RCSU Get Their Brand New Office

Clubs and Societies Science Ice Climbing Soc IC spaceman

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Guardian Student Newspaper of the Year

h e student newspaper of Imperial College

No. 1,373 • Friday • 16 February 2007 • ffelixelix felixonline.co.uk RCSU get their ICU President brand new office versus Simon Cowell (really) RAG raises enough money to force John Collins to audition for the new series of the X-Factor (possibly in a pink leotard)

Andy Sykes erce Mr Collins to audition for the weighing the money to be sure it Editor-in-chief new series of the X-Factor while was the correct amount. In fact, Mr dressed in a pink tutu. The song Brown had raised £485. ICU President John Collins has selected for him was My Humps by Mr Collins has asked to be accom- agreed to audition for The X-Factor The Black-eyed Peas. panied by the CGCU Barbershop series. Mr Collins appeared sceptical Quartet, and Mr Brown has agreed At the CGCU slave auction on that the money pledged would ever to this concession.The auditions Tuesday, Mr Collins was sold for materialise. However, RAG Chair are in March. £450, with money pledged by sab- Stephen Brown presented £450 in The money raised by the auction- baticals, other Union officers, and pound coins and notes to Mr Col- ing of Mr Collins will be given to Felix. The aim of the bid was to co- lins on Thursday, who insisted on charity by RAG.

College’s “Space Executive” have reversed their earlier decision to deny the RCSU use of the old print shop on the Walkway for their office. Jad Marrouche, RCSU President, had this to say to Felix: “I’d particularly like to thank John Collins, Alex Guite, and our friends at the Faculty of Natural Sciences for helping us achieve this latest milestone, but most importantly thank you to all those students who signed our petition and joined our protest.” Left: Mr Collins is presented with the money. Right: the application form, complete with Mr Collins’ name 2 felix Friday 16 February 2007

NEWS [email protected] Union core complete “Naughty vending Main entrance to the Union re-opens after more than six months of work – but vandalism continues in the building machines” shock PHOTO BY EMERSON VIGOUREUX PHOTOS BY EMILY LINES Emily Lines Editor-in-toilet

The Union finally has use of the central core, after more than six months of building work. The building project has suffered numerous setbacks and delays; during the summer break, asbestos was discovered in the core, and a lack of plans for the building (due to its age) which lead to workmen cutting water pipes, causing flooding. The lift, the centrepiece of the core redevelopment, is to be delivered by March. The core is now mostly complete, with contractors applying a few finishing touches to the building. A mi- nor drama erupted last week when the sabbs discovered the new doors ordered for the entrance to Union Reception and the Union Dining Hall were about an inch too large and would not close properly. The doors have since been replaced. The opening of the core completes the first phase of the Beit redevelopment. The next phase involves the splitting of the Union Gym into two levels; the upper level will become the Student Activities Centre, and the lower level of the gym will The NaughtyVend vending machine – yes, they are flashing nipples be enlarged. The shiny new entrance and furniture in the bar seem to have had Tom Roberts receipt. no effect on the penchant of drink- Editor-in-sheep The sheep seems to be anatomi- ers to vandalise the toilets in the cally correct in almost all respects, building. After the Superbowl event New vending machines have ar- including an orifice to the rear for last week, the men’s toilets behind rived in the Union, and have caused purposes unknown. the Union bar suffered damage, and a bit of a stir with the normally con- Surprisingly, no complaints have further punishment had caused the servative College population. been received by the Union yet, cubicles to fall over completely. The machines are made by though the machines have only The toilets had not been repaired, NaughtyVend, and feature items been in place for a week. Eyebrows and on Thursday morning after such as vibrating cock rings (there’s were raised in the Beit offices at Sports Night in the Union, the toi- a phrase I never thought I’d see the “Blowdom” cannabis condom. lets had been almost completely in a news article – Ed.), flashing The machines are in both the ladies destroyed. Cubicles were ripped nipples, handcuffs and inflatable and mens facilities; according to up, fittings were damaged, and the sheep. the NaughtyVend website, the male floor was covered with urine, beer, In the interests of research, Felix products outsell the female ones al- food and vomit. purchased a number of these items, most four-to-one. It is not clear whether those re- but was unable to claim them on The disproportionate ratio of the sponsible for the vandalism are Im- Top: the newly-opened Union core, complete with fetching blue expenses as the machine refused sexes at the College is unlikely to perial students, or from elsewhere. colour. Bottom: the mens’ toilets behind the Union bar to provide the author with a VAT buck this trend. felix 1,373 Friday 16.02.07

Imperial spaceman Twilight zone “Garneau was then picked to be “You will never find yourself wish- Canada’s first astronaut in March ing the game will hurry up so that 1984. Nine months later – the you can get started on the next and shortest training of any astronaut this is a soul saver for those of us in NASA’s history at that time, he who like to finish our games with- found himself staring down the out the pang of post-purchase-not- Earth from the Challenger Shuttle.” polished-off-guilt.” PAGE 4 PAGE 23 Creaking Doors Ice climbing “Narcissus Road is really a mixed “A slab of ice a metre in size bag of an album, it fluctuates be- sheared off and hurtled through tween quite interesting to intensely the air towards those tied into the tedious but throughout the weak- belay some 40m below. It hit the ness of lyrics and repeating mu- ice above them and broke up.” sical themes detract from good Spreading the love PAGE 31 potential.” “For those of you who are unaware PAGE 15 of the masterpieces created by IC Footballers Rawk Wes Anderson, I will now proceed “Kings, losing heavily, decided to Riiiiiiise Lord Lecter to give you my very biased, slightly make a tactical change, pushing “It’s fairly obvious that Hannibal tribute-esque analysis of this tal- everyone up front and leaving only Lecter is now purely a cash cow.” ented man’s films.” one defender.” PAGE 15 PAGE 22 PAGE 32 Friday 16 February 2007 felix 3

NEWS [email protected] CGCU Slave Auction raises £1000 The Union President loses at arm wrestling (to a girl!) and Union officers are auctioned all in aid of charity

PHOTOS COURTESY OF LIVE! T. Monkey (thanks to Live!) Mr Taylor then proceeded to make the yard disappear in a mat- Thursday night saw this year’s ter of seconds, finishing it while Mr CGCU Slave Auction raise almost Collins was only halfway down his £1000 for RAG from the auctioning pint. of officers alone. Other sabbs went for significantly More than half of the money raised less than Mr Collins; Dave Parry was for John Collins to audition for bought Jon Matthews (Deputy the X-Factor (see front page). President, Finance & Services) for The first to be auctioned was the £60; rumours abound that Mr Parry fetching MatSoc chair, Elly Jay, who may make his slave go out to din- went for princely sum of £10, to the ner with Shama Rahman (see Fe- dismay of RCS Motor Club, who had lix passim). Ben “Fluffy” Harris been looking for someone to polish (Deputy President, Education & their fire engine. Welfare) raised only £2 after being Former CGCU President and bought by the RCSU President, Jad long-time Union hack Siddarth Marrouche. Singh only went for £11; a CGCU Mr Marrouche himself was sold source says this is because “he’s for a yard competition against a little strange and quit difficult to James Fok and the RSM Treas- shut up when you want some peace urer; surprisingly, Mr Fok beat and quiet.” them both. Plans were afoot for a Serial midget and misogynist gladiator-style jousting match on James Fok (current CGCU Presi- barstools, but both Mr Fok and Mr dent) was bought by Ms Jay for the Marrouche were far too shaky after bargain price of £9. She seemed rapid consumption of three pints rather pleased with her new toy. for this to be an option. More significant sums were Mr Collins took on two girls in an raised by Luke Taylor, ex-ACC arm-wrestling competition, only to Chair and Union bar legend. For lose to them both to his great em- £45 and 50 euros (no, we don’t know barrassment. To this day, he claims why either) he took on John Col- the young ladies cheated. lins in a yard-drinking competition. The event was marred when the However, Mr Taylor was seen to be Guilds managed to abscond with of greater stature and build than the RAG mascot in revenge for the ICU President, and hence al- RAG’s theft of the Guilds decoy lowed Mr Collins to drink a pint, Spanner mascot. rather than the yard (which is three RAG Chair Stephen Brown is said Clockwise from top left: Elly Jay (Matsoc chair) with her new slave, James Fok (CGCU President), John pints). to be “f**king furious”. Collins (President) gets beaten by a girl, and Fok and Collins suffer at the hands of the Hit Squad A round-up of RAG week Sabb elections still

Stephen Brown to avert their gaze when it is pub- Committee. Jad Marrouche and RAG Chair lished later in the term. his RCSU all-stars duly triumphed, not a farce (yet) Despite the excellent take at narrowly beating the chemistry RAG week ended on a high at the their Slave Auction, the clear win- staff after a tie-break. City and Guilds College Union Slave ners of the interfaculty fundraising Winners of the London Raid for Auction with Union President John “competition” was the re-formed the second year in a row was the Collins being bought by a consor- RCSU. Their tours of the Queens “Cast of Casualty” team who raised tium of his fellow sabbaticals, Felix Tower and RAG Lecturers Quiz £835 in under 6 hours. This was al- staff and people still bitter about proved particularly popular with most 4 times the amount raised by him leading us into the NUS for the students and a sum well over £1000 “We Saw the Queen” (they did, re- tidy sum of £450. The current total was raised. The lecturers quiz was ally) with commuters and tourists raised for charity over the whole a 3 way contest between a team of clearly being impressed enough week is still to be determined but 3 chemistry lecturers, 3 physics with their outfits to hand over large the RAG Chair has been overheard lecturers and the RCSU Executive sums of cash. saying “£3000 and counting”. As a slave, Collins is being re- quested to enter the X-Factor auditions to be held later this year. This announcement was greeted with great amusement by patrons of the Union Bar. However a somewhat cynical Mr. Collin’s announced that it would only go ahead “once he sees the money”. As you can see from our photos, RAG duly obliged although Mr Collins insisted that the coins be weighed first. Thursday evening also saw the traditional yard of ale race between I’ve never seen such a crowded candidates meeting the Presidents of CGCU, RCSU and the RSM. James Fok, CGCU Presi- dent was the clear winner although This year’s sabbatical elections look There are both experienced and this was disputed by some specta- to become rather interesting, with unexperienced candidates running tors due to the large volume of ale no position remaining uncontested. for many of the positions, includ- which ended up being spilt on the There are now seven candidates ing President, showing a greater floor. standing for President, includ- interest in the Union by the student The author of this article was ing two current sabbatical offic- body than in previous years. At the also on the receiving end of a mis- ers, compared to last week when candidates meeting on Wednesday, chievous bid after 2 Guildsman there were only four fully-seconded ICU President John Collins made a purchased him to appear on Page candidates. point of trying to level the playing 3 wearing nothing but a kilt and a The position of Felix Editor had field between ‘hack’ candidates and RAG t-shirt. Readers are warned been uncontested until just before relative newcomers. that a large degree of nakedness the close of nominations, when two See next week’s Felix for manifes- will still be involved and may wish RCSU President Jad Marrouche becomes the target of the Hit Squad additional candidates appeared. tos of each candidate. 4 felix Friday 16 February 2007

SCIENCE [email protected]

Imperial’s very own astronaut Felix looks back over the life of former IC Electrical Engineer Marc Garneau and poses a few questions

Michelle Picard-Aitken Quebec City, except for three years Combat Systems Engineer (1974) 1984. Nine months later – the ally like.” Token French-Canadian in the early 60s, when his fgiddy- to Project Engineer (1977), Com- shortest training of any astronaut Bitten by the space travel bug, ather was posted in London. (Gar- mander (1982), and finally Captain in NASA’s history at that time, he Garneau gave up his naval career What does Imperial College look neau attended the Lycée Français (1986). During this time, his ac- found himself staring down the in 1989 to devote himself to the like from space? Undoubtedly very de Londres, just down the street complishments dealt mainly with Earth from the Challenger Shuttle. Canadian space program, and un- small, but Imperial has one alum- from Imperial College on Cromwell developing, improving and trouble- Acting as Payload Specialist for the dertake further pilot and astronaut nus who’s had the chance to see Road.) After obtaining his B.Sc. in shooting naval weapons systems eight-day mission, he thus became training. it for himself. Marc Garneau, who Engineering Physics from the Royal and communications. the first Canadian in space, and a As a result, Garneau was chosen received his PhD in Electrical En- Military College of Kingston (Cana- No doubt Garneau’s impressive national hero. by NASA to fly twice more out of gineering from Imperial in 1973, be- da), Garneau immediately began track record, not to mention his su- Speaking to the media from the Earth’s atmosphere, as Mis- came the first Canadian in space in his doctoral studies at Imperial. perb physical condition, helped him space, Garneau looked both giddy sion Specialist on the Endeavour October 1984. Upon his return to Canada, Gar- become one of six chosen from 4000 and awed: “When you look out at Shuttle in May 1996 and December Much of Garneau’s life reads like neau joined the Canadian Navy applicants for the new Canadian your own planet and see absolutely 2000. His role in these missions in- the diary of an over-achiever. Born to fulfill his ambition of sailing the Astronaut Program (CAP). out-of-this-world incredible views volved conducting experiments, as in 1949 to a French-Canadian fam- high seas. He quickly worked his Garneau was then picked to be of entire subcontinents, you begin well as helping assemble the Inter- ily, Garneau grew up in and around way through several postings, from Canada’s first astronaut in March to appreciate what the world is re- national Space Station. In his free time, he loved to float while listening to Beethoven or Bach on his Walkman. Back on Earth after his last mission, Garneau became director of the Canadian Space Agency (CSA), but left his post in 2005 to run for office in the federal elections. Al- though he lost the election, he remains an active member of the Liberal Party of Canada. Garneau is also currently Chancellor of Car- leton University, sits on the board of several charities and participates in federal working groups dealing with energy, health and air pollution. He often speaks publicly of the 19 days he spent in space, of the spiritual awe he experienced, as well as his horror in seeing the impact of human activity on the planet. From the shuttle windows, Garneau saw the fires burning through the Ama- zonian forest, beige clouds of air pollution hanging over California and the Mediterranean basin, and Lake Chad shrinking while deser- tification spreads over the African subcontinent. Marc Garneau now lives in Mon- treal, Canada, where is often seen walking his dog. From his home, Garneau recently told Felix about Marc Garneau flexing his electrical engineering muscles his experience at Imperial College. Friday 16 February 2007 felix 5

SCIENCE [email protected]

Why did you choose to complete I played on the College water-polo your PhD at Imperial? team, as well as on the University of London team. We actually won the In my mind, Imperial College was British University championships the best Engineering College in in 1971! I also swam for the College, England. and was a major user of the squash So I felt lucky to have the oppor- courts. tunity to do my postgraduate work in the Communications section of Do you believe there is something the Electrical Engineering Depart- specific from those years that ment. I even had the brilliant Colin helped you become the first Cana- Cherry as my supervisor. He was an dian in space? eccentric genius whom I admired greatly, and who was a wonderful I think the fact that Imperial Col- mentor. lege has such a solid international reputation helped a lot. Also, hav- What do you remember most about ing lived abroad, I was viewed as your three years at Imperial? having a broader experience in international issues. I had a fantastic time at Imperial. I was a poor student like everyone You grew up mainly in Canada. else and lived in 4 different bedsits, Was there something from home all within walking distance of the that you missed while you were College. I became an expert, again abroad? like everyone else, at finding events that were giving out free food! Once in a while, I needed to get out Life was simple: I was poor but of London into the wide open spac- healthy, and nothing distracted me es. I’d escape and go on hikes in the from my work. I was able to focus Lake District, Scotland or Wales. totally on my research. Perhaps that’s the Canadian in me!

With all this research going on, did So, while you probably can’t see Im- you find any time to participate in perial College from space, there is groups or sports? apparently no limit to how far a degree from Imperial can take you. Imperial alumnus Marc Garneau, far right, and his fellow astronauts Digging up the Royal School of Mines’ past

Colin Barras the University of Exeter. The first match took place in 1902, which “One of the biggest things about makes it one of the oldest varsity the Royal School of Mines is the matches in the world, second only tradition,” says Seb Turner, current to the Oxford and Cambridge boat president of the RSM. It isn’t hard race. The teams compete for a 3- to believe this as we sit in the im- foot-tall beer bottle that fell off the pressive foyer of the Royal School back of a lorry and into the pos- of Mines building on Prince Con- session of RSM students in 1946. sort Road. The RSM has existed, in This year’s match, the 105th Bot- one form or other, for well over 150 tle, begins on Friday 23rd February. years. And that gives its members a “We’re putting it under the title of different perspective on Imperial’s ‘Centenary Bottle Match’,” says centenary year. Seb, “although the 100 year Bottle The Royal School of Mines be- Match was actually five years ago.” gan life in 1851 as the Government We can but hope that Imperial’s School of Mines and Science Ap- 100th anniversary will inspire the plied to the Arts, and it gathered RSM to retain the bottle for an elev- its first teaching staff from the Geo- enth straight year. logical Survey and the Museum of So, how else does the 150 year- Economic Geology. It underwent a old RSM plan to mark Imperial’s number of name changes in its first centenary? “We have plans to do a decade, but eventually became the few events,” Seb says. He picks up RSM in 1863. In these early days, a leaflet that is lying on the table in the school was located on Jermyn front of us. It’s an advert for a sym- Street, south of Piccadilly. It was posium that is being organised by not until 1872 that the school moved RSM’s De La Beche Society later in west to South Kensington, taking February. “This is going under the up residence in the Huxley Build- title ‘Centenary Symposium’, on ing on Exhibition Road. That build- Frontier Geology. And we’re having is now the Henry Cole wing of ing a talk by one of the retired lec- the Victoria and Albert Museum; turers, Professor Dick Selley. He’s the RSM moved to its current loca- been doing a lot of research into the tion in 1913. history of the RSM and the depart- Of course, by that time the RSM ments over the last 100 years, which was no longer an independent will be the main centenary event. school. “In 1907 we merged into That’ll happen later this term or in the Imperial College name as one the summer.” of the founding schools,” Seb ex- The RSM may have had some plains. The merger would benefit The familar logo of the Royal School of Mines which began life way back in 1851 hard times in recent years, but it both: “The reputation of Imperial seems to be a vibrant organisation and the Royal School of Mines, today. Seb agrees: “Maybe 300 or they’re both as impressive as each ist in 2001. “I think one of the main have been a shame to lose it,” says Seb tells me. “Tobias Dalton, who 400 of the students go to an RSM other,” he continues. So, I suggest, reasons for that was it was just too Seb. “But the other thing is, I think founded the Real Ale Society, was event at some point in the year. just like Norwich Union, ‘together small. Compared to City & Guilds the students in this department are the forerunner. It was only because That’s nearly 50% of our members.” we’re stronger’? “In some ways, or the Medicine Union. There were slightly different to the students at of those moves that Harrington’s I’m suitably impressed. “The RSM yeah!” he laughs. the three big Unions and us, the the rest of Imperial. I think they are was ever built. It was never in the is a good reason to get together. In 2001 Imperial moved to a facul- smaller one,” explains Seb. But the slightly more outgoing.” plans to be there.” People love being a part of it. They ty structure, with the RSM joining RSM fought back and, in 2002, it Imperial students had reason The RSM may be small, but it is wear the regalia with pride.” With City & Guilds in the newly formed was recognised as a Clubs and So- to thank those outgoing RSM stu- very active. Evidence for that can pride? “Yeah! We’ve got all sorts of Faculty of Engineering. In a student cieties Committee within the wider dents in 2005; when the Southside be seen in the wide range of soci- things. Hoodies, t-shirts, ties, which referendum, engineering students Union. The RSM name was pre- Bar was closed, the RSM was at the eties and events within the RSM. sell really well.” And I can think of opted for the name “City & Guilds” served. “We’re well over 100 years heart of the campaign for a replace- Chief among the events is the Bot- no more appropriate blend of the for their student union, with the 100- old as a Union, and the department ment. “That campaign was led by tle Match, played every year against old and new within the RSM than a year-old RSM Union ceasing to ex- is over 150 years old. So it would the RSM and the Real Ale society,” Camborne School of Mines, part of Hoodie bearing the RSM logo. 6 felix Friday 16 February 2007

POLITICS [email protected] Nukes: deterrent or legacy?

Camilla Royle

Parliament will vote this March on whether or not to renew the UK’s submarine based nuclear weapons Omar Hashmi system – Trident. A paper submitted by Tony Blair proposes that the Politics Editor system, originally commissioned by former prime minister Marga- he next American elec- ret Thatcher in 1980, should be re- tion is looking like a placed at a cost of around £50 bil- doozy. Democrats have lion. To remain as one of the world’s T their hotshots lined up nuclear powers, Britain would have in rows – not only Clin- to replace these weapons before ton and Obama, but John Edwards 2019 when they will otherwise start (who ran for VP) is now having a to deteriorate. shot at the big seat, and even ol’ Blair’s proposal, which initially faithful Mr Environment Al Gore called for the replacement of all could very soon be in the picture. 192 nuclear missiles has now been The Republicans too have their own modified and suggests replacing celebrities. Mayor Rudolph Giuliani 160 of them and possibly reducing – “America’s Mayor” and national the number of submarines em- hero from 9/11 is standing, as well ployed in the system from four to China is the third nation to demonstrate its satellite destroying capabilities as Senator John McCain, a part of three. Blair has emphasised “un- America’s political furniture. All certainties” for the future of the we need now is a scandal here, and country, he has admitted that it is world’s wealthiest nations on the without causing civilian deaths. as a “status symbol”. some closet skeletons there, and unlikely that a country such as Iran basis that if two countries possess They are often, therefore dismissed The Liberal democrats and sev- we will have a reality show better or North Korea would attempt to at- them neither will attack the other as inappropriate if the ideals of eral others have pointed out that than big brother can ever give. Who tack Britain but said that this is not out of fear. They have only ever modern warfare are to be upheld. the decision does seem to be going could be apathetic about such an impossible. been used once- in an attack by the Clearly a lot has changed since to parliament very quickly. They exciting election, right?! The government have been criti- US on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. the 1980s. At that time Tony Blair have argued that there needs to be Nuclear power has become far cised for possibly breaching article Today’s nuclear weapons are about was younger and more idealis- a more substantial debate before a to useful as a diplomatic and mili- VI of the nuclear non-proliferation eight times more powerful than tic. He was part of a Labour party decision is made. Could it be that tary leverage to ever realistically treaty which calls for members to those used in Japan and each of the founded on socialist principles, a prime minister with a reputation consider that we will find a world disarm when possible. However Trident missiles could potentially opposed Thatcher’s Conservative damaged by anti-war protests, pri- without them. Therefore, as a col- Jack Straw has stated that “only a kill a million people. government and was a proud mem- vatisation and scandal is making a lective race we must ensure that simpleton” would see Trident as vi- Wars in the twentieth century ber of the Campaign for Nuclear last ditch effort to be remembered? some states do not hold others to olating the treaty. It is also a hugely are carried out ostensibly to deal Disarmament (CND). In 1982 he The debate on nuclear weapons ransom with the technologically expensive project, it will protect 500 with a minority of dangerous peo- described Trident as “nuclear mad- has brought together members of sophisticated yet age-old simplicity jobs at Rolls Royce including those ple; to stop terrorist organisations ness”, a year later he was elected to the two main parties in support of of brute force. Such conditions can of the scientists and engineers in- or to remove a dictator. Before the parliament for the first time. Lord Trident but it has also united mass only rise if future rulers allow the volved but could also drain money war in Iraq we were promised that Hattersley, the former deputy lead- movements against it. The CND growth and development of other away from public services such as weapons technology would be used er of the Labour party (who prob- will be demonstrating in central nations, including nuclear power, the NHS. to limit civilian deaths and that it ably wasn’t in the CND) has said London jointly with the stop the and allow much fairer internation- During the cold war, nuclear would all be over very quickly. It’s that there is no need for a nuclear war coalition on Saturday the 24th al game-play. If not, then the op- weapons were employed by the impossible to use nuclear weapons deterrent now, describing it merely February. pressed might just totally rebel. Democrat dream ticket may just come true

Alex Guite known politician into a cultural icon overcome before Obama can be- and a credible contender for Com- come President: securing the Dem- There is no reason for you to have mander in Chief? One clue lies in ocratic nomination. Clinton has a heard of a former community or- his ethnic mix: the son of a Kenyan comfortable lead over him in the ganiser and civil rights lawyer father and a white Kansas mother polls and won’t be easy to beat once elected two years ago to the United he can effortlessly bridge the black her campaign gets into full swing. States Senate after an uncontrover- and white divide which still exists Some of have suggested a Clinton- sial career in the Illinois State Leg- in some parts of America. Within Obama dream ticket, but whilst islature. But last Saturday, in the his varied life story most people it’s sure to get Democratic hearts frosts of Illinois, invoking the legacy can find some common narrative; pounding, the electoral maths sad- of Lincoln and promising to trans- his everyman image has been mir- ly doesn’t add up. America may be form American politics, Barack rored and amplified by a willing me- ready for a woman or a black man Obama launched his campaign for dia. Or as Obama puts it with char- in the White House, but particularly the White House. Already, some are acteristic elegance and economy in the Southern states, it doesn’t calling him the first black President of language, “people project their seem to be ready for both at the of the United States. hopes on me”. same time. It’s not hyperbole either: the 45 Moreover, unlike many of his There’s no doubt that the Clinton- year old is running second only to Senate colleagues, Obama has yet Obama rivalry will make for enter- Hillary Clinton in opinion polls and to experience a targeted negative taining primaries, but his princi- his ability to reach across partisan campaign against him. When this pled opposition to the Iraq war does divides gives him a wide support undoubtedly happens, it is sure to give him a major advantage over base. He’s clearly rattling some add some wrinkles to that fresh im- his rivals. Unlike his Democratic ri- cages as well: despite the unwritten age. There are signs of it already: vals in the current election, or John rule not to interfere in the domestic in suspicious times having a sur- Kerry in the last, Obama doesn’t politics of another nation, Austral- name which rhymes with Osama need to perform political gymnas- ian Prime Minister and fierce Bush Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer – Senator Barack and with Hussein as a middle name tics; he has no need to reconcile ini- ally John Howard attacked Obama Obama with former President Clinton has made him an easy target for tial support for the war with belated on Monday over his views on Iraq. those on the right. With heavy Is- condemnation of the Bush adminis- America was introduced to lamophobic undercurrents, the six tration’s failings in Iraq. Obama little over two years ago across the country a few weeks can even poke him on Facebook. In years he spent at a Muslim school The election is still almost two when he delivered a stirring and later, Obama’s convincing victory October he published The Audacity in Indonesia are also coming under years away. In that same amount enthusiastically received speech at in the Illinois Senate race stood out of Hope: 288 pages of lucid prose scrutiny from partisan commenta- of time Obama has travelled from the 2004 Democratic National Con- and he was established as the new outlining his political convictions tors. CNN have even noted, as if obscurity to the national stage. vention. The media coverage which face of the American left. and thoughts on “reclaiming the there may somehow be something Whether or not the next two years followed his condemnation of artifi- Since that 20 minute speech in American dream”. It shot to the top sinister in this, that his trademark are Obama’s journey to the White cial divides in American politics and Boston, Oba-mania has reached fe- of the bestseller lists and remained dress sense, a dark suit with a House remains to be seen. But one his appeal to the “audacity of hope” ver pitch. You’re just as likely to see there in the run up to Christmas white open collar shirt, is similar to thing is for sure, you’ll soon have no turned him into an instant celebrity. him debating foreign relations on with many finding a copy at the bot- that favoured by Iranian President good reason for not having heard of With Bush’s re-election and a gen- the news as to see him talking about tom of their stockings. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. this former community organiser erally poor showing by Democrats his childhood on a chat show. You So, what is it that turned an un- There is also another hurdle to and civil rights lawyer. Friday 16 February 2007 felix 7 Letters to the Editor Naked people and homosexuality A Catholic defends against the claim that Christians are homophobic, and a previous centrefold model takes issue with being called “not conventionally beautiful”

uity, dating techniques show that Andy Sykes replies, A response to the New Testament is the most au- thentic, and closest to the original The only real issue that the article the gay adoption (these techniques are quite compli- raised was that adoption cases cated, and I wouldn’t like to go into should be considered on an indi- article details here). vidual basis, whether they come Finally, dismissing religion as from hetero- or homosexual cou- “fairytales” is rash and somewhat ples; sadly, you have failed to grasp Sir, ill thought out. As a Catholic, I see or address that point in your reply, plenty of evidence for the existence instead reacting against the man- In Felix #1,372, an article (“Gay of God, or at least the “supernatu- ner in which the author expressed Adoption – Where’s the Crime?”) ral”, if only from a “Dives and La- his views. raised some interesting issues. I zarus” point of view. As a scientist, Indeed, the likelihood of a couple would like to address some of the I see little to either prove or dis- splitting up ought to be the cru- questions raised in the (apparently prove the existence of God. I would cial factor in deciding whether to anonymous) article. suggest that religion is at least as place a child in that couple’s care. The first misconception is that plausible as, say, quantum mechan- However, you deny the eligibily of Christians are homophobic: this ics or the Higgs mechanism. This same-sex couples by alleging that could not be further from the truth. world is a very complex place, and their relationships ‘tend to be very Even the Catholic church does not so much of what we “know” to be unstable’ without adducing any “condemn” gays because of their true can come unstitched without relevant evidence. Even if there sexual inclination. The main prob- much effort (as anyone who has were such evidence, as a scien- lem is that, after much research, done a physics degree can tell you). tist, you should know better that to the Church believes that homo- The author has clearly made his de- conclude from it that all same-sex sexual relationships tend to be very cision, and that is to be respected, relationships are therefore unsta- unstable. The Catholic adoption but he should show respect for oth- ble. So why should adoption cases agencies would not place a child in er people’s beliefs in return. not be considered on individual the care of any couple that is likely I agree that the church does merit, especially if the Church to split up, be it same-sex or other- seem to be discriminating against has nothing against gays, as you wise. They would probably also look homosexuals, but there is some- maintain? at more important criteria than thing deeper in the story that has The closing couple of paragraphs whether or not the couple “drink emerged over recent weeks. It of your letter seem to offer a point- Stella Artois” and have “only one is alarming that the government er. Your worry about the govern- Geography GCSE between them”, thinks it can dictate the moral ment’s dictating moral stardards but that’s another matter. standards of this country. Do we would appear to imply that you The comment that Holy scrip- really think that the people who consider adoption by homosexual ture was written “several hundred supported the war in Iraq, and who couple immoral. This belies your years after” the lives of Jesus and wish to renew Trident, are right to repeated denial of homophobic Mohammed is clearly misguided. I make moral decisions for us in our sentiments within the Christian am not qualified to write about Is- every day lives? The truth is, I am community (which at any rate is lam, but in the Christian case, Bible worried that this may only be the extremely hard to take seriously) scholars have dated the synoptic start of government interference and shows how you actually feel gospels (Mark, then Matthew and in people’s spiritual life and moral about such couples. Luke) to only thirty to forty years decisions. Having ‘nothing against’ and ‘not after Jesus’ death, while St. John’s I would add that I have nothing condemning’ publicly are, alas, not gospel is thought to have been com- against homosexuals; Jesus calls the same as respecting and treat- mitted to paper sixty years later. for us to love everyone to the best ing with due justice. The epistles were written even ear- of our ability, and I have nothing but Also, I very much doubt that Je- lier, as was the quella, a text com- respect for gays. I hope that this sus qualified his teachings with mon to St. Luke’s and St. Matthew’s letter has been informative, and not phrases such as ‘to the best of one’s gospels. Of all writings from antiq- offensive in anyway. ability’. belief that both men and women What do you should be aware of what each other look like before entering into a rela- mean, not tionship with one, let alone get mar- ried, and in this role the porn indus- ‘conventionally try has a bearing though clearly a good deal of what is available is beautiful’? unlikely to be justifiable under that criterion alone. Andy, I look forward to your response.

I wonder whether you’d like to ex- Samuel Furse plain your meaning behind the phrase “not ‘conventionally’ beautiful” to me in a little more depth? Andy Sykes replies, My appearance has been described as everything from handsome to a All I meant, sir, is that you are not bin liner full of custard but never the classic Adonis – you know the in what appears to be a euphemis- type. You are not 6’ 4”, tanned, and tic and thinly veiled jibe -- and cer- incredibly muscular. It was not tainly neither Kat nor I have never meant to imply your looks were, as an example of someone who is as you say, akin to a binliner full unattractive, for any purpose. of custard. If you want my take on page 3 in I agree with your points about general, I think it is a good piece of page 3, especially about the ‘pur- fun that shouldn’t be taken too se- pose’ of porn. I do remember read- riously either way – either to mock ing an article in a friend’s psychol- the porn industry or to replicate it. ogy magazine that proclaimed Women as it happens are no more that mordern internet pornogra- “sexualised” (if that is an adverb!) phy was creating a generation of than men, viz. Brad Pitt, George young people who had a morbid The Bible – condemns homosexual relationships Clooney, Jude Law etc. It is my fear of pubic hair. unionpage

PHOTO: Colin Whyman Imperial College Union Centenary Events

Throughout 2007 the students of Imperial College London will play a leading role in the College’s Centenary celebrations. Imperial College Union, along BBeiteit MasterplanMasterplan ProjectProject with its Constituent Faculty Unions, Clubs and Societies, plans to run a diverse range of events for students, staff and alumni to enjoy. Some events One of the College’s fl agship Centenary projects is the major redevelopment may be familiar to alumni, others brand new, but the one thing that they all of the Imperial College Union building in Beit Quad, which you may have in common is that alumni are welcome to attend. remember well from your time here. The Union building is far more than just a social venue and improvements are necessary to refl ect the requirements Any profi ts made by our larger events will go towards the Student of an increasingly diverse student body. Opportunities Fund and the Union redevelopment projects, both part of the College’s Centenary Campaign. The Union is proud to support these worthy Far reaching redevelopment plans are in place and a gift to the Beit Quad initiatives. Building Fund will help make sure we deliver the improved facilities needed to enrich student life and provide a broader educational experience through You can visit our website to fi nd out more information about the Union’s music and cinema, sporting and social activities. Centenary events, as well as the Centenary appeals that we are involved in throughout 2007. In the meantime, here are a few events to whet your If you would like to donate to the Beit Quad Building Fund you can do so appetite! now visit www.imperialcollegeunion.org/centenary.

www.imperialcollegeunion.org/centenary Arts ArtsFest 2007 Imperial College School of Medicine Choir Spring Concert Imperial College; Monday 12-Friday 16 February 2007 St John’s Church, Hyde Park Crescent London; 20.00 Friday 2 March 2007

This week-long celebration involved 25 Union Clubs last year and the line up for 2007 Performed by the Medic’s Choir, Hadyn’s The Creation is an ambitious work that lends promises to be even bigger. Events will include concerts, workshops and busking across itself well to both the Centenary and the Faculty of Medicine’s 10 year anniversary College, as well as a Centenary Exhibition of the Arts at the Union. This will include celebrations. It promises to be a spectacular concert. displays from Arts and Entertainment Clubs, some of which date back to the beginning of the formation of Imperial College. Most events will be free of charge. For more information and to reserve your ticket, contact Society Chair Greg Froome at [email protected]. For a full schedule visit www.imperialcollegeunion.org/arts/artsfest or contact [email protected].

East Meets West Sinfonietta, Choir and Big Band Centenary Tour Shaftesbury Theatre, London; Sunday 18 February 2007 Dubrovnik, Croatia; 28 June – 5 July 2007

East Meets West is one of the biggest shows regularly performed at Imperial College. In 2007 Sinfonietta, Choir and Big Band will tour together for the ﬁ rst time, travelling to With its 15-year history, it is also one of the longest running student variety shows in the Dubrovnik in Croatia to celebrate the College’s long tradition of promoting the arts. Whilst UK. The show is a fusion of traditional and modern eastern and western cultures, blending there the societies will be performing as part of the Dubrovnik International Summer the four in the forms of dance, comedy, singing, and fashion. The event raises money for Festival, replicating concerts performed at Imperial throughout the year as well as some a variety of charitable causes and is simply not to be missed! joint concerts between Choir and Sinfonietta.

To reserve your ticket, contact [email protected]. Contact Maggie Holme at [email protected] for further information.

ICSO Centenary Concert Tom Stoppard’s “Arcadia” - DramSoc Spring Play Cadogan Hall, 7.30pm, Saturday 17th March Union Concert Hall, 7.30pm, 12th to 17th March

Bernstein Overture Candide Interweaving between a stately home in Derbyshire in the 1800s and the same room Sibelius Violin Concerto (Michal Cwizewicz) 180 years later - this play explores the nature of truth and time, the effect of science Wagner Forest Murmurs and progress and the disruptive infl uence of sex and love on our lives. Described as Strauss Tod und Verklarung a ‘masterpiece’ when it premiered in 1993, this is a play that has great emotional and The Jazz Big Band, Windband, Jazz and Rock Society and Sinfonietta orchestra will also scientifi c resonance - a fi tting event for Imperial’s Centenary year! be performing centenary concerts throughout the coming months. Contact Maggie Holme at [email protected] for further information. For more information please contact Maggie Holme at [email protected].

Musical Theatre Centenary Show Imperial College Choir Centenary Opera Gala Union Concert Hall, 7.30pm, Tuesday 6th to Saturday 10th March Great Hall, 8pm, Friday 16th March

MTSoc are beginning rehearsals at the end of this term for their Centenary Show, a Join the Imperial College Choir for a fun-ﬁ lled evening of popular Opera Choruses in our production of the show “Batboy” which played at the West End till last year. The Centenary Opera Gala! Whatever tickles your fancy, whether it’s March of the Toreadors, show will be advertised to all current IC students and MTSoc members as well as past Polotsvian Dances or Dido’s Lament to name but a few, there really will be something for members of the society and an audience of at least 100 is anticipated for each night. everyone!

Goto www.imperialcollegeunion.org/arts/mtsoc for more information. Contact Maggie Holme at [email protected] for further information. Hyde Park Relays Sport London, Saturday 10th February The Hyde Park Relays draw students from many countries, as well as a large number of Royal School of Mines Bottle Match Imperial College London teams, to take part in the biggest student cross country event Harlington Sports Ground, London; Saturday 24 February 2007 in Europe. This is all followed up with the legendary party at the Union. The deadline for entries is Saturday 3rd February. This year’s annual varsity match between the Royal School of Mines and Camborne School of Mines will take place on home turf. Fiercely fought football, squash, hockey and For more information, contact Rakesh Nandha at [email protected] or go to golf matches will be played throughout the day, and the whole event climaxes with the www.imperialcollegeunion.org/acc/hpr. all important rugby match. Will the RSM bring the famous Bottle back to London for an impressive eleventh year in a row? Alumni Gliding Day Please come and give us your support! For more information please visit the RSM Saturday 31 March-Sunday 1 April 2007 website at www.rsmonline.co.uk. This is a ﬂ ying day for alumni of the College, catering for all ranges of ability and experience, even if you have never taken to the skies before. Come along and see how Athletics Varsity Competition gliding has progressed since your student days. St. Mary’s College Track, Saturday 17 March 2007 For further information, contact Shaun Murdoch at [email protected]. This event will be the very ﬁ rst of many athletics competitions between the School of Medicine and the rest of Imperial’s Athletics Clubs. Competition events include: • 100m, 200m, 400m, 800m, 1500m, 5k, 4x100m and 4x400m • Shot, discus, javelin, long jump, high jump and triple jump Dinners & Balls

For more information, contact Jig Patel at [email protected]. Fiftieth Anniversary of the Underwater Club South Kensington; Saturday 17 March 2007

Varsity Day (inc J.P.R. Williams Rugby Varsity Match) The 2006-07 academic year marks the fi ftieth anniversary of the Underwater Club and a Imperial College Sports Grounds; Wednesday 7 March 2007 celebratory dinner on 17 March will mark this occasion. If you were a member of the club at any time it would be great to hear from you, even if you cannot make the dinner. In This exciting day of sporting competition between the School of Medicine and particular any photos of club activities would be gratefully received. the rest of Imperial takes place across many of Imperial’s sports grounds, in a wide variety of sports ranging from badminton to water polo. Its culmination sees For more information, contact Nick Jones at [email protected]. the annual J.P.R. Williams Rugby Varsity Match, an extremely competitive match between Imperial College Union RFC and Imperial Medicals RFC, which promises an Faculty of Medicine 10-Year Summer Ball excellent standard of rugby, plenty of rivalry and a highly charged and vocal crowd! View Rooms , Leicester Square, London; Tuesday 19 June 2007 Day Varsity events JPR Williams Rugby Varsity match • Tickets: free • Tickets: £6 in advance, £8 on the gate The most anticipated and prestigious social event in the School of Medicine’s calendar, • Venues: Ethos, Harlington • Venue: Richmond Athletic Ground, Surrey held on the date of fi nal year results, this annual event provides a chance for all fi nal years to get together with their fellow colleagues and academic staff one fi nal time before For more information please contact Nicholas Gore at [email protected]. embarking upon their new careers. In 2007 we will also celebrate the 10-year anniversary of the formation of the Faculty of Medicine at Imperial. The evening will commence with a PHOTO: Robin Pitt champagne reception, followed by a wonderful three-course dinner and live entertainment from professional bands, DJs and some of the medical school’s most talented musicians.

For more information and to reserve your place at the dinner, contact Olivia Kenyon at [email protected].

Imperial College London Centenary Ball South Kensington Campus; Saturday 16 June 2007

Promising to be the largest and most spectacular Union Centenary event in 2007, this will be a great chance to revisit Imperial, meet up with friends and relive those special College moments. A champagne reception will be followed by a three-course meal with after-dinner speeches by famous faces. Magicians, comedians and high proﬁ le DJ’s will perform throughout the event, fairground rides, street entertainers and chillout venues and an exclusive alumni and VIP lounge.

For more information and to reserve your place at this year’s event, contact Jon Matthews at [email protected] or visit at www.imperialcollegeunion.org/ball.

Centenary Sports Festival PHOTO: Colin Whyman Harlington Sports Ground; Wednesday 2 May 2007

This is a pan-London sporting event where Imperial’s Sports Clubs set out to prove to the rest of London that they are the superior! Our football, rugby, lacrosse and hockey teams will be competing. This promises to be a great day, so if you have a free afternoon come and support us.

For more information, contact Lauren Davies at [email protected].

IDEA League Sports Event South Kensington Campus; Wednesday 13-Friday 15 June 2007 Over two days, the fi ve university teams from Imperial College London, TU Delft, ETH Zürich, RWTH Aachen and ParisTech will battle for fi rst place in badminton, fencing, tae- kwon-do and fi tness triathlon competitions. On the fi nal day of the event, participants will see their wits and resourcefulness tested as they take part in the Centenary Challenge across the capital.

No tickets required for willing spectators! For more information, contact Nicholas Gore at [email protected].

Imperial College Union, Beit Quadrangle, Prince Consort imperialcollegeunion.org/centenary Road, London SW7 2BB Tel: 020 7594 8060

ADVERTISEMENT Ethical Careers Exhibition 2007 www.union.ic.ac.uk/ethicalcareersexhibition

RSK Exhibitors Why should I come? RSK is a multidisciplinary consulting and technical services company providing specialist support services in the areas of environ- Imperial has an excellent everything from graduate coff ee from our free Fair mental planning and compliance, land assessment, remediation, and health and safety management. reputation for equipping recruitment programmes Trade Cafe – by browsing students for top careers in and internships, to advice the poster display, featuring Whitby Bird science, engineering and about work in their sector stories of graduates whose Whitby Bird are an engineering consultancy who work with the business, and alumni go and volunteering opportuni- careers have taken an ethical issues of sustainability and renewable energy, as well as conducting on to work for some of the ties. direction. environmental assessments. world’s biggest companies. h e event is open to all h e event is organised by Now the range of career students, so whether you’re students, in partnership with PowerPerfector PowerPerfector produce effi cient voltage systems and optimize paths available that com- wondering what to do after the Careers Service and Im- existing systems for large customers from universities to corporate bine challenging work and your studies or during the perial College Union. It will offi ces. a competitive salary with holidays, or you just want to take place on Wednesday making a positive diff erence support the idea of ethical 21st February from 11.30 RedR IHE to the world has never been business, come along and to 16.00 in Imperial’s Great RedR-IHE (Register of Engineers for Disaster Relief – International greater, and more graduates explore what’s on off er. We Hall, on the South Ken- Health Exchange) provide competent and committed aid workers than ever are looking to fi nd have exhibitors from the sington campus. For more in engineering and healthcare to humanitarian projects and crisis’s ethical work. public, private, not-for- information, including a list worldwide. At the exhibition, we’ll profi t and academic sectors, of exhibitors and a seminar be showcasing careers that as well as a packed ‘drop programme, see the web- TFL TFL is responsible for London’s public transport, as well as the protect or promote social in’ seminar programme. It site at www.union.imperial. signalling and congestion charging zones. justice, environmental sus- will cover everything from ac.uk/ethicalcareersexhibi- tainability, corporate re- sustainable engineering tion. Development in Action sponsibility and other ethical to charity work, careers in The Development in Action NGO strives to develop understand- issues. Our exhibitors come policy-making to bridging We hope to see you there! ing of development issues, and offers volunteering opportunities in from a huge range of sectors the energy gap. Be inspired - The Ethical Careers Exhibi- India. tion Team, Imperial College and backgrounds. h ey off er – perhaps over a cup of Teach First Teach First trains and places high level students in some of the countries toughest schools. Seminar Programme Energy for SustainableDevelopment Each of the seminars listed below will take place in the Great Hall and will run for 30 to 40 ESD is a consultancy that provides experience and expertise on design and planning of sustainable energy solutions for a range of minutes, including questions. clients ranging from small communities to support for government energy policy. 12.00 Volunteering in India: a viable way into the International Development sector? Development In Action Scientists for Global Responsibility Scientists for Global Responsibility carry out research, education 12.30 Fuel Cell Technology and lobbying centred around the military, environmental and politi- Prof. John Kilner - Imperial College and Ceres Power cal aspects of science, design and technology. 13.00 Finding an Ethical Career in Science, Design and Technology Bureau Veritas Dr Stuart Parkinson - Scientists for Global Responsibility Bureau Veritas provides project, product and system inspection/ certifi cation for health, safety, quality, environmental and social 13.30 A Career in Policy Making. responsibility. Carsten Rohr - Defra Frontier 14.00 Engineering Ethics and Sustainability. Frontier run projects to protect endangered tropical wildlife and Mark Whitby – Whitby Bird their habitats.

14.40 Working for Aid Agencies, Development Charities and in Disasters. Institute of Development Studies Andrew Lamb - RedR IHE The Institute of Development Studies is a leading global organiza- tion for the research, teaching and communication of international 15.20 Going Carbon Neutral - Corporate responsibility to the community. development. Garry Charnock - RSK Coral Cay Conservation Not-for-proﬁ t organisation at the cutting edge of ecotourism that sends teams of volunteers to survey some of the world’s most en- Internal Exhibitors dangered coral reefs and tropical forests Buro Happold Fairtrade Buro Happold is an international multi-disciplinary engineering EWB Medsin consultancy with a world-class reputation for delivering challenging Imperial Volunteer Centre projects. Student Pugwash Imperial Careers Advisory Service Energy Futures Lab The Energy Futures Lab conducts research into the future of energy esoc production, providing information on the environmental concerns for companies and government. We have a record number of candidates standing for Sabbatical positions this year. Make sure you vote! Voting starts Fri 23rd February and manifestos will be online for viewing on Monday 19th February.

imperialcollegeunion.org/elections Rector’s Forum 22nd February 17:30 Union Dining Hall

Come and join us at the Union for your opportunity to quiz the Rector and ask those burning questions. The Rector will be giving a short speech with drinks and nibbles available. We have a record number of candidates standing for Sabbatical positions this year. Make sure you vote! Voting starts Fri 23rd February and manifestos will be online for viewing on Monday 19th February.

imperialcollegeunion.org/elections Rector’s Forum 22nd February 17:30 Union Dining Hall

Come and join us at the Union for your opportunity to quiz the Rector and ask those burning questions. The Rector will be giving a short speech with drinks and nibbles available. ADVERTISEMENT Embracing the power of off The Environmental Societyʼs annual Green Week is back and this year weʼre tackling our carbon footprints. Green Fair Research Exhibition Monday 11am-3pm, Sherfield Monday 9.30-5pm, Ante Room (dining room) Foyer Find out what research is going on within Imperial’s own depart- Our opening event: come along to sign our petition ments and talk to the people heading them. to write a fully comprehensive new environmental policy for the union and sign an energy-saving pledge or two. It’s time to switch off lights that aren’t Corporate Energy Strategy Lecture being used, unplug appliances that aren’t in use and switch to energy efficient light bulbs. And that’s just Monday 6.30pm, LT1 in SAF the start.... A panel of speakers dicussing how institutions in urban areas, such as Imperial, might create a climate friendly energy strategy. The discuss hopes to shed light on the problems of the College’s Energy Policy and hopefully Bike Auction raise good ideas of how it may be revised. Global Heath Forum Debate Thursday 12-2pm, Tuesday 6.30pm, Biology LT in SAF Queen’s Lawn “This house believes that with limited resources, prevention and mitigation of the effects of climate Planet Earth Screening Cycling is an ideal way to reduce your change is a higher priority for improving global health carbon foot print; come along for the than biomedical interventions.” Tuesday 12.30pm, Room 119 chance to bag an green bargain. In the last auction bikes were snapped up for under £50. DFID has called climate change the most serious long in SAF All proceeds will go to cycling-related charities. term threat to development and the MDGs. Is climate Another chance to to see the plight To see a catalogue of the available bikes visit ht- change really the greatest threat to human health? of polar bears and penguins www.sbg.bio.ic.ac.uk/~brj03/icbug/auction/ With this threat looming, are doctors wasting their time as their natural habitat In association with IC BUG with biomedical interventions? Join the debate! disappears. Be enchanted In association with Medsin UK by vast ice sheets and watch a battle to the Future of Transportation Lecture death between a polar bear and a flock of Thursday 6.30pm, LT1 in SAF walruses. The Future of Transport. Experts from different technology fields (biofuels, hybrids, and fuel cells) will discuss their perspectives on Ethical Careers Exhibition how the transportation sector will change in the coming years. Wednesday 11am-4pm, Great Hall Cost of Climate Change Lecture A welcome change from the usual bankers and investment companies; a chance to meet Friday 1pm, LT1 in SAF representatives from a wide range of sectors with sound ethical and environmental backgrounds. The Cost of Climate Change. An enlightening talk on the options of solving the There is also a range of talks. For more details see problem of climate change. Prof Dennis Anderson (Stern Review) will introduce the Felix supplement this week or visit www.union. the issue of the economics of climate change and a range of academic and industry ic.ac.uk/ethicalcareersexhibition experts will discuss a variety of solutions to reducing the costs of climate change. In association with Pugwash Speakers include experts in carbon markets, carbon capture and storage and more.

Events are open to all (students, staff and guests to the College). All talks will be followed by Q&A sessions and a reception with refreshments and nibbles provided. Taking responsibility for the environment When you’re living on a meagre days they’re flying off the shelves following eco-goodies. All you Runners-up prizes student budget, environmental with the same regularity as your have to do is add your name to impact is probably not at the regular brands. Energy efficient our petition or make a pledge Everyoneʼs a winner when they make a pledge but hereʼs forefront of your mind when light bulbs may not be the which will reduce your energy a few more goodies to help you on your way to green making a purchase. Every product obvious choice when our bulb consumption (and bills!) at nirvana. Switching off light bulbs in rooms you arenʼt we buy sends out a message to blows, but over their lifetime home. All the following products using could save you £55 a year, and a hefty 370kg retailers and companies alike. they’ll save you a small fortune will help you on your way to carbon. And, if every UK household installed three Three years ago you had to (plus carbon credits too!) minimising your carbon foot energy saving light bulbs the energy saved would ask why supermarkets weren’t This year we’re offering everyone print, making you feel all warm supply all street lighting in the UK. Buying A** rated stocking Ecover products. These a chance to win one of the and fuzzy inside. appliances when your one packs in is important too. 1st prize Solio proves that green living can be fun! The solio unit is ideal for recharging any portable device using the power of sunlight. Place it out in direct sunlight or, failing that, a sunny windowsill and then use it to charge iPods, phones plus a host of other devices while on the go. Designed to last you for years, itʼs a product of convenience with a eco-benefits to boot.

Feeling confused? This Rough A solio in closed mode, and open to reveal its solar panels. Guide should sort you out. The full range of Ecover products- one for every room of the house.

Friday 16 February 2007 felix 15 eviews RMUSIC [email protected] Some releases and stuff Enthusiasm running low at Felix music as all music appears to suck nowadays

Matty Hoban needs Dinosaur Jr

ook at you there, reading my words of love, joy and philanthropy. Oh, L how I’d love for you to be friends with me and we can listen to Sebadoh, Beat Happening, Drive Like Jehu, Hot Snakes, Sweep The Leg Johnny, Check Engine, Shellac, Big Black, Reynolds, Lords, Part Chimp, The Unit Ama, Polaris, Quasi, Sleater- Kinney, Sonic Youth, Bikini Kill, Le Tigre, Do Make Say Think, Pol- mo Polpo, Pinback, early Death Cab For Cutie, Built to Spill, The Ladies, Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark, Tiger Piss, God- speed You! Black Emperor, Piglet, Mogwai, Arcwelder, Monorchid, Black Heart Procession, cap'N Jazz, Owls, Joan of Arc, American Football, Microphones, Mt. Ee- rie, Thanksgiving, Don Caballero, Battles, That Fucking Tank, 3host- womexicansandatinofspanners, Pavement, Silver Jews, Hey Co- lossus, Projections, Cat on Form, Why?, 13 & God, Themselves, On the left is what happens when you Google image search The Hoosiers and, well, on the right: I MUST FIND THIS MAN Subtle, Thelonius Monk, John Coltrane Quartet, Max Roach, Charles Mingus, Four Tet, Steve album review tery toured with Black Grape (a bag of an album, it fluctuates be- and by the time the 2 minutes 55 Reid, Steve Reid & Kieran Hebden, Shaun Ryder group) and worked tween quite interesting to intensely draws to a close it is hard to remem- Sunburned Hand of Man, Hush Ar- alongside Joe Strummer. With this tedious but throughout the weak- ber anything from the song. Radio 1 bors, [smog], Iron & Wine, Bonnie much experience I would expect a ness of lyrics and repeating musical fodder this is but better examples 'Prince' Billy, Chavez, Pajo, Papa little more imagination than that themes detract from good poten- lie around every corner. M, Slint, Errors, Appleseed Cast, seen on Love You More. Starting tial. As much as I would like to fall Nick Simpson Broken Social Scene, KC Acciden- with a mix of Coldplay piano and in love with this album and forget tal, Stars, Rachel's, Ganger, The Interpol guitar, Genn sings such its faults they are just too common Shipping News, The For Carna- gems as 'I love you more than my and too obvious, hopefully the next single review tion, Nirvana, Lift to Experience, Adidas trainers, I love you more album from The Hours will move The Evens, Fugazi, Enablers, Isis, than Tony Soprano, and if you into new ground. Mumm-Ra Quack Quack, Bilge Pump, I'm The Hours knew me better that's a fuck of a Nick Simpson What Would Steve Do? Being Good, John Fahey, Jack Narcissus Road lot' – I just pray they got paid for (Sony) Rose, Lungfish, Stars of the Lid, (Polydor) product placement. HHH✩✩ PJ Harvey, Aereogramme, Silent ★★★✩✩ Admittedly that song does de- single review Front, Unwound, Toe, Clogs, Tu- velop some interest but like most of jiko Noriko, Aoki Takamasa, Char- Keeping up with the continual the album, tonky piano sees almost The Hoosiers Tipped for the top, Mumm-Ra are a lottefield, Blood Red Shoes, Paper onslaught of new bands is an im- Keane like over use. Thankfully it Worst Case Scenario bundle of fun all the way from Bex- Cut-Out, This Heat and Huggy mense task, not only due to the isn't a white wash and tracks such (Unknown) hill. What Would Steve Do? is a fran- Bear together and we can do each sheer volume but because so many as Back When You Were Good fall HH✩✩✩ tic mix of honest vocals and rhythm other’s hair. By the way, my cock of them are tripe, generic, bland nicely into the quality, easy listen- guitars. Unlike a lot of new bands, is bigger than yours. and/or shit. The Hours is a band on ing niche. Mumm-Ra knows their bounds and I quite like a lot of obscure mu- the precipice. Towards the end of the album The Hoosiers have a fucking ridicu- stay away from anything too pre- sic, this does not mean I hate While they do maintain a similar things start to look better, I Need lous name and for that alone they tentious, without faux American ac- ‘chart’ music, you will frequently quality throughout their debut, as To Know injects a subtle dose of deserve no attention at all – quite cents et al. Mumm-Ra clearly have find me singing the lyrics to vari- presented on the album's first sin- punk into the handclap type sounds why a London band has named taken props from the likes of the ous Girls Aloud and recent Nelly gle, Ali in the Jungle, the move to which seems to be every song. The themselves after the native Ameri- Libertines, replacing all the twa- Furtado singles. That Take That a long player highlights the limita- anthemic People Say which moves can name for Indiana, that or a tish smack addictions with retro single, Patience did not deserve tions of the group. away from the general sound of dodgy American movie about small pop-rock love which for some rea- the Brit Award for best single, it It is quite easy to think of The the album showes heavy influence town basket-ball is beyond me. The son remind me of Love (although is an awful song. That made me Hours as a group, but in fact it is a from late 90s indie groups before band itself sound like the hideous not the same calibre). All this is a angry. creative duo consisting of Antony the album wraps up with Let Me love child of Ima Robot and Lilly Al- good thing as Mumm-Ra are on the By the way, there is a poster Genn and Martin Slattery. Although Breathe, a mush of romantic sing- len. Worst Case Scenario, a catchy bill for the NME Awards Indie Rock for a gig on the 24th February in The Hours may be new, these two ing, swelling guitars and strings in debut and if you are into happy-go- tour, a guarantee that you will here the union, it will be outstandingly have been around the block a few the back ground – nothing to write lucky indie-pop, then you will love plenty more of this band for a good great. So you should come, or stay times. Genn has toured with Pulp home about. this. Unfortunately past the shouty, 6 months to come. at home playing online games, it’s and produced UNKLE while Slat- Narcissus Road is really a mixed gleeful lyrics there is no originality Nick Simpson your life really.

Friday 16 February 2007 felix 17

ARTS [email protected] Plotting in a modern Rome Book The classic tale of a power struggle set to Handel’s impressive score opens at the ENO Review

ENGLISH NATIONAL OPERA AND CLIVE BARDA Hannibal Rising Agrippina sorbing in equal measure. Thomas Harris English National Opera The vocal performances are, on Until March 1 the whole, dazzling. Though the Hannibal Lecter’s ‘Memory Palace’ From £15 show has been criticised as being is the starting point for Thomas a vehicle for the feted Sarah Con- Harris’s new novel Hannibal Ris- Handel’s Agrippina tells a familiar nolly as the show’s main character, ing. If you’ve read any of the other tale of corruption and deceit in the there is admirable depth across books or seen the films, you’ll be fa- upper echelons of Roman society. the board. Connolly’s Agrippina is miliar with this concept, but here it When the emperor Claudius appar- charismatic and wilful, and techni- is tired. Harris uses it to introduce ently drowns at sea, his ambitious cally faultless. you to Hannibal the genius with a and well-connected widow Agrip- As her son Nerone, Christine Rice museum-like mind. Unfortunately, pina schemes and manoeuvres her steals the show with a spine-tingling this hackneyed beginning doesn’t son Neronene, born from a previ- vocal performance matched by her fade away; it only gets worse. ous marriage, into position to claim similarly show-stealing cocaine- We first find little Lecter living in power. But when it is revealed that fuelled antics. But the real find was a castle in Lithuania with his sister, Claudius has been saved and is re- ENO main stage first-timer Lucy noble parents, and tutor to see to turning to Rome, the title charac- Crowe as the pawn-turned-player his genius. It is the early 1930’s and ter’s best laid plans and ambitions Poppea – the audience’s concentra- great flapping metaphors about are revealed for all to see and her tion was palpable every time she black swans of doom and his inno- resolve put to the test. graced the stage with her unre- cent sister abound. The Nazis are In David McVicar’s production, strained vocal power. coming, and the Russians, and in originally debuting in Brussels, And not least, Daniel Reuss the increasingly short chapters we the tale is adapted to contempo- controlled the music admirably are constantly reminded that they rary Britannia. It works well – the from the pit; Handel’s electrifying are, surprisingly, the bad guys. games of power are now played out score was both mesmerising and The events of WWII carry the between corrupt politicians and of- elevating. Lecters away from their castle and ficials in tailored suits, corporate The script was sparkling and into hiding in the woods, there’s lots vampires, and pseudo-WAGs vying bright. Though crassly comical, it of suffering caused by the baddies for their spot at the trough of indig- retained the essence and spirit of (Nazis), and a rather hurried con- nity and fame. the original while receiving a wel- clusion where all of Lecter’s family The snapshot works well and in- come infusion of profanity more in are killed – his sister in a gruesome fluences from modern Britain are line with the rest of the production. case of cannibalism: this is the part evident in the Enfieldesque brat It wasn’t subtle – but it was fun and where you feel sorry for Lecter. Nerone and the beautiful Poppea, a the show flowed easily between its As fate would have it, the war crucial cornerstone in Agrippina’s various scenes and arias. ends and our little orphan Lecter is plans, who veers between Bridget By striking the right balance be- looked after in a Russian commu- Jones and a Boujis debutante. tween retaining traditional operatic nist orphanage which, ironically, is It all makes it readily accessible integrity and embracing modernity, situated in the castle that belongs to the novice, and though the show McVicar opens his arms to both au- to him. Luckily noble painter Un- weighs in at just under four hours, diences. Opera has never been so cle Lecter comes to his rescue and it never becomes tiresome, throw- accessible. sweeps him away to his chateau in ing up laughs, entertaining and ab- David Paw Sarah Connolly as the schemeing Agrippina France and to meet his mysterious Japanese aunt. This introduction to Hannibal’s teenage years is where I really began to dread reading more of the book. Auntie Murasaki is the sum of every Japanese cliche; icily beauti- If Imperial made Arts Festivals ... ful, a whiz at haikus, and owner of terribly sharp swords. Yawn. Some REBECCA WARREN revenge ensues when the uncle There’s been something in the air falls ill and Hannibal has to avenge this week. It smells sweeter, sounds his Aunt’s honour. Things get a little more melodic, and everything looks out of hand with the revenge, and that little bit brighter. Yes, it’s that Hannibal becomes known to your time of year again: ArtsFest week. standard lone maverick policeman, For all the first-years amongst Inspector Popil. Yawn again. So, you, this is the week that Imperial’s him and Aunt move to Paris, where extensive collection of A&E (Arts Hannibal (he’s a genius again) is and Ents) clubs showcase their tal- training as a doctor. ents and prove to us all that being The quiet life is not suited to Han- a scientist and having artistic/mu- nibal, however, as he’s suddenly ob- sical talent are not mutually exclu- sessed by elaborate revenge on the sive personality traits. men who destroyed his childhood. ArtsFest has been more promi- From here, it’s all downhill. There’s nent on campus this year than any none of the suspense of the earlier other this reporter can recall; you books and none of the interplay be- can hardly have failed to hear the tween Hannibal and his victims. We busking in SAF, Tanaka, and Sher- can’t sympathise with the crudely field, featuring some of Imperial’s drawn victims because they’re evil choral and instrumental elite. ex-Nazis and we can’t sympathise Art has been well-covered too, with Hannibal any more because with PhotoSoc and LeoSoc exhibi- he’s so cartoon-creepy. tions in the Blyth Gallery (that’s If you’re coming to Hannibal Ris- Sherfield Level 5), plus a retrospec- ing having never seen any of the tive of Imperial’s artistic past in the films or read the other books in the MechEng Foyer. Hannibal Lecter series, then you It’s not all been about showing off might possibly enjoy some of the talent. Workshops on Wednesday al- drama, but even for pure trashy lowed students wanting to try their novel enjoyment, there’s not a hands at drama, art, and dance. lot to recommend. It’s fairly obvi- But if you have missed seeing ous that Hannibal Lecter is now some of what’s been on offer, don’t purely a cash cow for the author. despair (well, as long as you’re Perhaps the film version suits the reading this on Friday!) The Finale dumbing down of such a magnifi- Concert is at 7:30 p.m. tonight in the cent murderer more aptly, but I’d Great Hall, promising all the best recommend giving both a miss and from the week, including dancing, watching The Silence of the Lambs musical performances, and mar- instead for a taste of what Hannibal tial-arts demonstrations. the cannibal is really about. Emily Lines Margaret Stewart Richie Allen, physicist

Think you can get temperatures soaring? Email us at page3.felix@ imperial.ac.uk Photo byEmerson Vigoureux Friday 16 February 2007 felix 19

ARTS [email protected] Plotting in a modern Rome Book The classic tale of a power struggle set to Handel’s impressive score opens at the ENO Review

South Kensington Tube) Telephone 020 7823 8968 www.freshhairdressers.co.uk

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imperialcollegeunion.org Imperial College Union, Beit Quadrangle, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB Friday 16 February 2007 felix 21

FILM ﬁ [email protected] The weird world of Wes Anderson Chelsea Manning talks orgasms and tributes one of Hollywood’s most talented and underrated directors

I find it a damn shame that more people are not aware of the fabu- lous director/producer/film writer Wes Anderson. I first fell in love Wes Anderson’s films when I saw the movie Rushmore starring Ja- son Schwartzman. The surreal atmosphere and outlandish plot just blew my mind. I thought, ‘No way can a director follow up such a primo production.’ Then I saw The Royal Tenenbaums... I cried tears of joy, but they might have just been tears of not blinking for two straight hours. Either way, the protein in those tears was held together with bonds of pure amazement. After The Royal Tenenbaums I thought, ‘No way can Wes pull off such brilliant and colorful characters again.’ I practically had an orgasm in my seat when I saw The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou. For those of you who are unaware of the masterpieces created by Wes Anderson, I will now proceed to give you my very biased, slightly tribute-esque analysis of this talented man’s films. You should prob- Wes Anderson’s most recent cinematic slice of oddness, The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou, starring Bill Murray amongst many legends ably read my description with the skepticism of someone listening to a mother speak about the su- Luke Wilson, Anjelica Huston, and pression and awkward quirks and filmed in the style of a documentary elements I’ve never seen in any oth- preme talent of her bratty blob of Gene Hackman, all wonderful ac- character flaws. His characters are following the Zissou Society, a sail- er film – he captures an absolutely procreation. tors whose combined talent can be chock full of dry humor and elitism. ing crew that, whilst clad in match- novel style on screen. His movies Wes Anderson has a core group of articulated by the expression ∞∞. I find The Life Aquatic With Steve ing baby blue track suits, produces are filled with vibrant, almost car- cast that he uses in most of his films, The usual Anderson protagonist Zissou Wes Anderson’s most daring documentaries about their voyages toon-like colors that are painted all consisting of Bill Murray, Owen and is very clever, yet plagued by de- and impressive piece to date. It’s and experiences with aquatic wild- over the costumes and scenery. The life. Steve Zissou makes it a mis- refreshingly quiet dialogue is punc- sion to find the Leopard Shark (an tuated by loud, fuck off Devo, Iggy animal fabricated by Anderson and the Stooges, and David Bowie that is essentially a big ass shark songs. The films are such a change with leopard patterned skin) that from the current shit films that killed his best friend. In a way, the capitalize on loud, flashy stunts, movie is basically a massive hom- and special effects. And I’m sure a age to Jacque-Yves Cousteau, right lot of Imperial students could relate down to the ridiculous knitted red to the exceedingly intelligent, but beanies. socially inept and dorky characters. Wes Anderson films simply have Just kidding. Kind of. Do you love film?

:ck^gdcbZciVa;jijgZh^hi]ZegZb^ZgXVgZZghZkZci[dgeZdeaZl]d lVciidYZkZadeVXVgZZglî]^ci]ZZck^gdcbZciVahZXidg#I]^h^hV eg^bZcZildg`^c\VcYaZVgc^c\deedgijcînl]^X]^ckdakZh`ZneaVnZgh [gdbVXgdhhi]ZhZXidg# Felix is looking for J^[[l[dj_dYbkZ[i0 @ZncdiZheZZX]ZhqF6lî]VeVcZad[Zck^gdcbZciVaegd[Zhh^dcVahq reviewers, writers, ^ciZgVXi^kZldg`h]deq8VgZZgh[V^ghiVcYhd[gZaZkVciZbeadnZghVcY and general egd[Zhh^dcVadg\Vc^hVi^dch#

JeZemdbeWZWdWffb_YWj_ed\ehcl_i_jmmm$YWh[[hi$bed$WY$ka%[\ hangers-on to eh[cW_bc_bahekdZ6YWh[[hi$bed$WY$ka\ehceh[_d\ehcWj_ed$ contribute to the film section.

Email [email protected] 22 felix Friday 16 February 2007

GAMES [email protected] I, Gamer This week in videogaming Spore blossoms, EVE falls, and the old days prevail. And teh Console Warz, I guess

Who’s winning in the console war currently? Is it the XBox 360, with their strong marketing presence and good relationship with EA? Is it the Playstation3, who are welcom- ing better and better news in Blu- Ray sales? Is it the Wii, still selling out the world over and getting more attention from publishers? The answer’s not what you might expect Michael Cook – it’s none of them. With the XBox now firmly in its Games Editor grave, obituary written in the an- nals of gaming history, the last-gen might seem to be somewhat over. ole-playing is a But sales of Playstation2s are still strange word when on the up, bolstering Sony’s user- it comes to classi- base, and the Nintendo DS Lite - re- R fying games. Since leased almost a year ago in Japan - the average gamer is still sold out in its home country. spends their hours in the guises Playstation2 owners are looking of World War 2 sergeants, alien- forward to God of War 2 and Final fighting nuclear scientists, and Fantasy XII, and huge sales of DS Tiger Woods, it’s fair to say that Lites means more conversion and all gamers do is roleplay. But development for the novel handheld so-called Roleplaying Games console – with prices significantly have set themselves apart as lower, even than a Wii, it’s not just a genre over the years, now the latest technology that’s making condensed into one main idea the big sales. With the Playstation3 – character improvement. still struggling – a key developer at Over the years, however, it’s EA recently advised people to steer also been about getting to know away from Sony’s latest console your character, and putting a – it’s possible that the Playstation2 little something in the game. may stay in production for some This week we look at the East- time. ern tradition of fantasy slash- In the land of the PC, things are em-ups with a retrospective far rosier. Vista users are slowly glance to the Zelda and Final calming down as they discover Fantasy series, in preparation which games work – though at the for Final Fantasy XII’s launch. time of Felix going to press, Sec- Japanese RPGs – Japanese ond Life, an internet-phenomenon gaming in general – often has MMO with more than a million ac- the stereotype of being long, in- tive users and a trade of around $1.2 volving, and essentially simple. million per day, completely refuses It’s certainly a recipe that’s to work under the new operating done Squaresoft well over the system. Gears Of War nabbed eight awards at DICE’s AIAS ceremony, including Best Game and Console Shooter years. But that’s not to say that But single-player gaming is smil- Western RPGs are any shal- ing, and so was Will Wright as he lower, or more challenging. The gave an address at the DICE sum- ers, is due to be released within a been betrayed. This time? Both. the largest Corporations in the EVE Elder Scrolls series, as well as mit on the challenges around de- few months. “I’m here so this whole issue -- universe. the Baldur’s Gate franchise on veloping his latest creation, Spore. As the Burning Crusade is reduced which jeopardized my company and Unlike Second Life, EVE’s play- PC as well as console, might Wright performed his usual trick to the smouldering news headlines our community -- can be put behind ers don’t make much money from represent a culturally differ- of being unimaginably intellectual, that WoW players are used to, the us” were the words used to open a their investment. But EVE saps ent kind of roleplaying, but the and discussed how the structure of big news in MMOs this week came confession by EVE developer “CCP time unlike any other MMO, and be- core elements remain the same intricate games like Spore have to from EVE Online, the space sim on t20”, who admitted to illicitly sup- trayal in such an involved universe – big story, small idea. be broken down to communicate a huge scale. When EVE hits the plying highly powerful blueprints – in particular, from the people that RPG remains – and may al- with the player in as simple a way gaming news, it’s either because – information that can be used to nurtured the community in the first ways remain – one of the geek- as possible. The game, which has the developers are making an an- manufacture powerful weaponry, place – was hard to swallow for a lot ier corners of gaming. And giv- high hopes set on it by a lot of gam- nouncement, or because someone’s ships, and equipment – to some of of the dedicated players. en that gaming itself is a little nook of life filled with cobwebs, geeks, and copies of Freespace 2, that’s quite an achievement. But as the numbers slowly shift to behind the scenes, and the story becomes something the 11 player’s involved in as much as $1200 the designer is, there may be a change in that. “Bounty” promised by SCEA Number found by the staff of If you’re looking to pick up a copy of Final Fantasy XII fresh President for each Playstation3 online comic Penny Arcade, on launch day, HMV at Oxford found on shop shelves. within a half hour of their offices. Circus have organised a special launch event at lunchtime on Friday 23rd to celebrate the launch of the game. Given the look of Final Fantasy XIII (check out our feature on the series), it could be the last time you play it like the good old days. Felix Games is still looking for extra contributors – please email us if you’d like to write for the section. It doesn’t matter whether you play games all night, or haven’t ever picked up a controller in your life – all we want is interested writers!

COW41087.DEVIANTART.COM [email protected] Friday 16 February 2007 felix 23

GAMES [email protected] Successful Twilight emergence As the sun goes down on Nintendo’s latest Link adventure, Tom Roberts asks if it was worth it

There’s a sense of crescendo to Twilight Princess – years of Nintendo innovation has paid off for them, and they can finally unleash the games they always wanted to make

he world of Hyrule has Zant and it’s up to our young hero A button can send you plummeting the pang of post-purchase-not-pol- faces and lashing tentacle dread- always been a very to save the kingdom once again. over the edge of a cliff. ished-off-guilt. locks drop out of the sky at regu- strange place indeed. This time he has the help of a crea- The dungeon format remains Twilight Princess feels special lar intervals to halt your progress. TNot just because of the ture called Midna, best described faithful, complete with small keys, from the very first moment that you There are similarly haunting dark trolls, skeletons, Zora, as Hey Arnold’s long lost cousin. daddy keys, and exceptionally well hop onto Epona and gallop around wyverns and it’s clear that some- and larger than life Hulk Hogan She has the power to transform designed layouts and puzzles. The the Ordon ranch. Soon after hop- body at Nintendo has been watch- look-alike Gorons but because Link into a wolf as and when neces- temples are intricately designed, ping the gate to Hyrule’s fields of ing The Matrix, though thankfully everyone repeatedly manages to sary. Midna and Zant suit the world lulling you into a sense of awe at freedom, Twilight Princess steps the makers have done the art jus- get amnesia. How many times has comfortably, whilst bringing ele- the potential complexity awaiting up a gear when Link has to pursue tice here. Zelda fluttered her eyes at Link? ments of darkness to the glowing your discovery when they are in a band of thieving orcs and goblins. Twilight Princess is not entirely How many times has Hyrule Cas- fairy tale land. Zant is a suitably fact generally linear experiences. You’re tasked with rescuing a kid- without its gripes however. When tle undergone an architectural fearful replacement for Ganondorf Obtain small key, progress to find napped girl whilst on horseback. will a game perfect swimming un- makeover? And how many times and Midna’s introduction is surpris- the next. The genius arises when The A button whips Epona into a derwater? Why does Link insist on has Ganondorf been skewered by ingly startling whilst she toys with you arrive back at the entrance gallop and quickly you’re closing in climbing side ways round that vine Link’s Master Sword? Matron! Yet, Link. It’s indicative of the love-dis- room, better equipped and having on the bandits. Swinging the remote ridden wall, rather than hauling although gamers are entirely trust relationship that you hold pushed the necessary blocks into sword slashes the goblins, sending himself on the ledge? These are familiar with this world with the little imp, something place so that you can finally reach them flying backwards whilst their minor faults; they’re eagerly prepared which niggles at the back of that mysterious hole in the ceiling. oversized boars plough into a pimple to plough into getting your mind throughout the The sense of achievement and ev- turf. Twilight Prin- on the the same game. erything falling into place is deeply cess gives speed Goron girl once Her power to transform you gratifying and you’re rewarded and aggression to again. into a wolf is perhaps the with a trademark boss encounter; epic Lord Of The Each bravest creative decision an experience you enjoy rather Rings style fights. itera- in such a huge series than dread. The sand temple’s boss They’re tion of since having to play as is especially fun. Zelda Raiden in Metal Gear One minor oft cited criticism is does at- Solid 2. For large the save mechanism in the dun- tempt chunks of the game, geons whereby you have to return to re- you’re tasked with to the entrance after turning off the invigo- sniffing scents and console. Personally, my compulsive rate the digging to gain access nature meant that I completed dun- to certain areas. The geons in one sitting and when this King’s rotund choice brings welcome didn’t happen, Nintendo had the rear end, of variation, but the con- sense to never take the adventure course. trols are certainly less far away from the entrance room. More importantly intuitive as the wolf. As with all of the Zelda games, is whether the game At the very least, Twilight Princess is a fine example has overhauled it- the Wii remote is as of OCD sufferer’s worst nightmare. self enough for its lat- good as a Game- There are numerous caves to un- est outing. The additional cube controller, cover, almost a hundred bugs and characters are well imple- even improv- poes to collect, not to mention the mented, the new weapons fishing side game, or simulator as and items are a pleasure is perhaps more appropriate with to use and frequently more the Wii remote. Having clocked up fun than any of the recurring ones, around 55 epic hours after finish- amongst the most enjoyable sec- and the story is pleasingly more ing the game, I am actually consid- tions of the game in between dun- bizarre than before. Twilight Prin- ering returning to it, a testament to geon dwelling and a fine example cess has not undergone a dramatic the game’s success and something of the capabilities of the Wii con- sea change though; we’re not even which Grand Theft Auto has never trol setup – galloping, turning, and in the Wind Waker territory of daring bow and arrow aiming and gen- managed to do. There are easily slashing simultaneously. ingness. What’s clear is that the series with a subtle twist to the erally being more relaxing having another 10 to 20 hours of exploring Graphically, the game is per- compulsion to keep playing, the story or the gameplay and Twilight your hands further apart or resting and the initial fifty or so are some of fectly acceptable although it lacks magnificent gameplay and sheer Princess is no different, this time on your lap. But as the wolf, often the most addictive I’ve ever played. the quality of the Gamecube’s best quality of design is unmatched by fashionably attempting to obtain a you find yourself mashing A to rip You will never find yourself wishing such as Resi Evil 4. The characters previous offerings. This is the best 12A rating by being “darker than at the necks of opponents, rather the game will hurry up so that you are lovingly detailed, however, es- Zelda game created. ever before”™. Hyrule is being than waving, which has the effect can get started on the next and this pecially the nightmarish enemies That is one hell of a statement and gradually descended into the twi- of making you twitch like you’ve got is a soul saver for those of us who from the Twili realm. Large, bound- can only warrant one outcome. light realm by evil cloak-wearer fleas. Even then, a jump using the like to finish our games without ing black trolls with shields for You buying it. 24 felix Friday 16 February 2007

GAMES [email protected] Two decades, and still unfinished From Cactuars to Kupo – Michael Cook tells tales of great adventure as we look back on Final Fantasy

hilst I want to say the one thing you couldn’t make a clean success from the get-go. ing. After twenty years and twelve it. I didn’t need that then – I had that old games yourself push through were those Why strange? Because the more main games – ignoring the many Oddworld. journalism stand- darned monster encounters. You you see of Final Fantasy, the bet- spinoffs – it doesn’t take more than Final Fantasy VII would repre- Ward, “Everyone either loved them, or you left. ter you understand the a couple of Final Fantasies to make sent a crucial jump for Square, as remembers their When the game series launched threads that Sak- it a very different kind of gaming they chose to leave Nintendo for first time”, I’m not so sure that’s in Japan back in the pre-3D days of aguchi and his experience. the first time to develop for Sony’s true of Final Fantasy. So let me 1987, Dragon Quest was the big-hit- development One of the most impressive debut machine. Not only would it open with something a bit different. ter of the day, developed by Square’s teams wove things to come out of the series allow them to penetrate the West- Everyone – everyone – remembers then-rival studio Enix, and Square through was the way it penetrated the ern market far deeper than previ- their first random battle. themselves were on the brink of American market. As the oc- ous conversions ever had, but it “What the hell is going on? The bankruptcy. The “Final” Fantasy, casional FF got converted – would also give them a base in a screen just smooshed. Yeah, I developed by Hironobu Sakaguchi, with a confusing numbering rising star in the console war – a was just running around, what’s it was to be both Square and Sak- system that differed from relationship that would soon have … what’s that. Is that me? That’s aguchi-san’s final game, earn- the Japanese standard – the tables turned on it, as Final Fan- me? But I was just walking around. ing itself one of the most ironic American audience lapped tasy became one of the few stable Those people weren’t even there. game titles in the process. it up more and more, until licenses for Sony’s Playstation3. Is this a one-off?” Ironic because, as we all know, eventually Square made the But I was having none of it, and For many people, it was a one- in fact it wasn’t until Final Fantasy off, because they put Cloud, Squall, VIII, when I’d mellowed out and Buttz, or whichever plucky FF hero discovered Metal Gear Solid and, down and never went near one of well, guns, that Final Fantasy be- the bastards ever again. But for the gan to appeal. rest of us, it was the first of many VIII was, I like to tell myself, a dif- screen smooshes. And that game ferent beast. Unlike VII’s cartoon- was the first of many fifty-hour ish stylings, VIII was a real game journeys. And who cares if you that didn’t talk down to you. It took think VI is better than VII? Who the gamer into a strange Harry Pot- cares if you didn’t like the ending ter-meets-Gundam world, where of IX? There’s a certain link be- teenagers trained to be merce- tween each and every game, and naries at obscurely cheery high each and every FF fan. schools called Gardens. And yes, I It’s always the random battles that remember my first random battle. divides opinion over Squaresoft’s Final Fantasy was not to be the end each and every one of the early leap to a new generation of graph- It scared the crap out of me. historic line of turn-based, story-led of Sakaguchi or Squaresoft. From installments. Certainly, the Big- ics and scale. Once over the initial shock, and RPG masterpieces. People could their first tale of the Warriors of Bird-esque Chocobo creatures, I scorned Final Fantasy VII. I the initial few confusing deaths, bear the plot, even if they found Light and the Elemental Crystals, the Cid character and so forth, are scorned everything on the Play- the control system began to make some of it contrived. People could all the way through to today’s more all examples of Final Fantasy’s station that wasn’t a platforming sense. Waiting for each turn, forgive it for not being as hardcore contemporary fantasy tales, the enduring regulars. But the plots game, so when the flags started choosing a move from an ever-fill- as the Western RPGs, grounded strange yet unforgettable style of contain a lot of common themes, waving for some ridiculously-titled ing list of spells, items and attacks, in D&D, D20, and Dungeons. But each game has made the franchise and nurtures a certain way of play- swords and magic game, I ignored trying to pre-empt enemy attacks. Friday 16 February 2007 felix 25

GAMES [email protected]

How times change: Final Fantasy VII’s Cloud Strife, shown on the previous page, in his Advent Children incarnation. Amazingly, Final Fantasy XIII looks similar to this in-game

If you ever try and rationalise the XII is now to be released in the UK the better, rather than a water- idea of standing around waiting on Playstation2, with XIII already ing down of the same old winning for your go to kill something, then announced for the Playstation3 as formula. Final Fantasy’s turn-based system well as a series of spinoffs for mo- Screenshots of XIII show the immediately becomes something bile and an action-oriented game game to be visually stunning, but very ridiculous. But it didn’t need for the PS3 along the lines of Final also considerably different to past to make sense. Frankly, caterpil- Fantasy X-2. incarnations – battles appear to lars the size of houses and scant- There’s no denying that the se- have no turn-based ele- ily-clad ice queens that leapt out ries has evolved a lot. Originally ment at all, and even of your head “didn’t make sense”. closed to the idea of revisiting old- though the videos are It did what it felt like, and you felt er games, Square produced a film undeniably concep- good for trusting it. extension to Final Fantasy VII – ti- tual, it certainly And the fun was in the scale, any- tled “Advent Children” – along with shows that how. Take a look at Cloud’s impres- several animés and game spinoffs Square have sive weapon (above, not on those telling various pre- and post-game lost neither questionable websites we fre- stories. A semi-sequel to Final inventiveness quented last week) and you’ll begin Fantasy X also followed, as well as nor desire to to wonder just how strong these promises of the same for Final Fan- innovate. A SOLDIER types have to be in or- tasy XII. new con- der to carry around what looks like There’s always resistance when sole always a dragon’s toothpick. Look at his changes like this occur. The only means arms, for goodness sake! They’re two game series to have sold more new di- rec- little spindly sticks! than Final Fantasy are Pokémon tions, and that Not to mention flying ships the – a franchise that doesn’t want to inevita- bly size of cities, flying cities the size of change – and Mario – a franchise means more con- … cities … exploding planets, fight- that doesn’t need to change. Having troversy. But for many gamers, ing black holes – Final Fantasy was the third-largest fanbase in gaming they’re willing to stay the course, – is – about a strange kind of im- isn’t an easy thing to handle, espe- just as Square has done, for anoth- mersion that comes when you let go cially when the demands of newer er twenty years more. of, “Why can’t I …” and “Shouldn’t fans are at odds to those that still Final Fantasy games are still they …” and begin to accept the play the NES and SNES games in remarkably hard to find on some fantasy that they’re offering. You their original glory. platforms, still being reinvented took control of frogs, and dressed Anyone who’s loved a Final Fan- and rereleased through em- up as strange, cat-like creatures tasy game – and even those that ulators and independent called moogles. No-one questioned hated them – got something out of developers, and still it, it just seemed like the sensible Square’s much-revered series. But a firm part of thing to do at the time. change has to happen, and even pop culture When the eleventh was an- without plot continuity, a series as – something nounced as a massively mutliplay- long-running as this has to change. that is unlike- er online game, there was some Final Fantasy XII’s battle system, ly to change, concern over where the series was using a semi-automated adapta- welded as they headed. It’s hard to tell whether tion to their turn-based sys- are into the history Final Fantasy XI’s relative failure tem, called “Gambit”, is of videogaming. up against the likes of World of a huge change when The old days of Final Fan- Warcraft and EVE Online was what tasy may be coming to a close, spurred SquareEnix to return to but the next generation seems to single-player form, or whether the be a fresh enough experience to merger between Square and Enix com- warrant keeping up with. Whatever back in 2003 spurred them back pared to the the outcome, there’s no sense of into their story-led roots. stringent ATB, finality yet at SquareEnix, and the Either way, Final wait-your-turn styles of future suggests there’ll be plenty Fantasy SNES versions and earlier. more random battling to come. But it looks set to be a change for

COMPETITION | Win a copy of Final Fantasy XII and other FF goodies! Final Fantasy XII’s release is just days away, and thanks to SquareEnix we’ve got a copy of Final Fantasy XII to give away as well as a set of figurines from the game! To be in with a chance of winning, just answer the following question, entries in an email with the subject line, “Would You Like To See My Ultimate Weapon?”, along with your name, to games. [email protected] by February 23rd, or on a slip of paper with contact details handed into the Felix office (downstairs in the Media Wing of Beit Quad). The winner will be notified soon after the competition closes. It’s a simple question, just tell us:

What is the name of the cute, overfed, exploited, misunderstood and fairly edible-looking yellow chickens that turn up in the Final Fantasy series?

a) Moogles b) Chocobos c) Shuffle to the left, shuffle to the right, Scoodlee-ah-ta, scoodlee-ah-ta. Birdie tweet tweet, birdie tweet tweet (tweet tweet). 26 felix Friday 16 February 2007

PUZZLES [email protected] Spiritualise neo-rectify puzzle time Alex says: “Creating subheads for this page is the pinnacle of pointlessness. Just say: ‘here’s more puzzles.’” Sudoku mania! Kakuro – round 6 Hell 4 9 7 5 6 1 9

7 5 2 8 The numbers indicate the sum of the digits in the row or column indicated. For example, the square with 7 and 11 in it 4 2 means “the numbers you write in the row below must add up to 7, and the numbers in the row across must add up to 11”. You 6 1 4 8 may use each number only once within a row of cells (called a ‘run’), like sudoku. 9 7 Any spare cells are available for the de- piction of romantic dinners for two in a 1 9 7 3 silhouette style. 6 1 1 5 3 6 4 ib Another world Limbo 5 4 7 9 2 8 1 1 6 5 4 Hexadoku V – Kowabunga 3 8 7 1 3 2 5 8 6 2 1 3 2 7 9 5 3 4 6

5 9 2 4 7 1 6 5 3 3 6 2 5 8 8 4 1 7 4 8 9 2 1 5 3 6 7 1 5 8 Friday 16 February 2007 felix 27

PUZZLES [email protected] Sudoku 1,373 This Week’s Slippery Slopes

Complete the grid so that every row, every column and every 3x3 Scorpio (23 Oct – 21 Nov) Pisces (19 Feb – 20 Mar) Cancer (22 Jun – 22 Jul) square contains the digits 1 to 9. E-mail your solution to sudoku. [email protected] by Tuesday 9am. We will randomly select Yummy, yummy, Matthew Smith: I’m This week you choke a winner to receive either a 128MB USB stick or a crate of beer. yummy, I got love in intrigued to know on a parma violet You must claim your prize within a week. my tummy and I feel what you think of sweet whilst reliving like spitting it all over Phil Collins. After the those hazy days back you. Yeah, that kind of tragic collapse of Gen- in year 4, when you’d love. You know it, the esis, did you follow his scoff an entire packet 2 6 5 kind of pelvic thrusting, head bob- solo career or seek pastures new? of the purple pills. Oh, how times bing, one-eyed trouser snake tonsil Myself? I felt his third album was have changed. Sweet eating skills tickling loving. Mmm... salty and a bit of a let down, but I’m hardly a aside, you’re also much less sup- 3 9 1 6 7 slimey. Finger licking good. knowledgable expert on said topic. ple. Life sucks, I know. Sagittarius (22 Nov – 21 Dec) Aries (21 Mar – 20 Apr) Leo (23 Jul – 22 Aug) 6 2 I don’t feel like dancin’, Fish is a kind of meat! What’s your favourite dancin’, dancin’... Rick- Fish is a kind of meat! letter of the alphabet? 3 9 1 8 arickaricka rawwoo. Cheese is a kind of Personally, mine is the Don’t feel like dancin’, meat, a tasty yellow letter after ‘Z’. This dancin’ yabba dabble beef. Cheese is a tasty strange and wonder- 5 3 de do. Oh look: Russell kind of yellow beef. ful character is often Brand. There’s one man of homo That’s a point. You know those used to describe the whiff of a sapien descent that I would like to bubbles in fizzy spring water? Cow freshly felched anus, straight after 9 2 8 5 verbally batter with my vocabulary farts. Cola = pig farts. OH NOES. rectal biresingent has taken place. before annihilating. No drink for you veggies. Die. Just so you know. 4 8 Capricorn (22 Dec – 19 Jan) Taurus (21 Apr – 21 May) Virgo (23 Aug – 22 Sept) So, I recently bought a Big fish, little fish, I was once trapped in 7 1 9 6 5 digital camera. It said cardboard box. Big a vulcan death grip. on the box 10 mega- fish little fish, card- The pain was bear- dixel zoom and super board box. Just a few able but only because 8 5 2 colour definition. of the delicacies avail- of the sheer magni- Anyway, I decided to able on the menu in tude of my pythons. stick it up my Dad’s jap’s eye. You the Felix dungeon tonight. Deserts Reversing the hold was a piece of, Solution to 1,372 Jotting pad wouldn’t believe what I found! The include mahjong pieces, ivory wal- excuse the cliché, meat loaf, and colours were so vibrant and your rus tusks, and sweat sodden Andy soon thereafter one was submitted 9 1 2 7 6 3 5 8 4 mum’s pubes are ginger, not black. Sykes graduation shirts. to my own vice like grip. You daiiii. 7 5 8 4 1 9 6 3 2 3 6 4 2 5 8 7 1 9 Aquarius (20 Jan – 18 Feb) Gemini (22 May – 21 Jun) Libra (23 Sept – Oct 22) 4 2 5 3 9 7 1 6 8 1 9 3 8 4 6 2 5 7 Chebs. Gash. Fruity- This week you’re play- I just love cock. Com- 8 7 6 5 2 1 9 4 3 loop. Three of my ing around with the ing at me from all favourite words. Mum. SCART connector on angles, one here, one 6 8 1 9 7 4 3 2 5 Myra Hindley. Harold the back of your TV. there. Dodging the 2 4 9 1 3 5 8 7 6 Shipman. Three of Startled by your sister, sperm spears is just 5 3 7 6 8 2 4 9 1 my favourite people. you smash your head one of the many pleas- Ducks. Silverfish. Colonic crabs. through the back of the TV. 6 days ures involved in such dangerous Thanks to everyone who entered. Three of my favourite animals. after being declared a missing per- games. Sucking toxic cock is how- The winner this week is Michael Send your favourite diseases in a son, your wife switches to the AV ever, deeply against my religion Wong. Keep those entries coming in! SAE to the usual address. channel and you get electricked. and I urge you to refrain too.

Felix Crossword 1,373 Ratco

1 2 3 4 5 4 6 7 8 ACROSS DOWN Greetings, intrepid wordsmiths. 1 Truncated spectre chases fish at 2 Late lion, going south, brings In my voyages across hill and 9 sea for animal. (8) body suits. (8) dale this week, I came across a 9 Supplanters confuse French 3 Miserable? The answer’s in a young girl. I handed her a tissue 10 9 over purse. (8) cuppa - the ticket indeed! (8) afterwards. 10 w00t! Fear spoony sandals!!!!1 4 A blokes’ response (4) Bad semen jokes aside, I see 11 (8) 5 Vegetables endlessly turn, very few of you have been entering 11 United Nations returned to me revolve, spin (7) the crossword. This disappoints 10 rank counter. (8) 6 Cantankerous old git throws me greatly. Do you know how 12 Forced polyethylene toy into Wales into dungeon, releasing hard it is to draw those miniscule 12 13 14 first part production. (10) New York. (10) recepticles to the left of your meaty 14 Porridge, or battered toast, no 7 I hear Venus’ sparkling wine is paw? Hours, I tell you; hours. 11 12 tea. (4) the way to the heart. (4,4) If there’s something wrong with 15 Medium sigh, I hear, with style 8 Mnemonic for examiner: “A the crosswords, then you must 15 16 17 18 19 (7) steam ship easily sails seas or inform us post-haste. 17 Roman capital after hundredth rivers”. (8) This week’s crossword has no 14 20 15 16 gold beast (7) 13 Unsaturated carbon bind; petrol theme; just keep in mind that 21 Spring apple, cored and sliced. split. (6,4) I hate you. It won’t help, but it 21 22 (4) 15 Learning many things, parrot makes me feel better. 22 Flash caused by exploded, fashion times tables for Ratco 18 pointless munitions during instance? (8) extreme larceny. (10) 16 My desire lies in salary earning Solution to Crossword 1,372 23 24 23 One thousand and one is written (8) E X H I B I T U N H I T C H with fifty teeth. (8) 18 The French follows exams at N C A U E E H T O H O 25 25 Attempt to cross: setter fails and college ball (8) D I N E D M I M M E R S I O N gets poison (8) 19 Scrambled put ruined, blinded, O E D G L E R O S M O 26 26 Without Ra, repentance is for flipped! (8) W M J C A N D I S M E M B E R small reward. (8) 20 Currently measuring a bit P N O R M A L I T D M O L A A 27 27 Sheared 500 tangled ginger longer than a yard, they say. (7) H K B S N E E V T I A U E B B hairs (8) 24 Unrelated; relaxed, then cut (4) I R E B A D G E R I N G L E L G A S D I T A E E O L E M F E Send your answers to [email protected] or bring this page H A P E R U P S V U L C A N S down to the Felix office in the West Wing of Beit Quad by Tuesday 9am. P R O C R E A T E I A A Y N C Each week, we’ll choose a winner and give them £10 in real, honest, paper I T N A I S I E R S P B F C U money. That’s at least half a pint in South Kensington pub terms. Last T O S S F O R I T T S P A W N week’s winner was me, because no-one entered. Fools! It wasn’t even C I O S L I O K E R E A I O T that difficult. H E R S E L F S D E S I R E S 28 felix Friday 16 February 2007 Clubs&Societies February butterflies Alex Kendall up every hour and Nathaniel talking in his sleep – we woke at 7am to It was strange being the only first- the sunrise, which was so perfect year on this weekend’s trip, but as in the clear frosty morning that it was explained to me when I men- Tim exclaimed ‘oh my God!’ and tioned this, everyone else probably ran outside. At that moment I seri- needs to get out more. And what a ously thought someone had stolen place to get out to! It will no doubt the mini-bus or run it over with a surprise everyone that during the tractor, but alas no. At 8:30am we two days and nights of our trip left the barn and walked across the to the North York Moors I didn’t valley bottom, still white with frost, see a single cloud except for tiny and climbed up to the level of the wisps far away. The sheer beauty moors, a few hundred metres up. of a landscape so barren and yet Grass and small trees soon be- so diverse with its rolling moors came heather and gorse and the and frosty valleys, emerging out of view stretched away on all sides winter but still baring all to a cold into the distance. We followed a clear sky was breathtaking. This is straight track for almost half an surely the farthest from London an hour through the near silence of a English landscape is likely to get. landscape more suited to the moon As usual the health-and-safety- before reaching the Cleveland defying minibus which I shall call Way, a long-distance walking route through Yorkshire. Bearing slightly Battered Mars west we followed the Way along the straight path of an old railway line, constantly being startled by grouse bars: that’s when bursting out of the undergrowth, yapping like small dogs. It wasn’t you know you’re long before someone found rem- nants of snow, tucked into the dips in the north on either side of the path where the sun hadn’t shone. The snow (which ‘the yellow one’ (I can see you nod- was really more like ice) was a bit ding now), sped away from London too hard to throw but we were con- to a relatively clear motorway with tent with shoving it down each oth- the characteristic ‘Marcus wants er’s necks. Before long we came to cock – Imperial College London the highest point in that part of the – how’s my driving?’ written on moors, the stomach-turning 454m the back. At our dinner stop at a high Round Hill, so called as it is chippie on the way north we soon the site of a neolithic burial and has realised how cold it was going to a characteristic mound. It is proba- be, as the temperature plummeted bly this feature alone that makes it upon stepping outside. And yes the the highest point but luckily for us chippie had battered Mars bars the top was graced by a trig point, – that’s when you know you’re in making it relatively easy to find. the north. After one more stop to Our route then took us off the pick up Andy from Doncaster sta- moors down to a road and then tion and a journey filled with the back up the other side to a section either stupidly quiet or unbear- of moorland standing alone, gouged ably loud radio, we arrived, amidst by glaciers on each side. Its elevat- the moors, at a surprisingly early ed position at the northernmost 11:45pm. The moon was full and edge of the moors gave us a view the sky completely clear with the over the flat fields below all the way stars showing in their hundreds; to Middlesborough and beyond un- sometimes in London I forget they til obscured by the mid-day haze. exist. As the camping barn was just One of the glacier-gouged edges as cold as outside (they really did of this section of moor forms a mean it when they said ‘barn’) we well used climbing and scrambling did what should be the only govern- destination, the Wain Stones. We ment test of ‘Britishness’: we made stopped for lunch perched on the stones at the top of the drop. It was Deranged so warm we could have sunbathed ... in February. Later in the day we saw several butterflies which prob- cockerels ably shouldn’t be there until May. After lunch we began our route determined to back which first descended into the valley mostly occupied by small wake us up woods, fields of kale and pheasants. Navigating in the valley proved tea – and it was warm. We admired harder than up on the featureless the cooker and the working fridge moor (I have no idea why) and it and settled into our sleeping bags took several attempts to finally find at around 1am, after Nathaniel our way to the path back up to the made his special double bed so he moors again. Walking among the wouldn’t fall out and Evelyne went small woods provided welcome to bed sporting the entire Blacks shade and I even felt compelled winter catalogue, wearing about 15 to soak my shirt in water before layers of brightly coloured clothes. putting it back on (yes it really was I couldn’t help feeling jealous when that hot). On the way up again the Tim commented that his sleeping group split as Richard was poorly; bag was ‘toasty warm’, whilst mine Tim, Andy and Richard headed showed me the other end of the back on a quicker route to the barn spectrum. and the rest of us took the route After a bizarre night – deranged over the moors a different way. I Alex collapsed on the doorstep of the Lion Inn. His skeleton will be a reminder for every fellwanderer to cockerels determined to wake us guess Tim just missed the ducks in take enough beer on the trip Friday 16 February 2007 felix 29

CLUBS & SOCIETIES [email protected]

the yard too much… although they a building far in the distance came because we walked 18 miles, but The route dipped down and then where a storybook-setting water- did join us later (alas sans ducks). into view. ‘That can’t be it, that’s also as I was thankful to be alive af- back up again several times before fall flowed out to the sea. The way Severely underestimating the dis- way too far’ – Nathaniel. (It was). ter Richard bombed it down a 20% the flat sand of the beach where back up to the cliffs proved to be the tance left since there was not much The Lion Inn, which we reached slope (after stalling ). we took a stroll, wandering up to last major ascent of the day and it more ascent or descent, we set off in the dark, was definitely worth Sunday was as warm as Saturday the flat sea. After kicking aside wasn’t long, still in the heat of the along the dismantled railway line it. It must be one of the most re- and we had decided the night be- strange piles of chalk (which we day, before we found the minibus again. The line snaked through the mote pubs in England, high on the fore to do a coastal walk from Robin later found out was being used to (at around 4pm) to begin the 7-hour roof of the moors and we came very moors, and yet it was still packed Hood’s Bay to Scarborough. The mark out a race route) we stopped drive back to London. The sunset close at one point to a heather fire, full. Slanting stone walls and open drive through the countryside was for lunch in a field on the side of a that evening was magnificent as we which the rangers create and con- fires completed the experience as beautiful as the sun shone through rise in the cliff height, which meant drove through Yorkshire to the 80’s trol to help out the grouse which the windows and the surrounding tunes from Yorkshire Coast Radio. like heather at different heights. The setting trees were still coated with frost. Passing Dracula’s We had a hugely extended journey The smoke from these fires un- It was like going back in time. We due to many diversions and traffic dulated up into the darkening sky passed Whitby, Dracula’s landing jams on motorways, and of course (it’s all physics) and through them sun tinged vast place, and soon arrived at Robin landing place, the stop for a pub supper – which the sun shone red. The setting sun Hood’s Bay, a small town on the was completely devoured – gold tinted vast swathes of heather pur- swathes of side of a slope down to the sea. I we arrived at stars all round. Finally arriving ple and soon the heat we had begun had heard that it used to be a smug- back in London we were all sad to get used to started to dissipate heather purple gling haven and there is a story that Robin Hood Bay to say goodbye to the yellow mys- as the sun finally vanished behind the houses are so close and jumbled tery machine that had became our the hills. Being passed by cyclists we finally got a drink in a building that a ball of string can be threaded we could see for many miles ahead. friend; well done everyone, another was normal; what wasn’t normal built by monks in 1553. We later re- through all the houses merely by We still had no idea how far it was great weekend. was when a pair stopped beside us turned to the pub after a brilliant passing it through the windows. to Scarborough; Richard (there and said they had a message from supper eaten in the comfort of our Richard was still poorly so stayed were two!) had some nasty blis- The Fellwanderers organise week- Tim! We were to go to the pub in- own freezing barn with a heater that with the minibus, which became ters and we wanted to get back to end trips such as this every fort- stead and meet him there! (Now we decided to belch smoke for an hour a taxi. The rest of us set off along London before Monday. Therefore night; day walks in and around see why Tim is the president of the and deliver very little heat. The pub the cliffs that tumbled down far to we decided to divert Richard (driv- London are also fortnightly. See society). Nathaniel repeatedly told though was warm and we stayed the sea below. The sides of the cliffs ing the minibus) to meet us earlier www.fellwanderers.com for de- us over the next two hours that the until 11:20pm playing gin rummy varied from steep grassy banks to along the route. Blistered Richard tails. If you are interested in join- pub really wasn’t that far and that and taking photos of Evelyne, Nath- small woods to sheer stone drops battled bravely on as we descended ing Fellwanderers, please email (although it wasn’t on the map) aniel and Katherin asleep. I slept and soon we came upon ‘Beast into the beautiful National Trust the president at tim.scarbrough@ we’d be there soon. Soon enough, much better that night, probably cliff’ which wasn’t really a beast. nature reserve of Hayburn Wyke, imperial.ac.uk

Caving club take the plunge Boxing, food, dancing and even more at Thai Night J. Vinijtrongjit as if it is served straight from Kow- Fancy a 3-course meal Thai cuisine Sarn road in Bangkok. Not to worry whilst enjoying the light and sound if you’re vegetarian, as we have a of traditional and modern Thai special menu prepared for you. dances, as if you were in the mid- The show itself is composed of dle of town in Thailand? Thai soci- various cultural dances to reflect ety proudly presents to you ‘Thai the four different parts of Thailand; Night’. North, South, East and West. ‘Muay Thai Night is one of the biggest Thai’ or Thai boxing is also one of and most spectacular event we hold the main attractions of the show. every year here in Imperial College The purposes of this event are to with the supports from various promote Thailand’s unique culture, sponsors; Thai Airways, the Thai to help foreigners to understand embassy and famous Thai res- Thailand’s long historical culture taurants around London e.g. Thai and to raise funding for Open World, Square and Thai Pot. a charity project in Thailand. This year we’ve arranged our The event will take place on Sun- events into an ‘À-la-carte’ style day 25th February 2007 at 6.00pm in where you will be sitting down with the Main Dining Hall (MDH). The your friends or loved ones enjoying tickets, a bargain at £10 each, can the show whilst your food is served be purchased outside the MDH or up directly to your table. JCR already. You won’t be disappointed by the 3 course-meal comprising starter, To reserve tickets, please send an main course and dessert which, email to phuchong.suriwong@ including well-known dishes such imperial.ac.uk or chavamas.vini- as Satay and Pad-Thai, will seem [email protected]

Spelunking can get a trifle wet. Spooky too – icy fingers slip around necks before reaching the other side

Jarvist Frost timers, “Lie down in the water to rope don’t fray, please helmet don’t So there we were, the corridor of get used to the cold and flood your get stuck. A deep breath and I force rock ending just ahead. The usual wetsuit, take a deep breath and myself under. pool of muddy water lay in front of then pull yourself hand-over-hand Bubbles as I sink, the water stings the sheer wall. Strangely a rope on the guide line. Keep low so you my face. No point looking about led from a bolt on the left, down don’t float up and get stuck on the – too cloudy to see anything. I pull through the mirrored surface and ceiling, someone will grab you when myself along and graze the pebbly into the depths. We were on the far- you reach the other side. Send three bottom. Too low. Hand over hand side of Sump I in Swildon’s Hole. To tugs on the line when you’re clear.” on the rope. Hit the rock ceiling. go back now the way we had come And so the number of lights slowly Too high. Am I there yet? There’s was impossible – other sumps that dwindled, each one uttering a “See no way to tell what’s going on above we had emptied with buckets and you on the other side” before setting – had better continue rather than siphons would have refilled by now off. A few anxious seconds, then the risk snagging my helmet. with the slow percolation of water tugs coming back on the line and Suddenly I’m grabbed under the from the surface. Our only way the next caver getting ready. armpits and wrenched out of the out was to dive through this short Finally I was alone. The tugs water. I gasp, pick myself up and flooded section before climbing the came. I lay down in the water, and stumble out-of-kilter from the pool. 150 metres (nearly twice the height felt the icy fingers slip in through Just a few seconds; but the cold of the Queen’s Tower) back to the the seals around my neck. Alone, is sapping. Everyone OK and ac- surface. and a long way from a place of safe- counted for, now there’s just a quick “It’s simple!” I explain to the first- ty. Please lights don’t go out, please climb between us and our dinner. A bevy of delights, gastronomic or otherwise, are all lined up at the union feb 16th - 23rd WEDNESDAY 21ST FRIDAY 23RD

Inner City Drum and Bass

Carlsberg, Tetley’s & Blackthorn only £1.30 a pint! Reef Bottles alue Night only £1.75 (all ﬂavours) t The Bestin London V

everythe wednesday union a

Drum and Bass from: Nicky Blackmarket (BM Soho) Macpherson (Fabric Live) Fidel (1001 Cafe) Holiday Reps Night Cartel (1001 Cafe) THURSDAY 22ND FRIDAY 16TH

After Party

ALSO ON Fri 16th ArtsFest 2007 After Party Tue 20th Telegraph Pub Quiz Wed 21st Sin City - Holiday Reps Night Thu 22nd Oculo Garden Fri 23rd Subred

imperialcollegeunion.org/ents Imperial College Union, Beit Quadrangle, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB The Union encourages responsible drinking. R.O.A.R. Student I.D. Required. Friday 16 February 2007 felix 31

CLUBS & SOCIETIES [email protected] Treading on thin ice

Dan Carrivick cles looking for the turn-off from the ly Holiday on ice 250m (II/3+). By main road. Our objective was the the time we’d finished on Sombre This year’s ice-climbing tour vis- Cascade du Razis 70m (II/3+ to 5+) Héros there was no one waiting at ited the Briancon valley in the last which was an hour and a half’s walk the bottom of Y Gully so we climbed week of January. After a quick flight from the car park. The wall of ice all six awesome pitches of the right to Turin, Italy, the group hired cars looked promising on the approach branch. and hopped across the border into but as we got closer we found part The final two days were spent France. Our base for the week of the right hand side, which was back in the Fournel valley. The road was a rather lovely gite d’étape in home to the easiest angled climbs, had been cleared so we were able Vallouise, just up the valley from had not fully formed and the rest to drive all the way to the car park L’Argentiere-la-Bessée which hosts was taken up by guided groups who at the end of the road. The first a big ice-climbing festival every year had set up top ropes. Thus we were day we walked for about an hour in the second week of January. The left to climb on the hard ice on the along the valley from the car park lean winter had taken its toll on this left side of the wall. Mike put in a where teams climbed on Capitaine year’s festival, with temperatures good lead to get halfway up the wall Courageux 200m (III/4+) and Da- simply too warm for many of the ice but didn’t fancy the crux. Chris set moclés 230m (III/4+). Both routes cascades to form. Two weeks later, up a top rope so we could retrieve were long, sustained and energy when we visited, things weren’t the ice screws and then complete sapping. Time passed quickly as much better but at least the valleys the climb in relative safety. Mean- slow progress was made and the had some ice, which was more than while Alex and Neil climbed a hard last group ended up abseiling back could be said for the other tradition- full 50m line in between the top down under a full moon. The abseil al ice-climbing areas in the Alps. ropes on the right hand side. Next, pitches were a little longer than our We decided to have a leisurely a couple of French climbers let us 50m ropes so a little improvisation first day by visiting the Fournel val- use their top rope to have a go on was called for. Once everyone was ley. This valley was close to where a sustained pitch of vertical (grade down safely from the climbs we all we were staying and the climbs trudged wearily back through the weren’t far from the road hence we A slab of ice snow to the car guided by our head thought it would be a nice easy day. torches. However it was not to be. The road On the last day we decided to hadn’t been (snow-)ploughed and hurtled through climb Grand Bleu 100m (III/4) our small cars, complete with snow which sat high up on the valley chains, struggled to make their way the air towards side. Unable to find the path we through the deep snow. With a lot of trail-bashed our way over a boulder perseverance and a bit of pushing those 40m below field covered in knee-deep snow un- Seems quite a lot of effort to fill a whisky tumbler we got our vehicles as far up the til we found the well trodden path road as we could (and further along 5) ice. On such steep ice, it wasn’t higher up. We arrived at the foot of the road than any other vehicle in- long before we were all pretty tired. the climb exhausted from the ap- tled through the air towards those ached from the cumulative effects cluding a four-by-four) before drifts We retrieved our equipment and proach. The first pitch was a full tied into the belay some 40m below. of a weeks worth of ice climbing. So forced us to park and walk the rest walked out, reaching the car just as 50m of 75° ice which turned out to It hit the ice above them and broke we called it a day and thus ended of the way. The trek to the climbs the sun set below the horizon. be a bit wet and gooey but this was up. Luckily their helmets took the the tour on a high by climbing some took longer than envisaged as we The following day we returned nice to climb on compared with the brunt of the shower and they were of the hardest ice we’d climbed all hadn’t driven as far along the road to Ceillac in the hope that it might hard brittle ice we had encountered left with nothing more than sore week. We headed back to the gite as we’d thought. Once at the end of be quieter. There was no such luck. further up the valley. The second heads and a few bruises. Unde- d’étape to celebrate what had been the road we headed for the nearest Over twenty people were waiting pitch was some 45m in length and terred everyone made it to the top a most enjoyable and memorable piece of climbable ice we could see; at the bottom of the main climbs. inclined at an average 85°. Alex led before abseiling back down. The 70° week. Les nains des ravines (IV/4), as time Matt and I went over and climbed the pitch while the rest of us were first pitch of the neighbouring cas- This tour would not have been was pressing on. The ice was thin the first pitch of Sombre Héros happy to second. At the top, the ice cade called Balade du Piaf (III/3) possible without the support from and in places covered with snow. 100m (II/5) (the second pitch had was thin and unstable as it sand- looked easy compared to what we Imperial College Union, the Har- Alex and Neil climbed the first pitch not formed). Meanwhile the others wiched a layer of snow. A slab of ice had just climbed. It was tempting lington Trust and the IC Trust. Our while the rest of us practised plac- queued for the left branch of Y Gul- a metre in size sheared off and hur- to zoom up it, however our muscles sincere thanks goes to them all. ing ice screws and setting up belays using abakalovs. We then set up a short top rope so those who hadn’t climbed on water ice before could practise the technique. A long walk back to the cars followed which we reached just before dark. The next day was spent climbing at Ceillac. Ceillac is normally a popular place to climb because the ice falls are close to the road and many of them are classic multi- pitch routes. However it was exceptionally busy as it was the weekend and only a couple of ice falls had formed. Mike and Chris joined the group of people waiting to climb Y Gully right branch 250m (II/3+) while the rest of us decided to hike up the side of the valley to the not- so-busy Easy Rider 70m (II/3). The gully was narrow and the ice thin, which meant there wasn’t that much room for different people to climb at once. Fortunately we were the first people on the ice so this wasn’t a problem and we enjoyed the two pitches of 70° and 80° ice before abseiling back down. After- wards the fast climbers went and followed Mike and Chris up Y Gully right branch 250m (II/3+) as the queues had gone. Meanwhile the rest of us traversed along the valley to check the condition of the other cascades. Our target for Sunday was the Crevoux valley in an attempt to avoid the Sunday crowds. It was a long drive from where we were staying so we set off early, however the place wasn’t well signposted and we ended up going round in cir- These two unsuspecting pitches didn’t know what hit them when Matt arrived, a glint in his eye as he wielded his ice-axe CROSSWORD SUDOKU Sport pages 26 & 27 Men’s 1sts enjoy goal extravaganza

I’m confused, where is the car?

The men’s 1st team looking awfully pleased with themselves following a massive victory over King’s. Any one would think the opposition didn’t have a goalie! (They didn’t - Ed.)

tion that the opposition had only struggled to a 9-0 half-time lead of innocent pigeons in the process. ing Star Wars and Jamanji double Mens Hockey ten players and no keeper. After but it should have been more, with That aside, there was some great hatricks. IC 1sts 18 an awesome warm up by Foetus IC glaring misses by many including a movement from Jumunji and Star The rest of the game saw Kings King’s Medicals 1sts 0 set off to dominate the game. It was stinker from Krusty. Wars, who decided walking the ball make a few chances for themselves awesome! An IC triple hatrick set After a well-needed 2nd half team across the line, and being very un- but with only one defender back in the pace, with champagne hockey talk, IC planned a ridiculous on- selfish, was the best approach. their half meant IC scored a series Jack Cornish abounding. Tricky combinations slaught. However, shooting into a Kings, losing heavily, decided to of breakaway goals and with the vo- between Star Wars, Jumanji and goal with no keeper proved more make a tactical change, pushing cal support from the injured Date IC timed their arrival to perfection Sid showed Kings the mistake they difficult than it seemed. Batty was everyone up front and leaving only Rape from the sideline IC managed arriving in time to blitz a ten minute made with being cocky enough to so frustrated he threw in his towel one defender. Five goals followed to tally up a total of eighteen mag- warm up and revel in the informa- think they didn’t need a keeper. IC and stick, almost killing a number in quick succession as a result, giv- nificent goals.

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