DOWNTOWN Book/Lyrics by Robert Berliner, Music by Aaron Kenny A
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WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT—Berliner & Kenny inspired by the Touchstone/Amblin film directed by Robert Zemeckis Original screenplay by Jeffrey Price & Peter S. Seaman, based on the work of Gary K. Wolf CONFIDENTIAL—All Rights Reserved DOWNTOWN Book/lyrics by Robert Berliner, Music by Aaron Kenny A long brick wall is all that separates Greater L.A. from Toontown, the wacky, colorful cartoon neighborhood in which all toons reside. Along this border sits the Acme Warehouse, stocked to the brim with every toon gag and gizmo, from “portable holes” to anthropomorphic “squeaking shoes.” It’s here that MARVIN ACME is found murdered—done in by a falling safe—the morning after the scandalous “patty cake” photos sent ROGER RABBIT into his apparent jealous rage. Given the circumstances, and the “toony” nature of the crime, ROGER is widely presumed guilty. VALIANT is skeptical, however, and pays the crime scene a visit. Here, Toontown’s corrupt JUDGE DOOM is already looming, joined by his “Toon Patrol” posse of toon weasel henchmen. DOOM is discreetly armed with a vat of his innovative brand of justice—a lethal chemical mix of paint thinners, known as “The Dip”—which he menacingly insists to VALIANT is the only way to make Toons “respect the law.” JUDGE DOOM (chastising EDDIE’s irreverence) Mr. Valiant, my Toon Patrol and I take these matters very seriously. Law and order must prevail. I make certain it does. Just ask anyone in Toontown who knew Reggie Raven… Tito el Payasito… or Izzy Mousekewitz. They’re… no longer a threat. WEASEL Yeah, ‘cause you erased ‘ em— JUDGE DOOM We took them… d owntown. WEASEL Ohhh, riiiiiight, boss. Yeah, yeah, yeah… “ downtown. ” Riiiight. DOOM (with sinister glee) And now, it appears it’s the Rabbit’s turn. Who Framed Roger Rabbit—Berliner & Kenny—CONFIDENTIAL JUDGE DOOM THERE COMES A TIME WHEN THE WORLD NEEDS THE SWIFT LIQUIDATION OF A PROBLEM AT HAND. SOCIETY’S UNDONE, OVERRUN BY A TOON INFILTRATION THAT A WALL CAN’T WITHSTAND. AND EV’RY TOON’S A PAINTED FACE THAT’S HIDING ITS TRUE INTENTIONS, LIKE SOME TWISTED CLOWN. WE’RE NOT SAFE WITH THEM AT PLAY, SO WE’LL HAUL THEM ALL AWAY DOWNTOWN. THEY’RE A SCOURGE, THEY’RE A PEST, THEY’RE A CURSE, THEY’RE A MENACE. THEY’RE INNATELY INSANE. WE’RE ALWAYS ON THE VERGE OF UNREST, AND WHAT’S WORSE, EVEN THEN, IS THEY’RE IMPERVIOUS TO PAIN. BUT NONETHELESS, I’VE FOUND, AT LAST, AN ELEGANT NEW SOLUTION— ONE IN WHICH THEY DROWN. I EXTERMINATE THE “FUN.” YES, SIR, THAT’S THE WAY IT’S DONE DOWNTOWN. (A toon “SQUEAKING SHOE,” freed from its storage box, cozies up to DOOM’s foot like a kitten. DOOM, not amused, menacingly puts on thick rubber gloves.) TAKE HEED— THINK OF WHAT’S AT STAKE! IT’S TIME— TIME TO FALL IN LINE. Who Framed Roger Rabbit—Berliner & Kenny—CONFIDENTIAL DOOM ( cont.) OR, CLEAR OUT AND LEAVE THE JOB TO ME. (DOOM picks up the SHOE, and it squirms and squeals in abject terror.) WHEN THE SQUEAKING HAS BEEN HUSHED, AND THE REFUSE HAS BEEN FLUSHED, (AND MY CRITICS HAVE BEEN CRUSHED) YOU’LL SEE. (He slowly lowers the SHOE into the fatal dip) SEE… (the SHOE squeals in agony as it dissolves upon contact) See? (with a final whimper, the SHOE is no more) I’VE A JOB, I’VE A ROLE, I’VE A PLAN, I’VE A VISION, AND I’M STAKING MY CLAIM. A HUMAN HAS BEEN KILLED BY A TOON, AND THERE’S NO INDECISION— FOR THE RABBIT’S TO BLAME. SO JUSTICE WON’T BE SERVED UNTIL HIS COLORFUL CONSTITUTION TURNS A SOUPY BROWN. YES, HE’LL TAKE A ONE-WAY TRIP, AND HE’LL MAKE A FINAL QUIP, AS HE TAKES A LITTLE DIP… DOWNTOWN. .