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Recreating the Italian Job – Shortlist

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Recreating the Italian Job – Shortlist TheThree Mini Coopers, 1,700 miles, four days and no doorsItalian blown off. ShortList’s Howard Job r, there’s been a slight talkies via the traditional range of change of plan with handles and terminology (“Can I get your Italian Job road a 10-36, Shorty?” “Roger that”), and E trip,” says my editor. head out of London as the “chinless “You can’t pick up the wonders that will get you out of Minis in Italy any more. They’ll be Turin faster than anyone else on four delivered here, to the office, instead. wheels” – me in the red car, Gershon But it’s only a few extra miles, right?” in white and Kevin in blue. A team. I stare at my fellow travel Unstoppable. Ten miles in I realise companions, deputy editor Gershon my lights are on. Full-beam. Portnoi and art director Kevin Fay. After exiting the Eurotunnel, the To say that anticipation levels were words of Charlie Croker flash into high about this trip would be an my mind: “Just remember this: in this understatement. The brief? Fly to country, they drive on the wrong side Italy, pick up three Mini Coopers of the road.” It’s obvious the others and seek out some of the filming are keen to put the cars to the test, locations from The Italian Job. whereas my driving skills – which A jaunt through Turin’s narrow, have been compared by friends to traffic-filled streets, followed by a pensioner’s – are clearly going to a journey along twisty roads that be stretched as I immediately fall to would test The Stig’s mettle. We the rear. However, the car is unlike may even be able to career down anything I’ve driven before. It hits some steps if one of us takes a 105mph without me realising, and disastrous wrong turn. a button marked ‘Sport’ glints next The climax of the trip would be to the gear stick. I decide to save it an expedition up Mount Belvedere for the winding roads of the Alps. to locate the spot where the coach, The other problem is navigation. complete with gold, Michael Caine, We only have two satnavs between Benny Hill and the other robbers, the three of us. Mine welcomes me famously teeters over the edge of with the message: “Your maps are the cliff. There’d be pizza, fine wine, now 63 months old and 52 per ice cream, maybe a glass or two of cent are out of date.” We are now grappa and a chance to bond with depending on Kevin ‘The Stig’ for my colleagues (largely via walkie direction, so have to stay close. And talkies), all from the confines of the he isn’t shy of pushing the car to its air-conditioned, Driving Anthems- limit (he is flashed by a speed camera, filled interior of the latest limited- for the first time, within edition Mini Cooper. four hours of driving). And then our editor broke the news about the trip extension. By a mere 1,500 miles. In four days. We Google the route and peer at the E15 and E35 dual carriageways, winding their way from Calais to Strasbourg in the west of France. This is going to call for some driving gloves… ROAD TO NOWHERE The first thing I learn about my travel companions is that Kevin loves to michael cainE drive in shorts. As the sun blazes, (right) as charlie Gershon and I instantly regret not croker In the 1969 film wearing ours. We test the walkie 6 0 w w w . S h o r t L i S t . c o m Road Movie Special The ItalianCalvert, along with two other ‘chinless wonders’,Job recreates the Michael Caine classic the Coach In the italian JoB didn’T finD such A great parkinG spoT SHortlist’S minis safely parked at the ToP oF MoUnT belvedere the i ta l i an jo b By 3pm, we decide it’s time Job. we draw blank stares. only our who needs for lunch. “there’s a Le Boeuf au hotel receptionist shows recognition. barriers? Jardin coming up,” crackles Kevin over “i saw it when it came out, but it was the walkie talkie. “Sounds good,” i reply, not very big here,” he says. this explains slowly translating with my sub-GcSE why no one has given our minis a French. ‘the Beef Garden’? our hopes friendly beep. he shows me some key for a culinary feast are high as we see a locations on a map. i ask him where waitress carving a huge leg of ham. But they blew the bloody doors off. he looks as we eat a stark realisation hits us: the at me obliviously. i fold up my map. ham is 80 per cent fat and in a powerful mustard gravy. we head back to our VIEW FROM THE TOp cars hungry, still with five hours to our up early again the next day, we locate destination: Basel, Switzerland. the Piazza San carlo, the scene of the what feels like days later, we check huge jam in the film. the square is now into our hotel and stumble into the closed to traffic, but Kevin wants us to first restaurant we find, serving that park in it for a shot. minutes after driving authentic Swiss speciality, tapas. After in, two traffic wardens approach. discussing our cars (Gershon: “i get so Despite our michael caine impressions, much joy from making the voice- they move us on. we locate the Piazza activated radio work”), we realise we’ve clocked up 550 miles, and have a “DrivE on the the italian cyclists who similar amount to cover tomorrow. we left, right? right?” were taught A vital british phrase quickly finish our chorizo and turn in. Cinema’s lOCAl kNOWlEDgE most After a breakfast consisting largely of Swiss cheese (when in rome…), we iconic are back in the cars by 9am. i pick up cars a handful of toblerones for the journey, PArked nExt to slightly worried it may trigger some thE miniS in our kind of Alan Partridge-esque addiction. fantasy garage… Kevin has been out to buy window Palazzo di citra, where the ambush on A brief stoP In the cleaning spray and a cloth. he spends the security van took place. we have piazzA san carlo a large amount of the rest of the trip time for one picture before a policeman polishing our windscreens, like one of ejects us. we decide turin is too those men at traffic lights. well-policed, and journey instead Driving on your own is a strange to the scene of that finale. experience. most people, apart from the drive up Belvedere is long-distance lorry drivers, avoid it. But spectacular. A narrow road ascends the after a while (about 200 miles), your ’73 Chevrolet mountain through tiny alpine villages, thoughts drift into a Zen-like state. As ChevEllE over a dam and across a lake, around budding philosopher Gershon admits, MAlibu SS hairpins with flimsy barriers, until we “i do enjoy a good drive and a think.” Drive reach 2,600m above sea level. then, as As we travel south through our petrol gauges start to flash ‘range: Switzerland, the scenery becomes 30km’ (“we could freewheel down,” an increasingly dangerous distraction. i suggest), we find the spot. Road Snowcapped mountains rise up we carefully manoeuvre our minis takE Movie behind petrol stations as we climb to where the coach hung off. As we exit Special nd towards the Grand St Bernard Pass. the cars grinning, a group of 15 passing the trip the turns in the road become more italian cyclists start shouting “the s (£1,235) a hairpin-like, and i decide it is time to ’76 AMC italian Job” at us. they pull up and, after Get there: only one car will len press the ‘Sport’ button. i grip the Pacer some coaching, we get them to say do: Mini.co.uk. You’ll also need wheel, expecting some kind of nitrous Wayne’s World “You were only supposed to blow the Eurotunnel.com. boost. what actually happens is that bloody doors off” in unison. Success. Get out of the car: Aside the engine becomes slightly noisier. we can’t hang around for long; we from what we crammed into (£2,042), 24-70mm r L three hours of unforgettable driving have to drive back over the Grand St four days, you can also visit s later, we’re in turin, relieved to discover Bernard Pass to our hotel in Basel. we the Chiesa della Gran Madre di D800 D that, although busy, the traffic is make it over the Pass as sun sets Dio, which boasts the church N o nowhere near the levels of gridlock in which, after the sights that day, seems steps the Minis drive down, ik the film. After consuming a huge pizza, almost as standard as driving between and The Palavela Torino th a N we ask a few locals about the italian ’70 DodgE junctions five and nine of the m25. (Palavelatorino.it), the building I Challenger we leave early the next morning for the Minis drive on to the roof A scenE froM the film we Vanishing Point the final leg and stop only once, giving of to outmanoeuvre the police. chose noT To recreate… Kevin and Gershon a chance to move It now houses an ice rink. my car behind a van as i buy a coffee. K LonDon my panic as i gape at the empty .co.u L photographs shot w N a o B parking space induces hysterics in FolkestonE calais o nik both of them.
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