RCSU Get Their Brand New Office

Clubs and Societies Science Ice Climbing Soc IC spaceman page 6 page 31 page 4 Guardian Student Newspaper of the Year h e student newspaper of Imperial College No. 1,373 • Friday • 16 February 2007 • ffelixelix felixonline.co.uk RCSU get their ICU President brand new office versus Simon Cowell (really) RAG raises enough money to force John Collins to audition for the new series of the X-Factor (possibly in a pink leotard) Andy Sykes erce Mr Collins to audition for the weighing the money to be sure it Editor-in-chief new series of the X-Factor while was the correct amount. In fact, Mr dressed in a pink tutu. The song Brown had raised £485. ICU President John Collins has selected for him was My Humps by Mr Collins has asked to be accom- agreed to audition for The X-Factor The Black-eyed Peas. panied by the CGCU Barbershop series. Mr Collins appeared sceptical Quartet, and Mr Brown has agreed At the CGCU slave auction on that the money pledged would ever to this concession.The auditions Tuesday, Mr Collins was sold for materialise. However, RAG Chair are in March. £450, with money pledged by sab- Stephen Brown presented £450 in The money raised by the auction- baticals, other Union officers, and pound coins and notes to Mr Col- ing of Mr Collins will be given to Felix. The aim of the bid was to co- lins on Thursday, who insisted on charity by RAG. College’s “Space Executive” have reversed their earlier decision to deny the RCSU use of the old print shop on the Walkway for their office. Jad Marrouche, RCSU President, had this to say to Felix: “I’d particularly like to thank John Collins, Alex Guite, and our friends at the Faculty of Natural Sciences for helping us achieve this latest milestone, but most importantly thank you to all those students who signed our petition and joined our protest.” Left: Mr Collins is presented with the money. Right: the application form, complete with Mr Collins’ name 2 felix Friday 16 February 2007 NEWS [email protected] Union core complete “Naughty vending Main entrance to the Union re-opens after more than six months of work – but vandalism continues in the building machines” shock PHOTO BY EMERSON VIGOUREUX PHOTOS BY EMILY LINES Emily Lines Editor-in-toilet The Union finally has use of the central core, after more than six months of building work. The building project has suffered numerous setbacks and delays; during the summer break, asbestos was discovered in the core, and a lack of plans for the building (due to its age) which lead to workmen cutting water pipes, causing flooding. The lift, the centrepiece of the core redevelopment, is to be deliv- ered by March. The core is now mostly complete, with contractors applying a few finishing touches to the building. A mi- nor drama erupted last week when the sabbs discovered the new doors ordered for the entrance to Union Reception and the Union Dining Hall were about an inch too large and would not close properly. The doors have since been replaced. The opening of the core completes the first phase of the Beit redevelopment. The next phase involves the splitting of the Union Gym into two levels; the upper level will be- come the Student Activities Centre, and the lower level of the gym will The NaughtyVend vending machine – yes, they are flashing nipples be enlarged. The shiny new entrance and fur- niture in the bar seem to have had Tom Roberts receipt. no effect on the penchant of drink- Editor-in-sheep The sheep seems to be anatomi- ers to vandalise the toilets in the cally correct in almost all respects, building. After the Superbowl event New vending machines have ar- including an orifice to the rear for last week, the men’s toilets behind rived in the Union, and have caused purposes unknown. the Union bar suffered damage, and a bit of a stir with the normally con- Surprisingly, no complaints have further punishment had caused the servative College population. been received by the Union yet, cubicles to fall over completely. The machines are made by though the machines have only The toilets had not been repaired, NaughtyVend, and feature items been in place for a week. Eyebrows and on Thursday morning after such as vibrating cock rings (there’s were raised in the Beit offices at Sports Night in the Union, the toi- a phrase I never thought I’d see the “Blowdom” cannabis condom. lets had been almost completely in a news article – Ed.), flashing The machines are in both the ladies destroyed. Cubicles were ripped nipples, handcuffs and inflatable and mens facilities; according to up, fittings were damaged, and the sheep. the NaughtyVend website, the male floor was covered with urine, beer, In the interests of research, Felix products outsell the female ones al- food and vomit. purchased a number of these items, most four-to-one. It is not clear whether those re- but was unable to claim them on The disproportionate ratio of the sponsible for the vandalism are Im- Top: the newly-opened Union core, complete with fetching blue expenses as the machine refused sexes at the College is unlikely to perial students, or from elsewhere. colour. Bottom: the mens’ toilets behind the Union bar to provide the author with a VAT buck this trend. felix 1,373 Friday 16.02.07 Imperial spaceman Twilight zone “Garneau was then picked to be “You will never find yourself wish- Canada’s first astronaut in March ing the game will hurry up so that 1984. Nine months later – the you can get started on the next and shortest training of any astronaut this is a soul saver for those of us in NASA’s history at that time, he who like to finish our games with- found himself staring down the out the pang of post-purchase-not- Earth from the Challenger Shuttle.” polished-off-guilt.” PAGE 4 PAGE 23 Creaking Doors Ice climbing “Narcissus Road is really a mixed “A slab of ice a metre in size bag of an album, it fluctuates be- sheared off and hurtled through tween quite interesting to intensely the air towards those tied into the tedious but throughout the weak- belay some 40m below. It hit the ness of lyrics and repeating mu- ice above them and broke up.” sical themes detract from good Spreading the love PAGE 31 potential.” “For those of you who are unaware PAGE 15 of the masterpieces created by IC Footballers Rawk Wes Anderson, I will now proceed “Kings, losing heavily, decided to Riiiiiiise Lord Lecter to give you my very biased, slightly make a tactical change, pushing “It’s fairly obvious that Hannibal tribute-esque analysis of this tal- everyone up front and leaving only Lecter is now purely a cash cow.” ented man’s films.” one defender.” PAGE 15 PAGE 22 PAGE 32 Friday 16 February 2007 felix 3 NEWS [email protected] CGCU Slave Auction raises £1000 The Union President loses at arm wrestling (to a girl!) and Union officers are auctioned all in aid of charity PHOTOS COURTESY OF LIVE! T. Monkey (thanks to Live!) Mr Taylor then proceeded to make the yard disappear in a mat- Thursday night saw this year’s ter of seconds, finishing it while Mr CGCU Slave Auction raise almost Collins was only halfway down his £1000 for RAG from the auctioning pint. of officers alone. Other sabbs went for significantly More than half of the money raised less than Mr Collins; Dave Parry was for John Collins to audition for bought Jon Matthews (Deputy the X-Factor (see front page). President, Finance & Services) for The first to be auctioned was the £60; rumours abound that Mr Parry fetching MatSoc chair, Elly Jay, who may make his slave go out to din- went for princely sum of £10, to the ner with Shama Rahman (see Fe- dismay of RCS Motor Club, who had lix passim). Ben “Fluffy” Harris been looking for someone to polish (Deputy President, Education & their fire engine. Welfare) raised only £2 after being Former CGCU President and bought by the RCSU President, Jad long-time Union hack Siddarth Marrouche. Singh only went for £11; a CGCU Mr Marrouche himself was sold source says this is because “he’s for a yard competition against a little strange and quit difficult to James Fok and the RSM Treas- shut up when you want some peace urer; surprisingly, Mr Fok beat and quiet.” them both. Plans were afoot for a Serial midget and misogynist gladiator-style jousting match on James Fok (current CGCU Presi- barstools, but both Mr Fok and Mr dent) was bought by Ms Jay for the Marrouche were far too shaky after bargain price of £9. She seemed rapid consumption of three pints rather pleased with her new toy. for this to be an option. More significant sums were Mr Collins took on two girls in an raised by Luke Taylor, ex-ACC arm-wrestling competition, only to Chair and Union bar legend. For lose to them both to his great em- £45 and 50 euros (no, we don’t know barrassment. To this day, he claims why either) he took on John Col- the young ladies cheated. lins in a yard-drinking competition. The event was marred when the However, Mr Taylor was seen to be Guilds managed to abscond with of greater stature and build than the RAG mascot in revenge for the ICU President, and hence al- RAG’s theft of the Guilds decoy lowed Mr Collins to drink a pint, Spanner mascot.

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