$3 Baby Let Your T.V. Bleed $3 The Committed Indian The REal Fan’s Program secondcityhockey.com March 11th, 2009 [email protected] STAAL THE...WARRIORS kick (say that three times fast) of 14-3. If now he’s playing with two. Cole only has six Vancouver does that, then they deserve the points in his three games since the move, so 4th seed. But I’m not investing any money in clearly that’s not working out. He and Ruutu that possibility. Maybe people from what used provide Staal with even more space, and he to be Bear Stearns will. didn’t need that much to begin with. Staal What Is a Crossfire Hurricane, fires more rubber at people than an NBA Anyway? player (wait, NBA players don’t use condoms!), as he’s second in the league in shots behind To tonight, and the visit of the Ovechkin. He’s averaging close to seven shots Hartf...sorry, Carolina Hurricanes. There may per game this month. You’ll notice him to- not be a worse team to face right now. The night. Yep, that’s pretty much how we feel Canes have won four in a row, and by a com- Making this three solid-lines is about Sunday. Worst effort of the year? Cer- bined score of 18-6. After their 3-0 shutout that Sergei Samsonov (Savard’s best friend tainly in the team photo. Sometimes, we’ve of the Rangers on Monday, they have vaulted in the world) has been moved down with been drinking a little too much Kool-Aid and into sixth in the drunken clusterfuck that is Brind’Amour (our All-Ugly Team Captain) finding positives in losses. Not Sunday. It the Eastern Conference playoff race. since Cole’s arrival. Brind’Amour has re- was just a total waste of time from start to Goalie Cam Ward comes into to- sponded with four points in four games. The finish. night’s soiree smoking. He’s stopped 110 of threats are many. We’re not blaming the schedule for the 116 shots he’s seen during this four- Pistol Shots Ring Out In The Bar- the loss; the Hawks were just terrible. But re- game streak, for a gaudy .950 save %. Expect ally, who thought it was a good idea to play a him to get the start tonight. room Night game less than 24 hours after the one the day The Canes are filled with speedy Though they have been more de- before ended, especially you’re opponent has forwards, which is why former coach Peter fensively responsible, the Canes are hardly been waiting since Wednesday? Is filling the Laviolette let them off a leash and why watch- Minnesota or Columbus. They still want to arena with annoying kids from Deerfield really ing them under him at times resembled a gov- get up and down the ice, which of course suits that important? We’re sure that they were ernment being toppled. Eventually, though, the Hawks quite well. They’re also not all all well-impressed by the dogshit effort the they were going to have to play some defense, that big, and even with Cole, the Hawks have Hawks put forth, too. and they certainly didn’t under Laviolette. So seen far more physical teams. After Sunday, However, the panicking we’ve heard in came Paul Maurice, and they have been bet- the Hawks had better come out like someone from corners of the Hawks Universe is a little ter in their own end ever since. shit in their cereal (God knows they shit in silly. Some have been hearing the pitter-pat- But the Canes can still roll three all of ours against Colorado). Should be an ter of little Canucks’ feet in the background talented lines at you, and the top line has entertaining one, assuming the Hawks bother (only because they’ve set up microphones so become pretty scary with the addition of Erik to show up this time. that everyone can hear them), and are worried Cole. Eric Staal had been playing with one -The Heartbreakers that the Hawks will lose home-ice in the first bowling ball, old friend Tuomo Ruutu, and round. Let’s do something we’re not used to around here, and apply logic. It’ll feel weird at first, but like a lot of things, it might feel good after that, like handcuffs or cutting yourself. Here we go: After their loss in LA Monday night, the Canucks sit five points behind having played an extra game. Let’s say the Hawks really hop the Mediocrity Train, and finish the year 9-9-0 (which is extremely unlikely). That would mean Vancouver would have to go 11- 6-1 just to tie us. Not totally out of the realm of possibility, but a .640 winning percentage for that long of a stretch -- after already be- ing ridiculously hot -- seems to be asking a lot. They would also have the same amount of wins, and if the Hawks beat the Canucks here on the 29th, the Hawks take the head- to-head. Yes, the Hawks haven’t played well recently, but does anyone really think they’ll finish 9-9? With Pahlsson, Sharp, and Khabby due to return in a week or 10 days? A finish of 10-6-2 -- completely reasonable given the schedule -- would require a Canucks’ closing Tuomo returns home after work FROM THE EDITOR unfettered anything they want. Maybe we should all do a better job As we mentioned on the front page, I have been taken of ignoring the most silly. I know I should. aback by some of the things I’m hearing from my fellow Hawks -I do owe Hawks fans an apology. It seems our words on the blog, fans. For a second, I thought Old Man Wirtz had been exhumed and here at The Indian, carry some weight. Because no matter from the grave and was currently looking for brains to eat, or at whom we call out, or compliment, it seems they immediately do the least distill into gin (what do you think brain gin would taste like? opposite. Last Sunday, we spent considerable time talking up Tyler Let’s call Mr. Lecter). Let me see if I get this right, because these Arnason’s ability to be fat and suck. He had three assists. A couple are some of the things I’ve heard: Tallon’s a weeks back, we called the Dallas Stars our most moron for not trading Havlat; this team will miss likely first-round opponent. They’re currently the playoffs; Quenneville should be fired; Niemi out of the playoffs. A couple months ago we will never be an NHL goalie; Patrick Kane said we thought Rick Nash was overrated. He’s violated everyone’s sister; Brian Campbell eats been leaving a trail of dead in his wake recently. babies; and Matt Walker is a Nazi sympathizer. Our blog called Mats Sundin an anchor, he lights I think I got them all, but let me know if I left us up in Vancouver. We made the same mistake anything out. with Steve Stamkos, who netted a hat trick. We People, we’re better than this. Panick- said the Preds couldn’t score with a bag of roof- ing, commenting on the falling sky, and contem- ies in a sorority house, and they put four past us plating suicide a the slightest dip in play is Cubs Sam Fels in one period. fan shit. Declaring every player sucks outright is What I’m saying here is basically, I, and we, a Bears fan move. We’re Hawks fans, we see the don’t know anything more than you do. Maybe whole picture. Try and remember that. I shouldn’t ruin any image people might have of I understand that some of the stuff you see on message us as hockey experts, but frankly, I’m not sure there is such thing. I boards is the most desperate of the desperate (not all). Though know more than most, but now I’m afraid to say so, fearing any op- there’s some very lively and knowledgeable banter going on there, ponent I call out or team I say is poor will light us up. We’ll tread it is also the perfect forum for the lonely, jaded, and stupid to spout lightly from now on. NHL STANDINGS *late game not included Eastern Conference Western Conference W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY 1 Boston 43 16 9 95 226 157 22-6-5 21-10-4 1 San Jose 43 12 10 96 215 163 26-3-4 17-9-6 2 New Jersey 43 20 3 89 205 164 23-10-1 20-10-2 2 Birthsauce 44 15 8 96 247 199 25-5-3 19-10-5 3 Washington 41 21 6 88 221 200 25-9-2 16-12-4 3 Calgary 39 22 6 84 217 201 22-8-4 17-14-2 4 Philadelphia 36 19 10 82 212 188 20-9-4 16-10-6 4 HAWKS 36 19 9 81 212 167 17-6-6 19-13-3 5 Montreal 36 24 7 79 202 200 21-6-4 15-18-3 5 Vancouver 34 23 8 76 195 181 18-11-4 16-12-4 6 Pittsburgh 36 26 6 78 210 204 18-12-2 18-14-4 6 Columbus 34 27 6 74 185 186 21-10-2 13-17-4 7 Florida 34 24 9 77 190 189 18-9-5 16-15-4 7 Edmonton 32 27 7 71 187 203 15-12-4 17-15-3 8 Carolina 36 27 5 77 192 192 19-13-1 17-14-4 8 Nashville 33 29 5 71 171 185 21-11-3 12-18-2 9 NY Rangers 34 25 8 76 167 183 20-10-4 14-15-4 9 Minnesota 32 28 6 70 171 162 18-11-6 14-17-0 10 Buffalo 33 27 7 73 197 188 19-12-2 14-15-5 10 Dallas 31 28 8 70 193 207 17-13-4 14-15-4 11 Toronto 27 28 13 67 200 239 12-12-9 15-16-4 11 St.