6 & 7 has suggested that children from middle are run such that they can utilise their class families will have to pay more for a assets in a similar fashion to hospitals and university education, and that the argument businesses. More worryingly for students, BAREARTS EXCLUSIVE over top-up fees is in danger of reaching he also delivers an assured message to A “iconic status.” those who benefit from the HE system, INTERVIEW Mr Clarke, a former president of the highlighting both alumni and individual Rachael Bemrose meets National Union of Students and Cambridge students as primary examples of these. up with Clare University Students’ Union, commented In the case of the latter, Mr Clarke Buckfield that “speculation about how to pay [for maintains that “as NUS president, one (that’s right higher education] seems to have replaced of the most powerful arguments of my a necessary debate about the future of HE,” generation was that we should be treated - Dec’s girl- and highlights that his priority was not higher as independent at the age of 18 and not be white paper to be delivered in January will friend) to have education (HE) funding but improving “the financially dependent upon our parents.” It contribute to this focus. a chin-wag and quality of education in our schools.” is then suggested that “many young people Objetcting to top-up fees, on the other talk about her In his first article since the resignation do not think twice about taking out a loan or hand, is Claire Short, the International new play bar- of Estelle Morris four weeks ago, entitled credit to buy a car or holiday,” even thought Development Secretary. Calling them “ a earts | page17 “They’ll happily pay up for a car, so why they, unlike education, are depreciating really bad idea,” Ms Short warned that the not for an education?” Mr Clarke delivers assets. Accepting that “each [option for introduction of top-up fees would create a a thorough analysis of the current situation funding] brings strong postive and negative two-tier higher education system, similar to PHONECARDS in HE and its funding, accepting that there is responses,” Mr Clarke concludes that the that in the US, and that she was sure “the a funding deficit faced by many universities funding ‘drift’ tolerated by successive government could find a more intelligent The Union has started selling phone- and asserting that the public and governments must be addressed and that the way through.” cards. Turn to the poster on page 14 for details on this new scheme. I’m glad someone is saying something University of IN THIS WEEK’S PAPER Fortunately, the NUS Whichever way the top-up president is at the centre of fees decision goes (and I Surrey awarded UniS jump the gun on new site the debate concerning the think we all have a fair in- “will-they-won’t they” circus clination of what might hap- A new roadsign has appeared on the currently entertaining the pen), what has the continual Queen’s medal roundabout outside Tesco’s that could be domestic political landscape concentration on Mandy and potentially embarrasing for UniS opposite as the “Labour division” re- Mandy alone contributed to BY SARAH BUTTERWORTH garding top-up fees continues proceedings? Monotony. It EDITOR The firefighters made the news to take up excessive column is no offence to Ms Telford, ICHARD ATTS Two viewpoints on the firefighter’s strike of inches (of which here are a R W of course - that she is the one LAST WEEK THE University of Surrey last week: did they come out of it well, or few more to boot). that always has to get up and became one of five Universities around Unfortunately for students, speak is part and parcel of will the suffer? Comment | page 8, 9 “Not one article has the country to be honoured with Queen’s however, this particular pres- the job; it is just how that mentioned Mandy Telford’s Anniversary Prize for Higher and Further ident is not the current one must appear to everyone else name, let alone any of the barearts misses James Bond - a certain Miss Telford - but that is really worrying. If I Education, one of the most prestigious NUS’ policies or demands.” Having not been able to watch the film, instead the one that used to were a government minis- awards in the country. It was presented in barearts previews it anyway - it’s not like run the show and who used ter, faced with a national recognition of its contribution to industry and you listen anyway... barearts | page 13 his time in office to fight for president who repeats day outstanding work in the fields of ion beam “more financial independence from their after day the very same argument, as well applications and optoelectronic devices Short story competition parents for 18 year olds” - a hairy situation as year after year the “annual demonstra- for over 30 years. The research groups, Chris Ward introduces you to the barefacts indeed for those who may have a stake in tion,” I would register a passing “ah bless” headed by Professor Alf Sealy and Professor “short story” competition that will be run- the financial future of Higher Education. thought and move on to realistic business, Alf Adams have carried out cutting edge ning next semester barearts | page 16 Over the last four or five weeks, especially such as figuring out the capping level for research developing articles such as CD since Sir Richard Syke’s announcement any possible top-up fees and how bursary and DVD players, printers and microwave A kick-ass music section over Imperial’s market-fees plans, not a funds can be maximised so that the under- circuits for satellite communications. day has gone by without a columnist’s or privileged can also attend university should Four pages of music, including singles, The only facility of its kind in the analysist’s viewpoint on how HE should be their abilities allow. Reminiscent of a nag- albums, gigs and the return on “What’s on country, the Surrey Ion Beam Centre is finded, and whether or not students should ging five year old child, you don’t just give your campus stereo?” barearts | page 22 acknowledged as a European Centre of pay for their education. Interestingly, none people what they want in order to make Excellence and much of the work has of these articles has even mentioned Mandy them go away. So maybe the NUS should Footballing heroes return involved collaborations with over 30 other Telford’s name, let alone any of the policies go away and have a think about what it can university groups. The centre is currently They were there in the first issue of the year or requests she, as NUS president, might actually achieve, otherwise its moans will building on its success, having received a and now they return victorious: the men’s have to make on behalf of virtually the en- continue on into the terrible-teens. grant for a new continuously operating state- football team are back! Sport | page 28 tire student nation, a situation that appar- ently only I find a little bit disconcerting. of-the-art ion beam accelerator to replace its Day after day I receive press releases current 47 year old machine. This makes the from the NUS headquarters to the effect of IBC one of the best equipped laboratories of “Mandy Telford said this today to a load of its kind in Europe. people who have heard her say all of these Speaking of the prize, Vice-Chancellor things before. She played a selection of Professor Patrick Dowling said “It is her classic hits, such as “top-up fees cre- a great honour for the University to be ates a two-tiered system,” “top-up fees are awarded a further Queen’s Anniversary against the government’s widening partici- Prize particularly in this, the year of Her pation agenda” and, a favourite of us all, Majesty’s Golden Jubilee. I am very proud “the NUS wants ‘grants not fees’.” Would of the achievements of our world class somebody please play a different record? Above: Alf Adams and Brian Sealey research teams.” 21 Novermber 2002 NEWS 3 University jumps the gun on Manor Park development

THE PICTURE ON the right, obtained BY RICHARD WATTS exclusively by barefacts, show that UniS is expecting its Manor Park development that the University pay for them, and so we to go ahead as planned. Despite recent decided to take into account out future plans difficulties with planning permission and for the Manor Park sight in order to avoid rather damning headlines in the local press, further costs in the future.” the road sign, situated on the roundabout This incident follows a headline in last by Tescos supermarket was erected week’s Guildford Times that stated “UniS around a week ago with a scratchcard-type won’t listen to us”, in which residents of ‘substance’ covering up “University, Manor the town explained their dismay at the Park” and indicates that the development by attitude displayed by the university officials the Varsity Centre is all but certain. concerning the Manor Park development. A Suspicion was evidently aroused by other week before, the Surrey Advertiser ran two road signs directing traffic to the “University stories condemning the development and of Surrey, Stag Hill” campus, and within the current parking situation on campus, days of the signs going up, an unknown containing strong words from Sue Doughty, person(s) removed the covering ‘gum’. the Liberal Democrat MP for Guildford. When asked to comment, a spokesperson Commenting on the parking situation, Mrs for the university said: “The university Doughty said: “I have taken the issue up thought some of the road signs were looking with the University more than once but have a little old, so we suggested they be replaced. not had a response.” The Highways Agency, however, required Car theft worry for students

BY SARAH BUTTERWORTH in an incident believed to have taken place EDITOR later that evening, a car belonging to a final year electronic engineering student was THE NIGHT OF Sunday 17th November stolen from St John’s Road. It was parked saw two incidents of serious car crime there on Sunday evening, but was reported committed only minutes from the University stolen on Monday evening when the owner �������������������������������������������������������������� campus. Early in the evening a Fiat Uno returned. Students are urged to take special parked in Guildford Park Road was broken care when parking cars off campus, and to into, but although the steering column was be aware that cars left alone for long periods ����������������� broken and a windscreen smashed, it is can provide an easy target for criminals. believed that nothing was stolen. However,

���������������� If you notice any suspicious behaviour or have been a victim of car srime yourself, please contact the security office who ������������� will be able to assist or advise you fur- ther. barefacts will provide you with news ������������������������� whenever we hear of any updates. If you have any news, then please contact ������������������������� us: [email protected] or phone on ���������������������������������������� [01483] 689275. ��������������������������� Photo: Chris Hunter ������������������������� ������������������������������������ Students to benefit from housing reforms

BY SARAH BUTTERWORTH from unscrupulous landlords. Any steps ��������������������������������� EDITOR to improve the often horrific state of student accommodation is a step in the ���������������� THE NATIONAL UNION of Students has right direction. This new legislation must ��������������������������������� welcomed housing reforms announced in ensure that all landlords of private rented the Queen’s Speech last week, designed to accommodation - not just those who own ��������������� ensure the better regulation of houses of larger properties - comply with minimum ����������������������� multiple occupancy. health and safety standards. “ ������������������������������������������������ The government’s housing bill gives The NUS Health and Housing survey 2001 ���������������������������� councils the power to decide whether a showed that more than half of students ������������������������������������������������� house is fit for occupation and ensure sharing houses had problems with damp, landlords have a licence before renting out four out of ten had found evidence of mould ����������������������������������������������������� homes for multiple occupation. Houses of and 52% had reported repairs that had not ���������������������������������� this type are typically occupied by students been carried out by the landlord. Nearly and are of notoriously low standards. The half of landlords had not complied with ����� Queen announced: “Legislation in draft existing gas safety regulations or shown will be published to improve both housing the tenants the gas safety certificate. David �������� standards and standards of management Fotheringham, policy chief at the Chartered ��������� of private rented accommodation by Institute of Housing, said “There have been ������ landlords.” occasions where students have died from ��������� ���������������������� Mandy Telford, President of the NUS gas fires which haven’t been adequately ���������������� said: “Currently, students living in shared checked, and hopefully this law will address �������������������������������� ���������������� houses are not afforded any protection those issues.” 4 NEWS 21 Novermber 2002 Merger collapses after stiff staff opposition Cannabis “more

“IMPERIAL COLLEGE AND UCL BY PHILIP HOWARD Sir Richard also instigated. harmful than have now completed an intense period of NEWS EDITOR Opposition to the merger was both deliberation since it was first announced vocal and widespread, with the website that the two colleges were exploring the is now looking for a provost – the merger www.saveUCL.com springing up – it now tobacco” desirability and feasibility of merger was expected to have provided Sir Richard carries on its front page: “SORTED and between the two institutions. A number Sykes (of GlaxoSmithKline merger fame) thanks all who have visited or contributed BY SARAH BUTTERWORTH of areas for future collaboration have for the role. to this site for their part in this great EDITOR been identified and may well be pursued. The institution resulting from the merger result!”. The site has a set of posters for However, the overall conclusion is that the would have had 10,000 research students the more fervent opponents, with slogans A HEALTH CHARITY this week warned best interests of the two institutions are not and staff – by comparison there are like “Combat Imperialism” and “UCL that smoking pure cannabis is more served by a formal merger” approximately 10,000 students in total here Libre” to choose from. The students are not harmful to the lungs than tobacco. A study So read the statement issued by the two at Surrey. The Association of University all opponents of the merger though, with performed by the British Lung Foundation universities contemplating a merger until Teachers (AUT) was not in favour of the some lamenting the loss of the plans on concluded that smoking just three cannabis this week. The merged university was set merger; “common sense has prevailed” the UCLU message board: “Today is a sad joints a day can cause the same damage as to become the largest institution in the UK, said its General Secretary, Sally Hunt, of day. The vision was to great a world leading 20 cigarettes. When cannabis and tobacco sufficient to rival the Ivy League institutions the news. The combination of Imperial’s university. That vision has been ruined by are combined the effects are dramatically of the US such as Harvard. The merger plans intention to introduce top-up fees of around petty egos, small mindedness and desire to worse. Research has shown that tar from foundered, however, due to fierce opposition £10,000 and the news of the merger were stop change” states ‘inkiboo_cs’. The debate cannabis cigarettes contains 50% more from academics at UCL – acting provost Sir enough to ignite a large résistance in the is now turned squarely back to top-up fees. cancer causing carcinogens than pure Derek Roberts referred to their defiance as academia of the universities. Fears of tobacco. The chairman of the British Lung “hypocrisy” and “lies” only last week, as he redundancies prevailed, with opponents of Foundation, Dr Mark Britton, said: “These attempted to keep the plans on track. The the merger pointing to those that followed in statistics will come as a surprise to many universities have admitted defeat, and UCL the immediate aftermath of the GSK merger people, especially those who choose to smoke cannabis rather than tobacco in the belief it is safer for them. It is vital that University grading gets the 2.9th degree people are fully aware of the dangers so they can make an educated decision and know THE DEPARTMENT FOR Education and BY PHILIP HOWARD the damage they may be causing.” Skills sources have confirmed that UK NEWS EDITOR Surveys carried out this year show that degree grading is likely to be criticised 79% of children believe that cannabis is in the coming White Paper on Higher not want to have the same sort of problems ‘safe’ and only 2% understood that there are Education from the government. A report in universities that we saw with A-level associated health risks. After the dramatic in The Times Higher Education Supplement marking”. increase in people smoking cannabis, many said the DfES ‘would not be drawn’ on the The scheme that would replace it is reputed studies carried out in the sixties and seventies report, but apparently the higher education to be the one used in the US in which the have underestimated the side-effects of minister, Margaret Hodge, considers the grades are rated from 4 to 1, with the highest QAA’s former director Norman Jackson is smoking the drug due to the increase of current 4 level grading system to have being 4. There is not agreement across the of progress files which “are about adding the major active chemical compound, become irrelevant in the face of grade board, but Professor Elton thinks is has to the classification system”. Apparently delta-9 tetrahydrocannabinol, in the drugs inflation. The fear is that the A-level practise Margaret Hodge’s support – she “wants to “they can make provision for highlighting commonly consumed today. The chief of awarding only a certain number of top replace classification with a US system of work experience, or students’ study abroad” executive of the British Lung Foundation, grades in order to retain the prestige of the grading. There are advantages to this but it – another CV to keep up to date then. Said Dame Helena Shovelton, said: “inhalation qualification has become rife in the current hides the fact that certain aspects of learning Professor Elton: “Degrees are so varied and volume with cannabis is up to four times higher education system, with an unofficial are difficult to grade”. The US system gives complicated, with modularisation, that only higher than with tobacco - in other words limit on the number of 2:1 and 1st degrees in graduates a single score, which includes a detailed profile can say what a student has you inhale deeper and hold your breath with place in many institutions. Said Ian Gibson, a decimal place – so students can get an achieved”. These are already being piloted the smoke for longer before exhaling. This chair of the House of Commons science and almost-but-not-quite 3.9. in some institutions, amidst widespread results in more poisonous carbon monoxide technology select committee: “We do Another alternative being pushed by the support for the practise. and tar entering into the lungs.” The British Lung Foundation is calling for the government to increase public health education on the health risks of cannabis. The charity will also be pushing for further research into cannabis and the lungs and its links with chronic illnesses. 2002 - 2003 editor in chief editor news editor music editor music editor theatre editor richard watts sarah butterworth philip howard alex read simon robinson rachael bemrose NOTICES [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] GU2 EGM 21st November | 6.15pm Union Committee Room

Switchgear Online Gaming AGM 22nd November | 6.30pm Union Committee Room

Tamil Society AGM film editor film editor photography editor literature editor sports editor lifestyle editor 29th November | 6pm stewart fudge jolyon hunter chris hunter chris ward eddison ruswa position under construction Union Committee Room [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] Taiwanese Society AGM 28th November | 6.30pm Lecture Theatre K

Malaysian Students Society AGM 29th November | 8pm Lecture Theatre J 21 Novermber 2002 NEWS 5 Cambridge University rejects the possibility of top-up fees Students make a “big noise” as university officials urge government to explore all possibilities

CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY LAST week BY SARAH BUTTERWORTH Cambridge University Students’ Union broke rank with other leading institutions, EDITOR which has persuaded over 700 alumni to announcing that it has “no plans to introduce refuse to donate to the University until top- top-up fees”. In a statement released by the outside armed with trombones, guitars, up fees are unconditionally ruled out. University Council, Cambridge urged the drums and saucepans. As rumours suggested The ‘Big Noise’ was in stark contrast to the Government to: “rigorously explore and that lectures were being cancelled in order silent protest three weeks ago at Imperial consider all the available funding options.” to let students attend the protest instead, the College, where the college voted to charge The statement was released after the Council University’s reaction was positive, with one £10,500 if the Government allowed them met on Monday 11th November to discuss a official commenting that he was “moved” by to do so. paper brought by Paul Lewis, the President the protest. At 11am, all students observed Mandy Telford, President of the NUS, of Cambridge University Students’ Union, a 2-minute silence in respect of Armistice said: “This reiterates the message to the detailing the reasons why top-up fees would Day. Paul Lewis said today “The turnout government that nobody wants top-up fees. be detrimental to University applications was unprecedented, and the noise was Lecturers don’t want them, parents don’t that top-up fees are still on the agenda and make a mockery of the government’s phenomenal. No one can underestimate want them, students don’t want them and and will continue to fight against them. widening participation policy. the importance of this issue. Top-up fees even Labour MPs don’t want them. This The government needs to recognise what The meeting was accompanied by a ‘Big cannot be reconciled with attempts to widen government committed itself to a review happened today at Cambridge, it needs to Noise’ protest by almost 2,000 students, participation in Cambridge or elsewhere.” of student funding with the aim of making listen to the public and it needs to rule out staff and academics, who congregated The protest comes after a campaign by improvements. The NUS is astounded top-up fees.”

ACCORDING TO THE Times Higher, the number of students heading to Australia to study is up 44% on last year, standing now at over 1700. Some think that the talk of top-up fees may have given students cause BY PHILIP HOWARD to consider kangaroo country: “Maybe UK NEWS EDITOR students are beginning to feel that if they are going to have to pay fees anyway, they in the UK. might as well look further afield for the kind Benefits that students see in studying in of courses and lifestyle they would like” Australia include a friendly style of teaching, says Claire Wright, a horticulture student at small class sizes, high-quality facilities Cooloola and Sunshine Institute in Nabour and Australia’s stance as gateway to Asia. near Brisbane, already a Master of Natural Around 20% of the students are on IT Resources Studies at the University of courses, whilst two-thirds are on health, arts, Queensland. humanities or business and administration. New constitution not accepted The actual universities fees are higher, Flexible and often tailor-made programmes BY RICHARD WATTS with fees between £3.5k to £10.5k (A$10k are a particular pull for the post-grads say to A$30k) a year, but with living expenses IDP, for whom they make up around 75% of THE NEW CONSTITUTION of the estimated to be three times lower than those inquiries, along with ‘lifestyle choices’. Students’ Union has been questioned by a university official, who is unhappy with the Advertising feature treatment of the sabbatical officers’ position in the new document. Mr Peter Beardsley, the Academic Regsitrar for UniS – whose task it is to ensure the constitution is a fair and legal document – has indicated a justified unhappiness concerning the location of the sabbaticla officer numbers within the “Rules and Appendices” section of the updated constitution – the document that prescribes precisely how the Students’ Union operates USSU. Four years ago, an extra sabbatical democratically – and has indicated a role – roughly known as “Vice President Did you collect your mug at the preference that the number of full0time Finance & Development” – was created in elected Union officials is contained within order to allow representation of students Careers Fair? the “Core” constitution. in the financial issues affecting the union. Under the new document, which was passed This move raised the number of sabbaticals by an overwhelming majority at Student from five to six, the funding for which came Council last Tuesday, changes can be made from the University. The last three years If not, claim yours on to the “Rules and Appendices” section have highlighted many difficulties with the relatively easily, such that the document sixth sabbatical position, however, and the can reflect the changes within the Students’ union has once again reverted to just five Thursday 12th December 2002 Union. (Currently, in order to make any sabbaticals. Requiring that the number constitutional amendment, four weeks and of sabbaticals is included within the Core 2-4pm numerous Student Councils, as well as constitution, therefore, allows the University scrutiny by the University, must be passed to keep tabs on the number of sabbaticals Lakeside Restaurant before any such changes are implemented). and ensure that any unnecessary issues can Any change to the Core constitution, be avoided as a result of suitable funding. however, must not only be passed by the Such concerns were greeted by the union FREE COFFEE AND FREE SURREY ALUMNI SOCIETY MUGS! required number of Student Councils at with disappointment as plans are already in the relevant quoracy levels, but also by the place to set in stone the sabbatical positions University, creating a long-winded process and the roles they play; the delay in any that reacts slowly to change. University approval could also affect the Guest celebrity Mr Beardsley’s hesitancy reflects the recent part-time and full-time officer elections due Vice-Chancellor, Professor Patrick Dowling history of the sabbatical positions at to be held at the beginning of next semester. 6 AWARD WINNING MEDIA 21 November 2002 barefacts: best student campaign & GU2: best student radio station

Having been nominated around a month of the student media at the University of editor, and the rest of his team. Given the ago, both GU2 1350AM and barefacts have Surrey has won any sort of national award emphasis the NUS places on campaigns picked up the awards for which they were and reflects just how quickly it has caught and lobbying institutions that can make im- nominated, making last year the most suc- up with the national media scene. plement change, this award is all the more cessful ever in terms of national recognition GU2 has only been braodcasting full- satsifying. for the media of the University of Surrey. time for 18 months now, having previosuly The prizes for winning the awards were, GU2 beat XPress radio from Cardiff uni- broadcast at sporadic times with no real for GU2, wo hours of broadcasting on versity into second place whilst barefacts infrastructure to speak of. This was soon Radio One, and for barefacts, a cheque for ensured www.payuptony.com, the fees changed by a £40k injection of cash from £500 and work experience at The Independ- campaign, came second to its tirade the University and plenty of financial and ent. Details in barefacts as and when. against the university’s planned rent administrative support from the Students’ hikes last year. Union. who ensured that the full-time sta- GU2 was also nominated for the tion manager position became a fully-paid “Best speech-based program placement opportunity. Gareth Davies was - factual” but lost out to a show the first such placement student and, under called “Mission Impossible” at his leadership, the station has reached the Imperial College London. giddy heights it scales today. This is the first time that any Similarly, barefacts has undergone quite a transformation in its recent history. Previ- ously published as an A4 document, Matt Pannell, a former sabbatical, decided to change the format to the familiar tabloid style that has been hand-distributed across campus for the last four years. Previous editors, including Andy Blair and Kev Marston, all helped to shape the paper and its design such that the improvements over the years have culminated in this prestig- ious award for Tristan O’ Dwyer, last year’s This is something we can all be proud of

Even if you have never writ- incredible amount of effort ten a letter for this paper or and displayed tremendous said a single word on GU2, dedication to every aspect these awards are something of the station. If some- we can all be proud of. Go- thing went wrong, Gareth ing home at Christmas isn’t would more than likely fix just about catching up with it himself and was on call your family and friends literally twenty-four hours a and seeing how they are all day; during the FM period, getting on - it is also about RICHARD WATTS he worked 19 hours a day blowing your own trumpet full-stop. There is nothing and saying how brilliant “Not one article has more to be said about that the university you chose to mentioned Mandy Telford’s man other than this award is attend actually is. This ap- rightfully his (along with all name, let alone any of the proach is so widespread here those that contributed their NUS’ policies or demands.” that it has manifested itself own substantial portions of in something known as “the time) and that it would be Surrey Pride,” but now we a crime if he does not go on all have something we can shout about so it to achieve a successful career in the radio is not just the sporty ones running around industry. with that intangible ‘pride’ tag-line. But what of our own barefacts? Well, at A lot has been said regarding how fantas- the risk of sounding sentimental, the same tic these achievements are, so let me take a can be said of Tristan - last year’s editor. moment to put it all in context. First of all, To take on barefacts with little experience GU2. and make it into an award winning paper The radio station has won this award - which is exactly what Tristan did, along in its first year of full-time broadcasting. with his own team of helpers - is something That is the equilvalent of saying “Accring- I can only applaud. The weekly ritual is ton Stanley won the F.A. Cup the first time a difficult one to explain, but for Tristan they ever entered it.” The magnitude of to put together a series of papers near the this achievement cannot be underestimat- end of his term in office, when there are a ed. The stations against which GU2 was hundred other things going on, is a testa- competing have been established for a long ment to the chap and how he approaches time and have teams easily in excess of one everything he does: professionally and in a hundred people, all contributing to shows, considered fashion. production, advertising - everything you I hope neither Gareth or Tristan minds could ever imagine to run a station. GU2, me saying those few words. on the other hand, though full of totally And so to this year - what a reputation we dedicated volunteers, had nothing ap- have to live up to. The awards put a little proaching the set-ups of these other places pressure on myself and Bianca Toy, the and soldiered on, making do with the facili- current station manager of GU2, to recre- ties it had. ate the success, but hopefully, with the help GU2’s award cannot be mentioned with- of an army of volunteers, we can gather a out the name Gareth Davies in the same heap of nominations once again next year sentence, because he, as Station Manager and maybe, just maybe, add a couple more for the award-winning year, put in the most awards to our brand new trophy cabinet. 21 November 2002 AWARD WINNING MEDIA 7

The awards ceremonies

In order to win awards, you must not and nibbles that disappeared very only have been the best in your cat- quickly. The actual ceremony, how- egory at what you do, but also attend ever, was very professional and had the awards ceremony so that you can renowned dj’s such as Tim Westwood pick up the prizes (pictured above). and the controller of Radio One, Andy The ceremonies for the Student Radio Parfitt, there to present the awards. Awards and the Student Media Awards The media ceremony was a more swift were held at Goldsmiths College, Lon- affair, with a lot less focus on the read- don and the Shakespeare Underglobe ing out of nominations and more on the theatre on the South Bank respectively, free food and wine. and were both fantastic evenings at The event, which was sponsored by which student journalism in general Topman and Topshop, was part of the was celebrated. Famous-ish women student media conference hosted by the Emma B and June Sarpong hosted the NUS at Canary Wharf, at which poten- radio and media awards respectively, tial winners of future awards learnt their and both gave a sense of glamour and trade from established professionals excitement to the occasions. from the broadsheet and tabloid papers For the radio awards, Goldsmiths col- as well as magazines such as Heat. lege had a somewhat unfree, free bar 8 COMMENT 21 November 2002

THE UNIVERSITY OF SURREY STUDENTS’ UNION WWW.USSU.CO.UK Make yourself heard: get along to these meetings and state your case

This week and next, we find ourselves in a best to let everyone know just how you feel position where two very different organisa- about the current situation, and lets you meet tions require our help and our support. many, many like-minded people with whom On home soil, the Students’ Union needs to you can discuss the finer merits of the cur- have a certain number of people such that rent and proposed funding system. this much talked-about constitution can The Students’ Union, at the time of going finally see the light of day and actually be to press, is intending to send a coach-full of implemented. Though it is unsure whether students up to London to participate in the or not his can actually be achieved with re- march, which will be held on Wednesday, spect to a justifiably hesitant university we 4th December, and it is up to you to decide all wait and see, but it is important as many whether you would like to be a part of this people as possible take the time to gain what or not. The NUS believes that this march knowledge they can when the opportunities could really make a difference to funding, arise. Thus, Tuesday 26th November, lec- especially when considering this now infa- ture theatre L, 1pm - is the place to be. mous government white paper concerning A little further afield, but still very close to the future of HE funding. the hearts of all students, is the annual na- Though it is a little off topic, it would be tional demonstration opposing tuition fees a crime not to mention anything about the and, more importantly this year than ever awards that GU2 and we have won. ADmit- before, the threat of top-up fees. Though tedly, a lot has been said already, so all that barefacts has always suggested that people remains to say is that if you want to come question their reasoning behind demand- and help maintain the best student media in ing a free education, this opportunity is the teh country, you know where we are. It is quite a worrying time for students all Just in case you didn’t see it on the front page, here is taht “Best Student Radio Station” Award GU2 won. over the country Fireman Sam isn’t so friendly now The news section this week brings with it a bit of turkey and lots of chocolate. some pretty nasty surprises: if your car is Fear not, though, for barefacts is here to SO THE GOOD folk from seems like asking the traffic not getting broken into, then the Secretary keep you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. the fire service finally wardens to stand in for the of State for education is as good as telling Next week, in order to combat some of made good their threat and police if they were to strike. you that you (or thenext generation) will be those demands on your time, there will be a walked out for two days last The fire brigade of course paying a fair amount of money to receive bumper, fun-packed edition, forgoing some week. They would like a know this, and realise that this privilege of higher education. Add of the usual stuff we bring you in order to 40% pay rise, instead of the the government will be keen to this the fact that it is now week eleven make way for crosswords, bigger lyrics 11% which they have been to settle before the voting and exams, coursework deadlines and the quizzes, kriss kross puzzles and generally offered, and since no-one public become too jittery. inevitability of half another year passing lots of fun things to whittle away those will give it to them, its time The problem is that they’re you by, Christmas seems a very long way off hours. It is not much, but it is a declaration to man the picket line. What PAUL CANNING all at it. Post office workers, indeed and we could all do with a stiff drink, of care, at least. seems strange is that the fire train drivers, tube drivers, service is even allowed to go some college lecturers and “All that money must leave on strike anyway. The police county court clerks to name some for us; we’ve been aren’t allowed to strike; an but a few. We could be underpaid for years, where’s THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK independent review body, looking at another winter of my slice of the pie?” which both the government discontent not seen since the “The one thing more difficult than following a regime is not imposing it on others.” and the police federation labour government of 79. The MARCEL PROUST (1871 - 1922), AUTHOR agree to abide by, decides their pay annually. problem arises from the chancellors new This is because they are an essential public plan to expand government spending; taxes barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is Do you have a complaint against service which if withdrawn would lead to have been on the rise for the last 5 years, published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union this newspaper? chaos; sounds familiar? and the national insurance rises coming Communications Office. The other curiosity about the fire service along in April will leave him a nice pot of If you have a complaint about any item in this The views expressed within the paper are those of individual strike is that there are no shortages of people money to try and improve public services. newspaper which contains inaccuracy, harassment, authors and do not necessarily represent the views of the willing to do the job. As with jobs driving Unfortunately, many public service workers intrusion or discrimination write to our editor about Editor, the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the it. tube trains in London, for every position that who spent a great number of years under the University of Surrey. If you remain dissatisfied please contact the becomes available, dozens of people apply. conservatives on unspectacular wages have This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part, Press Complaints Commission - an independant stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express The usual indicator of a job that does not suddenly seen pound signs ring up in front organisation established to uphold an editorial Code permission of the publisher beforehand. command the correct salary is a dearth of of their eyes. of Practice for the Press. This newspaper will abide All submissions must include the author’s name and Union by their decision. applicants. This is why we see nationwide Ker-ching! Yes, all that money they’re or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee of publication. shortages of teachers, nurses and police bringing in must leave some for us; we’ve

Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will not be published. Press Complaints Commission officers, if people aren’t happy to do the job been underpaid for years, where’s my slice 1 Salisbury Square for the money on offer, they won’t do it. of the pie? barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions. London EC4Y 8JB Credit is due to the good folk of the armed Well, sorry folks, most people would Telephone: 020 7353 1248 forces who turned out in force with vehicles climb over their own mother to get an 11% [email protected] Facsimile: 020 7353 8351 old enough for a vintage car rally, but there pay rise, there simply is not a magical pot WWW.USSU.CO.UK is no way you can perform the same duties of money for all of these inflation busting Printed by South West Wales Publications Adelaide Street, Swansea as the fire service when you’ve spent the payouts. © USSU COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE 2002 Tel: 01792 510000 last year as a peacekeeper in Bosnia. It [email protected] 21 November 2002 COMMENT 9 The nights have drawn in on the student-folk at UniS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, it’s week to its credit, doesn’t have a Beauty of Creation, when all death has immortalised many an artist. Just eleven. Congratulations for making it this unified political stance so it BEN SUPPER you want to do is to drown imagine if Michael Jackson had gone a little far. Undergraduates elsewhere will already doesn’t really matter). You your housemate in the lake, more loopy than he did, and threw himself be on holiday. The concept of week eleven see the same old faces rotated You will find that all but suspend her cadaver from the off a building thirteen years ago. Not only will hold no more reality for them than any every day between lectures, your most complicated geodesic dome as a warning would he be a martyr to fame, but he would other hideous, nightmarish vision. home, and Chancellors, friends have begun to evolve to other transgressors, and be remembered as undoubtedly one of the For us, though, the fun is just beginning. looking increasingly strained. ‘coping strategies’ then go home and see your greatest musicians and performers who ever Difficult to believe, I know, as one of your People who ought to know parents. lived. Now we’ve got to live with some housemates saps your life from your veins better have started behaving very oddly. You This brings us neatly to Depressives, who dodgy embarrassing bleached neurotic by going on and on and on about how will find that all but your most complicated will argue that although Happies have a recluse of our own creation, dribbling out much coursework she has, how useless her friends have begun to evolve ‘coping point, they’re just deluding themselves. music which sounds like a soundtrack from boyfriend is even if he’s much better in strategies’. More passive than the Happies, they will a Globalcorp advertisement. So passes glory bed than her last one, and how her parents I have discovered that this usually involves willingly discuss philosophies of life with in the world. should have phoned by now. But it’s really sticking fast to one of three outlooks on them in Chancellors, and neither side will Introverts, like the computer in the film true that the fun is just beginning, even as life. There’s nothing very researched win. The Depressive will state ‘we are all War Games, realise that the only winning her babble takes you a million miles from about this, and there doesn’t need to be. stuck in the quicksand, clinging to one move is not to play. They will go home to the concept of ‘fun’ as surely as the chilli Real psychologists have a history of just another to survive. The higher you rise, the study. They will go home to socialise. They con carne she made last making it all up as they deeper you have had to push me.’ And that, will go home to rest. They’ve probably week still sits inside “Which word ending go along, and some of of course, is the trump card. You can never got a long-term partner with whom to your saucepan upon the them get paid a fortune argue with a Depressive. You’ll just learn argue cathartically so they don’t need you. hotplate, growing hair in ʻ-cideʼ would for it. Well, anyway, that the world is a savage, destructive one, (Incidentally, most relationship agreements and looking more like end your misery I’ve been busy sorting populated by profoundly lonely souls who can be solved as soon as you remember a cow again with every in the way that people into three types: may express themselves sincerely only via that the woman is always right. However, crawling hour. Happies, Depressives, and aggressive or physical means. Leave them this makes the dynamics of a homosexual Well, grab a corner is most humane and Introverts. alone; no matter what you do, you’ll only be relationship utterly mystifying to me). of your conscious most beneficial to Happies maintain a proving them right. Introverts are just as likely to be closet mind back from this society?” sunny, sanguine attitude If you’re lucky, you’ll come across Happies as they are to be closet Depressives. ghastly apparition for whatever happens, and somebody who oscillates unpredictably It’s no easy journey either way. With thirty seconds, clumsily finger an all-too- remain quietly supercilious about it all. between Happy and Depressive states of everyone wearing their personalities on their inadequate kitchen knife, and wonder Smiling, joking, laughing, and squeaking is being, and these people, who weave the sleeves, the best solution (in true Edward de which word ending in ‘cide’ would end your their modus operandi. Their mantra is ‘You richest and most random tapestries of life, Bono style) is to think ‘outside the box’ and misery in the way that is most humane and love it really. You might as well enjoy it’. are truly blessed. The depth, honesty, and go temporarily insane. most beneficial to society. It’s week eleven; They’re a pleasure to be with if you’re in the utter transience of their feelings combine to Anyway, that’s all for this week. The golden the weather is dismal; you deserve it. mood, but like all evangelists they’re a real produce the world’s richest art and music, weathervane atop the cathedral is sending It is invariably this time of year that sorts the pain in the arse when you’re not. You’ll hear make them impossible to live with, and out bad brain waves and manipulating my men from the boys. (I strove for a less sexist nothing but platitudes and an unrestrained then they go mad and shoot themselves. mind, so I’ve got to go and chain myself to metaphor but then realised that this paper, delight and an all-purpose revelling in the No shame in that, incidentally: an early an oven and read the Book of Numbers.

Another viewpoint on the firefighters demands: practise what you preach

I’VE REALLY GOT to try not £28,268 a year a free money machine for indirect losses are likely to be to be flippant here – it’s all too • A leading firefighter could public servants. By far the most orders of magnitude higher than easy to just say the firemen did earn £29,964 a year – just a few expensive part of any company the cost the firefighters suggest. a brilliant job at striking at the pounds short of the £30,000 a year or department is the staff, and if So do I have anything nice to expense of 7 lives. But I must demanded by the FBU” these costs suddenly rise by 40%, say about the firefighters? Well be slightly fair, even if I can’t Now you can obviously see the we would see a choice appearing yes, I have to say they did stop manage unbiased and objective. problem the firefighters are faced before the government. One route protesting to help people nearby. To be frank, 40% is ridiculous. I’m with here, they are being offered to get costs back to manageable And they do deserve a decent rate sure they did look at the level of a huge pay increase and they need PHILIP HOWARD levels would be to sack vast of pay, but they have to accept that skill that they have, see that it is to justify more strikes, so they numbers of staff. This would be this is one of those jobs where love in the top bracket and consider a complain at the strings attached. “If researchers campaigned both harmful to the departments for the job and a good pension £30k wage to be fair, but honestly. No-one likes strings attached, for salaries proportionate and reduce the chance of these have to be recompense enough, This isn’t the private sector, this but then few get the chance to to their skill level, people getting a job as a huge and an offer of 4% and 7% is is government – complete with take more money in recompense. universities could only influx of ex-civil servants arrived very high indeed. The thing that housing allowances, tax breaks, I work at the National Physical afford 2/3rds of the on the job market. Alternatively most riles me about it all is not the decent pension (when the rest Laboratory, and new standards turn current staff levels.” the government could raise taxes – initial demand, or the continuation of the country’s pensions are a- up continuously. DTI contracts get levels. Most research scientists to cope with a 40% costs increase of the strikes, but the walking whirling down the huge plughole tougher, the telecommunications are doctors in their field, and many would mean a huge tax increase, away from the negotiating table that has appeared), widow and industry gets more tight-walleted, have more than 2 degrees. Music hitting the middle classes and with a deal like that on the cards. child pension, bonuses and London but are we offered better pay for students spend their childhood in pushing the boundaries lower into To just walk away shows complete weighting. Talking of London these problems? In every business schooling and undertaking exams. working class territory. So you see disrespect for the government and weighting, as the Deputy Prime across the country, management How much commitment to their if the government does offer the the ministers responsible – at a Minister said in his speech to the progressively tighten expenditure, jobs are these firefighters showing FBU an even better offer, it must guess they’ve had to come up with th House of Commons on the 14 : “at improve ‘efficiency’, and in the by walking away from the offer be attached to reform and change. the best they can reasonably afford present a qualified firefighter earns process make people’s lives more the government has made? By That is enough to make civil just to resolve the situation quickly, £21,500 a year. Under this offer difficult. Some people do work all means strike to be heard, but servants consider more carefully only to have the FBU just overturn [4% and 7%]: for the love of the job – to point to surely if they just took the raise the how much they want a wage the dinner plates like a spoilt child. • A qualified firefighter could earn researchers and musicians as cases government is going to be more increase, and deter them from the We need the firefighters to listen £23,960 a year in point, these are some of the most amenable to dealing with them in kind of action the firefighters are and accept a deal before the fire • A leading firefighter could earn skilled people and most highly the future? taking. But the actual firefighting they started begins to spread out £25,656 a year qualified. If they campaigned for Let us look at the consequences itself is not the only problem. Yes, of control. What is it they say on And in London, where London salaries proportionate to their of raising the salaries to £30k we aren’t as safe when they are the adverts? Never play with fire. weighting allowances apply: skill level universities could only without strings or argument. The striking, but also we lose most Practise. What. You. Preach. • A qualified firefighter could earn afford 2/3rds of the current staff government is seen as a pushover, of the tube services as well – the 10 UNION 21 November 2002 Safety issues around campus - oney plans for the future atters Hello All. Well, I took your fittings should be going up advice and thought I’d do there (e.g.facing up the path TMHIS WEEK WE TAKE A LOOK AT TAX AND HOW something productive about towards Clandon). IT AFFECTS THE WORKING STUDENT: the safety issues around [b] When Bank Residences are here. First, there will be a finished, the shrubbery behind The main point to remember here is that you shouldn’t free Aikido workshop taken UniSport will come down. be paying unnecessary tax. Students who work during by qualified instructor, Ed [c] CCTV will go up by the holidays and do not expect to earn more than their tax-free personal allowance (which Griffiths. This is how he UniSport entrance as soon as is £4615 for 2002-2003) should ask their employer to complete form P38(S) which means described the session. possible. that their wages will be paid gross. ONI ORNEO “What we normally teach at T B [d] The large area of shrubbery Students who work during the term-time as well as holidays, though, cannot have their tax VICE PRESIDENT EDUCATION these self-defence courses is next to the path behind Surrey paid gross. AND WELFARE a combination of awareness Court will be replaced with a If you have already worked you should have form P45, which you should then give to when walking etc (how not to couple of small trees. The area your new employer. Otherwise, your new employer will give you a form P46 to complete. get attacked), what to expect in an attack and behind will no longer be concealed. If you need further information regarding these issues, leaflet IR60 on the Inland then what you can do to stop it. The benefit [e] Spring 2003 – shrubs between Stag Hill Revenue’s website (www.inlandrevenue.gov.uk) has more details on income tax and of this school of Aikido in particular is that reception and Union building to be replaced students. Ray (the other instructor) has spent 25 years with a lit footpath up the hill towards Surrey A representative from the Inland Revenue locally holds a tax clinic about once a month or more studying pressure points - these are Court. This is part of major alterations of the in the Union. For more details about this, contact SAIS, the Union, or look in the notices basically weak points on the human body, area and access road and lighting will form section of barefacts. which cause pain or discomfort and deter part of the scheme. Don’t forget, if you need further advice about other financial or welfare issues, then the or stop any further attack. They work on [f] Relamping of existing lights at Wates Student Advice & Information Service is here to help you. everybody and don’t require strength to use, House and Mole, Surrey Court and on the meaning that we can teach a small person to other side of the pedestrian crossing by Student Advice& Information Service (SAIS): Wey Flat 2 | Surrey Court deal with a much bigger person. As we go UniSport will be carried out immediately. t: [68]9261 | e: [email protected] through everyone will be able to pair up and Ideally, we’d all like to have CCTV cameras try the techniques out while we help, so it around, but they are actually a few thousand should allow everybody to get a good idea pounds a go, so if that kind of money ever of what you can do.” becomes available, it will be considered. Volunteering opportunities update So – if you turn up with your student card And, of course, we’re all concerned about the to the Dance Studio in the Sports Hall, you Tesco Underpass area. Apparently, a reliable Things at V have been pretty hectic recently drop in centre), Guildford Club For The can take part in the class and get a free source at Surrey Police has promised to have so I just thought that I would tell you what’s Disabled, Hydon Hill Cheshire Home (a personal alarm (thanks to UniS Security). a Mobile Camera put up at the entrance by been going on and also what V has got residential home for people with learning All non-students will be required to pay the Christmas. I’ll be checking up on that….(oh planned coming to Christmas. disabilities), Scouts, Nightline, Disability usual price and a further £1 for the alarm. – I’ve just had an e-mail to say that plans are Well we now have over 120 people Challengers and loads more. Remember: 3-5pm Sunday 1st December, really underway and although technicalities involved in V which is absolutely fantastic If you don’t fancy doing anything on a UniS Dance Studio. are being worked out – this will be going but where are the rest of you? Come on the regular basis then what about the A Team? I have also just returned from a Night Walk ahead as soon as possible). benefits of getting involved are endless but This group of one off volunteers are going around campus with Tony Watling (Head So, I hope this information helpful. If here are just a few to start you off! to be running a Xmas shopping trip for a of Security), Mr Jitendra Kakad (Electric anyone has any realistic ideas about how to meeting new people, learning skills, having local social group for disabled people. They Engineering, Estates and Buildings) and Mr improve safety around here, Tony Watling fun, learning about your local area, feeling are also going to be organisising a food Nigel Hodge (Horticultural and Landscapes has requested that suggestions come through alive, receiving a Student Union certificate collection and soup kitchen for homeless Manager, Estates and Buildings). Our aim the Union. So, let me know if you think and a big celebration party at the end of the people in Guildford to help when the was to visit all the scary places on campus we’ve missed something. year cold nights start drawing in. Then after and think of a feasible way for them to be In the meantime, just try where possible to V is run for the benefits of both students Christmas there are going to be loads of A improved. UniS do want to protect students, keep yourself out of vulnerable situations. If and staff and is here to offer you new and Team events from helping to brighten up run so please remember that if the results aren’t you can take a bus instead of walk through fun ways to make a difference to local down buildings in London to Battle of The delivered immediately, they are working on the underpass, or wait for friends to walk community and we are positive that we have Bands, a huge music competition for local it. Here is a run down of the plans: with you, or save a few pounds at night to something that you will enjoy! school children. [a] June 2003 – path from UniSport end take a taxi back from the Union, it all helps. There are over 30 different V opportunities INTERESTED? IF SO THEN COME past Guildford Court, and along between If you are truly stuck on campus, for better in the community and they are desperate for ALONG TO THE STUDENTS UNION PATS and Southern Counties Radio to be reasons than being drunk at 2am on a Friday your help with sports, outings, teaching, & FIND ALLI CUMMINGS, THE widened to cycle path width and lit properly. night, give Security a call and see if they can arts & crafts, driving, playing, marketing STUDENT SUPPORT & OUTREACH In the meantime, a couple of temporary light help. & advertising – infact they need any kind CO-ORDINATOR OR EMAIL of help you can imagine. We already have [email protected] students helping at a Guildford Action (a

Lebanese Dinner 2002 The Lebanese Students Society will be If you want to take up this opportunity holding their first grand social event of the to enjoy a healthy and diverse Lebanese year, a Lebanese Dinner and Evening to dinner and a great atmosphere, please email be held in Roots Cafe Bar on Saturday 23rd [email protected] for further November starting at 6.30pm. This will be information and tickets, as advance booking a chance to feast upon the world famous is required. cuisine of Lebanon whilst experiencing the ‘Ahlan wa sahlan’ – Welcome. We hope to warm hospitality of Lebanese culture. A see many of you there. Lebanese meal is never just a meal!

D traitor, andpreventawarofcatastrophic circles theworldinhisquesttounmaska From HongKongtoCubaLondon,007 Bond embarkinguponhislatestmission. South Korea,marksthebeginningofJames demilitarised zoneseparatingNorthand hovercraft chasethroughaminefield inthe them acustomisedsurfboard. A high-speed requisite arrayofdazzlinggadgets,among Iceland, HawaiiandNorway, andboaststhe on aseriesofexoticlocations,including The latestJamesBondfilm wasshot Another Day James Bondreturns to to write atnight. driving, schoolbusdriving andpainting, andhecontinued way. Hedroppedout andtookseveraljobsincluding truck help, andCameron realizedhewouldnotbe happyeither in. SwitchingtoEnglishLiterature forawhiledidnot that sciencewasnotsomething hewasinterestedenough University atFullerton.Hegot goodgradesbutrealized and eventuallymajoredinPhysics atCaliforniaState seeing it.However, henevertruly believedecouldsucceed as sayingthatheknewwanted tobeafilmmaker after more thantentimesinquicksuccession,andisquoted picture industry. Cameronproceededtowatchthatmovie Cameron, andhebecamefascinatedwiththewholemotion when hewas15yearsold. This wasthehookforyoung Kubrick’s visionarymasterpiece“ Hewasalsoanavidreaderofsci-fi, and sawStanley became “ homework. A shortstoryhewroteinBiologyclasslater wrote sci-fistories,andfantasizedinsteadofdoinghis obviously influencedhisfilm-making.Inhighschoolhe engineer, andboththescientific andartisticdisciplines His motherwasan Artist andhisfatheranelectronic Niagara FallsandthefamilymovedtoUSA in1971. Ontario, Canadain1954.HegrewupChippawanear James “IronJim”CameronwasborninKapuskasing, IRECTOR titanic The Abyss ”. Die Another Dayopensaround thecountryonFriday. For afullreview see nextweek’s eagerly anticipatedfilms thisyear. however, belowisashortpreview ofonethemost to review thelatestBondmoviefor thisissue- With thepremiere onMonday, ’ S 2001: A SpaceOdyssey

CUT inlatestfilm proportions. Onhisway, hecrossespaths where themissionbegan. an explosiveconfrontationbackinKorea, high-tech weapon.Ultimately, thisleadsto he experiences,firsthand, thepowerofa fantastic palacebuiltentirelyofice. There travels toIcelandintothevillain’s lair, a his ruthlessright-handmanZao,Bond deadly megalomaniac,GustavGravesand in hislatestadventure.Hotonthetrailof Frost, womenbecomefurtherentwined with thebeautifulJinxandMiranda : J AMES ” barefacts barefacts Caprio and Kate Winslet. This becamehis ownpetproject – theaptly named“ made, butCameron wentonebetterwithhis nextpicture Terminator 2turnedouttobethemost expensivefilm ever Faith) asHarry Tasker’s daughter. a lookoutforanearlyappearance byElizaDushku(a.k.a. Schwarzenegger, was“ after directorsinHollywood. Hisnextmovie,alsostarring (1991). This led tohimbecomingoneofthemostsought- sequel to The Terminator, “ films suchas“ it upwithastringofsuccessfulscience-fiction action and Schwarzenegger’s careersinHollywood.Hefollowed film wasaninternationalsuccessandhelpedlaunchhis, Schwarzenegger, MichaelBiehnandLindaHamilton. The the blockbusterfuturisticaction-thrillerstarring Arnold In1984hewroteanddirected“ debut with“ the Stars projection supervisoronRogerCorman’s “ film jobasartdirector, miniature-setbuilderandprocess reach forhisdreams.Helandedfirst professional “2001”, anditrekindledhisdesiretomakemovies kind ofmovieheenvisionedhimselfmakingafterseeing 1977,andCameronsaw“Star Wars”. Itwasexactlythe C ” (1980)andmadehisfeature-lengthdirectorial was unable Die . Piranha II:TheSpawning

Aliens AMERON Titanic ”(1986), “ True Lies ” (1997) starringLeonardo di Terminator 2:JudgementDay The Abyss Roman Churchto convinces the will receiveRobert shock thatKathy see it.Knowingthe baby isbornitdiesbeforethemothercan wife, Kathy. Kathyispregnantbutafterthe a wealthypoliticianandLeeRemickishis hours. GregoryPeckplaysRobert Thorn, chill thehelloutofyoufornearlytwo why The Omenstrikesanerveandwill beyond thelimitsofplausibility. This is made movieandnothingisexaggerated disturb you. The Omenisanextremelywell don’t careaboutreligion,thisfilm will a completeatheistorlikeme,respectbut this isjustso...possible.Evenifyou’re didn’t affect you.Justlikeghostmovies, The Omenandpretendthatthismovie Cross. Believerornot,youcan’t watch Faith.God.JesusChrist.Church. The Chapter 13, Verse 18 his numberis666.”-BookofRevelation, beast: foritisthenumberofaman;and understanding countthenumberof Here is Wisdom. Lethimthathath child, Damien. They nametheir so allwouldbewell. same timeandday child wasbornatthe as theirown. The an orphanedchild allow themtotake ” (1994).Buffy fanskeep The Terminator ” (1981). ” (1989),andthe C Battle Beyond ” (1984), LASSIC The Omen barearts grabsaquick chat withClareBuck littler on who usedtobeeven field -thatweelass ” E it sounds eh… shortly before SkyNet goeslive.Let’s hopeit’s betterthan (played byNick Stahl)againstafemale Terminator (Loken) and KristanaLoken. The filmpits ArnieandJohnConnor to starSchwarzenegger, ClaireDanes (“ but withoutCameroninvolved unfortunately. The filmisset instalment inthe Terminator franchiseisalsoinproduction, intends tocastcompletelydigitally createdactors. The third working on“ over here).JamesCameronis currentlyrumouredtobe “ successful televisionseries–namelytheFoxnetworkhit directed amotionpicture,buthasbeenactiveincreating Sincetherunawaysuccessof“ end. winning arecordelevenOscars.I’msurehegotpaidinthe of alltime,takingmorethan$1billionworldwideand in itsfirstweekendandhasgoneontobethebiggest film it wasreleased, everything exceptthe$1.5millionforscreenplay. When its spirallingcosts,Cameronevenforfeitedhisfeesfor visiting thewreckof Titanic 12timeshimself.Dueto and heendedupproducing,directingeditingthefilm, words: jolyonhunter Dark Angel XCLUSIVE

2.4 children OF ” starringJessica Alba (availableonSkyOne Avatar

fears. What ifthedevilreallyexists?Isn’t acting, powerful music and our unconscious loaded withspecialeffects. Itreliesongood him. You getthepicture. The Omenisnot that habit. At theZoo,baboonsattack screams andforceshisparentstoabandon places. Onthewaytochurchhekicksand we seeincidentsofDamienandhisfear take animmediatelikingtoher. After this in, Mrs.Baylock,andDamienseemsto on withhislife. A newnannyisbrought Thorn doesn’t believehimandtriestogo they adoptedwasthesonofDevil. visits the Thorn’s totellthemthatthechild birthday party. Thereafter aFatherBrannen, decides tohangherselfatDamien’s 5th past startstocomelife. Their firstnanny Ambassador toGreatBritainthechild’s 5yearslaterwhileRobertisU.S. words: stewfudge Titanic THE ” –arevolutionaryprojectwhere he - tookmorethan$25milliondollars ing anotherchanceto enough, weareoffer as ifonehadn’tbeen win amobilephone.

C WEEK aren’t wenice? Titanic OMPETITION ”, Cameronhasnot Cathedral? very ownGuildford none otherthanour about goingintois Damien hasafit the churchthat did youknowthat did? Incidentally Christ apparently earth justlikeJesus son wouldcometo it possiblethathis terminatorRomeo andJuliet

- ”) 16 LITERATURE 21 November 2002

LITERATURE The literature columns will be taking a major revamp over the next few weeks as I introduce new sections (easy reading is seeketh not Itself to please, at the top of the list) and the “LOVE possibility of a short story competition. I will be holding Nor for itself hath any care; a short informal meeting for all those interested in contributing But for another gives its ease, to the Barefacts literature section in the next two weeks, so watch this space. If you want to send And builds a HEAVEN in Hells despair.” something in, same address – [email protected]

Chris Ward | Literature Editor you ? modern prose | enduring love | ian mcewan

“Dear Joe, I’m really sorry about our row. I’m not being sardonic – I really mean it, I genuinely regret it. We always prided ourselves on being able to get by without the occasional fights that other couples told us were necessary a story and therapeutic. I hated it last you night. I hated being angry, and I was scared by your anger. But it’s there now, “I always it can’t be unsaid. You said again and again that I owe you that a profound apology for not thought our would ? standing with you ‘shoulder to shoulder’ against Jed Parry, for doubting your sanity, for not love was the having faith in your powers of rationality and deduction and your dedicated research into kind that BAREFACTS SHORT STORY COMPETITION his condition… …Our sex life dwindled to almost nothing. I was meant barefacts is going to run a short-story competition next semester. Running over six don’t want to go on about it, weeks of the spring semester’s publications, we will see if there is any writing talent at but your ransacking my desk this remarkably science-based university. The top six entries will each have their work was a terrible betrayal. What to go on and published in barefacts and a winner will be picked from those “short-listed” entrants. reason had I given you to be The judges are yet to be confirmed, but will have some idea of what they are talking jealous? As the Parry thing about. We hope. grew I watched you go deeper on. Perhaps If you are interested in entering the competition and would like more details, then please into yourself and further and e-mail either Chris Ward [[email protected]] or Rich Watts [[email protected]] further away from me.” who will be only too pleased to help you along with things such as word limits and Enduring Love is a powerful it will.” suggested topics. account of how certain situations can damage a relationship or love for Alternatively, if you think this is a rubbish idea or you just didn’t understand that funny another person, but it is also an account of how these obstacles can be sentance above this grey box, then let us know: overcome with optimism and effort. The obsessive Jed Parry became Joe’s fears in his relationship, and these fears were nurtured as Joe distanced [email protected] himself from Clarissa. Ironically, he was trying to save his relationship and to save Clarissa, but the opposite occurred. If you don’ tell us, we will never know. In the above extract, it is clear that a lot of damage has been done to Joe and Clarissa’s relationship. At the end of the letter, she tells Joe that she needs some time to think things over, and although this is a pessimistic action, her final words are quite optimistic. All you need is love? “I always thought our love was the kind that was meant to go on and on. Perhaps it will. I just don’t Those of you who read get to see. The reason for adopting within the book. However, this does know” this column regularly this format is simply because I want not mean that the book contains Maybe this is the true meaning of “enduring love”. will realise that I have to emphasise the universality and every element of a concept, it merely In love we have to endure many obstacles in order to keep reviewed exactly the same ambiguity of every good piece of means that a book contains enough the love enduring. Both the negative and the positive prose novel as last week. literature. There is always more than elements for people to associate with go hand in hand. Keeping a healthy balance You will also notice one side of the coin, and this is what and appreciate. Very few novelists between the two allows you to appreciate the the quote at the top makes literary material withstand the achieve this effect, and some good things. Is love always negative? Does it of the page being test of time. shouldn’t even try (*cough* Jeffrey always end in tears? Is “true love” a mere slightly different. Many people make the mistake Archer *cough*); but those that do cliché? These are questions that only the It too was written of believing that a novel can boast can produce not just a story, but a individual can answer, and I can assure by William Blake, every part of a concept such as philosophical and moralistic lesson you that everybody will have a totally but it offers an entirely love. Their reasoning for this is for those who read it. different thing to say about such a wide and different perspective on love. This is that everybody can associate with at universal topic. a perspective that some people do not least one element of the issues raised [email protected] 21 November 2002 THEATRE 17

Exclusive: an interview with Clare Buckfield COMPETITION[S] Jenny Porter in 2.4 Children, Natasha in A truly pitiful display from you all last week with the competition - makes me wonder if Grange Hill, and now Lucy in Moment anyone is actually reading this newspaper or not. Who can say? I receive the odd e-mail of Weakness at the Yvonne Arnaud in saying “don’t get rid of the interactive section” but not so Guildford. Suffering from a cold and in the much as a peep with regard to the competitions. What can middle of hectic rehearsals, Clare kindly you do? granted us an interview during her lunch Well, you can offer people a free mobile phone handset, break. providing they can answer a simple question. You see, For Clare, acting started off as a part- to celebrate the fact that the Union has started selling time hobby when she was nine years international calling phonecards (from front reception), old. Following her sister Julia (currently barefacts has decided, thanks to Primus, to give away playing Julie in Hollyoaks) landing a part a T200 Sony Ericsson phone. Now, I’m not going to in BBC’s Grange Hill, the twins began go into the finer details of why it is probably better for to take it more seriously, enrolling at the you to not win this prize, because [a] you won’t agree Sylvia Young Theatre School. Clare took with me and [b] you won’t even listen, so instead I’ll to theatre school like a duck to water, “I just say it is worth a sack load of money and is very really loved it”. When asked if there was interview: rachael bemrose nice indeed (to look at, that is). any rivalry between her and her sister, she We generally think of actors being Anyway, you probably don’t really care, so I’ll just get replied “there’s no maliciousness between ambitious and somewhat egotistical, so on with the question - the competition will run for one us. If both of us go for the same part, if what ambitions does Clare have and who week only, because next week is the last printed edition one of us gets it, we’re happy. In fact, it’s does she look up to? “I would love to play of barefacts for the calendar year. a bonus having someone whom you are Juliet, but I’m not getting any younger, so The question is this: close to in the business, for support and for I’d better get on with it! I’d love to do it learning scripts!” at the National, but would probably prefer what denomination of phonecard can you now buy from On her character in the play she says, to try Juliet on a smaller stage first before the students’ union? “Lucy is a fun character, in her early 20’s, braving the National. I really admire Alan whose parents have split up. She schemes, Rickman; I’ve followed his career ever is it [a] £5; [b] £ 7.24; [c] 35,682pts? in a nice way, to get them back together. since I first saw him. And Juliet Stevenson, She’s a happy go lucky person, mature I love Truly, Madly, Deeply in which they A bit of common sense should get you a long way with for her age, who gets on well with her starred together: I really love that film”. that one - not particularly challenging, I think. Anyway, the father with whom she lives”. On working On going out with the lovely Ant usual rules apply, which means that Alan cannot win, I certainly cannot win and the only with Gwen Taylor and Michael Jayston, McPartlin, she says, “it’s lovely”. And person who can has to be a student who is currently studying a registered course at the who have a wealth of theatre experience when I ask her about the showbiz parties, University of Surrey. My girlfriend’s decision is final and therefore what she says, goes. between them, has been a fantastic learning she disappointingly says “we don’t go to E-mail your answers to [email protected] and cross your fingers instead of revising experience “I’m always learning with all of them, just the big ones,” stating that for anything, including Who Wants to be a Millionnaire. ? them”. she and Ant are more “Pie and pub people, I asked Clare if she enjoys theatre work who’d rather stay at home with a take more than television, as she has recently away, bottle of wine and a good video”. been starring more in the theatre, having Though she does add “the parties are really starred in the West End musical Summer enjoyable, really good fun – especially if Holiday with Darren Day earlier this they win something!” And defies anyone year. “I enjoy the theatre more, the who says that they aren’t! Yet despite instant reaction. You’re under much more this love of a good, glitzy night out, Clare pressure. It’s hard work, but I like hard insists they are not a celebrity couple, work, and it’s so rewarding and fulfilling. and that there will definitely be no Hello! But I do love the TV. I wouldn’t be doing Mag open house spread in the near future! the theatre, if not for the TV work. And Clare can be seen next week in Moment of part of the great thing of this profession is Weakness at Guildford’s Yvonne Arnaud the variety of thing there are to do.” theatre: see preview for ticket information.

Preview

MOMENT OF WEAKNESS include ‘Eastenders’ and ‘Dancing at Is it True Love or just a Moment of Lughnasa’ and films such as ‘Zulu Down’ Weakness? This brilliantly crafted and and ’20,000 Leagues Under the Sea’. Clare hugely entertaining play, Donald Churchill Buckfield (see Exclusive! interview) is introduces us to the trials and tribulations of best known for her television role as Jenny Tony (Michael Jayston) and Audrey (Gwen Porter in the BBC comedy ‘2.4 Children’. Taylor), a divorced couple who meet at Make the effort! Get a ticket! And see their country cottage after three years apart. some well known TV faces performing Sparks, sarcasm and witticisms fly, as old at your local theatre. The play runs from wounds are opened and forgotten memories Monday 25th – Saturday 30th November, stirred. But then their lively journalist Mon–Thurs: 7.45pm; Fri-Sat: 8pm and daughter Lucy (Clare Buckfield) arrives Mats on Thurs and Sat at 2.30pm. Student and provokes an unexpected chain of standby tickets are available an hour before events. the start of any performance priced at £7. This has all the making of a brilliant night Tickets for the Thursday and Saturday out! The cast includes faces that you’ll all matinee performances are available priced recognise. Gwen Taylor is one of Britain’s £7 from the box office (01483) 44 00 00. leading actors, known for her television For further information, see their website: roles including the title role in ‘Barbara’ www.yvonne-arnaud.co.uk. rachael and ‘Class Act’ with Joanna Lumley. Her bemrose theatre credits include ‘Picasso’s Women’ with Jerry Hall and the title role in ‘Shirley if you are interested in writing about or Valentine’. Her most quoted role to date is reviewing theatre, then get in touch with that of Mrs Bignose in the ‘Life of Brian’. rachael bemrose at Michael Jayston’s television credits [email protected] 18 MUSIC 21 November 2002

SINGLES ANYWHERE JENNY FROM THE BLOCK BETH ORTON | HEAVENLY RECORDINGS JENNIFER LOPEZ | EPIC After the success of Beth Orton’s latest Luscious Lopez returns with her fist single off ‘This Is album ‘Daybreaker’ comes her latest single Me? Then’ , soon to be released album. Catchy flute solo ‘Anywhere’. Four and a half minutes of gives it an old skool feel* with pop music that leaves you wondering why current pop vocals sum you even bothered. Orton’s old material ominous with this curvy is by far better than ‘Anywhere’, the cutie. She’s not changed trumpet introduction is something that the direction but when what Lighthouse Family would be proud of. Her your doing is successful voice is that of a professional, but her band why should she. Recent doesn’t compliment her, she really needs to announcement of her start looking through the classified sections latest engagement could of music publications. Give this one a miss. cynically be said as well three | s.b timed to whip up the media to co – inside with her film and album release. Jenny From The Block is pure Lopez and bound to be another hit. GURL NEXT DOOR six | m.b. THE KEYS | BOOBTRAP RECORDS If you ever get the erge to play quality indie-pop at full blast, reach for The words by: alex read Keys. Matthew Evans and Gwion Rowlands have created simon robinson something special. The Keys are made up of the remains of Murry jon swarbrick | duncan hills The Hump, the Too Pure act that got nowhere, this project was rightly matty b | anthos chrysanthou abandoned to make way for The Keys. ‘Gurl Next Door ‘ is released anna wheeler | mark iyer on Cardiff based Boobytrap records, the label which has been the driving force stuart bryce | nick dean behind the fine indie scene that has appeared over recent years in the city. The Keys are sure to play a Barfly near you soon. If you like Badly Drawn Boy, you’ll if you are interested in writing for the music like the Keys! six point seven five | s.b team, then come along to the cd hand-out in the media centre on mondays at 5pm

COCHISE AUDIOSLAVE | EPIC 48 seconds in and cue universe-destroying riff No.178 from the artists formerly known as Rage against the Machine. But wait – ten seconds later and suddenly we’re listening GETAWAY to Led Zeppelin. When Chris Cornell’s THE MUSIC | GETAWAY vocals come in for the first time, they More trippy, spaced out wailing over fuzzy guitars from redefine this band. The hip-hop element of Britain’s most annoyingly named band. The Music have RATM is absent on this single, and it lacks enjoyed a fast-track road to success and been paired with The the drive, the sheer momentum of what Coral as the future of Brit-rock, but on recent evidence The we’re used to hearing. I concede that trying Coral are more deserving of your time. Getaway is another to find a frontman who can spit fire like ‘danceable’ rock anthem that makes all the right noises, but is Zack De La Rocha is almost impossible, also quite forgettable, and can’t help sounding formulaic. In but by opting for a traditional rock singer short, this is not as good as last single Take the Long Road and rather than a rapper, Audioslave (on Walk it but still eminently preferable to a kick in the nadgers. Cochise at least) miss that killer edge that Which isn’t much of a recommendation now is it? was a hallmark of RATM. six | a.c. five | a.c.

STILL I DREAM OF IT/THE GHOSTS PARADE ED HARCOURT | HEAVENLY RECORDINGS Heavenly must be one of the strongest record labels in Britain at the moment, not only do they have The Vines, Doves SEVENTEEN and Beth Orton signed to them, but they LADYTRON | TELSTAR also have Ed Harcourt. Harcourt is a man Forgotten pioneers of the electro-clash movement able to produce works of art from nothing. (there before the over hyped Fischerspooner were He can also produce art that really is not poncing around on stage), Ladytron release their first single from worth displaying, like his version of Brian their new album ‘Light & Magic’. The reason why they have Wilson’s ‘Still I Dream of It’. Harcourt survived the over blown marketing and hype of electro-clash is IN THIS WORLD has done something really wrong here, because they know how to make a great pop record. Yes there MOBY | MUTE RECORDS LTD he’s made the track sound ideally suited is an analogue synth throughout and a Kraftwerk style ‘Moby’ released this new single on 4th November to for a Disney film. The‘ Ghost Parade’ is * androgyny but there is also dance pop coincide with his first UK Tour for nearly two years. 'In something completely different, Harcourt sensibility that makes this This World', the follow up to ‘Extreme Ways’, is one of at his best, a progression from last years as listenable the highlights from Moby's Number 1 album ‘18’, released critically acclaimed ‘Here Be Monsters’ and as S Club earlier this year. ‘In This World’ is definitely nothing new sure to be a track to be chosen for his next Juniors. from Richard Melville Hall, or ‘Moby’ as he is better known, LP. Covers are always risky to release, but nine | s.r. but leaves you feeling satisfied. Look out for it on all the this one will sell for sure, get out there and ‘chillout’ compilations! purchase it quick if you’re a fan, there are seven | n.d only 3000 copies in existence. five | s.b 21 November 2002 MUSIC 19

ALBUMS

GREATEST HITS BJORK The way in which this record has been compiled lends it a level of quality assurance seldom seen in your typical greatest hits LP. A web vote was set up in which fans were asked to choose the most career defining and/or their favourite Bjork songs. The result? A greatest hits package consisting of a truly telling representation of songs depicting the artist’s innovative musical development (my words not there’s). The fact that there are tracks from a range of her solo albums rightly suggest that her career has been long and successful one. The usual if you’ve already got…blah, HOME COOKING blah, blah aside this record should inspire TONY ALLEN | WRASSE RECORDS even the casual Bjork fan to delve deeper With shades of dub, soul, funk and jazz, into her Icelandic catacombs in search of this is a varied and really exciting album. more. The track listing includes Human Tony Allen was formerly the influential Behaviour, All Is Full Of Love (still sounds drummer with ‘Afrobeat’ and now is as heartfelt as ever) and Venus As A Boy. heading out to do his own thing. And The uneducated will question where is that it’s great. Opener ‘Every Season’ is the ‘oh so quiet one’? My response would be first single to be taken from the album. unprintable in anything but an Irvine Welsh Featuring Damon Albarn on vocals, this is novel. eight | a.r. causing excitement in clubs and the chilled out beats combined with Damon’s lazy vocals sound fantastic. Title track ‘Home Cooking’ is another standout. It is really funky, with Afro-Caribbean reggae guitars, trumpets and 70s beats. “Let the master drummer teach you the style.” Exactly. This album is gracefully stylish and NU – FLOW effortlessly cool. eight | a.w. BIG BROVAZ | SONY Nu – Flow is the new album from one of the U.K’s newest and most promising R&B and hip hop acts around. Soulful female vocals take on ‘Outkast’ style rapping that intriguingly works. Current chart topping single, Nu – Flow’s beat orientated choruses have flung Big Brovaz into a welcomed limelight. This track shows that they’re able to balance commercial elements along with urban creditability. Soul focused Baby Baby is lush with piano and complimentary over rap makes it odds on favourite as a follow single up to their first hit. The band are made up of two producers and six rappers that have been together for four years creating material for their first album release for big player Sony. The combination of styles is perfectly balanced with the rap complimenting the soul melodies rather than drown it out. Nu – Flow has the ability to attract to the commercial market as well as R&B and Hip Hop fans that a winning formula seven | m.b.

BRUSHFIRE FAIRYTALES JACK JOHNSON | ISLAND RECORDS Jack Johnson, son of surf legend Jeff Johnson releases soft rock / folk influenced Brushfire Fairytales. OpenerInaudible melodies are smooth with descriptive vocals and jolly guitar accompaniment. Upbeat Middle Man sees rhythmical singing to the time of bongos at a floating pace. StandoutFlake has a bit of help from Jack’s hero, Ben Harper on guitar to complete a heart felt offering. A softer upbeat ‘David Gray’ in the making shines with solo song writing. Laid back rhythms have turned him into an instant hit in America and with making accessible music has a chance to emulate this across the pond. The expressive Fortunate Fool and drink the water happily sit along other album tracks as demonstrating the roundness of the record. seven | m.b. 20 GIGS 21 November 2002 He’s not particularly relevant nowadays, but he still knows a good tune

RICHARD ASHCROFT to criticise at the moment. The rest of the main LONDON BRIXTON ACADEMY | 16 NOVEMBER set featured everything a discerning Ashcroft fan could want, the epic Check The Meaning is I walked into this one with only moderate expectations I’d full of emotion and meaning if you excuse the heard the solo stuff and was only slightly impressed with fish lyric.Science of Silence is great and a little the consistency of Ashcroft’s recent song writing. What I different to the usual fare. From the Alone With got however was a most unusual live performance by any Everybody record there were a number of tacks standard. It was hugely representative of his solo albums that lit the Brixton fuse in spectacular fashion Richard in the sense there were equal measures of brilliance and my favourite was New York the electric guitars Ashcroft: mediocrity. Despite all this tittle tattle the gig still ranks are devastatingly effective. It was all a bit stop seemingly as one of the best I’ve been to all year (not that bold a start because there’s absolutely no middle ground can’t make statement considering I saw Wheatus at The Civic!). with his songs. It seems they’re either fantastic his mind up between being The thing is no one really cares when Richard gets a bit examples of melodic tunesmith or totally crap or being pretentious with the lyrics, for every Nature Is the Law irrelevant nonsense. With each record a few new amazing. there’s a Lucky Man to redress the balance. Surprisingly good songs are added to the pile of old good the set kicked off with Sonnet, which took everyone back a ones – give him three more solo LPs and you’ll Symphony presumably ‘new’ to avoid paying the Stones bit; not the greatest choice in my opinion The two-hour sell have an awesomely complete live show. At the any royalties (the strings were gone in favour of over egged out gig encompassed the best from the Verve days Lucky moment the quality is too mixed to be faultless. guitar). Perfect example of the mixed nature of this gig and Man, Sonnet and the scarily emotive The Drugs Don’t The encore included the classic Northern Soul Ashcroft in general. Shit, excellent, shit, excellent, shit etc. Work all filtered in during the main set. The initially duller era History which is still up there with his best. Not sure how relevant he is these days (well I am: he isn’t) new stuff does improve with more plays so it’s a bit harsh We also got a new version of Bitter Sweet but for a night out on the lash you can’t knock it. alex read

THE RAPTURE | THE BOGGS style songs on acoustic guitar they soon IGHTMARES ON AX TH N W INST. OF CONT. ARTS | 13 NOVEMBER dragged on especially with each track being TH THE BRIGHTON DOME | 14 NOVEMBER undistinguishable from the next. If I ever The ‘the’ tradition of bands continues have to see Dolly Parton, it is now a more When Nightmares on Wax (NoW) released in which all instruments went through an tonight with any band containing the word exciting prospect. their first album in 1991, it was created improvised solo, my favorite being the bass ‘the’ in their title seemingly destined for Seeing the Rapture come onto the stage is using mainly samples and incredibly fast solo with the bassist slapping the bass so an NME front page. Top that with being a welcome relief for all. Having released rapping. Started and run by George Evelyn fast I couldn’t see his fingers! from New York and boy oh boy the world one of this years bests singles ‘House of aka EASE, a DJ from Leeds, NoW have It is obvious to me that NoW have an edge is yours. Fulfilling both requirements, Jealous Lovers’, they represent all that now made a name for themselves for above most hip-hop acts – the fact they can the prospect of seeing the Rapture is an is good about New York at the moment. bringing the soul back to hip hop. Their perform amazingly live. Outstanding. big al exciting one, but first up the Boggs. All of them look cool with hair a 1970’s 1995 album ‘Smokers Delight’ featured Yes yes, I know what your thinking, John McEnroe would be proud of (one of beautiful music with a funky beat, and the that name. If you’re them even sported a sweat band to top the albums that followed developed on this. going to call yourself look). They steal all of the best sounds that As soon as we entered the Brighton Dome, something that have come from New York, angular riffs a rather new venue, with standing and ridiculous you better from Television, punk attitude from the seating sections, we were met with signs, be pretty good or Beastie Boys and add their own element of ‘As a result of the Fire Brigade Strike, no your going to get dance to it. ‘Out of the Races and onto the smoking is permitted in any part of the called the inevitable. tracks’, ‘Modern Romance’ and ‘House of building.’ Smokers delight? Outside maybe. Unfortunately for them Jealous Lovers’ all soar along with angular This however did not stop anyone from they were rubbish. In guitars and attitude and put other New York having a fantastic night. fact I would be quite pretenders to shame (the Liars, the Mooney On hearing the opening chords of ‘Les willing to hover my ass Suzuki). However, there is one problem Nuits’, one of NoW’s most famous song, over them and let go with tonight’s set, that is the insistence of a very hip Brighton crowd were on their of last nights dinner. using a sax player on some of the songs. feet and dancing until the end. The first To be fair to them to The inclusion is an unnecessary one, it twenty minutes was an incredibly live set start off with the sound disrupts the dynamics of the loudness and featuring tracks from their previous albums, was turned down quietness which make the band so great ‘Smokers Delight’ and ‘Carboot Soul’. Two (did someone know on record and seems arbitrary to include it albums that really stand out from any other something we didn’t), live. The songs that didn’t include the sax chilled hip-hop albums of the mid nineties. but when raised it was standout the best and highlights why the EASE was joined on stage by a guitarist, not a relief. Bashing Rapture are so good and above the rest of bassist, keyboardist and an amazing out country meets rock New York’s upstarts. simon robinson percussion set up. The sound created was note perfect. Just before another classic song ‘Ethnic Majority’, EASE (who MC’d REAGAN | MARLOWE @ STUDENTS UNION play a major part throughout. However, for trumpet, violin and a flute. First throughout the night) told stage crew to Well, LIVE comes to the union once again this ends up with the music sounding impressions are that of members of your cut the lights and shouted “Nightmares and it seems that a lot of the university has somewhat confused as at times they try school orchestra forming a bit (but older). on wax are all about the music, you don’t deadlines looming as attendance is low. to sound too much like their counterparts. This is in fact where some of them met have to see us to experience the NoW!” What with previous Tuesday night bands Add to this a guitarist who at any given but all are from Liverpool way. The first They carried on playing the whole track being of a high standard, Reuben, Martin moment will drop to his knees and twist track is an instrumental acid Jazz style in the dark. ‘Mind Elevation’, NoW’s Gretsch and Kandyheads being some, and squirm around on the floor and it all track called ‘Arachnid’ but kind of walks newest album features not only chilled tonight’s bands have a tough act to follow ends up pretty messy. They sound their along on one leg which is an unpleasant instrumental tracks but some incredible but take to the stage Reagan and Marlowe. best when they make things simple, ‘When thing to see (or hear!) There was nothing vocals as well. The rest of the concert was Regan, a five piece from the exotic we went’ starts slowly and they build on it particularly wrong with Marlowe but then filled with loads of brand new tracks; with High Wycombe (where they all went to displaying a sense of control the rest of the again there was nothing that special. The great vocalists on stage giving it their all. university), are up first. Electronic fuzz and songs don’t. The guitarists pants were on kind of thing you hear when tucking into a The outstanding song of the night was ‘70’s disgruntled noise are the order reminiscent show most of the set, if they did make more nice four cheese pizza and garlic bread at 80’s’, with a great rap and backing vocals. of the Cooper Temple Clause (with some of an effort then perhaps this wouldn’t be your local Pizza Express. A non descript I don’t think there was a still body in the barnet’s to match as well). They say their such a good metaphor for the band. Mavericks meets the Tindersticks via the room, the atmosphere was incredible. The sound is “electronic rock” and with two Marlowe couldn’t be much more of a Jazz café. Trumpet player had a nice hat concert ended with a twenty minute jam, keyboardists the electronic effects certainly different band. Keyboards are swapped and beard though. simon robinson 21 November 2002 MUSIC 21

MUSIC NEWS ALBUMS HITS THIS week saw one of the year’s PULP biggest music awards taking place, the A chronological representation of Pulps’ MTV Europe Awards. Eninem was greatest* hits OK. The reviewer’s job is the biggest winner on the night picking slightly different than normal in the sense up three awards for Best Album, Best all these songs have charted well and Male Artist and Best Hip-Hop. Close therefore already been proven as rather behind was Kylie who scooped two good. Instead I’ll examine the appeal awards for Best Pop and Best Dance to those who have never really bought Artist. The ceremony was hosted by into the whole Pulp thing. The comedic the flamboyantP Diddy. charm of a gangly Jarvis Cocker singing wickedly catchy pop songs about the ON Craig David’s recent US promo painfully relevant will never be repeated tour black executives at radio stations - case closed. Anyone lucky enough to apparently told the Southampton see his double act with Ali G on Help born singer that he should ditch white the Aged will understand what I’m on guitarist, Fraser T Smith, if he really about – ‘help the aged, help the mo fo wanted to break the US market. Craig aged’. His performance at the Brits with has stated that Smith is staying and Michael Jackson brought new meaning to he thought it was “disappointing that demonstrative appreciation (whatever that there was still this slight sense of SCARLET’S WALK means?) To say ‘highlights include’ would racism going on over there.” TORI AMOS | EPIC be stupid - here’s the most obvious Do You This new LP from the Cornflake Girl Remember The First Time, Sorted for E’s & is pretty much what you would expect. NOEL Gallagher has apparently turned Wizz, Disco 2000 and my favourite A Little down the opportunity of appearing Floaty, hippy folk-pop. At 18 songs and Soul (wow I love it!). Essential purchase on the British institution ‘This is 74 minutes, this is at least six songs too for those in search of urban pornocopia on your Life’, branding it “naff”. The long. It’s usually not a good idea to have a bit of plastic. eightpointfive| a.r. reason behind his decision , according such a long album, unless every track is essential. And frankly, here quite a few to a close friend, is that he sees it FAT MUSIC, VOLUME VI, UNCONTROLLABLE FATULENCE are not. If Tori had cut out some of the as “not exactly the most trendy of VARIOUS | FAT WRECK CHORDS duller moments such as ‘Strange’ and the programmes, not exactly cool. He ‘Uncontrollable Fatulence’ is the sixth edition in the Fat Music series. This compilation terrible warbling ‘Don’t Make Me Come wasn’t really impressed when Martin has 18 tracks with well known punk bands such as ‘Lagwagon’, ‘Less Than To Vegas’, this could have been much more Kemp appeared on it either. He Jake’, and ‘NOFX’, and the not so well known such as enjoyable. Saying that, there are some doesn’t want to be put in the same ‘Dillinger Four’. While this album kicks off with good moments. Tori sounds good when bracket as him.” So if its “naff” how a excellent track from ‘Lagwagon’ and ends with she tries a bit less, such as on the chilled does he know Martin Kemp was on it a amusing cover of ‘Nothing compares to you’ out ‘Crazy’. ‘Sweet Sangria’ has a bit more in the first place? from punk cover band ‘Me First & The Gimme substance, with piano, it’s actually quite Gimme’s’ Most of the stuff on here is certainly funky. The girl has got a great voice and nothing new and could be described as pure this does shine through, but at times she uncomfortable noise. If you are a If you would like to be featured in “what’s sounds dangerously like Enya, which can regular fan of Top of the Pops on your campus stereo, then drop us a line never be a good thing. There is nothing you won’t want to touch this. If you at [email protected], and we may very here that sounds new and much of it blends are a into your alternative scene you well come and search you out. Or we may into the background. Strictly for fans, this should check it but it isn’t not. Who knows what crazy things we can be filed under dull. four | a.w. anywhere near as good as such might do... previous Fat comps as ‘Live Fat and Die Young’ and ‘Life in the Fat lane’. What’s on your campus stereo? five | n.d This week WOYCS returns in the music section. Five people have been asked a few questions on what they have been listening to recently and below are what they said. Here are the five questions they were asked [1] What ALL TEN FINGERS was the last album that you bought? [4] What one song would make you get up and dance at the union? [3] What ANDY VOTEL | XL RECORDINGS song do you like to play before you leave the house to go party? [2] What was the last thing on your stereo when Andy Votel is a Manc DJ who has produced you left your house? [5] Who’s your favourite band/artist at the moment? The questions were posed by one Mr and remixed a multitude of acts including Ian Brown, Death In Vegas* and Badly Simon Robinson and all the people who answered happened to be on the music team Drawn Boy, as well as helping to set up the famous Twisted Nerve label. ‘All Anthos Chrysanthonou Alex Read Simon Robinson Ten Fingers’ is Andy’s first LP proper [1] Bjork – Greatest hits [1] Pulp – Hits [1] The Rapture – Mirror and is certainly eclectic. Widespread [2] Audioslave single [2] Pulp – The Lost Soul [2] Detroit Cobras – Hey Sailor influences apparently include Krautrock, [3] Electric 6 – Danger High Voltage [3] Michael Jackson – Billy Jean [3] Motorhead – Ace of Spades Hungarian Prog, West Coast Psych and of [4] Supergrass – Latest album [4] German Industrial Techno [4] Some dirty electro comp course, Old-Skool hip-hop. Every song [5] Radiohead [5] The Coral [5] Joy Division is unique. ‘Gentle Man Thief’ is just strange, with laid-back trad jazz stretched out over slow beats, with snare drum and trumpets. But it works. ‘Salted Tangerines’ is a collaboration with Malcolm Mooney from the legendary German band Can. It consists of Malcolm singing lyrics based on poetry written in the early 70s over tinkling piano, and is completely barking. Stuart Bryce Rich Watts But hey, Mr. Votel can get away with it and [1] A – Somethings Going On [1] Martin Grech - Open Heart Zoo make it sound like art. It’s terrific. Other [2] Young Heart Attack [2] Elbow - Asleep in the Back collaborators on the LP include fellow [3] Chemical Brothers – Hey Boy Hey Girl [3] Weezer stuff - Buddy Holly, probably Mancunians Elbow. This is nothing if not [4] Foo Fighters – Break Out [4] something you can be a bit floppy-wristed with original, complex and utterly intriguing. [5] The Music [5] the Boggs. without a shadow of doubt eight | a.w. 22 COMMUNICATION 21 November 2002 -team j-team.biz j-team.biz We only went and won it many out. Arriving at a flash reception full of top, well dressed, student and professional broadcasters in our J-Team clobber (and sun visors!) caused a bit of attention. According to one Louisa of Demon FM (De Montfort University) we all made ‘a bit of an entrance’! Whatever that means. After numerous antics, such as a photo session with a certain piece of J produce which will be mentioned later, we were all ushered to the theatre. The ceremony was well in when they brought out the award for ‘Best Speech Based Program (Factual)’. The big news this week is, of course, that GU2 didn’t win it. A little unfortunate, but looking back, we really don’t mind! On the way to London a few stops were made. During a stop on the way, I’d purchased a tin of dog food for a reason which I don’t really recall. However, it was decided that, in the event of a win, we would swap it for the award on the stage. Pity, because in the event of the biggest win we could have hoped for, we forgot all about it. Instead I found myself jumping on top of Gaz, dancing on the chairs and generally cheering and pringling with everybody. Then someone, I don’t know who, said: “Shall we go up on the stage?” What a good idea! Seriously, we would have gone on for about another hour if that person hadn’t spoken. I turned and ran along the row of chairs. Mr. Tea was leading the charge and began words: judge mental and Mr Tea the spectacular trend of diving headfirst onto the stage. The stage was quite slippery and it WE ONLY WENT AND WON IT! The simplicity of that first sentence is something I will wasn’t long before we found ourselves at the feet of Emma B, the hostess. It also wasn’t be eternally glad of. Anything more complex, such as what else was said last week when much longer until we found ourselves jumping up and down with the award presenters, GU2 nicely claimed the title of ‘Student Station of The Year 2002’, went straight in one a certain Andy Parfit, Controller of Radio 1, and John Bradford, Director of The Radio ear and out the other. The excitement and disbelief over the minutes which followed the Academy. They were great sports! Now we reach what I cannot remember… announcement triggered some sort of overload which now means I can remember very ...the aftershow party was, erm, IMMENSE! It was so strange to be at a party in a J-Team little of what was said. It is for this reason that we have this week chosen to base the J- shirt and not have people you’ve never met hurling insults at you. People who we did meet Column on Hazards for Fishermen at sea. Just messing. Although my knowledge of last had nothing but respect for GU2 and that was really cool. It showed that last year’s team, weeks National Student Radio Awards is somewhat akin to the aforementioned topic, we led by Gaz, have successfully put Surrey on the radio map. Deservingly so too. I think that should really cover it. Shouldn’t we? a huge well done to everybody who played any part in the success of last year is in order. Paragraph 2. This paragraph is dedicated to Mr. Gareth Davies. Gaz, as many of you Also, if you see Gaz, stop him and shake him by the hand. know, was the main man at GU2 last year. He was IN CHARGE! From organising GU2’s Mr. Tea and I would also like to say a huge thank you to Kit Kat and Nit Nat who made an month on FM at the beginning to editing our award entries, he put an awful load of work excellent effort at presenting The J-Team Classic last Thursday night in our absence. Listen and effort in. Even if some of it was having to listen to hours upon hours of recorded J- out for them sometime soon again on GU2, hopefully! The ‘Classic returns to normal this Team Classic shows! Gaz, have a salute and a bag of credit from The J-Team! We did it! Thursday with new competition: ‘Flush the Mush!’ Tune in Thursdays from 7pm to find out There are so many comedy parts of the evening that I’m worried about missing too more! GU2 won ‘Best Student Station 2002’, by the way. the.net bringing you the randomness from cyberspace words: chris “funkyberry” hunter Do you remember a few weeks ago I reviewed www.snapyourd esk.barkins.com – the website where you can take a photo of your desk, and send it in for all the world to see? Well I checked back there at random today (Mon 18th) and out of 200 desks on there, mine is one of the creator’s 5 “Personal Favourites”!! Sorry but I’m really impressed about that! I wouldn’t normally put competitions up on here, but this one is so random that it has to be mentioned. Goto http:// overload.which.co.uk for your chance to win £1000! All you have to do is to guess what day/hour/minute/second a washing machine, that they are running overloaded non-stop, will breakdown. The research is for Which, so I think it’s genuine. There are even 4 webcams on the washing machine! Ok. This site will probably be the longest URL that I’ve put in here, but I really think I should mention this site… here goes: www.eskimo.com/~billb/ weird/microexp.html will tell you loads of really cool experiments that you can do with microwaves. I learned a lot from this site, and I think the coolest thing is putting fluorescent tube lights into the microwave, and having them light up when you turn the microwave on! It was also interesting reading the explanation about why you don’t put forks in microwaves. *DISCLAIMER* Myself or Barefacts will accept no responsibility for any personal damage, caused to you or a 3rd party by you being stupid and dumb in testing out these mad experiments! My final site this week is a really cute and addictive little game! http://entries.the5k.org/ 717 is a stickman boxing match that you can bet on, given odds of each stickman winning, based on past performance. There are 6 stickmen to choose from, and they run around the room until 2 meet each other and have a fight – they do this till there is one left. I’ve been playing this for 15 minutes now, and I had to really force myself to stop (although I don’t really have a great score to show for it!) 24 INTERACTIVE 21 November 2002

Hi there all. Last week’s answer As that great Irish band “the cranberries” once was the rail thing that you can said, everybody else is doing it, so why can’ t we? slide your trays along in the HRB. Thus, this week we have a bit of a James Bond theme with the lyrics quiz, and that, of This week’s challenge is quite course, means we get to continue putting in picturesQuiz of sexy people, with slightly justified gettable… although for people reasons. At least we think so. that are stuck – don’ t let So wihout further ado, here is the quiz, by sarah butterworth and a nice picture. orientation fool you. - funkyberry - 1. “Hold one up and then caress it, touch it, stroke it and undress it” 2. “And love is a stranger who’ll beckon you on” 3. “I’m in a puddle on the fl oor, waiting for you to return” 4. “I know when to talk and I know when to touch” 5. “You’ll never know how I watched you from the shadows as a child” 6. “Lurking in some darkened doorway, or crouched on a roof top somewhere” 7. “The way that you hold me whenever you hold me” 8. “Beckons you to enter his web of sin – but don’ t go in” 9. “Dance into the fi re, that fatal kiss is all we need” 10. “Comes the morning and the headlights fade away”

Who Wants to Be A Millionaire?

£100: what was the name of the banqueting hall gutted at Windsor castle in 1992? a: St Jason’s Hall | b: St Wayne’s Hall | c: St George’s Hall | d: St Sharon’s Hall

£200: in which sport was Daley Thompson an Olympic champion? a: cycling | b: shooting | c: athletics | d: diving WORD £300: for which national rugby union side has Gavin Hastings been a record scorer? A big thank you to rich and a hand-over-ears anna this week for their a: scotland| b: ireland | c: wales| d: england X help with this here crossword. I hope you can remember the answers. £500: in which sport would you use a pommel horse? a: show-jumping | b: fencing | c: gymnastics | d: snooker

£1k: which singer is famously known as the “man in black”? a: kenny rogers | b: glenn campbell | c: jonny cash | d: willie nelson

£2k: what was Dr Kildare’s first name in the television series? a: james | b: john | c: pete | d: timothy

£4k: what is the Celcius equivalent of 77degrees Fahrenheit? a: 15C| b: 20C | c: 25C | d: 30C

£8k: which of these cars was designed by Alec Issigonis? a: citroen 2cv | b: rolls royce silver ghost | c: volkswagen beetle | d: morris minor

£16k: which character was played by Ewan McGregor in the 1996 movie “Emma”? a: Mr Knightly | b: Frank Churchill | c: Mr Elton | d: Robert Martin

£32k: which of these is not a recognised ruling body in professional boxing? a: wbo | b: wbc | c: wbf | d: wba

£64k: in British greyhound racing, what colour is worn across down by the dog in trap 3? 1. money order [6] 1. spring flower [6] a: red | b: white | c: blue | d: black 4. on ship [6] 2. pound [4] 7. change hue [9] 3. get away [6] £125k: which US state is nicknamed the “mother of 9. clothe [4] 4. united in enterprise [6] presidents”? 10. profit [4] 5. musical work [4] a: delaware | b: virginia | c: south carolina | 11. secret agents [5] 6. fungus attacking wood [3,3] d: north dakota 13. bandage [6] 7. spiritual leader [5,4] 14. take-off [6] 8. superfluous [ 9] £250k: which nationality was the astronomer Copernicus? 15. tenent [6] 11. farm animals [5] a: swedish | b: dutch | c: polish | d: greek 17. amongst [6] 12. squalid [5] 19. flower [5] 15. superior [6] £500k: from which author;s work did scientists take the word ‘quark’? 20. occasion [4] 16. crime [6] a: lewis carroll | b: edward lear | c: james joyce | d: aldous huxley 22. precipitation [4] 17. creature [6] 23. lament lot [anag.] [9] 18. in the direction of [6] £1m: ‘hydroponics’ is a term related to which of the following? 24. cure [6] 21. otherwise [4] a: whale-song | b: plant-growing | c: sea travel | d: humidity measurement 25. myth [6] 22. cosy [4] 21 November 2002 LIFESTYLE 25

ife After The Womb words: rich w Final years Funkyberry (CIT) and Ickle Sarah (Music) give L a random slice of campus life from their humble dwellings within Battersea Court Rawson… All this talk of awards and what does Life After the Womb have to offer in terms of silverware or glass bowls, or free bottles of After recovering from the trauma of A few week’s ago I wrote about the whiskey and large, picnic hamper sets? Absolutely nothing. More barren than a Spanish accidentally going to hotmale.com rather Rawson Phenomenon – the strange fact coastline after an oil slick. than hotmail.comI was able to start week that nobody ever seems to know where So this had a knock-on effect and, aside from those that lost in these awards we keep 11. I check my watch… 7:30… owch! I Battersea Rawson is – but this week it hearing about, LATW got to thinking who else normally gets neglected when it comes to look in my hotmaIL struck me that many awards ceremonies and the handing ou of accolades to fellow ‘professionals.’ box, and find that moons ago, when GU2/ This is actually a much harder task than it may at first seem, because, on the face of it, hu- someone has been kind GuildfordCampusRadio mans are all too ready to congratulate their colleagues when a good knees-up, plenty of free enough to send me the was housed in nothing alcohol and the possibility of a wee snog are offered as the perks of attending a bash. Thus following email: “what but a cupboard, Rawson we have pretty pointless ceremonies in which people not only justify their weird habits by if you could have it must have been far better getting fellow weirdos in a room, but ones in which they celebrate their strangeness with all.. larger breasts... “After known. Yes, ladies and unparalleled enthusiasm. NO SURGERY...” gentlemen, that very So what about the Welfare sabbatical? What sort of recognition do they get? In all fair- Good question. What recovering from cupboard (well, small ness, they get very little, and so perhaps it is time we offered them the opportunity to get if I could have larger room) is in Rawson 2, themselves some nice glass bowls in which they can keep all of those condoms and little breasts? Its honestly the trauma of barely 10 metres from welfare leaflets they often have so handily lying around. something I haven’t where I am now. Hidden The first category could be for “Best Hug,” where nominees have to demonstrate a firm- thought about before. accidental- between a door out of but-not-too-firm wrapping technique. They should be judged on comfort created by a People seem to have got my floor and the Wells gentle rubbing action of one hand on the back of the hugged, as well as ease with which the impression that I’m ly going to staircase it looks like it’s the hugged can place there nose into the hugger’s shoulder (and thus probably depositing a rather strange already, hotmale.com been derelict for many fair residue of snot). Extra points should be given for maintaining an emotive, yet sexually so I guess no one would years, containing only a distant cuddle by the necessary maintaining of distance between the respective crotches of really notice…On first few sad old boxes and the hugged and the hugger. thoughts - HELL NO! instead of microphone stands. So, The second category would be the “Best Tissues” award; this would take into account the I check my watch again, hotmail.com I’ve been prompted to number of tissues a ‘welfarer’ has, what size they are, whether they have that nice balm on 7:30… right… time think of new uses for this them that means your skin does not get irritated and flakey, whether they have an extensive I got on with the day. bit of Surrey history. One supply of them or not, whether they are carefully concealed such that the ‘afflicted’ (for Last night I went to see the week was suggestion was a special want of a better word) doesn’t feel like they have to cry or sniffle or dribble but that the Harry Potter 1. I’m well ‘party room’ for Rawson security is there just in case they do. All these things would be taken into account and my impressed with that able to start.” 2, but I’m not sure how - there are a lot of them. (Life After the Womb is secretly glad it doesn’t have to consider movie. We saw it at the well that’d go down with all of these things...) Union, and if anyone the powers that be! Or A third category could be “Best Sympathetic Tone;” that is to say the noise a welfarer hasn’t been there to see maybe we could open makes when the afflicted is telling them the information they wish to convey. Though a Sunday night film – I totally recommend a Battersea Court bar?! Suggestions on a somewhat dependent on the subjective view of the person doing the talking, there are it. They put the full stage speakers on, and I postcard….. distinct characteristics associated with a genuine, hearlfelt “uh-huh.” Judges should swear the floor literally shook when Hagrid Yet again I’m going to talk about one of therefore look for the following points: eye contact between the involved parties such that knocked that door down! For free it’s a the major highlights of my week – Sunday the afflicted is put at ease by the unintelligible murmur; a depth of tone that suggest warm, quality night out! Thanks to Jo for dragging Roast (which was this week held at cuddly animals sitting in front of an open fire in the farmhouse of a Welsh farmers lodg- me along! lunchtime especially so I could get to a ings, in the middle of winter with the gales blowing hard outside; a decent enough length of Finally the lift project is in… although I rehearsal at 2pm – awww)! The six of us acknowledgement such that the welfarer doesn’t seem too keen to show they are listening, totally messed it up. I’m just going to have have decided that this tradition is too good but doesn’t conversely make it too short and abrupt such that the afflicted thinks they are to work harder for the exams. Exams are to be kept to ourselves, so have hit upon the funny things. I never want to revise – I just idea of starting a Roast Dinner Society. Our not being listened too. It is also important to want to get in there and do it (although if aims would be to promote the social values consider where the welfarer is placing their fingers I don’t revise, I’ll have nothing to write of weekly roast dinners (and of course the whilst listening to the person. Should their about!). [Break for time check – 7.30… accompanying wine), experiment with new hand be twitching on the knee - a sympom right] Oh yer, the other cool thing about cooking techniques and raise awareness of of boredom, then this ill discourage the exams is that you get to read all the vegetarian steaks – yes, they do exist! Also afflicted; if, however, they place theri index amusing things that people have written – getting your weekly vegetable allowance finger in an intelligent fashion on one or on the exam tables!! I think sympathy is all in one day (well… almost) is pretty other of their cheeks, then this will due for my multimedia course – we get our useful. And after the 20 signatures, AGM, display true care and attention to the exam at 5pm-7pm on a Friday night! committee malarkey, we could buy what plight being described before them. Anyone reading this in Battersea Court, the meat eaters in the group have been after The overall winner of the award will be that as you should know by now, there is the all along – a brand new carving knife (to welfarer who can maintain all of the competition running for the best decorated be shared equally amongst members, of above elements whilst continuing to pro- kitchen this Christmas. There are some cool course)! So… any takers? vide an effective service to the afflicted prizes on offer – so get decorating! Oh by Of course, we’d need a society and without seemingly having to concen- the way, my watch stopped 9 months ago. headquarters, complete with oven, cooking trate on any of the particulars other than chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter utensils, food, wine…. and that’s where the the person in front of them. Of course, if old GU2 cupboard comes into play! they do win the award then they will invar- ‘ickle sarah iably burst out into floods of tears, thank

everyone involved with their work, even

– A View to a Kill 10. A-ha – The Living Daylights Living The – A-ha 10. Kill a to View A – though they coudn’t tell them anything Simon - Nobody Does It Better (The Spy Who Loved Me) 8. Shirley Bassey – Goldfinger 9. Duran Duran Duran Duran 9. Goldfinger – Bassey Shirley 8. Me) Loved Who Spy (The Better It Does Nobody - Simon

– The World is Not Enough 5. Tina Turner – Goldeneye 6. Lulu – The Man With the Golden Gun 7. Carly Carly 7. Gun Golden the With Man The – Lulu 6. Goldeneye – Turner Tina 5. Enough Not is World The – about it, and invite everybody in

Forever 2. Nancy Sinatra – You Only Live Twice 3. Sheryl Crowe – Tomorrow Never Dies 4. Garbage Garbage 4. Dies Never Tomorrow – Crowe Sheryl 3. Twice Live Only You – Sinatra Nancy 2. Forever the auditorium up on stage to share in their

lyrics quiz: quiz: lyrics 1. Shirley Bassey – Diamonds Are Are Diamonds – Bassey Shirley 1.

16. Felony | 17. Animal | 18. Toward | 21. Else | 22. Snug 22. | Else 21. | Toward 18. | Animal 17. | Felony 16. success, but hey - taht’s welfarers for you

Escape | 4. Allied | 5. Opus | 6. Dry rot | 7. Dalai Lama | 8. Redundant | 11. Sheep | 12. Seany | 15. Better | | Better 15. | Seany 12. | Sheep 11. | Redundant 8. | Lama Dalai 7. | rot Dry 6. | Opus 5. | Allied 4. | Escape and they are a lovely bunch of people.

Down : 1. Crocus | 2. Quid | 3. 3. | Quid 2. | Crocus 1. : 19. Peony | 20. Time | 22. Snow | 23. Allotment | 24. Remedy | 25. Legend. Legend. 25. | Remedy 24. | Allotment 23. | Snow 22. | Time 20. | Peony 19. It’s just they don’t get awards that have it

Aboard | 7. Discolour | 9. Clad | 10. Seer | 11. Spies | 13. Swathe | 14. Deduct | 15. Belief | 17. Amidst | | Amidst 17. | Belief 15. | Deduct 14. | Swathe 13. | Spies 11. | Seer 10. | Clad 9. | Discolour 7. | Aboard written on nice bits of glass. Across Xword £1m £500k £250k £125k £64k £32k : 1. Cheque | 4. 4. | Cheque 1. : : b]. : [ c]; : [ c]; : [ b]; : [ b]; : [ c]; : b];[

£16k £8k £4k £2k £1k £500 £300 £200 £100 WWTBAM : : [ d]; : [ c]; : [ a]; : [ c]; : [ c]; : [ a]; : [ c]; : [ c]; : :[ Upside-Down Answers Upside-Down 26 PERSONALS 21 November 2002

Scorpio Cancer After all the fun and excitement ALMOST ACCURATE ASTROLOGY The planets are making you from your birthday (as well as the words and predicting: daisy clay rush things without much time embarrassment you suffered…but to think about things but don’t let’s not go into that now though), now is worry too much because it will all work out the time to be sensible and sort a few things out. You have alignment of Venus and Pluto so be sure the most of it. You fine. It is a good idea to just try sitting down for a while to spent a lot of time thinking about that special someone luck will be highest this Friday and Saturday so don’t waste make a lists of things to do, things to buy, people to see, lately but the planets dictate that you must finally tell them it by staying indoors! and places to go. Don’t forget to make a list of these lists or how you really feel. You will certainly feel much better you run the risk of forgetting to check them. after facing up to things. Aries The planets are warm this week and so are you. Leo Sagittarius All this heat could lead to lots of fun, but be New beginnings and life changes are on the After finally having a bit of a sort out, much to careful not to get burnt. Look forward to hot way but do not resist them. Embrace new the delight of your housemates and neighbours, dates on the 22nd and 25th. Your skills in the kitchen should acquaintances with open arms and look forward you are feeling more organised. Seize this also be successful so how about baking some scones for all to lots of nice shiny new things. Everyone likes shiny new opportunity to try and plan ahead. If you ignore this advice your friends to share. Remember that you’ll need baking things, especially you. But you can still share your nice you may find your food cupboards empty and your social powder though. shiny new things because that would be nice, and possibly calendar too full for you to cope. Try to keep on top of shiny too…quite a new thing for you too! things……and allow yourself to see things from more than Taurus one angle… Recent arguments with friends have been Virgo troubling you. Minor disruptions to the This week you will be full of confidence, which Capricorn positioning of the planets seem to have caused can only be a good thing unless you overdo it. All that creativity seems to have gone well, and some more major disruptions to your life. As the planets After someone you trusted lets you down you you are now full of determination to go through are sorting themselves out it is time for you to do the same. will feel a strong urge to seek revenge. Best not though. with that idea you have been considering for Also, sharing a bar of chocolate could seriously improve Your plans of revenge are just too mean and will probably a while. Find the courage to do it (you know what) whilst your chances with that new friend of yours. backfire. Do watch out for that open kitchen cupboard too. you still can. Gemini Libra Aquarius What are you like?! All these deadlines are All these midnight meetings in secret locations This week the stars indicate that it will be getting nearer and nearer (so near that you are arousing the suspicions of friends. They will important for you to avoid fish. As an Aquarian could poke them with a short stick) and you’re find out about that night at the laundrette unless this may sound odd to you but it is vital you doing nothing about them. Get your act together and stop you stop these late night antics. A last piece of advice is that keep your feet firmly on dry land. In fact, avoid the lake at playing Solitaire or Hearts (although well done on your you should not attempt to climb into any wide open spaces, all costs. You are safe to have showers but a bath may not new top score!). Try to focus on one task at a time as no matter how inviting them may seem. be the best plan either. Good luck this week. Mars will temporarily disrupt your multi-tasking abilities. Sacrificing a night or two out will pay off when you get Remember - none of our esteemed astrologers have any Pisces those deadlines out of the way and can really get down to qualifications that mean they can actually predict anything You lucky, lucky thing you – you couldn’t be non-stop partying! The fact you have a beautiful girlfriend other than the date of the next Royal scandal, which, given much luckier this week with the current will make you feel better whenever you see her, though. current events, isn’t particularly difficult as it is.

Well, shag a met-ro and have a triple The CC Sick boys (hope the hangovers admirer, 1st weeks clue - how did a UIP round!! We bloody did it guys!! These are the gone mark) photo of u get near her bed!!! BEST STUDENT RADIO STATION 2002: GU2 1350AM! Thank you to the personals. Steps, you say? I know someone who can Pascoe’s bird la la la, Pascoe’s bird la la BEST manager (Gaz)- and the BEST You gossip- do those... la! team EVER!!!!! meisters,you. Get out your retro gear for 70’s night out I don’t fancy Pascoe’s much!!! The big monkey is keen to spend Why can’t you with Guildford and Cathedral Court!!!... christmas with you!! mon 25th nov, meet 7.30pm at reception Rhys, watch where you get her next just be nice time!”My eye, my eye!!!” She’s got that homeless look down to the Pikeys: culturally they’re far behind last detail to each I’m walking along the beach in brighton, other, eh? Malibu is USSU’s official broken tool a little bit drunk and i’m not sure if its You got the vibe? cos I know at least 2 To the girl who is terrified of needles my ears ringing or the music being way people that have! but still gave blood Fri afternoon; Wanted: Common sense, need i say too loud. hope it went well and you really did do more!?! sod this – i’m giving up with the whole something amazing. juggle those hats - that’s what its all lot of it. sod ya’ Schoolgirls nite la la la!! about. Surf & Totty in Lanzarote! Book your Wanted: some fuckin fixtures for the place for Canary Islands Jan 2003 now. Another Netball social, oh dear! as opposed to hugging, you could just 4’s!! 1 week, just £300. [email protected] fall asleep on me - that’s fine. for details. Sorry JJO, I know I said I’d stop Back of the net! mentioning u in the personals. You’re congrats tris...you deserve it Congratulations to GU2 1350am - best getting quite a reputation! Hey baby – you’re gorgeous. student radio station. Shame there is so i would thank my mother, but she much SBN this year. Watch out Pat Sharp, u won’t know wouldn’t let me have a go on her electric I can give you 200 pounds in cash or 230 what’s hit u! wheelchair. as a cheque Who the f**k is Tim Westwood? Geebes hope you binned the toothbrush could these be award winning Dominc says: Fireworks are outside! J-team for Radio 1 slot. after you used it to scoop out the personals? find out next year. chunks!!!!!! Luke says: Aeroplanes are above the Who the f**k is Rich W? adam, stop moaning and get on with sky! Dare you to splash out for once Delly being an admin. some people just can’t guys dont leave me all alone on help but moan. Would the people on the ground floor sundays :( p.s NORWICH IPSHITCH Becks how was ur wkend? Did u trot or of the new court please stop playing MCVEIGH!!!!!!!!) cannter? i’m hearing some very dodgy noises outdoor Jenga! through my flooy - are you in there or is Laurence, Jonno, Mark, Chris, Rich. Blonde streek Robbin u have an it someone else? 21 November 2002 SPORT & STARS 27 Mixed fortune for the netball teams This week at UniSport

Surrey 1sts travelled away to play By Beth Clark Wilson CAPOEIRA Buckingham Chilterns College this week. The art form is 400 hundred years old and was created as a martial art by African It was the first time Shoeless Jo had driven University of Surrey 1st 27 slaves in Brazil. A combination of dance and the martial arts as you participate in this the minibus so the team were unsure as to Buckingham Chilterns College 28 non-contact Brazilian form of combat. Requires grace and fluidity as well as speed whether they would make it! She did fine and perception. though and the firsts arrived 45 minutes University of Surrey 2nd 41 When: Thursdays | Time: 7-8.30pm | Where: PATS | With: Anthony Early early! As it neared 2 o’clock no one seemed Merton College 2 to be around to open the changing rooms WANT TO TEACH SOME SPORT? HAVE A SPECIAL INTEREST IN WORKING WITH KIDS? so players resorted to changing on the bus. closed the gap to one goal. Bucks players The game soon got underway as the umpires let themselves slip here, showing bad We are looking for enthusiastic students wishing to broaden their experience. This is a turned up and sorted themselves out. sportsmanship by walking the balls back to great opportunity to show your skills and develop into one of our future sports coaches. The first quarter saw Surrey firsts pull away centre, to the frustration of Surrey players. Kids zone on Fridays 4-5.30pm by about two goals, but Bucks were close The score ended 27-28 to Bucks. This could Sports Club on Saturdays 10-12 noon on their tails, both teams battling hard for be blamed on bad decisions by the umpires, Please contact Nadine at the Sports Centre. each goal. In the second quarter Surrey firsts but I wouldn’t want to do that again! It’s Tel: 01483 689201 increased their lead to about 6 goals, only just that when the umpire does a toss up for Email: [email protected] to see this lost in the third quarter by some every decision, I can’t help but wonder if positively ridiculous umpiring decisions. So they’re actually watching the game! NEW 5 WEEK COURSES Surrey firsts headed into the final quarter Surrey thirds played at the Varsity again this Squash - Tuesday’s 5.30pm with a two goal lead, and a determination week, yet again notching up another win. Golf - Thursday’s 6.30pm to win. Once again this was lost as Bucks The thirds must be top of the SESA league, Badminton workshop - Tuesday’s 7.30pm fought hard, benefiting from bias umpires, which is well deserved. The commitment All are available for students at a reduced rate! to gain a three goal lead over Surrey. and positive attitude of all the players in the Fantastic shooting from Shoeless and Pussy, thirds is certainly reflected in this success. BECOME A TRAMPOLINE COACH The annual coaching course based here at UniSPORT will be taking place just before the new Spring semester – 15, 16,17 & 18 January. If you have had some (a little is all it needs) experience of trampolining and would like to become a coach please contact: Ben Brennan Trampoline Club Chair – [email protected] or Sally Edie UniSPORT ext. 3917.

Boat club go ERGO crazy in Birmingham

USBC ventured north of Watford on Sunday machine), with its largest number of 17th November, to take part in what is competitors in four years. Well done to becoming key event on the international Julia Mitchell, Melissa Ng, Alice Lydall, rowing calendar. The National Indoor Arena Helen Davies, Ella Willat, Jon ‘flame boy’ in Birmingham’s city centre played host to Churcher, Simon Granshaw, Tim Craxton, the British Indoor Rowing Championships, Alex ‘Winner!’ Deacon, Duncan Russell, for the second year, since its move from the Olivier Rey, Ed Harman and Halil Uzner! Rivermead Leisure Centre in Reading. Special mention goes to Alex ‘Winner!’

Above and below: photographs taken at the presentation of the cheques given to repre- sentatives of various charities. The money was raised for RAFT and Disability Challeng- ers by the Colours Ball and seriously sexy week.

This year saw a huge US contingent taking Deacon who, with a time of 6m.35.9s. came part, hailing from Ivy League colleges such 20th overall in his division (J18) and to Alice as Stanford and Brown. Our home grown Lydall who came 22nd in her division (J18) stars, Matthew Pinsent and James Cracknell with a time of 8m.15.0s. were unable to give a repeat performance of The club members will now be looking to their spectacular race from last year, due to improve on their times in preparation for honeymoons and the flu. However, James the upcoming race season, with both the Cracknell and his new wife TV presenter men’s and women’s squads training over Beverly Turner were there to award prizes eights times a week. The club will next to the best in each category. be competing at Walton Small Boats Head USBC were out in full force, for the Race, our home race, at the beginning of ultimate test: 2000m on the erg (rowing December. 28 21 November 2002 SURREY PRIDE Footballers triumph in BUSA match

Finally O’Sullivan’s band of merry men notched up their By David ‘Jonah’ Jones first BUSA victory of the season against a mediocre side from Imperial College School of Medicine last week. While University of Surrey 2nd XI 3 our captain will no doubt claim that new 4-5-1 formation was nd 0 the key to our success, it was the superb level of commitment ICSM 2 XI from every player on the pitch that made the difference. ICSM kicked off with some bruising challenges but Surrey a poor example of a shooting gallery as we each took turns were up to challenge led by Sibbick, Waite and Warborough to add to the score-line, although to be fair the ICSM keeper who were more than happy to roll up their sleeves and get had a good game between the sticks. Man of the Match goes stuck in. Surrey soon took a grip of the game and made good to Jon Shafford for his tireless running on the right flank, use of the width, allowing Ruggiero and Shafford to attack and he was unlucky not to get on the score sheet himself. the opposition full-backs. The strikes were soon raining in Overall then it should have been a thrashing, but the result is but for the umpteenth week running a lack of composure a satisfying one: bring on Brighton. in front of goal proved our undoing. Just before half-time If you would like to know more about anything to do with though Ruggiero’s sweet 25-yard effort nestled nicely in the the football teams of the University of Surrey, then please back of the net and for the first time this season we had gone contact Dave Jones on [email protected]. ahead! ICSM couldn’t break Surrey’s domination of the midfield in the second half while Shafford took pleasure in repeatedly skinning the helpless left-back. Sibbick doubled the margin with a good header from a deep corner and Surrey ARE YOU INTERESTED IN WRITING could smell victory. The defence were largely untested but were reliable when called upon and the midfield continued FOR THE SPORTS SECTION? to spread the ball well, making the most of ICSMs apparent lack of fitness. An inadvertently well-weighted clearance If you are keen and are interested in writing sports from Jonah put Valentino in behind the defensive line but articles for barefacts, please email our new sports editor, credit must go to the striker who showed good strength and Eddison Ruswa on [email protected] composure to kill the game. The remainder of the game was Women’s Basketball victory Second round of ski-races

By Gemma de Cordova Anja kept the team calm and focussed photo: chris hunter and Zoe and Siren got us a few points, but University of Surrey 39 Roehampton edged ahead and were leading 18-10. With seconds left of the half and Roehampton 31 feeling desperate not to lose the match, I called a tactical time-out, the topic was Last Wednesday, the Ladies Basketball team DEFENCE, as Roehampton had possession (yes we do have one!) played only their 3rd and looked threatening!! The girls held their match of the season. This being the first defensive position beautifully, and not only year in ages that we’ve entered a team in did they stop Roehampton from scoring, Zoe the league, we all wanted to get Surrey on made and energetic drive and got us 2points the map. before the buzzer went for 1⁄2 time!! It wasn’t a good start, only 6 fit and The 3rd 1⁄4 was a different story – we took available players, no Coach and a mission the lead with some excellent team play. Seyi via train and bus to Roehampton. I’m out and Fumi worked hard to keep Roehampton with injury myself, so I took on the role of out of the game – so that they only scored coach and after arriving (with a little help 3points that 1⁄4! from old ladies for directions) we got down The final 1⁄4 was just as good. The girls to a good warm up. Roehampton arrived had to work incredibly hard, with only 1 sub with full team, experienced coach – not to – Cheri who was playing in her 1st match By Chris Hunter races, we only lost 2 due to missing gates. mention the array of supporters – once the and also made a brilliant contribution. The There were the usual major wipeouts, and game had started it left only one sub and me final score was 39-31 – it was fantastic and Saturday 16th November was the date one guy even managed to go the wrong way on our bench to cheer the girls on! our 1st victory! I’m so proud of the girls and for the 2nd round of the Kings Ski Club round the very first gate – only realising After a slow but confident start, we can’t wait to take on South Bank next week Championship. We took 9 racers and with halfway down the course. In compliance were behind 6-7 at the end of the 1st 1⁄4 infront of a home crowd. See you there! fiddling the teams and nicking a skier off with the rules, he had to run all the way and determined to do better in the 2nd 1⁄4. another University, we had enough for 2 back up the slope, and keep going! The most mixed teams and a ladies team. The course impressive skier was someone that fell over is basically the same each time, but the 1⁄4 of the way down the course and lost one conditions can be totally different. This of his skis. Another rule says that you have week the Dendex matting was slightly to complete the course with at least one ski less lubricated, so we all were skiing a bit on – so he skied the rest of the course with slower. just one ski (its hard enough to do a slalom The theme was “The Romans”, and course at speed with two skis on – let alone Southampton University turned up fully just one!) dressed up as all the Asterix characters. The final results were Surrey Ladies 5th, They always win the fancy dress, but for Surrey 1 6th, Surrey 2 joint 17th out of next race’s theme (“Soap Operas”) we’re 19 teams and about 6 ladies teams?. So going to make a real big effort – look out for although we were down on numbers this the photos next time! time, the results are getting better. Next race The ladies team was doing quite well, and in 2 weeks time – lets beat Southampton Uni Surrey 2 also did very well. I think in all our at the fancy dress!!