I Chopped Down This House for You
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University of Montana ScholarWorks at University of Montana Graduate Student Theses, Dissertations, & Professional Papers Graduate School 2004 I Chopped Down This House for You Simeon Mills The University of Montana Follow this and additional works at: https://scholarworks.umt.edu/etd Let us know how access to this document benefits ou.y Recommended Citation Mills, Simeon, "I Chopped Down This House for You" (2004). Graduate Student Theses, Dissertations, & Professional Papers. 2626. https://scholarworks.umt.edu/etd/2626 This Thesis is brought to you for free and open access by the Graduate School at ScholarWorks at University of Montana. It has been accepted for inclusion in Graduate Student Theses, Dissertations, & Professional Papers by an authorized administrator of ScholarWorks at University of Montana. For more information, please contact [email protected]. Maureen and Mike MANSFIELD LIBRARY The University of Montana Permission is granted by the author to reproduce this material in its entirety, provided that this material is used for scholarly purposes and is properly cited in published works and reports. **Please check "Yes" or "No" and provide signature** Yes, I grant permission No, I do not grant permission Author's Signature: Date: 3/Tl Any copying for commercial purposes or financial gain may be undertaken only with the author's explicit consent. 8/98 I Chopped Down This House For You by Simeon Mills B.A. Columbia University, New York City, 2000 presented in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Master of Fine Arts The University of Montana May 2004 Approved by: •irpersi Dean, Graduate School I, Date UMI Number: EP35146 All rights reserved INFORMATION TO ALL USERS The quality of this reproduction is dependent upon the quality of the copy submitted. In the unlikely event that the author did not send a complete manuscript and there are missing pages, these will be noted. Also, if material had to be removed, a note will indicate the deletion. UMT OiMWtatkm PuMistiing UMI EP35146 Published by ProQuest LLC (2012). Copyright in the Dissertation held by the Author. Microform Edition © ProQuest LLC. All rights reserved. This work is protected against unauthorized copying under Title 17, United States Code ProQuest* ProQuest LLC. 789 East Eisenhower Parkway P.O. Box 1346 Ann Arbor, Ml 48106- 1346 Part 1 1 A roar. A diesel engine roar from under Ms. Itty-Hampton's desk. And not just one engine, but the whole outfit of rigs roaring to life. It's the last day of school, after school, and Mom and I are at Ms. Itty-Hampton's desk, and with all that sweet engine sound I can barely hear Ms. Itty-Hampton say to Mom: "A genius?" And then to me: "A genius?" And Ms. Itty-Hampton shakes her cheeks back and forth. Man, they makes me sweat, her cheeks, and that's why I sat in the back of her class all year—not to draw the rigs, but because I'd sweat through my pants if I sat any closer. Ms. Itty-Hampton pulls my notebook out from under the desk. Mom's heels are suddenly tapping. The roar is crazy now. Good thing Ms. Itty-Hampton took the notebook off her lap, or those revving rigs might have torn her dress off. "A genius? Well, here's what we've been waiting for, Mrs. Livery." Ms. Itty-Hampton opens to the middle and—Man!—the Green Machine. The tallest and longest of any rig. I put an extra battery on top because he needed more lights. Red and yellow ones. But the Green Machine's so green otherwise. Man he's green! So green that the green pencil's down to a nub from the Green Machine alone. "Mrs. Livery, have you communicated with your son regarding his genius project?" Ms. Itty-Hampton's got green fingers now. That Green Machine. Ms. Itty- Hampton's touching her face now. Now her chin's green from that big rig. Mom's heels are gunning. She's looking at the Green Machine too, but she's too polite to say anything about the Green all over everything. 2 "Because this morning, Mrs. Livery, I've been given the go-ahead to confiscate Jesse's genius project. Honestly ... these pages ... They're all trucks."" "Rigs," I say, because, "They're rigs. Big rigs." Mom nods. Mom knows what a rig is. "To say it mildly, Mrs. Livery—and I'm speaking for the whole Hectorville Middle School faculty here—we're disappointed. But it's more than that. I'm speaking for myself now. I'm stinking pissed." But her desk trembles. My notebook. It's rattling out from under Ms. Itty- Hampton's long fingers. I've got to take my hands off the desk. Oh Man. I put them back on, dind—ohyeah!--ihe. Green Machine's going! "Because a genius in your classroom can launch your career, Mrs. Livery. It can get your butt out of a poor, dinky school district. It can even get you a husband. But first, Mrs. Livery, your 'genius' has to be a genius at all." The Green Machine flashes his lights whenever he needs a help from his buddies. The Magic Truck or Shovel. And—Oh God: It's the Green Machine's yellow lights. His side panels are concave aluminum, lights above, lights below, so it's yellow reflecting crazy in every direction. On Ms. Itty-Hampton's fingers, arms, the shiny black buttons of her dress, her cheeks: banana yellow, thanks to the Green Machine. But Mom just frowns. Then Ms. Itty-Hampton covers the flashing yellows with her hand—but when she takes it away, now the tips of her fingers are flashing too! I crouch in my chair. Mom squeezes my wrist. 3 "Every two years you get one. That's what the state says you ought to get. They're just spewing statistics though. And the truth is Hectorville Middle School is experiencing a six-year drought of geniuses. Not a single genius since Jean Granger. Now there was a genius, Mrs. Livery. But we all know what happened to her. So maybe you should consider yourself lucky. The average life-expectancy of a genius is only 22 years old. Jean Granger didn't even last that long. So you don't have to worry, Mrs. Livery. Because if the state's non-genius statistics are also correct, sometime this summer whatever had us believing Jesse might be a genius should die out completely. They say it happens over night." No you don't! Not the reds! Are you cra2y Green Machine? Are you stinking crazy! I made the reds just like a mohawk on the Green Machine's trailer. Just imagine what that looks like from an airplane—Green Machine cruising down the highway at midnight! But there on Ms. Itty-Hampton's desk, with all the windows open in the afternoon, I guess I messed up how that should look. Because now the reds just make everything pink—like Ms. Itty-Hampton was kissing the Green Machine and got her make-up all over him. And oh no. The Green Machine's smoking out the back. Ms. Itty- Hampton's eyes are watering! Oh Man, Ms. Itty-Hampton. Watch that Green Machine, Ms. Itty-Hampton! "If you ask me, teachers should have unlimited access to a potential genius's 'project' well before the spring of his eighth grade year. Not only to prevent parent- teacher debacles such as this, but peoples' summer vacations are at stake here. Last year I spent five weeks in New York at a genius seminar just to get ready for your son. They 4 don't invite the boys gym teachers to New York, Mrs. Livery. I'm a twenty-nine-year-old woman. My summers have an outcomes-based objective." "But you're sure he's not a genius?" Mom says. "In second grade they told us to spend his college fund on a new gas pump because Jesse would be making so much money by now with the space program." "That was the administration talking about his notebook. It's been on Jesse's file— a big sparkling sticker—since kindergarten. And then in fifth grade when Jesse, a boy, didn't go to basketball camp? Well, the school board was on the phone all night about that. But these are just 'signals,' Mrs. Livery. They're the administration's work, not ours. Because all a genius stickers by the name 'Jesse Livery' means to us is that we can't touch his notebook until he finishes eighth grade, when his genius has had enough time to develop naturally. That's today. Mrs. Livery. And now we're stuck with whatever we get. In this case ..." Ms. Itty-Hampton coughs up a cloud of exhaust and wipes her eyes. "And, yes, Mrs. Livery, I feel for you. I feel for all the false-geniuses' families. But the state has a very specific criteria for assessing these students. I could show you the hand-book, but take my work for it, Mrs. Livery, Jesse doesn't even register on their point-system. If he'd just chosen a different subject for his drawings, maybe. A sports hero. War is always good. Me, even. God knows I read enough books and spent enough money on looking stimulating for him. But--" "What's Jesse been doing in school then? All these years ... What's my son got to show for it?" 5 "Don't you see what I'm telling you, Mrs. Livery? It's this! TrucksT But now the Green Machine's tearing down the hallway, so Ms.