DIARY OF A YEAR IN THE LIFE OF A SINGLE MOTHER. [SHARON ANN KILBY’S STORY – THE FIRST YEAR.] [email protected] This diary has been appraised by SCOTT MEREDITH Literary Agency; the comments of which are published here. Also published are the comments of several other Publishers and Agencies. SCOTT MEREDITH: This is a terrifying work, a searing and unsparing account of the torment you have suffered at the hands of a brutal, even maniacal ex-spouse, a vengeful stalker, ne’er-do-well and sadist who embodies the most fervid and fearful possibilities one could face. You write of this year of torment without self-pity, with detachment, control, a notable unwillingness to sentimentalise or make special pleading for your circumstance and to open this anywhere is to be moved by the unforced clarity and integrity of the narration. The justice system – and the “protecting” agencies – are incompetent, venal, corrupt and essentially against the single mother victimized as you have been by an errant, abusive and brutal spouse and what has emerged from these pages is an indictment of the system, handled with courage. The ordeal has been extreme and you’ve recorded it with unflinching self-awareness and a great deal of insight. We are taken with many aspects of this manuscript. ANDREWS McMEEL PUBLISHING: We became thoroughly absorbed in your manuscript, and in the meantime completely disgusted with your ex-fiance and his stalking. What a travesty! We could see women’s magazines and feminist/womanist publications printing parts of this manuscript as a feature item. Woman Power and Perseverance. PEACHTREE PUBLISHERS, LTD: It looks like you have a wonderful idea for a book and these ideas are presented well. Your diary is important. Good luck. PENGUIN: Best of luck with finding a home for your worthy idea. JOHN HAWKINS & ASSOCIATES, INC: Your story is very powerful, and will surely provide much hope and inspiration for a large readership. MARION BOYARS PUBLISHRES LTD: We found your manuscript very moving. WRITERS HOUSE: Your material is interesting and was afforded careful consideration. JEANNE FREDERICKS LITERARY AGENCY, INC: This work has its merits. RANDOM HOUSE: We have given the enclosed publishing proposal careful consideration. FREDERICK HILL ASSOCIATES LITERARY AGENCY: We have read your manuscript carefully …. Your life as a single mother raises some important issues. DARLEY ANDERSON LITERARY AGENCY: You have been through a terrible time and have tremendous guts and determination. Sadly we don’t handle books like this. We receive 120 submissions per week and can only take on two or three new writers a year. GRANADA TV: We read your story with mounting horror. You have amazing stamina and stickability to keep on going. We may be able to turn it into TV at some stage. INTRODUCTION My diary A YEAR IN THE LIFE OF A SINGLE MOTHER details the events in my life as a single parent of Andrew, Michelle, Jordan and Melissa from 5th October 1998 to 5th October 1999. It starts with the foreword - a brief background of why I left my older children’s incompetent and irresponsible father and the alcoholic, violent and abusive father of my babies. Much of the diary is fairly typical of an ordinary busy mother - but it raises some very serious thought-provoking issues, which affect an alarming number of people of all ages. I speak about myself as a victim of domestic violence, my children as victims of child abuse, my fight against the control of and molestation from my depraved ex- fiancé, my continuous struggle with his death threats, evil intentions to snatch my babies and his vile determination to have all my cherished children displaced. It exposes my dealings and subsequent lack of faith and distrust in the police. It covers the harassment I endured from the NSPCC, the lies of my local Council and my torment at the hands of Social Service gangsters. It reveals my challenges with local street thugs and an aggressive dangerous dog and my protests at our Authorities’ inability to protect its decent law-abiding unassuming, peaceful citizens. It outlines my belief that school is a form of child abuse. It covers my ideas of an appropriate schooling system and my methods of home-educating my two older children. My diary tells of the normal everyday hassles and pleasures of rearing children and the problems and benefits of going it alone. I talk about my court battles, my feelings of loss for my late mum, my fight with the flab and most importantly my NEW FOUND FAITH IN GOD. The diary discloses my thoughts on life regarding the all important issues of: injustice, corruption and double standards at the highest, most powerful levels of society and our incompetent judicial system. I refer to the abhorrent handling by police of such cases as the Stephen Lawrence murder enquiry in London and my admiration for the sheer grit and determination of his mother to find justice, and the police scandal regarding the Hillsborough football tragedy. I speak of my desire for equal status for all people of all races; physical and mental health; and most alarmingly the all-controlling ‘underworld’. I have chosen the diary style because I do not proclaim to be an expert or ‘professional’ on any of the topics I write about. It is not the intention to lecture or advise others – I’m merely a humble mum wishing to develop a camaraderie with like-minded folk and those who regard themselves as victims of society or who have suffered a miscarriage of justice. However if anyone benefits from or can identify with my story I will have been blessed. I feel this diary is important because I wish to help raise the status of parenthood. I would like it to be recognised as one of the most important, challenging, responsible and worthwhile jobs. I want to help raise the awareness of children - of their need to be nurtured and treasured and that in return their gift is priceless. I would hope that my experience may help other victims of domestic violence find the courage to break free and in the doing save their children who suffer in silence. I hope that this book will help support other lone parents and it would be my deepest desire to help people stand up for their rights and gain justice. This can only happen when the masses of ‘ordinary’ people challenge our corrupt government, police chiefs and judicial system in order to eradicate the all-powerful, evil, secret underworld that rules us. Ultimately it would be my greatest wish for everyone to find God, become righteous and live according to his rules. SPECIAL THANKS: to my four children without whom this diary would not be possible. This book is written with love, devotion and dedication to Andrew, Michelle, Jordan and Melissa who greatly inspire and teach me daily and to my parents - my late mum for her love, wisdom, family values, common sense and strength and to my dad for his humour, individuality, guidance, love and support. A MUM IS: a committed, dedicated worker; on call: twenty four hours a day, seven days a week - for life. She takes no holidays, receives surprisingly and insultingly low status, no pay, minimal guidance or support and no training. She is loving, protective, nurturing, flexible, understanding, tolerant, patient, organised, busy, energetic, creative, skilful, a Jack of all trades, a proficient nurse, teacher, psychologist and above all else a guardian angel. She is also fortunate, blessed and honoured. FOREWORD. My marriage of five years produced Andrew [now ten] and Michelle [now nearly nine.] When I was with their father it felt like I had three kids! My ex, Gaven, would insist on just being their friend. He simply refused to be a father to them. A father in my book largely meant being an authoritarian figure. However as Gaven proved incapable in that department I preferred that he just leave me to get on with the disciplining side of parenting. But being a child himself he’d obnoxiously overrule me, just for the hell of it, every time I tried to ‘lay down the law’. As littleuns, Andrew and Michelle quickly learned the art of skilful manipulation and boy could they play me and Gaven against each other with resounding ease. After our divorce I naively thought we’d get along better - be more civil and thus be good role models for the children’s benefit but Gaven’s behaviour degenerated. He started: drinking, smoking, gambling…. and hanging out with alcoholics and drug takers twenty years his junior. He’d make access arrangements with his kids then would: break his promises, be too tired, too drunk or would just forget to turn up. On the days he did bother to take Andrew and Shell out, he virtually left them to their own devices or he’d bring them back early complaining that he’d “had enough of them” or that he “can’t control them.” After every visit with him I’d laboriously embark on a ‘calming down’ ritual with Andrew and Shell. My kids behaved as hateful, hyped-up, aggressive, destructive and belligerent juvenile delinquents. Consequently when they were ages seven and six, and much to my relief, they decided they didn’t want to see their dad anymore because “he’s an idiot and so are his mates.” After a handful of disastrous relationships I met and betrothed my now ex-fiancé Gareth Williams. Our three-year imbroglio produced Jordan [now nineteen months] and Melissa [now four months.] For the first eighteen months or so Gareth was everything my ex husband wasn’t.