An Uncensored Introduction

Nikol Nikol Hasler Hasler

AN UNCENSORED INTRODUCTION

& &

AN UNCENSORED INTRODUCTION

by Nikol Hasler with illustrations by Michael Capozzola

Zest Books San Francisco Author Acknowledgments I would never have been able to compile the accurate and useful information found in this book without the support of Cory Silverberg, Heather Corrina, Judith Steinhart, Dr. Jeffrery Klausner, Morty Diamond, Tristan Toramino, and Miriam Kaufman. These people took time out of their busy sexual educa- tion lives to answer every question I had and are pioneers in the world of sexual information. Through the process they made sure my email inbox stayed interesting with subject lines like “penis queries” and “condoms in butts.” I also want to thank Zest Books publisher Hallie Warshaw for deciding that it was important to write a book like this one and editorial director Karen Macklin for being patient with me during every step of the process. Also thanks to Zest’s research editor Nikki Roddy, who spent an awful lot of time looking at lengthy documents and pie charts on everything from bodily fluids to penis sizes. Most important, I want to thank my sons for interrupting me every now and then to show me that a good hour of silly dancing in the kitchen can be an excellent cure for just about anything. —Nikol Hasler

This is a revised and expanded edition of Sex: A Book for Teens (Zest Books, 2010). This new edition includes an additional chapter on the topic of online sex and safety, along with updated information about new legislation, medical discoveries, and cultural shifts — especially on the topic of transgender issues. It also includes a fully updated resources section.

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Copyright © 2015 Nikol Hasler / Illustrations copyright © 2015 Michael Capozzola / All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or used in any form or by any means — graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or information storage and retrieval systems — without the written permission of the publisher. / Juvenile Nonfiction > Health & Daily Living > Sexuality & Pregnancy / Library of Congress data available / ISBN: 978-1-936976-84-3 / Design by Adam Grano

Manufactured in the U.S.A. DOC 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 45xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx CONTENTS page 6 Introduction

page 9 page 99 1. Your Body 7. Protecting Yourself How It Works and How To Treat It How to Steer Clear of Disease

page 30 page 118 2. Sexual Identification 8. Birth Control Who Are You? The Art of Not Making Babies

page 43 page 135 3. Masturbation 9. Dating and The Greatest Love of All Relationships What’s Sex Got to Do With It? page 54 4. The First Time page 146 What to Know, What to Expect 10. Kinks, Fantasies, and Fetishes page 69 Not Just in Your Imagination 5. Foreplay Getting It On Before Getting It On page 156 11. Communicating page 83 About Sex 6. Oral, Vaginal, Mouths Are Also For Talking and Anal Sex You’re Going To Put That Where? page 168 12. Sex and the internet #StaySafe

page 184 Resources

page 186 InDEX INTROD UCTION

ou’ve probably already figured this out from the title, but the book Yyou are holding in your hands right now is about sex. That’s right. It takes the two most exciting things in the world — sex and books — and combines them into this one magnificent object. Yep, every word, sentence, and illustration in this book is about that three-letter word that everyone is thinking about on some level or another — even if they don’t want to admit it. So, why a book about sex? And, more important, why this book about sex? From a very early age I received a lot of mixed-up information about sex. Family members, friends, teachers, the media — everyone had opinions about what was okay and normal, bad and strange. As a kid, you rely on other people to help you make sense of things, and when everyone seems to be at odds with one topic, it can make that topic difficult to talk about. Like everything in my life that ever confused me, I dealt with sex by cracking a lot of jokes about it. Still, by the age of 18, I was pregnant and homeless and still abso- lutely confused about sex. Was I a bad person for wanting it? Was I a bad girlfriend if I didn’t? What was the point of safe sex, really? How could I tell someone that I wasn’t interested in having sex? Was I gay? Was I normal? Would I ever be? In 2007, I began making a web series with my friends, and it was through that series that I was finally able to talk to that teenage version of myself and say things that would have made a difference to hear. We insisted on keeping it funny and ridiculous because life is funny and

6 | Sex: An Uncensored Introduction INTROD UCTION

ridiculous. Now the mother of teens, I talk to them about everything the same way I talk to all of you in this book. This is my conversation with you, only you don’t get to say anything back to me. Sorry. (Also, if we were talking face to face we probably wouldn’t spend the whole time talking about sex. Only about 80 percent...) But there’s only so much we can say in three-minute-long webisodes, which is why I wanted to write this book. There is an awful lot of information out there about sex, and it is pretty easy to access. And yet teens are still getting pregnant, picking up sexually transmitted infections, and learning about sex through information that is incorrect, condescending, or just plain boring. There’s nothing boring about sex, so why should you feel bored while learning about it? This book is about everything that has to do with sex: bodies, birth control, virginity, sexual orientation, masturbation, dating, sexually transmitted infections, performance, orgasms, what to do if you’re in love with a werewolf and your friends don’t approve… This book is not here to tell you to have or not to have sex — it’s to tell you what you need to know if you are having sex, or ever will. Everyone has questions about sex, even those who aren’t “doing it” yet. Even people who have been doing it for a bajillion years still have questions (like, why am I still alive and having sex as a bajillion-year old?). I love humor. But I also believe in supremely factual and up-to-date info, so I consulted many doctors and sex experts to write this book. I have also included a great list of teen resources at the end, so you can

Introduction | 7 find answers to anything this book doesn’t cover and get new information when it comes out. Any book about sex is going to need to be updated from time to time. Updated information comes to light, new technologies are introduced, and the medical field fixes things that once held us back. This book was initially written as a result of that web series I hosted in 2007. At the time, there was nothing else like it. Shortly after that, web videos started to boom, and now the amount of people out there talking openly about sex is immeasur- able. In this updated version, we introduce a whole new chapter focusing on that technology and added some great bits of new information about a few things that have changed. (You could make it a game. Read the old one and then find the changes. I didn’t say it was a fun game. But maybe you live someplace really boring and you’re too old to play Mouse Trap.) Now, on to the book! Read it. Get your friends to read it. Talk about it. Put the words into song. Buy two copies and compare them to see if there are any differences. Wildly wave your copy in the air and quote parts of it in the hallways. Or… just read it. But then take the information you’ve gleaned and do something useful with it, like understand your body more and figure out how to talk about sex. And remember that it is OK to laugh. After all, sex is a serious topic, but it’s also pretty funny.

— Nikol Hasler, writer and host of the Midwest Teen Sex Show

8 | Sex: An Uncensored Introduction Chapter 1

Your Body How It Works and How to Treat It

hen talking about sex, the best place to begin is by taking a close W look at your body. That may sound like a given, but lots of people ignore their bodies — or have no idea what the different parts do — and then they get freaked out when seemingly weird (but really perfectly normal) things happen. This chapter is not about how your heart and lungs work because that would be boring (and no book about sex should start out boring!). But here is a good rundown of the sexual body parts, how they function, and how to keep them in good working order. And remember: It’s also important to learn about other people’s bodies. Even if you don’t have a penis or a vagina, you should still become familiar with how one works — especially if you plan on getting intimate with one at some point. Your Reproductive Organs These body parts are some of the most interesting ones you have (despite their odd, medical-sounding names). Even if you think you know the 411 on what they all do, here’s a quick review.

Female Reproductive parts Girls have a lot of small parts, each of which serves a different purpose. People often just call the whole area the vagina, but most of it is techni- cally called the vulva (see below). The mons pubis is the mound of fatty tissue, skin, and pubic hair that sits over the pubic bone. The vulva is the area that contains all of the external female genitalia, including the labia majora, labia minora, clitoris, clitoral hood, urethral opening, and the vaginal opening. The labia majora (or outside lips) and the labia minora (inside lips) are the two pairs of skin folds and help protect what’s inside. The clitoris is a knob-like bundle of nerves. Stimulation of the clitoris during sexual activity causes girls to be sexually excited and to have orgasms. The little flap on top of it is the clitoral hood. Below the clitoris is the urethral opening, where urine comes out. It is the place where the urethra begins. The urethra is the tube that leads to your bladder, which sits right below the ovaries and against the cervix. Below the urethral opening is the introitus, or vaginal opening, which leads to the muscular canal known as the vagina. This is the birth canal.

mons pubis Clitoral Hood Clitoris Labia Majora vulva Urethral Opening Labia Minora IntroituS (Vaginal Opening)

Anus

10 | Sex: An Uncensored Introduction Nikol Before you get busy, Hasler you need to get educated.

Thinking about having sex? Or just thinking about sex, period? Well, that’s certainly a good place to start — because there’s a lot to think about, and a lot to learn. And Nikol Hasler is here to help. This honest, funny, and uncensored guide covers everything from sexual orientation and masturbation to foreplay, first-time concerns, birth control, and protection against diseases. New sections in this revised edition also address online dating, sex-related bullying, important new sex-related legislation, and sexting — a topic of particular interest and concern today. No subject is off-limits and no question is taboo in this hilarious, in-depth, all-in-one guide.

“What a clever, well-written, and creatively illustrated book that speaks to teens and their parents about teenage sexuality! Both the content and form

are superb.” —M. Joycelyn Elders, MD, former Surgeon General of the United States

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$14.99 / Higher in Canada / ISBN: 978-1-936976-84-3 / www.zestbooks.net