0800 AVIVA NOW Summer 2019 advocateTHE

Learning to Understand Himself Aviva receives approximately 4000 calls for support a year. Recently, we received a call that was a little different. A woman called just to say thank you, not for herself, but for her partner who received support through Aviva’s ReachOut service. After just a couple of months, she said he had completely changed.

Trent* came to Aviva after his finally began to understand the partner recommended it to him. “why” behind his anger and “We were going through some work through his past trauma. troubles and realised we needed “[Nicky has helped me] to be some help with things,” he able to allow myself to grieve. explains. Trent had been through Allow myself to feel happiness three anger management not as a foreign feeling. He’s courses and supervision prior very naturally pin-pointed key to coming to Aviva. “But this points to the puzzle that I’ve guy here,” he says, indicating been looking for, for quite a few his support worker Nicky, “out years.” Trent recalls how he was of all the professional help I’ve treated as a child for his ADHD received, this guy is the best!” and how he has seen those Trent elaborates, “He talked experiences reflected in his own and listened. That’s the most children after they were given important thing. And I knew he the same diagnosis. “ADHD kids was listening because he gave were always seen as naughty Trent now uses what he has me the right answers!” and punished for it,” he explains. learned every day. Whether it is being a better partner, helping Trent has struggled with anger Having already put in years of his children avoid the same and needing to prove himself work to learn the right tools for challenges his ADHD gave him, right for years. Through his controlling his anger, Aviva and or his interactions with others, past courses, Trent built up Nicky may have just been there at Trent says, “I just like people to a toolbox of communication the right time and with the right be happy and good. I don’t like to skills and tactics for removing listening ear; but the improvement see people unhappy.” himself from situations where Trent has made is undeniable. he described himself as “quite Trent describes his current As Trent continues to work on scary.” The tools were helpful, relationship with his partner as, himself and his understanding, but he continued to find himself “Fantastic!” but what he says we hope he and the people in his struggling with relationships. has changed the most is other life have a future full of love and When he came to Aviva, he people’s response toward him. happiness.

*Not his real name

the advocate SUMMER 2019 1 Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern Visits Aviva and The Loft In April 2019, Aviva was excited to welcome Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern to The Loft. The goal of her visit was to learn more about Aviva’s approach to family and sexual violence, and The Loft’s integrated model for addressing social inequalities and their impact on wellbeing.

According to data released by the New Zealand Police in June 2019, the police are called every four minutes to investigate an episode of family harm, 14% of young people report being hit or physically harmed on purpose by an adult at home, and 50% of New Zealand homicides are caused by family violence. “New Zealand stats have been abysmal for a very long time and we’ve known it for a very long time,” Director of Innovation and Strategy Nicola Woodward explains. “However, we don’t know if the most recent increased number of police call outs reflects an increase in family violence or an increase in people’s trust that if they call the police, Prime Minister Jacinda Adern with Poto Williams MP and Nicola Woodward visiting The Loft. they’ll get the help they need.” Prime Minister Ardern’s visit came of overcoming violence and proposal to government to shortly after the government’s joined Plunket’s infant drop- support and develop The Loft’s announcement that it would invest in clinic. She also connected approach for children and in the development of services with practitioners from across families. The Loft sits at the heart for family and sexual violence. The Loft partners to discuss of Aviva’s strategy to change how Ardern stated, “My goal has always the most critical issues facing we respond to family violence been for New Zealand to be the New Zealand families. “It’s and sexual violence. Family best place in the world to be a very promising and it indicates violence and problems closely child and that means supporting movement in the right direction,” connected with violence, such parents and communities to Nicola says regarding the as mental ill health, are the main ensure children grow up in secure government’s interest in Aviva reasons people walk through The homes free from violence.” and The Loft’s service models. Loft front door. The government’s recognition of The Loft model Aviva has been developing its “The ability to achieve Aviva’s and and Aviva’s approach is highly holistic child and family centered The Loft’s potential for children, encouraging as we continue approach to family violence since families and communities is not our journey to create the best 2011, recognising the importance only subject to transforming how possible response model to of pro-actively reaching out and we respond to family and sexual family and sexual violence. Sadly, earlier intervention in breaking the violence, but also transforming demand for Aviva’s services intergenerational cycle of violence how the government responds. always exceeds the funding we to achieve this very goal. We’re all parts of one receive from government. Please interdependent system.” During her visit, Ardern dropped consider helping us in creating in on a Peer Support community Since the Prime Minister’s visit, a better world for our children by training course to meet The Loft partners have been making a donation at donate. people with lived experience invited to submit a funding avivafamilies.org.nz.

2 the advocate SUMMER 2019 Stitch overcame violence and learned the meaning of Ohana/family. Now he’s ready to run and show others that they can too. Helping Families to Have New Year, Truly Happy Holidays New Me We often think of Christmas as a magical time. The barbeques, It’s time to finally achieve that blossoming pohutukawa and endless summer. It is a time to New Year’s resolution to get fit! relax and appreciate our loved ones. But that’s not an easy task Aviva is looking for people to for everyone. join our team of Aviva Activators and run in the 2020 City2Surf The holiday season can be a difficult time for many of the families on 22 March and/or ASB we work with. It is one of the busiest times of year for us, with staff Christchurch Marathon on working on Christmas and New Year’s Day. Family violence affects 31 May while fundraising for every member of a family, from those who experience it, to those Aviva. Whether you run every who use it, to the children who witness it. Violence does not prejudice year or it’s your first time, based on an ethnicity, religion, socio-economic group, gender, age or why not use the opportunity sexuality. From our clients doing their best to become better parents to support family and sexual and partners, to our staff trying to help families reach their best violence services in your potential, to our leaders continually working to expand our services to community? Aviva will be all who need them, we are all trying to make a better society for our offering tips and tricks along the families and our children; a society free from violence. way to help you raise money and We can’t do it without you be a better runner. Not a runner? There are plenty Consider giving a gift to Aviva this season to help our families of other ways to be an Aviva have their own happy holidays. Make a donation directly to Aviva at Activator. This year, Revolution donate.avivafamilies.org.nz Church raised over $2000 for If you would rather make an in-kind donation, here are some suggestions: Aviva with an evening of Musical Bingo. Whether it’s a sausage Petrol and grocery vouchers sizzle, a mufti day, or a resolution The Warehouse or Eastgate Mall vouchers to finally try skydiving or shave your head, think about how you Phone top-ups can turn it into a chance to raise Entertainment passes for families awareness and raise some funds for your local community. Christmas gifts for all ages and genders The Aviva Activators webpage can Wrapping paper and gift tags help you raise funds and keep track Gifts for men, teens, and young adults of your progress. Check it out at fundraise.avivafamilies.org.nz. Let Thank you for helping us spread Christmas joy to families in us know your plans so we can your community. help you out.

2 the advocate SUMMER 2019 the advocate SUMMER 2019 3 We Couldn’t Do This Without You Did you know that Aviva benefitted from 7,943 hours of GIFTED time last year? In recognition of their dedicated service, two of our fabulous volunteers, Renata Hopkins and Bev Shepherd, received Volunteer Recognition Awards from Volunteer Canterbury on 17 June 2019.

to help out. And for your own mental health. Giving is really good for your own mental health.” Bev recalls her own experience overcoming domestic violence and being reliant on her grandmother to take her in. At the time, refuges and family violence services were not as prevalent as they are now. When she first started looking for volunteer opportunities, she knew she wanted to support family LEFT Bev and her supervisor Tania at the Volunteer Canterbury Awards. RIGHT Renata violence services and make sure with Ruth Dyson MP at the Volunteer Canterbury Awards. the people going through similar situations have the support she did “There were so many volunteer with people about their stories. not. “It’s a worldwide issue,” she groups that I’ve never heard She brings those skills to her work elaborates. “I’ll stay here as long about. It was amazing,” says with SASSC. “You’re there to listen as they want me. I really enjoy it. Bev. “I felt slightly embarrassed and help in whatever way you I can’t think of any reason I would because I was like, why am I can, even if that’s just making a leave unless they don’t need me getting this award? I said to the cup of tea,” she says. “I’m always anymore.” other volunteers in the team that amazed by how brave and strong the award was really for all of us,” people are, despite the traumatic Aviva relies on the generosity of Renata explains. experience they’ve been through.” caring individuals like Renata and Bev to play an active part in their Renata joined Aviva’s Sexual Bev has been working as an community by gifting their time, Assault Support Service administrative volunteer at Aviva skills, and energy to help others. If Canterbury (SASSC) as a for almost three years. After she you are interested in volunteering volunteer almost a year and a half retired, she immediately turned with Aviva, there are several ways. ago. Renata’s mother had been a around and said, “It’s time to give You can volunteer regularly like volunteer for Aviva when it was back to the community.” Bev Renata and Bev, or just for one-off still a women’s refuge, creating does everything – filing, copying, projects. To find out more, contact a natural interest for her. She cleaning, picking up donations, [email protected]. often works the overnight shifts refueling cars. Her supervisor for the 24/7 SASSC helpline. Tania Kitto says, “She is always “Get started! It’s a great place to “Sometimes you just have to get willing to go above and beyond come and volunteer!” -Bev. up, put your clothes on and go,” with a smile and willingness. We she says, describing her late- are so grateful to have such a night shifts supporting people willing, efficient, flexible volunteer at medical examinations. As of time and tasks – a volunteer a freelance writer, Renata has extraordinaire!” Bev explains, plenty of experience speaking “You do it because you want

Ready for the Roaring Twenties? The jazz, the fashion, the art. Let’s harken back to exactly one century past at Aviva’s Roaring Twenties Ilam House Party. Save the date for 1 April 2020. Get dressed up in your most dapper suits and best flapper dresses as we dance and dine to music of the era like we are in the Great Gatsby. There will be a live and silent auction. Keep an eye on our website at avivafamilies.org.nz for more information. Nicola Says Farewell After 8 Years of Leadership and Innovation Nicola Woodward has led Aviva since 2011, formerly as CEO and most recently as Director of Strategy and Innovation. She will leave us shortly before Christmas after eight years of service to the agency and the communities we support.

Nicola joined Aviva, known then for all of us to reflect personally Nicola Woodward as Christchurch Women’s Refuge on how we see and behave (CWR), following the agency’s towards others.” In particular, she management and leadership decision to disaffiliate from the elaborated, “Men who are using practice makes it much easier National Collective of Independent violence bring their personal for families to access support Women’s Refuges. The decision stories too. To support individuals and much easier for practitioners was based on the recognition and families to become safe, we across multiple organisations to that it needed to develop a whole need to understand all of our work together,” Nicola explains. family approach and change the past experiences and influences.” “Since opening The Loft we’ve way it provides services if we In 2012, in partnership with connected with hundreds of wanted to achieve our goal of Canterbury Police, Aviva individuals and families who would breaking the intergenerational developed the award winning otherwise not have asked for cycle of violence. ReachOut service for men using, help.” Nicola describes The Loft After 30 years in related fields, or at risk of using, violence. as a “manifestation” of everything Nicola brought a wealth of Our services further expanded Aviva has aspired to become since experience in innovating, leading to include specialist youth she joined eight years ago. “I still and transforming government services to respond to the go into the reception to welcome and societal responses to deeply growing problem of adolescent the courageous people walking embedded problems. This intimate partner violence and through the door and think, ‘We included her frontline work setting familial violence, evidence-based made it. We actually did it!’” up London’s first needle exchange specialist peer support services, This courageous and innovative and harm minimisation service, to and microfinance services. woman has made a significant developing national policies in the In 2014, Aviva and START contribution to Aviva and our UK to address the multiple effects partnered to rapidly develop the purpose to enable New Zealand of social inequalities. Nicola used Sexual Assault Support Service to become violence-free. “What this experience to explore the Canterbury (SASSC) following I takeaway isn’t so much a sense contemporary benefits, limitations the sudden closure of the of pride, it’s an inner strength that and unintended consequences of Monarch Centre. “Our mindset comes from remaining true to the refuge model CWR founded has changed. Our language has why we’re here as an organisation in 1973. “The public perception, changed. Our name has changed. and what I believe in as a human shared by many women, was that Our behaviours have changed. being.” As Aviva looks to its future, we had to leave our relationships, But our purpose is the same,” Nicola offers some departing homes and employment, remove explains Nicola. advice, “Keeping hold of our truth our children from school, and enter One of Nicola’s biggest challenges means continuing to listen, learn a refuge to become safe. One of during her time with Aviva has and remain generous; to explore, the unintended consequences of been co-leading the development innovate and partner to achieve this was that it placed the burden of The Loft with other partner more for children and families of responsibility on women to agencies. “People and families than we can alone. But most of take action to become safe and experiencing violence have all, I’d encourage us all to deepen protect our children.” a broad range of needs that our belief in everyone’s intrinsic Nicola encouraged another have to be addressed quickly goodness and our collective perspective. “Achieving a to enable safety. The Loft’s potential to enable Aotearoa New violence free New Zealand calls emerging model of frontline, Zealand to become violence free.”

the advocate SUMMER 2019 5 their own struggles. “I love to Motivating Families to see families doing well. I love to see happy, successful, healthy, Reach Their Full Potential wealthy families without violence,” he says. If that means sharing his “Great man.” “Natural empathy.” own story, he is not afraid to do so. “I had so many people asking, “Life which he shares and he’s not afraid of.” ‘Have you ever had any experience with alcohol or drugs.’ I replied, ‘Well, I did study, but at the same time, you want to know about my experience, where do you want to start?’ If part of my life journey can be to help to motivate someone, I will openly share it.” That openness and empathy is what makes Nicky so good at what he does. He never fails to see the strength or goodness in a person. Even when speaking of his own father’s violence, he describes him as “an awesome dad” and expresses a gratitude for their reconciliation. When talking Nicky at the Loft. about his ReachOut clients, Nicky says, “There’s still a good person. This is how clients describe him growing up and starting a There’s still potential. They have their Aviva Family Support family while dealing with his own so much strength in them. They Worker Nicky Sofai, as he problems with alcohol. For many just have rubbish on top of approaches almost 20 years years, he never questioned his them.” These people are willingly of service in the sector. drinking, it was just what they did choosing to enter the service, in his family. He recalls finishing After years of work in alcohol admitting that they are using work, going straight to the pub and drug counselling, facilitating violence, and working to make a and drinking into the late hours restorative justice, and working better life for their families and of the night without pause. as a private consultant for family their children. Similar to Nicky, “Then one day deciding I’d had many bring their own stories violence, Nicky has brought his enough,” he says. “I wanted to of witnessing or experiencing talents to Aviva. He works with take my children out of that kind violence, addiction, or struggling everyone, men, women, youth, of life. That motivated me to with mental health. “It inspires and the children in our Tamariki keep going.” Nicky had built a me to see just whoever is sitting Group. “What I love about Aviva successful business in Samoa, in front of me. They’re so full of is that we work with the whole but he understood that, “the only potential,” Nicky says. “It’s the family, people using violence way to live and fulfill my family people that make me keep going.” and experiencing violence. was come here and start all over Including children,” Nicky says. again.” He brought his family The work of people like Nicky His primary focus, and where he to New Zealand to do just that. relies on the generosity and has proven highly instrumental, “Coming here. It was good. It support of the community. To is his work with ReachOut for gave me an opportunity to raise support our staff in their work people using violence or at risk my own kids the way I believe.” to help people overcome the of using violence. long-term effects of violence, After stopping drinking, moving please make a donation at Nicky has his own experience away from the violence that donate.avivafamilies.org.nz. witnessing violence as a child plagued his childhood, and in Samoa, describing how his making a better life for his family “There is a light at the other end father would drink and become where his children could thrive, of the tunnel and Aviva is one of violent towards his mother. Nicky was inspired to support those places that can give you He remembers how it affected other families to overcome hope.” -Nicky

6 the advocate SUMMER 2019 The Practicality of Domestic Violence Leave As of April 2019, the New Zealand Government has adopted the Domestic Violence Victims’ Protection Act in response to the country’s staggering family violence statistics. This act has been praised by news media and family violence agencies alike, but what does it actually mean for employers and their employees affected by violence?

According to Employment New experiencing family violence.” Zealand, the Act “adds legal Aviva believes in everyone’s protections in the workplace potential to become a better for people affected by domestic parent, partner or citizen and violence.” These protections that, in order to achieve a include the right for employees violence free society, people to take at least 10 days of paid using violence need to be domestic violence leave, ask included in the conversation. for up to two-months of flexible There are other practical working arrangements, and barriers to requesting leave. not be treated adversely in the Admitting you are experiencing workplace because of their or using violence is a highly experiences. difficult process. People often Kayla* had only recently started feel shame, guilt, or confusion, her new job when she decided and may be uncomfortable to seek help with her violent discussing their situation with relationship. She joined Aviva’s friends or family, let alone an group programme for women employer. The legislation’s lack experiencing violence but of a confidentiality policy and independently, rather than be realised she would need to the employers’ right to ask guided by policy,” he explains. miss work to attend the full for proof further discourages Mike and Kayla further emphasise course. Her support worker people from reaching out. the value organisations like Aviva encouraged her to seek leave Although a high-risk situation and assisted in setting out the may have a police report can offer, whether it be acting terms for her request. Having attached, most of the violence as a liaison, giving guidance, or been a past donor, her CEO Mike* taking place today will never offering peace of mind. “With all was already familiar with Aviva come to the attention of the you are already going through services. “We were sympathetic police or professional services. and have been through, it’s nice to her situation and saddened Someone experiencing violence to have the support in place,” that it was occurring. We had may not have “proof” to give. Kayla says. no hesitation in approving the Nicki explains that as part of Although Mike’s understanding request for DV leave,” he says. the Human Resources team at helped Kayla to overcome a “[The programme] really did help Aviva, she would not ask for violent situation, it may not be me to understand the cycle of proof of domestic violence. that way for everyone. “It’s easy violence, and finally allow me to “When people come and ask you for us to say come and talk. But let go,” Kayla explains. “It really [for domestic violence leave], will they?” Nicki asks. would not have been possible they are courageous to say without the support of my work something is not right. As much Aviva has created “Let’s Talk and the ability to have the leave.” as employers may have a DV / Me Kōrero” to help start the policy in place, there needs to The benefits of the Act are clear, conversation. If you are interested be some flexibility.” but Aviva General Manager Nicki in making sure everyone in O’Donnell notes that there is Mike agrees with the need for your workplace feels safe and still a gap. “For us, it’s all about flexibility, having ignored his own respected to come forward inclusiveness. You can’t change six-month service requirement with their experience, contact the cycle of violence if you to grant Kayla’s request. “We [email protected] are only working with people would approach each situation to find out more.

*Not their real names

6 the advocate SUMMER 2019 the advocate SUMMER 2019 7 If you were experiencing Past donations to Aviva. family or sexual violence who could you talk to about it?

Thank You to Our Supporters How would you support We continue to be incredibly grateful to all the support we a family member, friend receive, from homemade biscuits to children’s backpacks to or colleague who was furniture for clients. Thank you for always being there when we experiencing family or put a call out and to all the individual donors who are supporting sexual violence? our community to live free from violence. Think about the last time you had a conversation about FUNDERS • Nodi Handmade Rugs family or sexual violence. It is • New Zealand Ministry • The Christchurch Foundation not something we talk about of Social Development • MBK Upcycle often, but perhaps it should be. • New Zealand Ministry of Justice • Riley Consultants Year after year, the statistics • Steadfast Foundation • Mediterranean Shipping show that New Zealand has • Lion Foundation Company the worst rates of family • Dove Charitable Trust • Lush Fresh Handmade violence in the OECD. People • Lois McFarlane Charitable Trust Cosmetics Ltd say, “We need to be talking • Christchurch City Council – • Eco Store about this.” Then Let’s Talk Community Grants • The Apothecary about it! Aviva has developed • Catholic Diocese of Christchurch/ • Chocolate Traders Let’s Talk / Me Kōrero to help Tindall/Hoatu Fund • Panna Soaps start the conversation. If your • Helen Stewart Royle • Linden Leaves community group, club, or Charitable Trust • Hanmer Springs / Hurunui i-SITE workplace is interested joining • William Toomey Charitable Trust Visitor Centre the conversation, contact • Health Promotion Agency • Pitcaithly Body Corporate [email protected] • David Ellison Charitable Trust Services to find out more. • Pub Charity • Lottery Grants Board We need to make these FUNDRAISERS • Maurice Carter Charitable Trust conversations commonplace, • Christchurch City Council • Christ’s College so the next time someone • New Zealand Community Trust • Lion’s Club of Christchurch needs help, we can be there. • Christchurch Earthquake Ferrymead #LetsTalk #MeKōrero Recovery Trust • Middleton Grange School • Kelliher Charitable Trust • Ao Tawhiti Unlimited Discovery School • St. Margaret’s College OTHER SUPPORTERS DONATE TO AVIVIA • Cowdy Real Estate • St. Andrew’s Church Visit donate.avivafamilies.org.nz • Christchurch Casinos • Christchurch Foundation • Mike Greer Homes • NZ Federation of Women’s RECEIVE THE ADVOCATE BY EMAIL Institutes Canterbury Please help us reduce costs by choosing • Estate of J Wilson to receive The Advocate by email. • Whitebait TV • Revolution Church Contact [email protected] • Heritage Hotels • Rekareka Girl Guides or call (03) 378 3847. • 27 Steps • Zonta Club of Christchurch South

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