lE'W* i the Rice resher Vol. XCI, Issue No. 28 SINCE 1916 Friday, April 23, 2004 Students express priorities at forum

by Risa Gordon Students at the forum brought WRKSHER i:i»rr<»KIAl STAFF up the importance of emphasizing research while also maintaining Teaching quality, building projects high-quality teaching. Brown Col- and student-governance were among lege Senator James Lloyd said the issues discussed by about 30 stu- class sizes are much larger than a dents at an SA forum held Monday. decade ago. citing CHEM 211/212: Student Association President Derrick Organic Chemistry, which has Matthews held the forum in lieu of 242 students enrolled this semester. the weekly SA meeting in order to "I don't know if it's a corollary decide what issues students found to the fact that in the past 10 years, important to convey to President-elect we've focused on building, but I've David Ixiebron. talked to alumni from 10 years ago Leebron will take office July 1, ... and they've noticed a decline in and Matthews, a Will Rice College undergraduate education." Lloyd, a junior, said he expects to meet with sophomore, said. • ,• v.: • - . Leebron over the summer to present Jones College Senator Kendall some of the ideas identified as most Smith said he agrees the quality important by forum participants. of undergraduate education is an The main topics Matthews said important issue. he will present are improving the "I think that the quality of teachers quality of teaching offered at Rice, needs to improve, because I agree MARSHALL ROBIN building a new recreation center and that people are unmotivated to go increasing the amount of on-campus to class just because some of the housing available to students. professors either can't speak well Janish to the rescue Matthews asked students at the or they're just not as interesting as Junior shortstop Paul Janish makes a diving backhanded catch during the second inning of the basebail team s 3- meeting to list their favorite and least a good professor could be," Smith, a 2 victory over Lamar University Tuesday. The Owls ended their three-game losing streak against the Cardinals on favorite aspects of Rice, as well as what freshman, said. the strength of a combined one-hitter from sophomores Matt Ueckert and Eddie Degerman. See Story, Page 13. they would like to see changed. See FO R UM, Page 6 Man charged in Village shootings Additional changes to

by Aaron Heckelman H PI) stepped up its presence in an April 18 article in the Houston die Village following the shootings, Chronicle. Since 1990, he has been Alcohol Policy possible THRESHER STAFF and Rice University Police officers arrested and charged with crimes No court dates have been set in spent time searching the campus — ranging in severity from traffic by Jenny Rees Committee of College Masters and Presidents by April 10 for approval. the aggravated assault and murder for the suspect. violations to a felony charge for pos- PHRESHER EDITORIAL STAFF charges of Beau John Maloney, A Texas Department of Public- session of ammunition — in Texas, According to the original timeline, the the 34-year-old man arrested two Safety trooper arrested Maloney Oregon, California, Florida, New At a meeting last week, the college new policies would be in place by the weeks ago in connection with April 5 after he was found sleep- Mexico and North Carolina. masters and presidents proposed re- start of classes in the fall. two recent shootings in the Rice ing in the back of a Dodge truck In April 2002, Maloney was visions to the Alcohol Policy changes Vice President for Student Affairs Village area. at a rest stop near Kerrville, about charged with aggravated assault recommended by the Alcoholic Zenaido Camacho approved the chang- Maloney has been formally 65 miles west of San Antonio on with a deadly weapon after he Beverage Policy Advisory Committee es provisionally in March, pending charged with the aggravated robbery 1-10. A ballistics test revealed that stepped into the street and threw a earlier this semester. further consideration after receiving of Julie Graves, an advertising execu- a handgun found in the vehicle large rock through the windshield In February, ABPAC approved the individual colleges' guidelines. tive for the Houston Press, and the matched the bullets used in the two of a passing car on Bissonnet. The changes to the Alcohol Policy requir- M&P discussed the policies at its murder of Helen Orman, a 65-year- shootings. Maloney was charged charge was later reduced to assault ing that individual colleges create sets meeting April 15. In a two-hour meeting, old Houston Community College with aggravated robbery April 6 with bodily injury, and Maloney was of guidelines for the consumption the committee reached a consensus that professor and artist, Houston Police and murder April 8. sentenced to one year in Harris of alcohol at private parties in their M&P is not the proper body to approve Department Robbery Division Ser- Doreck said Maloney has County jail. facilities ("ABPAC approves of col- the colleges' guidelines and decided not geant l-arry Doreck said. been uncooperative since his The following November, Ma- leges writing public space policies," to vote on approving the setsofguidebnes. Graves survived after being shot arrest, and a psychological evalu- loney was arrested for the battery March 12). Under that policy, college Instead, thecommittee recommended re- in the arm and chest during an at- ation of him will likely be ordered of his mother, Katherine Maloney, governments would be required to set vising the Alcohol Policy changes to state tempted carjacking in the Village once his cases go to court. Ma- in her Rice Village-area apartment a maximum number of kegs permitted that the individual colleges'governments Arcade parking garage March 3. loney's court-appointed attorney, and for head-butting an HPI) officer in a room or suite and a maximum approve their own sets of rules. Orman died after being shot once Jules I^aird, has requested that who responded to the attack. He number of private gatherings allowed Will Rice College President CW in the head while she vacuumed her his client's mental records be was originally charged with assault over a given time period and in a well- McCullagh said the committee car at the Chevron service station reviewed. of a public servant, but the charge defined space of the college, such as decided college governments were a hall, stairwell or floor. at Bissonnet Street and Kirby Drive Maloney has a criminal history was reduced to simple assault, the proper place for the colleges' March 20. dating back to 1990, according to See SHOOTER, Page 7 The proposed Alcohol Policy guidelines to be approved. changes stated the individual colleges "All the proposals were very col- should submit their guidelines to the See POLICY. Page 4 NCAA reviews recruiting rules INSIDE OPINION Page 3 Vm a survivor Warning: Children at play by Brooke Lathram tion and housing for recruits, as well as the behavior of recruits and their student-athlete Congratulations to everyone for mak- THRESHER STAFF hosts. The rules specify that recruits and ing it through another semester. Don't A&E Page 10 ITie NCAA Division I Management Council their hosts may not engage in drinking, forget to show up for self-scheduled exams Kill Bill Vol. 2 doesn't make the cut considered changes to the NCAA rules for the illegal drug use or other inappropriate behav- whether you're proctoring or actually tak- iors during the visits. ing an exam. Good luck with finals, and recruitment of student-athletes at its meeting SPORTS Page 12 The proposals were drafted by a task force happy trails, graduating seniors! Monday and Tuesday. The proposed changes, Harlan sets world mark which focus on reducing lavish treatment of created in February by NCAA President Myles recruits, were not passed but will be reworked Brand in response to recent allegations regard- Quote of the Week and submitted to the Division I Board of Direc- ing recruiting practices at Division I schools. No more Thresher "I've never interviewed anyone as cold and tors for a vote April 29. The board will decide Recruiting practices at the University of Colo- Unfortunately, the break is not indefinite; remorseless as [Maloney] was. ... If released, I on the changes during the summer, and the rado-Boulder came under particular scrutiny in well be back May 21 (when Shrek 2 comes do believe he will kill again." new rules may take effect for the next recruit- December after at least eight women said they out!) with an issue that will be mailed to your — Houston Police Department Sergeant Larry ment year. had been raped by Colorado football players or home. So don't do anything stupid between Doreck, referring to Beau John Maloney, the Director of Athletics Bobby May (Will recruits since 1997. now and then — it's going to be a lot harder man charged in two Rice Village shootings, one of whicn resulted in the death of a 65-year-old Rice '65) said the only proposal that would Rice recruiting practices have also received keeping it a secret from your parents when woman. See Story, Page 1. impact Rice is the requirement that each media attention this semester. A spokesperson the issue comes in the mail. institution come up with a written document for Hardbodies Entertainment, Inc. wasquoted Scoreboard Weekend Weather governing recruiting practices. He said the in the Denver Porky Mountain News in February Baseball FHday Athletics Department would need to form a naming Rice as one of several schools where Lamar 2, Rice 3 Mostly sunny, 86-70 degrees task force to write such a document. student-athletes hired strippers from the com- San Jose State 3, Rice 5 Saturday Men's Tennis 'The other things won't affect us," May pany to perform at parties for recruits ("Media Thunderstorms, 80-65 degrees Rice 4, SMU 3 said. "We've already talked about it. Right now, focus on scandal," Feb. 13). Hardbodies later Sunday Women's Tennis coaches handle their own policy. We're in the retracted the claim that the students involved Thunderstorms, 83-66 degrees SMU 4, Rice 3 process of getting together [a committee!" were definitely student-athletes. May said The proposed rules involve transporta- See RECRUITING, Page 6 is# I •; ' . f -• - ,4 " • . V •" *> ' -.f"' . v ' ' v si M w-wm.

THE RICE THRESHER OPINION FRIDAY, APRIL 23,2004

the Rice Thresher 90 %fMarry Fellow Rlumni at Rice A few ideas for the incoming president Rice has only seen five presidential transitions in its The statlsTicfareactually much uiorse than uie thought history, so students now have a rare opportunity to address a new university president. With President-elect David Leebron set to take office July 1, we sat down to think about our defini- tion of Rice and what separates it from peer institutions. LETTERS TO THE EDITOR With that in mind, we like Leebron's approach to his role as incoming president — he is asking questions in order to port underscores the apparent failure another study of our athletics program. Rice should not retreat of many — but by no means all — of Professor Haskell was virtually alone learn what makes Rice extraordinary. We have made a list the student-athletes to be integrated in support of his resolution. of qualities that make Rice stand out from its competitors, from Division I-A into the colleges. Here again, far from Undeterred, Professor Haskell was expressing an animus toward stu- instrumental in forming a subcommit- and we believe they should remain essential parts of the Rice To the editor: dent-athletes, our concern about this tee of the Faculty Council to study the experience. Self-analysis is an important part of institutional Tom Haskell has a good point pattern manifests our desire to see all athletics program. The report has since growth, and there is always room for improvement, but we ("Division III is Rice's best ath- Rice student-athletes take advantage received much negative criticism. letic option," April 16). Division of the common college culture, one believe these aspects must be continually emphasized if Rice I-A programs are getting out of Professor Haskell's recent col- of the most beneficial aspects of our umn, which proposes the demo- is to remain truly exceptional. control. Many schools are treating university's student experience. collegiate sports as a business and tion of Rice's athletics program to We recognize that there are limits to what Leebron can are recruiting athletes unethically. The report's purpose, among Division III, uses a blanket incrimi- accomplish — time, money and logistics prevent us from get- Haskell says that "No school can im- other things, is to suggest that the nation of Division I-A (whose many munize itself against the competitive current double standard leading to abuses and frequent lapses in integrity ting everything on our wish list. We would love a renovated the admission of certain student- do not at all describe Rice) to make what library, an improved student center, a new recreation center, pressures now intensifying within Division I-A." Because of this pres- athletes with seriously inadequate to me is an unjustified criticism of the a research tower and a 10th college, but Leebron will have to sure, he argues that Rice's best op- academic preparation fosters preju- many Rice administrators, coaches and prioritize, balancing the interests and desires of undergradu- tion would be to move to Division III, dice against all student-athletes, student-athletes who have demonstrat- and to encourage the Rice commu- ed their commitment to integrity and ates, graduate students, alumni, staff, faculty, administrators where pressure is less intense and tension between student-athletes nity to consider other options than to outstanding academic and athletic and the Board of Trustees. However, the following are our and nonathletes is nonexistent. across-the-board, extremely costly performance in Division I-A top concerns as we enter a new presidential era: Division I-A competition at what Since 1996, Rice has won 15 That said, I would like to ask Profes- is arguably the smallest research sor Haskell if a school can immunize conference championships and the university in the world. national championship in baseball. Quality of undergraduate education While graduate itself against the competitive pressures that cause students at Rice (student- Rice also won the 2(X)1 national award programs and research are major priorities for any research athletes and nonathletes alike) to Chandler Davidson for the highest graduation rate in cheat. The answer is obvious, and we Professor Emeritus of Sociology Division I-A. Yet, as Rice was being university, and we expect Leebron to direct university re- acclaimed nationally for its athletic sources in those directions, Rice has always distinguished all know that some students at Rice cheat, many because of the intense and academic accomplishments, itself — and built a national reputation — by emphasizing pressure they face from their parents At Rice, academics the Faculty Council Subcommittee undergraduate education and close relationships between or from themselves. Rice students on Athletics' report tried to explain and athletics mix well away our academic success by the faculty members and undergraduates. We want to see a com- often feel more pressure to succeed because they attend a highly selective unsubstantiated and unjustified mitment to improving the quality of teaching in all departments To the editor: claim that the existence of "sheltered school where it is difficult to keep up Tom Haskell's column last week by selecting faculty who have a passion for undergraduate with their peers. So, if all this pressure programs" was the reason that the is illuminating as to why the Faculty graduation rate of Rice's student- teaching in addition to research. Rice is special because our is causing students to behave unethi- Council Subcommittee on Athletics' cally, should we lower Rice's academic athletes was so high. classes are relatively small and are taught by faculty members report on athletics at Rice is slanted the What is lamentable to me is that standards so that it will be easier for way it is, proving that at least one mem- rather than by grad students — important considerations for them to behave ethically? the worst critics of our athletics pro ber of the subcommittee on Athletics is gram seem to live and work within prospective students. That would be ridiculous. clearly biased against Rice's continued the hedges, for I can assure you that, So why should Rice back out of Divi- participation in Division I-A athletics. outside the hedges. Rice University sion I-A simply because it is easier to That Haskell made public his opinion and its athletics program are highly Value No other institution in the nation can compete with recruit ethically in Division III? I agree at all when the Subcommittee should regarded and respected for the way the value Rice provides with its relatively low tuition and its that it is a challenge to maintain high be demonstrating impartiality, makes it our student-athletes tackle both ath- ethical standards in an increasingly commitment to reducing student debt through financial aid. clear just how deep this bias runs. letic and the academic challenges. competitive world, but I do not think Rice was founded with the idea of providing an affordable More importantly, Haskell cites I choose to recognize Rice's success that just because something is hard is a many examples of why Division 1 education — students did not pay tuition until the 1965-'66 good reason to back out of anything. for what it really is: high performance athletics is bad and why Division III by student-athletes in the rigorous academic year, and even then it was only $1,200 — and it athletics is good — at other schools. academic environment of an excellent Erica Derrickson is important that, despite the end of tuition indexing, Rice His complete failure to apply such ex- university and in the athletic arena of Hanszen freshman amples to Rice proves that he is out of Division I-A athletics. tuition remains low. Keeping tuition low and emphasizing Varsity track and field athlete touch with the true character of both financial aid improves campus diversity and ensures the our school and our students. Jim Castaneda best students come to Rice, not just the best students who Faculty Subcommittee More importantly, Haskell'scolumn Professor of Spanish can afford it. shows just how unaware the subcom- Faculty Athletics Representative mittee as a whole is of how different on Athletics unbiased athletics at Rice is from the rest of the College system Nothing has a greater impact on student To the editor: country. Rice serves as an important life at Rice than the residential college system. It teaches As chair of last year's Faculty example to other Division I schools. CONTACTING THE Going to Division III would be conced- students much more than classes can, allowing them to learn Council Subcommittee on Athletics, I would like to urge students to carefully ing that academics and athletics don't THRESHER mix, a notion we prove wrong every from upperclassmen, RAs and masters, as well as people from read our entire report. If they do so, day here at Rice. Letters different backgrounds and with different majors. It provides they will see it is not anti-athlete, as My questions are: why do faculty m letters to the editor should students with a home from the moment they step on campus. some writers have asserted on your be sent to the Thresher by e- Opinion page. like Haskell refuse to see the benefits No other university in the country has a college system like of athletics but instead only the detri- mail to [email protected]. The subcommittee that wrote the Letters must be received by ours, and it serves to provide current students with a sense of report consisted of five professors from ments? Why is there no concern for the student-athletes that are here 5 p.m. on the Monday prior to Rice history. Many of us came to Rice with the college system across many departments. All three a Friday publication date. men played varsity high school football, now, who came specifically because in mind, and it creates a small-school atmosphere that attracts Rice strikes that unique balance be- • All letters to the editor and one was a 'ivision I-A scholarship tween Division I and academics? must be signed and include prospective students. We advocate asking questions about football player. One of the two women college and year if the writer ways to improve the college system, but we hope Leebron was a nationally-ranked tennis player. is a Rice student. Collectively, we have had numerous David Axel remembers that students, on the whole, like the system. It • Letters should be no lon- scholarship student-athletes in our brown sophomore may not be perfect, but nothing defines Rice more than the ger than 250 words in length. classes, many of whom were truly Varsity track and field athlete The Thresher reserves the college system does. outstanding students. right to edit letters for both Our report nonetheless calls atten- Despite report, Rice content and length. Guaranteed housing We would like Rice to guarantee four tion to the fact that in university self- study reports since the 1960s, faculty years of on-campus housing to its undergrads. Not only would athletics a success Subscribing have expressed serious concern over • Annual subscriptions are doing so enhance the college system and allow everyone to aspectsofthe intercollegiate athletics To the editor: available for$50 domestic and participate as they chose, but it would also be a major selling program, includingthe problem of the Through the years, the Professor $105 international via first point with prospective students worried about living off cam- so-called "bottom quartile" — those Tom Haskell has been relentless in his class mail. student-athletes whose high school attacks on Rice athletics. At the faculty pus. If a 10th college would really solve the problem, we are academic records and standardized meetingof November 7,2(X) 1, citing his Advertising all for it — provided enrollment remains low, and on-campus test scores are so poor as to indicate alleged support of concerns expressed • We accept display and housing is truly guaranteed. they were admitted sitnply because by faculty at other institutions, Profes- classified advertisements the coaches want them for their teams. sor Haskell proposed a resolution in Please contact our advertising This practice injures the reputation of which the Rice faculty was urged to manager at thresher-ads@rice. Rice student-athletes in general. Unsigned editorials represent the majority opinion of the Threshe express concern over the "continu- edu or (713)348-3967 for more Moreover, drawing on data ob- editorial staff. ing imbalance between academic and information. tained from college masters, our re- athletic priorities" by undertaking THE RICE THRESHER OPINION FRIDAY, APRIL 23, 2004 Rice Voices Guest column 9/11 investigation wallows in petty politics It is election year, and the pu signed to guard against future attacks." is absurd, and any government com- Facing life after graduation, trid stench of Washington politics Sounds fair enough, right? mission that makes such accusations is looming over the United States Thanks to our wonderful politi- should not be taken seriously. like an ugly miasma. For the most cians, however, the admirable aim Moreover, using the biggest trag- married and otherwise part, I can stomach the of the commission has edy in our nation's history for political mud-slinging and finger- been completely under- gain is nothing short of despicable. From the moment I stepped as College World Series viewing pointing that accompanies mined. It seems as if the While the members ofthe 9/11 Com- through the Sallyport, I have parties (there was even one in a typical presidential elec- 9/11 Commission has mission question the patriotism of found that the most intriguing London), student send-offs and tion. After all, blaming become little more than the Bush administration, they seem statistic to Rice students does presidential visits. others for one's own mis- a forum for Democrats to to have misplaced their own. not concern the level of Rice's For me, knowing there will takes is what politics is all spew forth their ideologi- I fear this disgusting behavior will about, right? This election cal propaganda for the sake academics or quality of be ways to connect result in the further disillusionment with my friends after season, however, things of future electoral gain. life. Rather, it concerns of the American electorate. With the rate at which Rice graduation is a relief. seem different. Rather than sincerely at- dirty politics like this, it is no wonder tempting to safeguard our students marry other While I cannot speak Several events have tak- Robert the U.S. boasts one of the lowest Rice students. for every senior, I do en place over the last four nation from future acts of voter turnouts in the democratized Moore terror, the members of the During Orientation know that my senior years that will forever alter world. Witnessing a political circus Week, newly-arrived year has been more the nature of the U.S. polity. commission have viewed like the 9/11 Commission may be the televised hearings as a freshmen are inevita- challenging than I ever The United States has estab- enough to discourage apathetic bly given an obscene expected — the job lished a firm presence in the Middle means of publicly faulting the Bush observers from casting their ballot administration for the 9/11 attacks. statistic that 80-90 per- search provides a bar- East and will be forced to bear the come November. cent of Rice students Kerry rage of work. consequences of the war with Iraq for On April 13, the commission had The 9/11 Commission would be marry other Rice Loughran But it has also been some time to come. Most importantly, the opportunity to question Attorney wise to admit that our nation was students, which some- a very emotional pro- terrorism has permeated our borders General John Ashcroft. Instead of blindsided in September2001, just as it times leads students to cess; as I applied for and is rapidly spreading around the spending his time questioning Ashcroft was in December 1941, when Japanese look around with an expression different scholarships and jobs, I globe like a virulent disease. about ways in which homeland se- fighters demolished the Pacific Fleet of doom at what they consider often felt "so close, but so far," as Rather than explaining to the curity might be improved, Richard at Pearl Harbor. If the commission to be "slim pickins." my excitement would mount and American people how they plan Ben-Veniste — lead prosecutor in wants to hold anyone responsible, it After working full-time this then come crashing down. the 1973 Watergate hearings — com- should be Osama bin Laden and his to deal with the unprecedented summer with Jennifer Harding, One of the things that struck mented on the rumor that Ashcroft group of terrorist thugs, not George problems facing the United States, the director of university events me most about all of my failures had known about the attacks prior to W, Bush or Bill Clinton. Washington elites are spending in the Alumni Affairs Office, and was the overwhelming support September 11. Shamelessly, he ques- much of their time making personal Pointing fingers and calling coming into contact with sev- of my friends, and even more, tioned Ashcroft's decision to fly on attacks on one another. Indeed, in a names will not bring back the eral happily-married Rice alumni my professors, who would help government-chartered aircraft in the time when the citizens need to be roughly 3,(XX) people who lost their couples, I decided to get to the me up, tell me to keep going and days and months priorto the attacksand consoled by their leaders, Democrats lives on 9/11. What we can do, how- bottom of the rumors about this never give up on my dreams. insinuated that Ashcroft had refused and Republicans cannot seem to look ever, is try our best to ensure that statistic last fall. Having such amazing friends to fly on commercial aircraft because past their own disputes. no more Americans fall victim to and professors has been a gift, he had foreknowledge that an airborne Based on the information I The National Commission on Ter- the brutal hands of terrorism. The but it makes leaving even more attack on the U.S. was imminent requested regarding the records rorist Attacks Upon the United States 9/11 Commission must put politics of all living Rice alumni, it is esti- bittersweet. is just the latest manifestation of this The fact that the 9/11 Commis- aside and carry out its original mated that less than 15 percent of When you enter Rice, you trivial ideological warfare. sion gives consideration to Internet mission of making America a safer alumni are married to their fellow realize you're no longer "the The formal aim of the commission is chat room conspiracy theories like place—the members of the commis- classmates. This estimate is de- biggest fish in the pond." The to "prepare a full and complete account this one certainly undermines its sion owe this much to the men and rived from information showing end is also humbling — no one of the circumstances surrounding the legitimacy. The very notion that any women who lost their lives on that that 14.6 percent of Rice alumni talks about how this affects the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, government official — be it John tragic day in September 2001. share common home addresses job search when you leave Rice. including preparedness for and the Ashcroft or Janet Reno — had prior with other Rice alums. (This I have options for next year, but immediate response to the attacks," knowledge of the 9/11 attacks and Robert Moore is a Sid Richardson information is self-reported.) even still, it is sometimes hard to and to "provide recommendations de- failed to warn the American people College junior. Although some meet during their enjoy my last few moments due undergraduate years, it should be to the good-natured, yet incessant noted that many Rice alumni who questioning about what my plans With a little bit of salt and pepper end up together actually meet are for next year. well after graduation. As I grapple with all of these For those of you who find Rice emotions and struggle with American foreign relations: Children at play graduates aren't your cup of tea, trying not to regret things I wish I rest assured matchmaking is not had started doing earlier, I realize "Imagine if the world was a play- came out of the hospital jittery, red- face the consequences of their actions. the only reason to stay connected this "separation anxiety" could be ground, and different nations were eyed and very upset America made her Watching the Bush administration to the Rice community. a good thing. individuals," said my friend over own investigation, decided on a culprit draw the tenuous link between Iraq and University camaraderie does What I do know is that I still our second round of drinks in the and sat on a small boy named Taliban al Qaedaisakin to hearing bad made-up not end upon exiting the Sal have very fond feelings for Rice Ginger Man. What sort of Afghanistan, making him excuses from 5-year-olds—exceptthat lyport. Rather, participation in and that my involvement with kid would America be? go to electrotherapy, Total many 5-year-olds possess a far more Rice alumni events allows alums Rice need not screech to a halt In my mind, America Recall-style. Afghanistan advanced understanding of causality to experience a bit of Rice outside after I step out of the Sallyport would be the beautiful kid still suffers from a semi-split and responsibility than Bush & co. the hedges. For example, the and into the real world. Rather, in school — always well-in- personality and multiple Perhaps America-the-child will active group of young alumni in there will be many opportunities tentioned, insular and a little neurological issues, and realize the hard way that, despite what Boston has pleasantly surprised in the future for engagement in bit shy. America-the-child 'Taliban" occasionally rears Sinatra sang and advocated, going your my friend, a Rice alumnus, who the Rice community, and perhaps would definitely earn high his ugly head. own way is not always the best thing to attends Harvard Law School if I'm one of 14.6 percent, one of marks for its friendliness, as 'Hie whole kindergarten do. The question that begs to be asked Besides events hosted by the Rice these engagements will be with well as its good nature and was up in arms, but quieted now is, "How is this going to end?" alumni, Rice Bostonians meet a fellow Rice alumnus. good will. But this is the child down when the evidence If only the real answer were as frequently for happy hours and of whom a teacher might justified America's actions. simple as child's play. other outings. Regional groups Kerry Loughran is a Mart el have nothing of note to say Still, the kids weren't too also gather for other events, such College senior. — except for her appalling happy with America insist- PJ Teh is a Wiess College inability to read or count. ing she was right to do sophomore. The more liberal teachers and kids what she did, along with whatever might notice that America likes to con- else she thought was right. Worse, fuse itself by conflating lies with truth, America took up the role of social mistaking rhetoric for truth and then outcast, complete with a chin on the The Rice Thresher, the official student fooling itself into thinking that this is a shoulder. The other kids could not newspaper at Rice University since 1916, "balanced perspective" and the "whole ignore America and got extremely the Rice Thresher is published each Friday during the school frustrated with America's irritating year, except during examination periods and truth." Some kids, like one skeptical holidays, by the students of Rice University. Singaporean kid (me), joke that this self-righteousness. is a recipe for schizophrenia. Things took an ugly turn when Jonathan Yardley Editorial and business offices are located Obviously, America doesn't find America decided to launch an unwar- Editor in Chief on the second floor of the Ley Student Center. this very funny. ranted attack on another child named 6100 Main St., MS-524. Houston, TX 77005- It does not escape the other chil- Iraq. Now, make no mistake about it: 1892. Phone (713) 348-4801. Fax (713) 348-5238. Everyone in the kindergarten hated E-mail: [email protected]. Web page: www. dren that a streak of Puritanism runs NEWS COPY ricethresher.org. in the veins of America-the-child: This Iraq, especially Iran—not least because Jenny Rees, Editor Risa Gordon. Editor David Brown, Ass/. Editor Elaine Lee, Editor kid does not like the idea of living in Iraq once launched an unprovoked Annual subscription rate: $50 domestic, a world without rules. Yet even when school yard fight and tried to steal Ian Everharl, Asst. Editor Alana Newell, Page Designer PHOTOGRAPHY $105 international. Nonsubscription rate: first America sets her own rules in the his lunch. But here, America was ac- Marshall Robinson, Editor copy free, second copy $5. kindergarten playground, she breaks cusing Iraq of things he did not have, OPINION Sluart Sinclair, Editor them. The rest of the children are, of like expensive and deadly toys called James Sulak, Editor Katie Streit. Editor The Thresher reserves the right to refuse course, not happy about the situation, weapons of mass destruction. America Rachel Davis, Ass/. Editor any advertising for any reason. Additionally, then accused Iraq of being possessed SPORTS the Thresher does not take responsibility but they cannot help noticing that, for Dylan Hedrick, Editor John Donaleski. Cartoonist for the factual content of any ad. Printing a child, America has disproportion- by a satanic spirit called al Qaeda and Amber Obermeyer, Editor an advertisement does not constitute an ately huge biceps. So they keep their picked a fight to exorcize it. BUSINESS endorsement by the Thresher. discontent to themselves, pretending More than a year later, the fight ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT Polly D'Avignon. Business Manager Jonathan Schumann, Editor Debbie Miller. Asst. Business Manager still goes on. To make things worse, Unsigned editorials represent the majority to play nice with America for a bit, but Christina Frangos, Asst Editor Elaine Lee. Payroll Manager grumbling behind her back. the split-personality Afghanistan is Daniel Holtnan, Distribution Manager opinion of the Thresher editorial staff. All other Then came that one time when acting up again. So now, poor America CALENDAR Brian Wolf. Distribution Manager opinion pieces represent solely the opinion of the author. America was hit in the heart by ter- must deal with two problems at the Erika Acheson, Editor John Varghese, Subscriptions Manager Cameron Day, Editor Rohit Padmanabhan. Office Manager rorists. The whole kindergarten felt same time. On top of that, nobody The Thresher is a member of the Associated America's pain and responded with else wants to help America. And we BACKPAGE Matt Hamilton, Ads Manager C ollegiate Press and the Society of Professional spontaneous displays of empathy wonder why. Danny Blanco. Editor Ethan Varela, Ass/. Ads Manager Journalists. Meaning we love student-athletes and solidarity. Even the school rogue, In real life, America's leaders are Lucas Ogden-Davis, Editor Mike Pavlak, Classified Ads Manager just as much as non-athiete-students. Iran, gave America a little flower (OK, behaving like irresponsible children it was crabgrass, but still...). But all who go their own way without regard © COPYRIGHT 2004 this goodwill quickly soured: America to lateral effects and without wanting to THE RICE THRESHER NEWS FRIDAY, APRIL 23, 2004 Masters, presidents revise Alcohol Policy changes

POLICY, from Page 1 their own sets of guidelines is the lege-specific," McCullagh, a junior, most sensible option. said. "Therefore, it was decided that "If these guidelines were created to the people best suited to make a help the chief justice and his or her court decision on these guidelines were enforce the Alcohol Policy, then the the colleges themselves and not a regulations should be at the discretion university committee." of the college," McCullagh said. "The college, not the university as a whole, should be determining what's appropri- 'The college, not the ate at the college." Based on M&Ps recommendations, university; as a whole, ABPAC Chair Steve Cox, a Sid Richard- son College master, drafted a revision should be determining to the Alcohol Policy changes. The revi- sion removes the sentence "As student what's appropriate at rooms are configured differently in the college.' the various colleges the Alcohol Policy requires that each college present to a - CW McCullagh review board (comprised of the Com- Will Rice College president mitteeofCollege Masters <& Presidents) guidelines for private gatherings that MARSHALL ROBINSON/THRESHER meet these standards. ..." Instead, a McCullagh said the Alcohol sentence will be added stating each Break it on down Policy changes were originally college must establish and abide by conceived in order to make enforce- guidelines for private gatherings. Fresh Rice Breakers member Chris Tang, a Brown College senior, shows off his break dance moves during the ment of the policy easier for the The revised changes to the Alcohol activities fair Friday for the prospective students visiting for Owl Weekend. Many other clubs were also there, college chief justices and courts. Policy will be submitted to ABPAC. If showing the prospective students and Rice students what their clubs have to offer. With this goal in mind, McCullagh AB PAC approves the revised changes, said having the colleges approve Camacho will make a final decision. Students organize initiative to address minority exclusion

by Ian Everhart At the Student Association meet- colleges,"' Clack said. "There's been Most Inconceivable Things Ever" ap- praised Will Rice and Martel Colleges THRESHER EDITORIAL STAFF ing April 12, Green circulated a a tendency to go where |minorities] for sponsoring inclusive activities and petition on behalf of the group. The feel most safe, but now there's an Dr. David Leebron as the next Rice the university for instituting the Office Several students have formed an petition, which has about 300 signa- understanding that if | they're] going president. Inconceivable!" Clack said of Multicultural Affairs. Inclusiveness Initiative to address tures so far, states, "Achieving true to impact the environment around the timing ofthe Backpage, following Clack said she is happy the move- concerns of minorities who feel diversity is not only accomplished [them], the students are saying, 'We soon after the controversial e-mail ment came from a student proposal. socially estranged at Rice. through having minority groups on have to be in that college system in announcements, contributed to the She said a movement from the bottom Baker College senior Joy Green campus, but also by creating an atmo- some way so that we can make that inhospitable climate. up will be more successful than a solu- met with various campus administra- sphere that allows all of its members impact."' "The Backpage came out, and tion imposed by administrators. tors and faculty members in the past to feel welcome and accepted at all Clack said the students know that people did not understand or appreci- "You do not want me or any mem- few weeks to discuss recent events times," and challenges members of if they maintained a greater presence ate the parody," she said. "If you're ber of the administration to go and she says have made some students the Rice community to "actively and in their colleges, other students already feeling slightly marginalized, say, 'OK, this is what we are going feel unwelcome at Rice on the basis consistently promote the inclusive- would feel less comfortable making it doesn't take much to make you feel to do with the colleges now," Clack of ethnicity or gender. ness of all groups on campus." the comments they find offensive. that much worse." said. "You are going to change and Green said she and the other In addition to her concerns with Some group members met with this is how we're going to change it. students were offended by suggested the residential colleges, Green said Vice President for Student Affairs If they're going on that road, they're party themes such as "Golf Pros and she thinks some students reacted Zenaido Camacho Tuesday and going to make a huge impact." Tennis Hoes" and recent e-mails sent 'They make them feel cynically to Stop Violence Against discussed their concerns about the Green said she hopes to make a to college listservs. In one e-mail sent Women Week and have been in- effects of e-mails, fliers and faculty lasting impact on the Rice environ- to the Brown College listserv, events excluded within at their tolerant of varsity student-athletes diversity on an overall sense of inclu- ment for minorities. sponsored by the Caribbean Student own communities. It's in the wake of the release of the siveness. The group recommended "Whether it's e-mail listservs, Society, the Black Student Associa- Faculty Council report on athletics changes in O-Week to further em- whether it's signs against women and tion and the Heritage Organization no surprise people at Rice. phasize diversity training, encourage violence, advertisements for women's of Latin America were described by Jones and Clack also said they more minority students to get involved sports |showing them] as sex sym- the comment, "That's not ghetto, move off campus and found part of the April 2 Backpage in their colleges, and make college bols ... things like that, if they're not that's cultural!" of the Thresher inappropriate. On the masters more aware of the feelings cracked down on, they're going to get Green said several recent events there's minority flight Backpage, on a list of the 'Top Ten of minority students. The group also worse," Green said. prompted the group to assemble. "Right now, there has been a and segregation at buildup of a lot of situations, particularly Rice.' in the last month or so, with college list- — Joy Green No work-study funds left for summer servs and e-mails and T-shirts and party themes," she said. "I was frustrated, Baker College senior by April Goldman few years, Rogers said. This year, award, if the funds ran out, Rice would and I talked to students who were Rice was given about $440,000 for honor the rest of the student's award, THRESHER STAFF frustrated, so I said, 'Let's call a meeting the work-study program. so the student would never be caught and talk about these issues.'" Green said she hopes to present As in recent years, no funds will be Students who receive work-study short," she said. Green said much group discus- the petition to administrators, but she available for work-study employment may earn up to a maximum amount Rogers said Rice can borrow sion focuses on the atmosphere at the is not yet sure which ones. at Rice this summer. All the money during the year. This year's limit was against its work-study allocation for residential colleges. She said many The group — which also includes allocated for work-study by the federal $1,700 per student, and next year's the following year if it overspends or minority students feel overwhelmed Brown College freshman Brandi government and Rice will be spent by will be $1,800, Rogers said. The roll over additional funds if it does not during Orientation Week, and the Burns, Baker junior Cara Eng, Martel the end of the semester, Associate students choose the departments for spend the entire amount. Last year, actions of college governments tend College junior Kristin Dukes and Jones Director of Student Financial Services which they work. she said, there was no need to borrow to alienate them further, prompting College junior Deliciajones—has met Bonnie Rogers said. Rogers said her office monitors or roll over any funds. many to choose to live off campus. with Director of Multicultural Affairs Work-study is a part of the self- work-study expenditures through- Rogers said work-study funding "These kinds of things are just Cathi Clack several times since April 6, help portion of need-based financial out the academic year to ensure the usually does not last through sum- downright wrong, and they make Green said. aid offered to students. Through funds do not run out before the end mer because of the high demand for students feel unwanted at Rice," she Clack said the group, which the work-study program, students of the year. the money during the school year. said. "They make them feel excluded focuses on life in the colleges, recog- can work on-campus jobs, and their "We monitor really carefully what Most of the students who receive within their own communities. It's no nizes that change cannot be effected pay goes directly toward school students are earning to make sure work-study use their entire allotment, surprise people move off campus and from the outside. expenses. Federal funds pay for that we're not giving more awards she said. there's minority flight and segrega- "Part of their self-mandate is that, 75 percent of the money a student than what we have funding available "We wish we had more funding," tion at Rice." 'We are going to be more active in the earns through a work-study job, and for," Rogers said. she said. "But | at Ricel we're really the department that hires the student Rogers said students are re- lucky. A lot of schools aren't in as pays the remaining 25 percent. sponsible for keeping track of their good a shape as we are with school- POLICE BLOTTER Rogers said there have been earnings, and her office lets them year jobs." no work-study funds for the past know when they are approaching Rogers said although work-study two summers. their limits. Once students exhaust money has not been available for The following Items were reported to the Rice University Police Department "There is nothing unusual about their work-study allotment, the the summer, she has not heard for the period April 16-22. I the lack of funds]," Rogers said. departments that employ them complaints from university depart- "Rice only gets a limited amount of must begin paying 100 percent of ments or offices. She said the lack Residential Colleges federal funds — we pretty much run their wages. of work-study money does not mean Sid Richardson April 17 A caller reported a Rice employee out by the summer. If they gave us Rogers said because her office employment on campus this summer College refused to leave campus when more, we'd use more, but they give keeps careful records of expenditures will be limited. asked. The subject was escorted us a limited amount." for work-study, there is little chance from campus. "There are two programs," she Each year, Rice receives a sum Rice's work-study allotment would said. "There's work-study, and then of money from the federal govern- run out during the academic year. there's Rice work. They look the same Other Buildings ment that is used to pay work-study However, if the pool of money were to on the surface, but they differ in the Reckling Park April 19 Construction trailer burglarized. students. The amount is determined run out, Rogers said Rice would cover pool of money they use to pay students. based on student enrollment and the remaining portion of students' There are still quite a few jobs available Autry Court April 19 Wallet reported stolen. student financial aid needs, and it work-study allotments. for the summer, but they are paid with has been fairly constant over the past "For any student that's given an departmental funds." THE RICE THRESHER NEWS FRIDAY, APRJI. 23 2004

Two professors awarded Guggenheims ATTENTION RICE: by Emily Yeomans done and reinterpret it from a differ- the lab, has been remarkable. THRESHER STAFF ent point of view." "As a lecturer, she was really Lee, whose project is titled "Cul- engaging," Jones said. "In the lab, Ecology and Evolutionary Biol- tures of circulation," could not be she is always really good to talk 'A message from the Campus Store ogy Professor Joan Strassmann and reached for comment because he to, and she gives us good feedback Anthropology Professor Benjamin is currently in Beijing, China. Lee's about our ideas. She's very encour- The newly appointed Campus Store Lee are among 185 artists, schol- recent research has focused on the aging about having us follow our ars and scientists who have been internationalization of culture and own ideas." book buyers, Carmen Florescu and honored with 2004 Guggenheim communication, as well as the cultural Strassman said receiving the Gug- Bryan Fontenot, are pleased to extend Fellowship Awards. dimensions of nationalism and new genheim Award is both rewarding greetings to all faculty, staff and The fellowships are designed to social movements. and reassuring. reward individuals who have dem- Provost Eugene Levy said awards "It's a big honor," Strassman said. students! We are committed to working onstrated exceptional capacity for like the Guggenheim Fellowship "Ifs recognition that your ideas are with you and would like to develop an productive scholarship or creative are a testament to the high levels probably not so crazy as you might ability in the arts. This year there of achievement among Rice faculty have thought they might be." interactive, feedback-based system in were 3,268 applicants for the fellow- members. The John Simon Guggenheim Me- order to exceed everyone's ships, and a total of $6,912,000 in "Distinguished national awards, morial Foundation was established expectations. Please take a moment to grant money was awarded. such as Guggenheim Fellowships, in 1925 as a memorial to the son of Strassman will research her provide a direct measure of the U.S. Senator Simon Guggenheim share your thoughts and ideas with us project, "A microbial model for the outstanding educational environ- (R-Colo.). in person or by mail. We will make genetics and evolution of social inter- ment for both undergraduates and The Guggenheim Foundation actions," during the next year. graduate students at Rice," Ix-vy said. offers the fellowships "to further every effort to better serve your needs. "What I am planning to do is to "Rice students have the fortunate the development of scholars and look carefully at the genes that de- opportunity to learn from faculty artists by assisting them to engage velopmental biologists have studied who have mastered their subjects in research in any field of knowl- We can be reached at: in social amoebae and reinterpret at the highest levels of human edge and creation in any of the arts, them from the point of view of social understanding." under the freest possible conditions evolution," Strassman said. "1 want to Baker College senior Emily Jones and irrespective of race, color, or Carmen Florescu x6345, [email protected] take advantage of the last 20 years of said the opportunity to learn from creed," according to the foundation's work that molecular biologists have Strassman, both in the classroom and Web site, http://www.gf.org. Bryan Fontenot x2039, [email protected]

MARSHALL ROBINSON/THRESHER Students lounge on the couches that have taken the place of pool tables in Willy's Pub during almost-senior pub night Tuesday. Provider removes games from Pub

by Natalie Kone Pub and Replay would have profited to a provider, Beckwith said, because from use of the games at various end- the games are primarily a service to THRESHER STAFF of-the-year events if the company had students rather than a profit-making With strangers in Willy's Pub postponed removing the games two enterprise. removing the pool tables, foosball additional weeks. Beckwith said the Pub may also look table and video games, Student Cen- "Had they waited, they could have into obtaining its own games, but its ter Office Assistant Maria Melendez increased their revenue a little bit financial resources are limited. thought the Pub was being robbed. before they pulled out, but because "I expect that [buying games But the Thursday morning visitors they didn't give us proper notifica- would | be incredibly expensive and turned out tobeemployeesofthe Pub's tion, they couldn't even have that something that the Pub couldn't take game provider, Replay Amusements, opportunity," Beckwith said. on this fiscal year," said Beckwith. Inc., who removed the equipment The new Assistant Director of the because it was generating insufficient Student Center, whose name will be profits. The games may be replaced T in past years, "I didn't even realize they were Corner... 713.529.9350 Replay for an explanation, but both Beckwith said. missing, and I guess this is my second the owner and the manager were The Pub might be willing to give time in Pub since they've been gone," unavailable. Beckwith said both the all of the profits produced from games Siple said. 6 THE RICE THRESHER NEWS FRIDAY, APRIL 23,2004 Recruiting changes' effect minimal at Rice RECRUITING, from Page 1 he thinks the new rules arc de- the Athletic Department had no signed to bring other Division I knowledge of such activities and schools up to Rice's standards. does not condone them. "I run into people at the NCAA In addition, a football recruit who think Rice is a model, so it's and three football players were sad to see people on this cam- involved in an alleged sexual pus [who aren't supportive]," assault against a female student Castaneda, a Hispanic Studies in December ("No charges will professor, said. be filed in sexual assault case," The NCAA task force con- Feb. 27). A Harris County grand sists of 17 members, includ- jury decided not enough evidence ing two student-athletes from existed for the District Attorney's Division I schools. The group office to file charges in the case. presented its proposed rules The NCAA task force, chaired to the Division I Management by Vice President for Division I Da- Council Tuesday. However, vid Berst, recommended curbing the Council asked the task force extravagant recruiting practices to rework the proposal because it in order to change the recruiting does not contain specific criteria climate for student-athletes. by which schools could be judged JOSSIE IVANOV/THRESHER "Current recruiting practices for compliance with the rules. often exacerbate a prospective "The only way you can deal with Preparing to powwow student-athlete's sense of en- these issues is to try to make each titlement, rather than reinforce institution take control for itself Tyler Abbey prepares to perform at the Native American Student Association's annual powwow Friday night. that student-athletes are also and be accountable for what they expected to contribute construc- require of their student-athletes," tively to the academic mission of Brand said Tuesday. "That account- the institution," Berst said after ability measure will be worked into the task force released its recom- the final version, where we'll have Quality of professors, housing among mendations last week. some national- and conference-lev- May said recruiting at Rice el monitoring. 'Hie accountability does not contribute to a culture at the institutional level is the key of entitlement, but in light of for full-blown success." student concerns for new president national events, now is a good Berst said the task force will time for all Division I schools to present revised recommenda- FORUM, from Page 1 Other issues brought up during time, it was kind of nice to come out reevaluate recruiting practices. tions to the Management Coun- Matthews said teaching is an the forum ranged from college equal- of the meeting not only having stuff "What we try to do here is get a cil and the Division I Board of important point to address because ity to student-governance. for the new president but also goals feel for the recruits and [let them Directors in July and August, he thinks Leebron is concerned Baker College senator Drew and issues the SA can work on," get) a feel for what Rice is like," and new rules will likely be in about the intellectual environment Tedford was one of several south Matthews said. May said. "It's a fact-finding pro- place before the next recruiting of the university. college members to raise the issue ()ther goals discussed at the meet- cess. I just think it's a good time, season begins. "While research is obviously very of college equality. ing included strengthening the alumni given the timing of what's going on "The hope then is, and the important for undergraduates, teach- "One thing that is really important network, increasing diversity, raising nationally, to develop a policy that expectation is, that we'll have new ing professors aren't emphasized to Baker College as a group is the parking gates across campus at 5:30 makes good sense." rules, new expectations in place nearly enough, and 1 think that's a college equality issue,"Tedford said. p.m., paying attention to environmen- Jim Castaneda, Wee's faculty before the next recruiting year," really strong point that he could prob- "Many of the south colleges are way tal issues and inviting more companies representative to the NCAA, said Berst said. ably work on," Matthews said. behind in this area, and it only seems to recruit employees through the SA Sports and Health Commit- fair to aim for equality." Career Services Center. tee co-Chair Vivek Gopalan said Will Rice President CW McCul- In response to concern over Rice's Rice should focus on retaining lagh said it is unfair that students at national and international reputation, excellent teachers, who are some- older colleges pay the same room Grawert said increasing and main- times denied tenure because their and board rate as students at newer taining ties with alumni would help United Apartment Locators research is not outstanding. colleges. improve Rice's reputation. 1 "While Rice has some upstanding "Creating a sustainable alumni — —— www unitedhomenetwork-com • professors, there's a lot that could network would go a long way toward FREE APARTMENT LOCATING be done to increase the quality of helping spread the reputation of the FREE MOVING SERVICE (certain conditions

This week, we have an excuse. Blame IT. THE RICE THRESHER NEWS FRIDAY, APRJI. a 2004

m -if Rice Village shooting suspect uncooperative

SHOOTER, from Page 1 anyone as cold and remorseless as and he was again sentenced to one (Maloneyl was. ... If released, I do year in jail. believe he will kill again." Maloney's mother fded a re- RUPD Chief Bill Taylor encour- straining order against him, which aged students to be vigilant because he broke in November 2003 and of the recent attacks. Wiess College was subsequently imprisoned. He freshman Bernice Fonge said she was -o>-.. was released Feb. 6 after spending largely unaffected by the events but 75 days in jail. was somewhat cautious. At the time of his arrest for the "IRUPD is| always around when Village shootings, Maloney had you need them," Fonge said. "Still, outstanding warrants for misde- even on campus, you can never be meanors in three other states and too careful." an outstanding warrant in Houston Jones College junior Anne Mc- for trespassing. Crear y also said many students were RACHEL DAVIS/THRESHER Doreck said while carjacking unfazed by the shootings, despite is the suspected motive in the first their proximity to campus. Head to head shooting, no motive has yet been "On campus here, it's a different found for Orman's murder. Doreck world," McCreary said. President Malcolm Gillis and Vice President for Student Affairs Zenaido Camacho face off in preparation for the suspects Maloney's mental problems HPD South Central Division last Gillis-Camacho Study Break, to be held Sunday. The theme is "Fighting Stress," and students will be able to contributed to the act. Captain Dwavne Ready said HPD's get their pictures taken with Gillis and Camacho as well as enjoy food and performances by the Philharmonics and "I've interviewed a lot of people," presence in the Wee Village has Spontaneous Combustion. Doreck said. "I've never interviewed returned to its normal level. RUPD to offer free car inspections

by April Goldman certified as mechanics and do not have the benefit of a basic checkup," the all the equipment an automobile repair e-mail stated. THRESHER STAFF shop would have, they will be limited Beaves said teaching students No brake fluid will be left in their abilities, Beaves said. the basic skills of car maintenance unchecked, no car battery unex- is a secondary goal, but safety is the Be l<4~ amined. The Rice University Po- main purpose of the event. lice Department will hold two car "In the past, events have focused clinics, tomorrow and May 1, from ' You can dig right in on helping to teach people about car For annual checkups, birth control, emergency 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. at the RUPD station. and give us a hand ... maintenance," he said. 'To some contraception, pregnancy testing, Rapid HIV tests and At least five volunteers from RUPD people, cars are kind of mysterious testing & treatment for sexually transmitted infections. and the community will perform stan- or you can stand back — some people aren't mechanically dard preventative car maintenance oriented. This time we're focus- 1.800.230.PLAN www.pphouston.org procedures, free of charge, for Rice and watch and learn ing on preventative maintenance. community members. We'll be happy to teach people Planned Parenthood RUPD Officer Greg Beaves said as we give your car too, but this time that's not our P of Houston and Southeast Texas. Inc. the car clinics are being held in the main goal." interest of safety, since many students the benefit of a basic plan to travel cross-country for the checkup.' summer break. "Our community is taking off to- — An e-mail from Greg Beaves TENNIS wards the four winds," Beaves said. RUPD officer Before students leave, RUPD wants to help make sure their cars are roadworthy, Beaves said. "We're going to check all the "There are going to be things that fluids in the vehicle: brake fluid, a person would want to check on a car 2004 CHAMPIONSHIP transmission fluid, engine oil," he said. that will be beyond the scope of what Houston. Texas "We'll be looking at tires and treads. we can do," Beaves said. "We're not Hopefully, we'll also have testing going to be checking brakes or brake equipment to check car batteries." pads. We can't jack t he car up and take APRIL 30-MAY 2 Beaves, who owns eight vehicles a look underneath." himself, said he and the other volun- In an e-mail advertising the JAKE HESS TENNIS STADIUM teers will use their own tools at the car clinics, Beaves wrote that stu- car clinics. A representative from In- dents will be welcome to help the terstate Batteries will also be on hand volunteers. to sell batteries, battery connections "You can dig right in and give us and cleaning products. a hand ... or you can stand back and Because the volunteers are not watch and learn as we give your car RICE STUDENTS Summer Storage? Support your fellow Rice Owls as they host the Try 2004 Tennis and Track Western Athletic Conference Championships LLStYE here at Rice University. STORAGE FREE STUDENT ADMISSION 713-524-8900 TO BOTH EVENTS!

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THE WORLD'S A STAGE THE THRESHER'S RECOMMENDATIONS FOR EVENTS AROUND HOUSTON THROUGH Kidman triumphs in brilliant experimental film APRIL 29,2004. Jonathan Schumann THRESHER EDITORIAL STAEF Although his films draw polar- ized reviews from audiences and critics,, panish director I,ars von Trier undoubtedly has panache for provocation. picks Y. tonight and 'dogville' tomorrow in theaters Rating: • •••1/2 SLAPSTICK (out of five) COMEDY His best-known film, the wildly To see physical comedy inventive and utterly bizarre musical genius Steve Martin at Dancer in the Dark, stars Icelandic pop icon Bjork as a blind factory his most zany, catch his worker who imagines elaborate mu- 1979 film The Jerk at sical numbers in her head to escape grim reality. While I found the film The River Oaks. to be a whimsical experiment, others Tonight and tomorrow found its flitting between fantasy and mm 1 at midnight. reality to be a flailing nuisance. His latest film, Dogville, is sure The River Oaks Theater. to create a similarly wide gulf be- 2009 West Gray Street. tween audience reactions. While 1 thought it a brilliantly calculated Call (713) 866-8881 for w'yfwv and executed attack on human COURTESY LIONS GATE FILMS more information. nature and American values, to Nicole Kidman stars as Grace, a beautiful fugitive on the run from gangsters, in "Dogville," director Lars von Trier's others it may seem a long-winded, experimental critique on American society. tomorrow pessimistic, frustrating and obscure morality tale. of a stage play, were it not for von six children. The town appears quite munity to one of sheer brutality. The town of Dogville rests qui- Trier's genius, which makes the boring until Tom hears gunshots in After being welcomed into the " FREAK OUT, rrs etly in the Rocky Mountains. The film visually exciting. the middle of the night and meets town, Grace offers to work for the / HEN KM ELLER common filmmaker would open The film begins by introducing Grace (The Hours' Nicole Kidman), various residents, since she does with a landscape shot of beauti- the audience to Dogville's residents. a stranger. On the run from gang- not want to be a burden. While each See the accomplished ful, majestic Colorado, but since Just to name a few, there's Tom sters, Grace seeks refuge in the person claims there is "no work to it is von Trier, the audience gets Edison Jr. {Master and Commander: quaint town. be done," everybody seems to find singer-songwriter Ben something very different. Instead The Far Side of the World" s Paul Bet- Von Trier uses Grace to symbol- something for Grace to do. This Kweller with Centro-Matic of filming on location , von Trier's tany), a writer who does not write; ize the proverbial immigrant, with seemingly innocent working relation- set is a bare soundstage with Ma Ginger (The Big Sleep's Lauren Dogville representing America ship gradually builds into a form of and Death Cab for Cutie chalk outlines marking different Bacall), who runs an overpriced gift and its wide-open arms. This is a indentured servitude, with Grace at at Numbers tomorrow set pieces. Dogville's houses have shop; and Chuck and Vera (Breaking device that is very effective, if not the beck and call of the townspeople. K From here, the brutality grows night. Kweller is promot- no concrete walls or doors. This the Waves' Stellan Skarsgard and The overly simplistic. But soon vonTrier sheer minimalism could potentially Station Agent's Patricia Clarkson), reveals his poison pen, and Dogville more extensive and overt, as Grace ing his latest album, create a theatrical effect, like that an unhappily married couple with transforms from a welcoming com- See KIDMAN. Page 11 On My Way. Tomorrow night, doors A PLAY ON WORDS open at 8 p.m., show be- gins at 9 p.m. Numbers, 300 Westheimer, Tickets Parazette exhibit plays with visual form of surfer slang are $16 in advance, himself, Parazette has chosen a $18 day of the show. Katherine Whaley FOR THE THRESHER ' theme that reflects his passion for Perpsectives 141: Aaron Parazette the sport itself. His selection of slang ongoing at the Contemporary Arts Museum, words such as "kook" (a beginner) Houston debuts a new series of in- and "green room" (the space inside A GUY THING novative paintings and prints toying the "tube" or barrel-shaped form of with the visual representation of a breaking wave) reflects playful and melancholic feelings—emotions that Janet Biggs and Barbara surfer culture by Houston's own Aaron Parazette. characterize the artist's attachment Pollock explore adolescent to the cult of surfing. male identity and culture Bright colors and playful lines ^'perspectives 141: evoke a certain nostalgia for this in the exhibit PG 13: Male * Aaron Parazette' particular subculture and are si- Adolescent Identity in the multaneously visually pleasing and Contemporary Arts conceptually intriguing, while the Age of Video Culture. The Museum, Houston combination of warm and cool colors exhibit analyzes popular Rating: ****(out of five) heightens the awareness of color contrasts. Parazette's strategic use of culture and its effect on Through June 20. Admission is free color causes the words to pop out of male gender construction. This local artist has been recognized the canvas at the viewer. Each letter in Through May 1. for his ability to transform everyday- a given word is outlined with strokes of different color that separate a given Diverseworks, materials such as wallpaper samples into colorful graphic abstractions. Para- letter from its surrounding color field. This artistic detail creates movement 1117 East Freeway. zette relies on a brilliant color palette in the transition from one color block and geometrically complex designs 1-10 at North Main. to the next. to create bold, larger-than-life images. Wednesday through Inspired by popular themes and littered Saturday from 12-6 p.m. with Modernist and Post-Modernist Strategic use of Call (713) 335-3445 for elements, Parazette's creations allude CONTEMPORARY ARTS MUSEUM. HOUSTON to his preference for culture, rather color causes the Adam Parazette's "Kook" (2003) is featured in a new exhibit at the Contempo- tickets. than nature, as his muse. rary Arts Museum, Houston. The title is surfer slang for "beginner." The exhibit features a collection words to POP out of prints and paintings that use an of the canvas at formal role of the word—to represent ing wave, is the first image seen upon entirely new vehicle to create Para- meaning—is subverted by its illegibil- entering the exhibition. The stylized zette's familiar bold images — the the viewer. ity, thus emphasizing pure form over fans of blue and green color surround written word. Parazette employs content Once the formal elements a white hole in the painting's center, surfer slang as the subject of his Hie exhibit also features works that of the painting have been mapped, exuding energy. The wave, with its paintings, with the demonstrate the technical innovations Parazette then introducescolor into the spiraling curves, creates an impression words themselves in Parazette's art. Fourofthe prints are work, experimenting with a variety of of perpetual movement and invites die the focus of each of equal size, generated from computer possibilities before selecting a single viewer into the room. painting — he liter imaging. Stylistically speaking, they composite image. This process allows The paintings showcase Paraz- ally paints words. are no different from the other paint- for more experimentation without ette's reliance on stable, geometric With this new in- ings in this collection, but the images sacrificing time. lines and dynamic, playful colors. The novation, Parazette are translated into a different medium "Hie largest work in the exhibition is CAMH's minimalist interior provides urges his viewers (paper rather than canvas) and reflect "TubeTime" (2004), a site-specific wall an ideal space for Parazette's bright, toward a better the artist's process. Assuming the role paintingthat exploresa different kind of clean images. The exhibition will be understanding of of graphic designer, Parazette begins optical playfulness. Painted directly on particularly meaningful to the beach how images inter- his prints on a computer and manipu- the wall, this installation will only exist crowd, but you do not have to under- act with meaning. lates the letters of a given word, often through the duration of the exhibit. stand surfer slang to enjoy the pure A lifelong surfer rendering the word unreadable. The "TubeTime," which referencesabreak- aesthetics of the art itself. p t • • m-i

ARTS A ENTERTAINMENT FRIDAY, APRIL 23,2004 15 THE RICE THRESHER the Von Bondies m r i A' / < >i ri;\ i:\(,h: PAWN SHOPPE HEART

"Kill Bill Vol. 2" a sequel Sire Records Rating: •••1/2 lacking novelty, style and fun (out of five)

Jonathan Schumann Listening to Pawn Shoppe THRESHER EDITORIAL STAFF Heart made me wish I had been After I saw the first installment available on Mar. 20. I could have of Quentin Tarantino's samurai- been seeing Detroit blues-rock inspired revenge tale Kill Bill, 1 sampler quartet the Von Bondies live at anticipated that the only problem Rudyards — where I could have with the final chapter would be too ^3 been feeling the bass drum beat in much of a good thing. my chest, witnessing the inevitable beads of sweat rolling down lead- lou reed singer Jason Stollsteimer's brow, as he screamed, "I'm a broken 'kill bill vol. 2' ANIMAL SERENADE man/From a broken land" during in theaters "Broken Man," the second song Rating: **1/2 on Pawn Shoppe Heart. (out of five) Warner Brothers Records Rating: • •••

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 beautifully walked (out of five) the line between perfection and excess, never oversaturating the audience with its sword-swinging, Before David Bowie, there was blood-soaked aesthetic. So imagine Lou Reed. Throughout Reed's solo my surprise when the second install- career and as the front man for ment did not give me enough. Sure, the indescribably influential Velvet there are some gre.it nionients, but Underground, his sensational style the whole product lacks the style, and talent left an indelible imprint on vigor and excitement that made the music map of the United States. Kill Bill: Vol. 1 a modern classic. lima Thurman returns as The Bride, an assassin done wrong who continues her quest for revenge. While Pawn Shoppe Heart is an Those betrayers who were not killed overall hit after the Von Bondies' in the first film are the object of sophomore release Raw and Rare, The Bride's scorn this time. Here, the album still has its weaknesses. the audience sees The Bride cross It may be the pop-addicted part of swords with Elle Driver, embodied by my sensibility, but the lead vocals on a never-better Daryl Hannah (Splash) Pawn Shoppe Heart are challenging. in all her vindictive, one-eyed glory; The uninspired and repetitive sink- Budd (Reservoir Dogs's Michael ing of Stollsteimer did not draw my Madsen); and the elusive Bill himself interest. (David Carradine). Anyone who likes It seems that the COURTESY MIRAMAX FILMS On the two-CI) set Animal Ser- Uma Thurman stars as The Bride, a deadly assassin looking for revenge in enade, Reed perforins some of his ROCK V ROLL, FRENETIC film writer/director Quentin Tarantino's "Kill Bill: Vol. 2" greatest hits from his solo and Velvet hipster or not, will junkie who has Underground careers. All the tracks have enlivened the washed-up star, Close's Marquise de Merteuil were recorded live last June at the appreciate this become famous for much like he did with John Travolta in Dangerous Liaisons, Barbara WilternTheatre in Los Angeles, Calif. in Pulp Fiction, and Pam Grier and Stanwyck's Phyllis Diedrichson in As Reed says during the middle of album. rapid-fire dialogue Robert Forster in Jackie Brown. Double Indemnity and Sigourney the Velvet Underground song "Small It is in this encounter that one Weaver's Ellen Ripley in the Alien Town," "So the point here is nobody's Fortunately, this is countered by and quick cuts remembers the gore so prevalent films are certainly appropriate. playing it off stage. We don't have any the impressive song writing. Aside felt like taking a in the first film. Like its predeces- tapes offstage, we don't have any loops from Stollsteimer's vocals, the band sor, this one is not for those with a I fear the ultimate off stage. Every fucking note you hear members' melodies are enhanced by breather. weak stomach. is us. right in front of ya. You get it? each instrument, helping realize the When the film reaches the final reason for its live. We're live. Nothing up my sleeve, band's full potential. U nlike the first film, which opened encounter between The Bride and FAILURE baby — I don't have any." The most impressive song on with a brutal fight scene, this film Bill, audience anticipation is high, comes in Pawn Shoppe Heart, "C'mon C'mon," starts slowly, with a flashback to as it should be. With this potentially Tarantino's showcases the abilities of all the The Bride's wedding rehearsal. earth-shaking encounter, Tarantino Every track is band members. As drummer Don The audience is given important disappoints again. He takes the slow decision to split chock-full of Blum pounds out a beat like no other, background information, such as the route, concentrating on the situation's guitarist Marcie Bolen gives the precise circumstances that spawned emotion, rather than action. This is the story into two typical concert- listener creative riffs to mull over, The Bride's vengeful journey, but a terrible error, given that much of separate entities. while the vocals elevate the song to Tarantino does so in an uncharac- what made the first film great was that type crowd higher dimensions in comparison to teristically snail-paced manner. It the emotion was action. The Bride Still, even Thurman's striking banter and the rest of the album. Unlike some seems that the frenetic film junkie was never a soulless, robotic killer. work cannot save this film. One in- of the other parts of Pawn Shoppe who has become famous for rapid- Instead, her deadly actions were evitably expects this film to deliver indulgent Heart, "C'mon, C'mon" is powerful fire dialogue and quick cuts felt like motivated by sheer will and anguish. the same thrills and enjoyment the without being heavy. taking a breather. Unfortunately, this Tarantino seems to have forgotten first volume delivered. But this is a solos. awkward pacing continues through this, giving both 'Hie Bride and Bill very different film — one devoid of We get it. Every track is chock-full much of the film, leaving the audi- C mon, C mon dialogue that I dare say is trite. While style and fun. While the first film has of typical concert-type crowd banter ence curious as to when the action the final resolution is welcome, the the ability to stand alone — thank- and indulgent solos, which add charm will begin. is powerful road taken there is too disappointing fully — this final chapter relies but could annoy some listeners. The That said, when the action to be affecting. heavily on the viewer's previous approach works best in the Velvet without being knowledge. Even those expecting does begin, it does not disappoint. This is no fault of Thurman's, Underground songs "Small Town" HEAVY. The most spirited encounter is who again gives a deeply-felt the trademark Tarantino aesthetic and "Venus in Furs," which features between Driver and The Bride. performance. The Bride truly is will be rebuffed, as this film is an intoxicating, scratchy cello solo. The Von Bondies still have- fun This sequence is particularly fun a great character on par with the strikingly ordinary at moments — it with their music, as showcased in to watch, given Hannah's scenery- best female characters to grace seems Tarantino is having trouble "Not That Social," when bassist with originality. The UNINSPIRED chewing work. Tarantino seems to the screen. Comparisons to Glenn Carrie Smith sings, "You're not that and repetitive social/just a good drinker." Appar- y7T— ently, alcohol is the glue that holds singing of some of Detroit together as well. Stollsteimer did Pawn Shoppe Heart, while dif- ficult for me to finish listening to not draw my in one sitting, is rock as it should be, drawing inspiration from rock's interest. blues roots. Anyone who likes rock 'n'roll, hipster or not, will appreciate In short, this is Lou Reed — lite. It this album. will be palatable to almost all listeners While most critics are sure to new to Reed, ranging from the col- focus on the Von Bondies' home- lege-age listener to — more impor- town or their tortured relationship tantly — the CD-buying, 30-and-up to White Stripes lead singer Jack music fan. Longtime Reed fans may White (he took them under his wing have trouble with some of the new as they were just beginning but re- takes, but overall, the majority of the cently pleaded guilty to beating up reinterpretations are strong and ex- Stollsteimer), the Von Bondies are omin tremely enjoyable. Animal Serenade more than ready to step out from the certainly earns a spot in the heavy shadow of Jack White after recording rotation of this Lou Reed fan. Pawn Shoppe Heart. — Catherine Adcock — Catherine Adcock va Ma aI V* 'A

1

THE RICE THRESHER ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT FRIDAY, APRIL 23,2004

CO'l ( // POTATO 'Dogville' questions traditional Americanism My Love for Suds; Me and Prime-time Soaps

Until recently, I was unable to turn living in an exclusive beach-front on the television without feeling an community more than closely re- indescribable void—something was semble Jason Priestly,Tori Spelling, missing from my prime- Luke Perry and the rest time lineup. And then it of the Beverly High crew. occurred to me: Where But the joy in The O.C. is are the outrageous cat its ability to make the fights, the shameless parents of these spoiled, glamour and the over- beautiful and troubled the-top melodrama? kids interesting, much With the shameless like Melrose's greed and dramas Dynasty and lust-driven professionals. Dallas in the '80s, the Peter Gallagher's Sandy Prime Time Soap Genre Cohen has become one was born. In the mid- Jonathan of America's most goofy '90s, two more shows Schumann and lovable TV dads, — Melrose Place and while the tension be- Beverly Hills, 90210 tween Kelly Rowan's — continued the tradition. While Kirstin Cohen and her no-good many people our age missed sister Hailey (Amanda Righetti) is tnese guilty pleasures. I was not utterly fabulous. one of them. I was that precocious youngster who snuck into the TV COURTESY LIONS GATE FILM With Fox's In "Dogville," Nicole Kidman stars as Grace, a woman on the run who is forced to hide in a small mountain town. room at night, when nobody else was around, and basked in the utter The O.C., the KIDMAN', from Page 9 Here, the audience sees Kidman take, this is Kidman's film — there fabulousness of Heather Locklear's is forced to endure violation and at her best in an astute study of are several who leave an impres- uber-bitch Amanda Woodward (who, Prime Time humiliation of all sorts. human nature that warrants high sion. Bettany again proves to be a after multiple marriages over the Soap is "back While the film can at moments be praise. formidable emerging talent, whii< series' run, added Blake, Parezi, difficult to endure — at three hours, Clarkson is devastating as a devoted McBride and Burns to her last name) in all its SUN- even the most engrossed viewer will Here, the audience mother who learns a painful lesson on Melrose Place and the ongoing be frustrated at moments — it is an in stoicism. drama at Beverly High in 90210. SOAKED glory. ultimately rewarding experience. sees Kidman at her Dogville proves that intellectual But the days of watching televi- In its final chapter, von Trier offers filmmaking still takes place, espe- sion in the dark ended. Just as I Though the parents are fleshed one of the most refreshing and BEST in an astute cially in international cinema. Irately it got old enough to revel in prime out by quality story lines, this show is gratifying twists I can remember a study of human seems that the most probing, critical time soaps without having to really all about the kids. The relation- film offering. and effective social commentaries hide, they were cleared off the ship between Ryan (Benjamin McK- Much of the film's success is nature that come from other countries — like airwaves. Melrose and 90210 lost enzie) and Marissa (Mischa Barton) due to Kidman's powerful and Dogville, DenysArcand's The Barbar- their edge and called it quits, and is the epitome of the soap opera's restrained work. As an actress, warrants high ian Invasions offers one of the most teen melodramas like Dawson's on-again-off-again romance, while the she has moved from mesmerizing accurate assaults on Americanism i Creek and Felicity failed to satisfy awkward attraction between Summer (To Die For and Eyes Wide Shut) to praise. Von Trier, a visionary talent if there my hunger for the exploits of the (Rachel Bilson) and the dorky-cute awards-pandering and monotonous Though the rest of the cast is ever was one, should be praised for rich and poorly-behaved. (Nor, for Seth (Adam Brody) provides (perhaps (The Hours and Cold Mountain). mainly secondary — make no mis- baring his teeth. that matter, could the real-life ad- unintentional) comic appeal. ventures of Paris Hilton, no matter But even if you find these relation- how fascinating I find her) ships ridiculous and these charac- As television gravitated to the ters no more than broad caricatures, trials and tribulations of real people, there is no denying the appeal of a I became particularly disdainful. show that looks fiat dialogue and Who would prefer to see a middle- bad acting in the face — arid works Hey, aged man with a beer-belly eat rats to make it fabulous. ahead of Heather Locklear ruling Like its predecessors, The O.C. over advertising executives with a provides a glimpse into a world of steel jaw and arctic stare? drama and glitz so far detached And then the very network that from reality that, at moments, it pushed reality television to its is hard to identify with. But that's Rice current level of exploitation came the point. As far as escapism is to the rescue. With Fox's The O.C., concerned, The O.C.'s divine fabri- the Prime Time Soap is back in all cation is unparalleled. its sun-soaked glory. I think of The O.C. as the perfect Jonathan Schumann is a Baker combination between Melrose and College sophomore and arts and Students! 90210. These clear-faced teens entertainment editor. Do we have specials for you!

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THRESHER SPORTS/commentary The final reflections Harlan qualifies for Olympic Trials By Dylan Hedrick of a Rowdy Owl THRESHER EDITORIAL STAFF Even though classes end today, the Over the past four years, an amazing thing has hap- men's track and field team will be hard pened to me at Rice. Sure, I have and will continue to at work tomorrow, as it competes at the benefit the most from studying civil engineering in the Rice Track/Soccer Stadium. The third classroom, but I really get my money's worth from my annual RunSport/RiceTwilight Meet will $110 athletics fee. start at 11:00 a.m. with the men's ham- This being my final sports column, I hope you mer throw, but head coach Jon Warren excuse me for a moment as I take you down my own (Jones '88) promises the action will heat W up between 6 and 8 p.m. memory lane: my varsity sports experience at Rice over The meet will use a "Grand Prix" the past four years. style format, running the best heats There is no contest for number — typically all "A" heats and a few "B" one on the list: my amazing road heats — during the two-hour prime-view- trip to Omaha to watch the base- ing window to make the meet exciting for ball team win Rice's first national evening track spectators. team championship in any sport. "It's going to be a pretty cranking When three of my friends and meet," Warren said. "We will have free 1 got the great idea of making the burritos for the students and T-shirts for 14-hour drive two days before the whenever a Rice person gets first, second championship series started, we Dylan Hedrick or third in an event. I think people will love this meet, and if they have time to all agreed this was what college come out, they should." was all about. Only in college During the two-hour window, the fans could you take off from your summer internship, drive can view sprinting events such as the 100- on through the night and stay in a complete stranger's meter hurdles and the 400-meter dash, house for an entire week. as well as the 4x4(X)- and 4xl00-meter 1 will never forget standing next to the football players relays. Warren said the format will also with their chests painted as 1 cheered furiously to get the highlight field events such as the long attention of the ESPN cameraman. jump and the pole vault. I don't think that 1 have ever been more excited, 'This is not your normal track meet," happy and hoarse in my entire life than I was when Warren said. "It's really set up to be fan- friendly. There won't be any long races, THRESHER ARCHIVES Craig Stansberry made the final throw across the Senior decathlete Ryan Hartan competes in the high jump portion of the decathlon at the and there won't be a multitude of heats. diamond to Vincent Sinisi. Being there for the first 2001 NCAA Outdoor Track and Field Championships. Harlan's 8,054 points in the decathlon The early indication from the entries is championship made paying $30 for a freshly-printed last weekend at LSU are the best in the world in 2004. The track and field team will compete that it is going to be ripping fast." at the RunSport/Rice Twlight meet tomorrow at the Rice Track/Soccer Stadium. official championship T-shirt on College World Series Athletes from surrounding schools Boulevard worth it. such as UT, Texas A&M, UH and UTSA who coaches throwers and decathletes, back on track after taking last season to I^ast semester, I covered fightin' Owls football for are expected to compete. said Harlan's performance this weekend recover from Tommy John surgery and the Thresher. Although the team got off to a bad start, "It's only their best athletes, plus was only the first step in achieving the sitting out a month this season with a beginning the season 0-4, Rice did finish strong by win- Rice's best athletes in that two-hour bigger goal of winning the decathlon groin injury. ning its last three games. meet," Warren said. at the NCAA National Championships "This is all of the things that we would I will also remember wearing my "Tuck Fexas" Last weekend, the team split its time and qualifying for the United States' have done a long time ago if he wasn't in- Olympic team. T-shirt proudly at the game during the 2003 season away from home, competing at the jured," Robinson said. "[The groin injury] Texas Christian University Invitational "At NCAAs, the first thing there is was a setback, and now he's doing things that marked the return of an old Southwest Confer- and the Louisiana State University to win the meet," Robinson said. "We've he's always been capable of doing. " ence rivalry: the Texas Longhorns returning to Alumni Gold Meet. talked about setting a new record in At the TCU meet, freshman Devon Houston to play at Reliant Stadium. Although stu- the NCAAs, because you always have Fan fair qualified for the NCAA regional dent attendance at the home games was poor, those to have your big goals, because if you meet witl i a fourth place finish in the triple who did go witnessed quarterback Kyle Herm's didn't have that, it may not happen. After jump, clearing 50 feet, 3.5 inches. 95-yard touchdown run from scrimmage against 'After the NCAAs, if • he NCAAs, if he makes the Olympic In the 100-meter dash, sophomore Nevada and make fun of Tulsa's Cort Moffitt — their [Harlem I makes the team, it's just extra gravy on the biscuit. Bahnsen Miller and senior Cliff Sparks overweight, bearded punter. At the trials, if he just stays healthy and finished in 19th and 21st place with Since I ran cross country in high school, I covered Olympic team, it's just stays focused — if he can go 8,300-8,400 times of 10.83 and 10.94 seconds, points, he can make the team." the track and field teams as my first assignment. I respectively. already knew there is nothing more exciting than fol- gravy on the biscuit.' Harlan's decathlon performance is The Owls' duo of Jeremy Hurd and even more impressive considering he sophomore Eric Spear finished back-to- lowing the baton as a 4xl00-meter relay squad races — Darrcl Robinson Assistant track coach was battling a cold and fever in addition back in the 400 meters in 11th and 12th around the track or watching the clock as a miler to the other decathletes. place, completing the race in 50.05 and races down the straightaway trying to break the four- "Monday [before competition|, 1 50.14, respectively. minute mark. I was unaware, however, that 1 would woke up with the worst sore throat I Junior Matt Davis ran double duty, have the pleasure of interviewing the former women's Senior Ryan Harlan made headlines have ever had," Harlan said. "Wednes- taking 14th in the 800-meter run in 2:00.89 400-meter NCAA champion, Allison Beckford, as well around the track and field world by tally- day, I woke up with ringing in my ear and 10th in the 1,500 meters in 4:11.00. as Ryan Harlan, who last weekend set the top world ing the top decathlon mark in the world thai hasn't gone away since. It kind of In the 5,000 meters, sophomore score in the decathlon for 2004, and the other mem- for 2(X)4 at LSU. Harlan's 8,054 points threw my balance off a bit. It just killed David Axel took fifth place in 15:53.78, bers of the track teams. qualifies him for the NCAA national me for some of the races, and it made it while sophomore Leor Pantilat placed meet, as well as the USA Olympic Trials that much more challenging." eighth in 16:22.21. Not only have 1 gotten to know the coaches and "A" standard. Harlan was also named the Although Harlan remains modest This weekend's track meet is three student-athletes better; 1 have gained the utmost Western Athletic Conference track and about his accomplishment, Robinson said weeks before the Owls return to the respect for these hard workers who hit the track each field athlete of the week. performing this well under the weather is Rice Track/Soccer Stadium for the WAC day to better represent themselves and their school in "It feels pretty good," Harlan said. "We a huge achievement for Harlan. Outdoor Track and Field Championships, competition. The most rewarding part is that because wanted to get that out of the way, so we "He competed well, but sometimes and 1 larlan said the team is in prime posi- I show an interest in what they do, they have taken an wouldn't have to worry about qualifying when you are sick, you are just worry- tion to win its first outdoor conference interest in my writing and my life. for nationals or the open trials. It takes a ing about surviving instead of the little championship in 33 years. Sure, there have been some downsides to Rice load off your back, but at the same time things, and you do well," Robinson said. "If we come in with a healthy squad, athletics while I have been here, including the stripper I want to get the NCAA record, so I still "Michael Jordan's best game was when we can contend for that title," Harlan said. have that goal to accomplish." he was sick." allegations in the recruiting process and various Honor "My goal is to win the individual hurdles Assistant coach Darrel Robinson, Robinson said that Harlan is now Council indictments, but writing about and covering and possibly the pole vault." sports for the past four years has provided me with something uniquely positive in my time at Rice. WL00K - THE WEEK IN SPORTS I have seen first-hand that the student-athletes here do it the right way. For me, they have always been ap- Saturday 4/24 ali day Track and Field — Rice Twilight (Rice Track/Soccer Stadium) proachable and, from my experience, work harder than Friday-Sunday 4/30-5/2 all day WAC Tennis Championships (Jake Hess Tennis Stadium) student-athletes at any other school. Men look to solidify chances to host NCAA Regional, women seek NCAA bid In the first issue this year, the Thresher printed a Wednesday 5/5 7 p.m. column of the top 10 sports-related things to do at Baseball vs. McNeese State (Reckiing Park) Rice. I am proud to say that 1 have gotten my $110 Wednesday 5/12 7 p.m. Baseball vs. UH (Reckling Park) worth — both watching in the stands and talking off Wednesday-Saturday 5/12-15 all day Track and Field — WAC Championships (RTSS) the track — having completed nine of the 10 items on the list. I am still, however, waiting for that golfer to Friday 5/14 7 p.m. Baseball vs. Nevada (Reckling Park) come up and give me a hug before I graduate. Saturday 5/15 7 p.m. Baseball vs. Nevada (Reckling Park) Sunday 5/16 Dylan Hedrick is a Martel College senior and sports editor 1 p.m. Baseball vs. Nevada (Reckling Park) THE RICE THRESHER SPORTS FRIDAY, APRIL 23,2004 13 Easy as 1, 2, 3: Pitchers silence San Jose, Lamar Townsend throws two-hitter, Baker pitches three-hitter, Ueckert and Degerman combine for one-hitter

by Jonathan Yardley seen, for the most part," Ueckert said. "In hindsight, that may have won the game. Who THRESHER EDITORIAL STAFF knows what happens [ without it ]? But he ended Maybe there is life beyond the Big Four that inning, and then we came back and scored after all. three runs [in the bottom of the inning]." While the third-ranked baseball team's On the heels of Janish's ovation-inducing success has depended heavily on its quartet of play, junior first baseman Adam Rodgers Major League Baseball-bound junior righthand- started a three-run rally that also featured ers so far this season, sophomore lefthander hits from Janish, freshman catcher Travis Matt Ueckert and sophomore righthander Reagan, senior centerfielder Chris Kolkhorst Eddie Degerman combined on a one-hitter and even Ueckert, who helped himself with an Tuesday for a 3-2 win over Lamar University RBI double. Lamar rallied with two runs in the at Reckling Park. third after two walks and a fly-ball double, but Degerman, a transfer from UC-Irvine, struck Ueckert recovered and turned the game over out a career-high six and faced the minimum to Degerman with the lead. 15 batters in a dominant five-inning relief out- "Eddie looked as good as anybody's looked ing. He said watching from the dugout has not all year,"Ueckert said. "If nothing else, we were affected his outlook. able to eat up innings and save arms for this "It can be a little frustrating, but we're getting weekend — let the Big Four rest." wins," Degerman said. "Everyone who goes The win helped revenge three consecutive out there does a great job, and whenever you losses to Lamar dating back to 2002 — last get your chance, [you] just go out there and year, the Cardinals broke the Owls' 30-game do what you can." winning streak and won both games the teams Degerman, whose fastball topped out at 84 played. Kolkhorst and Janish continue to lead mph in fall practices, reached 91 mph Tuesday, Rice offensively, though Kolkhorst's 35-game setting up his sharp overhand curveball. on-base streak ended Saturday. He still leads "I think it is the hardest I've thrown since the WAC with a .513 on-base percentage, while I've been here," Degerman said. "In the fall, I Janish ranks fourth in the WAC in both slugging was throwing slower, and I think working in the percentage (.561) and home runs (7). pen is helping. I was feeling the adrenaline of it being a close game." Rice travels to La. Tech Rice was also strong defensively Tuesday Rice (31-7, 14-1 Western Athletic Confer- after a weekend that saw the Owls commit a ence) will try to maintain its momentum — the season-high total of three errors Friday and Owls have won 15 of their last 16 games — this top that with four errors Sunday. Freshman weekend on the road against WAC foe Louisiana second baseman Josh Rodriguez turned a Tech University (13-28,4-11). Rice has never lost ~ slick double play in the ninth to eliminate to the Bulldogs, winning all 12 meetings in the the tying run, and junior shortstop Paul Jan- two years I .a Tech has been a WAC member, ish turned in an otherworldly play to back and has outscored the Bulldogs 44-11 in six Ueckert in the second. With one out and a games at J.C. Love Field i/i Ruston, La. man on first. Janish raced into short left field While Rice is a heavy favorite to sweep the se- and dove full-length to make a backhanded ries, Ueckert said the team can keep improving.

MARSHALL ROBINSON 'THRESHER catch of a blooper before getting to his feet "The biggest thing is we know we're going Sophomore left-hander Matt Ueckert delivers against Lamar University Tuesday. Ueckert threw four in- and doubling off the runner. to have good pitching out there," Ueckert nings, allowing just one hit, to help the Owls beat the Cardinals for the first time in the teams' last four "It was unbelievable. That guy makes more said. "If guys go up to the plate and take meetings. Rice travels to Louisiana Tech this weekend for a three-game WAC series. plays than anybody I've ever played with — or See BASEBALL, Page 16

Owls master Mustangs, Mavericks; DEVOTIONS: Sundays, 10:30 ONE seeded first for WAC tournament 2419 Fannin LOVINC; CREATOR

by Zach Epstein ericks in singles, winning five STUDY CIRCLE: matches in straight sets. At the top FHRESHERSTAFF ONE spot, No. 41 Robert Searle defeated IN FOCUS: MEN'S TENNIS "Reflections on the UNFOLPfNQ RELIGION !>ast weekend, the 12th-ranked 40th-ranked David Corrie 6-4, 6-2. Record: 20-3 (4-0 WAC) Life of the Spirit" men's tennis team closed out its The Barkers both won their singles regular season with two road wins matches in straight sets, with 43rd- Last week: Rice swept UTA 7-0 at then-No. 75 University of Texas- ranked William winning 6-4,6-2 and and edged WAC rival SMU 4-3. Call for details ONE Arlington and then-No. 31 Southern brother Richard taking his match What made the difference: The HUMAN FAMILY Methodist University. The wins by a 6-2, 6-3 score. Owls' top players continued to 713-777-7400 pushed Rice's record to 20-3 and Sophomore Tony Haerle contin- produce — Richard Barker, Wil- HBOHHD guaranteed the Owls the top seed ued his sparkling dual-match cam- liam Barker and Robert Searle THE BAHA'I FAITH for the Western Athletic Conference paign, prevailing 6-2,6-4 in the fourth won all their matches. www.bahai.org Championships at Jake Hess Tennis position. At the sixth spot, freshman Stadium April 30-May 2. Jason Mok took a close first set 7-5 As the top seed, the Owls will but prevailed in straight sets as well, have a bye for the first round winning the second set 6-2. April 30. Likewise seeded first last With the dual-match victory long year, the ()wls lost to host Boise State, since secured, sophomore Rodrigo flze. J help v/itk your the fifth seed and eventual champion, Gabriel played a super-tiebreaker in the tournament semifinals. With after splitting sets at No. 5. Gabriel the home-court tables turned as this completed the Owls' sweep, taking year's WAC Championships come to the super-tiebreaker 13-11. Rice, the ()wls are hoping to draw on On the heels of their decisive vic- Home war*? their experience. tory against the Mavericks, the Owls "Obviously it's nice to have the traveled across the I )allas-Fort Worth number one seed, but it really doesn't Metroplex to face WAC rival SMU. ffi ffl mean anything, as we found out last The Mustangs are currently ranked Let a Rice alumnus help. year," senior Richard Barker said. "I 37th nationally, second highest in the think last year we may have been a WAC behind the Owls. As would be I can assist you with any of your little complacent, but we've learned expected in a spring Dallas match, real estate needs. from it. We've been in this situation conditions were very windy. before. We've just got to prepare "It makes it even more mentally properly so we can put ourselves in challenging, because you don't quite a position to do well." have the control you want," assistant Against UTA, the Owls cruised coach Shaheen Ladhani (Sid '97) to a 7-0 win. In doubles play, the said. "Still, the boys handled 1 the Benjamin F. Cooper nation's No. 1 team of seniors conditions] with some poise and B.A. 1996, M.B.A. 2000 Richard and William Barker won stability". 8-4, and the team of freshman Ben The Owls swept doubles play at Harknett and sophomore Robert SMU. beginning with the Barkers' COLOUietL 832-654-6849 Searle gave Rice the doubles point, 8-3 defeat of the 28th-ranked team BANKSRa www.bencooper.com of Johan Brunstrom and Henrik prevailing 8-5. UNITED, REM TORS" [email protected] The Owls dominated the Mav- Set- TENNIS, Page 17 14 THE RICE THRESHER SPORTS FRIDAY, APRIL 23,2004 Water polo advances Track hosts RunSport/Rice to national tourney Twilight meet tomorrow jump, and my third jump wasn't as sophomore Funmi Jimoh took 13th In the first match, Trinity took By Dylan Hedrick By Dylan Hedrick good as it could have been. A faster in the 200-meter dash in 24.78. Jimoh a 3-2 lead, but the Owls came back THRESHER EDITORIAL STAFF THRESHER EDITORIAL STAFF returned to place second in the 100- with two late goals to win 4-3. 800 would have been good too, but I am 107 points ahead of where I meter hurdles in 13.60. After an impressive finish at "They have shown a lot of im- Members of the women's track was at this point last year." Senior Allison Beckford was the nationals in its inaugural season provement since the first tourna- team face a daunting task this ment we played them (Feb. 21]," weekend: cramming in their last Gairdner's score provisionally lone Owl to compete at the LSU a year ago, the women's water Alumni Gold Meet, winning first polo club will attempt to win its Schumer said. "We pressed hard homework assignments and read- qualifies her for the NCAA regional and eventually got our offense ing the last 100 pages in that his- meet to be held in College Station place in the 400-meter dash against first national title when it travels some of the nation's top competition to the West Coast to compete in going and were able to slough tory book — all before competing May 28-29. in 51.61. Beckford's time was the the 2004 Women's National Col- [off onl defense. Our defense at the Penn Relays, the nation's third fastest for a college runner in legiate Club Water Polo Champi- also was good, as they shot only most prominent track meet, in the event this season. onship next weekend in San Luis four times, but [they] scored on Philadelphia, Penn. 'It's all just fine- Obispo, Calif. three of them." Competition began yesterday with "Allison ran a world class time," Lopez said. "She's moving right In the second match, Rice the 400-meter hurdles and continues "We hope to surprise some tuning right now ... on schedule. The rest of the team people, and we are looking to routed Baylor 12-3 but returned through tomorrow. is also moving right where they take the team to the next level," to face Trinity — who beat the "Right now, we have to deal with The speed is there.' need to be." junior driver Jess Schuiner said. University of Texas 4-3 in the the finals," head coach Victor Lopez — Victor Lopez other semifinal — in the cham- said. "Hopefully, they will get enough Ix>pez said the team would use the "Although we are still pretty Head women's track coach inexperienced compared to the pionship match. rest and won't be drained from it." next three weeks before the Western other teams, we want to go into "(Junior driver Julia FollickJ The members who will be Athletic Conference Championships nationals with high emotions, was an amazing catalyst with traveling include senior heptathlete to work on detailed racing technique, because you never know what her outside shot," Schumer said. Ruthann Gairdner and the mem- A Rice record did fall in the especially in the relay events. can happen." "Eventually we deflated their en- bers of the 4x100 and 4x400-meter 3,000-meter steeplechase, as senior "It'sall just fine-tuning right now," The Owls will compete in thusiasm and adapted to their de- relay teams. The remainder of the Shannon Murto recorded a time of Ijopez said. "They are in very good Bracket I) with Dartmouth fensive strategy. By the third and squad will stay to compete in the 10 minutes, 43.59 seconds. Murto's physical condition, and now we are College, which won the New fourth quarters, we wore them out RunSport/Rice Twilight Meet. seventh-place finish bested her own working on finesse. Hie speed is England Division, and Miami and slowly pulled away." "We're moving where we need to record of 10:49.(56 from 2002. there, we just need to synchronize the University-Ohio, who took the be," Ixtpez said. "They are in very good "It was really exciting," Murto exchanges. If we do that, we have one Midwest Division. Rice will be- physical condition—now we are work- said. "I knew I was in shape to do of the best relays in the nation." gin play Friday April 30 against ing on a lot of detail and finesse." something like that, because as the Since the WAC Championships Dartmouth. ' We are still pretty Last weekend the Owls returned season goes on, you just get fitter will be held at Rice, Lopez hopes "Dartmouth got third last inexperienced, ... home successful after team members and faster." the Owls will have the advantage year at the tournament, and competed at three different loca- In the 800-meter run, sophomore of competing in the Houston heat Miami-Ohio got seventh," senior [but] you never know tions. Gairdner scored 5,177 points Megan Sandler dropped her season- and humidity. two-meter offense Kelly Bene- in the heptathlon on Thursday at best time to 2:13.44. while senior "I^asttime we thoughtit was going dict said. "In past years, Miami what can happen.' the Mt. SAC Relays in Azusa, Calif. Tanya Wright continued her come- to be 90 degrees with 100 percent has won in a tough bracket and — Jess Schumer Gairdner's second place finish was back from a leg injury by running humidity, and it turned out to be Dartmouth always plays hard." just 28 points less than her school 2:16.91 in the event. 70 degrees and dry," Ix>pez said. Junior driver To qualify for the national record, set last year. Sophomore Anna Reeve also ran "It's going to be a fight, with Tanya tournament, Rice won theTexas "My first day was my lifetime well, finishing eighth in the 1,500- coming back, with Allison ready and Division championship last total points [personal record]," meter run in 4:39.29. the sprinters in much better shape, weekend, notching two wins Rice won the match 8-4, se- Gairdner said. "If everything went At the Texas Christian University f Tech is good in sprints and will against Trinity University and curing its second consecutive well the second day, we knew [my Invitational in Fort Worth, sopho- take points away, and Nevada has the one against Baylor University. Texas Division championship. final score] would be a [personal more Nina Mayes placed fourth in numbers. We are just going to have to L record], I fouled twice in the long the 100-meter dash in 11.49, and really do the best possible job." When you really want to impress your date. ejillv MIS |f•

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by Christine Chen mentum throughout singles play. THKKSHER STAIT Villalobos and DiSesa both won in straight sets for the Owls, running The women's tennis team has the dual-match score to 3-0, with Vil- / • ' been preparing for the Western lalobos taking a 6-1, 6-1 victory and Athletic Conference Champion- DiSesa winning 6-1,6-2. Archer rallied ships all season, and now its from a 5-1 second-set deficit to win dual-match preparation is finally six consecutive games and secure the complete. The WAC Champion- clinching fourth point, 6-4, 7-5. ships will be held April 150-May 2 at Fisher lost her first set but Jake Hess Tennis Stadium. After six recovered to force a decisive third consecutive weeks with matches, set, which was shortened to a su- the team has this weekend off to per-tiebreaker since the Owls had prepare for finals as well as the already won the dual match. In the conference tournament. super-tiebreaker, Fisher cruised to "I can't wait to see what our team a 10-1 victory. Goodrich secured is capable of in the tournament," another point in Rice's resound- sophomore Blair DiSesa said. "1 ing victory, winning 6-4, 6-4 at the think we have the opportunity to sixth position. With Chao's loss at show our conference what we can the third spot, Rice's final margin do. We've had a couple of close in the dual match was 6-1. matches that, had we won them ,we "We went in feeling confident would have had a higher seeding, about how we should play against but at this point there is nothing UTEP, and it was nice to get out we can do about that — we arc just there and perform to our expecta- going to go out there and fight hard tions," DiSesa said. "We started to beat every team we face." off well with the doubles point and Junior Erika Villalobos said were able to carry that over for our she thinks confidence will prove decisive win in singles." to be the deciding factor at the In the second of the Owls' two WAC Championships. weekend WAC matches, Rice faced "I think we are ready — we Southern Methodist University just need to believe in ourselves," Sunday. Both teams entered the Villalobos said. "That's the only match ranked among the nation's thing we need — if we believe in top 75, and accordingly each doubles ourselves, we can do it." match went to a tiebreaker. MARSHALL ROBINSON/THRESHER The Owls began last weekend's Sophomore Blair DiSesa returns a backhand volley in doubles against UTEP Friday. DiSesa and fellow sophomore matches with an impressive perfor- Lauren Archer won their match 8-6, helping the Owls to a 6-1 dual-match victory over the Miners. Rice does not mance against WAC foe University play this weekend before hosting the WAC Championships April 30-May 2 at Jake Hess Tennis Stadium. of Texas-El Paso Saturday. Despite 7 can't wait to see what losing a marathon third game our team is capable Kouzmenko and Allison Leuszler re- spot. In the fourth hour of the dual weekend's matches showed the Owls — during which senior Karen sponded with a 7-5 tiebreaker victory match, Kouzmenko prevailed 6-2 in they are competitive in the WAC, Chao and junior Trade Chong, of in the tournament of their own. Archer and DiSesa then the third set, handing the Mustangs especially given Archer's injury and playing on the next court, won clinched the doubles point for the the victory. that the team was without Goodrich, four games — sophomores Lauren ... We have the Owls, winning their tiebreaker 7-4. "The energy that we had for UTEP who was taking the MCAT. Archer and DiSesa, the Owls' top In singles, Chong put the Owls up definitely helped us going into the "This match was very close, doubles team, recovered to win opportunity to show 2-0 with a quick 6-1,6-1 victory at the match with SMU," DiSesa said. "Wre and I thought that [even though 1 their match against Marina Rezar the conference what we third spot. SMU soon surged ahead, [won | the doubles point, which was we didn't play that well as a team, and Kat Palider 8-6. however, with wins at the fourth a huge victory for us, land itl helped we definitely fought hard," Chong With Archer and DiSesa just be- can do.' and sixth positions and a default at us with the momentum going into said. "We are all very excited about ginning their fifth game, Chao and the second spot — where Archer singles, but SMU played tough and (the) WAC [ChampionshipsJ — I Chong completed an 8-0 demolition — Blair DiSesa retired due to injury. Fisher tied the ended up edging [usJ out. It could think we have a really good chance of UTEP's second doubles team. Sophomore tennis player dual-match score at 3-3 with a 7-6,6-3 have gone both ways — it was tough to actually win the championship. The senior duo of Yasmin Fisher victory at number five. having to default one of our matches Because Annie wasn't playing and Annie Goodrich notched an 8-6 With all other matches com- due to injury, but we made the most of this UTEP match, we are going victory at number three doubles to Chong and Chao struck first for plete, the dual match then hinged what we had, and that's all we could to have more strength at [the] complete the sweep for Rice. the Owls, prevailing 7-5 in their tie- on DiSesa's match against do that day." WAC [Championships] — I think The Owls maintained their mo- breaker, but the Mustangs' Svetlana 76th-ranked Kouzmenko at the top Chong said she thinks last we are going to do well. "

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Women's Volleyball by Jonathan Yardley Will Rice moved toward third THRKSHKR EOrTOKIAI. STAFF place in the President's Cup with a Although participation points 15-5,15-6sweepof MartelTuesday. have yet to be counted, the GSA Will Rice (5-1) lost in the semifinals clinched its second consecutive last year and finished second in the President's Cup title with a 2-1 Set Division this year after a regu- victory over Jones in the men's lar-season loss to Baker. Will Rice soccer final Sunday. GSA has 40 eliminated defending champion points, ahead of runner-up Jones' GSA (3-2) in a three-game semifi- 34. GSA won last year's crown with nal, while Martel (2-4) upset Baker 31 points, ahead of Jones with 26. (3-2). GSA finished third based on playoff game differential.

COLLEGE SPORTS Men's Softball Hanszen (5-1) defeated defend- ROUNDUP ing champion Brown (4-2) by a 12-8 score in the men's softball champion- :•&. | Third place remains undetermined, ship Monday. Brown beat GSA by as Will Rice leads Hanszen 24-23 and an unbelievable 44-3 margin in last the outcome hinges on participation year's final, but Hanszen turned the points. Sid Richardson (21 points) tables for this year's championship. could also finish third if it finishes GSA (2-3) and Martel (3-2) each lost first in participation, l^ast year, Baker, by five runs in the semifinal, so third Hanszen, Lovett and Will Rice had the place was decided on run differential highest participation rates and earned against common opponents, with President's Cup points for their efforts. GSA earning third. Participation is defined as the percent- age of college students that compete in Floor Hockey MARSHALL ROBINSON/THRESHER any college sport. Intramural Sports GSA (5-0-1) also won its second Coordinator Evan Stein said last week. consecutive title in floor hockey Friday, The President's Cup will be awarded at edging Lovett (4-1-1) 1-0 in overtime. Ultimate melee Sunday's end-of-year dinner. The teams tied 2-2 in their regular Teresa Monkkonen (left) of Miss Red, the Rice women's ultimate frisbee club, defends a University of Texas season Campbell Conference meet- player in Saturday's game at the Nanotechnology Field. Miss Red lost 15-3 to UT and 15-7 to Texas A&M last Men's Soccer ing, and regulation could not settle weekend and will travel to Southern Regionals in Little Rock. Ark. May 1-2. GSA (5-1) won its second con- the championship gam* either. Wales secutive title in Sunday's final, Conference winner Will Rice (4-1) fin- beating Jones (4-2) by a 2-1 margin. ished third ahead of Jones (3-2) based Wiess (3-2) earned third place ahead on a 6-1 regular-season victory. of Martel (3-2) based on playoff goal differential. Both finalists lost early- Table Tennis Baseball leads WAC by 5.5 games, season games — GSA 1-0 to Baker Sid gained revenge for its only and Jones 2-1 to Will Rice — before regular-season loss, beating Jones rebounding to take their respective 4-2 in the table tennis championship division championships. to claim the title. Jones (5-1) won both last year's championship against Sid plays La. Tech this weekend Women's Softball and this year's regular-season meet- Locked in a close race with Will ing, but Sid (5-1) won on the biggest BASEBALL, from Page 13 lefthander Brandon Dewing matched Baker followed with a sparkling Rice for third place in the President's stage last week. Will Rice (3-1) finished consistent good at-bats, and we play each other for eight scoreless innings. performance ofhisown Sunday, turning Cup standings, Hanszen's women's third ahead of Wiess (2-2) based on a good defense, we're going to be Townsend made a strong bid for the in the first complete game of his career softball final game against GSA 6-1 regular-season victory. hard to beat — by anybody." first Rice no-hitter since 1998 by not in a 5-3 win. All eight of the game's runs loomed large. On Tuesday—the same The weekend rotation isexpected to allowing a hit until a two-out, pinch-hit came in the fifth inning. Though he had night Will Rice won the women's vol- Women's Soccer be the same as last weekend —junior double in the eighth inning en route to overcome four errors and strand leyball title to pull ahead of Hanszen in Wiess (5-1) won its second con- righthanders Philip Humber tonight. to his first career shutout. the tying run at first base in the ninth. '.he President'sCup standings—Han- secutive women's soccer champion- Wade Townsend tomorrow and Josh With the game scoreless, however, Baker said the defensive lapses were szen could not win a championship of ship with a 2-0 victory over Sid (4-1) Raker Sunday. Fellow junior right- the outcome was still in doubt despite not too harmful. its own, falling 10-;; against the GSA Sunday. Sid had beaten Wiess 3-1 hander Jeff Niemann is tentatively Townsend's stellar performance. "You always hope that [your in the women's softball final. en route to the Sunday league champi- expected to return from a groin injury Reagan, who caught Townsend, said defense! makes the plays, but at the Despite only playing three games. onship, thu s receiving a bye to the cham- after the break for final exams. the no-hitter did not have a major ef- same time [senior leftfielder] Austin GSA finished <>0 due to forfeits and pionship after no Saturday League team Pitching has not been a problem for fect on the battery's mentality. Davis 'looked like Willie Mays, and outscored opponents 51-8. Hanszen qualified. Wiess won the semifinal 1-0 in Rice; inconsistent hittingand occasional "You can't let it affect your game, Kolkhorst looked great out there," (3-1) beat third-place Lovett (3-2) in the overtime over Saturday League winner defensive lapses have proved costly. because obviously if you do, you're Baker said. "For every play on paper semifinal, while Will Rice (2-1) forfeited GSA (3-2) before posting another Degerman said the Owls need to string changing something," Reagan said. that they make an error on, they've its semifinal and finished fourth. shutout in the final. their hits together more often. "So you just tell the infielders, 'You've made three or four good plays. Janish's "We've just got to get the clutch got to lay out at all times now; there's play [Saturday] coming across the hits with runners in scoring position no easy hits,' and you don't go talk middle was sick — there's only two or and try not to leave guys on base," to the pitcher." three shortstops in the country that Degerman said. can make that play." La. Tech, meanwhile, has the It was the first time Rice pitchers Graduates, vou've opposite problem — pitching. The '/ Janish] makes more had thrown back-to-back complete Bulldogs have a team KRA of 7.61, games since Steven Herce (Will last in the WAC, and none of their plays than anybody I've Rice '03) and Justin Crowder, now pitchers has an ERA less than 4.67. pitching in the Oakland A's organiza- worked hard to earn Opponents hit for a .337 average ever played with — or tion, turned in back-to-back shutouts against La. Tech. in the 2002 NCAA super regional. seen, for the most part.' Baker said the pitchers feed off each your diploma Pitching dominates Spartan lineup — Matt Ueckert other's successes. The three-game weekend series Sophomore lefthander "Humber kind of sets the tone against San Jose State University on Fridays," Baker said. "He went proved to be a showcase for Humber, out and threw well, and that gets in Townsend and Niemann. The trio After Townsend completed his those hitters' heads, and you can just Well memorialize it right! combined with freshman righthander gem in the top of the ninth, Rice take that momentum and run with Adam Male (two innings Friday) to rallied in the bottom half. Rodgers it. Niemann's a workhorse — lie hold the Spartans without an earned led off with a double, and junior goes out there and gives you a lot of run over the three games. third baseman Adam Morris came innings — so we saved a lot of guys For the last six years, we've successfully framed Rice cruised to a 6-2 win Friday up to sacrifice. Morris laid down a this weekend." great bunt, and the throw to first Rice diplomas. We are one of six framers in behind seven innings from Humber, Reagan said the Owls hope their as five different players had multiple base sailed down the right-field line, hitting can produce like the pitch- Houston who can frame sheepskin diplomas hits. Hale was strong out of the bull- allowing Rodgers to score the win- ing staff has. in-house with the newest technologies. This pen as a closer, adding a breaking ning run. It was Rice's first walk-off "We're not swinging [ the bats well |, ball to his low-90s fastball. win since beating McNeese State in so that's the luxury of having a great means you can get the framing done correctly Saturday's game was surreal, the Owls' opening game of the 2003 staff right there," Reagan said. "When- and back to you in 3 hours*. as Townsend and San Jose State NCAA regional. ever we're not swinging it, they're doing their job like they always do." The pitching has been strong all season, and Rice's recent hot Perimeter Gallery [ testmaster~s~> streak has accordingly followed from the outstanding performances 1 on the mound. The Owls have held 2365 Rice Blvd. 713-521 -5928 , TEACH FOR US! opponents to three runs or less in (In the Village) 13 straight games—spanning almost Math, Verbal, and Writing Instructors Wanted | a month — while lowering their team ERA to 2.52, best in school history and third in the country. Two | PAYRATES: $18 TO $30 PER HOUR national contenders — top-ranked *In stock frames only in 3 hours. We honor the Rice Silver Saver Card. Texas (2.34) and fifth-ranked Long Beach State (2.37) — are the only i 832-878-7128 teams with better ERAs. THE RICE THRESHER SPORTS FRIDAY, APRIL 23, 2004 17

Corrick cf 4 10 0 Reichnbch 3bO 0 0 0 SJSU IP H R ER BB SO BF Pit. BY THE Bautista c 2 10 0 Rodriguez 2b 3 0 1 0 Dewing L, 1-7 8 5 1 0 3 4 32103 Fernandes phi 0 10 Moake 2b 10 0 0 Rice IP H R ER BB SO BF Pit. Martinez pr 0 0 0 0 Reagan c 3 12 0 Townsend W. 8-0 9 2 0 0 4 8 32123 NUMBERS Pierson 2b 0 10 0 april 16-20 Becktel ph.. 1 0 0 0 PB — Reagan (5). Owls look for first Totals ' 31 3 3 3 Totals 31 5 9 5 Attendance — 3,399 Score by Inning R H E SJSU 000 030 000 — 3 3 0 Rice 000 050 OOx — 5 9 4 SAN JOSE STATE 2 RICE 6 April 16, 2004 — Reckling Park E — Morris (10), Rodriguez 2 (6), Baker (3); WAC championship SJSU (16-19-1, 6 10) Rice (28-7,12-1) DP — SJSU 1; LOB — SJSU 7, Rice 10; Name (pos) AB R HBI Name (pos) AB R H 2B — Contreras (3). Pendleton (10), Ueckert (3), Angel If 5 Reagan(3); HBP — Bautista, Kolkhorst; SH — Frand- 2 0 Kolkhorst cf 5 1 2 TENNIS, from Page 13 matches in straight sets again, Contreras ss 4 sen (4), Angel (2), Pierson (5), Reichenbach (1); 2 0 Pendleton rf 5 Frandsen 3b 4 Soderberg. With the win, the with Richard winning 6-4, 64 at SB — Kolkhorst (4). 1 0 Davis If 5 Fromm lb 0 0 Rodgers c lb 5 Barkers completed their dual- No. 3 singles and, in the second Lansford dh 0 0 Janish ss 4 SJSU IP H R ER BB SO BF Pit. match career with an unblem- position, William winning a first-set Becktel rf 1 2 Morris 3b 3 Durkin L. 54 5 7 5 5 4 6 26118 Corrick cf 0 0 0 Rodriguez 2b 3 ished 43-0 record. In the second tiebreaker before prevailing 6-3 in MEN'S TENNIS Kilby 3 2 0 0 2 0 13 48 Ponza ph-cf 0 0 0 Ueckert lb 3 Rice IP H R ER BB SO BF Pit. spot, Haerle and senior Vuk the second. Bautista c 0 0 0 Reagan c 0 RICE 4 SMU 3 9 3 3 0 2 6 37115 Sales ph Hale dh-p 4 Rajevac won 8-6, while Harknett After dropping the second set Baker W, 6-2 0 0 0 April 18, 2004 — Haggar Tennis Stadium, Dallas Sntch Hghs cO 0 0 0 and Searle took their match K-5 6-4, Searle defeated 61st-ranked Niheu ph 1 Attendance — 3,072 0 0 0 at third doubles. Brunstrom 6-3 in the third set. Singles Pierson 2b 3 0 0 0 1. Searle (RU) d. Brunstrom (SMU) 7-5, 4-6, 6-3 SANJOSE-STAIEQJMCE1 Fernandes phi 0 10 SMU, meanwhile, notched points 2. W. Barker (RU) d. Soderberg (SMU) 7-6 (8). 6-3 April 17, 2004 — Reckling Park Totals 35 2 7 2 Totals at the fourth, fifth and sixth posi- 3. R. Barker (RU) d, Chingoka (SMU) 6-4, 6-4 tions over Haerle, Rajevac and 4. Senczysczyn (SMU) d. Haerle (RU) 6-3, 3-6, 6-4 SJSU (16-20-1, 6-11) Rice (29-7,13-1) Score by inning R H E 'Obviously it's nice 5. Skrypko (SMU) d. Rajevac (RU) 6-2, 6-3 Name (pos) AB R H Bl Name (pos) AB R SJSU 000 002 000 — 2 7 1 Harknett respectively. The win 6. Oredsson (SMU) d. Harknett (RU) 4-6, &3, 6-2 Frandsen 3b 4 0 0 0 Kolkhorst cf 4 0 Rice 120 100 02* — 6 14 3 was the Owls' third consecutive Contreras • s 4 0 10 Janish ss 4 0 to have the number Doubles Angel If 0 0 0 Davis If 3 0 E — Frandsen (5), Davis (1), Ueckert 2 (2); DP — Rice victory after snapping a three-game 1. Barker/Barker (RU) d. Brunstrom/Soderberg Fromm lb 0 0 0 Rodgers It 3 1 1. LOB — SJSU 10. Rice 12; 2B — Becktel (3). one seed, but it losing skid, an encouraging sign (SMU) 8-3 Lansford dh 0 0 0 Morris dh 3 0 Pendleton (9), Rodgers (8), Janish (10); entering the most crucial month 2. Haerle/Rajevac (RU) d, Chingoka/McNaughton Sales rf 0 0 0 Rodriguez 2b 3 0 3B — Kolkhorst (4); HBP — Frandsen, Ponza; SH (SMU) 8-6 Corrick cf 0 0 0 Reagan c 2 0 — Morris (3); SB — Angel (2), Becktel (7), Davis (1). really doesn V mean of their season. 3. Searle/Harknett (RU) d. Oredsson/Murgier Bautista c 0 0 0 Pendleton rf 3 0 Rodriguez (3). "After having a little bumpy- (SMU) 8-5 Fernandes phi 0 10 Reichnbch 3b 3 0 anything, as we Sntch-Hghs cO 0 0 0 SJSU IP H R ER BJ SO BF Pit. patch, it was nice to beat two good RICE 7 TEXAS-ARLINGTON 0 Pierson 2b 3 0 0 0 Cabral L, 5-5 6.212 4 4 3 2 34120 found out last year.' teams, UTA and SMU," Ladhani April 17, 2004 — UTA Tennis Center, Arlington Martinez 2b 0 0 0 0 Amaya 1.1 2 2 Oil 8 31 said. "Overall, everyone's attitude Totals 28 0 2 0 Totals 28 1 5 0 Rice IP H R ER BB SO BF Pit. — Richard Barker was outstanding. The commitment Singles Humber W. 8-1 7 5 2 0 18 31126 1. Searle (RU) d. Corrie (UTA) 6-4, 6-2 Score by Inning R H E Hale Sv. 1 2 2 0 Oil 8 31 Senior tennis player in practice the week beforehand 2. W. Barker (RU) d. McGregor (UTA) 6-4, 6-2 SJSU 000 000 000 — 0 2 2 was great, and basically, they Rice 000 000 001 — 1 5 0 WP — Cabral (8). 3. R. Barker (RU) d. Farquharson (UTA) 6-2, 6-3 earned the win." 4. Haerle (RU) d. Buksik (UTA) 6-2, 6-4 5. Gabriel (RU) d. Vazquez (UTA) 5-7, 6-2,1-0 (13-11) E — Contreras (1), Santich-Hughes (1) Attendance — 3,687 The Owls completed the vic- The Owls have won all four of 6. Mok (RU) d. Mims (UTA) 7-5, 6-2 DP — SJSU 1; LOB — SJSU 5, Rice 7 2B — Fernandes (1), Rodgers (9); SH — Morris (4) This week s boxscores brought to you by: tory over SMU with wins at the their matches against WAC teams CS — Janish (2). Doubles A-Rod hitting .196 top three singles positions. The this season, beating Hawaii, Fresno 1. Barker/Barker (RU) d. McGregor/Corrie (UTA) 8-4 finishing finals before the WAC tennis tournaments Barkers both won their singles State, Tulsa and SMU once each. 2. Buksik/Farquharson (UTA) d, Haerle/Raievac the knottedup AL West (RU) 8-5 3. Harknett/Searle (RU) d. Vazquez/Mims (UTA) 8-5

WOMEN'S TENNIS

SMU 4 RICE 3

April 17, 2J34 — Jake Hess Tennis Stadium

Singles 1. Kouzmenko (SMU) d. DiSesa (RU) 6-1, 3-6, 6-2 2. Carson (SMU) d. Archer (RU) 1-0, ret. 3. Chong (RU) d. Langer (SMU) 6-1, 6-1 4. Vaughan (SMU) d. Chao (RU) 2-6. 6-2, 6-4 5. Fisher (RU) d. Jones (SMU) 7-6 (4), 6-3 6. Rambally (SMU) d. Villalobos (RU) 6-1, 61 Doubles 1. Archer/DiSesa (RU) d. Carson/Langer (SMU) &8 (4) 2. Chao/Chong (RU) d. Vaughan/Jones (SMU) 9-8 (5) 3. Kouzmenko/Leuszler (SMU) d. Fisher/Villalobos (RU) 9S (5) TEXAS-EL PASO 1 RICE 6 chron.com/jobs April 16, 2004 — Jake Hess Tennis Stadium

Singles now with more ways 1. DiSesa (RU) d. Rezar (UTEP) 6-1. 6-2 2. Archer (RU) d. Spirta (UTEP) 6-4. 7-5 3. Barzilai (UTEP) d. Chao (RU) 7-6 (4), 6-4 to find your future 4. Fisher (RU) d. Boykova (UTEP) 2-6, 6-4. 1-0 (10-1) 5. Goodrich (RU) d. Palider (UTEP) 6-4, 6-4 6. Villalobos (RU) d. King (UTEP) 6-1, 6-1 Doubles 1. Archer/DiSesa (RU) d. Rezar/Palider (UTEP) 8-6 Allessandria Alamilla, UH journalism student, 2. Chao/Chong (RU) d. Boykova/Barzilal (UTEP) 8-0 3. Fisher/Goodrich (RU) d. King/Spirta (UTEP) 8-6 clicks with the Chronicle because it's "easy to use" • BASEBALL More local jobs than other websites LAMAR 2 RICE 3 April 20. 2004 — Reckling Park

Lamar (28-11) Rice (31-7) Complete confidentiality as companies search for you Name (pos) AB Bl Name (pos) AB R H Bl Craigen cf 0 Kolkhorst cf 3 0 1 1 Gray 2b 2 Pendleton rf 4 0 0 0 Foster If 0 Davis If 4 0 0 0 Store multiple resumes and cover letters for different positions Finan lb 0 Rodgers lb 3 1 2 0 Allen dh 0 Janish ss 3 0 2 0 Cantu 3b 0 Morris 3b 2 0 0 0 Access national network of 200,000 jobs updated daily Winn rf 0 Reichnbch 3b2 0 0 0 Ambort c 0 Rodriguez 2b 2 1 0 1 Haney ss 0 Ueckert p-dh 2 1 1 1 Richrds ph ss2 0 Cavanaugh prO 0 0 0 Register today and find out for yourself Hale ph 1 0 0 0 Reagan c 3 0 1 0 2 Totals 29 3 7 3 Houston Chronicle Score by Inning R H E Lamar 002 000 000 2 11 chron.com/jobs Rice 030 000 OOx 3 7 0

E — Gray (10); DP — Lamar 1. Rice 2; LOB — Lamar 1. Rice 9; 2B — Gray (9). Rodgers (10), Ueckert (4); SH — Reagan (5); SB — Kolkhorst (5).

Lamar IP H ER BB SO BF Pit Rinando L. 2-1 1.2 5 10 33 Buechner 2.1 0 10 53 Co* 1.1 1 7 29 Del age 1 0 3 15 Vander Weg 0.2 1 4 14 Stutes 1 0 2 5 Rice IP H ER BB SO BF Pit Ueckert 4 1 2 3 4 15 79 Degerman W. 1-0 5 0 0 0 1 6 15 51

WP — Buechner 3 (7), Co* (4), Ueckert 2 (3).

Attendance — 2,922

SAN JOSE STATE 3 RICE 5 April 18, 2004 — Reckling Park

SJSU (16-21-1. 6-12) Rice (30-7.14 1) Name (pos) AB R H Bl Name (pos) AB R H Bl Frandsen 3b 4 0 0 1 Kolkhorst cf 2 1 1 1 Contreras ss 4 0 1 2 Pendleton rf 4 0 1 0 Angel If 3 0 0 0 Davis If 4 1 0 0 Fromm lb 3 0 0 0 Rodgers lb 4 1 1 0 Niheu ph lb 1 0 0 0 Janish ss 3 1 1 1 Lansford dh 4 0 0 0 Ueckert dh 4 0 2 3 Sales rf 4 0 1 0 Cavanaugh prO 0 0 0 Ponza pr 0 0 0 0 Morris 3b 3 0 0 0 .j> "" Haa^.iw '"A"" - £ 5Lrt n•'if >' IJIiiillllifflOB iififii-ii-.iinya: irn^i f

THE RICE THRESHER BACKPAGE FRIDAY, APRIL 23. 2004 The Backpage is proud to present... The "Best of Gillis" Backpage!

August 23,2002 Thanks for the Here are our E-mails from IT laughs, Malcolm favorite portayals of BPE Jeff Bishop got hold of e-mails from the server. You have inspired Backpage From: [email protected] Gillis during his editors (BPEs) to produce From: [email protected] To: [email protected] quality Backpages for the past To: [email protected] Subject: Don't forget. years as president. 10 years. Weill miss you. We'll Subject: Mark's crazy again. Hey Matt, Ahh, memories. never be able to find a comic Now Ditman wants to arrest Don't forget our agreement. THRESHER ARCHIVES foil as rotund, red-faced and kids. He's losing it man... You give everyone a reassuring February 20, 2004. Gillis in generally Santa-like as you. And the students seem to be message in the Thresher about the MAD LIBS! That Leebron feller's OK, but opposed to the gates. Didn't we gates, and I won't call you my bitch he's a skinny bald guy. Just agree that student opinion would in public anymore. Just tell them not in your league. So here's a be for them? Please make this all that the gates are up and there's fond send-off, Backpage-style. happen. nothing they can do about it, okay? Chief Taylor Your Master, Gillis.

"April 1, 2004 Nov. 22,2002 Jeff Bishop combined Dr. Gillis, Neill Binford and Artist's rendition Mark Ditman "FOUR MORE YEARS!' into Rice's own THRESHER ARCHIVES THRESHER ARCHIVES Axis of Evil, or Nov 11, 2001. Hunt for the next October 31, 2003. Gillis in his 'GilBinMan™'. Malcolm Gillis. NOD costume. This made it easier for students to complain about May 25,1999 three THRESHER ARCHIVES adminstrators Dr. Malcolm Gillis all at once. Every Generation Has a Legend THRESHER ARCHIVES Rice President "I'm going to miss the It will be a hard life. One Thresher. Remember April 6,2001 that time that they without your mommy, made fun of me? Man, Dave Coulier named commencment speaker for 2003 without clean underwear, that was gr eat." After Bill Cosby was named 2001 commencement speaker because without a girlfriend of he was a cheap option, BPEs Mark Lewis and Sarah Pitre an- any kind. Tests will be nounced that Coulier agreed to speak for $10 and a warm meal. placed before you. If you February 21,1997 fail them, come to me, I Gillis trading card will take care of you. It will still be a hard life. But in the end, you will have a nurtured soul. THRESHER ARCHIVES ONE ZEN

Fear. Fear is my ally. That and a tasty piece of cheese. Mmmmmmm. I like cheese.

f ONE SANDWICH, THRESHER ARCHIVES please THRESHER ARCHIVES Gillis poses with Cosby, who is wearing his new Rice sweatshirt, after Name: Malcolm Gillis cementing their exchange of clothing for pudding. Gillis claimed not to be Nickname: Big Kahuna worried about the pudding stains on his Davy Crockett costume, a relic of his youth. Mmm, Jell-O. Official title: President of Rice THRESHER ARCHIVES University Honors: Guiness World Record for longest matriculation speech ever; 100 Sexiest Men in America, Pudgy Professional Annual The all-Gillis Misclass! Heroes: Norm Peterson of "Cheers"; Karl Marx Over the past 10 years, our 2002 Campanile November 7, 1997 November 10, 2000 The three things he'd want fearless, red-faced leader has "Puppies! I wish I had seven or "What's wrong with Gillis? He "It's hard to draw Gillis as a stick on a desert island: A 24-pack blessed the Backpage with eight right now. I like big ones." always wants to be on top." figure." of Natural Light, porn ... and many timeless quotes, most of — Malcolm Gillis — CAAM 210 student — Will Rice senior more beer which we're sure he didn't History: Malcolm has always mean. There have also been a August 20, 1993 September 15, 2000 September 20, 2002 been an independent go-getter. number of misclass about "Although Rice provides an "Quit wastin' my flavor, you "Perhaps, just perhaps, the Born as Sergei Gillovich in the Gillis submitted by others, excellent bargain in college biatch. I got shit ta do. Ain't got coolness quotient is way up on Soviet Union, at the age of 6 he some of which can't be education, the shrinking global no love for hoes, neither." our campus." turned in his parents to the KGB printed. Therefore, the economy means it is tougher for — Malcolm Gillis — Malcolm Gillis for treason. He moved to Backpage is proud to present your sons and daughters than it America after he received his the collected "Best Gillis was 35 years ago." October 15, 1999 February 11, 2000 economics degree and realized misclass EVER!" communism was not fiscally fea- — Malcolm Gillis "Students on this campus aren't "We have more Nobel Laureates NOTE: All misclass is presented in its having enough sex." and more members of the sible. Backstabbing his way past original form. The current Backpage obstacles, Malcolm soon as- editors bear no responsibility for the What he actually meant... — Malcolm Gillis National Academy of Science cended to the presidency of bad taste of those who came before us. "Don't blame us for charging and Engineering than any Rice. Today he works hard main- Our own bad taste is responsibility thousands of dollars for tuition February 11, 2000, private school south of Chicago taining his "Mickey Rooney on enough, thank you. and having them move back in "Anybody that takes Seventeen and Baltimore and east of returning from the pub" appear- your house when they graduate seriously is not someone we Stanford." ance to make him look innocent and can't find work. would take seriously." — Malcolm Gillis while secretly undermining de- Febraaiy 18, 2000 — Malcolm GiUis mocracy. "I don't think that Malcolm Gillis Previously unpublished November 2, 2001 Malcolm's motto: "If you spout is going to cali me up anytime "You should probably cover up 2002 Campanile "Years ago, I had to make a off enough statistics, 99 percent soon and say 'Come down here your wanker. You might need "You know, [Gillis] has this thing choice between beer and dessert. of the people won't figure out with a pistol. We need you.m you don't know what you're talk- it later." with dogs." I chose beer." ing about." —Dr. Richard Stoll, POIJ 378 — Malcolm Gillis — Zenaido Camacho — Malcolm Gillis ' >r k

THE RICE THRESHER CALENDAR FRIDAY, APRIL 23,2004 19

"win a Jaguar for a weekend." Dictyostelium" today at 4 p.m. beautiful and intriguing artwork Tickets must be pre-purchased in Biology Lab 133. Come at by graduating Rice studio art and cost $20 per person. To 3:30 p.m. for refreshments and majors. The exhibition, titled cale^bar purchase tickets, contact Nancy stay for the lecture. Everyone is "Under the Radar: 41st Rice Letness at [email protected]. welcome. Student Art Exhibition," is located in Sewall Hall and the "If, on your journey, you should City Dance Is It like Alex Mack, where she Rice Media Center and is open FRIDAY encounter God, God will be Tonight at 8 p.m. is "Visionary melted into a pile of silver goo from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. Come see cut." 33 Steps Part I," a new work by the and could go anywhere? some talent that you might not Somewhere between Pub, Graham C. Ousey, an assistant City Dance Professional Com- Leonid Glazman from the have ever noticed, and plenty papers and many hours spent professor from the Depart- pany and Second Company. The University of Minnesota depart- you might know all about. at the Thresher, I have lost my ment of Sociology and Criminal work takes place in a theatrical ment of Physics and astronomy, ability to be funny. Justice at the University of setting of drama and romance. will present a lecture titled, Today is the last day of classes Delaware, will present a lecture The performance will take place "Transport in a Ijittinger liquid,' SATURDAY for the Spring 2004 semester. this afternoon titled, "Illicit Drug in Hamman Hall. Tickets are today at 4 p.m. in 116 Herzstein Markets and Violence: An Ex- $10 for students and $20 for Hall. Come out and learn about 8 You might want to start study- Get your lazy ass out of bed and amination of Contingencies by adults. For booking info, call Luttinger liquids. ing for finals right away. into your gown thingy. Or ... you could enjoy the crisp Race, Time and Social Context." (713) 529-6100. new low-carb flavor of Aspen The lecture begins at 4 p.m. in Come very early and grab Edge with a few of your closest 303 Sewall Hall. FRIDAY a seat, the Commencement friends. SUNDAY ceremony begins at 8:30 a.m. 6 and lasts until 11:30 a.m. Don't "Brandt can't watch though, or SATURDAY Backhands win matches. forget your sunscreen and get Don't forget, Gillis will teach the Barkers win championships. ready to cheer for the boys, he has to pay a hundred." 5-point exploding heart trick at 24 girls and super seniors of all At 10:30 a.m. today, City Dance Track meet 10 p.m. in Miner Lounge. Starting tonight, the men's and Inc. and the Houston Hip Hop ages as they finally walk out that Tonight from 9 to 11:30 p.m. in women's tennis teams will be Academy will present "Bigger The RunSport/Rice Twilight Sallyport. the Student Center is the final hosting the Western Athletic Than Dance," a matinee benefit- Meet will be held today from Gillis-Camacho study break of Conference Championships. ing area schools. This com- 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. with prime the year, and ever! Come on The Championships will con- munity educational outreach viewing and free burritos and down to the RMC for a wide tinue on Saturday and Sunday. event will feature La Langue de T-shirts between 6 p.m. and range of food and activities. Come cheer on your awesome Danse, The Tribes of the Hip- 8 p.m. in the Rice Track/Soccer 'Ihere will be everything from Owls! Student tickets are free. Hop Nation, Intrigue Suite, and Stadium. Come out and watch HOW TO SUBMIT cookies, coffee and smoothies The Search for the Next City the many events. Admission to to music, massages and more. Dancer. It will be an interactive the event is free. CALENDAR ITEMS Get all that stress out and get WEDNESDAY program that encourages audi- What do you get when you com- ready for finals with a final ence participation. The event Deadline is Monday at 5 p.rp bine a bunch of engineers, an glimpse of Gillis in some awe- will be held in Hamman Hall Come to the baseball game prior to Friday publication. open bar and plenty of Jaguars some and crazy outfit. and tickets are $2 for students and jazz music? I don't know, Rice baseball faces McNeese Submission methods: and $6 for general admission. State tonight at 7 p.m. If you but I'm going to find out. Fax: (713) 348-5238 MONDAY are still here, come on over to E-mail: thresher®rice.edu "Smokey, this is not 'Nam. this The Rice Engineering Society Reckling Park to cheer on your Campus Mail: Calendar is bowling. There are rules." Council is revving up the end of M amazing Owls! Editor, Thresher, MS-524 Today at 4 p.m., Maureen Mell- the semester and throwing an Dictyostelium? I always won- lody from the National Academy Engineering Ball (E-Ball). The dered what its social behavior Calendar submission forms are of Sciences will present a semi- night will feature a classy din- and pattern formation was like. FRIDAY available on the Thresher office nar about government career ner, the Rice Jazz Band and an I was just too afraid to ask. door. opportunities. The seminar open bar. The event is from Chris Thompson from the Yeah, I saw some student Submissions are printed on a will take place in 180 Dell 7 p.m. to midnight at the Mo- Baylor College of Medicine artwork last week. My favorite space available basis. Butcher Hall. A wine and mo ntu m J agu ar/ Po rsche/Vol vo department of Molecular and was, 'food splattered on hall cheese reception will follow the Showroom. Test drives will be Human genetics will present a floor at dusk.' presentation. offered in the first hour and seminar titled "Pattern Forma- there will also be a door prize to Today and tomorrow are the tion and Social Behavior in last two days to check out the

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20 THE RICE THRESHER BACKPAGE FRIDAY, APRIL 23, 2004 I I Sorry for the inconvenience. THE BACKPAGE HAS BEEN RELOCATED TO PAGE 18. WE ARE SORRY FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE THIS MIGHT CAUSE. BUT REALLY, IS IT THAT HARD TO TURN THE PAGE? YOU PEOPLE ARE SO LAZY. TUNE IN MAY 21 FOR YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED BACKPAGE. THAT IS ALL.

Studies show that, through the While some critics claim that white Supreme Court has ruled that white of white space which can be found in idea is another tactic endorsed by proper use of filler material such as space exists in every paper and can space is bad and that completely any publication ever. The use of re- the American Society of White Space random pictures or unnecessary actually contribute to a publication's random junk should heretofore be dundancy, repetition and repeated Activists to reduce anil eventually text, white space can be avoided. aesthetic and literary appeal, the used to fill each and every example statements of the same phrase or eliminate this menace to society. Backpage not actually sorry! Contrary to a statement made be called the "End-page," in the April 23 issue of the Montoya became belligerent and ''thresher. the Backpage editors gave our reporter. Rex MISCLASSERIFIC! are not actually sorry about mov- O'Herlihan, the bird. "I have a skirt with me." "What's that money for, being "Buddhist Tantrism is pretty ing the Backpage to an interior O'Herlihan gratefully ac- page. cepted the gift and brought it "Is that a threat?" good in bed?" interesting. You know, it's with the "We're not sorry," an anony- back to his room, until his — Anonymous Thresher features "Yeah ... it's from my mom." llamas and everything." mous Backpage editor said to roommate complained that the editor and business manager — Baker freshman mates — Hanszen freshman Edna the super-cool gerbil. "How chirping was keeping him awake hard can it really be to open up at night. O'Herlihan then "If I don't get your purity score "If you don't have money, you 'Eyes closed, can't hear you!" ind read the paper for once?" presented the bird to his little down to 75 by this time next year, don't get free food." —Jones sophomore When asked for an interview, sister, who was very grateful, and I'll owe you a big one." — Sid Rich junior Edna declined to comment. they lived happily ever after. — Brown sophomore male to Jones Misclass is great! Finals aren't so great. But if you combine the Some students think that mov- In their protest of moving the freshman male "I wish I had eggs. I would donate ing the Backpage to an interior Backpage to the interior part of two, you get end-of-the-semester them all and be a millionaire." hilarity that both relieves stress page is against the spirit of the the paper, some students point to "Oh my God, what's wrong with — male BIOE student Backpage. a recent study that claims it is and entertains you during those this penis?" "It's called the Backpage for a 95 percent more stressful to read a hours you should be studying. "He's wearing a condom..." reason," Sid Rich senior Inigo story from the inside of a paper "She always seems to pull out just So make it a happy finals period Montoya said. "It's not called the than from the front or back pages. — Anonymous Will Rice president in time." by emailing your misclass to 'Interior-page' or the 'Close-to- "The extra stress placed on and freshman while watching porn — Brown freshman male [email protected]. Next issue is the-end-page.' Those are just the arms and hands from holding the last one of the year, so if dumb. The backpage should be the paper open can lead to "I need a little activation energy to "I don't know what you blew up in you've been saving up that spe- at the end of the paper. Period." complications such as carpal stick this in." my face, but it hurt." cial misclass, now is the time! When it was suggested that if tunnel syndrome, polio or even — Female chemist — Lovett senior Adios and have a great summer, it was supposed to be at the end cancer," Dr. Nick Riviera, the loyal readers. of the paper, then maybe it should study's author, said. The "Why Are Finals Such a Pain in the" Classifieds SUMMER ROOMMATE WANTED!! WEST UNIVERSITY PLACE ROOM- EARN $15/HR OR MORE!! Interested FULL ORTHOPEDIC MATTRESS HOUSING Montrose/Richmond area, fully fur- MATE NEEDED. UT med student in the performing arts and the perfect set with frame. Packaged, never MUSEUM DISTRICT. Bike to Rice. Up- nished, private room+bath, pool, secu- looking for female roommate to share summer job? Help us build our sub- used, with warranty. Can deliver. dated one- and two-bedroom apartments rity, flexible dates, $425 per month, call house 5 min. from Rice. Must split scriptions using phone leads from art $160. (832) 541-7580. with hardwood floors and central air. One or e-mail Kirsten at (713) 560-8464, utilities/bills. Have washer & dryer. patrons. Telemarketing experience bedroom apartments at 1301 Richmond didoangell [email protected]. Call Lisa at (713) 906-5617 for more preferred by previous success in sales $3,500 PAID: EGG DONORS. SAT from $535 and two-bedroom apartments details. required. Bilingual a plus. Earn bo- > 1100/ACT > 24/GPA > 3.0/ages at 1301 Richmond from $685. Please call SUMMER ROOMMATE NEEDED for nuses and performance tickets. Eve- 19-29. Nonsmokers. All races Andover Apartments at (713) 524-3344. 2/2 apartment off Wesleyan, just past SUBLETTER WANTED. Duplex nings 6-9 p.m. Mon.-Thurs. and Sun. needed, especially Asian. Must Richmond. 15 minutes from Rice, very at 2031 Sheridan St. $390 per Call (713) 632-8114. have transportation. Inquire at FEMALE ROOMMATE wanted ASAP to close to 59 and 610. $480 per month month, nice neighborhood, 5 min- [email protected] share 2-bedroom apt in the Montrose area plus utilities. Call (281) 923 2463 or e- utes from campus, e-mail Peter PART-TIME/PAID INTERNSHIP. Cont2&ienniferatonedimple@hotmail. com.mai l [email protected]. at [email protected] or call Labrada Nutrition seeks articulate, re- GRADUATING? LEAVING RICE? (916) 203-9409.SUMMER SUB- liable, outgoing, and fitness-minded Have the 2004 Campanile shipped LEASE! Medical Center Area college sophomores or juniors with a to you anywhere in the U.S. for (Cambridge and Holly Hall). minimum 3.0 CPA Must have reliable $7.50. Please submit payment and Fully furnished, 1 bedroom/1 transportation and be able to work 12- mailing address to the Campanile bath, reduced rent, flexible dates, 20 hours per week. $10 per hour. E- before you leave campus (2nd floor. pool, fitness center, washer/ mail resume, photo and cover letter on Ley Student Center, rm 231). dryer in apartment, flexible dates. the following, "What Fitness means to Please call or e-mail for more in- Me and How 1 Make Fitness a Part of formation: (713) 796-9051 or My life" to [email protected]. [email protected]. EARN EXTRA MONEY! Typists CLASSIFIED ADS around this summer to type manu- Rates are as follows: script revisions. One dollar per page. HELP WANTED Also seeking Rice English majors to 1-35 words: $15 help with critiquing and fine-tuning. NANNY NEEDED for busy West Uni- 36-70 words: $30 Call (713) 927-5267 (cell). versity family. Four kids. Three dogs. 71-105 words: $45 Mon.-Fri. 12-8 p.m. Some college required. Teaching experience pre- SMALL DOWNTOWN IAW FIRM ferred. Must speak, read and write SEEKS PART-TIME BOOKKEEPER, Payment, by cash, check or English. You are professional, 12-15 hours per week. Flexible sched- credit card, must accompany poised, creative, caring, well-orga- uling. Excellent atmosphere. MBA stu- your ad. nized, responsible, punctual, dent preferred. Please fax resume to hardworking, clean and neat, physi- (713) 571-1148. Deadline is Monday at 5 p.m. cally fit and love children. Refer- prior to Friday publication. ences, car and driver's license re- quired. Possible live-in situation in The Rice Thresher separate quarters for right candidate. MISCELLANEOUS Attn: Classifieds Salary negotiable. (713) 220-8109. MAKE YOUR KNOWLEDGE SELL! 6100 Main St., MS-524 http://myks.sitesell.com/ Houston, TX 77005-1892 FULL-TIME SUMMER EMPLOY- rowena3510.html. Got a great biz. idea MENT AVAILABLE. Montessori but clueless on Web/tech skills? Let Phone:(713) 348-3967 Gdl school near Museum Area needs SiteSell help you build a site that gets Fax: (713) 348-5238 substitutes and assistants. traffic and $$$$! http:// The Thresher reserves the right tyKSpitjfmt Childcare experience preferred. buildit.sitesell.com/rowena3510.html. to refuse any advertising for WIS t#tacattains Ideal for students needing flexible [Until Mir CMA [BAITtit any reason and does not take UiMiOMbpi Wij MKJJI VCVII BBlwlf schedules. Full-time summer em- FIJI i. PTIIJOWR) P MATTRESS set with responsibility for the factual ployment available. Contact Karrie frame. Brand-new in plastic, with war- content of any ad. Ujttl&lptafetfiSlptt at (713) 520-0738. ranty. Can deliver. $130. (832) 541-7580.