Get Out of Your Own Way as seen in:

March-April 2017 MAGAZINE CEMETERY CREMATION FUNERAL Jan Scruggs: The man behind the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in D.C. • Lemasters on phone calls & the Funeral Rule • Wagemann on how to develop a relationship with your local hospice Cremation: • Building a successful online business • Embracing the options that cremation offers • Creative use of unused spaces in your cemetery Sales: • The elements of an effective selling system • Cemetery Impossible: Should salespeople tell you where to set prices? • Forming community relationships to create long-term sales success Also: • Wolfelt on watching the words you use • Van Beck on silence • Visiting a cemetery in Beijing, China

• Profiles of many of the firms exhibiting at the ICCFA Expo in Nashville’s new Music City Center

The following article was first published in the March/April 2017 issue of the ICCFA magazine, and is reprinted with permission. by Ann Marie st. George, cPc

ICCFA Magazine author spotlight crEMATioN [email protected] 1.800.336.1102 Cremation is the common change that everyone in the funeral ➤St. George is the New York regional and cemetery profession needs to address. Approach it with manager for Coop- positive thinking and help families embrace the options it offers. erative Funeral Fund. She has worked in the funeral industry for the past 30 years. Please, get out of your own way She is also a mortu- hile outlining this article prior a blip on the radar for families like ours, ary officer for both DMORT Region II and Kenyon International Emergency Services. to attending this year’s ICCFA partially due to the change in the Catholic ➤ World Wide Sales (WWS), I Church’s view of cremation as an acceptable Cooperative Funeral Fund Inc. (CFF) Whad no idea that I had created the precursor practice. Catholics could now be cremated as specializes in the management of preneed and perpetual care fund accounts. CFF to what I would experience. This was long as they were then buried. has provided a program for the death my second year at this mind-blowing During my sister’s battle with cancer, care industry to facilitate the creation, conference which has given me so many we were able to candidly talk about what investment, tax compliance and payout of ideas to share with all of you. If you have she wanted when she died. Being a unique funeral trusts since 1989. ever considered attending, I encourage you person, she wanted a unique funeral. (Sound www.CooperativeFuneralFund.com to do so. It will change the way you feel familiar? We are seeing more and more of about what you do, and it will energize you this perspective today.) and make you want to be better at what Who are we as funeral directors and you do. (Yes, I drank their delicious Kool- cemeterians to judge what families want? We Aid.) need to be open-minded as well as willing to Our industry is changing rapidly, and we share with our cremation families ideas and can’t afford to not open our eyes, hearts and possibilities about which they may not have minds to these changes. Seminars like the been aware. ones held at this year’s WWS will give you When my sister died, my family chose that needed leg up. Trust me, you don’t want a full-day closed casket viewing, a church to be playing catch-up, especially when it service the following day with the cremation comes to cremation. to follow. (She died prior to the Catholic Across the death-care profession, crema- Church allowing cremated remains to be tion is our common change denominator. It present for the church service.) is affecting all of us across the board, and it Once we received her cremated remains, is my hope that after reading this article, you they were taken to the cemetery and will open yourself to positive thinking when enbenched—a word I made up to describe addressing the ever-increasing cremation my mom’s choice to purchase a bench in the rates. cemetery to hold my sister’s remains, along Remember, it is not going away, rather, it with my dad’s and, many, many, many, years is fast approaching the norm. from now, her own. Is cremation affecting your bottom line? Several weeks later we held a party that Why? It is only a form of disposition. When a served as a fund-raiser for brain cancer. It family tells us they wish to be cremated, why featured a band, drinks and food. The event do we think it is because of a desire to save was held in the main lobby of the Ellicott money and go right to the direct cremation Square Building in downtown Buffalo, New option on our GPLs? Is this really fair to our York. My sister had previously worked for families? the owner of the building. To help explain the need for each of us Lisa lived more in 29 years than most to change our mindset in order to get out of people live in 100. If that same event were our own way, I would like to share a very held today, it would be called a “celebration personal story, about the cremation of my of life.” sister, who died in 1996. What did we hand out as a remembrance, Lisa was the middle child of five in our you may ask? A tiny portion of her cremated Irish-Catholic family. She was born in the remains in small bottles purchased from ’60s. Her life was lived in the ’70s, ’80s and Pier One. (She died prior to the plethora of ’90s, when burial with a two-day wake was cremation keepsake product options now the norm. available.) She actually wanted her cremated Cremation was just starting to become remains put into plastic baggies, but I

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improvised a little with the miniature genie bottles. Since Lisa loved to travel, the people attending were asked to take her with them on vacation and scatter the remains in their bottle. Some friends chose to put her in their gardens; a few even keep her on their shelves in the offices where they work. A very close friend had just started a new business where they rolled cremains into hand-blown-glass, creating beautiful globes with the cremated remains suspended in a simple ribbon of color. I was her first customer, purchasing one of every color. In addition to keeping a beautiful green- ribboned globe, I have personally taken and scattered my sister in more than 15 different countries. I am still waiting for the day I have to explain to airport security, “No, sir, it is not hazardous; it is just Lisa in a bottle.” My point here is that cremation is only a form of disposition. When a family in a preneed or at-need conference tells us they want cremation, we should get excited to share with them all the possibilities and options available when choosing cremation. More often than not, our families are not crEMATioN themselves aware of these options. In addition to having a variety of product crEMATioN improvised a little with the miniature genie options such as cremation jewelry available, bottles. we need to search for and find ways to help improvised a little with the miniature genie Since Lisa loved to travel, the people families have a personalized cremation bottles. attending were asked to take her with them experience. Since Lisa loved to travel, the people on vacation and scatter the remains in their One of the best ways to learn these attending were asked to take her with them bottle. Some friends chose to put her in their techniques is through attending events like on vacation and scatter the remains in their gardens; a few even keep her on their shelves the WWS, where you can learn to improve bottle. Some friends chose to put her in their in the offices where they work. your company’s bottom line while better gardens; a few even keep her on their shelves A very close friend had just started a serving all families, whether they chose in the offices where they work. new business where they rolled cremains cremation or not. A very close friend had just started a into hand-blown-glass, creating beautiful Talking about final arrangements can be new business where they rolled cremains globes with the cremated remains suspended difficult, whether you’re a funeral director into hand-blown-glass, creating beautiful in a simple ribbon of color. I was her first or counselor talking to a family or a family globes with the cremated remains suspended customer, purchasing one of every color. member talking to someone facing death. It in a simple ribbon of color. I was her first In addition to keeping a beautiful green- wasn’t an easy conversation to have with my customer, purchasing one of every color. ribboned globe, I have personally taken and sister. I prayed every day she would be with In addition to keeping a beautiful green- scattered my sister in more than 15 different us at least another 50 years. ribboned globe, I have personally taken and countries. I am still waiting for the day I have However, being a funeral director, I knew scattered my sister in more than 15 different to explain to airport security, “No, sir, it is not it was a conversation that I had to have. I am countries. I am still waiting for the day I have hazardous; it is just Lisa in a bottle.” grateful for a family who was open-minded to explain to airport security, “No, sir, it is not My point here is that cremation is only and enjoyed love, laughter and uniqueness. hazardous; it is just Lisa in a bottle.” a form of disposition. When a family in a I was fortunate enough to be able to ask My point here is that cremation is only preneed or at-need conference tells us they my sister what she wanted, and I was open- a form of disposition. When a family in a want cremation, we should get excited to minded enough to help follow through on her preneed or at-need conference tells us they share with them all the possibilities and requests. want cremation, we should get excited to options available when choosing cremation. My only mistake was telling a Catholic share with them all the possibilities and More often than not, our families are not priest that all of her cremated remains were options available when choosing cremation. themselves aware of these options. not at the cemetery (which, it turns out, is More often than not, our families are not In addition to having a variety of product required by the church). Oops. r themselves aware of these options. options such as cremation jewelry available, In addition to having a variety of product we need to search for and find ways to help Start every day at the ICCFA Café at www.iccfa.com March-April 2017 87 options such as cremation jewelry available, families have a personalized cremation we need to search for and find ways to help experience. families have a personalized cremation One of the best ways to learn these experience. Allowingtechniques You is through attending To events Confidently like One of the best ways to learn these the WWS, where you can learn to improve techniques is through attending events like your company’s bottom line while better the WWS, where you can learn to improve serving all families, whether they chose your company’s bottom line while better cremation or not. serving all families, whether they chose Talking about final arrangements can be cremation or not. difficult, whether you’re a funeral director Talking about final arrangements can be or counselor talking to a family or a family difficult, whether you’re a funeral director member talking to someone facing death. It or counselor talking to a family or a family wasn’t an easy conversation to have with my member talking to someone facing death. It sister. I prayed every day she would be with wasn’t an easy conversation to have with my us at least another 50 years. sister. I prayed every day she would be with However, being a funeral director, I knew us at least another 50 years. it was a conversation that I had to have. I am However, being a funeral director, I knew grateful for a family who was open-minded it was a conversation that I had to have. I am and enjoyed love, laughter and uniqueness. grateful for a family who was open-minded I was fortunate enough to be able to ask and enjoyed love, laughter and uniqueness. my sister what she wanted, and I was open- I was fortunate enoughManage to be able to ask mindedYour enough to helpPreneed follow through on her Program my sister what she wanted, and I was open- requests. minded enough to help follow through on her My only mistake was telling a Catholic requests. priest that all of her cremated remains were My only mistake was telling a Catholic not at the cemetery (which, it turns out, is priest that all of her cremated remainsPRENEED were required & CEMETERY by the church). Oops. CARE FUNDr MANAGEMENT not at the cemetery (which, it turns out, is rCooperativeFuneralFund.com 800-336-1102 required by the church).Information Oops. contained herein should not be treated as investment advice or a recommendation to buy or sell any security. This advertisement does not offer or promise to offer tax advice, and as such investors should be advised to consult their own tax advisers re- garding the tax consequences of their investment activities. InvestmentStart every return and day principal at the will ICCFAfluctuate, soCafé that a atclient’s www.iccfa.com initial investment may increase or decrease. Any investment is speculative and involves a high degree of risk, including the risk of principal loss. March-April 2017 87

Start every day at the ICCFA Café at www.iccfa.com March-April 2017 87