Electronic Thesis & Dissertation Collection
Total Page:16
File Type:pdf, Size:1020Kb
Electronic Thesis & Dissertation Collection J. Oliver Buswell Jr. Library 12330 Conway Road Saint Louis, MO 63141 library.covenantseminary.edu This document is distributed by Covenant Seminary under agreement with the author, who retains the copyright. Permission to further reproduce or distribute this document is not provided, except as permitted under fair use or other statutory exception. The views presented in this document are solely the author’s. L-IJ ! Jfo I ,C:;2 I J /:.:1 ~'-~: f'.l1 I "WHAT HAPPENED?" AND "WHAT NOW?"r"' 'I EXPLORING HOW REFORMED PASTORS MINISTER TO THE PARENTS OF APOSTATE EMERGING ADULTS By Joost Nixon A DISSERTATION SUBMITTED TO THE FACULTY OF COVENANT THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF DOCTOR OF MINISTRY ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI 2011 "WHAT HAPPENED?" AND "WHAT NOW?": EXPLORING HOW REFORMED PASTORS MINISTER TO THE PARENTS OF APOSTATE EMERGING ADULTS By JOOST NlXON A DISSERTATION SUBMITTED TO THE FACULTY OF COVENANT THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF DOCTOR OF MINISTRY Graduation Date MAY 20, 2011 Dr. C. John Collins, Faculty Advisor (._a a.¢<.c ~ Rev. Jerram Barrs, Second Faculty Reader -P(--.!--7fr··T:1-~~::::/S=.'=::--<.<..--<;---J Dr. Robert W. Bums, Director ofD.Min. Pro ram fLII.~~~~ Rev. James C. Pakala, Library Director ----.:~~~~~~_- ABSTRACT Many emerging adults drift away from the religion oftheir upbringing. Many Christian parents with wayward or apostate emerging adult children face intense grief, guilt, disappointment, and other emotions. This is especially true ofChristian parents ofa Reformed heritage, who have a high expectation that their children will follow in their faith. The purpose ofthis study was to explore how Reformed pastors minister to the parents ofprodigal emerging adult children. This study primarily focused on three key areas that affect how Reformed pastors minister to the parents ofapostate emerging adults: the religious lives ofemerging adults, biblical and theological concerns regarding baptism, apostasy, and covenantal status of children, and policies and procedures churches have employed to minister to apostate young adults and their parents. This study utilized a qualitative design using semi structured interviews with seasoned Reformed pastors in the Northwestern United States. This study found that parents have a strong shaping influence on their children's religious faith, and that prevention through consistent reinforcement of covenantal indicatives and parental example is critical, and that redemptive solutions to apostate emerging adults must embrace the entire church community_ The study further found that ministering to the parents ofapostate emerging adults is intensely challenging and complex, but offers opportunity for transfonnative grace to work in the lives ofchildren, parents, congregants and ministers alike. IV TABLE OF CONTENTS ACKNOWLEDGMENTS IX CHAPTER ONE: INTRODUCTION Introduction 1 Problem Statement 3 Purpose ofthe Study and Research Questions 5 Significance ofthe Study 6 Definition ofTerrns 8 CHAPTER TWO: LITERATURE REVIEW Apostasy in Emerging Adulthood 12 Biblical and Theological Literature 39 Policies and Procedures ofthe Church Regarding Children Who Grew Up in Evangelical Churches and Left 70 Summary and Conclusion ofLiterature Review 89 CHAPTER THREE: PROJECT METHODOLOGY Design ofthe Study 90 Interview Design 91 Participant Sample Selection 92 Data Collection Methods 96 Analysis Procedures 97 Researcher Stance 97 Limitations ofthe Study 98 v Summary ofthe Project Methodology 99 CHAPTER FOUR: FINDINGS Common Themes Regarding Specific Pastoral Challenges (RQ1) 102 Common Themes Regarding the Emotional Challenges Faced by Parents Whose Children Fall Away (RQ2) 118 Cornmon Themes Regarding How Pastors Counseled Parents to Act Redemptive1y Towards Their Wayward Child (RQ3 ) 130 Summary ofFindings 150 CHAPTER FIVE: DISCUSSION & RECOMMENDATIONS Summary ofthe Study 151 Discussion ofFindings 151 Recommendations 173 Recommendations for Further Research 185 Final Words 186 APPENDICES APPENDIX A: Interview Guide (here or in Chapter 3) 187 BIBLIOGRAPHY 188 vi ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS To my wife, Kristen, and to my children, Joshua, Josiah, Jedidiah, Johannes, Katerina, Judah, Jesse, and Hadassah-your delight in God is my great delight; To my parents, Maria Biessels and Paul Nixon, for your loving support, and to my parents-in-law George and Diana Seitz for your support, especially the heroic childcare assistance as I was on sabbatical. To the saints at Christ Church, for your love and steadfast encouragement in this and all my endeavors, and for your generosity in granting me a sabbath to study; To my faithful, never-sleeping God, who keeps His people, lavishing them with grace; My deepest gratitude. vii CHAPTER ONE Today's emerging adults-people in those exploratory years between high school and full adulthood-are prone to religious drift and apostasy. A February 2010 report from the Pew Forum on Religious and Public Life indicates a significant number of emerging adults become less religious today compared with those ofthe Generation X and Baby Boomer generations. I In Souls in Transition: The Religious and Spiritual Lives ofEmerging Adults, Christian Smith writes: Emerging adulthood tends both to raise the stakes on and remove social support for being seriously religious. As a result, many youth do pull back from, or entirely out of, religious faith and practice during their transitions out ofthe teenage years? Christian parents are charged in Scripture to raise their children in the "training and admonition ofthe Lord.,,3 Though most parents "want to see their children inherit their affiliations and beliefs,,,4 many Christians in the Reformed tradition especially have the desire and expectation that their children will follow them in the faith. Joseph Neumann, in a comparative study ofthe self-reported effects ofcovenantal versus dispensational theology on the family, writes: "Covenantal theology stresses the significance ofinfants and family units....The distinct hope is that the child will receive the blessings and obey the stipulations ofthe covenant as described in Genesis 17 and 1 Allison Pond, Gregory Smith, & Scott Clement, Religion among the Millennials: Less ReligiouslyActive Than Older Americans, but Fairly Traditional in Other Ways (Washington, D. C.: Pew Research, 2010), 1. Pond defmes her terms, "Fully one-in-four adults under age 30 (25%) are unaffiliated, describing their religion as 'atheist,' 'agnostic' or 'nothing in particular,''' 3. 2 Christian Smith, with Patricia Snell, Souls in Transition: The Religious andSpiritual Lives ofEmerging Adults (New York, NY: Oxford University Press, 2009), 283. 3 Eph. 6:4. Scripture taken from the NKJV Bible, unless otherwise noted. 4 John Wilson and Darren E. Sherkat, "Returning to the Fold," Journalfor the Scientific Study ofReligion 33, no. 2 (1994): 150. 1 2 elsewhere."s Moreover, historically, many Reformed Christians have held the conviction that the Bible teaches that the children ofbelievers "are expected to succeed in the faith oftheir parents, and this is accomplished through the Divinely ordained means of covenant nurture.,,6 This doctrine has been called many things: most recently, "covenant succession."7 What happens to Christian parents when their emerging adult children "pull back" from the church and do not embrace their faith? Apostasy is always tragic, with seismic ramifications that affect not only the former Christian, but also the family, and especially the parents, ofthose who apostatize. For many parents in this situation, they experience what the apostle Paul described as "great sorrow and continual grief."g C. John Miller, whose daughter Barbara rejected Christianity for a time, reports feeling a broad array of conflicting emotions, including anger, guilt, shame, self-pity, betrayal and intense grief.9 He writes, "I felt we were experiencing an amputation, a violent cutting way ofpart of our flesh. And the severing had not been a clean one, though it certainly was complete."IO Miller's experience is not outside the norm. II 5 Joseph K. Neumann, "Covenantal Versus Dispensational Theology: A Pilot Study Concerning Self Reported Family Effects," Journal ofPsychology & Theology 20, no. 4 (1992): 390. 6Benjamin K. Wikner, ed. To You and Your Children: Examining the Biblical Doctrine ofCovenant Succession (Moscow, ID: Canon Press, 2005), xix. Emphasis original. Cf. Lewis Bevens Schenck, The Presbyterian Doctrine ofChildren in the Covenant (Phillipsburg, NJ: P& R, 1940; reprint, 2003); also Thomas Trouwborst, "From Covenant to Chaos: The Reformers and Their Heirs on Covenant Succession," in Wikner, ed., 59-103. 7 Robert S. Rayburn, "The Presbyterian Doctrines ofCovenant Children, Covenant Nurture, and Covenant Succession," Presbyterion 22, no. 2 (Fall 1996). 8 Romans 9:1-3 (NKJV). Paul is writing regarding his "brethren, countrymen according to the flesh," who have not embraced Jesus ofNazareth as the Messiah. 9 C. John Miller and Barbara Miller Juliani, Come Back, Barbara, Second ed. (phillipsburg, NJ: P & R, 1988; reprint, 1997),27-30,38. 10 Ibid. 11 E.g. Jane Adams, When Our Grown up Kids Disappoint Us: Letting Go ofTheir Problems, Loving Them Anyway, andGetting on with Our Lives (New York, NY: Free Press, 2003); John White, Parents in Pain: Overcoming the Hurt andFrustration ofProblem Children (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1979). 3 PROBLEM STATEMENT Ministering to the